ON OUR LATE NEWS TONIGHT AT 10.25 AND ON OUR WEBSITE, ONE NEWS.CO.NZ FROM ALL THE ONE NEWS TEAM, ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR EVENING AND GOODNIGHT. IT'S SEVEN SHARP. CEREBRAL PALSY, EPILEPSY, SEVERE BRAIN DAMAGE. THE REAL IMPACT OF A BIRTH GONE HORRIBLY WRONG... THEY OFFERED US A FREE COFFIN. ...WHEN IT DIDN'T HAVE TO. ARIANA'S INJURY WAS DUE TO MISMANAGED LABOUR. PLUS ` IT SAVED HIS LIFE... IT'S A SIMPLE CONCEPT, BUT IT'S REALLY REALLY EFFECTIVE. ...AND COULD SAVE PLENTY MORE. I JUST COULDN'T SLEEP. I WAS TOO EXCITED. ALL HE NEEDS IS A GOLD COIN. YOU JUST ASK 100,000 PEOPLE FOR $1 EACH. IT'S PRETTY SIMPLE, EH? AND ` THE MUSIC OF THE CAMPAIGN. # WATCH, WATCH, WATCH US. WE'LL NEVER STOP, STOP, STOP. # HMM, MAYBE NOT. SO, WHAT'S IN AN ANTHEM? ONE NEWS CAPTIONS BY IMOGEN STAINES AND VIRGINIA PHILP. CAPTIONS WERE MADE POSSIBLE WITH FUNDING FROM NZ ON AIR. COPYRIGHT ABLE 2014 DUE TO THE LIVE NATURE OF SEVEN SHARP, WE APOLOGISE FOR THE LACK OF CAPTIONS FOR SOME ITEMS. A LOT OF SOIREE QUESTIONS AND FEEDBACK ` WHO BROUGHT THE BEST DISH, WHO MADE THE BIGGEST FOOL OF THEMSELVES, WHY DO YOUR CUSHIONS NEED WASHING? Who had the best partner? Interesting revelations there. Who had the worst dish? We've been debating that HERE'S WHAT CAUGHT OUR EYE TODAY ` THE PRIME MINISTER'S BEEN FORCED TO ADMIT A FORMER STAFF MEMBER IN HIS OFFICE WAS LINKED TO BLOGGER CAMERON SLATER. IF YOU WANT TO GET THE COMIC-BOOK LOVER IN YOUR LIFE SUPERMAN'S FIRST APPEARANCE IN PRINT, WELL, YOU'D BETTER HAVE A COUPLE OF MILLION DOLLARS HANDY ` THE PRISTINE 1938 COPY OF ACTION COMICS NUMBER ONE IS NOW FOR SALE ON EBAY. AND CATCHING A BALL AT A BIG SPORTS GAME WOULD HAVE TO BE A HUGE HIGHLIGHT, RIGHT? WELL, NO ONE GAVE THIS KID THE MEMO, THROWING HIS DAD'S CATCH BACK TO THE PITCH. LUCKILY, ONE OF THE TEAM'S COACHES TOSSED IT BACK. It's a good kid though. SO, A TERRIBLE STORY THIS AFTERNOON ABOUT THIS TARANAKI BABY LEFT WITH A LIFETIME OF UNDENIABLE STRUGGLE AFTER HER BIRTH WAS BOTCHED BY THE OBSTETRICIAN AND MIDWIFE. TODAY ARIANA LAWN'S PARENTS GOT SOME FORM OF JUSTICE. THIS BRIGHT AND BUBBLY 3-YEAR-OLD HAS BEEN FIGHTING FOR HER LIFE SINCE THE DAY SHE WAS BORN. CHEESE! YOU GONNA BLOW KISSES? ARIANA LAWN HAS CEREBRAL PALSY, EPILEPSY AND SEVERE BRAIN DAMAGE. THIS IS HOW SHE EATS. GOOD GIRL. IT'S UNLIKELY SHE'LL EVER WALK ON HER OWN. BETTER GET TO THE FREEZER AND GET THE LOLLIES. THE TRAGEDY IS ARIANA'S DAYS COULD HAVE BEEN SO DIFFERENT, HAD HER VERY FIRST ONE NOT GONE SO HORRIBLY WRONG. IT'S VERY REGRETTABLE, THE CIRCUMSTANCES SURROUNDING ARIANA'S BIRTH. AND, YOU KNOW, WE DEEPLY REGRET THOSE. ARIANA'S PARENTS HAVE BEEN WAITING NEARLY THREE YEARS FOR TODAY'S FINDINGS, FOR SOME RECOGNITION THAT HER DELIVERY WAS