DO COME IN. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. YOU COME VERY HIGHLY RECOMMENDED BY HER ROYAL HIGHNESS. (CHUCKLES) PATRICIA HODGE: THE DEMAND FOR DOMESTIC STAFF IS NOW HIGHER THAN EVER. I COULDN'T RUN THIS PLACE WITHOUT MY STAFF. YOU KNOW, JUST CLEANING THE WINDOWS HERE TAKES AGES. LAUGHTER WHETHER BEHIND THE GATES OF BRITAIN'S STATELY HOMES... I'M PROBABLY THE ONLY PERSON OVER 50 WITH MY NANNY ON SITE. ...OR JUST FOR THOSE WITH THE CASH TO SPLASH, THERE ARE STAFF TO CATER TO EVERY WHIM. I'D LIKE THEM TO LEARN HOW TO MAKE A PROPER MARTINI. IS THE`? IS THE GLASS CHILLED? EVERYBODY IN LIFE NEEDS TO REMEMBER WHAT THEIR ROLE IN LIFE IS. THEY'RE THERE TO SERVE. BIRD SQUAWKS IN THIS SERIES WE FOLLOW THE CREAM OF SOCIETY... KISSY KISSY BOO-BOOS. OH, BYE, DARLING. ...IN THEIR SEARCH FOR THE VERY BEST DOMESTIC HELP... THE LAST HANDYMAN, UNFORTUNATELY, LEFT, BUT HE TOOK THE LADY OF THE HOUSE WITH HIM. ...AS WELL AS THE CANDIDATES WHO DREAM OF WORKING FOR THEM,... FINGERS CROSSED. (CHUCKLES) I GOT IT. YES! (SQUEALS) ...FROM THE EXACTING INTERVIEWS... WHAT ARE YOUR RECREATIONAL INTERESTS? WALKING THE DOG AROUND THE AROUND THE PEAK DISTRICT. DOG-WALKING. MAGGIE, N` OH! WHOA. DOGS SNARL OOH! WHOA. ...TO THOSE TERRIBLY TOUGH RECRUITMENT DECISIONS,... HELEN'S BIG FAULT IS SHE'S SO VERY PRETTY. (CHUCKLES) ...BECAUSE, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, FINDING GOOD STAFF... CLATTERING ...IS THE HARDEST JOB OF ALL. HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S JUST COME OFF THE STREET. YOU DO SOMETHING TO MY DOGS; I DO SOMETHING TO YOUR CAT. FORGET ABOUT ANYTHING THAT COMES OUTTA THEIR MOUTH AT THE INTERVIEW. THEY'LL TELL YOU ANYTHING. IT'S ALL LIES. DON'T BELIEVE ANYTHING. CAPTIONS BY SHRUTIKA GUNANAYAGAM. CAPTIONS WERE MADE POSSIBLE WITH FUNDING FROM NZ ON AIR. ABLE 2016 THE LUCKY FEW IN LIFE HAVE PEOPLE TO DO THEIR BIDDING. WHISPERS: KISS. (SNORES) SO, DUTIES ARE GOING TO BE COORDINATED JETS, YACHT TRAVEL. SALARY ` 80K TO 100K PER ANNUM. THEY JUST NEED TO KNOW THAT I'M THE BOSS AND THIS IS, YOU KNOW` THAT'S IT. YEAH. YEAH. FOR OTHERS, NO MATTER HOW GRAND THEIR ESTATE, THINGS CAN BE A BIT MORE HANDS-ON,... THAT'S ENOUGH. I WOULD IMAGINE IF SOMEBODY WALKED PAST THE DOOR NOW AND SAW ME CLEANING, THEY WOULDN'T THAT I WAS A LOWSLEY-WILLIAMS. ...BUT WHOEVER THE PRINCIPAL, HAVING THE LAND AND TITLE DOESN'T MEAN ONE IS EQUIPPED TO DO THE HIRING AND FIRING. I AM PROBABLY THE WORST JUDGE OF CHARACTER THAT GOD EVER INVENTED. STRUGGLING TO FIND THE STAFF THIS WEEK IS A MARCHIONESS WITH THE JITTERS ABOUT HER HUNT FOR A NEW INTERN,... DO YOU HAVE A CHAINSAW CERTIFICATE? UH, NO, BUT THAT WAS MY EASTER PLAN. I DUNNO, I'M` I'M QUITE A NERVOUS INTERVIEWER. ...A GUARDIAN OF A STATELY HOME UNABLE TO KEEP HIS STAFF IN POCKET... IT'S TAKEN A WHILE TO GET PAID, BUT, UM, IT'S SOMETHING YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO WALK FROM AFTER` YOU KNOW, AFTER BEING HERE FOR SO LONG. ...SO IS HAVING TO TAKE EVASIVE ACTION... IT'S IMPORTANT FOR ME TO EARN MY OWN LIVING, SO I'M LOOKING FOR A JOB. ...AND A SCRUMMY MUMMY LOOKING FOR A MOTHER'S HELP AND GROOM,... I GET ALL THE POO IN ONE PLACE. I NEED IT DONE LIKE THAT. CLANGING ...WHO HAS SOME SIZEABLE STANDARDS. I NEED SOMEONE THAT'S NOT FAT. I'M LOOKING FOR SOMEONE THAT CAN BASICALLY BE ME BUT NOT SLEEP WITH MY HUSBAND. PAGES RUSTLE PEN SCRATCHES EXPECTANT CLASSICAL MUSIC 'WALES, LAND OF MY FATHERS,... 'AND MY FATHERS CAN HAVE IT,' OR SO SAID THE IMPERTINENT POET DYLAN THOMAS, WHICH IS CERTAINLY NOT THE VIEW OF LADY AURIOL LINLITHGOW OF BRYNGWYN HALL, POWYS, WHOSE OWN FOREFATHERS HAVE BEEN ON THE LAND FOR 200 YEARS. OH, THIS CHEESE IS YUMMY. LADY LINLITHGOW'S GRANDFATHER, MAJOR GENERAL ARTHUR SANDBACH, INHERITED THE ESTATE AFTER HIS BROTHER CAME A CROPPER LION-HUNTING IN SOMALI LAND. LUCKILY, HE MADE A WILL TO LEAVE IT TO MY GRANDFATHER, SO MY GRANDFATHER INHERITED, IN 1896, 4000 ACRES IN JAMAICA, THIS HOUSE AND THE ESTATE. THERE HAVE BEEN NO FURTHER HUNTING MISHAPS, BUT WHEN LADY LINLITHGOW INHERITED THE GRADE-TWO LISTED HOUSE, IT HAD BEEN MOTHBALLED FOR OVER 50 YEARS AND WAS FAR FROM MINT CONDITION. THE HOUSE WAS SHUT UP IN 1929. MY FATHER DIDN'T LIKE HOUSES, WANTED TO LIVE IN A MUCH SMALLER HOUSE, SO THEY JUST SHUT IT UP WITH EVERYTHING IN IT, AND I WAS LEFT IT BY MY MOTHER IN 1986 AND THEN SLOWLY STARTED A PROGRAMME OF RESTORATION. AND A SPLENDID JOB SHE'S DONE TOO, BUT ALL THAT RENOVATION IS VERY TOUGH ON THE OLD BANK BALANCE. I'VE DECIDED TO PUT CANDLES ON MY... HOW MANY DO WE WANT? WANT 10. 