"It's an honour to announce this year's Blossom Queen winner." "The most important crown that any girl can ever wear." (DRUM ROLL) "Dylan Schoenfield!" (APPLAUSE / CHEERING) (DISTANT) 'Dylan. Dylan.' DYLAN! Yes, Principal Guthrie? The Blossom Queen campaign application. Oh. I need your signature. (SCHOOL BELL) Oh, thanks. (SNAPS FINGERS) Next. This year's going to be tres fantastique. Know why? (BOTH) Why? Because once I'm crowned Blossom Queen, I will be the most popular girl at Woodlands Academy ever. (GIGGLES) Drama Club. Easy votes, they like my dramatic flair. Ooh. The very shirt I introduced last semester. Followers. Easy votes. Film Club nerds. You're like a movie star to them. Totes. Indie rock wannabes. What's with the guitars? This isn't a campfire. (LAUGH) I can't believe you used to be friends with Amy Loubalu. Until I traded up to you two. Dylan. I took your suggestion and got my hair cut into a bob. Definitely cuted up. See. People know I care. Easy vote. But what about Nicole Paterson? She's major competition. (MIAOW) Lola and Hannah see me as their leader. Leaders never show weakness. That would be tres mauvais. That's French for "ew." What and ever. A good candidate likes competish. If I ran for Blossom Queen unopposed and won, boring. And who has the number one seat on The Ramp? Moi. Dude, hey. Oh, look, Asher's holding it for me. Aw. So sweet. (CRASH / SHOCKED GASPS) Oh, my...! Oh! Ugh! You... geek! This is designer! No, it's tuna noodle casserole. You are so ga-ross! Gross is just one syllable. I can't believe that popular people like me are forced to share the same air as nerd herders like you! What?! Forced to share the same air as me? You wear so much perfume, you need a gas mask just to survive. Watch. (REWIND!) Is this yesterday's fettuccine alfredo? Recycled? No paparazzi. Aw. So sweet. (CRASH / SHOCKED GASPS) Oh, my...! Oh! Ugh! You... geek! This is designer! No, it's tuna noodle casserole. You are so ga-ross. Gross is just one syllable. Ugh! (GASP) (SNORTS) That's classic. Look what you did to my friends! But I didn't - I can't believe popular people like me are forced to share the same air as nerd herders like you! I prefer the term "film geek." (SNAPS FINGERS) Ugh! They must practise that. Casablanca. Curtiz is the director. It stars Ingrid Bergman, Peter Lorre and Claude Rains. As Bogart's best film, I disagree. The African Queen with Katharine Hepburn, directed by John Huston. I mean, it's miraculous. I mean, it's unbelievable. Hi. Oh, look. Film Club President finally decided to show up. Sorry, guys. I got stuck in traffic on the diva freeway. Where's your lunch? Dylan Schoenfield's wearing it. My food went where no mere mortal has ever gone before - The Ramp. You need a passport to go in there. Passport?! You need a robot army. With level 83 Dragon Slayer skills. Guys, seriously, it's a whole other alien world, a mystery species. We'll never understand the Populars and the way their vortex works. (CRACKLES) What are you inventing now? (BLOWS) Artificial Intelligence chess. Hey, Amy. That's a cool guitar case. Never gonna happen, friend. Thanks for the support, pal. Calculate this. You've been crushing on Amy Loubalu since third grade. We're juniors. That's approximately 2,268 school days, minus summer breaks, that you could have asked her out and haven't. I'd go out with you. I don't have time for dating. The Puget Sound Film Festival's only six weeks away. And he's our school's best shot at total domination of the city's student film scene. You better win. No, I gotta win. First prize is a summer at a Hollywood film camp in Los Angeles. I wanna make this ground-breaking documentary that truly changes the bar. A film that establishes me as the next cinematic genius. So, what's the documentary about? No idea. (DEEP BREATH) You have no idea. So, wanna go out with me? (CRACKLES) (SCREAMS) I, er... No. (KNOCK ON DOOR) Come in. Mr F? Ooh, Josh. Brought my application. My favourite student. And, er, great, great. I like this. I can't wait to see what my star student has come up with, huh? It's a documentary about the evolution of robot voices in the science fiction genre? Yeah. You know how no two robots ever sound the same in any sci-fi movie? You know, you have your, "I am a robot." Then you have these futuristic, like... (ROBOTIC SOUNDS). Josh, your artistic vision is robot voices? Yeah, I'm struggling here. I've got all these great ideas but none of them are good enough. You really would like to win that trip to Hollywood film camp, huh? More than anything. Then challenge yourself, Josh. Choose a documentary subject matter where you stretch your limits. Explore new territory, discover the truth. How about, instead of robots, a human subject? A human. OK, so, challenging, truthful, but human. Got it. Right. Now, I will need a real proposal by tomorrow. Otherwise, I will have to give our school's slot to another student. OK. No, I am not taking a dollar less than listing price. Well, that's great. I can have the paperwork sent right over. Great. Talk to you soon Sweetie, what do you think? Do we turn this place into a Sparkles Cupcakes or Accessories Barn? Dad, anyone who buys accessories in a barn is totes tragique. I vote for cupcakes, gives it more of a glam factor. And that is why you're my top advisor. (PHONE RINGS) I am gonna have to head back to the office for a late meeting. Whatevs. I need to borrow your marketing team. Marketing team? Why? Blossom Queen. I need signs, brochures, headshots. Oh, well, absolutely not. But Nicole Paterson has the varsity and football team making posters. Yes, and you have ingenuity. If you wanna win, you need to do it on your own. You're a smart girl. Gotta pull yourself up by your bootstraps. (PHONE RINGS) Yes, this is Alan. Bootstraps? What does that even mean? Hello, boots have zippers. I should know, I tried on 17 pairs at Shoes Unlimited last week and none of the 16 pairs I bought had straps. Bad reception? Yeah. I, well... Dude, seriously, this is not refundable. Tell you what, here's 20% off on your next phone. Thanks. Hey. It's imported leather. Imported from where? Somewhere foreign with lots of shipping costs. D'uh! Italy. D'uh. (BEE BUZZES) Bee. Bee! Oh, my gosh, a bee! Aah! Bee! Bee! Aah! (SCREAMS) Oh, oh, no! Oh, my God! Stop! (SCREAMS) Oh, my... (SCREAMS) Oh! Oh, no! Oh, my gosh! My purse! Help! Somebody help! (PING!) ("LONE RANGER" THEME TUNE) Someone turn the fountain off! Chop-chop! Help! Help me, my purse! (SCREAMS) It's a Serge Sanchez. Somebody help me! Someone turn the fountain off! Mr Farley said my subject should be human. Dylan Schoenfield's human. Sort of. She's definitely a challenge. Big challenge. Someone turn off the fountain now! Why aren't they listening to me? Give me your phone. Who are you calling? 