This kind of sinking feeling in your stomach, and it, like` if you imagine a stone in water, and it just sinks and sinks, and feels like there's no bottom to the water. It makes me get butterflies in my stomach, and, like, I get over-paranoid, and I start to see my surroundings at, like, a different pace. And I try get aware of where I am and what I'm up to. Physically, like, I can definitely, feel, like, my heart pushing right up against my spine. It's just retreating back into my body. Why do teens have anxiety? It's a big question, isn't it? Why are they all getting anxiety and depression? Why are they so weak? And, actually, it's not that they're weak. It's that we've removed all the resiliency factors. Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2019 So what is it for you, guys? As representing the teenagers of New Zealand in this time, what are the things that are contributing to make you anxious? To make teenagers of today anxious? There's a lot of, like, comparison between ourselves and our peers with our marks and how we do and how we handle things, and sometimes, if you're not handling things well, if you don't do so well, there is a feeling of judgement from that which just makes you go even worse. Like, you show this part of yourself to the people you hang around with, or to the people just out in everyday life ` like, 'This is me. This is just clean me. 'I can get through the day.' Then, like, there's another layer of, 'I'm not going to be able to do this. 'I don't know what I'm doing.' And you don't show that to as many people. And then, there's, like, the final layer that you only keep to yourself of, like, 'I don't think I'm going to be able to do this. I could break down at any minute, 'and I don't want people to see me like this.' And having social media doesn't help that, because you see everyone with perfect body, the perfect life, and then, from that, you compare yourself to them, and you think, from that, that you're not good enough, and that, with body image, you think that you're either too fat, you're too thick, or anything like that. You just think that you're not good enough, and comparing yourself to them doesn't help. My name's Karmella. I'm 15. When I first started experiencing anxiety, I think I'd been experiencing it for a really long time, but couldn't put a name to it. I think the first time I was able to put a name to it was when I was 12 ` 11, 12 ` that's when I went, 'Oh, there is something that can describe this feeling that I'm having.' What is anxiety? Yeah, that's a good question, isn't it? It's really about the lower brain taking over from the higher brain. Your brain works from the bottom to the top, and it's brain number four ` the top one ` that allows us to control our emotions, have empathy, focus our attention. All the really good stuff is up there in brain number four. So that means the brain scan of a 5-year-old, say, is very similar to the brain scan of a 15-year-old, and that's not trying to insult either of them. It's just saying they're the two stages of life where all the activity's happening in the emotive areas of the brain, and there's really hardly any lights on in the frontal cortex ` the part of the brain that regulates emotions. When you're four, it's cos you haven't quite grown up into the cortex yet. When you're 15, it's being shut for renovations, so you're forced back down to the emotional brain. So they're coming from different angles, but the result's the same ` all the activity's in the emotional brain, bugger all lights on in the emotional control centre. It's why we see rates of anxiety, depression and suicide soar during adolescence. You could be, like, possibly moving or going to my school next year. How does that, um, affect your anxiety? Or how does that make you feel? Yeah, little bit nervous, little bit anxious about, like, the new surroundings and everything. Getting adapted to the new lifestyle as well. I know you've had violent situations inside of school, and you were once jumped outside of school. Like, how did that make you feel emotionally? Oh, it made me panic, and it made me feel quite anxious afterwards as well. (RELAXED ELECTRONIC MUSIC) Hi, I'm Seth. I'm 15, and the first time I started getting anxious was 14. Oh, I think it was the incidence with the boys when I got jumped. There was a group of them approaching me, and I became` started to get anxious for what was going to happen. So what I'm saying, really, is the reason this generation has lax resilience is because, in my generation, and the generations before, we had an at-home parent for the first year of life. That's the largest resiliency step you can take this way. So we had the largest one. If you have an at-home parent until you're 3, that's another resiliency step. If you have an at-home parent until you're 18, like I did, and most people before me, that's another step. We also` so you're way down the resiliency end now. I'm Karla. I've got two kids. My oldest is Seth ` he's 15 ` and my youngest daughter is Layla ` she's 10 ` and I'm Melina's sister. Yeah. So, I'm Melina, and I am the oldest sister of Karla, only by 10 months. And we have similar-aged children. So our oldest children are both 15. And then, I have a little boy who` Lucian, and he is... 12. I think we're really lucky. We are really close. Like, I couldn't live without my sister, and we enforce that with our children. No matter how many people ride life with you, they're ride-or-die, our kids. They are absolutely with each other for life. For Seth, I think, because he's really only coming outside of his, um... struggle with anxiety to the degree that it was last year, and the boxing that he's now doing, which is filling up a lot of his time, that's been a major winner for him. It's allowed him to focus on something outside of his anxiety. When he was in the` right in the deep of it, he was insulated. He didn't go anywhere. He