Captioning performed by the National Captioning Institute, inc. www.able.co.nz MAN: ...always considering the best interest and welfare and well-being of the child; therefore, you may make visitation to your daughter every other week and on Christmas Eve and, of course, on Easter Sunday when you're wearing your pretty little Easter outfits. Your honour, my ex-husband is addicted to pills, and he's a thief. Because of his arrest record, I just lost my job as a secretary for the FBI. He was the finest high-school tailback I ever saw. Of course, he's had his run-ins with the law, but he's made his accommodations with the authorities. Your honour, being an informer for the Dade County Vice Squad hardly qualifies him to raise a 7-year-old child. Neither does being a mother without a job. But I lost it because of him! Little lady, my decision is final. JUDGE: next case. (Bangs gavel) (Gimme some lovin' playing) # Hey! Hey, the big man's here. When does she go on? Pretty soon, jerry. Welcome to the Eager Beaver, gentlemen. Thank you. Keep it close. Keep it very close. You got it. Last stop, OK? What do you say, Congressman? Poontang. The night is young and full of promise, my boy. Great. (Moos) This has to be the last one. Now, I told you. Come on! Take a look at this! Melissa thinks I'm in Temple. What if she calls? All right! Look at this! Mc: All right! We've got the legendary Twin Towers of Fort Lauderdale, Miss Urbana Sprawl wrapping up on the great stages. Nice spot, isn't it, Erb? It's very uplifting, sir. Hey, Jerry. Your usual Evian with a lime? Please. Mc: from Paris, France, put it together for the fabulous Monique, Jr.! (Get outta my dreams playing) Oh, my god! I love you. Oh, man! That song is killing me. Girl, those babies going to wind up in traction, you don't play some ballads. God, it's freezing. They could store meat in here. In fact, they do store meat in here. No. I have been trying all day. Are you positive? No, thank you. Can't reach her? Darrell's phone's out of order. I just know he's moved with her again to some new dump. Oh, god. What a nightmare. Then he drives around with her in that van of his, drinking, taking pills. I'm sure he doesn't even think about putting a seat belt on her. He's a dirtbag. You hang in there, honey. You'll get Angela back. WOMAN: That judge will see the light. He has to. Yeah, well, it's expensive light, I'll tell you that. It's going to cost me $15,000 for this appeal. Is there even a remote chance that I can make that in 6 weeks? You're going to have to dance day and night and hope some Arab Sheik shows up. I love you girls, I really do, but I can't be working here when I go back to court. "Yes, Your Honour. I found a new job. I'm working at the Eager Beaver." This is honest work. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I know that, and you know that, but the judge won't. Not him. God! It's 8 weeks, and I still get nauseous before I have to go out there. You'll get over it. Really? I can't imagine that. Yeah! Yeah! Whoo! Check that out! You guys having a good time? Here's the lucky guy. You come to the right place. Monique, look at these hunks. We're having a party! Keep an eye on them bachelors. BOUNCER: oh, they look like real trouble. Yeah! Mc: Whoo! Well, it's time to strap yourselves in because you are going for a ride. In her eighth week here at the Eager Beaver, put your hands together and make her feel good-- for the one, the only, Erin Grant. How about it?! Larry King's at table 6. What's he wearing? Tank top and gold chains. That's Larry, all right. Yo. How do I look? Better than me, and that ain't easy. You talk to her? Darrell's phone's out of order. I think he moved again. I'd embrace the opportunity to maim his white ass up. I know you would, and that's really thoughtful, but I don't think it would help me in court if I had him attacked. Chop-chop. I can't have an empty stage. Man, let the chumps wait. (Music playing) ANNIE lENNOX: # money can't buy it # baby # sex can't buy it # baby # drugs can't buy it # baby # you can't buy it, baby (Crowd cheers) I'm going to the head. You'll behave? # I believe in love alone, yeah, yeah # take the power, set you free Whoo! Yeah! (Speaking Japanese) Whoa! # I believe in the power of creation # I believe in the good vibration # I believe in God alone, yeah, yeah An angel appeared... An angel of pure delight. Oh. (Tempo of song increases) MAN: oh, my god! Yeah! I'm getting married this weekend to Melissa. You love Melissa? Very much. Then go home to her. Shad! Shad! Shad! Shad! MANAGER: listen up. The Flesh Farm is killing us, and you know why? They have free buffalo wings. Their girls are hookers. No. Because their girls dance fast, and fast means sweat, and sweat means drinking. Shad! Ah! Oh, my God! ERIN: Shad! What the hell was that? MAN: I've got this! Coming through. Move out of the way. Way to go, Davy! Everybody, go. Run. Back up! Back the hell up! Back the hell up! You all right? I'm fine. How about this poor guy? Good for him he was drunk. He could have really gotten hurt. Mc: and now on the main stage, our lost little pussycat. Put your hands together for the one, the only, Miss Sabrina Hepburn! Meow! Meow # is this your cat? # Yoo-hoo! # Look at this cat ERB: I leave you alone for 5 minutes! Will you get in and watch your... Malcolm's going to shit a brick. Thank you. CONGRESSMAN: did I touch any girls? Not this time, but you were recognized. Ok? Happy? How are you, little angel? I'm fine, thank you. Kids just tear me up. She's a brave one, yes, ma'am. You'll be in my prayers. God bless you, ma'am. Last stop, little 'un. Daddy, you're mean. Evers and Jennings. This here's the new model, the x-12. You're happy? Oh, mucho happy. Mucho happy? Get in the van, Angie. Mucho, mucho, mucho, mucho. Get in. We're parked in a loading zone. We don't want to break the law. Daddy, did you tell Mommy that we moved? Of course I did, buttercup. Of course I did. How about a wine cooler, Erin? I got mango, passion fruit... you know, water would be just fine, Alberto. Thanks. Rita, the reason I stopped by is Darrell's moved again, and I really need to get his new phone number. Yeah? Well, you come to the wrong place. Rita, please. I can hardly sleep nights, and I break out into a cold sweat. I got no idea where my brother is, OK? (Cat meows) Shit. They got the cat. Damn wolves got no sense of restraint. Careful, sweetie. Shut up. She's all caught up with them cubs. Some of the guys down at the nuclear plant-- they were asking me if you do, like, private parties. I don't think so. Oh, that's a shame because I bet that you are a great dancer. Alberto, listen. I am going to go crazy if I don't get Darrell's new number. I promised Angie that I would call her every day. I hear he moved. Alberto, where is he? You have to ask Rita about that. He calls here about twice a week, collect, needing money as usual, but he don't speak to me. Got no respect for me, even though I am a professional man. You're looking real good. God! I have got such a headache. Oh, yeah? You want some advil? That would be so great. You sit right here, and I'm going to fix up that mean old headache. Alberto, never mind. I've got to run, but thanks, anyhow. Deerfield Beach? We had a good day, baby. (Telephone rings) Phone's ringing. Think it's