911. It's that geek from lunch today. He's saving your purse. What?! Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Really?! (SQUEAL) Oh. (MUSIC REACHES CRESCENDO) (SQUEAL) Ugh! Oh. Eww! What?! Go, Woodlands! Vote Paterson! Imported leather needs specialty cleaning. When my phone got wet... My Serge Sanchez! You named your purse? Not so fast. I have a proposal for you. Whatever it is, the answer is N-O. Spells no way. Can I propose the proposal first? (SIGHS) I want you to star in my movie for the film festival. What? Star? What's it, er... What's it about? You. Your life. You know, what it's like to be popular and run for Blossom Queen. (PING!) Nicole Paterson might have buttons and posters, but what's that compared to a movie? Especially if it's about me. Deal. Once you lose this. Deal. The competition just got serious. It's always been serious for me. (SNAPS FINGERS) Jack? (CLEARS THROAT) Tomorrow. Lunch. The dining hall. We can start filming my movie then. (SNAPS FINGERS) Actually, it's my movie. Where are my shoes? You need some major CPR, Serge. Marta! I need help carrying! Marta? "Dylan, went to dentist. Dinner's in the fridge. Love, Marta." You'll be as good as new, Serge. # Can't go outside # Can't get in my car # And go for a ride # All I can do is try to smile # (PHONE RINGS) "Amy posted a picture of Dylan." Why'd she do that? My mom took that photo when Amy and I won the second grade science fair, back when we were besties. Mom died later that same year. Sometimes I like to look through her old stuff. Makes me feel like I'm still with her. 'Josh, is that you?' No, Mom, it's a burglar who happens to have keys to the front door. Hey, Mouse! Who'd you bark at today, buddy? Who'd you bark at today? Who'd you bark at today? You're a good boy. Let's go. Come on. Come on! Look at me. Come on. Come on. Irasshaimase, Josh san. Same to you, I think. I found my new documentary subject. Dylan Schoenfield. That is wonderful, hon. Yeah. Who is he? She, Mom. One of the most popular girls at school. I was gonna shoot her Blossom Queen campaign. I'm thinking a hard-hitting expose on popularity. Sounds like an ambitious project. Yeah. Er, speaking of projects, Mom, what is that? Sushi making class. I am making a spicy dragon roll. Great. There we go. That's that. (WATER HISSES) Oh, no, my miso! Aah! Aah! Hey, Mom, you just wanna phone in for pizza instead? Oh, yes. So much better. No. No, no, no, no! Give me... Go and get him. (SIGHS) Hey! Paul, it's Sandy. Oh, I like this, huh? An expose on popularity. Yeah. You told me to challenge myself, and, er, Dylan Schoenfield's proving to be a big challenge. Don't forget what else I said. Seek out the truth, huh? Right. The best documentarians leave their preconceived notions at the door. Er, totally, Mr F, yeah. Dylan Schoenfield, huh? Popularity could turn out to be more complicated than you think. Welcome to the competition, Josh. Next stop, Hollywood, huh? Yeah. A little bit of the action. Hey. You ready to start? Almost. Hold this. First, some ground rules. One, we need to set a filming schedule. No hanging around me before or after. Sure. Like I'd want to(!) Two, I need a beauty budget. So, fifty dollars a week should suffice. Beauty budget? I only get five dollars a day for lunch. Three, no filming from my left side. Ever. It's my bad side, see? They're exactly the sa... Are you always this high maintenance? It is not high maintenance to want to look nice. Voila! Now I'm done. Hey, don't you want this? Oh, you can just set it down at my seat. The Ramp? D'uh. Where else would we eat lunch? (GASP) Er, Dylan? We're shooting a movie. Excuse me. One small step for geeks,... ..one giant leap for geek kind! Not now. Why so determined to be Blossom Queen? It's the best way to ensure lifelong popularity. Aren't you already popular? Does Sunshine Lemonade advertise? Yeah, they have the commercials with the water-skiing penguins. I like the penguins. Sunshine is number one. They don't need to advertise. But they do it to stay number one. Get it? Got it. Everyone thinks it's so easy being the popular girl. It's so not easy. Girls, this is moi's movie. If they want to add something, that's fin- Being popular is so not easy. It's like royalty. You have to live up to impossible standards of beauty and you're expected to be a good influence. I help the less fortunate. Oh, you have a charity. Absolument. Fashion victims. Un moment. Hannah, the yellow scarf you're wearing is washing you out. Here. Wear mine instead. See. I just sacrificed my own outfit for hers. But it was worth it. Oh! Josh! Oh! Hey! If you're a ten, you can only date a ten, like Asher. Coming to watch me play volleyball? Mm-hmm. Dylan, he's blocking your light. Why is there a talking nerd here? Asher, we downloaded this. Josh is making a movie about me winning Blossom Queen. Play nice? Does it mess with my volleyball sched? Oh, never. We'll work around it. Got it. Thank you. This is what you do after school? Shopping improves the economy. Oh, how thoughtful. I know, right? I care. Right. So in a scientific sense, how does popularity work? The other Blossom Queen candidates - There are levels of popularity. Anywhere from Student Council President popular to only popular with your parents. Sure, Nicole's cheerleader popular, but is she Blossom Queen popular? Doubtful. So, how does one move up this social scale of popularity? One way is hoping it'll rub off on you. Popularity's contagious. Like a cold? D'uh. It's why Hannah and Lola battle to be my best friend. Their popularity comes from mine. 6.5% sales tax on 395. 