ONE NEWS CAPTIONS BY FAITH HAMBLYN AND LAUREN STRAIN. CAPTIONS WERE MADE POSSIBLE WITH FUNDING FROM NZ ON AIR. COPYRIGHT TVNZ ACCESS SERVICES 2013 DUE TO THE LIVE NATURE OF SEVEN SHARP, WE APOLOGISE FOR THE LACK OF CAPTIONS FOR SOME ITEMS. HI. WELCOME. TODAY DAVID SHEARER MIGHT BE TALKING POWER, BUT WE'RE TALKING PAUA. THE KIWI KAIMOANA IS IN THE MIDDLE OF A CLASSIC DAVID-AND-GOLIATH BATTLE, BUT GOLIATH LOOKS TO BE WINNING. THE BIG GUYS SEE BIG DOLLARS, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE LITTLE GUY? THEY'LL CLEAN THAT OUT IN... IN A DAY; GET RID OF THEM ALL. THEY WON'T LEAVE ANY FOR ANYONE ELSE. AND THAT'S WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO PROTECT. OK, KEES MEEUWS ISN'T SO LITTLE. THEN WE'RE OFF TO NIGHT SCHOOL. NO, WE'RE NOT LEARNING HOW TO MAKE SOMETHING USEFUL. WITH ANY LUCK, YOU WON'T HAVE TO USE YOUR FINAL PROJECT FOR A LONG TIME. I WANTED IT TO BE USEFUL. (LAUGHS) THERE'S NO POINT IN MAKING SOMETHING JUST TO PUT IT AWAY FOR A RAINY DAY, OR A DEAD DAY, SO TO SPEAK. AND HONESTY IN ADVERTISING. AN AUCKLAND COUPLE'S SELLING THEIR HOUSE, BUT THEY'RE TAKING THE WORST POSSIBLE APPROACH ` THEY'RE TELLING THE TRUTH. IT'S THURSDAY NIGHT. WELCOME TO SEVEN SHARP. HERE'S SOMETHING YOU MAY NOT KNOW ` IF YOU'RE DIVING FOR PAUA LEGALLY, YOU HAVE TO DO IT WITHOUT SCUBA GEAR. THAT'S RIGHT, ONLY YOU AND YOUR LUNGS. BUT SOMETHING ELSE YOU MAY NOT KNOW ` A SMALL BUT PRISTINE BIT OF COAST IN THE DEEP SOUTH IS AT THE CENTRE OF A STAND-OFF. LOCALS HAVE HAD STRETCHES OF PAUA PARADISE TO THEMSELVES, BUT THAT COULD CHANGE ` COMMERCIAL OPERATORS NOW WANT A BIT OF THE ACTION. HERE'S MATT CHISHOLM. FOR EVERY TIME YOU GO DIVING, YOU WILL TOUCH ABOUT 15 PEOPLE. WHEN YOU COME HOME, YOU NEVER EAT PAUA BY YOURSELF. IT'S ALWAYS AT A BARBECUE OR A SPECIAL OCCASION. AND DID I HEAR YOU SAY YOU'RE DOING A PAUA SALAD? YEAH, MATE. WHAT DO YOU THINK THE FELLAS BACK IN THE CHANGING ROOMS WILL THINK OF THAT? WELL, JUST BECAUSE IT'S CALLED SALAD DOESN'T MEAN THERE'S LETTUCE IN IT. (LAUGHS) BUT YOU CAN HAVE A MEAT SALAD. IT'S CALLED A STEAK. (CHUCKLES) FORMER ALL BLACK HARD MAN KEES MEEUWS AND HIS MATES ARE BIG ON GATHERING PAUA. BETTER THAN PLAYING FOOTY? OH YEAH, I RECKON. (LAUGHS) BUT THEY SAY THE FUTURE'S LOOKING GRIM. YOU HAD A BIT OF A SCRAP WITH A SEA LION DOWN THERE? OH YEAH, MATE. I THINK HE WAS TRYING TO MATE WITH ME. (LAUGHS) HE'S DEFINITELY NOT MY TYPE. IT'S NOT THE SEA LIONS KEES AND OTHER RECREATIONAL DIVERS IN THE DEEP SOUTH ARE WORRIED ABOUT. IT'S THE GUYS WHO DO IT FOR MONEY. WHAT WE WANT TO DO IS SPREAD FURTHER AMONGST THE COASTLINE OF WHERE WE CAN CATCH PAUA. WE JUST WANT TO SPREAD OUR EFFORT FURTHER. THEY'LL