That's a saltwater croc, the 5 D'oh! (screams) That's a saltwater croc, the largest reptile in the world. Ow, crikey! Hey! I'm watching that! Not any more. ANNOUNCER: Malibu Stacey wants a craft room. And Malibu Ken needs a closet for all his beach thongs. They'll get help from designer Jeremy on Dollhouse Do-Overs. We'll also show you how to turn a shoebox into a you-box! HANK HILL: Bobby, I got propane in my urethra. TV ANNOUNCER: We'll be right back with Who Will Marry A Million Bears? # I like ice cream, I like ice cream # # How 'bout you... # Look, Maggie, a show for babies. # Topped with chocolate syrup, topped with chocolate syrup # # Whipped cream, too whipped cream, too! # Mom, that's Roofi. His music is why babies are idiots. Well, Maggie likes Roofi. And babies only like good things. Why don't you let us watch TV and get her a Roofi CD? Bart! On't-day ell-tay om-may oofi-ray as-hay e-say e-days. Y-whay ot-nay? At-whay ould-cay o-gay ong-wray? E'll-shay uy-bay em-thay, upid-stay. Ou-ay ow-knay, I-ay as-way oung-yay unce-way oo-tay. Ap-cray. Ap-cray. (Roofi singing) # One, two, tie your shoe # # Three, four, pick up the floor # # Five, six, don't play tricks # # Seven, eight, clean your plate # # Nine, ten, start over again # # One, two # (groaning) # Tie your shoe # # Three, four, pick up the floor # # Five, six, don't play tricks... # It's on batteries. # Nine, ten, start over again... # Backed up by solar power. (groaning) # Three, four, pick up the floor # # Five, six, don't play tricks # # Seven, eight, clean your plate # # Nine, ten, start over again... # (gasps) #...tie your shoe # # Three, four, pick up the floor # # Five, six... # (screaming) # ... Three, four, pick up the floor... # (shuddering) (bell ringing) Time to go home, Bart. You don't understand. I can't go home! You gotta give me detention. Look. I fed the gerbil coffee! (screaming) Eh. Please, make me write something on the chalkboard a thousand times! We all got tired of that chalkboard years ago. Now go home. # So he went upstairs. And knocked on the door # # There's a helpful bear on the 28th floor # # 28th floor, 28th floor # # There's a helpful bear on the 28th floor # Aw, look how happy she is. Her eyes aren't focused. (snarling) It makes her happy. So does sucking on the dog. Hello, Springfield! Roofi is coming to your town! One show only! Tickets will go fast. Very fast! So your parents should be getting in line. If you don't come, Roofi will be sad and the helpful bear, she will die. (coughing) # Tickets, tickets, buy them now # # Roofi, he will show you how # # Visa, Amex, or MC or make out # # a cheque to me. # Give Daddy the remote, Maggie. Give Daddy the... D'oh! (chuckling) Mmmmmmmm! Oh, wise guy, eh? (moaning) (moans like Curly of the Three Stooges) MARGE: I got the Roofi tickets! I got them fair and square, and I kept my dignity. Not like Janey's mom. (whooping like Curly) Whatever! (gasps) This concert is oversold. It's as if a music promoter acted unscrupulously! (opening of 'Gimme Shelter' by The Rolling Stones) And now, our opening act: in their first live show since Tinky Winky was acquitted of manslaughter... Not guilty! ANNOUNCER: ...the Teletubbies! (cheering) Custard! (cheering) (chanting): Custard, custard... They make the Blue Man Group look like Mummenschanz, which is still pretty good. Oh... the second one wants custard, too? That's a little repetitive. (thunder crashes) MARGE: Oh, no! It's raining and Maggie's diapers are extra-absorbent! (crying) How's the crowd, Steve? How's the crowd, Steve? Awful fussy. You're kidding me. Did you make funny faces? You did? Well, did you jiggle your keys? I did it all, man. ANNOUNCER: And now here's Roofi! # Sing the nonsense song with me # # Yum, yum, wow # # Whoop, dee, wee # # Flibberty, flabberty # # One, two, three... # Ow! OK, who threw that? Who threw it? (crying) KENT BROCKMAN: A playdate with disaster at Cletus' farm! I'm at the first-aid tent, where overwhelmed doctors are trying to sort out the owies from the boo-boos. Now, I'm told we have the leader of the babies on the line. Tyler, is there a peaceful solution possible? (baby cooing and pushing phone buttons) (gasping) All right, that's it! Show's over! Five, six, so long, hicks! Whoa, whoa, whoa, you don't want to go in there. Some of those babies have their teeth. And those super-sharp little fingernails. Better leave it to the professionals. This is it, boys. We'll have to tummy-kiss our way out! (sounds of tummy kissing and blowing raspberries) There's a bouncy one here, Chief. BROCKMAN: Baby's got backlash! Springfield citizens are outraged about the destruction caused by the bad babies. Bad babies! Yes, you was. They destroyed