There's only, like, a 30% to 40% chance of it being successful. But it gives you that little chance. The dream of having a child seems the most natural thing in the world, but infertility affects nearly one in four couples at some stage in their lives. The last thing you want me to say is you're young and you've got plenty of time because you want to get pregnant now, and I understand that. There are plenty of bullets. Uh, some of them didn't swim so well. Oh. You know, the bottle was full, man. (LAUGHS) For many, the realisation that there is a problem is the beginning of a journey filled with hope. All right. And we've got 1.6 million sperm. Oh, not too bad. But it's a journey with no guarantee of success. EMOTIONALLY: Y-You know, you're hoping that there's something wrong because if there's something wrong, maybe there's something they can do. But eight couples struggling with infertility have allowed us to follow their stories over the last two years. And this week, the McCabes receive a shock. (SOBS) ...while the Bennetts, the Lucases and the Porters continue their treatment. And we meet the Fatais, who for the last eight years have been hoping to complete their family with a healthy child. If this one here's not successful, uh, what next? www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2016 Hansi and Alan Bennett have already had five goes at in vitro fertilisation. The first four failed because of a problem with Hansi's eggs. And the first embryo created with the help of an egg donor ended with a miscarriage. Today will be attempt number six. Today it's my birthday. So it's his big 3-3. 33 today. And today we are having an embryo implanted as well, so it's hopefully` praying that it's gonna be the best birthday ever. Yeah. Lovely. So that little bright white flash there is the bubble around the embryo. And, um, Nicole's just gonna check the tubing to make sure the embryo's gone with that wee bubble. As soon as she gives us the all-clear, you'll be able to get off to the loo. (CHUCKLES) Thank you very much. Fabulous. Green button lets you out. All right. All the very best. Hope that goes really well. Good luck. Thank you. Bye-bye. See ya. < Thank you. No worries. Best of luck. That went well. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be. The embryo looked different to the last time, eh. I know. It was weird. I think it looks like it's gonna be a girl. CHUCKLES: A girl embryo. BOTH CHUCKLE The last one, I think, was a boy, cos it looked like me. Oh, righto. I mean, it starts to get 'same old, same old'. We keep doing the same thing and hoping for a different result. So I have to stay hopeful that I'll get a positive pregnancy test, I'll actually hold this baby in my arms. If I don't hope, then there's nothing really to hold on to, so. Previously, I've been really optimistic about it. I think at this round, we're both, 'Whatever happens happens.' At the end of the day, we've still got each other. I'd love to have children, but I've got my wife, and that's great. So if we can get through this, we can get through anything. GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PHONE RINGS It's a private number. Hello. OK. Yeah. All right. Cool, thanks a lot. OK, bye. Didn't work. You all right? Yeah. Did they say why? No. They're never gonna say why. They don't know. They just said next time they're gonna try a different cycle ` a different... thing. A different thing? Yeah, like a down-regulation one with injections. Why didn't they do that this one? I don't know. (SIGHS) Oh well. We're used to that. (CHUCKLES) Just what it is. Yeah. We've got one left. We might just have one child now. Yeah. Still got one more. QUIRKY MUSIC Had a bit of a restless night last night, cos it's a pretty big thing, the first weigh-in. And, um, I lost 2kg, so I'm really really pleased with that. Natalie and Melvyn have been trying to conceive for six years, including one attempt with a fertility clinic. And losing weight is one of the few things Natalie can do to help her get pregnant, as so far nobody's been able to explain why she can't. High step up. Same again. One, two, three, four. Soon as I came in, she gave me a pep talk and told me that we need to step it up, and that when I come into the gym I've gotta be 100% committed and not worry about anybody around me. Because at the minute, it's so embarrassing when I go in the gym. And... (VOICE CRACKS) especially when it's busy. When there's nobody there and I'm with her, I feel more confident. And, um, yeah. So she basically gave me a telling-off and told me that I've gotta stop worrying about