CLEAN THAT OUT IN A DAY. GET RID OF THEM ALL. WON'T LEAVE ANY FOR ANYONE ELSE, AND THAT'S WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO PROTECT. AND THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE IN KEES' CORNER. WAYNE, IT LOOKS LIKE HARD WORK. IT IS HARD WORK, BUT IT'S A FIGHT WORTH FIGHTING. SO, YEAH, WE'RE OUT HERE DOING IT, AREN'T WE, CONNOR? YEP, WE ARE. WE NOW HAVE 1800 MEMBERS ON OUR FACEBOOK PAGE OF PEOPLE AROUND THIS AREA WHO ARE CONCERNED WITH WHAT'S BEING PROPOSED. IT'S ALL ABOUT ACCESS TO A SEAFOOD FOUND IN ONLY FIVE OTHER COUNTRIES. A DELICACY IN ASIA, IT'S WORTH $60M A YEAR IN EXPORT REVENUE. THEY WOULD RATHER HAVE ABALONE ON THE TABLE THAN BUY THEIR DAUGHTER A BMW I THINK. EVEN IN NZ, IT FETCHES AS MUCH AS $200 A KILO, AND THESE FELLAS GATHER IT FOR NEXT TO NOTHING. WE'RE A BIT SPOILT THEN, AIN'T WE? < I THINK YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT, MATE. YEAH. (CHUCKLES) IT MIGHT LOOK LIKE DOG TUCKER SOMETIMES ` YOU KNOW, A BIG BLACK PATTIE ` BUT ONCE THEY BITE IN TO IT AND THEY GET THE EXPERIENCE OF FLAVOUR OF ABALONE, YOU JUST CAN'T FIND ANYTHING ELSE. AND HOW MANY ARE YOU ALLOWED? YOU'RE ALLOWED 10. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO COOK THOSE UP? I DON'T NORMALLY COOK THEM, EH, MATE. THEY'RE BETTER RAW. SINCE THE MID-'80S, RECREATIONAL DIVERS HERE HAVE ENJOYED AN ANOMALY. OF THE ALMOST 1000KM OF OTAGO-SOUTHLAND COASTLINE, 165 K'S HAS BEEN OFF LIMITS TO COMMERCIAL PAUA DIVERS BECAUSE OF FOOD SAFETY CONCERNS. WE'RE TALKING RAW SEWAGE BEING PUMPED OUT ON TO THE COASTLINES. THOSE CONCERNS ARE NO LONGER AN ISSUE, AND THE PAUA INDUSTRY WANTS A BIGGER PIECE OF THE PIE. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA JUST HOW MUCH PAUA IS IN THE AREA YOU'RE TRYING TO ACCESS ` NOT AROUND IT, IN THE AREA YOU'RE TRYING TO ACCESS? > ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA IN THE WORLD. SO IN A WAY YOU'RE TRYING TO TAKE TUCKER OUT OF THE FRIDGE, BUT YOU'VE GOT NO IDEA HOW MUCH TUCKER YOU'VE GOT IN THERE? UH, NOT NECESSARILY. WE'RE NOT ASKING TO TAKE ANY MORE TUCKER OUT OF THE FRIDGE. WE'RE JUST ASKING FOR A BIGGER FRIDGE. THE BIGGER FRIDGE WOULD ALLOW ACCESS TO 25KM OF THE MOST PRISTINE PAUA HABITAT IN THE SOUTH, BUT THEY WOULD STILL BE CATCHING THEIR EXISTING 89-TON QUOTA. THE MORE FISH YOU'VE GOT ON A MORE PART OF THE COAST, THE HIGHER CHANCE WE HAVE OF PROTECTING THE SPECIES. AROUND THE CORNER HERE WHERE IT'S CLOSED TO COMMERCIAL DIVERS, THIS IS THE AVERAGE SIZE, SO, YOU KNOW, THE PLACE IS COVERED IN THEM, AND YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT THE COMMERCIAL DIVER WON'T TAKE THEIR QUOTA WITH THIS SIZE? THOSE BIG BREEDERS