# We're from the school, the school of hard knocks # Who's ready to rock? # Ready to rock # Are you ready to rock? # Ready to rock # Rock it up, suckers, I can rock about the blocks # We're from the school, The school of hard knocks # Who's ready to rock? # Ready to rock # Are you ready to rock? # Ready to rock # Rock it up, suckers, I can rock about the blocks # Let me show you what I made today. I can't wait. I need to go upstairs and change, - And then I'll start dinner. OK. - OK. (RADIO) Kool and the gang - # And the feeling's right # Oh, yes, it's ladies night # # Oh, what a night # # Oh, what a night # (SINGS ALONG) # Oh, yes, it's ladies night # # And the feel... # Ooh, show time. Rough day at the office, Mrs Dunleavy? You'll feel better once you get out of those work clothes. Ha-ha. And into some sweats. (CHUCKLES) Ahh. Ohh. I wish she'd let me rub those feet. Of course, I wouldn't use my hands. (LAUGHS WHEEZILY) Oh. I think Victoria just told me her secret. Ohh. # Ttt ttt-ttt-ttt ttt ttt-ttt-ttt # Ttt ttt-ttt-ttt ttt # Oh, my, deedly dee. Are those things for me? Eee...! Ohh. Mum! Coming in. Ohh. Scottie Dunleavy? What unfortunate timing. Get out. Don't you know this is naughty time? (TELEPHONE RINGS) I'll get it. Hello? Hello, Scottie. Say, why don't you be a good little boy, Go downstairs, let your mother get comfy, all right? - Who is this? - This is a big bird who wants to see the rest of mummy. Nah ha ha ha ha ha! - Oh, oh. - Oh, my god, Scottie. Is that a man up our tree? No, no. Tell her it's a bird. It's just a big bird. Bawk! Bawk bawk bawk! Bawk! Bawk! Aah! Ooh! Uhh! Ohh-h-h-h-h-h! Hey, pal, welcome. Welcome to what? Where am I? Aah! Aren't you that horny guy Who was pretending to be a big bird? Checking out that beautiful mum? Yes, I am. Now you're gonna see What a big horny bird actually looks like... In hell! (CAW CAW) (LADIES NIGHT PLAYING) Aah! Kool and the gang: # Oh, yes, it's ladies night # No! No! No! No! I deserve this! I deserve this! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! (PLAYS # RUNNIN' WITH THE DEVIL - VAN HALEN) Knock, knock. Hey, Jimmy. What are you doing, Nicky? I'm just jammin'. Your father wants to see you and your brothers Down in the throne room. He's not retiring today, is he? He just wants to talk to you and Cassius and Adrian about who's gonna rule hell for the next 10,000 years. Well, what do I need to go for? He's not gonna pick me. Ha ha ha! I happen to think you'd make a great devil. No, I'm not into evil and torture and all that stuff. The Prince of Darkness should have sort of a distinguished look, and let's face facts, I'm no George Clooney. (WHEEZING LAUGH) You know, you're not a bad-looking guy, Nicky. Look at you in that picture. I used to talk normal, too, before my brother Cassius hit me in the face with a shovel. That's me now, and I accept it. Well, your brothers are two of the sickest guys I have ever seen. For some reason, you're not. It's nothin' to be ashamed of. Well, their mothers were fire dragons And my mother was a goat, So how am I gonna compete with that? Your mother was not a goat. Your brothers are just playing with you. Either way, if one of those psychos gets picked, I'm doomed. I knew it, Adrian. He's finally retiring. Cassius, I've been waiting on this day for 10,000 years. Whew. If the old man picks me to take over hell, I'm gonna keep torture going 24-7. No breaks. Whoa, mama! You got him right in the eye. (LAUGHING) Hey. Ohh! How's Daddy's little girl doing today? Oh, I didn't see you guys over there. What's up? Hey, shovel face, you wanna mind-wrestle? Actually, nah, I'm all right. I was thinking of chilling out by the throne for a little bit. I'm gonna mind-wrestle you whether you like it or not. Well, I have to warn you, I'm getting pretty good at it. Then I guess I can't make you do this. Ok. Mercy. You win. I give. Game over. - What are you boys doing? - Aah! Nothing, Dad. Just hitting the old punching bags. Cassius, didn't I tell you to stay out of your brother's mind? I forgot. Maybe this will help you remember. Aah! Ooh! (THUNDER) Now, everybody come sit down. Hey, Dad. Yes, son. I-I know you got a lot on your mind, But I almost finished that "monsters of metal" compilation tape. It's turning into a masterpiece. - Ok, kid. We'll listen to it later. - Thanks, thanks. Oh, a window. Hello, Mr Devil, I like your cape. (LAUGHS) (SQUAWKING) Argh! Aah! I deserve this! Fellas,... ..this, as some of you might know, is my 10,000th year as Prince of Darkness, so I think the time has come to discuss who will succeed me. - Uh, knock, knock. - Yes, Jimmy? Don't forget you're shoving a pineapple up Hitler's ass at 4:00pm This was a very difficult decision Because I have three wonderful sons. I mean, Adrian - so smart, so ruthless. Wears make-up. And Cassius - So strong, so tough. Don't forget clinically insane. And Nicky - Such a sweet boy. (LAUGHS) But after much thought And careful consideration, I've decided that the ruler for the next 10,000 years is going to have to be... Me. -(BOTH) What? - Hallelujah. I mean, that sucks. The important thing for the stability of our rule is to maintain the balance between good and evil, And I don't think any of you are ready for that responsibility yet. Dad, this is bullshit! I don't like that language. - Ahem. - Right, right. Send him in. Sorry, boys. I have to get back to work. Well, it was good hanging with you, Dad. I'll check you later. Mm-mmm. Uhh! Mm-hmm. You're schnerious? Argh! - Off, off, off, off, off. - Ahh. Damn! 20,000 years ago, Grandpa Lucifer said, "It's better to rule in hell than it is to serve in heaven." Well, I'm tired of serving in hell. We need somewhere where we can rule. (ROARS) (LAUGHS) Bring it on, big man. Let's see what you got. (WHIMPERS) (LAUGHS) Could you concentrate for 5 seconds? - I am concentrating, man. - 'I'm sorry.' - After careful consideration, I must respectfully decline. - I can't stand retirement. Come on. Just let me win one Superbowl. In exchange for eternal damnation of your soul? You're much too nice a guy for me to want to do that to you, Mr Marino. - You did it for Namath. - Yeah, but Joe was coming here anyways. This sucks. I'll just go to the Superbowl as an announcer, and I'll win myself an Emmy! That's the spirit. - You're a good devil, Dad. - And I also happen to be a Jets fan. (LAUGHS) What do you think about... Earth? We could create our own hell there. Are you saying we go up there and kill everyone? Eventually, Cassius. First, we'd have to corrupt as many souls as we can So that when we do destroy them... Their damned souls will be ours. It's our time, brother. (YELLING) Haah! Haah! This is not good. This is not good. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Fellas, what are you doing? - (BOTH) We're leaving. You can't go through there! The fire flows in, not out. Aah! Aah! You really suck! Your evilness! Cassius and Adrian have escaped from hell. They went out through the fire, and they froze it. I tried to stop them, sir, but they overpowered me. (SOBBING) Calm down. Get off your knees. (DISTANT ALARM) Thank you for being so understanding, your wickedness. You've always been the man. I've always said that. Oh. Oh. - Are there boobs on my head? - Yeah, big ones. What's going on, Dad? I'm going to die, Nicky. If the gates are broken, no new souls can get in. - Which means I'll start to deteriorate into nothing. - No. No. - What's with all those "hoo hoo" noises? - Everything's fine, Pop. Who are you bullshitting? The last time you said everything was fine the Renaissance happened. Please, Pop, go back to your room. - Hey, can I take him with me? - Sure, Pop. Whatever you want. Tit-head, go with my father. (PEOPLE SCREAMING) (JIMMY KNOCKS ON ICE) Not a damn soul is going to get through that. This fire is solid as rock. We got to get this bad boy burning again. To do that, Cassius and Adrian have to come back through the other way. - So go get 'em, Dad. - I'm too weak. The process has already begun. (WHIMPERS) So go get 'em, Jimmy. I'm just a demon. I don't have devil blood. I-I wouldn't last 2 minutes with your brothers. - Are you saying it's up to me? - Huh? You said no souls could get through that. Nicky, are you a soul, or are you the spawn of Satan? I never been to Earth, Dad. I never even slept over some other dude's house. Nicky, the worst thing that could happen on Earth is you get killed, in which case, boom, you end up back here. - So you're saying I need to go to Earth and kill my brothers? No go. They left together at the exact same time. They got to come back together at the exact same time. Here. Get them to drink from this. One sip, and they'll be trapped inside. Once you've got both of them, you bring the flask back through the gate. Let me, sir. Gross! (SNIFFS) - Uhh. He's got less than a week. Dad, I don't know if I can do this. Son, you... try your best. (ROARS) Argh! (ROARS) Earth. It doesn't look too bad. (TRAIN APPROACHES / HORN HONKS) You were gone 10 seconds. What happened? I got hit by this big light that was attached to a lot of metal. That's a train, son. Don't stand in front of them. Well, I'll have to take a mulligan on this one. Please, Nicky, get back up there. - All right. Whoa! - I'll get that for you, sir. I'm Nicky. That's terrific. Now get off the track And come with me, handsome. - OK. Welcome to Grand Central Station in New York city. My name is Beefy. I'm an old friend of your father's. He asked me to help you out. I just want to find my brothers and be on my way. It's not going to be easy. Your brothers can possess people, so they probably won't look like themselves. You have to be suspicious of everyone. - All right, bro. - Well, the jig is up, then. - Get in the flask. Come on. - It ain't me, moron. Sorry. I... Now, there's this blind guy outside you might think is possessed, but he's just crazy. - OK. # Hey, yo, uptown # Though I cannot see with these blind eyes, I know the good Lord still loves me. He loves all of his children. Why, he loves you... - That's him. - And he loves you. - (SNIFFS) - Here he goes. You make the Lord very nervous. - All right. - You've been... - I'm burnin' now. - Take it easy. - Hellfire is burnin' me alive! - He's burning. Burnin' me! Argh! The beast is alive! He's among us! Clear the streets! The devil is here! (HITS GROUND) Ugh! Heh heh heh. Making friends already. I don't know what that guy's problem was. It's freezing up here. You're in the human world now, kid. You're going to feel a lot of new things you never felt before. Let's get you some warm clothes and some hot food. Yeah. Put it in your mouth. Now move your teeth up and down. Up and down. Good, numb nuts. Now you got to swallow it. Tilt your head back and let the meat slide down your throat hole. - (GAGS) - Easy. Don't choke. (SWALLOWS) Popeye's chicken is fucking awesome. Uh-huh. - Now eat up. You're going to need your energy. - I got energy up the ying-yang. Let's go save Dad. Adrian! Cassius! Argh! Oh, boy. So nice. Uhh! Hey. H-hey. - I like your brassiere. - Oh. Thank you. Could you guys maybe not tell anyone about this? - Yeah. You got it. - Do you mind maybe not telling anybody about this? You got it. (GROWLS) Look, sidewalk equals safety. Middle of the road equals death. From now on, I'm just going to try to avoid all moving metal objects. Great. Now, your father gave me some deposit money for a nice pad on the upper east side, but I misplaced it. (MUSIC PLAYS) I'm wasted! Ahh! So I found this other joint for you, but you're going to have a roommate. There's only one thing better than drinking an ice-cold whiskey sour on a hot Alabama night, and that's telling the truth. I know what you think about me, Grandma. You think I'm worthless. You think I'm a stumblebum Who ain't never going to amount to anything. Well, old woman, you are wrong. (KNOCK ON DOOR) - (WHISPERS) You are wrong. - (KNOCK ON DOOR) (SIGHS) Hello, friend. My name is Nicky. I understand you are seeking a roommate, as per your ad in the Village Voice. Would it be possible for me to fill the slot? - D'you want to know what rent is? - Yes. - What is rent? - It's 1200, split down the middle. Tuesdays and Thursdays, I rehearse with my scene partner, so the living room's off-limits. - Off-limits. - Aren't you boiling hot in that outfit? - It's 80 degrees in this hallway. Where are you from, the South? - Yes. - The Deep South. - (LAUGHS) - Why is that funny? - I don't know. OK. And sorry, guy, but no doggies allowed. Go on. Big day tomorrow. - Don't forget to do that sleep thing I told you about. - Gotcha. - You're not my brother, are you? - Oh. I'm an only child. - You love acting. - I love pissing. (NICKY SNORES) (GROWLING) (SNORES) (DEMONIC GROWLING) (SNORES) (DEMONIC GROWLING) (SNORES) (ROARING) Oh, my God! (BELL TOLLS / CHOIR SINGS) (CHOIR) # Amen # In today's gospel, the Lord tells us how we should live if we wish to attain the splendour of heaven. Or something like that. Jesus this, Moses that. Abraham hit me with a wiffle-ball bat. (HUMMING) Yep. The Lord sure did say a lot of hibbity jibbity bibbity swibbity. But... ..has he ever really done anything for any of us? Has he ever put a Jaguar XJR in my driveway? No. I love that car. Has the