10, IF WE'VE GOT THEM. I'VE HAD TO DIVERSIFY, REALLY, BECAUSE THE HOUSE ACTUALLY HAS TO EARN ITS KEEP. THESE REALLY NEED A POLISH, BUT... SO BRYNGWYN HALL NOW ACCOMMODATES WEDDINGS, SHOOTING PARTIES AND ALL MANNER OF OTHER SOCIAL FUNCTIONS. NOW, I'M NOT RICH ENOUGH TO LIVE HERE WITHOUT ANYTHING HAPPENING. IT'S ALWAYS THE CASE OF BALANCING THE BOOKS. IT'S NOT` IT'S NOT EASY. IT'S OFTEN SAID THAT A GOOD MASTER MAKES GOOD SERVANTS, AND SOME OF LADY L'S EIGHT-STRONG TEAM HAVE BEEN IN HER SERVICE FOR OVER 30 YEARS, SO SHE MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT. TEAM SPIRIT HERE IS PARAMOUNT TO ME. I MEAN, I CAN COPE WITH WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE IF I KNOW THERE'S A GOOD ATMOSPHERE BEHIND THE SCENES. IF I HEAR SAUCEPANS BEING CHUCKED ABOUT IN THE KITCHEN AND, YOU KNOW, PEOP` DOORS BEING SLAMMED, I'M A VERY UNHAPPY PERSON. COS` I THINK YOU'RE MAKING IT VERY COMPLICATED. CHRISTINE IS THE TEAM LEADER OF THE HOUSE, AND SHE COULD ACTUALLY RUN THE WORLD, AND THEN OUTSIDE, DANIEL'S OUR TEAM LEADER. THEN THERE'S ANDREA, WHO'S A BRILLIANT GARDENER. I COULDN'T RUN THIS PLACE WITHOUT MY STAFF. YOU KNOW, JUST CLEANING THE WINDOWS HERE TAKES AGES. AT THE HEART OF THE TEAM IS THE ESTATE INTERN, MERIN PHILLIPS, WHO SEEMS TO BE EVERYBODY'S GO-TO ASSISTANT,... WHAT CAN I GET YOU? YOU'VE GOT ELDERFLOWER... SHE'LL TURN HER HAND TO ANYTHING. SHE'LL BE WORKING IN THE GARDEN ONE MINUTE, CLEARING LEAVES, PICKING ACORNS, THEN IN THE KITCHEN, THEN SERVING IN THE DINING ROOM. CHATTER CAN I SQUEEZE IN HERE AND POP IT DOWN? YOU'VE GOTTA BE ABLE TO FIT IN WITH EVERYONE ELSE WHO WORKS HERE AND MUCK IN, SO YOU'VE GOTTA BE A BIT OF EVERYTHING. ...BUT AFTER A YEAR OF DEVOTED SERVICE, IN EXCHANGE FOR BOARD, LODGINGS AND A LITTLE POCKET MONEY, THE MARVELLOUS MERIN IS RETURNING TO HER STUDIES, SO LADY L IS SET TO INTERVIEW FOR A NEW BRIGHT YOUNG THING WHO WILL MAINTAIN THE BALANCE. I'M JUST PRAYING WE` WE FIND SOMEBODY GOOD, COS THEY'VE GOT A HARD ACT TO FOLLOW. I THINK, UH, ANYBODY COMING IN WILL FIND IT A CHALLENGE. THEY'VE GOTTA BE VERSATILE. YOU KNOW, THEY'RE NOT JUST DOING ONE JOB, AND IF SOMEBODY ISN'T PULLING THEIR WEIGHT, THEY DON'T STAY VERY LONG. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) CURIOUS MUSIC STATELY CLASSICAL MUSIC AS IN LIFE, A BIT OF FRICTION WILL EVENTUALLY PRODUCE RESULTS, AND ONE'S FAMILY SILVER IS NO EXCEPTION, SO HERE'S HOW TO KEEP IT SPARKLING FOR ALL OCCASIONS. WHEN APPLYING THE ELBOW GREASE, ONE'S HOUSEKEEPER SHOULD USE A SOFT SURFACE AND GLOVES. TOUCHING SKIN WITH BARE SKIN SMEARS. SLOSHING POLISH WITH A CIRCULAR MOTION, NOT UNLIKE ONE'S BEDTIME BEAUTY ROUTINE. USE A DIFFERENT CLOTH TO WIPE OFF AND BUFF. PAY DUE SENSITIVITY AROUND ENGRAVINGS AND HALLMARKS, AS THESE ARE EASILY DAMAGED. INSTEAD, USE THE SOFT BRISTLES OF A BABY'S TOOTHBRUSH ON THE NOOKS AND CRANNIES. STATELY CLASSICAL MUSIC CONTINUES EXCITED CLASSICAL MUSIC PEN SCRATCHES BIRD COOS, SHEEP BLEAT THE COTSWOLDS IS HOME TO MORE SO-CALLED CELEBRITIES PER ACRE THAN ANYWHERE OUTSIDE LONDON. HILLES HOUSE BOASTS COMMANDING VIEWS OVER THE LOT OF THEM. IT BELONGS TO HELGA DE SILVA BLOW PERERA BUT FOR THE LAST 27 YEARS HAS BEEN IN THE CARE OF HER SON, ONE DETMAR HAMILTON BLOW. I CARE ABOUT THIS PLACE VERY MUCH. I LOVE IT. I GREW UP HERE. UM, (STAMMERS) IT'S VERY BEAUTIFUL. MY FATHER DIED WHEN I WAS 14, AND MY MOTHER, REALLY, WENT BACK TO SRI LANKA, SO MY BROTHER, SISTER AND I GREW UP IN THIS HOUSE WITH THE HOUSEKEEPER. HOWEVER, IT WAS DETMAR'S WIFE OF 18 YEARS, THE LATE STYLE ICON, ISABELLA BLOW, WHO USHERED IN THE BOHEMIAN SPIRIT AND PUT THE HOUSE AND HER HUSBAND ON THE SOCIAL MAP. WE WERE ALWAYS ENTERTAINING EITHER FASHION DESIGNERS OR ARTISTS, AND I FELT WHAT ISABELLA AND I WERE DOING WAS IMPORTANT, AND I LIKE TO THINK THAT LOTS OF IDEAS H-H-HAVE BEEN NURTURED, UM, THIS ROOM. BIRDS CHIRP TRAGICALLY, IN 2007, ISABELLA TOOK HER OWN LIFE. IT'S BEEN QUITE A TRAUMATIC FEW YEARS. I WENT INTO DEPRESSION. IT WAS A VERY DARK TIME FOR ME, SO IT'S TAKEN ME TIME TO GET BACK ON MY FEET. I'VE HAD THE GLAMOUROUS LIFE, OK; I'VE HAD THE L-LIFE IN HIGH FASHION ` MEETING ANNA WINTOUR, GOING TO MICK JAGGER'S 50TH BIRTHDAY, BEING BEST FRIENDS WITH BRYAN FERRY AND GOING TO DAVID FURNISH'S 40TH (CHUCKLES) IN VENICE, (CHUCKLES) ALL THAT SORT OF THING. IT'S BEEN A FANTASTIC LIFE, AND, YEAH, THERE'S BEEN A DARK SIDE, ISABELLA'S DECLINE, AND THAT WAS VERY SAD, SO BIT BY BIT I'M FIGHTING BACK. BUT A HOUSE OF SUCH MAGNITUDE CAN'T BE RUN SIMPLY ON FORMER GLORIES, SO AS CUSTODIAN, DETMAR HIMSELF HAS A JOB TO DO. MY MOTHER EXPECTS ME TO MAKE A S` YOU KNOW, MAKE A DECENT LIVING ON THIS HOUSE, AND I HAVE KINDA COMMERCIALISED IT. (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) SO I-I'LL SEND THAT. I'LL SEND THAT TO JULIAN, AND HE CAN PRINT IT. THESE DAYS THE ESTATE IS HIRED OUT FOR WEDDINGS AND EVENTS, RELYING ON A CLOSE-KNIT GROUP OF DEVOTED HIRED HANDS TO DO THE LEGWORK. THE WORD I USE IS 'COLLABORATORS'. I SAY IT'S THE COOKING COLLABORATORS, CLEANING COLLABORATORS. I HAVE GENEVIEVE, WHO'S` WHO WENT TO STEINER SCHOOL AND ART SCHOOL, AND SHE HELPS ME WITH THE WEDDING BUSINESS I SET UP. I HAVE MATT AS PART-TIME GARDENER. I PAY HIM 15 QUID AN HOUR. THIS IS A TOUGH PLANT TO GET RID OF, ISN'T IT? IT IS. YEAH, IT'S EVERYWHERE UNFORTUNATELY. THERE'S JULIAN AT THE BOTTOM OF THE GARDEN, WHO DOES SOME DRIVING. I'M LAZY ON TECHNOLOGY, SO I LIKE HIM TO PRINT THINGS OUT, AND HE'S QUITE GOOD AT THAT, AND HE'S KIND OF A PHILOSOPHER ABOUT LIFE. HE'S VERY` PARTICULARLY KEEN ON WATER. HI, JULIAN. HOW'S IT GOING? (CHUCKLES DRILY) IT'S GOT A BLOCKAGE IN THE, UH, PUMP DIAPHRAGM. I LIKE BOUNCING IDEAS. I'M NOT VERY GOOD SOLITARY. I LIKE PEOPLE AROUND. BIRDS CHIRP (HAMMERS LIGHTLY) HIDDEN AT THE END OF HIS GROUNDS IS DETMAR'S LONGEST-SERVING COLLABORATOR, IRANIAN-BORN DR AMIR FARMAN FARMA. I STARTED COMING TO HILLES IN, UH, 1986, AND, UH, DETMAR WAS KIND ENOUGH TO LET ME STAY AT THE MAIN HOUSE FOR MANY YEARS, BUT FOR THE FIRST COUPLE OF DECADES, I WAS JUST A HOUSE GUEST HERE, AND, UH, NOW I'M A TENANT. CHATTER WITH THE HELP OF HIS TRUSTY COLLABORATORS, DETMAR SOON WANTS TO