9 Able 2017 Hello again, everybody. I'm Jim Lampley. Certain athletes are born enemies. Bird and Magic. Ali and Frazier. Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding. But the fiercest rivalry was between two fighters from Pittsburgh with the names Razor and Kid. ANNOUNCER: The fight of the year... Both men exhausted... LAMPLEY: 1982, Pittsburgh. Razor and Kid, both undefeated, top-ranked contenders, divide the city in a spectacular war. ANNOUNCER: Now Kid's smelling blood, punishing Razor with a relentless fury. And down goes Razor. Down goes Razor, down goes Razor. -(bell dings) -LAMPLEY: The brutal, 15-round bout is still considered one of the greatest fights of the '80s. Kid and Razor quickly rose to superstardom, and the man behind their meteoric ascent was the late fight impresario Dante Slate. MAN (voice-over): My dad was king of the ring and bringer of the bling. And that makes me royalty and blessed with all his powers. PRODUCER: Really good, Dante, but don't look into the camera. -Just look at me. -Yeah, I don't know, man. I think it's a lot better when I'm connecting straight with the people. -Yeah, I really don't think... -What's up, people? LAMPLEY: As the world clamoured for a rematch, Slate knew that ratings would turn to dollar signs for both fighters. ANNOUNCER: What a turn of events. Unbelievable. LAMPLEY: The rematch drew the biggest television audience since the Thrilla in Manila nine years earlier. ANNOUNCER: Kid goes down! LAMPLEY: But this time, the story was different. Razor soundly defeated Kid in a lopsided victory -(bell dings) -that was over in four rounds. What lay ahead was the tiebreaking grudge match that would've brought each fighter millions Then came an announcement that shocked the world. Today I'm announcing my retirement from professional boxing. -(indistinct talking) -KID: That man is a coward. I'm gonna get my rematch with this (bleep), you hear me, Razor? I'm getting my (bleep) rematch. Sharp has declined to comment further on his decision to this very day, and sadly, like many former professional athletes, he lost his fortune just years after his retirement. Razor went back to Benson Shipbuilders in 1987, where he had worked before he went pro. As the spotlight faded, Kid became a pitchman for everything from Jockey to jock itch. -(cheering) -Today, he runs a successful car dealership and a popular restaurant in Pittsburgh. (cheering) One can almost imagine him tonight, on the 30th anniversary of the fight that never was, contemplating yet another year of growing older, obsessed with a fight that never happened and never will. Just for the record, I never had jock itch. I'm just a great actor. (laughter) ('I'm a Steady Rollin' Man') # I'm a steady rollin' man, # and I roll both night and day. # I'm a steady rollin' man, # and I roll both night and day - Hey, champ, how's it going? - Don't call me "champ", come on. I got you, champ. (LAUGHS) A little early to start drinking, wouldn't you say? You still got it. Still got it. I got nothing! (applause) Guys... All right, yeah. Walter, hey. - What the hell is happening? - You didn't see yourself on TV? I don't have a TV. Bad for the brain. There was this thing on about you and Kid. Who cares about that? Man, come on, like... Why'd you drop out? Seriously. -You really want to know? -Yeah. I never told anybody this, but deep inside, I want to dance. -I want to dance, Bristol Stomp. -Oh, man. -Stop, you really need to get a TV, man. -The Ching-a-Ling. Ching? Pony? You don't know a good thing when you see it. (laughing) -(laughter) -MAN: What's it like? KID: It's strong, but it goes down easy. (laughter) No, but seriously, did you know that Razor Sharp was ambidextrous? Uh, no, I hadn't heard that. Yeah, you can knock him out with either hand. (cymbals crash) Kind of like how you went down over and over in that last fight. Got a comedian in the house. Sir, why do you have to be so rude to me in my own place? Easy, Kid, that's a lady you're talking to. Are you sure, Joey? Because this guy's got a real set of balls on him. -(laughter) -Hey, asshole, it's been 30 years since those fights. Your shit's getting boring. Look, I wasn't prepared for that fight. I was arrogant, I was overconfident, and I just didn't train enough, unless you call having sexual intercourse 16 times a week adequate training. But don't worry, honey, you would've been safe. (laughter) Ha, ha. We got a good audience tonight. Mr. Conlon, come on, let me in, man. MAN: No, go away! Hey, what's going on? What's the problem? He barricaded himself in with his scooter, - second time this week. - Second time? Sorry, Nora. Lightning, it's me. What's the problem? LIGHTNING: That degenerate out there, he replaced my girl, Maria. Hey, don't say that. You don't even know the guy. He looks... he looks like a nice guy. No! Maria gives me the sponge bath, not this guy. His hands are like 80 grit sandpaper, and he's throwing himself into it a little bit too much, if you know what I mean. Christ, I haven't been so clean in my entire life. Hey, I'm just doing my job. -I know. -Yeah, that's what my scoutmaster said. NORA: Mr. Sharp, we've had this conversation before. I appreciate it, but he's just -going through a bad time right now. -I'm sorry, he's gonna have to start looking for another facility. -OK, no problem. -Sorry. LIGHTNING: Wait, wait, wait. Let me back up. Wait. What kind of man knowingly takes a job where he's got to wash another man's balls? He's a hero, as far as I'm concerned, pal. You watch that TV show last night? -(feedback squealing) -Yeah, I heard. Listen, uh, your thing, turn it down. What? Oh, the-the hearing aid. Goddamn thing drives me crazy. -Right. -I feel like R2-freaking-D2. (chuckles) Well, I'm still steamed up over that show last night. You could've beaten that punk. Save your breath. That book is closed. Why does everybody want to open that book? Just forget about it, let it go. Sleeping dogs and all that. They told me about the new meds. You try them? They say they'll add a couple of years to your life, maybe you'll reach 1000. What the hell difference does it make? I can't afford them, and you're not paying for them either. You done enough for me already. Hey, hey, no, no, that's all right. I'll take care of it. Don't worry about it. You know, you're the only one that's never screwed me over? That's got to count for something, Lightning. - You know what I mean? - Don't change the subject. I'm still very, very pissed off at you. (sighs) Pissed off at me? The fight was 30 years ago. You got to let it go. Man, we had so much on the table. Why did you walk away? We could be sitting in hot tubs now with big-ass blonds. (chuckles) Yeah. You can't swim. You would've drowned. On that note, I'll leave you with the blonds that you'll never have. Tell Mr. Sandpaper Hands I want my two sleeping pills. - It's 10:00 in the morning. - Then I want four. I want to be dreaming of all them hookers - that you deprived me of. - (chuckles) (blues music) Hey. Hey, you can't park here. Take it easy, man. I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present. Really? Oh, come on, Razor. Razor, Dante Jr. Now, don't act like I didn't grow up to be a fine-looking piece of man. Right, too bad your father didn't show up so I could belt him for taking what was left of my purses. Dad passed away last year. Well, if you didn't see him dead, I wouldn't trust that. I did. Now you make me feel a little bad. - Want to come in or something? - I would love to come in, Razor. You look good. Hey, should I roll my window up? Is this a good area? Tuna fish? Some overripe bananas that you probably bought on sale. You shop like my grandma. Bananas are a good source of potassium and I had double coupons for the fish. It's not fish; fish is like a sushi. That's a step above cat food, Razor. It's dolphin-safe, and I don't sweat the extra nickel it costs, 'cause it's the right thing to do. Not my business. Your house, I'm sorry. What is this? It's, like, a mouse or something? -What is that? -It's a dog. - A dog? - It's a dog. So, why are you here, Junior? Why am I here? - You know what this is, Razor? - A bad movie? -It's a video game. -Right. Exactly when did they unfreeze you, Captain America? "Captain America"? You know, I'd like to take you down a peg, but it looks like somebody already beat me to it. A height joke. That was good; that's original. Let me tell you something, Razor, height ain't nothing but a number. See, in Thailand, I'm in the 95th percentile, which means I'm OK over there. So what you said can't hurt my feelings. Let's talk turkey, Razor. The guys that made this video game saw your HBO special. They loved it; I loved it. Did I tell you I loved it? Because I really did. Anyway, they want to put you and Kid in the game. OK, now wait, before you say anything, hear me out. All they do is videotape you throwing a couple punches, voice records you making noises. (grunting) "I'm gonna kill you," except in a white guy's voice. 'Cause they don't want to scare anybody. That's it. -That's how simple this is. -Ain't that simple. I can't be in the same room as that guy, can't do it. OK, OK, now listen. Slow down. If that's the case, I'll bring you in on separate days. You're talking less than an hour for 10 grand. 