(PLAYFUL OBOE MUSIC) Hello? Is anybody there? Oh, hey, honey, what's up? Sl-Slow down. Wh-Who are you talking about? No, I don't know! Sweetheart, I don't have a clue what you're... An apartment? No, no! Of course I'm not. Why would I be looking at an apartment? I... Oh. Wait a sec, wait. I know what this is. Oldest trick in the book. Yeah, did a realtor call you? Yeah. Yeah, realtor calls the wife, says, "Oh, yeah, I spoke to the husband. I'm looking at a..." My card? My business card? I don't know. I... That, I don't know. I don't know why he has my business card. Maybe he... Maybe he or she, then. A... Yeah. OK, surprise ruined. No, no, it's alright. It was gonna be for our anniversary, but I... It's just a one-bedroom in the West Village but you'll love it. Yeah. Yeah, I know. Hey, the car never picked me up for this thing at the Waldorf. I gotta go. I'll see you at home tonight, OK, honey? I love you, too. It's OK. Big kiss. Alright, then. Bye-bye. Let me ask you a question. You a real estate broker or a professional fucking idiot? I think we ought to let the super do that. No, I got it. Move that stuff. I did not say my wife needs to see the apartment, I said, "Amber needs to see the apartment." "Amber." Does Amber sound like the wife of a man my age to you? Careful with my table! I'm picking it up. OK, just get the cord for me. I got it, baby. What do you want me to do with it? Keep it out of my way. It's not exactly a love nest if my wife's there picking out the goddamned curtains, is it? Get the window. OK? Ready? Yeah, just pull it down and inside. No, I'm telling you now, stop talking. Because I'm thinking. No, I'm thinking! I don't... You know what? Just kill it. No, kill it. Kill the whole thing. There, good. See? DIY. "Do It Yourself." (GASPS) (GENTLE MUSIC) Call me, leave a message saying the seller has had a change of heart and that the whole thing's... (WOMAN SCREAMING) Oh, my God! ..dead. Ho-ho! Wow! You are not gonna believe what almost just happened! Agh! (TYRES SCREECHING) Did you see that? Someone call 911! Whoa! Oh, my God, is he dead? He ain't happy. # "I'm Looking Through You" The Beatles # I'm looking through you # Where did you go? # I thought I knew you # What did I know? (OFFICER SNEEZES) What? # You don't look different # But you have changed Oh, you cannot be serious! # You're not the same Oh. Not now. # Your lips are moving # But I cannot hear # Your lips are moving # Your voice is soothing # But the words aren't clear # You don't sound different # I've learned the game # I'm looking through you # You're not the same # Why, tell me why Did you not treat me right? # Love has a nasty habit Of disappearing overnight # You're thinking of me # The same old way # You were above me # But not today # The only difference is You're down there # I'm looking through you # And you're nowhere # Why, tell me why Did you not treat me right? # Love has a nasty habit Of disappearing overnight... # OK, go ahead and spit. (SPITS) So, anyway, the very first scene just takes your breath away. You have to remind yourself you're in the theatre. My five-year-old, Alex, just adored it. He wanted his father to see it with us. (MUFFLED CHATTERING) That's better. Anyway, I think he really enjoyed the costumes... Dr Pincus? Hi. I'm gonna need the panoramic X-ray machine for most of tomorrow morning if that fits in with your appointments? Fine. I've cleared my schedule for tomorrow. Really? Oh, well. Oh, I-I hear it's supposed to be a lovely day. And? No, I just thought that maybe you were taking the day off to go and, uh... Right, well,... sorry to bother you. Um, you know, we brought some cake. Mrs Prashar and I just had our baby, so... Yeah, i-i-i-it's a girl, and, um, we're having a little cake and I brought some pictures, so, if you... Oh, that'd be delightful. Start without me. Gr... Great, great. Uh, great, so... (SIGHS) What a cute baby. She is so cute. Yeah, she really is. How long was the labour? Ten hours. Ten hours? Yeah. Oh, my God, that seems like a really long time. No, not really. It's not? Not really. See, that's, like, too long. I'd just get a cat, you know? Like, ten hours is a long time to get something, you know? So cute. Stop global warming? (WHOOSHING) (SNEEZES) (WHOOSHING) (SNEEZES) Yeah, just a tiny... It might take a little jiggle. Good evening, Doctor. You know what? Let me just open it. Hey! Can you hold the elevator, please? Yeah. Oh, thank you. Oh, sorry! (LIFT TINGS) Wait, hold. Hey! Hey! (DISTANT TRAFFIC) (SIGHS) Ugh. (COUGHS) (SIGHS) (PANTS) Ugh. (SIGHS) Good. Still some more. (STOMACH SQUEAKING) (STOMACH SQUEAKS) (STOMACH SQUEAKING / BUBBLING) Oh. Oh. Come on, come on, come on, make it, make it, make it, make it. (TANNOY) "Paging Dr Michael. Dr Michael to Paediatrics, please." Charts come back? They're there. I appreciate it. Spell it. P-I-N, C-U-S. Date of birth? Why? What day were you born? No, I understood the question. Why do you need to know that? Let's leave it blank. Weight? Last night or this morning? You pick. 182 pounds. Number of alcoholic beverages consumed per week? Why do you need to know? They wanna know. "They" want to know a lot, but I don't want my intimate details auctioned off to the highest bidder, willy-nilly. I'll put zero. Marital status? Pass. Profession? Irrelevant. Food allergies? I'm not gonna be eating here. Are you allergic to plaster? What a ludicrous question. I'm not answering any more. Do you smoke? Stop it. Do you wear dentures? Madame, listen. When was the last time you ate? Ah, a pertinent question at last. Yesterday lunchtime. Thanks for asking. I had a tuna sandwich. Toast was soggy, but... Did you drink the laxative solution? Yes. Did it work? It was as advertised. Did you evacuate your bowels? I drank copious amounts of drain-cleaning fluid. What followed was fait accompli. Sir, what I'm asking is if you were... I shat, OK? Good. Again and again. It was like a terrorist attack down there in the darkness and the chaos, the running and the screaming, OK? Fine with me. Good. Gross invasion of my privacy, this. Wait till they get you in the back. Good morning, Dr Pincus. Hi. I don't anticipate difficulties. We'll have you on your feet in no time. Quick question. You requested a general anaesthetic. It's not typical for this procedure. Sorry, I have no intention of being around when they go where they're going. When does the surgeon arrive? I'm the surgeon. Really? Yeah. Why do you look that tan? Thanks for noticing. I got a spray tan on my way to work. Looks natural. It's better for you. It's moisturising and doesn't cause UV damage, so... Yeah. It has an odd smell. I can't quite place it. I don't know if... No, I don't wanna smell your fake tan! What are you... It's like dirt, but a garden dirt, a good dirt. Not like a garbage dirt. You gonna go darker? I think I am. It'll make my eyes pop. You could get your teeth whitened like I did. That makes a difference. I don't like having trays in my mouth and my teeth are small. Sorry, you babbling idiots, can we talk about my bowels? Wouldn't that be a good idea? The Sodium thiopental's really kicking in. Makes people say crazy things. I haven't given it yet. Going in now. How old are you? Are you here on a school field trip? Not a real people person are you, Dr Pincus? Not really. Given a choice between a few people and loads of people, I choose my cat. She hunts dwarves. She takes them up the tree. You can see their little legs going. Sounds like Norah Jones when she plays the piano. Wow, you must be excited to get home and see your cat. What cat? I thought