KIDS YELL Four-year-olds. Five-year-olds. Ah! Stop! This is the best day of my life. Six-year-olds. I don't like you. Who cares? Aaagh! They're at a pivotal age. Do you like mine? Don't laugh. SHE LAUGHS It's not funny. This is where futures are formed. This is the president of the USA. This is a unique opportunity to see the most crucial stage of a child's development. What they're learning now is the blueprint for adult life. These children have come from all over the country to a school where every corner has been rigged with cameras. Smile. And wired for sound. Yep. Thank you. Bye-bye. Being immersed in the world of these four-, five- and six-year-olds, seeing their development, it's the most extraordinary experience. "I've fallen in love with you"! Did! Didn't! STOP ARGUING! For goodness' sake! With unprecedented access to every tussle,... You're horrible. You're horrible. ...every whisper... ...and all the raw emotion,... HE SCREAMS ...as these children meet for the very first time. We eavesdrop on their secret lives. This week, the four-year-olds. If you tell, I'm telling my mummy... And my Auntie May and my daddy, also my grandad! And I'm going to tell Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy. BOTH LAUGH www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Able 2016 Hi. Come in! It's a girl. Today, 12 four-year-olds are meeting for the very first time. Hi, Tyler. Hello. Grrrrrr! Hello. Hello, Kate. Here, there'll be looked after by two teachers ` Kate and Simon. I'm going to school in September. So am I. I like Disney films. Watching every moment are scientists specialising in childhood development. Many of these children are just months away from starting school for the first time, and, for most of them, having this much contact with their peers will be a totally new experience for them. All right, everyone, we're going to wake our bodies up. DANCE MUSIC PLAYS To establish and maintain relationships, one of the key tools that children need is language. And at four, the average girl tends to be five months ahead of the average boy in terms of their language skills. Shall I lead the way? This can put some boys at a disadvantage in their social interactions. As the morning gets under way, the children waste no time in marking their territory. Cool! And a toy catches Tia and Jack's eye. I want to have it! I saw it first! No, I saw it first! I did! I did! I did! Oh, dear. Give it! Give it! I'm trying to get this back! I'm getting this back! Jack is repeating her arguments. Give it back! Give it back! Give it back! You look like you're having a bit of a disagreement. Yes, we are! I really want it! SIMON: If they're not going to let go, they're going to have to talk it through, and that's a big ask at four years old. Do you think sharing's a good idea? Yeah. Yeah? No, no, no. Charlotte has found a solution for Jack and Tia. Another wheelbarrow. Look what Charlotte's brought over for you. Yeah! Thanks, Charlotte. Huurrrrgh! Are you a good boy or a naughty boy? Good boy. Three little... Pigs! 'He's definitely a lovable rogue. 'I mean, who can resist that little face? But...' That angelic face. Yeah, the little angel that he isn't. Yeah! Jack lives in Twickenham with parents Kelly and Jason and his two brothers. TOOTING Jack is the youngest of three boys, and I think with having older brothers, to get something, you've got to, you know, fight for it. You've got to, sort of, stand your ground. He's quite stubborn, but he can be really loving, and he's very, very affectionate. What do you love about your mummy? HE GRUNTS ANGRILY His language could be better. When he doesn't like something he'll... He does that grunt. Grunt and growl. Grrrrrr! It does frustrate him if he can't find the word. We're trying to get him to tell us what's the matter. What do you want? What's wrong? HE SCREAMS What's Simon got on his head? A bag. It's the afternoon, and the children are getting ready for a relay race. Uh-uh-uh! Ohhh... 'Competition is motivating, it's exciting,' but it's also great learning experience. TEACHER: Nathaniel, can you stop pushing at him, please? But he was pushing me... Jack and Nathaniel both want to be captain. Now, first of all boys... Me! Boys, listening. Me! Me! Me! Me! Sit down! Me! Me! HE SCREECHES Oh, dear me. All right, my team captains are going to be... Charlotte. Over here. Bahhhh! And Jack! Over here, Jack. No! All right. OK. Now. No! No! Yeah. No! Yeah. No! 