1 Tonight on Sunday ` iPads, touch screens, smartphones and toddlers. She probably picked up the iPhone at about 6 months old. Introducing technology in the first years of life. It's gonna give her that competitive advantage. What's it doing to our kids? A huge uncontrolled experiment on our children. Is technology the modern toy chest? I think a lot of it comes from fear of the unknown. Do you think we're using our kids as guinea pigs? Charlotte Dawson... And we're very proud that she was our sister. ...on love, loss, loneliness... I don't have a partner, I don't have my mother or father. I'm just me. ...and the cost of fame. Just because I'm on television, it doesn't mean that I'm immune to being hurt. Copyright Able 2014 Kia ora. I'm Miriama Kamo. You'll probably know a toddler who's a whizz on an iPad or tablet, can scroll through the photos, play videos, even explain how something works. You might even be the mother of that child. It might seem harmless, even cute, but what do we really know about the impact of touch-screen technology on their developing minds? Is it a huge uncontrolled experiment on our kids? Here's Libby Middlebrook. (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) Before she learns how to properly hold a pen, even before she knows how to tie her own shoelaces,... Well done. You remember. ...toddler Izzy Johnson has complete control of an iPad. Look, Dad, a dog. People are amazed and can't believe how quickly she navigates through, and I know my parents are always mesmerized by this little kid whizzing away on the iPad. Are you proud of her? Are you proud of her? Oh yeah, definitely. A little girl whose introduction to technology came early in life. VIDEO: It's my birthday! She probably picked up the iPhone at about 6 months old, probably. She sees us using our devices, and she just copies and does the same. And now that she's graduated from baby to toddler, Izzy's been given her very own touch screen. Doesn't matter what they do in the future, there will be technology. Whether they, you know, work at a service station or lawyers, technology's going to be present. And if your kids aren't used to using it and interacting it, they'll have a disadvantage, I believe. What's the hurry? Hasn't she got all the time in the world for this? She does, but I think the earlier they adopt it, it's gonna give her that competitive advantage. IPAD: Kissing. Yawning. And it's not just Izzy. Take a look at YouTube, and you'll find hundreds of babies on iPads, swiping screens, not building blocks. This clip went viral. A little girl who tries to manipulate a magazine like an iPad. So is it something we should be worried about? For years, we've been told about the negative impacts of television, that it shouldn't be watched by our youngest kids. But should that advice apply to touch screens? Experts warn we're moving too fast to find out. Well, I think we are in the process of conducting a huge uncontrolled experiment, uh, on our children. (COOS) Paediatrician Simon Rowley ` he's an expert in child development. The brain triples its size in the first year of life. And although we're constantly reshaping and reconnecting our brain connections throughout our life, a huge amount of it happens in those first years, and that's why we regard those as particularly important. A time in a child's life where they learn best from play. Children who, perhaps, should be, uh, outside playing or, um, doing physical activities are instead captivated by a very small piece of technology which takes their energies away from these other things. What do we actually know about the impact of these devices on young brains? Virtually nothing. Uh, I think that's the problem. At the moment, we're supposed to treat touch screens like TV ` no screen time at all for under-2-year-olds and small amounts until they turn 3. Advice that overseas experts are now beginning to question. Here at Melbourne's Swinburne University, hundreds of families are eagerly taking part in groundbreaking research ` some of the first in the world to study the impact of touch-screen use on young minds. A study being led by Dr Jordy Kaufman inside what's called The Baby Lab ` Hey, guys. Hey, guys. Hi, Jordy. a place where children get to play... Remember the monkey story? ...but not as we traditionally know it. When we see children growing up differently from how we're growing up, it kind of strikes a scary chord for people. Do you think it's justified? Do you think it's justified? I think a lot of it comes from fear of the unknown. There was a time when children were largely discouraged from reading for pleasure. There's been lots of changes to young childhood. Children survive them, and sometimes these changes aren't necessarily bad. We need to do research on it. Playing the monkey game, so you can sit on the monkey chair. Dr Kaufman's trying to find out if these