T.REX'S 'GET IT ON' www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Able 2016 (Women scream excitedly) Another Terry Leather low mileage gem. Got your glad rags sorted out for your wedding tomorrow? Yeah, course, Terry. A new suit - two buttons, 9-inch bum flaps. Nice. Ingrid WILL like that. So, you're gettin' married tomorrow, Ingrid? I hope so. Go on - get off home. Go and make yourself look more beautiful than you already are. If that's possible. Terry...promise you won't get Eddie too legless tonight, will ya, at his stag do? We're just goin' round the pub - couple of pints and a singsong. (Mutters) (Shouts) Hey! Fuckin' what are you tryin' to do to me, eh? I've got Jessell's money. The problem is it's tied up in these cars, and you wankers wanna trash the lot of 'em. Mr Jessell doesn't care about your inventory. He wants to know when he's gettin' paid. Any day, I swear, Perky. Oh! What did you call me? I called you 'Perky', Perky. Everyone calls you Perky and him Pinky. Pinky and Perky? Yeah. They're fuckin' cartoons pigs on the telly. People call us that behind our backs? They're not gonna say it to your face, are they? Well, you just bloody did. Yeah, well, you got me rattled. You're very intimidating. (Sighs) Don't make us come back again. (Wolf-whistles) Not every customer's a satisfied customer. What are you doin' round here, Martine? What are you doing tonight? Tonight? Tonight's Eddie's stag do. I'm takin' him out for a drink. Why? I've got a proposition for you, Terry. A proposition? Can you meet me at the Players Club before you see the boys? I'll fill you in on the details. Make it nine o'clock. Oh, morning, Gale. Morning, Tim. Top floor? Summoned by the gods? Something like that. Get up to any mischief this weekend? I don't know what you're talking about. I'm a married man. What do you think - am I presentable? I'm not sure about the tie, darling. Hmm, what's this? Peace and love. Too much of that nonsense, we'll both be out of a job. Michael Abdul Malik. Calls himself Michael X in homage to Malcolm X, his American counterpart. The pinko press would have us believe this Michael X is a crusading champion of the poor and oppressed. The black Robin Hood of Notting Hill. The richer, whiter and more famous, the more they fawn over him. The truth is he's a slum landlord, a drug dealer and a pimp who should have been in prison years ago. Are you not charging outrageous rents to my brothers and sisters, Mr Brown? I'm charging the same as your slum-lord friend Lew Vogel. 10 quid a week is too much for these shitholes. (Clicks fingers) (Gasps) You know...I always wanted to meet a white man by the name of Brown. (Chuckles) You know what this is? It's a slave collar. And the white man made my mothers and fathers wear this to bend them to his will. Can I bend you to my will, Mr Brown? Arggh, arggh! He's your faithful dog now, Michael. (Gasps) Michael, I don't think we should get our hopes up here. Kidnapping, extortion, assault on this man, Brown, here, as well as your previous problems with the law. I mean, you could be looking at 10 to 20 years for this. (Scoffs) I don't think so. I am smarter and better protected than whitey thinks. MAN: All rise. MAN: It seems Michael X has managed to keep himself out of jail by threatening to release damning photographs of a certain royal personage. Until we get our hands on these snaps, the police can't move, the public prosecutor won't move, and the Home Office doesn't want to know. Has anyone actually seen these photographs? Yes. But at the moment I'm not at liberty to say WHO that person is. We've had Michael X under surveillance for quite a while. He keeps a safe deposit box at the Lloyds Bank in Marylebone. We believe that's where the photos are located. Well, it seems straightforward enough. I'll send a team into this bank and take whatever he has in the safe deposit box. That would have to be sanctioned at the highest level, and that's not going to happen. Ah. Do you see our problem? There can be no connection to 5 or 6. So you want me to come up with something that avoids any accountability for anyone? We'd welcome suggestions, Tim. You're young and ambitious, Tim. A chance to make a name for yourself. Thank you, sir. WOMAN ON P.A.: Passengers arriving on BOAC flight 47 from Barcelona, please proceed to baggage carousel three. Excuse me there, miss. Can I have a word? Yes. Where have you been? Morocco. I'll have to check your underwear. Be my guest. KNOCK AT DOOR We found what we were looking for. Found what? What were you looking for? (Sighs) Oh, Tim. Thank God. I'm in a spot of bother. MARTINE: What have you been up to? TERRY: Nothing much. You? I was in Morocco recently. Business or pleasure? A bit of both. Drinks are on me. So, are we gonna sit here all night making small talk? I know you, Terry, and I know your mates. You've always been looking for the big score. The one that makes sense of everything. I have it for you. What? A bank. A bank? As in rob? How would YOU know about a bank? I've been seeing this guy. He runs his own business - security systems. Next month they're installing new alarms in a bank in Marylebone. The trains have been setting off the trembler alarms in the vault and they've had to turn them off. So, for a week or so, they won't have any. Now, why would he tell YOU all this? We were having a laugh about it. "Imagine if half the villains in London knew about this," he said. (Laughs) And I thought, "I KNOW half the villains in London." I grew up with some of 'em. Look, me and my mates might have been involved with the odd bit of skulduggery, but can you see us tooled up, takin' on a bank like the James Gang? No, this isn't about waving a water pistol at a cashier's head. This is about getting into the basement where the deposit boxes are - hidden, secret wealth. Money and jewels that are safe to steal, 'cause people won't report it. Hold on, hold on. We can't talk about this here. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Terry. We can't pass it up. I didn't expect this from you tonight, Martine. What did you expect? Eh? I'll have to think about it. You better get off to your stag party. Thanks for the drink. Eddie tells me his brother invited you to the wedding. Are you going? I'll see you there. Can I get a Campari and soda, no ice? Yes, sir. Thank you. Well, Tim, sweetie, what do you think? Is he up for it? Maybe. Cheers, gorgeous. So, are you coming in? I don't know. It's late. Do you need to run home like a good little boy? (Sniggers) I guess I've got time. DOG BARKS What exactly do you do? A bit of this, bit of that. How did you and Hakim meet? I met Hakim in Los Angeles last spring. He was raising money for a black Montessori school and writing his life story. And what an extraordinary life it has been. The book is called 'From the Dead Level - Malcolm X and Me'. I've read the manuscript. Hakim is a poet. The voice of the black soul. A friend is throwing a thing next week to celebrate the launch of Hakim's book. You are all invited. Hakim, tell us more about your book. It's about being born black in America. Can any of you imagine what it is like to be born a black man in this world? Can any of you white women imagine what it would be like to bring a black baby into this world? Evening, sir. 