BOTCHED. TODAY THE HEALTH AND DISABILITY COMMISSIONER GAVE IT. THE DOCTOR AND THE MIDWIFE DID NOT MONITOR THE PATIENT PROPERLY, DID NOT CALL FOR HELP EARLY ENOUGH, PERFORMED AN INCORRECT RESUSCITATION AND DID NOT TELL THE PATIENT WHEN THINGS WENT WRONG. WE DO NOT NAME AND BLAME INDIVIDUALS, BUT CLEARLY, HUMAN ERROR IS INVOLVED. FOR THE TARANAKI DHB, THIS IS THE FIRST SERIOUS CASE IN 15 YEARS. THEY'VE APOLOGISED AND IMPLEMENTED A NUMBER OF CHANGES. AND THE OTHER EAR? BUT FOR THE LAWNS, IT'S TOO LITTLE TOO LATE. EARLIER, I SPOKE TO ARIANA'S PARENTS, CERISE AND TIM LAWN. YOU'VE BEEN WAITING AN AWFULLY LONG TIME FOR THESE FINDINGS. WHAT DOES TODAY MEAN TO YOU? IT'S BEEN A LONG INVESTIGATION, AND I FEEL LIKE FINALLY, WE'RE LISTENED TO WITH OUR CONCERNS. WE FEEL LIKE JUSTICE HAS BEEN SERVED AS WELL, AS FAR AS RECOGNISING THE THINGS THAT DID GO WRONG FOR OUR DAUGHTER AND OUR FAMILY. TELL ME YOUR VERSION OF WHAT WENT WRONG THAT DAY. PRETTY MUCH LONG STORY SHORT, THERE ARE A NUMBER OF EVENTS THAT HAPPENED DURING MY LABOUR, WHICH LED TO ARIANA BEING BORN AT 4 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING NOT BREATHING, NEEDING RESUSCITATION ` THAT WAS DONE INCORRECTLY ` AND THEN SHE WAS WHEELED OFF, AND WE WERE LEFT THERE WITHOUT OUR BABY, AND I WAS WONDERING WHAT WAS GOING ON. DID YOU REALISE IT WAS A LIFE-OR-DEATH SITUATION? WE DIDN'T FIND OUT HOW SERIOUSLY ILL ARIANA WAS UNTIL THE WAIKATO FLIGHT TEAM CAME DOWN AND THE DOCTOR SAID TO ME, 'YOU DO REALISE THAT SHE MAY NOT SURVIVE THE FLIGHT?' AND THAT'S WHEN I REALISED, 'OH MY GOSH. I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS THAT SERIOUS,' BECAUSE I WAS TOLD THAT ARIANA WAS GETTING SENT TO WAIKATO FOR PRECAUTIONARY MEASURES AND SHE'LL BE FINE. SHE'LL BE BACK IN 24 HOURS. AND THEN WHEN WE GOT TO WAIKATO, THEY OFFERED US A FREE COFFIN. THEY SAID, 'LOOK, WE'RE NOT SURE IF SHE'S GONNA MAKE THE NEXT FEW DAYS, 'AND IF SHE DOES, WE'RE NOT SURE WHAT KIND STATE SHE'S GONNA BE IN.' TIM, TELL ME WHAT IT'S LIKE LIVING WITH ARIANA ON A DAILY BASIS. HOW TOUGH IS IT? OH, IT'S REAL TOUGH. IT JUST CHANGES YOUR WHOLE LIFE. EACH NIGHT, IT'S JUST... YOU'RE UP ABOUT TWO OR THREE TIMES, MINIMUM, AND IT JUST MAKES YOU TIRED, AND THEN IT'S SO HARD ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP AS WELL, COS YOU'RE JUST BOTH STRESSED OUT ALL DAY. THE PERSON WHO MISSES OUT THE MOST IS OUR DAUGHTER. HER QUALITY OF LIFE IS SO AFFECTED, YOU KNOW? SHE'S NOT... I DON'T EVEN LIKE THINKING ABOUT THE SPORTS OR HER GETTING MARRIED, COS IF I JUST THINK ABOUT THAT, I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF SHE'S ABLE TO ACHIEVE THOSE GOALS. IT BREAKS YOUR HEART. I'M TRYING NOT TO CRY COS I'VE CRIED ENOUGH THIS LAST WEEK, BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST NOT EASY COS SHE'S THE ONE MOST AFFECTED. ARE YOU GUYS CONFIDENT THAT HAD THIS SITUATION BEEN HANDLED DIFFERENTLY BY YOUR OBSTETRICIAN AND YOUR MIDWIFE, THAT YOU WOULDN'T BE IN THIS SITUATION? ABSOLUTELY. 