1 MAGICAL MUSIC BELL TOLLS NARRATOR: Fairytales tell, as their labels imply, stories of magic, of creatures that fly. With giants and dragons and ogres and elves and inanimate objects that speak for themselves. There's romance and danger and plotting of schemes. There's good guys and bad guys and some guys in between. A fairytale also reveals some sort of truth - the perils of choices we face in our youth. But our story today is different in theme - for our hero had NO choice... or so it would seem. CAT WAILS It starts with a faery bestowing a spell. This one's for a baby, named Ella of Frell. (Cries) Now, now, Ella. Mother's here. There, now. Oh, dear Ella. Oh, it's nothing a little burping won't cure. Oh. Up. There, now. Come on - all the way. Ugh! I gotta work on that. Whoo! Hello, ladies! BOTH: Lucinda! Oh, she gives the worst gifts. Not if she can't find the baby. Whoo! Oh! Wow. Lucinda here, faery par excellence. Now, where's the baby? At her grandmother's. Out walking. At her grandmother's. Out for a walk. She's walking at her grandmother's. Either way, as you can see, she's not here. (Ella cries) Oh, look - she's back. Alright. Ohh. What shall we give this beautiful little child today? What's her name again? Ella. Ah. Ella of Frell. Not a very well-behaved little stinker, is she? (Cries) Quiet, please. I can't concentrate here. Ella of Frell, I give you the gift of obedience. Ah! Now, go to sleep. Oh. Now, wake up. (Chuckles) Isn't it wonderful? No, it's terrible. It's a terrible gift to have to do what you're told. Take it back. I have a 'no return' policy. And if you're going to be ungrateful, I can always turn her into a squirrel instead. A squirrel?! No, obedience is a lovely gift. Besides, you should thank me. I've just given you the perfect child. (Gasps) (Ella gurgles) In spite of the spell, Ella grew up strong of mind. Her gift made her obedient, but her heart made her kind. Why don't you go back to where you came from? Yeah. Areida - what a stupid name! Nobody wants you here. I do. Bite me. (Screams) GIRL: Did you see what Ella did? (All applaud and cheer) I made your favourite, so dig in and stuff your face. I'm gonna get forks. (Children giggle) Sweetie, stop. (Sighs) I always knew something was wrong with me. Can't you take the spell back? You're a faery. I'm only a household faery, honey. And besides, according to faery guidelines, only the faery who gave you the gift can take it back. And we've begged her. And not only that, but she said she'd turn your mother into a squirrel and take away my eternal youth if we ever asked her again. It's not fair. I know, darling. I know. NARRATOR: So Ella now knew why she'd always obeyed. But she never stopped fighting to have things her way. Ella? Come practice your mandolin. (Sighs) Fine, but I'll take my own sweet time doing it. Hurry up now. No! As she struggled to find a way out of her gift, she had no way of knowing something worse was adrift. Please get well, Mother. Listen to me. Only Mandy and I know about the gift. We've never even told your father. And you must never tell anyone else. I don't want anyone using it against you. Mother, please. Remember. No matter what anyone says or tells you to do, look to yourself, Ella. What's inside you is stronger than any spell. (Coughs) Take this and I'll always be with you. MANDY: Ella? Your father would like to speak to you. You're married? She has money, Ella. She's very fond of my title. It was either get married or sell the house. You'll adore Dame Olga, and her two daughters. She'll make a wonderful mother. Well, a mother-like figure. Look, I'm sure you'll all be the best of friends. MAN: Whoa! Is this the right address? There must be some mistake. My dear, welcome. And these must be your lovely daughters. My precious Hattie... ..and my special Olive. Oh! And you must be Ella. Pleased to meet you. Yes. The house looks delightful, but I do seem to remember that at the noblemen's convention you said that you lived in a castle. No, I said, "A man's home IS his castle." Hi. I'm Ella. Welcome to Frell. What's with the prince pin-ups? Hattie's president of the Prince Char fan club. You know Char and his uncle are responsible for the segregation of the kingdom? So? He's dreamy. Is this hutch meant to be a closet? Mmm. It's pathetic. My clothes need more room than this. (Sighs) We'll have to use yours. Wh...? Show it to us. Oh. Ohh... It's so...quaint. Almost like...well, it's just ugly, isn't it? (Sniggers) (Sniggers) Oh, there's no room in here either. We're gonna have to throw out some of your gowns to make room. (Stammers) Wait, get away from there! You get away! (Scoffs) Oh! What's this? I do actually like this. Please don't touch it. It was my mother's. Can I have it? No. Oh. It can be your welcome gift to me. Come on, hand it over. (Giggles) Oh. Aren't you accommodating? (Both giggle) The second I sell the last of these, I'll be back. I promise. I know it's not a great job, not even a good job. OK, even a monkey could do it, but we need the money, Ella. I'll miss you, Father. I'll miss you too. HATTIE: Hey, Olive - we should call her 'Ella the Smeller from Frella'. (Hattie and Olive snicker) BELL RINGS Elves, giants, ogres and humans used to exist in harmony, but when King Florian was killed, allegedly by an ogre, Sir Edgar saw it as an opportunity to exile all non-human creatures to the forest, keeping their land for himself. Passionately put, Ella. Give yourself a pat on the back. Hattie? Oh. What my unworthy opponent fails to realise is Sir Edgar has done a FANTASTIC job. He has driven the ogres out and he has put giants and elves to work as labourers and entertainers. Therefore, if it weren't for him, we wouldn't have today's thriving free enterprise system. Oh, it's only free because we've enslaved the poor creatures and they're forced to work for nothing. Edgar is a monster, and I don't hold out much hope for his nephew either. (Gasps) Well, that shows what you know, AKA nothing. Prince Char will be the greatest king ever. Right, girls? (All agree) I wonder if my opponent has based her opinion on the prince's