Tonight on 20/20 ` one family's loss,... We would just keep saying, 'Come on, Pete. Wake up, Pete.' ...another family's gain. I cry and cry and cry. The only words I managed to get out was 'sorry'. What happens when a donor's family come face to face with the man with their loved one's heart. Couples desperate for a child are turning to the internet. Some people go on the internet for sex. Why can't I go on the internet for sperm? But who are these donors? A reclusive computer engineer who works out of his home for several major companies, Trent posts pictures of his offspring on his website. And he's the most unusual kid on TV. It's still frozen. It's still frozen. Well, lick it. It'll last longer. We go behind the scenes and meet the stars of the hit show The Middle. Captions by Chris Leggett and Desney Thorogood. www.tvnz.co.nz/access-services Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright TVNZ Access Services 2012 Kia ora. I'm Sonya Wilson. Last year, Aaron Coull lost the will to live. For nine years his heart had been deteriorating and he couldn't take it any more. He wanted to go home and spend his final days with his wife and kids. But then, a phone call. Someone had died, and the heart was a match for Aaron. All he could think about was the pain the donor family must have been going through. But little did he know that, five months later, through coincidence or fate ` depending on how you view these things ` he would meet the family of the man who'd saved his life. Emma Keeling with the story of one heart that brought two families together. We would just keep saying, 'Come on, Pete. Wake up, Pete.' WIND CHIME TINKLES It's only been five months ` It's difficult to think about what's gonna happen shortly. five months since Charlene and Tania lost their brother Peter,... ...since this man, Aaron Coull, received his heart. And now they're going to meet for the very first time. I don't want to be too overwhelming for him, even though he said there's no way we can overwhelm him, because look what he's got. Ooh, I'll have that. > Chris is waiting for a special part of his brother Peter to come home. We're only 15 minutes away from meeting them. Starting to get a little bit nervous about it? Uh, yeah, I am. I've been, probably, nervous since I woke up this morning. I feel quite calm at the moment. I was feeling mostly... butterflies from Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. (CHUCKLES) You know, it's just another opportunity for us to say thank you very much for, you know, the wonderful decision we feel they've made. All right. Away you go. No, you lead the way. No, you lead the way. OK. There's someone with a camera over there. There's someone with a camera over there. Oh, they must be here. > Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Here they are. VOICE BREAKS: He's there. FILM ROLLS # I just can't` I just can't` I just can't control my feet. What was Peter like? What was Peter like? Very good family man ` loved his family. He was a great dad. Peter Parsons lived in Auckland with wife Nikki, daughters Monique and Connor and son Izzy. Growing up, Dad was always the one who liked to play practical jokes on us. He always joked a lot. You had lots of laughs? Yeah, lots. And he used to drive weird. ALL CHUCKLE ALL CHUCKLE < On Xbox? ALL CHUCKLE < On Xbox? No, on the car. ALL CHUCKLE < You better keep that one to yourself. < You better keep that one to yourself. ALL LAUGH Batter. Batter. < Oh, don't drop it! Peter's old boat has been renamed. 'Peter Cool' was his nickname, and his ashes are never far from the family he loved. < Does it feel good to have him close? I feel... Yep. Can't leave without him. # Don't blame it on the good times. # Blame it on the boogie. # Peter Cool would save Aaron Coull's life. It'd be, um, about 10 and a half years ago now, I was playing tennis for the Rolleston Tennis Club, and all of a sudden, no pain at all, but just felt like someone was sitting on my chest. And, um, after five years of` of that, they diagnosed me with cardiomyopathy. It's, uh, an enlarging of the left-hand side of the heart, and, um, your heart becomes so enlarged that it struggles to pump the blood round your body over time. CAMERA SHUTTER SNAPS Peter was also living a life of pain. Just over 15 years ago, he collapsed and had a large epileptic fit. They discovered an` an arteriovenous malformation on the brain, or otherwise known as AVM. They call it a plumbing issue, I guess, and it's all to do with, um,... an abnormality with the joining of the vessels in his brain. So the blood through it flowed a lot quicker than it normally would. So unfortunately, the effects of` of having this, he had seizures and migraines and headaches on a daily basis. Finally last year, doctors said technology had caught up and they could operate. He was taking up to 15 pills a day, on a daily basis. It was just... He was sick of it. He'd had enough, and this opportunity was given to him, and he didn't hesitate. 