Lord given any of my enemies the herpes? - Herpes? - No. The Lord gave my son the strength to get off drugs. Ma'am, I know your son, and, believe me, he was better off on the drugs. At least when he was smoking hashish, he used to make me laugh occasionally. (LAUGHTER) After we tried for many years, the Lord finally helped my wife conceive a baby. No, no, no. Your best friend Fitzy helped your wife conceive a baby. He helped her conceive it all night long. Hey, hey, hey. (CONGREGATION BOOS) How about you, Mayor? Has the Lord ever done anything for you? Well, you know, I,... ..I wished I could think of something, but, to be honest with you, I can't. I can't think of a damn thing he's ever done for me! Kind of makes you wonder if there even is a Lord, if there even is an ultimate punishment for our so-called sins. Why don't we all just have fun and do whatever the hell we want? Hey, hey! Let the sin begin. (CHEERING) Let the sin begin. That was a good one. This is so much fun! I never want it to end. Why should it end? Who's going to stop us? (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) There's, like, 10 million people in this city, and the clock is ticking. Well, let's rock 'n' roll, then. Uhh! Get in the flask. Aah! - Cassius, I'll show you. - Ow! Ow! - Cassius, get in the flask. - (YELLS UNINTELLIGIBLY) Get in the flask. Get in the flask. - May I help you? Get in the flask. - What are you talking about, man? I'm talking about an 8-piece. Let's go. Look, it's OK for me to shit in the street, but you got to use a toilet. OK. Nicky, where are you? Aw, come on. What's he doing now? Just get in the flask. I gotta get Adrian. (POLAR BEAR ROARS) Aah! # Ooh, ooh, ooh # - Gary's so hairy. - (LAUGHS) - Tickle, tickle, tickle. Ooh! - (LAUGHS) All that chasing and running around is making me want to do the sleep thing again. Kid, I like your enthusiasm, but I think we have to work on narrowing down our list of suspects. Now I'm going to go check in with some of my contacts uptown. Yeah. (SNORES) (ROARS) Kid's got a lot of evil in him just begging to come out. (GROWLING) (GROWLING) (SNORES) (ROARING) (SCREECHING / BARKING / HOWLING) (SNORES) (GROWLING) (SNORES) I will eat your heart. (ALL SCREAM) - There's our man. - Well, Mr Sleepyhead must have some major ties to the dark side. - What's with that guy? - It's got to be one of his disciples. (GROWLS) My man's into deep nocturnal shit. Whoo! Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think that devil guy just got ripped off. - Should we wake him up? - Yeah. You do it. (GROWLS) Rise and shine, devil guy. - Some dude just stole your shit. - What? Where? Aah! - Which way did he go? - Uh, that way. Thanks. Give me back my flask! Did you check out the dragon mouth? The dark prince is here. Uhh! Uhh! # Runnin', runnin', runnin' # Through my head # They tell you it was good forever # But I know it's now or never # Runnin', runnin', runnin' # Through my head # Check out my stuff. I got a low price. I got a pepper shaker. I got a silver doodad from Africa. - Hey. - See something you like, my man? - Yes. I would like my flask back. - You calling me a thief? I'm calling you a guy with my flask. - How would I have it unless I was, in fact, a thief? - I don't know. - Now you've gone and done it. - You done messed with my business, bitch. - I would appreciate if you kept your voice down. Oh... You going all crazy-eyed on me. - I'll show you some crazy eye. (CLICKS TONGUE) - Look at this. Come on, let's get busy. (CLICKS TONGUE) - Excuse me, sir. - Who? Does that flask belong to this man? - You going to call me a thief, too? - Ok, look, today, the guy you ripped off just happened to walk by and bust you, so why don't you just give him his flask back? Are you going to bite me with your snaggletooth do if I don't? No... But maybe that policeman over there might have something to say. Hmm. Aw, take your dumb-ass canteen, goofy. Get your raggedy-ass clothes and find yourself another corner before I show you what crazy really is. - Fine. I will. I'm a businessman. Bleah! (CLICKS TONGUE) - I'll be seeing you in a few years. - (CLICKS TONGUE) Excuse me. That was amazing. I just wanted to thank you. Oh, that's OK. I get messed with all the time. When I saw him do that to you, I just lost it. I hate when people take advantage of tourists. What makes you think I'm a tourist? Oh. Your accent, maybe. - Well, where are you from? - The South. - Really? The Deep South. (BOTH LAUGH) Ha-ha! Why are we laughing? I don't know, but I was enjoying it. Your glasses are pretty. They make your eyes look big and sparkly. - It's fun looking at them. - Oh. My Dad's an optometrist. My Dad's in hell, and he's falling apart. Oh, I'm sorry. It's really tough when your folks get older. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't save him. Well, I'm sure a nice southern boy like you will figure something out. You want some Popeye's? Ha-ha! No. I-I had my lunch already. - OK. But I wouldn't mind getting a gelati. Could I come with you to getting a gelati? If you want to. (LAUGHS) - Here you go, pal. Enjoy. - Mmm. Thank you. It's freezing my hands. - Even with those gloves on? - Yeah, it's cold. - Here, let me wrap it. - Please. Thank you. Gelati. That's better. Yeah. (MUTTERING) Ooh! Why are you taunting me with your darkness? Your evil, it's stinking up our streets! The end is near! We are all gonna die! - (CLANG) - (GASPS) This town is really going to hell lately. - Yeah. - So, what part of town do you live in? I have an apartment. I'm not sure where. My dog knows, though. - You have a dog? What kind? - I don't know. I'd ask him, but he's uptown meeting his contacts. Say "Mr Beefy." Say it. Say it. Mr Beefy. And... I love you! You go to school? What's that like? Oh, I go to Parsons School of Design. I knew growing up I wasn't much to look at, so I concentrated on making things that are pretty. You have a nice smell coming off you. (SNIFFS) Oh, that's my perfume. It's called comme de sud pacific. I think that's French for "coconuts." (SNIFFING) (GIGGLES) That's better than the gelati. Valerie, it feels like there's a bunch of butterflies flapping around in my stomach right now. - Is that normal? - Sometimes, sure. Good, cos I was concerned. - Why did they do this to me? I was good to them. - I can hardly notice. Honest. I sure hope Nicky's kickin' some ass on earth, or we are doomed. - I was the one who created hell. - I know that, your hatefulness. The credit for starting hell belongs to my first wife. She was the inspiration. (LAUGHING) Hey, Chewbacca, take it easy, will you? In fact, you look like