IMS Subtitles www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Able 2014 1 (HORNS BEEP) # .. brings out what's been in me for far too long # That's all I've been # Dreaming of # Do me, baby # Like you never done before # Ooh, give it to me # Till I just can't take no more (TRAFFIC BEEPS) # Come on # Do me, baby # Like you never done before # Ooh # I want you, baby, I just can't wait no more # Ah! # Oooh! # Ah! # Hoo! # Whoo... # What the hell? I didn't tell you to go! Goddamn! It was him! It was you! Damn! Oh, man! Ain't nobody listening today? Ladies, you just dented a '81 Cutlass Supreme! Licence and registration. Brother, you OK? You cool? (SIRENS WAIL) 10 minutes. Doors open on my signal. I'm glad you're here, Lee. I feel better with you watching my back. I'm just doing my job, Mr Ambassador. Stay close today, Lee. We're making history. Bullshit! D'you know who I am? My family owns half of Rodeo Drive! Do you know who I am? Detective James Carter LAPD! My family owns half of Crenshaw Boulevard. I want a lawyer. You need a personal trainer. 184lbs! You weigh more than a damn car, girl! I have a thyroid condition! Stop eating thyroids! Can't you just give us a warning or something? That depends. You girls like Chinese? (PHONE RINGS / BEACH BOYS RINGTONE) Excuse me. Carter! We are on for tonight! I picked up two girls who wanna play hide-the-Asian-policeman. I can't talk. I'm in the car with Ambassador Han. Trust me, these girls are sushi grade! I have to go, I'm sorry! You're still mad at me because of what happened in New York! I don't want to talk about that! It was three years ago! Let it go! Isabella was my girlfriend! "Lee, we're friends, man." Just come out with me one night. The mu shu's on me. Lee? My mom says hi. (CROWD CHANTS IN DISTANCE) The Chinese Triads now have half a million members in over 100 countries. And these are not street kids shaking down local merchants. These are businessmen, who have built a $50-billion empire of extortion, drugs, sex and slavery. We must cut off the head of this snake before it swallows us whole. As chairman of the World Criminal Court, I have entrusted my good friend, Ambassador Han, to lead the fight against the largest criminal organisation in the world. Thank you. Chairman Reynard. Ladies and gentlemen. The triad society is built on secrecy. Nobody knows who these men are, who controls them, who leads them. Nobody has known for 500 years. But today, I stand before you with a secret of my own. Today, I will disclose information that affects everyone in this room. After years of searching, I believe I've finally located Shy Shen. (ALL GASP) Mr Ambassador! Shy Shen does not exist! Excuse me. Who is this Shy Shen? With all due respect, sir, I... Everybody down! (SCREAMING) Call an ambulance! Someone get a doctor! Ambassador down! Stay with him. I'm keeping these till tonight. "..shots have been fired. The Chinese ambassador has been shot." Chinese ambassador? Move your asses over! What are you doing? Lee! (GIRLS SCREAM) Where the hell is he going? LAPD! Get the hell out of the way! People are crazy! I'm-a give your ass a ticket when I come back! Lee! I'm coming! Don't move! Hello, Lee. I think we both know that's not gonna happen. Kenji! You see? I know you too well. Lee! You OK? I almost killed your ass! Why you didn't move? I'd like for you to meet our dates for this evening - Masha and Zoe. The fat one's yours. How many times do you want me to say it? I'm sorry! I'm sorry I ran you over, man! Not now, Carter. Hold it right there. Don't say a word, Carter. I had nothin' to do with this. All I did was borrow a car and backed up Lee. I need to see Ambassador Han. He's just out of surgery. The bullet missed his heart. He's gonna be OK. Put me on the case. I made a mistake. Take a brother off the bench. A mistake?! You handcuffed two women and stole their car. Isn't that why we have insurance? Everyone has an off day. Last month, you put six Iranians in jail for a week. Them Iranians was terrorists. They were scientists at UCLA! Cos they cure cancer in rats doesn't mean they won't blow shit up! Let me find the person who shot Han. Relax, Carter. The LAPD won't be leading this investigation. He's my responsibility. Then, maybe you can tell me exactly how that shooter got away. Thought so. The ambassador's daughter is coming to see her father right now. Make sure nothing happens to her. Don't worry! We going make you proud! And try not to think about your wife leaving you! She'll come back! Soo Yung's here? I haven't seen her since she was 10! She lives in Los Angeles now. Let's go to the gift shop