I'm Sir Paul. You are Sir Paul. > That's nice. That's nice. Suits. It's easy to say. It's easy to say. Has a rhythm. It's not like Sir Ivor. Is it? Is it? I think it'll catch on. Might do. They might get me in for 7 o'clock programme. Captions by Jessica Boell. Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright TVNZ Access Services 2013 SIR JERRY MATEPARAE: Sir Paul, you have rendered outstanding service to broadcasting in NZ. Accordingly, it is appropriate that your commitment and your service is acknowledged in this way today. CAMERA FLASHES CLICK Love you, Paul. Love you, sweetheart. You old bugger, you. How are you, son? How are you, son? How are you? You all right? How are you, son? How are you? You all right? Always good, mate. Under the jacket collar. Under the jacket collar. OK. Get nervous before these? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Do you? (CLEARS THROAT) Yeah. < Shall we? < Shall we? Yeah. Can you put in your words, perhaps, why you think you've earned this. Because I love people. And I really worked hard. And I did it well, I think. On the whole, did it well. There were some slip-ups; there were some bloody stupid moments. I went too far. I upset some people. I upset some bad people too, which I don't mind, but I also upset some good people, I think. And that bothers me. What was the story that you were most proud of? I'm very proud of what we did with Eve. Eve van Grafhorst. And without being self-conscious about it, it, I think, allowed... Eve... allowed us to see` to show the better sides of our nature. You couldn't help but love that little girl. And she had Aids. Nobody knows what day anybody's gonna die. And I just` I just pray to God that I will live longer. Are you frightened? Do you get frightened? Are you frightened? Do you get frightened? Yes, I do get frightened. And the way you handled that story and her personally, you were able to demystify and... normalise Aids to a certain extent, weren't you? to a certain extent, weren't you? I hope so. I said that you can pick a little girl up who's riddled with this disease, and you're not going to catch it yourself and die. You can let her kiss you; you can let her put her hands all over your face and touch you and feel your face. I was never afraid of that. Another kiss. Another kiss. And a smile, Paul. Looking... Just one more, one more, Eve, and Paul, give me a smile as well. OK. One more kiss, Eve. CAMERA CLICKS I watched, really for the first time, about three years ago, a replay of, um, the Dennis Conner story. You said that, um, you were sailing against a dog. You said NZ, the team, was full of shit. < Do you think those were things that need some apology to the NZ people < in a country, Mr Conner, where you're going to have to spend a bit of time? It's very good. It's really very good. I thought, 'God, this is good.' I said, 'Deborah, come and watch this. This is good.' What was good about it? What was good about it? Uh, I was persistent. You were incredibly polite, I thought. You were incredibly polite, I thought. Polite? Mr Conner this, Mr Conner that. Mr Conner this, Mr Conner that. < Yes. I kept my cool and kept my calm, and he started to wind, man. Whew. And he's fearsome. Those eyes go from brilliant blue to battleship grey. Paul, you're taking things out of context, and I respectfully, um,... reserve the right to disagree with you, and I... And you can see the tremor in his mouth. That's a very shaken man. And you can see the tremor in his mouth. That's a very shaken man. Which, of course` Yes. Which, of course, people interpret as tears and about to cry, cos I was hurting him. In fact, it was anger ` straight-up anger, and you can see it in the interview when you watch it now. I'd like to thank you very much for having me on your show. I would like to wish you luck in the future, and I'm sure looking forward to being down here with the NZ people and their upcoming fabulous event. Thank you very much for having me. Would you be interested in apologising to Mr Farr in public, Mr Conner, for that incident that happened last year? > Was that all planned? Is that what you were intending to do ` force him to walk out? Yeah, more or less. Yes, more or less. I'll admit it, mea culpa. I wanted some theatre on that first night, and we didn't have any. I said, 'Well, shall I get him to walk?' 'Yeah, all right.' 'Yeah, all right.' You discussed that in advance? 