my first wife. Only she had more hair. (HOWLING) In another startling announcement from city hall, Mayor Randolph has, effective immediately, lowered the legal drinking age from 21 to 10. # So you want to be a rock superstar # And live large... # When an adult goes to hell, that's terrific. Blarrgh! But when a child goes... (LAUGHS) That's why I'm in this business. (LAUGHING) Little Nicky. - Know what's nice about you? - What? I like the way you're happy just being yourself. You don't try to act cool. Thanks, Valerie. You know what's nice about you? (SCREECHING / STRUGGLING) Your juicy, heart-shaped heinie. - What was that? - I don't know why I said that. I-I meant to say that... ..I've always dreamt about having sex with a gross pig. Can I wash my winky in your kitchen sinky? - You're a real jerk! - I didn't mean to be. - What the - ? Adrian! - Ha-ha-ha! - Dad needs you to come back. - So he sent old shovel face to fetch me. - I'm not kidding. He's in trouble. - So are you. Hey, Valerie! What is your problem?! I'm sorry! Ooh! Adrian, you guys froze the fire gate and now Dad is dying, so get your booty back home or else! You can't talk tough, Nicky. Even the voice inside your head has a speech impediment. Adrian, you're gonna go back because I'm gonna make you go back. How about this? I'll stay here, enjoying my pizza and my peppermint schnapps, and you go back. - Adrian, don't! Cut the crap! This is serious! Aw, come on! Ohh-hh! So I was driving to work today, some bozo in a cadillac cuts me off. So I followed him. When he got out of his car I start bashing his brains in with this bat. Did you ever see The Untouchables? I was De Niro! - What's happened to you, Regis?! - - Mm-hmm. The Mayor's office today, in conjunction with the New York board of tourism, unveiled its new motto to replace the long-standing "I love New York" slogan. "I love hookers" will now be the city's catch phrase. Your brothers are upsetting the balance between good and evil. - What can I do about it? - You can't do jack shit unless you learn your evil powers. Go get a soda out of the fridge. But those are my roommate's sodas. "But those are my roommate's sodas." Does that sound like a statement the son of the devil would make? - All right. Take it easy. - Nicky, you have the power to change the cola in that can into any other liquid. Engine oil, bat's blood, moose piss. You just have to release the evil within. Evil? I'm just saying there's wickedness in you. - I can tell from your snores. - Really? - Release your evil. - Release the evil. Come on, you can do it. There it is. You got it in you. (BUBBLING) What are you doing? Hey! Oh! I... All right, I'm going to pretend I didn't see a dog on the couch because my brain just can't process that right now. - But were you about to drink one of my Cokes? - No. I was just looking at it. It's beautiful. (SLURPS / GULPS) This Coke tastes like Pepsi. You changed a Coke into a Pepsi? That was your big transformation? - Come on, give it up a little. - It was good for my first try. Do you even care that your brothers are killing your father? Yes, I care! And he is not going to die! (GLASS EXPLODES) Atta-boy. I'm freaked out. - My television just blew up. - You're damn right it did! I mean, really? I know this is your living-room time, but could I finish watching the Globetrotters out here? It's the craziest game I've ever seen. (WHISTLE BLOWS) - (HIGH VOICE) He's walking! Get him a bus! - This is the part I don't get. - Another terrible call. - There's no way that was travelling. What's up with all the calls? We haven't lost a game in 53 years! Guess what, cornrows? Technical foul! You're outta here! Ha-ha-ha-ha! (BOOING) Why's he so mean to the Globetrotters, Daddy? - I've been watching these guys play since I was your age. - It's all part of the show, baby. - (CACKLES) - That guy in the striped shirt snapped his fingers like somebody I know! (CACKLES) Ha-ha-ha! - Normally, the Globetrotters represent family entertainment. - Who gives a shit? - (SOBBING) - These kids came here to see the Globetrotters win! 10 points off'n the Globetrotters on account of the bigmouth! - (CACKLES) - Boo! It's all part of the show, baby! Ha-ha! Hit the half-time buzzer. I'm tired. If the second half doesn't get any better than this, expect a full-scale riot. Schick Hydro versus a lube strip. With seven hydrating gel pools that give you 40% less friction, it's designed like no other razor to protect from irritation. Schick Hydro - free your skin. Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the Globetrotters' half-time half-court heave-ho throw! If the contestant makes it, everyone here will get a free pizza pie! - I ain't takin' the shot. These people are crazy. - Excuse me. I'll take that shot. - OK. - What made you want to come and see the Globetrotters today, son? I came for the beer and the bitches. Look who's back from the dead. 666! Pickup sticks! Yeah! Welcome Miguel Sanchez from the Bronx, New York! - What's Nicky doing there? - Trying to capture his brother and preserve the balance of good and evil. - Did you just talk? - No. - Are you Miguel from the Bronx? - No. I'm Nicky from the South. - Hey, gimme that! - Aah! You better win these people some free pizza. They'll kill each other. - All right. - Who's that man, Mummy? I don't know, but he sure is butt-ugly. Release the evil. Oh! Oh! Too much evil. I think that ball just blew up, and, yes, my hair is aflame. I don't know what the hell that was. Don't do it again, huh? All right. I command you not to blow up and go into that metal circle. Unh! Nyah! - Hey! Get that crap outta here! - (SHOUTING) I know you're having fun, Cassius, but you really gotta come back to hell. Look around you, Nicky. We're in hell. The new hell. Ha-ha-ha! Do it! Do it! Do it! Whee! Ha-ha-ha! I was sent here to take you back and that's what I'm gonna do. Don't make me take out the shovel again, trick. I think we're about to see a devil showdown. Yeah! Ha-ha-ha! You know, Dad got sick when you guys left. I'm glad he's dying... cos it's my turn now. You'll wish you never said that. Take him to the hole, Nicky. I mean, woof woof. Come on, brother, come on! Ha-ha! Oh, come on! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Daddy can't help you! Daddy can't help you! (SCREAMS) Enough! This show gets better every year! Ha-ha-ha! That was sick. Who taught you that shit? Sorry, Cassius. It must be the super devil juice Dad gave me. - Super devil juice? Gimme, little girl! - Don't drink it! (SLURPS) (SCREAMING) Now that was some straight-up David Copperfield shit! Damn you, Nicky! There ain't no super devil juice in here! Hail, Nicky! We are forever your slaves! # Oh, no, oh, no # So your father's the devil... - Si, senor. - You're a talking dog from hell and you guys are who? - Just a couple of big fans of Nicky and the work his Dad does. Hey, by the way, Nicky, check this out. (PLAYS RECORD BACKWARDS) - What's Ozzy trying to say there? - John, absolutely nothing. The blizzard always came straight with his messages. But wrap your minds around this, gentlemen. - Oh, no. Heh-heh-heh. Chicago. # Does anybody really know # I love this song. (PLAYS RECORD BACKWARDS) (RECORD) I command you, in the name of Lucifer, to spread the blood of the innocent. Oh, my God, Chicago kicks ass! Ha-ha-ha! Awesome! You know, guys, this cake tastes a little funny. Oh, I dumped a fat sack of Reefer in the mix. Thought I'd spice up the bash. Really? What's Reefer? About 500 bucks an ounce. (LAUGHING) Come on, Nicky, one more time. I can't. It's starting to hurt. Come on, you totally got to! - All right, all right. Last time. - Ohh, here he goes! Ahh! Insane! How do you do that? Ha-ha-ha! I used to get messed up like this with my first girlfriend Heather. We'd get so loopy, she would forget I was a dog. - She was a human? - No. She was a sewer rat. - Ha-ha-ha! - Man, that pissed my parents off. You know, I was in love once, but she said I wasn't financially reliable, and she needed that. - Now, by "she," do you mean "he"? - No. - Busted! - Ha-ha-ha! - Ha-ha-ha! Please. Hey, how you feelin' over there, Satan Abdul-Jabbar? A little strange. I can't stop thinking about this girl Valerie. Why? Did she hurt you? Do you need to cry on my shoulder? Easy, Liberace(!) Oh, would you grow up? Liberace. I was having the best day with her until Adrian made me tell her she had a heart-shaped heinie. Maybe you love her. But what do I know? I can't even see straight. Ha-ha-ha! Me, too! Hey, we got to get going. You guys can crash if you want. I have an extra futon. - That's a big pass, Elton John. - (LAUGHTER) - Ozzy starts in 30 minutes. - That may cheer you up. Let's roll. Actually, I don't think I can give the Ozz man the full focus he deserves. Sorry, fellas. Oh. This chick must be the real deal, then. - Later, bro. - Goodbye, John. - OK, Pete. You better snap out of it soon, kid, cos we're going after Adrian tomorrow bright and early. Night-night. Yeah, I know. Get some sleep thing, Mr Beefy. (SNORES) (CHILDREN'S VOICES) # La la la la la la (SNORES) # La la la la la la That is the most horrifying thing I have ever seen. # Mama, I'm coming home Go to her. # I'm coming home # # I sometimes see you pass outside my door. (CELL PHONE CHIMES) # Hello. (CELL PHONE CHIMES) # Is it me you're looking for? # I can see it in your eyes. (CELL PHONE CHIMES) # I can see it in your smile, # and I want to tell you so much ` # I love you. # # I'm coming home # All right. (SNIFFS) I smell coconuts. # I've waited here for you Coconuts. # Everlong (SNIFFS) # Tonight... # (DANCE MUSIC PLAYS) # I-I-I-I-I-I need, I need you # Oh. Hello. That dude looks like a lady. - You want to come in? - Actually, I'm, I'm looking for a girl named Valerie. Valerie Veran? Two floors up, one window over. - Thanks. - Good luck with the nipple rubbing. I don't need luck. I'm good. - I, I can see that. - Ooh! # Pardon me while I burst # Pardon me while I burst Aah! (GASPS) - Oh, my god! Nicky, is that you? - Yes. - Stay right there. - I will. Hi. Aah! What were you thinking coming here? I don't know, but it didn't involve going blind. Aah! Oh, my God! Nicky! Please don't die! Nicky? - Valerie? - What are you doing? I, I think I'm floating. Why would you be floating? Maybe it was because of this cake I ate earlier. Am I supposed to not be freaked out right now? Because I am. I'm freaked out, too. The butterflies in my stomach are flapping around in a way I've never felt before. You got the wrong window again, man. - Oh, sorry, Nipples. Valerie! - Nicky, over here. - I'm coming. - Oh, my God, you made it. - Valerie, I can see again, and you look beautiful. Aah! Just because you're floating I won't forget you gave me the finger. That wasn't me. I was being possessed by my brother Adrian. - What do you mean possessed? - Remember when I told you that my father was in hell? - Yes. Well, that's because he's the Devil, and he wants to keep his throne for another 10,000 years. And that pissed off my brothers, so they broke the gates of hell, which is making my father... - The Devil? ..decompose. And I love my father very much, - So I came to Earth to save him. - Now I get that Deep South joke. Yes! (WHEEZIE LAUGH) - I don't know if I believe you. - You got to. Believe in the butterflies. Wait. OK. OK, OK, I believe. Come on. Come back up. Take my hand, Valerie. Fly with me. I can give you the power. (GASPS) # You're the perfect one # And I don't... # That's the Empire State Building. There's Popeye's chicken. (LAUGHS) The hell beast is above us, and I can smell an evil slut. Whoa, Devil! Did you do that? Nobody calls my girl an evil slut. (LAUGHS) Good morning, New York. This is an Action News special report. A shocking crime results in a record $50 million reward for the capture of this man. His name is unknown, but his actions have earned him the label The Monster. He is considered armed and extremely dangerous. - The man who caused such a sensation at the game yesterday is no hero. He is, in fact, a mass murderer. - This is real bad. - Where the heck is Nicky? I have authorised a reward to the person who brings this man to me. It's a setup. Good morning, young lady. - Ah, ho. - That looks like it tastes great. (LAUGHS) Look at that. Mr Beefy would like you. Oh, look. # Well, I'm on my way (SNIFFS) # To the city lights (MAN SPEAKS KOREAN) # Welcome to hard times There he is! (YELLING) # So when I realise what it takes # Can I relate with whatever # But never will you drive me to hate (YELLING) (MAN SINGS INDISTINCTLY) (YELLING) Aah! Aah! (All) Whoa! Wait. Wait. What is happening? (PANTS) There he is! (CROWD YELLS) I'm not a monster. I'm not a monster. (YELLING STOPS) Release the evil. (YELLING) Hey! Hey! (CROWD SCREAMS) - Oh. - (YELLING) - Beefy, I think I'm in trouble. - The shit has hit the fan, kid. Take a look. This videotape will show what he did after he left the game. Say hello to my little friend. - (SCREAMING) - My name is Nicky. - I'll kill you all for no reason. - That's not me. That's that cockroach, Tony Montana. - It's difficult to watch, I know. - This is Adrian's work. He superimposed your head onto Scarface. - De Palma's third best film. - (KNOCK ON DOOR) - Hey! - Oh. - I'm