people around me, that it's my problem. Which, yeah, I know it is. And I know she's right. It's just a hard pill to swallow. ...the back. Make it powerful. Go. I think I'm gonna have to support Natalie a lot, particularly through the exercise regime, because she enjoys it when she's there, but getting her there sometimes can be a chore. And I actually do enjoy exercise, so I'll be doing stuff with her as well. In terms of the food, I guess I need to be, 'Should you be eating that?' And I'll probably get shouted at a few times and told, 'Why are you watching what I eat?' But she'll appreciate it. How's it feel, Mrs 105? It feels fantastic. I got a fright when I did my weigh-in because it was such a good weight loss. QUIRKY VIBRAPHONE MUSIC We are going back to Fertility Associates and we're gonna be discussing all the options in terms of their public funding ` what we need to do to meet that list ` but we're also looking into the options of moving forward with IUI privately. Although this process sometimes makes you feel like you're buying the opportunity to have a baby, it's a priceless opportunity. If you're looking at the public funding and you're saying, 'How can I best use my public funding?' you're usually better using IVF. We're definitely looking towards IVF, but we are interested in privately funding an IUI cycle as well. Uh` Yeah, we just feel like we're doing nothing at the minute. < Yeah, I understand that. < Oh, you're doing a lot. Losing weight is the single most important thing you can be doing to enhance your fertility. And we know that as your weight comes more into the normal range, your chance of conception is better ` and really importantly, chance of miscarriage gets less. The last thing you want me to say is you're young and you've got time, because you want to get pregnant now, and I understand that. I'm 30 this year, and it's like the next step. Around here, 30's a babe. There's no biological pressure. But I absolutely understand the emotional and social pressure because you should be pregnant by now. When you took the Clomiphene last time, did you get any side effects at all? I was just a monster. (CHUCKLES) < You were just a monster? (LAUGHS) Yeah. Most people don't, actually. But if you do, you and everyone around you needs to be aware that that's how it is. Because it's tough. Not getting pregnant when you're not having treatment is tough. Not getting pregnant if you are having treatment is tougher. Yeah. So you have to be emotionally robust. They've given us a weight-loss target that we need to be at for December of 86kg. If we meet that, we'll then be on the wait list and roll forward from there. 9 So, today's Natalie's 30th birthday, and she's getting ready at the moment, so I'm left sitting waiting. The great thing about turning 30 is that I had a personal training session this morning, and I got on to the scales and I was 98` yeah, 98.8 kilos. So, um, really happy with that. And the shirt that I wanted to wear tonight, um, is this one. And I remember wearing it in January at a friend's wedding and it was far too tight for me. I was busting out the seams. And right now it's really really loose. We're just about to head across to her parents' house and have dinner there and meet up with some of the family there. My mum usually cooks us whatever we want on our birthdays. I've chosen a Durban curry. That's the part of South Africa I'm from. But I was showing my family a booklet that we received with all our options of treatment, and I was actually quite excited about it and trying to explain and share it, and my dad turned around and said, 'Do you know what you need? You and Melvyn both need church. 'You need God in your lives. That's the problem.' ALL: # Happy birthday, dear Natalie. # Happy birthday to you. # # And many more. # LAUGHTER Make a wish first. Make a wish. Um, but it did start making me think, 'Am I being a Christian and is it ethically correct?' And so actually, the fertility specialist, when he was explaining the whole process of IVF to me said, you know, 'We can do so much. We can take your egg and Melvyn's sperm and we can put it together. 