# Michael Rennie was ill # The Day the Earth Stood Still # # But he told us where we stand # # And Flash Gordon was there # In silver underwear # Claude Rains was The Invisible Man # # Then something went wrong # For Fay Wray and King Kong # They got caught in a celluloid jam # # Then at a deadly pace # It Came From Outer Space # And this is how the message ran # # Science fiction # Ooh, wah, ooh # Double feature # Doctor X # Ooh, wah, ooh # Will build a creature # See androids fighting # Ooh, wah, ooh # Ooh # Brad and Janet # Anne Francis stars in # Ooh, wah, ooh # Forbidden Planet # Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh # At the late-night double feature # # Picture show # (indistinct chatter, laughter) (giggles) # I knew Leo G. Carroll # Was over a barrel # When Tarantula # Took to the hills # And I really got hot # When I saw Janette Scott # Fight a triffid that spits poison and kills # # Dana Andrews said prunes # Gave him the runes # And passing them used lots of skill # # But When Worlds Collide # Said George Pal to his bride # I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills # # Like a # Science fiction # Ooh, wah, ooh # Double feature # Doctor X # Ooh, wah, ooh # Will build a creature # See androids fighting # Ooh, wah, ooh # Ugh, Brad and Janet # Anne Francis stars in # Ooh, wah, ooh # Forbidden Planet # Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh # At the late-night # Double feature picture show # I want to go # Wah, oh, oh # To the late-night double feature # (wolf whistle) # Picture show # By RKO # Wah, oh, oh # To the late-night # Double feature # Picture show # In the back row # Ah, oh, oh # To the late-night # Double feature # Picture show # Oh, ooh # Mm, mm. # (drumroll) (fanfare plays) (crowd cheering) (people gasping, electricity powering down) (church bells play upbeat tune) (indistinct chatter, laughter) Oh, here they come! (crowd cheering) All the grandparents, parents, close friends. (laughs) (applause) WOMAN: Betty! You're so beautiful. Hey, Ralph. Well, guess we really did it, huh? Oh, I don't think there's any doubt about that. You and Betty have almost been inseparable since you met in Dr. Scott's refresher courses. To tell you the truth, Brad, that was the only reason I showed up in the first place. (both laugh) I'm gonna throw the bouquet. Oh, my gosh! Hurry! Hurry! Hey, Brad, Betty's gonna throw her bouquet. WOMAN: Betty, over here! WOMAN 2: Betty, throw it to your right! Okay, everyone, this is it. Are you ready? Me! (women whooping) I've got it! I've got it! Hey, big fella, looks like it could be your turn next, huh? Who knows? So long. See you, Brad. Come on now, Betty! (sniffs) (church bells playing tune) Look at me, Betty. (camera clicks) (laughs) Bye, you two! (car horn honks) WOMAN: Bye. MAN: Miss you! MAN 2: Take care! ALL: Hapschatt, Hapschatt! Rah, rah, rah! Hapschatt, Hapschatt! Rah, rah, rah! Hapschatt, Hapschatt! Rah, rah, rah! Hapschatt, Hapschatt! Rah, rah, rah! Hapschatt, Hapschatt! Rah, rah, rah! Oh, Brad, wasn't it wonderful? Didn't Betty look radiantly beautiful? Oh, I can't believe that an hour ago she was plain old Betty Monroe, and now... now she's Mrs. Ralph Hapschatt. Yes. Yes, Janet. Ralph is a lucky guy. Yes. (chuckles) Uh, everyone knows Betty is a wonderful little cook. Yes. Why, Ralph himself-- he will be in line for a promotion in a year or two. Yes. Hey, Janet? Yes, Brad. I've got something to say. Uh-huh. I really love...d the skilful way that you beat the other girls to the bride's bouquet. Oh. (laughs) Oh, Brad. # The river was deep, but I swam it # Janet # The future is ours so let's plan it # Janet # Ah, just please # Don't tell me to can it Janet # I have one thing to say # # And that's damn it, Janet # I love you # Ah-ooh, ah-ooh # The road was long, but I ran it # Janet # There's a fire in my heart and you fan it # Janet # If there's one fool for you, then I am it # Janet # Now I've one thing to say # And that's, damn it, Janet, I love you # # Ah-ooh, ah-ooh Oh! Here's the ring to prove that I'm no joker # # There's three ways that love can grow # # That's good, bad or Oh, shoot, um... # Mediocre # Oh, J-A-N-E-T, I love you so # Oh! It's nicer than Betty Monroe had # # Oh, Brad # Now we're engaged and I'm so glad # # Oh, Brad # That you met Mom and you know Dad # Oh, Brad # I've one thing to say and that's # # Brad, I'm mad for you, too # Ah-ooh, ah-ooh # Oh, Brad # Oh, damn it # I'm mad # Oh, Janet Oh. # For you # I love you, too, ooh, ooh # Oh. # There's one thing left to do-ah-ooh # And that's go see the man who began it # # Janet # When we met in his science exam, it # Oh! Janet # Made me give you the eye and then panic # Janet # Now I've one thing to say, and that's # Damn it, Janet, I love you # # Ah-ooh, ah-ooh # Damn it, Janet # Oh, Brad, I'm mad # Damn it, Janet # I love you. # (crowd cheering) Yeah! I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey. ALL: How strange was it? It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Brad Majors and his fiancee, Janet Weiss, left Denton that late October evening to visit a Dr. Everett Scott, once tutor and now friend to both of them. RADIO DJ: ...hubcap shaped object floating in the sky. Gosh, that's the third motorcyclist that's passed us. They sure do take their lives in their hands, what with the weather and all. Yes, Janet, life is pretty cheap to that type. (tyres screech) What's the matter, Brad, darling? We must've taken a wrong fork a few miles back. But then where did that motorcyclist come from? Hmm. Well, we're just going to have to turn back. (loud bang, Janet screams, tyres screech) What was that bang? We must've had a blowout. Damn it! I knew I should've had that spare tyre fixed. Well, you stay here and keep warm. I will go look for help. Where will you go? We're in the middle of nowhere. Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles? Maybe they have a telephone I could use. I'm going with you. Oh, no. Darling. There is no sense in both of us getting wet. I'm coming with you. Besides, darling, the owner of that phone might be a beautiful woman and you might never come back again. (both laughing) Oh. (Janet whimpering softly) (thunder rumbling) # In the velvet darkness # Of the blackest night # Burning bright # There's a guiding star # No matter what # Or who you are (glasses squeak) # There's a light # Over at the Frankenstein place # # There's a light # Burning in the fireplace # There's a light # Light in the darkness # Of everybody's life (engine revving) Oh! # The darkness must go # Down the river of nights dreaming # # Flow morphia slow # Let the sun and light come streaming # # Into my life # Into my life # There's a light # Over at the Frankenstein place # # There's a light # Burning in the fireplace # There's a light # Light # In the darkness # Of everybody's life. # (thunder rumbling) PEOPLE CHATTER, DANCE MUSIC PULSATES They've been on the sauce. PEOPLE CHATTER, DANCE MUSIC PULSATES They've been on the sauce. Your party! DANCE MUSIC PULSATES They've been on the sauce. Your party! That's Mary's boy, isn't it? Yeah. Maybe you should say something. Yeah. Maybe you should say something. Nah. I'm crap at that kind of thing, Barry. Yeah, but they're just kids. If we don't say something... (GROANS) Hey, boys? Boys? Why don't you get a lift home tonight? Oh, whatever, mate. I've only had a couple. No, no, no, no. It's too late now. I've spoken to you and I know your mum, so that means our fates are aligned. You get into that car and you get yourself killed or you kill someone else, I become part of it too. How? yourself killed or you kill someone else, I become part of it too. How? Well, it's like, um, my balls are in your hands. BOYS LAUGH, SNORT BOY: Oh, you want the balls! BOYS LAUGH, SNORT BOY: Oh, you want the balls! Nobody wants that. Hey, how about I drive you? What? Oh. BOY: Oh, you want the balls! Nobody wants that. Hey, how about I drive you? What? Oh. BOYS LAUGH, DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO BOY: Oh, you want the balls! Nobody wants that. Hey, how about I drive you? (SWITCHES RADIO STATION) BOYS LAUGH, DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO BOY: Oh, you want the balls! Nobody wants that. Hey, how about I drive you? (SWITCHES RADIO STATION) YODELLING MUSIC PLAYS DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO BOY: Oh, you want the balls! Nobody wants that. Hey, how about I drive you? I like it. And so it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet, and that they had found the assistance that their plight required. (thunder cracks) (screams) Or had they? Oh, Brad. Let's go back. I'm cold and I'm frightened. Just a moment, Janet. They may have a telephone. (sighs) Come on. (door creaking) Hello. (whimpers softly) Hi. My name is Brad Majors. This is my... fiance... (chuckles) Janet Weiss. I-I was wondering if you might be able to help us. You see, our car broke down a few miles up the road. Do you have a phone we might use? You're wet. Yes. It's raining. Yes. Yes. (thunder rumbling) I think perhaps you'd better both come inside. You're too kind. (thunder cracks) (door creaks closed) Are you having a party? (indistinct chatter, laughter nearby) You've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of the master's affairs. Oh. How lucky. You're lucky. He's lucky. I'm lucky. We're all lucky! (laughing maniacally) (laughing continues) # It's astounding (hinges creak) # Time is fleeting # Madness takes its toll # But listen closely # Not for very much longer (both gasp) # I've got to keep control # I remember # Doing the Time Warp # Drinking those moments when (laughing) # The blackness would hit me # And the void would be calling # # Let's do the Time Warp again (laughter) # Let's do the Time Warp again # It's just a jump to the left. # And then a step to the right # # Put your hands on your hips. # You bring your knees in tight # # But it's the pelvic thrust # That really drives you insane # # Let's do the Time Warp again (laughing) # Let's do the Time Warp again (gasps) # It's so dreamy # Oh, fantasy free me # So you can't see me # No, not at all # In another dimension # With voyeuristic intention # Well secluded # I see all # With a bit of a mind flip # You're into a time slip # And nothing (gasps) Geez! # Can ever be the same # You're spaced out on sensation # # Like you're under sedation (thunder cracks) # Let's do the Time Warp again # Let's do the Time Warp again # # Well, I was walking down the street # # Just having a think # When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink # # It shook me up, took me by surprise # # He had a pickup truck and the devil's eyes # # He stared at me and I felt a change # # Time meant nothing, never would again # # Let's do the Time Warp again # Let's do the Time Warp again # # It's just a jump to the left. # And then a step to the right # With your hands on your hips. # You bring your knees in tight # # But it's the pelvic thrust # That really drives you insane # # Let's do the Time Warp again # Let's do the Time Warp again # (tapping to music) (discordant piano notes) (others murmuring, laughing) (Janet screams) # Let's do the Time Warp again # Let's do the Time Warp again # # It's just a jump to the left # And then a step to the right # Put your hands on your hips # You bring your knees in tight # # But it's the pelvic thrust # That really drives you insane # # Let's do the Time Warp again # Let's do the Time Warp again... # (band playing flourish) (music ends, evil chuckle, crowd groans) (groans) (whispering): Say something. Say. Do any of you guys know how to Madison? (crowd groans) (chuckles) Brad, please, let's get out of here. For God's sakes, get a grip on yourself, Janet. But it seems so unhealthy here. It's just a party, Janet. Well, I want to go. Well, we can't go anywhere until I get to a phone. Well, then ask the butler or someone. # Ooh, ooh, ooh # Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh # Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh # Ooh, ooh, ooh Just a moment, Janet. We don't want to interfere with their celebrations. This isn't the Junior Chamber of Commerce, Brad. They're probably foreigners with ways different than our own. They may do some more folk dancing. Brad, look... I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm just plain scared. I'm here. There is nothing to worry about. (screams) # How do you do, I # See you've met my # Faithful handyman # He's just a little brought down # # Because when you knocked # He thought you were the candyman # # Don't get strung out # By the way I look # Don't judge a book by its cover # # I'm not much of a man # By the light of day # But by night I'm one hell of a lover # # I'm just a sweet transvestite # # Sweet transvestite # From Transsexual # Transylvania # Let me show you around # Maybe play you a sound # You look like you're both pretty groovy # # Or if you want something visual # # That's not too abysmal # We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie # I'm glad we caught you at home. Could we use your phone? We're both i-in a bit of a... hurry. So, we'll just say where we are and then go back to the car. We don't want to be any worry. # You got caught with a flat # Well, how about that # Now, babies, don't you panic # By the light of the night # It'll all seem all right # I'll get you a satanic mechanic # # I'm just a sweet transvestite # # Sweet transvestite # From Transsexual # Transylvania # Won't you stay for the night? # Night. Or maybe a bite Bite. # I'd show you my favourite obsession # # I've been making a man # With blond hair and a tan # And he's good for relieving my t-t-tension # # I'm just a sweet transvestite # # Sweet transvestite # From Transsexual # Transylvania # Hey, I'm just a sweet transvestite # # Sweet transvestite # From Transsexual # Transylvania So come up to the lab. And see what's on the slab. I see you shiver with antici... ALL: Say it! ...pation. (crowd exclaims) # But maybe the rain # Isn't really to blame # So I'll remove # the cause... (laughing) ...but not the symptom! (band playing flourish) (music ends) (snapping applause) Thank you. Thank you very much. Oh! Oh. Oh! Oh, Brad. It's all right, Janet. We'll play along for now and pull out the aces when the time is right. This is no time for tricks, Brad. Oh! Whoa! Oh! Oh! Slowly. Slowly. It's too nice a job to rush. Hi. My name is Brad Majors. This is my fiance Janet Weiss. And you are? You are very lucky to be invited up to Frank's laboratory. Some people would give their left arm for the privilege. Hmm, people like you maybe. I've seen it. Mm. Mm-mm. (elevator bell dings) Magenta, Columbia, come assist Riff Raff. (Transylvanians murmur, laugh) Mmm. (laughs) I'll entertain. Mm, mm. Brad Majors. This is my fiance Janet Vice. Weiss. Weiss. (chuckles) Enchante. (giggles): Oh. (chuckles) How nice. And what charming underclothes you both have. But here. Put these on. They'll make you feel less... vulnerable. It's not often we see visitors here. Let alone offer them... hospitality. "Hospitality"? All we wanted was to use your telephone, damn it! A reasonable request, which you have chosen to ignore. Brad? Brad, don't be ungrateful. Ungrateful! (gasping) How... forceful you are, Brad. Such a perfect specimen of manhood. So... dominant. You must be awfully proud of him, Janet. Yes, I am. (chuckles) Do you have any tattoos, Brad? Certainly not. Oh, well. How about you? (chuckles) (cackles) (giggles) Everything is in readiness, Master. We merely await your word. (groans softly) (chuckles) Tonight, my unconventional Conventionalists, you are to witness a new breakthrough in biochemical research. And paradise is to be mine! (snapping applause) (snapping stops) It was strange the way it happened. Suddenly you get a break. (rubber snaps) And all the pieces seem to fit into place. What a sucker you've been. What a fool. (pop, crunch) The answer was there all the time. But it took a small accident to make it happen. (inhales sharply) An accident! COLUMBIA AND MAGENTA (whispering): "An accident"? (feedback hums) And that's how I discovered the secret. That elusive ingredient, that spark that is