25.67. Hate it, have it, have it, have it, have it, hate it. I'll try some on just for fun. How many shoes do you need? One pair for each day of the year. Why, how many do you own? You're looking at them. Clearly. Totes tragiques. So, how long's this gonna take? No filming in here! Here's your chance to tell me something about Dylan. Oh, like what? Like, does your popularity really come from hers? We may not be as popular as Dylan, but we do know some stuff. When Dylan doesn't get her way, she goes full-on DQM. Drama Queen Mode. Asher only dates Dylan because she worships him. And Asher loves being worshipped. Ta-da! So, what do we think? Tres adorables! Oui, oui. Guys, French is my trademark. D'uh! So Populars only hang with Populars? Cats don't hang with dogs, right? Really? That's your argument? It's better this way. There's no chance for misunderstandings. What kind of misunderstandings? Take you and me. If we mingled outside of doing my movie together, you might get the wrong idea and ask me out. Imagine the horror. You'd be so embarrassed. (CLEARS THROAT) Did we get it? Yep. We got it. Ow! What are your plans after school? Pilates. Not on Tuesdays, it's yoga. After you graduate. Hopes? Dreams? What's your life goal? Blossom Queen. After that. After? If I don't win Blossom Queen, my life is officially O-V-E-R, over! Oh, you missed a spot. I have no words. Nothing. Josh? (SIGHS) Snack break? It's satay. It's from my Thai cooking class. Er, it's... not good. How's the big movie coming? Hmm. Josh. Josh! Get my shoes! My feet are cold! Well, she's... Well, I don't... Diva? Yeah. Yeah. I wanna make this true documentary about high school popularity, but, Mom, this is a joke. Sometimes people behave a certain way cos they've something going on. What's the real Dylan like? Real? OK, the only real thing about her is that she's really annoying. You have to give her the benefit of the doubt. Mom. You have to be an archaeologist. Dig deeper. Because it is our problem. 1 It's not OK to say she was asking for it. It's not OK to punch a hole in a wall to show your family who's boss. Or think you can demand their love and respect. And it's not OK to look the other way and say it's not our problem. Because it is our problem. And it's not OK. Ever. But it is OK to ask for help. (CHEERING) (CROWD) Whoa! This is going to look fantastic. I can't believe we were invited to a beach party with the Populars. It's strictly work, OK? Nice bonnet. The sun is evil! Well, I, for one, plan to have fun. Hey. Oh, finally. I see you brought your non-tourage. This is Ari, my second AD. He's in charge of all the B-roll. Whatever all that means. OK, well, you know, I'm going to take some additional shots. Sorry we were late, I had to get directions. Directions? You've never been to the beach? Everybody likes the beach. Not me. Shocker, not everyone's into the same things you are. I find that hard to believe. Huh. Come on! OK. Come on, Eagles. Let's go! Next time, baby. It's OK. We're still two points behind. Go, guys, come on! Water, babe? Yeah. Excuse me. Hi. Despite our northern latitude, the sun still emits dangerous UV rays. It's like sitting in a fryer at Burger World without the side of onion rings. (CHUCKLES) SPF 80? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah! Come here. (LAUGHS) (CHEERING) Hey, Amy. Nice, er, stick thing. Thanks. It's called a Gator Grabber. Gator? Like alligator. (SNAPS) Whoa! (GIGGLES) That's weird. Saving the environment? Yeah. Yeah. Go green! Hey, doing OK. Amy and I had our first real conversation. Should be called a Croc Catcher cos crocodiles actually do eat garbage. Oh. Yeah. (GASPS) Josh! Josh? Josh? Josh, enough with the unscheduled break. It's time to get back to work. "Hi" to you too, Dylan. How are you these days? I'd be better if strangers didn't tag me in ancient pics. Strangers? Gee, as I recall it, we used to be friends. Josh, come on, let's go. Chop-chop, time is money. Bye, Amy. Bye, Josh. I so saved you back there. You should've been focused on filming me, instead of flirting. Flirting? I wasn't... No, no, no, no, no. I don't flirt! Oh, clearly. It was totes tragique. It's more obvious that you like Amy Loubalu than Nicole Paterson's hair extensions. Yeah. I mean, no. Wait. You two used to be friends? I know, hard to believe. Back in elementary school. Are you getting my good side, right? Over here. Yeah, I'm getting it. So, what happened? Look at her, and look at me. Life happened, i.e. I'm popular. Amy's popular. We've gone over this, Josh. She's "I'm in a girl band" popular. Not Blossom Queen popular. (CHEERING) Oh, no, the volleyball game's over! Asher! Ash! Hey, where are you guys going? The movies. It's dark. And no one steals our snacks. Victory means Pizza Land! Two large Meat Volcanoes, triple cheese. You ready, Dyl? Marta made me a pizza last night, so I called ahead and got us all reservations to the new sushi place downtown. Raw fish? Ralph! Have fun with that. I'm outtie with my boys. (CHEERING) Yeah! I don't like fish either. I could eat pizza every day. Wait! Wait, wait. No, no, no, no! Call 9111! Call 911! Someone's stealing my car! What are you doing? Stop, what is this? Six unpaid parking tickets. Oops, seven. You mean those little flyer thingies on my windshield? They ain't greeting cards, lady. Oh, no. Please! Please! Ohhh. You surely have a car, right? Yeah. This is yours? And it runs? On real gas? So she's a little old. Old?! This thing is, like, prehistoric! You know, somewhere a caveman is missing his car. Hello?! Thank you. Why are you hiding? It's called shame. Well, they're gone now. Phew. (RADIO) Turning on the radio isn't gonna help our battery situation. News? Ga-ross. What, the news bores you? Ever heard of pop music? We're young, live a little. "(POP MUSIC)" (ENGINE GROANS) Uh-oh. What oh? What's that? Josh, that never happens to my car. What is that, that smoke? How are you gonna fix it? (COUGHS) We're gonna need to find a gas station. We?! Fine. Stay here. Oh. There is no way I am risking being seen hanging out in this thing. (DOOR CREAKS) Josh! Stupid phone! Who are you so busy texting? The girls. Telling them that this is the W-O-R-S-T, worst day of my life. Yeah? Ditto. Ow! Oh! Ow! Ow, ow, ow! My ankle! I think it's broken! You probably just twisted it. I can't walk, it could swell up! If you didn't have a junker car, this never would have