10 grand, man, easy. Nah. Not worth it. What the hell you mean it ain't worth it? I'm looking at your house. Yeah, no, you're obviously doing well with all the F-you mouse sculpture-making money you got around here. It's a dog, and I don't do it for money. All right, I'll tell you what, you want to play hardball, 12 Gs. 12 Gs. I pulled it out my ass. 12 Gs, I'll get you 12 Gs, you little knickknack-making son of a bitch. I don't like the way you're looking at me as if... (door slams) Stubborn piece of shit! You were right to rip him off, Daddy; you should've. Come here with a perfectly damn good deal, you gonna throw it back in my face like I'm crazy? OK. That's fine. (engine not starting) Piece of shit! (engine not starting) DANTE: Damn it! (sighs, horn honks, knocking) I'll do it for 15, but I don't want to see him. Done and done. That is done. (chuckles) Hey, Raze, real quick, do you got any jumper cables? - You think you could give me a jump? - No. OK, it's fine. I'll figure it out. You've made the right decision. It's gonna be great. Thank you, Raze. He said yes. Ooh! Excuse me? # Baby, here I am # I'm the man on the scene # I can give you what you want # But you gotta' come home with me Come on. It's like ripping off a Band-Aid. Just come in here and get it over with. RAZOR: This is stupid. What is this mess? This mess is the future. Come on, Razor. I don't have time to be playing with you all day. (laughs) You got male camel toe. You look like Buzz Lightyear. To infinity and beyond! Stop it, I'm playing. Come on, man. Forget it; I-I'm not doing this. What are you talking about? Razor, you look great. I wish I could put you in a martini glass right now. I've never been this uncomfortable. Will you relax? It's gonna take you a few minutes. Man, how bad could it be? And fix your crotch, man. (chuckles) MAN: We're ready. DANTE: You look good, Raze, let's go. PRODUCER: Looks good, huh? -Money time, baby. -Looks good. OK, Razor, let's throw some jabs at Wilbur the dummy. -We're recording your punch form. -OK. (sighs) One, two, one, two. OK, can you put a little oomph into it? It... This is stupid. Let's try, OK? Let's act like the dummy is real and the dummy's hitting you back. Imagine it's somebody who just sold you an overpriced can of tuna. There you go. Come on, Razor. Imagine it's Kid. (groans) -Oh, that's good. -Huh? Yeah, you're damn right it's good. KID: Hey, I hope I don't look like that big of an asshole. - You set me up? - Nobody set anybody up, Razor. What did I tell you? I told you to come in 1 o'clock, Kid. I came early. I wanted to see my old friend. He's been ducking me for 30 years. I missed him. Doesn't look like you're missing any meals. -I'm out of here. -No, no, you're not. Not till you admit that you quit that fight -'cause you were scared of me. -Why do you talk like that? -It's embarrassing. -What do you mean? Just admit it; it's true. Admit it. Huh? I'm getting out of here, and I'm asking nice. -Or what? Or what? -Just get out of the way. Hey, listen, those punches might get these nerds all sweaty and hot under the pants, but you know what, they're the same half-ass punches you threw 30 years ago when you ran from me. - Move or I'm moving you. - Try and move me, go ahead. You know, maybe you're right. I might pop a disk 'cause you're so fat. What weight class you fighting at now? LAP-BAND? -I can still take you. -Hey, you know, maybe to the prom if you ask nice. -Yeah, yeah, right. -Oh, yeah, yeah. -Pushing your luck now. -Hey, hey! -DANTE: Hey, guys. -I'm sorry. I'm sorry, you know... Hey, hey, look, Kid. -You're a lucky guy. -OK, OK. No, no, no, man! What are you doing? -No, no, Razor, Razor! -What you doing with that? Stop! Stop it! What are you doing?! Stop it! Don't do that! -PRODUCER: Do not do that! -I want to beat you. (indistinct shouting) -Hey. -Come on, come on. Come on, come on. DANTE: What are you doing?! Guys, this is... This is not the behaviour of old men, man! Yo, guys, you got to see this. Come here. Check this out. (laughter) (laughter) And the number-one play of the week. Check out this clip of two former light heavyweight champs that is just blowing up online. In fact, Razor Sharp and Kid McDonnen's brawl has gotten so popular, it's gone animated. KID: Come on, come on. RAZOR: You're a lucky guy. You two some kind of superheroes? Yeah, I'm the Green Champion, and he's the Emerald SuperPussy. (chuckles) It must be tough for you, huh? SuperPussy? SuperPussy? Can't run or hide any more, can you? You can't ignore me any more. Huh? You can't ignore me. Huh? Yo, Sharp, McDonnen, you made bail. Soon as we get out of these cops' eyelines, I'm gonna punch you in the face again. Tell me so I know when to say "ow." DANTE: Ladies! My God! Please don't embarrass yourselves any further out here. Come look at this. Come here, I want you to look at this video. What's this? It's a video that's going viral. It's got over, like, a million views right now. You don't know what I mean by "going viral." Razor, you know what YouTube is? Neither one of you know what "viral" means? What type of two out-of-touch, old mother-- -Hey. Hey. -KID: Hey. -KID: Hey. -DANTE: Sorry. No, no. Sorry. Uncalled-for. Forget it. Look, it's a video of your fight. KID: Wow, that's me? -Hey, that's me. -RAZOR: Yeah. They say the camera adds ten pounds-- wow. What's your excuse for the other 20? OK, can you do me a favour? Save all the verbal jousting for a more important time. I'm about to lay something huge on you. I got a company that wants the official rematch. December 15, Palace Theatre. They want to pay each of us 75 grand. -Each of us? -I don't know why I said that. I meant each of you. They're gonna pay each of you a hundred grand. You just said 75. Now you went to a hundred? Yeah, that was before, 'cause I was thinking about the thing I did at the house, but it's not that. Don't worry about the numbers. It ain't gonna happen. Just give me the 15 grand me for the game. Hey, jag-off, you promised him 15 grand? - DANTE: First of all... - He did. Gimme the money. - Why we talking about that? 'Cause they're not gonna pay you. You'll be lucky if they don't sue the both of you for breaking up all the equip-- What are you saying? I needed that money. -Razor. OK. - I needed the money. - I should be doing this for the 15. OK, what you should do is get off me in front of this police station. Now, I got more money for you. Nothing you could offer me. -I ain't fightin' him. -DANTE: OK. - So you're just still a chicken shit. - Razor, don't walk away from this. KID: So wh-why don't you want to do it? -Please! -It's a chance of a lifetime, you moron. DANTE: Not helping. Razor! - What are you provoking him for? - KID: I'm not provoking him. I didn't do anything. This guy is, uh-- well, I did do something, but that's a long time ago. And that's probably what it is. I banged his girlfriend. DANTE: I'm sorry, what? I knocked her up-- his girlfriend. DANTE: Oh, that's a great segue into information that I needed to know earlier. Probably wasn't a good idea. - A momentary lapse in judgment. - I'll say. Putting your thing where it doesn't belong. That's what you... you... I can't... I can't... This is white-people shit, man. Son of a bitch. He ain't ever gonna fight me. Can't believe you would. It's insane. Oh, yeah? What? Give me one reason. You're old, you're fat, you got a bad back. You got weak knees. You're fat. Hey, you know, don't sugar-coat it. Be honest (!) Eh... It ain't gonna happen anyway. It's never gonna happen. Thank God for that. (brakes hiss) Walter, where you going? More layoffs, man. After 30 years, they let me go just like that. You're kidding. Hey, Razor, boss needs to see you. Least you don't have a family, man. (rap music) OK, Razor. No, done and done. Hey, hey, look, get off my phone before you change your mind. OK, man. Bye. I am done with you! -(turns off music) -That's right. It is over, you piece of shit. Oh! Hell, yeah! - Yo! Get back in your car! - Ain't my car no more, bitch! OK? I'm getting a new one! -(horn honking) -Sorry! I just won a cracker lottery! -(horn blaring) -Thank you, Jesus! 30 years! 30 goddamn years! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Yes! Yes! (panting) Ooh. (panting) I gotta get in shape. (funky music) All right, Pittsburgh. Who's ready to make history, huh? I love it. OK, without further ado, I'd like to reintroduce to the world-- Billy "The Kid" McDonnen and Henry "Razor" Sharp! - Come on, now! - (scattered applause) Thought you said there'd be a crowd. Trust me. Sit down, sit down, sit down. At this moment, I want you all to forget two things: The Rumble in the Jungle, the Thrilla in Manila. But what you will never forget... Grudgement Day! Questions. JOURNALIST: Uh, is this fight some kind of a joke? No, it's not. Next question. If one of you gets knocked down, is it safe to say that you've fallen and you can't get up? (journalists chuckling) OK... does anybody have a real question? Razor, who do you think is in better shape, you or the Kid? That depends what kind of shape you're talking about. If it's round, he is. (laughter) - So who's gonna train you? - Who's gonna train me? Frankie Brite. -JOURNALIST: Really? -KID: Mm-hmm. - Isn't he busy training Geronimo Padilla? - KID: Yeah, he is, but he's gonna train me, too. Dante, what health precautions are you guys taking? Because, at your age, this really does seem dangerous, even potentially deadly. DANTE: Understand something. This fight will be medically cleared just as if it was any other professional bout, OK? Are either of you worried that you won't pass? KID: Nah, I'm not worried. I mean, I had all my shots-- Johnny Walker, Jack Daniel's, Jose Cuervo. Dante, is there any shot this would be the first fight in history that features Life Alert necklaces? (laughter) You're being very disrespectful. You know, a man turns 60, all of a sudden, he's washed up and you kick him out of the workplace. Now, that may have been fine 100 years ago, when men were dying at the age of 50. But in this world, it's different. In this world, the elderly are strong. Their spirit is strong. And they have a voice. And that voice is in these two men and they will be heard. Respect, bitches! (whispering): Get up, right now. That's a way you sell a fight. You bet your old grizzly ass it is. Hey, Razor... -Whoa, Sally Rose. -(chuckling): Hey. Hey, I-- you know, I thought I saw you out there. I wasn't sure. -Hey. -You look good. How you been? So why you here? -I came to see you. -You did? Well, why would you want to do something like that? To talk you out of this crazy fight. Yeah, I know what you mean. It's a little crazy. It's... you think it's kind of a joke, right? I just don't want you to get hurt, that's all. That's good. Nice seeing you. How many alcoholic beverages do you consume? Normal. Five, maybe six. A week? Well, maybe a little more than normal. ('Danke Schoen') Oh, baby Jesus. (grunts) - It feels normal. - To you, maybe. Ma, ma, ma, ma... MAN: There they are. DANTE: Hey! Just like I said. Paragons of health, huh? KID: Passed with flying colours. Clean bill of health. DANTE: Yeah, not quite "with flying colours" but the good news is that it's our paintbrushes that we paintin' with. So look... I'm gonna take this time to introduce you to a guy that's making this happen. Lou Camare. Our promoter. You know, I would've met you at the press conference, but Junior here, he begged me to let him go in front of the cameras by himself. This face needs solo exposure. You know that. You know, my brother's the doctor who saw you. And my other brother, he's the boxing commissioner. I can get a dogfight sanctioned here, if I needed to. This one was a little tricky. Are you saying that I can bring my dog here too? Yeah, that's not what he said. Why do I feel like there's something coming? DANTE: OK, Raze, here's the thing. The press conference didn't go as we planned. We gotta sell 5000 tickets, baby. 5000! So, naturally, I'm gonna need your help promoting it. Not individuals, both of you. Together. As a group, OK? RAZOR: There it is. I can never spend more than three minutes with this bum, unless it was in the ring where I was beating the brains out of him. He's got it backwards. He's punch-drunk. I was smacking him around the ring. I smacked him from ring post to ring post. A little, little, little