d (ROCK MUSIC PLAYS) SONG: # You walk this world like you're a ghost # Your hands are coming through the needles # Sick of your tragic and your evils # I am the keeper of the songs of everyone # Look into the sun and see your soul is dying # Used to feel the faith but now you're tired of trying # Should've left alone what you have stolen from everyone # How are you feeling? Seems a little sick to me now # This is a coming of the times # You are a witness to the movement # If all you're seein' is your lies # You had your chance but now you've blown it # You want this world so you can own it... # Simon! Simon, I've got your breakfast. (Knocks at door) Simon, you up? (Groans) Give me a couple of minutes. (Bangs door) Simon Boggs, there are children in Mexico who've already been up for three hours making clothes for corporate America. Leave me alone. That's it - I'm spitting in your juice. (Hawks) (Groans) (Muffled) I've got a big loogie and I'll spit it right in your juice. Morning. Morning, Laney. (BLUESY MUSIC) DJ: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Earthquakes. Spring break is officially over. Only two months left at Harrison High till summer vacation. Till then, here's a little welcome back music. ('BABY GOT GOING' BY LIZ PHAIR PLAYS) OK, I got a pump replacement this afternoon out at Manhattan Beach, so I'll try not to be late picking you guys up. Laney? Got it, Dad. Have a good day, pumpkin nose. (Liz Phair sings) # ..whole vibration, seat upholstery # Silky underwear # Oh, conductor, let's ro-o-o-oll # Let's ro-o-o-o-olll # Baby got goin' but I can't complain # It knocks me out when she acts so strange # It's like a big Mack truck... # (Both giggle) GIRL: Hey, Zack. Hey. GIRL: Hi. Hi. What's happenin', Connie? (Sighs) He spoke to me. He called you Connie. So?! Your name is Melissa. Hey, Jesse. Hey, Laney. See that 'Dateline' on sewage dumpage last night? I taped it. What happened to dropping 10 pounds before graduation? I'm looking into it! Twinkie lite! Jesse, do not eat that! Deano! Hey, what's up, Siler? What's up, Preston? What's up, biatch? How's it going, man? Hey, you guys, check it. Guess who jammed a 30-year-old flight attendant at 26,000 feet en route to Cancun? Bullshit! I swear to God. Come on, man. How was Vail? You know - skiing with my parents. Whatever. It was cool. Has it occurred to anyone we have eight weeks left in our high school careers? Yeah - only, like, every five minutes. It's weird, you know? I'm driving through the gate this morning and it hit me - suddenly tomorrow's not just tomorrow. It's, like, the future, you know? BOTH: No. Hey, you guys, check you. GIRL: Could I speak to somebody who doesn't have his head up his ass? Well, well - check who's back from spring break looking all fine and shit. Dean, on behalf of every black person, shut up. Excuse me! On the phone here! How you doin', baby? Yes, I'll hold. Get off me! Hey, you guys seen Taylor? Um, no... What? Taylor. My girlfriend? Yeah, come on, you know. Tall, kind of yells at everybody. No. Why? What? Oh, I don't know. Maybe 'cause I haven't spoken to her since you guys left for Daytona. Excuse me. (Sarcastically) Excuse me. Hey, party people. Hi, Taylor. Oh, my gosh, I've got total Diet Coke mouth. Anyone have gum? I got it. Me too. Here. (BELL RINGS) Mmm. Listen, Zack, I've been doing some thinking. I'm sorry. This - it just isn't working for me anymore. (JAUNTY MUSIC) New tattoo? (Snorts with laughter) Damn! So you show up after a week with a tattoo and suddenly want to break up? What happened in Florida, Taylor? Look, if you want to torture yourself. (Sighs) Oh, whatever, OK. So we're at this club and Chandler gets totally ploughed and starts making out with this old guy on the dance floor. Well, imagine our surprise when this old guy turns out to be Warren G's hairdresser. Isn't he gay? Whatever. He sets us up with passes to the spring break beach house, so we go... MAN: Hey, hey, what's up? How's it going? Welcome to spring break live from the beach house at Daytona, Florida. Beautiful weather, slammin' bands and, of course, 300 relative strangers from all around this great nation of ours cuttin' loose... (Snickers) ..half-naked and generally having a good time - uh! TAYLOR: The next thing I know, Taylor Vaughan is hand-picked by the director to dance on her very own raft. (DANCE MUSIC) This is all fascinating, Taylor, but could you maybe skip to the part where you decided to screw me over? Hold on. I'm getting there. So I've been dancing for maybe five minutes, right? I nearly fell off, which would have been so embarrassing - you know, being on cable and everything. I turn around to see what I've hit - that's when it happened. Hey! I'm Brock Hudson! Hey... Brock Hudson? What kind of a name is that? What kind of name is Zack? Brock's from the real world. What, like Reseda? No, like the TV show, OK? 'Real World', LA, second season. Hello? The dyslexic volleyball guy? They kicked him out of the house! The next three days were kind of a blur. It was like we'd known each other for weeks. He knew what I was thinking and I didn't have to say a word. So before I left Brock said he had a surprise for me - something to record the wonderment of our first days together. (Whimpers) So that's it. Pretty much, yeah. But don't worry - I'll still go to prom with you. We're gonna be elected. It's appropriate for the king and queen to go together. I...I don't know what to say. So don't, then, Zack. It's been fun, but did you honestly think I would leave for college still dating you? Oh, my God, you did! No way! That is SO sweet. Ow! Do you believe this thing still hurts? (SILENCE) (LOW-LEVEL CONVERSATION STARTS UP) Great. WOMAN: That's a very nice use of colour, Misty. Thanks. I read about this riot in Mogadishu - this represents the pain of that night. That's wonderful, Laney, but tell me something - which part represents you? Laney... Savannah and I were just talking about your stuff. Just about how you're not - I don't know, you're not afraid to be dark. Darkness rocks. But I'll be honest - I don't think anybody here really appreciates that. Sav and I, we drew at the Prado over break... That's in Spain. And, um, we got in this discussion one day at the cafe just about how many artists are really only truly appreciated