Tonight on Sunday, are you the wicked witch? Blended families ` the challenges and advice that might just help. The upside... It's really cool that I get two Christmas presents. ...and the downside. Being told that, 'You're just an evil stepmother.' How a blended family ticks. I thought it was gonna be quite easy. I thought it was gonna be quite easy. So did I! Love tested by cold hard reality. Everything was getting on top of us, and we started looking at separating. This bubbly, beautiful boy was suddenly different. When pimples prove fatal. Among the side effects warned about are depression and suicidal thoughts.' The wonder drug for spots, but... The last thing we expected from the treatment of acne was death. A story about the small print. I have no idea why anyone ever likes me. And P!nk on motherhood, music and tattoos. <BLEEP!> # So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways. # All my underdogs. # Copyright TVNZ Access Services 2013 Kia ora, I'm Miriama Kamo. Blended families ` they come without a handbook, and all too often, with a lot of grief. So what happens when a stepchild says they hate you? When you can't help loving your own child more than your partner's? These and many other vexing questions are being faced by more and more Kiwi families. A third of all kids will live in blended families. 40% of women will live in a blended relationship. In fact, I do. It's not easy, partly because there's so little information and support. Janet McIntyre meets two modern families where the new normal is being blended. QUIRKY UPBEAT MUSIC Not the Brady Bunch; they're the Patto bunch. Liz and her two: Olivia and Brodie; Greg and his two: Blake and Logan. Then there's their two: Charlotte and Brock... and Yoda the lizard. That's the way they all became the Patto bunch. How hard did you think it was going to be? I thought it was going to be quite easy. I thought it was going to be quite easy. So did I. (CHUCKLES) I genuinely believed in myself ` that I was the sort of person that could just handle anything that is thrown at me and it would go fine. And I'm a fix it person, so I thought if there was an issue I would just deal with it ` fix it, and it wouldn't be an issue. Blissfully in love after 10 years together, Greg and Liz Patterson. A couple of weeks ago he had left a trail of roses with a cup of tea, with a note saying, 'I love you.' Happy days now, but the process of blending their families once almost tore them apart. We both had come to the conclusion that maybe we couldn't make it work, and that everything was getting on top of us, and we started looking at separating, but then the pain of not having each other overrode the trivialisations of blending. Here we are today. Yeah, we're still together five years later. In the Bay of Plenty, the working class town of Edgecumbe,... Oh, it's got a broken pedal! ...in a modest four bedroom, one bathroom home, it's all go. Up to eight of the Pattison clan can live here at any one time. # Happy birthday to you. # Lotte's the youngest, turning 4. # Happy birthday to you. # Her half-sister, Olivia, the eldest, almost 14. They have the same mum, Liz, but different dads. There are some, like, positives and negatives about it. Like, negative, like, I don't see my dad as much as I would like, so... And then, like, it's really cool that I get two Christmas presents, and, like, two birthday presents ` that's cool, and having more than one brother and sister. Do you feel luckier that other kids? It is lucky sometimes, but, like, we all have our moments, and it all effects everyone when we do. The XX 'VCR' Liz already had Olivia and Brodie. Greg had Blake and Logan when they got together. Childhood friends, Liz and Greg fell in love in their early 30s. Both had just separated from their long-term partners. I think the separation was more a selfish thing for myself than for what, um,... was best for the family. Really? That's a big admission. It was like that. I wasn't happy, and I... didn't really understand the impact on the family or the kids. What did it do to your kids? They were absolutely gutted, and it caused a lot of anxiety as a mother to see your kids hurting. Just as it was troubling for Greg and his boys. It was just so hard for me. Being a protective father, just being a father for my children, knowing I was gonna take them down a road of, 'Mum and Dad are gonna be living in a separate house.' What you got, Lotte? Do you stay? Do you go? A question more and more couples; more and more children are confronting. Are you better off to keep the family and stay with conflict? Or take a step into the unknown? It's better for children if parents go their own