(SLOW, ATMOSPHERIC MUSIC) Captions by Imogen Staines. www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2017 (LAID-BACK MUSIC) My name's Sam. People call me the Barter Barber. What's up, bro? Hey, bro. How are you? Good, man. Come take a seat. Cheers, man. Hey, Bo-bo. Hey, boy. 'My mission is to go out and talk about talking, 'taking the ideas of mental health to the provinces.' How've you been anyway, dude, like, in yourself? Just working hard, hardly working. I've been cutting hair for 12 years. During my time working with men, started seeing a frustration that is inherent to us and a frustrating interpersonal style. Think that the 'man up' attitude is one of our most toxic attitudes that we hold dear here in New Zealand ` that, kind of, 'harden up; be a man'. Cos, I mean, in reality, what is a man? I dunno. I dunno, bro. I'm finding out. I'll get back to you on this one. Yeah. I'll go and talk to a couple more of them around the country, eh? Yeah, that's right. That's right. Slickness. OK. Sweet. (LAUGHS) Awesome, man. Hey, absolute pleasure to see you, dude. You too, mate. We hear diagnoses a lot, and diagnoses doesn't make somebody something. When somebody says, 'I've got schizophrenia,' or, 'I've got depression,' or, 'I have this or that,' that doesn't define that person. It's just a group of attributes in mental health that they do show. With having my own struggles with mental health, I just wanted to explore that a little bit more and share some of the experiences I've had to push... push us towards more healthy communication and more healthy interpersonal relationships between us guys and hopefully a greater understanding of what it is to have mental health, as we all do. (HORN TOOTS) I travel around the country with my dog, Bo, in our 1971 Bedford CF that we live in and we also cut hair out of. # I keep dreamin' on. # We travel around the country, starting conversations ` starting conversations about mental health or even just conversations about talking. (SOMBRE PIANO MUSIC) It was in my late teens that I started having my friends suiciding, and those suicides had a profound impact on my life. But it wasn't till my late 20s that I started experiencing anxiety attacks myself. Hey. What's up, my man? Hey, what's up? How you doing? Good to see you. I'm good. Come on in, bro. I've come into Godfather Barbers to talk to Zeir. Zeir's got some pretty cool ideas on how guys should communicate and why we don't. So, you've been barbering for how long now? About a year and a half now. How do you find the conversations, being a barber? Like, do you find that guys open up to you, or...? Yeah, I find here, it's like Vegas, man; you can say whatever you like and it's gonna stay here, you know? Yeah. There's no judgement, and it's easy. The guys that come in here come time and time again because of that. Yeah, exactly, man. That's what brings everyone back is the fact that there's no rules, nothing's set in stone. They walk out and they come back in feeling like they can express more to you, and every single time they come in, they feel like they know you that little bit better. Yeah. Your clients are like your old friends, and you feel like they open up to you. Absolutely. We do give guys a place where they can express themselves, where you're not gonna get your head bitten off for expressing your opinion or your ideas. Yeah, exactly. It's probably one of the few places where guys can come in and talk about their feelings and let a load off, you know? We forget that that's our role and that all it takes is one guy to come in and say something a little bit more off the cuff than usual to remind us, 'Oh shit, we actually do...' You know? And our reaction to their unload is actually another piece of it, isn't it? Yeah, exactly, man. And what we do here, I mean, we see a lot of transformations ` not only physical, with what we do as barbers, but also emotionally as well. You know, once a guy leaves here` They could have the worst morning of their life, but after coming here and being pampered and letting a load off and telling people about their feelings, they leave a million bucks. (JAUNTY MUSIC) AMERICAN MAN: Under the striped barber cloth, any customer becomes wrapped in some of the tradition that has surrounded barbers and their shops since the time of Plato, in the days of Ancient Greece. The first barbering clubs were formed, where men would meet to discuss the topics of the day while having their hair trimmed and beards curled. (MUSIC CONTINUES) Today's barber is still an adviser or patient listener to affairs in the lives of his customers. This is an exclusive