OK, so you've done your bit. We just need one. We just need one swimming in the right direction. You think you can choose boy or girl, but then all you want is just a little baby. The dream of having a child seems the most natural thing in the world, but infertility affects nearly one in four couples at some stage in their lives. We feel like we're meant to be parents. We're meant to have children. He has to do his sperm sample. I have to give my sperm today. I have to go in a room` Put it in a cup. Put it in a cup. On the night of the insemination, you can have intercourse that day and probably for a couple of days after. I'd just like you to lock the door and then just come and find me when you're ready, OK? For many, the realisation that there is a problem is the beginning of a journey filled with hope. We're cautiously being optimistic. Cautiously optimistic. But it's a journey with no guarantee of success. OK, do you want some tissues? In a sec. But eight couples struggling with infertility have allowed us to follow their stories over the last two years, and this week the Hills are hoping for good news,... Well, big day today. ...while the Bennetts, the Porters, the McCabes and the Rudges continue their treatment, and we meet the Lucases, who spent six years trying for the ultimate success ` a healthy child. We're missing that next step, cos you're supposed to meet and fall in love and get married and then have a family. LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2016 MUSIC FADES Mel and Justin McCabe have one of the most frustrating fertility problems ` unexplained infertility ` and Mel's been taking clomiphene to regulate her ovulation. Their first monitored cycle failed, and they're now waiting for the result of their second attempt. I know that we've timed it right. I know that I've ovulated. I'm taking enough naturopathic supplements to possibly kick-start a Boeing, so, you know, everything that I could` that we could possibly do, we're doing. 'Hi, Justin and Melody. 'I'm sorry, but today's test was negative.' That's` Again. (SIGHS) It doesn't matter how many times you hear it, even if you're expecting it. Yep. I'm sorry. It's fine. Don't be sorry. Don't be sorry. It's absolutely fine. It's absolutely fine. Shh. I mean, we've been trying for two years already, and I feel that two years of our lives have already been` ...put on hold. Yeah. I don't want to say wasted, but definitely put on hold. I can't afford to go through that kind of emotional roller coaster every month. I think it puts a lot of pressure on Justin as well. Just that` You know, talking about it and thinking about it and like, 'Oh, we're going to do this, and we've planned for that, and, oh, what if this happens?' And then it's kind of like, 'Oh, well none of that's gonna happen now, 'so now you can wait a bit longer.' You have this idea in your head. There's this image and it kind of just goes, 'Oh, well, you know, delete. That's now gone.' GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC So the next step in terms of treatment protocol is doing intrauterine insemination. So what that does is it puts the sperm as close to the egg as possible. Come on through. Have a seat. OK, Melody and Justin, we've just gotta go through how things are changing for the cycle, and we've got a few drugs to cover, but we're just upping the ante a little in that we've got the ability to add in some injectable follicle-stimulating hormone, to just further stimulate your ovaries. Are there any side effects directly from this? As your ovaries are stimulated, if you get more than the usual one follicle that, you know, you would do in a natural cycle, you might feel some tenderness around your ovaries. Until we've seen the scan, you should not have unprotected sex, in case there's seven follicles. In saying that, Justin does need to be ejaculating regularly, every two to three days, so we've got good fresh sperm coming through, and then on the night of the insemination, you can have intercourse that day and probably for a couple of days after, but the egg's only really around for 48 hours. After that, it's just for fun. Cool. Cool. Awesome. Thank you very much. UPBEAT MUSIC Michelle and Ben's first attempt at IVF was unsuccessful because of Michelle's severe endometriosis, and after a laparoscopy to treat the condition, they're trying again. Today is egg collection, and today is going to be by general anaesthetic instead of just making me woozy, so yeah. This time I've actually been feeling really nervous, because I've got the experience of our first round and all the excitement of getting three eggs, but then the next day realis` finding out that they were not healthy, um` Yeah, I'm really nervous. I` I'm scared that they're not actually going to get any eggs, or that the eggs that they get out are going to be not healthy. Then it's fertilisation, then it's implantation, and, you know, step after step after step is` is a miracle really. Michelle produced two eggs, and Ben's sperm sample was good enough to give them hope. OK, guys. Well, on the sperm front, it's good news. We've got