FESTIVE MUSIC # IF SNOWFLAKES WERE WISHES, # THEN ALL YOUR KISSES MAKE MY DREAMS COME TRUE. # PRESENTS PILED HIGH, UNDER THE TREE. A VERY SPECIAL ONE JUST FOR YOU. # HOLIDAYS COME AND HOLIDAYS GO, # BUT ONE THING I KNOW IS TRUE ` # YOUR SWEET KISSES IS ALL I NEED. # MY CHRISTMAS WISH IS YOU. # DOORBELL BUZZES MAY I HELP YOU? YOUR CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS, MA'AM. OH, I THINK YOU HAVE THE WRONG APARTMENT. I ORDERED CHINESE FOOD. REALLY? AT 9AM? YEAH, DON'T YOU EAT CHINESE FOOD WITH YOUR PANCAKES? WHAT TYPE OF PANCAKES? UH... BLUEBERRY? CHOCOLATE CHIP? BANANA? NO, NO, NO. NONE OF THAT NONSENSE. JUST ORIGINAL HOME-MADE BUTTERMILK PANCAKES. SOFTLY: OH! I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU. WELL, YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST COME IN, THEN. GENTLE MUSIC EMILY TAYLOR AND PANCAKES ` WHAT ELSE IS THERE? EXCEPT MAYBE BACON? YOU ATE ALL THE BACON. WHEN? YESTERDAY. THREE BLTs. OH YEAH. THOSE WERE GREAT. OH, WAIT, WE HAVE TO TOAST TO OUR FIRST CHRISTMAS TOGETHER. MM. THE FIRST OF MANY. CUPS CLINK FOR YOU. WHAT IS THAT? A... KIDNEY? IT'S A HEART. OH, YOU'RE GIVING ME YOUR HEART. AND THE KIDNEY IF I HAVE TO. NO, I'M GOOD FOR NOW. DOOR OPENS OH! (CHUCKLES) OH, HOW COME I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND THAT COMES OVER TO MAKE ME BREAKFAST? HE CAME OVER SO I WOULD MAKE HIM BREAKFAST. MORNING, TONI. I'M LATE. (EXHALES) YOUR DAD'S GONNA KILL ME. YOU'RE LATE EVERY DAY. BUT THIS TIME I'M LATE LATE. WAIT, TELL HIM I'LL BE AT THE SHOP SOON, OK? OK. THIS IS SO NICE. I CAN JUST SIT HERE, SIT HERE INDEFINITELY WATCHING TV AND EATING. YOU CAN START THAT, BUT FIRST CAN YOU TRY ON A JACKET FOR ME? NOT AGAIN. IT'LL TAKE SECONDS. (SIGHS) IS IT A WOMAN'S JACKET? MAYBE. (SIGHS) THEN THAT WOULD BE A NO. OH, COME ON. IT'S UNISEX. (SIGHS) IS THIS ONE OF YOUR CREATIONS? MM-HM. I LOVE THAT YOU CAN MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF NOTHING. YOU'RE SUCH AN AMAZING CLOTHES DESIGNER. HMM. DON'T BE TOO IMPRESSED. I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY SOLD ANYTHING YET. YOU WILL. YOUR DESIGNS ARE BEAUTIFUL. IT'S GONNA BE A GREAT CHRISTMAS. YEAH, IT'S YOUR FIRST CHRISTMAS WITH MY FAMILY. I MEAN, IF THAT DOESN'T SEND YOU RUNNING, I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL. DO I LOOK LIKE I'M RUNNING? NOT YET. BUT IT'S ONLY THE 18TH. (LAUGHS) WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. HOLD ON. UNISEX? OK, I MAY HAVE LIED. (SIGHS) CARRY ON. ARMS DOWN. FESTIVE MUSIC OK, LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE. I'M THINKING` I WANT THE SLEEVES GATHERED, BUT NOT TOO MUCH. BRING UP THE HEM AN INCH AND A HALF, TAKE IN THE WAIST, AND, UH, ONE MORE BUTTON ON THE BACK. SO WHAT ARE YOU? A STYLIST NOW? ON SECOND THOUGHT` TONI. SHE'S ALL YOURS. COME HERE. BELL JINGLES HEY, DAD. HEY, BABY. HI. HEY, LEO. HOW'S THE BIG JOB SEARCH COMING ALONG, MR MBA? DAD, HE JUST GRADUATED. GIVE HIM A BREAK. WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT, I'M SURE THE RIGHT JOB WILL COME ALONG. I'M NOT TOO WORRIED, MR TAYLOR. YOU CAN DROP THE 'MR TAYLOR' STUFF. YOU BEEN DATING MY DAUGHTER WHAT? ABOUT A YEAR NOW? ALMOST, YEAH. (CHUCKLES) YOU KNOW HOW MANY OF HER OLD BOYFRIENDS I APPROVE OF? MAYBE 2%. I MEAN, NOT THAT THERE HAVE BEEN THAT MANY. WELL, I AM HONOURED TO MAKE THE CUT. HEY, YOU'RE COMING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS, RIGHT? WOULDN'T MISS IT. OH, WE GO ALL OUT. DON'T WE, EMILY? YEAH, WE ACTUALLY SHOULD GO OUT TO EAT, BECAUSE, DAD, YOUR COOKING... CELL PHONE RINGS WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY COOKING? UH, SORRY, I HAVE TO TAKE THIS. I KINDA LIKE HIM. DOOR OPENS, BELL JINGLES HE'S GOTTA GET A JOB, BUT... HE'S WORKING ON IT. I TOLD YOU I HAVE PLANS THIS CHRISTMAS. WELL, I KNOW. CURIOUS MUSIC ALL RIGHT. I'LL BE THERE. OK, OK, OK, OK. WHAT EXACTLY DID HE SAY? THAT HE NEEDED TO TELL ME SOMETHING. WHAT, IN A PUBLIC PLACE? PEOPLE BREAK UP WITH PEOPLE IN PUBLIC PLACES. WHERE? CHEZ LOUIS. AH, THAT'S GOOD. PEOPLE PROPOSE AT CHEZ LOUIS. I KNOW THREE PEOPLE THAT GOT ENGAGED THERE. OK, I THINK WE'RE GETTING AHEAD OF OURSELVES. ARE WE? OH, OK, YOU KNOW WHAT? IF HE BREAKS UP WITH ME, THEN YOU CAN HOLD THE KLEENEX, AND IF HE PROPOSES, THEN YOU CAN BE MY BRIDESMAID. YOU'RE NOT NERVOUS? NO. WHY WOULD I BE NERVOUS? IT'S LEO. I'M NOT NERVOUS. HEY, SHOULD I BE NERVOUS. FRENCH ACCORDION MUSIC HEY. HEY. THANKS FOR COMING. OF COURSE. OH, THIS IS SO FORMAL. IT'S KIND OF UNLIKE YOU. EMILY, UM,... I'M NOT QUITE SURE HOW TO SAY THIS. OK, NOW YOU'RE MAKING ME NERVOUS. THERE'S BEEN A CHANGE OF PLANS. I CAN'T STAY HERE FOR CHRISTMAS. IS EVERYTHING OK? YES. AND NO. IT'S KIND OF A FAMILY THING. OH, I UNDERSTAND. NO, YOU DON'T. UM,... I SHOULD'VE TOLD YOU THIS AS SOON AS WE MET, BUT WE GOT ON SO WELL, AND YOU LIKED ME FOR ME AND... AND WE FELL IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER, AND THEN TIME STARTED FLYING BY, AND IT KEPT GETTING HARDER AND HARDER TO TELL YOU` OH NO. YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED. WHAT? ARE YOU MARRIED? NO, NO, I'M A... PRINCE. WAIT, WHAT? I'M... PRINCE LEOPOLD OF CORDINIA. (LAUGHS) I'M SORRY. WAIT, WHAT`? WHAT'S`? WHERE`? WHAT'S CORDINIA? WELL, IT'S A SMALL SOVEREIGN STATE IN THE SOUTH OF FRANCE. SO YOU'RE NOT LEO JAMES? NO, NO, I AM ` JUST WITH A FEW MORE NAMES. IT'S LEOPOLD JAMES WILLIAM HENRY QUINCY ARCHIBALD DEVON... IV. SO I W-WHAT WAS THIS? I MEAN US? IS THIS JUST`? (STAMMERS) IT WAS PRETEND? NO, NO, NO. IT'S QUITE THE OPPOSITE. I FEEL THAT MY ENTIRE LIFE BEFORE YOU WAS PRETEND. IT'S LIKE I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU. I'M STILL THE SAME PERSON. NO. NO, NO, YOU'RE NOT. LEO ` THE LEO I KNOW ` WEARS JEANS AND WATCHES RERUNS AND EATS PANCAKES. I EAT PANCAKES IN CORDINIA. LOOK, I AM SO SORRY. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I WANTED TO TELL YOU, BUT I HAD A... RIDICULOUS PROMISE WITH MY MOTHER. THE ONLY WAY SHE WOULD LET ME STUDY ABROAD WITH NO BODYGUARDS OR HANDLERS WAS IF I KEPT MY IDENTITY A SECRET. THEN I MET YOU... AND EVERYTHING CHANGED. CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME? MAYBE ONE OF YOU. I HAVEN'T MET THE OTHER ONE. WELL, COME HOME WITH ME FOR CHRISTMAS, AND YOU'LL SEE, I PROMISE, THAT LEO JAMES AND PRINCE LEOPOLD ARE THE SAME PERSON. PLEASE. AND YOU PROMISE YOU'RE NOT MARRIED? (CHUCKLES) I SWEAR... ON THE ROYAL CREST. STIRRING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC STIRRING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC CONTINUES (SCOFFS) QUEEN ISADORA, BREAKFAST IS SERVED. (SCOFFS) YOUR TOAST AND MARMALADE, MA'AM. I MEAN YOUR, UH` YOUR MAJESTY. WHAT FLAVOUR IS THE MARMALADE? MANDARIN, MA'AM. I PREFER QUINCE. AND 1% NOT 2% MILK. YES, MA'AM. YOUR TEA, YOUR MAJESTY. YOU ARE POURING FROM THE WRONG SIDE. YOU MIGHT EASE UP ON THEM. WILL AND OLIVIA ARE NEW. THEY'LL GET IT RIGHT. CHINA RATTLES WELL, ALERT ME WHEN THEY DO, AND WE'LL COMMEMORATE WITH AN OIL PAINTING. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PREVIOUS FOOTMAN? THE SAME THING THAT HAPPENED TO THE PREVIOUS THREE ` YOU. I SUPPOSE I'M A LITTLE ON EDGE LATELY. I HADN'T NOTICED. I JUST WANT EVERYTHING TO GO WELL... WITH LEOPOLD. I'M SURE IT WILL. (SIGHS) I FEEL THAT I DON'T KNOW HIM ANY MORE, AND HE'S BRINGING HOME A GIRL. AN AMERICAN? YES. I HEAR SOME OF THEM CAN BE QUITE PLEASANT. (SIGHS) WELL, I CERTAINLY HOPE IT'S NOTHING SERIOUS. THE TEA IS TEPID. TONI: ALL THIS TIME YOU'VE BEEN DATING HIM AND HE'S SECRETLY BEEN A PRINCE? OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. WHEN MY BOYFRIENDS WITHHOLD INFORMATION, IT'S THAT THEY'RE UNEMPLOYED AND I'M PAYING FOR DINNER. (CHUCKLES) I WISH YOUR MOM WAS HERE. ME TOO. WE'VE NEVER SPENT A CHRISTMAS APART. I CAN'T STAND THE THOUGHT OF YOU BEING ALONE. HEY, HE'S GOT ME. YEAH, LIKE YOU SAID ` ALONE. AH! HORN BEEPS HEY! HI. (CHUCKLES) HEY. HOW ARE YOU? HEY, LEO. I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO SHAKE HANDS OR BOW. OH, COME HERE. OH, LEO, YOU DON'T MIND, DO YA? FOR THE SHOP WALL? DAD. ANYTHING FOR THE SHOP WALL. REALLY? THAT'S EMBARRASSING. THERE YOU GO. (CLEARS THROAT) OH, THIS IS GOING RIGHT NEXT TO SYLVESTER STALLONE'S BROTHER. WOW, THAT MEANS A LOT. NOW, YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME. WHAT'S THE MATTER? I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN, WHAT IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE ME? HOW DO I KNOW SHE'S GONNA LIKE ME? WHO COULDN'T LIKE YOU? YOU JUST BE YOURSELF. BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE, BECAUSE... I AM. YOU'RE MY PRINCESS. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. HAVE A GREAT TIME. BYE! BYE. LEO! MERRY CHRISTMAS. MERRY CHRISTMAS. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU. I LOVE YOU, BABY. AW, MERRY CHRISTMAS. BYE. BYE! BYE! CALL! HAVE FUN! SENTIMENTAL MUSIC (SNIFFLES) SENTIMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES FESTIVE ORCHESTRAL MUSIC FESTIVE ORCHESTRAL MUSIC CONTINUES WELCOME TO MY HUMBLE HOME. WHOA. COME ON. LET'S MEET THE STAFF. ALTHOUGH THEY'RE MORE LIKE FAMILY. VICTOR, GOOD TO SEE YOU. YOU'RE LOOKING WELL, YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS. AMERICA SEEMS TO SUIT YOU. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH. I THINK I MIGHT. (CHUCKLES) EMILY, THIS IS VICTOR, HEAD BUTLER. IT'S SO NICE TO MEET YOU, VICTOR. AND YOU TOO, MISS. THANKS. HI, EVERYONE. WELL, IT'S REALLY NICE TO MEET EVERYONE. HI. SOFTLY: YOU HAVE GUARDS WITH FEATHERED HATS. YEAH, BEEN TRYING TO GET A REACTION OUT OF THEM FOR YEARS. GENTLEMEN. CURIOUS MUSIC SEE? NOTHING. (LAUGHS) THE LAST TIME CORDINIA EVER GOT SNOW WAS OVER 40 YEARS AGO. WOW. THEY STILL CALL IT THE CORDINIAN CHRISTMAS MIRACLE. HUH. MAJESTIC MUSIC LEOPOLD. YOU'RE HERE AT LAST. AND WEARING SOMEONE ELSE'S CLOTHES. WERE YOU ROBBED? GOOD TO SEE YOU TOO, MOTHER. (SCOFFS) IS IT? BECAUSE IF IT WAS, YOU WOULD HAVE COME HOME MORE OFTEN. (SCOFFS) MOTHER, THIS IS EMILY TAYLOR. HI, IT'S VERY NICE TO MEET YOU MRS... UM, QUEEN... YOUR` YOUR MAJESTINESS. AND SO NICE TO MEET AN ACQUAINTANCE OF LEOPOLD'S. EMILY IS MORE THAN AN ACQUAINTANCE. SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND. CURIOUS MUSIC MOTHER? WELL, YOU CAN'T IMAGINE MY DELIGHT. WOW, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL ROOM. I LOVE YOUR CHRISTMAS TREE. I BROUGHT YOU A GIFT FROM PHILADELPHIA, THE CITY OF BROTHERLY LOVE. HMM. HOW THOUGHTFUL... AND UNEXPECTED. (CHUCKLES) A CRACKED BELL. OH, IT'S THE LIBERTY BELL. AND A BALD MAN WITH GLASSES. BENJAMIN FRANKLIN. I FIND IT FASCINATING THAT YOUR MR FRANKLIN HAS BEEN CREDITED WITH DISCOVERING ELECTRICITY, WHEN IN FACT, IT WAS DISCOVERED 150 YEARS PRIOR BY WILLIAM GILBERT, AN ENGLISHMAN. OH. ONLY YOU COULD FIND FAULT IN BENJAMIN FRANKLIN, MOTHER. EVERYONE HAS FAULTS, DEAR. SOME MORE THAN OTHERS. (SIGHS) WELL, THANK YOU FOR YOUR CHARMING GIFT. WOULD YOU PUT THIS SOMEPLACE SPECIAL? DOG YAPS OH! LOOK AT YOU. (YAPS) OH, YOU'RE SO CUTE. (KISSES) (YAPS) (GIGGLES) AW, AND I THINK I HAVE A SWEATER JUST LIKE THIS, ONLY NOT AS NICE. (CHUCKLES) THIS IS WHEATIES. MOTHER IS VERY ATTACHED TO HER DOGS. WELL, THEY'RE VERY LOYAL. AND THEY DON'T LEAVE HOME. (SIGHS) WOULD YOU MIND IF I HAD A FEW MOMENTS ALONE WITH LEOPOLD, DEAR? OH, SURE. VICTOR WILL SHOW YOU TO YOUR ROOM. TAKE OUR AMERICAN GUEST TO THE GOLD ROOM. OOH, THE GOLD ROOM. THAT SOUNDS BEAUTIFUL. YES, IT'S ALSO THE FARTHEST ROOM POSSIBLE AWAY FROM MY ROOM. IT HAS AN EXCELLENT VIEW. OF THE CEMETERY. VICTOR, TAKE EMILY TO THE CARDINAL SUITE. IT'S BEING RENOVATED. YOU KNOW WHAT? THE CEMETERY VIEW, THAT IS JUST` THAT'S GONNA BE FINE. WHEATIES YAPS SEE YOU LATER. THIS WAY. THANK YOU. (SIGHS) WHY AM I ONLY JUST HEARING ABOUT THIS NOW? BECAUSE IF I TOLD YOU ABOUT IT EARLIER, IT WOULD HAVE ONLY GIVEN YOUR MORE TIME TO RUIN THINGS. WELL, YOU'VE BEEN INFATUATED BEFORE. WE LOVE EACH OTHER. I KNOW YOU LIKE TO BE IN CONTROL OF THINGS, BUT MY FEELINGS, THEY'RE NOT IN YOUR REALM. ONE DAY, YOU'RE GOING TO BE KING ` WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT ` AND WITH THAT POSITION, COMES RESPONSIBILITY. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HER. I DON'T NEED TO. SHE'S A COMMONER. ACTUALLY, SHE'S THE MOST UNCOMMON GIRL I'VE EVER KNOWN. I SHOULD NEVER HAVE ALLOWED YOU TO GO TO AMERICA. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET AN EDUCATION, COME BACK HERE AND MARRY NATASHA. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PLAN? THAT WAS YOUR PLAN, MOTHER, NOT MINE. GENTLE MUSIC WE HAVE 2000 ACRES, 75 STAFF 118 ROOMS, FOUR WINGS. DO YOU HAVE MAPQUEST? YOU'LL GET USED TO IT. HOW LONG HAVE YOU LIVED HERE? ALL MY LIFE. MY FATHER WORKED FOR QUEEN ISADORA'S FATHER. OH, SO YOU AND SHE KIND OF GREW UP TOGETHER. IN AN 'UPSTAIRS, DOWNSTAIRS' WAY, I SUPPOSE. SHE'S BEAUTIFUL. SHE IS THAT. AND TERRIFYING. THAT TOO. DO YOU THINK SHE WILL EVER WARM UP TO ME? MIRACLES DO HAPPEN. GENTLE MUSIC DINNER IS SERVED. SEARED DUCK, ORANGE DUCK AND THE QUEEN'S SPECIAL GOOSE. DUCK, DUCK, GOOSE. AHEM. AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, JELLIED EELS AND HAGGIS. REALLY, MOTHER? I THOUGHT EMILY MIGHT ENJOY SOME TRADITIONAL EUROPEAN DISHES. THANK YOU. YES, IT'S CERTAINLY NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN FIND AT THE LOCAL DINER. (CHUCKLES) I'M SORRY. WHAT IS HAGGIS? DON'T ASK. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) SQUELCH! TENSE MUSIC SOTTO VOCE: HERE WE GO. TENSE MUSIC SWELLS MM. (INHALES) MM. MMM, THAT'S... MMM, MMM. THAT'S DELICIOUS. CURIOUS MUSIC MMM. REALLY GOOD. APPARENTLY. SO, UH, EMILY,... WHAT DO YOUR PEOPLE DO? WELL, MY PEOPLE OR... MY PERSON, HE'S A TAILOR. A TAILOR? YES, WE HAVE A SHOP. IT'S BEEN IN OUR FAMILY FOR 47 YEARS. HOW QUAINT. THIS CASTLE'S BEEN IN OURS FOR 900. OH, WELL, IT'S NOT TOO FAR APART, THEN. (CHUCKLES) SO YOU WORK IN YOUR FATHER'S SHOP? YES. YOU MUST HAVE OTHER ASPIRATIONS. EMILY'S A CLOTHES DESIGNER. SHE MADE THE DRESS SHE'S WEARING. OH. AND WHAT LABEL DO YOU DESIGN FOR? UH, WELL` WELL, NONE YET, BUT I` I JUST FINISHED A LINE OF DRESSES AND JACKETS AND HOODIES THAT I HAVE REALLY HIGH HOPES FOR. HOODIES? WELL, THE WORLD AWAITS. CURIOUS MUSIC (CHUCKLES) SORRY, THAT WAS EXCRUCIATING. OOH, NO, I'LL LIVE. IT'S JUST A FLESH WOUND. NOW YOU KNOW WHERE THE TERM 'ROYAL PAIN' COMES FROM. (LAUGHS) HOW DID YOU GROW UP TO BE SO NORMAL? WELL, SHE WASN'T ALWAYS LIKE THIS. SINCE FATHER DIED, I'M ALL SHE REALLY HAS LEFT. WELL, AND HER KINGDOM. YEAH, BUT SHE CAN CONTROL THEM. YOU KNOW, WHY DID I SAY HOODIES? I SHOULD'VE SAID