She's lived her life in the public gaze. Tonight on Sunday, Millie Elder-Holmes opens up on love and loss. I just feel really lost and lonely at the moment. Addiction; I don't like to listen to reputations about things cos I know mine definitely isn't that good. the two men in her life... Dad would always say that we saved each other. Was that true? Was that true? Yeah, I think so. ...and the future. That's the one thing that's making me feel really in control and in charge at the moment. Then... Down. Up. ...they pinned their hopes on radical surgery, so how far has he come? Here's the proof now. I'm still sitting here, so... Captions by Anne Langford. Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2014 Kia ora. I'm Miriama Kamo. Millie Elder-Holmes is stepping into a boxing ring next week, and she's not afraid of getting hurt. She's had her fair share of heartache over the past few months after the alleged murder of her partner, Connor Morris. Just weeks after the tragedy, she announced her role in the Fight For Life for NZ Hospice. The daughter of the late Sir Paul Holmes, 26-year-old Millie has rarely spoken publicly about her life. Tonight she opens up with Janet McIntyre about her struggles, her grief and her goals. ETHEREAL MUSIC Millie Elder-Holmes is very much alone in life's arena right now. < OK. One, two, three... Her chief coach, her mentor ` absent. I just try and carry on for him and do what would make him proud. (SNIFFS) I mean, no one's perfect, but I'm trying, yeah, to do as best as I can. And action. > This is a promo shoot for her upcoming Fight For Life. But the blows she's taken in the past months have been for real. I don't know. I just feel really, um, lost and lonely at the moment. Do you feel him with you? > Do you feel him with you? > Yeah. I feel like I feel him around me, but it's just... it's hard. You don't know how much of that is just you trying to make yourself cope more. You just want him to be there. You just want him to be there. Yeah. I just really miss him. Connor Morris, her love and soulmate for the past six years, was killed in a street fight in West Auckland just four months ago. He lay dying in Millie's arms. It just... went really wrong. Put my hands behind his head and there was just, like, blood coming out. Did you say anything to him? Did you have that chance? (SIGHS HEAVILY) I was just screaming, like, 'Come back.' Um, yeah. (SNIFFS) He just... Yeah. He didn't move. Millie grew up in the cold, hard gaze of the public after her mother, Hinemoa Elder, married broadcasting star Paul Holmes 22 years ago. Millie was 4. I promise to comfort you and to hold you when times are bad. He was one of the most famous faces in NZ. Did you know that? We quickly found out. I mean, um, just going shopping with Dad became extremely uncomfortable. Everywhere we went, people would stop him. Even the police would pull him over and talk to him. For what? Just ask him how he was going, or, like, about his... whatever he was talking about on the TV the night before. Like, it was crazy. It was like everyone knew Dad. Um, so, yeah, that was hard for us as kids to deal with, I think, having to share our dad with the nation. GIRLS SCREAM For over two decades, on screen, on radio, morning and night, Paul Holmes was ours. Time to go home? < Those were our people today. That's Holmes tonight. What kind of toll does it take on you? > Uh, what kind of a toll? Well,... God knows. It denied me time with my kids. But as he told Sunday last year when he was seriously ill, he had an unbreakable bond with the daughter he adopted. Years ago, one day she turned around and called me 'daddy'. And I accepted that as a tie, as a bond, as an obligation. And it was one I was happy about and I love. CAMERAS CLICK He stood by her when, as a schoolgirl, she fell in with a crowd doing hard drugs. Millie is sick, and she has a big hill to climb. I'm sure every parent with teenagers knows what we're going through. He was there to protect you, wasn't he? > He was there to protect you, wasn't he? > Yeah. Did it feel like that at the time? > Did it feel like that at the time? > Probably not. Probably not. I think that was my 'pushing everyone away' phase. As methamphetamine was pulling her in, taking hold of her life over the next four years, confounding her parents. Well, I knew she was such a good person. Something seriously bad had crept in, and, um, I always called P the terror drug. By the time it explodes in your face, it's exploded in your face. Millie and her boyfriend, Connor Morris, a patched member of the Head Hunters gang, were addicts together. Can you understand why your dad was upset; you were hanging out with someone in a gang, with a reputation for drugs and violence? > I don't really like to listen