'But ultimately, God creates life, not us.' And that was enough for me to feel really comfortable with what we're doing. QUIRKY MUSIC Leah and Mel have tried to have a child using a sperm donor at home without success. So they're now paying for IUI through Fertility PLUS's Greenlane clinic. There's a tiny bit of excitement, but you can't get carried away, because you're just gonna break your own heart later on when` if it doesn't happen. I sort of went from excitement at the start through to gradually dipping into disappointment. And then a bit of acceptance, like, 'All right, so this is actually gonna be a bit of a process.' Hi, Leah. I'm Bernadette. Hi. Nice to meet you. Lovely to meet you. And you've got your consent form? I do. And you know that you've got two follicles there? Yeah. That could possibly both have grown on to the dominant follicle. So there's a tiny, tiny chance that you might have two fertilised. That's not what we want. We want one to fertilise. But having more than one there gives you a better chance of that. Are you OK with that? Two for the price of one. (CHUCKLES) All right. And we've got 1.6 million sperm. Mm, not too bad. Just got to look for that cervix. > Just gonna draw that sperm up now. Are you all right there? Yeah. Now, sometimes people feel a bit of a cramp when this happens, so are you all right? Yeah. OK, I'm just gonna push that sperm in. OK. And I'll take the speculum out now. > And you're all covered up. Just... Was it uncomfortable. I'm so sorry. You're so brave. > It was just I had to get a good look at the cervix. Yeah, that's fine. I am sorry. All good. Today's been a big day. Hopefully that's gone OK. But it definitely feels like home time now, yeah. GENTLE PIANO MUSIC I knew that if I wasn't pregnant, I would get my period before I received the results of the test. Um, which is exactly what has happened. I'm just waiting on that phone call now for confirmation. Um, it's quite funny. Last month I put a thing up on my Facebook saying that it wasn't successful, blah, blah, blah. And someone posted up, 'Never mind. It'll happen when you least expect it.' I was like, 'No. No, it won't.' (LAUGHS) It's only gonna happen when I'm consciously trying. Yeah. Somehow I don't think my wife's gonna make me accidentally pregnant. PHONE RINGS Hello, Leah speaking. Yeah. Um, no, that's fine. The one thing I just needed to let you guys know, that I won't be doing any treatment this month. I'm gonna need to skip a month. Um, yeah. Yep, no problem. Thank you very much. Cheers. Bye. Just like that. EMOTIVE PIANO MUSIC QUIRKY VIBRAPHONE MUSIC Hi, my name is Raymond Fatai. I'd love to have at least two children, boy or girl. That will actually complete my life and complete my family. My name's Rochelle, and we would really love to have children to complete our family. My mum's Maori ` European in there somewhere ` and my dad's European. I come from a broken marriage, so a single mother. So Mum, yeah, was basically on the DPB. You know, we're the first ones to own a house in our family. Um, I was born in Tonga. Came over here when I was, like, 15, 16. Um, finished my school at Hutt Valley Memorial. I met Raymond through a mutual friend. She introduced us. And then he just turns up at my house. So I was like, 'What are you doing here?' And, yeah, I said, 'You might as well come in and meet my dad.' And little did I know that in Tongan culture that was quite significant. So as far as he was all but concerned, we were betrothed. So if you date somebody back home, you have to, like` you go to their place, pick you up, then the brothers or the mother or the father will follow you around wherever you go. If you go to a movie, he'll be sitting behind you. Your hand will be up right here. No... (CHUCKLES) ...wrapping your arm like this, you know? Yeah. So, we were married about five years after we met. I was 24, 25. And we thought maybe two, three years after that we would look at having a family. So we tried for a year and thought, 'This is a bit strange.' So we had a referral to the Fertility Associates. What we found, um, was that I seemed fine. So my cycles were regular, I had no endometriosis or any of those female health concerns. And, um` But Raymond's sperm count was actually really low. And his motility and his mobility was really low as well. So, um, the diagnosis we were actually given was a less than 5% chance of conceiving naturally. I suppose a lot of my family doesn't really understand when I'm talking to them about the low count. Um, we tried to explain to them, and they start giggling. Sometimes they do mock you, you know? And... some of my brothers are a bit cheeky, saying, 'If you can't do it, I can come over and do it for you,' you know, something like that (LAUGHS) You know, I mean, I just take it in as a joke, so no hard feelings there. But for Raymond and Rochelle, the situation was far from a joke. The only way Rochelle was going to get pregnant was through IVF. But because her weight was too high to qualify for publicly funded treatment, they paid for it themselves. I didn't