and get her a little teddy bear. And a bra. Lee! I'm so glad you're here! Detective Carter! Soo Yung. It's been so long. So long, Soo Yung. So young. How is he? He's out of surgery. They said he would be OK. Soo Yung, I'm sorry. I want you both to promise me something. I want you to find the man who did this to him. Because I don't think he'll stop until my father is dead! Soo Yung - I need to hear you say it! OK, I promise. And so do I. Thank you. Soo Yung, your father was addressing the court before he was shot. Two weeks ago, my father mailed me envelope. He said if anything happened to him, I should give it to you. Where is it? I put it in my locker at the kung fu studio where I teach. It's at 8347 First Street,... ..Chinatown. Go home, Carter. This has nothing to do with you. I made Soo Yung a promise - same as you. This is the business of China. FYI, I'm part Chinese now. the last three years, I've studied the ancient teachings of Buddha, earning two black belts in Wushu martial arts, spending every afternoon at the Hong Kong Garden Massage Parlour. I am half-Chinese, baby. If you're half-Chinese, I'm half-Black. I'm your brother and I'm fly. You down with that, Snoopy? Dope. Sorry, Lee, you can't be black. There's a height requirement. Go home, Carter. I can't leave you, Lee. I can't leave my brother. (MARTIAL ARTS CHANTING) (CHILDREN CHANT) Alright, listen up! I need everyone's attention! I'm Detective Carter, this is Inspector Lee. We need to see Soo Yung's locker! No-one's allowed in the back without the Master's permission. Maybe you didn't hear me. We need to see that locker. I'm sorry. Wait. Carter! Lee, I got this. Hey! Kids... Listen, violence will solve nothing. As the Chinese say, all great battles were won without fighting. Sorry, I don't know him. Let's just calm down and - Hei! Ow! Goddamn! OK... I tried talking. Whoo! Now I'm 'bout to beat the puberty outta y'all! You ain't gonna see it coming! C'mon! Whaa! Running for your lives. 'Bout time y'all showed some respect around here! Huh? Carter! Wait for the Master. Whoa! Damn! I'm sorry, man, I thought this was the bathroom. Lee, I got a big problem, man. This boy's on steroids. He got a head like Barry Bonds. No. (TALL MAN YELLS) Carter. Are you OK? Lee! Lee! Let's get the hell out...! Agh! My bunions! Man, let me go! I love Chinese people! (SCREAMS) Wait... How do you say "surrender" in Chinese? (SCREAMS) I'm about to slice you up like a giant California roll! (MAKES MONKEY NOISES) Funny black man. Ow! Shit! I'm not playing no more! Agh! (YELLS) Take that! Let go! Carter! (BOTH) Agh! Put me down! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Agh... How the hell did we get into this mess? (SHOUTS) Li zheng! Jing Li! May I help you? We'll be asking the questions, old man. Who are you? Yu. No, not me, you. Yes, I'm Yu. Answer the question! Who are you? I have told you. Are you deaf? No. Yu is blind. I'm not blind. You blind. That is what I just said. You just said what? I did not say what. I said Yu. That's what I'm asking you. Yu is answering! Shut up! You! Yes? Not you, him. What's your name? Mi. Yes, you! I am Mi. He is Mi and I'm Yu. I'm 'bout to whoop your old ass. I'm sick of playing games! You, me! Everybody's ass around here! Him! Carter - I'm gonna kick his ass! Carter - No, Lee, no! Let me handle this. Carter! (GASPS) Let's go. I don't know what you feeding him, but he is too damn big! Carter! Go. 1 1 Where is everyone? Where's all the damn cops? Lee. Where's security? They were called away. What's wrong? Carter. This ain't good. They're coming for him. What do we do? No! No! Don't move or I'll blow your ass cheeks off! Get back! Who sent you? Oh! (GLASS SHATTERS) Don't move! Lee, throw me a gun! Huh? Throw me a gun! Damn, Lee! Lee! I thought you had my back! Soo Yung, one more! Aaaagh! Lee! I'm in trouble! I need some assistance! Here! It's empty! You see. I always got your back. Why the hell you give me an empty gun, then? I didn't know! You almost got me killed, Lee! (SIGHS) Who are you? Who sent you? Ni shi shei pai ni lai de? (SPEAKS RAPIDLY) What the hell is that? I think he's speaking French. What kinda Chinaman speak French? Tell him to talk right! How can I? I don't speak French. (SHOUTS IN FRENCH) Talk right, man. (SHOUTS) You're Asian! Stop humiliating yourself! (SHOUTS IN FRENCH) Come here! We need a few minutes alone with this guy! Find someone here who speaks French! (SHOUTS IN BACKGROUND) Speak English! (SHOUTS IN FRENCH) This is Sister Agnes from the chapel upstairs. She speaks fluent French. Sister, we appreciate you doing this. My pleasure. Sister