'Yeah, all right.' You discussed that in advance? With my producer? Of course. You had a massive response, of course, to that, and a lot of it was pretty negative to you. God Almighty. God Almighty. What was it like? > God Almighty. What was it like? > Baptism by fire. In a good way or in a bad way? Oh, no, I thought it was hideous because it's the most traumatic thing I'd ev` one of the most traumatic things I'd ever been through ` the reaction coming in to that interview. And the phones were just screaming. It was like this. A lot of people wonder, Paul, how did you do it for such a long time ` working both ends of the day? And right through the day, as well, for 16 years, was it? Yeah. Sheer, bloody-minded stamina. What kind of toll does that take on you? God knows. It denied me time with my kids. My kids never got that time after school. So you never took them to school? Never picked them up? So you never took them to school? Never picked them up? I did it once, I think, twice. I loved it. Couldn't you put the kids first from time to time? Why didn't you do that? They were always first,... I would like to think,... but that's not true. And so why was that the case? Because I'd signed contracts. I had an obligation to my employers. And I was number one in a massively crowded radio market and was for, what, 16 years. Did it cost you your marriage? Did it cost you your marriage? Of course it did. Do you have regrets about that now? Do you have regrets about that now? Of course I do. I hurt... a very brilliant,... beautiful... and loving woman. Hine? > Hine? > Yes, Hinemoa. GENTLE PIANO MUSIC I promise to comfort you and to hold you when times are bad and to take some days off. and to take some days off. LAUGHTER We haven't had the best of relationships for the past 10 years or so, to be fair, to be honest. But... a few days ago... Hinemoa sent her best regards through one of the children, and passed on her best regards to me... and said she would like to come and visit and pay her respects... to the old bugger. And I said, 'Oh, bring her out. Bring her along.' And she stayed about 15, 20 minutes. And it was lovely. And I was so appreciative. Peace was made. She's happy. We've got a special guest inside the studio tonight ` a special visitor. Time to go home. Those were our people today; that's Holmes tonight. 'HOLMES' THEME MUSIC NZ was part of that though, Lady Thatcher. Didn't a NZ prime minister deserve to be treated better than that? Didn't a NZ prime minister deserve to be treated better than that? NZ was p` I didn't` I expect other prime ministers to be able to argue their case as I can argue mine. GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC Anywhere he wanted to go. He could skip... MUSIC CONTINUES Get hold of the crocodile; he'll thrash around. Get hold of the crocodile; he'll thrash around. You've gotta close its mouth. Sayonara! SUSAN WOOD: Now we'd like to have a look at the baby, so if we can move in there. Now, Paul, I hear he's got your nose. Is that right? I'm just trying to look up. Yes, the doctor decided` Yes, I think he's got the Holmes snorer. Everything was so public, wasn't it? Gruesomely so. Why has your life been such an open book? TVNZ right at the start were a little bit worried that I had slight elements of abrasion in my personality, and... they saw some of the interviews as being a bit hard and having an edge. And there was really quite a bit of resistance coming in on the phones to me, and I think the publicity department saw that I could ` by being more open about myself ` could` and perhaps the children and so forth ` soften up my image if I were to talk about them and to-to-to discuss them, to talk about my family. So it was a deliberate tactic to make people interested in you and your life? I think it was. So I went along with it, and I was quite happy about that because I'm an old hand at this game even then, and I know that you've gotta` and I really believe this, actually, that if you are asking` if you're demanding the right for an audience, if you're demanding the right to sit there in people's living rooms and ask brutally tough questions and to continue to ask the questions when they don't get answered, then I think the public have a right to know who's doing that. So that's why I felt... I really should reveal a bit about who is this man. That's the reason. Who has been the most influential woman in your life? Well, I'd have to say it was Chrissie. Mother, good morning. Hello? Good morning. Good morning. Good morning, Paul. Do I have to speak though that thing? Yes, the microphone. That's how we do it, Mother. Well, it'd be obvious to everybody that Paul doesn't inherit his speaking ability from me,... LAUGHTER LAUGHTER ...but it's a different question about his height, maybe. She was sharp; she was wise. Even in my adult years if I had a problem, I'd go to her... and say, 'Look, what do you think? How bad is it? Will this pass?' And, uh, she had an answer. So after Chrissie, I'm thinking your most enduring relationship with a woman is probably with Millie. God, that's an interesting thing to say. Is that true? Is that true? I