to reputations about things, cos I know mine definitely isn't that good. I think reputations are hearsay; for people who like to gossip and that. I think, um, you really need to know a person for who they are instead of judging by what you've heard about them. There's no denying the gang connection to drugs and violence. Did you not see that? I never saw that side of Connor. No. I never saw that side of Connor. No. Was there that side to him? I never saw that side of Connor. No. Was there that side to him? Not that I know of. Millie and Connor reached rock bottom together, and together they decided to quit. What did that look like? > What did that look like? > I don't know. I really don't know that person any more. It's so far detached from who I am now, but, um, I think that girl was really sad and lost. Yeah. Pretty amazing decision you made to pull yourselves up and out together. Pretty amazing decision you made to pull yourselves up and out together. Mm-hm. Complete cold turkey? > Complete cold turkey? > Yeah. Yep. What did you actually do? We literally cut everyone that we knew, and just stayed at home, just us two. Yeah. For how long? Well, we... I've never spoken to anyone again that I used to speak to. Yeah. Come. She says they spent months getting clean ` relearning basic routines like eating and sleeping ` just getting well. Dad would always say that we saved each other. Is that true? Is that true? Yeah, I think so. I would say more like Connor saved me. (SNIFFS) But, um, Connor would say we saved each other. Yeah. APPLAUSE When Paul was knighted last year shortly before his death, Connor was among the VIP guests that only recently met when Paul was in hospital. Dad was feeling hungry out of the blue, and he announced that he felt like cheesy pizza with anchovies. Just cheese pizza with anchovies, and so Connor went down the road and got him cheese pizza with anchovies, and we all hung out and ate cheese pizza, and, yeah, it was really nice. It was a really happy day for me. I interviewed your dad, as you know, shortly before he died, about him meeting Connor. This is probably going to make me cry. This is probably going to make me cry. This is what he said. READS: 'Well, she's introduced us. She's just introduced us to her young man, 'and we get on like a house on fire. And I think the boy's great.' And I think the boy's great. I love him. Love him. And I think he's going to be there forever. I hope so. (SNIFFS) MEN CHANT IN MAORI Sir Paul's words were not to be. READS: Be brave even if you're frightened. Value yourself. There is only one of you. 18 months after Millie farewelled her father, her partner, too, was dead. 33-year-old Michael Murray is charged with Connor's murder, and will face trial next year. I have no words for that person. I wish the worst for that person. I wish all the pain and suffering in the world for that person. Millie lost not only her partner, but her career aspirations. She was studying to become a nurse. The trauma of, um, seeing what happened to Connor, and just all the blood... I mean, I have still really bad flashbacks about that night. Um, I have really bad nightmares. So it just... wasn't something that I was prepared to carry on with, I don't think. Just, um, the sight of blood is just really unbearable for me at the moment. Yeah. Is it something you think you might be able to come back to one day? Is it something you think you might be able to come back to one day? I don't know. I'd rather, um, help people before they need to get cut open, help them with their nutrition. Help them look after their bodies before it gets to that... that part where they need to be operated on. Definitely love my greens. Up next, from rock-bottom drug addict to healthy living role model. Can I ask what you weigh now? Can I ask what you weigh now? I am 69kg, 70kg at the moment. Mostly muscle. Mostly muscle. Yeah. Let's go with that. Yes. OK. Right. STREETS OF LAREDO'S 'GIRLFRIEND' No matter when the decision was made, it's always taken guts to up sticks and call NZ home. We were never the near neighbour or the obvious choice. So we have a maverick streak, an inbuilt desire to avoid the predictable and find our own path. This is what Kiwibank was born from. We started a revolution to bring this independent spirit to banking. A bunch of Kiwis making Kiwis better off ` that's what we get up for. And in 12 short years, we've already helped thousands and thousands pay off their loans, get into their first home, grow their dream business, save for their retirement. Helping Kiwis achieve their ultimate goal and the reason we all came here in the first place ` true independence. 'GIRLFRIEND' CONTINUES Every revolution needs a leader. 