yesterday you said you had a cat? I despise cats. What sort of men waste their affection on a cat? Pathetic. I had a cat once, when I was a little girl. My father, before he died, took me to the shelter and said, "Take a look at - " What a wonderful man he must have been. Listen. Those people in my room last night, I thought I was dreaming. Who were they? I don't know anything about that. (LIFT TINGS) Right. Here you go. Clean bill of health. Alright, thank you. Come back soon! What a terrible thing to say in a hospital. (SIREN WAILING) Nice. Fine example for healthcare workers. Still, I suppose smoking serves a purpose. Thins the herd. Weeds out the stupid. Are you speaking to me? Yeah, but I was having a go at them, not you. Oh, good. I picked one that should be in a straitjacket. My mistake. Show it some attention, it follows you home. Unbelievable. Sorry! Did he see you, too? He can see us! Who? That guy? (HORN HONKING) Hey, why don't you open your eyes? Hey! Hey, mister! Please, just hold up! Idiot. Wait! Get out of the road. What... I just need two minutes... Look out! Oh! (SNEEZES) ..of your time! You can see me, huh? Huh... You're not like us. I... I know you're not, because that cab almost hit you! And he honked at you, and he yelled at you! I... I don't feel well. Why on Earth... Hey! Oh, Officer, there's loony weirdoes. I don't know why they're here. I'm a dentist. Hey, man, you can see me! Oh, good. Hey, come back here! I wanna talk to you! Don't be scared! I'm a cop! He can see us? Who? That guy? (RAPID VIOLIN MUSIC) (PLAYS TUNEFULLY) From the moment I left the hospital. What kind of side effects? Hallucinations. OK, visual or aural? Both. And really vivid, really realistic, weird. I mean, that's not normal. Well, you know. What's normal, you know, really? Not having hallucinations, I'd have thought. Did anything unusual happen during my procedure? Did any - Did any what... Sorry, but did anything - Where? Why do you keep talking while - I didn't hear what... Why do you keep interrupting me? No, well... Did anything unusual - You've interrupted me a little bit. Just answer the - Just. Did anything unusual happen? Where? What do you mean, where? That's not a proper... Yes or no? Did anything unusual happen during my procedure? Yeah. No. You said "yes" first. "No" is what I ended with. "Yes, no" means no. Did anything unusual happen - Um... Uh, can you just... If so - Can you hold on one... Can you hold on a second? (TAPS KEYS) Yeah, it's me. Um, can you stop what you're doing and come down here right away? Um, it's that thing that we talked about. Yeah, well, you told me to call you if it came back and it came back. OK. What was that? What's "the thing"? You told someone "the thing" came back. I have a rash on my back. It came back, so I had to call my doctor. You... Miss! Yes? Me! What the - Can you, um... What? Can I... Follow you? Yes. To the... To my office. And then you'll tell me? Yeah. Did anything unusual... What? I'm... Jesus Christ! Sorry, I wasn't... We have a meeting in a couple of minutes, so we have to be quick. Did anything unusual happen during my procedure? What's he... Um, can you please define "unusual"? Out of the ordinary, bizarre, unanticipated. Um,... ..uh, no, this went well. It was good. OK, normal. Right. Um, yes, good. Well, the cessation maybe, but after that - The cessation of what? Um, Dr Pincus, I really... I don't need to tell you that every medical procedure doesn't follow the same path. There are subtle variations in the simplest - What would a subtle variation be in my case? Well, one doesn't wish to use jargon. No. But, you know, um, technically,... Yep. ..uh, medically, it's beginning... (MAN WHISPERS) Hm. OK. Yeah. Uh, you died. I died? A little bit. For how long? Seven minutes. A bit less. I died for seven minutes? A bit less. That's the only thing I can think of - How did I die? Uh, for the record, we did not recommend that you use the general anaesthesia. When you use anaesthesia, there is a chance, although it is small, of a biochemical anomaly. Where's the anaesthesiologist? I wanna see him. He does not work here any more. You'll be happy to know that at Saint Victor's, we have a very strict three-strikes policy. My anaesthesiologist had two strikes? OK, let's all calm down. Let's just not over dramatise the situation. Why is he calming down? Hm. Everybody dies. Yeah, usually at the end of their life, just the once and for ever. Everybody's different. And you weren't even gonna tell me. Oh, we did tell you. No, you didn't. We told you that night. We gave you the full report. No, I don't - Yes. Uh, yeah, we... It says here that you, uh, gurgled to me before you, um, rolled your eyes back in your head a little bit. Have you any idea how much I'm going to sue you for? Nothing, I'm afraid. He's perked up. You signed a general release and a quitclaim relieving your surgeon, your anaesthesiologist, the hospital and health partners from any liability related to your cessation of heart function. I definitely did not. Is this your signature at the bottom? When did I sign that? After the post-operative responsiveness test, legally mandated by the state. I didn't know what I was doing! You knew enough to sign your name. I dotted the "i" with a little love heart! You were happy to be alive, right? Now, about these hallucinations. What are you seeing? People. (LIGHT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) Hey, hey, you got a sec? (SNEEZES) Never get used to that. You're the guy, huh? No. I'm not the guy. It's another guy. Go away. Real quick, got to hit you up for a favour. No, no, no, no. No, he's still there. Unbelievable. Ah, good. Excellent. Thank you! Wait a minute. Wait, what? No, no. Drive! Oh! Where to? Don't do that! You're a busy little guy. Let me get to the point. That woman whose cab you snaked is my wife. M-My widow. She's got a very serious problem. I need your help to fix it. Where do you want to go? 54th and Madison. I don't want to go to 54th and Madison. That narrows it down. I don't want a Sapphire martini up with olives. That narrows it down. You're making a fool of yourself. You can't talk to me when somebody's standing there. Campari and soda. Campari soda? No. Pimm's Cup. Pimm's Cup. Pimm's Cup? Ssh. Pimm's? Would you... Just get a real drink. OK. Sorry. Can I have the first thing I said? Sapphire martini up with olives. Phew. (Shut up.) Wow. You need to adjust, right? No, it's OK, it's OK. You need a little time to adjust. I get it. I haven't done jack in 14 months. I've been here, believe - I died today! What do you mean? I was dead. Yeah? For seven minutes. And then when they brought me back, I can... ugh. Well, that's the thing. New York is lousy with ghosts. Th-Th-They're everywhere, and they're a noisy, pushy, demanding bunch, same as when they were alive, and frustrated, too. The dead have unfinished business, which is why we're still here. Normally, we can't talk to the living and you come along, and you can imagine. A lot of excitement. Why are you dressed like that? Were you a maitre d'? I'm gonna ignore that, OK? You wear what you died in. At least I look nice. Sapphire martini up with olives. Thank you. Drink your drink. I'm gonna drink my drink. Just shut up. Aesthetically pleasing. Am I still dead? I'm still dead, aren't I? This is heaven. You wouldn't be here. I'm lying on the operating table, they'll bring me around, and poof! It's all gonna be a dream. Yeah. Don't over think it. You were gone, now you're back. Have a drink. Have another one. God knows I would if I could. You can take your BlackBerry with you? I guess. What, have you got a signal? Not yet, but I keep trying. Thank goodness I downloaded Tetris before I went. Damn it! How'd you die? Something went wrong with the anaesthetic. I went in for a colonoscopy and - Yeah, I never got one of those. You don't have to worry now. What anaesthetic? Didn't wanna use any. What? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Expected me - What about your ass feelings? Don't actually say "ass feelings." I knew what you meant with that. If we're gonna be hanging out, I - We're not gonna be! May I ask you a question, young man? It's about my daughter. She lives in Far Rockaway. She won't speak to her sister - Back off, Marjorie! Alright? I'm talking to him. Don't talk to them. I see no harm in making a request. How about the fact that I found him first? Look, you upset him. No, you, you, you. Yeah, very good. I know you're there. Let's start over, huh? Come on. You had a rough day. You're tense, you're keyed up. You do yoga? Huh? My girlfriend's got a studio. I'll show you. Girlfriend? You said you were married. Did I say I was perfect? Come on, let's hail a cab. You don't exist, OK? You are the after-effects of poorly-administered anaesthetic. I'll go to bed and when I wake up, with any luck, you'll be gone. That would be rotten luck for my wife who needs your help. If you would come through for me - I'm not listening any more. I don't want to play hardball, but I will if I have to. It's Pinkass, right? Pincus. Pincus? Pincus? This is a matter of life or death. It's my wife, OK? Widow. She lives here in this building. She's getting married to a scumbag lawyer, a bad guy. Somebody's got to stop this. What do you care? You were having an affair. Never been married, right? OK. You need time. It's alright, I can take a hint. It's not a hint. Good evening, Dr Pincus. Just go to hell. (SNORES) (LAUGHS) (MAN CLEARS THROAT) (MAN CLEARS THROAT) (GRUNTS) (ALL CLEAR THROATS) Oh! (MUTTERS) Is this a bad time? My letter went under the carpet. He lost something and I know where it is. She won't wear a helmet cos of me but that's nuts! Sorry, Doctor, did I accidentally give everybody your address? (LIFT TINGS) (ALL TALK AT ONCE) I gotta tell you, nobody was more excited than Naked Guy. He's... (ALL GASP) Leave me alone. Dr Pincus? Back off! Sorry? Oh, sorry. Never mind. (SNEEZES) Bless you. Oh, God. Thank you. (SNEEZES) Bless you. Thank you. (SNEEZES) Bless you. Thank you. (SNEEZES) Bless you. Stop it. If I sneeze again, I'll assume... Thank you. Just... I'm not very well. It's not you. It's a bit you. Mainly... You can't... But you're adding. (SIGHS) Don't you see, there's a reason I'm here and this is it. This slimeball, he's using Gwen, trying to get her money. I left her a good chunk of change. My head. I'm like her guardian angel. You can be the assistant. Pass. You don't want to help me earn my wings? I don't care. You don't want to at least help Gwen? She's beyond help, OK? She chose you, didn't she? She's got a new slimeball and if that doesn't work out, another Mr Wrong will come along cos that seems to be her thing. Now, leave me alone. I've got a crown at 8:00am. Oh. Oh, I see! I understand, I-I get it. What? What do you get? You. This whole self-loathing thing. No, it's you I loathe. Oh, please. Frankie spent time on the couch. Dentists have one of the highest suicide rates. This might give you a chance to connect with a human - Shut up, OK? Don't you understand? I don't give a shit! I like what I do. It suits me, cos 90 per cent of the people have cotton wool in their mouths. I'm not interested in their opinions or what they thought of Spamalot. I don't care about their lives, I just like the quiet! You are a sad little man. And you're a lying, bigamist corpse. I'm an adulterer. It's different. Sorry, my mistake. You were a real catch. Come on. You don't think I'm gonna find you in a hotel? This is crazy. You want your quiet life back? I'll make you a deal. OK? I'll talk to them for you, get them to leave you alone. I'm good at talking people into things. It's what I do. Did. Do this one thing for me, you'll never see us again, OK? Hm? Problem solved. Yeah, OK. The mummy's been examined by virologists, oncologists, forensic pathologists, searching for signs of foul play, but Pepi the Third's cause of death at the relatively young age of 23 still remains a mystery. It can't be hard to break up a relationship. I used to screw things up. Maybe we should hire a broad to seduce him and tape it. That woman lives in my building? Or send her an anonymous letter from his other family. I've never seen her before. You stole her cab, remember? I've never noticed her, then. Never noticed her? Open your eyes. What are you, a brain in a jar? OK. I want to hear what she's got to say. Really? Yes. And the grand manner in which Mummy 1999.1.4 was preserved also suggests that he was embalmed by royal mummifiers as opposed to kerbside marketplace perverts. Preservists. Ha, that's awkward. I suppose the simplest way to break it up... ..would be to plant a seed of doubt in her mind. Give her another option. I don't get it. Present her with an alternative. Yeah, I thought of that. Hire a good-looking male model. Don't hire anyone. You don't need a male model or a fireman. Somebody handsome. Not too handsome. Not chiselled, just approachable. I was thinking rugged - Round-faced and sensitive. He's gonna have to have a lot of cash, though. If he's sensible with money, he's invested well and that's attractive. Yeah. She might like that. Yeah. But he's gonna have to be tall. (No, no, no, he's not. No.) (Average.) Really? (Yeah. Bordering on the short.) Oh, my word, you mean you. (LAUGHS) You. (LAUGHS) Oh. I'm s... Forget it. Hey! Hey, hey. Well, don't walk away mad! Come here! Pinkass. I would like to elaborate further on Mummy 1999.1.4's burial site. I'm sorry. Forget it. That's OK. A lot of great ideas sound ridiculous at first. Sorry I brought it up. I'm still thinking about it. It might work. All you'll have to do is be charming enough to give her a few second thoughts, you know? It'll be a challenge. Almost impossible. But I'd be there, you know? Pulling the strings. Guy in the bushes calling the plays. You know, I think I can do it. Really. I can do this. I can do it. Forget it. No, no, no, you're not... You're not married, are you? Good God, no. No? You got a girlfriend? It's... No, it's, uh, between, uh, us, currently. Um... So, you use hookers? (STRAINS) No, I don't use hookers. We've also conducted extensive CT scans to search for orthopaedic trauma, which may have led to infection, as you may remember was the case with Tutankhamen, uh, as shown here on slide 43. Nope, nope, you know what? It's possible she could go for you. She likes athletic guys. I mean, you work out or... Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Twice a week. OK. Free weights. Alright. You got a nice, thick head of hair. Protein shampoo. She's gonna like that. Yeah. Look after your scalp. Right. All we got to do is find a way to get you two together. You show up as the cable guy or innocent pizza boy or... You watch a lot of porn, don't you? No. I was inclined to regard this injury as the result of attempts by plunderers to hastily remove the wrappings from the mummy. I tell you what, I'll go over when she's finished and strike up a conversation with her. Yeah. Yeah. What? Uh, um... I'm just thinking in the smock, better not. Yes. I came straight from work. OK. I'm a dentist. This is what we wear. Yeah. Yeah. This is how we do it, baby. OK. And remember that the show officially opens on Friday the 12th. Thank you. Thank you very much for coming. (APPLAUSE) You know, it's an interesting story. My daughter went to Egypt. Oh, really? Did she? Oh, yeah. G-Good. Alright. I owe you an apology. Do you mean for stealing my cab or for not holding the elevator? Don't remember the second one. Oh, no, I know, it was for that time that you told the super that somebody down on nine was cooking stenchy ethnic food that stings the eyes? Was that you? It was tacos. They told me that any complaints would be kept anonymous. Or, you know, maybe it was for the eight or ten times that I said, "Hello" or "Good morning," and you never even looked at me. I'm a very private person. What you are is a little bit of a jerk. Bertram Pincus, DDS. So I've read. I enjoyed your lecture very much. Thank you. Don't take the walk-outs personally. I hadn't noticed, but, you know, thank you for that encouragement. Quite a few, quite a few. What do they know? Atrocious dental hygiene. I'm sorry? Your mummy. 1999.1.4. He was no flosser. Heh. Dental humour. (FRANK CLEARING THROAT) Uh, is there something else? Shoes. Your shoes are... comfortable. Bye. I knew you were gonna come off scary. I wasn't. I caught her at a bad time. And it scared her. I'm not scary! Don't make eye contact. Let me... No, no, no. Let me preface this. What the hell is your problem? I don't have one. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you got a big problem. Big problem with women. No, you got a problem with people. They suck. Quit banging that drum. What's the drama? Some big, bad lady broke your heart? It's in the past. You know nothing about my past. I know you gotta forget about this and let it go. It's not helping you. The thing with women is that - I do fine with women, thanks very much. For the sake of time, I'm gonna agree with that insane point, and say, "You do great with women," but you stink with this one, so we got work to do. Oh, and she likes a man who's a man. She likes you to order for her in a restaurant. And don't get bossy! Don't tell her to take it easy. This will make her nuts. Yeah. I do know how to talk to people. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you got a gift, don't you? Uh? Yeah. Once you're with her, show her you care. Gotta be jealous, suspicious. Why on earth would I do that? Cos it shows you're interested. This is the worst advice I've ever had in my life. But she's jealous, too, and she's no dummy. She thinks you're lying, she'll raise one eyebrow and cock her head. I call it her pirate look. Rattles the hell out of you. Um... Hm... Hi. I'm gonna get the next one. Don't be silly. Get in here. (I don't want to...) OK. Pincus? (SIGHS) OK, just don't say anything. No, no, no, no, no, you're not ready. (CLEARS THROAT) You're not ready. Just ride in silence, OK? Don't do this. And get that face off. You're not... Don't do it! I've been thinking about your decaying jawbone. Hm? Pitting is what I'm talking. Saw it on the slideshow, which would indicate to me, a trained dentist, some bone loss, and on the upper left mandibular gum line. The mummy. Open invitation to a little vitis called Ginger. Gingivitis? More dental humour. This time, bone-based, but essentially... Check out the mandibular bone loss, if I... But wouldn't that just be ordinary wear and tear? Not if it's only on one side, you idiot. I don't think so. How do the ladies resist that rap of yours? (LAUGHS) Alright, alright, not a, uh... Not a total disaster. Next time, just listen to what I'm saying. Excuse me? Do you think maybe you could come by someday and maybe examine him? Let's have a look, shall we? (CHUCKLES) Hm. OK. OK. No, today's out, tomorrow is out. That... Cannot move that. Cannot move that. That is set in stone. And that little puppy is hunkered in good. Hunkerty, dunkerty, dock. I don't want to move that, but I can't do that, either. Busy bee. It's OK. I-I... (LAUGHS) Commitments abound. Pack 'em in, move 'em out, Rawhide. No way... (SINGS TO HIMSELF) Oh, for the love of God! Four o'clock Thursday seems totally free, so... Great. OK. Good. See you then. Way to go, Frank. Oh, God. (DOOR OPENS) Oh, thank God, you're back! You left the newspaper on a cellphone ad, you sadist! I'm sorry. No, forget it. I'm not in the mood any more. Where have you been? Huh? I sit around here all day long and you're out God knows where. You meet interesting people, you have a career. Is that a new shirt? Hey, it is a new shirt and it's got sleeves. Well, well, well. Pinky's got himself a brand new shirt for the big... Hi. Hi. Yeah, it's my yacht, yeah. Quite the little heartbreaker, huh? You should have seen the state he was in when we found him. Blackened skin, multiple fractures from extensive marauding, fully retreated lips. 5,000 years of acid reflux will do that to you. Deep down, you know, the preservation was exquisite New Kingdom work and it's what's underneath that counts. First, they suctioned his brain out through his nose. And then they make a slit in the side of the abdomen so that they can remove the stomach, liver, intestines... Beautiful. ...so they could be preserved in Canopic jars. But what's really exciting about Pepi is how they handled his organ. His organ? Yeah, his dick. I got it right here. You wanna see it? Er,... please. There's nothing... unusual about the phallus itself. Sure. It's the way it was stored. Normally the penis and the heart are kept together and mummified along with the body but in Pepi's case, they removed it and preserved it in this separate gold-encrusted jar. (GROANS) God. I can see why he was king. You OK? Yeah. I've gotta get used to looking down at a shrivelled old penis eventually. Oh, geez. I see he died happy. That's it. That's enough. He must have had huge hands. No, no. Yeah. Is this here the pitting that you were referring to? Yeah. Here, here, and, look, really bad there. We just assumed that was post-mortal decay. Ooh, don't be naive. That is the work of an untreated abscess. That was a absolute magic carpet of bacterial infection. That could have killed him? Yeah, if it was severe that would have led to something more systemic and soon as the infection hit the spinal column, he'd have pennies on his eyes in no time at all. Well, the mouth. Huh? A coin in the mouth. It was a Greek tradition, to pay the boatman to ferry you across the River Styx. This is an amazing breakthrough and just in time for our opening next Thursday. Hey will you come? What? Big opening with loads of people? Yeah. No. You don't like crowds? It's not so much the crowd as the individuals in the crowd I don't like. Well, if you change your mind, let me know. Just seems so obvious now. Why didn't I call a dentist sooner? Everybody waits until it's too late. So you're a funny dentist. You wanna touch him? Ooh, this is my lucky day(!) Yeah. No, no. Really really touch him. More. Yeah. No, like... Down there? Isn't that amazing? Wow. Brilliant. Don't you just love that smell? It's not decay. It's the resin. It's pine. They imported it from North Africa. After a couple of hours, the smell that was initially so sweet, it triggers your vomit impulse. Like visiting your grandmother. Sugar-free treat? Sure. OK. It's sweetened with Splenda. Mmm. Surprisingly delightful. Have you lived in the building long? Four years and one month. Originally born and raised in England obviously and then... Why'd you move? London. Just too much. Overcrowded, just... no privacy. Just too many people. So you picked Manhattan? The reasoning is a little bit convol... It's