100% WITHOUT A DOUBT PROVEN IN THE 'HEALTH AND DISABILITY' COMMISSIONER'S REPORT ARIANA'S INJURY WAS DUE TO MISMANAGED LABOUR, WHICH RESULTS IN HER INJURY, WHICH IS CEREBRAL PALSY, EPILEPSY, SEVERE BRAIN DAMAGE IN ALL AREAS OF HER BRAIN. SHE HAS A FEEDING TUBE IN HER TUMMY, AND SHE'S PRETTY MUCH 90% TUBE-FED AT THE MOMENT. WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO SHARE YOUR STORY WITH OTHER PARENTS? WELL, WE JUST FEEL THAT PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW THAT USUALLY, YOU ARE SAFE IN A HOSPITAL, BUT THAT IS NOT 100% GUARANTEED. SO YOU NEED TO KNOW, LIKE, AT LEAST THE SIGNS OF WHEN A LABOUR ISN'T GOING RIGHT SO THAT YOU CAN STAND UP AND SAY TO THE DOCTOR OR MIDWIFE, 'LOOK, I WANNA BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY 'AND I WANT SOMETHING TO BE CHANGED HERE.' WELL, NEARLY THREE YEARS HAVE PASSED NOW. HOW DO YOU FEEL AT THE MOMENT TOWARDS THOSE WHO WERE AT FAULT? DEFINITELY FEEL THAT I HAVE FORGIVEN THEM, BUT I CERTAINLY DON'T FORGET WHAT THEY'VE DONE, AND THAT STILL MAKES ME ANGRY TO THIS DAY. I THINK MAYBE COS I'M A MUM AND MORE MATERNAL AND I WAS THE ONE THAT WAS TREATED, I'M NOT SURE. BUT I STILL STRUGGLE WITH IT, AND I'M JUST MOST PISSED OFF THAT THEY CARRY ON WITH THEIR NORMAL LIFE AND WE SUFFER. What do you do? AND IF YOU'RE A PARENT-TO-BE AND WANT MORE INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR RIGHTS AND THE RED FLAGS TO LOOK OUT FOR, WE'VE PUT A LINK ON OUR FACEBOOK PAGE. ARIANA GRACE ALSO HAS HER OWN PAGE ON FACEBOOK, SO WE'LL POP THAT LINK ON OUR PAGE TOO. COMING UP ON SEVEN SHARP ` IT'S A WHOLE GROUP OF PEOPLE GATHERING BEHIND ONE PERSON AND SAYING, 'HERE'S SOME LOVE.' LOVE THAT CAN HELP HEAL IF YOU ADD A LITTLE BIT OF GOLD. WE NEED A WHOLE BUNCH OF WARRIORS, $1 WARRIORS. AND IF YOUR KITCHEN DOESN'T RULE,... PURCHASED THIS. FUNDRAISING ` EVERYONE'S DOING IT, EVERYONE'S GOT A SPECIAL CAUSE, RIGHT? AND IF YOU THINK ELECTRONIC DONATIONS ARE THE FUTURE, WELL, WE HAVE SOMETHING WHICH MIGHT BE A BIT NOVEL FOR YOU. WELL, SOMEONE WHO'S BECOME A BIT OF A FRIEND OF SEVEN SHARP ` HE'S BEEN ON THE SHOW THREE OR FOUR TIMES ` HAS COME UP WITH A NEW FUNDRAISING PLATFORM. ALL HE WANTS IS ONE BUCK! HERE'S MICHAEL HOLLAND. COME IN, BACK AND FORTH, BACK UP TO THE HALFWAY LINE AND BACK. DRIBBLING THE BALL ` COME ON! GOOD JOB. NICE WORK. REMEMBER THIS GEEZER ` YEAH! ROBBIE RITCHIE, THE DAD WHO NEEDED HIS BRAIN FIXED? WELL, FIXED IT IS,... OH, THIS COULD BE A GOAL, THIS COULD BE A GOAL! ...SO