STAGE A GRAND PARTY CELEBRATING THE CENTENARY OF THE HOUSE, BUILT BY HIS GRANDFATHER, NAMESAKE AND ARTS-AND-CRAFTS LUMINARY, DETMAR BLOW. SO, WE'RE HAVING A HUNDRED-YEAR PARTY. IS ANYONE` I HOPE EVERYONE'S GONNA COME. WELL, IT'S A` IT'S A SUMMER SOLSTICE. I MEAN, THE HOUSE IS 100 YEARS OLD. I THINK NOW RAISE A SHANDY (GIGGLES) TO MY GRANDFATHER'S MEMORY. WE USUALLY HAVE A COMBINATION OF ROCK STARS. WE HAVE MUSICIANS. WE HAVE ARTISTS. WE HAVE A FEW WRITERS. ALL THE NAMES ON THAT GUEST LIST SHOULD GET THE PARTY THEY DESERVE, SO DETMAR CALLS ON COLLABORATOR GENEVIEVE TO GET HER LITTLE BOOK OUT. THE HIRING OF THE TENTS AND EXPENSES... WE NEED TO GET PORTALOOS, SO PUT THAT DOWN. THAT'S A GRAND. WHAT'S THE POINT OF LIVING IN A HOUSE LIKE THIS IF IT'S NOT OPEN TO PEOPLE TO ENJOY? UNFORTUNATELY, THE LAVISH PLANS AREN'T EXACTLY MATCHED BY A BOUNTEOUS BANK BALANCE. HAVE YOU GOT A BUDGET FOR IT? HAVE YOU GOT ANY MONEY IN THE POT? AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE. NO, OF COURSE NOT. AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE. LIVING IN A HOUSE LIKE THIS, IT IS A FINANCIAL BURDEN. I'VE HAD PLENTY OF OPPORTUNITIES TO MAKE IT WORK AND I HAVEN'T COME OUT COMMERCIALLY, YEAH. SO IN ORDER TO LIVE UP TO HIS RESPONSIBILITIES AS GUARDIAN OF THE HOUSE AND HIS COLLABORATORS, DETMAR NEEDS TO LOOK TOWARDS THE FUTURE. HOW LUCKY WE ARE TO ENJOY THIS VIEW, AMIR. EXCELLENT, UH? AND SOME MORE ADVENTURES TO COME, I THINK. 1 QUIRKY MUSIC I'M GOING TO COUNT TO THREE AND YOU COME HERE OR YOU LOSE A SUNDAY SWEET. COMING! (EXHALES LOUDLY) HENLEY-ON-THAMES IS NICE FOR LOTS OF THINGS, BUT CARINA EVANS PROBABLY DOESN'T GET A CHANCE TO DO ANY OF THEM. RIGHT, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE FOR BREKKIE? WE NEED TO GO. GO, GO, GO! AGED 37 AND MARRIED TO DASHING POLO PLAYER NICK, CARINA HAS TWO LITTLE DARLINGS AND A BURGEONING BUSINESS EMPIRE TO CATER FOR. OK, BYE. BYE-BYE. HAVE A GOOD DAY. GRR! LIKE 8 MILLION OF HER FELLOW COUNTRYMEN AND WOMAN, CARINA RUNS AN ONLINE BUSINESS FROM HOME. WE HAVE A PET PRODUCT DISTRIBUTION COMPANY. WE HAVE ONE, SORT OF, LEADING PRODUCT, WHICH IS DOG ROCKS. IT'S A ROCK THAT STOPS PET URINE BURNING THE GRASS WHEN THE DOG TAKES A PEE. RANDOM, I KNOW! BUT IT PAYS THE BILLS. PROVING THERE'S MONEY TO BE MADE IN SPENDING A PENNY. CARINA'S PET PROJECT BRINGS IN ABOUT �800,000 A YEAR, NOT THAT ONE CARES FOR SUCH THINGS, OF COURSE. HOW CAN I HELP? IF THAT WEREN'T ENOUGH TO HAVE ONE REACHING FOR THE SMELLING SALTS, AT THE END OF HER ESTATE, THERE ARE EVEN MORE MOUTHS TO FEED. AS USUAL, I'M LATE. YOU ALWAYS FEEL THAT YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG AND I'M NEVER DOING ANYTHING RIGHT. I'M NEVER A GOOD WIFE, I'M NEVER A GOOD COOK, I'M NEVER A GOOD MOTHER, SO EVERYTHING ALWAYS FEELS LIKE A COMPROMISE, BUT, YOU KNOW, THAT'S LIFE. (CHUCKLES) I THINK MUM NEEDS A LITTLE BIT OF HELP. IF SHE HAD, YOU KNOW, A PERSON TO HELP HER, SHE WOULD BE ABLE TO CALM DOWN A BIT MORE. THE FAMILY CONSENSUS ` HORSES INCLUDED ` IS THAT THERE'S NOT ENOUGH OF CARINA TO GO AROUND, SO SHE'S DECIDED TO CALL IN THE CAVALRY. AS THINGS GET BUSIER WITH WORK AND WE SELL MORE PRODUCT, MY TIME IS BETTER SPENT BEING MORE EFFICIENT IN THE OFFICE, HENCE THE NEED FOR STAFF. WHERE BETTER FOR AN EQUESTRIAN-LOVING, DOGGY ENTREPRENEUR TO PUT THE WORD OUT FOR HELP THAN IN THE HORSE AND HOUND MAGAZINE? THE TYPE OF PERSONALITY I'M LOOKING FOR IS SOMEONE THAT IS A GOOD COUNTRY GIRL, A GOOD HARD-WORKING` IDEALLY FROM THE WEST COUNTRY. I ALWAYS THINK PEOPLE FROM THE WEST COUNTRY, LIKE MYSELF, TEND TO HAVE A GOOD WORK ETHIC. SORRY, YOU PROBABLY THINK I'M NUTS. I NEED SOMEONE THAT'S NOT FAT, BECAUSE IF YOU ARE, YOU KNOW, ROBUSTLY OR ROTUNDLY BUILT, IT PERHAPS DICTATES THAT YOU CAN'T WORK QUICKLY AND EFFICIENTLY. I'M LOOKING FOR SOMEONE THAT CAN BASICALLY BE ME BUT NOT SLEEP WITH MY HUSBAND. QUIRKY MUSIC ELEGANT MUSIC BRYNGWYN HALL IN WALES LADY AURIOL LINLITHGOW IS DUE TO INTERVIEW FOR A REPLACEMENT INTERN TO TAKE OVER FROM THE CURRENT INCUMBENT, MARIAN. IT'S GONNA BE PRETTY TIGHT SERVING AROUND HERE, ISN'T IT? OH, THAT'S STANDING UP NICELY, ISN'T IT? DESPITE COMING FROM A LONG LINE OF SUCCESSFUL MILITARY COMMANDERS, LADY L HERSELF CAN LACK THE BATTLE MENTALITY. I'M ALWAYS A BIT DAUNTED ABOUT DOING INTERVIEWS BECAUSE, I DUNNO, I'M QUITE A NERVOUS INTERVIEWER. THE ROLE IS ONE OF ONLY THREE FULLTIME POSITIONS AT BRYNGWYN HALL, SO IT IS ESSENTIAL TO THE ESTATE. JUST ASK HOUSE TEAM LEADER CHRISTINE, WHO'S BEEN IN LADY L'S EMPLOY FOR 31 YEARS. LADY L FEELS, I WOULD THINK, GREAT RESPONSIBILITY ON PICKING THE RIGHT PERSON. WE ALL HAVE TO WORK TOGETHER, SO WE ALL HAVE TO GET ON, AND IF SOMEBODY IS UPSETTING THE REST OF THE TEAM, THEN THEY HAVE TO GO. ALL THE POTENTIAL INTERNS COME FROM A LEADING AGRICULTURAL COLLEGE, WHERE A ONE-YEAR PLACEMENT IS A PART OF THEIR COURSE. HELLO, JAKE. HOW DO YOU DO? NICE TO MEET YOU. RUNNING THE GAUNTLET OF LADY L'S LIST OF QUESTIONS FIRST IS JAKE COOPER. RIGHT, DO TAKE A SEAT. UH, I'VE MET MAYBE MORE LORDS THAN I HAVE LADIES, BTU I JUST FIND THAT GENERALLY IF YOU'RE POLITE AND YOU DO EVERYTHING AS YOU THINK YOU SHOULD, YOU KNOW, YOU'VE PROBABLY GOT IT RIGHT. TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOURSELF, JAKE. ARE YOU A FARMING BACKGROUND? IT'S MORE CHEESE. MY DAD AND MY GRANDFATHER HAVE BEEN MAKING