Agnes, please ask who sent him. Qui vous a envoye ici? (SHOUTS ANGRILY IN FRENCH) He says you're making a big mistake, that one day soon you'll beg for mercy. He also said... What? Please, Sister. We have to know. There's lives at stake. Well, he used the N-word. What? The N-word? You tell this little mother- Carter! She's a nun. Sister, you tell this piece-of-S-word that I will personally F-word him up. Monsieur, ce monsieur vous envoie personnellement vous faire F. Vous faire F? (SHOUTS ANGRILY IN FRENCH) Did he say "negro"? Yes, but this time he mentioned your grandmother. You tell him that his momma's a H! Carter, I believe "whore" is spelt with a W. Right. W! And his sister's a W and his grandmama's a two-bit W who makes double cos she got no teeth! You tell him I said that! (TRANSLATES) (RETORTS IN FRENCH) Did he say it again? No, this time he called this gentleman a word that means cat, and another word that rhymes with maggot. What? Well, you tell him he's an AW! Lee, hole is spelled with a H. I have a dictionary upstairs. Just call him an asshole! (SHOUTS IN FRENCH) He said you both are marked for death, like Han and the girl. Sister, turn your back, you don't want to see this! How do we find Shy Shen? Tell us now or I'll cut your Bs off and shove 'em in your mouth! His beads? His beads, Sister. His hairy, stinking beads! Tell me something now! Lee, give me the gun. Give me the gun, Lee! It's over, brother. It's over! Who is Shy Shen? (SHOUTS) What he say, Sister? He said, "Shoot me." (SHOUTS) Lee, there's no bullets in here. I'm sorry. I'm trying to kill somebody, man! Damn! You better tell me somethin' now, or I'll send you right to heaven! Carter! I ain't got nothin' to loose! (SPEAKS LATIN) Call the Lord, tell him he's gonna have some company. Carter, stop! Tell me somethin'! Carter, enough! Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned! He says wait! (SPEAKS FRENCH) What did he say? 50 Franklin D Roosevelt. Genevieve. Thank you. Nice working with you, Sister! Any time, brother! 50 FDR. It's an address. Every city in America has a street named after Roosevelt. And who's Genevieve? I don't know. Soo Yung, we're getting you out of here. Why? Is not safe here. I won't leave him. We have no choice. Soo Yung. Mr Reynard. I'm glad your father is OK. My people won't leave his side. You have my word. Thank you. So let's go. Where am I going? We're getting out of Los Angeles. It's not safe. Just a few days, Soo Yung. I promise. You'll come with me and my family to Paris. OK. Wait! You made me a promise. Don't forget. My God! We got an assassin in custody only speaks French, a limo blows up at the French consulate, and the next meeting of the World Court is in Paris in two days. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yeah. We go to Fiji, hide out for a year, maybe change our names, get jobs as bartenders and I'm gonna call you Kiko. We have to find Shy Shen before he finds us. We're going to Paris, aren't we? Yes. Tonight. . You know, the average French woman is naked 34 per cent of the time. You are not going there to meet women. Forget about her and let me hook you up. Hook me up? After what you did to Isabella? It was an accident! Besides, you never even slept with her. Thanks to you. It was going to happen! But you just had to ruin it. What did I do? You shot my girlfriend! In the neck! There's nothing else to say! It's not like she died! So she has a droopy eye and works at El Poco Loco! As soon as she could blink, Secret Service took her back. You know what your problem is? You need to relax, have fun. You have too much rice in your diet, you're constipated. I never should have brought you! Face it, you need me, brother. I don't need anyone. And don't call me brother. What is this? Underground gentleman's club in Paris. "Club la Passe"? Forget it. Check out the address. 50 Franklin D Roosevelt. Like I said, you need me. Excuse me! Can we have one gefilte fish and some X-Lax? Where are the bags at, man? Excuse me, gentlemen. Commissaire Revi of the DST. Would you please come with me? Why? Just need to ask you a few questions. (BOTH GRUNT) Goddamn! Ow! This is the worst airport I ever been to! Ow! Ow, man! Now that I have your attention, tell me what you're looking for. We on vacation. Just taking in the sights. Gentlemen, this is my city. I'm responsible if two stupid cops come and get their heads blown off by the Triads. I can't force you to leave but I can make a suggestion. After all, I found this dirty little gun inside your jacket, which means you could both do 20 years in my jail. Do we understand each other? Do