happened. Sorry we don't all have nice BMW's. Which you'd be driving right now if you weren't such a diva. What did you call me? Nothing. You said something. I heard! Fine! Diva! Precious cargo here. And don't ever call me that word ever again. What? Diva? D-I-V-A, what's that spell? Oh, that's right, diva. Diva?! I'm a movie star! What you are is a selfish whiner! I'm talented! Take it back or I'll - Or what? Fire you from my movie. It's my movie! I'm the director! If anyone's fired, it's you, you diva! Eww. You're fired! No, you're fired! Wait. Where are you going? I always get the last word! Nope, not today. How am I gonna get home? There's this thing called the bus. Enjoy. Bus?! I got rid of the drama queen. I'm sure it's not too late to change documentary subjects. Right? It's too late for you to change your documentary subject. You'll never get a new film done in time. Yeah. You're not a quitter. What happened? It's Dylan Schoenfield. She's too much of a challenge. Sometimes the truth isn't easy. It's a shame to think Woodlands won't even have an official entry in the film festival this year. Now, will it? OK, you can do this. Knock them dead! Thanks. (CHEERING / APPLAUSE) Thank you. Thank you, everybody. Hello, fellow Woodlanders! Dylan Schoenfield here, like you don't know. Vote for me for Blossom Queen cos the school deserves to be ruled by... something sweet! Whoo! Who wants candy? Everybody loves chocolate. It's sweet and it's me. Everyone gets their turn. Hi, everyone, it's me, Nicole Paterson, your next Blossom Queen. (BAND STRIKES UP) Ready? OK. N stands for Nice. I stands for Integrity. C stands for Cool. O stands for Original. L stands for Loyal. And E stands for Extremely delicious cupcakes. (GIGGLES) Go Woodlands! Vote Paterson! (LAUGHS) Cupcakes for everyone! Come get your cupcakes! Oh, no, she did not. Oh, yes, she did. Can we get a cupcake, too? Vote for Paterson! Dylan. Ian Green complimented my new haircut and then he asked me to Spring Formal. Awesome, right? Oh, Olivia, that's great. So I can count on your vote? Erm... (MUMBLES) What and ever. Cupcakes are lame. You've a movie being made about you. Yeah, you're gonna be a star. Yeah, like Nicole Paterson can compete with that? The soldiers of Ancient Greece fought in a phalanx. Latin for "finger". A phalanx is a rectangular mass military formation, usually composed entirely of heavy infantry. Yeah, we get it. The Spartan hoplites combined with the narrow space of Thermopylae made for a seriously not glamorous battle. I've got my own battles. I'll never win Blossom Queen without my movie! The persuasive qualities of the phalanx were its relative simplicity and low cost, as well as being a source of political influence. As well, sometimes, when the phalanxes were pushed at top speed, they would ram. Thus we learn the term, "Greece lightning." (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Bella Lugosi, Frank Langella, Gary Oldman, Christopher Walken. Christopher Walken played the Headless Horseman in Sleepy Hollow. He would never be Dracula. No. I'm gonna suck your blood. Gonna bite you in the neck, it's gonna hurt. Put a Band Aid on. Just don't stab me in the heart, it's rude. Blah! Blah! Steven. Can I cutsies in line with you? What are you doing here? I'm here to see, er, Flight of the Navigator. D'uh! Wait, you're into sci-fi? Who doesn't like science? And fiction? Together? Wow, it's like skinny jeans and ballet flats. Speaking of, I'm liking the new look. Oh, move up. Erm, what's Dylan doing here? I'm supposed to be the only girl. The film society has an open policy. Right? Right. It's in our bylaws. You know, we don't want to be exclusionary, like the Populars. So, what are we talking about? Not you! I mean... The movie. What else? I question the notion that the protagonist didn't age. There is no plot if he did grow older. It's called a movie. Wasn't explained in the exposition. Where's your suspension of disbelief? You wanna halfsies, Caitlin? Anything to add, Dylan? It's called time dilation. As Einstein theorised in the twin paradox, the passage of time is linked to the speed of the observer, meaning that travelling to and from the planet Phaelon 250 times the speed of light would virtually suspend ageing. I've discovered that there is such a thing as a bus. I've been taking it everywhere lately, it's green. (SIGHS) OK, so, my dad grounded the Dylish mobile until I can pay off my parking tickets. It's all good, I'm parked down here. So, what's with the secret smarts? Exactly. They're secret. Now, let's keep it that way. Heaven forbid anyone thought you had a brain in that pretty little head of yours. Only nerds get A's. You think I'm pretty? Sure. Doesn't everyone? Absolument. OK, so look, I was thinking I could nicely un-fire you from my movie. Really? You mean, I could nicely re-hire you, for my movie? Word on the street is that you had to drop out of the film festival because you don't have a film any more. I'm guessing you wanna win just as bad as I wanna win Blossom Queen? Fair enough. But under one condition. No more diva. What? I was never a diva! Bus stop is that way. Fine! Deal, part two. Deal, part two. So, is your car going to start this time or...? The fun is in the mystery. Come on. OK. Home sweet... Wow. It's big. Real inviting, right? Is your dad at work? Yeah. Where's your mom? Er, she passed away. I was eight. I had no... I'm sorry. It's OK. So you wanna come in? Hang for a bit? Sure. OK, so what does your dad do? He owns real estate around town. So, he's either always working or hanging with his girlfriend. Yeah. My dad lives in San Diego. Guess we both only have one parent. (GASPS) Come on, I wanna show you something. What I'm about to share with you is a highly top-secret recipe. The everything-but-the-kitchen-sink sundae. I've never heard of that before. What do you think top secret means? And that secret is you find every sugary, gooey substance you could possibly find in the kitchen, and mix it all together. What are we waiting for? Welcome to the everything-but-the-kitchen-sink sundae! Get your ice cream in there. You want a variety of ice cream. You think that's enough ice cream? Gummy bears! I love gummy bears. Sprinkles! Ooh! Worms! Gross! Ooh! Gummy bears and