'Absolutely,' he said. MELANCHOLY PIANO MUSIC As Peter was looking forward to the rest of his life, Aaron's was a living hell. So you were a prisoner in your own house? Oh, yeah, totally. Um... Looking out, watching the kids... play, wanting to be with them. It got to the stage, um, where I couldn't get out of bed. Uh, if I got out of bed, I'd just, uh` I'd just be blacking out. Um... It was bloody awful, actually. In August 2010, Aaron was transferred to the Auckland Heart Unit. Almost a year later, Peter was facing brain surgery. There was only a` a very small chance of anything like this happening during surgery. There was 2%, and I remember him saying that ` it was only very small. And unfortunately, he was part of that 2%. As the Parsons let Peter go, Aaron had given up. The next day was Todd's birthday. I called Del into my room in ICU and said, 'I'm going home tomorrow.' And she said, 'You can't.' I said, 'I don't care. I've had enough. I'm going home. 'If I go home to die, I go home to die.' Aaron's transplant coordinator asked him for a favour. And I said, 'Yeah, I'll do you any favours today, but none tomorrow.' She said, 'Have some sleeping pills and we'll talk about it tomorrow.' I said, 'OK.' She came in about quarter to 5, and she'd been crying, and I thought she was coming in with my sleeping pills. She said, 'You're not gonna believe it ` I think we've got a heart for you.' And quarter to 12 that night, I went into theatre. GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC Days became weeks. The Parsons had to get on with life. He was a very loving husband. He was a great dad. He was very funny. He was very thoughtful. He was very kind. He was very helpful. He was everything. With Peter's extraordinary gift beating in his chest, Aaron often thought of his donor's family. But it's recommended no contact be made for at least six months. My biggest regret would` Oh, that I would never ever get the chance to thank them as a family. We knew that perhaps after a year the recipient might be able to contact us, but we had no control over that. So when it happened, um, it was a really beautiful thing, and it's been extremely healing for our family. Extremely healing. Cos he's just a very very wonderful person. Um, but Peter knew that. (CHUCKLES) How they came to meet was curious. It was just three months after Peter's death. Charlene's job was to knock on doors and ask people questions about their health and lifestyle. The thing is each house is selected in a really random way. A computer selects an area, then houses within that area and a person within each house. So imagine Charlene's surprise when she knocked on the door and discovered the man behind it had had a heart transplant. He'd met Aaron in hospital. He just took a step back and said, 'I think I know who's got your brother's heart.' They got chatting about life on a transplant waiting list. They wait for someone to die so they can live, and that really, um, was important to me to understand. And then, um, he passed the phone over to me and said, 'Here he is. Will you talk to him?' Couldn't talk. I wanted this day to come, you know, for... for three months before that. And all of a sudden I get the opportunity and I can't talk. I cried. Cry and cry and cry. The only words I managed to get out was 'sorry'. Two months later, 20/20 was invited to film this rarest of meetings. Hi. How're you going? (CHUCKLES) (SOBS) I'm shaking. I'm shaking. (SOBS) The heart's awesome. Lovely to meet ya. The heart's awesome. Lovely to meet ya. (SOBS) Tania? Yeah. How are you going? You all right? Pleased to meet you. Pleased to meet you. Yeah. I'm glad I get to meet you. Pleased to meet you. Yeah. I'm glad I get to meet you. Yeah. Oh, me too. I'm shaking. (CHUCKLES) Aaron and Adele had met Nikki and the kids in private the day before. Uh, Monique, sort of, really broke the ice, which was great, and... Yeah? Yeah? Yeah. She, sort of, straight away came out of the blue and said, 'Well, what's it feel like to have a bit of Maori-Samoan in ya?' 'Well, what's it feel like to have a bit of Maori-Samoan in ya?' What is it like? (LAUGHS) I feel wonderful. Yeah. Was it too soon? It was too soon for me, but after giving it some thought, I thought, 'I s'pose I should contact him.' And so my first initial contact was via email, and something that probably took only a couple of minutes to read took me hours to write. Um, that was followed on a few weeks later by a phone call. That was probably the hardest. But our meeting face to face was` was good. We ` both of us ` thought we'd just fall apart as soon as we saw each other, but no, we didn't. When he walked through the door, um, we felt as if he was already part of, um, our family. We gave each other big hugs, and the smiles on the children's faces was just incredible. Gidday, Pete. You all right? Aaron's slowly returning to normal life. He's back at the local workingman's club for show and tell. Well, I brought my heart. Well, I brought my heart. Dunno if I'm that keen, actually. Well, I brought my heart. Dunno if I'm that keen, actually. Oh, shit. There it is. Ugh. It's good to be able to play cards with his mates again. (LAUGHS) The simple things are precious. Yeah, honestly, I've