THEY SAY ARE KEY TO THE SHELLFISH'S SURVIVAL. SUSTAINABILITY AND PAUA NUMBERS ARE INCREASING. YOU CAN BACK THAT UP? > WE CAN BACK THAT UP BY ROBUST SCIENCE ` THERE'S A STOCK ASSESSMENT JUST ABOUT TO BE RELEASED FOR THIS AREA AND IT SHOWS CONCLUSIVELY THAT PAUA NUMBERS SINCE THE EARLY 2000S ARE INCREASING. INCREASING, BUT STILL BELOW WHAT THE MINISTRY SAYS IT SHOULD BE. CAN THE GUYS WHO DO THIS FOR FUN TRUST YOU? > Y-YES... (CHUCKLES) YOU STUMBLED. > NO, I'M JUST` NO. IT'S UNTOUCHED. THEY HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO GET IN THERE FOR THE LAST 20 YEARS. I THINK IT SHOULD REMAIN THAT WAY. Paua if such a well-known Kiwi delicacy. I've eaten it about twice in my life. It is too expensive. I had it once. My dad said it's brilliant, but I've only had it once. I've only had it when my friend goes and gets it on the day. It is the day out and the dive and the whole experience that is the important thing. Jesse and I just want to eat it. It's really good. INVERCARGILL'S MAYOR, TIM SHADBOLT, IS A STAUNCH SUPPORTER OF KEEPING THE PRISTINE SPOTS FOR THE RECREATIONAL GUYS. HE'S TRAVELLED TO DUNEDIN'S ST KILDA SURF CLUB, WHERE A 'PAUA TO THE PEOPLE' GATHERING'S BEING HELD. I ASKED IF LETTING COMMERCIAL DIVERS IN WAS A DONE DEAL. WELL, WE DON'T BELIEVE IT IS. THEY ARE ASKING FOR SUBMISSIONS. ADMITTEDLY THE CONSULTATION HASN'T BEEN TOO GOOD ` WE HAVEN'T SEEN HIDE NOR HAIR OF THEM. BUT AT LEAST THE LOCAL SURF CLUBS AND BOARD RIDERS IN DUNEDIN HAVE LET US KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. THE REST OF NZ, THOUGH, IS GOING TO SAY, 'WELL, THEY'VE GOT OYSTERS 'AND A WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER THINGS DOWN THERE ` 'HOW MANY SEAFOOD DELICACIES DOES ONE REGION NEED TO ITSELF?' WELL, WE SEE OURSELVES AS A NURSERY. AND I THINK YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE THEM AROUND NZ. WHEN I WAS ON THE AUCKLAND REGIONAL AUTHORITY, WE HAD TO FIGHT TO PUSH THE COMMERCIAL FISHERMEN OUT OF THE HARBOUR. AND ALL OF THE FISHERMEN OF AUCKLAND HAVE BENEFITTED AS A RESULT. AND SO WE SEE OURSELVES IN THAT AREA. WHAT ABOUT AN UPSIDE, THOUGH? SURELY IT'S GOING TO MEAN MORE MONEY IN THE LOCAL ECONOMY DOWN THERE. NOT REALLY ` VERY LITTLE MONEY IS GOING TO COME IN LOCALLY, AND IT'S ALL EXPORTED. I MEAN, WE... THE REAL BENEFITS FOR NZERS, I BELIEVE, ARE WHEN YOU HOST TOURISTS TO THIS COUNTRY, YOU CAN GIVE THEM FRESH SEAFOOD. AND WE'VE GOT THE FOURTH-BIGGEST FISHERY IN THE WORLD, SO WE SHOULD LOOK AFTER IT. NOW, TALKING TO YOU EARLIER, YOU SAID IT'S GOING TO PARTICULARLY HIT MARAE AND MEETINGS AND TANGI ON MARAE PRETTY HARD. IT WILL BE. I MEAN, IT'S PRETTY HARD GETTING PAUA AT THE MOMENT