difficult to explain. What's her name? Sarah. Wife? No. Girlfriend? Yeah. Still together? Possibly. I haven't spoken to her for years. (LAUGHS) No, she died, actually. Quite sad. She had a rare condition. Have you heard of auto cannibalism? She actually ate herself. I made that up. I was joking. But that's not funny. Funnier than the truth. OK, and the truth about Sarah is? Very boring and ordinary. How long you been here? Can you just hold on one second? This is so stupid but my keychain broke and I can never find my keys. I... I moved back to the city about a year ago, just after my husband died. You lost your husband? I'm sorry to hear that. Thanks. He... I want to ask you something and you tell me if it's inappropriate. OK. OK. This tooth. It kills when I drink anything cold. I mean it's just... Should I make an appointment? No, just warm the drinks up. Let's have a look. Head back. Open wide. You want me to say ah? Aah. Hey, Dentist! I need you to clip a guy for me. Can you tell what it is? It's bad molar contact. In life, I accepted payment for a job which I wasn't able to complete. Bad molar contact? Is it really very serious? You should come and see me. Should I? You have to finish it. There's a 38 snub nose under the seat of my mother's Cadillac. Two in the head. Leave the gun on the floor. Maybe I will. OK. Oh, what the f... Is now a good time? Is everything OK? Yeah it's just the... Cos you look a little... Geez. Oh, no... Careful. Huh? Right in the ear, nearly. It's just, I saw you talking to Irish Eddie and I figured you know. Hi, there. Hey! Good. Another one. Hey honey. Oh, hey! I didn't see you. Hi. Oh, alive. Why did this fellow have his hands in your mouth? Sorry, Dr Pincus, this is Richard my fiance. Richard, this is Dr Pincus, that dentist that I told you about, in the building. He's got a really terrific idea about what might have killed Pepi. Really? That's fantastic. I've been needing to find a dentist myself. Why don't you join us for dinner tomorrow night, Dr? At Gwen's. I'm making curry. She's really cute. Oh, don't... Doctor? Yes, love to. Great. I'm in 9F, right below you. Thank you. I hope it was edible. Best curry I've ever tasted. Stop complimenting him! You're too kind. Where did you learn to cook? Idiot boy, you're making him look good. I had a friend who was... generous with her time. Richard's being modest. He worked for three years with homeless prostitutes in Bengal. You still in the sex trade or... That's... inappropriate. (CHUCKLES) You know, Doctor, I confess an ulterior motive in asking you here tonight. As a dentist you could do an awful lot of good in the developing world. They're in desperate need of modern dental care. "Modern dental care." You believe this guy? Now, the political will is there, the money's there. What an act. So pompous! (BANGING) Sorry. What is that? My new puppy. NGOs are being supported, record levels. I need you to punch him. But what we need... Come on! ...are boots on the ground. Kick his self-righteous teeth in! How can teeth be self-righteous? Is a strange thing for a dentist to... burst out with... over curry but you know it needs to be... I mean, I know the answer. Well, I'll tell you, they can't. What is essentially dentin and enamel outcrops from various mandibles are inanimate and, therefore, have no moral code. All they can do is chew and grind and that's passive. It's mainly the cheek muscles do that from... What were you saying? I was... I was... I was saying we need... We need people like you, who can bring their expertise to bear in places like Peru, Cambodia, sub-Saharan Africa. Mainly those sort of really hot sticky... places? I mean, I'm just not a humidity person. I mean, what is the dental care like in, say, I don't know Palm Springs? (CHUCKLES) There's breezes. What are the teeth like in St Tropez? I mean, I could do veneers. They love to smile, the French. Shrugging and smiling. (LAUGHS) He's... He's kidding, sweetie. Ah. (PHONE VIBRATES) I'm sorry, I have to take this. Boy, he'd be handy on a camping trip, huh? Do you want some more wine? Tent pole stuck up his ass. Please. OK. Well, that is perfectly unacceptable. Sh. What? What? Am I throwing you off your game? If I am just give me a fake cough and I'll... (COUGHS) OK, was that... Was that a coincidence? (COUGHS) OK, OK! I'm gone. Richard's a human rights lawyer so, well, he takes his job very seriously. Oh, well, so you should with human rights. I take human rights seriously. You know, everybody's equal, colour, creed or circumstance. We're all the same on this planet. Except the Chinese. What? No, they are. They're the odd ones out, if you had to pick one. No, I'm not having a go. I'm just saying, you know, not their faces. I mean... No, no. But they call each other things like Kwok... Stop it. ...and that's their choice, they don't have to call a kid Kwok. No. Some people are called Pong... Stop, please. ...and there's a million Wangs. You have one kid, you can use all those names on one... You could call a kid Kwok Pong Wang. (LAUGHS) Ming Wa Men and Ho Lee Park have been arrested in Shaolin. (LAUGHS) I have to get down to the office. Oh. They're being arraigned in 30 minutes and the government will only allow... Not again. ...their attorneys to appear by closed circuit. I'm afraid I have to go. Doctor, it's been a... Yeah, so, you guys stay and have fun... and finish up. Oh, gosh, poor Leonard. Do you mind if I let him out? (WHIMPERING) No. not at all. OK, be right back. When did you get your horse? A couple of months ago. I found him at this shelter in Long Island. They were gonna put him down. Then they lost their nerve, did they? The smell? Yeah, I know. His mood levellers give him this ulcerating skin rash. Are you OK? Got a very sensitive gag reflex. Oh, dear. And the mixture of that and that. Are you all right? Do you wanna... Sorry. You know what? I think he needs to go out. Do you want to maybe walk him now or we could finish up and - Now's good, yeah. Get some air with... some oxygen in it. Er. Oh, Leonard! You good boy! That is so healthy! Good, good boy! That's a good boy! That's a good boy! You wanna finish dinner? I don't think I'm ready for solid foods just yet. I'll have a drink though. Sure. There's... Bemelmans is just around the corner. Or, no, have you ever been to that new... (SCREAMS) Oh! I know, yeah. No, I like Sting because you can hear he's educated in his lyrics. Pimm's Cup for the lady. Thank you. And a Sapphire martini up with olives. Thank you. You know, that was Frank's favourite drink. Oh, yeah, I forgot. Sorry. You forgot? Huh? You forgot what? Forgot? That... you recently lost your husband and the polite thing to do in this situation, would have been to check what the deceased's drink was as not to evoke any horrible memories. Why would you assume that they were horrible? Painful. Not necessarily horrible. Just all the memories, nonetheless, of drink-related death memory. Oh. I like a Pimm's Cup. This is the kind of girly drink that Frank would have teased me about. Once when we were in Anguilla, I ordered a Screaming Orgasm. And then... So Frank goes up to the waiter and he grabs him by the lapels and he goes "Hey, I'm the only one giving -" For God's sake! Sorry. Just running on about my dead husband. No, no, it wasn't you. No. I've just seen someone I hate. That's sweet. They never get over Frankie. Someone I really hate. Do you wanna leave? No, no, no. He should leave. Let's do some... You were saying that Frank had his flaws. I was? Yeah, and that's really healthy because you should not romanticise