SWEATERS. I DON'T THINK IT WOULD'VE MATTERED. YOU'RE RIGHT. I SHOULD'VE SAID I WAS A CARDIAC SURGEON. NO, SHE HATES DOCTORS. (SCOFFS) HMM. (CHUCKLES) COME ON. LET ME GIVE YOU A TOUR OF THE CASTLE. SHOULD I GRAB MY HIKING BOOTS OR...? (LAUGHS) VERY FUNNY. MY FAVOURITE IS THE WEAPONS ROOM. WOW! MM-HM. OK, WHAT IS THIS FOR? TO FIGHT A FIRE-BREATHING DRAGON? EXACTLY. OH, SHALL WE FENCE? UM, NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT. OH, COME, COME, COME, COME, COME. I'LL TEACH YOU. I'LL TEACH YOU. I DON'T EVEN KNOW` I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO HOLD A SWORD. YOU'LL LOVE IT. YOU'LL LOVE IT. YOU'LL LOVE IT. SO` SO, BACK A BIT. HAND BEHIND THE BACK. OK. OK. ON GUARD. AND LUNGE. OK. AND ONE,... HIGH HEELS SQUEAK (GIGGLES) ...TWO, THREE. THOSE ARE THE PERFECT SHOES FOR IT. (GIGGLES) WHEN YOU PUT IT ALL TOGETHER, IT LOOKS A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE... DRAMATIC MUSIC WOW. THAT'S AMAZING. MM. I THINK YOU HAVE FENCED FOR A GIRL OR TWO. NOT IN A VERY LONG TIME. YOUR TURN. MY TURN? MM-HM. OK. MY TURN. I CAN DO THIS. OK. ELBOW. ELBOW DOWN. ON GUARD! SWORD WHOOSHES RIP! TWANG! UH... IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. OH, UH... ANYONE ASKS ` WE WERE NEVER HERE. OOH. AND THIS... IS THE BALLROOM. THE PALACE HAS HELD THE CHRISTMAS BALL HERE FOR OVER A CENTURY. MOTHER STILL HASN'T FORGIVEN ME MISSING LAST YEAR. IT'S HER FAVOURITE NIGHT. BUT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE PERFECT. OH, WELL, IF EVERYTHING HAS TO BE PERFECT, THEN I THINK I'LL BE SPENDING THE NIGHT IN THE GOLD ROOM. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU'LL BE HERE... (LAUGHS) ...WITH ME, WALTZING. YEAH, BECAUSE I'M SO KNOWN FOR MY WALTZING (!) HEY, HEY, NOW, I KNOW WHAT WE NEED ` SOME MUSIC. OH NO! READY? NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. (HUMS) UPBEAT FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYS (LAUGHS) READY? OH! # IF SNOWFLAKES WERE WISHES... WHERE DO I GO? I'M LEADING. I'M LEADING. OK, SO WHERE DO I GO? OK. READY? YES. # PRESENTS PILED HIGH... THAT'S IT. OH YEAH, THIS IS WALTZING (!) (LAUGHS) THIS IS WALTZING (!) THIS IS NEARLY WALTZING. THIS IS MORE FUN. (LAUGHS) (HUMS) (LAUGHS) BOTH LAUGH MAYBE I'M A LITTLE BIT DIZZY. THEY LOOK SO HAPPY TOGETHER. A PITY. LEO AND EMILY LAUGH, UPBEAT FESTIVE MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING WHEE! RAIN PATTERS, LIGHTNING CRASHES THUNDER RUMBLES GENTLE MUSIC IT'S NOT A DREAM. CURIOUS MUSIC WHERE IS THE KITCHEN? THIS ISN'T THE KITCHEN. OH, DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE KITCHEN IS, KIND SIR? OH, LOOK AT THIS SWORD. MAY I BORROW YOUR SWORD, KIND SIR? WHAT'S THAT? YOU WANT A DUEL? YOU WANT A DUEL? ARE YOU GONNA DUEL? OH, YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE MESSING WITH. (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) (GASPS) SWORD CLATTERS I'M SO SORRY, YOUR MAJESTY. I` I JUST WAS LOOKING FOR THE KITCHEN. I WAS HUNGRY. A KNIFE AND FORK ARE THE USUAL UTENSILS. EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT, YOUR MAJESTY? PLEASE ESCORT OUR GUEST TO THE KITCHEN... BEFORE SHE DRAWS BLOOD. THUNDER RUMBLES WHISPERS: SORRY. CURIOUS MUSIC FESTIVE BELLS JINGLE CELL PHONE RINGS TONI, HI. WHERE ARE YOU THIS VERY MOMENT? (SIGHS) IN THE GOLD ROOM. THERE'S A GOLD ROOM? YES. AND 117 ROOMS IN OTHER COLOURS. TONI, IT IS AN HONEST-TO-GOODNESS, REAL, LIVE CASTLE. SO, HOW'S LEO'S MOM? WELL, REMEMBER HOW I ALWAYS SAID I MISSED OUT ON HAVING A MOTHER? YEAH, I MIGHT'VE CHANGED MY MIND ON THAT. KNOCK AT DOOR OH. OOH, I GOTTA GO. I LOVE YOU GUYS. BYE. LOVE YOU. GOOD LUCK. BYE. DOOR OPENS GOOD MORNING. MAY I COME IN, MISS? YEAH, I MEAN, MI CASTLE ES SU CASTLE. YOUR TEA. OH, THANK YOU. OH, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. I'LL DO THAT. PLEASE. OH, LET ME, MISS. IT'S MY JOB. NO, NO, I'M SO SORRY. I AM SUCH A MESSY TRAVELLER. IT'S LIKE MY SUITCASE JUST EXPLODES. IF YOU DON'T MIND ME SAYING,.. YOU'RE DIFFERENT THAN THE OTHERS. CURIOUS MUSIC OTHERS? HOW MANY GIRLS HAS LEO BROUGHT HOME? OH, NO, MISS. ROYALS I MEAN. YOU'RE DIFFERENT THAN MOST OF THE ONES THAT VISITED HERE. OH. IS THAT A GOOD THING? OH YES. YES, MISS. OH, AND IT'S EMILY. YOU` YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME 'MISS'. WHAT'S YOUR NAME? IT'S OLIVIA. (CHUCKLES) NICE TO MEET YOU, MISS. I MEAN... EMILY. (CHUCKLES) IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU TOO. AND THANK YOU FOR THE HELP. I CAN OBVIOUSLY USE IT. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU SEE IN HER. I CAN BE MYSELF WITH HER. BUT YOU'RE NOT YOURSELF, LEOPOLD. SHE MAKES ME HAPPY. AS YOU KNOW VERY WELL, ROYALS DON'T HAVE THE LUXURY OF SUCH FRIVOLITIES. YOU AND FATHER WERE HAPPY. NOT AT FIRST. FORTUNATELY, OUR PARENTS KNEW WHAT WAS BEST FOR US. NOT ONLY DID OUR PEERAGE MATCH, BUT WE DEVELOPED A DEEP AFFINITY FOR EACH OTHER. A DEEP AFFINITY? WOW. THAT'S ROMANTIC (!) NATASHA IS FROM A NOBLE FAMILY. YOU HAVE EVERYTHING IN COMMON. EXCEPT FEELINGS. WHEN DID YOU LAST SEE HER? I DON'T REMEMBER. TWO YEARS AGO AT THE CHRISTMAS BALL. AND SHE'S FAR MORE ACCOMPLISHED NOW, MORE BEAUTIFUL, MORE ELEGANT. NO DOUBT. (SIGHS) LEOPOLD, I'M JUST TRYING TO SAVE YOU BOTH FROM TERRIBLE HEARTBREAK. AS MUCH AS YOU BOTH BELIEVE OTHERWISE, THAT GIRL COMES FROM A DIFFERENT WORLD. SHE'LL NEVER ABLE TO FIT INTO OURS. I HAD MERELY SEWN IT TO THE TABLECLOTH! BOTH LAUGH GOOD MORNING. MORNING. HI. OH, WOW, I'M REALLY UNDERDRESSED. THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT. SHOULD I CHANGE MY CLOTHES? SOTTO VOCE: AS IF THAT WOULD HELP. YOU LOOK GREAT. IN FACT, I CAN'T WAIT TO GET OUT OF THIS MONKEY SUIT. I TRUST YOUR ROOM WAS ADEQUATE? OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL. IT'S LIKE A POSTCARD. THANK YOU. I'M GOING TO TAKE EMILY INTO TOWN THIS AFTERNOON. BUT THE BALL IS IN TWO DAYS, AND WE HAVE A DINNER TONIGHT. YOUR SCHEDULE IS FULL. SURELY I CAN HAVE ONE AFTERNOON TO SHOW EMILY AROUND? OH, WOULD YOU CARE TO JOIN US, YOUR MAJESTY? WELL, AS TEMPTING AS THAT MIGHT SOUND, I CAN'T JUST DASH OFF ON A WHIM AND TOOTLE AROUND TOWN. DON'T WORRY. WE'LL BE BACK IN PLENTY OF TIME TO EMBARRASS YOU IN FRONT OF YOUR DINNER GUESTS. I HAVE NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT. 1 MORNING, GENTLEMEN. GO, PHILLIES! ARE YOU SURE THEY'RE NOT ROBOTS? THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT. # YOU MAKE ME WANNA MOVE. YOU MAKE ME WANNA MOVE. BOTH SCREAM # YOU MAKE ME WANNA GROOVE. BOTH: SELFIE. # YOU MAKE ME WANNA MOVE. (YELPS) (SCREAMS) (BLOWS RASPBERRY) # GOTTA DO IT NIGHT AND DAY. YEAH! # NOTHING? REALLY?! (SIGHS) I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME. WE'RE COMING BACK. THAT WAS GOOD. (LAUGHS) THANKS, IVAN, BUT I THINK I'LL DRIVE TODAY. YES, YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS. COME ON. STIRRING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC UPLIFTING FESTIVE MUSIC UPLIFTING FESTIVE MUSIC CONTINUES GOING INCOGNITO? (CHUCKLES) IT'S JUST EASIER. YOU'RE LIKE A ROCK STAR. YEAH, JUST WITH NO DISCERNIBLE TALENT. YOU WALTZ. YOU FENCE. YOU MAKE PANCAKES. (LAUGHS) PEOPLE CHATTER WHAT ARE THEY ACTUALLY FOR? UH, TO PROTECT ME. FROM WHAT? FROM PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE MY MOTHER. OH. I GET IT NOW. (LAUGHS) ARE THEY GONNA FOLLOW US EVERYWHERE? YEP. RESTAURANTS? YEP. BATHROOM? ME, YES; YOU, NO. OK. YOU'LL GET USED TO IT. ALTHOUGH, I HAVE TO SAY, IT WAS RATHER NICE NOT HAVING THEM AROUND IN PHILLY. IT MADE ME FEEL SO... ...COMMON. (LAUGHS) I WAS GONNA SAY 'FREE'. (GIGGLES) HO HO HO! CHILDREN CHATTER EXCITEDLY THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE IT'S STILL GROWING. AW, MY DAD AND I HAD THIS CHRISTMAS TRADITION WHERE WE WOULD TRY AND FIND THE SCRAWNIEST TREE, THE ONE THAT NEEDED TO BE LOVED THE MOST. OH, I'VE NEVER THOUGHT OF IT THAT WAY. WELL, IT WAS JUST HIS WAY OF MAKING THE TREE SPECIAL, INSTEAD OF TELLING ME IT WAS ALL HE COULD AFFORD. THAT'S NICE. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A TREE? CAN WE? OF COURSE. I'M POPPY. WELL, HELLO, POPPY. THAT'S A PRETTY NAME. THIS IS LEO, AND I'M EMILY. DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL AT ST FRANCIS? YES, AND I LIVE THERE TOO. ST FRANCIS IS AN ORPHANAGE. OH, I SEE. I'M ONLY THERE UNTIL I FIND A PERMANENT FAMILY. WELL, I'M SURE YOU'RE GOING TO FIND THE PERFECT ONE, AND HOPEFULLY VERY SOON. YEP, I'M NOT TOO PICKY. (GIGGLES) I GREW UP WITHOUT A MOM. I KNOW HOW HARD THAT CAN BE. SO YOU'RE HALF AN ORPHAN? WELL, I SUPPOSE I AM. BUT... YOU TURNED OUT OK, RIGHT? SHE DID INDEED. AND YOU WILL TOO. YOU KNOW WHAT? MY BEST FRIEND, TONI, GAVE ME THIS FRIENDSHIP BRACELET, AND... I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE IT TO YOU. THANK YOU. YOU TOO, PRINCE LEOPOLD. (CHUCKLES) SO MUCH FOR INCOGNITO. UH, WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE TO BUY ALL THE TREES SO THAT WE CAN DONATE THEM BACK TO THE TOWN? OH WOW, THANK YOU. SISTER AGNES, SISTER AGNES, LOOK. WOW, SO THIS PRINCE LEO GUY IS A PRETTY NICE GUY, HUH? UH, HE IS, AS FAR AS PRINCES GO. WELL, I MEAN, I DON'T REALLY KNOW THAT MANY PRINCES, BUT I'D SAY YOU'RE IN, LIKE, THE TOP 2%. WHY NOT THE TOP 1%? WELL, YOU'D HAVE TO DO MORE PRINCELY DEEDS. OK, UM... DOES THIS COUNT? HE'S RIGHT OVER THERE. PRINCE LEOPOLD! OH MY GOODNESS! PEOPLE CHATTER EXCITEDLY UH, IT'S OK. THANK YOU! THANK YOU SO MUCH! PEOPLE CLAMOUR NICE TO MEET YOU. YES. PARDON ME. OH! PEOPLE CHATTER EXCITEDLY AND YOU. MERRY CHRISTMAS. STIRRING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC I MEAN, IT WILL BE CUTE ONCE WE'VE DECORATED IT. DEFINITELY. SOME LIGHTS, SOME ORNAMENTS. LITTLE MINI CHRISTMAS-TREE. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? OH, WE JUST WENT INTO TOWN, THEN THE VINEYARD, THEN A FEW MUSEUMS AND THE LAKE. YEAH, WE KINDA LOST TRACK OF TIME. (CHUCKLES) WELL, YOU BETTER HURRY AND CHANGE. PEOPLE WILL BE HERE VERY SOON. WHAT IS THAT? OH, IT'S A` OH, NEVER MIND. VICTOR, WILL YOU PLEASE HAVE THIS TAKEN TO... SOMEPLACE SPECIAL. OF COURSE. CURIOUS MUSIC I THINK SHE'S WARMING UP TO ME. (CHUCKLES) SHE'LL COME AROUND. JUST GIVE HER TIME. YEAH, I DON'T THINK I HAVE THAT MANY YEARS LEFT. WHERE DO YOU SUPPOSE THIS 'SOMEPLACE SPECIAL' IS? THE COMPOSTER. HUH, FIRST IT WAS MY SNOW GLOBE, THEN IT WAS THE TREE. YOU DON'T THINK I'M GONNA END UP IN SOMEPLACE SPECIAL, DO YOU? AND HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW SHE MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SOUND WHEN SHE APPROACHES? I MEAN, REALLY, SHE'S LIKE A CAT OR A NINJA. DO YOU THINK WE COULD NOT TALK ABOUT MY MOTHER? I WOULD LOVE TO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR MOTHER. (GIGGLES) (SIGHS) OH, LEOPOLD! I HAVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH. UH, I` I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU TO BE HERE. OH, DON'T BE SILLY. YOUR MOTHER INVITED ME, AS SHE DOES EVERY YEAR. AH, MOTHER. EMILY, THIS IS NATASHA. NATASHA, EMILY. HOW SPECTACULARLY UNEXPECTED TO MEET THE GIRL WHO STOLE MY LEOPOLD'S HEART. OH, THANK YOU. I THINK. NATASHA'S AN OLD FAMILY FRIEND. WELL, WE DID GO OUT FOR A BIT. ALTHOUGH, AS I RECALL, WE MOSTLY STAYED IN. ONLY BECAUSE WE WEREN'T ALLOWED OUT. SO HOW LONG HAVE YOU TWO KNOWN EACH OTHER? ABOUT A YEAR. OH, HOW SWEET. SO THIS IS YOUR FIRST CHRISTMAS TOGETHER? YEAH. WELL, LAST YEAR WAS THE FIRST CHRISTMAS LEOPOLD AND I SPENT APART. WELL, THAT'S A LOT OF CHRISTMASES. WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER SINCE BIRTH, PRETTY MUCH. WE'VE GROWN UP DOING EVERYTHING TOGETHER. UH, NOT QUITE EVERYTHING. WELL, WE DID GET INTO A LOT OF TROUBLE. DO YOU REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME WE SNUCK PAST YOUR SECURITY AND WE CLIMBED THE PALACE WALL? (LAUGHS) YEAH, THE LOOKS ON THE GUARDS' FACES. OH, AFTER THEY CAUGHT US SKINNY-DIPPING. (LAUGHS) (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY) (LAUGHS AWKWARDLY) I'M` I'M GONNA` I'M GONNA GO CHANGE. YEAH, UM, I SHOULD GO TOO. I LOOK FORWARD TO CATCHING UP. MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC (SIGHS) EMILY, CAN I HELP YOU? (SIGHS) IF ONLY. I TAKE IT YOU'VE MET THE DUCHESS. NO, SHE'S A DUCHESS? THE DUCHESS OF WARREN. GREAT (!) THE UNMARRIED DUCHESS OF WARREN? I'M AFRAID SO. OH, THIS IS LOVELY. OH, THANK YOU. I MEAN, I THOUGHT IT WAS WHEN I MADE IT. YOU MADE THIS? YEAH, NO, I MADE ALL OF 'EM, AND, YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT THEY WERE NICE AND APPROPRIATE, BUT NOW THEY JUST SEEM SO UNROYAL. CURIOUS MUSIC LET'S GO WITH THIS ONE. YOU KNOW, SHE'S PRETTY, BUT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. (CHUCKLES) THANK YOU, OLIVIA. YOU'RE THE BEST. (CHUCKLES) YOU READY, EMILY? YEAH, ALMOST. OK, LET'S GO. AND THEN THE CHANDELIER FELL. ALL LAUGH UNBELIEVABLE! (EXHALES) GOOD EVENING. SHALL I MAKE THE INTRODUCTIONS? THE BARON AND BARONESS OF NEWBURY. OH, YOU DO KNOW THE DUCHESS NATASHA. AND THE COUNT AND COUNTESS OF EXETER. THE COUNT AND COUNTESS OF SURREY. AND THE COUNT AND COUNTESS OF DEVON. WHISPERS: I'VE LOST COUNT. WHISPERS: JUST NOD AND SMILE. THAT'S WHAT I DO. UM, EMILY TAYLOR FROM,... ...UH, SOUTH PHILADELPHIA. HI, IT'S VERY NICE TO MEET YOU. LEO, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO SIT BESIDE NATASHA, AND, EMILY, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO SIT BESIDE THE BARONESS. ELEGANT CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS WHISPERS: COULD YOU HAVE SAT HER ANY FURTHER AWAY? WHISPERS: THERE'S A TABLE IN THE KITCHEN. (EXHALES) SO, NATASHA, HOW LONG ARE YOU STAYING HERE FOR? YOUR MOTHER'S INVITED ME TO STAY THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS ` OR BEYOND, IF NEED BE. OH, THE CHRISTMAS BALL WOULDN'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT NATASHA. THANK YOU, ISADORA. MY FONDEST HOLIDAYS HAVE BEEN SPENT WITH YOU AND LEOPOLD. LAST CHRISTMAS JUST WASN'T THE SAME WITHOUT YOU. HE'S GOING TO MAKE IT UP THIS CHRISTMAS. GUESTS TITTER APPARENTLY I ALREADY AM. OH, PLEASE. GUESTS CHATTER QUIETLY ELEGANT CLASSICAL MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING WHISPERS: THIRD FORK TO THE LEFT. WHISPERS: THANK YOU. GALINA TOLD ME THE OTHER DAY THAT SHE'S PUBLISHING A BOOK. GUESTS CHATTER EXCITEDLY NOT A TELL-ALL I HOPE. LAUGHTER ACTUALLY, IT'S A CHILDREN'S BOOK. WOW, CONGRATULATIONS. YEAH, THAT'S WONDERFUL. WERE YOUR CHILDREN THE INSPIRATION FOR THE BOOK? GUESTS GASP UNFORTUNATELY NOT. HAVING CHILDREN WAS NOT ON THE CARDS FOR US. SOFTLY: I'M SO SORRY. TRULY I... I'M SORRY. TELL US, EMILY, HOW DO YOU OCCUPY YOUR TIME IN