Tonight on 20/20 ` a sex special. We open the doors to our dominatrix dungeons. I love flogging people. Corporal punishment. I love corporal punishment. We ask the professionals for advice. Light spank paddle. Um, maybe a crop ` a riding crop. And how many Kiwis are secretly doing it? I think kinky is the new norm. It sold out in NZ. It's, sort of, my mid-life crisis. The author of Fifty Shades of Grey... It's all my fantasies in... in one. ...tells us what makes her blush. (CHUCKLES) Oh God. And it's a show that asks the stars... What is your favourite sex position? What... ...is your favourite... ...sex position? She gets shocked reactions on camera... What?! ...and some stunning replies. What is your favourite sex position? What is your favourite sex position? Oh, uh, right now, on top. www.tvnz.co.nz/access-services Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright TVNZ Access Services 2012 Kia ora. I'm Sonya Wilson. Righto ` make sure the kids are safely tucked up in bed, because tonight we have a very risque show. So, to start, ask yourself this ` when was the last time you did anything but the missionary position? Ever considered role play? Well, tonight we explore the world of BDSM ` the trend that's sweeping the nation, thanks to the popular Fifty Shades of Grey books. They've sold more than 30 million copies worldwide. Tonight, reporter Erin Conroy speaks to two dominatrix professionals at kinky sex play and asks them to offer up some of their secrets. Now, just a warning here again: this story is about kinky sex. What you're about to see is very graphic and revealing. I love caning people. I love whipping people. I love to do... forced feminisation. I love flogging people. Corporal punishment. I love corporal punishment. # I want you to break. # Want you to say my name. They love it, and they live it. Working in the adult industry is hugely empowering. 'Tonight, two pro dominatrices,...' First time in bed with a dominatrix. (CHUCKLES) Be gentle, please. First time in bed with a dominatrix. (CHUCKLES) Be gentle, please. (LAUGHS) '...their BDSM dungeons,...' Ball gags. Horse-bit gags. '...and what really goes on inside.' # I wanna whip it. 'From the women who know a thing or two about sex,...' INCREDULOUSLY: You've slept with 10,000 men? INCREDULOUSLY: You've slept with 10,000 men? Roughly, yes. '...I get hot tips.' Say, 'Darling, I've always wanted to have this fantasy where 'you're the postman and you knock on the door to deliver a parcel, 'and there I am in my robe and you seduce me.' # I'ma love to get you down. # WHIMSICAL MUSIC Meet 51-year-old Mistress Mariah ` Mary Brennan in real life. Modesty aside, I'd say I'm one of a kind. (CHUCKLES) She's a master of making dreams come true. WHACK! I have a natural ability to... pick up on what's going on inside people's heads. My Lady Felicity is 39. Chameleon is a good word for me. # ...got the love. # She tours the country with her collection of kink. I love that. It's like being an actress. You can put on a different persona. With our growing curiosity in the world of BDSM, these two doms are inviting us into their worlds; into their dungeons. Tell us your fantasy, and you'll go away going, 'Wow. That was amazing.' FUNKY MUSIC Look at all this stuff, Mary. 'I arrive at Wellington's elegant MM Club...' I am incredibly intrigued. '...to get an education.' How do you best explain BDSM? Most people have this idea that BDSM is about pain and torture. It's a tiny, tiny, tiny bit of it. It's about... letting your hair down; having fun ` generally sexually, but psychologically. It's psychologically sexual. We're in Mary's dungeon. As a pro dom, sex, for her, is out of the question. But she has tons of tools for titillation... Genital decorations. You put these around someone's genitals, and they look so much prettier. ...and others intended for torment and torture. I do have a... what I call my purple people-hurter, which a client gave me. Oh God. Oh God. Yeah, it's... (LAUGHS) Oh God. Yeah, it's... (LAUGHS) My technique is terrible. Help me. Yes, I think you need some lessons. These are everyday office supplies for a high-end dominatrix ` equipped to fulfil almost every fetish fantasy. Gags ` ball gags; horse-bit gags; that's an open-mouth gag. Whips, or floggers, as they're called, these are. Cat o'nines and cat o'fifteens. To be a dom, you need a safe pair of hands. Mary trains her team herself, including a few young proteges. I have a great tutor, you could say ` Mary. She's fabulous. She pulls me aside after every session and tells me what I could tweak. How far do you want to take this? I would like to be one of the best in the country. What does it take for someone to admit they have a fetish? You have someone ringing up, saying, 'I've always fantasised about... dressing in women's lingerie and` 'and being made to suck a strap-on.' And you can hear they're so nervous, because they've never told anyone before. You know, you listen to it, and then you'll say, 'That's called forced feminisation. 