Episode 9 explains how family and friends can help. How to support a loved one who’s going through an anxiety disorder, while managing your own feelings and wellbeing. It can be hard to know how to react when someone tells you they have anxiety. Social media personality Krystine Nation and TikTok star Leighton Clark (AKA Uncle Tics) know what not to say. “New Zealand has such a culture of ‘harden up, get over it, your problems aren’t even that bad’,” Nation says. “That’s one thing I had a family member say to me – ‘what have you got to be anxious about? Your life is good!’ And I know my life is perfect. But that doesn’t change the way your brain is wired – it just does not work like that.” Clarke recounts some unhelpful advice that he’s received: “Just do it better bro, you’ll be alright, don’t be anxious.” Clinical Psychologist Dr Eve Hermansson-Webb says it takes a lot of courage for people to tell others they have anxiety, and it’s important to react in a way that makes them feel validated. “Sometimes the temptation might be to reassure them, and say ‘oh that doesn’t sound that bad’, but that sort of response actually isn’t helpful – it just tells the person that you’re not someone who can sit with them in their distress, and that you can’t handle their anxiety,” she says. “Better things to say if a person discloses to you that they struggle with anxiety would be ‘that sounds really tough, I’m sorry I didn’t know you were struggling with that, tell me more about it, what can I do to help’. It’s really important to ask questions.” Counsellor Shirleen Prasad says sometimes we feel as though we need to have all the answers, when often people just want to feel heard. “Just being present and listening without judgement is so powerful,” she says. Anxiety New Zealand Trust National Manager Goldie Hamilton says it’s a privilege when someone trusts you enough to open up about their anxiety. “That means we need to be able to give them the time and listen to what they’re saying, and be really compassionate and try and understand them and where they’re coming from,” she says. But if you are the main support person for someone with anxiety, you also need to look after your own wellbeing. “It’s really important if someone’s coming to you and asking for help, that you also consider your needs,” says Hamilton. “It’s fantastic that you want to help the other person, but you might also find that you need some support through that.” Support people say that at times they can feel helpless and overwhelmed. If you are supporting someone with a mental health disorder, you may find yourself carrying a heavy load. It may help to carve out some regular time for yourself to get out into nature or do an activity you enjoy. Support people are also advised to share the load by reaching out to whānau, friends, and mental health services such as those listed below. These services will be able to provide tips for supporting your loved one while also looking after yourself.

Unravelling Anxiety is a 10-part online video series exploring what it means to live with anxiety. Misconceptions: Unravelling Anxiety was made with the support of NZ On Air. Misconceptions: Unravelling Anxiety follows the first Misconceptions series by Digital Alchemist, The Truth About Miscarriage. Around one in four New Zealanders will experience anxiety disorder in their lifetimes – making it one of the most common experiences that isn’t talked about. The new ten-part web series Unravelling Anxiety, the second in Digital Alchemist’s ‘Misconceptions’ series made with the support of NZ On Air, aims to bust myths, confront taboos, and let people who live with anxiety know that they are not alone. The episodes feature interviews with healthcare professionals, everyday people who live with anxiety, and well-known New Zealanders such as Split Enz bass player Mike Chunn, TikTok star Leighton Clarke (AKA Uncle Tics), and social media personality Krystine Nation. Producer Charlotte Wanhill says she made the series because she has friends and whānau who have anxiety disorders, and she has seen first-hand how debilitating and misunderstood anxiety can be. “With this series I want to create an understanding of anxiety disorders so people can better support their friends and loved ones,” Wanhill says. But what is anxiety? Is it feeling nervous and stressed, or is there more to it than that? [Where to get help] If you think you may be experiencing anxiety, you can ask your GP or a counsellor for advice. You can also reach out to the following organisations: National Anxiety 24-hour Helpline 0800 269 4389 0800 ANXIETY Helpline | Anxiety NZ Lifeline Aotearoa www.lifeline.org.nz/services/lifeline-helpline 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP) (available 24/7) Suicide Crisis Helpline 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7) Youthline www.youthline.co.nz 0800 376 633 Need to Talk? Free call or text 1737 (available 24/7) Kidsline www.kidsline.org.nz 0800 543 754 (available 24/7) Whatsup www.whatsup.co.nz 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm) Depression Helpline 0800 111 757 or text 4202 Eating Disorders Carer Support NZ EDCS Eating Disorders Carer Support NZ | Facebook