'LOLA' BY THE KINKS PLAYS MAN: Go on, my son! Get in there! MAN 2: Come on! (All cheer) Whoa! MAN: What do you think, Kev? Why are we even havin' this conversation? We're not... Here's your beer. Maybe that's why we could get away with it. It's a bit dauntin', isn't it? Maybe that's why we could get away with it. It's a bit dauntin', isn't it? You know what scares me more - living in dire with nothin' to show for it. Do you know how old Mozart was when he composed his first minuet? No. Five. Five - a fuckin' minuet. And how would you know that fact, Terry? Because it's tattooed on that stripper's arse, Kevin. What the fuck's it matter how I know? It's a fact, and you're missing the point. What I'm trying to say is it's time we stopped fuckin' about and stopped pickin' the shit from under our fingernails. Shtum, lads. Coppers at 12 o'clock. 'IN THE MIDNIGHT HOUR' BY WILSON PICKETT PLAYS MEN CHEER KNOCK AT DOOR Oh! What are you two doing here personally? I thought you were way past being your own bagman, Gerry. Your associate Sonia Bern has raised prices at that knocking shop of hers - 120 quid up from 100. And your point? A rising tide lifts all ships, mate. I think we are owed some money. Oh. 'Cause even Sonia's can be raided. Yeah, you'd do that, wouldn't you? You'd kill the goose that lays your golden egg. That would be dumb, wouldn't it? But, then again, everyone knows coppers are dumb. (Scoffs) Yeah, well, you can do one thing for me. You can stop your colleagues from having their boys' night out in my clubs. (Groans) They're loud, they're lewd. And they expect free oral sex. You know what? That's disgusting. I mean, most of 'em have families. We'll pass the word along. Lew, you tell your greedy little bobbies to go and find their perks elsewhere. No one's gonna bother me. My patrons could have the lot of these bent coppers put out to pasture. I say spread the wealth around and keep the peace. Five quid a week extra. That's all it's worth. I'll pass it on. Drysdale. (Chuckles) Urquhart. Lord Drysdale, can I offer you a drink before your session? Very kind of you, Sonia. Good to see you. As well, Urquhart. As well. (Laughs sinisterly) Good girl. Tighter, yes. That's a good girl. Everything OK? Yeah. SHUTTER CLICKS Harder, harder. (Grunts) APPLAUSE MAN: Nice one, Eddie. WOMAN: You look beautiful, Ingrid. (Sings) # Whoa, yeah... # Louder! Come on. Hey, what's the matter? Come on. WOMAN: Give him a snog, Ingrid. Come on. Hello. Saw you in a magazine the other day. The Campari ad on a beach. Nice. It must have been an old one. I'm not modelling anymore. I dunno why. You're still a knockout. What you doin' these days, Dave? Me? Oh, bit of film work. Extra, you know. And you, Kevin? Still snapping, I see. The wedding photos? No, no, it's just a favour for the family. Fashion's my game. Fashion and passports. And the odd snap of a wayward husband. Thank you, Dave. So, what's the verdict, boys? We're interested. The first thing we should do is take a look at the place. Suss it out. Maybe open a box of our own. I've already done that. We can go and have a look tomorrow. Tomorrow it is. Heads up, lads. Alright? Oh, she's adorable, your little one. She's off. What a gorgeous flower girl your eldest made. Thanks - Catherine. I do envy you. Kev, do you wanna dance? Yeah, come on. It was lovely to see you all. Ciao. Ciao. Alright, Wen? Alright. She envies me. Is she being sarcastic? I suppose what she meant was money can't buy what we have. Didn't you used to go out with her? No, love, that was Kevin. He had this big thing for her. Oh! And you didn't? No. Not like me and you - love at first sight. Oh, yeah. I remember that night. You was with your mate Audrey at that disco. I saw this gorgeous little bum in a pencil skirt. I thought, "I've gotta have that." But Audrey, she already had a bloke, so I pulled you. Oh, you cheeky sod. Daddy! Daddy, come and dance with me. Come on, Dad! (Kevin mutters) Piss off, Kev. Good morning. I'd like to access my safe deposit box, please. Martine Love. L-O-V-E. Certainly, madam. (Vogel whistles) VOGEL: Taxi! You're an actor, right? That's right. I did a couple of films for you, Mr Vogel. Yeah, right. TAXI DRIVER: Where to, guv? So, what were these films you were in? Oh, forget about it. Go on. Technically it's what you call, uh... ..pornography. You're joking. No. So you've been goin' round town with a 12-inch mutton dagger hanging down your pants? That's nothing to be ashamed of. Nice. Fake. I've got a posh party at the weekend. This is the one. The lease is available. Finally. How do I look? Good? Not your best, Dave. MARTINE: Here we go. How come you got the inside dope on this place, Martine? She knows this bloke, runs a security company. Bloke? Is it serious? Are you gettin' married? He IS married. All the best ones are. Here we go. Marylebone Road and Baker Street. On the corner here is the bank. Next door is the Chicken Inn. And at 189, Le Sac. And the back here is an underground car park with direct access to the shops' basements. We can pull in here from Glentworth Street into the car park for drop offs and pick-ups without being seen from the street. We'll dig a tunnel from the basement of the shop, under the Chicken Inn, and pop up in the safe deposit vault. I got a question. What do us lot know about digging tunnels? Nothing. But I know a man who does. So, what do you reckon, Bambas? What do I reckon? I reckon I know you guys. But I don't know her. Don't worry about Martine. She's solid. We go way back. Terry, you have been up to some mischief in your time. But this, this is serious shit, my friend. Don't you think it's a little out of your league? Maybe it's time we stepped up to the first division. There'll be reinforced concrete under the vault. We're going to need a thermic lance, a jackhammer, a generator, lights, ropes, cables, the works. It's about 40 feet of digging before we're under the bank. We could hire some Micks from Camden Town to do the digging. That's brilliant, Dave. Let's pay their National Insurance contributions. Then you won't get dirt on your Tommy Nutter suit. MAN 1: This way, Michael. One more shot. This way. Thank you, that's great. What are your plans? I am returning to Trinidad to liberate my brothers and sisters from the enslavement of the British colonialists. What about the charges you are facing? How can you leave England? They are liars and cowards. If they had anything against me but their fear of me, I'd be tried and jailed. TERRY: See you later, Bambo. MARTINE: We'll need a front-man on this ` someone who can sign the lease on the shop and look the business. I know someone. Guy Singer - calls himself 'the Major'. Talks a load of bollocks, but he's got this right posh accent if anyone comes nosing about. Bit tight under the arms, don't you think? Traditional fit, sir. If one can't raise one's hands above one's head, it tends to inhibit any impulsive acts of surrender. I'll be right back, sir. What on earth are you doing here? I've got a bit of business for you, Guy. You might be tempted. (Gasps) Sit down, love. What do you think you're doing? Taking the E for a test drive. Tell your boss he can have his inventory back when he settles Mr Jessell's debt. And it better be soon, or we'll be back to tap Terry's kneecaps. If I was you two, I'd be lookin' for another job. TYRES SCREECH Lovely. Cheers. Cheers. Romantic dinner on a Monday night? Romantic dinner on a Monday night? (Clears throat) Look, honey, uh... ..I'm gonna be working some strange hours over the next week or two. So don't ask me what I'm doin', because I don't wanna lie to ya. What ARE you doing? Look, I know I've caused us a few problems with those cars that aren't selling. All I was trying to do was get ahead of the game. This thing's gonna put us there. (Quietly) Will it? Yeah. In a better place. It's for all of us. For you and the kids. And how afraid do I have to be, Terry? (Sighs) Maybe it'd be a smart thing if you went and stayed with your aunt. In case things turn to custard. So we are settled. 