AMERICA? OH, EMILY COMES FROM A LONG LINE OF TAILORS. SHE WORKS AT HER FATHER'S SHOP. YES, IT'S ACTUALLY WHERE LEO AND I MET. HE CAME IN FOR A MISSING BUTTON, AND I NEEDLED HIM INTO ASKING ME OUT. GUESTS CHUCKLE WELL, HOW REFRESHING TO HAVE A TRADE. IT PAYS THE BILLS. SHE'S ALSO A VERY TALENTED CLOTHES DESIGNER. LEO LOOKS GREAT IN ALL OF MY CLOTHES. GUESTS GASP WELL, I` I` I DON'T MEAN MY CLOTHES. I JUST MEAN HE LOOKS GREAT IN EVERYTHING, AND EVEN MY FATHER THINKS SO, AND HE THINKS EVERYONE NEEDS ALTERATIONS. EMILY'S FATHER AND I HAVE BECOME VERY CLOSE. YEAH, WHICH IS KIND OF AMAZING, BECAUSE HE NEVER APPROVES OF ANYONE I GO OUT WITH. OH, HOW MANY HAVE THERE BEEN? OH, NO, NOT THAT MANY ` LIKE, SIX. GUESTS MURMUR I` I MEAN, LIKE, FOUR OR... TWO. GUESTS MURMUR MAN: THIS IS AWKWARD. MMM. THIS SOUP IS DELICIOUS. THAT IS THE FINGER BOWL. 1 BIRDS TWITTER NO, I CAN'T SAY OR DO ANYTHING RIGHT. I AM A TOTAL LOSER. YOU'RE NOT A LOSER. NO, I AM HERE. OH, AND HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND IS HERE. MM-HM. AND SHE'S HOT. OK, BUT YOU'RE HOT. ANYWAY, SHE'S OLD NEWS, RIGHT? NOT OLD ENOUGH. AND WHAT DOES SHE HAVE THAT YOU DON'T? OH, I DON'T KNOW ` ROYAL PARENTS, A TITLE AND FORTUNE. YIKES. KNOCK AT DOOR OOH, I GOTTA GO. THAT IS MY LADY'S MAID. LADY'S MAID? (SCOFFS) PLEASE SEND HER TO OUR APARTMENT. I LOVE YOU. LOVE YOU BACK. BYE. COME ON IN, OLIVIA. (IMITATES FANFARE) NO, NO, NO, PLEASE, PLEASE, DON'T LOOK. I` I LOOK HIDEOUS. I LIKE YOUR HIDEOUS LOOK. REALLY? REALLY. YOU STILL WANT TO TALK TO ME AFTER LAST NIGHT? IT WASN'T THAT BAD. ALL RIGHT, IT WAS A LITTLE BAD, BUT I'M SURE EVERYONE'S FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT BY NOW. WELL, THAT'S NICE, COS I'LL BE RELIVING IT EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. EVEN WITH ALL MY UNSUITABLE QUALITIES? EVEN WITH YOUR BLUE ALIEN FACE. UM, IT'S A BEAUTY MASK. OH. COME ON. (GIGGLES) YOUR SHORT STACK, MADAM? WHAT? DID YOU MAKE THESE? YEP. YOU DID NOT. ALL RIGHT. THE CHEF DID, BUT I SUPERVISED. (LAUGHS) YOU KNOW, I SHOULD GET YOU TO FEEL SORRY FOR ME MORE OFTEN. IT'S YOU WHO SHOULD BE FEELING SORRY FOR ME. MOTHER'S SCHEDULED ME EVERY MINUTE FROM NOW TILL CHRISTMAS. WELL, YOU HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES. YEAH, THAT'S ONE WAY OF PUTTING IT. WAIT, THAT LOOKS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE COFFEE. MM. SMUGGLED IT IN FROM THE STAFF KITCHEN. THANK YOU. I DON'T THINK I COULD TAKE ANOTHER DROP OF TEA. (SIGHS) I'VE ALWAYS HATED IT. CUPS CLINK CHEERS. SO, BEFORE YOU GO, YOUR MAJESTY, SHOULD I GO OVER YOUR SCHEDULE? SHALL I GO OVER YOURS? I THINK WE BOTH KNOW MINE. PROCEED. YOUR RIDE AT 10, FOLLOWED BY THE ROYAL PROCESSION. TOMORROW, THE BENEDICTION AT 11. STATUE DEDICATION AT NOON. GROUND-BREAKING CEREMONY FOR THE NEW CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL AT 1. EMBASSY SIGNING AT 3. YES, YES, BUT HAVE THE FLOWERS FOR THE BALL BEEN DELIVERED YET? RED AND GREEN. MORE RED THAN GREEN. I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET RID OF THIS. NO, YOU TOLD ME TO PUT IT SOMEPLACE SPECIAL. BY SOMEWHERE SPECIAL, I MEANT IN THE CHARITY BIN. I MUST'VE MISUNDERSTOOD. I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT. YOU LIKE HER, DON'T YOU? SHE HAS A CERTAIN WAY. COULD YOU BE MORE NONCOMMITTAL? THERE ARE OTHERS I LIKE LESS. (SCOFFS) AND WHO WOULD THAT BE, BESIDES ME AT THIS MOMENT? THAT LIST WOULD OCCUPY MOST OF THE DAY, I'M AFRAID. DO YOU REMEMBER MY MOTHER'S LECTURES ABOUT CHOOSING THE RIGHT PARTNER? AS IF IT WERE YESTERDAY. I WANTED TO RUN AWAY, JUST LIKE LEOPOLD, BUT SHE WOULDN'T LET ME. THIS THRONE IS FAR GREATER THAN ANY ONE PERSON'S WISHES. IT'S A THOUSAND YEARS OF HISTORY. HISTORY IS PAST. BUT IF WE TURN OUR BACKS ON IT, WHAT THEN? IN A FEW YEARS, THE ONLY KINGS AND QUEENS WILL BE FOUND IN A DECK OF CARDS. DOOR OPENS GOOD MORNING, YOUR MAJESTY. OH, NATASHA! DARLING. (GASPS) JUST LOOK AT YOU. YOU REMIND ME OF MYSELF WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE. THANK YOU. OH, PERHAPS THAT'S THE PROBLEM. WHAT BOY WANTS TO MARRY HIS MOTHER? HE NEEDS TIME WITH YOU. IT SEEMS THAT HE'S FORGOTTEN HOW PERFECTLY SUITABLE YOUR ARE. I'LL DO MY BEST TO REMIND HIM. I'M SURE YOU WILL. MM. SHALL WE RIDE? YES. DOOR OPENS DOOR CLOSES THERE YOU ARE. MOUNT UP. EMILY, WILL YOU NOT BE JOINING US FOR THE MORNING RIDE? NO, JUST SEEING YOU OFF. EMILY DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO RIDE, MOTHER. I BELIEVE I TOLD YOU THAT. HM. I'LL SEE YOU IN A COUPLE OF HOURS. OR LATER. (GIGGLES) COME, LEO. LET'S TAKE OUR FAVOURITE TRAIL. (SIGHS) HORSES WHINNY STIRRING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC DEFLATED ORCHESTRAL MUSIC LAUGHTER GO ON. OLIVIA: A STRAWBERRY AND A KIWI RUN INTO EACH OTHER AT THE SUPERMARKET. AND THE STRAWBERRY SAYS, 'LOOK, I'M IN THE SHAPE OF A HEART.' AND THEN THE KIWI SAID, (SQUEAKILY) 'WOULD YOU PLEASE CHANGE THE SUBJECT?' ALL LAUGH HI. HOW MAY I ASSIST YOU, MISS? OH, NO, NO, PLEASE, PLEASE, DON'T GET UP. REALLY, DON'T. SIT DOWN. THANK YOU. YOU KEPT THE TREE. OH YES, WE WERE JUST ABOUT TO DECORATE IT. WOULD YOU JOIN US FOR A CUP? I WOULD LOVE TO, YEAH. THANKS. AND MAYBE I COULD HELP YOU DECORATE THAT LITTLE TREE. OH YES. YEAH, YEAH. (LAUGHS) HMM, NINE-LETTER WORD FOR SMALL BUT BEAUTIFUL. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS, BUT THIS, THIS LOOKS LIKE A ROYAL CHRISTMAS TREE. YEAH, I THINK IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. EXQUISITE. EXQUISITE! THAT'S IT! THANK YOU! FINISHED. THANK YOU. FINISHED. LAUGHTER I HEARD LAUGHTER. AN UNUSUAL SOUND FOR ROUND HERE. MAY I HELP YOU, BARONESS? ACTUALLY, I WAS LOOKING FOR EMILY. TENSE MUSIC I` I AM SO EMBARRASSED ABOUT LAST NIGHT, BARONESS. IF WHAT I SAID HURT YOU, I'M TRULY SORRY. IT'S GALINA, AND YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. OH, (SCOFFS) I DID EVERYTHING WRONG, BUT I DO APPRECIATE YOU SAYING THAT. LEFT BEHIND ON THE MORNING RIDE? YEAH. I DIDN'T LEARN TO RIDE UNTIL WELL AFTER I'D MET KENT. YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT EASY FITTING IN WITH THESE PEOPLE. WAIT, AREN'T THESE PEOPLE YOUR PEOPLE? THEY ARE NOW. WHEN I FIRST MET THE BARON'S FAMILY, I TRIED TO GREET THEM IN GERMAN. I ENDED UP CALLING THEM THIEVES AND BREAKING A PRICELESS GRECIAN URN. REALLY? OK, THAT DOES MAKE ME FEEL A LITTLE BETTER. (CHUCKLES) I'M GOING INTO TOWN, WHICH IS MY OFFICIAL EXCUSE FOR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING. COME WITH ME? SURE. UPLIFTING MUSIC THANK YOU. AW, IT'S KIND OF YOU TO GET GIFTS FOR THE STAFF. OH, THEY'RE JUST LITTLE STOCKING STUFFERS. I KNOW, BUT IT'S THE THOUGHT, THOUGH, ISN'T IT? EMILY! OH, HI! HI. I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MEET THE BARONESS OF NEWBURY. GREETINGS, MILADY. (CHUCKLES) YOU CAN CALL ME GALINA. AND HOW DO YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER? WE'RE FRIENDS FOR LIFE. YES, WE ARE. AND HOW ARE YOU? HOW ARE THINGS? WELL, PRINCE LEOPOLD BOUGHT ALL THE CHRISTMAS TREES, SO NOW WE JUST HAVE SOME WREATHS TO SELL. I WISH WE HAD MORE THINGS TO SELL. WE'RE ALMOST OUT. POIGNANT MUSIC CURIOUS MUSIC YOU KNOW, MAYBE I CAN HELP. CHEERING, APPLAUSE ISADORA: THE CROWD SEEMS EVEN SMALLER THIS YEAR. LEO: THEY'RE PROBABLY BORED OF US BY NOW. THE SAME CLOTHES; THE SAME