chocolate chips together. Mwah! # What you gonna do? # What you gonna do about it? What you gonna do about that? # Oh-ho-ho. Dyl-ish! So, what's the 411 on your Amy crush? Although I don't know why you're crushing on her. Where's the peanut butter? I didn't even think that nerds dated. Geeks. OK, and we are people, too, Dylan. Since we're talking about personal 411, what's with you and Asher? What about us? Well, he's kind of an idiot. Gee, I don't remember asking you your opinion. Hey, you started it. Talking about me and my "love life". Exactly. "Love life" implies you're dating, which you are not. My movie needs a makeover! Please, no more shopping footage. Not for me, for you. Here, I can get some before footage of my work. I'm not one of your fashion-victim charities. OK? I like the way I am. (SIGHS) You would. More whipped cream? Snoop much? Is this your mom? Yeah. She met my dad at the Woodlands Spring Formal. Crazy, huh? Wait. Was your mom Blossom Queen? Back in the olden days. 1985. Wow. I bet you miss her. Lots. This house gets kind of lonely with just me and my dad. So when you said there was nothing more to life than winning Blossom Queen... (SIGHS) Yeah, cos of my mom. If I win, it's like we're still connected. Like she's still with me. You know what, I'll do it. I'll do the makeover. Really?! Yeah. (SQUEALS) Let's start with this. Oh, I'm getting so excited! # I'll be the one that storm in the castle # We'll be the two with hearts beating faster # Whatever you want, 'ever you want, I'm down # I'll be the one that thinks you adore me # We'll be the two, the two end of story # The one that I want, one that I want, I found # It's your kiss # Hey, princess # Hey, princess # Ooh, Oui! Oh-la-la. Knees higher. Chin up. Make sure your elbows move with the rope. That's pretty good. OK, let's go, let's go, come on! I'm not used to sweating. It shows, but girls like a sporty guy. I don't think jump roping is my thing. Ugh! Up! Up! Ooh, Serge Sanchez's new cologne, Man Power. Man Power?! (CHANTS) Om-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m. (THUD!) # Hey, princess # Turn him around, I want to see the front. Oh, fantastique! Hey, turn it off, I'm the only documentarian here. Now show him. Ah, ridiculous. Wait, is that a compliment? Josh, upload on the lingo, already? Thank you, it looks fantastic. Now go see the finished look. Oh, wait! See, it's not so high maintenance to want to look nice. And now, for the finishing touch. What?! Second pair of shoes, since I ruined the first. Really? Awesome. Thank you, Dylan. We'll tell my dad it's beauty budget for the movie. (PHONE RINGS) My mom. She wants me to pick up naan bread on my way home. I love Indian food. I have to go to dinner with my dad and his stupid girlfriend. Thanks. Well, you can come over if you want. Oh, no, you don't have to. I know, but you're welcome to. OK, what's the hold-up? Thank you. After you. Oh, thank you. So, this is it, home, sweet home. Hey, you get to meet Mouse today. Who's Mouse? Oh, hey, buddy! Ah! (SCREAMS) Oh! (GIGGLES) Oh, Josh, new hair... Oh, my gosh, a girl! Hi! Hi. The first Josh has brought home. Oh. I need to get my camera. No, you don't. I bring girls home. Tons. Oh, wait, you're... Dylan Schoenfield. Oh. Hi. (OVEN PINGS) Oh, my samosas! I'm gonna go give Dylan the tour. OK. Nice to meet you. You too. Mom! Oh! Oh. (LAUGH) Dylish! This is the best Indian food ever! Really? Mm-hm. Thank you. Way to play my mom, Dyl. Ugh! No, not at all. These samosas are tres bon, Mrs Rosen. Oh, please, it's Sandy. I stopped being Mrs Rosen two years ago. So, are you two dating now? Er, no. I didn't... I'll help. Er, Josh, can you take out the garbage? Yeah. Josh and I are just friends, Sandy. I just thought maybe cos he brought you here to meet me, I thought maybe something else was going on. No, I already have a boyfriend. Josh likes someone else, so, I don't know. Don't get me wrong, though, Josh is totes awesome. Well, I think so too. Mouse! Chow time! Er... Were you spying on us? What? No. Girl talk? Ga-ross. Give me the towel, I'll dry. Oh! (SQUEAKING / LAUGHING) Of course, boring old walking would turn out to be your thing. What? It's green to walk to school. You sure this isn't too much? C'est magnifique. Huh? It means good. OK. Oh, w-w-w-w-wait. Oh. Perfection. Now go. OK. (BELL RINGS) Hey, Josh. Hey. New clothes? Yeah, I, er, did my laundry. Laundry's a good look for you. Josh, right? Digging the vibe. Josh? See you in English. (What?) So... It's kinda nice having girls talk to me for something other than help on their homework. Yeah. Wonton Wednesdays. The mathlete scavenger hunt is on Saturday. Outstanding, I'm in. Josh? Josh, nice haircut. That's it. Josh, you've been more MIA than the final digit of Pi. You show up with a fakeover. Relax. It's just a new haircut and some new shoes. Dylan thought it'd be fun for the documentary. When did the documentary get "fun"? Isn't it supposed to be a hard-hitting expose on the Populars? It will be. Dylan turned out to be more interesting than I thought. Losing focus. First Amy Loubalu and now Dylan. What? Girls you have crushes on, who are never, ever gonna date you. I don't have a crush on Dylan! Please! What and ever. Josh! What are you doing? Come on. We're on for Saturday, OK? It's gonna be ridiculous. Lates. Ridiculous? Lates? Invasion Of The Body Snatchers. Directed by Philip Kaufman. Looks like Josh, but it acts like it's morphed into a Popular. Wow, Josh. You look... Adorkable. My handiwork, naturellement. Oh, Amy's sitting over there. And if you're so determined to ask her out, you better do it now. I'll save you a seat. Yeah? OK. Go! Here. This is what you did all weekend without us? Josh's makeover? No, we were filming. But whatevs. You can make him over all you want. But he's still Count Dorkula. We're just saying. You better watch it, or - Or what? Just or. OK, look. Josh is strictly a brofriend. I figured if he's gonna hang around us, he might as well look the part. Thanks. When's this stupid dorkumentary over anyway? You missed my game. I had to get my own water. Spring Formal is two weeks away. Once I'm Blossom Queen, everything will go back to the way it was. Swears. (GIGGLES) My band, Blue Tangerine, is playing a free show. Bring