25% to run my girls till I return from Trinidad. You don't have to worry. I'll look after your little flock of birds like they were my own. So long as you remember they are not your own. (Exhales) While I'm in Trinidad, I can arrange for a shipment of some high-grade ganja. Not interested. (Groans) Do you want my opinion? I think drugs are responsible for the moral decay of this country's young. No - smut, smut and more smut - that's my special area of interest. Think about it. You could make a lot of dough, especially with the police in your pocket. No, I'm paying enough bung as it is. But probably not as much as you're donating to be permitted to leave our fair shores. Not a shilling. I have something so special I don't need to pay anyone. And what would that be, Michael? Sorry, Lew. Well... ..whatever it is, you crafty bugger, I hope you're keeping it safe. Yes, as safe as it can be. In the place that you recommended. NZ's leading mobile network presents the Magnificent Seven ` superior water resistance; spectacular low-light camera; ultra-slim design; expandable memory; fast charge; Super AMOLED display; and enhanced for virtual reality. The magnificent new Samsung Galaxy S7. From $0 on a $129.99 Red+ 24-month plan. In store or online, only on Vodafone. You're late. Sorry. (Slams door) This is the Major. Major Guy Singer - the final member of our team. I don't know this man. Who are you? None of your business. No secrets around here. The Major's a con artist. Usually elderly widows. There's no need to bring that up. (Chuckles) Now he's the official new owner of Le Sac. Handbags and leather accessories for the discerning lady. Nice. I told the District Planners Office about the remodelling. They gave me the specs for the sewerage, drainage, gas and power lines. We'll have to go deep to miss that lot. What's this for? That is the thermic lance. It cuts through concrete and metal. We're doing this. Hey? I mean, we're bloody goin' for it. Let's see what this thing can do. Good idea, Kev. Give us a demonstration, Bambo. OK, hold this. Hold it. Here, Kevin, go stand over there by the oxygen. Here we go. Ow! HUBBUB (Shouts) Turn it off! Turn it off! Loco! They know what they're doing, these people, do they? Absolutely. Professional criminals. What's the worst-case scenario? They get caught and go to jail. No possible connection to us. What about this model you're screwing? What promises have you made to keep her in line? None that can't be broken. (Sniggers) She's our only tie to the operation. If things do go belly up, it'll only take one cut to sever the knot. What's Gale Benson up to? I believe she's working her way into Michael X's inner sanctum. WOMAN: Could you sign my book, please? Daddy! I am so glad you decided to come. This is my father, Sir Leonard Plugge. Always happy to meet Gale's new friends. Her new name is Halekimga. It's an anagram of the letters of our names - Hakim and Gale. And your name is? Hakim. Hakim Jamal. Right. Excuse me. Hello, gorgeous. So, where's the author? He's over there signing his masterpiece. Well, you better drop by the house this weekend and introduce Mr Jamal to Mother. Sorry, Daddy, can't do that. We're popping on down to the islands for a while. Let me get you a drink. Good luck with your book. So, have you read this book of his? Hmm, you must be joking. Right - you're probably undercover, spying on black power's insidious threat to the British way of life. That's very funny. Tell me, is our little enterprise still shipshape? We're currently on schedule, Tim. We're taking over the shop on Friday afternoon. I know if this stuffs up, I'm in poo-poo land. MAN: We have a blue transit van just pulled up with 'Clacy Builders' on the side. And we have one man entering the shop. Construction crew for Le Sac. I've got a question. What do we do with the dirt we're gonna dig out of the hole? It's all been worked out, Dave. We dig another hole in that corner over there and put it in that. Over. If we're to get the job done before the bank opens Monday morning, we'd better get a wriggle on. Wanna do the honours, Martine? DAVE: This is it. Here we go. Watch your nails, Martine. JACKHAMMER CLATTERS (Men applaud) BAMBAS: Let's get this show on the road. JACKHAMMER CLATTERS CROCKERY RATTLES JACKHAMMER CLATTERS That's some racket there, Alf. Bloody hell! What's going on? Kev. Dave, come on, mate. Dave, you need a break. I'll take over. Cheers, Major. Heads up. Where's Dave? No idea. Where did you get to? Just checking the door was locked. Of course it's locked, Dave. I locked it. Hang on. What have we got here? What's this copper want? Christ, he's not going in there, is he? KNOCK AT DOOR I'll go. Shit! Dave, Dave, get back here. (Shouts) Stop. Hold it down. Someone's at the door. Stop, stop, stop! There's somebody at the door of the shop. (Shouts) Bambas! Bambas! Hold on. There's somebody at the door. Look, I don't mind going. It's my job. Coppers. It's the Old Bill. KNOCK AT DOOR Good evening. You're working late. Round the clock, Officer. Expanding our storage. Trying to complete renovations for the... Well, if you don't mind, sir. Excuse me. Are you using a jackhammer down there? Yeah. You had some complaints, Officer? Yeah, from some of your neighbours. We'll try to keep it down, alright? Alright. MAN: I wonder how they talked their way outta that one. Tim, Quinn here. Yeah, we just had a copper go into the shop. Not sure why. He's gone now. Oh...all clear. We need a lookout. Someone on a roof somewhere. We've got the walkie-talkies. What about Eddie? He's a good lad. We can trust him. No! We're not cutting anyone else in. We won't cut him in on the loot. I'll give him the car lot. Hopefully I won't need that headache anymore. KNOCK AT DOOR MAJOR: God, not again. Get up there, Major. DAVE: Cover that up! It's not the coppers. KNOCKING CONTINUES Yes, can I help you? Delivery for Dave Shilling. What is it? Chicken and chips. I see. Takeaway for Mr Shilling. Thanks. You can't be serious. I was starving. MAN ON P.A.: Mind the gap. Radio's in the bag. Binocs as well. There's a bed-sit on the top floor. Paid for the week. There's a ladder will get you to the roof. You're in from Liverpool, looking for work. I don't have a Liverpool accent. Then don't talk to anyone, Eddie. (Gasps) I'm up on the roof and I've got a good view - all directions, over. Are you in position, Nightjar? Command HQ here. Acknowledge. Yeah, I'm in position. Uh, I can see the front of the bank, Marylebone Road, Baker Street. I can see everything really well. All clear on the Western Front, Guy. Over. No names, Eddie. Sorry, Dave. Hey, you delinquents. What have I told you? No idle chitchat. (Quietly) Fuckin' hell. Wakey-wakey, gentlemen. I'll keep an eye on the shop from here on. You two go round to Glentworth Street, (Sighs) JACKHAMMER CLATTERS Nightjar here. There's some fella looking through the window. Er... Oh, hang on. Wait, hang on. He's...he's goin'. He's goin'. Yeah, he's gone. Over. Um...roger, Nightjar. Over and out. I'm gonna go to the pub. Grab some more smokes. Do you want anything? Ooh. Uh, packet of Seniors. There you go, sir. Two packets of Rothmans, two Senior Service and eight bags of crisps. OK. Hello, gorgeous. Are we still on track? We had a scare last night. The cops came around. Can't you pull rank and make sure it doesn't happen again? No, we can't show our hand. We're invisible, remember? I wish I was. What about your friend Terry? Where's he planning to carve up the proceeds? Shit. A pint here, chief. What's