fuckin'... a little too much of this in the head. - Little too much. Little too much. - Oh, man, I can't w-- -When's the fight? When...? -Boom. -DANTE: Hey, guys, listen. -When? Wh-When? Bottom line is this, if we don't sell tickets, we don't make money, baby. No tickets, no money. "No tickets, no money." I'm in. DANTE: That's my guy. No ticket, no money. No ticket, no money. No tickets, no money. No money, no fight. No ticket, no money. Ticket, no money. No fight, no money, no tickets. Either way you put it, all three ways: No tickets, no fight, no money. No money, no fight, no tickets. No fight, no money, no tickets. No-- What's the third one? Either way-- All three ways. RAZOR: I think you got it all covered. What's your problem? My problem is, you gonna fight, you gotta fight. You're not gonna fight, you don't fight. You fight, you fight. You have to do these things. DANTE: The point that I'm making, guys, in order to do it, we gotta do it together, OK? -Yeah, together. OK. -LOU: That's right. TV ANNOUNCER: It's showtime at the Miroquois Casino. Slots, entertainment, and the best buffet on the Monongahela River! Just ask these two. Whoa-uh, will ya get a load of that hunk of meat? Hey, watch your mouth, Billy "The Kid" McDonnen, one-time Light Heavyweight Champ. I'm right over here. Right over by the delicious prime rib. Sorry, Henry "Razor" Sharp, one-time Light Heavyweight Champ. I didn't hear you, as I am distracted by this mouth-watering chicken breast. You know, if you got a gambling problem, if you're kind of like a degenerate, I wouldn't come down here, because gambling is a cancer. There's no getting around that. DIRECTOR: Cut! Please just follow the script, Razor. It's not that, it's not that. You know, the pictures make this place look all glamorous but it could be a problem for some people, and I'm just saying it should be known, that's all. What is this, improv night at Chuckles? Come on, say the words, huh? Well, I, maybe I just happened to hit a sore spot, huh? Didn't you lose 200 grand betting the Buffalo Bills? - Who loses the Super Bowl four times in a row? - I don't know. You. Who loses? I thought they'd win at least once. - Maybe you got a talent for losing. - Yeah, I got a talent for busting your-- STAGE MANAGER: Hey, hey, hey! Break it up! -You're getting so personal. -I'm standing here. KID (on monitor): I'm gonna put that shit right up your ass! No such thing as bad publicity. ANCHORMAN: Those two ex-fighters McDonnen and Sharp are making news again and now are trending on Twitter. We'll have that story` - What a lot of crap. - What's the matter? You got a fight in 12 weeks, you're doing stupid publicity stunts. Who's training you? Well, here's a hint ` Somebody I can trust. Well, that's easy, 'cause you don't trust nobody. - I trust you. - (wry chuckle) Forget it. I'm a dinosaur. Aw, come on, we did pretty good for 13 years together. In case you haven't noticed, I can hardly take care of myself. I'm like an infant baby. Except I got three white pubic hairs. (chuckles) You can do this. I haven't got time. I gotta find myself a place to stay. Hey, well, you can stay with me -until I find you a new place. -No! Don't spend any more money on me. I'm almost done. It's like polishing a turd. Do you remember the first time I came to the gym? Do you remember what you said to me? I do. I said, "It looks like the garbage man "forgot to take out the trash." Yeah, something cheerful like that. Then you said, "If I take you on, kid, you're stuck with me." You said that. Don't quit on me, Light. I won't quit on you. Oh, here we go. Call it. It's a quarter. Come on... Light, I need your help. It'd be fun. One last time. You know why I said what I did about the garbage? No. I didn't want your head to get swelled up. You were so goddamn good. Thanks, buddy. -Raze? -Hmm? Give me my quarter back. - Seriously? - Yeah. - How can you be so cheap? - I haven't got any money. - Give me my damn quarter. - OK. Fine. (The Mavericks' 'Come Unto Me') Yeah, nice car. Oh! Wow! This is exciting. Look who's here to meet me-- Kid McDonnen. You guys know him from the Internet. "Two old guys fighting." Yeah! He used to be the Light Heavyweight Champ. Good to see you. Wow, buddy. You put on a couple pounds, huh? You're gonna get me back in shape. -Oh, really? -He's gonna get me back in shape. FRANKIE: Just give us a couple of minutes, OK? Oh, they can come with us. Watch a real reality show. -FRANKIE: OK. -KID: Watch us negotiate. OK, OK! Hey! Oh! All right. - Let's get real, Kid. - OK, let's get real. Me training you. It ain't happening. Well, this might be a problem, 'cause I already made the announcement. You, my friend, are embarrassing yourself. A great performer knows when it's time to get off the stage, Kid. What are you talking about? Foreman fought when he was old. He was 15 years younger than you. Listen, I'm gonna tell you something. You know what I'm gonna do? I'll go down there and fight any one of those fighters you have down there, any one, the best one. And then if you see that I don't have what you want, I'll walk away. It's over. Where's your dignity? You're in my office, begging me for a comeback you don't deserve? What? Well, take your best shot now. -What? Whoa! Kid. -Take your best shot. What are you flexing for? Don't try it, Kid. I'm warning you. I'll lay you out. -Don't worry, I won't. -All right. - Oh! Come on, Kid. - What? I saw your fist clench 10 seconds ago. I saw your eyes dart at my gut five seconds ago. You're an old man. You're washed up. (grunting) Oh! Did you see that five seconds ago? Huh? Heh? What? My eyes darted there first. I can't believe you. After what I did for your father your family, how you ever could say no to me. You wouldn't have all this if it wasn't for me. You wouldn't have this gym if it weren't for me. I don't understand. I... You mention my father. That's a low blow. I respect what you did for my family, Kid. - What are you gonna do for me? - OK, I'll let you train here. -Good. -I'll even get some of my guys to help you out. OK. But you and I both know I won't be doing jack. -OK. Thanks. -Thank you. -Long as we're clear. -Yeah, all right. See? You got me moving faster already. Hey. You again? MAN: Think I can talk to you for a second? Why do you keep following me around? My name's BJ. I'm your son,... Kid. We should get some coffee. Yeah, I'd like that. . Excuse me, can I just-just ask you something real quick? - You're in training, right? - Uh-huh. What are you training for, a pie-eating contest? I mean, that's all carbs. That's good. Maple syrup. It's-it's healthy. Some Scotch? So... ...when did your mother tell you about me? Just last week. I gotta tell you, if you weren't all over the news, I don't think she ever would've. So how is she? Well, she's, uh, she's emotional, you know? My dad-- her-her-her husband, the guy who raised me, he passed away recently, so... - Oh. Sorry to hear that. - Thank you. -Was he good to you? -Oh, yeah. Yeah, he was the best. So... ...what'd she say about me? That you were pretty much the worst. - Really? - (chuckling): Yeah. Anything specific? More specifically... All right, all right... She, um, well, she said you turned into an asshole. That's-that's what she said. She said you became a womanizer and a-a-a drunk. Loudmouth, you know? -Is that all she said? -That's it. That's bullshit. -Pretty much it. -Well, you know, I was all those things way before I met your mother. Yeah, well... yeah, she wasn't too happy about me coming to see you today so... Yeah... well... Well, why did you? Uh, guess I was curious. What, you were never curious about me? Your mother asked me to not make any contact with you, so I respected that. You respected that, but... I mean, you did know you had a son, right? I mean... I wasn't ready to be a dad, and your mother got pregnant accidentally. -That's just one of those... -You had me - and that was just a big mistake that you didn't want to deal with. - I didn't mean it like that. -No, no, no. -It's OK, it's OK, it's OK. -Look, I get it. -I didn't mean it like that. You didn't want to deal with it. I'm really not taking it any way. You're not a mistake. You're here. - The situation was a mistake. - I've been out here. You never wanted to see me. It's OK. Look... It's OK. You don't owe me nothin'. Take that. Put that towards your double bypass. No, what are you doing now? What's all this about? I'll tell you what-- when I came here today, I was pissed off at my mom, 'cause she kept you a secret from me, but I think I get why she did it. Good luck. (sighs quietly) RAZOR: Home, sweet home. LIGHTNING: It's exactly the same as it was 20 years ago. - What's that? - It's my hobby. - I got a creative side. You didn't know that, did you? - No. - So where's the TV? You don't got a TV? - I don't do TV. -You don't do TV? -Mm-mm. - You got an iPad? - Nah, I got a regular couch. It's not a couch, dummy. I know what an iPad is. I'm just jerking your chain. - Do you know what an iPad is? - Yeah, I do. It's one of those flat things you push around with your fingers. RAZOR: Well, it sounds great. Makes me want to run out and buy one 'cause you're making it sound so appealing. Don't use sarcasm on me. I'm an old man. I confuse easy. RALLY ANNOUNCER (over P.A.): Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for our national anthem as sung by boxing legends Henry "Razor" Sharp and Billy "The Kid" McDonnen. (audience quiets) RAZOR & KID (off-key): # O say can you see # By the dawn's early # Light # What so proudly we hailed # At the twilight's last gleaming (both singing nonsensically) Oh, shit. - # LeBron bursting your hair -RAZOR: What? # Gave proof through the night... # (splutters, grunts) - Unnecessary. - Time to train. All right. I'm up, I'm up, I'm up. Just... (sighs) Unnecessary! I said it's time to train. (gasping) What have I done? - Where's Frankie? - Frankie's not coming till later. - I'm your trainer Mikey. - You can't be my trainer. Maybe I'd believe you ate my trainer. Nice. DJ: 46 and chilly right now in downtown. It's not gonna get too much warmer this afternoon. Highs today in Pittsburgh only gonna hit around the 60s. Grab a sweater and maybe an extra cup of Joe. Right now, here's today's six at 6:00 right here on KTK. Do fighters still do this? Seems like a lot of cholesterol. Quiet. Drink up. And don't throw up. Anything good in that magazine, Mike? Besides the crumbs of your breakfast burrito? Same shit. You believe how bad these Hollywood stars look without their makeup? It's horrifying. What's so funny? - I was thinking about something. - Bullshit. What are you laughing at? -Your moobs. -Huh? - Your moobs. - My what? Your moobs, they bounce when you jump. It's like bad "Baywatch." (chuckles) (laughs) (sighs) Let's go, let's go! You only got 50 feet to go. My ass