Four year olds... ..five year olds... Argh, stop! This is the best day of my life. ..six year olds... I don't like you. Who cares? SHE WHINES ..they're at a pivotal age. Do you like mine? Don't laugh! It's not funny. This is where futures are formed. This is the President of the USA. This is a unique opportunity to see the most crucial stage of a child's development. What they're learning now is the blueprint for adult life. These children have come from all over the country to a school where every corner has been rigged with cameras... Mum! ..and wired for sound. Yep. Thank you. Bye-bye! Being immersed in the world of these four, five and six year olds, seeing their development - it's the most extraordinary experience. Kas... "I've fallen in love with you!" Did. Didn't. Stop arguing! For goodness' sake. With unprecedented access to every tussle... You're horrible. You're horrible! ..every whisper... ..and all the raw emotion. YELLING As these children meet for the very first time... ..we eavesdrop on their secret lives. Previously on the Secret Life of Four Year Olds, tensions emerged amongst the girls. Not the one with the orange bow. I'm not being your friend. No, Lola. I'm not being Lola's friend. I want my mummy. Tia didn't take losing lightly. Whoohoo! And she tried to teach Jack some manners. Subtitles by Ericsson. www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Able 2016 It's two weeks since our four year olds first met, and now they're returning for a second visit. Hi, Tia. Hi. How are you? I'm looking forward to seeing my friends again. Looking after them are teachers Kate and Ollie. Hi, Theo! He's my friend. Are you ever bossy, Tia? I am NOT bossy! Hi, Joe. How are you? Lola! I've got a really funny one. Three monkeys in a bath. The first monkey said, "Ooh-ooh, aah-aah!" And the other one said, "Well, put some cold in then." And this week, the children will be joined by some new playmates. We should introduce them in a minute, shouldn't we? We should say hello. Observing every moment are scientists Dr Sam Wass and Dr Elizabeth Kilbey. We know there's a difference in the language skills of boys and girls at four years old, and girls are more advanced. But there's also a difference in how they develop their emotional world. Girls at this age are more interested in social relationships and so they're using their language and their social skills to develop their empathy. Can you do something for me? It's really important. Can you play with that boy? Because he hasn't been here before. OK? Can you do that for me? Yes. While I play with that girl, who I haven't seen before, yeah? Yep. Thank you. You're a very good boy, you are. Thank you. Hello, Connie. My name's Tia. Who's yours? Connie. THEY LAUGH One of the new children, Elliot, is reluctant to join the others. HE SOBS Elliot? Good morning. Joe, can you move your chair forwards? Maybe you can help look after Elliot. Why he's crying? HE SOBS Children of this age can certainly recognise emotion in others and this is the beginning of empathy. But what's really hard when you're four is that they're not sure what to do with that. Aw! ELIZABETH: It's interesting that Tia does do something. She shows an empathic response. She knows that hugging might help, but she doesn't feel brave enough to really approach Elliot and offer that directly to him. I'm the tallest, you're the tallest. One, two, three, jump! You're little. I'm big! It's early afternoon and Tia, Lola, Theo and Taylor are preparing for a talent show. We're going to have a little bit of time to practise, then we're going to invite the other children in to come and watch. Yay! Yes! Sit down for me, Taylor. Ooh, brilliant. I'm going to give you five minutes... They've been asked to choose an act and practise it in pairs. So you have to copy me. # You're my honey bun, sugar plum... # Now it's your go. No, you're my honey bun, sugar PLUM. HE LAUGHS Plum. Working with a partner is really quite a challenging task for these four year olds. Oh, Theo, just listen! No, you listen! When you work with someone else, what you've got to do is understand what's in their head is different to what's in your head and this is what we call theory of mind and some of these four year olds can, and some of them can't. No, no, no, we're not rock stars. We're just children, OK? So sit down and don't talk. HE CRIES All right. You can talk, but just don't say we're rock stars, OK? So do you like girls? I do. HE LAUGHS Taylor lives in Manchester with his parents and younger sister, Madison. His mum and dad run a bouncy castle business. He's a people person. But it's mainly females. Yeah, he's a ladies' man. Always females. A ladies' man, isn't he? He meets so many people on holiday. He meets more people than us. We're all on sun loungers, he'll go up to a woman sunbathing and sit literally next to her on the sunbed and just start a full conversation. And he loves it when people make attention out of his bowties. He can even coordinate colours. Here's a pink