# Skip down Mystic Street # Have a smile, it's on me # Cross-Town Traffic plays # And Jimi is singin' # Jimi is singin' # Wonderbread factories # Surplus stores and Maybelline # Gotta get me out of the junkyard heap # Kicking back in marigold summertime dreams # It's a good, good life # We got the good life # Falling in love under the raspberry sun # Turn up the stereo, baby, have some fun # It's a good, good life # We got the good life # Fortune jackpot blues # What's an empty pocket do? # Climb the nearest dream # And start demanding # Start demanding # Bean bags, bobby pins # Glitter gel, I'm home again # A-ah... # 'My name is Daphne Reynolds, and I was born in New York City.' 'I've lived my whole life with Mom in a fifth-floor walk-up in Chinatown.' 'It's always been just the two of us - me and Libby.' 'And every year on my birthday, I'd make a wish... Make a wish, baby! ..that someone else could be there.' 'Every year, when he didn't come, I'd ask my mom to tell me the same story.' You never get tired of this one, do you? 'OK. Once upon a time, there was a young, very cool singer named Libby who, one day, decided to go out and see the world.' (ALL CHEER HAPPILY) W... Whoa! 'Little did she know that in the deserts of Morocco,... (SHOUTS) ..fate was waiting for her.' Agh! Whoo! 'And his name was Henry.' 'They fell madly, passionately, hopelessly in love, and were married by the chief of a Bedouin tribe.' (ALL CHANT IN CELEBRATORY FASHION) 'Henry brought her to England to meet his family so they could get married for real.' 'But fate was not so kind this time.' 'She was definitely not what they expected.' (CLEARS THROAT) 'When Henry's father suddenly died, Libby knew there'd be pressure on him to lead a certain kind of life, because he was now Lord Dashwood.' 'Libby was no-one's idea of a lady.' Henry knows all about it. If you love Henry, you will go now. I think you should see this. Apparently, there's someone else. 'So even though it broke her heart, she knew she had to leave him.' 'But a few months later, fate gave her the greatest gift of all, a beautiful baby girl, named Daphne.' (GATES CLANK) Sweet dreams, kiddo. Love you. Love you. I can't believe you're 15 years old today. Sweet dreams, Henry. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYS) 'On my 17th birthday, Mom and I had to work.' 'But it turned out to be where my story really began.' You delivering something? Three hours of watered-down rock and roll, and one very late waitress. Sorry. Hey, watch your head! Are you related?! Can I park here? Yeah, over there. (TOOTS HORN) # Heaven is a place on earth # Ooh, heaven is a place on earth... # # We'll make heaven... # Who-hoo! How could he do this to me? It's our wedding day! Where is he?! What? I should know? 20 minutes - she's lost him already! Very funny! Agh! Hey! How you doin'? (SPLUTTERS) (GUESTS CLAP) Can I borrow this? Ah! Ah! Ah! Thanks. (SNORES) Sorry, big guy. Wakey-wakey! Agh! (BURPS) Agh! Agh! Help! Ma! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! It's cold! # Shout! Shout! # # You know you make me wanna shout # Look, my hand's jumpin' # Shout, look my heart's pumpin' # Shout... # So come on now # Don't forget to say you will # Don't forget to shout # Yeah, yeah, yeah # S-ay you will (ALL) # Yeah # Say that you love me # Say that you need me # Say that you want me, you wanna please me... # Are you done with this, sir? Thanks. Daphne?! Noelle! What are you doing here? Just clearing the chicken. Oh, my God! That is so funny! Oh, I'm interning at Jenkins and Taylor before I go to Duke, pre-law. What's next for you? Dessert - a selection of sorbets. No! Where are you going to college? Oh, the University of the Undecided! Is that in Ohio? Yeah. Undecided, Ohio. Well, I guess I'd better be going. Say hey to Jenkins and Taylor. But... Now, the bride and her father would like to share a special dance. # For all those times you stood by me # For all the truth that you made me see # For all the joy you brought to my life # For all the wrong that you made right # For every dream you made come true # For all the love I found in you # I'll be forever thankful, baby # You're the one who held me up # Never let me fall # You're the one who saw me through # Through it all # You were my strength when I was weak # You were my voice when I couldn't speak # You were my eyes when I couldn't see # You saw the best there was in me # Lifted me up when I couldn't reach # You gave me faith cos you believed # I'm everything I am # Because you loved me # I know. I saw the look. I don't wanna talk about it. Every time we do weddings, I see the father-daughter dances. I just... I can't help but think that I'm never going to get to do that! I know you think you're doing the right thing - I was trying to protect you from getting hurt the same way I was. You left him, remember? It's not like he jumped on a plane and came after me. Maybe he would've if he knew I existed! It's not that simple. Why can't you understand, Mom? I feel like half of me is missing. And without the other half, how am I supposed to know who I really am? Daph,... getting to know someone because they share the same DNA with you isn't the answer. It's about getting to know yourself. Come on, let's go steal some leftovers. Lasagne looks great. I love you a million Swedish fish. I love you a million red M and Ms. # You'll be coming home soon # You know you're out of place # You knock on my door soon # I just need to see your face # Oh, my heart # Is like a speeding train # Oh, my love # And I can feel your pain... # Taxi! # Yeah, I pray for you... # Where to? JFK. Virgin Atlantic. No probs. "I thought maybe the answer was taking a year or two off before college to find out what I'm supposed to do with my life." "But deep down, I think I've always known that what I really need, more than anything else in the world, is to find him." "To find my dad." "Mom, you always said it was up to me to write the rest of my story, but you've been writing it for me, Mom." "Now it has to be my turn." # "London Calling" - The Clash Can I borrow that, sir? Sure. Thanks. # London calling to the faraway towns # Now war is declared and battle come down # London calling to the underworld # Come out of the cupboard, you boys and girls # London calling, now don't look to us # Phoney Beatlemania has bitten the dust # London calling, see, we ain't got no swing # Except for the ring of the truncheon thing # Great Britain Grand Hotel? What? (THUNDER BOOMS) Huh? Oh! Ugh! Agh! (SIGHS) Ooh! (MUSIC PLAYS QUIETLY / CHATTER) # We all need someone to hold # Just like a # Helpless child # Just like a helpless child # That's not it. It sounded really good. Thanks. Is that a Gibson J200? Yeah. Are you a musician? No. But I live with one back home. Oh. My mom. Oh! So, are you checking in? Day job? Yeah. One of many. Life of a struggling musician! Ah! > Ian, catch! Come on, I'll show you around. > What room are you in, sweetheart? So the kitchen's through there. Common room's down the hall. The dog and bone's on the blink and we've no lift. Huh?! Phone - broken. (TOILET FLUSHES) Elevator - none. Loo's free! Who's loo? We better take this slowly. (TV) "..Lord Henry Dashwood announced today he was giving up his hereditary seat in the House Of Lords to run for election as a commoner." "Why should an accident of birth give me a right to make decisions?" My dad! "The only power I want is the power voters choose to give me." "That's why I'm standing in this election. Thank you very much." "He will marry Glynnis Payne in the presence of the Queen this summer, and also inherits a stepdaughter, the lovely Clarissa Payne." "The surprising announcement has sent shock waves through Westminster." "He appears to be an unstoppable political force." I have to admit, Henry, when you first suggested giving up your seat, well, I began to question your sanity! But this is political dynamite. Call me old-fashioned but I thought we might be doing the right thing! It's possible to do the right thing and be a winner. The latest poll puts the party six points ahead. See? You're transforming the image of the party your father loved. He would've been so proud of you. You're young, thrusting, idealistic. An impeccable reputation. And a fabulous fiancee with all the right connections! Daddy, if I don't steal Henry, he'll miss his speech at the Oxfam Ball. Oh, blast! My speech... Right-hand