THANKS, WENDY AND PETER. IN A FEW MINUTES WE FINALLY ANSWER THE AGE-OLD QUESTION ` ARE CATS LOVELY, FLUFFY, CUTE, CUDDLY NON-IMPORTANT-ANIMAL KILLERS AND WONDERFUL COMPANIONS TO THE ELDERLY AND INFIRMED OR MALICIOUS, EVIL, SELFISH, FIENDISH, NATIVE-BIRD KILLERS? I CAN FEEL TONGUES LICKING STAMPS AS I SPEAK. ALSO TONIGHT ` WHAT TURNED MIKE KING INTO A MENTAL-HEALTH CRUSADER? I HATED MYSELF 11 YEARS AGO. I COULDN'T STAND WHO I WAS SEEING IN THE MIRROR. AND NOW I LOOK IN THE MIRROR, I LIKE MYSELF! WE'RE THERE AS HE HITS THE ROAD ON HIS SCOOTER, TAKING HIS MESSAGE OF HOPE TO THE NATION. THEY CREATED POSSIBLY THE MOST AWKWARD OSCARS MOMENT IN HISTORY, SO SURELY THEY WEREN'T ASK TO PRESENT AGAIN ` SURELY? AND KIWIS LOVE THE FEEL OF FOUR-WHEEL-DRIVE POWER, BUT DO THEY ACTUALLY KNOW HOW TO DRIVE ONE? WE PUT A DRIVER TO THE TEST. CAPTIONS BY FAITH HAMBLYN AND JAMES BROWN. CAPTIONS WERE MADE WITH THE SUPPORT OF NZ ON AIR. COPYRIGHT ABLE 2018. HI, EVERYONE. GREAT TO HAVE YOU WITH US. WE'RE LIVE TO HOLLYWOOD LATER FOR EVERYTHING THAT WENT ON BEHIND THE SCENES AT THE OSCARS. WE KNOW THE WINNERS AND LOSERS, BUT DID ANYONE SPIT THE DUMMY, TRIP OVER ON THE RED CARPET, TURN UP DRUNK? THOSE ANSWERS AND MORE WITH OUR U.S. CORRESPONDENT SOON. BUT FIRST TONIGHT, MIKE KING. HE USED TO BE THE ONE TRYING TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH, BUT NOW THE FORMER COMEDIAN'S MAKING EVERYONE OPEN UP ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS. HIS UNORTHODOX APPROACH TO TALKING ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH IS WINNING FRIENDS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, WHICH IS WHY HE'S GOT ON HIS BIKE FOR THE FIRST LEG OF A NATIONWIDE TOUR TO TALK ABOUT WHAT HE CALLS THE INNER CRITIC. (MAN CHANTS KARAKIA) HOPE ON THREE. ONE, TWO, THREE! ALL: HOPE! SO, THE ORIGINAL IDEA WAS WE WERE GOING TO WALK FROM BLUFF TO CAPE REINGA. WHAT WE DISCOVERED AT 55 YEARS OLD IS WALKING IS REALLY, REALLY HARD. THEN WE HAD ANOTHER IDEA ` I KNOW; WE'LL RIDE PUSHBIKES! WHAT WE DISCOVERED AT 55 YEARS OLD IS RIDING A PUSHBIKE IS REALLY, REALLY HARD. WHAT ABOUT 49CC SCOOTERS? (BEEP! BEEP!) WE WENT TO SUZUKI, AND SUZUKI SAID, 'GREAT IDEA ` HERE'S SIX BIKES.' AND THEN ANOTHER FRIEND OF MINE SAID, 'WHY DON'T YOU GET THEM PAINTED BY FAMOUS NZ ARTISTS AND PUT THEIR MESSAGE OF HOPE?' SO WE DID THAT. AND NOW THERE'S 10, SO WE'VE GOT 10 BIKES. SO, HERE WE ARE IN GORE AT LONGFORD INTERMEDIATE. KIA ORA! WE DON'T TALK ABOUT SUICIDE ` WE TALK ABOUT THE INNER CRITIC. YOU KNOW WHEN YOU DOUBT YOURSELF SOMETIMES WHEN YOU'VE DONE SOMETHING AND, YOU KNOW, YOU THINK, 'OH, MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT. 'MAYBE I SHOULD'VE DONE SOMETHING ELSE,' YOU KNOW, AND THEN THAT INNER CRITIC WILL GO, 'YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT. 