a Kia ora. I'm Miriama Kamo. 'A home for life.' It's a way of providing stability for 1700 Kiwi kids in state care because their biological parents can't or won't care for them. It started four years ago and often involves couples who would like to adopt but instead end up caring for children who might otherwise end up in short-term foster care. In most cases, a Home for Life works well. But as John Hudson reports, when it goes wrong, it can be a recipe for disaster. SUBDUED MUSIC Once this house was a Home for Life for two little boys. CHILD AND WOMAN LAUGH Every minute of every day, there's memories all the time. SUBDUED MUSIC CONTINUES Aged just 2 and 4, they'd been taken off their parents. Their mother had left their father, who had convictions for violence and sex offences. It was pretty clear that they'd had no boundaries, no consequences. You know, they were a bit feral, so they took a lot of work. They would spend hours and hours playing in the sandpit. CHILDREN'S VOICES ECHO Steve and Sheena saw their role as picking up the pieces and creating a permanent stable home. Our role was to raise the boys. But nearly two years after the boys were given new parents, this house stopped being a Home for Life. We were entrusted with the care of these two precious children, and yet we were bullied by a system that is just... oh, it's got no heart. SUBDUED MUSIC CONTINUES UPBEAT GUITAR MUSIC A Home for Life aims to give children in state care a permanent home. It's not an adoption but nor is it a traditional foster placement. In most cases, new parents will become the child's legal guardians, along with the biological parents, meaning that the child is no longer in the custody of Child, Youth and Family. I think the intent of the programme is really good, but a lot of the philosophies in the programme are flawed. GENTLE PIANO MUSIC When Sheena and Steve married seven years ago, they were keen to start a family. I got to 40 and still no children had turned up. The odds of adopting weren't great either, but then a social worker told them about a Home for Life. What was your understanding about the access the biological parents would have? We were told, you know, three to four times a year. And when the brothers arrived just under two and a half years ago, they were thrilled. They were gregarious, weren't they? And they sat on your knee, and you even fed the youngest one, who was 2 at that stage. As soon as we met them, you know, there was` I mean, we just` that was an instant decision for us. < This could work? < This could work? Oh yeah, absolutely. And they were clearly missing some good male role models. And at first it did work. The older one said in the back of the car 'Oh, guess what? You're gonna be my new dad!' And so` Yeah, I almost drove off the road. (LAUGHS) But Sheena and Steve were still not the boys' legal guardians. They were caregivers appointed by Child, Youth and Family. Hold on tight! And at first CYFS seemed to have forgotten about them. It was literally seven months before the boys got given a allocated social worker, so we just did what we thought was the right thing to do. I didn't` I didn't have any expectation about what the role was except that I was now the new mum. You don't muck around with the process. So for the first few months, Sheena and Steve had the boys to themselves; the birth mother wasn't on the scene, and their father was in prison. But when he got out, he wanted to see the boys. We were under no illusions that the birth parents would be having some access with the children. But Steve and Sheena soon became concerned about the effect the birth father's visits were having on the boys. There'd be tantrums; there'd be drama. We had a session where there was bed-wetting, which` we'd never had bed-wetting. All we could think about was the boys going to him, him then filling their heads with poison against us or telling them that it's just temporary and they'll be with him soon, and just completely undermining everything we did. And we would have to spend the next two weeks building their confidence and building their security back up again. They say it became clear the biological father opposed their Home for Life. He screamed this down the phone to Sheena a couple of times that he was never gonna support the placement here, that he was gonna fight it for the rest of his life. THOUGHTFUL MUSIC READS: 'The garden got so muddy that the little digger got stuck.' But despite the father's attitude, Steve and Sheena were reassured by CYFS that they would support their application for guardianship ` 'So they sent another digger.' guardianship that would give them more say about access. If CYFS are supporting it, then a judge is likely to follow along. So we were fully into that process. And by that stage, how were the boys fitting in? We were Mum and Dad and, you know, this was their home. A month