'We have an entire cross-dresser wardrobe dedicated to that.' And the relief that you hear in their voice; like, 'I'm not the only one.' No one's fantasy comes as a surprise to Mistress Mariah. I have people saying, 'You're going to think I'm a bit strange, because I like to...' And I always say, 'Go on. Try me. If you tell me something new, I'll eat my hat.' I haven't had to eat any hats yet. A quick peek at her club's publicity shots show just a typical day at the office. From one pair of frillies, Mary now shows me some frills of a surprisingly different sort. GENTLE PIANO MUSIC Now, what have we here? Well, Erin, this is the nursery. Welcome to Mistress Mariah's nursery. Racks bursting with man-sized frilly overnaps. This is age play, which is an extremely specialised area of BDSM; um,... very very misunderstood. Dummies, teddies, bonnets and bottles. What is age play? The client wants to regress to being a child. Maybe that was the happiest time of their life. It has nothing to do with small children. A lot of people believe that because there's nappies and children's clothing involved, that it's something to do with children. It's complete and utter escapism. For somebody to be open with a complete stranger about having a fetish of that nature is a huge thing. Do you have adult nappies? Do you have adult nappies? I do. That's an adult nappy. That's an adult nappy. So, you'd lie a big grown man down...? ...and put him in a nappy; maybe put him to sleep. Read him a story. Read him a story. ...bed-time story? All sorts of different things can happen in an age play session. You say this is all harmless, but people will question... They will question, because they don't understand. They're not hurting anybody. I'm a consenting adult; they're a consenting adult. It's just a fantasy, you know? We all have fantasies. GOLDFRAPP'S 'STRICT MACHINE' How are you today, Abbey? Good, my lady. We're in suburban Nelson,... I've got some rope for you today. ...in Felicity Maera-Wallace's own small-scale business. You're going to take that flogging that you missed out on last time. She's provided us with a very rare opportunity ` Take your skirt off, please. Good girl. allowing our cameras to keep rolling as she sees a client. Are you ready, Abbey? Yes, my lady. # I'm in love. # I'm in love. Have you been counting, Abbey? Have you been counting, Abbey? I've lost count, my lady. Have you been counting, Abbey? I've lost count, my lady. Let's start again. He is her submissive. Thank you, my lady. Thank you, my lady. Good girl. He can't refuse her wishes. (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) You're always ready for more. Is it all about the control for you? Is it all about the control for you? Oh, I'm a control freak. I really am. Do you take anyone? Do you take anyone? No, I don't. I talk to them. If, at that point, I think, 'No,' I say, 'OK, I'm sorry, this isn't going to work for me.' So are you quite fussy? My nickname when I was a child was Fussity, instead of Felicity, yeah, because I'm so picky. Felicity was born with a genetic condition meaning she lost her hearing as a child. She admits that played a role in her early sexuality. Because I was deaf, I was seeking connection as well as sexual satisfaction. She lost her virginity at 12. Three years later, she was working as a prostitute. Anyone looking for sexual abuse in my past, you're not gonna find it. I thought, 'This is a viable way to make money.' She gave up for a while, married, had a daughter. After an operation that restored her hearing, she spent six years working as a sign interpreter. Then I went back into the industry again, because there was no money, you know? This time, Felicity's focus was as a dominatrix. Why B & D, specifically? Because, quite frankly, there are only so many blow jobs you want to do in your life. The men that I do choose to do that for are damned lucky. After the break,... I think a lot of people are looking for some form of excitement, or something a bit different. And, when they're not working, who are Mistress Mariah and My Lady Felicity? Being a grandmother is not mutually exclusive to being a dominatrix or a sex worker. The two can go together. Chook, chook, chook, chook! TV PLAYS SCREWDRIVER WHIRRS SCREWDRIVER WHIRRS Is that the last one, Daddy? Yes, precious. That's the last one. SAD MUSIC Could you live with yourself? 