politics or how cute she thinks his butt is. (All giggle) (Feigns laughter) Just admit you're stupid and don't know what you're talking about. I'm stupid and I don't know what I'm talking about. TEACHER: Ella? Anyway, uh, in conclusion... Hold your tongue, Ella. Ella! My tongue itches. Well, if you're not going to take this seriously, I have no choice but to declare Hattie the winner. APPLAUSE (Man urges horse on) HORSE WHINNIES, DOG BARKS Uncle, do I have to go to this mall opening? As heir to the throne, it's your royal responsibility, Char. You are a public figure, after all. Yes, but you're the one in charge. Only for a little while longer. Your coronation is next week. You need to be out there with the people, Char. Yes, shaking hands and...kissing babies. Exactly, Heston. (Chortles) So the people can learn to trust us. What's not to trust? Nothing. But while you've been away at school, Char, the kingdom has been under siege. In your absence, the ogres have become impossible. He's right. Even the giants have become more and more treacherous. The giants have always been peaceful. The ogres were peaceful too, until they ripped your father to shreds. And I promised your father, should anything happen to him, I would take care of you and the kingdom. And, well, I've kept my promise. Haven't I? Likewise, you must keep your promise to the people. Now, let's put on a smile. Remember, image is everything. ROCK MUSIC PLAYS OVER P.A. (Crowd cheers wildly) Thank you. Whoo! Thank you. Thank you. Wonderful to be here in your charming town of, uh, Frell. Prince Charmont and I... (All scream) (All chant) We want Char! We want Char! Now it is my great pleasure to welcome my nephew, Prince Charmont. (All scream) Say no to ogrecide! Stop the giant land-grab! Say no to ogrecide! Stop the giant land-grab! Say no to ogrecide! Stop the giant land-grab! Say no to ogrecide! Stop the giant land-grab! Say no to ogrecide! Ella! You are embarrassing us! Go home now. I have to go. Um, I'm sorry. I love you, Prince Char! (Screams) Hey, Prince Char! Are you a fast runner? Not particularly, no. Why? Get him! Oh! Ow! Shh! Shh! Shh! (Girls scream) Ugh! Prince Charmont. No, please, call me... Call me Char. I'm sorry about that. Occupational hazard. Allow me. I don't need your chivalry, thanks. And I've no intention of curtseying either, so...forget it. Well, you can curtsey or not, that's your choice. There's really nothing I can do about it, except for have you beheaded. But that seems a bit extreme. Charming. Why don't you do what your people usually do - steal my land and destroy my livelihood? Now, if you'll excuse me... Wait a second. Come back here. Hmm? What is your name? Ella of Frell. Well, Ella of Frell, you're the first maiden I've met who hasn't swooned at the sight of me. Then maybe I've done you some good. Look, I have never stolen anyone's land or livelihood. I want peace in the kingdom as much as anyone. You have a new plan once you take the crown? Well... Sort of but, of course, I couldn't reveal it to a subject. (Scoffs) That's what I thought. You're all just the same. You care more about your fan club and your next jousting tournament. No. Actually, I've never been comfortable with the whole adoring fan club thing. Perhaps that's why I find your obvious disdain so refreshing. Obvious? I was trying so hard to hide it. (Sighs) Where's my purse? It's back there. Wait right there. I will get it. Uh... (Sighs) Prince Charmont? Uh... Prince Charmont! Your Highness. (Screams) (Pants) Oh! Are you crazy? Why didn't you move? I would've, were it not for your apparent fascination with knocking me to the ground. That's the second time today, you realise. I'll try and be more considerate next time I'm saving you. "Next time"? What makes you think we'll see each other again? Well, won't we? No. Ella of Frell, you are not like other girls. (Chuckles) You have no idea. Ella? Come here. Uh, shouldn't you be at home cleaning the fireplace, huh? (Hattie giggles nastily) (Whispers) Stop flirting with him. It's me he's going to have at his coronation. Yeah, in the middle of the table with an apple in your mouth. Go back to the mall with Olive. (Gasps) Oh! Ella? Oh, don't bother with her. Ugh! (Chuckles) I'm the one you want. (Giggles) I know everything about you. I've got posters of you and pictures. And when we used to live in Lamia, I used to stand outside your castle and watch you turn your lights on and off. (Sighs) Tell Ella I'll be in touch. Right, I'll see to that. Where were you? Oh. I met the prince. You met the Prince? Yes. I don't wanna talk about it, though. Olive and Hattie were there. Hattie! Why do you always do what Hattie tells you to do? I don't! Yes, you do! No, I don't. I don't! Yes, you do. Tell the truth. Oh, I do. Olive, have you noticed anything strange about Ella? No. Not really. Have you noticed it gets darker at night, then lighter when the sun comes up? That's because of Ella?! Never mind. You've been acting kind of odd lately, Ella, even for you. What do you mean? Whoa! Don't let her see me! That's what I mean. A-ha. Areida, no! Ella! Come here. I have to go. What? I need you to do me a little favour. Take that. Cool! Let me try. Take that. And that potion bottle. (Laughs) OK! OK. That's enough. I think that's for me to say, Ella. We need one more thing. Take those. Please don't make me do this. Oh, well, since you said please, um...no. Take them. Take them! Run! (Squeals) Hey! Stop that girl! Oh! Buy a squirrel sandwich. Get 'em while they're hot. Ah... Here. Keep the change. Thanks. Excuse me. Hey! Hey! Hey! Oh! Excuse me! Coming through. Oh! Try our new perfume. Yeah. Thanks. Get out of the way! Get out of the way! Oh! (Both squeal) Oh, Ella! Bravo! Freeze! (Squeals) Oh! (Gasps) Er, put your hands together. Oooh! (Crowd gasps) You're under arrest. (Whimpers) A felon! In my own family! I could die from embarrassment! (Quietly) Oh, promises, promises. You are a disgrace. Maybe she was put up to it. Mandy's right, Mother. We were there. It really wasn't poor Ella's fault at all. She was forced to do it. So, Ella, who put you up to