devices are any better for young brains than watching TV. Overall, the picture is fairly negative about what children can learn from television. The problem with extrapolating that to touch screens is that touch screens are very very different from television. is that touch screens are very very different from television. In what way? Touch screens aren't passive; they're active. It's a platform to do a number of different things, and I think it's important to consider these activities rather than just look and say because it's got a pane of glass in front of it, it must be something bad. Jack's one of the children involved in Dr Kaufman's experiment. I like this game. I like this game. Do ya? Do you have that on your iPad at home? Uh, yeah. Uh, yeah. Yeah? Jack's 4, and he has his siblings love their iPad. It's something that I have to physically limit for both of them or else they'd probably want to be playing with it most of the time, unfortunately. Yeah. And that's` that's a bit of a worry, I think. And Jack's mum, Bess, wonders what it might be doing to his development. Like most parents, I decided that I'd like to know whether or not playing on the iPad has any real merit for the kids, whether or not it really is all terrible and bad. Do you want to see if you can get all your monkeys to the sleeping tree? Here at The Baby Lab, they've designed simple but revealing tests to find out. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Tricky. Can Jack solve a puzzle on an iPad? I can't do this. I can't do this. Yes, you can. Oh, you've got it. Clever. We can only move one at a time, and we can't put any on the ground, cos the crocodiles will get them. But is he able to do the same puzzle straight afterwards in the real world, remembering what he's learnt? Too good. You did it. Dr Kaufman's convinced kids can learn from touch screens, even our youngest. Do you think it's OK for a child under the age of 2 to be using a touch screen? In my view, I would say for certain activities, absolutely. You know, if the activity is harnessing and enriching social interactions. He thinks of them as a modern toy chest. Should I take a picture of you? Should I take a picture of you? (CHUCKLES) Sure. Yes, there are games, but there are also apps to promote creativity and talk-time between kids and their parents So, aside from this being highly amusing for you, Jordy, um, what are the benefits for kids in an app like this? Well, it's fun, so that always helps. But it's allowing children to be creative and express themselves. Um, it's not limiting in the ways that a lot of people think of apps as limiting. There's no one thing you're meant to do here. There's no specific rule. Are you saying that drawing on an iPad is as good as drawing or painting in the real world? I would say there's probably advantages to both activities. There's certainly things they'll learn from actually holding a pencil that you're not going to learn from a touch-screen device. On the other hand, a touch-screen device is teaching children to do it in a whole new way. Coming up ` what's been discovered at The Baby Lab. They're important findings for a number of reasons. But are we using the technology as a digital babysitter... It may say something about parenting. ...at the expense of real-world experiences? I just have this, sort of, fear that one day we're gonna look back and say, 'Oh dear, we made a terrible mistake there.' Do you think we're using our kids as guinea pigs? At Oaktree Kindergarten on Auckland's North Shore, in amongst the old-fashioned blocks and dressing-up clothes, you'll find an egg timer and two glossy iPads. I think they see it as being part of their daily lives. I don't think they see it as being anything special or different. Because it's all around them. Do you have an iPad at home, Ruby? Do you have an iPad at home, Ruby? Yes. I got iPad, and Zoe got iPad, but Charlie got cell phone. And Ruby and her friends can play with one here any time they like. We were concerned that there could be some children that would become quite fixated on the iPad. But the kindy's head teacher, Kim, says the timer and a sign-in sheet's managing all of that,... One more minute now, Jake. ...deciding whose turn it is next. Could you go and find Oscar and.. Jessica? Education is always moving and growing. You know, as teachers, we can't afford to stand still. Critics would say there are no proven learning outcomes for touch-screen use and young children. From my experience within our kindergarten, I can see many learning outcomes for children. I mean, there's great opportunities to work collaboratively together, there's opportunities to develop numeracy skills, literacy skills; it can be used for film-making. Do you think preschoolers miss out on anything if we don't give them access to this technology? I wouldn't say that they're missing out as such, but