'Nathaniel's frustrated.' It's become directed towards Ace, but it's nothing to do with Ace. No! So, Jack, would you like to choose someone first? Who's going to be in your team? Charlotte, who are you going to choose? Do you think that we're going to end up with a boys' team and a girls' team? Yay! I suppose that was a bit inevitable given the way that children at this age self-segregate on the basis of gender. If it falls off your head, what do you have to do? Pick it up! Yep, you can't walk if it's in your hand and you're not allowed to hold it on your head. OK? All right, are you ready? On your marks, get set, go! Boys, cheer for Jack. Say, "Go, Jack!" Go, Jack! Go, Jack! Don't hold it, Jack. Don't hold it. A few seconds into the race and the boys seem to have forgotten the rules. 'The rules, as far as the girls are concerned, are very important. They're aware of the stigma of breaking a rule, whereas the boys are trying to navigate their way around the rules. 'They just want to win.' Go, Lola! Go, Tia, go Tia, go Tia! Ace, remember, don't hold it. Put it on your head. I just won! So the winner is the boys' team. Ooh-hoo! Oh, no! Who should have won the race? Why? Because the boys were cheating. Who cheats more, boys or girls? Probably boys. Why is that? Because they're more, like... they're more, like, boyish-y. I know the girls are never going to win. The boys are... The boys always have bigger brains; the girls have smaller. Really? Yep. Well, next time we will win. Whoo-hoo! No, next time we will win. Yeah, next time you're going to win, girls. Theo's taken a more sympathetic approach to Tia's disappointment. That boy's really nice to us, and he thinks we're going to win next time. He's really nice. How does it feel when you lose a race? What does that mean? Sad. Hello. Tia lives with mum Cheryl, dad Glenn and little sister Amelia Rose, in Chatham. You're not ever going to win. MUM: I am. Well, I'm taking lots of green. 'Tia's a character. She's definitely confident. Very outgoing. 'You feel her presence' the most of anyone in the house. What makes you cross? When I don't get my own way. This is how I disappear. Poofff! Do you always do whatever adults tell you to? Nn-nn. If she sees something going on that she thinks is wrong, Tia will pick you up on it. She will pick up that that's not right. You shouldn't be doing that. This is my castle. She's really forceful, actually. And I think sometimes it's a little bit overpowering for other kids. She is quite full-on. Tia is still licking her wounds after losing the race. Jack's victory celebrations don't seem to be helping. This is a difficult situation because in a way, Jack has a good justification for being really happy, because they won the race. On the other hand, too much celebration in front of the losing team is actually a bit antisocial. Jack! Jack, come here. Tia decides to confront Jack about his behaviour. Sorry, Leo. Jack! Jack! Let me talk to you. No. Yes. If you don't let me talk to you, I'm... I'm going to, I'm going to... No way, we'll win! And then we decided he was a really good friend and you're just a horrible friend. HE SCREAMS TIA SQUEALS HE HUFFS AND PUFFS Hurrrrgh! Hurrgh! I tried to tell him but he just didn't listen, so I just tried. 'Tia's language skills are clearly better than Jack's, 'but actually it's a little bit harsh of Tia' because she's attacking him personally. I'm just trying to make him a good boy, but I telled him and then he got angry. Huuurrrgh! It's really frustrating for Jack because, you know, he is sensitive and he's obviously finding this very hurtful, and you can imagine what it's like not to have the words yet to be able to defend yourself. It's very difficult for him to express what he's feeling inside. 1 Slow. All the way up! It's a new day. Jack, Tia and the other four year olds are doing their morning warm up. You poo poo face. Poo poo face. Poo Poo face! But not everyone wants to take part. Hello, speaking? Since he arrived yesterday, Tyler has kept himself to himself. Yeah. And, Dad, when you come, you pick me a sandwich of fish finger and chips please? Yeah, thanks. All right, bye. He's got a very different style of play, Tyler, doesn't he? Yeah, he's not into boisterous rough and tumble play, is he? One of the reasons why we build relationships with each other is because it develops a sense of predictable familiarity around us. But you can also seek out familiarity and comfort in physical objects. And I think that there is a tendency, that you can see in Tyler, to seek out that type of comfort rather than confront the challenges of social interaction. Tyler, come with me. Come on. Got to go and stand with the others. OFF-SCREEN: What's the best job to have? A bus driver. Door's opening. I wouldn't have said he's like your usual four-year-old. Doors closing. Tyler will always been slightly different, but he'll be the one that you sort of go, "No, that's Tyler", you know? I wouldn't have him any other way. Tyler lives with his mum Nikkita, stepdad Jamie and little sister Hayden. 