www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Able 2016 # Plain gold ring on his finger he wore # It was where everyone could see # He belonged to someone # But not me # On his hand was a plain... # Gold band # Plain gold ring had a story to tell # It was one # That I knew too well # Plain gold ring on his finger he wore... # PHONE VIBRATES Mum? What do you want? I didn't think you'd pick up. Listen, you know the deal. I call you. You don't call me here. You're ashamed to talk to me? Listen, I don't have time to talk to you. I'm going out. Where you going? It doesn't matter. Some... Somewhere on the island. How's the weather there? Just fine? How's Billy? As if you care. They say he doesn't even ask about you any more. There's more money coming at the end of the month. That's why you called me, right? I'm putting the phone down. Just remember one thing, honey. You're nothing but a dirty whore. KNOCK AT DOOR Just a minute... Come in. Oh! Danny. I thought you were your father. Dad says we need to go. I know, I'm coming. You just wait outside. OK. How do I look? You look very pretty. Come on... Go! I misunderstood him. The fact remains, you and paella do not get on, to the point where basically we're out seven million, because Corky doesn't like paella. That's one version, Chief. What do you mean that's one version? That is THE version! It's a matter of record. You chaps better go on ahead, I think. Truly is some of the most exquisite food... There you are! Starting to think you'd drowned in the bath. Baby, I have terrible news. I have a new date for tonight. He's young, and he's seriously hot. Well, I wouldn't put it past him. All right, come on. Let's go, I'm starving. You going to come with me, Dans? OK. Are we taking the boats? Yes, we are, sir. You might even drive if you're lucky. Yes, you lot. Follow me. Whee! Hello. Nice to see you! For me too. Hi. Jorge, how are you? Good to see you. Mr Roper, how are you? Very well, thank you. Are you still doing the shellfish soup? Yes, of course! The recipe lives on. We'll have that to start. All except for Major Corkoran, who will have the paella. Hi there, how are you? Very good to see you. Hi, darling, how are you? Good to see you, are you well? Good to see you again. I think it is mad, no, I think it's actually hypocritical that if you like eating venison, you ought to be able to kill a stag. I think if you're willing to kill a stag... Danny, want some of this? ..you have to be willing to admit you just like killing stags. Thank you Jed, I now officially love you. Chief, is it OK to baptise the princeling in the ways of the grape? I think that's a yes. Isn't it? Dicky, will you please tell Jed I don't have blood lust? I don't! Beautiful, beautiful fizzy liquid. You've got so many lusts, Sandy. That's why we love you. Isn't it? ROPER: Give the stag an M16, Sandy, then I'm interested. GIVE him an M16? Bollocks! Christ, SELL him. Oh, he likes it. What do you think, Daniel? He likes it. ROPER CHUCKLES Oh, dear! See what you've done! What if he turns out like me, boss? I can see this as a... This is a dark, dark road you've embarked upon. Thank you, Corky(!) Yes. What do you want to do? You want to... What do you think? That is really good. Get on! All right, all right, all right. Go on, then. Come on. Did you like the wine? Where we going? It's a secret. Where are you going? You drink my wine, you steal my woman. Proud of you, Danny. Bring her back in one piece will you? Lord Langbourne is a snob, basically. What? Three generations of Eton or you're not on the map. I'm only one generation, Sandy. So what does that make me? You're paying the bill, Dicky. Which means... you are the map. To Ricardo! Cheers. Good health. Slimy bloody arse-licking creep(!) MODERN FLAMENCO PLAYS Excuse me, small person, out of my way. May I have this dance? Thank you so much. Of course. Right, let's see what you've got. OK, OK, that's fine, that's fine. And again, and round... Very good. Chief, I think she wants to dance. Go on, then, Corkoran. Right, come on, I'll do it. Tear it up, tear it up! Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! ..and right, and left, that's it! It's time to put the children to bed. Oh, no, I hate children(!) Thank you, great dancing. Guys, goodnight, sleep well. Come on, ignore it. Dance with me! DRIVING GAME WHINES FAINTLY ..if you had Chateaubriand every single day, there'd no point at which you'd go, "Oh, for God's sake..." CONVERSATION CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY No. Corky has smelt the... Nobody move! Nobody move! SCREAMS This is a robbery. GUNS DOWN! GUNS DOWN! ON THE FLOOR! GUNS DOWN! Why do you got guns? You police? You police? No, no, no, they're with me. Put the guns on the floor! On the floor. Roper, please, Goddamn it, Roper. Frisky, Tabby, do what he says. (On the floor!) And everyone stay very, very calm. We're going to do exactly what this gentleman wants us to do. And everything is going to be fine. You are a rich man. Yes, I am a rich man. I'm going to give you all the money we have, I'm going to give you wallets, jewellery. We'll give you anything in the restaurant till. And then, you're going to leave. Right? Jorge, will you check the till, please? Tell him no alarms. No alarms, Jorge. And slowly! Everybody stay very, very calm. Dad! It's all right, just keep looking at me. Back off. Back off. Tabby, Tabby, Tabby, step back... He's your boy? Yes. He's my boy. Danny, it's fine, just keep looking at me. It's fine. Jewellery. Wallets. Just give him everything we have. OK. In the bag! It's all right, Danny. That's all? Where is the real money? That's shit, man! Where is the rest?! We can send for some money. How much do we have, Corks? About 100. There you are, $100,000. We can have it here in 15 minutes. All you have to do is let the boy go. It's all right, Danny. It's all right. HE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE We contact you. We contact you. You bring the money to us. We give you back the boy. No, no, no, we will give you money. No, no, no! We will give you money! But you have to leave the boy here. We contact you! No, no, no. On the floor, on the ground! No. You take me instead! You don't have to do that! Back off! SHOUTING AND SCREAMING Down on the ground! Everybody on the ground! Everybody on the ground! Daaaad! We contact you. ROBBER SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE DANNY WAILS OTHERS SHOUT All right, all right, all right.. Stay there or the boy dies. Dad! Daaaad! On the ground. On the ground. On the ground. Get down! Shut up! METAL CLANGING Who's in there? Go. Go back to your mother. Go. Go! LOUD SNAP, MAN GROANS You bastard. You were supposed not to hurt him! It needed to look real. HE GRUNTS You want it real? I'll show you real! CLATTERING AND SHOUTS We'll show you real! Oh, Jesus, Danny, Danny. Just one second. Just wait here. Let me just see what's going on. Come on, big man. Danny. He's all right. Oh, God, Danny! DANNY CRIES Are you all right? What hap...what happened? They ran off. He scared them. He saved me. Who saved you? What... Who is he? Where the hell's he come from? He's our seasonal sous-chef from England. He was working in that kitchen. DANNY WHINES We need to call the police. Chief, we doing medical attention? I know him. What's his name? Thomas Quince. He is from Devon in England. No, he's bloody not. You're Pine, from Switzerland. What are you doing here? Sandy, we need to call the police. No police. PHONE KEYPAD BEEPS No police. No. Hold on, Jorge. Just hold on a second. How's his pulse, Frisky? Yeah, it's quite sporting, Chief, all things considered. You hearing me, Pine? We're going to get you out of here. Corky, get the boats ready, will you? And call the hospital. Which one? Well, our one, not the death trap on the main drag. Tell them to get ready to operate, and get a hold of that Israeli fellow. What's... Dr Shimon? Drag him away from whatever Russian party he's currently at. You must have given them the fright of their lives. No police. No police. Right, Jorge, I think we can keep this between us, can't we? I'll pay for any damage done. Corky can sort the bill. Anyone you want us to call? A girlfriend? Family? Still alone, are we? Well... ..we're going to take care of you. Thank you. Hey. Hey! Any sign of him? What went wrong? Let me get this. He went off script. WAY off script. Broke an agent's arm in three places. What's he playing at? He said he wanted it real. So they made it real. They think they might have killed him. What do you mean killed him? Well, Roper didn't call the cops, so...we don't know where he is. Goddamn it, Angela. This thing was perfectly choreographed. He knew exactly what we had to do. Hector, do you remember Angela Burr from Baghdad? Sure do. Welcome, ma'am. You two still working together? Yeah. No-one is more mystified by that than me. Sir. You should hear this. Come on, sit down. Corkoran is calling a number in Gloucestershire from his mobile phone. Tony? Lance Corkoran here. Pressing matter, I'm afraid. Chief needs your good offices. Got a pen? The name is Pine, like the tree. First name Jonathan. Goes under the name of Thomas Quince, like the fruit. 