done more being a dad in the last six months than I have in the last six, seven years. It's so good to pick them up from school, take them to school and... (CHUCKLES) Yeah, I... I love it. VOICE BREAKS: It's... Yeah. They have their moments, but all kids do and don't listen sometimes, but God,... these last six months have been, as I say, I've done so much with them, and that's not stopping. You haven't had a beer in nine years. Will you ever? Ashley's 21st. Ashley's 21st. In 12 years' time. Boy, it's gonna taste good. It's gonna taste great. I'll have it, too. Evening. Evening. My brother. How is it? Evening. My brother. How is it? Good to see ya. Today Aaron's back in Auckland. Kia ora, Aaron. Kia ora, everybody. Before we start off, we're gonna do a little karakia. A blessing for a special trip. Fishing was a favourite pastime of Peter's. First his sisters want some quiet time ` they have a favour to ask. Would you be happy if we tried to have a listen to your heart? Would you be happy if we tried to have a listen to your heart? I have no problems with that at all. Aaron will probably know where to put it, I should imagine. Wow. It's Pete's heart. Your heart. Your heart. (CHUCKLES) (SIGHS) No beat. (CHUCKLES) Have I got it on right? Have I got it on right? ALL LAUGH (CHANTS HAKA) The boys also have something to share. (CONTINUES HAKA) Aaron wouldn't be here without Peter's gift, which started with him saying, 'I want to be a donor.' Just because you've got donor on your licence, you know, it doesn't mean a thing. We need people to be well aware that it comes down to next of kin. Please speak to your family, because for us something really beautiful's come out of something really tragic. Has it brought you any peace? It has. Yeah, it has. Yeah. A little. Do you know how long you and Peter's heart will be together? That's one of the first questions I asked, and... and was told, 'How old are your children?' And, uh, he said, 'Everything going well, um, you should live to see them into their late teens.' And that's not the answer I wanted. I'll got a great attitude to life and I wanna make the most of it. So they say 10 years. I believe I'll get at least 20. < The boys fishing. Yeah! ALL: Yeah! Peter sounds like a good guy. I think he'd be backing you. Peter sounds like a good guy. I think he'd be backing you. He seemed a great guy. Some of the pictures and videos I've seen, and, uh, yeah, the life of the party. Hey, I've got to do him proud as well for myself. Gosh. What a beautiful story. Next on 20/20 ` the murky world of internet sperm donation. People go on the internet for sex. Why can't I go on the internet for sperm? What did you google ` free sperm? Armed with a good gut feeling, Beth is ready to go to the next step. OK. So we'll go downstairs then, and I'll have my phone on me. OK. OK. OK. Thanks, Trent. OK. OK. Thanks, Trent. See you soon. Drew retreats to the bathroom with a cup and his imagination. ELECTRONIC MUSIC Who says the everyday has to be so every day? MUSIC CONTINUES 1 Experience the amazing every day ` the new Nokia Lumia. (CHEERY MUSIC PLAYS) (GIGGLES) Change time for your active baby doesn't have to be a struggle. Huggies Nappy Pants are specially designed to change your baby standing up and to have the same great absorbency you'd expect from Huggies for both day and night. Huggies Nappy Pants - for babies who won't take changes lying down. Let's see that again. You'll need to learn these new rules. This is rule change number one. When you're turning right, you'll need to give way to left-turning vehicles. Think ` Let's see that again. If you're turning right, give way. These changes come into effect at... What happens when a donor's family come face to face with the man with their loved one's heart. 1 Welcome back. How far will some women go to become a Mum? Well, in a surprising trend, thousands of women are apparently turning to a bold new option. Instead of expensive and sometimes invasive sperm banks and fertility clinics, they're now getting free sperm on the internet. Tonight 20/20 follows several women desperate to have children and willing to turn to this underground universe of online link-ups, meeting men on the internet to exchange this gift of life. But as you'll see, the possible rewards are not without their risks. My monitor, it says that I have a high day right now, so it's a good day to inseminate. Like millions of couples, Beth and Richard are on a quest to have a baby, but unlike most, their labour of love is launching them on a cross-country odyssey. Their destination ` a strange hotel room... That's pretty much my whole gamut of fertility products. (CHUCKLES) If you want a baby, it's worth it. ...and an intimate encounter with a perfect stranger. K, he just texted me back. Says he's on the way. Honey, can you help me with the pillows? So, why, um, the need to get pregnant? I've really felt the need ever since we got married almost nine years ago. Their saga started when they discovered Richard's vasectomy could not be reversed. They spent years taking in more than 60 foster children and ended up adopting