Mama? No, little 'un. I talked to her before, and she said she's going to be too busy to call you. Damn him. (Under breath) Oh, jeez. ANNIE lENNOX: # Come to me # run to me # do and be done with me # cold, cold, cold # don't I exist for you? Nice leg. Maybe I'll take it home with me. I recommend you let it go. Here's 500, baby. SHAD: what you say? # Everything I possess # given with tenderness # wrapped in a ribbon of glass # time it may take us # but God only knows # how I've paid for those things # in the past dying is easy # it's living that scares me # to death # ooh, yeah # I could be so content # hearing the sound of your breath # ooh, yeah # cold is the color of crystal # the snowlight that falls # from the heavenly sky # catch me and let me dive under # for I want to swim # in the pools of your eyes # I want to be with you, baby # oh-ho, slip me inside your heart What's with Princess Di tonight? That asshole husband disappeared with the kid again. # Nothing can tear us apart # come on, now # come on, now # come on, now # telling you that I loved you # right from the start # but the more I want you # the less I get # ain't that just the way things are? # Ooh I don't suppose you'd accept this in appreciation. No need. Senor Cucaracha here is going to make me rich. Oh, my God. Is that a roach? No, it's a fucking shrimp. Now move. You're in my light. WOMAN: get some manners, mister! So this is the new brainstorm, huh? According to the Wall Street Journal, we got here the hottest-selling yogurt in the country. I bring this in, say my hair fell out from the shock. Boom. They pay off big time. Lawyer thinks it's a genius idea. Your lawyer has an office over a video store. Call me a dreamer. I don't want to be a bouncer forever. MONIQUE, JR.: Erin! Note from Jerry. WOMEN: oh! What does it say? "Dearest Erin, I can help you get your daughter back. I ask nothing in return but a kind smile." Yeah, right. He's a weirdo. Guys, he is totally harmless. Oh, come on. "Also, could you add Kenny G to your routine? Anything from his Christmas album." (Lisping) That's sweet. Maybe we could do a Christmas show here. Seriously, girls, what do you think? It couldn't hurt to talk to him, right? Only talking. No touching. MANAGER: Ladies! Attention! Yo! Listen up. Major announcement. Major asshole. I heard that. On Monday, I'm installing a ring. Mud wrestling? No, no. This is something that's really happening. It's contemporary. It's now. It's creamed corn wrestling. Corn? Corn wrestling? I'm not putting these in corn. No way. What? No. It's terrific. WOMAN: In Israel, we did falafel wrestling. All the girls broke out in hives everywhere, and I mean everywhere. Well, falafel, sure. This is corn. What is this, a mutiny? What am I--Erin! ERIN: no chance that I am going to roll around naked in creamed corn with a bunch of drunken yahoos trying to stick niblets up my hoo-ha. Not naked--topless. Health department won't go for naked, not with food products. I always liked the health department. So you'll think about it? Not for one second. Please. You're getting a big following here. Even with that shit music you play, the guys love you. You go into the corn, you set a great example to the other girls. No. I got it. How about pasta wrestling? That's classy. Linguine, rigatoni, your choice. Just nothing with meat or fish. Orly, if I wanted to wrestle, I would have joined the World Wrestling Federation. And speaking of real class... what's the problem? We hate these. They degrade women and beavers. I'll take it under advisement, but just the coasters and the napkins. Not the sign. That's a landmark. Night, darling. For you, Miss Grant. They're beautiful, Jerry. Thank you, but you can call me Erin. No, I can't. I worship you too much. Believe me, I'm no one to be worshipped. I'm just trying to make a living here. I worship your essence. If you were a nurse or a schoolteacher, I'd feel the same way. Did you receive my note? I did, and you know, I was wondering what you had in mind. I believe I can help you get your daughter back. I believe I can get to Judge Fingerhut. How? Through a certain congressman who I feel certain will listen to me because... (Whispering) I KNOW SOME THINGS. Things? Really? You know what, Jerry? You're really a terrific guy, and you've been so supportive of me ever since I started here. Maybe you shouldn't get involved in this. Just give me a week. Good night, my precious. Melissa thinks I was in Synagogue the night this happened. What do I tell her? You left synagogue, and a gang of skinheads jumped you in the parking lot. In the meantime, we develop these, we see what we have. I see mucho damages. These strip joints are insured up the ass. My neck really feels better, Uncle Al. Oh, yeah? How's it feel now? (Squealing) Call Little Caesar's. Order me a health pizza. Get some for yourself. No, thank you. I'm dieting. I'll just grab a yogurt out of the fridge. (Crunching) (Swallowing) Hmm. This is a major disaster. Major! Unbelievable! Without doubt, the most asinine piece of human behaviour. It's never going to happen again, Malcolm. I've got it under control. You see, I just love naked women. It's a character flaw, and God's testing me-- Oh, will you shut up?! You idiot! You can't talk to me like that. I'm a United States Congressman. I can't? You go psycho in a titty bar 6 weeks before the election. What should I call you-- Winston fucking Churchill? It was all I could do to keep Willie Rojo from coming in here and strangling you with his bare fucking hands. Everybody has a bad night if you're under pressure like we are. I mean, under the public eye of-- who recognized me? His name is Jerry Killian, and he's waiting outside. Now? Now. We got to move on this before we get eaten alive. Move on what? If this is a shakedown, just get Willie to pay him like he always does. Why drag me into it? Because it's not about money. It's not? No. He wants you to persuade Judge Fingerhut to reverse a child custody case for some stripper. Who he's porking? It's disgraceful to have a man like me have to deal with-- He's not porking her. Well, then, why-- why does he care? Because he's nuts! That's why he's dangerous. If he was porking her, at least I could deal with him man-to-man, but this is, uh... this is fruitcake love here. Well, I mean, Fingerhut's a Democrat. He won't listen to me. You can't say that to this little creep, Davy. You got to string him along, bullshit him. Use the old Dilbeck charm. Well, what if he doesn't go for it? Then we have a serious problem. Mr. Killian. Come in and meet Congressman Dilbeck. I bet that's Jerry Killian. MAN: O.J.! (Dog barking) Come here. Come on. How perfect is this? You know, I was just thinking. Is this really on the same planet as Miami? I can read. Where's Andy? He's been fishing since 8:00. BOY: Dad! Dad! There's a floater! He's still got his glasses on. Yeah. Go tell Mom to call the police. You're the police. I'm the Miami police. Please. We just need the local law here. Go on. Man! Of all the lakes in all the counties in all the world, you got to float up in mine. You son of a bitch. GIRL: mama! Hey! Come here. Ooh! I've been trying to reach you, baby. Heard you stole my sister's mail. That's a Federal offense. Wait for Mommy. I'm going to go talk to Daddy. Why do you keep