www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Able 2014 TINKLY MUSIC MUSIC CONTINUES PEOPLE TALK LOUDLY OVER ONE ANOTHER PEOPLE TALK LOUDLY OVER ONE ANOTHER Where... Where are my golf balls? PEOPLE TALK LOUDLY OVER ONE ANOTHER Where... Where are my golf balls? Try your top pocket. Check the laundry too. All right, has anybody seen my sunblock? What's the point of going to Florida if you're going to use sunblock? I'd happily age like an old suitcase. I'm getting toasted! Great. Now you'll be a scag with slightly darker skin. He's just jealous cos he can't tan ` his freckles just connect. Hey, hey! Easy on the fluids, pal. The rubber sheets are packed. TV: Nicky says she wants to go with 'DING'. Behind 'DING' is... 200 points! All right! STUDIO AUDIENCE APPLAUDS That takes you to 4700 points! (REWINDS TAPE) STUDIO AUDIENCE APPLAUDS That takes you to 4700 points! (REWINDS TAPE) TAPE: 200 points. All right! She's our champion for the day. Honey, are you packed yet? She's our champion for the day. Honey, are you packed yet? Yes. She's our champion for the day. Honey, are you packed yet? Yes. TAPE REPLAYS: Yes. Everything I put out for you? Yes. Everything I put out for you? Yes. TAPE REPLAYS: Yes. Oh! Did you see what Grandma Penelope sent you for the trip? Ah, let me guess. Donald Duck slippers? Ha! Close. An inflatable clown to play with in the pool. How exciting. Why do we have to go to Florida? There's no Christmas trees. Kevin, what is it with you and Christmas trees? How could you have Christmas without a Christmas tree, Mom? We'll find a nice fake silver one. Or decorate a palm tree. without a Christmas tree, Mom? We'll find a nice fake silver one. Or decorate a palm tree. GAME SHOW FINISHES PRESENTER: Guests of the new Celebrity Ding Dang Dong stay at the world-renowned Plaza Hotel, New York's most exciting hotel experience. For reservations, call toll free: 1800 75... Honey, do you know where the battery for this camcorder is? call toll free: 1800 75... Honey, do you know where the battery for this camcorder is? Yeah, I put it in the charger. Honey, do you know where the How's this? Yeah, I put it in the charger. Honey, do you know where the How's this? Oh, much better. Kevin, put your tie on. We can't be late for the Christmas pageant. My tie's in the bathroom. I can't go in there because Uncle Frank's taking a shower. He says if I walked in and saw him naked, I'd grow up never feeling like a real man ` whatever that means. I'm sure he was kidding. Just, uh,... run in, get your tie, get out and don't look at... anything. FRANK SINGS ALONG BADLY: # Well! This cat they're talking about, I wonder who could it be. # Cos I know I'm the heaviest cat, the heaviest cat you ever did see. # When they see me walking down the street, none of the fellers walk this beat, hey-hey! # On their faces they wear a silly smirk. Cos they know I'm the king of the Cool Jerk! # SONG KEEPS PLAYING (STIFLES LAUGHTER) Get out of here, you nosy little pervert, or I'm gonna slap you silly! Oh, you're cookin', Frankie! GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PLAYS CHILDREN: # Christmas tree, my Christmas tree lit up like a star. # When I see my Christmas tree and loved ones before. # Christmas tree, I'm certain wherever I roam... # WHISPERS: Kevin's solo's coming up! Tell Leslie. Kevin's solo's coming up. Tell Frank. coming up! Tell Leslie. Kevin's solo's coming up. Tell Frank. OK. Frank, Kevin's... Frank! Huh? # Christmas time means laughter, # toboggans in the snow... # HESITANT LAUGHTER # toboggans in the snow... # HESITANT LAUGHTER # Carolling together with faces aglow... # (CONTINUES SINGING) # Carolling together with faces aglow... # (CONTINUES SINGING) AUDIENCE AND CHOIR LAUGH HYSTERICALLY # My merriest Christmas needs just one thing more. # Christmas tree, my Christmas tree # Lit up like... # CHILDREN SHRIEK CHILDREN SCREAM (GASPS) STUNNED SILENCE FRANK KEEPS LAUGHING Kevin! Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,... I'd like to apologise to my family for whatever displeasure I might've caused you. I'd like to apologise to my family What?! caused you. I'd like to apologise to my family What?! My prank was immature and ill-timed. Immature or not it was pretty god-danged hilarious! (CHUCKLES) I'd also like to apologise to my brother. Kevin, I'm sorry. Oh, Buzz. That was very nice. APPLAUSE Kevin, do you have something to say? Beat that, you little trout-sniffer. I'm not sorry. I did what I did cos Buzz humiliated me. Since he gets away with everything, I let him have it. Since you're all so stupid to believe his lies, I don't care if your idiotic Florida trip gets wrecked! Who wants to spend Christmas in a tropical climate anyway? Kevin! Kevin, don't walk out. Or you sleep on the third floor. Yeah, with me. Kevin, don't walk out. Or you sleep on the third floor. Yeah, with me. So what else is new? You'd better not wreck my trip, you little sourpuss. Your dad's paying good money for it. Oh. Wouldn't want to spoil your fun, Mr Cheapskate. What a troubled young man. They're all a bunch of jerks. Hi. Kevin, last time we all took a trip, we had a problem that started just like this. Yeah, with me getting crapped on. I don't care for your choice of words. That's not what happened then or now. Buzz apologised to you. Yeah. Then he called me a trout-sniffer. He didn't really apologise. He was sucking up to you. OK, why don't you just sit here a while and think things over? When you're ready to apologise to everyone, come down. I'm not apologising to Buzz. I'd rather kiss a toilet seat. to everyone, come down. I'm not apologising to Buzz. I'd rather kiss a toilet seat. Then you can stay up here all night. Fine! I don't wanna be down there anyway! I can't trust anybody in this family. If I had my own money, I'd go on vacation ` alone, without any of you. I'd have the most fun in my whole life. You got your wish last year. Maybe you will again. fun in my whole life. You got your wish last year. Maybe you will again. I hope so. MISCHEIVOUS MUSIC WIND WHISTLES SOFTLY STATUE CLANGS ALARM BEEPS SOFTLY, DOORBELL RINGS BOTH: We did it again! BOTH SCREAM FRANTIC MUSIC PLAYS, ALL SHOUT IN CONFUSION Our McCallisters in the first van, the others in the second. I shouldn't complain about a free trip, but you guys give the worst god-dang wake-up calls. Do you have the tickets? I have. Here's your family's. How many do you have? Seven. Seven. BOTH: 14. Seven, eight, nine, 10... How come we're not sitting together? We're lucky we're on the same plane. 