www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Able 2016 ALL: # Happy birthday to you # Happy birthday to you # Happy birthday, dear Elena # Happy birthday to you. # CHEERING AND APPLAUSE My darling daughter! The most beautiful girl in the world! CHEERING A marvellous necklace from Paris! ALL: Ooh! The most expensive necklace! ALL CHANT IN SPANISH JUAN IN SPANISH ALL CHANT IN SPANISH CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Enjoy the party! CHEERING LATIN DANCE MUSIC CORKY LAUGHS Thank you. What about austerity, Apo? This is austerity. You should have seen our country five years ago. Tomorrow's business... Uh-huh? By the way, my Arab friend is concerned you can't deliver the merchandise you promised. I wouldn't worry about that, Apo, it'll be fine. I hope so. Ah, Mr Barghati. Sandy. How good to see you. LATIN DANCE MUSIC SHE WHIMPERS Oh, my goodness! Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord! What's happening here? MAID SOBS SHE WHIMPERS, JUAN SPEAKS SPANISH Que pasa? SHE SOBS MAID SOBS LATIN DANCE MUSIC Jesus! Help her! Help me, please! Elena! Elena! Elena! Elena! ELENA! She must've been in so much pain. Yeah, well, she's caused a lot of other people pain, too. We had to reschedule that meeting. Still, the canapes were good. What do you want to do about our Arab chum? Bring him out to the villa? I don't much like that, it's too risky if someone's got a watch on him. Invite him to the children's party. There'll be lots of people there, you can do your magic tricks. Try and get them right. Fix it up, will you? OK. Sorry, darling, I don't know what I was thinking, it was a crass thing to say. So, all of this? Down to the private beach. And then to about a mile beyond the point. Roper wants to buy more, but the bloody Spanish won't let him. HE CHUCKLES Hm. Must be nice to see your dad, though. Do you play tennis with him? I have lessons with Lewis. Roper's not here much. Well, I expect he works hard, eh? That's why he has such a big house. I bet you've counted the rooms. 23. There's three kitchens. And the big office by the pool. And there's Roper's secret study in his bedroom. Except you? Special guest? I'm not. He calls it 'the citadel'. And there's one key, and he hides it. Do you know what's inside? He says it's full of peppermints. Well, I'd lock it up too, if I were him. THEY CHUCKLE Plus, there's an alarm. They test it every day at 11. You have to be really careful. Why? This is where I cut my foot last year. Roper made me stand in the sea for about half an hour ` because of the salt. BELL TOLLS Ever since his daughter killed herself, he comes here every day. And that's not all. Yesterday afternoon, he calls the hotline of the Madrid Public Prosecutor's Office, says he has information regarding a world-class illegal arms deal. Operator asks his name, he hangs up. Assumption, a priest's advice only goes so far. PRIEST SPEAKS SPANISH Gracias, padre. Gracias. Mr Apostol? Who are you? I'm your guardian angel, Mr Apostol. I can't sleep. Every night... I ask myself the same question. What I could have done? HE SOBS Now you're having a child... ..you can understand how I feel. I can, Juan. When you called the Madrid office, you had blood on your hands. And I'm here to wash it off. How? You know Richard Roper? Yes. He's a friend. Juan, he's not a friend. He dragged you down and he dragged your daughter down too. If Roper wasn't in your life, I think she'd still be alive today. Sorry. Now, God knows how you bear it, I...I don't think I could. Listen, I'm on the side of the angels. We're good people, we play it straight and we keep our promises. OK? But I need your help. Do you know Lance Corcoran? Yes. He's Dicky Roper's right-hand man. Right, well, that's what needs to change. Are you pink? Socialist, left-wing, march of history, that sort of thing? It wouldn't bother me if you were, it's another one of Corky's bugbears. He seems to have a few. Yeah. Been in a lot of foxholes, me and Corky. Once spent a week together in a police cell in Delhi. I don't think I've ever laughed so much in my whole life. Was he drinking then? Well, now, that is a deeply odd thing to say. What business is it of yours how much he drinks? When my father was serving in Belfast... ..a sergeant in his platoon got drunk one night, told a local girl what the next day's operation was. The man I loved most in the world was dead for five pints of lager and the promise of a quickie. Right, so you don't drink and you're not pink, what are you? Me, I'm a free man. Free to think, free to work, free to climb a mountain or lie in bed all day eating peppermint creams without any bugger telling me how. Then I'm a free man. Oh, that's the free part, the man part's a little different. See, children grow up thinking the adult world is ordered, rational, fit for purpose. It's crap. Becoming a man is realising...that it's all rotten. Realising how to celebrate that rottenness, that's freedom. SANDY: Here we are. SANDY GROANS Come on. Chop chop. Let's go. Mademoiselle. SHE GIGGLES Merci, monsieur. OK. Senor? The bags, please. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for coming. Have a wonderful day. Caro, divine as ever. Sandy, sort of acceptable. There you go. Apo, my dear old friend. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. Thanks. How are you? I can't even imagine. Mr Barghati, thank you so much for coming. Please come inside. Let's see if we can feed and sustain you before we get down to business. And did you get the sweater? Great. Does it fit? Mmm. Uh-huh. OK. Love you. Bye, honey. SHE SOBS KNOCK AT DOOR, SHE GASPS I'm so sorry to interrupt. The guests are arriving and the party's going to start soon. The story begins in Egypt 4500 years ago. The ancient Egyptians invented this game. It is literally the oldest trick in the book. Now, you start with a ball. We have one, two, three cups. You lay one cup like that, one cup like that, one cup like that... All right? Now, I'm going to take the ball and I'm going to place the ball in the cup. Shake the cup. Turn it over. All right, now, you have to watch very closely. You have to watch the cups. I'm going to move these two round like that. This one round like that. Everybody clear on where the ball is now? Danny, where's the ball? You think the ball's here? No, Danny, the ball's in the middle! LAUGHTER You're not watching the cups, Danny. Thomas is watching the cups, aren't you, Thomas? You're a gym bunny, aren't you? Aren't you? A little cold gym bunny... He can't stop his mouth - in every way. Corky can get a little overexcited when he's drunk. Yes, that is what Mr Barghati is worried about. That little smile... Oh, hello! According to our friend, he has been shooting his mouth off - talking about things he should not. Barghati doesn't want him involved - condition of the deal. Thanks for that, Apo. Spit. Yeah! CORKY LAUGHS Come... Come with me... And it's a funny thing, isn't it? If you want to piss... I am so sorry to interrupt, but can I just borrow the old man for a second? Oh, of course. Thank you. Excuse me. Bye. Bye. Bye. I have just spoken to Apo, and he has a... There you go, Danny. Thomas. ROPER: For God's sake... Roper, Thomas and I are going to go for a little stroll. All right, darling. Frisky, Major Corkoran is here with some friends of Dorothy that I would like to have escorted from the premises. You and Tabby can make as much noise as you like. All right? A pleasure. Tabbs. CORKY: If you need to relieve yourself, it's good to do it into a suitable perspective. It's better than a urinal, isn't it? God's urinal, I call this. You've got to break it up. You're giving the boss indigestion with your buddies here. Come on, lads. The party's over. Frisky, go pee-pee. Leave your drinks here. Frisky, don't be too rough. WATER SPLASHES Who are all these people? How should I know? You're not curious? Why should I be? It's business. Which is what? Buying and selling agricultural equipment. Caro says Sandy tells her everything. That would drive me insane. You shouldn't have seen me like that today, in my bedroom. I'm sorry. The door was open. I thought you were dressed. That's not what I meant. I don't care who sees me naked. I do care who sees me crying. You tell no-one you saw that, is that clear? Of course. I'm going swimming. Want to come? Ah... I don't think that would be wise. There's no current. DRESS UNZIPS That's not quite what I meant. I know it wasn't. HE SIGHS There she goes, beyond the ha-ha! One day, Thomas, you'll live a little. HE EXHALES HE BREATHES HEAVILY INSECTS CHIRP TRAFFIC RUMBLES SIRENS WAIL KNOCK AT DOOR Erm, come... Rex, do you have a minute? The Permanent Secretary would love to see you. Erm, yes. Is that a yes or a no? Mm-hmm. WOMAN LAUGHS DOOR OPENS Rex, come in. You know Geoffrey Dromgoole, of course, and his team from the River. Rex. Barbara Vandon from the American Embassy. Rex Mayhew, my undersecretary. Good to see you, Rex. Barbara, how are you? Rex, it's this Limpet thing. Limpet? The Joel Steadman enforcement operation with Angela Burr on side-saddle. Yes, I know what Limpet is - it's an enforcement case. It's nothing to do with Langley... or River House. Well, it's what Barbara feels we ought to be discussing. Rex, Langley has been completely railroaded on this. Currently, we have a joint operation on foreign soil between two extremely fringe outfits. They're chasing international arms in an area of the world that is...way beyond their comprehension. It's crazy. I have to say, I