way if they can't resolve their conflict. Conflict is very damaging to children. And it's sad to say it is better. Of course it's a very good idea to try and resolve your conflict and your issues, but if they're unresolvable, it is better for children in the long run for their parents to go their own way. You're a beautiful girl, aren't you? Jan Pryor, new grandmother, former families commissioner, and one of only three academics in NZ studying blended families. Anecdotally, we hear it's so much harder than anyone ever imagines. I think that's right, and there are several reasons for that. One obvious one is that there is just no information that I know about ` no support, very much. Occasionally there, a support group will step up. The second thing is that, how can you possibly imagine how hard it could be? It's so tempting to think that this is just going to be a lovely happy family and it's going to be like any other family, and it's all gonna work. But the dynamics are against you, at least of it working in the beginning. Why is it so hard? Somebody said, 'That's very natural for a couple to love each other. That's what happens.' It's also very natural for a parent to love their child or their children. But that relationship between the step parent and the step child is not a natural one, necessarily. I'm not saying it's unnatural, but it's a harder one to establish. As it was for Liz accepting into her home Greg's two boys. Because I'm a hands-on mum, I thought I'd just look after these kids like my own, and if I treated them the same when they came, I wouldn't have any relationship issues with them, but then it would be, 'You're not my mum. You shouldn't tell me that,' or 'That's not what we do at my other house.' What's the worst you've had to confront? To be told, um... that you're just an evil stepmother. That wasn't very nice. Yeah. Who said that? Um, the kids had heard it and had repeated it. The evil stepmother, that's a real phenomenon? It` It` It may be in some situations, and we all hear that anecdotally. The difficult dynamic is if a stepmother ` or stepfather, for that matter ` has their own biological children in the household. Many women will tell you that it's very hard not to love your own children more than your stepchildren, and that is a tricky one. And you hear of terrible situations where these children are given lots of presents; these are given few or none. That's not fair. That's not fair. And that's something that parents have to talk about. A rational well-intentioned human being is going to be able to work with that, and make sure that they're at least being fair. How do you win the affection of a child who says, 'I hate you.' (CHUCKLES) I think you don't, actually. One of the things that blended families, I think, need to do, is to take things really slowly and not expect that people are going to love everybody. But you can set down ground rules. You can say, 'Actually, you don't have to love this person. 'You don't even really have to like this person. You do have to respect this person.' Four years after Liz and Greg were married, with a ready made bridal party, Brock came along. It was Greg's idea to have a baby together, because he didn't have his children full time, and then we ended up with wee Lotte as well, which was a real blessing, and Greg got his little girl too. Love to have a little girl. It was great. They've really brought our family together, the two little ones. I always wanted a little sister. Like, one that will be here and be with me. So it does make it easier, because I've got something that I wanted and it's been like a dream, so... And I get to look after her and do her up and that and get her dressed and... yeah. And with Brock, he can be a bit annoying, but he is my brother, at the end of the day, and I have to treat him like everyone else, so... Including her other half siblings, who live in another blended family. I've got five brothers and two sisters. Yeah. And you think of them all as your brothers and sisters? Yeah. Do you have any thoughts about what siblings and parents should call each other? That's one of the big things for blended families ` 'What on Earth do we call each other?' And it's one of the most difficult challenges. Demanding that a child calls a stepmother 'Mum' is probably silly. You could give a child an option. You could say, 'You can call me Sue. You can call me Susie. 'You can call me, um, "Mummy", instead of "Mum".' Give a child an idea of what they can call... Those names settle out over time. 