11. 12, 13... Where's Kevin? 14. Good thing I've my own ticket ` in case you try to ditch me. All right. Come on, Kevin. Dad, I need batteries. I've got some. I'll give them to you on the plane. I'll get them now. Not now, Kevin. What's the gate number? H 17, sir. There you go. Thank you. Hey, you better hurry up. It's the last gate. BUZZ: What gate? H 17, Buzz. Come on, Kevin. Kevin, you gonna take my bag? You gonna take my bag? Come on. FAST MUSIC PLAYS ALL TALK FRANTICALLY DRAMATIC MUSIC MAN ON P.A.: American Airlines flight 226 to New York is now in the final boarding process. Come on. Come on, come on. Dad, wait up! Dad, wait up! Wait up! Wait! KATE: Come on, come on, come on! Dad, wait! Here we are ` here! We made it. Here we are ` here! We made it. PETER: Everybody here? We made it? Please, ma'am. The plane is ready to leave. We'll just make sure everyone gets on. We'll get everybody on. Merry Christmas. Have a nice flight. Merry Christmas. Bye. Hey! Wait up! Hey, guys, wait for me! Cutting it kinda close. Yes. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas to you. Yes. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas to you. Dad, wait up! Wait! I'm sorry. That's all right. Are you on this flight? Yes. My family's already boarded. I don't wanna be left behind. Do you have a boarding pass? It's somewhere... We have to close up here. They're ready to go. He dropped his boarding pass. This plane can't leave! This happened to me last year and wrecked my Christmas. You're sure your family's on this flight? Yeah. My dad ran in right before I bumped into this lady. OK. Board him, but make sure he locates his family before you leave him. OK. Come on. Do you see your family? There's my dad over there. Do you see your family? There's my dad over there. OK. Well, go find an empty seat. Merry Christmas. You too. Ladies and gentlemen, we need all passengers to be seated with their seatbelts securely fastened. PLANE ENGINE HUMS So, have you ever been to Florida? C'est ou, ca? Je viens de la France. Je suis un tourist ici. C'est la premier fois je suis en Amerique. Peut-etre tes parents, ils connaissent un bon place. Pourquoi tu ne reponds pas? Tu parles Francais un petit peu? Moi, je parle l'Anglais du tout. Tu ne veux pas parler, huh? FAST DRUM PLAYS Welcome aboard American Airlines flight 176, non-stop to New York. # Oh, baby, it's Christmas # all over again... # Boy! I didn't think we were gonna make it. Something wrong? Honey? I have that feeling. We forgot something? No, I don't think we did, but I... I just have that feeling. Bad memories, that's all. We did everything, we brought everything, we have everybody. There's nothing to worry about. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You're right. We're fine. Nothing to worry about. Mom? Dad? Uncle Frank? Buzz? Hi. We're the last ones off the plane. Where are those guys? THUNDER RUMBLES PETER: Whose is this? KATE: Brooke's. This is Megan's. Give this to Brooke. Give this to Kevin. Give this... Give this to Kevin. Give this to Kevin. Give this to Kevin. Kevin. Give this to Kevin. Kevin. Give this to Kevin. Kevin. Give this to Kevin. Give this to Kevin. Here you go, Kevin. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. What?! Kevin! What?! Kevin! THUD! UPLIFTING MUSIC Excuse me, but this is an emergency. Yes, sir? Excuse me, but this is an emergency. Yes, sir? What city's that over there? That's New York, sir. Yikes! I did it again! Is something wrong, sir? WHISPERS: I'll be fine. Oh no. My family's in Florida, and I'm in New York. My family's in Florida. I'm in... New York. BELLS TOLL IN SONG INTRO SAXOPHONE MUSIC # The cold wind's blowing, and the streets are getting dark. # I'm writing you a letter, and I don't know where to start. # The bells will be ringing saying, 'Join in the fun.' # I get a little lonely every year around this time. # The music plays all night in Little Italy. The lights will be going up all over the family tree. # People window shopping on Fifth Avenue. # All I want for Christmas is you. # I've gotta know. # All I want for Christmas is you. # I've gotta know. # Nobody ought to be alone at Christmas. # In a lonely hotel. # Nobody ought to be alone at Christmas. # Nobody ought to be all alone for Christmas... # (SIGHS) Wow! SAXOPHONE SOLO MUSIC CONTINUES What's the child's name? Kevin. Kevin. 'K-E-V-...I-N'. When did you see him last? Kevin. 'K-E-V-...I-N'. When did you see him last? Curbside check-in? No, he was with us in the terminal. Most people get separated at security checkpoints. Did everyone get through security? I don't know. Peter? security checkpoints. Did everyone get through security? I don't know. Peter? We were in a hurry. We ran all the way to the gate. When did you notice he was missing? When we picked up our baggage here. Has the boy ever run away from home? No. Has he ever been in a situation where he's been on his own? Mm. Mm! Has he ever been in a situation where he's been on his own? Mm. Mm! As a matter of fact, this has happened before. It's becoming sort of a McCallister family travel tradition. Funnily enough, we... never lose our luggage! He was left at home, by accident, last year. Yeah. That's what my wife meant when she said it's becoming a McCallister family travel tradition. We'll call Chicago and notify them of the situation. The odds are that's where he is. Thanks. It's very unlikely he'd be anywhere else. GENERAL CONVERSATION TRUCK HORN BLARES GENERAL CONVERSATION TRUCK HORN BLARES Watch out, kid! Joe! Where's your manifest? SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS Here we are, Marv. New York City. The land of opportunity. Smell that? Yeah! You know what that is? Fish! Yeah! You know what that is? Fish! That's freedom. You know what that is? Fish! That's freedom. No, it's fish. Fish! It's freedom, and it's money. No, it's fish. Fish! It's freedom, and it's money. OK, OK. It's freedom. Let's get out of here before somebody sees us. OK, OK. It's freedom. Let's get out of here before somebody sees us. And it's fish. Yep. One quick score. We get ourselves a couple of phony passports, and we hightail it to some foreign country. Arizona? That's very smart, Marv. You