agree. You know, Limpet is operating in a highly incendiary region, and I would hate to see that run out of control. In my view, it should be placed under a purely intelligence jurisdiction, acting on a political brief, but it's not my decision. SIRENS WAIL No, it's not. I'm sure I don't need to remind you or your team that my recommendation, accepted by the Permanent Secretary, was that River House was overextended, and that enforcement agencies were urgently needed to prosecute any areas of international criminal activity that were, for whatever reason, slipping through the intelligence net. In that context, I find the actions of River House somewhat inimical to the new era of parliamentary accountability and transparency. Does that answer your question? Why don't we leave it there for today? Thank you. DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS Have you got a moment? Not much more than that - Celia's cooking rabbit. That's all it will take. HE SNIFFS Good job in there. You pressed all the right buttons - accountability, transparency... I don't like being bullied, never have. You see, the thing is, I'm not sure that Limpet's quite the abject failure that Angela Burr would have us believe. Really? So, the day that the Limpet case is ours, you get an uncle in Switzerland who has suffered an untimely death... a rich uncle. I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. You're in over your head, Rex. It's... Don't answer now... but think about it. Enjoy the rabbit. Morning. Hi. Are you not swimming? I'm not in the mood. I like you, Thomas - you see everything and say nothing. SHE SOBS My husband is screwing our nanny. What a cliche. Jed said I should have hired an uglier girl but the agency only had stunners. SHE SNIFFLES Could you do my back? Don't worry, I don't want to sleep with you. Why is he keeping you here? I don't know. Grooming you, is he? For what? You just be careful. Roper's planning a big arms deal to Apo's Lebanese friend. Weapons from seven British and American companies - weapons no-one should be trading in. Roper's using a company called TradePass to fence the deal. He pretends it trades in agricultural equipment and his investors pretend to believe him. You can stop rubbing now. Why are you telling me this? I just want to be honest with someone in this world. Does Jed know? No, of course not! Sandy screws everyone and tells me everything. Roper is steadfastly faithful and tells Jed nothing. Do you think I should tell her? Maybe. HE GRUNTS If it's worry for your boy, forget it. He knew what he was getting into. Did he? So, you and Mr Burr, are you making a go of it? Well, you know, like my mum says, "You make your bed - you die in it." No, Gordon's a decent man. It's not his fault I'm not in love with him. Listen... Oh, Joel, let's not have that conversation, please? Well, you can't deny the past. Past is all it is. It doesn't have to be. SHE SIGHS Joel... You silly sod. JOEL CHUCKLES BIRDS TWITTER Hi, Corky. Frisky. Hey, Danny. Thomas, have you seen my phone? I haven't. Sorry. Dad'll be cross. Everyone's cross. And Jed's not talking to Dad. What's going on? I don't know. I'll tell you what, why don't I come downstairs and read you a bedtime story, and we can look for your phone in the morning? OK. Yeah? Yeah. What should we read? I don't know. Which one's your favourite? Three Little Pigs. OK, the pigs? I can give you the Thomas version - Two Little Pigs. HE EXHALES COMPUTER BEEPS What's that? That right there. Punch that up. Punch that up. What is it? It's your boy. "Seven tractor firms" - seven armament manufacturers? "Home sale with best friend" - that's the UK and the US. "Buyer in Beirut via Worst Man". Well, Worst Man is Roper - Roper's the middleman? What's TradePass? I'm not sure, must be a front organisation. What I do know, though, is Roper's pressed the green light. All right. OK. Hey, guys... OK, so, just put the cases by the taxi and then you can jump in. Good girl. Pop in. Jump in. OK, put your seatbelts on, guys. CARO CRIES SOFTLY OK... OK. Here we go. ENGINE RUMBLES WOMAN SOBS Get in the taxi, you bloody whore! Caroline, for... You bitch! Caroline, for Christ's sake, she's going. She's going. She's go... Caro... Bitch! Whore! Caroline. Just shut up! All right. Just shut up, Sandy, you shit! What, you like the show? You like the show, Dicky? Dicky Roper? CAR ENGINE REVS See you later, guys. Jed, darling... Don't even. New Zealand's leading mobile network presents the magnificent 7. Superior water resistance, spectacular low-light camera, ultra-slim design, expandable memory, fast charge, super AMOLED display and enhanced for virtual reality. The magnificent new Samsung Galaxy S7, from just $37 a month over 24 months with a $99 deposit. In