1 Captions by Faith Hamblyn. www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2016. UPBEAT FUNKY ROCK MUSIC SKA MUSIC CAR ENGINE STARTS BIRDS CHIRP When people see the fencing, they just assume it's a gang house. But we're not really a gang; we're just a wee family. Closer. Put your arm round my shoulder. Nah, not happening. Just a normal happy family, really. Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say normal, but a happy family. Not finished! (LAUGHS) It does look intimidating, it's not overly inviting, but, um, they're more than welcome. (CHUCKLES) We'll invite anybody in; whether you get back out's another story. Come over. Just go do what Jacob says. Jahram's just gonna do it for a couple of secs, OK? Well done, boys. OK, you can go inside now. Well done. Good. SKA MUSIC CONTINUES You don't have to go backwards. MUSIC CONTINUES He's so special. Unique. (LAUGHS) I wouldn't really know how to put it into words. Everyone is different. Jacob's kind of shy, likes to stay in his room, watch movies, like Jackson. He's extremely smart. (CHUCKLES) Jackson, I'm not quite sure what it would be like to be him. I imagine I'd be mostly,... uh, confused about how the world works. I'm not quite sure. Really, all I see is my disability is I find it a little more difficult to learn things and to pull the information out when I need it. Jahram was diagnosed autistic and dyspraxic. But because he can talk, he doesn't think he is, compared to his brothers. Well, you've just gotta learn simple solutions for everything; you know, just change your way of looking at things; rather than being upset by how the kids do things, work a way of making it fit in with our normal lives, basically. 'Well, the challenge is the fact that the children don't talk. 'You never know how they're feeling, what they're thinking and how safe they are. 'Just practising my sign language.' Well, Jackson's trying, like, but he thinks he can say "good morning" to everything. But little bits each day, and, you know, it does make a difference, definitely. And Jacob's more verbal now, because he doesn't like the sign language. I love my kids. You know, I've always wanted to be a mum. I didn't think it was gonna be this hard. You know, I thought it would be... You know, maybe that's my fault ` I had high expectations. You know, but I suppose every parent does. I figure, like, for the rest of my life, I'll probably just be caring for the kids, until I cark it, really. BIRDS CHIRP Sorry, son. Gonna have breakfast, are you? Or are you gonna do cartoons? Set your, um, mirror up so you can watch cartoons, sweetie. In the mornings, um, Jacob gets up first. He's up at about half past 6. His taxi comes around 7.30. Jackson stays in bed till I've come up from Jacob's taxi, and then he comes out and has his breakfast then. In the mornings, because the TV's facing that way, Jacob can't see it, having his breakfast. He sets the mirror up so he can watch it from the breakfast table. Pretty smart, really. They used to have breakfast together, but they don't like each other, for a start, so that makes it difficult ` the fighting and the screaming and the kicking at each other, and it's best not to wind them up, not stress them out. What time are you gonna head down for the taxi, son? 7.20. 7.20. OK, then. I'll be on to it. Cool, man. I know it's not normal, but nothing in our house is. We just do things to keep everything peaceful. Jacob used to melt down, you know, 10 times a minute, sort of thing. He just screams and just grumpy,... and he starts doing his, like, little tick things, and he'll start walking laps. It's not nice seeing him wound up like that, cos it takes him a really long time to calm down. So you basically just try not to get him in that state in the first place. A lot of compromise, doing separate rules for each kid ` it's the only way it works. BIRDS CHIRP Taxi. Mm. Ready? TAXI ENGINE IDLES Good man. River. Is this the River's coat, eh? Morning, boys. See youse. See ya, River. OK. You're looking good. The boys get a taxi to and from school. They're in separate taxis. Morning, son. It's time to get up. Jackson, he's awesome. All I have to do now is sort of turn the shower on for him, set his toothbrush up, and armpits ` spray him with the deodorant. He hasn't quite worked out how to line that up. Oh, and also help wipe his bum. Yeah. Unfortunately, still doing that job. Arms up. Let's go. One. Cool. Good man. Thank you. Jackson, come brush your teeth, please. Good man. They're all getting older, so more mature, but now my plan's, sort