bust out of jail to rob 14c from a Santa Claus? Every little bit helps. Besides, now we got our new nickname. We're the 'Sticky Bandits'! Real cute. Very cute. Huh? PIGEONS COO The Plaza Hotel. New York's most exciting hotel experience. DRAMATIC MUSIC BUILDS Sick! MUSIC CONTINUES MISCHEVIOUS MUSIC What's the matter? MISCHEVIOUS MUSIC What's the matter? Thought I saw something. Pardonnez-moi, mon cheri! Hmm! Pardonnez-moi, mon cheri! Hmm! Serves you right. Come on, let's go! Pardonnez-moi, mon cheri! Hmm! Serves you right. Come on, let's go! I think she likes me. TINKLY MUSIC Excuse me. Where's the lobby? TINKLY MUSIC Excuse me. Where's the lobby? Down the hall, to the left. Thanks. Wow! (REWINDS TAPE) TAPE: Guests of the new Celebrity Ding Dang Dong stay at the world-renowned Plaza Hotel, New York's most exciting hotel experience. For reservations, call toll free ` 1-800 759 3000. (SWITCHES OFF TAPE) I'll do just that. (SWITCHES ON TAPE) This is Peter McCallister, the father. I'd like a hotel room with an extra-large bed, a TV and one of those refrigerators you open with a key. Credit card? You got it. (SWITCHES OFF TAPE) Plaza Hotel reservations. May I help you? SLOW, DEEP, DISTORTED VOICE: This is Peter McCallister, the father. Yes, sir? I'd like a hotel room with an extra-large bed, a TV and one of those little refrigerators you have to open with a key. You'll need a major credit card upon check-in. to open with a key. You'll need a major credit card upon check-in. Credit card? You got it. (SWITCHES OFF TAPE) Thank you. Enjoy your stay. Yes, two at 8, Henri. Mr Yamamoto. Hold on a second. I'll call you back, Henri. Hi. Can I help you? Hi. Can I help you? Reservation for McCallister? A reservation for yourself? Ma'am, my feet are hardly touching the ground. I'm barely able to look over this counter. I can't reserve a hotel room. Think about it. A kid going to a hotel making a reservation? I don't think so. I'm confused. I'm travelling with my dad. He's on business. He's at a meeting. I hate meetings. Plus I'm not allowed in and it's boring sitting in the lobby. So my dad dropped me off here. He gave me his credit card and said you should let me into the room so I won't get into mischief. And ma'am, sometimes I do get into mischief. We all do! Merry Christmas. No sign of him. How can we get hold of you? Do you have hotel arrangements? Yeah. Do you have a photo of the boy? I have one in my wallet. I don't have my wallet. My wallet's in my bag. Kevin was looking in it at the airport. Kevin has my wallet. Did you have credit cards? Credit cards. Money. We'll notify the credit card companies immediately. If your son has them, we can get a location if he uses them. Kevin doesn't know how to use a credit card. Wow! It worked! Cedric. Yes? Don't count your tips in public. I'm sorry. And find out everything you can about that young fellow. (CLICKS FINGERS) Front, please. Enjoy your stay with us. And don't forget to remind your dad that when he arrives he has to sign some things. And don't forget to remind your dad Thank you. You've been most helpful. some things. And don't forget to remind your dad Thank you. You've been most helpful. CEDRIC: May I take your bag, sir? Up here to your left. You know, Herbert Hoover stayed on this floor. The vacuum guy? No, the president. This is one of our finest suites, sir. ENCHANTED MUSIC WHISPERS: This is great. WHISPERS: Wow! A huge bed just for me! Luxurious. And spacious. How convenient! Hey! Did you want the key in the bag? Or did you want to hang on to it? I'll hang on to it. Is everything all right, sir? Is the temperature OK? It's OK. Do you know how the TV works? I'm 10. TV's my life. Well... Oh, I'm sorry. And there's plenty more where that came from. # Jingle bell, jingle bell jingle bell rock. # Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring. # Snowin' and blowin' up bushels of fun. # Now the jingle-hop has begun. # Giddy-up, jingle horse. Pick up your feet. # Jingle around the clock... # Would it bother anyone if I worked on my cannonballs? # Jingle around the clock... # Would it bother anyone if I worked on my cannonballs? No. Thanks. # That's the jingle bell, that's the jingle bell, that's the jingle bell rock! # Yikes! SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS ON TV This is a vacation. Hold it right there! It's me, Johnny. I knew it was you. I could smell you getting off the elevator. Two scoops, sir? you getting off the elevator. Two scoops, sir? Two? Make it three. I'm not driving. WOMAN ON TV: It's gardenias, Johnny. Your favourite. Thank you. You was here last night too, wasn't you? I was singing at the Blue Monkey last night. too, wasn't you? I was singing at the Blue Monkey last night. She was smooching with your brother. You was here, and you was smooching with my brother. See? That's a dirty lie, Johnny. Don't gimme that! You been smooching with everybody. Snuffy, Al, Leo. Little Mo with the gimpy leg. Cheeks, Boney Bob, Cliff... I could go on forever, baby. Cheeks, Boney Bob, Cliff... I could go on forever, baby. You've got me all wrong! All right. I believe you. DOOR CLOSES You've got me all wrong! All right. I believe you. DOOR CLOSES But my Tommy gun don't! DRAMATIC MUSIC Johnny! You're the only duck in my pond! DRAMATIC MUSIC Johnny! You're the only duck in my pond! Get down on your knees and tell me you love me. Baby! I'm over the moon for you. You gotta do better than that. If my love was an ocean, Lindy would have to take two airplanes to get across it. Maybe I'm off my hinges, but I believe ya. (GASPS) That's why I'm letting you go. I'm gonna give you to the count of three to get your lousy, lying, low-down, four-flushing carcass out my door. She's rat bait! to get your lousy, lying, low-down, four-flushing carcass out my door. She's rat bait! One... (GASPS) ..two... (LAUGHS) three. Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal. And a Happy New Year. (FIRES GUNSHOT) MISCHEVIOUS MUSIC Housekeeping. MISCHEVIOUS MUSIC Housekeeping. (GASPS) MUSIC PLAYS ON TV (SWITCHES OFF TV) MISCHEVIOUS MUSIC SOUND OF RUNNING WATER RECORDING OF FRANK SINGING ALONG: # We know a guy who can really do the Cool Jerk. # We know a guy who can really do the Cool Jerk. # Well, this cat they're talking about, I wonder who it could be. # Cos I know I'm the heaviest cat, # the heaviest cat you ever did see. # When they see me walking down the street, none of the fellers walk this beat, hey-hey! # On their faces they wear a silly smirk cos they know I'm the king of the Cool Jerk. # FRANK'S VOICE ON TAPE: Get out of here, you nosy little pervert, or I'll slap you silly! Argh! Ohh, you're cookin', Frankie. Ooh! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! (MUTTERS) # It's the most wonderful time of the year. # Ding, dong, ding, dong. # With the kids jingle-belling and everyone telling you, 'Be of good cheer.' # It's the most wonderful time of the year... # It didn't look this bad on our honeymoon. GENTLE MUSIC Hey! Uncle Rob lives here. If they're back from Paris, I'll visit them. They usually give pretty good presents. MUSIC CONTINUES CHRISTMAS CAROL Goodnight, Mom. Goodnight, Kevin. CAROL CONTINUES Your drawers, sir. Jeez, don't flash these babies around here! There could be girls on this floor. I was very careful, sir. around here! There could be girls on this floor. I was very careful, sir. Can't be too careful when it involves underwear. I understand. Can't be too careful when it involves underwear. I understand. I'm sorry. You wanted a tip. (LAUGHS HUMOURLESSLY) That won't be necessary, sir. I still have some... tip left over. No tip? OK. No, no, no! Wait, wait, wait! Wait, wait! Excuse me. How do I get to Central? wait, wait! Wait, wait! Excuse me. How do I get to Central? The doorman will find you a taxi... Mr McCallister! Uh,... excuse me. Sure. And how are we this morning? Uh,... excuse me. Sure. And how are we this morning? Fine. Is my transportation here? Out in front, sir. A limousine and a... pizza compliments of the Plaza Hotel. I do hope your father understands that last night I was simply checking that everything was in order. Oh, he was pretty mad. He was. Said he didn't come here to get his naked rear end spied on. Of course not. Will he be down... soon? He already left. Oh. I would've liked to have offered my personal apology. If some guy saw you naked, would you want to see him again? I suppose not. would you want to see him again? I suppose not. I doubt you'll be seeing him again. I understand. Bye. Have a lovely day. 'M'... 'M'... 'M'... 'M'... McCallister. Morning, Mr McCallister. Morning. # It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas... # Mr McCallister. Here's your very own cheese pizza. # Take a look in the five and dime glistening once again # with candy canes and silver lanes aglow. # It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. # Toys in every store. # But the prettiest sight to see is the holly that will be... # Hello? Hello. Know any good toy stores? Yes, sir. # It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. # Soon the bells will start... # (SIGHS) # And the thing that will make them ring is the carol that you sing... # Bingo! # ...right within your heart. # Get out of here. Go on. Get out of here! Get out of here! Beat it, beat it, beat it! Hey, Marv, get over here! I've got to talk to you. Whoa, whoa! THUD! Would you like a scarf? Whoa, whoa! THUD! Would you like a scarf? Forget about the scarf. We gotta talk. We don't have the equipment to pull off anything big ` your banks, your jewellery stores. We don't want goods. We need cash. And we need it now. How about, uh,... hotels? Tourists carry lots of cash. There's no guarantees. I got a better idea. Stores ain't gonna deposit cash on Christmas Eve. The only stores that'll have cash on hand are ones dealing in moderate-priced goods. Right, right. Ergo, what store's gonna make the most cash on Christmas Eve that nobody's gonna think to rob? Candy stores. 9-year-olds rob candy stores, Marv. THIS is what I had in mind. DRAMATIC MUSIC That's brilliant, Harry. Brilliant! (LAUGHS) Yep, there's nobody dumb enough to knock off a toy store on Christmas Eve. Oh, yes, there is. DRIVER: Here we are, sir. Duncan's Toy Chest. Merry Christmas, Kevin. UPLIFTING MUSIC TOY TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS MUSIC CONTINUES This is the greatest accident of my life. Marv. Marv! Hey, nice house! But there's no bathroom in it. All right, so, what's the plan? Everybody leaves for a nice holiday. We come out of our little houses... Yeah? Then what? Everybody leaves for a nice holiday. We come out of our little houses... Yeah? Then what? We empty the registers and walk out. We come out of our little houses... Yeah? Then what? We empty the registers and walk out. Great plan, Harry. Yeah? Then what? Shake his hand. Great plan, Harry. Yeah? Then what? Shake his hand. Thank you, and a merry Christmas. Say hello to the family. WOMAN: I will. Thank you, and a merry Christmas. Say hello to the family. WOMAN: I will. Ohh. Let me see... You shopping alone? WOMAN: I will. Ohh. Let me see... You shopping alone? In New York? Sir, I'm afraid of my own shadow. You shopping alone? I was just checking. afraid of my own shadow. You shopping alone? I was just checking. That's very responsible of you. Oh, well, thank you. My pleasure. That'll be $23.75. My, my, my. Where did you get all that money? Uh,... I have a lot of grandmothers. you get all that money? Uh,... I have a lot of grandmothers. Oh. Well, that explains it. This is a really nice store ` one of the finest toy dealerships I've ever visited. Oh, well, thank you. Mr Duncan must be nice, letting kids into his store to play with his toys. Most toy stores prohibit that. kids into his store to play with his toys. Most toy stores prohibit that. Is that so? Yep. Well, he loves kids. As a matter of fact, all the money the store gets today, Mr Duncan's donating it to the Children's Hospital. And the day after Christmas, we empty out all the money in the cash register, and Mr Duncan takes it to the hospital. That's very generous of him. and Mr Duncan takes it to the hospital. That's very generous of him. Well, children bring him a lot of joy. As they do to everyone who appreciates them. I'm not supposed to spend this money, but I have $20 in a jar from shovelling snow in our garage where my brother can't find it. I can pay my mother back with that. So give this to Mr Duncan. The hospital needs it, and I'll probably spend it on stuff that'll rot my teeth and my mind. Ohh. Aww, that's... that's very sweet of you. You see that tree there? Mm. Well, to show our appreciation for your generosity, I'm gonna let you select an object from that tree to take home. For free? Oh, yeah. May... May I make a suggestion? OK. Take the turtle doves. I can have two? Take the turtle doves. I can have two? Well, 'two turtle doves'. I'll tell you what you do. You keep one, and you give the other one to a very special person. You see, turtle doves are a symbol of friendship and love. As long as each of you have your turtle dove, you'll be friends forever. Wow. I never knew that. I thought they were just part of a song. They are. And for that very special reason. Wow! Thanks. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas to you too. Be sure to bundle up if you go outside. It's nippy. Oh, thank you. I'll do that. Thank you. Well, where to? You promised you'd take me to the Central Park Zoo. Hey, look who it is, Marv. Come on. Let's get him. WOMAN: Oh! DRAMATIC MUSIC Hiya, pal. DRAMATIC MUSIC Hiya, pal. (GASPS) (GASPS, YELLS) (YELLS) Come on. MAN: Hey! MAN: Hey, watch it! BOX RATTLES GLASS SMASHES Buy now and avoid the Christmas rush. Two for $5, two for $5. Four for $10. Buy now and avoid the Christmas All right, kiddo. Four for $10. Buy now and avoid the Christmas All right, kiddo. There he is! Thanks. Merry Christmas to you. PEOPLE SHOUT SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC BOTH: Whoa! (GROANS) Yes! WOMAN: Thanks for your suggestion. My pleasure. Yes! WOMAN: Thanks for your suggestion. My pleasure. MAN: 'Bye, now. (PANTS) Help me! There's two guys after me. What's the matter? Store wouldn't take your... stolen credit card? Let's see what the police have to say about this. Get up! Get up! Come on. Let's go get him. Get back here, you little thief! Stop that child! Grab him! ELEVATOR BELL DINGS Whoa! You little sh... I've committed credit-card fraud. Get me security! We've got to stop that delinquent! Come along, Cedric! FAST-PACED MUSIC I've had enough of this vacation. I'm going home. Hold it right there. This is the concierge, sir. I knew it was you. I could smell you getting off the elevator. You was here last night too, wasn't you? Yes, sir. I was. You was here, and you was smooching with my brother! Yes, sir. I was. You was here, and you was smooching with my brother! (SPLUTTERS) But... I... I'm afraid you're mistaken, sir. Don't gimme that! You been smooching with everybody. Snuffy, Al, Leo. Little Mo with the gimpy leg. Cheeks, Boney Bob, Cliff... Huh! No! It's a lie! No! It's a lie! I could go on forever, baby. I'm terribly sorry, sir, but I'm afraid you're mistaken. We're looking for a young man... I'm afraid you're mistaken. We're looking for a young man... All right. I believe you. But my Tommy gun don't! Get down on your knees and tell me you love me. On your knees. (CLEARS THROAT) I love you! You gotta do better than that. ALL: I love you! Maybe I'm off my hinges, but I believe ya. That's why I'm gonna let you go. I'm gonna give you to the count of three to get your lousy, lying, low-down, four-flushing carcass out my door! One,... Open the door! four-flushing carcass out my door! One,... Open the door! two,... One,... GUNFIRE two,... One,... GUNFIRE (LAUGHS MANIACALLY) GUNFIRE CONTINUES three. Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal. GUNFIRE ya filthy animal. GUNFIRE And a Happy New Year. GUNSHOT Stay in your rooms! This is an emergency. There's an insane guest with a gun! Argh! Come to poppa! Ha! Round trip to Miami. What's the matter? Get on the wrong plane, squirt? Ha! Round trip to Miami. What's the matter? Get on the wrong plane, squirt? You won't be needing this. American don't fly to the promised land, buddy. You won't be needing this. American don't fly to the promised land, buddy. Come on. We spent nine months in jail, thinking we had the worst luck in the universe. We were wrong, little buddy. We busted out, and we're doing fine. We'll do even better, because we're not robbing houses any more. Now we're robbing toy stores. At midnight tonight, we're hitting Duncan's Toy Chest. Five floors of cash! Then we grab phoney passports... Marv! And off to Rio. Marv. Huh? You wanna shut up? What's the difference? He's not gonna tell anybody. Except maybe a fish. Or the undertaker. (GASPS) Let's just get him to the subway tunnel. I'll feel better once he's on ice. I got a gun. You open your mouth, you'll be spitting gum through your forehead. Well, hello. Ow! He did it! Ow! He did it! Did what? Thanks. Hmph! Get him! He went in the park. Hmph! Get him! He went in the park. What are you doing? Get him! KIDS SHOUT EXCITEDLY KIDS BABBLE NOISILY WONDROUS MUSIC Over there! KIDS PROTEST LOUDLY Hey, Harry! KIDS PROTEST LOUDLY Hey, Harry! What? I got him. Lemme see. That ain't him. Put him down. That ain't him. We shoulda shot him straightaway. I hate pulling a job, knowing that little creep is on the loose. What can he do? He's a kid. Kids are helpless. Not this kid. This time he's got no houseful of dangerous goodies to get us with. He's in the park. He's alone. Kids are scared of the park. Yeah. Grown men don't leave here alive. Yeah. (CHUCKLES) Good luck, little fella. THINKS: I want to go home. Mom, where are you? (SPEAKS SPANISH) George! George! (SHOUTS IN SPANISH) (WOMAN SPEAKS IN SPANISH) PHONE RINGS (WOMAN SPEAKS IN SPANISH) PHONE RINGS Turn that down! Hello? Kate McCallister, please. This is she. Ma'am, we've found your son. Oh my God! What? Ma'am, we've found your son. Oh my God! What? The police have found Kevin! Where? He's in New York City. He's in New York! ALL: New York? CHATTER EXCITEDL He used your husband's credit card He was scared. He's not a troublemaker. The New York police are... Please hold. He used your credit card at the Plaza Hotel. Please hold. He used your credit card at the Plaza Hotel. Do they have him? Do they have him? No. The police are looking for him. Dammit! Get to New York quickly. All right. Thank you. We're going to New York. Move it. Yes! He ran away when they questioned him about the card. He must be so scared. I wonder if he'd know enough to try my brother's place. Aren't they in Paris? I wonder if he'd know enough Maybe they have a house-sitter. Aren't they in Paris? I wonder if he'd know enough Maybe they have a house-sitter. Didn't you say they were renovating? DRAMATIC MUSIC KNOCKING ECHOES Hello! Uncle Rob! Aunt Georgette! Anybody home? Hello? Anybody home? It's me, your favourite nephew, Kevin. Uncle Rob! Aunt Georgette! SPOOKY MUSIC (MUTTERS) Watch it, kid! (CACKLES) Hey, you looking for somebody to read you a bedtime story? (LAUGHS) Taxi! Boy, it's scary out there. Ain't much better in here, kid. (PANTS) I won't ever take a vacation like this again. WINGS FLUTTER WINGS FLUTTER Where did you all come from? I haven't got enough for everybody. How hungry are you guys? Well, you ate all my food. RUSTLING Argh! (GASPS) Mom! Argh! (SCREAMS) HOPEFUL MUSIC Look, I'm sorry I screamed in your face. You were just trying to help me,... right? (SIGHS) I'm Kevin McCallister. Your birds are real nice. I've seen you before. You had pigeons all over you. At first, you looked kinda scary. But when I think about it, it's OK. They're all over you cos they like you. If I'm bothering you, I can leave. Am I bothering you? you. If I'm bothering you, I can leave. Am I bothering you? SOFTLY: No. Good. I'm not a pain in the butt? No. PIGEONS COO SOFTLY Will they come back on their own or do you have to call them? Give me your hand. They can hear it. WINGS FLUTTER MAJESTIC MUSIC This is great! It's pretty cold out. I'd love a cup of hot chocolate. How about you? My treat. I'd hate to spend Christmas Eve in Central Park. Can we go some place warm? Yes. I know a place. ORCHESTRA PLAYS 'O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL' MUSIC CONTINUES Nice music. This place is great! I've heard the world's great music from here. Ella Fitzgerald, Count Basie, Frank Sinatra,... Luciano Pavarotti. So, do you bring your friends here? I haven't got many friends. So, do you bring your friends here? I haven't got many friends. Oh. Sorry. I'm like the birds I care for. People pass me in the street, they see me, they try to ignore me. They'd prefer I wasn't part of their city. they see me, they try to ignore me. They'd prefer I wasn't part of their city. It's sorta like that with my family. I'm kinda the pigeon of the house, just because I'm the youngest. Everyone fights for position. Everybody wants to be seen and heard. I guess so. I'm seen and heard pretty much, but I get sent to my room a lot too. I wasn't always like this, you know. Oh. What were you like before? I had a job and a home. I had a family. Did you have any kids? No. Oh, I wanted them, but the man I loved fell out of love with me and broke my heart. And whenever the chance to be loved came along again, I ran away from it. I stopped trusting people. No offence, but that seems like a dumb thing to do. I was afraid of getting my heart broken again. You see, sometimes you can trust a person, and then, when things are down, they forget about you. Maybe they were just too busy. Maybe they don't forget about you, but they forget to remember you. I don't think people mean to forget. It just happens. My grandfather says if my head wasn't screwed on, I'd leave it on the bus. I'm just afraid if I trust someone, I'll get my heart broken again. I understand that. I had this nice pair of rollerblades. I was afraid if I wore them, I'd wreck them. So I never wore them. Know what happened? No. I outgrew them. I never wore them once outside. I just wore them in my room. A person's heart and feelings are very different than skates. my room. A person's heart and feelings are very different than skates. Well, they're kinda the same thing. If you aren't gonna use your heart, what's the difference if it gets broken? You keep it to yourself, it's like my rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it'll be no good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose. Bit of truth in there somewhere. I think so. Your heart might still be broken, but it isn't gone. If it was gone, you wouldn't be this nice. Thank you. Do you know that it's been... couple of years since I've talked to anybody. That's OK. You're really good at it. You're not boring. You don't mumble or spit. You should do it more often. You just need an outfit without pigeon poop on it. I have been working very hard at keeping people away, haven't I? I always think I'll have fun if I'm alone. But when I'm alone, it isn't that much fun. No matter how much people bug me, I'd rather be with somebody than by myself. So why are you roaming the streets alone on Christmas Eve? Did you get into trouble? Yeah. alone on Christmas Eve? Did you get into trouble? Yeah. You've done something wrong? A lot of things. Did you know that a good deed erases a bad deed? It's getting pretty late. There's no time to do enough good deeds to erase my bad ones. It's Christmas Eve. Good deeds count for extra tonight. They do? Of course they do. So think of the most important thing that you can do for others, and go and do it. Just follow the star in your own heart. OK. It's getting pretty late. I'd better get going. If I don't see you again, I hope everything turns out OK. Thank you. Say goodbye to your birds for me. I will. Merry Christmas. I will. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. If you need somebody to trust, it can be me. I won't forget to remember you. Don't make promises you can't keep. # Christmas stars that glow up in the heavens, # wonder what they see, # are they watching me? # Christmas star, you watch the world so wisely. # At my journey's end, there you'll be, my true friend. # Star light, star bright. See me through the dark night. # Light my pathway. Guide me home for Christmas... # TOYSHOP SALESMAN: 'All the money in the cash register, 'Mr Duncan's going to donate to the Children's Hospital.' MARV: 'At midnight tonight, we're hitting Duncan's Toy Chest.' You can mess with a lot of things, but you can't mess with kids on Christmas. DRAMATIC MUSIC MUSIC CONTINUES MUSIC BUILDS LIQUID SPLATTERS DRAMATIC MUSIC MUSIC CONTINUES WOOD SLIDES We'll offer you a complimentary suite while you're here. It's a penthouse with a view of the park. I think you'll find it satisfactory. The Countess of Worcestershire recently vacated it. What kind of hotel allows children to check in alone? recently vacated it. What kind of hotel allows children to check in alone? The boy had a very convincing story. What kind of idiots are working here? The boy had a very convincing story. What kind of idiots are working here? The finest in New York. When you discovered the credit card was stolen` I made the discovery. When you discovered the credit card was stolen` I made the discovery. Why did you let him leave? When we confronted him, he ran. You