men's world, where women do not go. (PENSIVE MUSIC) (MUSIC CONTINUES) 9 to 5 never really suited me. I mean, I've done many, many, many years of it. I feel like not waiting to be called in by a boss is a real reprieve to my mental health. (PENSIVE MUSIC CONTINUES) I don't have a cell phone. If I need to go and be alone and have some time meditating and that kind of thing, I can just go into the bush. It's a real powerful thing knowing that's your choice, you know? And having that choice. We get a pretty early night in here because we're up 5.30, ready for the next day. This is my passion; this is my drive. I really enjoy it, and I wanna get more knowledge behind me, and I wanna get more experience and interpersonal relationships around the country, because I can't believe the network of people I will have by the time this is finished. There was a point where I was very fiscally motivated. I had the apartment; I had the flash things ` the bikes, the cars ` and it was very, very hollow. And I think it was at that moment that I realised that I needed to do something else for my fulfilment. I got more fulfilment from altruistic actions than I did from financial gain. The only thing I need is food and petrol. I don't have rent; I don't have, you know, these overheads that a lot of other people do. I lived to help myself for a long time, and that didn't make me feel any better. And I learnt that helping others. That's why I travel around the country in a van, talking to people, making them feel good ` cos that's where I get my fulfilment. Welcome. Come in. Thank you very much. Oh, it's gorgeous. It is. So, this is where you do your work from? This is part of my work. I do teach mindfulness classes every week. A number of years ago, I had a business, and through the global financial crisis, I lost it. It was a business worth about 13 million, so it was pretty` It was a property development business. And, you know, for a man in his 50s to lose a business like that, it brought up a lot of despair, and then I realised that there was a place where there was no point in going back into the past. I could still see the sunset. Mm. I could still talk to people I cared about; they were still in my life. I could still see the garden, or whatever it is. So those little things enabled me to actually start valuing what's there. The way our society functions at the moment, it inherently creates a lot of discontent for people, because it's always about getting something that` where happiness or contentment or well-being is. So if my journey is this place of happiness, if I'm feeling sad, then I almost get at war with that state and I'm tryna get rid of it, because it doesn't fit where I wanna be. Whereas what I see if that, actually, when you're feeling sad and you enable yourself to be with the feeling of sadness ` you don't like it, but you allow it to be there ` it'll go; it'll just move through you, cos that's it's natural thing. And it doesn't come back up once you've started dealing with it? By the time that I know that I've dealt with it, it's when I think about it and I go, 'All right.' You know? It's not ` 'Oh, that one again!' Absolutely. What I emphasise for people nowadays is about what contentment is. For a lot of men, what's driving them is this desire to, kind of, be this successful person because of the past that's driving them. And so when they fail or there's a problem, then they despair or they get into a difficult place. It still doesn't mean that you don't have dreams and aspirations, but you have a place of contentment. The reason why people get depressed or anxious ` a big part of it is they have an idea of life, of how life should be, and the reason why they're suffering so much is because their life is not meeting their expectations or idea. We get sold it, don't we? We get sold it. But it's just an idea. Yeah. It's just an idea. If you change your idea, life changes. It's a real hard thing for these guys to wrap their head around, because it's unlearning a lot of traits that they've actually put on themselves as who they are. Thank you so much, Chris. Everything you're saying about kindness is something I'm really gonna be taking with me further on into my travels,... Cool. ...cos, uh, really, really good stuff, yeah. Ooh, here we go. Ooh! That's backwards. I'm going forwards. The most amazing thing is I don't have a reverse gear, but that's good, cos we're always going forward ` progress. Ha! The Bedford is a big iron beast, but it's classic. (UPBEAT MUSIC) It breaks down semi-regularly, but it's not too hard to fix. (MUSIC CONTINUES) Aha! (GRUNTS) Hmm. (GRUNTS) I