www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Able 2016 BELL RINGS WHISTLE BLOWS (PLAYS THE BLUES) (HONKS HORN) TYRES SCREECH WHOOPEE CUSHION FARTS Here you go, boy. Soup's on. (GROWLS) Woop! Hey, if you're out here, then who's in there? Whoa! A badger! Sorry, man. You can't crash here. Come on, let's go. (GROWLS) (WHIMPERS) Well, boy, looks like you got yourself a room-mate. (WHIMPERS) Come on, Lise. There's got to be a way to lure that badger out. Well, according to whatbadgerseat.com,... 'Badgers subsist primarily... on a diet of stoats, voles and marmots.' Hmm, stoats, stoats... Stoats are weasels, Bart. They don't come in cans. Then what's this? That says 'Corn,' Bart. Must you embarrass me? Here we are: 'In a pinch, badgers have even been known to eat woodpeckers.' Perfect! Hey, Todd,... can we borrow your woodpecker? I guess so. But we need him back by 6. It's his birthday. OK. (SNARLS AND GROWLS) Ow! (LAUGHS LIKE WOODY WOODPECKER) Doh! TV broken? No, there's a badger in there. Badger, my ass! It's probably Milhouse. Milhouse... Milhouse... (GROWLS AND SNAPS) HOMER SCREAMS It's a badger, all right. Or possibly a griffin. Bart, do you have dynamite? Tons. Get it. No, Dad, we don't want to kill him. Let's call animal control. Great idea. Then we should call a doctor about this. How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt? What am I, a tailor? TRI-TONE BEEPS RECORDED VOICE: Your call cannot be completed as dialled. Please make sure you have the correct area code. Area code?! But it's a local call! The phone company ran out of numbers,... so they split the city into two area codes. Half the town keeps the old 636 area code,... and our half gets 939. 939?! What the hell is that? Oh, my life is ruined! Jeez, you just have to remember three extra numbers. Oh, if only it were that easy, Marge. Go away! We got bigger problems now! I'm not going to stand for this. I'm going to call the newspapers, the TV stations,... the gas stations, everybody! TRI-TONE BEEPS (SCREAMS) BEEPING CONTINUES (WHIMPERS) I hate this new area code. Like I don't have enough to remember already. Don't you miss the old 636... Carl? I'm not sure which one's better. The six is closer to the three,... so you got convenience there,... but the nine has less to do with Satan,... which is a plus in this religious world of ours. What really burns me up... is they didn't give us one word of warning. What do you mean? They ran those TV commercials about it,... and that big radio campaign. Don't forget the leaflets they dropped from the space shuttle,... and the two weeks we all spent at area-code camp. Not a single word of warning. BILL ON RADIO: And traffic's all backed up... due to a mattress on the freeway. A mattress? Uh-oh! Joan Collins must be in town. BOTH LAUGH AUSTIN POWERS: Oh, behave! (LAUGHS) Joan Collins! That girl sleeps with everybody! OK, time to give away free concert tickets. GARY COLEMAN: What you talkin' about? What we're talkin' about, Gary, is The Who! We're giving away tickets to next week's concert... at Springfield's historic Yahoo Search Engine arena! GASPS: The Who? I love bands! And now, we'll dial our big winner at random. JINGLE SINGERS: # Dialing at random! # OK, let's start with five, five, five... Uh-huh... Three, six, zero, and... nine! That's my number! PHONE RINGS ON RADIO MR BURNS ON RADIO: Ahoy, hoy. Hey... that's not me. Dad, we're not in their area code any more. BILL: Congratulations, you're gonna... rendezvous with The Who! Oh, it's not fair! I've been a fan of The Who since the very beginning... when they were The Hillbilly Bugger Boys. You should call the radio station and let 'em have it. Good idea! TRI-TONE BEEPS (LAUGHS) Why, you little` (GRUNTS) Oh! I know that some of you are upset... about the area code change,... especially those of you... covered with dynamite. First, let me reassure you,... your fears are groundless and your complaints moronic. MURMURS This film will explain everything to you... in words that you can understand. FILM PROJECTOR WHIRRS Hi, I'm Phoney McRingring,... mascot and president of the telephone company,... and I'm here to explain... why the convenience of one area code in... COMPUTER VOICE: your town... has been replaced by the convenience of two area codes. Uh, I have a question, Phoney... It's a movie, Dad. Quiet, honey, Daddy's asking the man a question. You're probably thinking: 'Sure, more area codes are great... 'and I don't mind paying the extra hidden fees,... 