lose weight. I'd stopped smoking, though, so I'd done one thing. So we thought we'd give it a go, not really realising that the hormones they use become less potent the heavier you are. So I wasn't successful in producing enough eggs ` that's part of the journey. That was nearly six years ago, and now they've almost saved enough money to pay for another round of IVF. We've got a lot of nieces and nephews, and we've got a lot of time for all of them. But at the same time, when you play with them, you're thinking, 'That could be my kid holding up in the air,' or going to the park, yeah. I think one of the heartache things is when you tell people your situation and they go, 'Oh, but you would be such great parents.' I`I'd give up everything just to have` you know, just to have that child. I'm 36 now, so we're just conscious of our age for children as well. Um, I've done some blood tests that we'll get the results on. So those blood tests will tell us how my hormones are and what my eggs are like. Cos after 35, I think, they say your eggs start deteriorating quite quickly. So I'm very conscious now that we could be, even with Raymond's medical issues on that side, me, I could've waited too long. At the back of my mind, yeah, I am a bit worried. Because we've been wanting a child for a long time. If this one here is not successful, what next? We've never bought anything for a child in our whole 18 years. And that's just because it would be too heartbreaking if it didn't happen. 9 Hi, guys. Long time no see. Good to see you both. Yeah. You too. Gidday, Raymond. Come on through. We'll get settled in. I'm really nervous. I'm` Yeah, it's pretty emotional for me right now. Well, it's been a little while since we've seen you guys. Five and a half, nearly six years. Yeah. And you've been doing some hard work in the meantime. Cos a couple of the issues that we covered off previously was, um, Rochelle, you needed to work on a bit of weight reduction` Mm. ...and getting the smoking kicked into touch, which you managed to do last time, the smoking. Mm-hm. Still doing. So not smoking still. That's fantastic. Yeah, it's good. And, um, you look like you've lost quite a lot of weight. Trying. How much have you lost? I've lost 30 in total so far. Wow. Yeah, so you've had your AMH check, which is one of the most accurate ways we have of assessing egg reserves. And yours has come back at quite a good number ` 7.4. How old are you now, Rochelle? I'm 36. 36. So, yeah, it puts you just below the 25th centile for your age. It does mean that you've got potentially fewer eggs in your ovaries than the average 36-year-old. But that's not surprising to me, given what we know about how you responded to treatment previously. OK. But it by no means is a disastrous result. And what kind of percentage success do you think we've got? Per cycle at 36, it's about 40% chance of a baby. Cos it takes two to tango, and of course another important part of this equation is the swimmers. And in the past, although we knew you were certainly not firing blanks, there were plenty of bullets, some of them didn't swim so well. Oh, you know, the bottle was full, man. (LAUGHS) I think it was more a case of quantity over quality. (LAUGHS) So you might recall we were going to need to look at taking the best swimmers and injecting them into the eggs. And that's likely to still need to be the case. Yeah. But I think the take-home message from our meeting today is that jumping back on the horse is definitely an option for you. Good. Sounds good. So we'll just take it from here, then. Yeah. Sounds good. Yeah. Save some more money and then come back. So next steps is the scan they need me to do and, yeah, personalising the drugs and keep losing more weight. Next step, OK? It's all right. Love you. When we tried to stimulate her ovaries a few years back, unfortunately they just didn't respond at all. And having a higher BMI is one of the risk factors for that. I've lost, you know, quite a bit of weight, but still have quite a distance to go. But there's a lot of illness in my family as well. So my father's got end-stage emphysema. So that was a motivator to stop smoking. And my mother's also end-stage illnesses with diet, but related to diabetes. So that was another motivator to stop smoking and to give up` to lose weight. So I think, you know, it was a case of all of these things are the right thing to do, and they will also lead us down the fertility journey. PENSIVE STRING MUSIC Uh, so, coming in for another treatment. They are now wanting to do a scan, look at the ovaries, follicles and bits and