the breath of life! (snapping applause) (snapping stops) You see, you are fortunate. For tonight is the night my beautiful creature is destined to be born! (thunder cracks) (snapping applause) (laughing) Hoopla! Hey, oh! (all whooping) Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator. (machine powers on) Step up the reactor power input three more points. (yells rhythmically) (Riff Raff cackles) Ooh. (chuckles, yelps) (cackles) (all gasp) (all gasp) Oh, Brad... It's all right, Janet. (gasps) (heart beating) (all gasping) Oh, Rocky! Huh? (women gasp) (thunder rumbling) (guttural groan) (screaming) # The Sword of Damocles is hanging over my head # # And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be # # Cutting the thread # Oh # Woe is me # My life is a misery # Yeah (grunts) FRANK: Get him down! # I'm at the start of a pretty big downer # # Yeah # I woke up this morning with a start # # When I got out of bed # That ain't no crime # And left from my dreaming was a feeling # # Of unnameable dread # That ain't no crime # Oh, my high is low # I'm dressed up with no place to go # # And all I know # I'm at the start of a pretty big downer # # Oh, no # Sha-la-la-la, that ain't no crime # # Oh, no, no, no # Sha-la-la-la, that ain't no crime # # Oh, no, no, no # Sha-la-la-la, that ain't no crime # # No, no, no, no, no # No # Ooh, ah (noisemaker blows) # Ooh, ah # Ooh, ah (noisemaker blows) Oh, Rocky. # Ooh, ah (grunts) # The Sword of Damocles is hanging over my head # # That ain't no crime # And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be # # Cutting the thread # That ain't no crime # No, oh # Woe is me # My life is a misery # And can't you see # I'm at the start of a pretty big downer # (all gasping) # Whoa # Sha-la-la-la, that ain't no crime # # Oh, no, no, no # Sha-la-la-la, that ain't no crime # # Oh, no, no, no # Sha-la-la-la, that ain't no crime # # Oh, no, no, no # Hey # Sha-la-la-la, that ain't no crime # # Oh, no, no, no # Sha-la-la-la, that ain't no crime # # Oh, no, no, no # Sha-la-la-la, that ain't no crime # # Oh, no, no # No (music ends) # Sha-la-la. # (panting) Well, really. That's no way to behave on your first day out. Mm. But since you're such an exceptional beauty... (grunts happily) ...I'm prepared to forgive you. (Frank and Rocky chuckle) Oh, I just love success. He is a credit to your genius, Master. A triumph of your will. Yes. He's okay. Okay? (bangs loudly) I think we can do better than that. Brad, Janet, what do you think of him? Well... I don't like men with too many muscles. I didn't make him for you. He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval. (Columbia and Magenta giggle) # A weakling # Weighing 98 pounds # Will get sand in his face # When kicked to the ground # And soon in the gym # With a determined chin # The sweat from his pores # As he works for his cause (chuckles) # Will make him glisten # And gleam # And with massage # And just a little bit of # Steam... Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. # He'll be pink # And quite clean # He'll be a # Strong man # But the wrong man # He'll eat nutritious # High protein # And swallow raw eggs Whoa-oa... # Try to build up his shoulders # # His chest, arms and legs # Such an effort # If he only knew of my plan # In just seven days # I can make you a # Man... # He'll do press-ups and chin-ups # # Do the snatch, clean and jerk # # He thinks dynamic tension Mm! # Must be hard work # Such strenuous living # I just don't understand # When in just seven days # I can make you # A man. # (music ends) (screaming) (tyres screech) Eddie! (Transylvanians exclaiming) (laughs) (laughs) (whoops) Come on! (Transylvanians cheer) # Whatever happened to Saturday night? # # When you dressed up sharp and you felt all right # # It don't seem the same since the cosmic light # # Came into my life # I thought I was divine # I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go # # And listen to the music on the radio # # A saxophone was blowing on a rock-and-roll show # # You climbed in the backseat # You really had a good time Yeah! # Hot Patootie, bless my soul # I really love that rock and roll # # Hot Patootie, bless my soul # I really love that rock and roll # # Hot Patootie, bless my soul # I really love that rock and roll # # Hot Patootie, bless my soul # I really love... yeah! # Nah-nah-nah-nah, nah-nah-nah # # Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah # Come on, baby # Nah-nah-nah-nah, nah-nah-nah # # I really love it # Come on! # My head used to swim # From the perfume I smelt # My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt # # I'd taste her baby pink lipstick # # And that's when I'd melt # She'd whisper in my ear # Tonight she really was mine # Get back in front # Put some hair oil on # Buddy Holly was singing his very last song # # With your arms around your girl, you'd try to sing along # # You felt pretty good, yeah # You really had a good time # Yeah, Hot Patootie, bless my soul # # I really love that rock and roll # # Hot Patootie, bless my soul # I really love that rock and roll # # Hot Patootie, bless my soul # I really love that rock and roll # # Hot Patootie, bless my soul # I really love that rock and roll # (Eddie vocalizing) # Nah-nah-nah-nah, nah-nah-nah # # Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah (electric guitar solo begins) (shrieks) # Hot Patootie, bless my soul # I really love that rock and roll # # Oh, yeah, oh, yeah! # Oh, yeah! You got it! # Keep going (grunting) # Oh-oh-oh-oh, ooh, yeah # Oh, yeah, oh, yeah # Hot Patootie, bless my soul # # I really love that rock and roll # # Come on, baby # Hot Patootie, bless my soul # I really love that rock and roll # # Hot Patootie, bless my soul # I really love (stabbing) # That rock and roll. # Huh? (playing riff) (gasps) (music ends) (scalpel clatters on floor) (Transylvanians aahing) My fellow Transylvanians, Eddie has left the castle. (screaming) (snapping applause) Don't be upset. It was a mercy killing. He had a certain naive charm but no... muscle. # But a deltoid # And a bicep # A hot groin # And a tricep # Make me... ooh! # Shake, makes me want to # Take Charles Atlas by the hand # # In just seven days # I can make you a man # I don't want no dissension # Just dynamic tension Ah # I'm a muscle fan (Frank laughs) # In just seven days # I can make you # A man... # Dig it if you can # In just seven days # I can make you a man # Brava! CROWD: Brava! (whooping, cheering) Brava! Brava! Brava! (snapping applause) (music ends) Going down. (sighs) (thunder cracks) (door creaks open) Who is it? Who's there? (Brad's voice): It's only me, Janet. Oh, Brad, darling, come in. Mmm. Oh, Brad. Mmm. Mmm, oh, yes, my darling. Oh, but... Oh, what if... It's all right, Janet. Everything's going to be all right. Oh, I hope so, my darling. Oh... Oh. (giggles) (moans, giggles) (giggling stops) (Frank laughing) (screaming) Oh! It's you! I'm afraid so, Janet. But isn't it nice? Oh, you beast, you monster! Oh... What have you done with Brad? Well, nothing. Why, do you think I should? Oh, you tricked me! I wouldn't have! I've never... never! Yes, yes, I know. But it isn't all bad, is it? I really think you found it quite pleasurable. Oh... (both moaning) Stop. Oh... I mean... (muffled screaming) Help! Oh! (sobs) Oh, Brad! Oh, Brad! Shh. Brad's probably asleep by now. Do you want him to see you like this? Oh! Ooh! (laughing) "Like this"? Like how? Oh, this is your fault. You're to blame. I was... saving myself. I'm sure you're not spent. Yet. (laughs) Oh. (sighs) Promise you won't tell Brad? Oh! On my mother's grave. (giggling) (thunder rumbling) (humming quietly) (laughs) (snoring) (grunts) (laughs) (gasps) Oh... (laughing) (Rocky grunts) (cackles) (Rocky whimpering) Go! (laughing) (laughter continues) Oh! (laughter continues) Oh... (laughter continues) (barking, howling) (laughter) (Janet's voice): Oh, Brad, it's no good here. It will destroy us. Don't worry, Janet. We'll be well away from here in the morning. Oh, Brad, you're so strong and protective. (laughs) Mmm. (giggling) (Frank laughs) Wha...? Oh! You! I'm afraid so, Brad. But isn't it nice? Why, you... (grunts) Ah...! What have you done with Janet? Nothing. Why, do you think I should? You tricked me! I wouldn't have... I've never... never, never! Oh, yes, I know, Brad. But it isn't all bad, now, is it? Not even half bad. I think you really quite enjoyed it. Oh, you're so soft, so sensual. (muffled yelling) Janet! Shh. Janet's probably asleep by now. You wouldn't want her to see you like this. Ah! "Like this"? Like how? This is your fault. You're to blame. I thought this was the real thing. Oh, come on, Brad. Admit it. You liked it. No! There's no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure. Oh, Brad, we've wasted so much time already. (straining) Janet needn't know. I won't tell her. Well... You promise you won't tell? Cross my heart and hope to die. (sighs) Oh! (squealing) Master, Rocky has broken his chains and vanished. Oh... The new playmate is loose and... somewhere in the castle grounds. Magenta has just released... the dogs. Coming... (chuckles) (thunder crashes, Janet gasps) What's happening here? Where's Brad? Where's anybody? Oh! (sobs) Oh! Oh. Brad... Brad, my darling, oh... How could I have done this to you? (sighs) (door creaks) If only we hadn't made this journey. CROWD: But ya did! If only our car hadn't broken down. If only we were amongst friends or... sane persons. But you're not! Two out of three ain't bad! (laughter) Oh, Brad. Oh... oh... What have they done with him? Mmm... (gasps) Oh, Brad, oh, Brad. (sobs) How could you? (sobbing, Rocky moans quietly) Oh! (quiet moaning continues) (moans, shudders) Oh! Oh, you're hurt. Did they do this to you? (grunts) Here. (fabric rips) I'll dress your wounds. Come here. Poor baby. There. BOTH: Tell us about it, Janet. # I was feeling done in # Couldn't win # I'd only ever kissed before You mean she's a...? # I thought there's no use getting # # Into heavy petting # It only leads to trouble # And seat wetting # Now all I want to know # Is how to go # I've tasted blood and I want more # BOTH: More, more, more! # I'll put up no resistance # I want to stay the distance # I've got an itch to scratch # I need assistance # Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me # # Sha-la-la sha-la-la # # I want to be dirty # Sha-la-la sha-la-la # # Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me # # Creature of the night # And if anything grows # While you pose # I'll oil you up # And rub you down MAGENTA AND COLUMBIA: Down, down, down! # And that's just # One small fraction # Of the main attraction # You need a friendly hand # Oh! I need action # Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me # # Sha-la-la sha-la-la # # I want