WOLF: You don't seem to be up to much these days. Des McEwan is a bullshit artist. South Africans don't have the money. There's been a change of plans. Hello, Des. Don't fucking call me. Where is the money now? It's bullshit. I've got mouths to feed. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night. 'One, two, three, four. We don't want your racist tour.' I can't do this any more. There must be something you still like about fighting the good fight. BOOM! Whoo! You're a bit skint at the moment, aren't ya? You insolent little prick. Your world is gone! Everybody's fair game! TOY LOVE'S 'DON'T ASK ME' # I... # just wanna hold you. # I... # bought and sold you. # I... That's it. Wait! # ...to you. # Leaving it up to you. # What do you do? # Just leaving it up to me. # What do you say? # Leaving it up to you-oo-oo. # I... Homos! Queers. # ...just wanna need you. # I... # just wanna feed you. # I'm... # leaving it all to you. THUDDING, GROANING # And I'm leaving it up to you. # What do you do? # Leaving it up to me. # What do you say? # Leaving it all to you-oo-oo. # And when I leave you # in the lurch... # MUSIC FINISHES ABRUPTLY Where's your mother? At the shop. Jeez, already? Well some of us have work to do. HELLO SAILOR'S 'WATCH YOUR BACK' # Watch your back... # ...when you're walking down the alleys, child. # Watch your back... # ...when you're out on the street # There's danger on the street these days. You can't see it through the fog and haze. # Well, everybody's going crazy, everybody's going crazy, # everybody's going crazy. # Copyright Able 2016 MENACING MUSIC I thought I made it clear I was the one to call you. Yep, and then you never called. Oh jeez, you push your luck sometimes, Ted. My luck has been bad ever since I teamed up with you, Des. OK, OK, well, maybe that's about to change. Is the money here or not? Yeah, it's here. I think. Oh, for fuck's sake. OK, look, I'm pretty sure they're meeting the money. 'Meeting the money'? It's the only reason I can think for... For what? Why they're skipping the next game and going bush. A thing like this, Rita, it's all about trust. That guy from Palmy is very dodgy. Funny, he said the same thing about you. Well, he would, wouldn't he? I'll give you five for this. Take it off your hands. Love, what's wrong? It came again. What came? Oh, sod off, Rod. Uh, what about our meeting? My period came. I'll come back in a while. A whole month of trying and still no baby. We tried really hard and did all the different baby-making positions, but it's not happening. I'm so sorry, love. So I said I should check my lady bits at the doctor's and see if everything's doing its thing. But Phineas said it's up to God and not some doctor, and he doesn't like other people playing God, especially if they're also playing with my bits. And then he got all Phineas and went into the shed and smashed the wall. And I know he's got a lot on his mind with this baby thing. And also he's got no money, and the South African job's on hold, and he's on edge. I get all that. But maybe I'm a terrible wife because I'm working all the time and maybe what God is really saying But if I stop working, we haven't got any money coming in, so maybe what God is really saying is that I can't have a baby because I have to keep paying the bills, so maybe I should just forget about the` Carol, Carol. Just shush, all right? Just shush. It's got to be my fault. Why? Why can't it be his fault? It can't be Phineas. He has so much sperm. it must be me. It doesn't matter how much there is if his swimmers aren't making it to the finish line. But there's so much sperm. # If we were floating in a space capsule, # I'd look... How are ya, mate? How's the painting coming along? # ...and perhaps you'll smile at me. # Loving my kaleidoscope world. # Uh, yes, please. Hi, Hone. MUSIC ENDS Hey, Riana. Dave. Hone. How're all the wounds? Sometimes it's the wounds you can't see that hurt the most. Is that something Mandela said? No, it's something I'm saying. OK, cos it's a pretty good one. Dave reckons someone informed on him. What?! No way. When? Warkworth. ENERGETIC ROCK MUSIC YELLING (GROANS) The cops just came out of nowhere, like they were waiting for us. Maybe they were. I mean, it was a fairly obvious target. Someone told them. We already know there's undercover cops in the organisation. Yeah, well, don't look at me. I'm way too short to be a cop. Who says I'm looking at you? No one, it's just the way you were looking at me. OMINOUS