'Just don't call me bitch.' No, please don't call me bitch! That's part of the respect. Up next... I do think, actually, half the problem is there are too many bloody people telling us how to raise our children. Then I go, 'What are you doing?' Yeah, you're one of them. Yeah, you're one of them. I'm just telling them how to raise their children. Shut up! Nigel Latta, psychologist and dad. I'm just as crap as everybody else when it comes to parenting. If anyone had the perfect family, you'd think it would be psychologist and best-selling author Nigel Latta. The perfect family? Everybody's happy and the parents never yell, and the kids always get bedtime stories, and mum and dad have quality time with each other, and life is just peachy and great. But the perfect family, according to Latta, doesn't exist. My wife was walking her to school one day, and one of my kid's mum's friends came up and said, 'Oh, your children must be so well behaved.' And she just laughed her arse off, because they're not, do you know what I mean? So I'm just as crap as everybody else when it comes to parenting. Everybody gets angry. Everybody's selfish. Everybody says unkind things from time to time. You say or do stuff, you think 'Oh God, I hope they don't remember that when they're big.' And according to Latta, who's just written a book about it, there's nothing new about the blended family. The modern family's been messy, reconstituted, blended, broken, fixed, taped back together for the last, well, for millions of years. So, like, for most of human history, we haven't had all the niceties we've got now. You got literally squashed or eaten by stuff, or you just got some disease then died and there were kids left, so all of the way along we've had families that were stitched together. OLD FASHIONED MUSIC Things have changed, though, since the '50s, when marriage was pretty much marriage for life; As we've made it easier for women to out and get jobs and work for themselves, that has changed the shape of families, and it's meant that women can make decisions that are more about their happiness as well, compared to just having to do what the bloke said. The mother of these children has decided to be absent. She needed to go, and she needed to do what she needed to do. So is that why she's now in Perth and you're here looking after her kids? Yeah, pretty much. Kerri Babbington followed a whim and moved to Australia, leaving her children, Shaquille, 19, Kalisha, 17, and Josiah, 15, in the care of their stepdad, Tipene Babbington. He has no biological ties to the kids. How can you be OK with the mother of these children just taking off and leaving you to look after them? It took me a while. < (CHUCKLES) < (CHUCKLES) I worked through all the bitterness. I worked through all of that. And, um, that was difficult when I was in the thick of it. So quite frequently they'd just argue and stuff. So quite frequently they'd just argue and stuff. < How bad? Um... Bad enough that I didn't wanna... I just didn't wanna be around them, like, at all, because I didn't wanna witness that or go through that, and, yeah, it was just worsening. It got really annoying sometimes, yeah. So I used to just sit in my room. At that time, like, you guys were so upset about it. Now you've, like, come to terms with it and stuff. But I remember you guys were just like, 'Nah.' Yeah, that was something I didn't deal with well, just because it was quite repetitious and I just felt like, 'When is this going to end?' It ended when Kerri moved out a year ago. Her former husband, a psychiatric nurse, stayed put, providing for and nurturing her children, his step kids. I've loved these kids for so long. Do I just deny that? No, that wasn't for me. Um, it wasn't for me to do that. It wasn't for me to make that choice to walk out on the kids. I couldn't do that. So I felt that if there was any kind of obligation, it was just an obligation to be there for them. I miss her a lot, but our living situation is better, and we all really get along well, and we can still maintain contact. Definitely one of, if not the best thing, that's happened to, like, our family, for sure. Why's that? Why's that? Obviously, like, we're in need of, like, a father figure. I don't know if it was anyone else I'd be stoked, but... good old Tips. ALL CHUCKLE Is one good parent enough? Is one good parent enough? Yeah, it is. It absolutely is. What really matters are, do you have a mum and dad? Or a mum? Or a dad? Or a dad and a dad? Or a mum and a mum? Um, who are on your side, who feed you, get you off to school, teach you manners and values and all that kind of stuff. If you've got those things, you'll be fine. I would suggest to step parents, both stepmothers and stepfathers, that they spend time by themselves with each child by themselves. For