it? (Whispers) Tell her it was Areida. Arei... I'm waiting. Tell me who's to blame. Areida. (Snickers) Areida! I might've guessed it! You are forbidden ever to see her again. What?! KNOCK AT DOOR AREIDA: Ella? How dare she come here now! Answer the door and tell her that you never want to see her again. And tell her you could never be friends with an Ayorthian. Oh! No. Dame Olga, there must be a mistake. Please, Dame Olga! Don't argue. Just do it. (Both snigger) Oh, thank goodness you're alright. What's wrong? (Quietly) I never want to see you again. (Scoffs) Ha-ha. Very funny. I don't understand. We're best friends. (Whimpers) I could never be friends with an Ayorthian. (Gasps) Just go. (Cries) I've done terrible things before, Mandy, but this is the worst thing the curse has ever made me do. I've gotta do it. I have got to find Lucinda and get her to take back the curse. You're right. I have something to show you. This is gonna help you find her. I should've told you about this years ago but I was a little embarrassed. Embarrassed? How? Well, as you know... I'm not the most talented faery. Anyway, this book... ..is my boyfriend. (Laughs nervously) Benny. Hey! (Gasps) Pleased to meet you. Pleased to meet anyone, quite frankly. You're the first introduction I've had in 20 years. I've never seen anything like this. I know. No-one has. And I don't want them to because then they might take him away. It was an accident. I was...I was just trying a spell to trim his hair and it went a little askew. I would've left her ages ago, except I love her so darn much, plus I have no legs. Hmm! I love you too, my little pookie pages. Not as much as I love you, cuddle-buns. Ooh, I love you more! OK! Lots of love. Moving on. Well, I want you to take him with you. You mean I'm getting out of here? Beyond these four walls? Oh, there's so many places in my pages I've been wanting to visit. Wow. What is all this? He knows everything. Thanks, sweetie. But not everything. If I did, I'd be a lot thicker. Can he show me anything about Lucinda? Can I show you anything about Lucinda?! Watch this. Show me Lucinda. Ta-da! Cool trick. Um...now, which Crockery Barn? They're all over the kingdom. Ah. That's the glitch. He can't tell you where a person is. He can just show you pictures. You know, like a crystal ball or a magic mirror. Everything is so huge. Is that a wedding registry? Oh! They're in Giantville! Oh! Look, she's going to a wedding in Giantville. Benny, we're going to Giantville. Oh, how exciting! DAME OLGA: Ella, the girls and I need bouquets for our portrait sitting tomorrow. Go pick some! (Screams) (Both squeal) So, as her stepfamily scratched their newly found itches, Ella was off, glad to be rid of the...witches. Benny, can you show me a map of the Forest of Pim? Of course. Whoa! Ah... According to this map, if we head due east towards Monster Rock we can cut half a day off our journey. YELPING What was that? Probably something that wants to eat us. Ouch! MAN: Somebody help me! (Man laughs evilly) Wait a minute. Sing soprano, little man! Hoo-hoo-hoo! Missed. What do you think you're doing to that poor elf?! Oh! Who's this who thinks she's so tough? Ah...look, I think it's only fair to warn you that I'm practiced in the ancient art...of origami. Paper folding? Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't know what that was. Don't let 'em scare you, sweetheart! Kick his butt! Now, rabbit punch! Ooh! Ahh! Ahh! Combo! Kneel! Front-step kick! Dragon roundhouse kick! This chick is nuts! Let's get out of here. I think I'm gonna puke. Let me help you with that. I'm gonna need so much therapy after this. Ahhhh! Eurgh! Oh! Are you OK? No! I am not OK! I think I broke something or dislocated it or... CRACK! No, no. Just a crick. Slannen of Pim. Ella of Frell. Nice to meet you. (Grunts) Um, well, if you're OK, then I have to be going, but good luck. You're going?! You can't walk in this wood on your own. How about a bite to eat? That's very sweet but I'm on a tight schedule. Oh, OK. Fine. Message received, Miss I Think I'm All That. No, that's not what I meant at all. I extend the hand of friendship... I wasn't lying when I said... Yeah, whatever. Everybody's very busy nowadays. Were I not, I would love to have dinner with you. Great! I've got a coupon. Er, but I... (Whispers) Slannen! If this is where you live, why are we sneaking around? (Whispers) If they spot you you'll be sorry. You know how all elves are forced to sing and dance? Yeah. So? Visitors! MAN: Places, everyone. MAN 2: One, two, three, four! (Squeals) Run for it! ALL: Oooh! (All sing) # Let us entertain you Let us make you smile # Let us do a few tricks Some old and then some new tricks # We're very versatile # And if you're real good We'll make you feel good # We want your spirits to climb # Let us entertain you... # Where are we going?! # And we'll have a real good time... # I said get lost! # We'll have a real good time! # Leave us alone! Peace and quiet at last. (Sings) # Jeremiah was a bullfrog # He was a good friend of mine... # Hit the road! # Hit the road, Jack, don't you... # Get outta here! # No more, no more, no more, no more... # Um, what is this, anyway? Ella's secret diary? Er...yes. (Laughs nervously) Why don't you like music? Oh, that's right. Because elves are supposed to be so happy and joyful all the time, singing and dancing for the man. I don't want to be an entertainer. I want to be a... What? Nothing. No, what were you gonna say? Forget it. It's silly. Please tell me. I want to be...a lawyer. I guess that would be in small claims court. What is that? Er, nothing. (Clears throat) Why can't you be a lawyer? Hello? Elf. I forgot. The elfin restrictions Sir Edgar passed. "No elf shall be engaged in any occupation "other than singing, juggling and/or tomfoolery." Tomfoolery. They're never gonna let me go to law school. I'm never gonna get my day in court. Never gonna stand in front of the judge and say, "No, YOU'RE out of order! You're out of order! "Permission to approach the bench! I object!" No, I object. Ah! I heard it there! It's coming from the