SMILES; THE SAME WAVES. WELL, PERHAPS NEXT YEAR YOU CAN RIDE IN ON A SKATEBOARD WITH A BACKWARDS-ACING HAT (!) I'M JUST SAYING THE WORLD'S DIFFERENT NOW. I'M DIFFERENT. BUT YOU NEVER WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. YES, THAT'S BECAUSE THIS IS EXACTLY THE TYPE OF CONVERSATION I'D BEEN HOPING FOR ON OUR WAY TO THE BENEDICTION (!) (SIGHS) CHEERING IT'S EMILY. CHEERING, APPLAUSE MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOUR MAJESTY. IT'S A SCARF FOR YOU. THANK YOU. NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CALL CHRISTMAS SPIRIT. HMM. POIGNANT MUSIC I'M SORRY I HAVE SO MANY OBLIGATIONS. MM, DON'T BE SORRY. IT'S NOT ALWAYS LIKE THIS. YOU COULD COME WITH US. I'D BE IN YOUR WAY. NO, YOU WOULDN'T. OK, I'D BE IN YOUR MOTHER'S WAY. MM. OK. AFTER THE BALL TONIGHT, IT'S JUST US ` AND THE OLD US. OH, I MISS THOSE LOSERS. YEAH. ME TOO. BOTH CHUCKLE THIS IS MY FAVOURITE SPOT. YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT. OH WOW. IT'S BEAUTIFUL. YEAH, IT WAS BUILT IN THE 18TH CENTURY. WOW, SO YOU HAVE A CHURCH AND A CEMETERY? YEP. YOU CAN GET BAPTISED, MARRIED AND BURIED WITHOUT EVER HAVING TO LEAVE THE GROUNDS. AND HOPEFULLY IN THAT ORDER. MM-HM. (GIGGLES) UNFORTUNATELY, ALL THE ROYAL WEDDINGS ARE DOWN IN THE GRAND CATHEDRAL, WHICH SEATS ABOUT 2000. I ALWAYS THOUGHT IF I WAS TO GET MARRIED, IT WOULD BE NICE TO DO IT HERE. SO YOU'VE THOUGHT ABOUT GETTING MARRIED? WELL, ON OCCASION. YOU? OH, NO, NEVER. (SCOFFS) REALLY? WELL, OK, MAYBE ONCE OR TWICE... A DAY SINCE I WAS 8 YEARS OLD. (LAUGHS) YOU KNOW, IF WE WERE EVER TO,.. YOU KNOW, WE COULD DO IT ANYWHERE. I WOULDN'T CARE. ME EITHER. BACK OF A TAILOR SHOP. INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF PANCAKES. IN MATCHING HOODIES. OBVIOUSLY. AND BAREFOOT. (LAUGHS) LOOK, I CAN BE PRINCE LEOPOLD,... AND SOMETIMES I'M GOOD AT IT, BUT YOU HAVE TO REALISE THAT I'M STILL LEO FROM PHILLY. HELLO! THERE YOU ARE. YOUR MOTHER SENT ME TO FIND YOU. OF COURSE SHE DID. CHOP-CHOP. YOU'RE DUE AT THE ROYAL UNVEILING. (EXHALES) I HAVEN'T BEEN TO THIS SPOT IN AGES. SINCE OUR PRETEND WEDDING. REMEMBER, LEO? OH, SO YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED? WE WERE KIDS. LEO GAVE ME THE PRETTIEST RING. HE MADE IT HIMSELF. REALLY? NO, NO, NO, IT WAS NOTHING. IT WAS JUST A PIECE OF STRAW. AND I STILL HAVE IT. UH... UH... CURIOUS MUSIC (SIGHS) OH, NATASHA, DARLING. I SEE YOU FOUND THEM. EMILY, DO YOU HAVE YOUR GOWN FOR TONIGHT'S BALL? I DID BRING SOMETHING` YES, I'M SURE YOU DID. BUT I HAVE THE PERFECT DRESS FOR YOU. I WORE IT TO THE CHRISTMAS BALL THE YEAR THAT I GOT ENGAGED. WOW. WELL, IT'S, UM, TIMELESS. THANK YOU, YOUR MAJESTY, BUT WE'RE PROBABLY TOTALLY DIFFERENT SIZES. I'M SURE YOU CAN MAKE IT WORK. YOU ARE A SEAMSTRESS, AREN'T YOU? I'LL HAVE IT SENT UP TO YOUR ROOM. SORRY. IT'S OK. CHUCKLING OK, SO I'LL KEEP YOU IN A COUPLE OF HOURS? OK. YEAH? YEAH. DON'T DO ANYTHING I WOULDN'T DO. LOVE YOU. YOU TOO. STIRRING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC (SIGHS) CURIOUS MUSIC LOOK, A $100 BILL! $100? NO? NOTHING? (EXHALES) HEY, VICTOR. PRICELESS TAPESTRIES LINE THESE WALLS, BUT MANY ARE FILLED WITH HOLES. I DON'T SEE ANY HOLES. THEY'RE THERE. (CHUCKLES) THANK YOU, VICTOR. ACTUALLY, VICTOR,... COULD I ASK YOU A FAVOUR? COFFEE? A HOTDOG PERHAPS? NO, I... I'D LIKE YOU TO PREPARE ME FOR THE BALL. I'M NOT SURE WE HAVE TIME ENOUGH FOR THAT. WELL, WE HAVE ALL DAY. WE'D NEED ALL YEAR. YOU MIGHT BE SURPRISED. I BELIEVE I MIGHT BE. FOLLOW ME. NOW, PRETEND I'M THE GRAND DUKE OF KENT. HOW DO YOU DO? UH, NO, DON'T REACH. HELLO, GRAND DUKE. THAT'S UH, QUITE A GRIP. THANK YOU. UH, IT WASN'T A COMPLIMENT. OH. TCHAIKOVSKY'S 'WALTZ OF THE FLOWERS' APPLAUSE VERY GOOD. NOW, JUST LIKE THAT. THE TRICK IS TO MOVE BRISKLY AND WITH APLOMB. LOOK AT THIS. MM. I'M DOING IT. I'M TOTALLY WALTZING. NOW, TRIPLE TIME. TRIPLE TIME? HERE WE GO. A ONE, TWO, THREE. ONE, TWO, THREE. TRIPLE TIME. ONE, TWO, THREE. ONE, TWO, THREE. OH. LET'S GET BACK TO BASICS, SHALL WE? YES, PLEASE. TCHAIKOVSKY'S 'WALTZ OF THE FLOWERS' CONTINUES APPLAUSE NOW THE CURTSEY. WATCH ME. IF IT'S A PRINCESS, YOU ALWAYS CURTSEY. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES IS THERE ANY TOUCHING, HUGGING OR HANDSHAKING. DEAL. DEAL? IS THAT A HIGH FIVE? YES, IT WAS. MY FIRST ONE. BOTH LAUGH THE CANAPES. STOP. GLOVES OFF FOR EATING. NO, NO. YOU'RE NOT A GARDENER. YOU MUST DO IT DISCREETLY. OK. VERY GOOD. NOW, COME ON. LOTS OF WORK TO DO. MMM. THAT'S REALLY GOOD. EMILY! MM. COMING! THANK YOU. TCHAIKOVSKY'S 'WALTZ OF THE FLOWERS' CONTINUES MUSIC SWELLS APPLAUSE AND FINALLY, THE GOWN. WAIT. THIS IS THE DRESS THE QUEEN WANTS ME TO WEAR? I'M AFRAID SO. OH, THIS IS GONNA NEED A LOT OF WORK. BUT IF WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT TO THE BALL ON TIME, WE BETTER HURRY. AH, THERE YOU ARE, SIR. I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU. THE GUESTS WILL BE HERE SOON. (SIGHS) VICTOR, YOU'VE KNOWN ME ALL MY LIFE. THAT I HAVE. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ME HAPPIER THAN I AM WITH EMILY? THAT I HAVE NOT. GOOD. UM,... I'M GOING TO PROPOSE TO HER TONIGHT AFTER THE BALL. I MUST SAY, THAT MAKES ME VERY HAPPY AS WELL. I THOUGHT IT MIGHT. I JUST WISH MOTHER COULD BE HAPPY FOR ME. IT'S NOT FORBIDDEN TO DREAM. GENTLE MUSIC LIVELY CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS GENTLE CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS GUESTS CHATTER HAVE A LOVELY EVENING. ENJOY. AH, LORD AND LADY... SOFTLY: WINDERMERE. ...WINDERMERE. WHERE'S EMILY? PERHAPS SHE COULDN'T FIT INTO THE DRESS. FITTING IN DOES SEEM TO BE A PROBLEM FOR HER. BOTH SNIGGER AH, LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN. HOW ARE YOU KEEPING? HOW ARE YOU? GOOD TO SEE YOU. MAGICAL MUSIC GUESTS GASP, WHISPER MAGICAL MUSIC SWELLS WOMAN: (GASPS) STUNNING. GUESTS MURMUR EXCITEDLY YOU LOOK AMAZING. THANK YOU. REMEMBER THIS LOOK, BECAUSE I MIGHT BE TURNING BLUE SOON. I COULDN'T LET OUT THE WAIST. (CHUCKLES) WELL, AT LEAST LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO SOME PEOPLE BEFORE YOU LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS. GENTLE CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS AH, PRINCESS JULIA, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET EMILY TAYLOR. YOUR HIGHNESS. AND THIS IS THE EARL OF... FINGERS DOWN. IT IS A PLEASURE. BRILLIANT! HUH? I DO BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR. MM-HM. YES. LIVELY CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS CAN I PRESENT TO YOU THE GRAND DUKE OF CANTERBURY? EMILY TAYLOR. HM. IT'S A PLEASURE, YOUR GRACE. AND THAT IT IS, MY DEAR. WELL DONE. SHALL WE? YES. OK? YES, IT'S BEAUTIFUL HERE. AH. GLOVE. THANK YOU. I LOVE YOUR CANAPES. THANK YOU. GOOD EVENING. MMM. MMM. EXCELLENT. EMILY! POPPY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? GALINA INVITED ME. OH, BARON. BARONESS. OH, WE'RE WAY BEYOND THAT. AW. SO GOOD TO SEE YOU BOTH. YOU LOOK POSITIVELY BEAUTIFUL. AW, THANK YOU. YOU AS WELL. GALINA AND I THOUGHT POPPY MIGHT ENJOY A NIGHT LIKE THIS. THAT IS` IT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA. COME ON. LET'S FIND THE DESSERT TABLE. OK. (LAUGHS) WE'RE TALKING ABOUT ADOPTING. AW! SWEET. YES. OH. (CHUCKLES) I BARELY RECOGNISE THE DRESS. I MADE