know the sounds it makes really well, cos there's this, 'Rrrrrrr!' which sounds bad, but that's good. And then there's a '(PURRS LOUDLY)' and when it starts making that noise, I need to pull over, cos the driveshaft's about to fall off. (HIP-HOP MUSIC) # Check. # Yo. What? # Yo. # When I'm on the road, I'm always swapping haircuts for goods and services ` things that I need ` gas, food or even just a good story. (MUSIC CONTINUES) Hey, Sam. How are ya, man? Good, bro. We've got another rattle. Yeah. Um, a couple of dead leads. I don't know if it's the lead for the back. It's probably just a bulb, but... Cool, man. We'll get it up and see what's going on. Thanks, man. Look, that's not supposed to be there, right? This big hole. Yeah, nah. That's new. (CHUCKLES) Time for a new exhaust, I think, Sam. GROANS: Oh, dude! (LAUGHS) No! When was I last in here giving you boys haircuts? Couple days ago? Yeah. Monday, Tuesday. Monday or Tuesday we were in here doing cuts. Yeah, Sam's been in and done, probably, three or four cuts with all the boys and that here. We did a new set of tyres on it a couple of weeks ago when it was in. Yeah, all works in roundabouts, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah. It's quite cool as well being able to come in here and just talk to the guys, cos this is a male-dominated workspace. It is indeed. There's all the blokes around here and a lot of bloke talk, and it's a good time to have bloke talk is within these kind of institutions. Yeah. Have we got some gloves? (CHUCKLES) (SOFT, BRIGHT MUSIC) (WHIRRING) I'm here far more often than I'd like to be ` not because Shane isn't a great dude, but it's because any time I'm here, I'm usually having an issue. But, in saying that, I've been working with the team as well, doing some haircuts, just having some yarns. CHUCKLES: Yes! Ha, ha! We've been working with Shane and the team here since pretty much the inception of the actual movement of the Barter Barber. Skrrt! Mate, hey, thanks so much, bro. Sweet, Sam. We'll get you back on the road, eh? Easy-peasy. Um, I'm gonna need a couple of the boys to give us a push out, if that's all right. All right, cool. (LAID-BACK ELECTRONIC MUSIC) Oh-ho! Yeahhh! (HORN TOOTS RAPIDLY) All righty, you ready to go, man? (ENGINE REVS) All right, see you later, team! (TOOTS HORN) (LAID-BACK ELECTRONIC MUSIC CONTINUES) So, tell me about what you enjoy about life. DEEP VOICE: 'Well, I like sniffing things. 'Peeing on things is really good as well, 'and human food and dog food are both preferable.' Stay, dude. Come and have a seat here, man. Sweet. 'Sup, bro? Nah, real good. It's nice to be up here in Auckland. I know, right? What are the chances? In the big city. Watch out. (LAUGHS) What are the chances of us catching up? LAUGHS: Yeah. So, I saw this morning you posted on Facebook about your little one. She's over in... Thailand? Yeah, bro. So, pretty much, a couple of years ago, I sold everything and went overseas and taught English. I ended up having a kid overseas,... Yeah ...which is awesome ` coolest thing that's ever happened to me ` but, unfortunately, it didn't end well between the mother and I. Came back to New Zealand and had to start again, so I had nothing to my name ` no car, no money, nowhere, really, apart from, you know, parents' house to go crash at. When you've been really down, how have you found... you can deal with that and find a healthy way to deal with it? Initial reaction always, without fail, is isolation ` isolate myself, stay away from everyone. But then I've slowly found ways to make myself more approachable, not close myself off. It's just getting out there and being` ...being part of it. Yeah. It hasn't started or ended or at any point through the day have they said to me, 'How are you?'... Yeah. ...or, 'What's wrong?' It's just being around someone else. It's actually just being in that space and getting out of your routine, isn't it? That's it. Absolutely, man. I have wicked, super down days. Yeah. Last week, a couple of weeks ago, I was terrible for about three or four days there. My family were starting to notice it. Yeah. My really close friends that I talk to every day were starting to notice it. Dude, I had my first panic attack yesterday for the first time in, like, half a year-plus. Yep. And, like, that whole day, I was the biggest douche just to... ...to everyone. Yeah, because I was stressed out. You know, I was having a` But I didn't realise I was building up towards that. You know? And it's a trained thing. It's something that we do learn to be more on to, so when I feel my mental health is going downhill, first thing I