not Nicky. - Dude, it's us. Let us in. - John, Pete. - Nicky. - There's a mob scene coming. - It's like they're following a giant trail of bug shit. - What do we do now, Beefy? - I don't know. - This is a bit out of my league. - What would your dad do? - That's a great idea. - I'll ask him. Kill me. - Are you serious? Yes. We'll meet at Grand Central Station, noon. Now I command you... do me. - All right! - Aah! Ow! That just hurt a lot. Still alive, though. I've always wanted to kill someone. Can I give it a try? (SOBBING) Damn you, Kevin Spacey! You take all my parts! Hey, you lose - royal flush. Off with the brassiere. Whoo. The last time I saw a pair of jugs that big, two hillbillies were blowing on them. Ah ha ha ha ha! Eee... Eee... Oh, my God, Dad. Nicky... - I got no legs. I got no hips. - I got one ear... I got no ears. - Now he has no ears. Are you happy, Nicky? - Adrian's got the whole city following me. - I can't hear you, Nicky! - Check one, two. Check one, two. - Put it back on my head! Hey, you got until midnight tonight. Now you get your ass back up there and you save your father. Go! - I'm going to save you, Dad. - Go, go, go! I'm going to save you! Go, then! Move it! Ohh! Go, Nicky, go! - Sure you're down with this? - A little nervous. Want to puke. - Hey, hey, fuzz. - We know where to find Nicky. Hey! Hey, hey! (GRUNTING) Let's go. - Hey. - What's up, Police Chief? - You have what I want. - You got what we want? 50 million bones, bro. - Here's the money. - My God! - That's half of it. - You get the rest when I get Nicky. - Thanks. But I gotta warn you, man. He's kinda not human. - Really? - He might be the son of Satan. - Ha ha ha ha! - Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! - Heh heh heh. - Ha ha ha! - Hey! I'll have to be extra careful, then, won't I? - (CHOKING / GROANING) - Now where is he? Hey, come on, that was cool! Do it again! Out of the way! Uhh. Where is he? - He's late. - He'll be here. Just keep your skirt on. - That's where he comes out of. - Over there! - Hey! We've been ratted out. We thought the son of Satan would understand a move like this. - Get them out of here. All right, this way. OK, OK! What is this, a bulldog and his gay lover? Oh, shut up. (JOHN LAUGHS) - It's true. - Judas. Judas priest, maybe. I'm only an actor. I don't know what's happening here. Take him to the holding area. Seal all exits. I'm only an actor! Whoa. Heh heh heh. - You want to see something cool? - Definitely. - Yeah. Ahem. -(GROANS) - Whoa. - Whoa. Ho ho ho ho. Pick me a winner. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Oh, sick! Oh, my God, that was awesome! Ha ha ha ha! So, what time's my brother expected back? Noon. Ish. Even though you're not the chief, we still get the rest of the cash. You know what you'll get, boys? An indescribably horrific torture administered by demons for the rest of eternity. - And we get to keep the cash, too. - Sure. Why not? - You're hurting me. - You're hurting me. - Shut up. Applesauce every time. Hey, boys! You want a blizzard with my flip-flop? No, thanks, but we'll take that bottle of booze. Heh heh heh. - Beat it, freak. Get outta here. - I'll be back with my flip-flop! Mmm. Schnapps. Yeah. Yeah. - Peppermint? - Heh heh heh. - All right! Want a hit? Drink up. Here's to 50 million clams. To the defilement of Earth and its people. OK, whatever. Just drink it. Cheers. (GULPS) It's awfully hot down here. How do you manage to stay so cool? Oh, uh... Beer lowers the body temperature. I read that in a... A beer magazine. Heh heh heh. Ah. This liquid will probably quench my thirst. - Cool me off. - Definitely. It'll give you a pretty good buzz. Or maybe it will trap me inside for all of eternity. Um... no, it won't? Oh, Nicky. I've missed you. Come out and say hello! - I'm not Nicky. - I'm calling you out, brother! (GROANS) (DEEP VOICE) Adrian, this is very painful. (GROANS) Ha ha ha ha! (GROANS) Ahh. There you are. - I told you he was sick. - Oh, hello, Cassius. - All right, Adrian! Let me out! - You know, new hell really only needs one new Satan. You mother fu- ! But Cassius could use some company for the rest of eternity. So get in the flask. Kick his ass, Nicky. - Sleep. - You got it. (SNORES) (SNORES) (WHINES) Hey, hold up. He's gotta take a pee. (GRUNTS) That dog's got smoke balls! Run, Beefy! Run! - You can't make me drink, Adrian. - Of course I can. (GASPS) Aaaah! Oh, it's Nicky's little ragamuffin. Drink, or she dies. Unlike you, she won't come back from where she's going. (PANTS) Let go of her! This is between you and me! - (CHUGGING) - I hear a train a-comin'! Adrian, stop! - Drink! - All right, I'll drink. Don't hurt her. - Don't do it, Nicky! - I have to, Valerie. (VALERIE STRUGGLES) (PANTS) (GRUNTS) Aaaah! Now that hurt the both of us. (GROWLS) Aah! No! Aah! Aah! Valerie! Aaah! - See you in hell! - Aah! - Aah! Hey, look at the bright side. You can go for a swim. - Hey. - You can play the harmonica and you can choke someone. Take me to my room. I want to be alone! In your weakened condition, if you vacate the throne, any of your sons can claim the seat of power. (GROANS) Oh, horseshit. - Good news. Adrian's back. - So I'll be all right? - Hello. - Where's Nicky? - Didn't he come with you? - I came through that gate alone. - Sorry, sir. False alarm. - Boo. Would everyone stop playing with me and tell me what my brother's up to? Hey. Hey. # I feel like a newborn # And I feel like a newborn Is it Dad's birthday? # So real # (GASPS) There he is. Hi! Oh, I can't believe you're here! - (GASPS) Welcome. - Up with the sign. Can I just tell you, I am so excited right now. - So excited! - She really is. If you could point me to the Black Palace, I gotta check in with my dad. - Oh! - Ha ha ha. - Ha ha ha. Ok. Can I ask you something? - What do you know about your mum? - My mum. My brothers tell me that she was a mountain goat, which would explain my chronic halitosis. A mountain goat? That's really sweet. Jenna, chair. Thanks. - My mother wasn't a goat? - Try an angel. An angel? I'm your mum. If you're my mum, then how come you're not older? Angels don't get any older, son. I can't believe you just called him "son." - (GASPS) This is so wild! - (GIGGLING AND SCREAMING) (KNOCK ON DOOR) Jenna, Christa. - Time for your mambo lesson. - Chubbs, I'm so sorry. I totally spaced. - I have company. This is my son Nicky. - Hi. - Hi. - Chubbs used to be a golf pro, but here he's a dope dance teacher. - Ah, that's nice. - You mambo? - I don't think so. It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips. - Bye, Chubbs. - All in the hips, yeah! - Nobody in