plenty of sperm for what we need to do today, so that's all good. Michelle, you know that you've got two eggs. The next plan is that we have to strip the eggs and inject the mature ones, and then tomorrow morning, the next thing is that I will call you to tell you the results, and, hopefully, that we have fertilisation. Yeah, OK. Cool. Fantastic. We feel confident. This is a round for us, but that's what we feel, but it's just with a lot` a lot of, you know, reality in there as well. But we feel like we're meant to be parents. We're meant to have children. Yeah. It's good news. We got one fertilised. I know. I know. (LAUGHS) So, egg transfer is tomorrow at 11.45. One chance. One chance, man. TENSE MUSIC So they're going to take that one precious embryo and, via catheter, insert it back into my uterus. Today all I had to do was empty my bladder and drink three glasses of water, and I've managed two. I might just have to sip on the last one, because I struggle just to have one glass of water in the morning. It's so that when they're scanning the ultrasound, they get a good clear picture. Having a full bladder, um, straightens out the uterus, apparently, so, yeah. Do we keep going if it` if it doesn't work? And` We did say that we'd give it this whole year. But $13,000` I know, and for` Anyway, I reckon if it doesn't work, is it because I'm too old? Will I get` You know. I mean, I know they can't make any promises but, really, would I get any more eggs, or any better-quality eggs, if` you know, if we do it again? Like, if this works, which I'm hoping it will, um, I'll be 43 when it's born. 43. Hold hands? Yeah. Good. (CHUCKLES) We said we'd give this year our all ` to go through IVF, have a baby, just` We'd give it our all, and if we weren't successful by the end of this year, then we'd think about whether we wanna continue. I'm 42 now. I don't want to be getting too much older and putting any future children at any risk. So you've got one lovely embryo. Here's your little Rudge, a gorgeous four-cell embryo. Doesn't that look beautiful? Yay. (LAUGHS) Looks like nothing that we know, but anyway, I'm s` we're confident it will be something at the end of it. Yep. So we're looking at the screen now. This is your tummy, this is your bladder and here is your uterus. All I can think about is my full bladder, so... (LAUGHS) Yeah, I bet. > So I have one embryo for Michelle Rudge. We do. Lovely. OK, so I'm just going to place the catheter. Is that the white flat flashy thing? That is it, and that` We'll give you a photograph of that as well. Take the speculum out so we get some pressure off your bladder. This is the stage where it feels like it's all up to chance. We've done as much as we can. We've given the egg and the sperm as much chance as they're ever gonna get, but we've only got one embryo, so... We keep saying that we only need one chance, you know, and, you know, as long as there's one chance, then that's all` that's all I need, you know, to stay hopeful. 1 QUIRKY MUSIC David Hill has a genetic condition that meant his sperm had to be surgically extracted, and Teresa had her share of pain when her eggs were harvested for an attempt at IVF ` an attempt that resulted in a positive pregnancy test. So, this is our final visit with Fertility Associates, and then we sort of graduate to a midwife. Yeah, it's quite exciting. So many things have happened in this building, where things have` you know, right from the start to the finish, and now it's` it's done, but, you know, the end prize isn't here yet, and it's a bit weird. All right, guys, so let's get started with the scan. So, this is the uterus, and you can see a black, circular sort of oblong area there. Now, we're just going to make this a bit bigger. Now, I'll just use this arrow. Only one? Definitely only one, but can you see in the middle here ` I'll hold this really still ` where the arrow is, there's a little` Beat. ...little flicker? See the heart ticking away there` just there? I can't see who it looks like just yet, but it looks really good. So just under 2cm long, which is in keeping with the dates that we know. Now, this next bit's quite cool. I'll just` Pretty subtle, but you can hear the heart beating there. That all makes it pretty real, doesn't it? It sure does. OK. This is the best part of my job. Congratulations, all right? Well done, guys. Once we've seen a heartbeat like that and the appropriate measurements and no bleeding, there's a 90% ongoing pregnancy rate, so hard as it is to believe, this is your last appointment with us for a while. Obviously we might see you back when you're ready for the next rascal. Maybe. But we'll get this one sorted first, eh? Yep. Yeah, cool. Exciting. I didn't expect that we would get to hear the heartbeat, so that was` it's quite mind-blowing, actually. Yeah, really cool. Really cool. I knew it was gonna be fine, but it just sort of confirms it, I suppose. Yeah. It's awesome. I'm just` I'm, like, buzzing. GENTLE PIANO MUSIC January marks two anniversaries. It's Mel and my civil union. It's three years since that, and we went to our very first fertility