ROBBIE'S SET HIMSELF A NEW GOAL. OH, HE MISSES! AND HE'S ADAMANT HE WILL SCORE. IT'S A SIMPLE CONCEPT, BUT IT'S REALLY REALLY EFFECTIVE. A CONCEPT THAT KEPT HIM AWAKE AS HE LAY IN A GERMAN HOSPITAL AFTER BRAIN SURGERY TO REDUCE THE RISK OF LIFE-THREATENING SEIZURES. I JUST COULDN'T SLEEP. I WAS TOO EXCITED. I WAS FINDING SOMETHING THAT'S GONNA SAVE A WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE'S LIVES. SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF HOW WE'VE LAID OUT THE POINTS THERE? I THINK IT'S GREAT. IT CAPTURES IT PERFECTLY. I MEAN, 'CAN YOU PUT A PRICE ON YOUR LIFE?' 'YOU'RE GOING TO DIE.' ROBBIE'S BRAINWAVE DUBBED 'ONE DOLLAR WARRIORS,'... ONE DOLLAR WARRIOR IS SOMEBODY THAT'S GOT $1. ...RAISING MONEY FOR OTHERS LIKE HIMSELF, WHO ARE FORCED TO LOOK OVERSEAS FOR LIFE-SAVING TREATMENT. THE CATCH WAS IT WAS GONNA COST $200,000 < AND I HAD ONLY SIX WEEKS TO RAISE THE MONEY. THROUGH THE HELP OF A LOT OF PEOPLE AND A LOT OF HARD WORK, WE FINALLY GOT THERE. WE NEED A WHOLE BUNCH OF WARRIORS, ONE DOLLAR WARRIORS. HOW MANY WARRIORS ARE OUT THERE? THERE'S A WHOLE COUNTRY OF WARRIORS OUT THERE. IF YOU NEED $100,000, JUST ASK 100,000 PEOPLE FOR $1 EACH. PRETTY SIMPLE, EH? SIMPLY, THE MORE PEOPLE WHO REGISTER ON THE ONE DOLLAR WARRIORS DATABASE, THE MORE PATIENTS THAT CAN BE HELPED. THAT POOR LITTLE DUDE. HE'S BEEN THROUGH A LOT. CASE IN POINT ` PATRICK WALSH (7),... PATRICK'S STORY IS A GREAT ONE. IT'S EXACTLY THE KIND OF THING WE WANNA BE SUPPORTING. ...JUST BACK FROM MAJOR SURGERY IN MINNESOTA FOR A RARE HEART CONDITION. WHERE DID YOU GET THAT DONE? IN AMERICA. AT THE MAYO CLINIC? YEAH. WOW. AND DO YOU SHOW THAT OFF TO EVERYONE? NEARLY EVERYONE. < (LAUGHS) LIKE ROBBIE, PATRICK'S PARENTS WERE FORCED TO GO TO THE COMMUNITY TO RAISE $200,000 IN A MATTER OF WEEKS. LOTS AND LOTS OF PEOPLE PULLED TOGETHER AND JUST HELPED US. IT WAS PRETTY AMAZING. UNDER THE ONE DOLLAR WARRIORS MODEL, AN EMAIL TO DATABASE MEMBERS COULD HAVE RAISED SOME, IF NOT ALL OF THE MONEY REQUIRED. IF YOU HAVE A GENUINE REASON TO ASK FOR HELP, YOU SHOULDN'T BE SCARED TO ASK FOR HELP, BECAUSE THERE ARE LOTS OF PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT WILL, YOU KNOW, PUT THEIR HAND UP. WHEN WE CAME HOME, THERE WAS A FEELING OF OWING SOMETHING, OF DEBT, AND KNOWING THAT WE COULD NEVER REPAY THAT, BECAUSE IT WAS MORE THAN JUST MONEY; IT WAS ROBBIE'S LIFE THAT PEOPLE HAD GIVEN BACK TO US. AND NOW THERE IS JUST, LIKE, A SENSE OF RELIEF THAT WE FEEL LIKE WE CAN GIVE BACK. YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA BE ON THE SAME TEAM! WELL, I GOT YOU! KEEP GOING BACK! IT'S TOO SIMPLE. IT IS. AND YOU HAD TO HAVE BRAIN SURGERY TO COME UP WITH THE IDEA? > APPARENTLY. APPARENTLY. YEAH. SO THIS