MUSIC Mate, do you want a list of how many laws I've broken for this organisation? Heaps. Yeah. I s'pose. Don't worry about him. He's on a lot of pain medication. I will tell you when you tell me who this is. And I'll tell you who this is when you tell me who this is. Who who is? I was given this number for Mike in case of an emergency. What's the emergency? It's not a sort of emergency that I tell anyone but Mike, so is he there or not? Mr McCarthy's whereabouts is of no concern to you, whoever you are. Is he at home then? If he is, he's home sick and probably doesn't want to talk to anyone. So he's at home sick? I never said that. ROCK MUSIC PLAYS DISTANTLY What the hell are you doing here? Sorry to get you out of your sick bed. Not as sorry as I am. Piss off. I've got a problem. So do I and he's standing on my doorstep. How do you even know where I live? My nephew's your paper boy. We think it's funny a cop lives on Kunekune Ave. Yeah, yeah, hilarious (!) Fuck off, right now. But you need to hear this. It's going nuts at the protest HQ. They're getting paranoid about undercover cops. So? So I'm going to have to lay low. Why? Well, in case they find out. So what if they do? Are you scared they're gonna tie you up in macrame, force-feed you lentils? You lay low when I tell you to. Now turn around and walk away. Go on, off you go. OK, no more information for you. Keep going. DISTANT MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING # Give some indication of your love... # ROMANTIC SAXOPHONE SOLO # You wooed me then screwed me, but what the hell. # Anyone over there know anything about it? No, no, mate. Bobby, it's Keith. I was driving along Dundas Ln, and there was a pig in the middle of the road. Anyone over there know anything about it? No, no, mate. You're in a different valley. No one knows a thing. No one? Moa Creek? No, I'm not too sure over there. (SIGHS) You bloody pig. Hey, Michael. It's Keith. So you got the picture? Yeah, it's not mine. You don't know anything about looking after pigs? Not really. I just know they taste all right. (OINKS) (OINKS) COMPUTER CHIMES I got your email about Sue. Yeah, uh, the pig. (CHUCKLES) VAN IDLES (OINKS) GENTLE MUSIC (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) GENTLE MUSIC CONTINUES (OINKS) UPLIFTING MUSIC Life's better together, so stay connected on NZ's leading mobile network. Jeez, tough old world, this menswear retailing. PUNCHES THUD, MEN GROAN Caught these young punks trying to flog stuff from the storeroom ` stone-washed jeans. Bloody hell. < PHINEAS: I hope you dealt to them. Sure did. Wasn't my young punk and his mates, was it? Nah, Wolf's got way more class than these pricks. He still giving you gyp, is he? Oh, hardly see the little bastard these days ` him and his flash job. Ah. Nice of you to join us (!) Sorry, sorry. Here. # Wooed me and screwed me, but what the hell. # It's a beer, mate. You drink it. (CHUCKLES) You're a funny bugger sometimes. I spoke to Des today. You won't get that breath back. He thinks the Jaapies are 'meeting the money'. He 'thinks'? They're skipping the next tour game, booking in to some lodge near Turangi. Um, uh, Rangi-po Lodge. Rangipo. Right. The point is, this is the first time they've deviated from the tour schedule, so maybe this is where they're picking up the money. In Turangi? Yeah, I know. There's a hunting lodge. I've been there, hunting. Flash as. Weather was shit, so the only thing I bagged was the receptionist. What goes around comes around, eh? But, uh, as a secluded place to meet their money people, that works. Or maybe they want to go hunting. And miss the Maoris game? Maybe they're just being racist. (LAUGHS WHEEZILY) As I was saying, the Jaapies are gonna be in the middle of nowhere, maybe with all that cash. So I say we head down there, book into... Rangipo. ...Lodge, find out which rooms the bastards are staying in, grab the money while they're out hunting. In-and-out job. This place is bloody expensive, Ted ` five-star. And our finances are not five-star at the moment. Well maybe, uh, some of us book in, do the business. The others wait nearby, you know as back-up. Which means you're out. Eh? Well, if it cuts up rough with these bastards, you're useless. Don't worry, you'll still get your cut. So I guess Ted and I will check into the Lodge. We should just be able to cover that for a night. Why you two? Gee, Bert, why do you think (?) I think what Lefty's trying to say, Bert, is that our faces are less likely to