appointment a week before that, so we hit the three-year mark with both of those. So, yeah, we're now into our fourth year. Leah and Mel had no success using a sperm donor at home, so they're now trying through Fertility Plus. They'll have to pay for another five attempts at intrauterine insemination before public funding becomes a possibility. But finding a sperm donor who meets the requirements of the clinic has meant a long delay to the couple's plans. One of the most important things about donor insemination is that we need to protect both the woman having the donor insemination treatment and the child that hasn't yet been created. So the donors do go through a quarantining process where they have HIV and hepatitis screening before they bank the sperm, and at the end of that quarantine process that's checked again, and if both tests are negative, then we can start using the frozen sperm. I think the next little while is going to be the real busy time, cos we'll get into the daily blood tests and the procedures and bits and pieces. That's when it'll start feeling a bit more manic. (LAUGHS) You've got to be careful, as well, not to get too excited again, cos we've done that before, eh? And you get too excited and go too far into assuming things are gonna happen, and then it's just heartbreaking when it doesn't, so we're cautiously being optimistic. (LAUGHS) Cautiously optimistic. (LAUGHS) Cautiously optimistic. Come through, Leah and Mel. So take a seat. So nice to see the two of you. Come through. BOTH: Thank you. We haven't actually seen you since May, was it? May last year, I think. Yes. Good. So, Emily, who you saw, had spoke about weight-loss... Yep. ...eligibility for public funding and had organised a hysterosalpingogram, hadn't she? Yes. Yep, so that all looks fine. So, do you understand what would happen from here? No, well, that's sort of what we're here for is to` is to figure out the next steps. If you're having an irregular cycle ` which you are ` then you're probably only ovulating in some of those cycles, so you're likely to need something to ensure that you're having a regular cycle. Usually we'd use something called clomiphene. OK. Around the time of ovulation, the donor sperm is thawed out, and then insemination would happen. If you want to be realistic, roughly about 15%` you know, the success rate is about 15% per cycle. Has` What's happened to your weight? Sorry to ask you about your weight. (LAUGHS) Is that because you`? That's the dreaded question every time. Um, I haven't unfortunately made a lot of progress with that. I've started ` in the last month or so ` concentrating a bit harder at that. It's a nice summer, so you can get out there. Yeah. (LAUGHS) We look forward to seeing you next month. Excellent. Thank you very much. So I've got to lose about 10 kilos in six months to reach the target that he's given me, but as long as I can hit that mark by the time I've finished all five IUIs, then that would make me eligible to apply for public funding if we get to that point. With any luck, we might not have to worry about it, but I need to be planning to get to that point. UNEASY MUSIC Blood test this morning and then find out the results of pregnant or not this afternoon. I did have a little bit of` a little bit of blood on Wednesday afternoon, and I was like, 'Oh, that's it. All done. We're done. It's not happening,' but it was only a tiny amount, and there's been no more since then, and` Yeah, I was a bit grumpy. I was like, 'Oh, all this work for nothing now. You know, we only got one egg.' I was` I was feeling a bit hoha, but other than that, you know, I was like, 'OK, but what's the next stage now? 'What's next for us? What's life like now that we know we can't have children?' But then by Thursday morning, when there wasn't any more blood, I was like, 'Oh, OK. Maybe that` Maybe I was just jumping the gun.' So... And I was clueless the whole time because, I mean, I knew it had happened, but I'd` I just remembered they'd said that, you know, some people bleed, some people don't, so I just thought nothing of it. The further we get, the more there is to lose, and so I don't let myself get too excited or too down or whatever, because I know that it could go either way. And you know what? We're hoping for an answer` an answer of, 'Is this working or is it not?' Then life can move on, and we can get out of this limbo land that we're in of, 'Will we, won't we?' It's kind of a turning point. Yeah. Either way, it's not gonna be the same. And so this afternoon is going to be either us sitting here in silence going, 'Oh shit, we're pregnant,' or I'm drinking half a bottle of Riesling, so... (LAUGHS) I'm just hoping they ring sooner rather than later. Yeah, I think they'll recognise just how anxious people are, waiting for this call. CELL PHONE RINGS Hello, Michelle speaking. Oh, sorry. Hi, Michelle. It's Dawn calling from Fertility Plus. Hi, Dawn. Look, just to let you know, I've got you on loudspeaker so Ben can hear you as well. Oh, OK. All right. Thanks for that, Michelle. Um, Michelle, I'm really sorry, but I'm not calling with