we understand each other? Excellent. It was wonderful meeting you both. So we can go now? This will just take a moment. Welcome to Paris. Oh, shit. (GROANS) Where you go? 50 Franklin, er, D Roosevelt. No. Get out. (BOTH) What? I don't drive his kind. My kind? Americans. I don't drive Americans. But I'm Chinese. Yeah, but you're with him. They're the most violent people on earth. Starting wars, killing...! Americans make me sick. We are not in the mood for this. We just got violated by a small Frenchman! Wearing a very large ring! Pathetic bunch of criminals. Always resort to violence. Always pushing round the little guy! America's not violent! America is a joke. You lost in Vietnam, you lost in Iraq. You can't even beat the Europeans in basketball. The Dream Team is dead! I didn't hear you, man. Talk about the NBA again. I dare you. I double-dare you. Even your skinny women disgust me. Halle Berry...! Hell, no. Now you're going too far! You want violence, smelly Frenchman? Do you want violence? You got it! Put the gun down! Say you love America! I love America. Please don't kill me. Sing the national anthem! (SINGS FRENCH ANTHEM) Not that one! The American one! Don't know it. # Oh, say can you see... # Oh, say can you see (SINGS DRAMATICALLY) Wait for us here, George. (SOFT JAZZ PLAYS) Oooh-la-la! Lee! Carter! Stay focused! We're looking for Genevieve. Let's split up. I'll take the women. (DEALER SPEAKS FRENCH) (BOTH SPEAK FRENCH) (DEALER SPEAKS FRENCH) Carter. James Carter. (SPEAKS FRENCH) You probably don't understand a word I'm saying, but I gotta tell you, you're the most beautiful woman I ever seen in my life. I'd like to strip you down and butter you like a slice of Wonder Bread. Shave your arm pits and pour honey all over your naked body, and for the next two weeks, pretend I was a hungry bear. Well, James Carter, I happen to speak six languages. One of 'em English? (DEALER SPEAKS FRENCH) Are you in or out? Money plays. It's a thousand-Euro minimum. How much I'm short? 930 euros. It's OK. Let him play. Thank you. Changez. Changez. Changez! (SPEAKS FRENCH) I'm looking for Genevieve. (SPEAKS FRENCH) Maybe I can help you. Do you know what I hate about cops? Even when they're with a woman, they can't stop thinking about getting their man. Who is Shy Shen? See what I mean? Come upstairs, cop. I'll give you what you what. Hit me. Monsieur, this is baccarat. I know that! You think I don't know baccarack when I play it? When I was a kid, me and my friends and I used to hang out and play baccarack all night long. Now hit me. Three kings. Read 'em and weep. Three kings is a zero. You have the worst possible hand. You lose. What? Ah, madam has a seven. She wins 100,000 euros. Bravo. Mr Carter, it appears you have brought me luck. I'd like to bring you breakfast in bed. Votre mise, s'il vous plat. Cinquante mille euros. Excuse me. (Way to go, Lee.) Today my boy becomes a man! Why are you helping me? Maybe I'm helping myself. How do I find Genevieve? I see you like to get right to it. Do you know Shy Shen? Would you like to know a secret, cop? Yes, please. Someone's gonna die here tonight. And it's you. (PANTING / MOANING) (MOANING / SCREAMING) Crouching Tiger, don't hide that dragon! Do it, Lee. You tear that ass up. You are a super freak! Carter! Oh! Run! Sorry. You got a boyfriend? Carter! Start the car. Start the car! Drive fast! Carter. Look! Er, George? We need you to go faster, man. No. Forget it. You want to kill me, go ahead. Driver faster! Please! I'm scared! You watch American movies? Yeah. OK, listen. You're a super spy! A super spy! Now drive this cab. Come on. OK. I'm a super spy. Oh, shit, George! Go! George, when I tell you to, hit the brakes. Now! They got guns, Lee! (LEE SHOUTS) Back up! Way to go, George. It's OK. I got this one. He's got my leg! (SCREAMS) Lee! Get your own damn cab! (HORNS BEEP) Lee! The French are neutral! This is not my fight! This is not... (GROANS) Lee... I'm alive. My whole life flashed in front of me. I'll be married to a Chinese woman, with three kids looked just like you. Carter. What? Put your hands up. What you talking 'bout? Whoa! . Some people say the modern world was invented when the French built these sewers. 