example, a stepfather can take a child to sport and in the car, they talk, and that becomes what they do. And the stepmother could take a stepdaughter out for coffee or a meal or something. That one-to-one fostering works wonders, actually. Everybody all good in the back there? Take time as a family together a lot. Start to develop new, if you like, new rituals. And those things build and they cement and they underpin a family that, after a time, will work. Was that a cool ride? Yup! Yup! Yeah? Do you think the kids from blended families do it harder than kids in traditional families? They do. And do you see the kids suffer as a result of that? And do you see the kids suffer as a result of that? Emotionally, at times. We have seen the kids worry about having to choose, or feeling like they need to choose which parent they spend time between. They wanna please their mum, and they wanna please their dad as well. So it really puts them in the middle. Listen, just in case he eats that. Research into outcomes for kids who have been through separation and blending is, at first glance, not good. The documented problems that have been studied, let's say, um, are that children are at greater risk, and I really want to emphasise that it's only risk, for, um, not doing well at school leaving school early, uh, low self-esteem, behaviour problems, emotional issues, and of their own marriages or partnerships breaking down. So that's the list ` our shortlist of the main things. But most of them don't ` the majority. And I don't want parents to go, 'Oh my gosh, I'm condemning my child to any of these things,' because you're not. If parents manage it will then children do perfectly well. Conflict is the big one ` when the parents fight. When they fight after they've separated ` when they put the children in the middle and argue about them ` that's what does the damage for kids. Liz and Greg are committed to making their family, their relationship, work. It's not an option not to work, because we've got six children in this situation now, not just two each. not just two each. Yeah. We've got six, so that's a lot to be accountable for. Without ever underestimating, as they once did, just how has that is. For a traditional family, you really need to consider whether or not it's a toxic environment for your children, or is it something you just need to work harder at to making it work? I mean, it's twice as much hard work having a blended family than it is a traditional family, so put then effort into the traditional family to avoid blending. Do you wish you had? I wouldn't not want to have what I have now, but I think it would have been easier to have fixed what was wrong in my traditional family than to deal with the issues that we've had to in the blended family. But the last word goes to Olivia, with her two mums, two dad, seven siblings. What would be your perfect family to live in? > Um, the one we've got now. (CHUCKLES) For more information and to access counselling services which Liz and Greg did, you can go to our website. And, by the way, the next census in 2016 will start to track blended families for the first time. Well, up next, when the wonder drug turns on you. That's it! Fantastic! Just over a year after this video was taken, Julian Cocciolone, carefree and fun-loving, lost his will to live. I mean, the last thing we expected from the treatment of acne was death. Teenager Julian Cocciolone, like 80% of kids his age, got zits, and he wanted them gone. He was prescribed a popular anti-acne medication ` Roaccutane. Little over a year later, Julian was dead. Roaccutane is considered the miracle cure for pimples. Dermatologists swear by it, on both sides of the Tasman, but the side effects can be dangerous, even deadly. Here's Rhani Sadler. POIGNANT PIANO MUSIC All I can do is` is, you know, put forward our story. We were a happy family. You know, we loved each other a lot. We were very close. And... we did everything that we could to support each other. (PLAYS POIGNANT TUNE) Before he started taking Roaccutane, how would you describe his temperament generally? He's witty, whimsical, had a wicked sense of humour. Come on, go. OK. Oh my God. Oh my God. ALL LAUGH Oh my God. ALL LAUGH < Enough? I think so. Now, Ju, you've got to put your head next to Nonna's. I think so. Now, Ju, you've got to put your head next to Nonna's. Hey, that's it. Fantastic. Just over a year after this video was taken, Julian Cocciolone, carefree and fun-loving, lost his will to live. His family blames a controversial drug he took to clear up his skin. I mean, the last thing we expected from a treatment of acne was death. REEL WHIRRS Cath and Robert