CHEESE FOR A WHILE. OH, REALLY? YOU'VE GOT CHEESE IN THE BLOOD, HAVEN'T YOU? WHAT CHEESE IS IT? HE DOES CHEDDAR, CHESHIRE, RED LEICESTER. DO YOU HAVE ANY ALLERGIES? NOT REALLY, NO. HORSES WERE ONE WHEN I WAS A BIT YOUNGER. THIS IS BORING. I'M SURE YOU'D BE ABLE TO DO THIS. PREPARED TO CLEAN OUT CHICKENS. FEED AND COLLECT. DO YOU HAVE A CHAINSAW CERTIFICATE? NO, BUT ACTUALLY THAT'S MY EASTER` THAT WAS MY EASTER PLAN. ARE YOU COMFORTABLE BEING SET A TASK AND LEFT TO COMPLETE IT, BUT ASKING FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS IF NEEDED? YES. YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE TOLD TO GO AND DO SOMETHING, AND YOU THINK, 'WELL, I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THAT', YOU HAPPY TO COME BACK AND SAY` YES. ...'SORRY, I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THAT. HOW DO I DEAL WITH THAT?' THAT WAS A LOT OF QUESTIONS ON A PIECE OF PAPER, AND THEY WERE VERY VIGOROUS. THEY DID COVER ALL TOPICS. VERY DOWN TO EARTH, REALLY. I MEAN, I WOULD REALLY HATE TO SAY IT BUT REMINDS ME OF MY GRANDMOTHER. I THINK JAKE WOULD BE GOOD AT THE WHOLE SHOOTING SIDE, MEETING AND GREETING. I THINK HE'D BE VERY GOOD IN THE WOODS. VERY WELL TURNED OUT, VERY POLITE. I'M SURE HE'D BE A VERY USEFUL MEMBER OF THE TEAM. NEXT TO FACE LADY LINLITHGOW IS GEORGINA WREATH, AND LET'S JUST SAY SHE'S BARELY OLD ENOUGH TO VOTE. IF YOU WANT THE JOB AND YOU'RE RIGHT FOR THE JOB, YOU GET THE JOB, DON'T YOU? WHAT ARE YOUR RECREATIONAL INTERESTS? I GO HUNTING A LOT. PONY CLUB. WALKING THE DOG AROUND THE PEAK DISTRICT. DOG WALKING. DO YOU HAVE A SHOTGUN LICENCE? NO. DO YOU SHOOT? NO, BUT I'D REALLY LIKE TO LEARN. HAVE YOU USED A STRIMMER? SIT DOWN, PLEASE. NO. CAN YOU DRIVE A TRACTOR? NO. (COUGHS) ARE YOU COMFORTABLE BEING SET A TASK AND LEFT TO COMPLETE? YES. ASKING FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTION IF NEEDED? YES. (COUGHS) SORRY. EXCUSE ME. JUST GOING TO HAVE TO GO AND HAVE A` (COUGHS) RIGHT, LET'S HAVE A... ROUND THE GARDEN. I COULDN'T HAVE PORTRAYED MYSELF ANY DIFFERENT. IF I GET IT, I'D, YEAH, REALLY SEE MYSELF HERE. I'D REALLY LIKE TO WORK HERE. THIS IS JUST WHAT I WANTED TO DO FOR MY PLACEMENT. A LOVELY GIRL. CHARMING. WOULD BE A VERY USEFUL PERSON IN ANY BUSINESS, I THINK. THE ONLY RESERVATION I HAVE ABOUT HER IS HER AGE. ELEGANT MUSIC I MUST, I MUST, I MUST IMPROVE MY BUST. OR JUST GET ONE'S GARDENER TO DO IT. IF MOSS AND LICHENS ATTACK ONE'S STONEWORK, THEY'RE LIABLE TO CRUMBLE, SO HERE'S HOW TO KEEP THEM STURDY. FIRST, TACKLE PERIPHERAL FILTH WITH FIRM BUT GENTLE DRY BRUSHING. NEXT, CHIP OFF THE MOSS AND BEASTLY BIRD DIRT WITH A WOODEN SPOON OR SPATULA. NEVER USE A METAL TOOL UNLESS YOU WANT AN AWFUL MODERN SCULPTURE. THAT'S A BIT BETTER, ISN'T IT? THEN WITH SOAP AND WATER, SCRUB CLEAN WITH A SOFT-BRISTLE BRUSH. DONE CORRECTLY, YOUR BUSTS WILL REMAIN STATUESQUE THROUGHOUT THE SEASONS. QUIRKY MUSIC HENLEY-ON-THAMES. FRANTICALLY BUSY WORKING MUM CARINA EVANS IS URGENTLY IN NEED OF A PA, MOTHER'S HELP AND GROOM. TODAY, PART-TIME NANNY EMMY IS THE FIRST OF THE APPLICANTS TO BE INVITED FOR INTERVIEW. WHEN YOU CAN START, BASICALLY? UM, I THINK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, REALLY. I'D HAVE TO GIVE IN MY NOTICE AT MY CURRENT JOB. OK. COS I'M WORKING PART-TIME AT THE MOMENT, AND REALLY I NEED` MONEY-WISE, I NEED THE FULLTIME JOB. WHAT SKILLS COULD YOU BRING TO US? WHAT CAN YOU BRING TO THE PARTY IN TERMS OF OFFICE-ORIENTATED JOBS? WELL, I'D SAY THAT I'M VERY COMPUTER-LITERATE. UM... HOW WOULD YOU AUTO-SUM? I DON'T KNOW. BOTH LAUGH OK, SO` IS THAT THE ADDING UP IN A COLUMN AND THEN AT THE BOTTOM IT TELLS YOU`? I DO KNOW IT. THAT'S HOW YOU AUTO-SUM. PERFECT! OK, COOL. CARINA IS WILLING TO SHELL OUT �15 AN HOUR, FOR THE RIGHT PERSON, OF COURSE, BUT FIRST SHE NEEDS TO BE SURE THEY'RE AS HANDY WITH A SHOVEL AS THEY ARE WITH A SPREADSHEET. LET'S GO AND POOH-PICK. OK. I GET ALL THE POOH IN ONE PLACE, AND PRETTY MUCH PICK UP EVERY LAST BIT I POSSIBLY CAN. I NEED IT DONE LIKE THAT. COULD YOU GET THE PONIES IN? COME ON, THEN. BRILLIANT! I WOULD'VE LEFT THE GATES CLOSED UNTIL YOU CAUGHT HIM IN CASE HE RAN AWAY. NO, NO. NO, NO. YOU CAN'T TIE HIM TO THAT. OH. AT FIRST I WAS RATHER WOWED BY EMMY, BUT I EXPECTED HER TO BE A LITTLE MORE CONFIDENT WITH THE HORSES, UM, AND OPENING GATES BEFORE SHE CAUGHT THE HORSES. THE HORSES COULD RUN ROUND YOU AND SLIP OUT THE GATE, AND IF WE WERE NEAR A ROAD, THAT WOULD BE POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS. BYE. THE DOWNSIDE OF HER JUDGEMENT ON EMMY IS THAT CARINA WILL HAVE TO INVEST MORE OF HER PRECIOUS TIME TO FIND SOMEONE TO FILL HER RIDING BOOTS. I'M VERY HAPPY TO WAIT FOR THE RIGHT PERSON. PERHAPS I AM QUITE PARTICULAR, BUT I KNOW THAT THERE ARE LOTS OF PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT CAN DO THE JOB I REQUIRE. QUIRKY MUSIC HILLES HOUSE IN GLOUCESTERSHIRE, WHERE DETMAR BLOW IS LOOKING AFTER THE FAMILY SEAT FOR HIS MOTHER. BUT DESPITE ITS RICH HISTORY, THE FINANCIAL DEMANDS OF THE PROPERTY ARE TESTING HIS TENURE. MY BANK HAVE BEEN VERY SUPPORTIVE, COS I'VE HAD QUITE A LOT TO DEAL WITH OVER THE YEARS ` MY LATE WIFE'S DEATH AND BEING DUMPED BY THE MOTHER OF MY SON. SO THEY VERY GENEROUSLY LENT ME SOME MONEY, WHICH IS NOW TIME` NOW I HAVE TO PAY IT BACK. OK, WE'VE RUN OUT OF POWER, RUN OUT OF BATTERY. YOU` DO YOU