the dead. You should remember their faults. Oh, well, I remember them. Oh, good. Well, let's make a list. What the hell do you think you're doing? This is therapeutic actually. You can trust me. I'm a dentist. Come on then. OK. His faults. Number one. Well, Frank could be a little controlling. That's what made me successful. But that's probably why he was so good at his job so... No, don't apologise for him. If he was obnoxious say so. OK, he was occasionally obnoxious. Regularly I imagine. No, you walked her into that. "Obnoxious." That didn't count. What are you doing, Marjorie? Rubbernecking? Oh, be quiet! Let them talk. You could learn something. He had a shoe fetish. (LAUGHS) That is so embarrassing because it starts on shoes and go to gloves and hats and socks up the... Right. "Pervert." And he was rude to waiters. And I hate that. So do I. You mind? Because they're just doing a job, aren't they? Nasty piece of work. What about physical characteristics? I'll bet he was really into fitness because he was a scrawny little runt, was he? No, but he was starting to get into yoga at the end there. I'll bet he was. But he spent a lot of time at the gym. Yeah. OK, this is shaping up nicely. So, now we've got a narcissistic, obnoxious pervert who's rude to waiters. It's a good list. I don't have to listen to this shit. Disloyal. Yeah, I think that's enough. I didn't know you knew. I didn't find out until the day he died. Can you imagine? I didn't get the chance to say, "Hey, go to hell! I want a divorce." Like a normal person. I'm sorry. I... That must feel... Unfinished. She used to travel a lot for her work, Sarah. And the trips got longer and longer. And then one trip, she didn't come back at all. Married a man in Portland. Sorry. Travel'll do that to a relationship. Yep. I just got this amazing offer to go map tombs in the Valley of the Kings for six months. But I think I'm gonna say no this time. Oh. Because of Richard? Yeah. Good night. Good night. Your story, it's not boring and ordinary, by the way. I mean, we just get the one life, you know? Just one. You can't live someone else's or think it's more important just because it's more dramatic. What happens matters. Maybe only to us but... it matters. Good night. Good night. (SIGHS) What? What's with the doom and gloom? It's going good. You're weaselling your way in. This is gonna work. This Richard fellow, I just... I think Gwen really loves him. You know, he's a human rights lawyer. When the devil shows up, you think he's gonna have little red horns and carry a pitchfork? No, he's gonna work for Amnesty International and give his money to the homeless. Well, if he did all that, wouldn't he lose the title The Devil? You know what I mean. I got better things to do. I wouldn't just be hanging out here. What exactly is your problem with Richard? I told you! The guy is setting her up to rob her blind. And what proof have you got? What are you basing this on? I saw things with my own two eyes. Saw what? Enough to know. Come on. What did he do? Well, that's... He's... OK, alright, fine. They're out at a restaurant, OK? Yeah. And they're eating. Yeah. And the cheque came and this clown says that his wallet is in his coat. It's over at the coat check. How convenient, right? Right. So he goes over to go get it, makes a big show about the whole thing too and she says, "No, no, let me get this." Yeah? And he accepted. There's nothing wrong with him, is there? No, don't you see? He showed his true colours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, he's a perfectly lovely human being. There are other things! He took five grand from her. He what? Yeah. $5,000. I saw her write the cheque with my own two eyes, put it right in his sweaty little fist. For charity. He was fundraising, wasn't he? Or shaking the money tree, see what drops. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. AIDS? No. Refugees? Orphans? Orphans. Good. You're missing the point. Yeah. This guy, he's a lawyer. Yeah, a lawyer who fights to protect the rights of the underprivileged. Come on! There must be something wrong with him. There must be some reason why all this is happening. Otherwise,... what am I doing here? I'm out. What? No, no. What do you mean? I mean, I'm not gonna interfere with Gwen's life any more. I can't lie to her. You were right about the pirate look. She threw that at me and I nearly confessed everything. You can't abandon her to this creep. She loves him. She doesn't love him! I haven't seen her laugh once! He's a good man. You actually like him with his whole Mother Teresa shtick? I hate him, OK? I want to run him over with his own little stupid electric car. But he's what Gwen wants. And after what she's been through with you, she deserves a bit of happiness. You're in love with her. You are. I knew it. That Grinch heart of yours actually started beating and now you want to take it back to your cave and crush it with a rock. I quit. You can't quit. I'll make your life a living hell. It already is. There you go. That's such a good boy. Such a good boy. Leonard. Leonard, open. Open. Come on. Come on sweetie. Come on. Leonard, Leonard, Leonard. Don't be a jerk. Come on. Damn it. Come on. Come on. You don't wanna wait until it's too late, do you, sweetie? (LAUGHS) Wait. Leonard! It is too late. Too late. So Alex says to me, "Mommy I know that babies come from inside a lady's tummy but what I really want to know is how do they get there?" (LAUGHS) Can you believe? And of course I have no clue what to say... Head back. ...but I have to come up with something because his father - Oh, no talking, not when we're popping this in. Bite down there. There you go. Good. Just leave that there. Isn't that good? So much better. You're resting your jaw and I'm resting my ears and we're all winners. Can you get these over to the lab? Rush job. Mr Harriman's bridge is on the verge of... I thought I was through after this. You are through. What about? What about what? Frank. Who? I don't know who you mean. What are you... Who? I've never... OK, my opinion is that you didn't make sense just now. I don't know who you're talking... Can I have the bathroom key please? I'm having a bit of... No, he'll run. That's him! Dentist, don't piss me off! Thank you. He's not in the office! (DING!) Well, then he must be upstairs. Good afternoon, Doctor. Good to see you. You look smart. Just been to the toilet. Different route back around the... I finished earlier than I thought so I just took my time. You can take a long time next time if you... Good. OK. That's set. Oh, OK. Good. Can you take a new walk-in before you leave, Dr Pincus? He seems to be in a lot of pain. Life is pain. Does that mean yes? So, we have an emergency on our hands? I'm Dr Pincus. Yes, we've met. Oh, hi. Thanks for seeing me. Yep. What seems to be the problem? I don't know. I think I must have cracked a filling. That was silly. Head back. Let's have a look, shall we? Open up. Oh, yeah, there it is. Well, you've got the bite of an Inuit. You been chewing seal hide(?) Yeah, I tend to grind my teeth hard when I'm stressed and I'm... I don't know. Last night was a tough one. I came home and Gwen was... What? Gwen was... Oh, no, never mind. No, you were gonna say something. Well, she was just... No, forget about it. No, I can't forget about it. Just... It's nothing. Can we just get this - Well, it is something, or you wouldn't have brought it up. It's personal. I know that but - I'd rather not talk about it. Finish what you started is my motto. I'm a good listener. I'd rather not talk about