love her. Yeah. I guess some people are, well, impressed but also curious that you have so much love for this daughter who's not even biologically your daughter. No, she's not biologically my daughter, but, uh,... I love her so much. We have such a good relationship and such an easy relationship. And, uh, we've had to fight for her, you know, from the forces of damnation. Millie is sick, and she... (TEARFULLY) has a big hill to climb. I'm sure every parent with teenagers knows what we're going through. But she came back. She kept coming back. Why did you feel to compelled to be such a tower of strength to her? Because years ago one day she turned around and called me Daddy. When was that? How old was she? About 4 or 5 she turned to me one day and called me Daddy. I thought, 'Wow, it sounds nice. 'I like that.' And so that was my commitment. You, of course, though, did betray Millie's mother. I did betray her mother. I wonder if you feel indebted to Millie. Well, the incredible thing is, uh,... Millie seems to have forgiven me. You know, when all this happened ` the drug stuff ` if Millie can forgive me what I did, then I sure as hell can forgive her this. You're known as a bit of a bun doer. You're known as a bit of a bun doer. What's that? What's a bun doer? You do your scone a bit ` you can do a tantrum or two. What w`? OPERA ARIA PLAYS You appear to me to be a man with a real will to survive. > You appear to me to be a man with a real will to survive. > Yes, I am. You've often faced death. Well, I'm staring it in the face now, and whether I can come through this one I really don't know. I wondered last night how long it'll be before I can't get out of the bath myself. Now, that's quite a big thing, cos I love me baths. I think there's a sense that, um, things have gone beyond possibility. What have they told you? The urologist has told me, more or less, there's nothing he can do. It's come back; it's` really, it's assumed different forms. It's starting to travel. I think it's a bit up here. But it hasn't got to your brain. I would like to think not. The head is still good. The head is still good. Is it? The head is still good. Is it? Yeah. > Thank you. Thank you. It's good. Thanks, Janet. Are you scared? Are you scared? Yeah. I get a bit scared. The scariest thing is... going to bed and closing your eyes and not knowing if you're going to wake up again; that's my scary thing. I need Deborah around so much at the moment. That's the other thing I've gotta say, you know, is that I've been blessed with ` you talked about some brilliant women ` I so have. And a day doesn't go by in which I don't think about how much I love Deborah and how much she has given ` how dedicated she is to this relationship. PAUL HOLMES' 'FOR EMILY, WHENEVER I MAY FIND HER' # ...I felt you warm and near. # I kissed your honey hair # with my grateful tears. # Have you accepted, then, that death is coming? I suppose I have. Have you done that with a sense of peace, or do you still want to fight that? I'm a bit frightened,... and I plan to increase my peace with God. Do you believe in God? Well, I'm worried about what's over the hill ` far away and over the hill. I wonder what there is. You know, I've lived a diverse life... and one that... I've known some wonderful people. I hope I've been wonderful to them in return. Um,... I hope the Lord decides I'm on the right side of the ledger, that's all. I'm sure he'll be taking into account the Dennis Conner interview. Yes, I wonder what he'll think of that. PAUL HOLMES' 'FOR EMILY, WHENEVER I MAY FIND HER' Well, I thought some kind of apology was called for. SOBS: Thank you, very much. Come on. Let me show you the house. MUSIC CONTINUES Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Paul Holmes! Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Paul Holmes! CHEERING I expected to come back to the farm... and walk around here, to gambol around here and idle around here for years and years and tell stories... of the great old days of broadcasting, and, no, it's not to happen. Cheated? Cheated? Yeah. By myself, probably. Too much hard work. > Too much hard work. > Yeah. Too much hard living. Too much hard living. Too much hard living, too much booze, too many beautiful women. Yeah. Yeah. You regret it. Regret it? I don't have too many regrets. Life turns out as it turns out. Yeah. You've got it. You've got it. You've got it, you use it, and then it's gone. Yeah. And I'd like to think I used my talents... and didn't waste them. I really did work hard. Are there still things to do? Oh, no, look, I've done enough. I'm perfectly happy. I will give my life now to some contemplation. I'll walk round here and contemplate... and pray for God's mercy. I suppose that's our people today. That's Holmes tonight.