Cocciolone, both scientists, met at uni and settled in Adelaide. Their first child, Phillipa, grew up to be best mates with her little brother, Julian. We played together. We played dress-ups. We, sort of, paint and draw and, um, go rollerblading around the block... (LAUGHS) with all the cool kids. Um... (LAUGHS) I was looking through all of the photos, and they're all photos of Julian with a great big smile on his face. That's the way he was. He was never depressed. Never depressed ` quite the opposite. In high school, Julian joined the orchestra. That's him on the violin. ALL SING In year 12, they took a trip to the United States. I think he lived solely on fizzy drinks and carbohydrate, uh, when he was in America, and then shortly after that, he developed a rash of pussy pimples on his face. He decided to go to the GP and see if he could get some treatment for his acne. Initially, Julian went on antibiotics, which helped, but after a year, his mum feared he'd been on them too long. So Julian went with his dad to a dermatologist, who recommended a drug called Roaccutane. During that consultation, Julian and Robert did ask specific questions about depression. The dermatologist dismissed that and said it wasn't a concern. But Julian and his father were right to have concerns. This is some of Roacccutane's lengthy health warning, and it's not even a complete list of the dangers. Among the side effects warned about in the pamphlet that comes with the pills are depression and suicidal thoughts. Julian was fine for the first six months of taking Roaccutane, then his mum noticed a sudden change. He was tearful. He had suddenly become negative. He just wasn't himself any more ` this bubbly, beautiful boy was suddenly different. His family had no idea how different Julian had become, but his GP did. Julian confided to him that he was suicidal. Because of patient confidentiality, Julian's parents were never told of the danger their son was in, nor did his dermatologist take him off Roaccutane. He did not give me any warnings that depression could lead to suicide. Nonetheless, his mother was worried. She told Julian to stop taking the Roaccutane and encouraged him to continue his sessions with a psychologist. You are very capable. You can achieve great heights. You have no... This is a video the psychologist suggested Julian record as part of his treatment. ...fantastic friend. You will find happiness. You can achieve... He was trying. He was trying. He was trying. He was trying. He was trying. Mm. You hadn't seen that until today, had you? No. No, I hadn't seen it. It was on his phone. You are easy-going, outgoing, confident and competent. That's heart-breaking. That's heart-breaking. All right, let's stop. Oh, let's stop. Oh, let's stop. Yeah. You all right? > You all right? > Yeah. You all right? > Yeah. Yeah. > A few days later, Julian sent a text message to cancel his next session with his psychologist. Julian had decided to solve his problem, but he'd made the wrong decision. And so on the 14th, instead of going to his next psychologist appointment, he fixed his problem. He committed suicide. There are all sorts of factors that go into why somebody has acne, and giving them a full-on, really powerful drug like Roaccutane with potential side effects like depression, I think is really asking for trouble. Professor Kerryn Phelps is a former president of the Australian Medical Association. While the makers of Roaccutane believe their product comes with adequate warnings, Professor Phelps fears too many doctors are ignoring them and overprescribing. Well, Roaccutane is intended for the most serious cases of cystic acne, but there seems to have been a bit of function creep towards the milder forms of acne. So if somebody gets a few pimples and they're, you know, in their teens, and, you know, they want to look nice for the formal, then they go on to Roaccutane. When we come back, the side effects of birth control pills prescribed for pimples. And when a dad loses his precious boy. Julian Cocciolone's suicide devastated his family, especially his dad. My husband, who's a very... intelligent, organised, rational man, just found it intolerable. He'd lost his son. But he also lost his best friend. That could be a simple mistake. Or a deliberate move for a long-term advantage. Or a deliberate move for a long-term advantage. Perhaps. But, no, you're someone who plans ahead. I'm thinking you don't make a move unless you've thought things through. And if you don't have an answer, you'll find someone who does. Make the right move. Ask how the ANZ KiwiSaver scheme can help you achieve your long-term goals. Nice move. Hi, again. Apart from