I believe that if you added technology, then you're giving them.... another opportunity to learn in a different way. But it's the under-3 age group which has child experts most worried. We shouldn't be offering these technologies to children of this age unless we know that they are safe, um, and not causing harm. Paediatrician Simon Rowley works with the Brainwave Trust ` a group interested in early brain development in children. Our brain, if you like, is shaped by our experiences, and it's important that our experiences are meaningful. MAN: Stop, or you're not going to play with the iPad any more tonight. And no one yet knows what impact touch screen technology will have. (CRIES) What are you worried about? What are you worried about? This is purely my personal opinion, but if you look at the amount of autistic behaviour we're starting to see, and we do believe that,... uh, the` the instance of autistic disorders is increasing, then some of it might relate to the fact that people can become computer nerds, if you like. And so they're quite happy not to actually stop and talk to somebody, because, actually, it's far more easy and interesting for them to just look at their tablet and carry on doing what they're doing. Although, Dr Rowley points out there's no scientific evidence to back his view. When you see a child ` a preschooler ` on an iPad or an iPhone, what do you think's happening to their little brain? what do you think's happening to their little brain? Well, I think they are fixated. They're in one area. Um, they're probably developing hugely, um, thick circuitry in the one area of their brain which is involved in the process they're doing. And the fear is the younger they begin, the more it could interfere with their social development. (CRIES) The early years that we are displacing time-wise by this technology might well be our years that we can never recover in later life. Do you think we're making a mistake if we give under-2s access to this technology? I think we are. MAN: Can I have it back? MAN: Can I have it back? (CRIES) Especially if it's used to pacify children. Well, I think the uptake that I witness are parents using these technologies as babysitters. It's something couples like the Johnsons freely admit to. In the car, yes. When we travel, absolutely. That device helps a huge amount. Yeah, it really does. But they don't see it as a problem if it only happens on occasion. We've got some friends that, you know, I think sometimes they... the devices can be used as a way of just keeping the kids busy and out of the way and keeping them quiet, and we've not` we don't do that with Isabella. It's behaviour, Dr Rowley says, has the potential to rob children of their greatest gift ` being a child. They're really little scientists. They like to... do something and see what the reaction is to that and then measure it. WOMAN: Yay. There's nothing quite like walking on new grass in bare feet. How can you get that sensation just by watching a screen? Or climbing a tree, feeling the bark. All of those simple little things are really just a child's exploration of our world, and in that exploration of the world, their brain is developing hugely. Aren't you perhaps being a little romantic about the kind of childhood you'd like kids to have? I think that's a valid point, but, um, I just have this, sort of, fear that one day we're going to look back on some of what we're doing in our child-rearing with technology and say, 'Oh dear, we made a terrible mistake there.' One of the myths that seems to be perpetuated about touch screens is that when children are on these devices, that it's taking time away from, say, learning how to ride a horse or learning how to climb trees, when, in fact, we don't have the data on that either. Good boy. Thank you. But experts are learning. At The Baby Lab, they're ready to publish some early research... They're important findings. ...that largely unlike television, young children are able to learn from a touch screen and then use that knowledge in the real world. And from that perspective, I think it was a resounding yes. They're also looking at whether children can become addicted to them. But the tantrum issue seems to be one that comes up a lot. Would you like to draw a picture for Britney? Monitoring a child's reaction... Which colour you like? ...when they're asked to give up the iPad for something else. So is there still a long way to go for your research programme? Absolutely. I mean, we're` we don't think that this is the answer to how child development is being affected by this new trend in play. We're offering our research as a kind of... you know, as a starting point. It's still reassuring information for families who embrace the technology, parents who ignore advice to ban screen time in our youngest children. Baloney. Baloney. (CHUCKLES) > Baloney. (CHUCKLES) > Really. A