pocket, darling. (LAUGHS) "She thinks of everything!" Well, gentlemen, that seems to be all. Thank you. You two enjoy yourselves. How's our boy doing? If he doesn't ruffle too many feathers, we're looking at the next prime minister. Excellent. Ian, I don't know if I can do this any more. Daphne, you've flown halfway round the world. You can't turn back now. He's got a family now. I mean, you saw them. They're so elegant and sophisticated. It's like,... what would he want with me? Well, you've got a point there. Shut up. (LAUGHS) It's just not as simple as I thought. (SIGHS) Maybe I should just go home and... let him get on with his life. Wow! Can I help you, miss? Erm... Actually, no! Thanks. (GRUNTING) Mmmm! Uh! Ow! Uh! Perfect! Absolutely wonderful. Thank you so much! Ciao! Ciao! Ciao! You haven't forgotten Lady Wrightwood's, have you? (GROANS) She's sponsoring us at Ascot. We have to go! I thought getting married to Henry meant we didn't have to try so hard. That's not for another five weeks. We have to keep up appearances. Look what happened to Olivia Dickson when she went to China last summer. Who's Olivia Dickson? Exactly. (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS HARDER) Wha! Wha-a-a! Did you see that? What? An impossibly large bird falling off that wall. Are you hallucinating? Huh? These eggs are positively glacial! When I run this house, senile servants will be the first thing to go. You have to get around the old bat. She'd never allow it. Anyone seen my pruning shears? The old bat's forgotten where she put them! Morning, Mother. Morning, darling. Everyone sleep well? Agh! Apparently not. There's someone at the window. And I'm not hallucinating! It's those bloody paparazzi again. Call the police. I will not tolerate a media circus! Agh! Where do you think you're going? It's you. How long do you people have to spy before you realise there's no story? Story? Tell it to the authorities. The real scandal is how young they're starting you guttersnipes! Sit there and tell me who sent you. The Sun? The Daily Star? Hmn? Heavens, you can't be more than 17. (SIGHS) Take your picture and go away. I already have one. Darling! Henry, what's going on? Where the devil did you get this? From Libby. That singer you met on the camel? Why would Libby give this to you? She thought I might want to know what my father looked like. My name is Daphne Reynolds. I'm... Libby's daughter. According to this,... ...I'm your daughter, too. For Heaven's sake! You had an even better time in Morocco than you let on! (Oh,... dear God!) I-I have a... (STAMMERING) I have a... I... No. No, no, no. Th-This is impossible. There must be a mistake. A mistake! A piece of paper doesn't prove anything. Libby must've written down the first man she thought of. You're the only man she's ever thought of. Can I have word with you in private, please? Henry! You're not going to believe her, are you? Look,... maybe I... Maybe I shouldn't have come. This is a shock for you. I'm freaking out and I've known since I was two! I mean, freaking out in a good way! I've dreamt about this my whole life! Well, not that exact entrance, of course. I imagined something a little more graceful. I can see now that it was probably a mistake. I shouldn't have come. Sorry, did you just say you'd known about this your whole life? Yeah. Good! Now we've got that settled, how about some tea and a fruitcake? Libby didn't feel I deserved the same consideration? No cake, then? How could she? What happened to the mistake theory we were operating on a moment ago?! Wait a minute, duckie. I know this has come as a shock, but we can't just let the girl go. At least not until we've got to the bottom of it. Shall I call a hotel? And tell them what?! The best-known electoral candidate in a generation requires a room for a teenage girl?! The press'll have a field day, dear. Can we leave the press out of this? Glynnis is right, dear. Thank God someone else is thinking straight! The girl must stay here... with us. Before we let this hypothetical daughter blow your career away, we might at least consider checking up on her. Checking for what? Criminal record, triple sixes on her skull - She has a birth