one. That goes with the blue jumper. Taylor does like to show off. We just thought we'll get him in some adverts and he absolutely loved it. First casting, he got his first job. We're in London, on a Tube, music comes on, Taylor stands up and break dances on the whole Tube in the middle of London. And they were all clapping and standing up, standing ovations, Taylor's going "Thank you, thank you." I'm like, "Wow..." And you like to dance? Yes! Show us your moves. I'll be shocked, very, very shocked' if he's not an actor. Definitely very shocked. Definitely. Yeah. 1,000%. KATE: Welcome to the talent show! Our first performer is... Taylor. MUSIC: Down With The Trumpets by Rizzle Kicks MUSIC CONTINUES APPLAUSE Wow! Take a bow, Taylor. Please welcome Theo! # Doe, a deer, a female deer # Ray, a drop of golden sun # Me, a name I call myself # Fa, a long way to run... # APPLAUSE Tia, yaaay! # You're my honey bun, sugar plum # Pumpy-umpy-umpy # You're my sweetie pie # Because you are so dear. # APPLAUSE # I'll never let my own heart # Designing my own part # I'll never let my heart, Never let my part come out # If I never let my heart come out. # APPLAUSE KATE: Oh, my goodness, that was amazing, guys. Well done. It's so hard to get up and... Connie, how good was that? Oh, Connie... . You have to write down the answers. Today, the four year olds are taking part in a quiz with Lola and Theo as team captains. What would you like your team to be called, Lola? Friendship. Friendship. Friendship. Theo, what would you like your team to be called? That's an amazing name. Can I call it Rainbow team? Just because I don't think I'll have enough room. OK, yeah. Yeah? Thank you. But Elliot is reluctant to take part. We've got this to do and all the other children, they're all ready to do it. HE CRIES May I speak a minute with Elliot? Of course you can, I'll leave you to it. Elliot, Elliot. We need you. We're doing a quiz and you're going to really enjoy it. Come on, Elliot. So, tell me who's in your family. Daddy, my cat, my sister and me. That's all. Elliot lives in North London with dad Peter and seven-year-old sister Saffron. He's very curious, he's very gentle, he's very caring. Yes! He's very aware of risk. He's very much like, you know, "I want to wear sunblock," and, "Have you locked the door?" And all that kind of stuff. Because of what happened to his mum, I think that's made him, at an early age, aware that, you know, things can go wrong. That's me and my mummy's holding me. Mummy is swinging me around in a circle. My wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2012. And she passed away in June of 2014. Elliot would have been just about two and a half when his mum was diagnosed. I think he's really properly understanding it now and he sort of comes out with really heartbreaking things. He says stuff like, his sister was older than he was when Mummy got sick, so his sister had more time with her than he did and he feels that's unfair. It's tough, but we're kind of... We're getting through it and we have quite a lot of fun, which is good. Do spins. ELLIOT CRIES Come on, Elliot. Elliot will be working to hit all the same developmental milestones as the other children but he's doing that in the context of trying to process and make sense of a huge emotional experience. That is a lot of work for him to manage. What do you mean you're always wrong? OK, I will try a quiz now. Tell me the names of... four different colours. Yellow... Yellow... OK, that's one. ..orange, green, erm, green, blue, red. You've got the answers right! Yellow, orange, pink... ELIZABETH: As he develops, as he begins to build those relationships that...he will recover from this. I'm really hoping, as the week continues, to start to see moments of him building that courage. Are you ready? We're ready! Ready, go! What is 2 + 3? It's five! No! Yeah, exactly, five. Team Friendship first. We think 70. And we think... Er, what was it again? Erm, erm, we think five. Five. You think five? The answer is... Five. 2 + 3 = 5. THEY GROAN Punch. How many healthy foods can you name? (Sweetcorn.) And apples. (Cheese.) Team Rainbow. We've got apple and... (Cauliflower.) ..cauliflower and... (Broccoli.) ..broccoli and... (And carrots.) ..and carrots and... (Fish.) ..and fish and apples... Right, you've said those ones a couple of times, you've given me five. Broccoli and... carrots and cheese, pasta. And... (Toast.) ..toast. (Chocolate spread.) Chocolate spread. It's very tasty, I don't how healthy it is. Kiwi. And kiwi. How many days are there in a week? Theo, what does your team say? I said five, please. You said five. Seven. 