scared him away. It's Christmas Eve and because of you, our child is lost in this huge city! Could you take our luggage to the room? Yes, sir. Run along, Cedric. I'll go to the police station and make sure they're looking for Kevin. You stay here. No. I'm going looking for him. What?! With all due respect, your son is lost in this huge city! Could you stay out of this? As you wish. Thank you. I don't think you should start running around New York alone. If Kevin can, I can. I don't think you should start running around New York alone. If Kevin can, I can. Kate... Peter, I'll be fine. Right now, no mugger or murderer would mess with me! Madam, there are hundreds of parasites out there, armed to the teeth... Do bundle up. It's awfully cold outside. CLOCK CHIMES MISCHEVIOUS MUSIC Marv. Marv, come on. Let's go. MUSIC CONTINUES Marv. Crowbars up. Merry Christmas, Harry. (GASPS) Happy Hanukkah, Marv. It's more money than I can even count! Makes you wonder why we spent so much time robbing private homes. Ho-ho! The amazing thing is, we're fugitives from the law, we're up to our elbows in cash, and nobody even knows about it. He's back! He took our picture! How did my hair look? This is it. No turning back. Another Christmas in the trenches. No! ALARM BELLS RING No! ALARM BELLS RING Wow! That's it. Get the money! Get the money! I'll kill him! (MUTTERS) I'm coming, Harry. Marv! Whoa! Harry? (GROANS) Harry! That was incredible! (MUTTERS) I twisted my ankle on that board. Where is he? (MUTTERS) I twisted my ankle on that board. Where is he? Hey, guys, smile! Come on. Come on. Help me. I got you. I got you. ACTION MUSIC Taxi! Times Square. MUSIC CONTINUES Where'd he go? I'm up here. Come and get me. Let's kill. Hold on, peabrain. We got busted last time because we underestimated that little bundle of misery. This ain't like the last time. This ain't his house. The kid's running scared. He ain't got a plan. May I do the thinking, please? Thank you. Sonny! Yes. Nothing would thrill me more greatly than to shoot you. Knocking off a youngster ain't gonna mean much to me. Understand? Mm-hm. But since we're in a hurry, I'll make a deal with you. You throw down your camera, and we won't hurt you. You'll never hear from us again. OK? You promise? You'll never hear from us again. OK? You promise? I cross my heart and hope to die. OK. (CHUCKLES) OK, kid. Give it to me. (GROANS) Ugh! Argh! Direct hit. How many fingers am I holding up, Marv? Uh,... eight. OK, kid. You wanna throw bricks, go ahead, throw another one. Ugh! If you can't do any better than that, kid, you're gonna lose. WEAKLY: Harry,... no. Oof! Argh! (MOANS) You got any more? (GROANS) You got any more? (GROANS) Come on, Marv. He's out of bricks. Oh no. Come on, Marv. He's out of bricks. Oh no. What? (BABBLES) What? (SQUEALS, BABBLES) What?! Oh! That did it! Nobody throws bricks at me and gets away with it! Come on, Marv. Get up. I'll take the back. Harry? Harry. Harry. MISCHEVIOUS MUSIC ROPE CREAKS NAIL GUN FIRES ROPE CREAKS NAIL GUN FIRES Yow! (MUTTERS) That dirty little.... Oh! (MUTTERS) (CHUCKLES) Oh! (MUTTERS) SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC Harry! I've reached the top. Whoa! Oh! (NECK CRUNCHES AND CRACKLES) (MOANS) Ah! (MUTTERS) (MUTTERS) DOORKNOB RATTLES (MUTTERS) DOORKNOB RATTLES (CHUCKLES) You gotta do better than this, kid! (GROANS) (GRUNTS, GROANS) (SPINE CRACKS) Yah! Wow! What a hole! Hey! Whoa. Hey! Whoo! Argh! (SCREAMS) Argh! Uh-oh. Oh. (MUTTERS) Ah! MISCHEVIOUS MUSIC Argh! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! MISCHEVIOUS MUSIC Ooh! Ooh! FALSETTO # Ooh! # Argh! Argh! Oh! (SCREAMS) Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! MISCHEVIOUS MUSIC (CHUCKLES) Ooh! Ooh! Argh! Oh! Argh! Argh! Argh! Argh! SIZZLING Argh. STEAM HISSES (WHIMPERS) Harry? (CHUCKLES) I'm coming up! Uh-oh. I'm gonna murder that kid. Yes! Whoa. Whoa. (WHIMPERS) Hey! (WHIMPERS) Hey! Don't you know a kid always wins against two idiots? Harry! He's in the living room. (MUTTERS) He went up the ladder. (GROANS) (WHIMPERS) (GROANS) (WHIMPERS) Ooh. I'm coming, Harry. I'm coming. Harry! Harry! Hey! You didn't lose any teeth! Come on, he went to the second floor. Why don't you guys try the stairs? Right! Wait a minute. Wait a minute! Don't you remember what happened last year? No. what happened last year? No. Watch this. Let's get him! (STOMPS) Ooh! He busted me right in my mouth, Marv. That's one. right in my mouth, Marv. That's one. Don't worry, Harry. I'll get him! Ow! Right in the schnoz! That's two. Come on, let's get him. Oops. That's two. Come on, let's get him. Oops. BOTH SCREAM That's... three. WHIMPERS: No. METAL PIPE CRASHES WEAKLY: That's four. C'mon, Harry. Marv, are you sure this is safe? Oh, yeah. Yep, I worked all the kinks out. Solid as a rock. PILE OF FURNITURE CRASHES Like a rock, huh, Marv? Hey, do you guys give up? Have you had enough pain? Like a rock, huh, Marv? Hey, do you guys give up? Have you had enough pain? Never! You better say every prayer you know, kid. Hope your parents got you a tombstone for Christmas. Where'd he go? a tombstone for Christmas. Where'd he go? I'm up here and I'm really scared. TOOLS RATTLE What's that sound? BOTH SCREAM That was the sound of a tool chest falling down the stairs. Oh, yeah. NOSES CRUNCH Yes! (PANTS) Over there! (PANTS) Over there! Electric chair or not, I'm killing that kid. Surrender, kid! He vanished. Surrender, kid! He vanished. I'm down here, you big horse's ass. Whoa! Nice night for a neck injury. Suck brick, kid! Oh! Come on, Marv. Oh! Come on, Marv. Oh, I don't know. Oh! Come on, Marv. Oh, I don't know. I said come on. Come on, you big sissy. (WHIMPERS) (CONTINUES WHIMPERING) (SNIFFS) Harry, you wearing aftershave? That's not aftershave, that's kerosene. The rope is soaked in it. Why would anybody soak a rope in kerosene? Merry Christmas. Go up! Oh! Argh! Oh! (MUTTERS) Argh! Ooh! BOTH SCREAM Get off! BOTH SCREAM DRAMATIC MUSIC Get the bag. The two guys who robbed Duncan's Toy Chest are at Central Park West and 95th Street. Look for fireworks. Hurry, they've got a gun. Hey! I'm down here. Better come and get me before I call the cops. HORN HONKS Whoa! My, how the tables have turned. How do YOU like the ice, kid? My, how the tables have turned. How do YOU like the ice, kid? BOTH LAUGH Let's go for a little stroll in the park. SINISTER MUSIC Give me