certificate. She has my photograph. And she has my eyes. I'm only thinking of what's best for you. The press can be absolutely brutal! "Exclusive! Henry Dashwood in love child shocker!" She's not strictly a love child. Her mother and I were married. (SPLUTTERS) Not technically - a Bedouin ceremony in Morocco. We planned to make it official when we got back, but for some reason Libby decided... Well, anyway, she left. Taking something of yours with her. Put a cork in it, Clarissa. Someone should've 17 years ago! (GROANS) Ah, here we are. Will it do? Are you kidding? It's incredible! It's bigger than our whole apartment! And the Chinese restaurant downstairs and the dry cleaner down the street! It makes the White House look like - I get the point. I'll send Percy to get your things. Thank you so much, Lady Dashwood. No hugs, dear. I'm British. We only show affection to dogs and horses. Oh, right. (SIGHS) (GIGGLES) You rock! Ooh! Oh. (LAUGHS HAPPILY) (PHONE RINGS) Hello. Libby. Henry. Is she there? Is she alright? Yes, she's here. She's fine. Mother's force-feeding her ancient fruitcake. (SIGHS) How could you not tell me I'd fathered a child? You let her show up 17 years later, unannounced and - And what, put a dent in your political career? No. That's not - You're afraid of a scandal. This isn't about a scandal! This is about finding out I had a daughter! Libby? I didn't want her to get hurt. What is that supposed to mean? "Ask your advisers." They've gotten you this far, haven't they? (BIG BEN CHIMES) My point is that Henry's greatest strength has always been that he's completely scandal-free, unlike his opponent. This could ruin everything. Have you finished stating the obvious? Good. Then, let me explain what we're going to do. We give the papers the story but we spin it... our way. Now, let's see what we have. Ah, yes, the Royal Dress Show. Introduce her as the daughter you've always known but rarely had opportunity to spend time with. The press still gets a story. We are dealing with a living, breathing 17-year-old girl. That's the problem. We only know that she's an American teenager. Hardly a promising start. Still, what do you think, Henry? Liability or asset? I've only spent a few moments with her myself, but my sense of her is that she's quite mature for her age. (LOUD POP MUSIC PLAYS) Whoo-hoo! She seems well-mannered. Thanks, Percy! Your lunch, Miss Daphne. I'd say rather self-contained, soft-spoken. # What's your flava? # Tell me, what's your flava? # What's your flava? # Tell me, what's your flava? # What's your flava? # Perfect. Let's run with it. (TELEPHONE RINGS) For me! Please be Armistead! Dashwood residence. Clarissa speaking. I'm Ian Wallace. Is Daphne Reynolds there, please? She's not here. There's no-one here by that name, actually. Sorry. Look, if you do happen to see her, could you tell her Ian is trying to find her? Absolutely! I will. Not. Hey! Daphne. Mr Dashwood... Lord Dashwood? Call me Henry. Henry. OK. This is a cool room! Listen, I, er... (CLEARS THROAT) I was just wondering if... I was just wondering if, if... I mean, I... I don't know if this will interest you, but, er... I was hoping you might accompany me to the Royal Dress Show on Friday. Dress Show? Yes. It's arse-numbingly dull and... It's just, some of the people I have to impress take it rather seriously. Is it like a fashion show? Do you think Gwyneth and Madonna will be there?! For me, it's just a stop on the campaign trail. For Glynnis, it's a chance to launch Clarissa on society. Launch her? You make her sound like a ship! In Clarissa's case - more like an intercontinental ballistic missile. Oh! She's what, in the old days, might've been called a debutante. Oh. I-I don't know... (STAMMERS) Could you bear it? Could I bear it? I-I... I mean,... that'd be cool. Really? Yeah. Good. That's settled, then. Good. I forgot, I brought this for you. It's some pictures of me growing up and stuff. Oh, that's... I thought you might wanna have it. Thank you very much. Thank you. It's... splendid. Thank you. OK! Oh, Daphne! Could I get your advice on something? Sure! I just can't decide which one to wear to the show tomorrow. Is that a Gucci tartan mini? How cute! You can go