10 million gallons pumped through every hour, a marvel that no-one ever sees. Welcome to Paris, Lee. Lee, you know this clown? Go on, Lee. Tell him who I am. Don't be shy. Introduce him to your shyong dih. Shyong dih? Your brother. He doesn't talk about me much. He's spent his whole life trying to forget me. How would it look if Hong Kong's great Inspector Lee had a brother on the wrong side of the law? You're not my brother any more. Let me repay the favour, Lee. I'll allow you to live if you promise to leave Paris tonight. You got a deal. Thank you for showing us the sewer. That's a badass suit. Let's get the hell outta here. What about Han and his daughter? There is nothing I can do for them. I have no choice. Then, I have no choice. I guess he's staying. Who wanna take me to take me to the airport? We'll always be brothers, Lee. In this life and the next. Tell me, Kenji, who's Shy Shen? Some secrets are worth dying for. Hey, ho. Alright. OK. Lee, what the hell is going on? Go! Hey, which way, man? Shit, Lee, it's locked! Over here! Lee! We have to jump! Oh, that's the sewer! Hell, no, Lee! No choice! I'd rather die. Come on! (BOTH) Shit! I'm gonna kill you, Lee! Bonjour. Welcome to the Plaza Athenee. How may I help you? It's great to see you again. It's been too long. Far too long, sir. Listen, I need a big suite, two beds, two showers, a massage therapist, new clothes, and a case a Old Spice. It's all your fault. How come you didn't tell me about Kenji? It was none of your business. In case you missed it, man, people are tryin' to kill me. I'm covered in shit, and French cops whupped my ass with the Yellow Pages! You're lucky we're not in Hong Kong. Phone book is twice as big. Why you didn't tell me you had a brother, man? Oh, hell, no...! Lady. Oui? This damn dog just pissed on me. Good girl. You know what I think? I think you feel sorry for this guy. Maybe Kenji didn't get away in LA. Maybe you let him go. The Yakuza killed his family in Tokyo. He was sent to China when he was seven. He was put in Chenzhou, the orphanage where I grew up. We kept each other alive. You protected each other. And you're still protecting him. I call him shyong dih. He was like my brother. And then I left him. You was adopted. He ended up on the streets. You could never understand. I understand, man. I got a brother. Perry. We were best friends. Now we don't speak. He think I tipped off the cops about his chicken fights in his garage. My brother think I'm a snitch just cos my chicken lost in the semis! Carter. My bird fought a chicken that didn't make his weight and he still went the distance. He had a lot of heart. And delicious! It's best if I do this on my own. This fight's personal. Whatever Kenji's tellin' you, it ain't true. He ain't your brother. And you are not my brother! Fine. I'm not your brother. # "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word" - Elton John # What do I gotta do to make you love me? # When sorry seems to be the hardest word # It's sad # So sad # So sad # It's a sad, sad situation # And it's getting more and more absurd "(CHILD TALKS ON TV)" # It's sad # So sad # So sad # Why can't we talk it over? # Always seems to me That sorry seems to be... # Yes, I would like to order some fried chicken, please. Oh, and some sweet potato pie. Merci. Enjoy your mu shu, sir. Merci. Goodbye. (FRENCHMAN SINGS "CALIFORNIA GIRLS - BEACH BOYS") "Genevieve". Oh! Hello, Inspector. Minister Reynard. They want to kill me. Me and my family. A dozen agents from the French Secret Police have been murdered only this last month. We are at war with the Triads, here in my own city! Who is Shy Shen? Ah, Shy Shen is not a person. It's a list. A list? Yes. Every five years, the Triad bosses come together for an election, and during that ceremony they choose the men who will lead the Triads. Dragon Heads. Yes. 13 Dragon Heads, who will control the largest criminal organization in world. Their 13 names are inscribed on the list known as Shy Shen. A list which has been handed down and kept secret from generation to generation. If the names on that list were ever to get out... The secret society wouldn't be so secret any more. They would all end up in jail, or dead. And the list is somewhere in Paris? A young lady named Genevieve made contact with Ambassador Han, and we believe she knows where it is. I'm asking for your help, Inspector. Finish what Ambassador Han started. Get to the girl before the Triads do and you'll get Shy Shen. # Can Can (PERFORMERS CHAT IN FRENCH) Qu'est-ce que vous faites ici? Vous etes qui. Ca va, oui, oui! Voulez-vous! I don't understand. Who are you? Who am I? Oui. (FRENCH ACCENT) I'm Bubbles. The new costume designer! Has anyone seen Genevieve? She has her own dressing room. Wait! Bubbles! Do we look OK? No. No, no! These costumes are terrible. Ladies, please! We have work to do! # Can Can (MUSIC ENDS / APPLAUSE) First, I will dress... ..ze blondes. And then... ..ze brunettes. And finally, the hybrids. Ze Lord have truly bless