roaccutane, there are other drugs, including birth control pills, which are being prescribed to control acne. For some kids, they're a miracle cure, But, like Roaccutane, they too can have serious, sometimes fatal, side effects. Here's Rhani Sadler again. TECHNO MUSIC Beverly and Trevor Porter had three girls. Charlotte, the youngest, was 16 when she began taking Diane-35 to clear up her skin. Six months later, she suddenly developed a swollen and very painful leg. For some strange reason that morning, she leant across and gave me a kiss. That was the last I saw of her. Later that day, her pain became unbearable. Her leg was just enormous ` um, the size of a tree trunk ` and was just purple from the top to her toes. Charlotte went to hospital, and while waiting for treatment, collapsed in a corridor. And I just remember at one point... just telling her to wake up. (SNIFFS) VOICE CRACKS: But she didn't. An inquest found Charlotte died from a pulmonary embolism ` a blood clot in her lungs. Diane-35 was found to be a contributing factor. Well, they've taken away our daughter, basically. I mean,... all the dreams she had, all her ambitions, they've all gone. Sorry. (SNIFFS) TENSE MUSIC In the United Kingdom, there have been seven deaths. 11 in Canada. And in France, after four women died, Diane-35 was banned. But in Australia, where there have been 75 reported serious adverse reactions, authorities say the health benefits outweigh the risks. < Were you given any warning that there could be any complications? No. Nope. It was just, 'Take this and come back in three months,' but I didn't make it. Jacqui Hayes is a Brisbane mother of two who was prescribed Diane-35 to control excess facial hair. I was probably a month into it. Like, I was really short of breath all the time, and I thought, 'Oh, I'm just really unfit.' Just progressively got that worse that it was like I was being stabbed and suffocated at the same time. Jacqui rang for an ambulance. At the hospital, a scan of her lungs revealed her body was riddled with blood clots. < You were in shock at the time, but from what you know now, how close to death do you think you came? Really close. I think it's when you hear about other people. They're, like, 'My mum died from a pulmonary embolism,' or, you know, cos it's not` it's not small health risks that` or symptoms that people are getting with taking it. It's life-threatening. I think the important thing is we get the information out there so there's greater awareness. And Professor Kerryn Phelps knows all too well the risks of these kinds of medications, because she too nearly lost her life. When Kerryn began suffering irregular periods, she was prescribed a medication called Yasmin, which is similar to Diane-35. It too is a contraceptive pill widely used to treat acne. Literally, within about a month of taking it, I started to feel tired and I was breathless. And within a day, I couldn't get up the stairs. And within another day, I couldn't walk across my consulting room. Scared, she cancelled a trip to Canberra to meet then prime minister John Howard and went instead to a respiratory specialist, who sent her straight to hospital for a scan of her lungs. The technician came out and put them up on to the light box, and I looked at it and I just` I just started crying. I could see the scan, and, literally, the writing was on the wall. I knew this was very serious. Like Jacqui and Charlotte, Kerryn Phelps had a pulmonary embolism ` a blood clot in her lung. I was told that if I had gotten on that plane to go to Canberra, I would have probably not have survived the flight. You would have died that day? > You would have died that day? > Quite likely. Bayer Pharmaceuticals, the manufacturer of Yasmin and also Diane-35, has paid out hundreds of millions of dollars settling lawsuits from women who claimed they were harmed by their pills. Bayer claims their warnings are adequate, as do the makers of Roaccutane. Professor Phelps says the small print isn't good enough for parents, women and teenagers who need to know these drugs have potentially big side effects. Side effects ` for example, with Roaccutane, the side effect of depression ` for parents to know to look out for signs of depression in their` in their sons or daughters. SOMBRE MUSIC Julian Cocciolone's suicide devastated his family, especially his dad. My husband, who's a very intelligent, organised, rational man, just found it intolerable. He'd lost his son but also lost his best friend, and... he committed suicide. I've lost my son, who was my future, and my husband, who was the keeper of my past. MOURNFUL MUSIC Well, as you heard, the pharmaceutical companies say their