that funky? That's the whole point! Turn up in a sensible dress and some pearls and you might as well wear a sign saying Spot The Plonker! I'm glad you told me. I wouldn't want to be a plonker. What are step-sisters for? (GIGGLES) Hmn. This is really cute. Good! I'll wear that, then! See you later! Bye. Hi, I'm here to see Daphne Reynolds. Do you have an appointment? No, but she's a good friend. Can't get in without an appointment. She'll want to see me! Could you move away now, please? What? Could you move away - Right! Chill out, mate! You don't own the place! # You say # Come back, don't go in too deep # But it's a rush to see me do it # Cause you don't dare # Even though there's nothing to it... # (SHRIEKS) No! Stop! No! (SCREAMS) No! Stop! # I just wanna live... # (SHRIEKS) Oh! Not... good! I'm so sorry! One second! I'll be right there! Almost ready! One second! Prince Charles'll be there already! And Harry and Wills. Why doesn't Daphne just come along later? I suppose Percy could drive - That's settled, then. Come on! Well, isn't this perfect? 1 Go low on that one. Low it is. You'd think they'd choose debs that actually have ankles not baked hams! Shall I park the car, Miss Daphne? No, it's OK! Sorry. No admittance. Show's already started. Come on! Uh! Cow! Where is this Daphne, anyway? She'll probably swing through on a vine. She's positively barbaric! I just hope she doesn't embarrass me in front of Armistead. # You better keep moving # You better keep moving # You better keep moving # We still have the arrival of Daphne to come! You needn't worry. Henry has assured me she'll be the soul of discretion. Is there much more? Is this the way to the show? Yes, darling! Go! You're up! Oh, my giddy aunt! # "I Wanna Be Bad" - Willa Ford (ALL) Whoa! Holy poo on toast! Darling! Henry! Do something. (GROANS) That's her. (BOTH) Oh! # I wanna be bad # You make bad look so good # I've got things on my mind... # Who is that adorable creature? # I wanna be bad... # She can dump tea in my harbour any time. # I'm losing all my cool # I'm about to break the rules # I wanna be bad... # Thank you, London! (ALL GASP) Extraordinary! I say, are you alright? (ALL MURMUR) What a disgrace! Must be American! Make way, everyone. Tacky American coming through. My evil stepsister. You've seen Cinderella, right? Let me clue you in. I win. Hmn! Oh, what a cute dog! I beg your pardon. Daphne. Henry Dashwood's daughter. I didn't know Henry had a daughter. Can I play with him? Oh! She's very temperamental! Seems sweet. Hey! Aw! I like the ribbons! Oh, dear. Excuse me, would you? Cute little guy! Princess Charlotte, I do apologise. It's alright, Henry. I've just been having a delicious moment with your daughter. Wonderful girl. A little rough around the edges, but you'll smooth those out. Is she staying for the summer? No! No! No! No! No. Afraid not. No. No. Yes. My daughter will be joining us for the season. What season? Oh, my dear, you'll love it! Beautiful gowns! Lovely tiaras! Long, silky gloves! And the feverish kissing in the cloakroom! I must have my little baby back! Come along, my darling. There. (DOG BARKS) Oh! There now, sweetheart. You've found a new friend! Come on, Daphne. < Where's my precious girl?! Daddy! Relax, darling. Relax. She'll be gone in no time. Just like her mother. Uh! Jesus! You scared the bejesus out of me. Sorry. So, you're the milk thief? What are you doing up so late? Jet lag. What's your excuse? Couldn't sleep. Just thinking. About how I nearly wiped out the entire Royal Family? It's the first time I've seen the Princess take a shine to anyone. No-one goes near that dog since it ate one of Lord Barratt's testicles. Tragic. Actually, the real tragedy is he's still reproducing. Coco Pops! Interesting choice. I had you down as an All-Bran man. These are strictly contraband. Glynnis makes me eat that gravel. Do you like Coco Pops? Dude, it's chocolate. Need I say more? Did you mean it about me staying for the summer? Yes. Yes, I did. Does that mean I'm gonna be launched on society? Actually, I suppose we ought to arrange a coming out party for you. Coming out party? Coming out as what? Well, er, as a young woman. What are you trying to