good news today. OK. OK. It's a negative, yeah. I'm very sorry that didn't work out for you. Feel free to give us a call if there's anything you want to talk` Thank you. We'll speak to you later, Michelle. OK. Thanks, Dawn. OK, Bye. Hmm. So it's a negative. Hmm. SOMBRE MUSIC You all right? Yeah. SOMBRE MUSIC CONTINUES I was so confident. I was so confident that it was gonna be a positive. Yeah. (SIGHS) Bleh. It's dumb. You don't go through this whole process to` to get that news. I don't think we're gonna go through this again, I don't think. We` We told` We` We agreed that we'd give it this year, and, um, yeah. We` There's not enough time left in the year to fit another cycle in, so, um... And` And, you know, the whole` Like, I got one good egg out of that, after all of that work ` you know, laparoscopy and drugs and everything. I just` it doesn't feel that it's` if it's not going to happen with that amount of work, then, you know, it will be a miracle if it does happen for us, and that's how it is. QUIRKY MUSIC The drugs went OK, actually. Um, a little bit tired. A little bit` Just feeling a little bit out of character but nothing too major. Um, no big arguments, you know, no meltdowns, no hot flushes or any of the other things. But I did make the mistake` The night before I started, I actually read through the little instruction leaflet, um, and some of those side effects are scary, but` No, I was quite lucky that I came through relatively unscathed. We're just going to scan you to see how things are going today. Yep. We're going to look for the follicles. Yep. It's one of those times when it's, 'Just relax.' It's, like, that's exactly the opposite of what I'm actually able to manage. It would be much easier if we said, 'Hold tight.' > Yeah, that I could easily do. So we're just going to slip this in. Yep. Oh, it's always really sore. Is it? Yes, and especially as it's now pushing against your ovary there. Yep, sure are. You can feel that. Those black circles are the follicles. That's where the eggs form. So we measure each of those, and, um` So we'll look at your hormones, and, uh, that will tell us, uh, how the cycle's going. OK. Yes, and you possibly might need another scan. We'll just see how the rest of the cycle goes. My left ovary is not my friend at all. There's always quite a bit of inflammation around there, and every month, that left ovary gives me a bit of jip and a bit of pain. Apparently, there's nothing actually wrong with it, though. It's just temperamental. I was really interested as to what was happening on the screen, but then, like, I could see Leah was getting a bit upset as well, so it's like, trying to look at Leah, but still trying to look at the screen as well. (LAUGHS) A little bit of both. Within a few days, blood tests indicated that Leah was ready to ovulate, meaning her IUI could go ahead as planned. OK, so it is 1st of May. It's my birthday, and I'm about to go in for IUI treatment. Um, yeah, slightly nervous. Uh, a bit excited. Um, hopefully we will get what we're after, and then I guess it's the dreaded two-week wait. TENSE MUSIC So, this morning I went and had the pregnancy test to see if the` obviously if the procedure worked. This will be, I think, the 26th pregnancy test, so there's quite a few, and obviously they've all been negative. I've got some work I have to do while I'm waiting for the call, so I'm just actually going to, as much as I can, push the test results to the back of my mind and get on with what I need to do. Either way, it's going to end in tears. We'll just see which sort. So, it's 2.20, and this waiting game is shit. (LAUGHS) Just sitting, waiting, waiting, waiting, checking your phone every 10 minutes. 'Oh, maybe I missed the call.' Don't want to go to the bathroom in case the call comes. CELL PHONE RINGS Hello, Leah speaking. Go for it. Yep. Yeah, that's OK. Yep. That's fine. No. Obviously, it's upsetting that it didn't happen, but if you're looking at it realistically, like, chances are, it wasn't going to work. You know, odds were against us. Um, how anybody gets pregnant blows my mind when you actually look at the probabilities of it all. Um, but yeah, we always went into it knowing that we would probably have to do five` that we were looking at having to do five and then potentially going on to, um, look at doing some IVF, so it's` it's not a massive` massive surprise. UPBEAT MUSIC Hansi and Alan's dreams of having children seemed impossible when it was found that Hansi's eggs weren't capable of creating a viable embryo, but an egg donor has given them new hope. He has to do his sperm sample. I have to give my sperm today, so that's pretty much all there is to it. I have to go to a room... ...and put it in a cup. Put it in a cup. Right, so I'll just check off your sample with you. Perfect. OK, so we'll process up the sample, and then obviously we just need to wait and see how many eggs we collect. We do the injection this afternoon, and then we keep our fingers crossed and hope to see how many we get fertilised tomorrow. Yes. So don't forget to give us a call. It'll be about 10 o'clock. BOTH: OK. We'll be able to tell you what those results are. Sweet. Fingers crossed. I know. > All right. OK, thank you. See ya later. Thank you. See ya. Come here, come here! (WHISTLES) We only got four eggs, and then I had to call the next day to check for fertilisation, and they all fertilised. All four eggs fertilised. GENTLE MUSIC So today is embryo transfer day, finally. I was so, like, sick with worry, cos when you take the eggs and then you have to ring the next day for fertilisation` I was really worried because I'd only got four eggs, but all four fertilised, and then they rang us on the Sunday, and three out of the four got to blastocyst stage, which is really good odds. Yeah. In the average IVF cycle, you might get five to 10 eggs collected, and out of those, you may only get one embryo to replace and nothing frozen, so to get three out of four is fantastic for them. So, Hansi, I'm just going to insert the speculum now, OK? Yep. Hansina Bennett. Thank you. So your embryo is in the catheter here at the moment. Fantastic, well done. So that little bright white flash you can see there ` just here ` is the bubble around the embryo. Can I take a photo of that? You can take a photo. Then you'll be able to get off to the loo, which will be a joy, I'm sure. Yep. It will be. Just keep your legs there for a minute while we get the bed... The chances of a pregnancy in this situation are largely dependant really on the, um, quality of the eggs provided by the donor. Also, it does depend on the embryo developing nicely and implanting, and that's now something that we don't have any control over. It's up to Mother Nature now. 1 We both worked in a hotel together in England 10 years ago now. Yeah, 11, nearly. 11, and I used to check him out, and apparently he used to check me out as well. Natalie was just so different to all the other girls that were in England where we met. The whole trick was trying to get him ` because Melvyn's really shy ` was trying to get him to make a move. Went out for the few dates, got to know each other and moved in after about three months. Yeah, it was very quick. Yeah. We got engaged nine months later. We were married 12 months later. Two years after getting married, Natalie and Melvyn started trying to have a baby, but they're still childless six years later. It just feels like we're missing that next step of what is supposed to be the natural order of things. You're supposed to meet and fall in love and get married and then have a family, so that your lines continues, so that you're` you can share that` that joy of` of bringing something into the world, and it just` it feels` You feel broken at times, I think. You feel empty. Mm. Yeah. Tests done by Fertility Associates could find no reason for their inability to conceive, and Natalie was put on a course of clomiphene to regulate her ovulation, but she still didn't get pregnant. At that point` I think that was when we kind of lost sight of the relationship, and more` and just focusing on, 'OK, we're doing treatment. What's going to come at the end of this treatment?' and we lost sight of the fact that we were actually in it together. The treatment that we were taking at the time made me very hormonal and` and a terrible person, um, and we weren't talking, but I was certainly vocal when I was upset about something, and I remember having arguments with you and saying, 'I've got to take these silly tablets, 'and all you have to do is` is have sex with me,' and I started to resent it, and secretly, at times, I hoped I wasn't pregnant, because our relationship was so horrible. Like a lot of people, I turn to food when I'm depressed and feeling sad and just want to feel happy then. I put on 25kgs during this time very quickly and just didn't feel very motivated about anything at all. I just told her I wasn't happy with how it was and hadn't been happy for months with this, and we needed to do something, and she asked me, do I still want to be with her? And it was hard, but I had to be honest and say, 'I don't know.' When Melvyn told me he's not sure he wanted to be with me, that was the worst day of my life, um, because then everything became real. With their relationship at crisis point and in vitro fertilisation their most likely road to having a child, Natalie launched herself into a fitness programme designed to get her weight down to a level where they could qualify for publicly funded treatment. I have to lose 20kgs in order to get onto the public funding waiting list. Once you're on the waiting list, it could take up to a year in order to be chosen and start the IVF process. OK, I just want you to lean in... Yeah. ...and push out. (LAUGHS) Definitely looks` You make it look easy. You'll be fine. The goal is to lose weight, get fit and healthy, get fertility fit, um, get my mind and body in check, reduce my stress and just be a healthy 29-year-old. I've got a family at stake. I need to do this. LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC The dietician that I met with assessed my current way of life, and I had to be brutally honest with her and tell her we were