two of the neediest. But at 33 years of age, Beth still yearns to give birth herself. I sit around with my sisters, and they tell me about their experiences. I just want to know what does it feel like, you know, to have that baby inside of you. After two years and $14,000 worth of sperm banks and artificial inseminations, Beth and Richard just couldn't afford any more. They'd nearly lost hope, and then one day Beth turned on her computer and clicked on to a brave new world. Some people go on the internet for sex. Why can't I go on the internet for sperm? What did you google? Free sperm? What did you google? Free sperm? Free sperm. You really can find everything on the internet. You really can find everything on the internet. Yes, you really can. (CHUCKLES) To Beth's surprise, it turns out there's an entire online universe devoted to free sperm donation. So I want a donor that I can meet. Just like in the movies. I want to be able to, you know, shake his hand, and you can't do that at a sperm bank, right? I also want it fresh, you know. I don't really` I don't think I want it frozen. Reporter Tony Dokoupil spent months investigating this new online world for a Newsweek cover story. It's a weird blend of Facebook, Match.com and a traditional sperm bank where you get all this medical information about this person who you might procreate with. Tony estimates thousands of people use these sites. His research took him to some unexpected places where people donate sperm. A fairly common location for the exchange is Starbucks. Starbucks? Starbucks? Starbucks has a lot of locations. In the middle of Starbucks? In the middle of Starbucks? This will be happening right in that one bathroom they have. And you use a cup that` like, any cup or a coffee cup? I mean, you use a sterile cup. You can get them at a drugstore. Hand the cup to the recipient, who will then go into the bathroom. And they don't even have to leave the bathroom to inseminate before the sperm cells start dying within minutes thanks to a handy device known as an instead cup. It fits on the cervix. So you put the sample on the instead cup and then insert the fixture, and then you can walk around freely while nature's taking its course. A few months ago, Beth discovered the Free Sperm Donor Registry and a donor named Drew Sollenberger. I listed myself on that site, and fairly quickly I started getting contacts from multiple individuals. Drew is a brilliant 26-year-old software engineer who does work for government agencies. He's also a member of the brotherhood who give away their sperm rather than earn thousands of dollars selling it to sperm banks. Why not go to a sperm bank and donate there? Why do this over the internet and for free? I prefer to know the child if at all possible. As someone who loves children, I still wanted to have a child. But do you want to get married and have your own kids? I don't suspect that I will ever choose to get married. Why not? Why not? I am by nature a bit of an introvert. You know that there is probably out there a bit of an assumption that guys like you are, um, you know, a little... Many people do distrust sperm donors. There are some who do this for the wrong reasons, but there are many good donors. Drew is an extreme altruist who donates thousands of dollars to charity and even donated one of his kidneys to a child. Today Drew is travelling to a Maryland hotel room. This is how you have a baby. (CHUCKLES) Beth and Richard have come here all the way from Wyoming to inseminate with a man they've never met before. I'm just curious, what do you use? I mean, in the movies, you see a turkey baster. You use a regular syringe. Come on in. Come on in. Thank you. This is my husband, Richard. Hi, Drew. Hi, Drew. Nice to meet you. Hi, Drew. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too. Beth and Drew conduct a kind of awkward first dance. It's good to meet you. She needs to know he will be good and safe as a partner. At a sperm bank there's the assurance that the semen has been frozen for six months and thoroughly tested for diseases. That is not the case here. Armed with a good gut feeling, Beth is ready to go to the next step. OK, so, we'll go downstairs, then, and I'll have my phone on me. OK. OK. OK. Thanks, Drew. See you soon. See you soon. All right. Drew retreats to the bathroom with a cup and his imagination. Downstairs, Beth and Richard don't have to wait long for Drew's text. Drew says he's done. (CHUCKLES) He's ready for us. Now it's time for Beth to begin her part in the process. (CHUCKLES) It's ready for you in there. It's ready for you in there. OK, thanks. Is that a weird moment when Drew's handing you this...? It's a little bit different, but... You don't feel embarrassed? He doesn't feel embarrassed? I think my husband feels more embarrassed than we do. Is that true, Richard? Is that true, Richard? Um, yeah, I'm sure it is. Is that true, Richard? Um, yeah, I'm sure it is. (LAUGHS) Right, well, thank you. Right, well, thank you. Thank you. Right, well, thank you. Thank you. We'll see you tomorrow. Pretty much say, 'OK, goodbye,' or, 'Thank