products all come with adequate warnings and patients should take time to read and absorb those warnings. The companies also say doctors and dermatologists do warn patients about the possible side effects. Well, next, P!nk, a rock superstar in touch with herself. Amazing like that, darling. That's beautiful. Whoa! Yes! I love! I love! I love! > I'm very polarising. It's either absolutely love or absolutely can't be around for more than three seconds. # He-e-e-e-e-y! # # Raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways. # All my underdogs. # We will never be, never be... # Another beer? Another beer? Yeah, nah. Another beer? Yeah, nah. Wh`? What do you mean 'yeah, nah'? I mean, yeah, I'm gonna have a good night tonight, but, nah, I'm not gonna have another beer. THINKS: Nah, not gonna have another beer. MEATLOAF'S 'I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE (BUT I WON'T DO THAT)' # No, I won't do that. MEATLOAF: # I would do anything for love, anything you've been dreaming of, but I... # No more beersies for you. No more beersies for you. Welcome back. A whole lot of things have changed in the life of P!nk. Tonight, an exclusive, fresh, new and raw. It begins with a secret photo shoot and what follows is a series of revelations about her music, motherhood, tattoos, her daughter, her marriage and everything in between. Oh, yeah, there's also those death-defying, nail-biting aerial stunts on stage. MAN: Amazing. Like that, darling. Wow. > Yes! I love, I love, I love. > I'm very polarising. It's either absolutely love or absolutely can't be around for more than three seconds. <BLEEP!> <BLEEP!> (CHUCKLES) I have no idea, um... why anyone ever likes me. (CHUCKLES) UPBEAT MUSIC Every time I breathe, this dress come unzipped, just so you know. Every time I breathe, this dress come unzipped, just so you know. (LAUGHS) Are you serious? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Can you sit in it? Oh yeah. Can you sit in it? Yeah. Can I tell you? (WHISPERS) You look hot. WHISPERS: Thanks. One major star,... Gorgeous eyes. Gorgeous sparkle. Nice! ...a secret studio shoot, Wait, look at this, Andrew! Look at this! Look at that. ...a front cover six months in the making. And it all comes down to one shot. That's beautiful, there. I hate that. Oh, Andrew? Oh, Andrew? Yeah. Oh, Andrew? Yeah. There's an absolute ripper here! We've been working on this cover for about six months now. This was like that. That was like that. That's good, isn't it? That's good, isn't it? Yep. Deadline, deadline, deadline! We are on deadline! UPBEAT MUSIC # So raise your glass if you are wrong # in all the right ways, # all my underdogs. # We will never be, never be anything but loud, # and nitty, gritty, dirty little freaks # won't you come on and come on and... Do you get nervous before a show? Do you get nervous before a show? Uh-uh. I get focused. # Raise your glass. # Slam, slam... I go on, like... like a pilot before he flies a plane, I would imagine. Um, there's so many things to check off in your head in our show. # Party crasher, penny snatcher, # call me up, if you want, gangster... Quick changes and acrobatics and different kinds of harnesses and then lyrics, which I always forget. # He-e-e-e-y! So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways, # all my underdogs. # We will never be, never be anything but loud, # and nitty, gritty, dirty little freaks. # Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass? Do you have a ritual before you go out each night? I do the same thing every night and then we all get together and have a little prayer. And it's not just about, I'm tired, you know, I'm jetlagged or we have done this 60 times every night. It's about, someone is bringing their 70-year-old mum that hasn't been to a concert in 20 years. Having a baby, for women who are working women, who are used to being in control, there's nothing, is there, that you can control with a baby? No. I mean, you can try. You can control the important stuff ` what your child eats, how long you breastfeed, uh, how much love they get, but everything else, I think that's why they say that children teach you, cos it is a letting go process and an opening up. So, no. It's horrendous for control freaks, but it's also beau` it's great. < How are you coping? < How are you coping? I'm awesome. I'm loving it. # True love. True love. # It must be true love. # Nothing else can break my heart like true love... I want a Willow and Carey. I need Carey in there, and I need Willow in there somewhere. # True love. I saw, um, that you have become quite the poster girl for breastfeeding. Unintentionally, but absolutely. I don't shy away from anything. I think it's` I'm a hypochondriac, so when the doctor told me, 'You are like a walking antibiotic 'when you walk around and breastfeed your child. Anytime she gets a bug, you produce the antibodies through your milk and you fix her. She doesn't need medicine. She cuts down 50% on her allergies, asthma.' I'm like, 'Cool! Dialled, I don't have to worry about as much. 