360 degrees. Ta. Well, he's alive. They wouldn't check on a dead man. PHONE RINGS Rob Singhal. IEA. Rob. I want you to put his name out. Splash it large. I want an international warrant for the arrest of Thomas Quince, Jonathan Pine, Jack Linden. Er... Murder, multiple theft, dope-running, obtaining a false passport, and identity theft, and whatever else you can think of. All right? Do it now. He's crossed the bridge. Yeah. Now we're burning it. HAZY REGULAR BLEEPS Thomas. Thomas, I'm not sure if you can hear me. They say your face is mending well. You've also cracked several ribs. You're so brave, but you're going to be fine. Dr Shimon's the very best, otherwise Roper wouldn't use him. Listen. Is there anyone you want us to call? A loved one? When you were sleeping, you mentioned someone called Sophie. Should we call her? Just raise your finger if you can't speak. Roper is away on business, but he'll be back soon and he can't wait to see you. Where...am...I? (Are you awake?) (My father says I'm to thank you for saving my life.) (I'm sorry I ran away from the table. I won't do it again.) Do you want me to read to you about squid? This slow-moving, alien-like squid lives at depths of up to 200... DOOR OPENS Piss off, would you, Frisky, old love? Well, that's a better colour. Lovely deep purple. Better than the blue baboon look of last week. And sitting up! Dare one hope we're on the mend? Actually, I'd like to go soon, please. Absolutely, old boy, soon as the Chief gets back. What do I call you, by the way? When I was doing the forms at the hospital, I had a conundrum. "Well," I thought, "this is a bit rum. "Is he a Thomas Quince, "or is he a Jonathan Pine?" So I put Mordechai Phillips. LAUGHING: To this day, I've no idea why. Mind if I smoke? Smoke ourselves, do we? In better times? A bit. Nothing like a fag when you're cooking. Do you want one now? No, thanks. Bloody good grub at that place you were working. Were those saucy mussels all your work? Mmm? Well, I am blown away. And did you cook at that Swiss hotel? Or... merely rob the place? It's a tricky one, you see. The Chief is a stickler for details, so we called the Meisters Hotel to ask for a reference, and it turns out you are nothing more than a common thief. 40,000 euros swiped from the safe, the police called, Herr Meister's positively seething. No wonder the Chief has a few questions to ask. But he says they can wait until you're better. Although I'm not so sure we're quite as poorly as we're making out. In fact, I'm not sure at all about you, Pine. I think you might be stringing us along. Hmmm? And if that's the case, when you're better, I will hood you, and hang you up by those lovely ankles until the truth falls out of you by gravity. Toodle-oo. Frisky, piss off back in again, would you? Make sure our valued guest doesn't try and make a run for it. You know the best way to make a bloke talk? Fizzy drink treatment. Up the nose. Bung the mouth. And if you've got a funnel handy... Oh, it's even better. Hits you right in the switchboard. It's bloody diabolical. DISTANT WHIRRING Oh, my goodness! Daddy! I caught a lobster! You caught that? Oh, yeah! Javier helped me. Did he? Good for him. Yeah. Good for you. Hello, darling. How are you? Well done, Danny. Well done. Hi! How is the patient? You sleep now. Tomorrow, we'll find out who you REALLY are. Apo, how are you? Good to see you. Very good to see you. Have a seat. Thank you very much. So have you eaten? CAMERA CLICKS You sure you know your lines? HE LAUGHS I'll do my best. So, tell us about Limpet. Well, Limpet's an ongoing anti-arms operation based in Washington. Standard tracer op. It's been running about a year. Who are you going after? Richard Onslow Roper. Director of Iron Last, and we think a lot more on the side. That wouldn't surprise me. I came here to see if there were opportunities for mutual collaboration and intelligence sharing. Angela was happy to come on board, and I was hoping you folks would kind of do the same. All right. Where are you at at the moment? Well, it's been going pretty well, wouldn't you say? Yeah. Erm, we have some photographs here of a meeting that took place in Madrid, between an Alexander Langbourne, Roper's money man, and a Spanish lawyer, Juan Apostol. It's possible they were discussing a future arms deal. Did you get any audio on that? Unfortunately not, no. So it's possible they were discussing their children's Christmas parties. What about on the