1 Welcome back. Our two dominatrices have seen it all ` however kinky, nothing surprises them. But you might be surprised by their lives outside of the dungeons and what they have to say about spicing things up in our nation's bedrooms. A warning again about the nature of the footage you're about to see. This is very much an adults-only story. Are you well and truly happy? Are you well and truly happy? No, my lady. My Lady Felicity and Mistress Mariah are pro doms. You would be looking at $420 for the hour, with squirting. They're masters of the dungeon. But step outside, and who are the women without their whips? Wanna feed the chickens? Chook, chook, chook! Felicity is a devoted grandma to Dillon. Dillie is the delight of my life. He really is. She lives with Dillon and her daughter Asti. People ask me what my mum does. I just say, 'She's a dominatrix.' Mum's the same. If someone asks her what her business is, she says, 'Oh, I'm a dominatrix.' And you can sort of see their faces go... 'OK.' Oh! She's a really great grandma and a really good mum. She's got a good heart. Mm. My focus is on... building my business in order to get Asti through university. She wants to be a vet, and my... two main things are to earn enough money to support that and to help enough with Dillon to enable her to pass her study. Life, for Felicity, is good. I am at the best place I have ever been in my life, you know? I have a family that I love. I have a job that I love. I'll just take one of these, shall I? Scrape our 'non-stick' pan. When Mistress Mariah isn't dealing to a submissive, she's dicing up dinner with her husband. It took a while for him to be really relaxed with that. But now it's fine. He knows what I do. He knows I'm extremely good at it. Their eight-year relationship is completely monogamous. To him, she's simply Mary; never Mistress. We don't engage in, um... dungeon play or BDSM play. But, she says, if your own relationship is becoming stale, maybe it's time to spice it up. # Un, # deux, # trois. # Oh, uh. # Turn it up a little bit. # Plenty do. BDSM and dominatrices are popping up everywhere. Miley, Gaga and RiRi are all embracing the same erotica that's keeping us hooked on the Fifty Shades of Grey books. I think a lot of people are looking for some form of excitement, or something a little bit different. And I think what a book like Fifty Shades of Grey is doing... I mean, let's face it ` it's educating people that it's OK, if it's consenting adults and you're both happy to play whatever part it is, then it's happy. Even TV shows like Castle. SULTRY VOICE: ...kinkiest things you could ever imagine... BLUNTLY: ...are just another day at the office. And Hollywood superstar Maggie Gyllenhaal on the big screen. Do you see kinky becoming the new norm? I think kinky is the new norm. Everyone's doing a form of kinky, you know? So I think it's... it's just gradually filtering its way into everyday life. What would you say some equipment... some beginners' equipment might be that we could have at home? Uh,... I would say some nice, soft leather cuffs; nice leather blindfold; light spank paddle; um, maybe a crop ` a riding crop. Jump off the edge some time and tell someone something. Talk to your female friends about things, like, 'I have these fantasies,' or things. And see how many others have them. And Felicity's handy bedroom hint? For God's sake, darling, if you're not enjoying it, do something about it. I'm sorry, but other people are not responsible for your sexual pleasure. And she has one special bit of equipment she recommends. You have a mouth. Use it ` not for sucking his cock, but for saying what you want. This from someone who's seriously perfected her sexual style. I've got to ask ` what's your number? LAUGHS: Oh, how many men? How many? How many? 10,000. We tried to average it and multiply it over the years I'd been in the industry, and 10,000 was around about the right number. You've slept with 10,000 men? That's not a sure figure, but roughly, yes. Roughly. Wow. Do you think people will be shocked by that? Do I think people in general will be shocked? I don't really think about what other people think. To thine own self be true. Now, that's advice from the Bible. You can't get more concrete or profound than that. And I follow that every single day. FUNKY MUSIC All right, next up on 20/20, we're continuing on a little bit of a theme. The author of Fifty Shades of Grey talks about how she went about researching her book. I trawled the internet. I have this huge fear that, um, social services is gonna find my computer and all my children are gonna get taken away from me. Did you watch movies? Maybe. Really? Maybe. By yourself? Maybe. You're just gonna make me blush now. Everything? Everything? Everything. Everything? Everything? Everything? Everything? Everything? Everything. Everything? Everything? In just one pan? Including the rice? Everything? In just one pan? Including the rice? Everything. Introducing new Maggi Just One Pan meals. They taste delicious because all the flavours infuse in just one pan. Try them for yourself. 