notice ` eating. I stop sleeping or I sleep in a lot. And those things, now I know, within myself, I need to go, 'All right, it's time to address this.' Thanks so much, man. Absolute pleasure. Happy birthday, bro. Thanks, man. You're a legend. Aw. Awesome. When guys start having these yarns, they spread like wildfire because it's something that we wanna talk about. It's not just topical; it's important, because we're losing, you know, hundreds and hundreds of kids and men through these suicides, and it's something that is preventable. (PENSIVE PIANO MUSIC) MAN: Start from that corner over there. They'll be in a line this way. We're gonna line them up. We've laid out 606 pairs of shoes, each representing somebody who has suicided over the last year. What I find really shocking is over 500 of them are men. Walking out on to that field, carrying those shoes, I felt like I was carrying the memory and the mana of the people that I had lost. (PENSIVE PIANO MUSIC CONTINUES) We know that we can do better. We absolutely know we can do better as a country and as people. It's not just the effect that it has on us as people ` as groups of people ` but the effect it has on us as a community. Been a huge struggle for our whanau over the last two and a half years, trying to get help for our son. It has got to change. I've got three children at home and three grandchildren that don't have him any more, and that's not OK. And I don't care if he was a typical Kiwi bloke; he still deserved to get the help that he asked for. In 2007, we lost our brother Shane. In 2008, we lost our sister. In 2015, we lost another brother, LJ. And just last year, we lost another sister... to suicide. (BREATHES DEEPLY) RAPS: # Being mentally ill doesn't mean that you're hopeless; # it just means that you've been through some things that you couldn't cope with. # Why has this becoming a regular thing? # Sweeping it under the carpet; tryna ignore what's really happenin'. # Being mentally ill doesn't mean that you're hopeless; # (EXHALES HEAVILY) ...that you couldn't cope with. SINGS: # Hold on. # Just hold on. # Hold on. # Don't let go. # I don't wanna lose ya. # I'll be there whenever you need me, yeah. # Hold on. # Don't let go. # I don't wanna lose ya. # (APPLAUSE) Kia ora. Kia ora, everybody. My name's Sam. I'm from Tauranga, and I run a project called the Barter Barber. I'm just gonna be a quick couple of minutes. I just wanna talk to the men out there. 'Harden up.' 'Man up.' 'Be strong.' Those are attitudes that are prevalent not just in our cities but in our country. These attitudes take away the right to feel something. These attitudes take away... the right not to be OK. And a lot of us aren't OK out there. If you've got a friend that's having a problem, go out and do a hobby ` whether it be hunting, whether it be going for a surf, whether it be going fishing ` and use that time to turn to your brother and say, 'Bro, are you OK?' Because saying, 'Are you OK?' gives him the chance to speak. Cos we've been told so many times to harden up, to man up, to be stronger. We need to give ourselves some space for vulnerability and to be able to open ourselves up for help. Mental health does not define you; you define you. And our families define us. Thank you. (CONTEMPLATIVE MUSIC) It's been an incredibly challenging day but also so fulfilling. I'm thinking of friends and clients that have passed. I'm thinking of the men that are feeling frustrated and unable to communicate themselves at the moment. I'm thinking about how many shoes are gonna be there next year. (MUSIC CONTINUES) All righty. (HANDBRAKE CLICKS, KEYS JINGLE) Come on, pup. Let's go. Come on, pup. 'Growing up in a small town like Tauranga, I stood out like a sore thumb. 'But I got along with everyone. It was probably because I was a little strange. 'Mental health work has always been in my life, 'as, growing up, my mother was a mental health worker. Mum taught me how to be kind and empathetic, 'so it's always good to go and see her and just have a download.' You were brought up in a total female environment. I wasn't the athletic type or... I was quite a strange child. I was heavily bullied, obviously, and a lot of that had to do with just not realising how to do that male thing ` being the alpha. With this venture that you're on, it does trouble me ` your mental health. As long as you've got that covered,... Mm. ...because it's a very hard road. (LAID-BACK MUSIC) His choice to finish his own business and to go on the road, comes from a whole gamut of different ideas ` the loss of friends, the way he felt that it was such a waste. He is vulnerable. It's