of, around Jackson. Age-wise, Jack's, sort of, at the 7, 8 sort of mental age. It's just, kind of, picking Jackson up and moving him forward. And we've really gotta work more on the sign language and some speech, cos no communication's just hard work. CRICKETS CHIRP ENGINE IDLES Have a good day. Climb in, Jackson. Put your seat belt on. Seat belt, please. Good man. Have a good day... We just take it one day at a time. Cos there's no point making plans, because anything could happen. See ya, then. Good man. See youse. You've got five and a half, six hours off, five days a week, while they're at school, and it's kind of an 18-hour-a-day job and 24 in the weekends. CICADAS BUZZ I'd like a life outside of just this house. I'd like a partner to help, not just the chores, but enjoy the good times, you know, go places, a bit of backup, you know, when you are a bit stressed, and, you know, someone to just remind you to chill down a bit. Cos it can get a bit stressful. In a normal day, I'd wake up,... have my breakfast, go for a walk,... maybe do some weightlifting,... watch a movie, go out with friends,... have dinner and go to bed. (LAUGHS) An ideal day would be... something very exhausting. Yeah, I'd rather be doing something like labouring or carpet laying. I do like a hard day's work. When Jahram's out of school and not working, because it needs to be someone understanding of Jahram forgetting everything daily ` that's the problem with his dyspraxia ` it's very frustrating, cos you know he knows it, but he can't remember. People generally yell at him, and then he loses the plot totally. CRICKETS BUZZ GATE SQUEAKS BIRDS CHIRP ENGINE IDLES Hi. Thank you. Have a good day. Have a good day. See you later. With Jackson, cos he's such a runner, padlocks definitely; the fencing's inside out so they can't climb up the posts; got rid of all the plastic furniture; anything that's mobile, it's gone. Cos, you know, I don't know if Jackson could climb up, but it's just not worth the risk. Yeah. It's a really horrible feeling, losing your child. Take your lunch box out, please. Jackson's gone places. You know, he's got all the way to Highbury on his feet before. Hi, Jacob. Slowly. Slowly go up. Say, 'Bye, Rick.' Bye. See you, buddy. See you in the morning. Aw, empty. No one gets to go in. See you later. Thanks, Rick. BIRDS CHIRP LOCK CLICKS Hi, son. Hi. Did you have a good day? Yeah. What have you been doing today? Did you go to the farm? No. No? What did you do today? Where did you go? To Wenderholm. To Wenderholm. What did you do there? Made some plants. You made some plants? BAG RUSTLES BIRDS CHIRP SIZZLING Jacob and Jackson! Thanks! You're welcome. Oh, thank you. You're very welcome. Good manners. Well, you become a parent because you're bringing life into the world. And, you know, your job is to get that child set up for life, basically. You know, you know you've done a good job when they can move out. But unfortunately, that's not gonna happen with my kids. Hi, Jackson. Time for a shower. Get your pyjamas, please. (CLEARS THROAT) I don't want to send them off to be cared for by other people, when it's my job. You know, it's just pretty much us four doing everything. Clothes off. Good man. Put your hand out under the tap. This one. This one. Test it. Test it. Is it all right? Not too hot? OK, shampoo. Over here. Put it in your hand. Come on. Soap on the cloth, please. Come on. I'm the happiest creature. Happiest creature, yes. Let's have a wash. Normal life that people live, it's not the same as ours. People don't understand that my kids are my gifts. You know, I'm so lucky to have them. CLICK! Bedtime, sweetie. Good man. You all ready? I suppose the little things are what are so special. All snuggly buggly? (GIGGLES) Yeah. < Nah, I missed it, sorry. Slower. < You're a funny guy. You know, when Jackson comes up and says, 'Hi, Mum,' you know, it just about breaks your heart. Cos, you know, every other parent gets that every day, so they don't appreciate the real little things. (SIGHS) Turn it off! CHILD SHRIEKS BIRDS CHIRP HANDBRAKE CLICKS (SIGHS) Kia ora! Oh, kia ora, Kim. You're all locked up. Always. (CHUCKLES) (CHUCKLES) Come on through. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. I'm Sue Robertson from Imagine Better. Oh, nice to meet you. Thank you so much for inviting me over. You're welcome. Come on through. I'll just lock the gate up. This is my lounge/bedroom. That's the train track running down the hallway. Yeah, it's never-ending, eh? But unfortunately, yeah, I don't have my own room. The kids have to be separate, so I'm in the lounge and have been for, what, 16 years. So this is my space. Yeah. Does that work for you? I don't enjoy it. But it's better than nothing. You know, at least I've got a roof over my head. Yeah. It could be worse. Well, look, I really do understand. I do want to let you know I'm not just some random stranger coming into your lounge from Imagine Better. We have three adult children now, and Katie's 29, and she has all the attributes of autism in all its gloriousness. Is she speaking? No, no, she's never developed language. Oh wow. And, um, theoretically, an intellectual disability, but as you know, they, you know... And she lives at home with you guys still? No, she doesn't. Seven years ago, Neil and I ` um, how we describe it is Neil and I ran away from the family home. (LAUGHS) And left her to go flatting. Awesome. But she needs considerable support. That's really cool. And she's still really happy? She's really happy. And, um... What about you and your husband, though? We've got a life back. I haven't had one of those, so, yeah... Well... That must be pretty choice, eh? Honestly, it's absolutely possible. Pull it. Keep pulling it. Yeah. So, PATH stands for "Planning Alternative Tomorrows with Hope." And it's really forward-looking. So what could be happening by a by a date in the future,... where life would look sweet, and what would be involved in it? So if Imagine Better was to offer to do a PATH plan for you... Oh, for me? Yeah, for you,... Kim. Well, I always make myself restricted, cos, oh, I don't know what the kids will be doing next, you know, and where they're gonna be. But yeah, I suppose if I get myself sorted, then I can sort the kids. I hadn't really thought about it that way. Yeah, and what we can also look at in that vision is, um, a goal for each of the boys. < I'm a bit like you, and what I've learned is it's a courageous act to invite people in. Yeah, well, that'll be definitely difficult. < Yeah. It's hard asking for help, but it's so much easier to see where help is needed for others. < Yeah. So, yeah, I'm gonna have to bite the bullet, aren't I? GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC BIRDS CHIRP (TUTS) MUSIC CONTINUES Yeah, it would be nice to have a partner to share my life and the kids' life, but it's just awkward trying to fit someone in with us. You know, we're so set in our routines, as well, I suppose. So I can't imagine, you know, having time to fit another person in. BIRDS CHIRP OK, Auntie, don't take any crap from the kids. See ya later. I usually get quite anxious when I've gotta leave them. Um, Auntie Jhevelle's there, so it's a lot better. Occasionally, I've had to leave Jahram with them, and that really freaks me out. I kind of rush it, whereas I should be relaxing and enjoying my half hour to myself. I don't really like shopping. People are a pain in the arse in the place. You've gotta dodge round a few of the pensioners, so I just like to get it done and get out of there. Yes, yeah, this looks riper, eh. BOTH: Yeah. Every time. Hi. Good, thank you. Thank you very much. You too. You have a good day. See you. REGGAE MUSIC Cheers. I don't know. Yeah, hopefully. Good with us "specials". BOTH LAUGH You're an egg, man. All my friends are special in their own unique ways. In our own unique ways, we're all special. The boys come first foremost and second and third. And she just makes sure that, you know, they've got their food and they've got their mum, and, yeah, that's why she does get a bit sick-tired. I mean, even mentally, being locked in a place, you know, and hearing about some of us girls and what our adventures are up to for our lives. I mean, um, that can be a bit... bit of a downer. But oh, look, she's marvellous, cos you don't do it just for the boys ` she's done it for a lot of people. Well, babysitting the kids for me while I'm comatosed ` that's awesome. Yeah, she got pretty sick. She got pleurisy. And, um, they gave her a cocktail worth of medicines that would have knocked any big guy out. And it pretty much knocked my mate out, right at Christmastime too. And, um, yeah, so I pretty much stayed here. But, yeah, I was just so grateful to Jhevelle, cos mum was in hospital, and so I didn't have any backup, basically, which is, um, something that we've kind of realised that I don't have a lot of. So we're gonna have to get on to that. Yeah, that's the biggest scare, and we've been talking about it a lot lately, is if anything happened to her, and who would be here for the boys for the rest of their lives? Cos that's