'YOU'RE AN IDIOT.' (LAUGHTER) WHEN I SHARE MY STORY OF SELF-DOUBT WITH KIDS AND THE CONVERSATIONS THAT I HAVE WITH MYSELF ON A DAILY BASIS AND I ASK THE KIDS, 'HOW MANY OF YOU SPEAK TO YOURSELF, LIKE I DO?' AND EVERY SCHOOL, THE SOUND IS THE SAME. THEY'LL PUT THEIR HANDS UP, THEY'LL LOOK AROUND, AND THEY'LL GO, 'HOO! I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE.' WE ARE THE NORMAL ONES! SAY IT WITH ME! WE ARE THE NORMAL ONES. APRIL THE 1ST 2007, I WAS AT ROCK-BOTTOM. I WAS FILMING GAME OF TWO HALVES; I WAS DRUNK; SOME OTHER GUY WAS SITTING IN MY SEAT; I LOST IT COMPLETELY IN TVNZ. I WAS YELLING AND SCREAMING ` I WAS A RANTING IDIOT. MY INNER CRITIC WAS JUST THERE CONSTANTLY SMASHING ME, TELLING ME I WAS USELESS OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. AND THE ONLY THING THAT I COULD USE TO GET RID OF HIM BACK THEN WAS DRUGS AND ALCOHOL. HE WAS JUST RAMPANT, AND I KNEW THAT I HAD TO DO SOMETHING. MY LIFE WAS SPIRALLING OUT OF CONTROL, SO I WENT AND ASKED FOR HELP. WHAT MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME IS I AM A DRUG ADDICT, I AM AN ALCOHOLIC, AND I'VE SUFFERED WITH SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES MY WHOLE LIFE. THE NUMBER-ONE THING OUR KIDS WANT IS THEY WANT TO KNOW THAT THEIR THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS ARE VALUED BY YOU. THIS IS MY LITTLE GIRL, CHARLIE. SAY HI, CHARLIE. ALL: HI, CHARLIE! AND HOW WE SPEAK TO OUR CHILDREN BECOMES THEIR INNER VOICE. (APPLAUSE) MIKE THORPE'S BEEN WITH THE CONVOY FROM BLUFF TO QUEENSTOWN. HE'S WITH US NOW. MIKE, DID YOU MANAGE TO GET THE WIND BLOWING THROUGH YOUR HAIR? NO, I DIDN'T, jEREMY. IF I HAD MADE THE cut, I would have been on something like this. Over the next 25 days these bikes as well as another eight will be making their way up the country. They will be visiting something like 45 schools. They will be doing 7 o'clock evening sessions late tonight in Queenstown. If you can make it out, he can tell a good tail. We have had toput an extended cut of that story on Facebook check that out. What resonated with me is the idea of the inner critic. My inner criticsaid to me that I am going to bore this up. Do you have an inner credit? I do, because I have an air piece which is through to our producer and another room. He does critique me. He tells me that it is rubbish and to move on. He hasn't done it yet, but he often does. That is the same and a critic that I have. He is telling us to carry on. Ovely to talk to you. THANKS, MIKE. CATS. MOST OF US FALL INTO ONE OF TWO CAMPS ` WE LOVE THEM OR WE LOATHE THEM. WE EITHER THINK THEY'RE THE CUTEST LITTLE CRITTERS OR THAT THEY'RE NATURAL-BORN KILLERS KEEN TO WIPE OUT OUR NATIVE-BIRD POPULATION. WELL, IF YOU FALL INTO THAT LATTER CATEGORY, HERE'S SOME INTERESTING NEWS. FORMER SPCA HEAD BOB KERRIDGE SAYS SOME OF THE 'SCIENCE' QUOTED BY CAT-HATERS MIGHT JUST BE A