stayed in his room. He stopped socialising with his friends. He wouldn't go anywhere. So what this has done, being in boxing and the extra-curricular, has allowed him to build some confidence back. Here! Come on! Physically, I can definitely, feel, like, my heart` like, people say, like, it's about to jump out of your chest when you're really nervous. With me, it feels like it's, like, pushing right up against my spine. It's just retreating back into my body. I definitely, like, get shivers. Like` or more like shudders throughout my body. It's, like, these overwhelming shudders of just, like, fear, I guess. So, one of the classic symptoms of anxiety ` you know, we've got the racing heart and stuff ` is a shortness of breath. You know, if you want to arouse your brain stem and feel panicked, then pant. (HYPERVENTILATES) Cos that really` your frontal cortex needs oxygen, so the opposite to that, when people are having a panic attack, they might be breathing shallowly, so we get them to do slow breathing. It's a thing called box breathing, where you just` it's very simple. You breathe in on the count of two ` (INHALES) one, two, hold your breath at the top for two seconds ` and then breathe out ` one, two. So it's really a two-two-two-two cycle. It's deceptively simple, but what that does is, as well as regulating your breathing and making sure you're getting all the oxygen, that it means you have to engage your frontal cortex ` that brain number four. As you engage that, then you calm that survival brain. * (DOWNBEAT PIANO MUSIC) Karmella was a very easy-going, happy-go-lucky kid. You could give her to anybody. She would go anywhere. So confident, and just happy in herself. She's almost done a 180 now, where she's very insular. That's teenagers too, I suppose, but she loves her own company, she loves specific people. She has a specific, specific on everything. But, I mean, she's still outgoing and confident, but for her to cope, she has to have very specific specifics. Should I get the bowls out? That's better. Did you` No, the bigger one. The one right at the bottom. This one? This one. Fill it all the way up, cos up to the top is one cup. SOFTLY: If I have to do butter, one and a half cups, then I have to do another block of butter. Use the big, big knife, Auntie. OK. Cool. Do you wanna pour another cup while I sift this in? Oh, um, it needs to be chopped down just a little bit finer. It needs to be` Like` yeah, I guess, like, shards. OK. Good. So not in, like, pieces, but, like, if one piece is cut in half. All right. A mind that's gonna manage anxiety and depression well is actually a mind that has a lot of grey. Like, we know the people that have` that are prone to anxiety and depression tend to have this black and white way of thinking, and doesn't see things in the extreme. They're all right-wrong answer things that set you up for this black and white thinking. That black and white thinking says 'There's one answer, and if I don't get the answer right, 'then I'm never gonna get it.' So when the kid's depressed at 16 ` so, it generates a solution. It goes, 'Oh, well, I'll go jogging, cos apparently that releases endorphins,' which it does. But then, two weeks later, when he's still depressed, he thinks there's only one answer. So he generated one answer and he was wrong, so he tends to give up, stay in his room, listen to sad songs, and get more depressed, and that creativity leads to multiple generated solutions, which just makes you way more resilient. So, if we've got to the adolescent years and we've already got that black and white thinking, and we're worried now that the teenager has that personality type that's susceptible, what you need to do is try and encourage them to dance in the grey, if you like, not the black and white. PRODUCER: When we first talked, you asked, 'What are you gonna ask me?' (LAUGHS) Yeah. Can you tell me more about that? Would you have felt anxious if I hadn't have sent you some questions? I very much like set-out situations where I know what I'm doing; when I walk into something, I know what to expect. I, like... get really fearful, like, if I have to interact with anyone in that process, but I have no idea what I'm doing. Like, what is that person thinking of me? Do they think I'm dumb? Like, I've asked` I'm sitting here, asking questions, and are they thinking, 'You should know this already'? Also, like, other people watching those interactions, and not just the people that I'm interacting with ` like, what do they think? Are they going, 'I can't believe that girl is just standing there, 'like, looking stupid.' And also, like, not knowing what could happen in the end, because of walking blind. And so, that sends me down this rabbit hole of anxiety, and then, I end up having panic attacks. It's down here. Cool. It's really hard for me to communicate not face-to-face. So, whether that's over the phone, or, um... Nah, it's all good. Whether that's over the phone. And I find it really stressful, because` and really anxiety-inducing, because I guess I'm always... How much of that do I need to do? Three quarter cups. I'm always, like, really accommodating, and I guess, like, having initiative in my friend group is really hard, because you don't want to make the wrong move and then, you're like, 'Ooh, OK. Never mind. We won't do that.' When you were organising that trip to Waiheke with your friends, and Mum suggested you call instead of texting, just to make it quicker, how did you feel about having to do that? Um, so, uh... I guess, like, phone calls, for some weird reason, really stress me out. Do it like this, Karmella ` you know how you were talking about it with Mum afterwards? Yeah. When you were really upset? A lot of... worry around... um, like, having to fit everyone into the timetable, I guess. Like, I` yeah. It's the overwhelming need to just not be an inconvenience. It's like, I don't want to