having five takeaways a week, which was quite difficult and embarrassing. Her BMI when I first saw her was 43, which is considered in the morbidly obese range, um, so she does have a long way to go. So how are you both? Good. We've made quite a few changes to our diet that have stuck. We wouldn't have any, um, vegetables... Yeah. (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) Yeah, I remember. ...or fruit in the house. No, we have come a long way. Do you want to do your weight? I think we probably should. Yeah, I think we should, just to see. Yep, so 112.9. So you've actually maintained that weight loss that you'd first done. Oh, well, that's good. But I don't want to get pregnant in the state I'm at, because I'm just endangering myself and my baby. It's not as though if you're obese you're going to have a stillbirth or you're going to have a miscarriage. It just increases the risk. So, yeah, if we can get your weight down, every little kilo will help, but even if you're bigger than you should be, it doesn't mean you're going to get those things. It just means the risk is higher, so don't assume that it's going to be a terrible, terrible thing. But it is scary, and it is a good motivator to lose some weight, because it will help. QUIRKY MUSIC HANSI: Today is the blood test to check whether the embryo has held ` well, a pregnancy test, really. Yeah, so hopefully it's good. And I think it's worse, because we've been down this road... (SIGHS) before. Yeah, but it's different this time, because we knew what the problem was last time and now, you know, we don't have that genetic thing in the egg` in the embryo, so there's no reason it shouldn't hold on. We went to a cafe for breakfast, and when I went to the bathroom, it seems like my period's started, which is not positive news. I guess we'll wait for the phone call, but I'm not expecting it to be a great call. It's just frustrating. Who knows? I'm just looking forward to getting this phone call. Yeah, we just wanna get it. Put us out of our misery, cos, you know, if it` This is the reality of IVF, really. You know, it's not always positive. I just want it to be our turn. PHONE RINGS Surely that's not` Is it`? Yeah, it is. Hello, Hansi speaking. I'm all right, thanks. Yup. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you serious? Oh my gosh, cos` I ac` (LAUGHS) I actually thought I wasn't. Oh my gosh. Yeah. I just honestly thought` I was like, 'Nah, I'm getting my period.' That's so crazy. I honestly was not expecting it. OK, thanks very much. OK, bye. Are you pregnant? Yeah! BOTH LAUGH Like, legit. Seriously? It actually worked. I thought you got your period. Nah, they said it's really normal. So, what now? I have to have another blood test on Friday, just to make sure it's all going up. Yeah. I can't believe it. Well done. This is great. (LAUGHS) It can't get much better. I knew it was gonna be good. I know. He's always positive and I'm always like, 'No.' There's finally actually real hope. So excited! LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC I think what happens when you're going through assisted reproduction is that you become quite clinical within yourself. It does start feeling really removed from you. I mean, I never imagined that` that this is how we would make our baby possibly, you know? My mum asked what was happening with the procedure. I mean, it's awkward. It's your mother. She knows you're going through fertility treatment. Now you need to explain that your husband has to go` We called it 'make a donation', so my mum` Not really a donation. (LAUGHS) 'Make a deposit'? I dunno, but` So, my mum said, 'So, what time is Justin making his donation?' Mm, that's exactly what you want your mother-in-law to ask. I've always dreamed` Every man longs for his mother-in-law ` 'So, when are you going to be doing that to yourself, Justin?' Lovely. So that's all signed. Yep. Perfect. Excellent. We'll see you in a couple of hours. Thanks. Cheers. We've got 2.6 million. Name ` Justin McCabe, Melody McCabe. That's today's date and that's your clinic number there. All right? All right. OK. So you've done your bit. We just need one. We just need one swimming in the right direction. Oh, so romantic (!) I'm going to pop the speculum in now, all right? The one thing that does make me feel quite sad is that I've` I've kind of lost just that bubble of excitement and mystery around it. We're not exactly` not massively romantic. (SIGHS) No. I'm very, very slowly just going to squirt that sperm in, so I want you thinking nice fertile thoughts. In terms of putting the sperm that close to the fallopian tube, that's going to give them probably the best chance they've had so far, but even if the sperm's there, I ovulate, the sperm meets the egg; it still has to travel down the fallopian tube; it still needs to implant. How was that? Was it better than you expected? It was. It's just a different experience, I guess. Yeah. I didn't expect to be emotional. You wouldn't be the first. OK, so that all went technically very well. Um, there was quite a bit of mucus there, which is good, OK? So that