r Tonight on Sunday, challenging the way we perceive beauty. My sister had found a box of matches. A terrible accident. I could hear them saying, 'Mummy, I can't get out.' Trapped in a burning car. Horrific. Just horrific. When someone comes in like that, the decision has to be, should they even live? She survived. I'm a fighter. But she's still missing one thing. I have so much to give. To have the doors close on you. Then Stephen Fry talks candidly about turning his life around. What makes you happy? What makes you happy? The love of a good person. Captions by Anne Langford. Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2014 Kia ora. I'm Miriama Kamo. Every day we're bombarded with images of beauty; how we should look, what products we should use. Tonight, going public for the first time, Areena Deshpande is challenging those perceptions. At just 2, she was catastrophically injured in a car fire. Over 100 surgeries later, Areena is sharing her life, her love story and her hopes. Here's Libby Middlebrook with Areena. I think I looked like a monster. Whenever I looked at myself in the mirror, I just couldn't accept what I looked like. Did you ever think you would be loved? No, never. Never in a million years. It would never have crossed my mind. 'It's the only face she's ever really known.' Do you remember the day of the accident? No, I don't. I have no recollection. I was told I'd never see again, never talk again, and that I'd probably have brain damage as well. And look at you now. Yeah, exactly. (LAUGHS) Yep. Beautiful. Once afraid and hidden from the world, now Areena Deshpande is doing something she never thought possible. I feel almost like a movie star. In the beginning, Areena had the perfect face ` half Indian and half Maori, with an older sister called Karishma. Me and Mum and Karishma used to just have so much fun. So, Rena was the cheeky one. Rena was like, um... She would boss her sister around all the time. Their dad managed a factory. Mum, Christine, was a part-time seamstress. I did women's clothing at home, sewing for a company, and at that time it was really good money. A young married couple, working hard to pay off their first home. It was the happy part of our life. It was a clear autumn afternoon in West Auckland. It was just one of those days. We were going along, and picked my sister up. Christine needed to drop by work. We went out to the factory, and, as usual, Mum was, like, 'Just going to be a minute. 'Drop the clothes in and come back, and we'll go home to see Dad.' She left the girls, aged 2 and 5, inside the unlocked car. How long were you gone for? Not even a couple of minutes. It was all it took. My sister had found a box of matches in the front seat. The car caught alight. Someone shouted out for Christine. I could hear them saying, 'Mummy, I can't get out. Mummy!' Did you try the door? Did you try the door? Yeah, we tried the doors. They were red hot. Jammed shut. Just screaming. And I remember screaming all the time, you know, 'My kids! My kids,' you know. Someone smashed a window and pulled the girls out. Horrific. Horrific. Because when I saw my daughter's body and her face, it was like this... like a rubber doll melting, you know, drooping while it's like... as if it's melting. And I knew there was something seriously wrong then. REPORTER: Within minutes, the vehicle had burst into flames, trapping the children. It was headline news. Both daughters were burned beyond recognition. REPORTER: The only comment from the hospital is that the children are both seriously ill. Charred, burnt bodies. Christine, did you think the girls were going to live? No, I didn't think... Areena and Karishma lay beside one another in hospital for three days. Two girls on the brink of death. What happened to Karishma? > What happened to Karishma? > She passed away three days after the accident. That must be difficult to comprehend. Very much, yeah, because I never got to say goodbye, and that's something I will never understand. It was the most horrible part of my life, you know. Um... I went over to Areena, and I said to Areena, 'Don't you leave me and Daddy.' Areena would be the one to live. Both the lucky and the unlucky one. The thing about her was that she had a total head burn, so whatever we did, she was never going to look very normal. She had hand burns, so she wouldn't be able to use her hands properly, and her feet were burned. So terribly disfigured, doctors would even question her survival. When somebody comes in like that, very badly burned around the face, and perhaps up to 50% or more of her body, the decision has to be made, should this person live, even? Is their quality of life going to be any good? But Areena was young and she was strong. We realised she was pretty tough. She seemed to want to survive. Over a decade, it would take a team of leading plastic surgeons to rebuild her face ` a marathon of over 100 operations. Out of everything, my most painful memories are the skin grafts. Her face is a patchwork. A mouth made from skin on her back. A nose from her hips. And for a time, her innocence protected her from the truth. It came to a point in my teenage years, suddenly I realised, 'Oh my gosh, I'm different.' A lot of the pretty girls had boyfriends, handsome boys. And I thought, 'Well, no one's going to want to go out with me.' Were you angry? I was very angry, and I would look at myself in the mirror, and say, 'This is not the person I am on the inside.' I couldn't accept what I looked like. So Areena hid herself away from the world. I basically didn't want to go anywhere. Did you think you'd always live at home? Did you think you'd always live at home? Forever. That's what I told Mum. A mother who would do all she could to protect her. She's been through far too much hurt in her life ` pain. < Christine, do you know where the matches came from? The matches were... I had picked up smoking again. I put them there. Do you blame yourself for what happened? I do. Yes. Who