posthumously. We got Van Gogh, Pissarro... Basquiat... Basquiat, thank you. And your name came up, and Sav thought... Actually, we both thought that it might be a good idea for you if... ..if you killed yourself. Think about it. (BELL RINGS) (GENERAL CHATTER) Well, check it out - that's it for another day, Earthquakes. By the way, my condolences go out to a certain individual who got dissed and dismissed by his long-time magically delicious girlfriend. Relax, man. No-one will know it's you. DJ: Hey, hang in there, Zack. It happens to the best of us. Keep that head up, alright, son? As far as that other dude, if it doesn't kill you it only makes you stronger, alright? You better do something, man, 'cause your legacy's in jeopardy here. I mean, one second you're Zack Siler, class president, stand-out athlete, all-round badass mama jahamba. The next thing you know, you're Zack Siler, bitch boy. (Girls scream excitedly) Oh! Yeah, how are you guys? Brock! Oh, excuse me. Hey. Hi! (Laughs) Hey! Wazzup! How's it going? Who the hell does she think she is?! There's 2,000 girls in this school and I could have every one of 'em. Taylor Vaughan is totally replaceable. Spare me this wack shit about replaceable, 'cause we're talking about Taylor Vaughan here. Sorry, man. He's right. The girl's an institution here. Every girl wants to be her and every guy wants to nail her. Basically, she's you...with tits. (Sniggers) No, no, you're wrong, see? The Taylor Vaughan you just described is an illusion, a myth. Strip away that attitude and make-up and all you have is a C-minus GPA with a Wonderbra. Give it up. Take, uh...take her, for example. Short, decent rack, kind of a Chelsea Clinton thing going on. But given the right look, the right boyfriend - bam! In six weeks she's the one being crowned prom queen. You're serious. As a heart attack. And clearly delusional. But how about a chance to prove me wrong? Hold on, hold on, hold on. Dean, Dean, Dean. The boy's buggin' here. You're taking advantage of a friend in a vulnerable situation. Gee, that's swell, Preston - maybe you can be my mom. No, seriously - the guy thinks he can do anything. Let him prove it. What do you say, Zack? A bet? Yeah. Unless, of course, you're too heartbroken. Just name the terms. Alright, simple. I'll pick the girl. You got six weeks to turn her into the prom queen. OK, OK. We get it, OK? Everybody has a big jimmy. Can we just...? You got it. Alright. Let's go shopping. (Laughs) Oh, man, this is gonna be so much fun. What about her? No, I don't think so. GIRL: ..still scabbing. See, I save them... How about this one? Uh, are you sure about Bubbles? Nah, we can do better than that. What about her? (Laughs) Rectal archaeology. Very nice. (Gasps) Gentlemen, we have a winner! What, Laney Boggs? Nuh-uh! No! No, no, no, no! A bet's a bet. Right, Preston? Hey, man, this is between you guys. (Chuckles) (Exhales) Look, fat I can handle. Weird boobs, bad personality, maybe some sort of fungus. Come on - scary and inaccessible's another story. Hey, if I were you I wouldn't be wasting my time. By my calculations you've got six weeks until the prom - if Laney Boggs is gonna be queen you've got your work cut out for you. Hi, Laney. You got a second? What's up, Spas? He knows my name. That's not your name. That's not his name. Oh. Sorry. So, Laney, listen, I was wondering if maybe you'd wanna... Let's go, Simon. ..embarrass me horribly in front of all these people. But, Laney... Come on, Dad's waiting. Let's go. (Dean laughs loudly) Hey! Watch this! (Farts) (Groans) Dammit, Brock! Yeah! Good. Relax, man. It smells like roses. I will not relax. You...you are being disrespectful. You are disrespecting me and you are disrespecting Harmony. It's not about disrespect. It's just gas. ZACK: That's about enough of this. How's the queen of 'The Real World'? How'd you know about that? Please. They've only run that spring break thing, like, a zillion times. So, who's the lucky rebound skank? Rebound skank? I mean, there's gotta be somebody, right? Well, I wouldn't say somebody, but... ..there is sort of a project. Project? Yeah. To tell you the truth, she kind of... ..she kind of blew me off. I like her already. The only thing I can figure is it's a mistake. Zack, I realise it's a difficult concept for a bitch magnet such as yourself to grasp, but did it ever occur to you to make a little effort? What do you mean? Find out where she hangs out. Find out what she likes. Oh, crap, Mom and Dad are home. If they ask, I'm at Ashley's. Her brother's home - he's so cute. He just got kicked out of military school. Zachary, how was the first day back? Eh. School's school. Taylor and the girls have a good time in Florida? I guess so. There's still no word on the Dartmouth application? Obviously not. You haven't heard from a single university. Isn't that unusual at this point in the year? Not really. Maybe I ought to give Ken Worth in the alumni office a buzz. No! No. I... Just give it a couple of days. I'm sure I'll hear something by Friday. We'll give it till the end of the week. (REFLECTIVE MUSIC) Does my tattoo look red to you? Come on, girl. Don't you care about anything anymore? What are we spewing about? Well, a few weeks ago we WERE helping you plan your prom queen acceptance speech. Now all of a sudden everything's, like, Brock this and Brock that, and "my tattoo". Taylor, the last thing you wanna do five weeks before the election is alienate people. And what is THAT supposed to mean? I think what she's trying to say is you should be careful, right? (Scoffs) Careful of what, OK? I can win this thing in fluorescent lighting, on the first day of my period, cloaked in tacky rags, OK? My mother was prom queen in '71, my cousin prom queen in '82, and my sister would have been prom queen in '94 if it wasn't for that scandal on the tour bus. I am a goddamn legacy, alright? And besides, not to be a bitch, but who's gonna beat Taylor Vaughan? God, I hope that's not your acceptance speech. (Snickers) Sir, that will be one tahina kebab with a side of spiced hummus salad. Would you like to supersize those falafel balls? Hmm. Let me see. Laney. Exactly what does this supersize entail? Stalking is illegal in all 50 states. Come on, I just want to talk. I find myself torn - perhaps I could see a sample ball to better