book! No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it's not. Yes, it is! No, it's not! Ha! Great! I knew it! A talking book. Ah... Good. Because, like, for a minute there I thought I was going crazy. (Sings) # Crazy I'm crazy for feeling so lonely... # (Cracks knuckles) What are you doing with Ella's things? Just a little tidying up. What's that? What? Nothing. It's personal. A letter for Ella? Huh? The Prince's Coronation Ball. Oh! He's invited that insolent little snip! Girls, go and dust off your ballgowns and pack your bags. I think I may have found you another chance at your future husband! Oh! Ohh! Oh! YES! Oh! Oh! (Pants) (Giggles) So you can really show me anything anywhere in the kingdom? Wow. You're kind of like a walking, talking encyclopedia. Well, except for the walking part. (Laughs) MAN: Come on, get in there. What's going on? Edgar's soldiers rounding up elfin singers. They'll be forced to perform at the coronation. Get in. And you. (Elf groans) Slannen, you've gotta go to Lamia and petition the Prince. For what? To go to law school. You've gotta stop this. (Elves sing lament) You want me to go to Lamia on my own? We're going to Giantville. It's on the way. You should come with us. The Prince will never grant an audience with an elf. They think we're a joke. You know, I have met Prince Charmont and I think he might be different than his uncle. (Sarcastically) Oh. Why? 'Cause he's a hunk? No. What is he? About six foot? Yeah, about. Yeah, I hate the guy already. I'm not wasting my time. Oh, lacking courage as well as height? Count me in. Elves aren't that short, you know! That's just myth created by that stupid 'Elves and the Shoemaker' story. Do I look like I'm small enough to fit inside a shoe? Um, no. Stinking Grimm Brothers. Are you sure he knows where he's going? Hey, I'm right here! Just 'cause I'm a book doesn't mean I don't have ears. Boys, if you can't play nice, you can't play together. RUSTLING Oh, no. The rustling always comes before the screaming and the running. I knew this was gonna happen! They'll just find pieces of us scattered across the forest floor. Oh. A bunny. You know, the last known case of a bunny attack was...well, never. Hnh. Never hurts to be on your guard. Mmm. TWIG CRACKS Oh. Nobody panic. Nobody panic. I've got this in hand. Oi! You! Thumper! Out of the forest or no more carrots for you! I don't like carrots. H-h-how do you feel about rabbits? 'Cause one just went thataway. I am the ogre Nish. How do you like to be eaten? Baked? Boiled? Shishkebabbed? How about free-range? (Giggles nervously) (Both scream) Stop! No! Ah... Er...Ella of Frell. Hi. How you doing? Um, I think there's been a big mistake here. See... (Laughs nervously) ..I'm pro-ogre. Pro-ogre? Absolutely. I led a rally on your behalf the other day. Maybe you heard about it? It'll only hurt for a moment, I promise. I'm a fast eater. (Screams) Slannen! Slannen! Please! I want to help. Help? From a human? Humans took everything from us. I was an ogre of leisure with a simple life. Next thing you know... Oh, now. Not this again. Nish, hurry up. I'm starving. (Whimpers) Right. You, into the pot. Forget that. (Growls) (Whimpers) (Gasps) Who are you? I am the ogre Nish. We just did this. Didn't we just do this? Alright, that's enough fun and games. Now, keep your mouth shut and don't move. FIRE CRACKLES Is it boiling yet? It's not gonna boil if you stand there looking at it. You couldn't show a picture of a big ogre heading our way? I mean, that would've been helpful. Oh! Oh! I think I see bubbles. (Whimpers) HORSE WHINNIES Let her go! Argh! Oooh! Ugh! Oooh! (Grunts) Untie yourself. Arggh! (Grunts) Ow! Ahh! (Whimpers) (Roars) Truce! Truce! Can't we just get along? Are you one of the monsters who killed my father? King Florian was a good man. We lived in peace during his reign. Why would we kill him? I'll spare your lives where you didn't spare his. Take your friends and find breakfast elsewhere. We'll...we'll pick up something else on the way. Anyway, you eat maiden, an hour later you're hungry again. What are you doing here? With an elf for protection?! Tell me, do you get a kick out of near-death experiences? No. I was fine. I had things well in hand. Oh, yes, I could see that as you were dangling over the boiling cauldron, no doubt lulling the ogres into a false sense of security. Who's to say it wouldn't have worked if you hadn't come barging in? Ah. I see the score currently stands at chivalry - two, gratitude - zero. Look... (Groans) You're right. I'm sorry. Thank you. You're welcome. You're bleeding. Hmm? Oh, it's...it's just a scratch. You better let me help you with that. So will I live? I think the odds are in your favour. So, er, where were you headed? Oh, the giants' village, for a wedding. I'm meeting my...godmother. Oh, that's on our way back to Lamia. We'll accompany you. Oh, that's not necessary. But it's so much easier rescuing you if I don't have to commute. (Grunts) I'm so glad I was here for this interesting development. (Chuckles evilly) (Groans) Ooh! Look, I really appreciate the offer.... Are you crazy?! Tell him to come with us. Come with us. So, travelling with an elf? Your boyfriend couldn't make it? No. Oh. 