else to blame except yourself. Have you been able to forgive yourself? Um, no. I'll take it with me. Up next, Areena's life takes a sudden new direction. It was the first time I felt loved, accepted from a total stranger. The man who saw beyond her disfigurement. It was love. It was just love. And the future she never thought possible. Actually, I am... I am beautiful. e After a lifetime of people staring, Areena Deshpande found a way to block them out. The moment I walked out from my home, I had to face people gawking, people looking. I'd just be walking in the mall with my head down the whole time. I wouldn't look up at anyone. ...in case they decided to be cruel. Horrible experiences, like being with my mum in a shop, and the shop owner's, like, 'Get that horrible mask off that child.' And Mum turns around and says, 'That's not a mask, you know.' But on her 18th birthday, Areena received a gift that would change her life ` a new computer. I discovered it was a really comforting place because I could meet people and not be judged first hand on what I looked like. She met him in a chat room. A man called Nilesh. He'd moved to Auckland from India a few years earlier. I was, like, 'Wow, this guy seems like a nice person to talk to.' What did you think of her? She is a very lovely person. She's a very lovely person. They talked on the phone for months; Areena never once mentioning her appearance. Did you want to meet her? Yes. I wanted to meet her, but she was always trying to make some excuse. Because I thought he's going to see me and he's going to... he's going to turn away and walk away, yeah, because of what I look like. Eventually, Nilesh lost his patience. He told Areena he was on his way over to her place. I realised, 'Oh my gosh, I have not even told him about me being a burns survivor and what I look like.' So I sent him a text message saying what had happened to me. Terrified, she made him wait outside for more than two hours before she was brave enough to even leave the house. As I walked towards the car, I was looking the other way cos I didn't want him to see my face. And when she got in the car, she was looking out of the window all the time. He basically looked at me and he said, 'I fell in love with you as a person, 'and all this is not going to change anything for me.' And I basically bawled my eyes out. And it was the first time I felt loved, accepted,... and,... (SOBS) yeah, he changed my life. Yeah. A man who never saw her scars, only the beauty beneath. Many people would have turned away at that point. Why didn't you? It was love. It was just love. I love her. I love her for what she was. I love her before she met as a person and I just love her for what she is. He's helped Areena to build a new life. He said, 'I want you to walk with your head high,' and from then on confidence just came from everywhere. I am a missus now. It was never in my wildest dreams I ever imagined that. Areena and Nilesh have been married now for almost 10 years; a wedding which came with her family's blessing. He's accepted her for who she is, and that's the biggest thing. I've got you something. I've got you something. What did you get for me? And now they have a child. Something I never imagined would ever happen to me. A little girl called Simran. And give me a kiss on my cheek. She has my eyes. She has... Just her expressions, her cheekiness, and... And she wouldn't notice any of this, would she? No, never. She's just known me as mummy. 'This is my mummy and I love her.' But Areena is still missing one thing ` a job. She has a degree, majoring in social work. My dream is to help others who have been through what I have been through. How many jobs have you applied for? How many jobs have you applied for? I've applied for more than 20 jobs, and all of them were declined. She's always upfront about her looks, and includes a photo in her CV. You know, I've got so much to give, and to have the doors close on you, when you're as willing as me, just made me really upset and frustrated. Put your feet inside here, OK? But it hasn't stopped her. 'I'm a fighter. That's all I've known myself to be.' So Areena's set up her own counselling service called Unique Appearances, teaching that looks are not the only thing that matter. I know that we could start to look at beauty in a different way. I would love to be advertised on a billboard like a supermodel, or on a magazine; have something different for people to look at. We need to change the way we look and judge others. Love it. And Areena's leading the way,... Down a little. Nice. Really beautiful. It's amazing. I feel almost like a movie star. < Very nice. Stay with me there. ...going public for the first time ` television, and starring in a women's magazine feature. I want to inspire others. I want to give them hope, to live a full and meaningful life. A young woman who's faced up to her scars and found beauty. Is that what you see now when you look in the mirror ` you see beauty? Is that what you see now when you look in the mirror ` you see beauty? Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. It's just taken you a while to figure it out. Oh yeah, exactly. But I got there in the end. (LAUGHS) Oh, Areena, you're wonderful. Areena could have more corrective surgery, but she's decided not to because she's happy with who she is and how she looks. Up next, the highs and lows of the brilliant Stephen Fry. If I disappeared into the men's room and came back with a refresher in my nose, I could talk and talk and talk and smile and smile and smile and laugh and laugh and laugh. Hello again. Stephen Fry is witty and clever. But while the English comedian, actor and writer has had enormous success, he's struggled in his personal life. Tonight he speaks candidly about his past, his demons, and what turned his life around. Here's Rahni Sadler. < What's your favourite word? < What's your favourite word? (CHUCKLES) Ullage. Ullage? What does that mean? What does that mean? It's the