equip myself for such a decision. Don't you have a break coming up? One moment, sir. Uh, miss... One moment, sir. I'm not smart. What? What, you figure I could tutor you or something? You think, "Oh, there's Laney Boggs..." Laney... "She's dorky. She must be smart." Well, guess what? I'm not. Laney! I have the fourth-highest GPA in our class. Mm-hm. Oh. What is this - some kind of new dork outreach program? (Laughs) No! It... Are you always like this? No. Yes. Come on - five minutes. MAN: Miss? Five seconds. OK. Um, I really wanted to talk to you about... ..art. Art. You don't take art. How do you know? How come you're not in any of my classes? Well, 'cause I'm busy with soccer and stuff, so they let me take one of those...they, uh... Independent study? Yes. (Sighs) Listen, I saw some of your stuff in class. It's really good. So any kind of help you could give me, I'd appreciate it. Sure. Uh, maybe sometime. How about tonight? The show at the Jester - have my ticket. That's great! One moment, please. Ow! I kicked your ass in third grade. I'll do it again. OK, one, I was sick that day. Two, are you crazy? I mean, the best-looking guy in school's stalking you. You're not slightly curious? OK, here's the deal. The show's at 7:30. Parking can be a problem. Meet me there at 7:00. Don't be late. 7:00 it is. Hey, do you wanna have some dinner...? No! I'll see you at 7:00. I'm sorry, sir. Have you made your decision? Yes, I have. Supersize my balls. (PERCUSSIVE MUSIC PLAYS) (CAR HORNS BEEP) MAN: Snark! The putrid womb of a mother he never knew! The foetus writhes, floating... That's Mitch. Brilliant, isn't he? Bursting forth! Pressing forward! Surging! Emerging! Eh! Eh! Eh! Uh! My soul is an island. My car is a Ford. I wanna be like Mike. MITCH: Onward plunging! (Laughs hysterically) Expulsion! (Exclaims dramatically) (EERIE MUSIC) Be silent. Be still. ALL: Be silent. Be still. Be silent. Be still. Be silent. Be still. Be silent. Be still. Be silent. Be still. (APPLAUSE) Thank you very much. Thank you for coming. Um, before you leave, our performer Laney has just informed me there is an exciting new voice among us. Is there a Zack Siler in the house? Come on! Don't be shy! We're all friends here. Look, you don't have to go if you're not interested. Art is love, people. Art is love. Welcome, friend. (Exhales) How's it going? (Clears throat) (Laughs) It's a hackeysack. (SLOW HEARTBEAT) Hack-ey sack. Hack-ey sack. Bounce. Bounce. Gotta keep bouncing. (Pants) Can't let it drop. Never let it drop. (MUSIC INTENSIFIES) Come on, Zack. Everyone's watching. Expecting. Never...let it... ..drop. Everyone's counting on you, Zack! Don't let it drop! Don't...ever... ..let it... ..drop! (SILENCE) Sooner or later... (Pants) ..it has to drop. Oh, man! (Laughs) I can't believe I just did that! I'd be lying if I said I wasn't surprised. So, tell me the truth. How bad did I suck? You were good. Come on! That thing you did with the paint and the garbage! That was really good! All I did was kick around a beanbag. Alright, a little. A lot. You sucked a lot. Boy, you really blew. (Laughs) Feel better now? I don't care. Man, I've given speeches and stuff, but being up there and not knowing what to do... Kind of a rush, isn't it? Yeah! (Exhales) What? Do you always wear those glasses? Yeah. Why? No reason. Ever think about contacts? Mmm... I have 'em, I just never wear 'em. I don't know - the idea of touching my eye is... Because your eyes are really...beautiful. Oh, please. What? "Your eyes are really beautiful"? You broke out the big guns with that one, didn't you? Laney, I was just... No! I had an instinct, I went against it. It's my fault. What...? Laney, I'm not following! You want to know about art? When the class president starts touching my face on darkened street corners and talking about my eyes! There's a word for it! It was an entire movement in the '20s. It's called 'surreal'. Laney, wait! Can't we just...? You go! I'm catching a ride with Mitch! The underwear guy? (FUNKY MUSIC) Oh-oh-oh - it's on. It's on. Hey, this is great. Listen. TV: I got a question for you. Alright, this guy - would you kiss him for, like, say, 500 bucks on a public access channel... Oh, wait. This is where I get sensitive. I guess my problem in the house is that I was an only child. I never had room-mates before, so I don't know how to, like, deal with everyone. A lot of people in this house, they think I'm cold, insensitive. Underneath that I've got, like, a big...this is big. Hey, Yim-ho. F--- off! See what I mean? Oh, baby, can you not do that right now? I'm, like, reading for the new Spelling drama at 2 and I really... I don't want to smell like your spit. It's, like, all over it, so just...stop. Thank you. Watch. Oh, God. TV: ...my mom's sister, who once went to... Your aunt? Yes, yes, my aunt. This is where... Watch this. This is where I get Brando on them. Watch. Very Brando. Do me a favour - just stay out of my closet! God! Morning. Morning. Zack Siler. Pleasure. Nice truck. Thanks. Yeah, I get a lot of stuff out of people's pool drains. You never know what you'll find. I got this at the university. At one fraternity I found this - belonged to a footballer. He's a Heisman Trophy runner-up. No kiddin'. Zack, my man. Simon - hey. You want to play some Sega? Sega! Maybe later. Loves Sega. Would you excuse us a minute? What did I do?! Not you - him. What'd I do? Hey, give me a hand, will you? Yeah, sure. Look, you can't just keep showing up like this. You can't keep avoiding me. Like the other night - what was that? I was busy. Yeah. Busy wigging. Excuse me, I did not wig. There was major wiggage. So, you want to go to the beach? No. You hate the beach? Yes. No. I don't have time for this. Fine. I'm leaving. Fine. Hey, Simon! How about that Sega? Yeah! What are you doing? Gettin' ready to play some Sega. No, you're not. I was invited. I am uninviting you. You're not the boss of him! Man does have a point. (Exhales) Yep. Looks like a long afternoon of Sega. And hey, maybe your dad can show me some more pool stuff. I'll get my suit. ZACK: Well, once the clouds lifted it turned out to be a pretty OK day. Check out that water. Do you know how many gallons of chemicals are dumped into the oceans each year? (Sighs) Don't you ever just kick back? I mean, I know the