THAT ARE OVER THE LEGAL SIZE. AND IF THE COMMERCIAL GUYS COME THROUGH, IT'S GOING TO WIPE OUT THIS AREA, PRETTY MUCH, AND MAKE IT EXTREMELY DIFFICULT, BECAUSE WE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH WEATHER CONDITIONS DOWN HERE. SO YOU CAN'T JUST GO AND GET PAUA WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE IT. BUT AS FOR THE REST OF NZ, THAT CHUNK OF PAUA WILL NOW BE SOLD TO US, ALBEIT AT 200 KILO A POP. THAT'S GOT TO BE A GOOD THING FOR EVERYONE ELSE, DOESN'T IT? WELL, THERE'S BEEN 2000 SUBMISSIONS MADE BY TOMORROW, AND OUR COUNCIL IS FEELING VERY HOT ABOUT THIS ISSUE. AND, YOU KNOW, WE'RE GONNA DO OUR BEST TO ENLIGHTEN EVERYONE IN THIS COUNTRY ABOUT HOW VALUABLE THIS RESOURCE IS. AND WE WANT SOMETHING FOR OUR CHILDREN AND OUR GRANDCHILDREN. Always good value, Tim Shadbolt. We asked about this online. Of course everyone always hates the big guy. People want to support the people jumping off the boat and getting the paua. Many industries in the upper South Island have done tremendously well building their own salmon nurseries. Can that be done with paua? If you're a private person, you can go down and get 10 a day. That's it. There is no such limit for the commercial guys. They can get 40 or 50 each. It's really black and white. Doesn't seem fair at all. AFTER THE BREAK ` NOT YOUR AVERAGE NIGHT CLASS. HAMILTON'S FRASER HIGH DOES DIY WITH A DIFFERENCE. AND FORGET THE FLUFF AND PURPLE PROSE ` WE'LL SHOW YOU A REAL ESTATE AD WHICH DOESN'T MINCE WORDS. WELCOME BACK. LAST NIGHT WE PLAYED A GAME CALLED VIRTUAL PARLIAMENT. WE WANTED TO SEE IF YOU COULD PICK THE MARGIN OF THE MARRIAGE EQUALITY VOTE. AND YOU DID, WITH 66% PICKING IT WOULD PASS 13-PLUS; JUST 15% PICKING IT WOULDN'T GO THROUGH AND A CHEEKY 3% PICKING A DRAW. ALI, YOU WERE PARTYING WITH MUSICIAN ANIKA MOA IN CHRISTCHURCH LAST NIGHT. I GUESS WE'RE LUCKY YOU MADE IT IN TO WORK TODAY. I'm good. It was great. That was very chilly down there, raining. Nobody seemed to care about that. Everyone was outside and partying hard. You were in a pub. We had the live stream on big screens. We have heard all the arguments, but last night the pub owners, when people like Winston Peters were calling for referenda etc, they turned the sound off the tellies and put the band back on. And but the sound back on when people were speaking in favour of the bill. These are from Michael. He begged me to bring these back for you. Put them on now. It was a great night. Thank you to everybody down there. I had lots of people coming up to me and telling me their stories. People in their teens through to their 70s. That was really nice and inspiring to hear their stories. NIGHT