arouse suspicion with our Springbok friends. Is this racism? Yes, but in a good way, for all of us. And maybe that receptionist is still there. Even better. SUSPICIOUS MUSIC But how do I know I'm not being diddled? You offload your stuff to Eric who drives it down the line where it gets sold in Palmy or New Plymouth or wherever for the agreed price, then you take their goods which Eric brings you and you sell them for the price agreed. Hmm, well, when you put it like that, Rita, I can see about a hundred ways I'll be diddled! Well, I guess that's where honesty comes in, Rod. What's to stop someone saying they haven't sold a piece when they have and kept the money? Honesty, Rod. And if someone says they've sold something for less when they haven't and they pocketed the difference? It's this fucking thing called honesty, Rod! What's to stop him keeping the stuff we give him to transport and he unloads it himself? Because if he did, I'd kill him. Yep. This network is a great idea that lessens all of our risk. By trusting our stuff to this loser. Who's taking the most risk driving around with stolen goods. Now, that's why I think that my cut should be more. Not gonna happen, Eric. OK, OK, say we get this system up and running. Who's keeping track of the money? I am. So things are getting sold left, right and centre, all over the show and you're keeping track on who owes who what? Yep. And you can do that, can you, Rita? Absolutely. CUTLERY SCRAPES So, what'd you do on this job of yours today? Just business. ROCK MUSIC (PANTS) MUSIC ECHOES, ENDS What about your business? How's that going? Do you really want to know? Sure. It was like herding cats, is how it was today. Yeah, how so? Do you actually want to know? OK. I'm trying to set up a network of shops around the North Island ` here, Tirau, Clive, Palmy and New Plymouth. And any goods that are... 'questionable' in one region gets shifted to another region to be sold on behalf. Away from prying eyes. It's a good idea. Thank you. It's not totally straightforward. What do you mean? Keeping track of the money and who owes what to who. Especially when they're dodgy bastards like Rod Nugent. Exactly. Plus maths has never been your strong suit. I'm OK with maths. You failed School C maths. Yeah, but that's only because I wagged most of my classes to play hide the sausage with you. Still have that uniform? Oh, for God's sake. (LAUGHS UPROARIOUSLY) Ah, look, if you're happy juggling all those numbers, then that's fine. How's business with you, Ted? Do you actually have some? Yes, as a matter of fact. NGAIRE HUMS HAPPILY GUN COCKS (GASPS) Jesus! Don't move a muscle. Now you know how it feels. How what feels? To be that trophy stag I will bring down. (LAUGHS WHEEZILY) Relax, it's not loaded. Or is it? Don't be an arsehole, Lefty! But, babe, I'm the arsehole you married. And guess what. I always will be. (LAUGHS) < Put some clothes on; a lift to Ted's would be good. Did Falani come through? Yeah, he scored some flash wheels for the guys who get to stay in the hotel. We'll pick them up in Manurewa on the way out. Good work. And you can take that look off your face. It's a hunting lodge. We're hunters; we need to look the part. Just, uh, need to go for a slash before we hit the road, eh? Well, make it snappy, OK? Hey, Carol. Hey, Bert. Where's Rita? Bathroom. What the fuck, Bert? Shh! We haven't got long, and you need to listen to me like you've never listened to me before. Why the hell would I ever listen to you in the first place? Don't ask me how I know, but Ngaire's rooting Mike McCarthy. What?! How the fuck do you know that? I asked you not to ask me that. Tough titty. You don't just get to barge in here and blurt out something like that without proof. Well, I saw them. Is that proof enough? You saw them rooting? I saw them dancing ` in their undies. It was kinda worse. Where the hell did you see that? In a fucking dream? McCarthy's place. Kunekune Ave. Why were you at McCarthy's place? Isn't the question what was she doing at`? Are you his fucking rat again, Bert? No! Yes. Well, sort of. And that's a whole other bit of my life I'm not proud of. I'm infiltrating the anti-tour movement for him. Or I was. The reason I was at his place was I went round there to tell him where to stick it, which is when I saw them. I swear, Rita. I swear I'm telling you the truth. She had on this flash nightie thing and he was in this orange robe and they was laughing and dancing and having a right old time. I