a friend? Actually, I was gonna ask you. Ask me to go to my own show? No, I was gonna ask you on a date. Really? How's Saturday? It's my day off. Sounds great. Great. Cool. (SCARY MUSIC) Josh Rosen? I'm Alan Schoenfield. I just wanted to meet the young man my daughter's been spending all of her time with. Oh, and, erm, I've never really approved of that Asher kid. I mean, "Asher?" What kind of name is Asher? Actually, sir, Dylan and Asher are still - I like that you have a job. In my mall. What time do you get off work? Considering it is your mall, sir, whenever you say. You have dinner plans? No, sir. You do now. OK. Thanks for the ride. No prob. That outfit is gonna look so cute. I'm so totally jealous. Oh, thanks. Au revoir. Bye. What? I can't believe I've never seen this before. It's a classic. Now, what's with the, er, rings of fire? Mmm. They were created by using two circular neon tubes. And they were moved up and down using elevator mechanics. Fritz Lang was most interested in exploring the intersection between the magic and technology. Should I be taking notes? Yes. Yeah. (LAUGHS) It's like I entered an alternate universe. Wait, worse, an alternative alternate universe. Hey, there, pumpkin. Since you missed dinner with Amber and me the other night, I figured it was time to meet your new boyfriend. We got you turkey chowder. Dad! It's your favourite. Josh is not my boyfriend, d'accord? I tried to tell him that, Dyl. What is it with parents? We're friends, he's making my movie. My movie. Your daughter helped me land a date for this Saturday. Mmm, really? (BURPS) Ugh! Ga-ross, Dad! What, that was barely a burp. Was that a challenge? Alright. (BURPS) Men. So juvenile. You're just jealous. Eww, of what? Cos you can't let loose. I've heard Dylan burp a lot. Er, Dad, mute button, please. She used to like to try to out-burp me. So we'd have these contests. No way! Uh-huh. That's classic! I cannot believe you, Dad. I can barely believe it myself. Really, OK. Fine. You both wanna hear what a burp really sounds like? Please. OK. Here we go. (BURPS) Ah, bravo. Oh, the master has spoken. Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week. (LAUGHS) Your dad was really cool. I knew you'd get along. You both like those old black and white movies. Erm, classics! I can't believe he gave me the keys back to my Dylish mobile. He should think you're my boyfriend more often. Maybe he should. Erm, you're, like, totally erasing that footage of me burping tonight. Why? It's the real you. Real is overrated. I like the real Dylan more than the cover story. What and ever. So, Amy. Where are you taking her this weekend? Er, I haven't really thought about it yet. Do I have to do everything myself! Asher's having a party this weekend. I can get you on the invite list. I'm not sure that's my thing. I know what girls like, remember? Yeah. Bye. Later. There's some great stuff here, Josh. How's editing? I've been crammed lately. Between shopping with Dylan on Saturday, and she came over to my place for dinner. I'll get to it. I swear. Right, well, the film festival board needs to approve the rough cut two days before the festival. I'm on top of it. I know what movie I want to make. Good. Yeah. (KNOCK ON DOOR) Hi. Oh, here, listen to this. OK. It's Blue Tangerine's new demo. "(ROCK MUSIC)" It's not for everyone. I could get used to it. (LAUGHS) So... (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Shall we go? Oh! Of course, yes. Right, sorry. After you. What's the plan for today? If it's not too much to ask on the first date, er, take you home, meet my mom? Oh. She's taking Greek cooking classes. She's making lamb kabobs for lunch. And I'm sure they're delish. It's just that I'm a vegetarian. Sorry. No, it's OK. Except when you're craving a burger. Er, how about a movie? Two hours in the dark? On a day like this? OK, er, how about a party at Asher Dumetz's place? You're friends with the volleyball dudes? No. Not at all. (LAUGHS) I'm glad we cleared that up cos I don't roll with that crowd. Perfect. But should be fun for a laugh. Yeah? Yeah. Alright. One second. Thank you. (Really?!) (DANCE MUSIC) Oh, wow. (LAUGHTER) Wanna dance? Wanna dance? What? Wanna dance? I'm busy. Maybe later. You're late. Wait, you invited us? I knew Josh would have nowhere hip to take you. Hang with Asher and me. I think I'd rather dance. Dancing isn't really my thing. Just go. Show-off. I'm happy to see Josh, but I kind of wish he was on his own so we could hang out more. Weird, right? Oh! OK, I'll stop torturing you. We got dates to the Spring Formal. With the twins. They're matching. I'm with Jay. And I'm with Danny. Excellent, ladies. We can triple date, with Asher and me. Anyone thirsty? Whatcha looking for? Lemonade. Oops. Took the last one. Get used to that "loser" feeling. (LAUGH) I was doing my guitar solo and then an elephant joined in on the drums. Wow, that's awesome. Go check on her. Wait, what? Sorry, it's just... It's fine. Are you sure? Mm-hmm. I'm gonna go see if the DJ will let me spin a few. OK. Hey. Why are you by yourself? Oh, I was just taking a breather. Where's Amy? What's your deal with her anyway? Kinda ditched her in the sixth grade. Why? Amy's great. Amy is great. I was afraid of always living in her shadow. You? So, I guess no threat of that with Hannah and Lola. Anyway, Amy's downstairs checking out music. Uh-oh. What oh? That means she's B-O-R-E-D, bored. Seriously? What should I do? Be romantic, dork. Hold her hand. What, do I just grab it? Like this. Then what? Well, when she talks to you, you want to lean in. Like this. Hello?! Oh... Er... Dylan had something in her contact. You wear contacts? No, don't be silly. Contacts? I have totes perfect vision. Josh was just - Just leaving. Who invited him anyway? Asher, wait, nothing was happening. Asher. Asher. Asher. Excuse me, sorry. Asher. Asher, wait. Call you later, Ash. What's going on? Oh, nothing, I'm just tres fatigue. You never leave parties early. Well, I am now. Look, there's nothing going on with Dylan, OK? I believe you. Erm, would you wanna go to the Spring Formal with me? Thanks, Josh. But no. Why not? Look, I don't think you're secretly dating Dylan, but I think you want to. What?! OK, N-O spells no. Never! (LAUGHS) You