later, it all turned to custard. They basically came back to us and said, 'You don't have a great working relationship 'with the birth father, therefore we're not supporting you at this time.' Pretty hard to have a working relationship with someone who's in jail. TRANQUIL MUSIC Steve and Sheena aren't the only couple who've had trouble with a Home for Life. What effect has it had on your life? A huge effect. A huge effect. I was a mum. Losing a child is something I wouldn't wish upon anybody. Share-milkers Lucy and Chris married 10 years ago. Like Sheena and Steve, they were told about a Home for Life after applying to adopt. They were also asked to care for two brothers, this time aged 2 and 11. The dynamics of the age difference were just a constant struggle, and we were pretty much left to it. < Were you promised help from CYFS? < Were you promised help from CYFS? Yeah, absolutely. Yep. Did that eventuate? Did that eventuate? No, at no stage. The 2-year-old was particularly troubled. I use the word feral. He had no boundaries and had never been told no. Didn't have any respect for women, which I know sounds ridiculous for a 2-year-old, but it was unreal. Unreal in what way? Unreal in what way? Hitting and spitting. Um, screaming. I pretty much couldn't be alone with the wee one. And the 11-year-old was just a sweet, quiet, gentle, loving boy. But who had a lot on his mind, that, you know, needed a lot more than what we, never having been parents, could give him. Initially a temporary placement, it became a Home for Life. Little gumboots he wore on the farm. Little gumboots he wore on the farm. Cute. And insisted on matching overalls to Mum. And persistence with the 2-year-old paid off. < Did your wee boy call you Mum? < Did your wee boy call you Mum? He did. Probably took five or six months, and then it was Mummy, Mummy and Daddy. < You must miss that. < You must miss that. I miss it everyday. But once again Lucy says the biological father didn't support this Home for Life. < Did he tell the boys that they would be going home? < Did he tell the boys that they would be going home? Yes, right throughout. That makes things a bit difficult. That makes things a bit difficult. It makes things a lot more difficult. Especially for an 11-year-old who can actually understand what that means. Yeah. What sort of things did he tell the boys? What sort of things did he tell the boys? That we were baby stealers. TENSE MUSIC Lucy and Chris wondered if the 11-year-old boy would ever settle in. He was sad. Yep, he was sad. He didn't hug us often. They thought he might be happier with children his own age, but were told his birth parents didn't want the boys split up. < How much pressure did that put on you and Chris? < How much pressure did that put on you and Chris? A lot. What kind of pressure? WHISPERS: Ooh, sorry. TEARFULLY: Just stress. Constant. After the break ` with all that pressure, something had to give. It was awful, wasn't it? The kids are uprooted again. It's like a double whammy. It sets children right back. GENTLE MUSIC Come on, let's go. Let's go. (WHISTLES) So, what was it like being instant parents? Exciting. Uh, exhausting. (LAUGHS) WATER RUSHES Steve and Sheena had been parents to the boys for just under two years, but were still frustrated at the level of access the boys' father, a convicted criminal, had. It was forced upon us that it would be access every two weeks. Did you ever think about going to court and fighting this? Well, at the end of the day, we were only going to be able to go to court if we had the support of CYFS. And we got to the point where we felt we didn't have the support of CYFS. CHILD CHATTERS CHILD CHATTERS You better load 'em up. And with the level of disruption caused by the access visits, they felt they had no choice but to give the boys up. But these were your boys. They're still our boys. But it was too hard, John. It was just too difficult. But it must have been even harder saying goodbye. But it must have been even harder saying goodbye. Oh, gosh. < (CHUCKLES WRYLY) Yeah. There isn't much harder than that. TEARFULLY: Um... They didn't wanna go. No, but they're just little boys, so... MELANCHOLY PIANO MUSIC After almost a year of trying, Lucy and Chris also decided they couldn't provide a Home for Life. We had to make the decision for ourselves and our future which was gonna be the best decision. That's pretty hard, yeah? Oh... Heart-wrenching. Heart-wrenching. We told the eldest one a couple of weeks before. It was hard on him, as it was hard on us. We loved him too, you know. But we didn't really know how to tell the 3-year-old, um, so... Um... TEARFULLY: I just hugged him and said I loved him and put him in his car seat. And he knew then something was wrong. The key thing about Home for Life is to ensure that it is actually that. Nicola Atwool is an expert on the damage disruption can