know. It did my head in too. Why are you telling me this? Because I don't know what to do about it. Tell Lefty. Why? So he can kill her? Or me, if he doesn't believe me; if he thinks I'm lying cos I'm the one snitching to McCarthy, not her. I'm telling the truth, Rita. If you don't believe me, bake me some of your special lamingtons. I'll eat the whole damn plate. OMINOUS MUSIC Happy hunting. Oh, it will be. See you later? I might be a bit late. I've made a decision. Rita? What? I've made a decision. About what? About what you said. When? About how it might not be my fault I can't get pregnant. Rita? Yep, got it. With you. So I'm finding out. I've made an appointment at Family Planning to get tested while Phineas is away. I feel like I'm cheating on him. Also like I'm cheating on God, sort of. Although God probably already knows that. Just take the bloody test, Carol. You're not cheating on anyone. RADIO: In Napier, police are monitoring the movements of around 400 protesters as they march towards McLean Park for this afternoon's match between the NZ Maori and the Springboks. (SWITCHES RADIO OFF) BROODING MUSIC The Lodge is about a mile up the road. The Lodge, where it's warm and dry? Yes, that one. If everything turns septic, one of us will come back and get you. OK. Until then, cuddle up and keep warm. It's one night, guys. We'll hit 'em and be gone. ENGINE STARTS, CAR DRIVES AWAY Blimmin' typical. The whites have the guns and get all the privileges, while us brown folk are left out in the cold. Did you bring any food? Nah. Did you? Oh, man. TOY LOVE'S 'TOY LOVE' # I know, you took me by surprise. # I know, you looked deep in my eyes. # I know, you ripped up my disguise. # Maybe that ain't enough. # I know, I like your pretty eyes. # I know, I like your silky thighs... # Mate. You need to look the part. # Maybe that's just a trap. # Oh, Mr McQueen. Welcome back. Hello, Celia. Lovely to see you again. We have a room booked ` one night, maybe two, it depends. Yes. Just the one room? Yes. We don't plan on doing a lot of sleeping. Oh, right. A lot like your last visit, then. With a bit of luck. (SIMPERS) Can we just get our key, please? Oh yes, certainly, Mr Newman. Here you go. And we were expecting a message, from a friend. Has it arrived? Oh, um, well, look, it's not here, but I'll just check in the office. Thank you. No, nothing, I'm afraid. Ah, that's all right. Not important. Thanks. MUSIC CONTINUES QUIETLY: Steve McQueen and Paul Newman? Could you have attracted more attention if you tried? No, I'm Paul McQueen, and you're Steve Newman. Oh, that's much better (!) Ta, mate. We can sort the sleeping arrangements later. DOOR SHUTS, FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING > Your kids are at school, right? Yes, why? So they won't see me do this. SLAP! What the fuck was that for?! Guess. How long's it been going on, Ngaire? How long has what been going on? SLAP! Jesus! I saw you. I saw you and that pig at his house, so cut this shit! Not long. Who started it? Does it matter? Yep. Did he come on to you? No. It was very much my idea. Are you sure about that? He didn't lure me into it. And I'm not his informant. Not yet. Not ever! I've made it clear that if he tries, then it is over. Yeah, tell me about this 'it', Ngaire. How the fuck did 'it' start?! Kindness. He showed me kindness. So that's all it takes, is it? Like you're a stray fucking kitten?! Yeah, well, after a life with Lefty, it was a great fucking start. I don't really care what you think, but Mike is a wonderful man ` kind and gentle and he respects me. He makes me feel like a... like a woman. He makes me laugh. Do you know what it's like living with a cheating rat who treats you like shit and takes you for granted? Comes home all hours smelling like his latest slut. Do you know how that makes you feel? Do you know what Mike asked me the other day? I shudder to think. He asked me if I was for or against the tour. Very romantic (!) He asked me a question, Rita. One that wasn't 'what's for dinner?' Mike wanted to know my thoughts. He wanted my opinion. And? And I burst into tears. Yeah, how fucking sad is that? I don't know why it had to be Mike, but (SNIFFS) it is. Lefty's a prick. We all know he's a prick. But come on, fucking McCarthy? Do you think I haven't thought that hundreds of times? Every time I think about going back to his place, every time I'm walking to his door. And then... when I see how he looks at me, he adores me. When a man looks at you like