5 < Haloumi is allowed? < Haloumi is allowed? Oh,... it's allowed. I like it, so it's allowed. (LAUGHS) After years of addiction, Millie's own health and fitness has become her obsession. I gained a huge amount of weight, um, after I got clean. I was, like... If you... The photographs I have are just horrendous. How much did you gain? How much did you gain? I don't know. I was, like, in the high 80s. I didn't feel good. I was bloated after every meal. Um, I didn't enjoy exercise. As soon as it got a little bit too hard for me, I would stop. I was, like, 'Ah, why am I so heavy?' She blogs healthy eating tips and recipes on her Clean Eatz site and has 40,000 followers. Can I ask what you weigh now? Can I ask what you weigh now? I am 69kg, 70kg at the moment. Mostly muscle. Mostly muscle. Uh... Yeah. Let's go with that. Yes. (LAUGHS) A lot of muscle and a lot of ink; most recently, a tattoo covering her whole stomach. I don't really share the meaning behind my tattoos with anyone because they're for me. They're personal. Um, sort of like the pages of a diary. You wouldn't go reading them out to someone, but, um... Yeah, something me and Connor used to do together ` date night at the tattoo shop. I know old people say this, but have you thought about what these tats are going to look like when you're 60? Not really fussed by it. I mean, when I'm 60, how hot can I be when I'm 60? I'm not going to be, like, in a bikini when I'm 60! But she's not thinking 60. She's thinking next week. Visiting Dad when he was not at his best. A boxing match to benefit a cause close to her heart ` Hospice, which helped care for her dad. Hello. He loved the ladies from the hospice. They were his friends, first and foremost. Cranford House in Hastings, where Paul is fondly remembered. He loved having the whole line-up, really, of whatever was on the trolley, and have four glasses, and fill them up to whatever level he'd want, and it was mostly gin without the tonic. (LAUGHS) It's about living every moment, and so people can have whatever they want, really, when they're in here. If you get opportunities to give back to those that have given so much to you, I don't see why you shouldn't take those opportunities. Was the fight a way to distract yourself, as well, from the terrible trauma? Definitely. Yeah. Of course. Um, I think it would have been extremely counterproductive for me to just sit at home and no nothing until next year. So training's been, like, really good to keep me motivated, keep me going. < Yeah. Good, good, good, good girl. She's cagey about her preparation for the six-minute fight with Frankie Adams next weekend,... < Perfect, Millie. ...but she's serious about it, training twice a day. Is it for Connor? > Is it for Connor? > (SNIFFS) Everything I do is for him now. How badly do you want to win? > How badly do you want to win? > (CHUCKLES) Well, I don't want to lose. That would be embarrassing. Do you back yourself? I try to, but I'm not a cocky person. I try to back myself, but it's hard. I'm not looking too far ahead. I'm just trying to take baby steps, and take each day as it comes. There's some uncertainty. I mean, the court case and everything surrounding that situation is really scary for me, but I do have control over my health, my wellness, and I think that's one thing that is making me feel really in control and in charge at the moment. Yeah. Well, we do wish you all the best, Millie. Two years ago, Waikato policeman Constable Blair Spalding was given practically no chance of survival. Doctors had done everything they could to treat a massive tumour growing on his brain. He was told he could be dead by now. Sunday brought you the story of his journey ` how Blair pinned his hopes on radical, risky surgery in Germany made possible through the generosity of NZers. Now, you might be surprised by just how far Blair's come. Up! Down. Up. When we first met Blair Spalding last year, he had many good reasons to hold on to hope ` Down. Down. DOG BARKS his 2-year-old daughter, Indie, and devoted workmate, Yogi. A pushover at home, but fearsome on the job. Stay where you are. Police! Blair, a member of the Armed Offenders Squad, and Yogi were among the best in the country. It would be in the hundreds of people we've caught that would have got away if it wasn't for Yogi. And Blair was just married to fellow Waikato police officer Carla. It's going to be our day with our friends and family. But Blair had a large malignant tumour on his brain which surgeons here couldn't remove. So, Blair, how about you kiss your beautiful bride? He was told he may have only two years to live. He was pretty gutted. He would come home and just look at Indie, and you could tell it was playing through his mind that he might not see her even make school. She's a massive part of our life and she always will be. It