is numb from this goddamn scooter. SALLY: Hey! You need a lift? Why'd you come find me again? Because I knew you didn't mean it. How you been? You mean since the last time I saw you in 1984? I've been OK. Thanks. Hey, you got 50 more feet! Don't quit on me now. In a minute, Light. -Lightning? -Yeah. Oh, my God, I can't believe he's still alive. I mean, not in a bad way. So, why you here, Sal? I just think we got off on the wrong foot at the press thing, and I just thought we could go and talk. Well, I'm training right now. Can't do it. Look, lately I've seen a lot of clips of you, you know, because of the fight and all, and clips of us, and I thought I filed all of that away some place really neatly, -and I-I... -Well, that's good. I mean, you were always neat. You know, Henry, it's taken me almost 30 years to say this, but I truly am sorry. - I apologise. - It's OK. You look cold. I'm cold. Good seeing you, but I got to go. I'm in the phone book under Anderson, my late husband's name, if you ever want to talk about this. Why would I ever want to talk about this, Sal? (gentle music) Hey. Is he a good kid? The best. You'd like him. (engine starts) Well, well. She's single. You should call her up before she remembers that you're you. Don't eavesdrop on my private conversations, OK? I had my hearing aid turned down, but you could see she was sending all the signals. You could be doing the bone dance with her instead of welding mice out of crap. They're dogs. And I said mind your own business. Damn it! Why don't you have a goddamn TV? I could be watching "Dancing with the Stars." I'm an old guy. I got to be watching "Dancing with the Stars." I'm serious. Come on, baby, come on, old man. -Uh-huh. -MIKEY: Your timing's off, Kid. Uh-huh, come on. MIKEY: He's out-hustling you, Kid. Your timing's way off. Touch him with a jab. Move your head. Tap him with that jab. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop. Shmoo, ease up. He's, like, 80 years old. I am easing up, baby. Come on. Kid, let's call it a session. I'm getting tired just watching. I can't quit; he's moving too fast. I can't land anything. You think I could just make -a suggestion real quick? -Come again? I won't interrupt your reading. Just a quick suggestion? He's got a hitch in his jab. Try timing it with the right hand, see what happens. Hey, hey, you his trainer? -No, I'm... -Then back the hell off. All right. Let's go. Ready? Huh? (grunting) (groaning) (clapping, whistling) -Good tip. -MIKEY: Hey, Kid, I don't need this shit. I was doing you a favour. You want to listen to him, be my guest, all right? That's my son. He's the first person to talk to me like a boxer instead of just a pair of tits. Get out of here. You know what, in fact, I'm gonna show you something, -you fat piece of shit. -What the hell? -Come back here, you fat bastard. -You're crazy! I'm gonna kick your ass. I'll show you a pair of tits. (chuckling) So, why'd you come back? I just wanted to give you these back, all right? Oh. I have a dealership. I can't have my son drive around in that old piece of shit. Look, I appreciate the gesture, all right, but just... you're not buying me back into your life. It's not gonna happen. Just take the keys. - Take the keys, please. - Fine. Let it go, Kid. Hey, what's BJ stand for? Bradley James. It stands for Bradley James, but I just... - I like BJ. - We all do, kid. But it's one thing to get one and it's another to be called one. That is clever, I got to tell you. Kids in school used to say that. Till I smacked the loudest one in the mouth, - made the rest of them stop. - I'll bet. I swear, I spent, like, a month in the principal's office 'cause of people saying stuff like that. I guess, actually, I kind of liked it. - Fighting, you mean? - No, the principal. She was hot. Yeah, well, that sounds familiar. So you like boxing, too? - Noticed this. - (chuckles) I surely got the nose, huh? Nothing like you. I had some amateur fights, went to nationals, but Mom made me quit. My dad, he signed me up for football. How'd you do? I played corner in college. I coach now. I do strength and conditioning over at Pitt. Wow. Panthers, impressive. Nah, just got a knack for kicking fat asses into shape, that's all. Where'd you get that smart mouth on you? Did the guy who raised you give you that? -No, definitely not. -Huh? No, sir. It's funny, nobody could ever figure out where I got that from. Now I'm thinking maybe Mom had a pretty good idea. -Uh-huh. -Yeah. - Hey, how about you help me? - With what? Help get me back in shape. -You want me to train you? -Yeah. -You're crazy. -Want to help get me in shape? -I ain't helping you with that. -Huh? -No, I don't want to do that. -Come on. - I don't think so. - Just till I find somebody else. This will be your salary. (laughs) It's a... It's a Dodge Dart, it's not a Porsche. You act like you're giving me something. - That's a piece of shit. - (chuckles) You're right. It is a piece of shit, isn't it? How about maybe if I kick a dent in it? -You'll like it better? -There's an idea. Want me to scratch it up with the key? Huh? Tell you what, you got yourself a deal. You start tomorrow, 6:00 a.m. How about 10:30? -How about 6:00 a.m.? -How about 8:30? How about 6:00 a.m.? And do me a favour, lay off the, uh, the flapjacks and the Scotch, all right, Stay Puft? - Mom is not gonna like this one. - Well, we'll turn her. -(engine starts) -We'll turn her? Good luck. Oh, by the way, Kid, you, uh, you got a grandson. His name's Trey, and he's 8. How do I look in this thing? Pretty good? Don't get into an accident. RAZOR: I'm not sure about this place. Why don't we go outside and do regular road work? No, your legs are fine. It's just the rest of your muscles are as rusty as my balls. -(hearing aid squealing) -Hey, hey, Light. -What? -Filter. BOY: Hey, your head's making noise. You want to hear a noise? It's gonna be the sound of you crying if you don't get the hell out of here. - That was nice. - Like I was saying, we're gonna focus on your endurance and your speed. So you get so fast he's gonna crawl right back up into his mama's vagina. Hey, Light... -What? -What? Take a walk. You sit down right here. Hey, Moses, looks like Dundee found you a new sparring partner. - Another funny one, Frank. - He's closer to a pro-fighting age than you are. Keep it up. Kid, there's somebody I want you to meet. This is my son, Trey. No way. The family gets bigger and bigger. -Can I call you Grandpa? -No. No. Kid, call me Kid. That seems weird 'cause you're old. (chuckles) -Just call him Billy. -Nice to meet you, Billy. -Nice to meet you. -I'm gonna go and do my homework. -OK. -Go get 'em, buddy. -OK, Dad! -Ready to get started, Grandpa? -Don't call me Grandpa. -Don't like that, huh? Last night I decided we're gonna train in a very particular way. We're gonna train old school. None of this, none of this Pilates crap. I'm talking real old school. I'm talking Johnson, I'm talking Dempsey, I'm talking Louis. And today we're gonna start with pool-punching. What's pool-punching? (John Lee Hooker's 'Boom Boom') Let's go! Joe Frazier did this three hours a day. You're not even going five minutes. - Joe Frazier didn't do this. - So what? (chuckles) God. Let's go, let's go, give me 10. What do you say? Attaboy. Let's go, there's one. And, uh... a half. Are you kidding me? Really? That's it? One and a half? (groaning) (groaning continues) One more. Ali-Frazier. What did Frazier do? Drove him nuts by rolling under that right hand and bam. He threw the left hook. Roll and throw, Kid. So you work on that. I'm gonna surprise you with balls. Reminds me of a woman I met in Bangkok. Surprise. LIGHTNING: What do you think he's got here? 100, 200 acres? All this stuff here, just rusting. He's sitting on a gold mine. He's got endless piles of crap. - Light, you're killing me. - Put up 100, 150, 500 condominiums here. - You got to be quiet. - Five, 600. I bet $10,000 he'd sell the whole goddamn thing. Don't stop. Don't stop! (laughs) -Didn't I tell you not to stop? -Aah! Ha! (panting) (Muddy Waters' 'I'm Ready') Get your elbows up. Find a rhythm. Attaboy, attaboy. Through the bell, through the bell, through the bell, through the bell. -(bell dings) -Time! Attaboy, attaboy. (retching) Sorry you had to see that, Trey. (retching) (retching) Ew. Hey, Kid. You all right? Yeah, I'm sore. (groans) # I'm ready for you. # I hope you ready for me. # I am drinking gin like never before # I feel so good... Hey, what are you doing? I thought you wanted me to hit this. What are you gonna do? Beat up the meat? That's not sanitary. No, we're just here to buy a little dinner. - You don't have to punch everything. - Right. # Ready as anybody can be. Let's go, up, pop, pop. Attaboy, come on. Up. Up. (laughter) What is it exactly you're doing right now? -Right now, what are you doing? -I'm resting. You're taking a rest, huh? That's gonna get the job done. Jesus Christ, did you just fart on me? Did you just fart on me? Are you kidding me? In a boxing... You got to be kidding me. Good God, come on. You're better than that. You kidding me? While my head's right there. # I'm ready, ready as anybody can be. - Hey, this is insane. - What are you talking about? You paratrooped in 'Nam. What's the problem? That was 40 years ago for crying out loud. Shut up! Get out the plane; this is great promotion. Guys, better get ready, 'cause the target is right there. (Dante laughs) All right, let's go! (buzzer blares) - Go now? - Good. -(grunting) -DANTE: Oh, shit! (screaming) God, that felt good. You jack off! You-you threw his old ass out the plane. -Why are you laughing? -I forgot to tell you first one down gets an extra five grand. -Shit. -Don't forget to pull the string. Oh. That's just beautiful. Watch this. Magic! Sharp and McDonnen made quite the splash when the two 60-plus fighters... - Oh, my God, they're nuts. - (laughter) (customers groaning) Nuts! Although their landing didn't go -exactly as planned, -Thank you. both men walked away with only a few bruises. Wow. OK. New regimen, starting today, you're gonna be soaking your hands in this stuff. -Make them leathery. -What is it? It's horse urine. I'm not sticking my hand in horse urine. Oh, you're telling me you're better than Jack Dempsey? 