moving from place to place? How is she going to make any friends? Well, aren't we the child psychologist? It has nothing to do with child psychology, you moron. Where is she going to go to school this year? Opa Locka, Deerfield Beach? Have you even thought about it? Yeah, I thought about it plenty. Ugh! Hey, you only got 2 hours. That's what the judge ruled right there from that bench! I'll be right behind you just in case you're thinking about snatching her! Mommy, does snatch mean kidnap? How did you get so smart? Free Willy back yet? Still out. People are pigs. Sit on movies like they own them. Freak. (Drill whirring) It's shad. Open up. It wasn't me. It was the temp. Where's Perry Mason? My good friend, Mr. Shad. Come on in. We have lots to discuss. No shit. If I buzz twice, you come in, you say my mother's on the line. She has chest pains. ERIN: so what do you mean, he's a wheelchair salesman? ANGIE: there's one nice thing about hospitals. A lot of kids in chairs are really sick, and I wave to them in the hospital, and they smile back, just like on Jerry Lewis. And you do this with Daddy every day? Well, on Fridays, I stay with Aunt Rita. That's a real wholesome environment. She has real wolves. I don't want you touching those animals. They're not like dogs. (Horn honking) Time. Time. Pumpkin, you know that I love you more than anything in the whole wide world. You know that in your heart. Mm-hmm. Mommy. What, baby? You know those dolls you got me? Daddy says he can't find them anywhere. Well, we'll get you new ones. Bye, mommy. I love you. Bye, baby. I love you. Hey, let's go! All right, you go on. I'll bring your stuff. DARRELL: hey, baby. Did you have a good day? Uh-huh. Good. She told me about your new profession. That's really admirable. Least I ain't naked. Least I ain't naked? You get caught using that child in the commission of a felony, and Family Services will put her in a foster home so-- no way I get caught. Got me one of them doctor's jackets and a stethoscope. Look like one of them dudes on ER. Would you think, for once in your life? Hey! I don't need no stripper telling me how to behave. See you in 2 weeks. Ready? Mm-hmm. AL: you know where that was taken? Your mama's birthday party. The Eager Beaver last Wednesday. Can you identify those people? Yeah, this old fool, Erin. Erin? Erin's a stripper? What'd you say? Erin's the stripper? Dancer, fat ass. Dancer! She's a dancer! Look. Um... the young man who was so savagely beaten is my client, Paul Guber. No shit? Too bad for him. I don't think so. You see, the third person in that photograph is none other than David L. Dilbeck. So what? Do you follow politics, Mr. Shad? Do I look like I follow politics? David Dilbeck is the United States Congressman from the 5th district. He's up for re-election in 6 weeks. You going to put the squeeze on him? Nice. What that got to do with me? I'll give you 10% of the squeeze. Is this conceivably as big as the yogurt deal? As big? Congressman Dilbeck is chairman of the subcommittee on sugar, which means the Rojo family cannot allow him to lose this election because their price supports are worth hundreds of millions of dollars, and quite frankly, Mr. Shad... (Whispering) THIS IS THE OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME. Good. Just keep Erin out of it. I'll do my best. She's out. Erin is out. Erin who? (Music playing) Charming spot. Look. Steven Spielberg's house. I wish he would come in here one night. I'm sure he would have big hots for me. You'd turn his whole life around, girl. Steven Spielberg's shower. Can you imagine me and him in that shower? Oh, that cute little beard. Yours or his? Hey, Jerry. It's Erin Grant. Wow! What a long beep. WOMAN: someone's waiting for you. Maybe you're out of town, but I was just calling to see if you'd heard anything about that legal matter we discussed. If you get a chance, just give me a call at the club. Thanks. Bye. Michael Jordan's at table 8! Say hello to the fantastic Monique, Jr.! ORLY: Lieutenant Garcia with homicide. What's he want with Erin? I got no idea. All I need--a scandal. What do you know about Prozac? It makes you happy, but there's side effects. Like what? Limp noodle. Who cares? I haven't had a hard-on since I started running this place. The closest I got was Sea World. Porpoise got me hot. What the fuck you telling me that for? I'm going next door. See what Ling's up to. Drowned? Yeah. Oh, my God. He had pictures of you all over his apartment. He was a really big fan. He used to bring me flowers and-- He was just a fan? There was no touching? Well, this has been a real pleasure. I dance here, so I must turn tricks? That's a perfectly nice way to open a conversation. "So I understand you're a hooker." You don't work in the library here, you know. I'm just trying to figure out the man's life. Well, I've worked here for 8 weeks. He was a customer. That's all I know about his life, except that it's over. Ok? Ok. I apologize. Sincerely. Look, I'm nowhere on this. I could use some-- could you please just give me a minute? Please. So where did this happen? Lake Okeechobee. That's where I made the serious mistake of taking my vacation. Your family? Nice. It's just not the kind of place you'd expect to encounter a homicide. Homicide? You just said that he drowned. No. We did an autopsy. The water in his lungs-- it come up clean. So there was tap water in his lungs? Exactly. Yeah. So somebody killed him first, like in a bathtub, then dumped the body in a lake. What do you read, mysteries? Well, up until 3 months ago, I worked at the FBI in Miami-- a secretary-- um, until I got fired for having a defective husband. I'm in a pretty bad custody fight. Jerry was trying to help me. From the shores of the dead sea, a decorated nurse in the Israeli army, say Shalom to the fabulous Ariel Sharon. (Hebrew version of love child playing) Could we go outside? I could really use some air. Yeah. # I don't like you # but I love you # seems that I'm always thinking of you # though you treat me badly # I love you madly oh! # You really got a hold on me # really got a hold on me # really got a hold on me oh, Mr. Orly, what a wonderful surprise. Nice to be in quality club, eh? Yeah, if you like freak shows. Ling! Ling! Get over here. Move it! Excuse me. That's Mr. Chris Rojo... of the sugar Rojos. Typical of the kind of rich big shots we get here. Is this the place where I met my angel? I don't know which angel you're referring to, sir. A Congressman? A Congressman. By that you mean a United States Congressman? Well, he wasn't specific who it was. I told him it sounded bananas and that maybe it was a better idea that he just stayed out of it. On Wednesday night, there was an incident here, too. There was a guy with a bottle... He was a total wack job. Drunk out of his mind. Can you remember, was Mr. Killian here then? Not offhand, but maybe. You want to think about that and let me know? Here's all my numbers. Once again, I apologize, I mean, for any aspersions. You want to make it up to me? I beg your pardon? I need a favour. You've got friends on the Vice Squad, right? Yeah, but they're not my bosom buddies. My ex-husband is an informant for them which is why this idiot judge gave him custody of Angela. Are you joking? I wish. But I was thinking, if Vice