to be dirty # Sha-la-la sha-la-la # # Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me # # Creature of the night # Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me # # I want to be dirty # Sha-la-la sha-la-la # # Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me # # Creature of the night Oh... # Sha-la-la sha-la-la # Oh! (giggles) # Sha-la-la sha-la-la # (giggling) # Sha-la-la sha-la-la # Oh... # Sha-la-la sha-la-la # COLUMBIA: Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me # # Sha-la-la sha-la-la # # I want to be dirty # Sha-la-la sha-la-la # COLUMBIA: Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me # # Sha-la-la sha-la-la # MAGENTA: # Creature of the night # # T-t-t-t-touch me # Sha-la-la sha-la-la # # Oh, I want to be dirty # Sha-la-la sha-la-la # # Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me # # Creature of the night... (laughing) Congratulations, Janet. (grunting) # Creature of the night # Creature of the night. # (grunts) (elevator bell dings) Mercy! (screams) I understood you were to be... watching! Ah! I was only away for a minute, Master. Well, see if you can find him on the monitor. (thunder rumbling) Master. Master. We have a visitor. BRAD: Hey. Scotty! Dr. Everett Scott! You know this Earthling? This... person? Dr. Scott happens to be an old friend of mine. I see. So this isn't simply a chance meeting. You came here with a purpose. I told you, my car broke down. I was telling the truth. I know what you said, Brad. But this Dr. Everett Scott is a name that is not unknown to me, eh? Dr. Scott is a science teacher at Denton High School. And now he works for your government, doesn't he, Brad? Attached to to the Bureau of Investigations of which you call UFOs. Isn't that right, Brad? You... I don't know. The intruder is entering the building, Master. He'll probably be in... the Zen Room. Shall we inquire of him in person? Yeah. Show him up. Hmm. (telephone ringing) (elevator whirring) Hmm-hmm. (elevator bell dings) Mm. Great Scott. (crowd cheering) Frank N. Furter. We meet at last. (laughs) Dr. Scott! What are you doing here? Don't play games, Dr. Scott. You know perfectly well what Brad Majors is doing here. It was part of your plan, was it not, that he and his female should check the layout for you? Well, unfortunately for you, your plans are to be changed. I hope you're adaptable, Dr. Scott. I know Brad is. I assure you, Brad's presence here comes as a complete surprise to me. You see, I came to find Eddie. Eddie. I've seen him. He's... What do you know of Eddie, Dr. Scott? I happen to know a lot about many a great things. You see, Eddie happens to be my nephew. Dr. Scott! Oh. (Rocky grunting, Janet giggling) Oh? (Rocky moaning) (Janet and Rocky gasping) Janet! Dr. Scott! Janet! Brad! Rocky! Oh. Janet? Dr. Scott? Janet. Brad! Rocky! Oh. Janet? Dr. Scott! Janet. Brad. Rocky. (grunts) I made you, and I can break you just as easily. (shouts) Master, dinner is prepared. Excellent. (gong clangs) Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional. Food has always played a vital role in life's rituals. The breaking of bread. The last meal of the condemned man, and now this meal. However informal it might appear... (shouts) ...you can be sure that there was to be very little bonhomie. I hope it's not meatloaf again. (clears throat) Sorry. (saw buzzing) Uh, just a little. (groans) (crowd murmuring, chuckling) A toast to absent friends. ALL: To absent friends. And... to Rocky. $ Happy birthday to you ALL: # Happy birthday to you # # Happy birthday # Dear Rocky Shall we? # Happy... # I came here to discuss Eddie. Eddie?! (saw buzzes) FRANK: That's a rather tender subject. (trilling) (grunting) Another slice, anyone? Excuse me. (screaming) I knew he was in with a bad crowd... but it's worse than I imagined. Aliens. Dr. Scott... Go on, Dr. Scott. Or should I say Doctor... Von Scott. Now, what exactly are you implying? It's all right. But, Dr. Scott... That's all right, Brad. # From the day he was born # He was trouble # He was a thorn # In his mother's side # She tried in vain # But he never caused her nothing but pain # # He left home # The day she died # From the day she was gone # All he wanted # Was rock-and-roll porn # And a motorbike # Shooting up junk # He was a low-down cheap little punk # # Taking everyone # On a ride # When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy # # You knew he was a no-good kid # # And when he threatened your life # # With a switchblade knife What a guy # Makes you cry # # And I did # Everybody shoved him # I very nearly loved him # I said, "Hey, listen to me # Stay sane inside insanity" # But he locked the door # And threw away the key # But he must've been drawn # Into something # Making him warn me # In a note which read # What's it say? What's it say? # # I'm out of my head # Out of my head # Hurry # Or I may be dead # They mustn't carry out their evil deed # (screams) # When Eddie said # He didn't like his teddy # You knew he was a no-good kid # # And when he threatened your life # # With a switchblade knife What a guy # Makes you cry # # And I did # When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy # # You knew he was a no-good kid # # And when he threatened your life # # With a switchblade knife # What a guy # Makes you cry # # And I did What a guy # Makes you cry # # And I did # What a guy # Makes you cry # And I did # When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy # # You knew he was a no-good kid # # But when he threatened your life # # With a switchblade knife. # Eddie. (music ends) (screams) Rocky, how could you? (Janet screams) (screaming) (screaming) # I'll tell you once # I won't tell you twice # You'd better wise up # Janet Weiss # Your apple pie don't taste too nice # # You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss # (gasps) (screams) # I've laid the seed # It should be all you need # You're as sensual as a pencil # # Wound up like an "E" on a first string # # When we made it # Did you hear a bell ring? (bell rings) (button buzzes) (Janet screams) # You got a block # Take my advice # You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss # (elevator bell dings) # The transducer will seduce ya. # My feet. I can't move my feet! My wheels. I can't move my wheels! (laughs) You are. So, quake with fear, you tiny fools. Oh! We're trapped! # It's something # You'll get used to # A mental mind game can be nice # (laughs) You won't find Earth people quite the easy mark you imagine. This sonic transducer-- it is, I suppose, some kind of audio vibratory, physio-molecular transport device. You mean...? It's something we ourselves have been working on for quite some time, but it seems our friend here has found a way of perfecting it. A device capable of breaking down solid matter, then projecting it through space. Who knows? Perhaps even time itself. You mean... she's gonna send us to another planet? # Planet, schmanet, Janet # You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss # # You'd better wise up # Build your thighs up # You'd better wise up And then she cries out. # Stop # Don't get hot # And flustered # Use a bit of mustard # You're a hot dog # But you better not try # And hurt her # Frank Furter (Janet screams) # You're a hot dog # But you better not # Try to hurt her # Frank Furter # You're a hot dog (moans) My, God, I can't stand any more of this! First you spurn me for Eddie. Then you throw him off like some old overcoat for Rocky. You... you chew people up and you spit them out again. I... I loved you. You hear me? I loved you. And what did it get me? Yeah, I'll tell you. A big nothing. You're like... you're like a sponge. You take, take, take. You drain others of their love and emotion. Well, I've had enough. You're gonna have to choose between me and Rocky. So named because of the rocks in his head. (laughs) (sighs) (Rocky grunting softly) It's not easy having a good time. Even smiling makes my face ache. And my children turn on me. Rocky's behaving just the way Eddie did. Do you think it was a mistake splitting his brain between the two of them? I grow weary of this world. When shall we return to Transylvania, huh? Magenta. I'm indeed grateful to you and your brother Riff Raff. You both served me well. Loyalty such as yours shall not go unrewarded. You'll discover that when the mood takes me, I can be quite generous. I ask for nothing, Master. Oh. And you shall receive it... in abundance. (scoffs) Come! We are ready for the floor show. Brad and Janet had both tasted forbidden fruit. This in itself was proof that their host was a person of little morals and some persuasions. What diabolical plan had seized Dr. Furter's crazed imagination? What indeed? # Shoop, shoop, shoop # Shoop, shoop, shoop # Shoop, shoop, shoop # It was great when it all began # # I was a regular Frankie fan # But it was over # When she had the plan # To start working on a muscle man # # Now the only thing that gives me hope # # Is my love of a certain dope # Rose tints my world # Keeps me safe from my trouble and pain # # I'm just seven hours old # Truly beautiful to behold # And somebody should be told # My libido hasn't been controlled # # Now the only thing I've come to trust # # Is an orgasmic rush of lust # Said rose tints my world # And keeps me safe from my troubles and pain # # Yeah, yeah # It's beyond me # Help me, Mommy # I'll be good # You'll see # Take this dream away # What's this? # Let's see # Ah, I feel sexy # What's come over me? # Wow, here it comes again Yeah, yeah # Oh, oh # # I feel released # Bad times deceased # My confidence has increased # Reality is here # The game has been disbanded # My mind has been expanded # It's a gas that Frankie's landed # # His lust is so sincere. (chuckles) (drumroll) (fanfare playing) # What ever happened to Fay Wray? # # That delicate # Satin-draped frame # As it clung to her thigh # How I started to cry # 'Cause I wanted to be dressed # # Just the same # Give yourself over # To absolute pleasure # Swim the warm waters # Of sins of the flesh # Erotic nightmares # Beyond any measure # And sensual daydreams # To treasure forever # Can't you just see it # Whoa, whoa, whoa, ooh... (water splashes) # Don't dream it # Be it # Don't dream it # Be it # Don't dream it # Be it # Don't dream it # Be it # Don't dream it # Be it # Don't dream it # Be it # Don't dream it Don't dream it. # Be it Be it. # Don't dream it # Be it # Don't dream it... We've got to get out of this trap... before this decadence saps our will. I've got to be strong... and try to hang. Or else my mind may well snap! And my life will be lived for... the thrill. (laughing) Yes! (laughing) # It's beyond me # Help me, Mommy # God bless # Lili St. Cyr. # (whooping) # My, my, my, my-my-my-my-my # My, my, my, my, ooh # I'm