IS HOW IT WORKS ` YOU JOIN THE DATABASE OF WARRIORS AND ONLY GET HIT UP FOR CASH, ALL $1 OF IT, WHEN ROBBIE FINDS A SUITABLE CASE ` SOMEONE WHOSE LIFE IS AT RISK IF THEY DON'T GET TREATMENT THEY NEED OVERSEAS. IF YOU WANT TO JOIN IN, THE LINK'S ON OUR FACEBOOK PAGE. NEXT ON SEVEN SHARP, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ` WHAT IS THAT? IT'S STILL BURNT. IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE HEAT, PERHAPS IT'S BEST TO CHEAT IN THE KITCHEN? AND, YES, WE KNOW THEY'RE CALLED PARTIES, BUT IS THIS REALLY THE BEST POLITICAL ANTHEM AROUND? # I AM A WARRIOR. FREEDOM'S WHAT WE ARE FIGHTING FOR. # TIM WILSON'S BEEN PLAYING DJ. IN A WORLD OF SEEMINGLY ENDLESS TV COOKING SHOWS WITH WANNABE NIGELLAS AND JAMIE OLIVERS BATTLING IT OUT, IT'S EASY TO FORGET ABOUT PEOPLE WHO REALLY WANT TO MAKE A LIVING OUT OF FOOD. BUT TODAY, OUR TOP TRAINEE CHEFS WERE COMPETING FOR THE NESTLE TORQUE D'OR AWARD. EVERY TINY MORSEL WAS SCRUTINISED BY THREE VERY NO-NONSENSE JUDGES. BUT WHAT DO THEY KNOW? GILL HIGGINS PUT THEM TO THE TEST WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM HER FRIENDS. ENERGETIC MUSIC IT'S 'MY KITCHEN RULES' FOR REAL ` TRAINEE CHEFS IN A LIVE COOK-OFF, MERCILESSLY JUDGED BY THESE THREE. WHAT IS THAT? IT'S STILL BURNT. BUT ARE THEY UP TO THE JOB? TO FIND OUT AND SEE IF THEY KNOW THEIR STUFF, I ROUNDED UP THE SEVEN SHARP CULINARY CRACK TEAM. BOTH OF YOU VERY USED TO COOKING. OH NO. I'M NOT. WELL, NO. LAUGHTER ARE YOU SURE YOU PICKED THE RIGHT PEOPLE TO WORK WITH? > LUCKILY, IT DIDN'T MATTER ` MATT WAS ASSIGNED TO GETTING A REAL CHEF TO COOK A MEAL FOR HIM. ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT NADIA'S UP FOR THIS? EMMA SCOOTED OFF TO FIND A TV MEAL NOT TOO EMBARRASSING TO PASS OFF AS HER OWN; AND I, WELL, I HAD TO DO THE REAL THING. TALK ABOUT GETTING THE SHORT STRAW. BEAUTY. SO, NADIA, WHAT ARE WE MAKING? WE OR ME? ENERGETIC MUSIC PULLED-PORK TACOS. HE'S A LUCKY BOY AND HE KNOWS IT. ONE THING YOU CAN DO IS OPEN A CAN TOMATOES FOR ME. IT'S THIS WAY, ISN'T IT? YEAH. YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD COOK, MATT (!) I KNOW. (HUMS) OOH. WELL, IT'S HOT. WELL, THAT'S A GOOD START. OH, THAT'S NOT BAD. PARSLEY IS A BIT NUKED, BUT NEVER MIND. FIRST, THE VISUALS. LOOKS LIKE A BIT OF CRAYFISH CRAWLING ALONG. AND A TREE. A TREE COVERED UP WITH TOOTHPICK THAT I USED? EMMA. DISAPPOINTED IN TERMS OF THERE'S NO GREENS. YES, THERE IS. OH. THAT'S... SQUEALING LAUGHTER THAT'S A GREY, NOT A GREEN. A LITTLE BIT OF CHILLI AND LOTS OF PIG. I SMELL A RAT. I BELIEVE YOU'VE GONE TO A RESTAURANT AND PURCHASED THIS. OH, THAT'S A MASSIVE ALLEGATION. OOH, MATT'S IN TROUBLE. CAN EMMA'S READY MEAL TAKE TOP SPOT? THE CHICKEN'S MOIST. A HINT OF