my home... and the equity I'd built up therein. Asked if he intends to take legal action, the farmer replied, 'I ain't fungified hidee-hoo 'bout no legrification noways', then scratched his rear, hitched up his pants... and scratched his rear again. That riot has far-reaching consequences. Kabul refuses to be our sister city any more. I have no sister city! (grunts) The babies' damage exceeds $1 million, which will now be sucked out of your pockets. (air rushing) MAN: My loose change! Let me now introduce a woman who wants to make sure that what I just did never happens again. Good evening. I'm Lindsay Naegle, and I am the founder of SSCCATAGAPP, Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples, and Teens And Gays Against Parasitic Parents. (crowd murmuring) Catchy name. We're tired of picking up the bills for other people's kids. We already pay millions every year in school taxes. (crowd shouting angrily) Excuse me, everyone. I'm a mother. (crowd booing) And I'm an American! (cheering) I bake apple pies. (cheering) And I love baseball! (booing) Save your breath for blowing up water wings, breeder. I dream of an America with nudity and F-words on network TV, where the whole world doesn't stop because a school bus did. Children are the future. Today belongs to me! (crowd cheering) You can't change the rules in the middle of the game! We never would've had these kids if we thought we had to pay for them. Promises were made! Hey, tough tortellini! I'm sick of printing children's menu. Let Mickey Meatball find his own way out of the maze. Pooey! We're tired of buying overpriced tickets for your lousy school plays. Then how would we ever get to see Camelot? We'll merely watch the movie on tape. Is that better? To me, Ralph Wiggum is Sir Lancelot. # If ever I would leave you # # It wouldn't be in summer... # (crowd booing) Ladies and gentlemen, let's kill every child... friendly thing in town! (loud cheering) (high-pitched): It's time to put away childish things... (deep voiced): and become a man. # Talkin' 'bout my generation # # I hope I die before I get old # ELECTRONIC VOICE: Y, Y, Y... # Talkin' 'bout my generation # # My generation # # Why don't you all # # F-F-Fade away? # # Talkin' 'bout my generation # # And don't try to dig what we all s-s-say... # BROCKMAN: Kids are people, too ` worthless, incomplete people. That's the battle cry as single Springfieldites are continuing to run roughshod over children and families. # Sign, sign # # Everywhere a sign # # Blocking out the scenery, breaking my mind # # Do this, don't do that, can't you read # # The sign? # ALL (chanting): Gamble! Gamble! Gamble! (crunching and grinding) Ms Naegle, I'm sorry to surprise you like this, but I thought if we met face-to-face, we could settle our differences. Well, let's make it quick. I know you have to get back to your kids, and I'm late for a skydiving massage. I'll cut to the chase. I brought with me the very best reason I can think of for what I believe in. Her name is Lisa, and I wouldn't trade her for all the sleep-in Sundays and speed dating in the world. Ms Naegle, even though I disagree with your principles, I certainly admire your success. Well, Lisa, I would be proud if one of the eggs I sold turned out like you. Mmm. Mom, I locked your keys in the car. Then wait in the shadows! Also, Maggie puked in your purse again. Poor me. All my purse is full of is disposable income. Sorry, Marge. I don't think I'll ever understand your point of view. Not even with all my free time. Then I guess this means war, with the most powerful weapon at my disposal: a voter-sponsored initiative. (gasps): You wouldn't dare! I've already drawn up the petition. (dramatic chord plays) Well, I'm not worried. You won't get that thing on the ballot until the November general election. (tyres screeching) No, the March primary. (dramatic chord plays) Mom, can we get a pretzel? We've got pretzels at home. We've got pretzels at home. Not cinnamon. (dramatic chord plays) (screams) That's a saltwater croc, the Well, we finally got things the way we want them. Not a high-chair or complimentary crayon in sight. I'm going to tell an anecdote about love-making, without having to look around. Truly we have entered a golden age. (shouting) Attention, everyone. I wish to announce the formation of PPASSCCATAG ` Proud Parents Against Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens and Gays. Ppasscatag is also a disease of the brainstem. That's how I'll remember it. (chuckles) To overturn these horrible anti-family laws, we've prepared the 'Families Come First' initiative. Now, the first thing we're going to need is money. (crickets chirping) I'm so sorry, Marge, but I guess you