97, 96, 95, 94, 93... His attention is obviously fantastic, but it's only on what he wants. Numbers are his thing. At first they weren't too sure whether he's autistic because of the counting, but now he is a lot better. Tescos ` loves Tescos, because you ask him where items are, and he'll tell you the aisle number. OFF-SCREEN: What do bus drivers say? How many tickets please? I don't think Tyler feels the pressure of being liked. He's in his own bubble, you know? And he loves it. You know, he doesn't feel any need to make friends. Oooh! As the morning continues, Tyler still doesn't want to join in. DANCE MUSIC PLAYS But he does attract Theo's attention. I want to play with you. He's not playing with me. Who's not? He. Have you asked him? Theo's really set his sights on Tyler. He really wants to be Tyler's friend. Tyler's not giving any warmth to Theo. When someone is quite cold to us, it's always quite an intriguing thing. We always want to work out why is it that that person's being cold to us. I want to tell you something. I want to tell you something. I want to tell you something. I was talking to him, and he doesn't listen to me. He doesn't... He just loves buses. Please. Talk to you. Yes? I had a bad dream last night with a wolf going to side to side and our house and he's come upstairs and got me! That was a bad dream. I don't like it. So, I'm not scared any more. It's day time! I'm just going to say I love you. Theo has a great laugh and a great sense of spiritual wisdom about him. Love is a real high regard in our family, and, you know, we show love and we teach about love, and we discuss love a lot. Only child Theo lives with Mum, Lisa, a businesswoman, and Dad, Freddy, a project manager. Choosing to place him through starting education was an absolute conscious decision, you know? Like, for me, one of the most important things for Theo is the development of his imagination. # Twinkle, twinkle little star... # Astrologically, he's a tiger. A tiger is a very fierce... Cautious. Cautious, but, you know, they walk sort of gently. They're a very elegant being, and they could probably be on top of you without you even realising, you know? And I guess Theo has that very tiger way you know? And if he wants something he absolutely won't stop until he gets it. BOTH: S-T-U-V-W-U-X-Y and Z... And now I know my ABCs! It's break time, and Theo and Ace are bonding over their ABCs. No! Boys, boys, boys. Boys. Theo just snatched from me. It's broken. What should we do? A really important part of making friends is learning not just how to share resources, but how to share your ideas as well. That means seeing things from another person's perspective. And that's quite difficult at four years old, and in fact a lot of us struggle with that throughout our lives. THEO: I know. I know a song. # A-B-D-Kee... # I got a yoghurt. I've got even a sandwich and more. I've even got grapes. On the other side of the playground, the girls are also getting to know each other. Hey, guys, I've got a great game we can play. Well, how about I Spy? I will start first. I spy with my little eye something beginning with I. I know, I know. I. The letter I, like you said in I Spy. Yes. Now it's your go, Jadzia. I spy something that begins with green. The umbrella! No, no, you can't tell us, we have to... OFF-SCREEN: Do you have any brothers or sisters? 'No.' Who do you play with at home? My teddy. And what do you play? Hide and seek. Teddy seeks and I hide. Let's go and get some mud! Jadzia's in charge of the outside kitchen. Come on, it's an important job! But her chefs have deserted her. Excuse me. Excuse me, the mud's over there. I'm following her now. No, you're my friend! She has a very commanding approach doesn't she? Do this, do that. She hasn't learned, that she will learn, is how to invite someone into the play. You can't tell someone to play with you. Tia! Tia! Come on. I thought you were going to help me get some mud. Tia, come on. Chop chop, girl. Chop chop! I'm coming now. How bossy! I'm not bossy. You are. And I'm going to go and play with my another friend. No! Play with me. Play with me! But you're bossy. She is. I'm not bossy. You are. No, I'm not. BOTH: Yes, you are! No, I'm not! Yes, you are. You've got to admire it in Jadzia, you know? She has a will of steel. Come on, Tia. This way. Hurry, hurry. Poor thing. Go on, take a look. Oh, no, you don't. I am play with you. Unable to resolve their arguments, the girls call on the teacher for advice. Simon. I'm sorry, but you must a minute