say, Henry? (STAMMERS) I mean, as a young woman of a certain social standing and... eligibility. Eligibility? For what? Well, for men to... I mean, for male suitors to, er,... ..to... I'm not explaining this very well. Not at all, but I'm having fun watching you try. Perhaps we ought to leave the party arrangements to you. It's not my kind of thing but I'll think about it. Thanks, Henry. Oh, I was just wondering whether, erm,... ..your mother ever... No. No, she never got married. B-But, obviously, there'd be,... there'd be somebody. Well, off to bed, I suppose. I hope you find your sleeping arrangements conducive to a - Henry,... sweet dreams is all it takes. Right. Well, sweet dreams. Sweet dreams, Henry! Morning, Henry! Agh! Off to work? I was just... Well... Yes. That reminds me, we must get a dress sorted out for you for Saturday. What's happening on Saturday? The ball. Lots of hands to shake. I can help Daphne find a dress! We all know that wouldn't be a good idea. I've found a gown for Daphne at my designer's, darling. I've put it in your room. It's utterly ravishing. Excellent. Thank you, Glynnis. I'm counting on you girls to give Daphne some pointers. Bye, now. Oh, very you. Lovely. Thanks. Henry asked us to give you some pointers, didn't he? Well, pointer number one - go home. Mother and I belong here and it's quite clear than you don't fit in. Pointer number two - while you're packing, keep your grimy little Yankee paws off Armistead Stuart. He's mine. If you take your nose out of the air for a second, you'd see that you're designer, I'm vintage. You've got a mansion, I have a flat. You're Miss Cranky Pants, I go with the flow. Why would you think that I'd ever have the same taste in guys? Here's a little pointer for you - get over yourself and stop trying to be MY daddy's girl, because I'm not going anywhere. (LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY) Bye. (GROWLS ANGRILY) Pull! Don't listen to that silly little twit Clarissa! She's threatened by you, that's all. Pull! Why would she be threatened? Because her mother is about to marry my son, gain a title and all the rest. For years, Alistair tried to elevate his position through my husband's. Now he's got his claws into Henry. People like Alistair and Glynnis, social standing is everything. Pull! Miaow! (SHUDDERS) It's silly, but they live by it. And I lived by it, too, once. Till I saw what a toll it took on the people who I love most. Believe me, dear, there'll be plenty of people rooting for you to fail. That's what makes it such fun. Bring it on. Pull! U-Ugh! Oh, dear. Is that how the West was won? Lord Henry Dashwood. Miss Glynnis Payne. Miss Clarissa Payne. (PHOTOGRAPHERS SIGNAL) That's nice. Thank you. That's all, thanks. Thanks. Who's next? (CHATTER) Lord and Lady Harrison Gordon. Lord and Lady Jeffrey Chalmers. Come along, Daphne. Deep breath. And remember the family motto. What's the family motto? Keep at it or weak it. It means, duckie, hang in there and you'll rock! Lady Jocelyn Dashwood. Countess of Wycombe. Lady Jocelyn Dashwood. Countess of Wycombe. (Miss Daphne...) Miss Daphne Reynolds. 413 Mulberry Street. Chinatown. New York. (PHOTOGRAPHERS SHOUT EAGERLY) What has she done to that dress? Mother! (PHOTOGRAPHERS CONTINUE TO SHOUT) Fantastic! Who designed your dress, Miss Reynolds? Could you hold it on that step, please? Let's go. Oh! That wretched girl! Yummy! > Can you look this side, Miss Reynolds? Smile, Miss Reynolds! Lovely! Can we get a photograph of you two? That'll be all, gentlemen. Thank you very much. I'm awfully sorry. You're still something of a novelty. Are those the girls that are coming out? Yes. That's Peach and Pear Orwood, precious daughters of Lord Orwood. Have you noticed the chandelier? Chairman of my constituency party. The real love of his life is that chandelier. Don't let him catch you looking at it for too long. You'll start him off about how Napoleon gave it to Josephine at the Battle of Borodino. The story is longer than the battle. Sir, I wonder if I might request a dance from your gorgeous daughter. I'm sure she'd be delighted. Hmn. I can't believe that little impostor's going to ruin my summer! She may be many things but I can't believe