17! The answer is seven. TEAM FRIENDSHIP CHEER One point to team Friendship. I told you! There are so many points! Let's count them up. Team Friendship with one point more are the winners. THEY SCREAM Not fair. I need a pen, please. If you tell me something exciting, I'll give you the pen. What? Erm... Not funny. HE GIGGLES OK. You can have one turn of the pen. In the art corner, Lola, Tia and new girl Zoe are seeing who can come up with the best cake. I'm making a cake for my best friend Lola. I'm going to make a cake for MY best friend Lola. I'm not going to make a cake for you, then. What? For you, I'm not. Well, fine, I'm making still a cake for Lola. I'm going to put some strawberry on it. I'm putting lots and lots and lots and lots of fruit on Zoe's. I'm going to make a little happy face on hers. Well, I'm making a birthday cake for you. I'm making a birthday cake for not you, for you, Lola. Aw, that's nice of you. Well, you're just the horriblest friends. SHE GASPS I only have two friends - one or two or three or four. I'm trying to make some more, so I'll get like 50, 100, 8. Lola lives in Darlington with her parents, who are both teachers, and her one-year-old sister Mabel. We've encouraged her to be quite assertive and to be sort of confident and things like that. Mmm. MOCK WHISPERING Boys, stop talking, please, while I'm talking, that's a little bit rude. You can tell when she's not happy about something as well, her attitude changes, the way she speaks changes. Ma-a-bel, please get your foot out of there. And the fingers come out and the hand goes on the hips and we have to say, "Hang on a minute, you're four." No! Don't say no to your big sister. Mum Hayley is expecting a third child in just a few weeks' time. I'm a little bit worried if Mummy had another baby. Ouch! It'll be me, Mabel, then a new baby and another baby. So I'm a little worried if I can't fit in that house. She likes making friends with people who she can talk to and stuff as well. Yeah, like who are on the same level. Got to be on a similar level. She falls out with friends all the time. Yeah, she does. But at that age... Nothing major. Yeah. She quite enjoys the drama, I think. Connie, would you like a go? Out in the playground, Lola's taken a shine to new girl Connie. You're doing it, Connie, well done. The currency of friendship is hugely important to girls, even when they're only four. That's because they've got advanced language skills and they've got that emotional capacity to relate. Connie, how old are you again? Four. I knew that. Are you four? Yeah. Girls do have a tendency, and I know parents will really relate to this, to having a best friend or a close coupling. They often get described as being quite cliquey. You're in a pairing and it's quite exclusive. There's a secret way down, look, down there. But there is also that possibility that it can become quite intense. This is my best new friend... Connie. ..Connie. I was going to say that, Connie. Who wants a go on the seesaw with me? Someone can go on the other end, please. I need someone. Wherever he goes, Elliot always has a cuddly toy in tow. What's your bunny's name? Bunny. You can't have a bunny called Bunny and a donkey called Donkey! I want my Donkey. Elliot is really hesitant and he brings in with him a toy and all parents are going to relate to this idea of the toy as a comfort. These belong to me. Yeah. They're mine. Being familiar with something reduces your anxiety, gives you that confidence, makes things easier. My T-Rex. We have a theory that we use a lot around what we call the transitional object. A transitional object is something that children get attached to that has significance or meaning for them and that's why it's transitional. It takes you from A to B and looks after you on the way. The green elephant is Flappy, the giraffe is Cherry. It's special because I like the key mark and I like the wings. They are always with me. And I never leave them downstairs. When there's monsters, I hide under it. I take it to London, Manchester... ..and Southend. By the time children get to Reception, most of them will have begun to put their transitional object down because they're more interested in the world around them and, importantly, they are noticing that most of their peers don't have an object. Come and sit on the benches, OK? Remember, we have to work as a... Team! ..team to make one den. Outside, the children are taking part in a building challenge. Put your hand in if you'll win. First up, the girls. Go, girls! They've set their sights on a castle. You can share with me, Lola. TIA: I'm in charge, everyone. No, no, no, nobody's in charge. We're making it together as a team. No-one's in charge, sorry. This is really hard for four year olds because we're putting a huge demand on them, cognitively speaking, asking them to focus and to keep their attention on task, but also to hold in mind the big plan of what it is they're trying to make. We need to start joining them up, OK? You're being so bossy. No, she's not. After half an hour, their fairy castle is complete. Is yours going to be better than the boys', do you think? Yeah. You think you're going to whip it? Yeah. Now it's the boys' turn. This is all the amazing stuff you have to make your den. Yeah. Elliot, what would you like to make? A Spitfire. Joe, what would you make to make? A Hawker Hurricane. And Ivar? Brilliant. Theo? I