world has its problems, but would it hurt you to smile occasionally? I smile. It's just you mentioned the ocean and I saw this thing on CNN... Forget CNN! Hey! Yo, Siler, what's up? (Sarcastically) Great. OK, listen. If we're gonna be friends we have to deal with them, right? Come on. I called your house, they said you're at the beach, so I figured you must be at your spot. Many a woman has lost it here. Shut up, Dean! You have to forgive our man here. His shorts are kind of tight. Cuts off the circulation to his brain. I'm Preston. I know who you are. Hey, Laney. It is Laney, right? Yeah. Well, come on, Zack! Help us get the stuff from the car. Yeah. So, think the mourning period's over yet? Please! It's way over. Mourning period? Yeah. Without Taylor, Zack's available now. But what's the deal? Don't tell me you guys are on a date. No, we're just... Friends? Hey, now. Check out the bobos on Superfreak. You know, Zack, from up here she almost looks normal. Is this what you ladies gonna do all day? No. In 15 minutes I have every intention of turning over. Alright. Just thought you all might want to play. No, thanks. So what about you, Laney? Mmm, no. Um, I don't think so. Is your name Laney? No! Thank God. No offence! None taken. It's just I've seen you in gym. You run like a girl. I am a girl. Oh, you know what I mean. Obviously I don't. So, uh, you in or out? In! Ah, lovely. (Chuckles) Me too. Really? (ROCK MUSIC) SONG: # Sugar, sugar Sticking me to my babe # Sugar, sugar Sticking me to my babe # Sticking me to my babe # Sticking me to my babe # Sticking me to my babe... # (Groans) # Sticking me to my babe # Sticking me to my babe... # So, Zack, my house tonight? Uh, yeah. What about you, Laney? See you at Preston's tonight? I don't think so. Oh, come on. You gotta be. You should! Preston's parties are the best! Booze, tunes, hotties. Dean... Seriously, his house is enormous. His dad owns Harrison Ford. The actor? No, the car dealership. So, what do you say? Uh, sure. Good things. Wow! This should be interesting! Shut up. What?! Even if they are broken up, if Zack shows up with her Taylor's gonna shit frisbees. DEAN: Zack, Laney - always a pleasure. OK, man, see ya. Later. 'Bye, guys. Later. GIRL: See ya. Well, we survived, right? (REFLECTIVE MUSIC) So, about Preston's thing tonight. I can't. But you just said that... I...I know. I just...forgot I have to clean the house. It's really dirty. Almost unliveable. Sorry to hear that. TV: Thomas Welch invented this drink in 1869 as an alternative to wine. What is non-alcoholic wine? MAN ON TV: What is grape juice? That's right. That's right?! JESSE ON PHONE: You said no? Mm-hm. Why? I said I had stuff to do. Laney, sitting around with your father while he watches 'Jeopardy' in his underwear hardly qualifies as stuff to do. Who is Lou Rawls? You know me too well. I think you're afraid to let anything good happen. Did it ever occur to you that maybe Zack really likes you? Trust me, he doesn't. (KNOCK AT DOOR) Gotta go. TV: ..the youngest of the Marx Brothers. He retired from the act following 1933's 'Duck Soup'. Who is Lamo? MAN ON TV: Who's Zeppo? Hello. I thought I said I was busy. Zack, mi compadre conquiso. I, uh...I believe you said you were cleaning. I am. I was. I will be. Tell you what - how about I save you some time? I'll take the kitchen. Alright. Then I have the bathroom. Isn't that the soccer team? It's JV. We need the vacuum cleaner. It's in the corner. Go get dressed. I can't! I mean, look at you - you look great. I...I have nothing... Oh, God. I'm a mess. That's where I come in. Mackenzie Siler. Hair and make-up. You can call me Mac. If you guys need us we'll be upstairs. Have a seat. Thanks. TV: This city's French quarter encompasses about 70 blocks. What is Paris, France? WOMAN: What is New Orleans? Ow! Laney, no offence, but when was the last time you tweezed? What? As in your eyebrows. Never. Why? Well, you ever watch 'Sesame Street'? Uh-huh. You know Bert? Ow! So, Zack, can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure. What have you got? Let me check. TV: Along with presidents Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln, his face appears on South Dakota's Mt Rushmore. MR BOGGS: Who's President Rushmore? MAN: Who is Roosevelt? TV: Alright, that's right. Now you select again. The cinema for 300. TV: Here's the clue. This 1961 Elia Kazan film marked Warren Beatty's screen debut. What is 'Shampoo'? What is 'Splendor in the Grass'? You really never wear make-up? Well, my mom died before I was old enough for this stuff. I'm sorry. It was a long time ago. I mean... God, Simon was practically a baby. Nothing personal, Laney, but this particular coif doesn't really go with your face shape. What do you have in mind? Well, I have an idea. What kind of idea? You'd really have to trust me. TV: In 1987, a copy of the Old Testament attributed to this printer sold for $5.3 million. Who is Hewlett Packard? Who is Gutenberg? TV: Who is Gutenberg? Yes. 1880s for 400. According to the 1880 census, it was... Who are you people? BOY: Zack owes us big time. (GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC) Are you sure this is a margarita? Yeah. Gentlemen, may I present the new - not improved, but different - Laney Boggs. (MUSIC INTENSIFIES) Laney! Laney Boggs, get your cute butt down here! (Sixpence None the Richer sing) # Swing, swing # Swing the spinning step # Your wear those shoes and I will wear that dress # Oh, kiss me # Beneath the milky twilight # Lead me # Out on the moonlit floor # Lift your open hand... # (SILENCE) Ready? Yeah. Hmm. Drive safely. (DANCE MUSIC, GENERAL CHATTER) Hey, hey, hey, hey. Welcome, my friends, to the party that never ends. (Chuckles) Yeah. At least until my folks get back from Vegas. (Chuckles) Who are all these people? I have no idea. (GLASS SMASHES) I'll check you. Have a good time. Laney, oh, my God. You look great. Zack, listen - do you mind if I borrow her for just a second? There are these amazing looking twins over there. I think they're Costa Rican or something. Uh, sure. Go ahead. Well, gracias, pappy. Oh, my God, I'm so glad you came. Man, look at the look you have! So what's happening? You guys come together? Well, I brought her, if that's what you mean. "If that's what you mean" - come on, let's get