pieces. Delay would actually be quite good in this instance, cos it means Mel would be able to join me, either this afternoon or tomorrow morning. She's actually got a job interview. I went in, and we did the scan. But because of some of my results from last time, they wanted to give me a trigger shot and go back at 3 o'clock this afternoon for the treatment. Um, this month Mel seems to be a bit more optimistic than I was. She was texting me earlier this morning, um, 'Good luck and hopefully this is our month,' and bits and pieces. So that's quite nice to get, but, yeah, (LAUGHS) you can't help but have that little niggling, 'Well, probably won't.' Heya. Hi. How was your interview? (LAUGHS) I think it went OK. Good? Yeah. What about you? I have to go back for 3 o'clock, so you can come with me. Oh, cool. So when we go back, is it the treatment? Yes. OK. Not another scan or anything. No. 3 o'clock is the actual treatment, like 'sperm goes in' treatment. OK, I know what it involves. That's fine. And you should be all dosed up and drugged up and ready to go. Yeah. So it is, like you say, with all the drugs increased and all the hippie love thing I've got this month. (LAUGHS) Like the tea, the fertility tea that Dad got me and the bracelet from Katrina and Kim sending me 'happy birthday baby-making' vibes. (LAUGHS) So there's all sorts of good stuff going on. OK. OK? Good, yep. All good to go. Do you want a cup of tea? Not fertili-tea, just normal tea. BOTH LAUGH I do want her to feel like I'm part of making our child. I don't like missing out on it. So, yeah, being at 3 o'clock's good. It means we can all go. I can go and Liam can go, and we can support Leah with it. So hopefully we don't have to go to IVF, cos that'll be a lot more waiting and other complications. So hopefully it is gonna happen in the next few times, yeah. I'm hoping so, anyway. I think it's our turn. SLOW PIANO MUSIC Mel and Justin's unexplained infertility led them to treatment at Fertility Associates. But after receiving a negative result from their first attempt at intrauterine insemination, Mel felt even more isolated from her family in South Africa. I Skyped my mum to wish her for her birthday, and I was trying really hard to keep it together, which, uh, I didn't manage to do. And she asked Justin what they could do, and he said, 'Well, you can get on a plane and you can come to NZ.' The reality hasn't quite set in that I'm actually here, that I can actually see her. It's just so nice for you guys to see where we are, though, and` Yeah. I mean, we have FaceTimed, we've seen your home and everything, but you can't really put all the pieces together. And you also can't get a hug when you really need one. (LAUGHS) Now, usually, what's left in here, your father cleans the pot for me. LAUGHTER Oh, we just enjoyed spending time with them and showing them around. We just` We love NZ and we love Wellington, and this is home for us. And it's just really special` Just showing it off. Yeah. Another reason for life being more relaxed is that Mel and Justin have put fertility treatment on hold until they qualify for publicly funded IVF later in the year. From an emotional point of view, it's just been really good just to have the break. Mm. I'm certainly feeling a lot more like my normal self. Yeah, uh, Mel not being on the Clomiphene has helped, uh, well, everything. (CHUCKLES) It's a lot quieter and a lot less dramatic in the household. We need to build a life together. Because not being able to have a baby would break my heart, but not having a marriage at the end of it would destroy me completely. But taking a break from treatment has led to an unexpected result ` a positive pregnancy test. I'm so excited, I don't even know what to do. I'm incredibly excited and nervous. Nice to see you both. Hi, Melody. Justin. Hello. Big day today. Come on through. I think I just want the doctor to confirm that there's actually a baby there. All right, well, let's see what we can see here. So here's the uterus. I think you can both see what I can see in the middle of the screen there. There's a little flicking heart. Can you see that? All right? You've been waiting a while to see that. Looks good. EMOTIONALLY: Is that the baby? Obviously it's really early days, but everything looks fine. Looks about the size it should be for the number of weeks you are. And it has a heartbeat. Yeah, you can see it ticking away there. So that's measuring perfectly seven weeks too. So just over 1cm long. (LAUGHS) Tiny. We can hear it. Just in the background, but it's very faint because it's such a tiny little` you know, we're