even sound like her. I'm sorry. Yeah. "Now back away, go away." "And look! And I'm free!" "At the beach! (LAUGHS)" (SNORES SOFTLY) No, no, no! Ah. No, no, no. No! No, no, no, no, no! Here you go. Vote for Paterson. Hi, guys, don't forget to vote. Vote for Paterson. Here you go. Paterson. Dylan, what are you doing? Hannah and Lola. D'uh, I'm standing right here. What's with the fire hydrant? Oh, I-I was just checking it. You know, safety first. We don't have French class until after lunch. Yeah. I was, er, just gonna study for, er, the pop quiz. We have a pop quiz in French?! You never know, right? Hi, Principal Guthrie. The pressures of Blossom Queen. It's made her totally snap. (SCHOOL BELL) I know the rough cut deadline is tomorrow, can I get an extension? I'd like to, but you know I can't. As chair of the film committee, it'd look like I'm playing favourites. What's really going on? Honestly? I need help finishing the film. Josh, just tell the truth. Then your artistic vision will shine through. Artistic vision. Got it. Listen, I'll talk to the film festival board. If you can edit something by tomorrow morning, I'll get them to save your slot. But I'm afraid you haven't given yourself enough time to make something worthy of first place. (He's right.) The post-republican period of the Ancient Roman civilisation was characterised by an autocratic government. An autocratic form of government. In the late Third Century AD Diocletian established the practice... Here, a note from Asher. What does it say? Oh, you know, the usual. He adores me, etcetera, etcetera. Erm, actually, it says he's breaking up with you. Like, now. What?! You wear glasses?! This will all be on the midterm. Submit, submit! Asher! You look... Asher! Asher! Dude! (LAUGHS) Asher. What?! You're breaking up with me in a note? What about Spring Formal? Maybe Josh can take you. Hoo-ah! What's that supposed to mean? You've changed. You hang with nerds now. You're even dressing like one. No. Look, look, see, I'm the same old Dylan. Yeah, I'm not so sure about that. Lates. (SNIGGERING) Hey. Hey. I need to talk to you. Great. I need to talk to you too. Let's eat outside. No, that's what I want to talk to you about. I can't, not today or any day until after the film festival. What? I haven't finished the movie yet. And I gotta stay focused. And I really, really wanna win that film prize. And I really wanna win Blossom Queen. You better not mess this up, geek, or I'll - Or what?! You're gonna ban me from The Ramp? Your seat's already been taken. The Mummy. Original or remake? Original directed by Karl Freund, remake directed by Stephen Sommers. Remake. Well, look who deigned to join us. Well, as president of the film club, I think that - Not anymore. What? You've been so busy going to parties with the Populars lately... Instead of coming to the mathlete scavenger hunt. Guys, I am so sorry. I completely forgot. OK. We decided to re-elect a new film club society president in your absence. What?! Who? Me! Really! Why don't you go cry on your new BFF's shoulder! I heard Dylan and Asher are D-O-N-E, done. He dumped her. "(SCREAMS / LAUGHS)" Dare I ask, how's it going? My friends expect one thing and Dylan expects another. Mr Farley wants me to tell the truth. That's good advice. Hey, Mom, do you think it's OK if my artistic vision has changed? Well, I mean, yeah, I think it's OK if your feelings have changed. I mean, your film should be about the Dylan that you've come to know. Good night. Night. Hey, don't stay up too late, OK? Yeah. "Stop it!" Testing, one, two, three. 'I love it.' (LAUGH) It feels like a cupcake. What do you think about this one? Cute. I love the sparkles. Do you like my glove? I love those. Dylan! What are you doing here? This is my favourite boutique, I'm always here. You're shopping for Spring Formal without me? You're forever off shopping with Josh these days. Besides, we have dates to the dance and you don't anymore. Lola, defs get that dress. You look gorgeous. J'adore. Marta! I'm home. Hey, sweetie. No plans with Josh tonight? I think we're in a fight. Over the movie? I'm starting to wonder if it was such a stellar idea after all. Tell you what. Why don't we have dinner, just the two of us? I was supposed to see Amber but I can give her a call and cancel. We'll order in. I suppose your girlfriend can join us. Just once. Really? You are the best. Hmm. I know. So, I noticed that you have some Serge Sanchez heels on. I love Serge so much. (LAUGHS) Maybe you can borrow them. That would be awesome. So, maybe Amber's not my mom but she's not so bad, either. And they convinced me to have a little bit more faith in Josh. The movie will be fine. Right? (TRIUMPHANT MUSIC) As they say in show business, break a leg. Wait, you guys still mad? Nah, geeks stick together. (APPLAUSE) Thanks. Well, thank you, Josie Bel Bruno, for that fascinating film about your pet hamster. (APPLAUSE) I certainly didn't know that they were that vicious. (LAUGHTER) I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all the participants in the festival. Thank you. Well, without further ado, it gives me great pleasure, to introduce Woodlands Academy's official submission, Josh Rosen and his documentary called The Popularity Project. (APPLAUSE) Popularity. What is it? According to Dylan Schoenfield, one of the most popular girls at Woodlands, it's a lot of things. Being popular is so not easy. (We're in the movie.) It's like royalty or the First Lady. You have to live up to impossible standards of beauty and you're expected to be a good influence. I help out the less fortunate. Fashion victims. (LAUGHTER) Popularity's contagious. What, like a cold? D'uh! It's why Hannah and Lola battle to be my better friend. Their popularity comes from mine. (LAUGHTER) What are your plans after school? Pilates. Not Tuesdays, that's yoga. (LAUGHTER) I mean, when you graduate. Hopes, dreams? What's your life goal? Blossom Queen. (LAUGHTER) After that. After? If I don't win Blossom Queen, my life is officially O-V-E-R, over! (CROWD ROARS WITH LAUGHTER) Populars only hang with Populars? Cats don't hang with dogs, right? Really? That's your argument? It's better this way. If everyone stays in their own group there's no chance of misunderstandings. What