'Cause every day, Jack Dempsey would soak his hands in horse urine, and nobody had a tougher punch than Jack Dempsey. Did you heat it up or is it fresh? - (laughs) - What? - It's vinegar. - I knew that. I'm kidding. It's horse piss. It's vinegar. I'm kidding. Vinegar. I am kidding. Come on. Take a shower, wash your hands very, very thoroughly. You can still smell the horse piss. Light, don't-don't put it... Don't put it in there. Just throw it in my room. -Why? What's... -Just get it off the box, -if you don't mind. -What do you got in there? -The Hope Diamond? -Don't worry about it. - Your porn stash? - Oh, funny. Letters from Sally. Oh, for God's sakes, call her up. What are you talking about? Look, you got to deal with the Sally thing or your head won't be clear. She's gonna screw up your fight game again. - What do you mean "again"? - Oh, for God's sakes. A guy has sex with my girl, I want to knock his teeth out. -Why didn't you? -'Cause Kid loved boxing more than anything, and I wanted to take from him the one thing he cared about most because that's what he took from me. Well, you sure have a funny way of showing it. You're my buddy, Light, but be real careful where you're going with this. You don't know anything about it. Forgive me, but you keep talking about how much she meant to you. All I remember is you would show up at the gym first thing in the morning. You would be the last person to leave at night. You didn't have time for anybody or anything. You always blamed her for ruining the relationship. Well, maybe the real problem was you. Trey, you have a good time, huh? -Yeah, I did. -Oh! -I know you're kidding. -Hey, Sally, long time. -Ma, look... -You're not training this guy. Listen, it was my idea. Don't get mad. -I'm serious about this. -I understand. -BJ, I'm serious. -Mom, what was the point of you telling me about the guy if you don't want me interacting -with him? -Interacting is one thing, -working with this guy is another. -Why? -You can't be trusted. -He's training me. That's all he's doing. -I don't care! -Stop yelling! I think everyone's a little cranky because they haven't eaten. I say we do this. Burger, burger... -Salad. -And a glass of white wine. Works, right? -That sounds good. -Sound good? It might be helpful if you just told us what you hated about the guy so much. Yeah, he doesn't seem that bad. -You know I offered to marry her. -You did? - He didn't want to marry me. - No, I offered to marry you. You also offered to sleep with my sister, -I think the same night. -I can still hear you. -Aunt Jess? -You did sleep with Carol, my friend, if you remember. -That's what she said. -You must be really tired if you fall asleep with all these people. Sometimes people make you tired. You know what? I've got some quarters. Why don't you go play a video game? -That'd be fun. -Come on. This is the best dinner conversation we ever had. Trey, why don't you go ahead, OK? So what happened? I was an idiot, that's what happened. No, you weren't an idiot. You were young and confused. "Confused." Oh, man. You thought you liked him. You realized you loved me. One thing led to another, and I couldn't handle settling down. So I was gonna do the right thing. I was gonna marry you. I-I didn't want to marry you. I didn't love you; I loved him. Why did you sleep with me? -I was stupid. -Well, you know, girls have slept with me for less. There was this one girl, slept with me. She thought I was Marv Albert, 'cause my haircut was different. You are unbelievable. Why couldn't you have just picked George Foreman? We would've been rolling in the grill money. I've been with three people. Three men in 30 years. -Mom... -Two I loved. Your father, not him, and Razor. Ma, don't go. I... (applause, commotion) What a bunch of nonsense. What is this? What are you talking about, "nonsense"? It's called promotion, Kid. -Hey. -Yes, Razor? I know we got a contract, but I can't stand - being around that clown any more. - What is up with you, huh? -What? What? -Did you wake up on the wrong side of the tenement this morning? -Is that it? -Hey, Webster, -show a little respect. -And I choose to believe that you called me Webster because of dictionary-sized vocabulary, not because of my height and race. - No, it's 'cause you're short and black. - That's funny, that's real funny. What was Jesus like? I'm curious, was he cool? They're ready for you. They call your names, head right up to the octagon. The octagon? I mean, what kind of stupid sport is this anyway? That's right, 'cause boxing's better? They fight in a square, and they call it a ring. What is the problem, guys? -Good point. -Thank you. Walk up on me again and I promise I'm gonna bust your ass. ANNOUNCER: Please welcome boxing legends, Billy "the Kid" McDonnen and Henry "Razor" Sharp. (applause) Pleasure to see you. Thank you for your time. Guys, thank you very much. Welcome, thanks for joining us. - Thanks for having us. - So, what do you guys think of the event thus far? I mean, no offence, but to me, next level beyond boxing, huh? - I don't... I don't get it. - Yeah, me either. -What are you doing? -I mean, if I wanted to see two guys grabbing each other's balls, I'd try the men's room at Kid's restaurant. That's why we throw him out all the time. Called Knocked Out, by the way. 337 Charles Street. Everybody's invited. -Come on, Kid! -Hey, listen, you-you got to hold it down 'cause you're driving me crazy. I'm sorry, do I give a shit? No. Man, are you gonna be feisty when you hit puberty. What is it that you do not like about mixed martial arts? It's OK, we just had a name for guys that kicked when they fought: girls. (heckling) You know what, guys? I think our audience is taking offence to the fact that you don't believe this is a skilled art form. Look at this, look at this. They booing us to... What are...? - Say whatever you want. - That's great, that's great. You can kiss my narrow black ass if this shit don't happen. That's fine. Kid, compare MMA to boxing. Well, to me, it's more like pro wrestling. -(heckling) -Really? -Interesting. -ANNOUNCER: Chael Sonnen! Hey, Grandpa. -(applause) -Is this what they call manners? You come out here in our venue in front of our fans, you're gonna compare us to "rassling"? Did he say... Did he say "rassling"? -I don't know. -You just stand there in your little sweatshirt -and look stupid for a second -Excuse me? while I speak to your fellow geriatric. -OK. Yeah. -Look at this guy. Who are you? I don't even know what your name is. - Yeah, you better talk to him. - I'm the guy that's asking you to pick up one of your little arms and throw it in my direction so I can put you on your ass and you can tell these fans -that it felt scripted. -Oh. -Hey. -Go ahead. You know what, yeah, be my guest. You take your first shot. I challenge you. -Hit him. What are you wasting time... -Just belt him. -Why are you interrupting? All of a sudden you got some courage? You want to take a shot at me? -No, I don't want to take a shot at you. I want you to smack him. Go ahead, hit him. - Hit him; he wants to be hit. - Shut up, old man. (crowd gasping) Oh, shit! (applause) Guess that's that. That was a lucky shot. (applause) (line ringing) (ringing continues) SALLY: Hello? - Why didn't you say anything? - It was busy. No one's phone is busy any more with call waiting. - (phone ringing) - That's probably her. - What? How does she know? - Caller ID. (ringing continues) Would it be easier if I said she had magic powers? -Don't, don't, don't. -Hold on, Sally. No. - Sally, how you doing? - Hello. - Hi. Hey. - Well, hey. Call and hang up? Just like the good old days. (chuckles) You know, I just saw you on TV punch some guy out. I mean, wow. I mean, your-your punch is really great. Yeah, I was lucky. -No, really. -I appreciate it. Thanks. Listen, I was thinking about what you were saying -about meeting? -Yeah. Yeah, you know, just to catch up. -Would be... -Sure, I'd love to. When? Whoa. -Wow. -"Wow" what? I'm just... No, I was... I don't know, maybe tomorrow? - Tomorrow would be good. - O-OK. So I'll see you then, OK? (Phillip Phillips' 'Gone Gone Gone') # When life leaves you high and dry # I'll be at your door tonight if you need help, if you need help. # Your hope dangling by a string, I'll share in your suffering # to make you well, to make you well. # Give me reasons to believe... (barking) # And I will do it for you, for you # Baby, I'm not moving on, I love you long after you're gone # For you, for you. # You will never sleep alone, I'll love you long after you're gone. # For you, for you. # Baby, I'm not moving on. I love you long after you're gone. # SALESMAN: When you're ready, come see us. -Thank you. -Thank you. Judd, what's with the crowd? Well, apparently, everybody wants to buy a car from you. Well, that's a good change. (ringtone playing) Hey, what's going on, Lou? Nothing. I'm in my office right now. Hey, hey, how we selling? Oh, that's good. No, that's real good, Lou. What?! Are you kidding me right now? -WOMAN: Hey, shut up! -Hold on, hold on. Don't you tell me to shut up! You shut up! I just found out I'm about to be rich. You what I'mma do? I'mma buy this place, and I'mma turn it into a gentleman's club and I'm not gonna hire you. I'mma hire everybody else, except you two. (taunting grunts) (clapping, indistinct shouts, cheers) -Hey, way to do it, Kid! -Way to go. FRANKIE: Look who's here, look who's here. -Wow. Did you see this guy on TV last night? -Wow. Mm-hmm. Was that amazing, or what? I mean, you really kicked ass. You made us old-timers look real good last night. Kid, you know what I was thinking? -Yeah. -Thought maybe I'd train you today. -Yeah? Really? -Yeah. Yeah. Follow me. 'K, Johnny, get up in the ring. I want you to spar with Kid. Looking good. Good job, Kid. It was great last night. All right. -Thanks, Frankie. -Stay loose, stay loose. I like it. You're looking like new money in there. FRANKIE (chuckles): All right. I thought you were his trainer, Dad. Yeah, buddy, so did I. Yeah, Frank. You know, this is great, Frankie, uh, being in the main ring with you and the crew and all that, but... I already have a trainer. Can you stop filming? -Nah, he doesn't have to stop. -Stop filming. What's your problem, Kid? I thought you'd be thankful that I was offering to work with you. I'm trying to do you a favour here. And I'm grateful, and it was nice of you to come down from your mountaintop to do me this favour, but I don't need a favour, I need a trainer. You stuck me with that guy, who's such a dumbshit he doesn't even know I'm talking about him right now. -You see? -It's what it is. The only reason you give a shit is I finally got some heat. Let's be honest, Frank. -Oh. Really? -Yeah. -Really? -Uh-huh, yeah. Oh, OK. You're the original media whore. -Your mother's a whore. -What?! Your mother's a whore. And I named my son after her best trick. Right, BJ? -Trey, stay here. -You call my mother a whore? You call my mother a whore? You call my m... (grunts) KID: Well, that's that. Start the car. Come on, buddy, let's go. Let's go, yeah. Let's go, Dad. . -Dad? What do the letters -Yeah? in your name mean, the "B" and the "J"? You see what you've started? You're good at that. You started this. Well, you know, Trey, I'll answer that. "B" and "J" stands for... butterscotch jellybeans. -Really? -Yeah, a lot of guys like butterscotch jellybeans. But