dumped him as an informer, when my appeal came up in 6 weeks, I could then say my ex-husband is so unfit, such a criminal, that even the Vice squad-- Wait a minute. He's a criminal? Your ex--he's a criminal? He steals wheelchairs. Thank you very much. All right. Let me see what I can do. Good night. You know, not having her around-- it's like my heart is missing. I'm sure. Let me see what I can do. Good night. Good night. How much you pay them? I think they're up to $30 a day, but you subtract room and board and booze and smokes, you know, who knows? Maybe they pay us. Hell of a business. It's the best, and we got to protect it, my friend, right? Son, I been protecting your family for 20 years. Davy, you're the greatest, man. I'm just saying until the election, no more girls, huh? Bring your wife down here for a weekend. What's her name, like, Alice or something? Mary Pat. Mary Pat. Chris, I met an angel. I mean, she's a dancer. She's so pure and clean, not like the rest of these whores. If I could just be with her for-- you'd be a good boy? I'd be perfect. I swear, I would. I would stop going to clubs. I would stop drinking. I would just lead a regular life, you know? With my wife and a steady mistress, and I would have a decent life. So let's do it! Where'd you see her? My brain is just turning to shit. Hey. That's why you're in Congress. Ha ha! Ha ha ha! You're probably right. ANNIE lENNOX: # I look up to # the little bird # that glides across the sky # he sings the clearest melody # it makes me want to cry # it makes me want to sit right down and cry, cry, cry # yeah # I walk along the city streets # so dark with rage and fear # and I, I wish that I could be that bird # and fly away from here # I wish I had the wings to fly away from here, yeah # but my, my, I feel so low # my, my, where do I go? # My, my, what do I know? # My, my, we reap what we sow # they always said that you knew best # but this little bird's fallen out of that nest now # I've got a feeling that it might have been blessed # so I've just got to put these wings to the test # ooh, ooh (Knock knock) Who is it? It's Lieutenant Garcia. Is it a bad time now? No. Just a second. I was rehearsing. Morning. Morning. I was nearby. I probably should have called. No. It's fine. Please come on in. Thank you. ERIN: can I get you some coffee or English muffin? No, thanks. Hey, you know, I was thinking, and if I had to guess, I would have to say that Jerry was probably there because he was there most nights. So, do you know anything new? Actually, I have some good news and some mediocre news. The good news is your Darrell-- he lost his informant status. Oh, yes! 9:00 this morning. The Vice boys thought his information was all bogus anyway. This is great. Now in 6 weeks I can go to the judge-- That's the mediocre part. Judge Fingerhut had a heart attack early this morning at some porno theatre over on ocean avenue. Aw, don't tell me that. Oh, yeah. He was DOA. Don Shula hospital. Anyway, I called around, and the earliest-- It's going to be 6 months before your appeal goes through. 6 months? The system here, it's all backed up. I can't allow her to stay with him for another 6 months. Anything could happen. There's nothing you could do right now from a legal standpoint. Absolutely nothing. I understand. Is today Friday? Yeah, it's Friday. I got to run now. (Woman singing Hava Nagila) How are you? All right. Hoh! You're wonderful, Dilbeck! Thank you very much. Shalom, darling. Shalom to you. Shalom, shalom. Manischewitz. Congressman. Alan Mordecai. Alan, how you been? Fine, sir. Congressman, I brought along a little souvenir for you. Thank you. Now, obviously, the ramifications if that were to become public... Is this me? Yes, I'm afraid so. Now, if this were to become public, it would be devastating, and I'd really like to help avoid that. It's her. It's my angel. Heel! Slow down, honey. Heel, honey, heel! Are we going to your house, Mama? No, baby. We're going to our house. For the whole day? Even better. Really? Really. You snatched me, didn't you? I guess I did. You sure did. Come on, pumpkin. Zip-a-dee-doo-dah. I didn't know she had a child. Of course you-- she's divorced, but the husband has custody. Remember? She's carrying numerous bags. Now, that doesn't look like just a visitation, does it, Erb? I'll look into it. Check custody status of miss Erin Grant. God, give me strength. What an extraordinary creature. How perfect in every detail. Davy, you promised you would behave yourself until after the election. You don't understand, Erb. This is love. Love. Please. I won't campaign until I can possess her actual velvet self. In the meantime, I want you to bring me something, something of hers, something personal to tide me over. How personal? Intensely personal. Am I a good help? Honey, you are the best laundry assistant I ever had. Ok. All right. Let's hit the road, Jack. Who's Jack? Well, honey, it's just an expression. Come on. This is some picture. (Man sighs) It's fatal. I don't accede to blackmail. Willie, I agree with you in principle, but this gets out, we're in a big-time shit storm. Pop, pay the guy off. You got a cancer, you talk nice to it? No. You cut it out. Willie, we can't keep operating like we're in the funeral business. I'd rather buy cops than pay blackmail. Understood? I just think that we should consider other options. Understood? Yes. What else? A connected matter. Davy wants to nail this stripper, and I'd like to be able to use the boat; that way we can control the situation. She's the girl from the picture? That's correct. Erin Grant. What does she know? We got to find out, but the good news is she got custody of her child illegally, so she's vulnerable. Vulnerable isn't good enough. I say let Davy have his fun, then lose her. Willie, Willie... first let's determine whether she can hurt us or not. I'm sure she's just another dumb whore. For her sake, I hope so. MONIQUE, JR.: Silly, I go back 3. This is complicated. It's easy. All right, is it your turn? Uh-uh. You stay here with us, sweetie. Mama's orders. ORLY: everybody! Listen up. This is Lorelei, formerly of the flesh farm. She and her snake, Monty Python, have signed an exclusive contract with us. WOMAN: you've got a snake? Monty. She starts tomorrow. So why don't we get together, make her feel right at home, and give her a real Eager Beaver welcome?! Welcome, darling. I'm Ariel, Miss Gaza Strip. I'm Tiffany Glass. How big is your snake? ARIEL: so what brings you here? MONIQUE JR.: Just what we need--another blonde. What the hell is that? Just came from ling's. Monty sleeps with the fishes. What? Lorelei has no idea, right? Nah. It just got here. It's fresh. Here. Go rustle up a new snake. Where--the a&p? Who the fuck carries pythons at 10:00 at night? There's an all-night snake farm on route 27. Ask for Jungle Juan. And get rid of that thing. God, I hate this business! You know why? It's lost its humanity. Mc: and now... bring change. Mc: the unbelievable Erin Grant! (Crowd cheers) # I look up to # the little bird # that glides across the sky # he sings the clearest melody # it makes me want to cry # it makes me want to sit right down and cry, cry, cry # yeah # I walk along the city streets # so dark with rage and fear # and I, I wish that I could be that bird # and fly