you, goodbye.' I mean, how can you ever thank someone for that? < You ready? < You ready? Yeah. While Beth positions the pillows to ensure maximum effect,... Get a couple pillows to put my hips up on. ...final delivery of this gift is entrusted to Richard. Slip off my shoes. (CHUCKLES) So, uh, we inseminated, and I have my hips up on the pillow underneath this big old burrito here, and my knees are right here. I just keep them up as long as possible. The syringe is still in. We'll leave it in for probably about 15 minutes. Thank you for your support with this. I feel like it's important for him to be there. That way I can say he was there at conception. He will be the father of the baby. BOTH LAUGH And Richard is there over the next five days... Anything interesting? Anything interesting? No. ...as Beth and Drew repeat the now familiar ritual of insemination. Says he's done. They will know in a few anxious weeks if Beth is pregnant. You know there are people out there watching this thinking... ...we're crazy. ...we're crazy. ...you're naive. Yeah. Well, it is a leap of faith, but it's what's best for us. When you look at these babies we've adopted and all the struggles they've gone through, we love both of our babies so much, and we love their mothers for choosing us. That's how I feel about Drew at this time too. He's giving me this gift that... how many other people would` would freely give? All right. Coming up ` well, there are those out there on the net just trying to help. There are others, well, that can get flat-out weird. I have around 50 different, um, recipients, and a total of over 300 actual donations. That's right. 50 women a year. About three donations a week. The FDA is now involved, saying Trent is not following federal guidelines. They have issued a 'cease manufacture' order, telling him to stop distributing his sperm. 1 Welcome back. So, just who are these men donating sperm through the internet and what's their motivation? Are they all just do-gooders wanting to help out, or is there more to it? In the underground gallery of online sperm donors, no one even comes close to Trent Arsenault. I have around 50 different, um, recipients, and a total of over 300 actual donations. That's right. 50 women a year. About three donations a week. A prolific output he says has resulted in 14 children over the past five years. A reclusive computer engineer who works out of his home for several major companies, Trent posts pictures of his offspring on his website, and he recently met one of them ` a toddler named Jayden. He's pretty good, considering it says, um, like, ages 4 and up. I think the biggest misconception that people see when they hear about me as a donor is that the goal is to create hundreds or thousands of copies of myself. And` And, no, that isn't the case. I've done community service work, I've, um, volunteered at church, and I think this is just another way to help the community. Can you ask him to give me a call, please? This afternoon 39-year-old Krista is on her way to meet Trent. I don't think a lot of people understand this type of journey, and I never thought this was the journey that I would have to take. Krista holds a good job in the financial industry, but something was missing. She and her partner spent nearly $10,000 on six cycles of unsuccessful frozen sperm inseminations. I always ask, 'Why am I such a failure for not being able to sustain a pregnancy 'or get pregnant? So Krista started looking at alternatives. She soon became convinced that fresh rather than frozen sperm offered a better shot at her dream. I was looking at the statistics, and I realised that my chances would be a lot better using fresh sperm, so we found Trent online. It worked. Krista got pregnant by Trent twice, but miscarried. She trusts him, she says, because he posts his medical history and STD test results. Trent is tested regularly, so I feel very comfortable using his sperm as much as I would working with the frozen sperm. So now they will try again. Krista sends a text message. She's on her way. It says, 'Hi, Trent. We are coming up on your house.' That's my cue to recover the semen. Trent gets ready to make his donation in a sterile cup. time is of the essence, because every, uh, minute or so that passes by, you know, there's an amount of sperm that's dying in a way. Hi. Hi. Hi. And then the hand-off on Trent's front porch. Good luck. Good luck. Oh, thanks. I appreciate it. We'll keep in touch, let you know what happens, OK? Yep, I'll keep my fingers crossed. Yep, I'll keep my fingers crossed. All right. In her car, Krista's partner inseminates her with a drugstore syringe, and Krista rests in the back seat. It's important that I remain in this position for a little while. It's a very emotional time. It's filled with a lot of hope and a lot of excitement. Trent's work for the day is done, but not everyone is pleased with what he's doing. The FDA is now involved, saying Trent is not following federal guidelines. They have issued a cease manufacture order, telling him to stop distributing his sperm. I would need written approval from the