lot of it really depends on your child. The Johnsons say all the evidence they need is right in front of them. She's very advanced for her age, and that is the result of it. And we're very happy with where she's at. She still has a bike, a bucket and spade, the blocks, the colouring book. Stamps. Yellow. The preschool years are really` Play is far more important than anything else, and by 'play', I do mean physical play, emotional play. Today parents seem to be in a big hurry to embrace technology. Today parents seem to be in a big hurry to embrace technology. That's exactly right. Mm. Too much. I think we've got tons of time. There's more on our web page about the children's app market and Jordy's advice for parents. After the break, Charlotte Dawson ` a story made with the help of her family and friends. Charlotte herself speaks in her final interview from her Bali retreat. Everything about it, I love. When I split up from my husband, ooh, 14 years ago, that was the first time I came, and I stayed for a few months. If I've ever had problems or my anxiety hits, my depression hits, any challenges that I have in my life, I come here to heal. The serenity. Hello again. Charlotte Dawson was feisty and fragile ` a mix which was to be her triumph and her undoing. The supermodel and TV star had a huge career here and across the Tasman, but until now, the events leading up to her death have been shrouded in mystery. Tonight, in her own words, much is revealed. Here's PJ Madam with Charlotte's last interview. And a warning ` some viewers may find parts of this story confronting. 'FAME' Beginning of her model career. So stunning in that. Just gorgeous. # Baby, look at me... A week after she was born to an unmarried teenage mother in 1966, Charlotte was adopted by NZ couple Richard and Jose Dawson. I can actually remember Mum coming down off the plane in Palmerston. She had a fur hat on and this beautiful bundle in her arms. We were so excited. She was just so beautiful. She had a head of gorgeous, curly, dark hair, and it was one of the best moments of my life. # Remember my name. Fame. So, she had braces then? So, she had braces then? She had her braces. She must've been 12, I think. The Dawsons already had two daughters ` Robin and Vicky. Vicky, do you remember if Charlotte being adopted was an issue for her? No, it was never an issue. She was just one of us. It didn't matter that someone else had actually borne her; she was our sister. < So she was very loved. She had a happy childhood, but` < So she was very loved. She had a happy childhood, but` Very happy childhood. ...but she also went through something that many people don't experience. Yes, she was, um, molested. She was molested by a neighbour when she was very young. I'm sure it affected her feeling of self-worth. She felt that if that could happen to her as a child, maybe she wasn't worthy of anything, and maybe thought it was her fault. So it made things difficult for her later in life with relationships. But I saw quite a lot of her at that age, and she was just a normal, happy,... naughty teenager at that stage. Charlotte was 15, had left school and was working as a secretary, but it was here at this bar where she was discovered by a modelling agent. It was a meeting that would change her life. And within a year, she had swapped Auckland for Milan. # Baby, look at me # and tell me what you see. Do you remember the first time you met her? Absolutely. It was before I was a designer, and I worked at Chadwicks Model Management, and Charlotte had just come back from New York, and was just one of those times when you meet somebody ` instant, 'I like you. We're gonna be really great friends.' Why have you got sunglasses on your head? Cos that's what is keeping the rocks inside it, holding it all together. She could say anything to me. She loved me like a brother. I loved her like she was part of my family. Can I get you to take a look at these? Can I get you to take a look at these? Yeah. Yeah. (CHUCKLES) I look at these all the time. I look at this one, and that was when she was in Bali before she... not long before she died, um, and there was, like, a peace and tranquillity about her here. WOMAN: How's the serenity? WOMAN: How's the serenity? Oh, yes, the serenity. Well, this where I come to retreat. Bali is just a wonderful place for me. Everything about it, I love. Give up. I give up. I surrender. Got him! When I split up from my husband, ooh, 14 years ago, that was the first time I came, and I stayed for a few months, from memory. If I've ever had problems or my anxiety hits, my depression hits, any challenges that I have in my life, I come here to heal. If you manage to get Mr Roper off Horace and get into the pool, he does this magnificent Horrie the Dog leap. It's like a wonder dog. Want to see it? Want to see it? Yep. > Want to see it? Yep. > OK. Righty-oh. For