wrong? I needed to take a break. Who was that you was talkin' to? I wasn't. He was trying to chat me up. It does happen, you know. Right. There you go, love. Cheers. Keep the change. Thank you. Anyway, what are you doin' here? Are you following me? No. I just wanted a pint. Then enjoy it. Hello, Gale. Where have you been? You're rather impressed with our friend Hakim, aren't you? I know - rule number one - don't get emotionally involved. It doesn't mean I can't enjoy my work. YOU certainly do. (Chuckles) What does your father think of your consorting with these radicals, anyway? "We are not amused." Of course, if he knew what I was really up to, he'd have a heart attack. Oh. Here you are - credit cards and cash. If he does have copies of the photos and negatives there, they'll be hidden. Find them, destroy them and then get out. Michael X thinks he's safe tucked away in Trinidad. That'll all change if we're successful here. Just remember, Gale, he's a nasty piece of work. He's a crazy, dope-smoking lunatic pimp extortionist, is what he is. Everything OK, Nightjar? Anything that I need to know? Yeah, everything's alright, mate. Um...listen, what if I wanna go for a pee up here? I don't know. Use your imagination. Stay off the radio unless you see any Old Bill, alright? Yeah, alright. If I see the Old Bill, I'll let you know. Um... I'll speak to you in a bit. Over. Hey, Bambas. What's all this brickwork? I don't know. It wasn't on the plans. Arggh! Terry! Fuckin' hell. (Shouts) Terry! You alright, mate?! Terry, talk to me! (Coughs) Oh, fuck! (Shouts) Terry, talk to me! (Coughs) Are you alright? I think so, yeah. (Coughs) What happened? The floor just caved in. Bloody hell, Terry. Don't do that to me. I thought you was a goner. Give us a light, Dave. What's down there? It's a pile of skeletons. You're jokin'. Let's hope they're not the last gang who tried to take this bank. (All laugh) Latin. Roughly translated - "Lamb of God, forgive us our sins." How do you know Latin? Catholic school - the bleeding heart sisters of eternal misery. Interesting date - 1665. You know what year that was, don't you? The last time West Ham won the Cup. It was the Great Plague of London. This must be a burial chamber. A crypt where they dumped the bodies. What - all these poor bastards had the plague? Well, they could be infectious. I don't think so, Dave. This crypt goes all the way under the bank. It could put us in the vault quicker. Well, how are we gonna do that? Concrete - floor of the vault. (All laugh excitedly) Time to get paid for all our work. Right. If we hit the restaurant by mistake, we'll be knee-deep in fried chicken. I'll be happy if we don't hit the sewerage. When are you guys gonna hit the vault? I'm freezin' my tits off up here. Over. MAJOR: In the army, soldiers would pull on their puds to keep their blood flowing, over. What regiment were you in - the Royal Corps of Wankers? Over. Yes. We welcome new members. Roger, over and out. WOMAN ON PHONE: Emergency operator. Which service do you require? The police, please. Putting you through. MAN ON PHONE: Police here. Can I help you? Yes, I'm a ham radio operator and I think I may be overhearing a robbery in progress. (Laughs) We're in. Dave, get the ladder. (Coughs) (Coughs) (Coughs) We'll make the move into the vault after we take a break. Need to let the fumes clear out. You're havin' a laugh, isn't ya? Let's go in now. Dave, nothin's going nowhere. You can hardly breathe in there. Nightjar, are you there? Over. Nightjar here. Over. We're in. Over. What - in the actual vault? Yes, in the actual vault. Over. Great, great. That's great news. Over. We're takin' a break. We're knackered. We need to get some sleep. Get a bit of shut-eye while the fumes clear out. Over. Oh, lucky you. My eyes are like organ stops. Over. We can smell the money, though. Over. Look, money may be your god, but it ain't mine, alright? I want a warm bath and a cup of tea. Over. You'll get your cup of tea. Just you hold tight. EDDIE ON TAPE: Oh, lucky you. My eyes are like organ stops. Over. We can smell the money, though. (Stops tape) I rang four other police stations before you, but nobody took me seriously. They said it was probably a hoax. How strong was this signal, Mr Addey? I'd say they're within a 10-mile radius. There must be a ton of banks in that area. And when was the last time you picked them up? They've been quiet for about an hour. What about releasing the tapes to radio and TV? Maybe somebody can recognise the voices. No, no. If they hear themselves, they'll stop transmitting. No, we should keep listening. Maybe they'll reveal where they are. Alfie, stay here with Mr Addey. I'm going back to the station. Call me if you hear anything. TERRY: Hey. (Martine gasps) (Sighs) You scared the piss out of me. What are you doin' here? I couldn't sleep. Yeah, a bit jangly myself. (Sighs) I just had to come and have a look. Our future's in those boxes. So, what are you gonna do... with your share? Vanish. Martine Love will cease to exist. Why - you think if you vanish, you'll become someone else? At least no-one will know who I was. Why did you pick Kev and me? You could have found better thieves. Old times' sake. Most of your old times were spent with Kevin... ..not me. Kevin has it in his mind we had this passionate affair. The truth is it came down to four Chinese meals and a roll in the hay. And that was a long time ago. SIREN WAILS BRAKES SCREECH SIREN WAILS Alright. Let's make some money. MAJOR: Look at this! Look at all this cash. (Laughs) DAVE: Fantastic, eh? Gold bars here. BAMBAS: Diamonds, diamonds! EDDIE ON WALKIE-TALKIE: Guys, what's goin' on? Does your wife fancy a tiara? Too bloody right. (Laughs) Get the cash - the cash. Emeralds. (Laughs) MAJOR: This is better than winning the pools. Dave, give us a hand with this one. What's so special about this box? It's my lucky number. All yours, me lovely. There you are. Cheers. Holy shit. You know who that is. It's Princess Margaret. Terry, anything for the Widows and Orphans Fund? Will that do? (Chuckles) God bless you, guvnor. Very generous. We have to have a system. You don't know what you're throwing and what you're keeping. Yeah, well, we know what money looks like, and we're not throwing that away, are we? Hey! Over here, mate. (LAUGHS) Hey! Over here, mate. (LAUGHS) Thank you so much. See ya! I am the master of the way. Thank you so much. See ya! I am the master of the way. ALL CHATTER, LAUGH Hey! Over here, mate. (LAUGHS) ALL CHATTER, LAUGH Hey! Over here, mate. (LAUGHS) Thank you so much. See ya! Hey, thanks for driving tonight. Hey! Over here, mate. (LAUGHS) Thank you so much. See ya! Hey, thanks for driving tonight. You owe me. Thank you so much. See ya! Hey, thanks for driving tonight. You owe me. (LAUGHS) Fair enough. Kate was giving me the eye as well. What?! Kate was giving me the eye as well. What?! She was. No. She was. No. BOTH LAUGH What's that? BOTH LAUGH What's that? Oh crap. Don't worry about it. You're well under. Oh crap. Don't worry about it. You're well under. Yeah, but it's a lower limit now. Good evening. Any alcohol tonight? You're well under. Yeah, but it's a lower limit now. Good evening. Any alcohol tonight? Uh, just a couple... with dinner. Yeah, but it's a lower limit now. Good evening. Any alcohol tonight? Uh, just a couple... with dinner. Yeah. She's fine, eh. Stop. That's over 250 micrograms. I now require you to accompany me to the booze bus... Oh stink. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do say... It's a failed result, ma'am. ...may be given in evidence in court. You could ring a taxi and pick your car up in the morning. Let's call your mum and dad. They're, like, 10 minutes away. your car up in the morning. Let's call your mum and dad. They're, like, 10 minutes away. We're not calling my parents. Let's call your mum and dad. CHILDREN ARGUE We're not calling my parents. Let's call your mum and dad. CHILDREN ARGUE Please. Behave yourselves. No. In the car. INDISTINCT RT CHATTER How long does it take to rob a bank? Yeah. (Laughs awkwardly) BAMBAS: We've just about cleaned this joint out, eh? MAJOR: More cash. KEV: And look at this. (Sighs) STATIC ADDEY: Nah, nothing. No, still nothing. Sarge, what we need is something that will motivate the robbers to go on air, give away their location. Right. Bait to lure the fish. SIREN WAILS No, they're not there. Not transmitting. They're not there, sir. Move to the next bank, Sierra Lima 2. No. We're still getting nothing, Sarge. (Sighs) OK, Sierra Lima 2, move to the next location. MAJOR: My God, the stuff that some people collect. DAVE: What you got there, Terry? '47. '47? Sounds like a good year to me. (All cheer) Alright, then, pass 'em round. BAMBAS: Come on, Terry, give us some. Alright. SIREN WAILS TERRY: Dave, oi! Whoo-hoo! Here are, Major. Get it down ya. EDDIE ON WALKIE-TALKIE: Fellas, they're onto ya. They're onto ya. Fuck. Coppers right on your doorstep. Speak to me, Nightjar. Coppers right on your doorstep. Listen, hang on, hang on. They're not going in, but they're not goin' away. Wait, wait. Sarge, we just heard. The thieves' lookout says there are police outside the bank right now. Which bank? I haven't got a clue. We've got patrols outside half the banks in the West End. Keep listening. We need to pinpoint exactly where they are. EDDIE ON WALKIE-TALKIE: Wait. Hang on. Guys, you got a car just pulled up - some bloke. He's goin' up to the front door with the cops. Guys, he's unlocking the front door. They're goin' in. Shit. Over. Oh, no. Shit. Where's the vault? Downstairs. Follow me. Shh. Looks fine. I want to look inside. It's on a time lock. It can't be opened until tomorrow morning. Mm-hm. (Sighs) Well, it isn't my bank being robbed. Sorry to drag you in on a Sunday morning, sir. Thank you. Fellas, I think they're goin' away. SIRENS WAIL They're gone. We should get out of here. They could be comin' back. Yeah, alright. We need to let Eddie know. Nightjar... SIREN WAILS Nightjar? No...fuck! Shit. Fuck. Shit. Oh, shit. Are you there, Nightjar? The ambulance reports it's outside the Lloyds Bank on Baker Street. Nightjar, can you hear me? Have you gone to sleep, Nightjar? Nightjar, are you there? If he's not pickin' up, something's wrong. You're right. Let's grab all the cash and jewels and get the fuck out of here. What about our gear? We can't leave anything that might incriminate us. We'll come back if we can. What about the other boxes? Doesn't matter, Dave. Put everything in the bag and let's go. He's right. Let's move. Come on! No. There's nothing here, Sarge. Are you sure? There's no mention of the ambulance. Nothing. Move on, Sierra Lima 2. SIREN WAILS MAN: That's them - finally. Come on, let's go! The van is leaving. We will follow them. Over. Stop them as soon as possible. TYRES SCREECH Open the door! What have I done, guvnor? Open the back door. Come on. Some fella paid me 50 quid to pick up his van and drop it at Heathrow Airport. Jesus Christ. Where's the van? Change of plan. It's a precautionary measure. I've organised alternative transport. Why? None of us have met your boyfriend. The alarm bloke who clued you up about the job. He could have set us up. We bloody well pulled it off. Done with military precision, eh, Major? Now that I'm fiscally secure, I think I'll promote myself to colonel. (All laugh) DAVE: Do you know what I'm gonna do? I thought you'd be off to Copenhagen, Dave. Why would I go to Copenhagen? Have your cock shortened. Maybe what they chop off of mine, they can add on to your little pinkie. (All laugh) How did you find this place, then, Terry? A bloke I know used to run a chop shop here. He's in the nick now. How could you lose control of the operation? I thought you were on top of this thing. Sir, they did the job. They robbed the vault. And we have no idea where the fuck they are. Do you know, an ugly thought has just occurred. Lots of money in that vault, jewellery, bonds. You and your sweetie haven't cooked up something between you, I hope. You think I'd betray you? There are precedents. Two of our former colleagues now live in bloody Moscow. Let's hope they don't have another bidder. She won't cross us. She knows what we're capable of. How does she even know who the hell we are? I'm sure she'll contact me when she comes to her senses. Going anywhere else would be a death sentence. You'd better hope she does, Everett. Or it may be yours. (Whistles appreciatively) TERRY: Here you go, Bambas. That's your lot. (Reads) "Never washed after our magic moment. Snookie." Whoo! Oh! Hey, Dave, look at this. I've seen this bloke on the TV. The old perv. I've seen this face before. He's an MP. Lord, er... Maybe this is one of your old movies, Dave. Piss off, Kev. A timely suggestion. I believe I'll take my share and be on my way I'm with you, Guy. I don't have to remind you - keep a low profile. No buyin' Aston Martins, Bambas. The only thing I'm buying is a one-way ticket back to Cyprus. I'm never coming back. We should have a reunion - 20 years, the Savoy Grill. Yeah, right. Maybe for you, Guy. They still wouldn't let us lot in. (Chuckles) Bambo. Goodbye, my friend. Take care of yourself, mate. (Quietly) Be lucky. Bambas. Goodbye, old chap. OK, what's going on? You two have been staring daggers at each other since you left the bank. What is it - a lovers' tiff? I think Martine's got something to tell us. DAVE: Hang about. That's Princess Margaret. Fuck me. Where did these come from? You knew the exact box this stuff was in, Martine. You better come clean and tell us what this is really about. About a month ago, I got busted at Heathrow on a drug charge. This guy I know said he'd fix it to keep me out of jail if I do him a favour. He knew I knew some villains. He wanted to set up a robbery to get these. Fuckin' hell. That would be the bloke you met in the Players Club. The same guy you said was trying to pick you up in the Globe, right? Yeah. So, who is he? He's a guy I met at the Sombrero Club. He works for some shady outfit in Whitehall. Hold on, hold on. What - do you mean MI-fuckin'-5? Or 6? We could get seriously nicked here, Martine. No, we couldn't. All Tim wants is the contents of box 118. The deal with him is we get to keep everything else. And you believe that? You put your trust in some prick we've never even met. You lied to us, Martine. We were sitting ducks right from the start. Thank you very much (!) Do you think it's a coincidence that you get busted for drugs and your Tim just happens to have a plan to rob a bank? This can work out. We give him the photos and everything in that box and we keep the rest and we're free and clear. These people aren't regular cozzers, Martine. They're above that. They do things coppers can't. If they think we've seen these photos, we're as expendable as dog shit. Do you know what? I've seen those shots, and I know we're either dog shit or about to be dog shit. I'm out of here. I'm not waitin' for a load of spooks and coppers to come crackin' my head. I'm splittin' like Guy and Bambas. Be better if we stuck together, Dave. Oh, why, Tel? 