it. (SIGHS) Well, can you wait a minute then, please? Dr Prashar? Jahangir? That's his first name. You're from a scary country, aren't you? Excuse me. I'm from India. Yeah. So, you're not a Christian, like us? No, I'm a Hindu. Oh. How would you extract information from a hostile? Well,... as a Hindu person,... I would ask them politely. Yeah,... I just need a technique. Doctor, I'm with a patient. Yeah. OK. So, where were we? You were telling me about Gwen. Something... No, I wasn't. I meant my tooth. Tooth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do this professionally. All work and no play makes Jack a... valuable member of society. Open up. Aargh! That hurts. Did it? Well, take your word for that. But it almost certainly would in this situation. Do you know the worst thing in the world for teeth? Sugar? Secrets. If you tell me what's on your mind, you will feel better. As I said before, Doctor, it's private. I really would like to keep this on a professional footing. Yes, please. We can play it any way you want to. Actually.... That's... That's not Novocain. No, it is a little dab of nitrous oxide. Nitrous? I didn't know you guys still used nitrous. Any side effects? Er, a few. Some people laugh, some people get sleepy. But they all talk. Hey, Frankie! Fancy seeing you here. You back on the job yet or you need me to send more? I got a couple of Civil War re-enactors who'll talk your ear off. They used live ammo. Didn't get the news? Job's done. Richard's history. What? She dumped him last night. How do you know? He told me. The marriage is off. So, he's out completely? He wants to stay friends but she's done with him. She's confused about her feelings, it wasn't right to string him along. Why would Richard tell you all this? Because I gave him 700 millilitres of nitrous oxide. Is that a lot? No. It's not fatal till 750. I think this sounds a lot like a premarital spat. Young couples at this stage - No. Definitely not. Very normal for them - She's taken the job in Egypt. She's going there for six months. It's the real thing. She leaves Thursday, right after the exhibition opens. Well, this is great news. Yeah. We should maybe go celebrate I guess. I can't. Me neither. Well, wait! What's in the bag? Nothing. Is that from a jewellery store? Is that for Gwen? It doesn't matter. Whatever happened to the "I will not interfere" thing? There's nothing to interfere with. The relationship's over! She doesn't love him. You think she's gonna love you? A smock-wearing tooth jockey? You said that if I broke up the marriage you'd leave me alone! I broke up the marriage! Leave me alone! Let me help you pick out something! Do you have any idea how much "please forgive me" jewellery I bought - She loves Peruvian gold but - Our time together, as we both know, has been rather unpleasant. Even though you're a vulgar man, boorish, distasteful, uncouth, uneducated, stupid, at least... You gonna finish? Done. OK. The point is this... We finished what you had to finish. And who knows? One day, not too soon I hope, we meet up again. Until then this is our fond farewell. Yeah, but... Auf Wiedersehen. But why am I still here? Construction crane dropped two tons of steel on us. That must have hurt. It was a hydraulic leak. An act of God! Why does he do those things? But the crane operator, he thinks it's all his fault. Oh, therapy time! Don't panic. It's nothing. A key chain. I needed a key chain! I love it! Oh, good. I can't believe you remembered. That is just... What a strange and practical man you are. It was down to that or a set of socket wrenches. Well I hope you didn't spend too much. $140. The receipt's in the box. You don't actually have to tell people in that situation. No, no, no. I'm just saying it was no big deal. It's not like it's Peruvian gold or anything. And the reason I say that is because there was a set of earrings made from Peruvian gold in the shop and I thought "Gwen would like those" but a little bit out of my price range so... What? Stop giving me the pirate look. I just got you a gift and, you know, nothing ostentatious or pushy. Just a little gesture to let you know I've been thinking about you and I think you should accept it in the spirit of friendship with which it was given. "Pirate look"? How could you possibly know about that? I don't. You do. Common expression? No. How do you know about this stuff? Pirate look? Peruvian gold? Everyone knows about Peruvian gold. The other night, Frank's favourite drink? Take it easy. Don't tell me to take it easy. You hate that. How do you know what I hate?! Lucky guess. Can we start again? Why don't you just tell her? Come on spill it. She's leaving anyway in a few days. Gonna have to go with the truth, Dentist, no choice. You've got about 10 seconds to start talking and then I'm out of here. How do you know this stuff from my life with Frank? It'll sound crazy. Try her. Try me. A couple of weeks ago I went into hospital for a routine operation but there was complications. I died. Just for a few minutes... (DRUMMING) It's true! I can prove it! He's here right now with us. You know what? Just stop. What you're doing, it's cruel. How else would I know? You must have known Frank. I don't know, maybe you were his dentist. Ask me something else then. Something that I couldn't possibly know. How do you get like you? Please. One question, and if I get it wrong you'll never see me again. Frank used to have this nightmare over and over. He'd wake up in tears and he never told anybody else about it but me. What was it? Drowning. I'd dream that I dove into the water and I went down deep but when I turned around to make it back to the top I couldn't, no matter how hard I swam. Drowning. He dived into the water and it didn't matter how hard he tried to get back to the surface he couldn't. That's right isn't it? Not even close. No! You know the first time I met you? And then the next 10 or 12 times after that I thought "what a jerk." But then I got to know you a little bit, right? I convinced myself that I saw something human in you. "Maybe he's just a little eccentric, needs a little work." But to use intimate details about my dead husband in order to get close to me or for God knows what other reason, that's unforgivable. You're sick. I love you. Don't call me! You lied. Why would you do that? Because you're a heartless son of a bitch who doesn't give a rat's ass about anyone but himself. She's already had one of those. See you around, Dentist. (GROANS) What?! It's my daughter. Yeah, you mentioned something about that. She won't speak to her sister, her only sister. She's so angry about the necklace I left but I slipped a letter under her door the day before I died. It explained everything. But there was carpeting in the entryway. I didn't know the letter went under the carpet. She never got it. My God, you're boring aren't you? (GROANS) My little boy has a stuffed animal, a squirrel. It was his favourite. He took it everywhere. Couldn't get to sleep without it. But he lost it on the day I died. They don't know it's just under the front seat of the car. They just can't see it. So now he cries himself to sleep without it every night because to him that toy is me. I can't help you. You mean you won't help us. Isn't that the truth? Yeah, I'll tell you what else is true, shall I? We live alone and then we die alone. And apparently we stay alone. That's the truth too isn't it? (CLUNK) (CLATTERING) # "Sideways" - Citizen Cope # "Sideways" - Citizen Cope You idiot! I'm sorry! (WIND HOWLS) (WIND HOWLS) (MUTTERING) Unbelievable! Brrrrr! Hello. What