2 Welcome back. EL James is the author of one of the most talked-about books this year, dubbed 'mummy porn' for its graphic sexual content and the frenzy its generated amongst its female fans. Tonight, she sits down with 20/20 to tell us about her love story with kink, how the steamy novels were created and how her life has since changed. FUNKY MUSIC # Yeah, yeah, yeah. # It is burning up the presses and the bed sheets ` an erotic novel that's taken the country and some marriages by storm or by leather-studded collar, depending on how you look at it. Thank you. Fifty Shades of Grey ` about a young girl swept off her feet by an obscenely wealthy bachelor who protects her and provides for her every need, but there's a kinky catch. He has a fetish for bondage. You may have heard it referred to as simply 'the book', but until now you've heard very little from the working mom behind it all, EL James. Did you ever imagine this would take off the way it has? Never, ever, ever, ever. It's been really really quite scary, really. It's been really really quite scary, really. How? I don't really like the attention, to be honest. That attention has come from movie studios and publishers and the media. all vying to cash in on the Fifty Shades frenzy. Do you like it when it's rough? Wow! Women are going nuts for this! Women are going nuts for this! Women are going crazy. Until recently, she was just Erica, a 40-something wife and mother of two teenage boys who worked at the BBC in London. Then she read this, the blockbuster Twilight series by author Stephenie Meyer. which chronicles the romance between teenager Bella Swan and her vampire boyfriend Edward. I just sat on my sofa and read them and read them and read them. And I loved them. And then I sat down and wrote a novel. Where did this come from? Where did this come from? Just... I was inspired by Stephenie Meyer. She just` just flicked this switch. This is different from the Twilight series in that... there's a lot of sex. Yes. Graphic sex. Graphic sex. Yes. BOTH CHUCKLE Well, it's a love story. You know, people who fall in love have a lot of sex, don't they? I seem to remember... That happened in the first few years of your marriage? That happened in the first few years of your marriage? Maybe, maybe, yes. Like Twilight, Erica set her novel in Seattle. Young, virginal Anastasia meets Christian Grey ` rich, powerful, handsome. Anna is asked to become his submissive sex partner and to surrender herself to his rules on what to eat, what to wear and even drive. I'd read a couple of things about BDSM and I was thinking, 'What if you met someone and you didn't wanna do this? What would happen?' BDSM ` short for bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadomasochism. But the book keeps things on the tamer side ` think spanking, handcuffs and blindfolds. How did you do your research for this? I trawled the internet. I have this huge fear that social services is going to find my computer and my children are going to get taken away from me. and my children are going to get taken away from me. Did you watch movies? Maybe. Really? (CHUCKLES) Maybe. By yourself? Maybe. You're just going to make my blush now. Did your husband know you were doing this? Did your husband know you were doing this? Oh, God, yes. Yeah, yeah. Cos I'd say, 'Can we try this?' And my husband would look at me and roll his eyes, 'Oh, OK.' That sort of thing. So, yeah, no, he was` he got a bit of an education as well. So it was good fun. We asked to speak with her husband too. The couple declined. But even with the research in the bedroom and her vivid imagination, Erica admits there were some challenges in the creative process. I did wonder at a certain point how many different ways you could describe an orgasm. CHUCKLES: Oh God. Yeah. Did you run out? Kind of. Your process of writing ` when do you write and how do you write? I used to write a lot of it on my way to work. Really? Really? Yeah, on my Blackberry. You wrote it on your Blackberry?! Yeah, and I used to beam it into my Mac when I got home, and then I'd write. That steamy side of Fifty Shades is certainly a crowd-pleaser. ...sucks the dart. Hot. Once you pick it up, you cannot put it down. READS: He swirls it, slowly, there, and then continues to drag the tip down my body. You OK? I'm getting flustered here. I think the big attraction is the sex. We've been together for over 20 years. We have three kids together. And now it's different. It's definitely more, I guess, spicy. We... (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) We... (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) Well, I'm answering the questions. But Fifty Shades would not be the phenomenon it is today without this. Avid readers who