talking about a couple of millimetres. But if we go back to this bigger picture, you can both clearly see the heartbeat ticking away there. It's amazing! I can't believe it. (LAUGHS) Congratulations. Well done. I just wanna stay for the rest of the day. (LAUGHS) (CHUCKLES) Well, I'll pop out, leave you guys to it. I'll see you in a few minutes, all right? (SOBS) So this was a pregnancy that's just happened out of the blue, no fertility treatment at all. No. We had gone away on holiday, and we` I suppose mentally we were just getting in the right head space for IVF, so I'd been charting my cycles every month. But this month I didn't chart at all, I couldn't even remember when we did the deed. (CHUCKLES) So how this happened is just completely beyond me. Doesn't matter, as long as it's happened. Congratulations. It's really exciting stuff. Thank you. Well done. Although it is early days in this pregnancy, more often that not once you get to this stage, it's a continuing pregnancy. 9 PENSIVE MUSIC I am on my way to do a blood test to see if I'm pregnant or not. I need to be out by 6 to go and catch my train that goes through to Manurewa. Get off, do my blood test, get back on the train, go to work, be at work for 8.30. I'm hoping for a positive, but realistically it's probably gonna be a negative result just going on track record. We are three years down the track and 25-odd attempts, home-based and through the clinic, and they've all been negative. So there's something wrong. They just can't figure out what it is because there's no reason why I shouldn't be pregnant by now. We've chewed through all of our savings. So if this one is negative, we may need to have a couple of months off. Uh, we're coming into birthday season ` it's Mel's birthday and then Liam's birthday. We've been promising him since he was 5 that we'll take him to Rainbow's End for his 10th birthday, so we have to do that. We don't wanna turn around and say, 'Sorry, mate, can't do it. 'Trying to make another baby.' That's just never gonna happen. Yeah, yeah, no worries. OK, no, that sounds great. I'll go for that. Brilliant. Thank you. OK, bye. BEEP! So as suspected, another negative. So, Mel's birthday was earlier this month, and Liam's is tomorrow. So he's pretty excited. Turning the big double digits. So he's happy he's turning 10. Um, the two months off has saved us quite a bit of money, um, because the treatments themselves are quite expensive, plus all the extra drugs and stuff they've been adding on. We wouldn't have been going to Rainbow's End if we were still doing treatments. Before starting another round of IUI, Leah has an appointment with the clinic to review her treatment so far. Like, I'm almost hoping that the doctors say there's something wrong. And it's the weirdest feeling in the world that, you know, you're hoping that there's something wrong. Because if there's something wrong, maybe there's something they can do. GENTLE MUSIC The outcome of that appointment was pretty much just carry on doing what we're doing. It's definitely a money factor. We've got, what, two months till Christmas, so, yeah, we're gonna need to look at the budget and see if the budget will stretch to, you know, be able to have Christmas as well as a treatment. There's obviously no other answers. It's just a matter of keep trying, literally just keep trying, and just hope that one of the next two miraculously works. SMOOTH MUSIC After our last meeting, we organised for you to have another sperm count, Raymond, because of the fact that it had been a little while since we'd seen you last. < So the good news is there hasn't been a major deterioration. < but the sperm count is still low enough that we believe IVF's going to give you your best chance < of a baby. So, you've got 4.6 million sperm per ml. < Now, I know that sounds like a big number, but normal is more than 15 million, and 16% are actually swimming in a forward direction. You say 16%, so what is the chance of having` like, conceiving, having a baby? Naturally, there'd be a less than 5% chance per month. Oh. That's why you're here ` so we can help you out. All of our appointments this far have been positive and said, you know, we're all good to go forward and there's no concerns, so we can` yeah, we just keep moving forward. UPBEAT MUSIC It's December the 12th. I'm just going to do my weigh-in this morning. As you know, my goal weight for my BMI is 86kg. Hope this camera doesn't weigh a lot. This morning I'm weighing in at... 86.3. So 300g off my goal weight. Yay! So, this is the wardrobe where I keep some of my old clothes that don't