me, Charlotte wouldn't have been Charlotte without her dramas, you know. Her highs and lows were usually extreme, and for some people, life's like that. It certainly was for Charlotte. Billy Allen was one of Charlotte's closest friends, and whenever she needed to escape, she was always welcome at his Balinese villa. January this year was such a time. She was almost childlike when she was in Bali. She'd jump in and out of the pool, and she was really close to my dog, Horace. She, um,... didn't have a care in the world when she was there. It was kind of like that. What reason did she give you for coming to Bali the last time? Um... Sh... Her words were she needed to get out of Sydney. Charlotte was at a crossroads, personally and professionally. I find it very hard when I'm back in Australia to separate the Charlotte Dawson that everyone thinks they know to the Charlotte Dawson that I know who I really am and the person that does need a lot of TLC from herself. And that's what I` This is what I have to do. I have to love myself. I don't have a partner, I don't have my mother or father, I don't have any family in Australia, um, I don't have anything, you know; I'm just me. So I don't have that shoulder to cry on at night. I don't have someone I can talk to, except for therapists. I've had that conversation lots of times with her. What` What that is... Charlotte had an incredibly public break-up with Scott Miller. How that panned out, the fact that she... always wanted to be a mother and she aborted a child, because she felt pressured to do that because it wasn't the right time for his career, that was a turning point in Charlotte's life. And I think that she beat herself up for the rest of her life, because she wanted to have that child. Charlotte married Olympic swim star Scott Miller in 1999. Charlotte made a stunning bride, as you could imagine. It must've been a shock six months later when you heard the news. It must've been a shock six months later when you heard the news. Yes, it was. It was terrible, but it wasn't just the shock for me; it was a huge shock for Charlotte. He'd been unfaithful, and she just couldn't get past it, and they had made that decision to have a baby aborted because that was their future. And I think it just broke her heart, and I think that was the start of a major part of her depression. Everything she worked for and put into it all of a sudden vanished. I mean, just think about that. Those things that we value ` your marriage or your relationship, the roof over your head, the child that you want to have. I can't think of three bigger things in life than that ` gone. She said to me that he was the love of her life. But he was also, from what she's told me and what I saw, one of the most destructive forces in her life. Because she was married to Scott Miller, who was an Australian hero, he then was interviewed in a magazine and said that Charlotte had ruined his chances of being successful. And as a result of that, Charlotte lost all her work. She lost her job, nobody would touch her, and that was major. I went back to NZ for five years. Hopefully people would just forget I was the dreadful woman that destroyed the swimmer's Olympic chances, because that's basically what he said. Um,... so escaping was... escaping was something that I had to do. There was a lot of sadness and darkness around that time, um, so I had to cleanse all of that away from me as well. Her five years spent here in NZ weren't just to recover; they were to restart her life. She began hosting a panel series, wrote a book, filmed a documentary and became a travel reporter. Her career was booming, and Australia wanted her back. I'm Charlotte Dawson. I will do my very best to host this night, if I don't pass out in this Alex Perry corset. So it was a very public career, one that Charlotte felt cruelly judged in. And by her late 40s, it was getting even harder. After the break ` Cos you cannot put on weight, and you cannot age. You also can't have cosmetic surgery or admit to using Botox, because you should be ashamed. Um, I've bucked all those trends. Willard Wigan actually slows his heart and sculpts between beats to create these tiny treasures. At first glance, the world of finance looks large and complex, but in the right hands it can be distilled into something simple and understandable. Seemingly big problems become so much smaller. ANZ has the expertise to help make the complicated simple. Huh. Welcome back. Australia hadn't been kind to Charlotte. Her marriage was over, and she'd lost all her work. She came home to NZ for five years, where she found mixed fortunes, then returned to Australia. But as her star rose again, she became a target for cyber trolls. Another warning ` there are some distressing Twitter messages in this story. And what a night it is. So she was a fighter? So she was a fighter? Totally. Rise