that, how can you not feel 10 feet tall? It's the way I've seen, countless times, the way Ted looks at you. And you really think that McCarthy's going to make you happy? He already does. And his name's Mike. MEN CHATTER, LAUGH He looks a bit like you, Keith. He's getting a bit porky. (LAUGHS) Mate. PIG SQUEAKS Sue-sue, Sue-sue. Shh. Hey, boys, look. Boys? MEN: Hey! Got us a new flanker. MEN: Hey! (SQUEALS) He'd probably play better than you. Yeah, we'll pass him the ball. MEN CHATTER, LAUGH He looks a bit like you, Keith. He's getting a bit porky. (LAUGHS) Mate. Hey, Sue. Sue. Here, Sue. Here, Sue. (CLICKS TONGUE) Life's better together, so stay connected on NZ's leading mobile network. I don't know how she found out, but she knows. Calm down. There's a solution here. Calm down? This is Rita we're talking about. She will not fuck around with this information. Jesus, if the boys weren't out of town, then Lefty would know already. And don't ask me where because` No, no, no. I would never. We agreed. Yes, we did. It's just that when you said 'the boys', I think I know how she found out. Bert Thompson. Bert? How the fuck does Bert know about us? He turned up here the other day. You were in the bathroom or something. I told him to bugger off, but the little prick must have sneaked a peek. Christ. Why was Bert here? No, he's not narking on the gang. It's something else. Don't worry about Bert. I can deal with him. Before or after he tells Lefty? Bert won't tell. He's a lot of things, is Bert ` a much compromised individual, but he's not going to go and bleat to Ted or Lefty because he knows the shit will rebound all over him. He told Rita. Leave him. What? Leave Lefty. You and the girls come and live here with me. Problem solved. And when Lefty comes after you, I'll be there in spades to defend you, and I will destroy Lefty, and I will have so much fun doing it. I care for you, Ngaire. It'll be a new beginning for both of us. No, no. We don't have to stay here; we can move. I can't do this now. Stay. Let's talk about it. I can't be here. THUNDER CRASHES South African bastards. They should be in Napier, not here in hell. Hell is hot. I should be in Napier while they get their arses kicked by the Maoris, not freezing my gonads off here. South African bastards. Did you have tickets to the game? Eh? You said you should be in Napier. Yeah, something like that. Is that because you're a Maori? What? Did you get offered tickets because you're a Maori? Something like that. How come I didn't get offered tickets? I guess you don't know the right Maoris. Is there any more food? Nah. They're meant to be out in the bush bloody shooting things. Yeah, I'm thinking hunting of the four-legged variety is off the menu today. Can't blame them, really. The weather's shit. Maybe tomorrow. Well, they leave tomorrow. How do you know? The book at the front desk. If the money's here, it's here now. RAUCOUS LAUGHTER Come on. Where? We'll do it now. Eh? While they're just down the bloody corridor? In about 20 minutes those rooms are gonna be full of rutting Boers, OK? It's now or never. ACTION MUSIC What are we looking for? A bag big enough to hold a lot of cash would seem logical. Have you noticed what all these rooms have in common? Apart from the complete lack of money. They all smell the same ` kinda gamey. Do you think all South Africans smell like that, Ted? Lefty. That's a lot smaller than a big bag of money. Wow. Result (!) It's not here, Ted. If you fucking look it might be. Does it even exist, Ted? This mythical money. Me? I don't think it does exist. Never has. I think we've been chasing our tails this whole time because Des McEwan loves a joke and he hates you, and we are that joke and he is laughing his socks off. Oh my God. What? What's this stuff called again? Biltong. Well, that explains the smell. Yeah, OK, all right, you've made your point. The one time when every bloody cop in NZ is looking the other way, when we could be doing any bloody job we wanted, making a fucking fortune. Instead, what have we go to show for it? Biltong. Hey! You fucking agreed, all right! We all signed off on this. Yeah. Yeah, we did, didn't we? We all followed you on this wild fucking goose chase! The money is not here, Ted! There is no fucking money! < DOOR OPENS TENSE MUSIC (CHUCKLES DRUNKENLY) Women are beautiful. (GROANS) WHISPERS: Eventually he's going to want to piss. He walks in and bam to the head. Then we leg it. That's your best idea? Well, have you got a better