a wild and an untamed thing # # I'm a bee with a deadly sting # # You get a hit and your mind goes ping # # Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing # # So let the party and the sounds rock on # # We're gonna shake it till the life has gone # # Rose tints my world # Keeps me safe from my trouble and pain # (whooping) # We're wild and an untamed thing # # And we're a bee with a deadly sting # # You get a hit and your mind goes ping # # Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing # # So let the party and the sounds rock on # # We're gonna shake it till the life has gone # # Rose tints my world # Keeps me safe from my trouble and pain # DR. SCOTT: # Oh, yeah! # # Oh, yeah! # Oh, yeah! # We're wild and an untamed thing # # We're a bee with a deadly sting # # You get a hit and your mind goes ping # # Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing... # # So let the party and the sound rock on # # We're gonna shake it till the life has gone # # Rose tints my world, keeps me safe # # From my trouble and pain # Hey, hey (Frank laughing) # Frank N. Furter # It's all over # Your mission is a failure # Your lifestyle's too extreme # I'm your new commander # You now are my prisoner # We return to Transylvania # Prepare the transit beam... (Transylvanians gasping) (clicking) (electronic humming) (Transylvanians gasping) Wait. I can explain. (whispering) Bye. (quiet murmuring) (electronic humming fades) Uh... huh? Uh... (electrical crackle) # On the day I went away # Good-bye # Was all I had to say # Now I... # I want to come again # And stay # Oh, my, my # Smile and that means # I may... # 'Cause I've seen # Oh # Blue skies # Through the tears # In my eyes # And I realize # I'm going home # I'm going home # Everywhere it's been the same # Feeling # Like I'm outside in the rain # Wheeling (scoffs) # Free to try to find a game # Dealing # Cards for sorrow # Cards for pain # I've seen, oh, blue skies # Through the tears in my eyes # And I realize # I'm going home # I'm going home # I'm going home # I'm going # Home. # (music ends) (crowd cheering) MAN: Brava! (cheering continues) Brava! WOMAN: Brava! MAN: Encore! WOMAN: Brava! MAN: Bravissima! How sentimental. And also presumptuous of you. You see, when I said "we" were to return to Transylvania, I referred only to Magenta and myself. I'm sorry, however, if you found my words misleading, but you see, you are to remain here, in spirit anyway. Great heavens, that's a laser! Yes, Dr. Scott. A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure antimatter. You mean you're going to kill her? What's her crime? Society has to be protected. Exactly, Dr. Scott. And now, Frank N. Furter, your time has come. Say good-bye to all of... this. BOTH: And hello... To oblivion! (screaming) (Janet screams) (groaning) that our country generates from renewable sources every day. For a small country with a little population, we have some big ideas on how to keep NZ clean and green. For example, deciding to drive more electric vehicles, because they can be fuelled by electricity that our country generates from renewable sources every day. The benefit to us now and to future generations could be enormous. And with hardly any carbon emissions, the impact these electric cars have on the environment, you could say, is tiny. (screams) Oh. Oh. Oh! (chuckles): No. No. Oh! Oh! (high-pitched): Oh! (gasping) (panting) (groaning) (grunts) (gasps) (groaning) (yells) (shrieks) Oh, Rocky. (gasps) (gasps) (panting) (sighs) Good... God! You've killed them. But I thought you liked them. They liked you. They didn't like me. They never liked me! You did right. A decision had to be made. Yes, well, you're okay by me. Dr. Scott? I'm sorry about your nephew. Eddie? Yes, well, perhaps it was for the best. You should leave now, Dr. Scott, while it is still possible. We are about to beam the entire castle back to the planet of Transsexual in the galaxy of Transylvania. Go. Now! (plays discordant notes) Our noble mission is almost completed, my most beautiful sister. And soon we shall return to the moon-drenched shores of our beloved planet. Ah, sweet Transsexual, land of night, to sing and dance once more to your dark refrains. To take that step to the right! (laughs) But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane. (plays guitar riff) And our world... will do the Time Warp again! (laughing) (rumbling, electrical whirring) (both laughing) # I've done a lot # God knows I've tried # To find the truth # I've even lied # But all I know # Is down inside # I'm bleeding # And superheroes # Come to feast # To taste the flesh # Not yet deceased # Oh... # And all I know # # Is still the beast # Is feeding # Ooh... # Ooh... # Ooh... # Ah... (low rumbling) # And crawling on the planet's face # # Some insects called the human race # # Lost in time # And lost in space # And meaning. # # Let's do the Time Warp again # # Let's do the Time Warp again. # # Science fiction # Ooh, wah, ooh # Double feature # Frank has built # Ooh, wah, ooh # And lost her creature # Darkness conquers # Ooh, wah, ooh # Brad and Janet # The servant's gone to # Ooh, wah, ooh # A distant planet # Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh # To the late-night # Double feature # Picture show # I want to go # Oh, oh, oh-oh # To the late-night # Double feature # Picture show # Ooh... # (laughing, crowd cheering) Yeah. Yeah.