LITTLE BIT SHAKY. HERE'S CAROLYN ROBINSON. (WHIMSICAL MUSIC) AS HARD AS IT IS TO BELIEVE, SOME PEOPLE DON'T FIND THIS, LIKE, TOTALLY ADORABLE. BOB KERRIDGE, THOUGH, IS NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. NOT ONLY ARE THEY BEAUTIFUL COMPANION ANIMALS, BUT THEY'RE A GREAT ASSET. THE ANIMAL ADVOCATE IS JUST A FEW DAYS INTO RETIREMENT-PROPER IN HAWKES BAY. HIS CATS ARE BEING KEPT INSIDE, HAVING JUST ARRIVED ON FRIDAY. WHERE ARE YOU? I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE. BOB SAYS THE SO-CALLED RESEARCH MANY USE TO BOLSTER CLAIMS OF CATS' KILLING HABITS IS A LOAD OF LITTER. THE WISCONSIN STUDY IS ONE OF THE STUDIES ON CAT PREDATION THAT IS MOST USED, AND IT'S THE MOST INACCURATE OF ANY. IT WAS, IN FACT, UNDERTAKEN BY RESEARCHERS WHO WERE VERY ANTI-CAT. AND IN ACTUAL FACT, ONE OF THEM WAS PROSECUTED FOR CRUELTY TO A CAT. BOB SAYS THAT STUDY'S EVEN USED AS AMMUNITION HERE IN NEW ZEALAND. IN GENERAL TERMS, ALL OF THE RESEARCH THAT IS USED BY ANTI-CAT PEOPLE ` LET'S EVEN CALL THEM CONSERVATIONISTS ` ARE WILDLY INACCURATE IN TERMS OF THE PREDATION OF CATS. IN 2016, THE NATIONAL CAT MANAGEMENT STRATEGY GROUP PUT OUT A DRAFT PROPOSAL ON EVERYTHING CAT. IN AN EFFORT TO SHOW PUBLIC SUPPORT, BOB SAYS A SURVEY WAS UNDERTAKEN. HE CLAIMS, BEFORE BEING QUESTIONED, RESPONDENTS WERE GIVEN ALARMING STATS DRAWN FROM THAT QUESTIONABLE REPORT. ONE OF MY FAVOURITE EXPRESSIONS IS MANY PEOPLE USE STATISTICS AS A DRUNKEN MAN USES A LAMPPOST ` FOR SUPPORT, RATHER THAN ILLUMINATION. AND KERRIDGE HAS SOME ADVICE. IGNORE THEM, I WOULD SUGGEST, WOULD BE THE BEST THING TO DO. OTHERWISE, HE SAID, CATS ARE IN PERIL, AND THAT COULD MEAN NO MORE CATS OF INSTAGRAM, AND DO WE REALLY WANT THAT? Sshe is not going to win me over with those cute catpictures. They are trained killers. Forest and Bird saysof the 1.4 million cats,they are killing about 1 million native birds a year. I love Bob, but I care about our native birds. It is a problem. With cats, ost domestic cats when is the last time you saw a cat get a tui? They love the sparrows, starlings, blackbirds. Hat about an injured tui? What about a tui that is nesting? They love the baby. What about a humiliating bell? Hat's a good idea. I have a cat called Pussy. There she is there. She is wearing pounamo. She was given thatby the Department of conservation. She is a conservation. We keep her outside. She has a terrible killer. Never natives,just baby starlings. I love her. AFTER THE BREAK, PUTTING THE PEDAL TO THE METAL IN OUR OFF-ROAD CHALLENGE ` OH, HE'S STRAIGHT IN! I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'VE DONE THERE, BUT WE'LL CARRY ON AND, UH, PHEW. THIS CITY SLICKER DRIVES A FOUR-WHEEL DRIVE DAILY, BUT CAN HE HANDLE THE OFF-ROAD JANDAL IN OUR TERRIFYING DRIVE TEST? AND WHAT DID THE AVERAGE NEW ZEALANDER LOOK LIKE IN 1871? WE DELVE