you all with tre-meen-dous talent, trust me. And some of you have what I like to call "silver dollar potential". # "Bonnie and Clyde" - Serge Gainsbourg / Brigitte Bardot # Vous avez lu l'histoire De Jesse James # Comment il vecut # Comment il est mort... Lee. What you doing here? What are you doing here? I found Genevieve. So did I. They're gonna kill her. What? Look. Lee, you get the lights, I'll get the girl. (GUNFIRE) Your life is in danger. What the hell's going on? You step into that spotlight, it's the last step you'll ever take. They're gonna kill you right now. Who are you? James Carter, LAPD. # Bonnie and Clyde Sorry, James. It's time for my solo. # Bonnie and Clyde You gotta come with me now, girl. (SLOW MUSIC PLAYS) (HIGH-PITCHED) # The closer I get to you (ALL APPLAUD) # The more you make me see # By giving me all you've got # Your love has captured me # Over and over again # I tried to tell myself that we # Could never be more than friends # And all the while inside I knew it was real # The way you make me feel # Sweeter and sweeter love grows # And heaven's there for those Hey! # Who fooled... (GUNFIRE) Get your hands off me! We are friends of Ambassador Han! Trust us, girl! (RAPID GUNFIRE) (CHEERING / APPLAUSE) (FRENCH NATIONAL ANTHEM PLAYS) Taxi! Taxi! (TYRES SCREECH) Get in! It's George! Go, go, go! I've been looking for you all day, my friend. We need to talk. Forget it. We're not paying for damages. No! I don't want you to pay. I wanna ask if I could drive you full time, no charge! Why you want to drive us? Today was amazing! The guns, the shooting. Now I understand what it is to be an American. I'm begging you! Let me be your driver! Let me kill someone tonight! You'll never be an American, OK? I'll drink this shit all day! Just give me a chance. Fine. Get us to the Plaza, fast. You got it, boss. Hold on. (TYRES SCREECH / HORNS BLARE) . You think she stole this Shy Shen list from the Triads? Only one way to find out. You thinking what I'm thinking? We need her to talk. Get her relaxed. Maybe open up some wine from the minibar. Wow. Maybe we should put on a dirty movie. Lee! Only 9.95. This our chance to find Shy Shen. I'm goin' in. What's wrong with you? Wait, let me go with you. Some things a man has to do on his own. You OK? Kenji must have figured out what I've done. I'm as good as dead. You stole the list, didn't you? You try to sell it to Han? You don't get it. I'm one of them. And if I'm dead, you're dead. Hey, we're safe. No one knows we're here. Just relax. No one is safe. I'm marked. Trust me. Why should I trust you? As the Chinese say, "Lu chun bu dui ma zui". What does that mean? A donkey's lips will not fit on a horse's mouth. I'm not sure how that applies. Well, I was just thinking you had nice lips. That's all. You saved my life today. Thank you, Carter. Oh, please. Call me James. Or Stallion. No one's saved me in a long time. How can I repay you? You got 20 bucks? How about ten? Oh, man! James. What? I'm bad. I'm bad, too. I'm a bad girl. Hallelujah! Oh, yeah. yeah. That's it, baby. Oh, yeah. Bite that ear. Punish that ear! Do what you wanna do. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute My nipples are sensitive. I've never been with an American man. Neither have I. I feel so safe with you. Do you want me? How you say "Twice now and in the shower" in French? Wait. I'm going to the bathroom. Make myself more comfortable. You need some matches? Don't move. I'll be right back. Hello, room service? Send me up a bottle of honey and some Red Bull. (DOOR BUZZER) Do you like it? No wonder Lance Armstrong here to ride a bike. Merci beaucoup. Oui, baby, oui! Oh! Voulez cou coucher avec moi, baby. Je t'aime. Voulez vous. Oh, yeah. Je t'aime, baby, je t'aime! Freeze! Don't move! (GUNSHOT) Agh! Shit! Damn! I'm shot. It's OK. It's just a flesh wound. Let me help you. I'm terribly sorry. I'm OK. Where you going? Damn. So we even now, huh? Is that it? I shoot your girl, you shoot my girl? I saved your life. You couldn't wait five minutes? We was about to make love, man! And you ruin it! They will be coming for us. We have to get out of here now. You hear that? We have to get out of now. Damn, Lee! Damn you! Next time I'm getting my own damn room! C'est quoi, ton probleme? Get them out, George. They are danger, they're bleeding. How can you bring them here? There is something you should know. I'm not what you think I am. Are you telling me you're gay? I'm trying to tell you I'm an American spy. You, a spy? Yes, I'm undercover with the police. We're about to crack a big case! Shut your mouth. Not another word. You're a