you know the problem? Sometimes women don't like to give guys butterscotch jellybeans. -(laughs) -TREY: I love butterscotch jellybeans a lot. I like to have, like, a hundred a day. Wow. Well, what an appetite you have. -(BJ chuckles) -Boy, oh, boy. Hey, you know, uh, what you did back there... stepping up like that, just, uh, I appreciate it, I just want to let you know. I don't have any use for that jag-off. Crap, I'm gonna be late for football practice. Hey, Trey-Trey, you got your stuff, right? -Yep. -All right, I'm gonna drop you off at Grandma's - on the way to Kid's. - I want to stay with Kid. You want to stay with Kid? Yeah, well, you can't. No, you know what? Maybe he could stay over tonight, we could have, like, a sleepover. What do you think? Huh? -Yeah. -You like that? Your grandmother will have my hide. It ain't happening, so don't start. -Come on! Come on! -Aw, look what you got started? Yeah. You got to jump in there, too, huh? Yeah, you're the dad. Come on, you can say... -Please? Please? -All right, all right, I'll tell you what, you can stay... as long as we make it a dudes-only secret. KID: Works for me. You know, dude secrets are very important in life, Trey. Your buddies, they got to look out for you. Like, if you were in a movie theatre and you start crying, you don't want people to know that. And they won't tell anybody, 'cause they're your buddies and you trust them. They cover for you when you get in trouble, like when they know that you have a little bit of a gambling problem or an unexpected visit in the drunk tank... Yeah, I think he probably gets the point. No, he's a very smart... very smart, intelligent kid. You know, it's amazing, you're 8 years old-- I thought you'd be maybe, like, 9 or 10, or even 11. -I'm almost 9. -Almost 9. Well... Dad, for my birthday, can I have butterscotch jellybeans? (chuckles) I don't know, bud. You got a few years to wait on that one. TREY: Please? SALLY: So... anyone in your life these days? There's been a few over the years. They stick around for a while, then they see these kind of Oprah shows about relationships. Then they tell me, "How come you don't talk "about your feelings more?" And I say, "Well... "women are more verbal than men," and they go, "Huh?" and "What?" - Then they leave. - Wow, listen to you. "Women are more verbal than men." Yeah. I read an article in Time magazine that's called "Women Are More Verbal Than Men." (laughs) It's true. You know, I know it was a long time ago, but... what happened? Really. You were everything in my life. Then Kid beat you... (sighs) and you were different. And I was lost. And everything started to fall apart. Listen, uh, this is ancient history. I've put it behind me. And I don't want to get emotional about it. I hope you've put it behind you, and I just want to keep it calm. But why him?! I mean, seriously, of all the people in the world. I-I can't get it through my head. -Oh, my God... -I lay in bed at night, I want to pound my head against the... I dream about killing this guy at night. Why him? He's the worst guy in the world. -Why? -OK. OK. Remember when you went to the Catskills to train? You wanted to be alone. You wouldn't return my calls. Six months turned into a year. I-I know that now, but I was focused -on winning the title. -I know that. I know that. But I was so in love with you, and-and... and I... I even flew up to surprise you, and then I saw you with that woman, and... I didn't even know her. Nothing even happened. I have no idea who she was. -She just showed up. -What did I know? I just wanted to hurt you as much as I thought you had hurt me. And so... ...Kid. Kid. (sighs): Kid. All right. I understand. Wow. I think we've depressed the shit out of these pigeons. (laughs): No, don't say that. (both laugh) It's the first time taking you home. You nervous? TREY: For you, maybe. If I told my dad you used a 12-pack of beer for a car seat, -he will not be happy. -Well, he should've given us one. But you know what? It'll be our little secret. And I'll drive slow. -All right? -Mm-hmm. So, what do you want to do tonight, huh? -Go to the movies? -If it's PG-13 or R; I don't do G. -(phone ringing) -Oh, wow. You're old for your years. You, too. Yeah? -Dante. -We bigger than Pittsburgh, Kid! -What do you mean? -What's it mean? It means that we sold too many seats. It means that we need a bigger venue. Dude, the UFC thing put us over the top. How are we gonna get a new venue? What do you mean how? It's already done. The Consol Energy Center wants us. -I'm talking about 18,000 seats. -You messin' with me? No, I ain't messin' with you, you geriatric prick. Pay-per-view and HBO, too; I forgot to tell you that. Let me tell you something, Kid, if people buy this thing, do you understand this will set us straight financially? I'm talking a different type of money, man. I'm talking about that Kardashian sex tape-type money. - Don't mess with me, man. - This is real, man. This is money, baby. -Yeah, good. All good. Good. -OK, -I just wanted to let you know. -Good. -Bye, man. (laughs) -Thanks. Yeah! I'm making it, baby! I left my keys in the house. Goddamn it. So since we established that I've never been that verbal, and even you told me I had a hard time communicating, remember that? -Uh, yeah. -You didn't have to say it like that. Well, you were right. And I... and I worked at it. I started... making things from junk or objects... that I found at the yard, and I made this for you. Oh, it's darling. It's-it's... A mouse, I guess. No, it looks more like a dog. Yeah, it's a dog. When did all this start? I don't know. A long time ago. It's just that some people look at old rusty scrap metal and say, "Aw, that's just junk," but I see something else. Oh! That's beautiful. -Thank you. -I love that. Excuse me, Mr. Sharp? You have a phone call from a Mr. Dante Slate. Please tell him I'm busy. I'm afraid he insisted that it was, quote, "mad important," and that "shit just got real." Maybe you should take it, 'cause it's mad important. (whispers): Shit just got real. (laughs): OK. -SALLY: Am I missing something here? -What? Dante just told you you're playing the Consol Center. -Yeah. -And you act more nervous than excited. No, I... listen, I'm excited, it's just, I don't drive a lot at night, and I'm kind of concentrating. This is gonna be huge. -(groaning) -Sally! Are you OK? No, I mean, you're cut up here. I never saw that guy. He just came out of nowhere. I swear to God I never saw him. Jesus Chr... MAN: You guys all right? PEOPLE (chanting): Pay-per-view! Pay-per-view! Pay-per-view! It's gonna be real, Joey. Can you believe this? I'm not believing that you brought this little boy to the bar. I thought we were going to the movies. We will. We're just gonna celebrate for a little bit, OK? Keep an eye on him, Joey, OK? -Whoa...! -(cheering) Now you all have to chug! Now we all have to chug! (imitates gulping) -(Kid speaking indistinctly) -(laughs) Let's you and I get out of here. Well, I can't. I got him, so... He's fine. He's having fun. WOMAN: Look. Time of his life. Come on. We'll be quick about it. So, what do you think? Will it leave a scar? Well, it's running right along your hairline, so... I doubt you'll notice a thing. Unless I go bald. Which, of course, you won't. You won't, I promise you. But if you do, you're gonna be one smokin' hot bald lady with a little scar that I'd love to hang out with. OK, you folks have a good evening. -Thank you. -LIGHTNING: Look at the two of you. Who would have thunk it? SALLY (gasps): Lightning! -Hi. Hi. -Good to see you, Sally. RAZOR: Strange how life works out, huh? Oh. I'm flashin' on to a stripper I knew once in Korea. She never charged me, not even for the most daring requests. I keep hoping I'd... I'd run into her again someday. -Her and her... her and her ping-pong ball. -RAZOR: Oh! -Hey. -I'm just saying, seeing the two of you - together gives me hope. - Aw, that's sweet. -No, it's not. -I think. You look good. -So, how you feeling? -Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine. - No big deal at all. - Good. Listen, can I talk to you for a minute? -So, what'd you want to talk about? -Call it. RAZOR: Come on, I wasn't even paying attention. When were you gonna tell me you're blind in one eye? -How'd you know? -How did I know? When that bum bitch-slapped you at the UFC fight. A 2-year-old could've seen that coming. Wh-When were you gonna tell me? What happened? A crucible... blew up at the yard a couple of years ago. Detached the retina. I thought it would heal. -I figured I could get by. -"Get by." Not only did you put Sally at risk, but if he finds out he can hit you on the right side, he can kill you. Then I go to my left. I need to do this, Light. (sighs) Look, I-I know you're doing this for my sake, and I appreciate it, believe me. I-It's too dangerous. We got to call off the fight. (slaps arm lightly) (sighs) -JOEY: Mm-hmm, what? -(woman laughs) I'm tired. Have you seen Kid? No. You know, go over there and try his office. - He's cute. - You're cute. You look exactly like Angelina Jolie. (both chuckling) (hinges squeak) Kid? You in here? Kid? (vehicle passing in distance) (closes door) (engine starts) -Holy shit! -KID: Trey! -What the hell are you doing? -You scared me! KID: Stop the car! -Why is your shirt off? -Stop the car! Turn around and stop the car! TREY: I can't reach -the brakes, Grandpa! -Don't call me Grandpa. -Sir. -Get off the seat and press the brake. KID: Press the brake down there. The brake. Go down and press the brake! Press the brake! (tires screech) -(relieved sighs) -Please don't tell my dad. Oh, no, no. Never. This is our big dude secret. Never. Lifelong. (siren chirps) (gasps) Uh-oh. TREY: Oh, my goodness. -Lightning's right. -Why is he right -and I'm wrong? -You can't do this fight. I'm in the best shape I've been in 20 years. You can't risk it. Why? What have you wanted most for the last 30 years? This fight... or something else? Excuse me. Trey? -Trey? Oh, my God. -Dad! I-I turned my back, like, for a minute, that was it. Turned your back in a bar? What'd you say to me? What did you say? You said dinner, maybe a movie. Then you took my son to a bar, that's what you did. Dad, it's not his fault. Or the naked lady's. What? (exhales) The one night I ask you step up, act like a father to me, you just can't keep it together. Come on, BJ, nobody got hurt, everybody's OK. Come on. "Everybody's OK." Who's OK? I'm not OK. Kid, all right? It's my son. He means everything to me. I think that's just a concept that you would never understand. -Come on... -No, no, no, listen to me. I'm gonna need you to stay away from us, OK? You stay away from me, you stay away from my son. That's it. (door closes) Hey! Look at you. (chuckles): Still alive, defying the odds. Ha-ha. Good one. Makes it a lot easier