was and still is my biggest fear not seeing her reach her milestones and her goals. You have a really special relationship with her, don't you? > You have a really special relationship with her, don't you? > Mm. They raised $230,000, and travelled to Germany to a high-tech hospital in Hannover, specialising in neurosurgery, to a surgeon willing to try to remove the tumour. I intend to be radical, and I hope very much that we are successful, and that is the reason why I am going to do it, otherwise I would refuse it. We were with Blair through the nine-hour surgery where an MRI machine, inside the operating theatre, gave doctors high-definition images of the tumour as it was removed. < When you saw that footage of the surgery, what did you think? It was pretty amazing, especially hearing the noise of that saw going through my head. SAW BUZZES It was a success. Most of the 7cm tumour was removed and the tiny remains, even now, continue to shrink. So, um, it's less than 7ml in my head now. And now I'm on yearly scans, so just monitoring, really. Returning to NZ, Blair was reunited with Yogi, who'd temporarily gone to another handler. Oh, I missed him like crazy when he wasn't here. Um, and he went to Rotorua while I was gone. The handler and Yogi didn't see eye to eye. (LAUGHS) But Yogi, close to retirement, is now on course to becoming the family pet, and Blair has begun training a new dog, Obi. My loyalty is still with Yogi. I think him being my first dog and everything, I do have that loyalty to him. But Obi and I are getting there. Life for the whole family is back to normal. Blair is once again on full-time duties. He's been involved in 48 arrests since March. I got the clearance to return back into AOS, my Armed Offenders Squad duties as well, so I'm pretty much back completely where I was before this happened. And even just to get back on to dogs, and to finally do it was, um, a big step for him. I'm at the stage now where I don't think about my head all the time like I used to. And we only got there because of everyone's goodwill, helping us out as well. The fundraising was amazing. Donations were amazing. And here's the proof now. I'm still sitting here, so thank you very much. Yeah. Isn't that good news? After the break, the incredible story of Stacey Herbert. Her legs were crushed in the Christchurch earthquake, but her spirit wasn't. 'What the hell has just happened?' I told Stacey that if anything ever happened, I'd come to rescue her. I think I was yelling, like, 'I love you.' Yeah, it was just like this big relief, like, 'Yes, he's going to be here. He's here.' Well, I was personally thinking, 'Do anything you've got to do to save her.' Welcome back. It's our final show tonight. We've loved sharing your stories with you, and next year we'll continue to do just that. Here's a look ahead. We have the story of Stacey Herbert. Formerly a model, Stacey's legs were crushed in the Christchurch earthquake, but she's determined to walk again. I was proud of my body. I was comfortable in my skin. And I held my head high. Stacey Herbert, young, beautiful and working it. I liked my stomach, my arms and my legs. Yeah. They were good legs. Just appreciate everything while you can cos once it's gone, it's gone. 'What the hell has just happened?' You know, 'Jesus, has there been a bomb or is it an earthquake or what the hell?' SIRENS WAIL In the blink of an eye, the earthquake tore Stacey's world apart. It was just a lot and a lot of concrete and steel. Yeah, just a lot of stuff on me. Could you move? Could you move? No. I was pretty much pinned by my arms and legs. It was horrible just being trapped, being confined to a space, not knowing if you're going to get out. For eight hours, she was buried alive. I thought if I maybe just closed my eyes I might just die, um, and that would be it. I told Stacey that if anything ever happened, I would come to rescue her. I think I was just yelling, 'I love you,' and all that. Yeah, it was just like this big relief, like, 'Yes. He's going to be here. He's here.' She survived the quake, but Stacey's ordeal was just beginning. I think I was in a coma for a three-week period. They didn't know if she was going to live or die. Her partner was faced with an awful decision. Well, I was personally thinking, 'Do anything you've gotta do to save her.' < So she effectively became fully conscious to realise that she had lost both legs? Mm. < Horrendous. Yes. It is horrendous. Stacey, like you, has asked me, 'Why did you do it? Why did you have to cut off my legs?' Join us as we follow Stacey's journey next year. That's Sunday for this year, but you can still find us on Facebook and Twitter, Sunday TVNZ. Nga manaakitanga o te wa, me nga mihi o te tau hou. Do have a safe Christmas and New Year.