'Cause I don't have one. Oh! What about you? Your girlfriend doesn't mind being left alone? I don't have a girlfriend. Oh? I have many. Oh. I'm kidding. You shouldn't believe everything you read in 'Medieval Teen'. Excuse me?! Excuse me! Prince Charmont? Permission to speak? Oh, sure. Another weird coincidence, but it just so happens I was on my way to meet a certain royal someone, the party of the first part, in order to discuss some career options currently unavailable to the party of... Slannen wants to petition the kingdom for the right to become a lawyer. A lawyer? Why not? There were no laws against it when your father was king. Well, that's not really my area of expertise. My advice to you would be to talk to my uncle. I'm sure if you make a good argument he'll come round. Well...thank you for your...advice. What? You're about to become king. You'll have the power to make a difference in the world and you don't even care. It's not like I asked to become king. I...I had no say in the matter. Well, thanks to your uncle, there are a lot of people who have no say in the matter. Nobody should be forced to do things they don't want to do. Take it from somebody who knows. Ella! Ella! (Whinnies) Whoa! Oh! Ow! You're not finished yet. You work until sundown. The giants have always been gentle. Why are they being treated like slaves? I'm sure my uncle doesn't know about this. He couldn't. MUSIC AND CHATTER Maybe you can get to the bottom of this here at the wedding. Maybe you can find your godmother. Whoa! They're not so bad. I thought they'd be all so big and scary. Ergh! Oh! Didn't hurt. I hope this is a good idea. They must hate the royal family. No. They'll respect your courage at showing up here. Besides, they don't hold grudges. They're bigger than that. Prince Charmont. What are you doing here? No grudges, eh? Well, I thought that maybe this would be a good time to possibly have a little heart-to-heart. Now I'm thinking maybe I should come back when there's been a little less drinking. He's here as a friend to hear your complaints. Then welcome. I'm looking for someone. My godmother, Lucinda. (Laughs) She was over there earlier. Oh! (All laugh) Thank you. I'll be right back. What? Er, wai... (Laughs nervously) Um, excuse me? Is Lucinda Perryweather here? Too late, sweetheart. She left about an hour ago. Do you know where I can find her? Last I heard she was somewhere living in Lamia. (Sighs) Do you know where the bathroom is? Benny, show me Lucinda. Looks like she's getting an FWI. FWI? Flying while intoxicated. Whoa! Oh, but she could be anywhere! Ow! Sorry. (Sighs) (Grunts) (Farts) (Screams) (Moans) Oooh! I had no idea things were so bad. I promise, first thing after my coronation I'll help you buy your farms back. I'll hold you to that. I'm sorry to interrupt. No problem. We were done. That's a fine young man you have here. Oh, he's not fine. I mean, mine. He is fine. I... Never mind. (Laughs) So, have you seen Slannen? We have to leave. My godmother's on some kind of bender. You can't leave now. It's the middle of the night. No, you have to stay for the party. OK, I'll stay. I appreciate your enthusiasm but you don't have to stay. I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do. Thank you, Char, for everything. So I'll see you around? But I wish you would stay. I guess one more night wouldn't hurt. Hmm. Yuck! (Laughs) So you're looking for your godmother, Lucinda? Well, she was supposed to be here and now I have no idea where she is and I need to find her as soon as possible bec... Because I miss her. OK. Um... Did you ever think of trying the Hall of Records? No. Well, we have every year's census in the castle. It's not open to everyone but I could probably pull a few strings. Char, I can't tell you what that would mean to me. Well, then, it's settled. You come with me to Lamia tomorrow. OK. I gotta hide. They're after me. Who? The giants. They want me to sing. I don't sing! There he is. There's our little entertainer. (Laughs) Um, Mr Koopooduk, I know you may find this hard to believe but Slannen doesn't sing. Well, how about you, then, huh? Me? Oh, no. I couldn't. Now, come on. (Laughs) Please don't. Sing! (Sings) # Can anybody... # (Clears throat) # Find me # Somebody to (Giants sing) # Love? (Plays 'Somebody to Love' by Queen) # Each morning I get up I die a little # Can't barely stand on my feet # Take a look in the mirror and cry, "What are you doing to me?" # I have spent all my years in believing you # But I just can't get no relief Lord # Somebody # Somebody # Somebody # Somebody # Can anybody find me # Somebody to love? Louder! MAN: Yeah, louder. Yeah! (Sings louder) # Got no feel I got no rhythm # I just keep losing my beat # I'm OK, I'm alright # Ain't gonna face no defeat # I just gotta get out of this prison cell # One day I'm gonna be free Lord # Somebody # Somebody # Somebody # Somebody # Can anybody find me # Somebody to love? # Give it a little more soul! # She works hard # Every day # Every day # I try and I try and I try # But everybody wants to put me down # They say I'm goin' crazy # They say I got a lot of water in my brain # Got no common sense # I got nobody left to believe ALL: # Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Dance! Dance! ALL: Whoo! Whoa! Arggh! (Groans) # Ooh, ooh # Aaah # Find her somebody to love # Find her somebody to love # Find her somebody to love # Find her somebody to love # Find her somebody to love Go on! # Can anybody find me Whoa! # Somebody to love? # Find me somebody to love # Find me somebody to love # Find me somebody to love # Find me somebody to love. # (All cheer) (Giggles) I love singers. Really? Because, you know, being an elf, I love to sing. You know, I hope you don't mind me saying this but you're much prettier than I would've expected. Oh, I know. Giants are supposed to be big, ugly and mean. It's because of stories like 'Jack and the Beanstalk'. Stinking Grimm Brothers! (Sighs) I've seen weirder couples. None that immediately come to mind but still... (Laughs) Oh, my stepsister Hattie would die if she knew I was here. She's the president of your fan club, you know. Oh, Hattie. Yes. Thank you. Now I know what name to put on the restraining order. (Laughs) No, you're lucky. I wish I had brothers and sisters. My mother passed away before she had any more children. My mother passed away too. Oh. (Laughs nervously) You know, she used to sing me to sleep every night. My father used to sing to me. Loudly and very off-key but... ..I still miss him. I have Edgar, I guess. He's not such a bad guy. He risked his life to save my father and he brought me up as his own son. I know you don't like his politics much but I'm sure when I tell him about the giants he will correct the situation. Yeah. Or you could. Look, it took a lot of guts for you to come here today. Look at the way you smoothed things over with Koopooduk. You're a natural at this. Wow! Is that almost a compliment? Almost. Now, don't go getting a big head, OK? Your crown won't fit. You know