spilt beer that's in the tray under the tap in the bar. < Fantastic. A companion word that I also love is 'dottle'. Dottle? Dottle? Dottle is the scrapings and bangings-out from a pipe. < (LAUGHS) < (LAUGHS) It's the dottle ` the remaining hardened tobacco. Now into the cocktail shaker of my mouth, I throw these six magnificent words: you, please, music, mister, will, play. I give a brief shake,... (BRRUUUBBBB) and I pour out this golden phrase. Please, Mister Music, will you play? (PLAYS JAUNTY PIANO MUSIC) Stephen Fry ` a familiar face. He's done so much, it's hard to pin him down to just one role. I say unto you,... welcome! You know him from movies... (GASPS) Good morning, Mrs Watson. Have you had breakfast? He's the brilliant and funny host of a popular game show. I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here's my handle... Oh bugger, I'm a sugar bowl. LAUGHTER I bring grave intelligence of your former favourite, Lord Blackadder. The thinking person's comedian. But behind the laughter, all the highs, are incredible lows. < What's your self-esteem like? < What's your self-esteem like? Oh, it's absolute zero. 'I'm a complete wanker. That's because I'm an arsehole.' You-You almost have a Tourette's view of yourself. Stephen suffers from bipolar disorder, also known as maniac depressive illness, and has tried to take his life several times. Stephen grew up in the English countryside. His dad was a physicist and his mum was a housewife. He has an older brother and younger sister. At 7, he was sent to boarding school. I was almost immediately` I had this quality of just being naughty or bad. He got in trouble a lot. Got expelled at 15, and at 17, ran away and found a lot more trouble. I went to a pub. It was quite a chilly night. And on the way out of the pub, I just picked up a coat and put it on. I stole this coat. And I discovered a wallet in the coat. And in the wallet were two credit cards. And you went on a sensational spending spree. I then, absolutely, lived the life of Riley. I stayed at the Ritz. I stayed all over the place. Months of it. 'At one of the hotels, staff became suspicious and called police.' And they said, 'Mr Grey,' which was the name of the person whose card` therefore the alias I was travelling under. I said, 'Yes.' And they said, 'We have reason to believe you're travelling on stolen credit cards, 'Mr Grey.' And I knew the game was up. And I knew the game was up. You went to jail. And I knew the game was up. You went to jail. I went to jail. Yeah. But you didn't find that too intolerable. No. Listen. I went to an English public school. (LAUGHS) Since the age of 7, I had been boarding away from home. The idea of going to a prison, an institution like that, was so similar. RT: (MAN) There's been a changeover. Tango One has passed the case to Tango Two. 'After getting out of prison, Stephen knuckled down and won a scholarship to Cambridge University 'where he aced his studies and found his creative soulmate, Hugh Laurie.' Oh, my colleague and my best friend. MAN: They may have sensed the camera. I fell in love with him at first sight in a non-erotic way, in a comic way. MAN: Pull out, all units. Trouser, trouser, trouser. We met and we made each other laugh instantly. We started writing together, and we just made each other laugh. 'As his career reached new highs, Stephen was also getting high.' Boy, did you take to cocaine. I took to it. I took to it because I had never hated anybody or anything or any place as much as I hate parties. And the only way I could survive them was to disappear into the men's room and come back with a little refresher in my nose. And then I could just talk and talk and talk and smile and smile and smile and laugh and laugh and laugh. At times he felt on top of the world. How do I look, Darling? Gold, mate, sir. Pure bloody gold, mate. Then he'd come crashing down. In 1995, Stephen hit rock bottom. He was diagnosed with bipolar. < There are very few people who have the guts to talk about suicide, but you have spoken about your most recent attempt, which was only in 2012. You said that when you feel you can't go on, it's not just a phrase. You said that when you feel you can't go on, it's not just a phrase. No, it isn't a phrase. It's absolutely real. Um, I can't tell you` I'd forgotten, in fact, but I can't tell you how shocked, disappointed and horrified I was to discover that I was still alive the next morning. And the other shock I got was from Robin Williams. You were very affected by him. I was. Because he was such a sweet man, and because he had done it for so long, and he'd fought it so bravely and nobly and with the support of all his family. They'd gone to rehabs. And that's the thing. He could make millions of people happy except himself. PA: (WOMAN) Stephen Fry! APPLAUSE Thank you. Oh! After coming so close to taking his own life, Stephen finally gave in to the need to take medication to regulate his moods. I trust my doctor on this and I trust my doctor on the slight changes in medication he's made. He's known that I've never wanted to be chemically zombie-fied, to lose the ability to put one word after another in the service of an effective sentence to entertain, because if I was so mellowed out and so, you know, medicated that I couldn't find exciting words, to convey exciting and entertaining ideas to an audience, then I've got nothing. What makes you happy? Um, the love of a good person, which I am currently happy to say that I enjoy. < Congratulations. < Congratulations. Thank you. Um, and the feeling that the work I'm doing at this minute or will be doing in the next month or so is something worth looking forward to and worth doing. And if you have any concerns related to depression or other issues discussed in this story, you can go to our website for links to health professionals. That's our show for tonight. Thanks for joining us. Join us on Facebook and Twitter, Sunday TVNZ. Ka kite i a koe a tera wiki. See you next week. Pomarie.