'but how will I remember all those numbers?' Well, scientists have discovered... that even monkeys can memorise 10 numbers. Are you stupider than a monkey? How big of a monkey? (LAUGHS) Of course you're not. Well, I'm convinced. A professional-looking film like that has got to be right. I agree. Two area codes is more convenient. Wait a minute, we haven't heard from me yet,... the nut with the dynamite! The phone company is bamboozling you. ALL MURMUR I accuse the phone company of making that film on purpose. Well, of course we did. ALL GASP Now, I'm not one to make trouble,... but it seems to me that everyone... who got to keep the old, or classic, 636 area code,... lives on the rich side of town! Ooh, poppycock. I never! And, as usual, we Joe 12-packs... get the royal screw job. Homer's right! We're getting the Joan Collins' special. He's right! CLAMOUR Well, I've had it! You rich snobs aren't pushing us around any more! And what are you pathetic slobs going to do about it? Well, I... (GRUNTS) Huh? (GRUNTS) Oh, nice wiring, Bart. It worked on the test corpse. OK, plan B. Fellow 939-ers,... I say we break off and form our own city! ALL CHEER 1 There... We're officially a city. Now we just sit back and wait for an NFL franchise. (WHISTLES) Say, I couldn't help but overhear. I represent the Arizona Cardinals... Keep walking. Good decision there, Homer. You showed a lot of poise. Yeah, maybe you ought to be mayor of New Springfield. Mayor, eh? GUNSHOTS I reluctantly accept... this highly paid glamorous job. Presenting our new plaque. I say the time for bitterness has passed. Let us extend to our brothers in New Springfield... the olive branch of... (GROANS) New Springfield rocks! ALL LAUGH Go ahead and laugh. We have a better town bird. Oh, yeah? What is it? The bluebird. Damn it. More wheatcakes, Mr Mayor? Read my lips: yes. Dad, you got syrup on your sash. No problem. If you ask me... Stop right there. It's stupid to divide the city... over something as silly as an area code. It'd be like you and Mom splitting up... every time you had a fight. Sweetie, you know your mother and I... only stay together... for the sake of my political career. That's not true. Big grins. That'll play great in the sticks. Oh, that was 50 already? Go long! Hey, look what I found: a novelty flying disc. Give it back. That's my novelty flying disc. You're in Olde Springfield now. Everything on this side of the park belongs to us. Hey, his pants are in our park, too. Get him! (GRUNTS) (LAUGHS) My homework is in your park. Let's do it! What does freedom mean to me? APU: All right, root beer, bananas,... and toilet paper. 50% out-of-towners' tax. Out-of-towner tax? I'm sorry, Mrs Simpson,... but we have to charge you foreign devils more. All right, but this better be... the best toilet paper I've ever had. No worries there. That's Henderson's toilet paper. Oh, why didn't you say so? Hey, is there a bathroom here? Not for you. (GRUMBLES) MARGE: I don't know why,... but I just didn't feel comfortable... until I was back here in New Springfield... with my own kind. Mom! They were looking at me... with their eyes. As expected, New Springfield's bold experiment... in slob rule is a disaster. Hey, the TV man is talking about us. A study shows their crumbling economy... is due to their lazy attitude and shoddy work. How the hell did they find that out? Scientists say they're also less attractive physically,... and while we speak in a well-educated manner,... they tend to use low-brow expressions like: 'Oh, yeah?' and 'Come here a minute.' Oh, yeah? They think they're better than us, huh? Bart, come here a minute. You come here a minute. Oh, yeah? Dad, I don't think this is such a good idea. Thank you, Marge. Now, let's see how Olde Snubfield does... without electricity. ELECTRICITY SHORTS Woo-hoo! Oh, no, you can't do heart surgery in the dark. Sounds like a wager to me. I'll take a piece of that. I will now transport Sir Isaac Newton... into the modern day. WHIRRS COMPUTER: Warning! Power failure Aha! Oh, good God. Hey! Watch it! Now, watch it! Ow! Sir Isaac's legs are hurting. TV MAN: In retaliation for the power outage,... Olde Springfield patriots... have intercepted a beer truck,... bound for New Springfield,... and dumped all the beer in the river. Those rich snobby Indians. (GRUNTS) Oh, there's nothing like revenge... for getting back at people. I don't know; vengeance is pretty good. They got us now. Without water, we're doomed. Wait a minute. What's that gold-coloured substance in the riverbed? Why, that's gold. (LAUGHS) We're slightly richer. ALL CHEER Eureka! With the money made from the gold,... Olde Springfield was able to buy... the Evian water factory... and fly it over here from France. Oh! Thanks, Mayor Simpson. Because of you, we're all taking golden showers. CREW LAUGH What? We can't go on fighting with Olde Springfield. These people are our neighbours. We see them every day. You're right. We've got to block them from our sight... with a giant wall. Like the one in Berlin? Good idea. We should call the guys they used. TRI-TONE BEEPS Homer. It's ringing. TRI-TONE BEEPS And I'd thank Low Ball Construction... for building this amazing wall... from 90% recycled material. SCATTERED APPLAUSE I'm so conflicted. About what? Loyal citizens of