KNOW HOW TO CHARGE IT UP AGAIN, DARLING? YOU'VE GOT THAT` I REALLY ENJOY BEING A FATHER. MY ACCOUNTANT TOLD ME IT DOESN'T PAY THE BILLS, WHICH IS TRUE, SO I NEED TO SORT THAT ONE OUT. BOTH EXCLAIM THAT'S A GOOD SHOT. (CHUCKLES) THE HEAD OF THE HOUSE ISN'T THE ONLY ONE AFFECTED BY THE LACK OF FUNDS. THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES IN THE PAST WHEN IT'S TAKEN A WHILE TO GET PAID, BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU KEEP THE FAITH AND STICK WITH IT. I FEEL I'M KIND OF HERE FOR THE LONG HAUL, AND IT'S SOMETHING YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO WALK AWAY FROM AFTER, YOU KNOW, BEING HERE FOR SO LONG. SO WITH THE SMALL MATTER OF KEEPING HIS STAFF IN POCKET AND HIS GRAND AMBITIONS FOR A CENTENARY PARTY IN THE OFFING, DETMAR IS CONSIDERING SOMETHING DRASTIC. I'M LOOKING FOR A JOB. SO I'VE` I HAVE TO GET MY HANDS DIRTY. I'VE BEEN AVOIDING IT, AND I HAVE TO ROLL UP MY SLEEVES AND BE CONSCIENTIOUS. I LIKE CAKE TO BE SPLIT BETWEEN EVERYBODY. THE MORE MONEY I EARN, THE MORE I CAN PAY PEOPLE. FORTUNATELY, HAVING WORKED AS AN ART CONSULTANT IN THE PAST AND ENJOYED THE HIGH LIFE WITH LATE WIFE ISABELLA, DETMAR IS A MAN OF IMPECCABLE CONNECTIONS. THIS IS AN ARTWORK BY STEFAN BRUGGEMANN, WHO I'M SPEAKING TO ON SATURDAY. UM` AS THE DOG ARRIVES. HELLO. SO I'VE SPOKEN TO HIM AND WE'RE GONNA DISCUSS FINDING IT A GOOD HOME, UH? SO THAT'S GOOD, SO THAT WILL RECONNECT ME WITH SELLING ART. FIRST IN OPERATION JOB HUNT IS TO REACQUAINT HIMSELF WITH THE LONDON ART SCENE VIA A DAY OF GALLERY VISITS. NATURALLY, HE'LL NEED TO CUT A DASH TO GET NOTICED. I'M NOT A MINIMALIST; I'M A MAXIMALIST, UH, SO I DRESS ACCORDINGLY. SO I WOULD WEAR THIS. IT'S LIKE A NICE PUNK JACKET I HAVE` I GOT DOWN BRICK LANE LONG TIME AGO. I LIKE WEARING PINK A LOT. THIS IS` WHICH I WORE DURING VENICE ART BIENNALE, AND PEOPLE OFTEN THINK I'M GAY. I'M IN YOUR FACE, I'M PASSIONATE ABOUT WHAT I DO, AND THAT'S REFLECTED IN MY CLOTHES. NOW TO CATCH THE 10.32 TO PADDINGTON, UNFORTUNATELY, TRAVELLING ECONOMY. 1 QUIRKY MUSIC IN HER HUNT FOR THE PERFECT PA/MOTHER'S HELP/GROOM, BUSINESSWOMAN CARINA EVANS HAS INVITED TWO MORE POTENTIAL CANDIDATES FOR INTERVIEW. NICE TO SEE YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING. COME ON IN. 23-YEAR-OLD GRADUATE VICTORIA, FROM SURREY... I'M QUITE EXCITED TO HEAR MORE ABOUT THE ROLE, AND, YOU KNOW, OBVIOUSLY WITH EVERY INTERVIEW, A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS, BUT I THINK THAT'S KIND OF NATURAL. HI, CARA? HELLO, CARINA. NICE TO SEE YOU. COME ON IN. ...AND 30-YEAR-OLD EX-POLICEWOMAN AND HORSE ENTHUSIAST CARA. I REALLY WANT THIS JOB, AND MY PASSION IS HORSES, AND TO BE ABLE TO WORK WITHIN THAT FIELD, FOR ME, WOULD BE A DREAM COME TRUE. HAVE A SEAT. BEST OF BRITISH TO THEM, BECAUSE IMPRESSING CARINA IS NO MEAN FEAT. I DEFINITELY WANT THAT PERSON TO REFLECT ME, AND I DEFINITELY WANT THAT PERSON TO HAVE THE SAME STANDARDS AS ME, AND, YOU KNOW, I'D LIKE SOMEONE THAT CAN COOK, AND I'D LIKE SOMEONE THAT CAN WORK IN THE OFFICE, AND I'D LIKE SOMEONE THAT CAN DRIVE WELL, AND I'D LIKE SOMEONE THAT CAN DO ALL OF THOSE THINGS. YOUR CV APPEALED TO ME BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY YOU'VE GOT THE OFFICE EXPERIENCE BUT ALSO YOU'VE GOT HORSE` A LOVE OF HORSES. WOULD YOU MIND IF WE HAD PONIES AT HOME, TAKING THE KIDS FOR A RIDE? YEAH, THAT'S NO PROBLEM. I'D DEFINITELY CLASS MYSELF AS A HORSEY KIND OF PERSON. OK. SO THAT WOULDN'T PUT YOU OFF? NOT AT ALL. NO DESIRE TO GO BACK INTO THE POLICE FORCE? UM, NO. I MEAN, I CAN DEAL WITH HALF A TONNE OF HORSE. I'M VERY COMFORTABLE IF THAT STARTS MESSING ME AROUND. SOME MAN IN THE STREET DRESSED IN BLACK WITH A KNIFE, THAT'S WHERE I SORT OF` YEAH. I DON'T BLAME YOU. YEAH, SO REALITY SORT OF HIT ME QUITE HARD WITH THE POLICE. IF THERE WAS A TIME WHERE THE KIDS GOT BACK FROM SCHOOL AT 3 AND THEY NEEDED ENTERTAINING FOR TWO HOURS, WOULD THAT BE SOMETHING THAT YOU WOULD BE HAPPY TO DO? YEAH, THAT'S FINE. OK, SO IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE HAPPY TO MOVE AWAY JUST FROM THE OFFICE-BASED ROLE. OK. DO YOU HUNT AT ALL? UM, I HAVE BEEN WITH MY PREVIOUS HORSE, I HAVE. BUT YOU'RE NOT ANTI IT? OH NO, NOT AT ALL. OK, COOL. EXCELLENT. HOW DO YOU TYPE? OH, UM, I CAN TOUCH TYPE. YEAH. SO, USING ALL YOUR FINGERS? YEAH, YEAH. OK, PERFECT. COOL. MY GUT FEELING ABOUT VICTORIA WAS EXTREMELY GOOD, AND SHE SEEMS TO REALLY FIT THE BILL. THANK YOU SO MUCH. AND I'LL BE IN TOUCH. SHE SEEMED VERY PERSONABLE, SHE'S GOT A NICE FACE TO LOOK AT, SO I CAN IMAGINE HER STANDING UP IN, UM, YOU KNOW, WHATEVER MARKET IS SELLING OUR PRODUCT. I REALLY LIKE CARINA. I THINK SHE'S VERY DIRECT, WHICH I QUITE LIKE, SO YOU ALWAYS KIND OF KNOW WHERE YOU STAND, AND, YEAH, I THINK I'D FIT IN QUITE NICELY HERE. COOL. LET ME GRAB YOUR COAT. CARA ` THE FACT THAT SHE WAS A POLICE OFFICER, TO ME, IT SAYS THAT SHE'S PROBABLY GOT A DEGREE OF RELIABILITY. BYE-BYE. THANK YOU. SO I'VE GOT A REALLY DIFFICULT DECISION. AT BRYNGWYN HALL IN WALES, LADY LINLITHGOW IS ON THE HUNT FOR A SUITABLE NEW INTERN. IT'S ONE OF ONLY THREE FULL-TIME POSITIONS AT THE ESTATE, SO IT'S AN ESSENTIAL ROLE IN THE BATTLE TO KEEP THE HOUSE IN CHECK. SHE'S MET TWO CANDIDATES SO FAR. IF YOU'D LIKE TO SIT THERE. THROWING HER CAP IN THE RING NEXT IS HARRIET HORSLER. I WOULD REALLY LIKE THIS