what else? Tomorrow I'm going to go to my uncle and I'm going to ask him to repeal the elfin restrictions. Slannen will have his day in court if I have anything to say about it. I think you're going to be a great king some day. Your father would've been proud. Thanks. I think he would've really liked you. Kiss me. That wasn't an order, you know. I know. MAJESTIC MUSIC I want to look 25 at tonight's ball. What do you suggest? A time machine. May I recommend our newest procedure? Bat faeces and oxen blood. Batox. (Gasps) Works wonders although I do caution you - some people have a temporarily bad reaction. Olga? Peter, what are you doing here? I'm in town on business and heard you were here. I came to see Ella. Is Ella here? Well, of course she's here. Where else would she be? She's... She's, um, with Hattie and Olive taking a tour of the castle. WOMAN: Next we move into the castle lobby. I can't believe it. Prince Char walked on this actual floor! (All scream) Oh, ladies, ladies, ladies! Stop tonguing the foyer. (All sigh) Show us where Char showers. (All murmur excitedly) (Gasps) I bet he showers naked! (All scream) Hold it, pipsqueak. Hey, I'm with the Prince. And I'm not that short. Are you singing at the coronation? Heck, no! No elves in the palace unless they're performing. Discrimination! Intentional infliction of... Whooooaaa! THUMP! (Chickens squawk) ..bodily harm. WOMAN: These portraits were recently commissioned in honour of tomorrow's coronation. (All gasp) (All scream) Right, follow me. Oh! Oh, what are they doing here? Look, I don't mean to rush but now I really need to find my godmother. And Slannen too. Where is he? I'll have my uncle send the guards to find Slannen. Everything's going to be fine. Don't forget, you are with the future king. Char! Hello, Uncle! I've been looking all over for you. And who might this charming young lady be? This is Ella. Ella of Frell. Ella, this is my Uncle Edgar. And this is his...Heston. Hey! So I trust your journey was pleasant? We had a little run-in with some ogres but Char got the best of them. You could've been killed. Oh, well, one just has to grin and bear it, I always say. Grin and bear it. So, Char, might I trouble you for a moment? The crownmaker needs to see you in your chambers for a fitting. Sure, I just have to take Ella to the... (Giggles nervously) ..to the Hall of Records. (Laughs) Yes, well, hop to it, then. Both of you. (Laughs nervously) You were right about that girl. Very odd. Mmm, and I'm afraid she's been filling our prince's head with dangerous new thoughts. Here's the latest census. Names are listed first by location then species. Good luck. Thank you. Sorry I couldn't be of more help but I don't have a census. I mean, look at the size of that thing. I do have a restaurant guide. Lucinda, I hope you're in here. (Coughs) Ella has lots of interesting opinions about the kingdom, Uncle. You should hear them. I can't wait. Giants' working conditions, for instance. We've seen them and they're unbelievable! Luckily, I've talked to them and they're definitely open for negotiation. The only negotiations between me and the giants will be over our vegetable deliveries. (Laughs wickedly) Good work, sire. This isn't a joke, Uncle Edgar. We'll talk about it after your coronation, yes? Fine. But we will talk. Of course. I-I'm going to ask her to marry me. Who? This, er...this Ella of Frell? Yes. Tonight. At the ball. At the same time and in the same place as my father proposed to my mother. Hmm. WOMEN BICKER (Sighs) What now?! So Ella of Frell is your sister? Stepsister, actually. Really? Tell me, what do you know about her? What's in it for me? How about that your eyeballs remain inside your head? (Gulps) (Edgar chuckles) Now, now, Heston. Yes? We like these girls. They're our friends. (Both giggle) I can't find anything in any of these books. Benny, show me Lucinda. No, still sacked out. Oh! I don't know where else to look. Wait a minute. (Snores) Dun Flyin Retirement Community for Faeries. Why don't we just cut to the chase, hmm? I might even be willing to throw Prince Char into the deal. (Slurps) Oh, let's see now. After the coronation, he'll need to take a queen and, shall we say, his hand in marriage? Oh! Queen Olive! (Grunts) For the eldest daughter, of course. Ella does everything she's told. I-I don't know why but she does. She can't help it. (Reads) Lucinda Perryweather - Dun Flyin Retirement Community for Faeries in Lamia Heights. Oh, Benny! Benny, we've got her! EDGAR: Hello, Ella. Huh? I hope you found everything to your satisfaction. Yes, thank you. Good. Good. Oh, dear. How clumsy of me. Pick it up. Very good. Now touch your toes. Oh! Oh, no. Oh, yes. And while you're about it, why don't you pat your head and rub your tummy at the same time? Ah. (Laughs) Now jump up and down. Ooh. Please stop. Wait. Perhaps you know this one. (Sings) # Put your left foot in # Left foot out # Left foot in and shake it all about # Shake, shake, shake # Shake, shake, shake # Shake your booty # Shake your booty. # (Laughs) Ooh! This is fabulous! Hate to be a party pooper but, Edgar, evil plans, remember? Yes, you're right. OK, stop. Oh! As you know, tonight is the coronation ball. At some point, amidst your frolicking and romancing, Prince Char will sweep you away to the Hall of Mirrors. Then, just before midnight, he will take you by the hand and ask you a question. How do you know all this? We know everything, my dear. (Gasps) But the one thing we know with most certainty is that at the stroke of midnight, you will take this dagger and plunge it through his heart and kill him. What? No! No! I won't! Oh, yes, you will. You will because I order you to. (Whimpers) (Laughs) Actually, it's lucky you're here so I won't have to do it myself. You would kill your own nephew? Why not? I killed my own brother. What? Why? I want to be king. Duh! Now go. Wait. There's one more thing. You will tell no-one of this plan. (Hisses) (Laughs wickedly) Can I help you? I'm looking for Lucinda Perryweather. It's kind of urgent. Sorry, Toots. She was kicked out last week. Do you know where I could