CLASSES, OR ADULT CONTINUING EDUCATION AS IT'S PROPERLY KNOWN, IS WHERE THOUSANDS OF GROWN-UPS LEARN THINGS THEY'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW. IN MY CASE IT WAS UPHOLSTERY AND PAINT FINISHES. BUT WE RECKON HAMILTON'S FRASER HIGH SCHOOL IS PUSHING THE BOUNDARIES LIKE NO OTHER. MICHAEL HOLLAND EXPLAINS. ROCK MUSIC I'LL COME AROUND AND CHECK SHORTLY, OK? CLYDE'S ONE OF THOSE PRACTICAL, PATIENT TYPES. DO YOU WANT TO GRAB ME THE LARGE SQUARE? THE TEACHER, THE PRACTITIONER HAPPILY PASSING ON HIS KNOW-HOW. SO JUST START IT AWAY FROM THE WOOD AND JUST REALLY SLOWLY PUSH IT IN. LYNLEY'S BACK FOR MORE. TANIA'S DETERMINED TO GET IT RIGHT THIS TIME. THE FIRST ONE WAS JUST A WEE BIT TOO BIG. AND BARRY'S A BIT OF A DAB HAND AT THIS WOODWORKING CAPER. LIVING PROOF ALL THAT DIY IS INDEED PART OF OUR DNA ` OR PERHAPS MORE CORRECTLY IN THIS CASE PART OF OUR D-I-E. SPOOKY MUSIC WOLF HOWLS THIS IS THE TOE-PINCHER COFFIN, BECAUSE IT NARROWS DOWN AT THE TOES. WAS IT THE ARRIVAL OF GREY HAIR THAT MADE YOU THINK IT'S TIME? > WELL, YEAH, AND THE ANGIOGRAM AND ALL THE PILLS AND STUFF. HOW'S YOUR WORKMANSHIP? YEAH, WELL, THE MISTAKES ARE ON THE INSIDE MOSTLY. (LAUGHS) SO THAT'S A GOOD THING. THE BEST THING, THOUGH, ABOUT BUILDING YOUR OWN, THEY INSIST ` THE PEACE THAT COMES WITH FACING UP TO THE INEVITABILITY OF JOURNEY'S END. THERE'S NOTHING SCARY IN HERE, IS THERE, IAN? OH! NO, I GOT RID OF THE SKELETON BEFORE. IAN GREY'S 90 NEXT BIRTHDAY. HE CRAFTED HIS COFFIN-CUM-CUPBOARD OUT OF PRIZED ENGLISH ELM AT FRASER HIGH SCHOOL'S WONDERFULLY WEIRD NIGHT CLASS LAST YEAR. IT'S AN EVER-PRESENT REMINDER. WELL, I THINK IT PROBABLY WOULD BE A VERY GOOD IDEA IF MORE PEOPLE KEPT THINKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT THEY ARE MORTAL. THIS DOOR IS ONE DAY GOING TO SWING OPEN FOR YOU? ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. BACK AT THE WORKSHOP, TANIA'S MAKING A SECOND COFFIN FOR THE SAME PERSON. IT'S FOR MY DAD. HER FIRST CREATION HAD TOO MUCH WRIGGLE ROOM FOR THE DEAR OLD BOY. HE SAID, 'BABY, THIS LOOKS REALLY BEAUTIFUL. 'YOU'VE DONE A WONDERFUL JOB. BUT DO YOU THINK I'M A FAT BASTARD?' NOW PROBABLY BEST WE MAKE IT CLEAR TANIA'S DAD... LLOYD SHEPHERD. ...ISN'T LOOKING TO GO ANYWHERE ANY TIME SOON. HE'S GOOD AND FIT, BUT FROM HIS FAMILY'S POINT OF VIEW, THIS IS REAL LIFE. HOW PEOPLE LOOK AT DEATH AND THINGS LIKE THAT HAS ALWAYS BEEN A TABOO THING, BUT IF YOU CAN DO THIS FOR A LOVED ONE, I MEAN, WHAT BETTER WAY TO SEND THEM OFF THAN SOMETHING YOU HAVE MADE FOR THEM? I WANTED IT TO BE USEFUL. THERE'S NO POINT IN MAKING SOMETHING JUST TO PUT AWAY FOR A RAINY DAY ` OR A DEAD DAY, SO TO SPEAK. WOULD THIS BE A LITTLE