want to make a twinkle star. OK, listen, you've all come up with something that can fly. You all need to work as a team, do you think you can do that? Yeah! Three, two, one, go. These are all my pieces. What's that? An aeroplane. My wings. I think mine is going to be a really cool aeroplane. Do you know what you would like to be when you grow up? An inventor. He instinctively understands how things work and how to fit them together. There we go. And then, also, he gets stuff that I don't get, which is when you could just feel really old and hopeless. I fixed it now. He will now just take himself off to his room and he calls it his workshop now. He'll come down and he's invented this Lego thing, which is really cool and I'm amazed by what he's made. And this is the back. This is the back, that's the front. Elliot is in head-down construction mode. This is my box. He does have excellent ability to sustain and direct his concentration and focus. And what happens is, if you lose that, you end up wrapped up in nine yards of Sellotape. We want to work as a team on our own, don't we, Elliot? Yeah. Good. What's really pertinent about what's happening for Elliot here is that collaborative play, that being able to share your idea and develop something with a partner and I think he's really found that in Joe. Remember, Joe, that's yours. Don't tape me up! Now. Come on, cut it, now. Yeah, cut it. This is now a platform for him to really bring that confidence into his social relationships with others and he can invite other people in to share in what he's doing. The boys have completed their masterpiece, an aeroplane. The winner of the den building competition is... the boys' team! Yeah! Good work, boys. And there's another medal. I'm so glad you won, Joe, con-grang-nations. Yeah. High-five, Joe. Congratulations. I love this game! . Fantasy role-play is a really powerful tool that children use to learn. When we're interacting with real people as adults, we can't afford to make mistakes. For children, when they're in fantasy role-play, this is their chance to experiment without it being the case that what happens actually matters. # Oh, God, just leave me alone # I want to be alone. # Singing is definitely part of fantasy play and make-believe. SHE SINGS: Lola is doing this brilliantly because she's able to take some complicated ideas and feelings that she has and turn them into a song so that she can better understand them and also, really importantly, so she can tell other people around her how she's feeling. # But you don't want to be my friend. # I'm going to make a big trap door. Me too. Out of the playground, best friends Lola and Connie are playing princesses. I'm going to be Princess and I'm going to stay in that bed and sleep. Oh, my goodness. Tia's character, Sleeping Beauty, is trying to join in. No. You can stay in this country. There, I mean. SHE SOBS She's gone, she's gone. For children of this age, they can become so immersed in their fantasy play that the lines between fantasy and reality can become quite blurred. Now, in friendship terms, this can become quite dangerous. Go away, you. I know what you're going to say, you don't want me. No, I know you're joking. No, I'm not joking, I'm telling the truth, really. Lola's in her play-acting voice. Yes. When she goes into her American voice, she's in her play-acting voice. Yes. So now we're in play, but the subplot here is who can join in, who can't, include, exclude. But even though they're in play, I still think Tia is genuinely upset at being excluded. Yeah. You're the horrible princess I've ever...met. She said you're a horrible princess. I think we're all sad because she's saying bad things about us. The play has now moved on to... The theme of the play is the marginalisation of one group member, which is...I mean, that's so difficult. How about tomorrow we don't play with her, we don't play with her any more? If it had started from a fantasy-play session, there's definitely something real about it. Who's in? Super girls! What is hugely important to remember about watching this dynamic with these girls is just how normal this is. This is the currency. It's happening everywhere all the time. Well, it's in every playground, every classroom, every parent can relate to this. This is where this starts, and this is so typical. Come on, let's go and make her angry. Going away from you. You're the horrible princess friends I've ever met. Because of our adult empathy skills, we can relate to how this feels and think that it looks very cruel. What we have to understand is that girls are making sense of relationships by playing with them, by pushing the boundaries, by testing the limits, by getting to understand it. And this is a developmental process. You're just the worst friend I've ever had. And you also hurt my feelings. Now, I need to let you know that they're not for now, they're for later. Can we have one tiny sweet? I'll be back in a little while, I'm just going to put these away, all right? After