this room will speak, Adrian. - Right! Oh, oh! Hey, let him go! Perhaps a titty-twister will loosen your lips. No, no. Aaaah! - Ooh, hey, I'm OK turned on. - OK, OK! All I know... - Yes? - If you sit on that throne in your father's condition - - Tit-head, no! - You can claim the seat of power for your own. - Whoa! Aaah! - Really? - As the founder of hell, I command you to stay off that throne! Hey! Even in hell, I get no respect. - Put me down. Put me down! - No! Ohh! # Knows what it's like # Now who's the light, and who is the Devil? # You can't decide, so I'll be your guide # I'm gonna be the one that's takin' over # Now this is what it's like when worlds collide # Until you're back here, baby (GIGGLING) So where did you meet Dad? Oh, it was a long time ago at this heaven-hell mixer. I remember that night. You had, like, four daiquiris. - At first, I didn't like him. - He was really conceited. But he was funny. And I hate to admit it, but he had a really hot body. (GIGGLING / DOG BARKING) Oh, puppy phone. It's so cute. Hello? Hi, Michelle. Yeah, he's here right now. I don't know if he's hot. He's my son, you perv. - Can I call you back? - (BARK) That was my friend Michelle. She says hi. - Say hi back. - (BARK) - I'll just call her later. - You know, Nicky, we saw you save your girlfriend's life. - That was cool. That's why you came to heaven instead of hell. Self-sacrifice gets you here. - How did you see me? - We can see anything that's going on on Earth. Look. Someone else is taking the internship. That's Felicity. I love it. Do you watch? - I don't but I hear good things. This is an Action News special report. Moments ago, a large chunk of what appears to be hell began to rise from beneath Central Park. Far from being terrified, many New Yorkers have begun flocking to the site, turning it into an unofficial party central. And this just in - I'm cheating on my husband with the weatherman. Show him Central Park. I love your legs. (CHEERING AND YELLING) (SCREAMING) Yeah! Ha ha ha ha! That's my father's throne! - Is Dad OK? - Let's see. I was a good devil, wasn't I? You were the best devil, sir! The best devil! If we fall in there, we will die. Period. My underwear is so far up my ass I could taste it. I hear that. (MOANING) Welcome to the party! (CHEERING) It's so nice to see you all here. (GROANS) I'm so proud of you. You've taken to sin with such minimal prompting. (CHEERING) You're acting as if there is no heaven or hell. (CHEERING) Well, I've got news for you. There is most definitely a hell. - (ALL) What? - And you're all going to go there when you die. Which is in about... 15 minutes. Holy shit, we really are gonna die! (SCREAMING / YELLING) Aaah! I'm really burning now! - What are we gonna do? - I gotta help her. I gotta help Dad. I gotta help everybody. At the stroke of midnight, my father will be completely deteriorated, and all your souls will be mine. Soon you will see things more horrible than you can even imagine. # I-I-I-I-I # Well, maybe not that horrible, but still pretty bad. (MOANING) So, while we wait, for your enjoyment, I bring you a dear, sweet man - Mr Henry Winkler. - (CROWD CHEERS) - Good evening. - Covered in bees! - (BUZZING) Aaaah! Eew! How can I win? Adrian is stronger and smarter than me. Stronger, yes. Smarter,... definitely. - But you have something that he doesn't have. - A speech impediment? No! The inner light, honey. And you can totally use it. It's the best power of all. - I do? - And God told me if you get in really bad trouble, you can use this. What is it? OK, I'm not totally 100% on that, but God said when the time came, you'd know what to do with it. - God's so smart. - Like Jeopardy smart. - (SIGHS) Mmm. - My little boy. - Mummy... Get me to the Big Apple, cos I'm gonna rock that town like a hurricane. - You're already there. - Bye, Nicky. - Bye, mum. - Bye. - Bye, guys. - Bye. (DEMONS) Nicky! (YELLING) - (YELLS ORDERS) - Release the good. Ahhh. - (DEMONS YELL) - Release the good. Yes, they're furry. (DEMONS) Bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny. - Release the awesome. What you do is put it in your mouth and let the meat slide down your throat hole. Not you, not you! Popeye's chicken is the shizzney! (LAUGHING) # Here I am # Rock you like a hurricane # Here I am # (ADRIAN LAUGHS) (ADRIAN LAUGHS) You know, from this angle, you're kind of cute. - You think so? - Oh, my God. He just opened his mouth and swallowed that spit. That turn you on there, Rupaul? Heh heh. - (JOHN AND PETE LAUGH) - (SNIFFING) - (FLAPPING) (BLOWS) Excuse me. Pardon me. Little Nicky. Yeah, Nicky! Nicky! - I knew you would make it! - Adrian,... ..I'm asking you nicely. Let my friends alone and get in the flask. - Is this a joke? - No. It's the inner light, And with it, we can defeat whatever you got. It's true! Aah! It's not true! (CLUCKING) Run, traitors, run! OK, Adrian. You've left me no choice. Whoa! (CHEERING) Ah, th-th-th-th! Leave this to me. - Let's see what you've got. - OK. (CROWD) Whoa. - (HISSING) - (CROWD GROANS) Ha ha ha ha. (CROWD) Oooh. - (MOWER BUZZES) - Ha ha ha ha! (COOS) Aw. Aah ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha. Aaah! Hey. (CROWD) Ahh. Enough! (GRUNTS) - I'll kill you with my bare hands. - I'm ready for you. I guess I wasn't ready. (VIBRATED YELLING) Aaah! - I totally had to do that. - Yay! - Hell yeah, you did. - Great job! - That's great! - Thanks, mum! Ee-yah! Aah! Unh! Now I'm gonna ask you nicely. Get in the fla-- Ohh! Oh, you want a pillow fight, do you? Well, let's let the feathers fly. Come on now. Come on. I'm right here. Where am I going with it, baby? Here I am. (MUTTERING) (GRUNTS) I'm sleeping. (SNORES) Or am I? - (CHEERING) - Thanks, Mr Winkler. Now I'm asking you one last time. Get in the flask. A little help here. Unh, please! Don't do this! No! (WHIMPERS) - Goodbye, Nicky. - Ahhh. Aaah! No! Whoa! Ow! Nice to see you. I'm gonna bust both of your heads wide open! No, no! (GRUNTING / HITTING) (ADRIAN GROANS) (SMACKING / GRUNTING) Come on! Get 'em, Nicky! Fight 'em, nick! You can do it, Nicky! - (GROANING) - Kick him in his hairy balls! - Good idea. - (GROANING) - (CHEERING) - One down, one to go. - You've asked for this. - Time for the shovel! - Bring it on! - (GRUNTING) - Kill him, Adrian! Shut up! Get him, Nicky! Let go of me! (GRUNTING) Nicky! Yay! - (CHEERING) - Oh, yeah! - Woo-hoo! Nicky! How did a nice Southern boy like you learn to fight like that? I guess from my father's side of the family. (GIGGLING) (CROWD) Aw... (RESISTS) Mmmm! Uh-oh. (ADRIAN'S VOICE) What? No tongue? (VALERIE SCREAMS) - Catch me if you can! - That is