government before I could recover my own semen. For now, Trent is still in business and recently retained a lawyer to challenge the FDA's order. The agency declined our request for an interview, but did tell us, 'Human cells and tissues intended for donation are regulated 'regardless of whether they're for sale or free of charge.' I know the FDA frowns on this, but is it illegal? It's effectively illegal. You need to have a battery of STD tests, and the fees for those laboratories are more than $1000 per attempt. Those standards are so arduous as to make it impossible for somebody like Trent Arsenault to meet. It's not up to the government to determine who I decide the father to our child should be. If someone has the right to go to a bar in the evening and wind up having sexual intercourse, why is it they can do that and I can't choose to have this person be the biological contributor to my child? Legal or not, there are alarming questions about how much the women really know about the online donors. It turns out that over the years, Trent has posted dozens of graphic videos of himself. He says the videos are 'part of his process', but they raise serious concerns. Out there online, not everything is as it represents itself to be. Dr Jessica Brown is a fertility specialist who has helped women get pregnant for nearly 20 years. She says another thing sperm banks often do besides STD testing is screen donors for psychological issues. It does make sense to try to weed out men who may be doing this for bizarre reasons or who may have some type of psychiatric illness or personality disorder. And there is another big question about the donors. Aren't there concerns that he's gonna want to exercise parental rights that I don't want him to exercise? 'Maybe I don't want you around the Christmas tree every year.' You know, 'I wanted your sperm, I wanted my baby, and thank you so much, and see you later.' Virtually all these women have contracts that the donor signs where the donor relinquishes parental rights. Whether those are enforceable if the donor decides, 'Oh, actually, I changed my mind,' it's a grey area. There is one more leap of faith some women are willing to take to have a baby. Next on 20/20, NI or 'natural insemination' and those who provide the service. Does your wife know you're doing this? Does your wife know you're doing this? DISTORTED VOICE: No. Well, that begs the question ` if there wasn't something wrong, why keep it a secret? I'm just helping these people do what they wanna do, and, uh, it's something I want to do also. But people want to have sex with other people sometimes ` it's called extramarital affairs. I'm not interested in it if it's not gonna lead to pregnancy. MC HAMMER'S 'U CAN'T TOUCH THIS' RAPS: # When you gotta go, think of this rhyme. Grab your Pull-Ups, then stop ` potty time. # Pull-Ups fit you like a pro. There's sealable sides in case you go. # All because you're a big kid now. Stop ` potty time. # 1 Welcome back. So you think getting sperm from a stranger on the internet is risky business? Well, there are some women who believe NI or 'natural insemination' is the more reliable way to get pregnant. So we meet them and a man who connects with these women on the internet and provides just such a service. In the private and secretive world of online insemination, there is a special category called natural insemination, or NI. In other words, having sex with people you meet online specifically to get pregnant. At least a third of women, uh, click that they're available for NI as an option. How many go through with it, I don't know. To understand why some women would even consider that option, you need to meet Tanya. I've wanted to be a mom since I was a child. Tanya's journey began when she was 19 years old. I got pregnant, and I decided to place our child for adoption. It changed me forever. I have a hole in my heart, and if I could have another biological child, then I could have the chance to be her mom. It would at least, you know, make me feel a little bit better. In her 30s, Tanya had a long-time boyfriend, but when he told her he didn't want children, it crushed her heart, but not her hope. She turned to sperm banks. I unfortunately, um, had three miscarriages. How much money did you spend? How much money did you spend? Probably $60,000, $70,000. I didn't have any infertility insurance at all, so I had to pay for everything out of pocket. This past summer, after her third miscarriage, she still longed for a child. She went online. Tanya found the Free Sperm Donor Registry and opted to leave the choice between artificial and natural insemination blank. Well, I just decided that I would see if this person was someone that I would be interested in, and then we would make the decision. One online donor caught her interest. We spent weeks emailing and talking on the phone and really getting to know each other. Eventually they agreed to meet. Tanya found herself conducting the strangest interview she could imagine over dinner and a glass of wine. We were both shaking as we were lifting our wine glasses. (CHUCKLES) Had