INTO THE HISTORY BOOKS AHEAD OF CENSUS DAY. AFTER A REASONABLY SEAMLESS ACADEMY AWARDS CEREMONY, WE TAKE A LOOK BACK AT SOME OF THE BEST OSCARS STUFF-UPS IN HISTORY. WELCOME BACK. HOLLYWOOD'S BEST AND BRIGHTEST MADE THEIR ANNUAL PILGRIMAGE DOWN THE RED CARPET TODAY TO SEE WHICH ONE OF THEM WOULD BE WALKING HOME WITH A LITTLE GOLD-COATED MAN. WE'RE TALKING OF COURSE ABOUT THE OSCARS ` OFTEN A HOTBED FOR CONTROVERSY, POLITICAL STATEMENT AND SLIP-UPS. WE'RE LIVE TO U.S. CORRESPONDENT REBECCA WRIGHT BUT FIRST, HERE'S SOME OF OUR FAVOURITE MOMENTS FROM THE PAST. (VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRS) I'M SORRY. PARDON ME. WHEN IT COMES TO EMBARRASSING MOMENTS, ACTRESS JENNIFER LAWRENCE HAS HAD HER FAIR SHARE,... YOU GUYS ARE JUST STANDING UP COS YOU FEEL BAD THAT I FELL. ...WITH NOT ONE BUT TWO FALLS. SPEAKING OF HER, REMEMBER SHE TRIPPED SO FAMOUSLY LAST YEAR? JUST LIKE THE TITANIC, JAMES CAMERON'S SPEECH HAS GONE DOWN IN HISTORY. I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD! WHOO! THIS IS NUTS. SPEAKING OF NUTS... (AUDIENCE SCREAMS) ...COURTESY OF A STREAKER WHO RAN ON STAGE BACK IN THE '70S. PROBABLY ONLY LAUGH THAT MAN WILL EVER GET IN HIS LIFE IS BY STRIPPING OFF AND SHOWING HIS SHORTCOMINGS. (LAUGHTER) WHAT?! THE MAKE-UP ARTIST'S COMMITMENT TO EXCELLENCE IS ALL-CONSUMING. MAKE-UP ARTISTS ARE THE MAGICIANS OF THE MOVIE INDUSTRY. AND WHO CAN FORGET THE OSCARS' MOST AWKWARD MOMENT? LA LA LAND. WHOO! HANDED THE WRONG ENVELOPE AND ANNOUNCING THE WRONG WINNER FOR THE BIGGEST CATEGORY OF THE NIGHT. THIS IS NOT A JOKE. MOONLIGHT HAS WON BEST PICTURE. (AUDIENCE GASPS) MOONLIGHT. BEST PICTURE. (APPLAUSE) THAT MOMENT GETTING DRAGGED OUT AGAIN THIS YEAR, BECAUSE GUESS WHO TURNED UP TO PRESENT THE AWARD FOR BEST PICTURE? THIS IS THE HOME STRETCH. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG FROM HERE ON. PLEASE WELCOME WARREN BEATTY AND FAYE DUNAWAY. (APPLAUSE) UH, THANK YOU. IT'S SO NICE SEEING YOU AGAIN. THEY MANAGED TO ANNOUNCE THE RIGHT FILM THIS YEAR. LET'S BRING IN OUR U.S. CORRESPONDENT REBECCA WRIGHT. REBECCA, THEY DEALT WITH THAT AWKWARD MOMENT FROM LAST YEAR WERE THERE ANY OTHER AWKWARD MOMENTS? Not particularlyin comparison to that. Just listening to that takes me back to thosefinal few moments of the Oscars last year. It was chaos here when that happened. Nobody knew of it was a joke or plea planned. It was not. It is surprising that more doesn't go wrong, because the red carpet is chaos from about 2 o'clock in the afternoon when the big stars arriving get paraded in front of the photographers. About 2000 other people get given a backdoor entrance to thered carpet. They have to mill around at the end of the carpet. They all go in looking composed, ut by the time they come out there might be if you coming out now, they are less composed having had a few