get the bill. (crickets chirping) Oh, for the love of pizza. Luigi Risotto? That's-a me. I'm from the US Immigration Department. (crickets chirping) Save our families! Sign our petition! The only petitions that I sign are to bring back cancelled sitcoms, thank you. America needs the wisdom of Herman's Head now more than ever. Well, howdy, ma'am. I represent the Tobacco Lobby, and frankly, no politics gets done in this country without a little help from us. (gasps) Now we own you! But I haven't endorsed it yet! Football injury. (chuckling) Now why don't you just sign the cheque? Here, use my pen. (wailing voices) Forget it. (screams) I guess no one gives a damn about the American family any more. I'll sign your petition. Mr Burns? You care about children? Yes. Particularly their supple young organs. Oh, unfenced back yard pools, where would I be without you? Hey, if Burns is signing that petition, maybe we should, too. Yeah, rich guys always want what's best for everyone. Coming up later, what your dog can tell you about your prostate. Mm. But first, Marge Simpson's 'Families Come First' initiative seems to be gaining steam, leading her opponents to counter with this commercial. As a mother, I love my family. That's why I'm against the 'Families Come First' initiative. 'Families Come First' will hurt families, and I love my family too much for that. I'm Marge Simpson, and even I'm against 'Families Come First.' That ad makes me look like a criminal. Then why did you appear in it? Then why did you appear in it? That wasn't me. Maybe she was you and you're not! How many kids do we have? How many kids do we have? Three. Wrong, lady! Oh, wait, the baby. MARGE: I try my best. They ridicule me. They mock everything I cherish. Honey, this marriage is a partnership. When you fall, I pick you up. And when you can't finish a sandwich, I eat that sandwich. You're my rock, Homie. And I promise this rock is going to weigh you down for the rest of your life. Aw... Honey, no one messes with my missus. I'll come down on those guys like the garage door on Bart's bike. What are you going to do? You just leave everything to Homer. And now, I believe you owe me half a sandwich. I always keep one near the bed for you. Here comes my commercial. In six, five, four... I probably should have watched it first. HOMER'S VOICE: You've probably heard a lot of bad things about 'Families Come First,' but newspaper writers are a bunch of jerks. Who really opposes 'Families Come First'? Many childless advocates are like Ben Affleck ` famous, successful people from... out of state! They live in fancy houses in other places. 'Families Come First' is supported by lifelong Springfieldians you know and trust like me, Milhouse's Dad, Bumblebee Man, Surly Duff, and that jerk that goes 'Yeees!' For more information, visit our website, www.al-jazeera.com. We're not affiliated, we're just piggybacking on their message board. (mystic voice): I am Rudy Giuliani. Do as I command you. I am Rudy Giuliani. Do as I command you. It says 'Yes on 232'. We want no on 232, Yes on 242. Either way. The important thing is the system works. And the bumper stickers misspelled 'on.' They all say 'Yes No 242'. And it's the night before the election and you haven't handed them out. I need to be alone right now. Marge, wait. (mystic voice): I am Rudy Giuliani. You must forgive Homer. I am Rudy Giuliani. You must forgive Homer. I am... Bart, we're going to lose. We have to do something. Lis, kids are the problem, maybe kids can be the solution. OK, but how? Hey, I'm the visionary. You come up with the nuts and bolts. (groaning) (gasps): Oh, my God! I just had my most brilliant idea ever. Don't you mean my most brilliant idea ever? You don't even know what the idea is. I know you have an ugly face. Bart, why are we fighting? Because we're kids. (snaps) Kids! Maybe that's the answer. (groans) (gasps) There's the enemy. Give them all you got. I love you! Arg. KIDS: I love you! I love you! I love you. I love glue. I love you. Aw, such a sweet little thing. Time to destroy your future. Feeling... flu-ish. Fever... nausea... Child germs... No! Must... participate in... democratic... pro... ...cess. (groans) (spitting and groaning) I'm afraid the polls have closed. And on Prop 242, the winner is... yeees! (groaning) For all their disposable income, for all their leisure time, the had no immunity against God's lowliest creatures: children. Looks like everything's back the way it was. ROOFI: # One, two, tie your shoe # # Three, four, pick up the floor # # Five, six, don't play tricks # # Seven, eight, clean your plate # # Nine, ten, start over again # www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Able 2016.