fit me any more. Um, my biggest achievement, or difference, is the size 22 pants that I've got. These were my work trousers, over here. And, um, yeah, as you can see, these are size 16 that I'm wearing, and these are the 22. So, um, massive difference. So really really happy. My work's helped because it's a very very physical job. So I'm constantly moving, walking between 8km and 9km a day, and I've also been really really good with my diet. GENTLE MUSIC So, come on in. Come on in. Take a seat. Good to see you both, even if one of you is seriously injured. (CHUCKLES) Now, it's a while since I've seen you. Yes. You look different. Yes. Just a little bit. Fantastic. Fantastic. Thank you. Really really good. So, ready to go? Ready to start thinking about doing things? Yes, we are. We are. It's interesting, isn't it? When men weigh themselves, they never take their shoes off. Don't they? Oh. No. When women weigh themselves, they always take their shoes off. Take everything off. That is amazing. (CHUCKLES) Really? Yep, yeah. That's it. It's on the dot, isn't it, really? Absolutely astonishing. That is the most remarkable sustained weight loss I've seen. Thank you. I'll have to look at my computer and see what you were. < 117 kilos a year ago. Oh my gosh. What's your height? Uh, 165. Perfect. Look at that. 165. Oh, great. So it certainly improves your chance of conception and reduces the chance of you miscarrying. So everything about it's good. And, I mean, when you get pregnant ` cos I think you will ` um, pregnancy will be more straightforward. Everything about it's great. And now you've lost all the weight, you're eligible for public funding, so that's fantastic. And we'll get that up and running for you. And do you have any idea of what the current wait list time is? For publicly funded treatment? Nine to 12 months currently. OK. That'll give us time to try IUI, won't it, so that's good. Yeah. So, um, Dr Fisher's given us a prescription for Clomiphene, which is a drug that makes you turn into a monster. Honestly, it is. (CHUCKLES) The side effect is it stimulates follicle growth. (LAUGHS) Yes. 9 QUIRKY MUSIC So, this morning is the morning of our first ever IUI. Yay! I don't know, I'm feeling hopeful and I'm feeling excited. It's the first time we've done any treatment in two years. And so it's quite a big deal. And, um, yeah, fingers crossed it all goes well. Gotta get up and shave my legs this morning. BOTH CHUCKLE But, yeah, really really excited. It's good to just be doing something again, really. Just to be doing some form of treatment is great. So it's your first insemination? Yes. OK. < Now, if anything is too uncomfortable ` and it shouldn't be ` just let me know, OK? OK. Just putting some saline on that speculum. < I'm just gonna touch now. OK. Sorry, a bit of pushing around. OK? Yep. You're doing great. OK, just gonna pop that sperm in now. Great. Just taking that catheter out. Just gonna take the speculum out now. And you're all covered up. All right? Yes. Thank you. Good. It went well. So there's no need, physically, to lay here. It's not gonna fall out. CHUCKLES: OK. < Um, it's a good day to have sex, cos the egg, once it's released, < can last about 12 hours. You're gonna ovulate today. OK. < And we want more sperm there, OK? OK, great. Thank you. A little surreal, really, sitting here thinking what would normally be going on in... in the bedroom is going on with me sitting at the top end. (CHUCKLES) So just a little strange. I'll just enjoy the possibilities and just, you know, fingers crossed. Um, it doesn't always work first time. Doesn't always work. But we do it and we do get results for 15%. But, um, it's a chance for them. I woke up feeling really great yesterday, really excited, and praying that my period would just stay away. Um, and really optimistic. Then I was working last night, incredibly excited because my period hadn't arrived, and I suddenly felt, 'Ooh, it could be there.' And, um, immediately went to the bathroom, took my phone with me, and lo and behold, it had arrived... exactly the way it usually does ` a little bit, and you just know that it's happened. Um, my first instinct was to call Melvyn and just let him know. Um, yeah, just` It was horrible. That was it for me. That` That was, 'This cycle has failed.' And there was no hope, really. It's been seven years. (VOICE CRACKS) It's` It's a long time, and it's been seven years of disappointment month after month. And you kind of get used to it after a while, and just... keep going. Um, but this time, I actually felt stuff and actually thought` I knew the odds were