JOB BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY OPPORTUNITIES HERE. LADY L HAS A LOT OF CONTACTS WITH AGRICULTURAL TENANTS. IT WOULD JUST GIVE ME A REALLY BROAD RANGE OF SKILLS. DO YOU HAVE ANY ALLERGIES? NO. ONE OF THE IMPORTANT THINGS IS I HAVE TO KNOW IF ANYBODY'S ANAPHYLACTIC. YOU KNOW, IF THEY GET STUNG BY A BEE, THEY GO INTO` I WOULDN'T KNOW. I'VE NEVER BEEN STUNG BY A BEE. OK, I'LL PUT NO. DO YOU SHOOT? I'VE DONE CLAY PIGEON SHOOTING THREE TIMES. HAVE YOU GOT A GUN? NO. NO GUN. YOU'VE GOT A CHAINSAW CERTIFICATE, HAVEN'T YOU? YES. HOW` MOST GLAMOROUS CHAINSAW OPERATOR. (LAUGHS) ARE YOU PREPARED TO WORK IN ALL WEATHERS? YES. SO, I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE GREENHOUSE FIRST. THE INTERVIEW TODAY WENT REALLY WELL, I THINK. I THINK I POTENTIALLY AM WHAT SHE'S LOOKING FOR. AND OH, MY, MY, MY. HARRIET'S A VERY CLUED-UP GIRL. SHE'S VERY PRESENTABLE. I THINK SHE'S VERY KEEN TO HAVE THIS JOB. CLASSICAL MUSIC HAVING SEEN JUST THREE APPLICANTS, LADY L HAS DECIDED SHE'S READY TO INVITE ONE BACK FOR A TRIAL DAY, FOR WHICH SHE HAS HER REASONS. I COULD SEE 10 PEOPLE. I'M SURE THEY'D ALL BE GREAT, BUT IT'S TERRIBLY MUDDLING IF YOU HAVE TOO MANY PEOPLE BEING INTERVIEWED. SHE'S RECALLED YOUNG WHIPPERSNAPPER 18-YEAR-OLD GEORGIE WREATH. I THINK GEORGIE'S PERHAPS THE MOST INEXPERIENCED AT AN INTERVIEW, BUT SHE JUST SEEMED TO FIT THE BILL, ACTUALLY. I THINK SHE'S ALWAYS HAD A GOOD WORK ETHIC IN HER LIFE. I WOULD BE SO SO PLEASED IF I COULD WORK HERE. JUST SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PLACE. AS A POTENTIAL KEY COG IN LADY LINLITHGOW'S FINELY TUNED MACHINE, THE CURRENT TEAM ARE GOING TO SPEND THE DAY OBSERVING IF GEORGIE FITS THE BILL. I'LL MAKE THE DECISION AT THE END OF THE DAY. JUST DEPENDS HOW THEY THINK SHE FITS IN. FIRST SHE JOINS GARDENER ANDREA FOR A GOOD NATTER IN THE SHRUBBERY. WHEN I TOLD PEOPLE THAT I WAS COMING HERE TO WORK, THEY WERE FULL OF ALL SORTS OF DIRE WARNINGS ABOUT LADY L, HOW FIERCE SHE IS. SHE'S GREAT. YEAH. SHE IS. SHE WORKS SO HARD HERSELF. I WAS PRETTY IMPRESSED WITH HER, CONSIDERING HOW YOUNG SHE IS. YEAH, SHE'S VERY DOWN-TO-EARTH GIRL. GEORGIE ALSO NEEDS TO SHOW HER SKILLS ON A QUAD BIKE AND A LAWN MOWER. POLISH-BORN DANIEL IS THERE TO MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T PULL ANY WRONG LEVERS. ENGINE RUMBLES HAVE A GO BY SELF. ENGINE ROARS FOR ME, THIS IS MORE LIKE MAN'S JOB, AND I WAS REALLY SURPRISED THAT SHE'S DONE WELL, YEAH. I THINK THIS BUSINESS OF GOING TO DANIEL AND ANDREA IS TERRIBLY IMPORTANT, BECAUSE IT'S THE EXPOSURE ONE TO ONE THAT I NEED TO HAVE THE FEEDBACK ON. SHE'S LOVELY, ISN'T SHE? 1 CROW CAWS CLASSICAL MUSIC FOR 27 YEARS, DETMAR BLOW HAS BEEN STEWARD OF HIS MOTHER'S ESTATE, HILLES HOUSE. BUT HE'S STRUGGLING TO TURN A PROFIT AND TO KEEP HIS STAFF IN POCKET. SO TODAY HE'S TRAVELLED TO LONDON ON THE HUNT FOR GAINFUL EMPLOYMENT BY RELAUNCHING HIMSELF INTO THE LONDON ART SCENE. I WANNA GO TO SOUTH LONDON GALLERIES. PECKHAM ROAD? HAVING HAD THIS SABBATICAL FOLLOWING THE DEATH OF MY LATE WIFE, MY MONEY'S ABOUT TO RUN OUT FAST, SO I'VE GOTTA GET ON WITH IT, WHICH I'M DOING. IN THE SPIRIT OF GETTING ON WITH IT, DETMAR DOES WHAT ANY SELF-RESPECTING ART AFICIONADO DOES AND TOOTLES OFF TO SOME NEW EXHIBITIONS. IN THE CONTEMPORARY ART WORLD, YOU HAVE TO GET OUT AND SEE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN AND SEE EXCITING THINGS WHICH INSPIRE YOU, SO THIS IS THE WAY OF DOING ONE'S JOB, UH? IN BETWEEN GALLERIES, THERE ARE ALSO A FEW CHANCE MEETINGS WITH OLD CHUMS. HOW NICE TO SEE YOU GUYS. HI. I HEAR YOU'RE COMING DOWN. OH MY GOD, IT'S JAMES! I'VE GOT MORE FRIENDS! HI! (LAUGHS) QUITE AN IMPORTANT ART PERSON. (LAUGHS) NEXT ON DETMAR'S NETWORKING TOUR AIMED AT FINANCIAL REVIVAL IS THE SOCIETY CLUB BOOKSHOP TO ENJOY SOME FORMER GLORIES FOR HIS BIOGRAPHY BLOW BY BLOW, ABOUT HIS LATE WIFE. THEY'VE ASKED ME TO SIGN SOME COPIES OF MY BOOK WHICH I'M GONNA DO THERE. (CHUCKLES) YOU'RE IN THE BOOK. YOU'RE IN THE BOOK. I KNOW I'M IN THE BOOK, BUT I HOPE YOU'RE SIGNING IT FOR ME. I DIDN'T GET A COPY. I DID NOT GET A COPY. I'LL COME AND SIGN YOURS ` THE ONE YOU BOUGHT. AFTER A DAY PRESSING THE FLESH, DETMAR'S PROSPECTS MAY NOT HAVE CHANGED, BUT NEITHER HAS HIS MOOD. WHAT ONE LOOKS FOR IN LIFE IS TO BE FULFILLED, UH ` INTELLECTUALLY, SEXUALLY AND MAYBE FINANCIALLY. (CHUCKLES) REFINED MUSIC EVELYN WAUGH QUIPPED 'PUNCTUALITY IS A VIRTUE OF THE BORED'. HOWEVER, A BUTLER SHOULD ALWAYS BE AT THE DOOR WITH CLAIRVOYANT TIMING TO REMOVE HIS MASTER'S APPAREL. HAVE YOU HAD A GOOD DAY? VERY GOOD, THANK YOU. ON DEPARTING, THE OVERCOAT WILL BE READY AND PREPARED UNANNOUNCED. HOLDING THE COAT AT THE MIDPOINT OF EACH SHOULDER ALLOWS THE OWNER'S ARMS TO GLIDE IN COMFORTABLY. PULL DOWN THE BOTTOM OF THE SUIT JACKET THEN LIFT THE COLLAR OF THE OVERCOAT TO HIDE ALL TRACE OF THE UNDERGARMENTS. ONCE OVERCOAT AND OWNER ARE ALIGNED, THEY CAN CONTINUE ON THEIR WAY SWIFTLY AND SMARTLY. JAUNTY MUSIC IT'S A COMPLETE TIP IN HERE SO I APOLOGISE, BUT WE'VE GOT LOTS TO, SORT OF, WORK THROUGH. BACK IN OXFORDSHIRE, AFTER SIFTING THROUGH 40 APPLICATIONS, CARINA HAS MANAGED TO MAKE HER MIND UP AND APPOINT SOMEONE TO THE ROLE OF PA, MOTHER'S HELP AND GROOM. WE'VE OFFERED THE JOB TO VICTORIA. ALL THE COMMUNICATION I'VE HAD WITH HER SO FAR HAS BEEN REALLY GOOD, REALLY EFFICIENT, AND