away from here # I wish I had the wings to fly away from here # yeah # but my, my, I feel so low # my, my, where do I go? # My, my, what do I know? # My, my, we reap what we sow # they always said that you knew best # but this little bird's fallen out of that nest now # I've got a feeling that it might have been blessed # so I've just got to put these wings to the test # ooh ooh # uh-huh #whoo whoo #uh-huh ...because he believes in the family, in the values that made us a god-fearing people. Because he's long been a friend of this organization. Get him out of there, preferably with his clothes on. (Sighs) Davy--oh, my God. Tell me I'm dreaming. Please. Oh, no. I cannot believe this. Oh, no, no. Davy, no! Is this lint fresh? Hot out of the maytag. (Sniffs) You just can't imagine. This is the very essence of that glorious creature. I've got to say, even for you, Davy, this is off the charts. Why are you all shiny? It's Vaseline. Oh. Oh, it's Vaseline. You've never covered yourself with Vaseline? No, no. Not unless I have third-degree burns, no. You don't know what you're missing. I've got it all over. It's down in my boots. I can feel it squishing in between my toes. All right, OK. Davy! The young Christians are waiting, so... When am I going to see her, Erb? It's in the works. When? It's in the works! Clean yourself up. Boy, oh, boy. I did not go into politics to pimp for a twisted old fuck like you. I've had it, Davy. I quit. You are such a child. RECORDING: # Onward Christian soldiers # marching as to war # with the cross of Jesus # going on before # Christ, the royal master # leads against the foe # forward into battle # see his banners go # onward Christian soldiers # marching as to war # Thank you. Thank you very much. DILBECK: you are too kind. You are too kind. What a privilege for me to be here with you good people tonight and to talk about an issue that is so critical to this campaign and to all of the American people. I'm talking about the issue of family values. (Crowd cheers) Oh, where's Monty? He isn't here yet. He's on his way. Relax. Lorelei, could you do me a favour and watch Angela? I'm just going to get my car. It's pouring out. Sure, gorgeous. Thanks. ERIN: Hey, where have you been all night? Doing my Christmas shopping early. Martha Stewart recommends it. If that's not a snake, then it's an amazing belt. I got to find a new line of work. This shit is getting out of hand. Let me put this down, and I'll walk you to your car. I'm fine. I'll see you tomorrow. Shit! Evening, everybody. Oh, shit. Where's my little 'un? Where you can't get her. Is that ever the wrong answer. You bring her to me right now. I am not bringing her to you anywhere in this lifetime. Then I'll just have to go to that nice old judge and tell him my whore of a wife has abducted-- Guess what, Darrell. The judge is dead, so if you want Angela, you're just going to have to kill me. Go on! Think I'm afraid to? You think I don't have the manliness to take your life? No, honey, I think you are all man. That death row lethal injection thing-- come on. That's not going to scare you. They'd never execute a daddy. Drop the knife. You got till 3. 1-- Suck my dick! Whip the little fella out. 2... This here's a domestic squabble. Aah! 3. You broke my arm! You sure? Uh! Aah! (Moaning) Bitch! Bully! (Crack) Aah! I'm going to get you! Hey. Are you OK? Just had a tiff with my ex. Uh! I know what that's like. Oh, um, did you see? Monty finally got here. That's great, Lorelei. Hey, baby. Say hi to Erin. Cute. WOMAN ON PHONE: homicide. Lieutenant Garcia, please. She's a kidnapper! Watch your head. The fact is he threatened, and he did not actually attempt. Mm-hmm. And what's the deal if he kills me? Can I press charges then? Erin, the law is the law. I'll screw around here for a couple of days, if you like. I'll lose your paperwork. He makes bail, she's his. I should just split and take her to New England or something. Erin, understand this. If you take off now without formal custody of this child, you're going to lose her forever. I have dealt with family services firsthand. These people are pencil pushers. This is by-the-book. Al, I am dealing with a maniac here. I'm going to say it again to you. You can't take off. You cannot. Anyway, you might have a bigger problem. I can't have a bigger problem. Take a look at this, all right? Are any of these clowns here the one who might have assaulted Mr. Guber? This clown. You're positive? Absolutely. Who is he? He looks like that guy on F Troop. Yeah, that's, uh... that's our Congressman Dilbeck. This nut is a Congressman? Yeah. You haven't heard from him? You haven't heard from any of his staff? No. Wait. This is who Jerry was talking about. Yeah. Are you saying that I am in danger from a Congressman? No. You, uh... you just let me know if you hear from him now. I think that's in both our interests. How did I get so popular? # Hush, little baby, don't you cry # mama's gonna buy you a something ANGELA: # Pumpkin pie. Ho ho! You're awake. Can Mommy put you down? No. Fair enough. Mommy! Baby, brush your teeth. I'm too tired. Ok. Don't brush your teeth. Go on to bed. "Mr. Dilbeck requests the pleasure of your company "for a private dance. "You will receive $2,000 cash for a one-hour set. "Obviously, discretion and confidentiality are of the utmost importance." Whoa. Mommy, do you like dancing? Hey. What are you still doing awake? I was just thinking. Do you like dancing? Not really. It's not fun? No. You're just dancing. Well, just dancing's fun, honey. Sure, that part of the job. What's not fun, the customers? Urbana said some of them are really mean and stupid. Pumpkin, have you ever seen me dance? Have you? Because I told the girls-- I came out tonight. While I was dancing? Oh, god. You looked really pretty. No, I didn't. Yeah, you did. You looked great. Thank you, baby. WOMAN ON P.A.: good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and welcome to the Miami Seaquarium's top deck. This afternoon we are going to celebrate the world's oceans and all of the living things in them as the top deck proudly presents to you a splash of the islands. Ok, now, I need all the camp kids to come with me. Come on. You, too. It's OK. You can go. Go on. It's all right. (Crowd applauding) I'll be right here, honey. ERIN: don't worry. She spends so little time with other kids that... it'll change. Once she's with you full-time... I hope so. Let me get this straight. He offered you 2 grand to dance for one hour? Yep. Wow. I don't know. Well, I can't turn it down, al. I was going to keep dancing, but now that I have Angie with me, I've got to find another job as soon as possible, which is going to pay me nothing compared to what I'm making now. But, you know, she, um... she saw me last night. Can you imagine? Was she upset? She said no, but come on. One day she's going to realize and say, "hey, that was my mother." How about you? Are you ready to feed flipper? Ok. Step right up here. Oh, my god. It's safe, though, right? What? With dilbeck, I mean. I'm bringing Shad. I think as long as they think you don't know anything, you'll be fine. Just keep your ears open. What are you going to do with Angela tonight? Well, Urbana said that she'd watch her. Why don't you drop her off at our house? I can't do that. Why not? You