impostor's one. Technically speaking, she's 39th in line to the throne. Really, Fiona, 38 people would have to die for her to be Queen. Well, it's far less than the 72 you'd need. Hmn! Women are just drawn to me. It's something I happen to be blessed with. That indefinable quality that just relaxes them, fascinates them. You're feeling it now, aren't you, Dabne? It's Daphne! And let me guess, you're feeling it in my backside! # Everybody wants to be loved # Every once in a while Ian! # We all need someone to hold on to # Just like a helpless child # Yeah # Can you whisper in my ear # Let me know # It's alright # It's been a long time # coming # down this road # And now I know # What I've been searching for # Oh # It's been a long, # long highway # And now I see # Ooh # Love's been a long time # Oh, been a long time # Love's been a long time # Coming # (ALL APPLAUD) Ladies and Gentlemen,... the band are going to take a short break. Warning ` colonial strumpet alert! I'm Daphne Reynolds! Peach and Pear, isn't it? Are those your real names? (BOTH) Yes. Pumpkin and Gourd would've been much more appropriate. Our mother was obsessed with fruit. And vegetables. We have a sister called Parsnip. She doesn't get out much. Let's bail. This party's a total bore. Don't listen to her. The party's hopping! (SNORES) Excuse me for a second. (BOTH) She is so nice! Henry, old chap! Ronald. What a wonderful evening. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. Have you noticed the chandelier? It's a rather fascinating story... (CHATTER) ..Yeah, I've got to go. Excuse me. Looking for me? Oh, no! I was just looking for the loo! Outside.. on the terrace? Mmn-hmn. Alright, so you caught me. Let me guess, you're going to disappear again without so much as a glass slipper. No, this Cinderella's got a dad now. She's not going anywhere. Your song was really beautiful. Thanks. Won't liven up this party, though. Poor girls. I feel sorry for them. A dad like this will send them to social Siberia. Why don't we liven things up a little, get the party started? First of all, I could get fired. Second of all, I could get fired! Come on. No. Wimp. No! No! For me? OK. Let's do it. ..insufferable temporisation of this house... OK, guys! I'm cranking up the bass! One! Two! Three! Four! # Ow!... # What?! # Whoa! # Come on, say it now # Whoo! Yeah! # I'm back # Get up off of that thing # Shake it, you'll feel better # Get up off of that thing # Dance, sing it now # Get up off of that thing # Shake it, you'll feel better # Get up off of that thing # Try to release that pressure # Get up off of that thing # Shake it, you'll feel better # Get up off of that thing # Shake it, say it now # Get up off of that thing # Shake it, you'll feel better # Get up off of that thing # Shake it, come on # Get up # Ow! # Yeah! # Everybody! # Come on # Whoa... # What the devil...? Is she yours? Er, yes. Yes, she is. What do I tell my girls when they're crying over their ruined ball?! # Whoa! (GLASSES / CHANDELIER RATTLE) (ALL GASP) (ALL GASP HARDER) NO-OO-OO-OO! Oh, my precious...! YOU! We're going. Lord Dashwood! (This is ridiculous.) (TAP ON DOOR) (MURMURS SOFTLY) Have you seen the papers? Mmn-hmn. We have to do something! I don't know anyone not relieved to see that wretched chandelier go! Percy, what on earth are you giving Henry? They're called Coco Pops. Morning! Hard hat, anyone? You never know when something sharp might fall from the sky! Oh! I'm most dreadfully sorry. You idiot! These are my best suede Pradas. Do you have any idea how expensive they are? (WHIMPERS / SHRIEKS) I'm really sorry about last night. I was just trying to help them and - Where did you find that revolting song? James Brown. 