DISRESPECTFUL TO RELAX A WEE BIT? IF YOU DO THAT AT HOME ON YOUR COFFEE TABLE, THEN I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT, EXCEPT UNLESS THERE WAS A BODY IN THERE, THEN I WOULD FIND IT DISRESPECTFUL. LYNLEY'S INSTRUCTED HER FAMILY SHE WANTS TO BE SENT OFF IN HER TOE-PINCHER. THAT'S MY WISH. BUT FOR THE HECK OF IT... I'VE LEARNT TO USE A NEW TOOL TONIGHT. A JIGSAW. A JIGSAW. ...SHE'S MAKING ANOTHER. CLYDE, THIS IS POPLAR WOOD, ISN'T IT? IT IS, YEAH. IT'S CHEAPER THAN PINE, POPLAR, BECAUSE PEOPLE THINK IT'S A WASTE WOOD. SO HOW MUCH IS THIS BOX ` SORRY, COFFIN ` GOING TO COST? LESS THAN $140. NOT MORBID, NOT MACABRE, JUST FACING REALITY? YEP. YES. AND, UH,... (WHISPERS) SAVING MONEY. (LAUGHS) 690. 690 WIDE? YEP. YOU'VE GOT IT RIGHT THIS TIME? I'VE GOT IT RIGHT THIS TIME, ABSOLUTELY. WHAT ARE YOU GIVING YOURSELF OUT OF 10? SEVEN OUT OF 10, I THINK. ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT. BUT WHATEVER WE THINK ` AND I FOR ONE CERTAINLY DON'T GET IT ` THESE FOLK CERTAINLY AREN'T GOING TO DIE WONDERING WHAT IT TAKES OR COSTS TO BYO. < A GRAND SEND-OFF? YEAH. NO, NO, NOT A GRAND SEND-OFF. ABOUT A $300 SEND-OFF. I LOVE YOU, DAD. SEE, THIS IS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU. WOLF HOWLS Ian has a point.� MICHAEL RECKONS A BOUGHT ONE CAN COST UP TO ABOUT FIVE GRAND. THAT'S THE POINT WHEN THIS DIY IDEA STARTS TO LOOK VERY SENSIBLE INDEED. Rules about coffins? Apparently if you're going to get buried in your own often, you don't have carte blanche, but pretty much. If you want to get cremated, it is different. In Hamilton, has been made up of untreated wood or combustible material. If your Coffin doesn't have a flat bottom, is not a Coffin ` it's a dinghy. A comment here from 'Paddy Wonder'. Not the real name. Those great big metal coffins. They got the big handle it goes all the way around. They never disappear. Aren't they designed to rot? I kind of get not wanting to build your own. Feels a bit... it just gives me the heebie-jeebies. This one was in here, I would leave. AFTER THE BREAK ` A HOUSE AD WHICH PUTS THE REAL IN REAL ESTATE. EN SUITE ` WE PUT A BUCKET IN THE CORNER. EVERY FLOWERY OVERBLOWN CLICHE'S BEEN REPLACED BY BRUTAL HONESTY FOR THIS FIXER-UPPER DREAM COME TRUE. IF YOU'VE GONE TO A FEW OPEN HOMES, YOU'LL KNOW HOW IT GOES. YOU LOOK AT THE AD, THEN LOOK AT THE HOUSE AND THINK, 'NAH, I MUST HAVE GOT THE ADDRESS WRONG.' THIS STORY'S ABOUT A HOMEOWNER WHO DECIDED TO DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY ` VERY DIFFERENTLY, AS DEAN BUTLER FOUND OUT. # HONESTY # IS SUCH A LONELY WORD. # IT SURE IS, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S ABOUT