ago... What is wrong with that hat? OFF-SCREEN: Did you have a bit of an argument with Jadzia? Yes. And she was being bossy to me. She said, "Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on." We don't want to join in, do we? Because she always says the same thing. "Come on, come on, come on, come on." OFF-SCREEN: What's a good way to play? The good way is to play to not be naughty and to not argue or anything. OFF-SCREEN: Do you think friends are important? Why? Um... ...because if you didn't have a friend you'll be lonely. TEACHER: Girls, is it OK if she plays with you? Yes. Fine. Yeah? If she only doesn't be bossy. Can I join in now? Only if you don't be bossy to Tia. OK, I will never be bossy! OK. To give Jadzia credit it takes a lot to say, "OK, you know, maybe I did overdo it "and I'm going to be slightly less assertive in future." No thanks. I decide to walk. 'So it's turned into a good learning situation' because Jadzia has been able to accept that she may have made a mistake, and that's something we all have to learn to do. JADZIA: Abracadabra alakazoo. Make sure that purple's blue. Ding. Ring. That's typical isn't it? Look, you see, Lola has got left on her own now, cos it was never about Lola. Ask your fairy godmother. I don't have one. Yes, I do. What about Cinderella's? I hate Cinderella. What else can I do? Just going to ride to the ball now. OK. TEACHER: Everyone can stay in their seats. It's the end of the day and the children have been set a challenge. If every child can stay in their chair while the teachers are out of the room, they'll all get a prize. But if people move out of their seat, will you get a prize? KIDS: No! No. Would you expect a bunch of four year olds to stay in their seats? Well, this is going to be tough for them. Whoops, Tia's gone, Jack's gone. So Tia, Jack... Everybody, don't tell anybody... um, um, we sit up. But we telling! No, please don't, because... then we will all get into trouble. So Tia starts off by saying, "OK we've got shared responsibility, "if one person gets in trouble, we all get in trouble." She's clearly grasped that. I'm not sure the other kids have. But I have to tell, don't we? If you tell teachers, I won't be your friend. If you don't tell the teachers, I will be your friend. Oh, it's moved very quickly from a moral argument to... This is all coercion now, isn't it, really? If you tell, I'll tell my mummy. I'll tell my mum, and my dad and my brother. I'll tell my mummy and daddy and my sister. My aunt Germaine and my Joshie and my daddy. Also my grandad, and my two nannies. And I'm going to tell even Father Christmas and the tooth fairy. CHILD LAUGHS What's really fascinating is that as they discuss it, so they're making reference to the people ` I use that in a, sort of` a broad sense ` that they feel are the most important moral authorities in their life. I'm even going to tell Santa. Those are all people that we feel ` family, tooth fairy, Father Christmas ` these are people who make judgements about our behaviour. So the fact that they're part of the conversation is very important. If you tell the teachers, I won't even talk to you ever again. OK. Are you going to tell them? No. I want to. Lola, do you know what? I'm not going to be your friend because you're telling them. I'm going to be yours... Yeah, and yours and yours and yours and yours and yours. If you tell them, I'll be your friend. But not the one with the orange bow. I'm not being your friend. No, Lola. I'm not being Lola's friend. I want my mummy. JADZIA: I'm going to be your friend if you want. Yes, please. I'm being your friend. Oh, hi. Tia... Tia and Jack was not on their seats. THEY GASP HE LAUGHS Tia. OFF-SCREEN: Do you ever tell lies? Why not? Because it's bad. Do you always do what you're told, Charlotte? Yeah. What kind of a girl are you? A good girl. Charlotte's not interested in winning the prize. Well, she's being... She's interested in the status of being in the right. That's damaged her relationship a little bit. That's going to be made up later on. We were just so bored sitting that we just wanted to go and play. I'm really, really sorry, but because not everyone stayed on their chairs, I can't give you your prize. INDISTINCT CHATTER Bro. It's Pamela. SMOOTH MUSIC (SLURPS) # You know we get down with all the cyber moms. # One of them told me I was hot right now like Tiger Balm. # One of them said, 'Larz, you a teen heart-throb ` # 'make my baby faint; make a tween's heart stop.' # (GRUNTS, RETCHES) Ewww. He's a bit of a grossie, eh? (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) < (GRUNTS) Is that your friend? Him? (CHUCKLES) Nah. < (RETCHES) Ooh. (CHUCKLES) 1 