drugs. CORRECTION:: drinks. I am not allowed to talk to thembecause they don't want drunken behaviour going out on TV AND PROBABLY THE SECOND MOST TALKED-ABOUT ASPECT, OTHER THAN THE AWARDS, THE FASHION ` WAS EVERYONE LOOKING SPICK AND SPAN? They certainly were. It was full Hollywood glamour here this evening. We had Jane Fonda come up. She looked spectacular and that white dress. Her time is up and was on. CORRECTION:: time's up pin. She is 80. Lupita is the queen of the red carpet. Viola Davis in pink sequence was amazing. Margot Robbie was my favourite. She brought her mother as her dates to the Oscars. I don't know how they do it. I have difficulty tipping my false eyelashes on. You are rocking the red carpet as well. THANKS, REBECCA WRIGHT. STILL TO COME ` ARE YOU A FREAK? WE FIND OUT WHAT CHARACTERISTICS MOST NEW ZEALANDERS HAVE IN COMMON AHEAD OF TOMORROW'S MUCH-ANTICIPATED CENSUS. COMING UP ` TAKING THE 4-BY-4 DRIVER OUT OF SUBURBIA AND PUTTING THEM TO THE REAL TEST ` CAN THEY HANDLE OUR OFF-ROAD CHALLENGE? (UPBEAT MUSIC) How will your household do the census? If you do most of the organising, you might need to take the lead. One way to do it is to get everyone together. Just start with the household form. It's easy and won't take long, especially when you've got a few experts around to give you a hand. And once everyone's done their individual forms ` their way ` you can all relax. # It's time to stand up and be counted. 3 WELCOME BACK. CENSUS DAY IS ONE OF NEW ZEALAND'S MOST IMPORTANT AND LOVED DAYS, SITTING JUST BEHIND CHRISTMAS DAY, NEW YEAR'S EVE, LABOUR DAY, WAITANGI DAY, QUEEN'S BIRTHDAY, YOUR STANDARD SATURDAY OR SUNDAY, GOOD FRIDAY OR ANY OTHER FRIDAY WHERE YOU KNOCK OFF EARLY AND HAVE A STICKY DATE PUDDING WITH MATES. WE HAVE BEEN DOING THE CENSUS IN SOME FORM OR ANOTHER SINCE 1850, SO WE THOUGHT WE'D USE THE CENSUS DATA TO FIND OUT HOW THE AVERAGE TREV OR TRACEY HAS CHANGED OVER TIME. HERE'S LUCAS DE JONG. LET'S START AT THE 1871 CENSUS. THIS KIWI WAS THE MOST COMMON. THEY WERE MALE, EUROPEAN, AGED 21-40 AND DEVOTED TO THE CHURCH OF ENGLAND. NOW, THINGS STAYED THAT WAY UNTIL ABOUT 1951, WHEN OUR AVERAGE KIWI WAS STILL EUROPEAN, STILL MALE, BUT THANKS TO THE BABY BOOM POST WORLD WAR TWO, THE AVERAGE AGE WAS LESS THAN 5 YEARS OLD. NOW, 45 YEARS AHEAD, IN 1996, AND THE AVERAGE JOE IS NOW JOSEPHINE. FEMALES OUTNUMBER MALES. THEY'RE STILL EUROPEAN, BUT NOW THE AVERAGE AGE IS 33. AND THE MOST COMMON RELIGION? WELL, IT'S NO RELIGION AT ALL. NOW, NOT MUCH CHANGE HERE. WE'RE JUST GETTING OLDER. IN 2013, OUR AVERAGE AGE IS UP TO 44. STILL FEMALE, STILL EUROPEAN AND STILL HAPPY TO SAY SHE'S AN ATHEIST. SO THE QUESTION IS, WHAT KIND OF KIWI WILL THE 2018 CENSUS BRING? What a question that is! It is going to be a female. It is interesting that women outnumber men. T is interesting that there are50% men in