describe themselves as Grey-sessed, who spread the word like gospel. This book party was captured by a Time photographer. You looked a little overwhelmed. You looked a little overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed. I felt like Brad Pitt. It was extraordinary. Women now want more than just the book. They're after the Fifty Shades experience too. At sex shops like this, Fifty Shades bondage classes for women wanting to add a little kink into their own sex lives. But it's not just the explicit sexual fantasy that women seem to flock to. There is also the wealth fantasy of Christian Grey. Imagine being cared for in every aspect of your life. pleasured and spoiled with sports cars, private planes and luxury homes around the world. Belinda Luscombe, an editor at Time Magazine, says she wouldn't want that life, but many other women do. Are you surprised by the popularity of this series of books? It's the number-one selling book, and it's done it through word of mouth. You're quite right. Women are increasingly the breadwinners in their homes, and this fantasy of being looked after, having someone who's there to obsessively protect you and make sure you have everything you need continues to be so robust in our culture. Why is this such a fantasy to have somebody take care of them... and control them? We have everything, and it's just hard work doing everything, ensuring the dinner's on the table and the laundry's done and your boss is happy, and just sometimes it's nice to switch off and let someone take care of you. Now, along with all the adulation has come some criticism. Yes. For what it's worth,... (READS) 'Fifty Shades of Grey is pornography, plain and simple.' 'Fifty Shades is a sad joke, puny of plot.' 'S & M for Dummies.' 'EL James writes like a Bronte devoid of talent.' 'Dull and poorly written.' You cannot own someone's response. And they're perfectly entitled to their opinion. That's all I can say about that. Does it bother me? I don't read it. I just wrote it... It's sort of my own mid-life crisis. It's all my fantasies in one. Of all the millions of reader who now share her fantasies, there are at least two people she hopes will never open the book. You have two teenage sons. Yes. Yes. Have they read this book? Yes. Have they read this book? No. Good God, no. God, no. I'd be mortified. They'd be mortified. They're really not interested in their mother and sex. It's just not something they like to think about. Yesterday, I looked at the New York Times, and in the book review section on eBook, numbers one, two and three are your three books. Wow. Gosh. Amazing. Amazing. Yes, amazing. Gosh. Yes. Yes. How do you think your life is gonna change? Um` Um` Have you thought about that? > Um` Have you thought about that? > No, I haven't really had a chance to think about that. But you know it's going to. > But you know it's going to. > Uh, I'm not sure how. Well, you'll have a lot more money. Well, you'll have a lot more money. Well, yeah, I mean, I'll have some money, which will be nice. I can get a nice kitchen. I can get a nice kitchen. And a lot more fame. Uh, yeah, that's the bit I'm really un` I am uncomfortable about it. I... I... It's not something I'd bargained for at all. So, what would you say to all the women who are avid fans of yours and who have passed this book around`? > and who have passed this book around`? > Thank you. That's what I would say. Thank you very much. And I hope you've enjoyed it. After the break, some very odd couples ` people living in open relationships open up about their lifestyle. You already know that Sierra is married to Martin, but also dates Aaron. Martin is married to Sierra, but also dates J. Molly is married to David, but she also goes out with Mark. And David, who's Molly's husband, also dates J ` yes, the same J who's also romantically linked to Martin. 3 Welcome back. With half of all marriages in the States ending in divorce, some couples, instead of blowing up their relationships, are quietly expanding them. 20/20 profiles two couples who are living the open-marriage lifestyle while raising kids and growing old together. And they say it's made their relationship better. ROCK MUSIC You might not pay them any notice blending in amongst the parents of the playground or pushing a stroller, but this couple is also pushing the very boundaries of marriage. Martin, a research scientist, and Sierra, a writer for a popular parenting website, have been married for nine years. They're raising two daughters. Rea, 7,... And pop! By myself. ...and Serena, 4, just outside Boston. But when Sierra puts the couple's two daughters to bed, husband Martin heads out to enjoy a romantic evening with his lover we will call J. And often when Martin comes home from work for lunch, he eats alone. That's because