like the phoenix, come back, you know, do it all again. WOMAN: And a model expert like no other... Whoo-hoo! ...back with a sharp eye and sharper tongue... Like you're taking a dump, honey. ...is Charlotte Wrinkle-free Dawson. I'm approaching 50. Um, in the media, it's quite cruel, because you cannot put on weight and you cannot age. You also can't have cosmetic surgery or admit to using Botox, because you should be ashamed. I've bucked all those trends. Yes, it's probably cost me some lucrative deals with skincare companies, but I'd rather just be honest, you know. And that's my whole thing ` is transparency and honesty. We both used to have Botox, and we'd both gone... Sometimes we'd had it done, and it was, like, I'd say to her, 'Have I gone too far? Is this like... ?' And it was. We look back at pictures of us and go, 'Remember then? 'Yeah, OK, we need to, like, pull back on how many mils we got.' And by the same token, if I'd... I hadn't had any for, like, a year and a half, and we did something, and I raised my eyebrows, and she goes, 'What the f... is going on with your face?' It was mean. She goes, 'You just moved it.' Do you know what I mean? So we'd laugh. We'd experiment, try it, try a filler, try this, try that ` not a problem talking about it. Guys, she's climbed Rooty Hill, not Mt Everest. First time I met Charlotte was at the Top Model audition in Melbourne. I've seen my first victim right here. And she was, like, 'Take that thing out of your nose and take that thing out of your mouth. It's not Mardi Gras. What are you doing?! She got up on stage and grabbed the microphone. She was, like, 'If any of you scrags have tongue rings in, 'take them out right now before you come up on stage.' On Next Top Model, Charlotte struck up a friendship with Maddy Huett and Simone Holtznagel. Oh my God, that is such a bimbo. You know when you just meet someone and you know that they're going to be a part of your life forever. When the show finished, she took them under her wing. If they were ever in town, they could always stay at her place. She... Like, Maddy and I knew how much she wanted a baby, and... I don't... I think that's why she was the way she was with Maddy and I ` because we kind of helped fill that void for her, if only for, like, a little bit. She was old enough to be our mum, obviously, but she treated Maddy and I like we were the daughters she never had. Final four! Give me a hug. While on Next Top Model, Charlotte became a target for trolls who would launch vile personal attacks on Twitter. She took them on, but they took their toll on her. Just because I'm on television, just because I've got some sort of a profile, it doesn't mean that I'm immune to being hurt. I was always judged, often quite viciously, via social media. Um, then I had what's now, unfortunately, a very common thing happen where people start to target you and want to kill you. I thought there was manners and etiquette involved, but there's not, and it's a problem, and people are killing themselves because of it. I just didn't think that people would be so evil behind a keyboard. And so I was really surprised when I went and faced some of my tormentors how different they were. They certainly won't say it to your face. I suppose the first thing I want to say is because` I'm face to face with you now. If I turn around and say, '<BLEEP> you, you <BLEEP>,' how do you feel? VICKY: It had a huge effect on her. She rang me one night after they'd said these terrible things, and I sent an ambulance to her place, because I thought she would kill herself. And if she'd only been able to stop looking at these messages. But unfortunately, she had an addictive personality, and she was addicted to social media. Look, I have very intermittent Wi-Fi here, so I am not, uh` I don't have to wake up to abuse every morning. MAN: Urgh, he's not shy. MAN: Urgh, he's not shy. Nah. Oh, Horrie! Really, on a human level, do you say to somebody, 'You fat f... Got no talent. Go kill yourself. 'You're a hypochondriac, a drama queen and a f... moron. 'Please do the world a favour and go and hang yourself'? Who says that? What kind of, like`? That's human filth. Those people that you as a human being think that it's OK to type that directly to another person, I think you are a piece of shit. And I'm not bullying you; I'm just telling you that I think you are a piece of shit. Last time I saw her was two and a half weeks before she died, three weeks maybe. And then we'd spoken on the phone after that but nothing that I recall as... Just like, 'Hi, what are you doing? You're an idiot.' (CHUCKLES) Have a laugh. And that was your last conversation with her? And that was your last conversation with her? Yeah. I don't even remember it... enough. I didn't think it was going to be the last one. At this point, I'm completely and utterly unemployed. I'm going back to Australia