the world. How does that happen? As in that fascinating? DESPITE MOST KIWIS LIVING IN CITIES, THEY STILL LOVE THEIR FOUR-WHEEL-DRIVE VEHICLES. IT DOES SEEM STRANGE. I MEAN, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU HAD TO CROSS A RIVER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CBD? BUT THE INTERESTING THING IS THE BIGGEST-SELLING CAR IN THE COUNTRY IS THE FOUR-WHEEL-DRIVE FORD RANGER UTE. IT GOT US THINKING, DO PEOPLE EVEN KNOW HOW TO DRIVE THESE BEASTS? WE SENT TIM WILSON TO A CENTRAL AUCKLAND CAR PARK IN SEARCH OF AN UNSUSPECTING FOUR-WHEEL-DRIVE DRIVER. AND WE FOUND TERRY. WHAT FOLLOWED WAS THE OFFER A LIFETIME ` A LESSON IN DRIVING DIRTY. AND THE COMPETITION WAS FIERCE. (THE BEE GEES' 'TRAGEDY') THEY'RE CALLED REMUERA TRACTORS ` FOUR WHEELS OF TOUGH STUFF TAMED BY THE CITY AND DRIVEN BY PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SHAMEFUL TRUTH. THIS IS A MASSIVE FOUR-WHEEL-DRIVE, CORRECT? UH, YES. POWERFUL? NOT REALLY. YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK? NO. NOT THAT POWERFUL? OFTEN THEY HAVEN'T THE FAINTEST IDEA HOW TO DRIVE THESE THINGS. ARE YOU FEELING LIKE YOU'RE A COMPETENT FOUR-WHEEL-DRIVE DRIVER? UH, NOT REALLY. WOULD YOU LIKE A NO-STRINGS-ATTACHED LESSON IN FOUR-WHEEL DRIVING? NO. IT'S FREE. NO, THANK YOU. YEAH, THAT'D BE GOOD. NEW ZEALAND'S BIGGEST-SELLING CAR. TERRY VERSUS ME. NIKES VERSUS BOOTS. TATS VERSUS DOUBLE DENIM. BASEBALL CAP... JUST A MINUTE. ...VERSUS... BRO, YOU LOOK LIKE THE VILLAGE PEOPLE. (THE VILLAGE PEOPLE'S 'YMCA') AT KAURI BAY BOOMROCK WITH FOUR-WHEEL-DRIVE EXPERT OLLIE. RIGHTY-OH, GENTS, HERE'S THE RULES. IF I'VE GOTTA JUMP OUT AN EVACUATE THE VEHICLE, DEFINITELY POINTS OFF. ANY THREE-POINT TURN OR MORE ` TIM ` POINTS OFF. OK? SAFETY? LET'S GET INTO IT. HILL DESCENT ON. - (ALARM BEEPS) - OK, SO WHAT DO I PUSH? I CAN'T TELL YOU THAT. THIS ONE? NO. THIS ONE? NO. THAT ONE? YES! OOH! OOH! NO, THE ANSWER'S NO. LOOK AT TERRY! WHATEVER! IN REVERSE, NOT FORWARD. (LAUGHS) SLOWLY, SLOWLY. KEEP GOING. KEEP GOING. YOU'VE OWNED IT. YOU'VE OWNED IT. STRAIGHTEN THE WHEELS! STRAIGHTEN THE WHEELS! ALL RIGHT. WHY ARE YOU HANGING ON TO THE CEILING? JUST COS YOU'RE DRIVING. WHEN WE GET TO THE TOP, WE'RE GONNA STOP, KEEP OUR WHEELS STRAIGHT. SEE, I FEEL CALMER ALREADY. (YELLS) DUNNO WHAT WE'VE DONE THERE, BUT WE'LL CARRY ON AND... PHEW! POWER OUT, AND TURNING LEFT AT THE TOP. OK. OH, MATE! HOO-HOO-HOO! STRAIGHT! THERE WE GO. BEAUTIFUL! WHOO! GOOD BOW WAVE. GOOD BOW WAVE. SO, IN HINDSIGHT,... TERRY, MATE, YOU CLEANED UP! ARGH! WINNER, WINNER, CHICKEN DINNER! (LAUGHS) TIM, I'M SORRY, MATE! (LAUGHS) DAMMIT! Poor Tim. A couple of questions. What is with the YMCA soundtrack? Not sure. Why was he wearing the hardhat? THOSE WERE OUR PEOPLE TODAY. THAT WAS SEVEN SHARP TONIGHT. SEE YOU TOMORROW. CHEERIO. CAPTIONS BY FAITH HAMBLYN AND JAMES BROWN.