It's halfway through the week and the boys have discovered a shared interest ` monsters. THEY SCREAM They'll jump out. Roar! It's really striking how much children have to achieve at four years old. It may look like play but actually they're working really, really hard and they're having to learn an awful lot. The way that they're communicating with each other, the way that they're experimenting and finding things out, is really, really important for them. Roar! THEY ROAR AND LAUGH Who's your favourite superhero? Your grandma told me that you are a bit like The Incredible Hulk. Yes. (ROARS) Aaa-aaah! THEY LAUGH AND SHOUT Nathaniel and Jack, the two boys who are very physically similar, in terms of their energy levels... They could have a great friendship. They could. They could have a lot of shared fun. What one finds fun, the other finds fun. HE HUMS I'll call my girlfriend. What makes you angry? Yes! I'm a clever, clever little boy. Hurray! 'He's strong. He's a very strong character.' Oh, turn it all goo. I can't really snap at him. I can't really tell him off cos I'm like, "Yeah, I was cheeky like that." (CHUCKLES) Nathaniel lives with Mum, Natalie, who works in fashion, older sister Kelsey, and Dad, Kevin, a chef. Yes! From the moment he wakes up, he's like Tigger. That's what he is. He's a Tigger. He bounces. Come on, Dad! Up until now, sharing is that, "I've got it, it's mine." "I don't want to give it to you." That's just his way. He's just like, "It's mine." 'Why do I have to share it?' 'Because it's kind, Nathaniel.' 'Oh. Do I want to be kind?' 'Yes, you want to be kind.' And it's... HE SLURPS After a morning of rough-and-tumble in the playground, Jack and Nathaniel are sitting together over lunch. Aw, aren't they so cute? Hey! Hey! Nathaniel's taken Jack's dinosaur. Urgh! I'm going to punch you. No, you're not. You're not going to punch me. You're never going to punch me. That didn't even hurt. That didn't even... But that does hurt. There's a thin line between assertion and aggression and, at this age, children are experimenting, finding out where that line is. The dinosaur loves me. No, he doesn't. Yes, he does! Roar! We're going to make a chilli, darling. Darling! Darling! Tia, Lola and Jadzia are in the home corner. Get up and set the table and get the stuff. Set up the table. Make sure it's nice and tidy. Oh, my gosh. I need to get the dinner ready. You can iron the clothes if you want. I hate doing the ironing! Whoooo... Tyler's been playing with his buses inside all morning. But having spent the week trying to befriend him, Theo is missing his favourite playmate. I want to play now. Do you like Tyler? Are you best friends? No. Hello! My friend is back! He's coming. He's coming to play with me! My friend! Friend, wait! Come on! I've got you. Good, come back. Back with you. Got you! Come this way. Have a nice sit down. A bit more familiarity with Theo means that it's possible for Tyler to engage in a social interaction with Theo, which in some ways is quite challenging because they have a hoop around you and are pulling you over. I really hope that he takes advantage of all these opportunities that Theo is throwing at him. Got you! TYLER WHIMPERS All right? Theo, we can't be pulling people inside the hoop, OK? We can use it as a Hula Hoop, but we can't drag people, cos it'll hurt, OK? Oh, we're going to answer the phone who anybody rings. Charlotte and Lola have been going down the slide together for the last five minutes. Tia wants to join in. But the girls won't let her. Go on, Tia. No. Yes. No. This whole thing can be traced back to Tia's decision to try to create a conspiracy to get people not to say that she got out of her seat. Right, us, our turn. Nee-nee-nee... Nathaniel, I need you! Why? Because I'm... I need to talk to you alone quickly. OK. What should I do if the girls won't hold on to my back and go down together? What should I do? It's amazing. Tia's asking Nathaniel for advice. That's very unusual for this age. Yeah, I mean, normally children seek advice from teachers and parents. She's aware that different people have different points of view. No, I tried asking nicely, but they didn't let me. They are so rude. Guys! Guys, I'm just really sad, because you didn't hold on to my back. And when I asked nicely, you said, "No." I'm telling the teacher! SHE SOBS You love me more, don't you? You're making me sad! SHE CRIES She said she loves Lola more! That really makes me upset! Is that what she said? It really makes you sad. It does, doesn't it? Someone never said that to me before, and now they have! Now they have? It's really hard, isn't it? Yeah. It's really... It's a really sad word. A