be the cause of any problem. So, it sounds like, you know, growing up as a teenager now is a fairly stressful event. Do you think it's more stressful than the previous generation? - (ALL MURMUR IN AGREEMENT) - Yep, yep. All in unison about that. Yep. So what are the` I mean, you've mentioned some of those factors, but you tell me. Why is it different for your generation than it is for, say, my generation? It's so much easier to be misunderstood, and have issues with communication. Because if you're doing communication face-to-face, it's just` you're looking at someone, you can tell what their tone is, you can tell what they mean. You can see them. But online, it's so easy to misunderstand people, and it's so easy to be misunderstood that, like, people constantly stress about whether or not they're actually going to be interpreted the right way, because if something gets taken out of context, that's online now, and that's there forever. It's so difficult to get things out of that that people just really stress about what they're trying to put online as well. That's very true. I've had that same stress with publishing and having followers and, yeah, putting something on, and it gets misinterpreted, or you missed a detail that someone else is offended by. Yeah. So you do then have to develop these extra cautions, don't ya? Mm. As a little kid, I was bullied quite a bit, and I know a lot of my anxiety comes from interacting with people and feeling like I don't want to inconvenience anybody, and when I feel like I am, I definitely get a lot of anxiety from that. I really try to think about what created anxiety for Karmella, and I actually believe there are three things in her life that create stress and anxiety for her. One would be her academic life, and how, um... she achieves. That's huge for her. The other would be her social environment, and she's fine with the friends that she's specific with. And the third would actually be, um, her cultural identity. So she has a lot of anxiety about not knowing where she fits exactly, and that plays out. Yeah, true. Um, there's the measuring spoons in there. Just bigger like that. Take it. That? No. Like, half the size of that. But like a` Like this? PRODUCER: Would you say that you're a bit of a perfectionist? Yeah, definitely. I always say I pick it up off my mum, cos my mum has always wanted to achieve standards that are higher than the last time she achieved that standard, or to a standard that she is thinking of, and knows she can reach, despite what it takes to reach it. * In one generation, we've had` now, 51% of children are in out-of-home care before their first birthday. So, for the average, we can't even say they've got that first step of having an at-home parent for the first year, let alone for the third year, to 18, and grandparents. You add in an earthquake, parental divorce, parental death ` you're often still resilient to those things, cos you were built up in resilience. KARLA: I think, um, the end of my marriage... OK. I'm gonna have to take a minute for this, cos this is gonna take a bit of strength to get through this conversation. (INHALES DEEPLY) (SIGHS) It was difficult ` our divorce ` because it meant that my children were gonna be without their dad. And for my son, who had a massive connection with his dad ` boys to boys ` it was hard. He was angry for a really long time. That's when he started to kind of insulate a little bit, and the trust for him shifted. And then, our mum passed away, and so` in a really short period of time. So that was another... yeah, another important figure in his life that left. So, he had already started to go, 'Don't trust, don't feel safe, don't have people.' Every time I lean on someone, things happen, and I wasn't a safe space for him to fall, cos I would have my own issues. Auntie Karla, having her own trauma and dealing with that ` at the time, we were living together, so our children have always experienced similar traumas. Even though they may be, um, specific to either one of us, they always have shared these traumas as a family. (TRAM LINE SCREECHES) There's the individual trauma that people face, cos people die all the time, and people get` parents get divorced, and, you know, bad things happen to people. Everyone has their individual stories, and then, there's the shared stories. Like in Christchurch, you guys grew up during the earthquakes. You know? So that has a big impact. And then, the events on the 15th of March sort of shattered the whole city as well. So you're already kind of prone for anxiety with the social media and school exams. How does that sort of stuff have an impact? When the earthquakes happened, I was so traumatised from, like, everything. I had to deal with my family, everyone around me, in trying to figure out, like, worrying about them, and worrying about myself. And every time I feel, like, if there's a huge gust of wind and the room, like, shakes, I have a full-on meltdown, and I can't deal with that type of stuff. Like, dealing with the earthquakes and March 15th. But seeing it on TV and everything, like, in other countries, you think, 'Oh, nothing like that's ever gonna happen here, 'where we're so peaceful,' and everything, and then, like, a terrorist attack happening here is something that you would never think would happen. I think also the stress and anxiety we feel to do with events such as the earthquakes and March 15th can carry on to the people who weren't there. Like, my younger sibling, for example, she wasn't there during the earthquakes, cos she wasn't born yet. But even she` Like, if we get scared by trucks going past or the wind, she learns from that behaviour, and I think` or even with children at primary school now, their parents` that fear will be given to them through a learned experience. So our stresses can be passed down to other people, and that doesn't necessarily help. Yeah. That's very