'Something that I don't have to worry about ` I'm in. Boob now." I'm surprised she's not on it now. Well, it's been two years, so it's a little less. # Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. # No one else can break my heart like you. When did you discover your voice? Um... I want to say, like, 2 or 3 years old. That's all I ever remember doing. I remember running around the house, just singing at the top of my lungs. I would sing instead of talk, like (SINGS) # I want broccoli for dinner. # Did you? Did you? Yeah, just sang everything. You described your dad as your first rock star. Yes. Yes. How has he influenced you? Um, well, I was daddy's little girl, so he was my god. But he really taught me to stand up for what I believe in and taught me how to fight. And taught me when to fight and who to fight and when not to ` when to walk away, and he just gave me my spirit. And he showed me that you can actually change. One person can change something. Everyone used to call him 'Mr Cause' and roll their eyes and, 'Oh, another letter!' and he did a lot of good for our community and he made a lot of stuff happen. And he had a sarcastic comment for every... He always had the last word. Loved that as a kid. Do you always have the last word? Do you always have the last word? Yeah and the first and the middle and then the last one after that, and then next day. So can we get my favourite person in the whole world out here? Tonight, my daddy. My Jim Moore. Can we give him lots of love? You also performed with him in 2007. You also performed with him in 2007. I did, yeah. How did that feel? It was really endearing, because I am used to seeing my dad as, like, a strong... impenetrable, just solid, 'I can do anything,' and he was really nervous. # Spend my days just searching. # Spend my nights in dreams. # Stop looking over my shoulder, baby. # I stopped wondering what it means. And I'd never seen him nervous before, and it was so vulnerable to see your parent like that for the first time, and it was just adorable and he's so wonderful and he's all heart, so it kind of through me off my game for a minute, cos I was like, 'Oh, are you OK? Do you need a beer?' # Oh, they said I should have been more. # Probably so if I hadn't been # in that crazy damn Vietnam war. # (CHUCKLES) (CHEERS) Thank you! Your life is so heavily reflected in your lyrics. Is anything off limits? Your life is so heavily reflected in your lyrics. Is anything off limits? Not so much. I think it all has a use. All of it has a use. I think... I don't just say stuff to say stuff. I say stuff if I feel like I need to say it for me, exorcise a demon or two. Or if I feel like somebody else needs to hear it, and it's uncomfortable sometimes, but I know by experience that it's helpful. # Give me a reason, just a little bit's enough # just a second, we're not broken. # We can learn to love again. # <Your tattoos pretty much tell the story of your life, don't they? < Which one is most meaningful to you? That's so hard. Um... I would say, 'What goes around comes around,' probably. And what would you say to Willow if she came to you and asked you for...? I mean, I got my tongue pierced and my first tattoo when I was 12. So I'm hoping for, like, 15. It gets younger! 16... 16... It gets younger! I'm just gonna tell her that nowadays it's cooler not to. You are actually cooler if you don't do all the stuff that everybody else is doing. And she's gonna listen and we're going to be best friends forever. We are never going to argue, ever. I can't wait to talk to you in 10 years time. I'll have a drink in my hand. Thank you so much. # Don't worry, be happy. # Whoo-o-o-o-o`o-o-o-o-o. I love. I love. I love. That's amazing. Love. That's gorgeous. Heaven. > I love it when she's got that energy. # So raise you glass if you are wrong... The hair looks fabulous. No, not a cover. That was really nice, just to get the shape. That was really nice, just to get the shape. Yep, I like that too. No. Yep. Nope. Yep. No. Oh, go back! Oh, that side of her face is divine, Andrew! Look at that! Yeah, beautiful! > Ooh! That's it! # Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass? I love that picture. # Raise your glass. # For me. # Well, that's it from us tonight. Do join us on Facebook ` Sunday TVNZ.