- Can I touch it? (SQUEALS) (CHUCKLES) - I'm using it to help me self-regulate. And I'm... using it as a stim toy because I'm trying not to wear sunglasses and headphones for this recording, so instead I have a poi. (CURIOUS MUSIC) Usually the first thing I do when I walk into a room is I look for my exits, I look for my strategies to help me cope, and then I... sensorially process everything and just kind of take everything in and so I can process and think about what I'm doing. (CURIOUS MUSIC CONTINUES) Autism spectrum disorder, it's a disability, uh, that is a neurological difference. Our brains are physically wired differently, and studies have shown autistic people typically have more neuroreceptors than the average person. So with that, we have more information running through our bodies to our nervous system. So you get to A, thinking about A; get to B, thinking about B; you get to C, you're overthinking ` well, 'overthinking' ` about C, and then that gets sent down to your nervous system, and it usually creates sensory overloads, overwhelm. Or when you haven't been diagnosed, 'panic attacks.' One autistic person is different to the other because we all have this set-up inside our brains, but we also still have personality, spirit, soul ` we still have our own identity as people and passions and hyper-focuses. So every autistic person you meet will have different sensory needs, different things to accommodate. So not one autistic is the same, but also not one person is the same. Just with autism, it's a lot more obvious. And yeah, there's a lot more to go with that. I could explain it for hours. So... (CHUCKLES) (LOW THRUMMING) (STATIC CRACKLES) (SOFT BIRDSONG) (INDISTINCT CHATTER) They're each other's people. It's really cute. It's all right. - GEORGE: Roar! Charizard comes! Charizard, Charizaaaard! - George is such a good older brother. He, like, trained for it cos I wanted` I wanted more kids. And he was like, 'I want more kids.' And we spent years, eh, looking at babies. (CHUCKLES) - I wanted a brother! I wanted another brother. - Oh, you're crazy. (LAUGHS) (CHILDREN SPEAK INDISTINCTLY) You can be autistic and have kids. That stigma needs to go. There's been a couple of comments online saying that, like, I shouldn't be a parent and things like that, um, which I just think are ridiculous. I don't even absorb. (CHUCKLES) (INDISTINCT CHATTER) And this, bub. Look. And being knowledgeable about neurodivergence can actually make you, I feel, a much better parent because you're not in conflict and yelling at your children; you're realising, oh, you have a different brain, you have a different brain, I have a different brain. Because of that, we all have a really fun time. Careful. Keep looking. Yay! Good girl. (BABY BABBLES) Do you wanna do this part? She likes doing her own belt. She can't do it yet, but she will sit there for an hour while I 'de-pack' a car just cos she wants to do her own belt. You got your school bag? - Where is my one? (DOOR CLOSES) - Thanks, bub. - Mm-hm. Basketball touch! - Oh, um, I don't like to be there when, um... Well, it's not very safe for me to go when there's a big transition at school. Cos, um, creates sensory overload and overwhelm. And also, school was quite a traumatic place for me as well, so I've had to detangle that with... my son's schooling. Um... so it's been trial and error, and I had really good support last year with drop-offs. - Why is school shut? - What do you mean school's shut? No, it's not shut. You got a new gate, though. I miss the trees. Ooh, and you have your purple cream in there if your hip get sore. - Yep, I know. - All right. Can I get a hug? Bye. - Bye. - See you later. - Bye, Luna. - Oops. Love you! - Love you! - You're amazing! Think she's ready to... (LUNA SQUEALS) to go to her school. So... cool. We're going? OK, I have to get out of sch` I can't last long. (CHUCKLES) The sensory aspect of people walking around, that is a sensory trigger for me. So, schools in general ` the pick up, the drop-off ` it takes a lot of energy out of me. And I know if I stay in those areas long enough, I won't last throughout the day. So I make sure I budget my energy. (LUNA FUSSES, CRIES) It's hard being called dumb every day, or being told off by teachers and constantly being told you're naughty. Um, so it traumatised me. (LUNA CRIES) And so I struggle... (EXHALES DEEPLY) going in and out of schools. (LUNA CRIES) I know! The energy! Ugghhh! (CHUCKLES) Ughhhh! Yucky, yucky, yucky. Ugh. School, ugh. I try not to push that on my kids though. Like, they can enjoy school. (LUNA SQUEALS) Bah! But, um... But personally, I... (LUNA SCREAMS) ...no longer have that option. Um, it's like a toxic relationship. I need to move on. (LUNA SCREAMS) What's wrong? Are we not hearing you? So I started school, and I would run away in corners to cry, not knowing now that those were sensory overloads. But back then, I just thought I was upset about life cos I didn't know how to explain it or what was going on. (SOMBRE MUSIC) So that was me at 5, was trying to figure out that, and then not being able to read with the dyslexia, I just got told that I had to try harder. I usually just spend, like, lunchtimes and, like, just life in the bathroom, trying to just cope with everything. And, um, because you get told from day dot that you're an idiot, and, um, I hate that word. I don't let my children say it. Like, that's a bad word. So, because you're getting told everyday by pieces of paper that you're dumb; you're getting told every day by a teacher that you're not trying hard enough, or you're not paying attention, or you're not saying the right thing at the right time and getting told by students that, 'Oh no, I'm in the dumb class because I'm in Tamara's class,' and then you're getting told by other students like, 'Oh my gosh, why don't you understand? 