insightful. That's exactly what happens. In some ways, those kids that are getting raised in their early years through that environment of stress get more stressed than everybody else. It's actually the kids born in the first three years after the earthquake that are the kids that will statistically show the highest amount of stress. Fun little exercise to help you get to know yourself. You're gonna have 60 seconds. In that picture, you're gonna have a picture of a house, and the house is gonna have a pathway and a fence. And then, also in the picture, there will be a mountain and a tree. You finishing up? I don't want to cut you short, but if you've got it finished now, stop now. You good? Everyone good? Had enough time? OK. This is a way of communicating with your subconscious to your conscious mind. Your conscious mind` you know, in your brain, there's a whole lot more going on than your conscious mind realises. Your conscious mind's only a small part of it. So dreams and dream analysis is a way of going into your subconscious to find out things you might not be conscious of yourself. That's one way of doing it. So Jung invented this thing called dream analysis, and so this is similar, cos it uses the symbols from the dream, but it's one that you can do just as an exercise. So what I'm saying is everything that you drew in that picture represents something very symbolic that Jung would say is the same to all humans, regardless of your gender, your culture. This is underlying symbolic language. So, for instance, the house always represents the self. So your concept of self-esteem. You know, actually, one of the things is did you give it a door? Because a door shows that you're fairly open and you have good communication. If you put a door handle on your door, then it probably shows that you allow people in ` that you're an open type of person. There's a way to get in. If you didn't draw a door, or you drew a door without a door handle, it might be that you let people in, but only with your permission, so you've got to open the door from the inside. There's no door handle for them to get in. The tree represents the father. So, that picture could tell you stuff about your relationship with your dad. The mountain represents the mother. Are your mountains big, rolling meadows taking up the whole back of your picture? Like, if you don't mind me pointing your one out, like yours. That suggests a very nurturing mother. That's a big part of your life, and forms the whole backdrop of your life. So I would guess from that that your mother is like your main person, and that you feel that she is quite a loving, nurturing mum. Even looking at your overall picture like that, look at what did you spend most of the time drawing? That starts to give you an insight into your own psychology. Basically, what the research is telling us is the more you know yourself, the more you understand your psychology, the stronger your cortex is, the better you're able to manage in your lower brain those strong emotions. It's good to have some critical thinking, and to prepare yourself for the worst-case scenario, and think, 'How would I manage that?' And it's good to be realistic and go, 'Is this my capabilities?' But a lot of people have way beyond that. They're limiting their own capabilities, cos the voice inside their head is constantly saying, 'You're not enough. You're not enough. You're not enough.' A big part of becoming an actualised adult is managing that self-talk in your head, and I think that's a big step. That relates to metacognition ` knowing how you think, how your mind works ` but taking control of that voice inside your head. Really, I think a big part of growing up is realising that that voice inside your head is supposed to be your best friend, and not a critical parent. So if you've got a voice inside your head that's saying, 'You can't do that. You're not good enough. 'You're not tall enough. You're not clever enough. You're not beautiful enough.' Whatever it is the 'not enough' is, you need to take control of that voice and stop that, cos that voice is abusive, and I think people, when they're not controlling it, you leave yourself very open to anxiety and depression. You have to actually take control of that voice and master it. (OVEN WHIRRS) Talking with people and feeling like you have that support, whether it's from parents or guardians or friends or a teacher at school or anyone, I feel like it makes people feel less lonely, knowing that there's someone there who can sympathise with what's going on, and can help support them in coping with it. All we can really do for that is to recognise that the frontal cortex is shut for renovations, so you do see your child go backwards in their ability to control emotions, see things from other people's point of view. Yeah, I think we just need to be their cortex for them. So, um, now that we're all here, let's do a bit of appreciation for the week. So who wants to kick it off? I'd really like to appreciate all the family that helped` even though they might have been busy with other things, helped me in getting to those places. And, yeah. Love you guys. Love you! I guess I'll go next. I'm appreciative for, like, the family time we've spent together this weekend, and putting in hard work for Auntie and, like, the house. I want to give some appreciation to Dad, because, um... And I don't want to get upset, but... We just appreciate everything that you do,... and that you're always there for us, and we just need you to know that we're there for you, and we love you. I love you too. (GENTLE ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) (ALL TALK INDISTINCTLY) Love you guys! We love you too. We love you. Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. Can you hold her shoulders and the arms? Hello! You two. You two. Yeah, yeah. Yeah! Yay! Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2019