'Cause we've been so truthful with each other so far, eh (?) Dave, come on. No, I'm goin' home, Kev. To see me mum. And then I'm goin' far away. As far as I can get away from here. We better get out of here too, in case Guy or Bambas get picked up. We better take the lot of this. There might be someone else in this shit to cause us some more grief. One of those, mate. There you go, guvnor. Keep the change. Oh, thanks. They overheard our radio chat. KEV: Fuckin' hell. (Reads) "Police last night were trying to home in on a �300,000 bank raid." They still don't know what bank it was. 300 grand? It was a bit more than that. More like three million. SIRENS WAIL PHONE RINGS Hello? WOMAN: It's Martine Love. Thank God. Put her through, then run a trace. MARTINE: It's me. (Sighs) What happened? Where the hell are you? London. I know. Of course. I mean, where? I know what you mean. Martine, we have to meet. I agree. Why don't you come over to my place? I'll make you a cocktail. We'll have a roll in the hay for old times' sake. Oh, right. You've already been there, haven't you? You probably have your men keeping lookout for me now. You're not in a position to play games, Martine. No threats, please, Tim. Why didn't you tell me what it was I was set up to get for you? For your own good. I care about your safety, Martine. Right. I suppose I give you what you want, we go our separate ways. Well, that's what I promised. OK. Today, Tottenham Court Road tube. Northern Line, northbound platform, 10:30 sharp. Tottenham Court Road, 10:30. Good. (Reads) "London vaults checked after radio ham tunes into a crime." Christ, what a fiasco! And now the bank has been identified, the story will be all over the news. We've heard it already is. (Sighs) If we don't get on to the case quickly, the police will have nabbed these robbers and God knows what will happen to our photographs. Philip, get over to the bank. Take control of the situation. ..I've just had a conversation with one Martine Love. Where is she? The call was traced to a public phone box in Earl's Court. The good news is she's arranged to meet. That IS good news. TERRY: I'll be better off going alone. Yeah. Tim's agreed to meet. It's all over the news. They found the location of the bank. So what? POLICEMAN: Stand back. Just stand back. Keep the change. Sorry, ma'am, you can't go in. There's been a robbery. We know there's been a robbery. That's why we're here. SARGE: Everybody that works here. That means everybody. Speak to everybody. Gerald. Are you working Robbery now, then? You're a long way off your patch. Regional Crime Squad now. I just rocked by to see what all the fuss is about. Pretty cheeky, that radio bit. These walkie-talkie robbers certainly caught your lot on the hop. It makes us all look stupid. Yeah, well, you're pretty chummy with all the villains around town. Have you got any idea who could have done this? None of my informants. We have been waiting here quite some time, and so far you people have told us absolutely nothing. If you would give us an itemised list of the contents of your boxes, we may be able to ascertain what's missing. Are you mad? The whole point in having a safe deposit box is so that people like you don't know what's in it. I want to speak to a Roy Given. Yeah, that's me. This robbery is now a matter of national security. I want everybody out. This is a police investigation. Not anymore. Call your superiors. Who the bloody hell does he think he is? Spooks. 5 or 6, I can never tell the difference. They all go to the same tailor, and they all went to the same bloody school. Let's get some copies of the walkie-talkie tapes out to the news boys. Maybe the public can help identify the villains. So, tell me, which of the boxes were ransacked? The lot - 100s through the 400s. (Exhales) Well, we're in the crapper, Gerry, both of us. Both? Well, why is it my problem? Accounts have to be balanced, records kept. And I wouldn't likely keep the books around here now, would I? Spell it out, Lew. Be more specific. I have a ledger. A record of every payment I've ever made to you and your colleagues. It was in my safety deposit box. And I think we can safely assume it's now in the possession of the robbers. Jesus wept. I think you'll agree, we have to find those villains before your HONEST colleagues do. For fuck's sake. PHONE RINGS (Coughs) Who is this? Lew Vogel. Hold on. Get up. Come on. Wake up. What do you want, Lew? I'm afraid I've got some potentially bad news for you, Michael. Your safety deposit box at the Baker Street bank, what's its number? Why do you ask? Well, over the weekend, some thieves broke into the bank vault and robbed it. So, if your box is in the 100 to 400 numbers, I'm afraid all your stuff will be gone. Mine too, unhappily. What? How can this happen in London? Well, I promise you, it has happened. And I promise you these thieves will be found and dealt with. You can rely on it. I'll keep you informed. Thank you. WOMAN ON P.A.: Mind the gap, please. Anyone touches me, follows me, Martine takes your snaps right to Fleet Street. Understood? Who owned box 118, Tim? You have no idea the danger you and your chums are in, do you? Is that right? And why would that be? You've opened Pandora's box, you dumb prick. That's why. I know what's at stake. And I know how expendable we are. So I'm changing the deal. Oh, is that right? Yeah. You get all your nasty pictures, but here's the twist. We get indemnity - fresh passports, safe passage out of the country - for the whole team. And an official signed document guaranteeing we won't be prosecuted and we won't be pursued. You can't be serious. You can bet your bollocks I'm serious. And we want it signed, sealed and delivered by a public figure of substantial authority. How about the prime minister? He'll do, if you can drag him off his yacht. (Sniggers) You mess with us, Tim... ..we can drip-feed pictures like this to the press. We've got a stack of 'em. Oh dear. You've got until 4pm to confirm we have a deal. We'll be in touch. Some photographs. Well done, Tim. Do you have any more? Apparently there was a whole rogues' gallery stored in one of the boxes. If Lord Drysdale is up to his usual hanky-panky, that's his problem. This operation is about recovering the photos from Michael X. Might it not be prudent to get the committee to consider issuing a D-Notice, to protect everyone potentially embarrassed by this criminal activity? Which we instigated. DAVE ON FILM: Very nice. Very nice indeed. WOMAN: That needs to come off. When I came out, there were a couple of lads taking some photos. Photos of him. He was standing right outside the bank just a few days before it was robbed. I thought at the time he looked a bit shifty. (Gasps) Oh my God! Christ, is that thing real? (Chuckles) I've got it. Dave Shilling - that's his name. Ta-ta, Mum. Look after yourself, love. Dave Shilling? Yeah? I wonder if we could have a word. About what? About a bank. I wanna tell you something, Mr Shilling, 'cause it'll save time. You see... ..I have a very jaundiced view of life. From what I see, most of it's corrupt, venal and vile. I'm just saying this so that you know that I don't have a better nature to appeal to or a compassionate streak. You understand, don't you? I think so, Mr Vogel. Good. (Whimpers in pain) I have a kidney stone I don't seem to be able to pass. I'm on painkillers. I could use a couple of those myself. You stole from me. And from friends of mine. Where's my stuff? I dunno. Look, I don't know anything about any bank robbery. Honest. Still an unconvincing actor, Mr Shilling. MACHINERY CLUNKS AND WHINES I would love to say this is not gonna hurt... ..but it is. LOUD HISSING What`? What are you gonna do?! No, stop! No, stop, please! Stop, please! Arggh! Well, they