SO THAT'S A GOOD SIGN. HI, VICTORIA. COME ON IN. COME IN. WELL DONE. COOL. FAB. COME ON IN. SHALL I TAKE MY SHOES OFF? NO, DON'T WORRY COS WE'RE JUST ABOUT TO GO OUT. I'M TOTALLY READY NOW. CARINA GOT ME IN COS SHE WANTED SOMEONE WHO COULD HIT THE GROUND RUNNING. I CAN'T WAIT TO JUST GET IN THERE AND GET CRACKING AND WORK EVERYTHING OUT, SO, YEAH, I'M REALLY KEEN. YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE THE TIP. MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME. MAKE A CUP OF TEA... BUT VICTORIA MIGHT BE SURPRISED TO LEARN SHE'S NOT THE ONLY NEW STARTER TODAY, BECAUSE AFTER ALL THAT GROUNDWORK, CARINA HAS DECIDED TO DOUBLE UP THE WORKFORCE. OK, SO BASICALLY, I'VE GOT THIS LOVELY GIRL CALLED NICOLA WHO'S COMING TO DO MORE, SORT OF, MUNDANE TASKS LIKE THINGS TO DO WITH THE HOUSE, SORT OUT OUR, SORT OF, PACKING AREA, AND JUST LESS OFFICE-BASED TASKS. SHE'S ALSO HELPING WITH THE PONIES, SO SHE'S SORT OF DOING THAT SIDE OF THINGS, SO WE'LL ALL GET INTO OUR STRIDE AND IT'LL ALL WORK ITSELF OUT. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE? YEAH, YEAH, THAT DOES. VAGUE SENSE. YEAH. OK. CARINA OFFERED THE JOB TO VICTORIA, BUT OVER THE COURSE OF HER SEARCH, SHE WAS ALSO IMPRESSED WITH CANDIDATE NICOLA,... HI, NICOLA. ...SO SHE'S HOPING TO SOLVE ALL OF HER PROBLEMS IN ONE FELL SWOOP. I THINK WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT IS JUST TO CONTINUALLY TRY AND HAVE TALENTED PEOPLE AROUND ME. AND SO I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, SHE'S YOUNG, ENTHUSIASTIC, AND I THOUGHT WE COULD FIND A PLACE FOR HER, WHICH WE HAVE DONE, AND HAVE DONE FOR PROBABLY WHEN WE DIDN'T NEED HER. HI, COME ON IN. OK, BRILLIANT. OK, NICOLA, MEET VICTORIA. VICTORIA. HELLO, NICE TO MEET YOU. VICTORIA. VICTORIA'S ACTUALLY JUST STARTED AS WELL. THE JOB THAT I APPLIED FOR WAS BASICALLY ALL THREE ELEMENTS OF THE OFFICE, THE KIDS AND THE HORSES. SO I'D BE HOPEFULLY A BIT OF ALL THREE INTO ONE DAY. WITH TWO BRAND-NEW MEMBERS OF STAFF TO BREAK IN AS WELL AS TWO CHILDREN, TWO HORSES AND ONE HUSBAND, CARINA'S GOT HER WORK CUT OUT. HAVE YOU DONE IRONING BEFORE? YES. A LOT OF IT. SO, I PLUGGED IT IN, TURNED IT ON. IT'S HEATING UP. THERE WE ARE. THAT'S HOW YOU FILL IT UP. I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH YOU KNOW SO I'M GONNA TELL YOU EVERYTHING THE WAY I DO IT. WHILE NICOLA GETS THE BENEFIT OF CARINA'S IRONING TUITION,... REALLY PUT YOUR BACK INTO IT. ...HER OTHER NEW RECRUIT STILL AWAITS INSTRUCTION. UM, SO, YEAH, I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT I'M DOING YET. I JUST THOUGHT I'D GET MYSELF SET UP ON THE DESK AND READY TO RECEIVE SOME INFORMATION. I am the master of the way. I am the master of the way. ALL CHATTER, LAUGH Hey! Over here, mate. (LAUGHS) Hey! Over here, mate. (LAUGHS) Thank you so much. See ya! Hey, thanks for driving tonight. Hey, thanks for driving tonight. You owe me. Hey, thanks for driving tonight. You owe me. (LAUGHS) Fair enough. Kate was giving me the eye as well. What?! What?! She was. No. No. BOTH LAUGH What's that? What's that? Oh crap. Don't worry about it. You're well under. Don't worry about it. You're well under. Yeah, but it's a lower limit now. Good evening. Any alcohol tonight? Good evening. Any alcohol tonight? Uh, just a couple... with dinner. Good evening. Any alcohol tonight? Uh, just a couple... with dinner. Yeah. She's fine, eh. Stop. That's over 250 micrograms. I now require you to accompany me to the booze bus... Oh stink. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do say... It's a failed result, ma'am. ...may be given in evidence in court. You could ring a taxi and pick your car up in the morning. Let's call your mum and dad. They're, like, 10 minutes away. Let's call your mum and dad. They're, like, 10 minutes away. We're not calling my parents. CHILDREN ARGUE CHILDREN ARGUE Please. Behave yourselves. No. In the car. INDISTINCT RT CHATTER 1 AT BRYNGWYN HALL,... OH, HELLO, EVERYBODY. ...LADY LINLITHGOW IS DELIBERATING ABOUT A SUCCESSOR TO HER INTERN, MERIN. BUT LIKE ANY GOOD COMMANDER IN THE FIELD, SHE WANTS TO CONSULT WITH HER OFFICERS BEFORE BRINGING ON ANY NEW RECRUITS. I CERTAINLY DO RELY ON MY TEAM, YOU KNOW, FOR DECISIONS, BECAUSE IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T THINK IT WOULD WORK OR THEY DON'T THINK SHE'S RIGHT, THEN I WOULD LISTEN. I LIKE HER CHARACTER-WISE. AND SHE'S VERY KEEN ON THE GARDENING SIDE OF THINGS, THE HORTICULTURE. DID YOU WARN HER SHE MIGHT HAVE TO WORK WHEN IT WAS RAINING AND HORRIBLE? YES. SHE'S GOT HORSES, SO SHE'S USED TO WORKING OUTSIDE. SO YOU THINK YOU COULD WORK WITH HER? I COULD DEFINITELY WORK WITH HER. HOW ABOUT YOU, DANIEL? SHE FELT CONFIDENT ON THE BIKE. SHE FELT CONFIDENT ON THE LAWNMOWER. ON THE LAWN MOWER? YES. I WASN'T SURE ABOUT STRIMMING, BUT I THINK WE CAN HANDLE THAT. BUT ULTIMATELY IT'S DOWN TO LADY L TO MAKE THE DECISION. IT'S VERY OFTEN A GUT FEELING ABOUT SOMEBODY. AND THAT IS VERY IMPORTANT, FOR ME. AT HER UNIVERSITY, GEORGIE IS STILL IN THE DARK ABOUT HER PLACEMENT YEAR. AT THE MOMENT, I'M WAITING FOR A PHONE CALL OFF LADY L. IF I GET THIS JOB, IT'LL MEAN THE WORD TO ME, COS IT'S LIKE MY FIRST EVER PROPER JOB THAT I'VE GOT, AND IT'LL FILL ME WITH CONFIDENCE AND JUST GOT MY FINGERS CROSSED. 587... PHONE RINGS HELLO? HI, GEORGIE, IT'S LADY L. HELLO. REALLY ENJOYED MEETING YOU. YES. SAME. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE JOB? I WOULD ADORE TO HAVE THE JOB. IT WOULD BE AMAZING. WELL, I THINK WE WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO OFFER YOU THE JOB. YAY! GOOD LUCK IN ALL YOUR EXAMS, MY DEAR. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. ALL RIGHT, BYE-BYE. BYE-BYE. YAY! (GIGGLES) OH MY GOSH. I'M VERY HAPPY THAT GEORGIE'S COMING TO US. I THINK SHE'LL FIT IN. BE QUITE A LEARNING CURVE FOR HER, BUT THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I THINK SHE'LL COPE VERY WELL. WITH A CRUCIAL STARTING DECISION MADE, LADY L IS CONFIDENT THE FUTURE OF HER ANCESTRAL HOME IS ON THE RIGHT TRACK, FOR ANOTHER YEAR, AT LEAST. I'VE GOT THE HOUSE IN PRETTY GOOD SHAPE. I'VE GOT THE GARDEN IN PRETTY GOOD SHAPE. YEAH, I THINK THE FUTURE'S ALL RIGHT. AND` OH, MY DOG STINKS. OH, SORRY. CAN YOU SMELL HER? IT'S ABSOLUTELY REVOLTING. (CHUCKLES) QUIRKY MUSIC IN HENLEY, IT'S BEEN NEARLY THREE MONTHS SINCE CARINA SEEMINGLY SOLVED HER PROBLEMS BY HIRING BOTH VICTORIA AND NICOLA. VICTORIA HAD A GREAT CV, AND SHE INTERVIEWED VERY NICELY, AND SHE WAS VERY PERSONABLE AND PRESENTABLE. BUT AFTER THREE WEEKS IN THE JOB, VICTORIA IS NO LONGER WORKING FOR HER. I THINK VICTORIA LEFT BECAUSE IT JUST WASN'T WORKING OUT BETWEEN HER AND CARINA. CARINA ALSO DID A TRIAL DAY WITH PREVIOUS CANDIDATE CARA, BUT THAT DID NOT WORK OUT EITHER, SO NOW NICOLA IS SPENDING A LOT MORE OF HER DAY OFFICE BOUND, AND AS A RESULT, HAS GIVEN CARINA HER NOTICE. I THINK IT WAS JUST NOT REALLY WHAT I EXPECTED, SO... TOO MUCH OFFICE WORK, MAYBE NOT ENOUGH HORSES. WASN'T REALLY FOR ME. I DON'T THINK I'M MEANT TO BE AN OFFICE GIRL MY WHOLE LIFE, SO I'M GONNA GO WORK ON SOME YACHTS. IT'S RATHER FRUSTRATING THAT SHE'S HANDED IN HER NOTICE, HAVING GIVEN HER A CAR AND INVESTED TIME, EFFORT, MONEY ETC ETC INTO HER. YOU KNOW, I AM GENUINELY SORRY TO SEE HER GO IN SOME` IN A FEW` IN QUITE A FEW WAYS. SUCH A SHAME. IT'S A REAL BASTARD. AS OSCAR WILDE MIGHT HAVE PUT IT, TO LOSE ONE MEMBER OF STAFF MAY BE REGARDED AS MISFORTUNE; TO LOSE BOTH LOOKS LIKE CARELESSNESS. SEE YOU AGAIN. I'LL BE IN TOUCH. THANKS A MILLION. SO, AFTER FOUR MONTHS, 40 APPLICANTS AND NUMEROUS INTERVIEWS, CARINA HAS STARTED THE PROCESS AGAIN. IT'S DEFINITELY PROVING HARDER THAN I THOUGHT TO FIND THE RIGHT PERSON. AND THEN TRYING TO RETAIN THEM IS EQUALLY DIFFICULT. THE SEARCH CONTINUES, AS THEY SAY ON THE APPRENTICE. (LAUGHS) THE SEARCH CONTINUES. IN GLOUCESTERSHIRE, IT'S THE DAY OF THE CENTENARY OF HILLES HOUSE, WHICH, FOR THE PAST 27 YEARS, HAS BEEN ENTRUSTED TO DETMAR BLOW BY HIS MOTHER. I'M GONNA GET MY FRIEND RICHARD HUNT TO SHOOT SOME RODEO. FIVE MONTHS AGO, DETMAR AND A CLOSE CIRCLE OF WHAT HE CALLS COLLABORATORS ` STAFF, TO YOU AND ME ` STARTED PLANNING A GRAND PARTY TO CELEBRATE THE EVENT. WE SHOULD HAVE FREYA BELLY DANCING. OH YEAH. BELLY DANCER SOUNDS GOOD. BUT HE'S RECENTLY RECEIVED AN ORDER FROM THE BOSS. GOT AN EMAIL FROM MY MOTHER THAT SHE'D MADE A DECISION THAT BECAUSE I WASN'T EARNING ENOUGH MONEY AND SHE FELT IT WAS APPROPRIATE THAT ANOTHER MEMBER OF MY FAMILY HAD A GO TO LOOK AFTER THE HOUSE, WHICH-WHICH IS-IS HER PREROGATIVE. THE ESTATE WILL BE ENTRUSTED TO DETMAR'S SISTER, AND WILL EVENTUALLY BE PASSED ON TO HIS 15-YEAR-OLD NEPHEW. AS BEFORE DURING HARD TIMES, HE TURNS TO THE HELP FOR HELP. I'M SO SORRY TO HEAR THE NEWS. I WAS REALLY QUITE SHOCKED, AS I'M SURE YOU MUST BE. OFFERING A LISTENING EAR IS WATER EXPECT AND ESTATE PHILOSOPHER JULIAN. MY MOTHER'S A DIFFICULT WOMAN, AND I THINK MY MOTHER'S HAD IT IN FOR ME FOR SOME TIME. (CHUCKLES) I'M JUST LOSING MONEY, YOU KNOW. MY LIVING. I COST TOO MUCH TO LIVE. I MEAN, I SPEND �60,000 AND THAT'S NOTHING. I SPEND MONEY LIKE WATER. YEAH. I THINK THE BIG PROBLEM, REALLY, WITH THE HOUSE IS THAT PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT IT'S MORE ABOUT GUARDIANSHIP THAN OWNERSHIP. I'M VERY TOUCHED THAT YOU'VE BEEN SO SUPPORTIVE, UH. WELL, OF COURSE, BECAUSE THIS HAS BEEN A HUGE BURDEN TO YOU. SO, WITH DETMAR'S FUTURE AT HILLES UNCERTAIN, THE PARTY ISN'T QUITE THE STAR-STUDDED CELEBRITY SHINDIG HE ORIGINALLY PLANNED. MY FOCUS NOW IS TO GET ON WITH MY OWN LIFE, UH, AND TO CONTINUE TO PARTY IS RATHER INDULGENT, UH. AND I HAVE TO STEP BACK FROM THAT. SORT OF TOOK THE WIND OUT OF MY SAILS FOR ORGANISING A PARTY. IT WOULD'VE BEEN A BIT MORE LIKE A FUNERAL. MARIA, WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHITE WINE? IS THAT ALL RIGHT? COME AND HAVE A... HERE WE ARE. (LAUGHS) THANK YOU. IT'S ALWAYS GOOD TO THANK PEOPLE WHO WORK WITH ME AND MY COLLABORATORS, SO THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY JUST TO HAVE A SMALL BARBEQUE AND A DRINK AND TO SHOW PEOPLE HOW MUCH I LOVE AND APPRECIATE THEM, UH. SO, EVERYONE, WE RAISE A GLASS TO MY GRANDFATHER, WHO BUILT` STARTED BUILDING THIS HOUSE 100 YEARS AGO. I'D HOPE WHOEVER TOOK OVER FROM ME WOULD APPRECIATE, UNDERSTAND THE PEOPLE, THE COLLABORATORS I WORKED WITH, AND KNOW THAT THEY'RE INTEGRAL TO THE RUNNING OF THIS HOUSE. AND I DON'T SEE THAT BECAUSE I HAVE TO MOVE ON, THAT THEY DO. WITH ALL THE COLLABORATORS WHO KEEP THIS HOUSE TOGETHER AND HELP ME IN ALL MY PROJECTS, I COULDN'T BE WITHOUT YOU. I LOVE YOU ALL. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU FOR COMING, EVERYONE. (CHUCKLES) QUIRKY MUSIC