wicked! Ha ha ha ha! Whoo! Ha ha ha! Not long now! (CROWD GROANS) (GASPS) Whoo. You gotta fly out. - Soon it will all be mine! - Nicky! I know you can do it. - Run, run! - Do it for the butterflies. Butterflies? Oh, the power of good let you fly out. You're too late! Behold your new Satan! What-what's that? What's with the ball? Ha ha ha ha ha! - Ozzy? - Holy shit. Not - No, no, no, no! You can do it, Ozzy! Bite his frickin' head off! No! - Spit him in the flask! - Here you go, Ozzy. Aaah! (CHEERING) - Grand Central, Nicky! - Start running. - Never make it. You've gotta die. - I'll go to heaven. Not if you do something bad right before you die. - You're right. - Hey, Nicky! Cover Winkler in bees! You can do it! Sorry, Henry. Aaah! (BUZZING) - OK, do me! - With what? - I don't know. I don't know. - Here. Kill him with this. - Ha ha ha! - I'll never forget you, guys. And we will never forget you, my friend. (SOBBING) - Valerie? - (GRUNTS) (WHISPERS) I love you. And I love you, Nicky. I got them, Dad! I did it! I did it, Daddy! (MOANING) Unholiness, you're back! Woo-hoo! Ha ha! You look great! # It's all in the hips, hey # It's all in the hips # Ha ha ha! Dad! Dad! You're all right! - You came through, Nicky. - I came through for you, Dad, and I came through for Mum and the butterflies. You're back in hell now, kid. There are no butterflies here. If you want butterflies, you need to be on Earth. What about you and Grandpa and everybody in hell? Nicky,... ..I let my butterflies die once upon a time, and it's never stopped hurting. That's right! You heard me, Holly. - What? - I'm still in love with you! Oh, my God, he's talking about me. And don't think I forgot about how crazy you get after a few daiquiris. - (BREATHES DEEPLY) - (SIGHS) That guy is still the biggest horndog. Yeah, he is. Listen, I got down low. Your mum's got up high. You take care of the middle. OK, Dad. But... ..in the words of Motley Crue, "This will always be my home sweet home." Don't be afraid to show your face. You're such a handsome boy. (LAUGHS) I hate to interrupt, but, uh, ha ha. - It's time for Hitler's punishment. - Ho ho. I'll take that. Maybe they're gonna let us out. Grandpa! OK, kids. Enjoy your new home! (CASSIUS AND ADRIAN) No, no, no, no! (FARTING AND SCREAMING) Holy shnit! Ohh! (GIGGLING) # Livin' easy # - Such a little angel. - Only a quarter, ma'am. Tickle, tickle, tickle. Aaah! Sorry. # Takin' everything in my stride # Don't need reason # Don't need rhyme # Ain't nothin' I'd rather do # Goin' down # Party time # My friends are gonna be there, too # I'm on a highway to hell # On the highway to hell # Highway to hell # I'm on the highway to hell # No stop signs # Speed limit # Nobody's gonna slow me down # Like a wheel # Gonna spin it # Nobody's gonna mess me 'round # Hey, Satan # Paid my dues # Playin' in a rockin' band # Hey, mama # Look at me # I'm on my way to the promised land # Whoa # I'm on the highway to hell # Highway to hell # I'm on the highway to hell # Highway to hell # Mmm # Hey, hey... # # We from the school # The school of hard knocks # Who's ready to rock? Ready to rock # Are you ready to rock? # Ready to rock # Roundin' those suckers up around the blocks # We from the school # The school of hard knocks # Who's ready to rock? Ready to rock # Are you ready to rock? Ready to rock # Roundin' those suckers up around the block # Graduated 13, the streets made me a scholar # In front of the microphone, one by one, hear 'em holler # The sure shot that rocks # Why, blastin' beatbox on my sidewalk # Be hip-hopalong cassidy # Graphic catastrophe, but only time will tell # Could we excel, rock hell like l.L.? # Made me feel I was ill, music euphoria # Went to the doc, the D.O.C. Gave me the formula # Hey, young world, the world is yours # Turn the whole wide world into metaphors # You kept the strength when times got hard # So let me reminisce over you, my God # Old school # Bring it back # We from the school # The school of hard knocks # Who's ready to rock? Ready to rock # Are you ready to rock? Ready to rock # Roundin' those suckers up around the blocks # We from the school # The school of hard knocks # Who's ready to rock? # Ready to rock # Are you ready to rock? Ready to rock # Roundin' those suckers up around the blocks Shh. # Yeah, bringing you another disturbing creation # From the mind of one sick animal # Who can't tell the difference and gets stupefied # I've been waiting my whole life # For just one fuck # And all I needed was just one fuck # How can you say that you don't give a fuck? # I find myself stupefied, coming back again # All I wanted was just one fuck # One tiny, little, innocent fuck # And when I feel like I'm shit out of luck # I find myself stupefied, coming back again # Why do you like playing around with # My narrow scope of reality? # I can feel it all start slipping # I think I'm breaking down # Why do you like playing around with # My narrow scope of reality? # I can feel it all start slipping away # See, but I don't get it # Don't you think maybe we could put it on credit? # Don't you think it can take control # When I don't let it? I get stupefied # It's all the same you say live with it # But I don't get it # Don't you think maybe we could put it on credit? # Don't you think it can take control # When I don't let it? # I get stupefied # I get stupefied # And don't deny me # No, baby, now # Don't deny me # And, darlin', don't be afraid # But I don't get it # Don't you think maybe we could put it on credit? # Don't you think it can take control # When I don't let it? I get stupefied # Look in my face, stare in my soul # I begin to stupefy # Look in my face, stare in my soul # I begin to stupefy # Look in my face, stare in my soul # Look in my face, stare in my soul # Look in my face, stare in my soul # Look in my face, stare in my soul # Look in my face # Look in my face # Look in my face # I begin to stupefy # I watched you change # Into a fly # I looked away # You were on fire # I watched a change # In you # It's like you never had wings # Now you feel # So alive # I've watched you change # It's like you never had wings # Ah-ah-ah # Ah-ah-ah # Ah-ah-ah # Ah-ah-ah # Ah-ah # I taught you how to stand # When the worms are talking loud # Sobbing bulls lay down and scream # Doesn't mean I'm breaking my vows # Oh, no # Always ignored # Thought after all that I'd be rich # I must say I've never been to meditate # That is something that I won't need # You're telling me that I hesitate # What for? # Being bored # Oh, no # Always ignored # IMS Subtitles Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air.