kind of misunderstandings? Well, take you and me, for instance. If we mingled outside of doing my movie together, you might get the wrong idea and ask me out. (LAUGHTER) Imagine the horror. You'd be so embarrassed. (CLEARS THROAT) (LAUGHTER) Did we get it? Was that good? (LAUGHTER) So, is Dylan the cat or the dawg? (LAUGHTER) Are you getting my good side? This one right here? Could one person be this shallow? (LAUGHTER) I chose Dylan as my documentary subject cos I wanted a challenge. To uncover the truth about popularity. But I also wanted to make something real. I was determined to discover the real Dylan Schoenfield. Oh, no! The volleyball game's over. Asher! (LAUGHTER) Goodbye! A bientot! Bon voyage! (CROWD ROARS WITH LAUGHTER) Dylan, stop! Stop! What's wrong? What's wrong?! The entire movie is what's wrong. It wasn't enough to embarrass me in front my friends, you embarrassed me in front of the entire city. Embarrass you? But I was trying to show the real you. (CRIES) The real me is humiliating. I've spent all of middle school and high school trying to get rid of the real me and perfect the new Dylan. Dylan, I... You don't get it, and you never did. I trusted you, but you never cared about me. All you cared about was that stupid movie. That's not true! It's not?! Just leave me alone, Josh. And by that, I mean for and ever! (SILENCE) So, the more I got to know Dylan, I found there's lots of sides to her. She can be funny, and normal, and full of life. Josh, look at this. Zoom in and look at it. Josh, zoom in here. Look! Zoom in. Do you see that? What's that say? What's that say? Hmm? Hmm? A plus! (LAUGHS) Whoo! Yeah! Stop it! (SCREAMS) She can also be, sensitive and vulnerable and compassionate. Is that your mom? Yeah. She met my dad at the Woodlands Spring Formal. Crazy, huh? Wait. Was your mom Blossom Queen? Back in the olden days, 1985. Wow. I bet you miss her. Lots. It gets kind of lonely here with just me and my dad. So when you said there is nothing more to life than winning Blossom Queen... Yeah, because of my mom. If I win, it's like we're still connected. Like she's still with me. And as I discovered the real Dylan Schoenfield, I figured, yeah, she might be popular, she might really like shoes, but she's more than that. She's smart, and cool, and real. And that's the Dylan I wanted to show the world. Maybe the truth didn't turn out to be a hard-hitting expose on popularity, but I don't care. I've a new friend, that's what really matters. (LAUGHS) (APPLAUSE / CHEERING) "Oh! Are you ready?" "Whoa! Here we go! Whoa!" Hey. Still hidden under the frog planter, like in middle school. What are you doing here? Just because you stopped being my friend in sixth grade doesn't mean I stopped being yours. I know you went through a lot mom died. I get it. I still get it. I don't know what to say. Which, you know, for me, never happens. (LAUGH) Josh is worried about you. Yeah, right(!) Josh's terrible movie ruined me. My life is O-V-E-R, over. Josh's terrible movie won the film festival. You're more popular than ever. Josh gave me the DVD for his movie. Watch all of it and then tell me if you're ruined. # All the ladies in the house, let me hear ya scream and shout # Throw your hands up in the air, roll 'em like a millionaire # Raise 'em up, raise 'em up, raise 'em up, raise 'em up # Oh-oh-oh-oh # Oh-oh-oh-oh # All the ladies in the house, let me hear ya scream and shout # Throw your hands up in the air, roll 'em like a millionaire # Raise 'em up, raise 'em up, raise 'em up, raise 'em up # Oh-oh-oh-oh # Oh-oh-oh-oh # Dylan! Dylan! You're the most popular girl at Woodlands, ever! There you are! You don't have to hang with the riff raff anymore. Look, I got the dress. You're right, your charity is fashion. What and ever, it's nothing compared to your dress, Dyl. Vintage is so in. Like you. Hey, Dylan. Looking, er, smoking. Dylan. > (MIC) If I could have your attention. Oh! It's starting. Ladies and gentlemen. It's time, people. The moment I... (CLEARS THROAT) The moment you've been all waiting for. It's time to announce your Spring Formal Blossom Queen. And let's just see. (DRUM ROLL) And the winner is,... ..Dylan Schoenfield. (CHEERING / APPLAUSE) Whoa! Well played, Schoenfield. Well played. Whoo! Whoo-hoo! (APPLAUSE DIES DOWN) (SIGHS) A documentary was made about me and I know some of you may have seen it. (LAUGHTER) Erm, I would like to give you all an update. (CRIES) I was wrong about that cats and dogs stuff. (SIGHS) Popularity isn't about having everyone know who you are or what you're wearing, or... even winning Blossom Queen. Popularity is about having real friends who like you for you. Not false ones who ditch you because a better offer came along or... bailed on you because you became single and didn't have a date to Spring Formal any more. It's about real friends who you can count on, even if it has been for ever and they have pink hair and stuff. (LAUGHS) Friends who might not always be into the same things as you, but who will be there to share an everything-but-the-kitchen-sink sundae. It's not about being popular, or a geek, it's about being around people who make you happy. Like how I feel about Josh Rosen. (APPLAUSE) # "Words" - Doves # Follow # Your own path from here... Oh! Hi. Hi. You won the film festival. And you won Blossom Queen. I couldn't have done it without you. Same here. Amy showed me the whole movie. You finally called it "the movie." Our movie. So, does it have a happy ending? You tell me. # So don't let them # Take this away # She's one of the falsified # I said, words, they mean nothing... (GIGGLES) True love prevails. Ga-ross. I think it's kind of romantic. Do you wanna dance, Steven? Does E equals MC - ..squared? Whoa! Hi. Hi. Wanna dance? Huh? What? Are you scared or something? (NERVOUS LAUGH) Me? Scared? # Follow # Your own path from here # So don't listen # To what they say # So that's our story. The princess and the geek. Film geek. I'm sorry I called you a nerd. Sorry I called you a diva. So I'm thinking, sequel? Sequels are never as good as the original. Everyone knows that! # So don't listen # To what they say... (SCREAMS) # They don't know nothing # IMS Subtitles www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Able 2015