WERE here. Well, they ain't here now. Why is the door open? Who are you? I could ask the same thing. Better run along, eh? Get yourselves a cup of tea or something. We're looking for Terry Leather. Terry said he wouldn't be coming in this week. He's supposed to call in. Oh. So, you'll be Eddie, right? Ah...yeah. Well, you're coming with me. What are you doin'? (Screams) Leave my Eddie alone. What do you want with my Eddie? Shut your noise. We wanna talk to him about a bank robbery. Don't you touch her. If you wanna see your Eddie or his mate Dave again, make sure Terry Leather calls that number. Walkie-talkie gang takes it all! Read all about it! Walkie-talkie gang takes it all! EDDIE ON RADIO: That's great news. Over. TERRY ON RADIO: We're takin' a break. We need to get some sleep, get a bit of shut-eye while the fumes clear out, over. Oh, lucky you. My eyes are like... Mummy, Daddy's on the radio. Oh, don't be so silly, darling. He is! Is he? EDDIE: ..alright, I want a warm bath and a cup of tea. Over. TERRY: You'll get your cup of tea. Just you hold tight. Over. See? It is Daddy. ANNOUNCER ON RADIO: Authorities released this recording of the communications between the robbers of Lloyds Bank in Marylebone in the hopes that their voices... PHONE RINGS ..may be identified by members of the public. Hello? Wendy? We heard you on the radio, Terry. You're famous, you know. You robbed that bank, didn't you - the one in the news? Oh, God. You could go to jail for years for something like that, Terry. I couldn't stand it. No-one's going to jail. I've got it all under control. Just stay put. Keep the kids inside. I love you, Wendy. I gotta go. You be careful, Terry. What's the matter, Mum? Nothing, darling. Terry...they took Eddie. Oh, God. Who? Two heavies or...I dunno, they could have been cops. They left a phone number for you. They said if I wanted to see Dave or Eddie again, then you have to call. Listen to me, Ingrid, I swear I'll get him back. Don't worry, darlin'. Have you got a pen? Yeah. 01-946... Hold on. Say it again. 01-946... Yeah. (Moans) Michael, it's Lew Vogel. Yes. Well, we've identified the villains. And, believe it or not, they're amateurs. Part-timers. They were put up to the job by a woman named Martine Love. Ring a bell? Never heard of her. Well, we paid a visit to her flat, and some chaps from MI5 were already there. Pulled rank on my tame copper. Why do you suppose these people would be interested in the robbery of a minor neighbourhood bank, Michael? I don't know. I think you do. And I'm guessing that your box is number 118. I think what these robbers were really after were photographs. Photographs of a certain royal princess. How do you know that? On this point I believe my captive. No man could withstand the pain we inflicted on him. So don't take me for a fool, Michael. You've instigated this calamity by storing your blackmail materials in this bank. Which you recommended. I will not be lectured by the porn king of Soho. Get my pictures back, or you will never see a black man on the streets of London without wondering if he's been sent to kill you! (Groans) BANGING What you doing? Oh. Hello, Michael. Hakim was looking for a copy of his book. I know what you've been looking for, and you won't find it. What are you talking about? You don't understand. My box and those of my friends may have been rifled. Surely you can pull some strings. You're a minister in the government, for God's sake. Sonia, I don't think I'm able to help here. Perhaps you don't fully comprehend. I have photographs - compromising photographs. Live film of you, Miles Urquhart, all my regulars, in this safe deposit box. You all know each other, if that's any consolation. (Quietly) You've got photographs of me? You conniving cunt! You be a big boy. Now is the time to talk to your Whitehall chums, don't you think? That's him. I'm sure that's him. Guy Arthur Singer - conman and petty criminal. Did a stretch in the Scrubs a few years back. I thought he was a wanker. He spoke with some poncy accent. Thank you, sir, very much. (Moans) PHONE RINGS Hello? Who am I talkin' to? (Chuckles) Oh, Terry Leather - Kevin Swain, Martine Love, Eddie Burton. Mr Shilling was kind enough to speak with me about this. You put Dave on the phone, eh? Well, I would, but, uh...he seems a bit indisposed at the moment. What do you want? Just a couple of things from what you've stolen. A ledger with a dark red cover. And some photos that I'm sure MI5 is interested in. The royal portfolio. (Scoffs) All we got is money and jewels. Then I suggest you look again. Speak to your friends. Hello? Who's this? Eddie. It's Terry. Terry. Dave's all messed up, and they're gonna do the same to me. You've gotta help. Listen to me, Eddie. I don't have what he wants. What? No, no, you've gotta have what they want. You've got to! (Sobs) You've gotta help. Eddie, what am I supposed to do? You tell him we don't have it. No, Terry! Terry, you've gotta help. Eddie, tell him I don't have his fuckin' ledger. You tell that cunt now! (Emotionally) He doesn't have it. Right. (Quietly) What are you gonna do? GUNSHOT No! They shot Dave. Eddie? (Emotionally) Dave's dead. (Shouts) Eddie. They shot Dave. (Shouts) Eddie. I'll give you one hour to find what I want, or I'll kill this man too. Fuck it! This is it. Lew Vogel. That's who this bastard is. (Reads) "Payments made to Soho and West End Division officers." Here, look, weekly payouts. 50 quid here, 20 there. Probably every bent copper in London. Nothing like this was supposed to happen. No one was supposed to get hurt. It's not your fault. We've still got our own necks to think about, and Eddie. We give the photos to Vogel, all bets are off with Tim. We deliver 'em to Tim, it's Eddie's neck, Vogel and his lot are after us. Either way we are fucked. Miles, we've got a problem. A serious problem. Something Sonia Bern kept in the bank that was robbed over the weekend. She is concerned that her safe deposit box may have been plundered... I'm afraid her fears are well justified. Oh my God! I really thought Sonia was a woman of more discreet character. So...the genie is out of the bottle, then, for both of us, eh? Not quite yet. My operatives tell me that the thieves are using the photographs as a bargaining chip. Then give them what they want. Already in motion. And the committee have it in the works to issue a D-Notice on the whole business. Muffle the press. Put a lid on it. AEROPLANE ENGINE DRONES (Whistles chirpily) What? (Cries out) HORN BLARES It'd be a pity, wouldn't it? I mean, if your mates abandoned you over a few photographs and... PHONE RINGS Hello? You listen to me, Mr...Vogel or whatever your fucking name is. You go ahead and kill him. See if we give a shit. We got our loot. Your ledgers and your photos, you can pick 'em up from Scotland Yard. We're sending 'em over. Don't do that. Well, if you want your book of pay-offs back, be at Paddington Station in person, tomorrow 11am, platform one. There's a newsstand near the statue of the soldier. Have Eddie with you, hale and hearty. This is your one and only chance, Vogel. Don't blow it. (Cries out) (Groans) (Shouts) Don't answer it. Catherine! (Excitedly) Daddy. Hello, you. Come here. Here, look, I got you a present. Have you been good for Mummy? BOTH: Yeah. (Girls giggle) I need to talk to Mummy about something, so give us a minute, OK? Go on. Good girls. Go on. So, do you wanna tell me what's been goin' on? Some blokes worked over Dave. How bad? He's dead. Oh my God almighty, Terry! What have you done to us? Wendy, I promise, I'm gonna work this out. And when I do, we