stupid cab driver, like your father was. What kind of case could you crack? Can't talk about it. From this moment on, don't ever ask me about my business! Come with me, schmuck. Now. We need to get out of the city. We're not going anywhere till you tell us what's going on. Did you steal that list from the Triads? We cannot help you until you tell us the truth. Where is Shy Shen? It's right here. Holy mother of Jesus! She's a man. I went to second base with a damn Frenchman! It's The Crying Games. I'm Brokeback Carter. Oh, God! I'm not a man. It's just a wig. You sure about that? Huh? Lee, go and check the hardware. If she got anything bigger than a 3-iron, we'll beat his ass! I'm a woman, James, who needs a way out. You have to help me. You have Shy Shen? No. I am Shy Shen. In ancient times, when the Triads would Triads selected new leaders, they would secretly tattoo the names onto a woman. A woman who could carry the list of Shy Shen to the 35 provinces of China. When her journey ended and the new leaders were informed, the woman would be beheaded and buried forever. No records, no witnesses. What type of tradition is that? Have these guys heard of a damn fax machine? Kenji made me do it, said it was a great honour. I wanted to do it for him. For the brotherhood. Why did you send the names to Han? I thought the World Court could protect me. But now I see. Nobody can. You are messed up in some weird shit, lady. I mean, man. Whatever the hell you are! I'm a woman! And they will send a army to kill me. To protect their way. You know what, we can't fight no army, Lee. Who gonna protect me? I mean us? I know a place. I won't be here when you come out. I'm sorry. My wife says I can't be a spy but I have to be home for dinner. The truth is, I'm a driver. Nothing more. This is my destiny. I will never know what it's like to be an American, never know what it feels like to kill for no reason. George, it's OK. Thank you. Au revoir. And good luck. Au revoir. Bye, George. (BOTH SPEAK FRENCH) Minister Reynard. We have it. The Shy Shen list? This is incredible. Some people said it was a myth. It's no myth. I've seen it. Felt it. Kissed it. But I didn't French kiss it. You do understand how dangerous it is? I was gonna use protection. Can we go to the police? The Triads control too many of them here. We have to get you out of the country. Now, my dear, would you mind taking off that wig and showing us Shy Shen? We never told him she was the list. Look at that. 13 names linked to centuries of tradition. The only real proof that their secret world exists. (SPEAKS IN MANDARIN) Genevieve, get their guns. A terre! Les mains sur la tete! I told you he was bad. Didn't I tell you? No. Well, I was thinking it. The explosion at the Embassy. As head of the World Criminal Court, it makes sense that I'm target. Why did you come to my room? Genevieve was going to be killed. Having you die in the crossfire would end the investigation. Now, it will end another way. (LAUGHS) It's over, Reynard. You know what it's like for old men in prison? They call you "pops". They make you work in the "li-berry". Your best friend gonna be a mouse. (PHONE RINGS) I'm not going to prison. You have a phone call, inspector. "Hello, brother." "I'd like to make a trade." Some friends of mine came across something in Los Angeles. Something very valuable. Lee. Help Lee, help me, please. Do we understand each other? What do you want? Shy Shen. You and Genevieve will meet me alone tonight. "If I see your partner or any other cops, the girl dies." Where? Jules Verne Restaurant. Midnight. Don't be late. 1 1 1 Welcome to the party, Lee. Tonight we celebrate the return of Shy Shen and the return of my brother. Where is Soo Yung? This sword has a past. Like ours, it has seen much pain, much blood. Hundreds of years ago, the Triads would kill their enemies with 100 cuts to the body. They would be very careful to avoid any major arteries so that the victim would stay alive for as long as possible. You have just experienced your first cut. If anything happens to Soo Yung... You could never kill me, Lee. We both know that. You know nothing about me! I know you have no wife, no children, no family. Your life ended when we were kids, back in Chenzhou. You have nothing! Just like me. I wouldn't say nothin'! He has me. His brother from another mother. Where is she? Enjoying the view. Soo Yung! Lee! Help! Let her go. What the hell is wrong with you? Do you want to die, Kenji? Get her in here! Carter, drop the gun. Get her off that rope, or I'll shoot you and the Temptations! Right now! (SCREAMS) No! Lee! Lee! Do