store or online only on Vodafone. Where is everybody? Monaco. Huh. Two days of meetings. Things are ramping up. And you're not... You're not going too? Not me, no. The girl was supposed to go but she's blown him out. I'm staying with her. We're going riding instead. Didn't she invite you? Oh, dear. PINE CHUCKLES Very good. Well, have a nice time. CLOCK TICKS, INSECT BUZZES HE BREATHES HEAVILY ALARM BLARES ALARM CONTINUES ALARM STOPS, HE EXHALES JED: I'll just be a minute. What are you doing in here? I brought you some flowers. Why didn't you give them to the maids? I have to change. Close the door. You can't be in here. This is our bedroom. What is that? I found it on the desktop. You broke into his office and you spied on his papers. You have to be more careful. CORKY: Darling, Angel, Sweetie, everyone's starving... He can't see you. Get rid of him. Are you decent? What's going on? Nothing. I'm coming. How was your trip? Noisy. I hitched a ride on a C-130. Oh, fun. How was yours? Fine, thank you. I'm not sure why we had to make it. Is there a reason we're doing this in person? Well, Halo is not too keen on intermediaries just now. And yet he's sent you? There's an enforcement operation called Limpet. We have to keep our eyes on it. Halo says you need to be careful. I am always careful. How far have they got? They've drawn a line between Langbourne and Apostol. Jesus. How did they manage that? A photograph of a meeting. Are they after buyers or sellers? We don't know. We assume both. You can assure Halo that we have taken every precaution. We have received intelligence of our own. We are changing the guard. Good. They move now. This is iPhone 6s. Not much has changed with the camera, except how you take a photo, find a photo, share a photo. Ooh, Mom's gonna love that one. Your photos themselves have changed too. They move now. And the camera shoots video in 4K. You can even shoot slo-mo in HD ` wait for it ` splash! ALL CHEER So, yeah, that's what's changed. JED: 'How was your meeting?' It was fine. It was fine? Don't be so bloody childish! Look, Caro was upset. She wanted to get back at Sandy so she started spreading manure. That's it. End of story. That's what it is - it's just a story? Jesus, Jed, what the hell is the matter with you? Tell me why I should believe you. Why shouldn't you believe me? When have I ever lied to you? Oh, you...you don't lie to me. What? What do I hide? The truth, Roper! Well, what about your truth? What about the things you hide from me? I don't hide anything from you. You have a child, Jed! You have a son. Let's start with him. Or don't you think he counts? How do you know that? We're not talking how, we're talking why. Why would you hide that from me? That was not included in the brochure. Screw your brochure, Roper. You don't own me. No-one is entitled to know things about me that I don't want them to know. Oh, but you're entitled to spy on my life? I can read a bloody bank statement. I'm paying money to raise another man's kid. I know that... ..and now anyone listening to this phone call knows it too. Apart from that, how was your day? PHONE BEEPS COMPUTER BEEPS PEN CLATTERS TO FLOOR On your feet, soldier. HE GRUNTS Where the hell did he get that? "Halo". Yeah. BIRDS TWITTER They're back? Apparently so. The chief wants to see you. Not you, him. Present for you on the table. Thank you. I told them to put some visas in it and make it look scruffy. Never trust a new passport, in my view. Always go with the old 'uns - like Third World taxi drivers, there's a reason they have survived. "Andrew Birch"? We like the tree thing - we thought we'd stick with that. It's all official. You are reborn. The visas are real. If you want to renew, go to the consulate abroad - less risky. PASSPORT CLATTERS TO GROUND What's up? Erm, I thought that was my present. Well, it can be, if you do something for me. Right. Sandy, papers. Mm-hmm. We're going to need a witness - preferably Spanish so they can't actually read the bloody thing. I'll get Carlos. Is he 18? Yeah. Wait, what is this? What am I signing? Jesus, Pine, for a murderer on the run, you're pretty bloody picky. I am giving you your own company. Erm... Look, I... Look, I really... I don't know anything about running a company. You don't have to. All you have to do is sign as Andrew Birch. Why don't you practise a few signatures? Get the feel of it. HE CLEARS HIS THROAT Andrew Birch. B-I-R, C for Charlie, H for Hotel. Go on. Manly one. Go for a manly one. Andrew Birch in a hurry. ROPER GROWLS Andrew Birch. One more. That's more like it. DOOR OPENS Carlos, ven aqui. Necesito que firmes esto. There and there and one more there. Carlos, here, right at the bottom. Good lad. DOOR OPENS DOOR CLOSES Welcome to the family, Andrew.