know, I told Donna everything about you, your whole situation. She said if you ever needed a hand, she'd be very happy to help you out. She doesn't think, like, I'm something out of a current affair? Erin, come on. You're a terrific girl. You know that. So you made a mistake a lot of terrific girls make today. You married a bum. What are you going to do? You going to beat yourself up for the rest of your life? Well, I usually don't, but it's... I mean, it's just that, you know, she saw me dancing, and... Yeah. I think it's all going to work out. I just want her free and clear, whatever it takes. Good job, baby! You are Miss Grant? No, I'm Barbara Bush. Who is he? George Bush. George Bush is not invited. Take a hike, man. (Chuckles) Oh, no, no. See, if he goes, I go. Raise your hands. I gotta pat you down. (In high voice) Stop! Right this way. (Dean martin singing memories are made of this) # Memories give me # there goes the wedding bell Well...hello, Erin. My name is Congressman Dilbeck. You are... you're a beauty. Good evening. I'm Erin Grant. And you must be... C-C-Convack Dilbeck. Uh, con, uh, uh, uh, uh, con, uh, Congressman Dildo. Ha ha ha! I... I am Congressman David Dilbeck, and welcome, welcome. Welcome. You are truly, truly welcome. Thank you. Have, um, we ever met before? No, no, no, no, no, no. But actually, I have seen... many, many beautiful photographs of you. Well, I'm... honoured, and a congressman, very successful congressman you must be. This is not my boat. Oh. It belongs to a very close friend of mine, though. Do you like Deano? Uh, Dean's, uh, great. Yeah. But, you know, I--I-- I've brought my own. Uh, do you care for the artist formerly known as prince? I care for you. So, uh, George, you get to watch any of the auditions? Watch, my ass. I do the hiring. Naw, naw, naw, naw, naw. I've seen every girl in Florida. So what are the criteria, just monster jugs, or what? Firmness is crucial. I got to hold them for a while, shake them. You shake their tits? It ain't no picnic, man. Got tendinitis in my right wrist. During a rainy day, it's agony. So, George, you audition anybody famous ever? What? You know, before they were famous. Sure did. Meryl Streep. Come on! Meryl Streep stripped? One of the best. Chestie le France. Oh, that was Meryl. Chestie le France. I've heard of her. PRINCE: # oh # whoa # ooh hoo # ooooh # ooh! I'll give you anything you want-- a diamond ring, a Lexus. I'll get you a condo on the beach. Just be my girlfriend. Can't do that. Why not? I--I love you. You don't know what I've done for you recently. Really? And what was that? Well, I talked to the late Judge Fingerhut about your daughter. You did? And how did you know about my case? A little birdie told me. Oh, well, it must have been a little birdie who knew me very well. Who is not important. Come on, now. Not just a little hint? I can't do that. But I... I--I know the new judge. He's a very good friend of mine-- the honourable Jack Goldbert-- and, uh, I believe he'll be more amenable. Now, darling... if you just come into Davy's life, good things will happen. You just don't know how much I worship you. How much? I sent my aide erb over to your Laundromat, and he brought back some of your lint from the-- my lint? Fresh, hot lint. And what did you do with that fresh, hot lint? Well, I'm afraid I made love to it. Close your eyes. I've got a little surprise for you. Keep them closed. No peeking. Ow! Don't you ever invade my private life again, or I'll kill you, you understand me? The show's over, big boy. (Mumbling) You come back tomorrow, same time? I don't think so. I'll give you $5,000. $5,000 for no sex? You love me that much? Just the touch of your hand sets my pecker on fire. Maybe you should see a doctor. (Chuckles) Same time tomorrow? If I do come back tomorrow, then can we talk more about my case? We can talk about anything you want as long as you're naked. We'll see. Good evening. Good evening. You don't know me, Miss Grant. I'm Malcolm Moldousky, congressman Dilbeck's right hand. You must be a very busy man. Touche. I wish to give you a word of advice about your adorable little daughter Angela. What about her? We're aware that your custody of her is totally illegal. That's just temporary until the appeal gets heard-- Please. Please, Miss Grant. Really, it's of no concern to us... as long as you refuse to cooperate with certain individuals who seek to harm and slur Congressman Dilbeck... for their own selfish political gain. I don't know what you're talking about. Excuse me. Perhaps you don't... but what a pity if Angela were to be placed in a state home. Pretty grim, most of them. A lot of, uh, strange people working there. No, I'd recommend that you cooperate with us, Miss Grant, for the child's sake, which means you talk to no one about tonight or any night. Understood? Of course. Good. Now if you'll excuse me, I better toss the congressman into a cold shower. By the way, I can see why he's so taken by your charms. Good night. Watch your step on the gangplank. She ain't dumb enough. Try anything? No. He ask you back? No. Aren't we miss talkative tonight? I'm just a little tired. What's the matter? Come on. (Grunting) Monty. Yeah. (Gagging) This reptile's a freaking lemon. Who are you? Help! So how did it go? Fine. No problems? No. None. But no information? Zero. Look, I gotta run. You know, Angela's wiped, and, um, I'll see you later, OK? (Cheering) Yes. Ok. It's good. Do something! I'm doing something. I'm protecting you. MAN: oh, my god. What a show. Oh! That's not Monty! Is everything all right? We'll find Monty. We'll find him. Who was that snake? It doesn't look bad. What happened here? We got a problem with a dead snake. Gee, that's funny. So do I. Here comes that brilliant and charming attorney of yours--Mr. Mordecai. Found him 400 yards offshore. Now show him the rest of his kisser. Crabs find lawyers a particular delicacy. Looks like lasagne. Cover that shit up. You want to tell me why your name was on his calendar for tomorrow? I was involved in litigation with a yogurt company. Uh-huh. Just based on my limited experience, this doesn't look like the kind of thing a yogurt company would ordinarily do. You know, I hear this prick represented the kid who got mauled at your club. Now, that I find fascinating, Shad. He had a picture-- (Belch) Man, I'm going to lose it. No, no. A picture of what? A certain legislator? Yeah, beating a kid's ass. And where's the original? I got no idea. (Belch) Here. Freshen up. All right. Thanks. Can I interest you in dessert? No, no. Just the check. Ha ha ha! So Dilbeck didn't invite her back? She said no. Well, that's good. I mean, I don't think she should go there again, you know, even with you. And what was with her tonight? She seemed all edgy. Man, she got her moods. Could be that time of the month. Oh, so you're like the gynecologist/bouncer, bouncer/gynecologist-- Hey. I just watch out for the girl. Wow, so do I. That makes a grand total of 2 people in the entire state of Florida, because the higher-ups in my department, they're not exactly pushing this investigation. Does this make any sense to you? Because of this asshole congressman? Bingo! We got 2 homicides here, and nobody gives a shit, and I'm worried about that girl, man. She's out there all by herself. ERIN: hello, city desk? (Birds chirping) Well, it is an unusual time for a news conference, but the congressman feels it will dramatize his message. WOMAN: OK. We'll have a camera crew there. Ok. Great. No, there won't be any need to confirm. Ok. I've got everything, then. Mm-hmm. Thank you. Hey. Good morning, pumpkin. How'd you sleep? Good. How about you? Well, I just... I slept great, honey. You want some cereal? Not right now. WOMAN: Good morning. Hello, CNN? How may I help you? Uh, yes. News desk, please. One second, please. MAN: yeah? Hi, this is Jennifer, and, um, I'm calling from Congressman Dilbeck's office, and Malcolm Moldousky asked me to call about the news conference at the old refinery. TV: Aah! ERIN: mm-hmm. Ha ha ha! Aah! Quit moving! Whose Mercedes is that? Some orthodontist from Tampa. God, Darrell, what would Mama say? She'd say, "nice fucking car." Ow! You got a mouth like a sewer! I need some morphine. Yeah, well, I don't got none for humans. What are you talking about, humans? All's I got is some the vet gave to me when lupa had her cubs. Wolf morphine? I don't know, Darrell. I think so. Well, so give me. I'm dying here-- busted arm, 2 nights in jail. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Darrell! How'd you break it so bad? Playing polo with Donald Trump, OK? Now lookit, it says here you take 2 every 4 hours with a bowl of milk. Oh, that sounds good to me. I said 2! God damn it! You have to throw down a spade, another 7, unless you have an 8. Then you can change suits. Oh, so that's why they call it crazy eights, right? Yeah. Mommy, when are you coming back? By 2:00, sweetheart, but I hope you will be asleep by then. Oh. We'll take care of her. Don't worry. Uh, you're going out? Yes. I'll be back around 2:00, then I'll dance the late shift. Can you tell me where you-- no, I can't. Ok. You be good, pumpkin. I will. Ok. She'll be fine, Erin. Don't worry. Ok. I'll see you, baby. You going to the boat, right? Not without me. I'm going to be late. Erin, listen up. Why'd you tell me you weren't going? I didn't want anybody to know. Like who? Like Garcia. Then just say, "Shad, don't tell Garcia." What's up? They're going to stick Angela in a foster home if I don't keep my mouth shut. Says who? Says Dilbeck's guy, that creep Moldousky. Promise me you'll stay with her every second. I need to know that. I--I--I can't let you go there alone. Shad, they're gonna pay me $5,000. I need the money. I need to get out of here and lead a normal, fully-dressed life with shopping lists and school buses and everything. If they wanted to kill me, they would have done it already. Let me get this straight. So you're going to go there, dance, and come back here? Correct. I know you, Erin. Something's up. Trust me. Come on. I've got it under control. Just promise me that you will stay with Angela every second. I'll see you later. Erin... Bonsoir. Bonsoir. (Horns honking) (Horns honking) (Tires skidding) Sorry. Hey. You speak English? Sometime. What do you think about the people you work for? They're filth-- exploiters of the poor. I think you and I are going to get along just fine. $5,000, I expect to get laid. It's only human. Davy, I want you to listen to me. That beautiful lady doesn't understand. She doesn't understand what it's like to make love to a United States Congressman. I mean, the ecstasy, the wonder of-- listen to me, you sick fuck. She's been meeting with a cop. Well, maybe he's from the titty squad. He's homicide. Fact number 2, she used to work at the FBI as a secretary. This bitch is poison, davy. She's out to slaughter us. Make a fool of me. Screw yourself bowlegged, Davy of the Navy, then let us handle it. I'll be on the top deck. I thought she cared for me. We're heavy. Copy. Uh-huh. No cheating now. 1, 2, 3... ANGELA: whee! Can I get a break? Ha ha ha! Shad's a loser! Shad's a loser! Yo! Yo! All right, Miss Angela. 6! All right! You always get a 6. EURHYTHMICS: # sweet dreams are made of this # who am I to disagree? # I travel the world and the 7 seas # everybody's looking for something # some of them want to use you Down, bowzer. Be patient. Don't tease me. Oh, I'm not teasing. You just sit back, relax, have yourself another drink because tonight is the night. # Hey It sure is. Ah! Ow! You... who are you? I want my daughter. What? Chico! How'd you get on board? My little 'un. I want her. Your little 'un, whoever she is, is not here. Chico! (Music playing) (Click click) (Mumbling) Damn! Yeah. Look, uh... now, there's a sight to raise the dead. Who's that old freak? Hold on a second. I know who that is. Is that the... Hey, is that that guy from Price Is Right? Hey! Oh! Ah! You got my daughter, and now you try and kill me with a axe. I don't have your daughter. You're confused. And it's an axe. Well, I'm stoned, but I ain't confused. Hey...hey! Stole my little 'un. # Sweet dreams are made of this # who am I to disagree? (Glass breaks) Before we make love, I wish to shave you. # I don't need a shave. # Some of them want to use you Hey there, partygoers. # Some of them want to get used by you # some of them want to abuse you # some of them want to be abused # oooh # hey, hey, hey # ooh # ohh # sweet dreams are made of this # who am I to disagree? # I travel the world and the 7 seas Where's Erin? I don't hear you. Oh, shit. # Ooh # ooh # ooh # hold your head up # keep your head up, moving on # hold your head up, moving on # keep your head up, moving on # hold your head up, moving on # keep your head up, moving on # hold your head up, moving on # keep your head up MAN: tiffany! Go, baby, go! # Sweet dreams are made of this # who am I to disagree? # I travel the world and the 7 seas # everybody's looking for something Is mommy OK? She's fine, honey. We're on our way. We're going to pick her up right now. We'll play card games, have some fun. She's not going to like this, man. I don't give a shit what she told you. How could you let her go there alone? I thought you were in jail. I made my bail. Who is he? This son of a bitch your hus-- Just hang on. Here's your nickel. Nice dance. Would you please just get out of here? No. Hey, are you that guy from Price Is Right? No! I'm Congressman David Dilbeck. Congressman? Yeah. No shit?! Well, I steal wheelchairs, so we got a lot in common. I'm getting tired. I think I just killed a lying weasel. You did what? Beat him with this here club. Well, then get out and leave us alone! I'm about to mount this here beauty. Maybe not. You're talking about my wife. It's time for us to take a little drive. Malcolm? Malcolm? Move it! Move it! Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. DILBECK: get on with it! ERIN: Keep quiet! Come on, you two! Hurry it up! Shit. Look at this, man. Help me, you assholes. Hey! Help! Hey! Stop! Stop! That's why I voted against gun control, because weapons can end up in the wrong hands. Will you please shut up? (Tires screeching) What? Doesn't start. Oh! We are in trouble. Oh, no. Oh, no, man. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Ha ha ha! That fracture looks bad. I mean, maybe we ought to drop him off at the doctor. We're not dropping anybody anywhere. My big sister Rita done up my arm. Oh, really? I'm a great believer in family. Pierre, do you have a pen and some paper? Didn't feel the way I thought it would, killing a man. Killing a man? It felt terrible. I want you to write something. What? I want you to give me custody of Angela. No way. Darrell, you are going to jail for what you did tonight, and I will not have that child placed in a foster home for one minute. So please, a simple note. "I, Darrell Grant..." I love that little 'un. I know you do. "Give full custody..." You do? Yes, I do. So let's do this for her, OK? Let's not put her at risk anymore. "To my wife Erin Grant..." OK. Good boy. You know, you write quite poorly. Are you a high school graduate? Darrell. Shit. Everybody just stay put, all right? This girl is nuts. My prostate doctor said that-- that I have to urinate whenever possible. Well, then, go relieve yourself over there. Go. Pierre, just stay with him, and... Darrell. Darrell! Darrell! (Moaning) Ok. Darrell? Now, wake up. Come on. Here. You gotta sign this. Just sign your name. That's all you gotta do now before you get arrested. Now, come on. Sign your name. There you go. Darrell grant. Good boy. Good. That's right. Uh! Oh! I'm back! No more teasing. Oh, finally. What? Finally you take me like a man-- like a congressman. I knew you cared for me. I knew Malcolm didn't know what he was talking about. Now, take me. Here? Oh, no. I've got a special spot picked out for us. Now get that music box for me, will you, honey? Sure. Sorry, boss. I don't know-- oh, shut up, you nitwit! Look, don't explain. We got a goddamn stripper about to bring us all down. How do I look? Not bad. What happened to him? I hit him in the head with a rock. Who's the man? You're the man. You are the man and oh, so strong. Well, here we are. Here? You ever make it on a pile of sugar before? No, but I'm willing to try. Well, you're in for a treat. Well, I want to tell you, you're in for a treat, too, darling. Now you just let me put some music on while you take off those pretty little pants. You better put on some blast goggles 'cause you're in for an overwhelming sight. Shit, man! Radio for help! Yeah, and what am I supposed to tell them, Congressman Dilbeck abducted a woman? They'll shut off their radios and go help the freak. So we're it-- a cop and a bouncer? Plus 2 strippers and a kid. We're in great shape. And 2. DILBECK: how come here? How come not that yacht? ERIN: well, you know, I'm kind of private. I don't like people watching. DILBECK: Me neither. I don't like anything kinky. ERIN: oh, I know you don't, 'cause you're a real man. I knew it when poor Jerry was killed, and Shad's lawyer. I said Davy's the real thing-- an m-a-n, man. A man tries to blackmail you, you got to deal with it. You got to be hard, and you got to be firm. Whoo! And you can dance. Marry me. What? Marry me. Just say it. You are married. I know, but I'd leave my wife in a heartbeat. She wouldn't care. She doesn't like me anyhow. Well, this is very sudden, Davy, and, uh, I think I have a lot to think about. I'll make you proud of me. Oh, I know you would. It's just like when Jerry said to me, "I'm gonna shake down Congressman Dilbeck," and I said, "are you crazy? Blackmail a real man like that?" I said to Malcolm, "just do what you have to do to jerry, that fat lawyer. Just do it." Just do it. Just do it. And he did, didn't he? He sure did. You idiot! Shit! Hi, Malcolm. How you doing? I'd like to introduce you to my fiancee-- Miss Erin Grant. Sorry, Davy. You both got to go. Willie's orders. You are sick. Murder/suicide, Miss Grant. Suicide? Hell of a story, isn't it? A congressman and a stripper. Excuse me? What did you call me? A stripper. Dancer, asshole. George Bush! That's not George Bush. I've seen George Bush. That doesn't look anything like George Bush. Drop 'em. You got till 3. 1... what, are you nuts? Yeah. Psycho. Delusions of invincibility combined with a strong homicidal urge. I have a kick-your-ass fetish. (Sniffs) 2... Boss? 3! Nico? Aah! God damn it! Good evening, everyone. # Postman, postman, do your duty # send this letter to an American beauty You are now under arrest for a variety of charges. (Groaning) I need some coffee. Why don't we start with homicide? You're not arresting anyone. Black, no sugar. (Alarm) I said no sugar. (Men coughing) You know you have a serious dandruff problem. Ladies! Mama! Mama! Baby! You OK, mama? I'm fine, baby. See how you can get tendinitis? Come on, guys. Congressman, you called a news conference? Holy shit. Thank you. Thank you. There comes a time in every public figure's career when he has to think about his future. (Reporters all talking at once) (Siren) DILBECK ON TAPE: Jerry, that fat lawyer. Just do it, and he did. MALCOLM: you idiot! (Stops tape) Do you have any idea how nuts this was? Mama? We're going, baby. Thank you for all your help. Yeah, likewise. You, uh, you keep me posted, now, on what you decide to do. Yeah, well, maybe I'll run for congress. There's going to be a seat open now. Maybe you should. I'll talk to you soon. Yeah. Stay in touch. You shouldn't have done this without me. Won't happen again. Captioning performed by the National Captioning Institute, inc. EURYTHMICS: # my mother told me good # my mother told me strong # she said # be true to yourself, and you can't go wrong # but there's just one thing that you must understand # you can fool with your brother # but don't mess with a missionary man # don't mess with a missionary man # don't mess with a missionary man # don't mess with a missionary man # oh # oh, the missionary man # he's got God on his side # he's got the saints and apostles # backing up from behind # black-eyed looks from those by-the-books # he's a man with a mission, got a serious mind # there was a woman in the jungle # and a monkey on a tree # the missionary man, he was followin' me # he said, stop what you're doin' # get down upon your knees # I've a message for you that you better believe # believe # believe # believe # believe... # oh, yeah! # Oh # don't mess with him, no, no # don't mess with a missionary man # oh # leave him alone # missionary man # don't you mess with him, no, no # missionary man # oh # missionary man # don't mess with a missionary man # don't you mess with that man # oh # missionary man # yeah CHYNNA pHILLIPS: # you touch my hand # I live for you # because your eyes, they understand # I live for you # come to me # lay your body down # I won't deny you anything # you look at me # I feel so different now # you're the one I cry to # you're all around me # I breathe you in like air # your arms around me # like waves that find the sand # and, baby, I'll be there # you touch my hand # I live for you # because your eyes, they understand # I live for you # in my life # you come through # I live for, I live for # I live for you # in your arms # I try my life, live for you # live for you # in my life # I am free # no one could ever understand what you do to me # you touch my hand # I live for you #because your eyes, they understand # I live for you # in my life # in my life # you come through # you come through # I live for, I live for # I live for you # you hear my soul # so deep in you # nobody knows the things you know # I live for you # in my life # in my life # you come through # you come through # I live for, I live for # I live for, I live for you # I live for you # I live for you # I live for you # I live for you