real! You're with her 24/7. I may be wasted, but I'm not blind here. So what's going on? You mixing a little business with pleasure or what? I hate to break it to you, man, but, uh, it's just a bet. Yeah, right. Whoo! Whoo! How to party! Well, well, if it isn't Taylor Vaughan. What a surprise. Yeah, I mean... we almost didn't make it, but then I thought, you know, why not put in one last sentimental whatever. Honey! I want a beer! You've got a drink right there. But I WANT a beer. OK. Hello? Oh, sorry. Splatter girl? Misty? (Groans) Are...you OK? (Sighs) I think I'm gonna vomit. I think you already did. Can I get you something? (Groans) Here. Huh. Laney? How does it feel? Excuse me? You heard me. I said, "How does it feel?" A troll like me with a scholarship to her first-choice art school. And here you are, cleaning up my puke. (DANCE MUSIC) Taylor. Zack. Hey, you know, Brock'll be back in a minute. I could get you an introduction or maybe an autograph. No, that's OK. I saw him on a rerun last night. He ate his own toenail clippings for 10 bucks. Very impressive. Jump up my ass, Zack! I've been there. Done that. BROCK: Get funky, DJ! Yo, can you guys back up a little? Speaking of ass jumping, isn't that your boy now? Back up a little... Oh, God, not again. Brock! Go, DJ. Brock! Not right now, honey. They're playing my song. (Rick James sings) # When I came home last night # You wouldn't make love to me # You went fast asleep # You wouldn't even talk to me # You say I'm so crazy # Coming home intoxicated # I say I just want to love you # I just want to love you, baby # Guess that's why I'm so elated Come on, girl # Give it to me, baby # Give it to me, baby # Give it to me, baby # Give it to me, baby # I betcha I'll make you holler you've had enough... # Give it to me! Give me that stuff... Come on, everyone! # Give it to me # Give me that stuff, that funk That sweet, that funky stuff # Give it to me, give it to me # Give it to me, give it to me # Give me the funk That sweet, funky stuff # Yeah! Ow! # (Both giggle) (All laugh) (Misty screams) (Sighs) What the hell are you doing here? I was invited. Really? Isn't your dad my pool man? I really wouldn't know. Oopsie! Oh! (MUSIC STOPS) You really should be more careful with silk. (Gasps) Thank you. Excuse me? Thank you. For a minute there I forgot why I avoided places like this and people like you. Avoided us? Honey, look around you. To everyone here who matters, you're vapour. You're spam, a waste of perfectly good yearbook space. Nothing's gonna change that. Oh, you're not gonna cry, are you? (DRAMATIC MUSIC) (Cries out) Laney... Don't touch me! (Cries) Laney... I promised myself I would never... (Sniffles) ..ever, ever... Never what? Never let them see me cry. (Laughs) It's OK. No, it's not OK. I never should have come here. (Sighs) Laney... Laney, we were having fun today. (Laughs) You...you were having fun. Sometimes, when you open up to people... ..you let the bad in with the good, that's all. I wanna go home. OK. (GENTLE MUSIC) c # Yeah # Alright... # So the party was that bad? Can we PLEASE talk about something else? You didn't have a little fun? Not even an M&M's worth of fun? You go, girl. Maybe one of those brown M&Ms. Awesome. Jesse, is it me or is there... You rock. ..something very...? Since when do YOU rock? PA: Well, well, Earthquakes, straight up. Now listen up! The ballots are out. Looks like Terminal Taylor's got herself a little dark horse competition in the form of the Falafel Fairy herself. To be honest, I think the question on every Harrison student's mind has got to be... Who the hell would nominate me? Laney, I just heard. Congrats. Thanks. You totally deserve it. (PAGERS BEEP) Me. Uh-oh. Taylor? 911. Oh, God, big deal. She's our friend. And things change. (Sobs) He...broke up...with me. You're kidding. Oh, Brock Hudson! I mean, what kind of name is that, anyway? And the dancing. Oh, my God, the dancing. (Sobs) What happened? I don't know. I don't know! Hey, Taylor, it's been fun, but did you honestly think I'd leave for 'All-Star Road Rules' still dating you? Oh, you did? That's sweet. You wanna know what I think? Why not? You're better off without him. You know, you guys are the best. (Sobs) BOY: Alright, alright. See you, guys. Did I miss something? (ROCK MUSIC) (Players shout) SONG: # Liberation, transformation What did you expect? # What did you expect Mr Candidate-Elect? # Was it everything you planned by a palm tree in the sand? # (Players converse excitedly) What was up out there today, Zack? Didn't have it, man. Maybe, or could it possibly be a symptom of withdrawal? Excuse me? Correct me if I'm wrong, but it's a while since you've gotten any, right? Something like that can really screw up a guy's concentration. Or maybe now you're thinking, now Taylor's free... Whatever, Dean. I don't know, maybe it's the Boggster's ass you wanna tap. It's not about that. Oh, hey, man, I'm not bagging. If you won't partake, mind if I do? She might be a great little jam. Look, I swear to God...! Calm down, man. Screw you, Zack! For four years I've watched you fool people into thinking you're some sort of god here. Well, guess what? This is one contest you're gonna lose. You're going down, asshole. I want yours on the wall here. Hygiene squad, put yours over here. Gay students, put yours over on the senior patio. Prisoners' Club, put it around the other side of this building. BOY: Yeah, I'll have one. Have a latte, vote for Taylor. GIRL: Sure, I'll have one. Have a latte, vote for Taylor. (DOOR OPENS) (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH) No-one's allowed down here. This is amazing. Is that your mom? Yeah. She was an artist too - photography. She's beautiful. Yeah, well, not everything's hereditary. How did she die? Cancer. Leukaemia. You want to know the weird part about it? I don't remember crying at all. I remember the funeral and I remember afterwards everyone went to my grandma's house, and I sat on this big green chair with Simon in my lap... ..and I remember knowing that things were never going to be the same. Laney, you can't keep doing this. Doing what? Shutting everybody out. Sitting here with 19 locks on your door. So I shut people out. At least I make decisions, which is more than I can say for you. Look, I make decisions. Oh, yeah? Where