'You should just understand.' Da-da-da-da. And like, 'Why is she crying in the corner? Blah blah blah.' So I became depressed around 7, um, and started to have self-harming thoughts around then. (SOMBRE MUSIC CONTINUES) The first time I got sexually assaulted was age 7 um, on a school bus. Um, first time I got physically assaulted around the same age ` 7, 8 ` cos I don't have a filter. Easy to get beaten up from that. Um, and the bullying kind of didn't stop. Like, it was only last year or two years ago, I went to a party and I got called, um, I don't like using the word, but the word 'retarded', and that happens to me a lot, even to this day, going out. People will call me that word or say that` or call me a spaz, or... just aren't very cultured in, um, ableism. (SOMBRE MUSIC CONTINUES) I love science. I got my top with my periodic table on it my mum got me when I was 7 and it was down to my knees and, um` Not down to my knees, it was down to my toes and now it's like a little small t-shirt on me. Like, a normal size t-shirt. So I was gonna be a scientist, and in college you get one class for science, and I was like, cool, I'm gonna enjoy one moment of my day and I'm gonna be able to feel relief one moment in my day. And I studied really hard, I put all my love, all my energy into it and then I got all my test results back and they were all, um, wrong. And I didn't get one question right. And that sent me off, sent me off my trails and ended me in Starship Hospital. (SOFT, TENSE MUSIC) - I was running the Children's Autism Foundation, and I went to a conference in Melbourne, and there was a really lovely lady in her 20s that got up and spoke, and I had tears rolling down my face. Just` I thought, she's just describing Tamara. I grabbed some books and I took them home and I said, 'Does this remind you of you?' And she goes, 'Oh, that's me, Mum.' And so she went through the book. She said, 'Oh, remember that time, Mum? That was how I felt then.' And at the end of it she said, 'Oh, I think I'm autistic, Mum.' OK. Would you like to be diagnosed? She goes, 'Yeah, OK.' - Yeah, so being diagnosed was profound though, cos then I was like, oh my gosh, I'm not crazy. (CHUCKLES) Which was nice because it made me realise I'm not the problem, um, and I'm not a burden. And any situation, even if you have mental health challenges, then you sh... Like, even that you're still not a horrible person and you still have a choice to believe in yourself. - Since I was 14 years old, I've been in disability action plan groups, forming peoples' Disability Action plans for government ministries, organisations, corporations, being in a lived experience as a neurodivergent with disabilities. One of the most debilitating comments you get is, 'You don't look autistic,' or comments like, um, 'Oh, isn't everyone a little bit on the spectrum?' And it's so like... (SCOFFS) Don't say that. Like, don't... - Yeah, I see that. Right, yeah. - Don't talk to me like that. Um, because it is really struggling` Like, it is a struggle to live with a disability. But we still every day have to put on that mask, we have to battle social norms, have to battle systems that aren't suited for us, and pretending that that's OK. And I just overshared my life, as I would do to strangers anyway. (LAUGHS) And I just started talking about what it's like to be autistic and to be different, cos I noticed that there... isn't any setups for me to get that support, um, that average people have ` average people; the typical person has ` and so... I've built Xabilities based off that. We do our public speaking and our professional development disability action plans, we can help with structural changes and inclusion practices and we have helped in all those aspects. It's a really messed up thing about the world that's happening right now, is that diversity, inclusion is a 'woke' thing and it's just a 'side topic'. It's not instilled into our systems. That's messed up. That needs to change. What do we do about it? And then realising that if you can't find hope, you need to become that hope because it's not about just creating services for people, there's also being that service in yourself. So internally I've been working on managing my autism, managing my learning disabilities, having confidence to tell people 'No, I can't read. Do it a different way. Be accessible, be inclusive.' (CURIOUS MUSIC) I've educated over 20,000 people with my public speaking. I love being on stage, and I love that each time you have a teacher, you have a psychologist, you have a police officer that's gonna just completely change the way that they're thinking from just one conversation. - And so, for our very last speaker, I would like to welcome up Tamara Grant from Xabilities. (APPLAUSE) - Hi. Ko Aotea te waka, ko Ruapehu te maunga. Ko Whanganui te awa, ko Makaranui te marae, ko Tamara Grant ahau. My name is Ta-mara or Ta-mar-a. But I recently reclaimed Ta-mara because I recently have been on the marae. (CHUCKLES) So today, I'm here to talk about neurodiversity. I am very passionate about the subject because I am autistic. I have learning disabilities, I have mental health disorders, and I also live with chronic pain and fibromyalgia. I have a health and safety list for you, so you understand what I'm saying and you wait till the end because it will make sense. Because right now I have 10 tabs open up in my head of things I wanna talk about, and they're coming out all at once. (LIGHT LAUGHTER) I've gotta regulate my body; I have more neuroreceptors, I'm autistic. I have a lot more information flooding through my body, and if I don't regulate that, if I don't stim that out then I will hide it and I will meltdown by the time I am at home and I will not have a life, because