one? (GROANS) THUD! What was that? I don't know. BOTH WHISPER ANGRILY TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES (GROANS) (CONTINUES GROANING) Shit. You right there, mate? What the fuck are you doing? Let's go. Let's go! We can't leave him! Hey! What are you doing? This isn't your room. Is this your mate? We were just walking past and the door was open, and this guy's lying on the floor. Ah, Jesus! He forgets to carry his pills. There you go, there you go. Dom bliksem. You're a stupid bastard. Carry these on you all the time! (MUTTERS) Thanks for your help, man. Yeah, no worries. I'm Jaanie. Um, I'm, uh, Steve. This is... Paul. Paul. (CHUCKLES) I reckon you saved his life. Oh! So, are you here to threaten me? You? Jesus, Rita, give me some credit. I do know there are some people where threats just won't work. So why are you here, then? Are you looking for a special gift for a special someone? In a manner of speaking. I'm after your mercy. Right. Well that's not a quality I'm legendary for. Yet I'm sure you're still capable of it. Rita, you hold all the aces here. What happens next is all down to you. And I am fucking thrilled about that (!) I bet you are. What about Bert? What if he blabs? Bert is a coward, who told you so it wouldn't be his problem anymore. Look, I know the boys are out of town, and for once I don't give a shit what they're up to. All I care about is that we have a window here to do the right thing. What the fuck is right about shagging someone's wife? I'm a better man than he is. Surely even you can see that. All right. So I'm just meant to turn a blind eye so Ngaire can trade up to a fucking cop. So Ngaire and I can see where this thing goes. I don't see it going anywhere good. Maybe. But I think we deserve the right to find out. 'We'. You and Ngaire? Yeah, me and Ngaire. I want to make her happy. I want to look after her. I just want her. Jesus Christ. Aren't you two a bit old for this Romeo and Juliet bullshit? You're never too old for love, Rita. Or mercy. I'll leave it with you. Yeah, why not? Every other fucker has. No disrespect, Steve, but you know what I really hate about your country? The fact that everyone hates you? (CHUCKLES) No, no, no, that's just a few subversives stirring up trouble. We've met many good people here in NZ, people like yourself, who believe sport is sport and rugby is rugby. ALL: Rugby! Rugby. No, do you know what I hate about your country? The fact that everyone can vote no matter what their colour? (LAUGHS HEARTILY) Man, you're a funny fucker. ALL LAUGH Hey, if you want to let your kaffirs vote, that's fine, that's your business. You're not bloody surrounded by the bastards. It was a draw. 12-12. Dodgy last-minute drop goal, apparently. Who gives a shit? How come you guys skipped this game? You've been to all the others. Have we, Steve? I don't know. Somebody said something. It was bad enough that we had to play against the kaffirs but to be in a stadium full of whites cheering on a bunch of coloureds? Fuck that. First you play against kaffirs, the next thing you have kaffirs in your team wearing the Springbok jersey. So we decide to go hunting instead. And that's what I hate about your country ` the fucking weather. (LAUGHS) Yeah, I want to shoot something, not hunt beaver. LAUGHTER CONTINUES Carol. Rita. Is Ngaire here? She's getting changed. Into what? This hostess I know from Pan Am swears by Jazzercise, so I gave it a try and loved it. Ngaire! I think it might help me get pregnant. You think everything might help you get pregnant. Well, yeah. Also it's fun. But it is more fun with others. And then Ngaire said she'd like to give it a try. You know, burn a few calories. Yeah, it's always important to look your best ` for your husband. We would have asked you to join but, you know, we didn't think it was your thing. Don't let me stop you. < OK. TV: Coming down, growing taller through the head, feeling long and lean and ready to Jazzercise. And here we go, and one and two and three and four. And switch it, six, you're doing really great. And pretty soon my Jazzercisers are gonna join us to help me help you... BERT: You know what this is? PHINEAS: Freezing. This is racism. This is just how the blacks are treated in South Africa, forced to suffer while the white men live in luxury. I'd kill for a pie. Bugger this! Where to? We're going hunting. Actually, mate, I might call it a night. No, no, no. You want to know a secret? Eh? Sure. Why not? The whole place is