are you going to college, Zack? I was by the counsellor's office yesterday. Next to your name it said 'undecided'. Look, there's stuff you don't understand. You don't live with my dad. Explain it to me. My dad went to Dartmouth. It was the best four years of his life. So he says. So ever since I was born... There's a picture of me in his office when I'm five. We're at the zoo, or some place. I'm sitting on his shoulders wearing a Dartmouth sweatshirt. So? So it's emblematic. I get it from him every day. "Pick a college, Zack. Pick a future." But what he's really saying is, "Pick MY college, choose MY future." Are you listening to yourself? Do you realise how lucky you are? You can go to Dartmouth, you can go to NYU, you can study squid fishing in Borneo. The point is, you're 18 - old enough to start making your own choices. OK, OK. Chill, Tony Robbins. What about you? Shouldn't you be looking in the mirror when you say this? Trust me, I'm working on it. So...are you always this smart? Well, I have my moments. (Chuckles) Why did you really come here, Zack? I forget. You're not just trying to get my vote for Prom King, are you? Zack? This whole prom thing... Ah, I gotta run. Kinda wanted to talk to you about it. I got this sprinkler thing to do for my dad. Now? Can I call you later? Sure. Alright, great. So you made a bet? What's she bitching about? Waa, waa. What's her problem - she doesn't like her million-dollar makeover or her overnight popularity? What is it? That's not the point, man. I cared about her. I must hand it to you, Taylor. Zack did exactly what you predicted. Of course he did. I created him. Pep. Oh, right. La...Laney! Wait, wait, wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Relax, man, alright? Besides, he did have his entertaining moments. "Your eyes are really beautiful." (Both girls laugh) You know, not to get, like, all mo on you, but your eyes really are beautiful... (ROCK MUSIC) s Hey, guys. Vote for Taylor. No way! Don't vote for Taylor. Hi, YOU vote for Taylor. (Raps) # Between two girls which one we gonna pick? # I'd rather take Laney because Taylor be talking sh... # She thinks she's all of that with everything in between # But who's about to be prom queen? Laney! # Well, Taylor used to be the thing but now she's not # Laney's going for prom queen and Taylor's hot # But we don't give a damn about Taylor Vaughan # 'Cause Taylor's fading out and Laney's on # If I could get with Laney Yo, it'd be real cool # With the queen by my side we'd run the whole damn school # Yo, keep it on a break And I'm a keep this cool # Taylor diss Zack for a kind of fool # All for the high school jock named Brock # Will my man click on the beat box? # (Makes percussive sounds) Laney! (All rap) # She's all that. # (Students applaud and cheer) What shouldn't I eat? Eat whatever you want. OK, for your information, I was about to eat a Snacktime chip. Snacktime owns Captain Pegleg Tuna, which isn't - all together now - dolphin-friendly. Screw the dolphins. A guy tried that last year. He's banned from SeaWorld for life. What's wrong with you? Jesse, am I kissable? OK, about these chips... I don't know, Laney. You're...you. But maybe if I didn't know you my whole life and just met... Fresh ground pepper? Fresh ground pepper? He must be crazy. Who? Simon? Zack. Fresh ground pepper, anyone? Fresh ground pepper? What? Too cold? Whoa! Hey! If it isn't the little rain...rain...rainman himself? What's up, Semen? Huh? State your purpose, or die. I've got work to do. Sure you do, but I want to show you something first. You're gonna love this one. Check this out. (Clears throat) Oh, calm down. It's alright. (Laughs) Oh, come on. You don't like that? Ooh, look. Ooh, look, look, look. Look at her. Ooh. what about that one? Isn't that your Mommy? My mom's dead. Let him go! Let me tell you guys what you're gonna do. You're gonna get up, get over there... ..take your magazine... ..and apologise to my friend Simon here. Sorry. Sorry. You, pube boy,... ..grab the pizza. Well? What? (Laughs) What do you think? Hoover it. (Students groan) Now. That's it. Chew, chew, chew. (Groans) Hold on. Don't finish that. (Sighs) Munge wants a piece of the action, too. No way, man. Those are his pubes. Well, I guess you should have thought about that before you picked on my friend Simon, huh? (Students groan) Thanks. Hoover it. (Students groan) You think this is bad? Try messing with him again. Everything copacetic? Yeah. I'll take it from here. Anybody want to try messing with me again? Either one of you? Both of you? Hear what he said? (Students chat) Hey, Laney. Listen, I stopped by... Well, look, I was hoping maybe we could talk. I know I don't come off as the nicest guy in the world, but I was hoping maybe you could forget about that for a second. Because I was thinking... actually, I was hoping... ..that maybe we can go out sometime. (Groans) And not just 'out', out. A specific out, like the prom, maybe? Yeah, right. So that's a no? That's a "hell, no". Well, that's fair. I mean, why should you say yes, right? I just hope this isn't about Zack, because... Why? Well...he doesn't care about you like that. He told everybody he still has this thing for Taylor. I don't know - maybe I got it all wrong. Has the guy asked you to the prom? Well, just...just heads up, OK? I mean, there's no sense in getting hurt for no reason. Oh, yeah, and Laney? Think about the prom some more. 