New Springfield,... you stayed on my side of town,... despite a total lack of hospitals and schools,... and a sewage nightmare that threatens to consume us all. How do we get our food? All the roads are blocked. ALL MURMUR Don't worry. We have plenty of supplies to get through tomorrow,... and then a wave of disease should help to... Hey! Stop streaming over the wall! At least wait till I'm through talking. OK, now, as for food,... the following breeds of dog are edible. Oh! I can't believe all those rats fled my town. I guess it's just us and the tumbleweeds. Oh! 1 BART: Well, Dad,... you're mayor of a ghost town. Oh, I can't believe those traitors abandoned us. They couldn't take one lousy famine. Dad, you're bleeding. No problem. Anyhow, those rats will come crawling back. Heh, heh. We've got The Who playing here tonight. Dad, the arena's in Olde Springfield. Doh! Don't give up, Dad. Maybe we can get The Who to play here instead. Hey, maybe we could. But we'll need some liquid persuasion. Come on, Bart. We're going to bring back The Who. (KISSES) (MOANS) Can I help you? Uh,... Dad, the chloroform. Huh? Oh, right. I'll give you this bottle of chloroform... if you'll take us to The Who. Oh, so you want to see The Who, huh? Well, I'll take you to The Who. Here's your who! I thought we fired that guard. Oh, yeah, right. I got fired by The Who. Whatever you say, pal. (WHISTLES) Wacko. Wow, The Who! Whoo! Rock and roll! What the hell are you doing? Duh. Trashing the hotel room. But we promised the desk clerk we'd be good. Yeah, we don't want to lose our pool privileges. Whatever. The point is, I'm Homer Simpson. The mayor of New Springfield? That's right. The crazy mayor of New Springfield? That's right. And I implore you to move your concert to our town. Don't play Olde Springfield. Or, as it is sometimes known, Sun City. But we have a handshake agreement... with a concert promoter... and that's a sacred bond. ALL: Sacred bond. Come on, what happened to the angry, defiant Who... of My Generation, Won't Get Fooled Again... and Mama's Got A Squeeze Box? We know our songs, Homer. But those Olde Springfield squares... are just going to make you cut your hair,... turn down your music,... and wear frilly shirts like Keith Partridge. Keith Partridge? Who huddle. ALL MUTTER We'll do it. Just send a cab for us. Something wrong with your legs? You're right. The walk will do us good. I opened for The Who at Woodstock. I came out in a Beatle wig with a ukulele. Hendrix said he almost plotzed ` his exact words. Oh, I never tire of that story. Smithers, why did you iron... a crease in these dungarees? I look like a square. Uh, that crease is in your leg, sir. Oh, so it is. Yes... ALL YELL Hmm, it's not like The Who to be tardy. I'm worried. What's that? MUSIC PLAYS What's that? Argh! 'Tis The Who! By my reckoning,... they're in the scurvy depths of New Springfield. Homer stole our rock performance. That fat, dumb and bald guy... sure plays some real hardball. Who's ready to riot? ALL YELL ANGRILY # I won't get to get what I'm after... # till the day I die... # How you doing out there, New Springfield? CHEERS AND APPLAUSE To be honest, it's a little chilly. Ow! DALTREY: Get out of the way, Marge. We were expecting a bigger crowd, Homer. Oh, don't worry, they'll be here soon,... and then they'll see who's got the better town. Now, these are the tunes I want you boys to play. Wait a minute. Homer, a lot of these are... Grand Funk Railroad songs. And we don't know Pacman Fever. Oh, come on, it plays itself. # Pacman fever,... # doodle-ee-do. # It's a'drivin' me a cra-aa-aazy! # Look, Lisa, Daddy's in The Who. (IMITATES ELECTRIC GUITAR) Ow! Give us back our concert, Simpson! So, New Springfield's... looking pretty good now, isn't it,... with our ample parking... and daily Who concerts? Daily?! Daily?! We'll talk. Yeah, all right, enough chitchat. Let's see how you like flaming garbage! SINGSONG: Ha, ha, you hit the tyre fire. You'll have to do bet` Ow! Oh, why me? Ow! Ooh, ooh, ooh! People, please. What's all this fighting about? Apparently, they have two different area codes. Well, I'll be chuggered. That's a sticky wicket. Why not just buy telephones... with auto ring-up? Or, as you Yanks call it, speed-dial. INTRIGUED MURMURING Radio Shack has some great ones. Says you. Play Magic Bus. Yeah, Magic Bus! OK, we'll play Magic Bus... if you tear down this wall. Pinball Wizard! Oh, hell, I'll do it myself. POWER CHORD (PLAYS 'WON'T GET FOOLED AGAIN') CHEERS # Yeah! # I'll tip my hat to the new constitution. # Take a bow for the new revolution... # Marge, looks like your insane experiment is over. My experiment? You're the one who came up with this whole idea... # just like yesterday. # Then I get on my knees... # and pray... # Yeah! # Meet the new boss,... # same as the old boss... # www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Able 2016