his wife, Sierra, is off at a nearby restaurant canoodling with her lover, Aaron. People might say, 'What's the difference between your arrangement and adultery?' Aren't you both just committing adultery? No. Why not? < There's no cheating. We are committed to being an open book with each other. And it's all based on a really high degree of love and trust. With one in two marriages ending in divorce, some couples instead of blowing up relationships are quietly expanding them. And they say opening up their marriage is making their relationship better. Molly, a project manager, and David, a mobile app designer, have a 6-year-old daughter, Natalie. Once a week, Molly leaves her husband to rendezvous with her lover, Mark. Awesome. Her husband David also has weekly liaisons with his lover. Were you OK from the very start with this arrangement? After we'd been dating for a few years, and then we got married, it was a while before either of us really had any other lovers. When Molly first decided she wanted to date someone else, I was horrified about the idea of the two of them going out on a date, and then after a while, it didn't actually bother me. And while most people wrestle with the eternal question ` can one person really satisfy every need ` these couples think the answer is obvious. In fact, they don't limit their open marriage to plus one. It's more of a marital merry-go-round. You already know that Sierra is married to Martin, but also dates Aaron. And Martin is married to Sierra, but also dates J. Molly is married to David, but she also goes out with Mark. And David, who's Molly's husband, also dates J. Yes, the same J who's also romantically linked to Martin. But Martin's wife, Sierra, is also intimate with David's wife, Molly. And Sierra has another lover, Rhomie. And Rhomie dates Aaron, who as we remember is also seeing Sierra. Got that? You do know that people probably listening to you think this is a tad cooky. Right? It's a tad cooky. It's... It's... You admit that? It's... You admit that? Yeah. They might be right. I've got nothing against cooky. They might be right. I've got nothing against cooky. ALL CHUCKLE It works. It's hard enough to make a really good go of one relationship with one person I mean, how on earth can you give enough to all these people so that everybody's needs are really truly being met? It's not a one-way street. I get a lot back from this. I have a tremendous amount of love and support in my life, and that is because I have all these strong relationships. and that is because I have all these strong relationships. Nobody gets jealous? Martin having sex with J doesn't bother me at all. It doesn't? It doesn't? No, it really doesn't. I think I'm going to try doing that more often. I know that when Martin is with J he is happy and loved, and I want him to be having those experiences whether he's with me or with someone else. Whoa! It's great for the parents, but what about the kids? So, do you guys think your family's any different from other families? So, do you guys think your family's any different from other families? Not really. Really? Really? I didn't know that my family had an open marriage until a few years ago. What do you think that means? That... your parents, or one of your parents, is dating a different person that's not part of your family. Rea just told me, 'Yeah, my mommy and daddy are in an open marriage. They both date other people.' Does she understand what dating means? She understands that dating means someone is your special friend that you like to spend time with. What do you explain to them? I mean, I know tonight you're going on a date with J. Yeah. I am grateful for us being together. What are you gonna do come dinner time? We usually have dinner together as a family and put the kids to bed. And then, if one of us wants to go out to see someone else, whatever happens after 7.30pm happens after 7.30pm. Sometimes we just go out and have a dinner. Other times I'll have a sleepover. And I let them know that I'm having one, so if they wake up at night... ...and wonder where Daddy is? ...and wonder where Daddy is? They know that I'm not there, but I'll be back in the morning. But what do they think that is ` a sleepover? Rea has a lot of sleepovers with her friends. Serena's starting to have them. So they have a sense of, you know, friends that you really like; you like to spend time with them. So a sleepover's not a foreign concept for them. What about the concern that some might have that kids might confuse open marriage with promiscuity? That they might be more apt to have more sex than they should? I have never seen a kid whose parents whose kids were in an open marriage be at all promiscuous. What I think these kids see is lots of stable relationships with people who chose them consciously and