fucked. Anyone with any brains is leaving. Leaving where? South Africa. The Republic. Oh. Yeah, right. It's a numbers game, and they outnumber us. They? The blacks. There are millions of them, like millions and millions. And they breed fast too. And they're going to take over, are they? No doubt there, my friend. It's just a matter of when. My friends and me, we look into the future and we see terrorists like Mandela sweeping in and taking control. It will be a bloodbath. Do you know why? Because we treat the blacks like shit, Steve. We're truly awful to them. And they're really pissed off about it. Do you know what we're going to do about it? Make more laws to oppress them? (LAUGHS) No, not the government ` us. We're buying land ` here. In NZ. WHISPERS: Browns Bay. Have you heard of it? Um, yeah, Auckland, the North Shore. Ja, ja, Browns Bay. (LAUGHS) White people living in Browns Bay. Too funny. Is that, um...? Well, is that legal, buying land here? I thought you had to jump through all sorts of hoops. My friend, when you have cold, hard, cash, many things can be bought and many doors opened. I didn't think you could take money out of South Africa. You can't. Unless you have a very big yacht. Then you can sail your money anywhere in the world you want. I would love to see this yacht. Is it, um`? Is it in NZ? Soon, soon, soon. Maybe you can visit me in my house in Browns Bay and I will take you on my yacht. I would like that very much. BOTH LAUGH HEARTILY OK, let's fucking shoot something! ALL CHEER Ja! Are you sure this is the way? I see lights. I swear if a wild pig comes round the corner, I'm gonna eat it raw. The lodge has food. We break in, find some food and then find Ted and Lefty and crash in their room. Here, have a go. Oh, it's very light. The Remington 700. You can shoot anything with it. Leopard, giraffe, baboon. DRAMATIC MUSIC Coloured bastards! Come to steal our money. Take our women! BOOM! Fuck! Mate, this is NZ! You can't just go around shooting people just cos they're coloured! Why not? You just can't. But you can scare the living daylights out of them. BOOM! BOOM! ALL LAUGH I find out tomorrow if I can, you know... Come and see me as soon as you know. I will. See you then. Bye, Ngaire. Well? Someone very wise once said something about keeping your enemies close. < Do you know the saying I'm talking about? Is that what I am? Your enemy? You're an enemy to the way I want things to be, so yeah. Are you going to tell Lefty? Here's what's gonna happen. You are gonna come and work for me, for actual pay, at the Galleria. You won all the prizes at school for bookkeeping, right? A long time ago. What's this got to`? At the Galleria you are gonna help me move money around ` money earned from stolen goods ` so every time you do this, you'll be committing a crime. This is so when your tacky bloody affair becomes public knowledge, which it will, that if McCarthy decides to take it out on me, then I will take you down with me. OK? So you're not gonna tell Lefty? And you're not gonna tell McCarthy about our deal. What shall I tell him? About why I'm biting my lip when I should be shouting it from the bloody rooftops? Mm. Tell him he's lucky that Lefty's a bigger prick than he is. And if you want to go and do that now, I'll babysit your kids. Thank you. You're fucking welcome. POP MUSIC (SNORES) POP MUSIC CONTINUES # It's been some time now, a year or so. # If you weren't coping, you'd have let me know. # All my bits and pieces are 'fully operational'. That's what they said. So there's no reason why I can't get pregnant. There is one. He's shooting blanks. When Phineas comes, it's like someone's turned a sperm hose on. They can't all be blanks, can they? HORN BLARES SOUTH AFRICAN ACCENT: Ladies, ladies! The mighty white hunters have returned! We almost bagged us some Maori, but they got away! Still not funny, Lefty. Hey, I saved your life. Where's the gratitude? (MOUTHS) Hey, what's wrong? Nothing. I just... missed you so much. Hot bath and bed? What a lovely idea. No... No... but most definitely yes. POP MUSIC CONTINUES Argh! Shit, my arse! Oh Jesus Christ. This is a robbery. I just need to collect a sample without him knowing and then take that to be tested. What about brewer's droop? Never a problem for Phin. You are not doing this. You are not letting your dick get in the way of this job. Jesus Christ, Mum! Listen to me. It is her or you. I will fucking kill him. I left him there! I just panicked! I was here all night, Constable.