with absolutely no work, no bookings, nothing. By the time Charlotte Dawson arrived in Bali at Christmas, she was facing an uncertain future. Charlotte was reportedly $80,000 in debt, she was no longer a host on Next Top Model, and she and her long-time agent had recently parted ways. I can't be fearful. That's my worst enemy. It's everybody's worst enemy ` fear of the future, especially when you don't have one to look at. But it was not only her future that was concerning her. Her past was crowding in, including Scott Miller, who pleaded guilty to possessing the drug ice and was revealed in court as a brothel owner. I've had a bad decade. (LAUGHS) Seriously, my ex-husband being arrested ` oh, he appears in court soon, prostitution racket. Not just her husband; she also spoke of blackmail. I also had the head of <BLEEP> NZ bribe me. She says she has a sex tape of me. According to Charlotte in her book Air Kiss & Tell, in 2004 she had a drunken romp late one night with the winner of a NZ reality show called The Player. They were on set, and unbeknownst to her, it was caught on CCTV. In the next part of our story, Charlotte Dawson in, what she called, her spiritual home ` Bali, a place of hope. This is the very first time I've ever had the privilege of being with a high priestess. It's a great honour... and a bit nerve-racking. You're holding so much sadness in your heart. And also, you have pain here inside. Yep. The first two months of this year were Charlotte Dawson's last. But in this documentary footage filmed in January, she was continuing her quest for hope and healing. Three days before she left Bali, Charlotte went looking for spiritual guidance. This is the very first time I've ever had the privilege of being with a high priestess. It's a great honour... and a bit nerve-racking. (CHUCKLES) (CHANTS INDISTINCTLY) You're holding so much sadness in your heart. And also, you have much pain. There is pain here inside. Yep. That's pretty much it. It is breaking your heart like a piece by piece, > and you need to forgive. > SOLEMN PIANO MUSIC She was the best I'd seen her in months. Like, she came back, and I thought she was fine. Like, the last couple of months before, I thought she was the best I'd seen her in a while. With no TV work on the horizon, the only work Charlotte had was helping promote a homewares range for her friend Billy. She tried to sound upbeat. This is something I probably won't be able to screw up. I reckon I could flog a pillow or a coaster, you know. I've got to be a success at something, right? But the smile masked her increasing anxiety. You know, I could look at it one way and say I'm looking down... I'm looking down the barrel of an unemployment gun and the bullet's gone off. I could think of it that way, or I could think of it as a fresh start. That's how I'm choosing to think of it, and I need that guidance and that clarity and that confirmation that I'm on the right track. That's the most telling bit of footage that you've got of her. She was fearful, because when she was trying to put the positive spin on it and... the bright, the future, the eyebrows going up, that was Charlotte performing. Adding to Charlotte's anxiety was a TV interview due to be broadcast with her ex-husband, Scott Miller. Charlotte was very overly concerned about that programme, and, um, she was quite depressed. You were there, the night that she watched that interview? You were there, the night that she watched that interview? Yes. < Why did she watch it with friends? < Why did she watch it with friends? She didn't want to watch it alone. Madeline, when was the last time you saw Charlotte? Um, the night that we watched the Scott Miller interview on 60 Minutes. And how was she? And how was she? She was nervous to watch it but afterwards, she was a lot better. Yeah. She was a lot more relaxed after watching it than she was before. < So you thought that she was OK? Yeah. I mean, after the interview, we sat down and watched a movie. And, um, yeah, then I sat and had a bit of a chat with her for a while, and then she gave me a big hug and said, 'Love you, Madgie,' and I left. They watched at Charlotte's Sydney home ` a waterside apartment she'd furnished and loved, but with no work, she was struggling to pay the rent. The owners had decided to sell it. It meant so much to her, because it was a refuge. SOLEMN PIANO MUSIC MUSIC CONTINUES 1 1 On the last day of Charlotte's life, there was to be an open house at her apartment before its auction at midday. Sometime around 11, the real estate agent turned up, let himself in and found Charlotte. At 11.18, police were called. < You had to do something very difficult, didn't you? < You had to do something very difficult, didn't you? Yeah, we both did. We had to identify the body. I think she looked so beautiful. She did. She did. And I think that's why we're both really glad that, yeah, we got to see her. 