what it is ` it's for the rest of their lives. They'll never really going to come into society the way they are. I mean, we may put them into homes and that, but, you know, in a sense, they've known it for so long here. They love it here. I've never heard her complain, but she's always said that she's glad and she's proud of who she has as her boys. But yeah. There were no trade-ins at the shop. Well, no, no, not for you, you naughty girl. I've caught her a couple of times, um, when we have Jackson or Jacob, and she'll just stare at them like she's so, not just proud, but she's so blessed to have been gifted the three that she's been gifted. INDICATOR CLICKS So, we're just off to Kate's place, which is around the corner, about, uh, two minutes away from where Neil and I live. In the first year that she went flatting, I think I was round there three or four times a week. And it took a few months before that whittled down to once or twice a week. And, um... And Kate's just blossomed. Kate. Hey! Hi, Kate. < Hi! Hi! How are ya? < (SQUEALS) Bye! She's really content and happy ` she's a gardener,... she's an artist,... she's a great housekeeper. Oh, do you want a photo with me? Yeah. Have you done the vacuuming this morning? Yeah. OK. So I've come to get the vacuum cleaner, OK? Yeah. All right. Mm. Did you weed your garden? THE RASCALS' GOOD LOVIN' PLAYS There's a health and safety issue that sits there, where she needs considerable support to live well. Under Individualised Funding, Katie's able to employ her own staff, which she does, in her own unique way. Supermarket with Dad,... two Cokes, 20 Kodak. (BABBLES) See ya. Bye. Bye! GENTLE REGGAE MUSIC MUSIC CONTINUES BIRDS CHIRP MUSIC CONTINUES I walk because it helps me think about things, like how to get a job and what I'm gonna do today. Yeah, for the majority of my life, it's been Mum raising me. She really should take better care of herself. She gets way too stressed way too easily. But she's quite level-headed for someone who has three special-needs children. REGGAE MUSIC CONTINUES BIRDS CHIRP (WHISPERS) Are you having a moe? Are you going to sleep now? Did you guys tell him to do that? No. Hmm? Well, I suppose for any child, you just love them, cos they're yours. You know, but when they need so much from you, like these boys, it's more so cos, you know, it's like always having a baby, if you know what I mean. You know what it's like having a baby ` it's, you know, pretty awesome ` it's just that they're a bit larger than me. But yeah, it is pretty awesome, you know, unconditional. Yeah. Yeah? OK? Lucky I got my tubes tied before the autism, because I wouldn't have coped if I'd had more. Not at all. Three's hard enough, but I don't think four would be doable. BIRDS CHIRP Living opposite the park, you know, I watch those guys playing cricket and footie. And I wanna play, but I can't, so it's all good. I've had a life before I had my kids. So, you know, I was quite lucky beforehand. You know, I had my motorbike, so I used to ride around a lot, go visit the whanau and stuff. So, yeah, I've had my life, so it's about the kids now. Hi, Jack. Do you wanna go for a drive? Put your shoes and socks on, please. OK. Good man. We're gonna attempt to go shopping at The Warehouse with the boys. Um, they've both got a $25 Warehouse voucher from their nana Noeline. Jacob, do you wanna get your shoes and socks on? We'll go for a drive. You're organised already? You're a good man. We're just gonna wait for Jackson to get his shoes and socks on. Shut the door when you come out. I usually like to plan ahead, tell the kids what we're doing a week or two in advance, just to prep them. Hand on the car. Hand on the car. Thank you. Hand on the car. BIRDS CHIRP OK, you can hop in now, please. We don't go out a lot, cos Jackson and Jacob, their sensory thing ` it's just different things set them off, upset them; too much noise, too many people. Noises we don't even hear, Jacob especially, so it's kinda safer to stay home. You'll see. Believe me, you'll see what he's like. Then again he might be an angel and you'll think, 'Oh, she's full of crap.' So we'll see. Let's go. Oh, we'll go this way. (WHIMPERS) I can only imagine what it might be like to have more than one family member with autism living in the same house. But I really do understand how... your world can become small. Yep, in here. But I think one of the things that Kim is already missing is other people in her life and having someone help you to think. Because you can get quite stuck in your thinking. Don't forget the