that will be my life of consistently masking, cos that is a full-time job. And that's what every neurodivergent is also doing, is they're trying to fit in with the average person, because that is what our systems are built off, that's what our education system is built off, that's what our justice system is built from and also our health. How do we leave here knowing an action that you can take? The best place to start is just looking at what you're judging in life, who you're judging in life and judging someone by their ability is ableism and it's not OK. Put the human before the system, and I say that because of my experience. So, yeah. Kia ora. (CHUCKLES) (APPLAUSE) Oh, thank you. - That was really awesome, dear. (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - The stuff that Tamara talked about is really relevant to the work that we do, trying to get kids back into school and understanding why they feel that they don't fit into school. Also, we run a lot of programs with youth offenders, and if you look at their history, often they also have a conduct disorder and ADHD and all those sort of things that have never been diagnosed, never been supported, never been helped, and it's not until they commit serious crime that suddenly that support's available, so it's almost like we're around the wrong way. - I mean, it's obviously something that as a youth aid officer that we deal with because a lot of the kids that we work with have been diagnosed or are undiagnosed, but you suspect there might be something going on, and so, no, really valuable. Really excellent. - I didn't say anything I wanted to say in order or I don't think I got through half the points (CHUCKLES) but, um, I'm proud of it. I've said what I needed, and I hope that the justice, the ministries and the police and systems and organisations start to get that ripple effect of emotional intelligence and to start the conversations. (BRIGHT MUSIC) (LAUGHTER) - That was fun. I got airtime, I swear. Internally, I was like, whee, ahhh! Oh, that was great. (GIGGLES) Inner child work ` when you can find an opportunity to do something a bit different, to relax the body in a way, to jump out of your own head. I'm definitely someone that will go run straight towards it, straight to a front of a mosh pit. (CHUCKLES) Like, I'm just straight there. (CHUCKLES) Cos it's, why not? Life can suck sometimes, and if you don't capture every moment you can, whenever you have the energy to, or even when you don't have the energy, just be like, 'Oh, I'll just try it.' (DANCE MUSIC) So if I warm up my body and I stay positive, I go into a higher frequency of life and I can dance, I can move, I can be excited. But if I... If I dive too deep into the pain and I don't disassociate from it, then it gets nasty. - This is part of... having a girlfriend with autism. She's having a sensory overload. We can't move her arms. I had to feed her through a straw. She also has moments where she disassociates like this. Doesn't talk; can't move her lips, can't move her body, can't move anything. Her senses slowly start to come back, but she still seems like she's in a bit of a sensory overload. - My daughter's father and my mum were the only people that had ever seen me in a sensory overload in my life before I posted it on social media, and that's because I was embarrassed. Yeah, I was embarrassed because who wants to see someone like that? They'd know that... (INHALES, EXHALES DEEPLY) (SPEAKS RHYTHMICALLY) Hold up, I need to emotionally progress this. (CHUCKLES) Um... Like, who wants to get into a relationship with someone that does that? (VOICE CRACKS) Who wants to employ someone who collapses? And... And... how many jobs will I lose with people seeing that? Um, how will people treat me differently? How many people will start to talk to me with a slow tone? Be like, (SPEAKS SLOWLY) 'Are you OK? Do you need help? Do you...' like, and just change their personalities because they think` Well, because I am disabled. A lot of people do, whether I like it or not, whether how close they are to you or not. And I think that's why, as well, I respect honesty a lot more than the average person, because... it's, um... Ugh! Sorry. (CHUCKLES) I'm like, 'Ugh! Ugh!' Yeah, emotions. (LAUGHS) Um... Yeah, that was something to hide. I was ashamed of it. (SOMBRE MUSIC) There's not much I haven't tried in the situation of trying to help my physical body keep up with my, um, intellectual body and my emotional body, and realising that all aspects help each other. It was a hard pill to swallow for me, that if I actually helped my physical health, it will help my autism and everything flow. - Getting a bit easier? - Yep. - Yeah. - When I found this chiropractor and I explained my situation, I was just shaking. But they understood all those aspects of myself and made it inclusive to my needs. And in return, I now have physical capabilities of my body. (SOFT MUSIC) When I was 15, I was going through heavy, traumatic situations in spaces of life and death. I always heard an inner voice, and I feel like that inner voice is a good voice, and it will always tell me that you're OK. 'You're OK. You're OK.' And I've noticed that that voice has stayed with me until now. It's like, 'You have control. 'You have control. You have control.' And my brain can always go from the spectrum, to negative to positive. And I wouldn't change anything because... I respect that my journey is the catalyst for other people to have opportunity. I'm proud of being autistic, and that's why I talk about it. Like, I try my hardest to be vulnerable as much as possible because it gives that one person that piece of hope, that other autistic out there or dyslexic person, or just anyone that's struggling with communication and being neurologically different.