it! Put her down! I'm serious! I'm not playin'! You ain't my damn brother! Kenji. Drop the gun. No! Drop it, Carter! Shit. Tonight, I lose a brother. Get him, Lee! Gonna get your ass kicked, Kenji! Come on. Kill him already! He might be your brother but turn him into your sister! Watch out! Yeah! Bring your little ass here! Come here! Give me your hand. (SCREAMS) Lee! Lee! Hold on, I'm coming! Get the hell off me! Oh! Yeah, Lee! (YELLS) Ahh! Ahh! Ahhh! Goddamn... Enough, Kenji! (BOTH SCREAM) # Everybody was kung fu fightin' # That man was fast as light... # Soo Yung! (BOTH SCREAM) What are you waiting for? Do it! Let go. Or we're both gonna die. No! I can save you. Goodbye, Lee. No, Kenji! (YELLS) No! Agh! (SCREAMS) I'm coming, Soo Yung! Oh, my God! What the hell am I doin' up here? (SCREAMS) Stay cool, lady. This doesn't have to end this way. Don't do it. Don't do it, lady. Don't you do it! Think about what you doin'. Please. Please. No. Hey. Hey! Would you like to know a secret, cop? No. Please. (SCREAMS) No! No! (SCREAMS) Oh! Oh. Lee! You should've seen us, man. We whooped their ass! Soo Yung! I'm OK. Oh, shit! (GUNFIRE) Call the police! (GROANS) Yeah! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-oa! Whoa! Agh! Carter! Hold on! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAM) Agh! Hang on! Lee! Reel me in! I got you! Black people don't fly! Get me up! Get me up! Come on, man! Hurry up! Lee! Get me outta here! (GROANS) Don't let go of that flag! (PANTS) Thank you, Lee. (GUNFIRE) Carter! Hold on to the flag! No, Lee, no, no, no, no! (BOTH SCREAM) (BOTH SCREAM) (BOTH SCREAM) Lee, I'm gonna kill you if we don't die! (GUNFIRE) (BOTH SCREAM) Oh, dear Lord, please! Baby Jesus, help us! (BOTH SCREAM) Lee! Where you at? I'm drowning! I'm drowning! Get this thing off me, Lee! Carter. What? I'm not constipated any more. Put your hands up. Genevieve. Hey, you're the head of the World Court. What you gonna do, shoot us down like animals? We're police officers. Yes. And you two just killed this girl. Blew her brains out. Carter! Don't do it! (GUNSHOT) Carter. You alright? Put the gun down. I followed you. (SIRENS WAIL) Case closed. Good job, man. Hey! Touch me again you gonna owe me dinner and a movie! Congratulations. It appears we have finally brought down the Triads. We? You didn't do shit! My butt still hurts. The Americans and the French need to work together in the spirit of brotherhood. Together, we can do anything. Anything! (LAUGHS) He's right, Lee. Together, we can do anything. You go this way. And I'll go that way. # War, huh! # Yeah! # What is it good for? # Absolutely # Nothing! # Oh-oh, oh-oh # War, huh! # Yeah! # What is it good for? # Absolutely # Nothing! # Say it again, y'all # War, huh! # Look out! # What is it good for? # Absolutely # Nothing # Listen to me, oh! # That's right, Lee. For the last three years, I've studied the ancient teaching of booty... Booty! (LAUGHS) Cheese! (LAUGHTER) Cheese?! (ALL LAUGH) What? Freeze. Oh. Freeze! As soon as she could blink, the seafood service... Secret Service. As soon as she could blink, the seafood service... Secret Service. The seaf... "Secret," not "seafood." I know "seafood." I know "secret." Secret. Secret! See? But when everything together, it become "seafood." (LAUGHS) Action! I'm sorry! It came off. Action! Oh, shit. You alright? Yeah, good. That was my Muhammad Ali swing! Yeah, baby! (ALL LAUGH) Ooh. Ohh! That would've been it. I'm sick of you, Kenji. You been trying to kill us ever since the start of this damn movie. (ALL LAUGH) (YELLS) Whoa! Agh! Action! Action! Uh! You OK? So, her eye is a little droopy now and so she's working for El Loc Lar El Poco. (LAUGHS) I'm sorry. It's El Pollo Loco. So now she works at El Lolo Poco. El Pollo Loco. El Loro Poco. Oh! El Poco Loco. El Loco Poco. So she works at El Loco Poco. So what? (BOTH LAUGH) And so she works for El Loro Poco. (LAUGHS) El Pollo Loco. We're going past that, cos I'm not getting that tonight. El Pollo Loco. Ohhh! Jackie! El Pollo Loco! (ALL LAUGH) The mom's gone. (ALL LAUGH) Maybe we should put on a dirty movie. Hey! I like the ones with a story. What?! I like the one with the locker room scene. What? The one with the prison scene. With the shower scene. The ones with a white girl. I'm into feet. I like the one with the horses. What's that mean? What he teach me? Are you teaching me a bad word? I like the hairy woman. What's wrong with you? I don't know. Brett Ratner teach me. He'll teach you anything! And you're not my brother! I'm not your brother? All the stuff we've been through? Rush Hour I, Rush Hour II? (BOTH LAUGH)