lunch, a sweet machine has been left in the classroom, with strict instructions not to touch. Who wants to get one? No! You need money actually to get them. Ah-ah-ah! No sweets! What?! What?! How did it get out? You have to twist that, then it comes out. You've got your sweet, no more sweets for you two. What kind of sweets do you like? All sorts of sweets. I don't eat sweets any more because my daddy doesn't let me. Oh, Elliot is interested. Wait, wait, wait. How did you get one without money? You have to twist that. Without money? At four, their desires are paramount. Can they actually stop themselves doing something they really, really want to do? Elliot is telling her. Turn it, turn it. Oh, my God! SHE SCREAMS CHILDREN SCREAM That was Zoe. Yes, but with a really clear prompt from Elliot. It's great to see Elliot looking so happy and relaxed. And actually, a little bit naughty, which is what all four-year-olds are. No, she's not going to be mad with you, she's going to be mad with Zoe. I can put so many in my mouth at the same time. It's interesting how they react so differently, isn't it? Look at Elliot, he's got a mouthful. Nobody turn it any more, OK? But I just keep doing it by accident. What happened? It was Zoe. Oh, goodness. I really want you to tell me about what happened. We are so sorry. Thank you for apologising. I'd still like to know what happened, so if you can all get together. Zoe accidentally turned it on and all the sweets came out and we were all like, "Oh, my gosh, she's taken them," and be angry at us. So, Zoe, why did you decide to turn it? Because...because I was excited. He told me to turn the thing. Elliot, did you tell Zoe to turn it? Well, she didn't, yeah, but she listened. She listened, it was her fault for listening! After their success in the building task, Elliot and new friend Joe are starting their next project. What's so significant now is that Elliot's focus is no longer on that security object, he's well established in his relationships, and that's where he's getting his emotional security from. Elliot, I'll make some magic potions in the kitchen, OK? This shows just how far Elliot has come with his confidence. He's able to really let his imagination run wild and engage in a fantastic, imaginative play with his friend. . You didn't kiss boys. It's circle time, and the girls are getting to know each other better. Yeah, I do. That's what's special about me. Such confidence. Yeah, it's lovely that she's not at all shy about it, isn't it? That's a tiny, tiny foot. Her foot finishes where your laces start. She's got no long bone, no toes. Climb inside. She doesn't limp. It is just finding footwear that will stay on. Dad, please. She'll never be able to wear anything like princess slippers, you know, Cinderella slippers. Although she still has a good go! It's a funny foot. It's just a baby foot. That's just the way I was born. So, Connie, can you tell me who did you play with today? Lola. And who else did you play with today? Who else did you make friends with? Nobody. Since Connie met Lola on the first day, she has not left her side. Who would you like...? And tomorrow I'm going to play with her again. Yes. And anyone else you're going to make new friends as well? No, I really like her. She's my best friend. But Lola has started missing her friend Alicia from home. SHE SINGS: Oh, the singing. SHE SINGS: It's very deliberate, it's definitely a tactic that Lola uses. SHE SINGS: Because if you listen to the words, they always mean something. I know. Like she's trying to say them to Connie, but doesn't want to say them out loud, but she can cope with singing them. I miss Alicia. Lola, do you want to be Connie's best friend? Only my friendship is Alicia. Lola, in the singing mode, tells us that she's trying to process something emotional. # My best friend # Best friend forever. # What we can see is the impact of this on Lola's social relationships, which are very complex. At one level, she appears to be pushing Connie away, but on another level, she very much wants Connie to come back and be drawn into her. This is what it feels like to get rejected. It's agony. SOBBING: I want you to be my friend and play with me again. I will, Connie. SHE SOBS Connie... Now you just feel like me when I was sad. Empathy is a really complicated skill. And Lola can recognise that Connie is in distress, but what she's less able to do is feel what it's like for her and to know how to respond to her emotionally. It's clear to see that Lola is really prioritising her own emotional thoughts and feelings above those of Connie. So in that respect, her empathy is not really kicking in because she's just beginning to develop her empathy skills, it's such a complicated skill. SINGING: Taylor has started singing too. This is a full-blown opera. It's contagious. Hi. Hi. Look at Taylor coming in to comfort her. Such amazing empathy. Aw! What's wrong? I will help you. Everyone is at a different point in terms of relating to others and seeing them as beings with feelings and reactions. What Taylor is able to do is to understand the emotions that are being experienced, but also really relate to them in an empathic way and show a response that really lifts the mood, that gets things moving. THEY SING . After falling out with the girls earlier in the week, Tia has turned her attention to the boys. I'm up! Hey, kiss me! INTERVIEWER: Why do boys and girls kiss each other? Because they love each other! INTERVIEWER GASPS My mum doesn't like strangers. 