find her? Nope. You don't understand. If I don't find her by tonight, something terrible's going to happen. Finding her WOULD be something terrible. ELLA: Dear Char, This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I hope you'll understand. We can't be together. I can't tell you why. Please believe that this is the only solution. I wish you the best. I really do believe you're going to be a great king. Goodbye forever. Ella. NARRATOR: Now, if she stayed clear of the prince until midnight had passed, then Char would be safe... ..but how long could that last? Slannen. Ella. Where have you been? What are you doing? Never mind. This may sound strange but there's something I need you to do for me. You are one freaky chick. Now, I need you to go back into the forest and rally all the elves and giants you can find. You want me to go back in there? Yes. You're gonna need all the help you can get. Now, someone has to get back into the castle, find Benny and then keep Char away from Edgar. Why? What's going on? I already told you - I can't tell you, but if you don't, you might very well be stuck singing 'Kumbaya' the rest of your life. Fine. Into the forest of certain death walks Slannen. Thank you. Yeah, whatever. ELEGANT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC Where's your little friend? Yes. She should be here by now. I don't want to talk about her. BELLS CHIME (Shrieks) Oh, Slannen, please hurry! Would you stop that?! When you steal from here, you are stealing from me now. What do you mean? This is my future home, isn't it? (Clears throat) Oh! Hi. I was just polishing... (Giggles) Would you, um... would you care to dance? Are you kidding? That's all she ever talks about! (Sighs happily) You wanted to look younger. (Scoffs) If you spent less time on your face and more on your maternal duties, we'd know where Ella was right now. TREE GROANS (Wails) WHOOSH! Whoa! Whoa! Ouch! Whoa! What the...? This isn't the salad bar at Brelly's. Lucinda. Lucinda! Lucinda! (Shrieks) Oh, my goodness. Do I know you, child? Ella of Frell. You gave me a gift? Oh, yes! I remember you. The obedient one. I'm so happy to see you. I have been looking everywhere for you. I need you to take the gift back. Take it back? I don't think so. Uh, it's not that I'm not grateful for the gift. I am, really. (Laughs weakly) But because of the gift, I'm about to do something horrible to this guy that I really like and might even love. Girl, you out of your mind. Everybody loves my gifts. Lucinda! Lucinda? I am begging you. I will do anything you ask. Please, take it back. You don't like my gift? Fine. Get rid of it yourself. Don't blame me for your problems. Did I chain your butt up to this tree? Huh? Well... But you... Huh?! Ah! No. And, in fact, just to prove what a gem I am... ..I will unchain you. What? No! No! (Screams) Aren't I fabulous? Now look at you. A pretty girl like you should be at the ball. What? Don't...! Go get down with the Prince. No, I can't go! Well, not dressed like that. No! Now, that's what I'm talking about! OK, that hurt. Give, give, give. (Shrieks) (Screams) You're welcome! Tell me about your sister. Olive? Idiot. Uh, no. Ella. Oh. I don't want to talk about her. She's so dreary! I just want to talk about us. Us? (Gasps) Hmm. It sounds even more wonderful when you say it. Ugh. (Ella shrieks) (Exclaims) CRASH! Ow! (Crowd gasps) What's she doing? (Wails) (Grunts) Oof! Something tells me she just couldn't stay away. Oh! Oh! We need to talk. Char, please...please tell me...tell me you never want to see me again. I will, if you tell me that you don't love me. It...it's not that. Then why did you write me that letter? Tell me how you really feel about me. I love you. But I...I am wrong for you, Char. I am wrong for the kingdom. Is that what this is about? Ella, that's crazy. Come with me. Good. This is the Hall of Mirrors? When I was little, my father brought me in here. He told me to look in the mirror... ..and see myself as a great leader. Somehow, I never could. And then you come along. (Sobs) Ella, what's wrong? I wish I could tell you. I wish I could tell you everything. These last few days have been so perfect. Well, except for the bit where we almost got eaten by ogres. (Laughs and sobs) And you wrote me a letter that ripped my heart out. And I had to dance with Hattie. None of these things matter. We're together now. And when we're together, it's...it's like magic. I never want it to end. I know. I know. And I feel the same, but... And that's why I brought you here. Char, please listen to me. Ella, I know you're scared. I'm scared too. (Hisses) This is...this is a big step. Ella. Ella of Frell. Will you marry me? BELLS CHIME (Gasps) No, no, no. No? No. (Sobs) Ella, I don't understand. (Sobs) What is it? My politics? Your family? Because those things aren't important. What's important is what's in our hearts. And if our love is strong, we can conquer anything. I do love you, Char. HATTIE: Ella? Come here! OLIVE: Ella! OLGA: Don't argue. Just do it. MOTHER: Come practise your mandolin. HATTIE: Take that! NISH: Now, keep your mouth shut! HATTIE: Take those. GUARD: Freeze! EDGAR: At the stroke of midnight, you will take this dagger and plunge it through his heart and kill him. What's inside you... ..is stronger than any spell. You will no longer be obedient. You will no longer be obedient! (Gasps) I'm free. I don't believe it. I'm free. You tried to kill me. Guards! No, I... Take her away. No, Char, please. Please, Char, wait! No! Char! Char, please wait! I...I can explain! No! Char, please, please, listen to me. Char! No, please. No. No! It's a mistake! Please, just listen! Please! (Sobs) EDGAR: You realise, of course, she'll have to be put to death immediately. I just don't understand. Maybe I should go and talk to her. No! No, I...I forbid you to go down there. Your Highness, your uncle didn't want to frighten you. But the secret police informed us of a possible uprising. Those ogres in the forest? They were after you. The girl was obviously part of the scheme. The ogres never planned to hurt her. She was just toying with your