have on children in care. Most children who are needing a Home for Life have already suffered some form of trauma. It takes a long time to develop trust and that secure base for children who have come from that kind of background. And if that is then lost, it's like a double whammy. It's, um... It sets children right back. And she says children and their new parents need certainty. I would expect that within six months the foster parents would have custody and a timeframe for the point at which Child, Youth and Family withdraws. ATMOSPHERIC MUSIC Remember, Sheena and Steve still didn't have certainty almost two years into their Home for Life. We would always encourage doing things quickly, but also doing them well is really important. But CYFS say that setting a time limit may not be in the best interests of the children. We don't want to rush into making arrangements for children that won't last. Oh, well, this was the boys' room when they first arrived. CYFS refused to comment on the specific cases in our story, adding that the issue of guardianship ultimately lies with the courts. The final decision rests with the Family Court judge. What's under there? That's just the court news. That's boring. In Sheena and Steve's case, the boys' biological father got increased access even though he had continued to break the law. NICOLA ATWOOL: That nature of offending potentially puts any child at risk. If we're talking very young children, where we're trying to establish permanency, I would not be supporting high levels of contact. Like Sheena and Steve, Lucy and Chris struggled for nearly a year with uncertainty and little support. Pretty much told them they'd ruined my life. What did they say? What did they say? They did admit that they stuffed up. ENGINE STARTS But while CYFS did tell Lucy they could've handled some aspects of this case better, they also claim that 98% of all Home for Life placements have been successful, once new parents get guardianship. They've last and they've endured, um, and we're encouraged by that. But that doesn't include cases like Sheena and Steve's, or Chris and Lucy's. They didn't get guardianship at all. Some caregivers and children do need more support to make sure the placement can work. And Nicola Atwool warns there is still a need for extreme caution. Child, Youth and Family are now treating foster parents and those seeking to adopt as the same pool, and I think there's a danger that in order to secure placements for children, there's some fudging that goes on around what adoption means and what Home for Life means. I think it's incredibly important not to allow that blurring of the boundaries. Are you confident that the people offering a Home for Life have a clear understanding of the possible pitfalls? Yes. For me, the key test is meeting other Home for Life caregivers. They will give them the real story about how it feels, and that's a good check and balance for us. SOLEMN MUSIC Lucy and Chris started out wanting to adopt a baby, and later struggled to provide a Home for Life for two older children. Saying goodbye that last day, um, isn't a day I'd ever like to go through again. And... since losing my husband, um,... Three months later, they separated. We probably didn't talk enough about how much it affected us, losing those kids, yeah, and what we went through in the last two years. And now the boys are also in separate homes. Which is what you'd asked for? Which is what you'd asked for? Yeah. (SIGHS DEEPLY) So it's... horrible. ATMOSPHERIC MUSIC Lucy went from being a wife and mum to a woman on her own, unsure of what she'll do next. What do you think the future holds for you? I have no idea. All I can do is know that I'll get up tomorrow and it'll be another day. ATMOSPHERIC MUSIC CONTINUES And Steve and Sheena ` well, they'd still love to have children, but they won't be going back to a Home for Life. It seems to us that the whole programme is premised on the basis that birth parents and the permanent parents will all get on swimmingly, when in fact you've got a situation where you've got children who've been taken off birth parents by the court; disaffected, angry birth parents. It's just la-la land if you think that's gonna work. After the break ` turning to his Morrison roots for inspiration in his next role. # Give a little... So that's my dad singing there with the original Howard Morrison quartet. He's got a beautiful voice, your dad. Yes, he had more of a baritone sound. And I think I've got a little bit of that in my voice. # You've got to laugh a little... # Welcome back. Temuera Morrison ` we know him best as Dr Ropata and Jake the Muss; that electrifying performance in Once Were Warriors launching him to Hollywood. But he's the first to admit his acting choices haven't always been the best. Tonight, Tem tells us about tenacity, and his new career. # Well, I wake up in the