really sad word? They go down the slide together. That's what I want to do with them. You want to do that with them? Have you told them that you want to do it with them? But they didn't let me. Isn't it fantastic how well she's expressing her emotions? The quality of expression. Yeah, it's very clear. A lot of adults wouldn't deal with this nearly so well. What did they say? Hello, Charlotte. Tia's really upset at the moment. Is that what she needed to have said, Charlotte? Yeah. Do you want me to come... Do you want me to hold on to your back now? OK. Come on, let's go. Funny, isn't it? From that big ruckus and now they're best friends. Amazing how friendships work. Can I bring this with me? Yeah. Do you want to go the secret way? You give a child a new abstract concept to play with, such as the concept of a friendship, and the natural instinct of a child is to want to prod and explore what that idea means. Hold on! 'They tug it around a bit, see if they can break it,' and by doing this, they learn more about what the concept of friendship means. Ready, steady... Wheeeee! Do you like it? Yeah. Let's do it again! Which way do you want to go? The secret way? OK. 1 Beep, beep, beep. Ding! Ding! Hello? Hello? Hello? The 4-year-olds are coming to the end of their time together and Jack is calling on new friend Charlotte for some advice. OK. Take your dog around here, right now. Let's sign him in. OK. You haven't been here before. What's your dog's name? OK. And what's your name? Your name? Yeah. Is it the same as your dog? Yeah. Yeah. ADULT: What do you want to do when you grow up? Be a hairdresser and a doctor. Now he's clean. It's lovely to see how Jack has developed across the week. His language skills are improving due to the contact with the other children and research suggests that by six, Jack's language skills will have caught up with those of other boys and with girls of the same age. After lunch, Jack finds something special to show Nathaniel. No. What? A snock! Sharing the smell of his sock. That's really nice. Things that Jack is proud of! "Here's some of my snot and here's a sock." Argh! There's a history now in that relationship, isn't there? There's an expectation of how each other should behave and a bond I think has formed. Now, sit on your lap. There. ARRH! Ha-ha-ha! Up in the allotment, Theo's hard work making friends with Tyler is paying off. Come on. On the garden, come on. Water... Yeah! A few days ago, Tyler would have been wandering off and going exploring something on his own. Now he's interested in what Theo's interested in. Yeah, he wants to be with Theo. It's great to see him, you know, drawing on the social world as a source of comfort and security, not just the physical patterns. Have you made a friend here? Um, yeah. Who? Erm... Theo. Er, let's go back in. Everyone cover your eyes. Keep them shut. Keep them shut. As part of their last day, the children are all receiving presents. What they don't know is that some presents are better than others. OK, you can open your eyes. I've got some special presents. The Disappointing Present, is a task that scientists often use to gain insight into children's ability to regulate their emotions. Do you know what? This is so exciting! All right, so this one's for Jadzia. Open yours. OK, Charlotte. It's just a peg. It's a really important challenge for children and for adults is not to let those feelings that it creates overwhelm you. You didn't want a peg, did you, Charlotte? No. I got a really boring thing. She's quite calm about it. Surprised. I'm going to have the same like you. Yeah! We got the both same! ADULT: You can open yours now, Jack. A spoon. Aw...! Oh, dear. See, he's taken it much harder than Charlotte. It's good to show disappointment up to a certain point, but if those feelings overwhelm you, they can make you do things which are not helpful to recovering from the situation and moving forward. Are you going to go back to your seat, Jack? No! He's gone off on his own now. What he hasn't done is he hasn't got angry with... with anybody, has he? He hasn't struck out. Hey, Jack. Come here for a second. I just got given two extra presents. And I think one of them... I think it's for Charlotte, and I think the other one's for Jack. Come back to your seat and open them. Oh, yeah! Yay! Yaaay! Everybody ` shoot it! Wow! This week will have felt like an absolute age to these children, because they've had so many new experiences. They're beginning to learn to regulate their emotions, to interact with each other and to understand that other people have feelings too. These are lessons that will inform a lot of their future interactions. Whoo! I love you.