happily. I drew that one last year, that one this year and that one in kindergarten. Although still young, the children seem well adjusted. Your face is a little bit warm. And both married couples say having other paramours not only spices up their love lives, but forms an extended family. Natalie! Hey! They often pick up each other's children from school. Sweetie, your mom's at work. I think my kids' lives are better for this, honestly. How so? My kids have every advantage that they would have if Martin and I were monogamously married. They have a stable, loving home, and on top of that, this wonderful community around them supporting each other in raising children in a way that I don't see outside of our community as much. But when Sierra wrote about her open marriage online, not all readers were so open-minded. There are people out there who will think this is just weird; this is kinky; maybe even sick. Then I'm happy you've made a different choice. (CHUCKLES) We're happy, stable and thriving. What's been the most hurtful or judgemental thing you've heard? 'This is terrible for your children. You're ruining your children forever.' That hits me where I live. Nobody wants to be called a bad mother. Saying, 'Oh, you're a bad parent, because you've chosen to structure your relationships in such a way.' I... I find that, um, hurtful. And while some label this multi-relationship lifestyle 'unsavoury', they say they live a moral code of honesty and integrity. I love you too, Daddy. Less hedonism; Love Mommy! and more extended family values. OK, next up on 20/20, a new show that has hit the headlines by asking its stars a very personal question. It's one question. It's a really awesome question. It's a really awesome question. And it just... (LAUGHS) Thank you. It just popped in my head one day. Who were you talking to when it popped into your head? Who were you talking to when it popped into your head? My shrink. (LAUGHS) Even a therapist might be taken aback by the favourite position winner. Which was the common answer? Which was the common answer? It was doggy style. You're surprised, right? I mean, me too, cos I would have thought that was more a male choice. What if cars didn't need keys? like it never changed gears? LOCKS CLICK If you could talk to them with this? What if you could go from nought to 100 in 2.8 seconds? ENGINE REVS If your transmission felt like it never changed gears? If your handbag didn't shoot off the seat when you braked? If old water bottles helped make new seats? And your car could give you a bird's-eye view? What if you never bought another litre of petrol? Can you imagine? Well, we have. 4 Gwyneth Paltrow, Sarah Silverman, Jane Fonda and many other high-profile female celebrities are discussing sex in a way you've never heard before ` well, from them, at least. But why? Well, we ask Amanda de Cadenet, the host of a provocative new talk show called The Conversation, about how she dares to ask about such taboo topics. SHOUTING Female celebrities get asked questions a lot, and sometimes, no matter who's doing the asking, a lot of times, it's the same question. Who are you wearing? Who are you wearing? Tell me about your outfit. It took 39-year-old Amanda de Cadenet to ask such stars as Gwyneth Paltrow, Jane Fonda and Sarah Silverman the year's most candid question. What is your favourite sex position? What is your favourite sex position? What is your favourite sex position? What is your favourite sex position? What... ...is your favourite... ...sex position? She gets shocked reactions on camera... What?! ...and some stunning replies. So what is your favourite sex position? So what is your favourite sex position? Oh, uh, right now, on top. While I am quite flexible and I can kneel, it's not quite as comfortable for me as it used to be before I had a fake knee. I do enjoy... a good, sound... missionary-ing. I love doggy style standing up. I'm down with all of them. I like a variety. It's all featured on de Cadenet's new interview show on Lifetime, The Conversation, produced with her pal Demi Moore, showcasing long-time stars in intimate heart-to-hearts. confiding to de Cadenet their feelings about love,... And you meet the love of your life. ...heartache and loss. When my dad was alive, I didn't really need to find the right man, cos I had him. Even the power in finally coming of age at 73. I'm actually, at 73, a whole person. I never thought I'd get there. And befitting a project that de Cadenet began on the web, there's that up-to-the-minute frankness. How do you get some of Hollywood's best known women to talk about the intimacies of their love lives? I mean, here's the deal. I... It's one question. It's a really awesome question. It's a really awesome question. And it just` Thank you. It just popped in my head one day. Who