he done this before? Had he done this before? He had not done this before. Had he done this before? He had not done this before. Really? I know it's hard to believe` I know it's hard to believe` It's kind of a dogged pursuit of altruism. It is, and you're, like, 'Why would you ever want to, um, donate your sperm?' The way he explains it to me, he genuinely wanted to help someone. The way he explains it to me, he genuinely wanted to help someone. What kinds of questions did you ask? We actually started from the very beginning ` from when we were children to our 20s and college. It sounds like a date. For us, it actually turned out to be a date. It did? It did? It did. It really did. I hit the jackpot. In fact, she says they began to sleep together. Anybody wave some red flags, saying this isn't a good idea? Anybody wave some red flags, saying this isn't a good idea? Definitely they did. So to people who think it's crazy, you would say? I thought it was crazy, you know, too, but people have one-night stands and they have babies all the time. I made an adult choice, and he and I have come together for a common reason. Do you allow yourself now to imagine being a mom, to imagine this time holding your baby and keeping him or her? I hope that that's in my future. I definitely do. But for every hopeful novice like Tanya dabbling on the web, there is someone like this man. And half the time you have sex with them? And half the time you have sex with them? Yes. We'll call him Joe. He asked that we disguise his face and his voice because he has a secret online life. He says he meets women often in hotel rooms who have sex with him because they believe natural insemination increases their chances of getting pregnant. And how many children total do you have? And how many children total do you have? Uh, right now at least 10. And get this. He also has three kids and a wife at home. Does your wife know you're doing this? Does your wife know you're doing this? No. Well, that begs the question ` if there wasn't something wrong, why keep it a secret? I'm just helping these people do what they want to do, and, uh, it's something I want to do also. But people want to have sex with other people sometimes, and it's called extra-marital affairs. I'm not interested in it if it's not gonna lead to pregnancy. Are you saying what you're doing is altruistic? It is what people want. It happens to coincide with what I want. I want to have children. So it's not altruistic. You're doing this for yourself. Well, yeah, it's a kind of win-win situation. And you don't think what you're doing is kind of creepy in any way? Well, these people are adults who've ask me to help them. They've decided how they want that to happen. Three men each pursuing an online mission to procreate and three women on a personal quest to have a baby by any means possible. Tanya tells us she is still dating and may also look into adopting. Krista, who got pregnant with Trent but miscarried soon after, says that despite revelations about his pornographic postings, she still believes in him as a donor, and they may try again. I actually have had no second thoughts with Trent. There's a lot of risk involved, there's a lot of unknowns, but he is the right choice for us. I know that I will be a mother someday. I just don't know how yet. And remember Beth and her husband, Richard? After they inseminated with Drew in that Maryland hotel room, she did not get pregnant, but she and Drew are trying again. I have this strong urge that I want to have a biological child. If I have to work extra hard to get it, I'll do it. I don't give up. Next on 20/20 ` he's the kooky kid from The Middle, but is he as weird in real life? (WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY) WHISPERS: Scarlett Johansson. WHISPERS: Eyeballs. WHISPERS: Super Mario. I really am a lot like Brick, and the only two things that I'm not like him are I'm not as into fonts, and I do talk to myself, just not in a whisper. And I will blurt out random things ` random words that sound cool. 1 Welcome back. What do you call a show about a middle-class family living in mid-West America? How about The Middle? The name may be boring, but there's enough dysfunction in the Heck family to keep you entertained. The show stars Everybody Loves Raymond actress Patricia Heaton as 'the mom', and as Emma Keeling discovered, the actors are happily dysfunctional too. Every sitcom has a weirdo. I have a meeting with my teacher Monday. What? What? It's imperative that you both be there, she says. (WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY) WHISPERS: Scarlett Johansson. WHISPERS: Eyeballs. WHISPERS: Super Mario. WHISPERS: Super Mario. OK, that's fine. Brick Heck is the little brother with weird social skills in The Middle. ALL: # Happy birthday to you. # Atticus Shaffer is the actor who plays him. He and Brick are close. I really am a lot like Brick, and the only two things that I'm not like him are I'm not as into fonts and I do talk to myself, just not in a whisper. And I will blurt out random things ` random words that sound cool to me. That is a