morning. # And it's the midnight special. # He's nothing if not charismatic,... # Ooh, aah, ooh... # ...a charming raconteur. So I sang that song on my CD. So I sang that song on my CD. Aah. > So I sang that song on my CD. Aah. > Just to take me back to that moment. You're a real storyteller, aren't you? > You're a real storyteller, aren't you? > I love stories. I love telling you stories, Miriama. I love telling you stories, Miriama. (LAUGHS) I can tell. I love telling you stories, Miriama. (LAUGHS) I can tell. But that's a true story! # Day after day I'm all confused. # Oh, give me the beat, boys, and free my soul. # I wanna get lost in your rock 'n' roll and drift away. What you're witnessing is the reinvention of one of our most loved performers... # Thanks for the joy that you've given me. # ...from actor to singer. So, how do you think you'll be received as a singer? > I am, uh, looking forward to the reaction. Cos I've beaten them up in the movies, with my presence in the movies, and now I'm gonna kill them with my voice. (HISSES) You're too bloody lippy, too bloody smart-mouthed. You're not in Guatemala now, Dr Ropata. I'm just a simple man trying to make my way in the universe. It's been a big career, but things have been tough. I'm sorta just coming out of a bit of a rough past few years at the moment, just trying to start again. But it's` And sometimes it's hard just to` just to be positive. Why has it been so hard? Oh, just silly mistakes that I've done, probably, myself, you know, put myself into. It's just having that tenacity to keep going, and the courage, I think, sometimes. And to keep going, Tem is looking back. # You've got to # give a little... So that's my dad singing there with the original Howard Morrison quartet. He's got a beautiful voice, your dad. Yes, he had more of a baritone sound ` the lower pitch, so he used to do that. And I think I've got a little bit of that in my voice. # You've got to laugh a little... One of eight kids, his dad died in a car crash when Tem was just a teen. That was a sad night, just hearing the` all the ruckus. We were all asleep. And then hearing that our dad passed away in an accident was, uh, bit upsetting for all of us. # Hoki a mai. # The loss brought the Morrison kids closer. As a brother, I mean, gosh, I mean, we've always looked to him for leadership, advice and... He's a great support. And he's actually an inspiration, eh, Les? You know, in terms of what he's achieved. Yeah, Tem, Mum. Yeah. Who's that (?) Who's that (?) Who's that? Who's that (?) Who's that? ALL LAUGH Who's that, eh, Nanny? CHANTING HAKA The family are renowned performers, singing with Tem's uncle, the great Sir Howard Morrison. # To make this land our own... He was like the Englebert Humperdinck of NZ. # Must fiiiiiight... # So I have very fond memories growing up with that culture, that singing culture, and being in Rotorua on the stage. Funnily enough, that's how I got my first part in a movie. I know Waia Cross. It's an old Maori track. His acting career was launched at just 12 years old. It's the stolen money. So, was it a good performance? Was it good acting? I had trouble remembering my lines. And I still have problems today. QUIZZICAL MUSIC That was the one thing I heard the director say. 'Oh, he had trouble remembering his lines, 'but he could stick to the horse.' So that was good. He was delivered from that pressure when, years later, a producer told him not to worry. She said, 'Tem, you're the thinking woman's bit of fluff. Just keep smouldering.' And you sorta hold it and go... MOODY MUSIC And just pretend smoke's coming out of your ears. For all his trouble learning lines, Dr Ropata... # It keeps going... # ...and Jake the Muss delivered Tem two iconic ones. 'You're not in Guatemala now, Dr Ropata.' And, 'Hey! Cook me some eggs!' But will they be his legacy? It's a brilliant question. Because what do I leave when`? What do we leave? A movie about being an abusive, ugly husband that beats women up? Drunk too much? A Dr Ropata? So it's nice to leave them with music and sing them... Sing them and leave some music there. So that's another reason why I did this album. (PLAYS COMPLICATED GUITAR RIFF) When you hear the album, you realise he's a genius. He's comfortable in the studio, but would he leave acting behind? # You're just too good to be true. # So are you a better singer or actor? You know, Jennifer Lopez, she acts and sings. So I see myself somewhere like that, you know, singer/actor. And, um, pretty good at both. But we'll find out. The critics will be out. I try to be fearless. Always go into that dark zone, see what` Sometimes there's magic on the other side. Sometimes there isn't. (GROANS, LAUGHS) He was such fun, and the smouldering was fantastic. Well, that is our show for tonight. Do join us on Facebook and Twitter... And thanks for joining us. We'll see you next week. Pomarie.