TARRAGON. THE SAUCE IS GREAT. AND ON TO THE REAL COOKING. DO YOU HAVE SALT IN YOUR HOME? MIGHT WANT TO USE THAT IN YOUR RICE FROM HERE ON IN. OH, YEAH. AH, COULD BE ANYONE'S. THE CHEFS DELIBERATE. WE'VE GOT A WINNER? YES, WE'VE GOT A WINNER. YEP. HE'S LUCKY. AS MUCH AS IT PAINS YOU. AND IT'S MATT. OR IS THAT NADIA? IT IS TIME TO COME CLEAN. I KNEW ALL ALONG. ALL LAUGH THIS ONE WAS A READY MEAL. HEAVEN'S SAKE. YOU NEED TO GET TO KNOW YOUR MICROWAVE. ALL LAUGH AND SO MATT GETS STRIPPED, GOLD COMES TO ME, BUT THE REAL WINNERS? I RECKON THE JUDGES CAN CLAIM THAT. WHOO-HOO! (LAUGHS) Thank goodness for that. I was worried. Emma made the curry for the soiree. Can I tell you something about Matt's partner? She is an outstanding woman. You think, what is she doing with him? She is outstanding and beautiful and makes lemon meringue pie. What about Gill? KIM DOTCOM HAS RELEASED THE INTERNET PARTY ANTHEM TODAY. IT'S AS CATCHY AS ANY OF HIS OTHER WORK, AND IT SHOWS UP A GLARING HOLE IN STRATEGY FOR LABOUR, NATIONAL, THE GREENS ETC ` THEY DON'T HAVE ANTHEMS. WE SENT TIM WILSON TO FIX THAT PROBLEM. DON'T MENTION IT, GUYS ` TIM SAYS YOU'RE WELCOME. A PARTY WITHOUT A SONG IS JUST A BUNCH OF PEOPLE IN KOOKY COSTUMES. KIM DOTCOM UNDERSTANDS THAT. # BABY, I'M READY TO GO. # NIK BROWN IS A RADIO PROGRAMMING DIRECTOR. I'M A MUSIC DIRECTOR. AND MUSIC IS MY LIFE. BECAUSE NIK CARES ABOUT HOT POLITICS AS MUCH AS HOT MUSIC, HE CREATED POLITICAL PARTY ANTHEM-O-MATIC. LABOUR ` # I'LL KEEP WORKING MY WAY BACK TO YOU, BABE, # WITH A BURNING LOVE INSIDE. # WORKING MY WAY BACK TO YOU. TRYING REALLY HARD, BUT NOT QUITE THERE YET. # NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN. # NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND HURT YOU. # YOU SMILE AT FIRST BECAUSE OF ALL THE MEMORIES # AFTER THE LOVE HAS GONE, WHAT USED TO BE RIGHT WAS WRONG. # It's self-explanatory. NATIONAL ` # THIS IS NOT AMERICA. # 'THIS IS NOT AMERICA.' YEAH. RIGHT. THE GREENS ` # 6 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING, YOU DID IT WITHOUT WARNING. # YOU WERE TRYING TO THROW YOUR ARMS AROUND THE WORLD. # You feel like it's going to be good, but halfway through you get bored. If you had an anthem for your life? I am a champion. After the soiree, my neighbor asked me how it was. We have put that word back into the English language, haven't we? Don't look at me that way. This is what they look like. That's my husband and Mike try to open an enormous bottle of wine. That was me doing the dishes. You'll notice that... That's Ellen. Matt's Ellen. Gosh, we are a good-looking bunch. That's the cake we ordered. It was a very nice night. That massive one I bought, how many do you reckon could drink? We only drank half of it. Do