step. Good. The risk of losing track of Jackson at the mall is he could end up anywhere. He's a bit of a runner, and he'll just go, which is understandable ` he's locked up daily, I suppose. You can go have a look, Jacob, whatever you wanna look at. Which one do you want? Cinderella? Have a look at the front. Two. Only two. No, no, no. Two. One, two. This one going back, then? INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS I took Jacob to the mall once, and there's that ad, Shake 'n' Dog. And Jacob saw it, and he just screamed and screamed and screamed. We had to leave, because it upset him. And people are just, like, looking at him. You can take your time, son. You find what you like. People just judge them by their behaviour, and they don't understand that maybe that kid's going off because a simple thing like, you know, a noise that we can't hear. It's all right. You can just get that one if that's what you want. I've been judged by many, but I don't really give a shit what other people think. You know, we cope and live in our world the way we do best. You know, and for others, they can live their life their way. There we go. Put your games on there. With this. Just wait. Just wait. You're all right. You're all right. You're all right. Don't panic. Don't panic. Thank you very much. Cheers. You have a good day too. Thank you. Do you wanna carry those? Oh, just yours. Fussy. Good. You did well, boys. Well done. I'm impressed. Hey, Sue. How are you? Hi. Kim. Yeah, good. Georgia's arrived at the same time. Yep. Look out ` it's gonna swing towards you. OK. Come on through. Yes. Come on through. Come in, and I'll introduce you to Georgia. Hi. How are you? Good. I'm Georgia. Hi. I'm Kim. Hi, Kim. Oh, you guys smell yummy. (CHUCKLES) GATE SQUEAKS < Thank you. Hello. How are you? Nice to see you again. You too. And you're a friend of... Ooh. Of Jackson and Jacob's. Oh, this is Jhevelle. That's the Auntie. > Hello, darling. Hi, I'm Georgia. Jhevelle. Nice to meet you. Georgia's our artist. Jhevelle. Hi. Hi. Jacob. Maybe up there. You reckon? The nail's helping the Blu-Tack stay there. < Kim, thank you so much for inviting Georgia and I to spend time with you today to plan your path. If life looked really good for you and, of course, your family, but we're focusing on you, then... what would we like to see happen? < Like, for example, you know, you've got your bed in the lounge ` do you see yourself having your own bedroom back? Well, once the kids have moved out of home, I can have the choice of bedrooms` Yeah. ...which would be really choice. < So you'll have one younger son still living at home? Yes. Wow. That sounds awesome. Jahram will have left home, he'll be flatting, he'll be working, he'll popping back for a few feeds. Jacob will be 21, and he will have come to the end of transition planning, and you'll have, you know, firm plans in place for him. Cool. < Jackson will be 19, and he'll be in the middle of his transition planning. You'll be in some kind of paid employment. Yeah, well, simple solutions for families ` you know, basically, if someone had sorta come along and sorta said, "Oh, have you tried this," you know, when I first had the kids, it would have been quite helpful. Jhevelle, what would you really like to see? I'd like to see the boys settled ` that settled that will settle her. Like, if something happens to her, where do we go with the boys, if you know what I mean. That's kind of my main goal in life, basically, is to know that they're covered, you know, when I'm gone. So, in fact, Georgia, a good term for that is, um, 'Know that my boys are covered.' I think we're pretty well sussed for the next couple of years. And something more to build on too once, you know, I've got all this sorta in my mind and sorted. But yeah, it's been a great, productive day. I'm really excited for Kim's future and that of her family. She's done some really great planning. I look forward to coming back. I think her world is open. Yeah, that was pretty good. It just gave me other ways to look at things as well ` you know, stepping back from the kids and letting them do things for their own selves. As long as the kids are happy, that's pretty much all ` happy, healthy children. That's... That's pretty much all I want. HAPPY MUSIC See ya, Jahram. Have a good day. You too. I'm excited to be heading out and doing something today. I'm going to be doing some carpet laying with my dad. SKA MUSIC Good work. Well done. Beautiful! Captions by Faith Hamblyn. www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2016.