ground? Got anyone close to Roper? Er, not right now, no... In development? You know, getting someone on the inside, Harry, that's a long game. What I want from you guys... Let me stop you there, Joel. Angela runs her own modest enforcement agency and she can do what she likes. Roper is an obsession of hers, he was when she was with us here at the River, I suspect that he always will be, but I hope you understand that I can't spend the nation's intelligence budget on an operation whose current status appears to be somewhat catatonic. I would need a little more. Right, that's, er, that's disappointing. Life's disappointing, Joel. Just ask Angela. Please, come back when you have something. OK? Our door is always open. Was that dull enough for you? Oh, are you kidding me? I never knew an American could sound so much like a total bloody loser. LAUGHTER How do you stand it, Angela? "Modest enforcement agency." God! Well, he's not wrong, is he? But they must never know about our boy, Joel. No mention of him in comms, nothing written down, nothing at all, yeah? We keep River House on the outside. It's too dangerous. UPBEAT MUSIC OK... let's go, dream boy. Huh! Come on. Go left. Up the stairs. So the silly sod is insisting on 10% and he is digging his heels in. All right, we'll let him enjoy that for a week, and then we'll take it away from him. I'm happy to go with that. Ah, there he is. Dans, you're on. Thank you very much, sir, for rescuing me. I hope you're feeling better. You're very welcome. All right, now scram. See if you can catch us some mackerel for supper. And take the dogs, will you? Go on, Shirley. Go on, you foul-smelling creature. You'll call him, will you? Yep. Leave it with me, I'll deal with it. Don't waste any energy trying to sweet-talk him, just lay it out, let him sweat. All right. All right, Frisky, no more interruptions, no-one on the terrace. BUZZING What the hell is that noise? Oh, Javier is blowing leaves. Well, tell him to knock it off, will you? Cease and desist. How's the face? It's fine. We'll be all right. So, what do you want? I'd like to... to go back to the restaurant, if that's all right. That's not what I meant. What do you want...from the world? LEAF BLOWER STOPS I don't know. I haven't got a plan. I'm taking some time out. Don't believe you. You've never relaxed in your life. If you say so. Just sit down. ROPER SIGHS Everyone assumes that I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. It's balls. My father was an Oxfordshire auctioneer, taught me the price of everything, but the drive to create all of this, that comes from me and me alone. Where does it come from in you? I'm not sure I have what you describe. OK, you patched me up, I'm very grateful for that, and now I'd like to go. Corky can't make you out, you see. Suspicious chap, Corks. He's got bad vibes about you. Why did you kill that fellow in Devon? It's all over the wire. We had to call the police, no choice. They'll be here any minute. You are a cool cucumber, aren't you? He cheated me. And you didn't like that? No, I didn't. Quite right. The MacArthurs have confirmed for dinner, so... that makes 12 tonight. Or 13. Come and tell us why you think this one's a bad apple, Corky? Well, his references aren't too clever. Luckily for you, old Jorge was so desperate for a sous chef, he didn't bother to check them. You faked them, Pine? I needed the job. I needed it fast, I didn't have time for formalities. Where'd you get the passport? I met a girl...in Devon. Didn't we all. Pretty little thing. Who's Quince? Her ex. He'd never been abroad, he'd never had a passport, so I took his name. You've taken a lot of names, haven't you? It makes a man wonder who you really are. So, father killed in Belfast, no close relationship with mother, married once for six months, we can assume not a triumph. Two tours in Iraq, distinguished service. And on return, what? Despair, depression, and then five years as a night owl in the hotel business. What was that? Hibernation? Burying yourself alive? And then a sudden moment of madness. Thieving, narcotics... murder. ROPER CHUCKLES SOFTLY This is bloody chaos, Jonathan. Do you even know who you are? Those two chaps you smashed up in the restaurant, did you know them? No. They hadn't eaten there before? Did they look like they'd eaten there before? Ever sailed a boat for them? Is this some kind of interrogation? Let's pretend it is. Did you cook for them? No. The mussels were marvellous, by the way. You weren't the lookout guy? You didn't switch roles halfway through? No. That's