SELLING YOUR HOUSE. AND IF YOU COME TO EMILY AND SUSAN'S OPEN HOME,... ARE YOU HERE FOR THE OPEN HOME? ...YOU'D BETTER HAVE AN OPEN MIND. I THINK WE'D CALL THIS THE MASTER BEDROOM. MASTER BEDROOM. EN SUITE ` WE PUT A BUCKET IN THE CORNER. BEAUTIFUL VIEW OUT ON TO RICHMOND RD. OH, LOOK AT THAT. AND, IF YOU'RE LUCKY, YOU MIGHT EVEN SEE A BUS COME BY IN A MINUTE. THIS IS OUR WORK IN PROGRESS. AND YOU MIGHT START TO REALISE WHY I'M SELLING THE HOUSE. THEIR AD HAS PHOTOS OF A MESSY KITCHEN, A TOILET; LINES LIKE... IT IS SO TRUTHFUL. YEAH, I THINK IT'S... IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE THERE'S QUITE A LOT OF... I WOULDN'T WANT TO SAY LIES, BUT PURPLE PROSE AROUND SELLING HOUSES. YEAH. HYPERBOLE. EXAGGERATION. THAT'S THE WORD. BASICALLY IT STARTED OFF AS A BIT OF A PISS-TAKE, AND THEN I SAID, 'OH, WHAT IF WE ACTUALLY GOT IT SOLD?' I THINK IT MIGHT BE SAFE TO GO IN THE BATHROOM. I'LL KEEP THE LID DOWN. YOU'VE GOT YOUR SHOWER, YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER SHOWER HEAD IN THE BATH. WHAT ELSE CAN I PLUG? AND YOU'VE GOT A REALLY DIRTY WALL. NOW, THAT'S GOOD. WHEN YOU COME TO BUY A PLACE, AND YOU GO, 'OH, THAT WALL'S A BIT DIRTY,' AND IT DRAGS DOWN THE PRICE A BIT. YEAH, I'LL TAKE 2 BUCKS OFF FOR THAT WALL. 2 BUCKS OFF FOR THAT? SOUNDS GOOD. YEAH, YEAH. NOW, I MIGHT HAVE MENTIONED THAT WE DON'T HAVE A SWIMMING POOL HERE. BUT WE WERE GOING TO RENT OUT THE KIDS' PLAYHOUSE WHEN THE RUGBY WORLD CUP WAS ON AS A COMPACT, BIJOU STUDIO. WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET. YOU'RE GONNA BUY WHAT YOU GET. WELL, WITHOUT ALL OF OUR <BLEEP> IN IT. I CAN'T KEEP THE PLACE TIDY, WHICH IS WHY WE'RE NOT GOING FOR A TRADITIONAL, THREE-WEEK CAMPAIGN. BECAUSE I'VE GOT THREE KIDS, A DOG, A CAT, A VERY MESSY PARTNER ` IT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN. BUT WILL THEIR TELLING IT LIKE IT IS SELL IT LIKE IT IS? THANKS VERY MUCH, EMILY. LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHEN IT'S GOING TO BE ON. IT MIGHT MAKE THE CUT; IT MIGHT NOT. I CAN'T PROMISE YOU ANYTHING. YOU'VE GOT 10% COMMISSION, MATE. IT'S ON TONIGHT AT 7.25. SEE YOU LATER. THANKS. BYE-BYE. THANKS, EMILY. SEE YA. IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A LOOK AT EMILY'S AD, READ HER THOUGHTS ABOUT REAL ESTATE AGENTS, OR EVEN CHECK THE PLACE OUT, THE DETAILS ARE ON OUR WEBSITE, SEVENSHARP.CO.NZ A funny piece of writing. SHE SAYS IF YOU WANT TO COME HAVE A LOOK AT THE HOUSE, THAT'S FINE. BUT SHE'S NOT GOING TO CLEAN UP. Richmond Rd. Cha-ching. I love that. I wish I had her guts. There is nothing worse than having to clean up the open homes. CAPTIONS BY RICHARD EDMUNDS AND ANGELA ALICE.