suggests we've got the timing right, as well as all the bloods and everything. Try not to stress, OK? We know this can be the absolute worst bit ` just that two-week wait ` and you'll start analysing every little symptom you've got, and... (LAUGHS) Sounds about right. Just a healthy baby, that's all. That's all we want. GENTLE PIANO MUSIC DELICATE STRING MUSIC OK, so today we are having our eight-week scan to check the heartbeat. Exciting. Nervous. Yeah, I dunno, it's all new ground for us. We've never got this` to this point. It's pretty cool. Yeah, so we get to see our jelly bean today. It's a bit bigger than a jelly bean, isn't it? Like a grape or something? I dunno. Not very big. It's cool because, like, eight weeks pregnant now, so it's like, in only seven months we'll have a baby, and it` like, it's pretty exciting, really. So I reckon by my calculations you're about eight weeks today, all right? So we'll do an internal scan. It's going to be the way we get the best view of what's going on. You've not had any bleeding or anything? No, no bleeding. I've had some cramping. That's very normal. OK, let's have a wee look. Looking thought the uterus. Making sure there's only one in there. Yeah, we only want one. Give us a bit of a better view. Is there a baby in there? There is a baby in here. I`Is it alive? Just wanting to check all that out. It's not jumping out at me like I like it to. Look, guys, I'm not seeing exactly what I want at this stage. MOURNFUL MUSIC So it's died? Let me just have a good look around. It takes a while. We want to make sure we're not missing anything. So, guys, it's not filling me with the things I wanna see, OK? Um, there is a baby in the uterus, but it's measuring smaller than we'd like for eight weeks. It's only measuring about six weeks, and when I put some colour flow on, I can't see a heartbeat, OK? That's really not what I want to see today. We always like to just check with a second person, so I'm going to have to send you down the road for a formal scan, all right? With another doctor so we can just check that there's` that I haven't missed anything, OK? I'm going to stop now, OK? Sorry to do that to you. I'll just give you guys a couple of minutes, all right? So it does look like a failed pregnancy. I just thought this was our moment. All the signs were looking so good. How are you doing? As good as can be expected? SHAKILY: Anything that can be done to put it back in? No. Unfortunately not. Is there a chance that you missed it, or`? I don't think so, but I need to have someone else to have a look, but it really did look like, you know, a pregnancy that had stopped growing two weeks ago. That's all right. That day that we thought it had failed` Would have been a lot easier then` As hard as it was then, it would have been a lot easier than now. It's like, why? You know, we were down there, then we were up there, and now we're down` you know, way down. (LAUGHS) (SIGHS) I'm so sorry. You're just holding together, Alan, and wanting to stay together. TEARFULLY: It's our` our baby. It's so unfair, isn't it? (SOBS) I just can't do this. I know. This feels too hard. It's like, we've got no alternative, you know, if we really want to do it. You don't have to make that decision now. It's just like, 'Just jam the things in there and get it over and done with.' Yeah. Let's just deal with this one, because there's a wee way to go with this one first, and deal with looking after you two so that we can get you through it. This is such an unexpected result. Just to` But when can we start again? Cos` I don't wanna do it again. Just` Just` Just, let's not deal with the 'when we can do it again.' Let's` let's deal with the 'let's get rid of this.' I just don't even wanna go back to work, or... I'm just hoping he made a mistake. So tell me what you saw. Did you see a little jelly bean in there, but no foetal heart? No foetal heartbeat. Right, so what we know` We know why you're sick. We know that you're definitely pregnant and that your body's held a pregnancy, so we're` we're several steps ahead there from where we've been. What we know is that this embryo didn't have the capacity to survive. I think until they get the formal scan, they're going to be living with a little gem of hope. We don't very often make mistakes in this way, so, um, probably that hope's not well-founded, but they will feel that until they get the formal scan, and afterwards, when they get home, they'll probably` the anger will kick in. SOMBRE PIANO MUSIC We had a miscarriage last week. Went for the scan and there was no heartbeat, so it was all very disappointing, and then on Friday I had surgery just to clean everything up, as brutal as that is. But as` as stink as it is, there's still hope. We've still got two embryos left, so definitely gonna try them, because they could be the two that work. Yeah, like, the doctors at the` you know, at the clinic say that it's just finding the right embryo. So we'll keep trying. We'll keep hoping that we will have a baby one day ` that we'll hold a baby in our arms. Yeah. Next time we get pregnant, it will be the real thing.