bit weird, but still not as weird as Brick. (GASPS, SCREAMS) Bridge! (GASPS, SCREAMS) Bridge! BRAKES SQUEAL It's the third season of The Middle, and 13-year-old Atticus is building quite a CV. Honey, eat your pancake. Honey, eat your pancake. It's still frozen. Honey, eat your pancake. It's still frozen. Well, lick it. It'll last longer. Have you been star-struck yet ` met anybody that's just blown you away? Have you been star-struck yet ` met anybody that's just blown you away? When I worked on Hancock and I met Will Smith, I` That was the most. That was definitely the most. Bad guys. He's been in a few movies, but fame doesn't rate high on his list of achievements. My dream is to go to college and learn how to become a director/writer, i love being a storyteller. That's why I like being in this business, is because I am a storyteller. I get the feeling his Brick-like traits keep things interesting for his colleagues. So, what would the ultimate role for you be while you're still an actor? I haven't had the time to think about that because I am so much like Brick. What do we get if you do yell? What do we get if you do yell? It doesn't work that way. We should get something. We should get something. That's not what this is about. How about a Tootsie Roll? How about a Tootsie Roll? Oh, I like waffles. That's stupid. We should get money. That's stupid. We should get money. OK, this is not some kind of contest for prizes. SHOUTS: This is about becoming a family where the mother doesn't have to yell! The Middle is told from the point of view of slightly crazy mother Frankie Heck, played by Patricia Heaton. I've not only been there and done that myself as a child, and now as an adult I'm a parent to those kind of kids, and luckily, I get paid to do it on television. Is the karma coming back? The boys ` you've got four teenage boys. Pretty messy. Four teenage boys is very messy and smelly ` that's an extra, added bonus. You know what's really interesting? If you put a dishwasher in the middle of the kitchen, you are guaranteed that all dishes will go on the counter on top of the dishwasher. You could have it open and you could have all the things pulled out for them to easily put their dishes... It all ends up on the top. I don't know. It's almost like they have an anti-dishwasher thing. It's-It's-It's like` It's-It's-It's like` ...a force field. There's a force field that keeps them away from the dishwasher. There's a force field that keeps them away from the dishwasher. Yeah. Well, any kind of soap. Boys don't wanna go near it. (CHUCKLES) There you are. 'Finally, Mike showed up with the kids to make sure I got sprung.' You know, I guess there's some families somewhere where the moms don't have to yell, but, you know what? (YELLS) We're not one of them! CRICKETS CHIRP What is she saying? As well as raising her own kids, Patricia had a lot of mum practice on Everybody Loves Raymond. (GASPS, SCREAMS) (SCREAMS) Ray Romano made a guest appearance in the second episode this season. In an alternate universe, you and I could have been very happy. Get out. You have to be careful what you wish for. Now I've gotten a show where it's all from my character's point of view, which means there's a lot more work for me to do. It's a single-camera show. We get outside of the house a lot. It just opens up opportunities for Frankie to get in trouble, which I like. The more physical comedy, the better. 'But since by that point I was also out of my mind, I said,...' Do you think this is fun for me? This is not fun for me! Just pick out a damn suit! So far, Frankie's been more vocal than physical. Don't judge. I'm you in 10 minutes. Are we gonna have lots more crazy moments? Is she getting better or worse? New situations keep popping up, which she is not prepared to handle. And, as you said, luckily, Reverend Tim Tom always shows up at just the right time with his guitar and with some sage advice that he's written about in a song. Revered Tim Tom. You're here. He is my favourite character ` guest character. I know you're frustrated, Frankie, and do you know why that is? Because it's hard being a parent. It's tough, being mom and dad. # It's hard being a parent. # You wonder why kids do the things they do. # Like any middle-class family, life's a bit mad, and Patricia's pleased season three won't get any easier for the Heck family. Run! Run away! Run! Run away! Do we shoot now? Run! Run away! Do we shoot now? I couldn't help it. > It only will get worse. I think we're trying to get Axl into college at this point, which seems kinda hopeless, but I'm trying to do that too with my boys, and it also seems hopeless. The only advantage to them not going would be I get to keep all that money, so... I'm happy with it either way. # Yeah, it's hard being a parent. # I can't believe that kid's 13. If you want to see any of tonight's stories again, head to our website. It's ` You can also email us at ` ...or go to our Facebook page. We're at ` ...and let us know your thoughts on tonight's show. Thanks for all your feedback. We're interested in your stories, so keep those ideas coming in.