'Cause we'd have an OK time, I think. I'll see ya. (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC) Dad. Do you want to explain this? Can we talk about...? Have you got any idea how much you are jeopardising your future? Half of these acceptance deadlines have lapsed. It's not that easy. I'm not like you. I can't pick a letter out of a stack. Of course you can. That's what being an adult is about - making choices. Really? Yeah. What about your choices, Dad? This isn't about me. Come on. You're never home, pissed off half the time. That's enough! Look, I'm sorry, but you can't fix your mistakes through me. Is that what you think I'm doing? Well, I'm sorry, but that was never my intention. And blaming me isn't going to change the fact that the future is going to happen, whether you are ready for it or not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Welcome to the home stretch, Earthquakes. A special shout out to all my seniors. Just two weeks left till the time-honoured combination of crepe paper, cleavage and Cristal - the prom. You know what I'm talking about. And speaking of the big night, word has it that recent support of Simon's big sister has left the prom queen race tighter than those little dresses Taylor's been wearing around campus. (Laughs) So, vote early. Vote often. Here's a little campaign music for ya. (ROCK MUSIC) Come on, hon, in the name of sportsmanship. Big smile. Great. Oh, get out of my way, fool. I think I touched her boob. Top of the stairs. Thanks. Zack. What do you want, Taylor? Well, I was trying on this little Richard Tyler dress the other day and I remembered that we haven't finalised our plans. What plans? For the prom, silly. We said we'd always go together, even if we were just friends. What happened to Lord of the Dance? That is so over. I mean, God, don't even get me started. Actually, Taylor, I had other plans in mind. Oh. You're not talking about Laney Boggs, are you? What if I am? Well, if I'm not mistaken, Zack, she's already taken. You put all this together? Yeah. What do you think? I think it came together cool. Well, this goes up here. Dean. What the hell are you trying to pull? Well, it's nice to see you, too, brother. Did he ask you to the prom? Yes, I did. It's bullshit. Wait, wait. Someone asking me is bullshit? I thought we were going together. Alright, Zack, enough's enough. This isn't cool anymore. I like this girl and you've got to stop this whole bet thing. Bet? Yeah. It was so stupid, Laney. Zack said he could make any girl prom queen. You were picked, so he thinks if he takes you it will help you win. People have feelings, man. Is that true? Am I a bet? Am I a bet? Am I a bet?! Yes. You didn't think you became popular for real, did you? Oh, you did. That's so sweet. Pick me up at eight, lover. (LOW-LEVEL CONVERSATION) d (Afghan Whigs sing) # You walked in # Just like smoke... # (PHONE RINGS) # With a little come on, come on, come on # In your walk # Well, come on # I've been waitin' # Are you waitin' for my move? # Well, I'm makin' it... # Laney, are you there? Laney, I know I made a mistake. But I've been doing some thinking, and if I could get... Stop calling, asshole. Wrong number. (SONG) # I'll be down on my knees # Screamin', "Take me, take me Take me, take me # "I'm yours" # I've never # Felt so... # Fridge is kinda empty. I'm going to the store later if you need anything. Sounds good. Did you know some people think being a pool man is not a respectable way to earn a living? People suck, Dad. I don't get it, personally. I own my own company and my own home. I put food on the table. Granted, you and Simon help out. We're a team. Right. Maybe this team thing is helping to create confusion as to who the real parent is around here. What do you mean, Dad? Well, you know I appreciate everything you do, pumpkin nose. It's just that sometimes I think you take on so much so you don't have to deal with the business of being a kid. I can't imagine being 17 is easy, especially with your mom not around. I'm just afraid that if you keep putting off your life like this... ..you're gonna wake up 85 years old sitting on a porch somewhere looking for your teeth. Thanks, Dad. That was, um...graphic. Don't you have a prom or something to go to tonight? I'm not going. Oh, you're not. Have you got laundry to do? Worse. I don't have a date. No date? See, now, that's weird because I'm pretty sure there's a handsome young man actually upstairs at the front door waiting for you now. (POIGNANT MUSIC BUILDS) Have fun, Laney. And...for you, not for someone else. Hi, Laney. Look, um... ..you don't trust me and I respect that. But just look at it this way. I didn't ask anyone else on the chance that I'd come here tonight and you'd say yes. I mean, that's gotta count for something, right? (Sighs) You don't even have to change if you don't want to. (Laughs) (Laughs) Are you ready, Miss Siler? Yes, I am, Mr Siler. I really screwed this one up, huh? Don't worry. She'll be there. SONG: # I been waitin' # Are you waitin' for my move? # Well, I'm makin' it... # (DANCE MUSIC) Will you leave it alone? I won't. Did you know about this? You're the one who nominated her. For crying out loud, smile. Next. OK, I know I nominated her, but I don't... Alright, big gaping smiles, both of you. And... I'll take that. (Groans) Ah, there's a memory. Next. Make like you're happy. Derek. (DANCE MUSIC) Why don't you find her and cut in? DJ OVER P.A.: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Earthquakes. Right about now we're gonna do that dance I taught you. And I know you've been practising. I forgive you. Let's dance. Alright, show me now! SONG: # Right about now The funk soul brother # Check it out now The funk soul brother # Right about now The funk soul brother # Check it out now... # Alright, let me see what you got! Come on! OK, everybody, split like the Red Sea. We're going down lines. Come on! Come on, down the lines. Come on. Shake it! Shake it! Shake it! Punch it! # Right about now The funk soul brother # Check it out now The funk soul brother... # Alright, fellas, take it. # The funk soul brother # Check it out now The funk soul brother # Right about now The funk soul brother # Check it out now... # Alright, ladies, shake it! # Right about now The funk soul brother # Check it out now The funk soul brother... # Alright, everybody, in the centre. Big finish. Come on. # The funk soul brother... # Yeah! Yeah! # Right about now The funk soul brother... # (DREAMY SONG PLAYS) Good song. BOTH: It's my favourite. I'm Jesse Jackson. I'm not a good dancer. I'm Mac. I go to school with 500 chicks. I'll be back in one minute. Laney. I wanted you to know, your final project, that picture of your mother - extremely moving. Maybe the best piece that I have seen all year from anyone. That's what I told your art schools when I faxed them last Monday. You're kidding? I have spent four years trying to open you up, Laney Boggs. Whatever's responsible for this change, don't let it go. (DREAMY SONG CONTINUES) Alright, boys, check it out. Room number 409 is about to become a historical landmark. (Laughs) What? You getting murdered there later? Nah, man. I'm this close to