were you talking to when it popped into your head? Who were you talking to when it popped into your head? My shrink. (LAUGHS) Even a therapist might be taken aback by the favourite position winner. Which was the common answer? Which was the common answer? It was doggy style. You're surprised, right? I mean, me too, cos I would've thought that was more a male choice. Why did the women you asked say that that was their favourite position? Why did the women you asked say that that was their favourite position? It's to do with being dominated. Is it anti-feminist to want to be dominated? No. I think that, to me, feminism means acknowledging your choices and allowing for choices and owning your choices, and if you are into that, go be into it. Lady GaGa said, you know, 'I like being told what to do.' I mean, that makes sense, doesn't it? I don't know that it does. She seems completely in control, so why would she like the opposite in her intimate relations? My take on it is that for a woman who's running a billion-dollar empire, she needs to be submissive somewhere. It is not going to turn that woman on to be telling you what to do. She's telling everyone what to do. She's running the show. Did you feel that to what Sarah Silverman was telling you also? Did you feel that to what Sarah Silverman was telling you also? Uh, yeah. I like to be... ...manhandled. I think a lot of women who are considered powerful women, that is the area where they like to be not in control. I'm not speaking for myself personally. I'm just saying my observation. Personally, the early days of Lindsay, Britney and Drew have nothing on de Cadenet, who once tore through London as a tabloid wild child. Looking back, how do you feel about being so sexualised at such an early age? I think it's very damaging. My body looked like a boy's body, and then overnight, I got super curvy. I went from not being acknowledged a lot to getting acknowledged for my sensuality. By some of the most desirable men in the world. By some of the most desirable men in the world. Yes, and it was fun. I'm not gonna say it was not fun. There would be fun with Jack and others. While, yeah, and then there's Keanu. (CHUCKLES) And then there's Keanu. Why does he make you smile like that? Why does he make you smile like that? Oh, because he's a wonderful man. Early on, she married and had a child with John Taylor of Duran Duran. They began dating when she was quite young, almost illegally so. You were 15. He could've gone to prison. He could've. We didn't` That part didn't happen till I turned 16. Really? Really? Really. Really? Really. Really? He was` With other people, yes, but not with him. You know, I lived through a lot of stuff. I got married at 16, had my daughter at 19, acted ` hated it, was a terrible actress. She used to love to party, but 20-hour days with ex-BFF Courtney Love are long over. For the last 10 years, de Cadenet's been married to The Strokes guitarist Nick Valensi, parents of 5-year-old twins, a past that's prologue to The Conversation. I have a perspective about love and sex and sensuality based in a lot of experience. At the end of all my interviews, I was, like, 'Oh, this is what I suspected.' Zoe Saldana shows you what a corkscrew looks like,... You gotta go up, you gotta go down, you gotta arch, you gotta` You gotta go up, you gotta go down, you gotta arch, you gotta` Right. ...and you're not surprised by that? ...and you're not surprised by that? No. Put the leg over him. I mean, if you know Zoe, that's not surprising. You should see the part that we cut out of her trying to touch my titties. (CHUCKLES) How do you feel about the word you just used as a slang word for 'breasts'? I like 'boobs', I like 'titties'. 'Tits' not so much. What body part can't you talk about on network television? What body part can't you talk about on network television? Vaginas. Why not? Why not? I don't know why. I think we should campaign to change that. Why do you think we're at a moment in history where people are comfortable talking about this kind of thing? The amount of time we're all spending thinking about sex and wanting to have sex... or having sex, the fact that it's not more open is crazy. The truth is is that... sex is one of, if not the, driving force in the world. It just is. Righto. If you want to see any of tonight's stories again, including that one, head to our website. You can also email us at... Or go to our Facebook page. Let us know your thoughts on tonight's show. Expecting some interesting comments after that one. Thanks for all your feedback over the past week. We're interested in your stories, of course, so keep those ideas coming in. Well, that's our show for tonight. Thanks for joining us. We're on a break for the next few weeks, but we'll be back here later next month. See ya then.