that bag. Gimme it! Hey, these'll look great in the photo album. You may have won the battle, little dude, but you lost the war. You ought not have messed with us, pal. We're dangerous. little dude, but you lost the war. You ought not have messed with us, pal. We're dangerous. SQUELCH! FLAPPING Harry. Shut up. PIGEONS COO SOFTLY Harry. Shut up! I want to enjoy this. Something's wrong. Let's get out of here. Shut up! I never made it to the sixth grade, kid. It doesn't look like you're gonna either. Let him go. Kevin, run! Shoot her! Shoot her! Shoot her! I'm trying to shoot her! PIGEON WINGS RUSTLE BOTH SCREAM Ooh! Argh! BOTH SCREAM Argh! Bye. Thanks. FIREWORKS WHISTLE, SIRENS WAIL Jesus! Looks like the 4th of July here. We'll take the bridge! You guys get the tunnel! Let's go! Come on! (SCREAMS HOARSELY) (MUTTERS) Oh my God! GUNSHOT (COUGHS, SPLUTTERS) COP: All right, let's go, huh? (COUGHS, SPLUTTERS) COP: All right, let's go, huh? COP: Come on, on your feet. Take it easy. You guys should've started earlier. The prisoners have already exchanged gifts. We missed the presents? He made us hide in the store to steal the kiddies' charity money. Shut up, Marv! Argh! You've got the right to remain silent, you know. He's a little cranky. We just broke out of prison a few days ago. Shut up, Marv! Jeez! Get 'em outta here! All right, let's go. If this makes the papers, we're no longer the 'Wet Bandits', we're the 'Sticky Bandits'! Argh! Shut up! That's 'Sticky' ` 'S'... Shut it! Shut up! That's 'Sticky' ` 'S'... Shut it! ..'T', uh,... 'I'. ...'I'... JOYFUL MUSIC COP: Mr Duncan, we apprehended the thieves and we recovered some money. I want to get that money to the Children's Hospital. I'll handle it personally. I want to get that money to the Children's Hospital. I'll handle it personally. Thank you. My pleasure, sir. Excuse me, Mr Duncan? Yes. I found this note. Looks like a kid broke your window. Yes. I found this note. Looks like a kid broke your window. (KEVIN READS) 'P.S. Thanks for the turtle doves.' Turtle doves. Oh. Excuse me, I'm looking for my son. This boy here. Please, help me. This boy, have you seen him? Please! Have you seen my son? He's been missing for two days. Have you filed a report? Yes, of course. Trust us. We'll handle it. Oh. But I'm his mother. I realise that, ma'am, but you're looking for a needle in a haystack. But I'm his mother. I realise that, ma'am, but you're looking for a needle in a haystack. Do you have kids? Yes, ma'am. What would you do if one of them was missing? I'd probably be doing the same thing you're doing. Thank you. Look, put yourself in your kid's shoes. Where would you go? What would you do? Me? I'd probably be lying dead in a gutter somewhere. Oh, but not Kevin. No. Kevin is so much stronger and braver than I am. I know Kevin's fine. I'm sure he is. WHISPERS: He's fine. But he's still all by himself in a big city. He doesn't deserve that. He deserves to be at home with his own family around his Christmas tree. Oh, dear God. I know where he is! I need to get to Rockefeller Centre. I know where he is! I need to get to Rockefeller Centre. Hop in. I know where he is! I need to get to Rockefeller Centre. Hop in. Thank you. I don't deserve a Christmas even if I did do a good deed. I don't want any presents. Instead I'll take back every mean thing I said to my family, even if they don't take back things they said. I don't care. I love all of them. Including Buzz. If I couldn't see all of them, could I just see my mother? I'll never want another thing as long as I live. I just want my mother. I won't see her tonight, but promise me I'll see her again. Sometime, any time. Even if it's just once and only for a couple of minutes. I just need to tell her I'm sorry. Kevin! (GASPS) Mom? Wow! That worked fast. Oh, Kevin. Mom, I'm sorry. I'm sorry too. Merry Christmas, Mom. (SIGHS) Merry Christmas, sweetheart. WHISPERS: Thank you. Let's go. How did you know I was here? I know you and Christmas trees. This is the biggest one around. Where's everybody else? At the hotel. They didn't like the palm trees either. MISCHEIVOUS MUSIC (SIGHS) Holy smokes! It's morning. It's Christmas morning, man! Fuller, don't get your hopes up. Huh? I don't think Santa Claus visits hotels. Are you nuts? He's omnipresent. He goes everywhere. Hey, guys, wake up! It's Christmas. Mom, Dad, it's Christmas! What? CHILDREN CHATTER EXCITEDLY What on earth...? Come on, let's find out. Come on! ALL: Wow! Where did it all come from? Mom, Dad, you gotta see this! Oh my God! Peter! Are you sure we're in the right room? CHILDREN YELL EXCITEDLY Now, don't open any of mine. I mean it. Who's Mr Duncan? Duncan? I don't know. Alright, everyone, just calm down. Calm down. Hey, hey! (BLOWS RASPBERRY) All right. Now,... if Kevin hadn't screwed up in the first place ` AGAIN ` then we wouldn't be in this most perfect and huge hotel room with a truck load of all this free stuff. So I think it only fair that Kevin open up the first present. Then I'll go, then the rest of you and so on. Merry Christmas, Kev. Merry Christmas, Buzz. Merry Christmas, Kevin. OK, Kevin! All right! Merry Christmas! Enough of this gooey sh... show of emotion. Everyone, let's dig in! ALL: Yeah! Come on! Everybody, wait! Save the paper! We can use it next year. And save the bows! KATE: Hey! PETER: Is that all? How about one for me? ALL LAUGH AND CHATTER Merry Christmas. Kevin! Merry Christmas. I got something for you. What's this? It's a turtle dove. I have one. You have one. As long as we each have a turtle dove, we'll be friends forever. Oh, Kevin. Thank you. I won't forget you. Trust me. Oh! HEART-WARMING MUSIC Mr McCallister's room-service bill, sir. Merry Christmas, sir. Oh. Uh,... hmm. Nice family. Really. Merry Christmas indeed. Oh, Dad! PETER: Kevin! You spent $967 on room service! 'WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS' CHOIR: # Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Sing a song for the glorious season. # Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Sing a song for a Happy New Year. # Sing merrily, merrily loud and strong. Welcome a wintery season. # Just fa-la-la-la with a holiday song. Santa is here again. Yes! # It's a magical, a miracle, an annual, a lyrical... # But sing along now. Sing a song for a happy new year! # www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Able 2016