closing the deal. She's eating up every word I say. I don't know, Dean. I feel a bet coming on, but I'm gonna have to resist. Laney Boggs is not gonna give you any. Hey, man. Tonight is the night. Hmm. Yeah, right. I shelled out 300 bucks for this room. Tonight is definitely my night. (DOOR UNLOCKS) (OMINOUS MUSIC) Mac...Mac... What? Mac... Yeah. What? (DANCE MUSIC PLAYS) (SONG STOPS ABRUPTLY) (TAPPING ON MICROPHONE) (Man clears throat) Er, people. Attention, Harrison students. People...we're gonna start, people. I'll begin the presentation with the announcement of your 1999 prom king. Well, it's no surprise here. Zack Siler. (All cheer) And now for your 1999 prom queen. (Clears throat) In the closest vote in the school's history... ..54% to 46%... ..your 1999 prom queen is... (Whispers) Taylor Vaughan. ..Taylor Vaughan. (CHEERING AND BOOING) Zack! That should have been you up there. I think the right person won. Zack! Do you want to get out of here? Yeah. Excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. ZACK: You know, for a lot of us, this is as good as it gets. We aced the test, made the big shot... ..got a crown. But the truth is... Excuse me. ..we're just getting started. Zack. We can be anything we want to be. Zack. I don't know about the rest of you... Zack, over here. ..but I'm hoping I never forget that. BOTH: Zack! Zack. Go on. (Breathes heavily) I was... Tell him. OK, first of all, I'd just like to thank all of you who voted for me. OK? You did the right thing. (SCATTERED LAUGHTER) As for the rest of you... (Turns microphone off) ..what were you thinking? (Breathlessly) And Dean...and a key... Say it. ..a hotel... He's taking Laney somewhere. (LIVELY MUSIC) Yeah, Beverly Hills Hotel? Do you have a Dean Sampson registered in room 409? Do you HAVE a room 409? Oh, shit. (Dials) Yeah, Sunset Marquee, please. And that is the kidney-shape pool. Hello? If you're helping this summer, you're gonna have to know this stuff. What shape is that? Kidney? Thank you. I've done a lot of different shapes and sizes over the years. Hey, pumpkin nose. How did it go? Fine. You were right. I did have fun. Come here a second, will ya? I don't know, Dad. I'd really just rather go upstairs and... OK. Well, I've got to get up pretty early. WE'RE getting up early to install a spa, so head to bed now. If you two want to talk, maybe you can go in the backyard, hmm? Sure, Dad. Goodnight. Listen, Zack, sorry about that whole 'asshole' thing. It's cool. Are you alright? Jesse told me he heard Dean talking about how he wanted to... I just figured it out a little late, is all. You know, sexual harassment is still a big issue these days. It's on my walls downstairs. That's, er... ..why I carry this. You push a button and it makes a noise like a foghorn. You can hear it about half a mile away. I put it up to his ear. I just hope it doesn't cause any permanent damage. (POIGNANT MUSIC) How long have you been here, anyway? A while. You missed your prom? Yeah. You know, I made that bet before I knew you, Laney - before I really knew ME. What was it for, anyway? I mean, what did you end up losing? My best friend. She taught me a lot. Before her I thought we had to have all the answers right now. And now? I'm kinda liking the fact that I don't. So, can I have the last dance? No. You can have the first. (ROMANTIC MUSIC) I feel just like Julia Roberts in 'Pretty Woman'. You know, except for the whole hooker thing. So, what now? I don't know. Art school. You? I've been kind of thinking about art school myself. Art? Yeah. You don't take art. Yeah, but I'm thinking more along the lines of performance art. Be silent, be still. Be silent... Zack. What? Shut up. (PASSIONATE MUSIC) Zack. What? About the bet... Yeah? ..what were the terms, anyway? You'll see. I never back out on a bet. MAN: Darius Paine Oates. Jason Shepherd Oakman. Mariah Kamahl Prebbinger. Kenneth Wayne Ralph. Emily Roscoe. Derek Bunkhauser Ruckman. Jeffrey Munge Rylander. Colin Risenborg. Heather Blain Salizar. Salmoon Sampajahari. Dean Sampson Junior. Dean Sampson Junior. What?! They're calling you. Huh? Dean Sampson Junior? Oh. Alex Chasten Sawyer. Rainwater Sky Sebastian. Kasey Constance Shane. Zachary Siler. SONG: # Kiss me # Beneath the milky twilight # Lead me # Out on the moonlit floor # Lift your open hand... # If you two want to talk, maybe you can go in the backyard, hmm? Sure, Dad. Goodnight. Listen, Zack, sorry about that whole 'asshole' thing. It's cool. Are you alright? Jesse told me he heard Dean talking about how he wanted to... I just figured it out a little late, is all. You know, sexual harassment is still a big issue these days. It's on my walls downstairs. That's, er... ..why I carry this. You push a button and it makes a noise like a foghorn. You can hear it about half a mile away. I put it up to his ear. I just hope it doesn't cause any permanent damage. (POIGNANT MUSIC) How long have you been here, anyway? A while. You missed your prom? Yeah. You know, I made that bet before I knew you, Laney - before I really knew ME. What was it for, anyway? I mean, what did you end up losing? My best friend. She taught me a lot. Before her I thought we had to have all the answers right now. And now? I'm kinda liking the fact that I don't. So, can I have the last dance? No. You can have the first. (ROMANTIC MUSIC) I feel just like Julia Roberts in 'Pretty Woman'. You know, except for the whole hooker thing. So, what now? I don't know. Art school. You? I've been kind of thinking about art school myself. Art? Yeah. You don't take art. Yeah, but I'm thinking more along the lines of performance art. Be silent, be still. Be silent... Zack. What? Shut up. (PASSIONATE MUSIC) Zack. What? About the bet... Yeah? ..what were the terms, anyway? You'll see. I never back out on a bet. MAN: Darius Paine Oates. Jason Shepherd Oakman. Mariah Kamahl Prebbinger. Kenneth Wayne Ralph. Emily Roscoe. Derek Bunkhauser Ruckman. Jeffrey Munge Rylander. Colin Risenborg. Heather Blain Salizar. Salmoon Sampajahari. Dean Sampson Junior. Dean Sampson Junior. What?! They're calling you. Huh? Dean Sampson Junior? Oh. Alex Chasten Sawyer. Rainwater Sky Sebastian. Kasey Constance Shane. Zachary Siler. SONG: # Kiss me # Beneath the milky twilight # Lead me # Out on the moonlit floor # Lift your open hand... #