are gonna leave England, and it is all gonna change for us. But if anything goes wrong, use this. There's plenty of cash - pounds, francs, dollars. You can leave the country, start a new life for you and the girls. You can do this if you have to, Wendy. Promise me. Is that from the robbery, is it? Martine, was it? Was she involved? Yeah, she brought us the job in the first place. Oh. And did you sleep with her, Terry? (Quietly) Do you know what? From day one, it was always you. The first day we met, I said to my friend Audrey, I said, "I am gonna marry him. And I am gonna have his kids." (Shouts) And I have stuck by you! I have stuck by you no matter what, you bastard! (Quietly) Fuck. (Sighs) You can throw me over. I deserve it. I brought you more grief than happiness. But I love you. And the kids. It's the reason I did this - to get us out of this life once and for all. CATHERINE: Mummy, open the door. Mummy, Mummy! We'll work the rest out later. (Shouts) Go and play in your room! If you'll still have me. NZ's leading mobile network presents the magnificent new Samsung Galaxy S7, with superior water resistance, from $0 on a $129.99 Red+ 24-month plan. In store or online, only on Vodafone. She takes a good picture, eh, Tim? Lord Mountbatten has graciously agreed to represent the interests of the Crown in this matter. Is he high enough up the tree? Lord Mountbatten? I've always wanted to meet that bugger. Yes. Well, I'm sure he'll be very pleased to meet you too. He has to be under the main clock, Paddington Station 11am, or no deal. 11am on the knocker with your new passports and documents. He'll hand them over as soon as he sees the photos. There's another problem. This robbery's pissed off some local villains. The guts come with the glory, eh? One of our mates has been killed. It's hardly surprising, considering the roster of reprobates Listen, Terry, our commitment is for the recovery of the royal...portraits only. The proceeds and the piss-offs are both yours to deal with. 11am Paddington Station. Gale... ..Michael wants to see you in the garden. What for? I don't know. Gale, come. Come and look at this. Come. I want to show you something. What's this for? (Screams) It's for you. What have I done to deserve this? What have I done? You're a spy sent to steal from me. (Angrily) And nobody steals from Michael X. (Screams) No-one! See if it mentions the copper in charge. Here it is. (Reads) "Heading the case is Detective Sergeant Roy Given of Marylebone Lane Police Station." Roy Given. No Roy Given mentioned. So that means he's straight. And that he'd be interested in the names of some bent coppers. Yeah, bit of a long shot. Fuck it. Nothing in that one? No. What - we don't rate a mention? Strike you as strange? It's kind of scary, actually. If that news could disappear, so could we. MAN ON P.A.: Next stop - Edgware Road. Well, here's to us. See you, mate. Look after yourself. Take care. Good luck, Kev. Yeah. So, where are you headed... if everything goes to plan? I'll tell you if you're coming with me. Morning. I'm looking for a Mr Roy Given. It's very important. Roy Given? Yeah. Yeah, well, can I ask what it's concerning? No, I prefer to tell him myself. Look, all I'm saying is, if you're interested in the rest of this book of pay-offs, the author will be at Paddington Station 11am, platform one. And how exactly did this come into YOUR possession? MAN ON P.A.: Next stop - Paddington Station. Change here for the Bakerloo line. Let's hope no-one turns up fashionably late. There's your friend Tim. Good luck. It's good to see you in one piece. You were worried for your own arse, Tim, not for mine. You prick, Tim. You set this whole thing up from the start, didn't you? Come on. You get to be rich, free and clear. Isn't that what you wanted? You stay here with the car. Right. (Groans) (Moans) Bloody kidney stone. It's gotta pass soon. I haven't had this much excitement since the war. So, where's your mate? That's Terry there, by the newsstand. Wait! I've seen those two cowboys before at the girl's flat. It's a trap. They're MI5. Terry! Terry! Lord Mountbatten. Yes? You know the arrangement. And you agree to our new identities and immunity from prosecution? You have my word that the Crown will honour this commitment. Your documentation and guarantees. If I were you, I'd keep them in a very safe place. Yeah, well, you can bet it won't be a safe deposit box. She IS a scallywag. Thank you. Martine. It wasn't all business for me. What's happening? Where's the book? Just open the door. No! Get in there. Stay there, or you're dead meat. (Yells in pain) Where you goin', old man, eh? (Groans) This one's for Dave. No! There, you fucker! Not so fuckin' smug now, are you? Oi, you... (Groans) SIRENS WAIL ENGINE SPUTTERS Hey, get out! That's the bloke that killed Dave. Get your hands off me. TYRES SCREECH Arrest them - they're the bank robbers. Fuck! This bloke killed our friend. Shit. We're innocent. So, are we seriously arseholed now, Terry? Well, at least we're not dead like poor old Dave. Get up, you filthy bastard. (Speaks indistinctly) You're under arrest. Take him away. Right. Come on, you. (Coughs and wheezes) Get in the car. I tried, mate. I wonder if that's Roy Given. Who's he? We was hopin' he was a straight copper. We've got a nice collar here, Roy. These two are part of the Baker Street bank robbery gang. Place this man under arrest. Yes, sir. What are you talking about? They're part of the Baker Street firm. I don't know about them. But I know about you, you corrupt bastard. Cuff him. And the one over by the wall as well. But they're the robbers. No robbers in here. Now, I believe you've a certain Mr Vogel's book of shame. Well, if you let me out, I'll go get it for ya. I think that belongs to me. There's your book. Terry, we were thinking, smart fellow like you might have kept mementos of the event, just in case. In case what? Things didn't turn out so nicely? If they should ever see the light of day, don't think we can't find you. Out. Go on, piss off. And you, go on. How did that happen? Fucked if I know. Just keep walkin'. MAN: Michael, Michael! What's goin' on? What you want at my place, huh? What you want? We are placing you under arrest. What am I charged with? Conspiracy to import drugs into the United Kingdom. Will that do? But you could still help yourself. There's a British national staying with you. A certain Gale Benson. She was here, but she's gone on. Alright. MAN: Get in the back! Over here, sir. (Sighs) Burn the house down. I want nothing of this place left standing. (All sing) # Those were the days, my friend # We thought they'd never end... # Were you friends of Dave's? Oh, yeah. We knew him in a professional capacity. (Giggles) He was one of our favourites. See you later. You right? Yeah. So, where are you off to, Kev? Anywhere you wanna go. Sorry. I'm doin' a solo from now on. Yeah, well...it was worth a try. Do you want another one? Yeah, go on. One for the road. Ta, mate. I just wish Dave could have seen all this. Yeah, here's to Dave. BOTH: To Dave. What do you want, Martine? I'm sorry I've caused you this upset, Wendy. Well, apparently we're rich. I know the business is finished, but are the cars really ours? Yeah. They're all yours. Jessell's been paid off. I won't lie to you. I'd have gone with him. And I'd have shut you out of my mind. But he didn't wanna know. I'm sorry. Your wife's talking to Martine. I know, Kev. I know. Good luck. It was always you, Terry. CHEERING Oh my God, Terry. It's a big one. Nice with a few chips, that one. Whoo! Don't, Mum. Fish fingers tonight, eh? (Girls giggle)