emotions, Char, so she could get close to you and commit the murder herself. I...I just don't believe it. Yes. Yes, it does seem quite fantastic. You let me worry about all this, hmm? You just concentrate on tomorrow's coronation. Sire. You know I've been working with the Red Guard. Why not call them in now and take over the whole kingdom like we planned? First, we must find a way to get rid of the Prince. And I think I have a pretty good idea how to do it. (Laughs) (Laughs) ROOSTER CROWS SLANNEN: Alright. We'll just have to find a way to get past those guards. BENNY: Help, please! Somebody get me out of here! Benny? What's he doing here? Ugh! Slannen! You saved my life! Are you OK? I could kiss you. I think a nice thank you, though, is enough. Listen, I think Ella's in trouble. Something to do with Edgar. We have to find her! Show me Ella! Edgar's done this? (Groans) We've got to go in and stop them. It'll take courage. Bravery. (Grunts) (All shriek) I was going to ask you how you like to be eaten. But if it's Edgar you're after, count us in. Welcome aboard. Executioner coming through. Enter. Ahem...! I wouldn't do that, if I were you. KNOCK ON DOOR Open up! I'm Miss Frell's legal representation. Her what? Her lawyer, numbskull! If the gauntlet doesn't fit, you must acquit. Now open this door before I sue you for everything you own. Now move it! Now! Come on, come on! Slannen of Pim is not an elf easily drawn into a legal battle. But when faced with a challenge to the principles of equality, freedom and civil liberties, this elf will draw the sword of justice. And furthermore... Excuse me. What is going on here? Well, can we at least take him to go? Put the nice man down. ELLA: Slannen? Ella? Ella! Slannen! Oh! Oh, Ella! Benny! Are you OK? I'm fine, but Char may not be. Show me Edgar! That's Char's crown. He's poisoned it. We've got to go. Come on! Come on, guys! We've got a coronation to crash! (Plays fanfare) People of Lamia. Today is a very special day for our kingdom. For today, you are here to witness the crowning of a king! (Crowd applauds and cheers) Bring in the crown. Hmm. Drop that crown! (Crowd gasps) What? CHAR: Ella? Seize them! It's payback time! (Laughs) Charge! Char! Kill them, and anyone who gets in your way. Oh, my God! (Screams) (Screams) (Sighs) No, no, no. I can't believe I'm saving you after you tried to kill me. I didn't try to kill you. You stay away from her! (Grunts) Take that! Hey! So that dagger you were about to plunge into my back was just an early wedding present? BENNY: Hello? Help! (Gasps) Mandy! Help! Faeries and kingdoms across the land, please help me turn Benny back into a man. A pumpkin?! (Screams) OK, maybe I did try to kill you. But that wasn't me! What? OK, maybe it was me. But it wasn't my fault! Ah! Then Edgar found out about the curse and he ordered me to kill you. And the only way that I could think to stop it was to break up with you, even though I'm...I'm pretty sure that... ..you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. And that crown they're about to put on your head is a trick! It's poisoned! Duck! Whoa. Edgar's trying to kill me? Yes. And... Oh, hold on. (Shrieks) How vulgar! (Hisses) Excuse me! Thank you. Mmm. Uh, Char, there's one more thing. He killed your father. What? That can't be true. Well, of course it's not true. Who are you going to believe? This lying little twit? Or the man who raised you? (Hisses) (Shrieks) (Groans) Hi-ya! (Screams) He tried to kill Char! Get him! Uh-oh! (Yelps) Well, I guess that answers that question! You vile little girl! I should've disposed of you when I had the chance. You almost destroyed this kingdom. You killed my father, your own brother - how could you? How could I? I wanted something. He was in my way. I got rid of him. (Crowd gasps) He wasn't fit to wear this crown! And you're not fit to wear this crown! This crown is mine! This kingdom is... Oops. (Crowd gasps) You saved my life. Then we're even. Ella! Ella, stop kissing him! You are never to kiss him again. You want to bet? (Gasps) Oh! (Screeches) (Wails) (Crowd laughs) (Laughs) Marry me? Now, that I'll do. CROWD: Ahh! MAN: I now pronounce you husband and wife. To a nation of equals... ..to my good friends... WOMAN: Hear, hear. ..and to my true love, Ella. (Crowd cheers) So, such is the story of Ella of Frell. A spunky young woman once under a spell. If there's one thing to learn, it's you just can't go wrong if you follow your heart and end with a song. (Sings) # Don't go breakin' my heart (Sings) # I couldn't if I tried # Oh, honey, if I get restless # Baby, you're not that kind # Don't go breakin' my heart (Laughs) # You take the weight off of me # Oh, honey, when you knocked on my door # I gave you my key (All sing) # Whoo-hoo # Nobody knows it # When I was down # I was your clown # Whoo-hoo # Nobody knows it # Nobody knows it # Right from the start # I gave you my heart # Oh, oh I gave you my heart # Don't go breakin' my heart # I won't go breakin' your heart # Don't go breakin' my # Don't go breakin' my # I won't go breakin' your heart # Don't go breakin' my Don't go breakin' my (Girls scream) # I won't go breakin' your heart # Don't go breakin' my Don't go breakin' my # I won't go breakin' your heart # Don't go breakin' my Don't go breakin' my # Don't go breakin' my heart # Don't go breakin' my Don't go breakin' my # I won't go breakin' your heart # Don't go breakin' my Don't go breakin' my # I won't go breakin' your heart # Don't go breakin' my Don't go breakin' my # Don't go breakin' my heart # Don't go breakin' my Don't go breakin' my # I won't go breakin' your heart # Don't go breakin' my Don't go breakin' my # I won't go breakin' your heart # Don't go breakin' my Don't go breakin' my # I won't go breakin' your heart # Don't go breakin' my Don't go breakin' my # I won't go breakin' your heart Good luck, Ella! # Don't go breakin' my I won't go breakin' your heart # Don't go breakin' my Don't go breakin' my # I won't go breakin' your heart. # NARRATOR: Now it's back to the real world, all of you I must send. For I've only two words left, and they are, "The end."