you want to tell why the Cushions are getting washed? Do you remember Brodie Kane? How did she get brown stuff on my cushion? Brodie had a little siesta on my couch. My little daughter thought it was something else, but it was her foundation. Now I know at least that its foundation and not anything else. Excellent. Are we going to have another one this time at your place? Absolutely not. IF YOU MISSED IT EARLIER, A WEE GIRL IN TARANAKI WAS LEFT SEVERELY BRAIN DAMAGED AFTER A MISMANAGED DELIVERY. I'VE SPOKEN TO HER MUM, CERISE, AT LENGTH ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED, AND THE THING THAT REALLY GETS ME IS THAT TIM AND CERISE SEEMINGLY DID EVERYTHING RIGHT. THEY RAISED CONCERNS THAT THINGS WEREN'T GOING WELL DURING THE LABOUR, BUT CERISE WAS TOLD SHE WAS LABOURING BEAUTIFULLY AND THAT EVERYTHING WAS FINE. EVEN FROM THE OUTSET, THEY HAD AN OBSTETRICIAN AS THEIR LEAD MATERNITY CAR ` THEY HAD AN OBSTETRICIAN AS THEIR LEAD MATERNITY CARER ` SOMEONE WHO'S MEANT TO HAVE THE COMPREHENSIVE MEDICAL BACKGROUND TO ACT SWIFTLY IF COMPLICATIONS OCCUR. I KNOW UP HERE IN AUCKLAND, YOU CAN PAY AROUND $4000 TO ENLIST A GOOD OBSTETRICIAN. THIS STORY CERTAINLY MAKES ME WANT TO FOLLOW CERISE'S ADVICE AND LOOK INTO THE RED-FLAG-WARNING SIGNS. AND I KNOW THERE WILL BE SOME SAYING, 'LET'S NOT SCARE NEW PARENTS WITH THIS,' AND YES, IT MIGHT SEEM LIKE AN ISOLATED CASE, BUT AS ANY PARENT WILL UNDERSTAND, IF THAT ONE CASE IS YOUR CHILD, LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. OUR 7-YEAR-OLD HAD ONE OF THE BETTER DAYS OF HER LIFE TODAY. FIRSTLY, SHE WAS OFF SCHOOL SICK; SECONDLY, HER MOTHER BROUGHT HER HOME THE FIRST IN THE NEW SERIES OF NEW WORLD MINIS. NEW WORLD MINIS, IF YOU NEED BRINGING UP TO SPEED, ARE BOTH THE GREATEST SUPERMARKET CAMPAIGN OF THE MODERN AGE, WHILE AT THE SAME TIME BEING THE BIGGEST SCOURGE. THEY ARE SMALL COLLECTABLE VERSIONS OF THE STUFF YOU BUY IN THE SUPERMARKET. THEY ARE THE 21ST CENTURY VERSION OF PLAYING SHOPS. IN MY DAY WE USED LEGO AND BLOCKS AND SOME STUFF OUT OF MUM'S CUPBOARD TO PLAY SHOPS; THESE DAYS IT'S THE MINIS. NEW WORLD HAS TAPPED INTO THE UTOPIA OF MARKETING ` GET THE KIDS. YOU GET THE KIDS, YOU GET THE PARENTS. IT'S MANIPULATIVE AND NARCISSISTIC; IT'S ALSO GENIUS. THE RACE IS NOW ON TO COLLECT ALL THE MINIS. KIDS ALL OVER THIS COUNTRY WILL BECOME INCREASINGLY DESPERATE; PARENTS WILL BECOME INCREASINGLY EXASPERATED. GRANDPARENTS WILL BE ROPED IN. NEIGHBOURS WILL BE HASSLED. TRADING POSTS WILL BE SET UP. IT IS A LESSON THAT NO MATTER HOW COMPLEX THE WORLD BECOMES, IT IS THE SIMPLE THINGS THAT STILL FIRE THE IMAGINATION. CAPTIONS BY GLENNA CASALME AND FAITH HAMBLYN. CAPTIONS WERE MADE POSSIBLE WITH FUNDING FROM NZ ON AIR. COPYRIGHT ABLE 2014