'I CAN'T MAKE YOU LOVE ME' VOICE BREAKING: Cos I really felt that, you know. Like, she was a beautiful, bright, shining girl. Is it one of your favourite photos? > Is it one of your favourite photos? > Mm-hm. She was clearly loved. She was clearly loved. She was. Just had no idea how many people adored her and respected her, but the awful thing is that she didn't either. She couldn't see it. And that's what depression does. It's heart-breaking. If Charlotte had have called you that night ` that Friday night ` > If Charlotte had have called you that night ` that Friday night ` > Yeah. what would you have had said to her? > what would you have had said to her? > I would've gone over. 'Hang in there, put the Nescafe on. I'm coming over.' And in hindsight, I should've gone to a psychologist. As friends of hers, we should've gone to speak to somebody to say, 'This is happening to somebody that I know, and I don't know how to deal with it.' # ...something it won't. She was an incredibly beautiful person, and I'm going to miss her dreadfully. I'm sorry. # I will lay down my heart. # We were lucky to have her. We were really lucky to have her in our lives. And we're very proud that she was our sister. And we hope that something good can come of her death and maybe people will talk more openly about depression and child abuse and maybe trolls won't tweet horrible things to horrible people. What I want to say to people is you don't know the state of someone. You don't know if somebody's being beaten at home, got a terrible illness, if their mother or father have just passed away, how they're feeling. So if you don't know the stability of someone, you... you can't attack people with words. You can't do that, cos you don't know what the repercussions are. And if you have done that, if you were one of those people that did that to Charlotte, then you are partly responsible for what happened to her. # Remember my name. Fame. # I'm going to live forever. # I'm going to learn how to fly. I have to remember the amazing things. And I don't want` I don't want at the end of it, that people go, like, 'Oh, do you know she killed herself?' I don't want that. That's not... the legacy of her, that's not the sum of who she was. I'm going to remember all the fun things we did together. I want her legacy to be... that she was so fun and she was so generous, and even though depression did get her, most of the time, she had the most beautiful smile on her face. And that's what I want to remember. Find it nice that her ashes are here. Charlotte's ashes were sent to NZ Bali and Sydney, where they now have pride of place in her favourite shoe store. She said to me once,... we were talking, and I said, 'You can sort that out when you get to the pearly gates.' And she said, 'I'm not going to the pearly gates; I'm going to the diamante gates.' BOTH CHUCKLE That's the image? > That's the image? > It's her. # Baby, remember my... You know, people say, 'She'll be at peace now.' That's really great, but I'd actually prefer it if she were here and we were having a chat to her. If you can hear that, Charlotte... (CHUCKLES) # Baby, remember my name. # So, if you or someone you know needs help for depression, we have links to support services on our website. Coming up next week ` a rugby hero's story of personal transformation. Inga the winger like you've never seen him before. From fit 20 years ago to fat, but now Inga's on the way back. This was Inga the undertaker just before his stroke ` all 170 kilos of him. I was severely overweight. I was obese. (CHUCKLES) All ready for the big day. I'm a bit nervous now. Now this 44-year-old grandfather has cut out the meat,... Oh, thank you. ...dropped 35 kilos, with just 35 to go until his first marathon. What's the goal? What's the goal? For the Auckland marathon ` 103. Losing 70 kilos has got to be good for his heart, but is Inga Tuigamala risking his life? So, that's next week. Now, finally tonight, you'll remember our story from last week about Charley ` the little girl whose parents decided to keep her small through a rare treatment. Her family have been overwhelmed by the positive feedback and wanted to say thank you to all the people who offered support. Charley's mother, Jenn, runs a registered charitable trust that supports families suffering from birth-related trauma. It's called Action to Improve Maternity. If you'd like to learn more, check out their website. As for Charley, her next adventure is to do a lap in a sulky at a trotting meet. She's got a bucket list ` a list of things her family would like her to experience, from the ordinary to the extraordinary. You can see her progress or offer a hand on our Facebook page. Kua mutu te mahi naianei. That's us for tonight. Do join us on Facebook ` Sunday TVNZ. And thanks for joining us. We'll see you next week. Nga mihi nui, hei kona.