A FEW ADJUSTMENTS. I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND. DOESN'T SHE LOOK STUNNING, MOTHER? POSITIVELY LOVELY. THANK YOU. LEOPOLD, WE'RE OPENING THE BALL. LIVELY CLASSICAL MUSIC SWELLS 1 I CAN'T THINK OF A GREATER GIFT THAN TO HAVE OUR OWN PRINCE LEOPOLD BACK FROM HIS ACADEMIC ADVENTURE. AND WHILE I'M NOT COMPLETELY SURE THAT THEY WERE COMPLETELY ACADEMIC,... LAUGHTER ...I CAN ONLY ASSUME THAT HE HAS RETAINED ENOUGH KNOWLEDGE TO RESUME HIS ROYAL DUTIES AND, UH, TO TIE A PROPER TIE. LAUGHTER THANK YOU FOR THAT WONDERFUL VOTE OF CONFIDENCE, MOTHER (!) SO, PLEASE ENJOY THIS EVENING'S BALL, AND MAY ALL YOUR HOLIDAYS BE BRIGHT. APPLAUSE EMILY TAYLOR, WOULD YOU LIKE TO DANCE? LEO! IT'S THE OPENING WALTZ. THAT'S US. OH, DIDN'T LEO TELL YOU WE'VE ALWAYS DANCED THE OPENING DANCE TOGETHER? UH, NO, I THINK HE FAILED TO MENTION THAT. UNFORTUNATELY, WE DIDN'T GET TO LAST YEAR, WITH HIM BEING IN AMERICA AND ALL. EVEN I TOOK A YEAR OFF BEING ROYAL. BUT WE ALL COME BACK. IT'S WHO WE ARE. COME, LET'S MAKE UP FOR LOST TIME. UH, I ALREADY TOLD THE GRAND DUKE YOU'D DO HIM THE HONOUR. BUT THE GRAND DUKE IS 80. HE'S STILL UPRIGHT, THOUGH. IT WOULD BE AN HONOUR. THANK YOU. NOW, WHERE WERE WE? OH YES. I KNOW YOU DON'T WALTZ, BUT WE COULD WING IT. I WOULD LOVE TO WALTZ, YOUR MAJESTY. JOHANN STRAUSS' 'VIENNA BLOOD WALTZ' PLAYS WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO DANCE LIKE THIS? VICTOR. AH, VICTOR. JOHANN STRAUSS' 'VIENNA BLOOD WALTZ' CONTINUES PLAYING 1 1 DA-DA! (LAUGHS) APPLAUSE SHALL WE GO OUT ON TO THE BALCONY? THERE'S SOMETHING I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU. SWITCH PARTNERS? (EXHALES) SHOULD WE SIT THIS ONE OUT? A FINE IDEA, MY DEAR. THANK YOU. GENTLE CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS GENTLE CLASSICAL MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING SHE'S NOT THAT GOOD. YOU'RE A TERRIBLE LIAR, BUT THANK YOU. LOOK AT THOSE TWO. THE PERFECT COUPLE. THEY WERE MADE FOR ONE ANOTHER. AND I DRINK TO THAT. GLASSES CLINK GENTLE CLASSICAL MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING 1 (SIGHS) HEY. DON'T LET ME INTERRUPT. I JUST... I JUST NEED A BREAK. YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE. (LAUGHS) OH, EMILY, YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL. YOU LOOK POSITIVELY ROYAL. THANK YOU. OH, THANK YOU FOR THE GIFTS UNDER THE TREE, EMILY. THANK YOU SO MUCH. THANK YOU. AW! YEAH, THAT'S SO KIND. OF COURSE. THEY'RE JUST LITTLE THINGS. I JUST WANTED YOU GUYS TO KNOW HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE YOU MAKING ME FEEL SO WELCOME. BONBON? I'M STARVING. YES. BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING MORE FILLING? WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO EAT? (SIGHS) I WOULD KILL FOR A 6FT HOAGIE RIGHT NOW. HOAGIE? A WHAT? WHAT, YOU`? OH, YOU'VE NEVER LIVED UNTIL YOU'VE TRIED ONE. STIRRING CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS APPLAUSE OH, I NEVER TIRE WATCHING THE TWO OF YOU. AND WE NEVER TIRE OF BEING WATCHED, DO WE, LEO? (LAUGHS) WHERE'S EMILY? OH, SHE'S SOMEWHERE. AH. LEOPOLD, YOU MUST SAY HELLO TO THE COUNT OF GLENDOWER AND THE DUCHESS OF WINGATE. YOU HAVE SO MUCH CATCHING UP TO DO. (SIGHS) MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC YOU HAVE OUTDONE YOURSELF, ISADORA. EVERYTHING IS SPLENDID. MM. NOT EVERYTHING. I'M NOT ONE TO GIVE UP ` YOU KNOW THAT ` BUT MAYBE LEO AND I AREN'T MEANT TO BE. NATASHA, THIS HAS BEEN PLANNED SINCE YOU WERE CHILDREN. BUT YOU'VE SEEN THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HER. I'VE SEEN HIM LOOK AT YOU THE SAME WAY TOO. NOT IN A LONG TIME. PERHAPS WE'RE NOT GOING ABOUT THIS THE RIGHT WAY. VICTOR. WHERE IS SHE? SO THIS, MY FRIENDS, IS A PHILADELPHIA HOAGIE. WE HAVE CHEESE, CHICKEN, SALAMI, PICKLES. YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY PICKLES. OH, YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED? BALONEY. OH, WE HAVE MUTTON. OK, THAT WILL DO. WAIT, WHAT IS MUTTON AGAIN? UH, HERE'S SOME JELLIED EELS. NO, NO, NO, WE'RE GOING TO DRAW THE LINE AT THAT. WE'RE NOT PUTTING THAT ON THERE. (LAUGHS) WHAT IS THIS? YOUR MAJESTY. WE DIDN'T EXPECT YOU. SO IT APPEARS. I WAS JUST MAKING THEM A LITTLE AMERICAN CUISINE. (SCOFFS) AND WHAT MIGHT THAT BE? MCDONALD'S? KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN? IT APPEARS THAT IT IS MORE IMPORTANT FOR TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR STOMACHS THAN TO ATTEND TO YOUR JOBS AND TAKE CARE OF OUR GUESTS. YOU TWO, YOU ARE FIRED. IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE, YOUR MAJESTY. PLEASE DON'T PUNISH THEM. THIS IS COMPLETELY MY FAULT. THEY KNOW THEIR PLACES. PERHAPS THE PROBLEM HERE IS YOU DON'T KNOW YOURS. YOU'RE STILL UNDER THE ILLUSION THAT YOU BELONG WITH LEOPOLD. BUT HE BELONGS WITH A ROYAL, NOT A COMMONER. THE THRONE IS MORE THAN JUST A BENCH COVERED WITH VELVET. IT IS SO MUCH MORE. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT TAKES TO BE ROYAL. (EXHALES) I AM SO SORRY. I'M` I'M SO SORRY. YOU DIDN'T KNOW. NO, BUT I SHOULD HAVE. I... DON'T WORRY, MISS. MISS? YOU'RE A GUEST OF THE PRINCE, AND I'M THE MAID. I AM SO SORRY. MELANCHOLY MUSIC (SIGHS) I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO FIX THIS, VICTOR. I DON'T THINK I COULD FEEL MUCH WORSE. TO PRINCE LEOPOLD'S RETURN HOME. CHEERS! CHEERS! CHEERS! GLASSES CLINK OH, IT'S SO NICE TO HAVE YOU BACK. PLEASURE. THANK YOU FOR COMING. NICE TO SEE YOU ALL. APPARENTLY I CAN FEEL WORSE. MELANCHOLY MUSIC I BELIEVE MISS TAYLOR WILL BE HEADING HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS. IS THIS REALLY WHAT YOU WANT? WHAT I WANT DOESN'T MATTER. IT'S THE WAY THINGS ARE. YOU OF ALL PEOPLE KNOW THAT. AND YOU OF ALL PEOPLE CAN CHANGE THE WAY THINGS ARE. I WOULD'VE THOUGHT YOU'D SEEN ENOUGH BROKEN HEARTS IN THIS CASTLE. (SIGHS) 1 MELANCHOLY MUSIC KNOCK AT DOOR LEO: EMILY? OH, I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU. WHAT'S WRONG? I THINK I'VE HAD MY FILL OF THE ROYAL TREATMENT. IS THIS ABOUT NATASHA? YOU KNOW SHE MEANS NOTHING TO ME. EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT SHE'S PERFECT FOR YOU, LEO. NO, SHE'S NOT. SHE'S PERFECT FOR MY MOTHER. I GOT THE STAFF FIRED. WHAT? I GOT THEM FIRED. LOOK, SHE WOULD FIRE THE WHOLE OF PARLIAMENT IF IT MEANT YOU WOULD LEAVE, BUT I'LL FIX EVERYTHING. I PROMISE. COME HERE. THERE'S, UM, SOMETHING I'VE WANTED TO ASK YOU ALL NIGHT, IN FACT,... PRETTY MUCH SINCE WE MET. NOW, THIS ISN'T EXACTLY HOW I PLANNED IT, BUT... (GASPS) THIS RING HAS BEEN IN OUR FAMILY FOR CENTURIES, AND NOW IT BELONGS ON YOU. MARRY ME. (EXHALES) I... I WOULD LOVE NOTHING MORE IF IT WERE JUST... LEO AND EMILY, BUT IT` IT ISN'T JUST US ANY MORE. LEO, YOUR MOM WAS RIGHT. I DON'T BELONG HERE, NOT UPSTAIRS OR DOWNSTAIRS. I'M NOT A PRINCESS, AND I NEVER WILL BE. THAT'S NOT TRUE. AND WE WERE SO HAPPY` WE WERE SO HAPPY AT HOME, BUT HERE I` I JUST FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO BE SOMEONE THAT I'M NOT, AND... THE TRUTH IS, I DON'T WANT TO BE ANYONE ELSE. I'M NOT ASHAMED OF MY PEOPLE; I'M PROUD OF THEM. AND I CAN'T LOSE WHO I AM TO FIT INTO A PLACE THAT I DON'T BELONG. YOU BELONG WITH ME, OK, WHEREVER THAT IS. WE CAN GO BACK TO PHILLY. I'LL RENOUNCE MY TITLE. SOFTLY: YOU CAN'T. IF I HAVE TO CHOSE BETWEEN BEING PRINCE LEOPOLD AND BEING WITH YOU, I CHOOSE YOU, EVERY TIME. I CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT. I CAN'T LET YOU GIVE UP EVERYTHING THAT YOUR FAMILY HAS BUILT FOR YOU. YOUR FUTURE IS HERE. IT'S NOT WITH ME. POIGNANT MUSIC NICE KNOWING YOU GUYS. I SPEAK FOR THE ENTIRE STAFF ` AND FOR THOSE WHO ARE NO LONGER PART OF THE STAFF ` WHEN I SAY THAT IT HAS BEEN A TRUE PLEASURE TO SERVE YOU. THANK YOU, VICTOR. FOR EVERYTHING. AND... I'M SO SORRY AGAIN FOR WHAT HAPPENED. IT'S OK. DON'T WORRY, EMILY. POIGNANT MUSIC CONTINUES YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS, EMILY. THIS WILL ALWAYS... ALWAYS BE THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE. I LOVE YOU. AND I LOVE YOU. SURELY THAT'S ENOUGH. IN MY WORLD MAYBE, BUT... NOT IN YOURS. (SIGHS) POIGNANT MUSIC ENGINE STARTS POIGNANT MUSIC CONTINUES LEOPOLD. WELL DONE, MOTHER (!) SHE'S GONE. MERRY CHRISTMAS. 