'Adigos'. 'Adigos!' She trying to say adios? THEY CHUCKLE Mum? I met a superhero and he's really nice. I really want to marry him, please, Mum. Yes. Thank you for letting me go back. INTERVIEWER: What's it like getting married? Come on. Follow me. INTERVIEWER: Would you like to get married? No. Why not? Never ever. Never ever? Yes. So, this is where we're going to get married. OK. So, you just go like that and I get my arm under. INTERVIEWER: Do you have a girlfriend? No. Do you think you would like one? No. That's what he's trying to say. INTERVIEWER: Have you ever kissed a girl? Never? No. Not even a little one? My husband! You have to say "my wife". My wife. We got married and then we kissed. INTERVIEWER: What do you think about kissing? It dus... It's disgusting. KATE: Tia, what is your best thing about today? Well, today I was playing with him. With Ivar. Yeah, and we were play... And then we were kissing, and then after that, I said, "I love you" and he said, "I love you, too", and then he started to kiss me. Oh, really? Yeah. What about you, Ivar? What was your best thing about today, Ivar? Er, I don't remember. Of course you do. TIA WHISPERS (Playing.) Er, nothing. Hello. Yeah. Thank you. Come to the doctor's straightaway. Thank you. Bye. Excuse me, Miss. I'm so sorry for what I have to do, but I have to pull your mum's baby out. I'm so sorry. Please, give me a chance. I will be very careful. INTERVIEWER: Where do babies come from? Well, the doctors pull it out of the noony. I'm so sorry, Mrs Mum, I have to pull your baby out. All right, so let me pull it out. All right. My work is done here. All right. I'm glad you had a good time. Thank you. KATE: Right, boys. OK, go sit on the benches, please. It's the final afternoon, and the children are taking part in a blind obstacle race in pairs. OLLIE: Now don't fiddle with your blindfold. Tia, don't go yet. This task is a classic test of children's ability to imagine what something feels like from the point of view of somebody else. So it's really quite a tricky task for these young children to be doing here. Go. Go up. Walk straight. It's a race. Go in there. Through the tunnel. Come on. OLLIE: They're going neck and neck. Who's going to win? Quick! Quick. Blindfold off. Right, take your blindfold off, Jack. Then run back. Run back. Run back! Run back! Run back! Jack and Lola, run back, run back. And we've got a winner. Taylor, Tia, congratulations. BOTH: I've beaten Lola! I've beaten Lola! I've beaten Lola! LOLA CRIES Don't say that. KATE: You all right, Lola? No. What happened, sweetie? The other two team said, "We beated Lola..." Oh, that's not fair, is it? Cos it wasn't just you, was it? LOLA CRIES It's just a fun race, isn't it? Tia and Taylor, Lola just ran over there and she was sad because you guys were jumping up and down and saying, "We beat Lola." Is that being very nice to the people who didn't win? Tia, what do you think? If I was jumping down saying, "I won, Tia lost", would that be very kind? I don't have an answer. Oh, well, have a think about it. I'm sure you can come up with an answer. Well, I don't. Last time, we saw exactly the opposite situation with Tia, where she was cross with Jack for behaving insensitively after they had won a competition. This goes to illustrate something we see time and time again with children, which is that the development of cognitive skills such as empathy is often a process of two steps forward, one step back. Tia will know how to empathise, but she will temporarily lose that ability in certain situations. I don't have an answer for that. Do you? Mm... I do have the answer. It's not very kind, is it? I think we should say sorry. Right? All right, we have the answer. What's your answer? It's not very kind. So what could you do? Say sorry! Yeah, that's our second answer. We're sorry, Lola. LOLA: That's OK. I'm sorry. What is sustaining this group to stay together is the tussle of relationships. We're real sorry. That's OK. We didn't mean to. That's the language. So I'm going to let you two come to my house and you too, to my house to have chocolate. I'm going to faint on Lola. Me too. Isn't it amazing to think about what a four-year-old goes through in an average day? Joy, sadness, anger, envy, disappointment - everything. Ow! But the saving grace of being four is that you live in the moment. Things are so quickly forgotten and moved on from. Oh, bye, Tia. It's about the bumps and the knocks of life, because that's what helps us grow. That's what makes us resilient.