against us. I knew, looking at success rates, I knew that there was a much larger chance that we wouldn't get pregnant. But I was so optimistic, and so were you. GENTLE MUSIC Just having a little holiday after our recent bad news. I wanted to come somewhere where we could, yeah, chill out, where there was a nice beach and go for nice walks and go out to cafes and get coffee and have cocktails. I think cos we got` with us finally doing the egg donor thing and then finally getting the embryos and then the first one, like, taking ` even though it ended in a miscarriage, which was gut-wrenching, but it happens ` I just kind of assumed that it was gonna work, because the previous one had. And then when it doesn't you're like, 'Oh man! Why? I don't know what else we can do.' There's only, like, a 30% to 40% chance of it being successful with any frozen embryo. But it gives you that little chance. So, yeah, our doctor rang yesterday. She said, 'Look, I've gotta tell you that there's abnormalities with the last embryo.' So she said, 'You have a choice. You can discard the embryo that we've frozen, or we can just try, 'but there's a risk that the baby could have abnormalities.' But she said the biggest thing is there's` it's only about a 10% chance of it taking. So... (LAUGHS) I was like, 'Oh, awesome (!)' More bad news. 'More bad news.' If we discarded it, we would be always thinking, 'What if? What if this was the one?' Yeah. It doesn't sit right with me just to get rid of it, because it's` it's life. It could still be the one that takes. But then she said, you know, there's other options if this all falls over, that we can relook at embryo donation. We've tried everything with IVF, we've tried egg donor, and if we then try embryo donation and it doesn't work, at least we can say we've actually tried everything. And we'll look at Home For Life fostering or something. Mm. So in some way we'll have a family. Somehow. Story's not over. EMOTIVE PIANO MUSIC So, today is meeting with Sue, who's the counsellor. Hopefully she's got a good plan. We don't wanna give up, and so we've just gotta keep trying other options until we run out of options, I guess. Or money. Either/or. So, you two, you had another unsuccessful cycle. We need to think divergently if we're going to do more treatment. Well, whatever we do, we have to privately fund, so... What would you be like if you were parenting a child that wasn't genetically linked to you and Hansi? Well, I'd love it as my own. Cos... we've got to that point where it's like, 'I don't care. We just want to have a child.' Like, we have a dog and a cat, and it's like` Fur babies. > Yeah. > They're not ours, but you still love them. They're still your pet. But I would love a child a lot more. That's a nice answer. The issue with embryo donors is that you have a child that's genetically fully linked to some other children and some other parents. And so there's no, sort of, opportunity for the children to grow up without that knowledge. < Oh, we wouldn't have hidden it, anyway. OK, so embryo donation is a case by case to the ethics committee. So they're looking to know that you and the donor fully understand what you're doing ` as far as anyone can when they're going into a new venture that's going to last for a lifetime. And they prefer it where you're prepared to meet at intervals. > Yeah, but I'd be happy` But they wouldn't have any say in how we raise our child? No, absolutely none. A child born to a couple is deemed to be of that couple. We have still got that other embryo, but apparently it has got something wrong with it. So, it's got SERs. And embryos with SERs are a bit of a punt. Sometimes` Occasionally they work. More often than not they don't work. One last (EXHALES)... And if it doesn't happen, we'll do donation. And if it doesn't happen, then I'd know that that's it, and I can... < Mm. do something else. So, today is embryo transfer for our last little embryo. Yeah. Cos we've been told that this has got abnormalities and it's only got a 5% chance, we're just like` It's sort of hard. We've done this, like, seven times and it's never` you know, I dunno. Because you wanna protect yourself. But this could be the one that works. But you know what? The duddest embryo could be the one that actually works. Yeah. And today was transfer day. And it was a success. It thawed. So now we're into the... (SIGHS) 10-day wait. And as people say in the IVF world, pregnant until proven otherwise. So praying that this little baby actually holds. Captions by Tracey Dawson. www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2016