'HARK! THE HERALD ANGELS SING' INSTRUMENTAL ANOTHER SUCCESSFUL BALL. YOU MUST BE PLEASED. DO I LOOK PLEASED? I WAS BEING POLITE. THAT GIRL HAS AFFECTED EVERYONE HERE. AND THEN SOME. AND YET SHE'S MANAGED TO STAY TRUE TO HERSELF,... WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY ABOUT ME. I'D LIKE TO DISAGREE, BUT I CAN'T. YOU'VE KNOWN ME A LONG TIME, VICTOR. SOME MAY SAY TOO LONG. I FEAR I'VE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE. I DON'T BELIEVE I'VE EVER HEARD YOU SAY THAT. AND YOU NEVER WILL AGAIN. I HOPE IT'S NOT TOO LATE. IT'S NEVER TOO LATE... WHEN LOVE IS INVOLVED. HOPEFUL MUSIC FOOTSTEPS APPROACH LEO, YOU LOOK POSITIVELY MISERABLE. COME, LET'S GO FOR A RIDE TOGETHER. IT ALWAYS CHEERS YOU UP. NO, THANKS. THAT'S NOT LIKE YOU. WHAT AM I LIKE? YOU'RE,... I DON'T KNOW,... WHO YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN. I'M A PRINCE, AND YOU'RE A DUCHESS. (SCOFFS) BUT THOSE ARE JUST TITLES. IT'S NOT WHO WE ARE. I WANT TO BE MORE THAN A TITLE TO SOMEONE. AND YOU SHOULD TOO. TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS. I DON'T SUPPOSE THERE'S A CHANCE FOR US... AFTER A SUITABLE GRACE PERIOD? SERIOUSLY? I THOUGHT NOT. YOU KNOW, I DID GET A NEW YEAR'S INVITE FROM THE COUNT OF YORK, WHO I HEAR HAS QUITE A GOOD-LOOKING SON. HE DOES. UNFORTUNATELY, HE'S 9. THAT IS UNFORTUNATE. I HAVE TO SAY, THAT DESPITE MY BEHAVIOUR, I WAS QUITE IMPRESSED WITH EMILY. (SCOFFS) YES, WELL,... IF I EVER SEE HER AGAIN, I'LL BE SURE TO MENTION IT. I AM SORRY. YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS, THE QUEEN WISHES A WORD WITH YOU. WHAT WORD WOULD THAT BE, VICTOR? THAT'S NOT FOR ME TO SAY. BUT IT WOULD BE NICE IF 'SORRY' IS AMONGST THEM. (SIGHS) (SIGHS) 1 GENTLE MUSIC I'D ASSUMED YOU'D HAVE THROWN THAT AWAY BY NOW. DID YOU KNOW THAT BEN FRANKLIN INVENTED THE LIGHTNING ROD? AND THE SWIM FINS, I'M TOLD. YOU HAVE A SEAT, LEOPOLD. PLEASE. (SIGHS) BEFORE I MET YOUR FATHER, I FELL IN LOVE WITH A COMMONER. (CHUCKLES) HE COULDN'T HAVE BEEN MORE UNSUITABLE, BUT I DIDN'T CARE. WE UNDERSTOOD EACH OTHER, AND HE CALLED ME IZZIE. TO MY PARENTS' HORROR, WE WANTED TO MARRY. SOMETIMES I WISH WE HAD. BUT THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE YOU. YOU ARE MY GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT. YOUR FATHER WAS A GOOD MAN. WE WERE HAPPY IN OUR OWN WAY, BUT... (SIGHS) WE NEVER LAUGHED TOGETHER, WE NEVER HAD WHAT YOU AND EMILY HAVE TOGETHER. AND WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM? THE COMMONER. HE DID WHAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DO, AS DID I. HE WENT INTO SERVICE, AND I BECAME THE QUEEN. LEO,... I WANT SO MUCH FOR YOU. MORE THAN ANYTHING, I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. DOOR OPENS WHAT`? WHAT ARE THESE TWO DOING HERE? I REHIRED THEM. IN FACT, I GAVE THEM EACH A PROMOTION. YOUR TOAST AND MARMALADE, YOUR MAJESTY. QUINCE? YES, MA'AM. YOUR TEA, YOUR MAJESTY. WELL DONE. WELL, I THINK AN OIL PAINTING IS IN ORDER. YOU APPROVE, THEN? WELL, THE DAY IS YOUNG. NOT AS YOUNG AS WE'D BOTH LIKE, THOUGH. SO TRUE. CURIOUS MUSIC DOOR CLOSES VICTOR, I'D LIKE YOU TO MAKE A ROYAL ANNOUNCEMENT ` PRINCE LEOPOLD IS IN LOVE, NOT WITH A DUCHESS BUT WITH A CLOTHES DESIGNER. AND I GIVE THEM MY BLESSING. I LOVE YOU, MUM. EMOTIVE MUSIC I LOVE YOU TOO, LEO. VICTOR, FUEL-UP THE JET. I'VE ALREADY TAKEN THE LIBERTY. I'LL PACK A BAG. AS IT HAPPENS, YOU'RE ALREADY PACKED. DOOR OPENS, CLOSES IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE HE CALLED ME MUM. AND THERE YOU WERE AFRAID OF LOSING HIM. I CAN'T REMEMBER A BETTER HOLIDAY. I REMEMBER ONE, A LONG TIME AGO. SO DO I. WILL THERE BE ANYTHING ELSE, YOUR MAJESTY? JUST ONE MORE THING, VICTOR. CALL ME IZZIE. HEART-WARMING MUSIC FESTIVE PIANO MUSIC DAD, DON'T. LEAVE IT UP. SORRY, KID. I COULD'VE SWORN HE WAS THE ONE. ME TOO. ME TOO. LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE ` YOU'VE GOT MORE TIME FOR YOUR CLOTHING DESIGNS AGAIN. (SCOFFS) YEAH, AND THE WORLD AWAITS (!) (SIGHS) EMILY. HM? (SCOFFS) ROMANTIC MUSIC DOORBELL JINGLES LEO. LEO,... WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I ASKED YOU IN THE CASTLE, AND YOU SAID NO. DOORBELL JINGLES SO I THOUGHT I'D GIVE IT A SHOT HERE ` THE PLACE WHERE WE FIRST MET. WE DO COME FROM DIFFERENT WORLDS. BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER, BECAUSE WE FOUND EACH OTHER. AND THE ONLY TITLES I CARE ABOUT ARE YOU AND I AS HUSBAND AND WIFE. SO I'M ASKING YOU AGAIN ` THIS TIME AS LEO FROM PHILLY AND LEOPOLD FROM CORDINIA ` EMILY TAYLOR, WILL YOU MARRY ME? ROMANTIC MUSIC YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I WANT TO SAY YES. BUT, LEO, YOUR MOTHER WOULD NEVER` SAY YES, EMILY. YOUR MAJESTY? I AM SO SORRY, EMILY. I JUST HOPE YOU CAN FORGIVE ME. I WAS SO WRONG ABOUT YOU. I'VE BEEN WRONG ABOUT A FEW THINGS. JUST A FEW? I HAVE A DRESS THAT NEEDS ALTERATION. I SAVED IT FOR THE WOMAN THAT WOULD MARRY MY SON. I TRULY HOPE... THAT IT WILL BE YOU. HEART-WARMING MUSIC AS YOUR BEN FRANKLIN WOULD SAY, 'I THINK YOU COULD BRING SOME MUCH NEEDED ELECTRICITY INTO THE REALM.' (CHUCKLES) CURIOUS MUSIC SO YOU NEED TO ME ASK YOU A THIRD TIME? (LAUGHS) DO YOU MIND? I FORGOT TO PRESS THE RECORD BUTTON LAST TIME. DAD. (LAUGHS) CELL PHONE CHIMES I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR IT, LEOPOLD. ALL RIGHT. EMILY TAYLOR, WILL YOU`? YES! YES! LAUGHTER UPLIFTING MUSIC (LAUGHS) WOW. ROMANTIC MUSIC (SCREAMS) SO COME ON, EVERYBODY. LET'S CELEBRATE. CELEBRATE! WHOO! 'DECK THE HALLS' INSTRUMENTAL 'DECK THE HALLS' INSTRUMENTAL CONTINUES 'O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL' ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS 'O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL' ORGAN MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING 1 1 (GIGGLES) (GIGGLES) YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MY PRINCESS. (EXHALES) 'O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL' ORGAN MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING 1 ROMANTIC MUSIC (SNIFFLES) WHISPERS: THIS IS LIKE A FAIRY TALE. IT'S BETTER. IT'S REAL. UPLIFTING FESTIVE MUSIC ROMANTIC MUSIC (LAUGHS) IT'S A CORDINIAN CHRISTMAS MIRACLE. ROMANTIC MUSIC SWELLS UPBEAT FESTIVE MUSIC CAPTIONS BY INGRID LAUDER. WWW.ABLE.CO.NZ CAPTIONS WERE MADE POSSIBLE WITH FUNDING FROM NZ ON AIR. COPYRIGHT ABLE 2015