like the rest of us that give up everything that we know. He's given up the ability to earn money He's not trying to be a counsellor; he's not trying to fix something. He's only saying to men, 'Hey, talk to your mate.' I really, really respect that part of Sam and what he's doing. (UPBEAT MUSIC) It's amazing just waking up to a new vista every morning. I open the back doors, I put a pot of coffee on, and Bo gets out, and we go for a walk, and that's just a really nice, nice way to live. (UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC) # Bully got it in for me. # Now I can never hardly sleep. # I keep dreamin' on. # I keep dreamin' on. # Barbering's a really good way to get to talk to guys, because you see them every four weeks. It's a real interpersonal connection, especially for a lot of guys ` they don't have another man touch their face. That's your personal space, you know? If I came up to you and was like, 'Hey, how you doin'?' you'd go, 'Whoa! Whoa! That's so strange.' But when it comes down to actually talking between guys and you're in the barber's chair, there's something that just kind of lets go, and that relationship is actually something that the guys actually start looking forward to when they know that that's a place that's safe to talk. Barkers Groom Room is the premier barbershop in Auckland, so we headed up there to have a talk to some of the guys about what we do. I'm just here to, really, just have a conversation, and I do this in all the barbershops I go to. I come along and I teach ` I teach barbers just a little bit of barbering skills, fading and stuff like that. But I also put in just a little bit of mental health literacy so we can learn a little bit more about the guys that are in our chair, because in the end, they're not just our bread and butter, but they're our friends, and we're their confidants. 'It's important for these barbers to know the warning signs 'and also to be able to have some kind of prevention strategy, 'because they're dealing with these guys every four weeks.' We're really lucky as barbers that we get to communicate with guys. We get to have conversations that nobody else really does. Now, mental health in New Zealand is seen as a binary thing ` it's on and off ` where in reality, mental health is a spectrum. You know, we all know we wake up one day and we're 85%, we're walking on sunshine, going down the road, shooting finger guns at all our mates, and it's a good day, you know? The birds are singing; the ice cream's cold. But some days we wake up and we're 15%; we can't get out of bed; we don't wanna deal with it; we're just over it; we might even be contemplating suicide or having suicidal thoughts. This is normal. This doesn't make you any different to anybody else. And this is the kind of thing we need to talk about with mental health, because we've all got it. It's not just people that are having issues that have mental health. Sometimes we may talk to these guys and they have a problem but we don't know who they should contact, so we can't veer them anywhere. So what would you recommend we do then? Lifeline, of course. That's somebody that I really do appreciate, but also giving them,... I guess, just ways to express, you know? Because when somebody actually is able to articulate that, they're gonna go away and develop that a little bit more. A lot of the time, it's just getting the conversation started, and I think that's our responsibility. We're not counsellors; we're not gonna fix somebody's issues, but what we can do is start the conversation. When I started what I'm doing, I used to think that I'd be able to get people help, and I would tell people that I could get them help. In this mental health system, that's not the truth. There isn't enough help. And that's why my idea is to go out into communities and empower communities to work it out ` to empower you and me, to empower your mates down the road to have the conversation. Because this is where we start. Ready, dude? Jump out. Good boy. (SNAPS FINGERS) WHISPERS: Come on, boy. Let's go. (RELAXED, UPBEAT MUSIC) This is only the start of the mission. There's so many more Ks to be done, so many more conversations to be had. There's so much more life out there that I need to go and interact with. But it starts at home, with our families ` talking about talking and talking about our feelings. If I could say anything to the nation, it would be, 'Give somebody a place to talk.' (RELAXED, UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES) Captions by Imogen Staines. www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2017 (MUSIC CONTINUES)