for me to say what I got to say. -He's out. -Out? What do you mean, out? - Fight's off. See ya. - See you? Wait. Hey! Wait, ain't no damn "see you." You better get back here, you wrinkled old Hobbit-faced son of a bitch. I got a contract. - Razor is gonna fight. - He's not gonna fight. So you can take some of the money your father skimmed off Razor the first time out, get yourself a new guy. Razor's not gonna fight. You know what? Screw you and screw my dad. What you think, you're the only one that got ripped off? Huh? Only thing my dad left me was a bad reputation, which is why I need this fight to happen. I got a little boy in private school, which means he has white friends, which means that he now wants white people's shit. He asked me for a bar mitzvah the other day. Do you have any idea how expensive that shit is? It's expensive! I feel your pain, and I'm really sorry your father was such a prick, but Razor's not doing the fight. Let me tell you something, I-I'll tell you what... I'm talking to you. You're not even gonna storm off in a fast fashion? You're gonna walk slow on me? For you to walk off makes me look... Oh, shit! Yo, I got to take the car back! # Gone astray is the bluebird, # here to stay is the new bird. # He sings a love song as we go along. # (phone ringing) Dante. This better be good news, because I can't handle anything bad. -Where are you, Sally Rose? -Hey. -Hey. -I've got a really great idea. -OK, let's hear it. -How about this? (grunts, laughs) -We go out of town. -Yeah? -Let's get out of here. -Well, OK, let's do it. Where? Do you remember how we always loved the Adirondacks -and we never went? Millions of times, right? -Yeah. Right, right, millions, at least. -And we regretted it, right? -Yeah. Well, OK, what, no more regrets? -(window shatters) -SALLY: Oh! Jesus! Oh! (Sally gasps) KID: You gonna quit again? Again you're gonna quit? -Get out of here, Kid. -Nah, no way. I don't think so. No, no, no. I'm not gonna get out of here till you say you're gonna fight me. SALLY: Oh! What are you doing, you moron? Oh! Will you look... I can't believe this. -Get out of here, Kid. -Is that why you quit, because of her? -(Sally gasps) -Huh? Because of her? -SALLY: Henry... -Did she make you quit? Hey, you made me wait 30 years to prove to the world I could kick your ass, and that's what I'm gonna do-- I'm gonna kick your ass. -You're gonna move on! Move on! -What, move on, move on! Now that you got her, you want me to move on? And what do I got? Nothing. Nothing. How do you live with yourself knowing that we tied? How do you... Th-There was no grudge match. -You never beat me. -SALLY: I was there. -He kicked your ass! -No. He didn't kick my ass. He knew I wasn't ready for that fight. He didn't do shit! I lost that fight because I was out of shape! The first one, I kicked his ass 'cause I was in shape! -SALLY: You're pathetic. -"You're pathetic." Go ahead, tell her! Tell her! Tell her! -He wasn't ready. -Yeah. See? And so you were afraid -of that third fight. -Not even a little bit. -I was gonna knock you out. -Come on, let's do it now, then. Look at us! What are you talking about? Look at us. Yeah, look at us. We're not dead. Everybody's laughing at us. The whole world's -laughing at us. -That's right. But we're not dead. We're not dead. In fact, this whole thing has made me feel more alive than ever! You? What about you? Huh? And don't let her get in the way. -Leave her out of it. -Or what? Just leave her out of it. It's you and me. -Yeah, it's me and you! That's right! -You're a child. What are you doing? Give him his balls back. Let him fight me! Come on! Let him reclaim his manhood! Please, I'm begging you, I'm begging you. This is our last chance. Let's finish this once and for all. Come on. Come on. Come on. It ain't gonna happen. Wha...? What are you doing? I'm done. Come on. (door creaks shut) Hey. -Don't make a mess or I have to clean it up. -Walter. What are you doing... Are you working here now? -I didn't know that. -Yeah, man. You know, well, it's always been my life passion to wait tables. Well, a job's a job, right? -Hey, I am not complaining. -Right. I'm happy to have a job. It would kill me if I couldn't bet on you, man. I don't know about the betting. You know, things happen. Y-You never know for sure. Hey, me and a bunch of the guys from the plant, we're gonna be there in the nosebleeds. -That's nice of you. -Don't let this high-paying job fool you. We could all use a win. And that sorry-ass burger's on me. (chuckles) - Be cool, man. - All right, man. . (gentle music) BJ: I got it! Hey, Trey, let's go! Breakfast is on the table! Hey, I don't want to be waiting on you! Five minutes! TREY: OK, Dad! -BJ: Hey. -Hey. You're BJ? Yeah, that's right. How you doing? Mom, she's told me all about you. You know, recently. -You look like her. -Really? -No, not really. -(laughs): I was gonna say. Come on inside. Hey, Ma, Razor's here! Can I get you something? -Some juice, something like that? -No, I'm OK. Uh, listen, please don't tell my mom I said this-- if she knew, she'd probably stab me with a fork-- but I think she's really glad you're around, you know? She thinks you're a good guy, and, I don't know, I just... I wanted you to know that. -Thank you. I like that. -Good. Hey, Ma. (chuckles): Excuse me. Yeah. -I'm gonna let you guys be. -SALLY: OK. - Good kid. - He's a good boy. I'm gonna fight. Don't let him use me to shame you into doing this. I'm not. I'm not. Not at all. I made so many mistakes, Sally. I mean, so many. Maybe I shouldn't have quit boxing 30 years ago. Maybe I should've spent more time with you. I ignored you so much. Maybe I could've forgiven you and helped raise your kid. Maybe I could've done so many things that I didn't do. I just don't want to make any more mistakes. I'm done with that. I let him take from me... the two things that mattered most: you and boxing. I just shut it out. I don't even have a TV. Can you believe that? 'Cause I'm afraid... I might flip to a fight by accident and be embarrassed-- because I'm a fighter. I was born to be a fighter. I had some talent. I did. And I just walked away so early. I love you. (chuckles): Always have, always will. You're stuck with me, believe me. But I've always regretted not beating Kid at his best. No matter how hard you guys work, it won't be your best. It's the best we got. (laughs softly) Then go kick his ass. Well, since you put it like that... (chuckles): he's a dead man. # Just once in a lifetime, a man knows a moment, # one wonderful moment when fate grabs his hand. # (The Heavy's 'How You Like Me Now?) Stay left. Stay left. Left. Left! (grunts) Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-boom! (music continues) (indistinct shouts, cheers) (Razor grunting) # How you like me now? # How you like me now? # How you like me now? # (grunts) (panting) I think I might be ready. Yeah, you're ready. You're a one-eyed monster. (chuckles, pants) (grunts) DANTE: This is my VIP section, which means I need to fill it with VIPs, you understand? I want a Kardashian. Give me a big-tittied playmate. Whatever pussy white boy actor that played a boxer in a movie, I want him in these seats. Lou, you got anybody? -My 80-year-old mother... -OK, Lou, these are VIP seats, OK? That woman can't see. I can put her up top, -she can hear it. -She's looking forward to it. I'm not gonna waste my time, Lou. Down, set... (blows whistle) Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. BJ, you got a visitor. Huh? (sighs) They're yours, Coach. MAN: All right, listen up! (whistle blows) Look, I-I know you got every right to hate me-- I don't blame you-- but I need you now. -I need you in my corner. -(sighs) You're the best person for me. I know I wasn't there for you and Trey. I-I... I can't take that back. I can't... fix it. I brought him these. - Butterscotch jellybeans. - (chuckles softly) Figure he's old enough now. - You're really not very good at this. - No, I'm not. But I'm trying, you know. And... I brought this, too. I collected these over the years. Just so you know the whole story. (gentle music) Hello again, everybody. I'm Jim Lampley, and welcome to Pittsburgh, where a raucous, sold-out crowd has assembled for this unique grudge match. Now, you stand to the left and you keep him in your vision, right? -I will. Don't worry. -I am worried. Look, I love you like a son, but I'm telling you right now, if I see that you're taking a beating, I'm throwing this in. -Don't do that. -I'm gonna. I'm not asking you, I am telling you. I'll also tell you something else. If you beat this mug, there's gonna be a big new television set in the living room. -I don't want one. -Not for you. For me. (laughs) I got to tell you, it's probably the shittiest wrap job I ever seen. Thought maybe you could use a little help today, huh? Yeah, I could. Sure. Remember what I taught you. Just don't mess this up. Just sit back and relax. I'm doing it perfect. -You got fragile hands. -You're a stubborn son of a bitch. Where do you think I got it from? (chuckles) -OFFICIAL: Guys, it's time. -Showtime. OK. Be careful. Let's go. You ain't getting any younger. (grunting) -Nice. -Time, guys. All right, all right, we'll be right there. Breathe for me. Breathe, that's it. Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, OK. You OK? Yeah. - Think I still got it? - I think you still got it. Hey, somehow you never lost it. All right? Good, yeah. Let's go to work. Let's do this. (Edwin Starr's 'War') # War! Huh! Yeah. # What is it good for? # Absolutely nothin'. # Uh-huh, uh-huh. # War! Huh! Good God. # What is it good for? # Absolutely nothin'. Listen to me. # (applause) Well, I guess the city of Pittsburgh missed all the fanfare about what a joke this fight is, - and this is some crowd. - This could be good. - Holy shit. - Well put. - Going without the scooter? - You kidding me? With all that hot talent out there, I can land me some snapper tonight. Think I just threw up a little in my mouth. (epic Celtic-style music) (applause) LAMPLEY: And here comes Billy "The Kid" McDonnen. McDonnen, if you're dusting off your history book, was 41-1 in his 12-year career. The one loss was against Sharp. (applause) (cheering) That's the Kid! (AC/DC's 'Back in Black') (applause) LAMPLEY: And now, Razor Sharp makes his way into the arena. MERCHANT: It's not very often we've seen a crowd in one city so evenly divided, Jim. (applause continues) LAMPLEY: In his nine-year career, Sharp had 33 professional wins and only one loss, and we all know who that was to. BUFFER: Welcome to this evening's very special main event. Ladies and gentlemen, let's get ready to rumble! (applause) Introducing first, fighting out of the blue corner, wearing his trademark kelly green trunks and weighing in at 175 pounds, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania... Yeah, Kid! ...fighting out of the Kid McDonnen Auto Mall, where zero percent financing will knock you out... - Open Sundays! - Oh, come on. ...the former light heavyweight champion of the world, Billy "The Kid" McDonnen! (applause) And fighting out of the red corner, wearing white with black, weighing in at 178 pounds, also from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, former light heavyweight world champion, Henry "Razor" Sharp! (applause) All right, boxers up. Boxer up, one second. All right, gentlemen, you had my detailed instructions in the dressing room. I expect you to obey my commands at all times, protect yourself at all times. Any questions for me? -Gutsy move, going without a bra. -KID: Yeah, yeah. Well, I got a surprise for you when you get home. I took a shit on your porch. DANTE: We are live, guys. We are live right now. -Touch 'em up. -Is this about me and you or her? Me and you. Oh, thank God. I thought he was gonna say it was about the shit. DANTE: Yeah! And here we go. (bell dings, indistinct shouting) We can expect both men to feel each other out at this point. MERCHANT: Sharp not looking very Sharp at the moment. JONES: Well, that's no surprise after a 30-year layoff. LAMPLEY: There's a wild hook by Billy The Kid that misses by a mile. Don't load up, Pop! Don't load up! MERCHANT: Lots of rust on both sides. LAMPLEY: What do you think of this so far, Roy? JONES: Oh, it's not pretty at all. Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's start the fight. LAMPLEY: Now Sharp stepping forward a little more assertively behind that jab. -Come on! -McDonnen says "Come on." Come on, Kid, roll and throw like we practised. LAMPLEY: Sharp jabbing, then backing up. -That's it! -Razor was hurt by that punch. Dear God. LAMPLEY: And, boom, there it is. Kid's famous left hook finally showed up. Might've hurt Razor. Razor appears cut above his right eye. LAMPLEY: Razor is cut. Come on. -(bell dings) -LAMPLEY: Bell sounds. -What? -Hey. -(crowd gasping) -(bell dings) -JONES: Whoa. LAMPLEY That was a hard right hand immediately after the bell. Get back over there. Get back! That will lead to a point deduction. That can cost the Kid a round. Give him some water, give him some water. You're doing real good, you big pussy. -That's not helping. -That's OK. I'm 800 years old and I say what I want. -Can you stop the bleeding? -A little while. What are you doing, hitting him after the bell like that, huh? You're gonna get us thrown out of here. - I need you to be smart, all right? - Relax. - He's gonna figure you out. - No way, I'm taking him out. -Do it quick. -Right. (bell dings) -REFEREE: Box! -LAMPLEY: Now round two is about to get under way. MERCHANT: Have to give round one to Sharp after that foul. Roll and throw, Kid. LAMPLEY: And Razor Sharp will waste no time pressing his advantage. Come on, Kid, move that head. Oh! LAMPLEY: Razor is unrelenting, -pounding away. -All right! All right! Roll and throw! Roll and throw! LAMPLEY: Razor continues to unload. Down goes Kid on a massive left hand. Referee Pat Russell will pick up the count. You got him! You got him! Now finish him! LAMPLEY: The Kid is taking a ton of punishment, but that's always been a part of his game. MERCHANT: He's stronger than he looks. I'm OK, I'm OK. -You got him, you got him! -He's got Kid in trouble. - JONES: Oh, got him. - LAMPLEY: Down he goes. -Yeah! Yeah! -Two... He must just be thinking, "Why in the hell did I do this?" Roll and throw like we talked about. Do it now. Got to start slipping punches and letting your hands go. -...six, -Roll and throw, you hear me? -seven, you getting up? -Roll and throw. Eight, talk to me. You OK, Kid? Show me something. Box. Get out of the corner! It's a trap! Get out of the corner! Now! Right now! (crowd gasping) -Attaway, Kid! -Goddamn it! Now let your hands go! That's it! -(bell dings) -Bell! Time! LAMPLEY: No boxing here. This is an all-out war. Let's go, baby! Attaboy! Attaboy! Way to work! Listen, he's got you figured out. -So what? -So I'm gonna call the fight. Hey, slip and throw. Now you're fighting smart. Keep that pressure on him, all right? Do not let up. Do not let up. - Want to get your head bashed in? - Don't worry about it. -I'm watching that. -It's all right. (cheering) I'm fine. He's going down. He's a sucker for the left. Stay on him, Kid. Breathe for me, Kid, that's it. (cheering) (bell dings) (The Heavy's 'What Makes A Good Man?') No! # Ain't nothin' wrong with this chemistry. LAMPLEY: I have to give that round to Kid. # And time tell that there's the pedigree. # Experience is another one meant for me. That round dominated by Sharp. # Show me how - # To understand - # Understand # What makes a good man? - # To tell me now - # Tell me now - # Hey, walk the line - # Walk the line (bell dings) # What makes a good man. # Good man. - # Tell me now - # Tell me now It's been a hellacious display of courage by both fighters. # What makes a good man. # Good man. # Good man. Attaboy! LAMPLEY: Kid has Razor in trouble. # Good man. # Good man. # What makes a good man. # Good man. # (dings) That's it. Bell! I'm taking you out. - You stupid? - Calm him down. -He's done. Best man won. -No, no, you're beating a guy with one eye. -That's all you're doing. -What do you mean? -Your eye's almost swollen shut. -It's OK. Didn't work anyway. At least you don't have to cut me. - You don't listen to a thing I say, do you? - Not this time; he's hurting, too. Sharp's right eye is badly swollen, fighting half blind. Every time you come out from the left with the hook, you're knocking the snot out of him; he can't see it coming. -That's bullshit. -It's not bullshit. -Wait, how do you know this? -Because Mom told me. What do you think? She made it up? I'm telling you, that's the way it is. It don't matter; I'm kicking his ass. He owes me. What are you gonna do that for? You go out there, you attack his blind eye, then everyone's gonna say you didn't beat him at his best. You're not gonna be able to live with that. -Screw that. -You're not gonna be able to sleep at night. I'm taking what's coming to me for 30 years. You want to do this right, you got to stand in front of him where he can see you. Go knock him out. Now hurry up. I got to pee. (bell dings) REFEREE: Box! LAMPLEY: Final round, too close to call. So many times in a three-fight rivalry the rubber match is the best. -Kid on the attack. -No! -Oh! -What a pounding. Lightning? LAMPLEY: Sharp is in trouble. Razor backpedals woozily, and down goes Razor. (cheering) -Sharp hurt by that punch. -It's your fight! (panting) (applause) (applause continues) (applause fades, soft piano music) - You want to keep going? - Yeah, you bet your ass. - Hey, you can't do that. - Just did. Come on. Kid lifted Razor off the canvas. Oh, for God's sakes. What's he doing? What's he doing? Unbelievable, Roy. In all my years of covering boxing, I've never seen it. -I told him to do that! -(laughs) That's my idea! I told him to do that! LAMPLEY: Now Pat Russell is gonna confer with the judges. Give me those gloves. LAMPLEY: And now the ref, in good sportsmanship, is gonna wave them on. Be right in front of you. No excuses. No excuses. LAMPLEY: They touch gloves one last time. Now Kid has stopped ducking and going to Sharp's left. He's playing right into Sharp's strength. Almost like he's challenging him. Nail him, nail him! That's it! LAMPLEY: Kid attacking with the left hook. -Sharp is in trouble. -(cheering) The fighters exchange a flurry. Brutal stuff, finally toe-to-toe. -15 seconds left. -Yes! Oh, there's a massive right hand by Razor, and Kid is on the canvas; he is down. -Yeah, yeah! -Yeah! (panting) Kid is not getting up. This fight could be over. (applause fades, soft music) -Hey, Kid, no mas? -Eight... Mas. LAMPLEY: Razor pulls Kid up before the count of 10. Oh, for God's sakes. (bell dings) Wow, I might actually cry now. Oh, shit, I'm gonna... It's coming down a little bit. (applause) - I didn't need your help. - Right. - You OK, Kid? - Not really. (sighs) I'm dying, but I've never felt better. - (chuckles) Hey, you did the right thing. - Thanks, son. Well, I'll never call you a pussy again. Stupid, that's what I'll call you. -Oh, yeah. -I am so proud of you! I told you it'd be OK. (bell dings) BUFFER: Ladies and gentlemen, we go to the scorecards. Judge Alfredo Padillo scores it 92-91 for Sharp. Judge James Caballa scores it 90-89 for McDonnen, and Judge Marco Rosario scores it 91-89 to the winner by split decision, Henry "Razor" Sharp! (applause) - Sorry you lost, Kid. - Nah, he didn't lose nothing. Trey, call me Grandpa. (chuckles) (gentle music) Guess it was a mistake, picking me up. - Oh, no, I wanted you at your best. - Well, you got it. - Thanks for the shot. - Any time. - But I still hate you. - I hate you, too. - Want to do this again? - (chuckles) Definitely not. - You sure? - Yeah. Bullshit! Fix! Who paid off those goddamn judges? -Light, Light, Light, -What? -we won. -Who did? -What? -We won. -We won? Get the hell out of here. -Yeah, I know. -Goddamn hearing aid. -Yeah. TV ANNOUNCER: And now... See? This is why I don't do TV. - I'm going to Sally's. - No, no, no. Sit down. There's gonna be a big finish. # I wanna know if you're with me # Can't stand stickin' around. # Hey! Hey! (laughing) - Now I wish I was blind in both eyes. - DANTE: Oh, wow. -DANTE: All right! (chuckles) -RAZOR: See you. He has a certain elegance, doesn't he? Yeah, a little bit. A little bit. (song ends with a flourish) I guarantee you, he's gonna get some snapper tonight. Dude, you're a pervert. Like, it goes right to sex with you. I'm done. Give me a towel, so I can get this vinegar off my feet. It's strong! Why is it that strong? It might be bad. I think the vinegar might be bad. OK, guys, listen. If you thought Grudgement Day was big, then this is gonna be huge. They're talking Wembley Stadium for the rematch. 90,000 people. Now, I can get you seven figures, maybe even eight. Bottom line is I can get you guys paid. What do you say? -I'm in. -DANTE: There you go. That's what I'm talking about, Mike. What about you, Evander? - No. - Come on, Evander! So what, the man went a little batshit and bit your ear off. It's not like he liked the way you tasted. -TYSON: Taste like ass. -Did you hear what he just said? You didn't taste good. Now, Mike, can you do me a favour? Can you tell him you're sorry, please? -I'm sorry. -Mike... like you mean it. -Sorry. -DANTE: I felt that. Come on, Evander. What do you say? -HOLYFIELD: No. -(Tyson sighs, groans) I'll get you one month lodging at the Playboy Mansion. -No. -DANTE: OK, final offer: -I'll throw in a Bentley. -No. I'll get you a part in "Hangover Four." I'm listening. -DANTE: OK. Well, now... -TYSON: You son of a bitch. Now hold on! -Guard your ears. -Wait, Mike! No, no!