a day. Yeah, well, it appears that winter is upon us. Hail. What? It doesn't even have the decency to snow. Is there any more stupid form of precipitation than hail? No, I suppose that is the stupidest. Jahangir? Yeah? We're friends. Associates. We have things in common. Yeah. We share stuff and... Panoramic x-ray machine for example. Yeah. We're close. No, I wouldn't say that. Not close but... That's not the point is it? Listen... I met a woman. The kind of a woman who makes you want to go back in time to before you met her. Whatever the hell life was like then, it's not as bad as the hell now. Knowing she's out there and you can't have her. What I'm trying to say is... ..could you write me a prescription for Percocet? What? Well, I can't prescribe myself can I? Legally. It's for my sleep and to pretend she never happened. Or Darvon. Or Vicodin. Just like a 30 count. Or 60 if you don't want me to keep bothering you. And I'll be out of your hair. I'm not even gonna ask for morphine. Come with me. What are we doing? Just sit down. No. Sit down. Why? Just sit down. Oh, look never mind. This is important. Look. Brilliant. The other one. Yep. As mass-produced poster slogans go that's good. At some point in your life you're gonna have to stop and ask yourself the ultimate question. "This business of being such a fucking prick, what is it really getting me?" You said something about a letter. 1 1 1 1 1 1 You should try it on. Mom! Look what I found! What? Where'd you find this? Where did it come from? It fell out of his backpack. Thank you. Dr Pincus? Oh. Hi. Sorry I didn't... Thank you. Thank you so much! I never realised. # "Which Way Your Heart Will Go" - Mason Jennings ..many insights into the life and death of King Pepi. (APPLAUSE) Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Gwen! What are you doing here? I've figured it out. Please leave me alone. It's all rubbish. What they tell us in ghost stories, they've got it wrong. Ghost stories? Could you not do this here tonight? Look at Pepi. They buried him with everything a dead guy doesn't need. Household pets, money. They even put his penis in a big jar. Why would they do that? But you saw that penis. It wouldn't have fit in a little jar. No, not why did they put it in a big... Why'd they put it in a jar at all? What? Why would they go to all that trouble for someone they'll never see again? Because they love him and they want to make sure he'll be OK. Because if they know he's OK... Yes, they can let him go. Thank you. That's very sweet of you. Appreciate it. Exactly. They can let him go. Frank's haunting you, Gwen. Let him go. If he's haunting me then shouldn't he let me go? No. He can't. It's not him. It's you. All this stuff about ghosts having unfinished business, it's us that are unfinished. Let Frank go. Let the pervert decay in peace. Please stop following me. It was wonderful! It's nice to see you both. That came out all wrong. I don't care how you knew all that stuff about Frank, OK? I told you I'm trying to... Maybe you guys were buddies. Two regular guys while he was alive and you went out drinking and went to strip clubs and talked about your girlfriends and laughed at your wives... What was the matter with me? Why didn't he love me? I did love you. I still do. He did love you. Then why wasn't I enough? You've got nothing to say to that have you? What?! Useless! What, do you think I'm gonna do, change? In all your life have you ever known anybody who's changed at all, ever? Why can't you make an effort, just for a few seconds? I suppose you're talking to him right now? What you want to say? I want an answer! I want to know why I wasn't enough for him. It wasn't you that wasn't enough. It wasn't you that wasn't enough. I don't know why I did the shit that I did. And he doesn't know why he did the things he did. And you don't get any smarter just because you're dead. You don't get smarter after you die. But I did see one thing, how much I hurt you. But he's seen how much he hurt you. And... I'm so sorry, honey. What? What'd he say? He said he's sorry. That's it? He's sorry? Well, it was the way he said it, it was... He's sorry. He's sorry. Heartfelt. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Heartfelt. Good guess. I got to go pack. No, you should have heard it! I'm really not doing it justice! Gwen! Wait! Why should I talk to you? You couldn't even get his dream right! No, because he told me the wrong dream to try to make me look bad. Then what's the right one? He's not here right now is he? I can't check with him. That's convenient. It's not convenient. It's really inconvenient. I'm not a liar, OK? I've been a lot of things. I've been cold, selfish, self-centred. I'm not a liar. Gwen, I've lived more in the last few days that I've spent with you since I died than I ever lived before I died, back when I was living the first time. Do you know what I mean? Nope. Right. I'm born and then... (THUMP) Someone call an ambulance! Try to get help! That is a real shame. You were really getting somewhere with her too. What's happening? You ate it, pal. Goddamned MTA strikes again. These drivers, it's a menace, right? No! I'm not dead! I'm afraid so. I'm sorry, kiddo. Come here, you. Kind of nice. I was just getting started! Everything else, every minute up till now has just been a waste of time! Just a warm up! Yeah... This is the worst part. Somebody do... Watching her cry. Do something! Knowing she needs somebody to comfort her and knowing it can't be you. Has anyone called 911? Wait a minute. You got to be kidding me. Well call them! Wait a minute. Space! Give me space! He's doing CPR. He knows CPR. Of course! He knows CPR! Give him space, he needs space. He's probably gonna cut open your chest and massage your heart to life with his bare hands. Oh Lord! Spare this man! I can't take this guy any more. Come on! (CRYING) Hey, Pincus, there's something I should tell you. It might come in handy if you make it back. You're gonna help me? Why? Those tears she's crying... ..those are for you now. (WIND GUSTS) Listen up. I think my ride's here. # "Please Be Patient With Me" - Wilco Dr Pincus, always good to see you. What happened? You crossed the street when it said "don't walk." Not much of a lawsuit I'm afraid. Gwen? Was there a woman here? It's possible, but if she was unable to provide proof of kinship security would have escorted her off the premises. Nice work, guys. You went darker. I went darker, yes. Looks good. Makes your eyes pop. OK, Mr Goldman. Six months. Remember, only floss the ones you wanna keep. Hi. I didn't know you were back. Hi. Hi. I thought you were in Egypt. I felt like sticking around. You're OK? Yeah. Under the circumstances. I tried visiting you at the hospital but they... Yeah, they run a tight ship over there at Cooperative Institutional Health Bastards. You OK? I have bad molar contact. Sit down. I was wondering if you had that seen to. I actually made the appointment with Dr Prashar. I didn't know... He's a lovely man. And he's a better dentist than me, but don't tell him I said so. Anyway... I'm glad to see you're looking well. And you. He's eight years old. Sorry? What? Frank. In his dream. The real one. And he's walking in the woods with his dad. But then suddenly his dad's not there. He tries to find his way back the way he came but he keeps ending up back where he started. And that's his nightmare. That he's lost and he can't find his way home. That's it. Do you still see him? He found his way home. That's good. It hurts when I smile. I can fix that for you. # I hate to see you cry