another of Corky's theories. Listen, I haven't asked for anything, all right? I don't expect a reward, I certainly don't appreciate this investigation into my personal life. And, frankly, I'm bored of your hospitality. Maybe I'm not squeaky-clean, but nor, I suspect, are you and your little friend here, so maybe we just leave it at that. Little friend! I know! Charmant! Where are you going? I'm leaving. What are you going to do for a passport? I have a passport in the name of Thomas Quince. Where is it? Corky, sock him the bad news. The passport's gone, old love. Thomas Quince had to be shredded. What are you talking about? It's no good getting in a paddy, my dear. Your cover's blown sky-high. Tom Quince is on every wanted list on God's earth. Murder, theft, sadly not buggery, but we'll work on that. That was my passport. That was mine! Well, you're going to have to learn to be someone else, aren't you? DOOR OPENS I said no-one in here! Sorry, baby, I didn't know. Jesus! Sorry, my darling, I didn't know it was you. It's actually good news - Thomas is going to be staying for a while, till he's fighting fit again. Oh. That's great. You want to come for a swim? Go on. Corky can lend you some Speedos. I'd like to. SHE LAUGHS Corky, why don't you put him in the fisherman's cottage at the end of the estate, while we work out what to do with you. All right, boss. And what am I supposed to do until then? Well, you can keep Dans company. We were supposed to have a school friend here for the holiday, but the bugger stood him up. Mother doesn't approve of me. One more thing... ..I run a tight ship here. You're right, we do a little swashbuckling every now and then, but we play straight with each other. Now, you saved my boy and I'm grateful, but if you step out of line... we'll make you howl for your mother. What size feet have you got? 12. Hmm. Now, house rules. No phones, no postcards to Devon dumplings. No messages in a bottle. The chief values privacy... as do we all. All the way down to the beach, as far as you can go, and it's on the right. Alternatively, fill your pockets with stones, walk into the sea... and keep going. Anything? No. SHE SIGHS Bloody hell! I hate this bit. Senor Roper. Morning. I was wondering if I might take Danny into town? What for? A change. He likes you, doesn't he? I hope so. I like him. Frisky and Tabby will go with you. Pine... ..thank you. Be sure to get me something, won't you? One of those darling little serrated knives, perhaps. According to a buddy of mine, you've been telling the truth ` nothing but the truth. But not the whole truth. Really? What did I miss? 18 months, as far as I can tell. And not just missing. My buddy has the distinct feeling it's been covered up. Someone's been into the library before him and pinched volume three of Pine's memoirs. So I've asked him to find it. And he will. Cos he's my buddy. ENGINE STARTS It's me. They're on the move. BIRD CAWS Do you always have this much company, Danny? Since the restaurant. It's a bit boring, isn't it? Yeah. Oi! DANNY GASPS It's OK. It's all right. DANNY LAUGHS Danny? Yeah. What do you say... to an ice cream? Yeah? Yeah. Great. Actually... JONATHAN GRUNTS ..why don't you ask Frisky and Tabby if they want an ice cream as well, huh? OK. Would you like an ice cream? No. Really? Would you? No. They didn't want one. They don't want one? No. They are very strange, aren't they, those two? Yeah, especially on a day like this, who wouldn't want an ice cream?! What's your favourite flavour, Danny? Pistachio. JONATHAN ORDERS IN SPANISH MAN REPLIES IN SPANISH Danny? Yeah? Do you know who's...coming to the party on Sunday? It's a select group, around 25. ANGELA SPEAKS SPANISH Sorry, I need to hear the complete list, all the names of all your ice creams. Oh, gracias. Sorry. That's all right. I think Sandy and Caroline will probably be there, won't they? I don't know who's coming. You see, I've got this problem, it's Major Corcoran. I don't think he likes me very much. Why not? I don't know. But he's trying to find out everything he can about me. All the way back to the time of the ancient Egyptians. THEY LAUGH Mmm. Muchas gracias. Settling in all right? No, I have a long list of complaints. Take it up with management. HE CHUCKLES Off every tree you may freely eat - maids, serving wenches, cooks, typists, masseuses, nannies, even the lady who comes to clip the canary's claws. (But if you lay one hand on that precious fruit,) (then like the Belgians in the Congo,) (we'll chop it off.) And I don't mean the hand.