1976. Charted out at number 14. I have no idea where that came from. (PHONE RINGS) What? Gillian, darling. I'm sorry, it's just an awful time. What kind of music did you used to listen to? Before the earth's crust cooled?! Yeah! Favourite band of the '70s? Please don't say the Bee Gees! Please! They were called Little Feat. I remember they were on - Henry, it's 8.15. You have an appointment in Westminster at 9.15. Oh, yes, I'll... Yes, you're right. See you later. Bye, darling. Miss Daphne, Mr Wallace is here to see you. Don't let him in! I'm not even cute yet! (GROANS LOUDLY) What am I gonna wear? Ahem! Hello, sir. Ian Wallace. I'm here to pick up Daphne. How you doing? How do you do? Good. Who are you? I'm a musician. I was at the ball last night. You were in the band? Mmn. And now you and Daphne are, er... Eloping together? Yeah. I realise it's a bit sudden, but after last night, there was no turning back. You're joking? (LAUGHS) Yes, sir. Hey! Hey! Don't wait up, Henry! See ya! Wow! What we need's a little cheering up, right? Hold the little. Just leave it all to me. (ENGINE REVS) You ready? Let's go! Who-hoo! # So I'm a little left of centre # I'm a little out of tune # Some say I'm paranormal # So I just bend their spoon # Who wants to be ordinary # In a crazy, mixed-up world # I don't care what they're sayin' # As long as I'm your girl # Hey # Hey # You are on my side # And they # They # They just roll their eyes # You # Get me # When nobody understands # You come and take the chance... # Oh! I love beads! This place has always got really nice stuff. Do you think...? I'll get it. Are you sure? It's fine. # You never know what you'll find... # Wait! Wait! Wait! What is it? This is so pretty! You like? Yeah, it's cool. # You get me Looking good! I like it! # Some people think I'm crazy Thanks for my bracelets. That's OK! Today was really fun. I needed it. Good. Glad you're enjoying yourself. (SIGHS) From now on, I'm gonna behave. Behave like what, exactly? I don't know. An impeccably brought-up young lady. No more repeats of last night. (LAUGHS) OK, well, I just chose you to help. OK, that's it. Now gently slide your foot back. Whoa! So much for gently! Hold this. You've got to think... grace. You got to think poise. You've got to think... balance. Observe. Nice! So, tell me, Obi Wan, where did you learn your impressive skills?! Well, if you really want to know, believe it or not, my mother was a deb. Really? Yeah. Then she married beneath her, her parents promptly disowned her. But for some reason they took pity on me, their half-breed grandson. They paid for me to go to school, got me into all the right clubs. Until one day I realised the hypocrisy of it all. And your parents? As poor as church mice but the happiest people I know. Now you're stalling. Get up there and let me see you perform. Alright! Alright! OK, find your centre. (BREATHES DEEPLY) Good, that's it. OK, now. (BOTH SCREAM) You know what I still don't get? Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you're born to stand out? (PHONE RINGS) Hello? Five hours ago your daughter rode off on the back of a motorcycle and hasn't been heard from since! Are we talking about a date? I dread to think! The boy's in a band! Really? Cool. Let me guess, he's a drummer? This is serious, Libby. I recall spending a great deal of time on the back of your motorbike. I think t-that's rather different. Strange how easy it comes, isn't it? What? Worrying. Does it ever go away? No, Henry, it doesn't. < Henry! Henry! Libby, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to run. Darling, this really is important. I've just had a long conversation with a Bedouin translator. There are certain kinds of drums which indicate an actual marriage, others are merely for mating rituals. Have I just entered a parallel universe? Don't you see? It's possible you and Libby never had a real wedding. There's nothing to interfere with our plans, darling. Isn't that good news, Henry? 1 There we go. (CHATTER) Hang on a sec. Hello, sir! Ian. I had no idea you were so... versatile. Henry, come along. Lots to do. There's the press... Hi. (BOTH) Hey! What are you doing here? Another of my glamorous jobs. Oh! You look beautiful. Thanks. I have to be on my best behaviour. There's more reporters than usual. They're waiting to see what crazy thing I'll do next! Oh, yeah? You mean like kissing a guy who parks cars? Daphne, the press want a photo of you and your father. Thanks. I'll find him. See ya. Stay away from her, peasant. She's out of your league. I thought our competition ended in lower school. Afraid she prefers musicians to Cambridge boys? No. Breeding always wins out in the end. (PHOTOGRAPHERS JOSTLE / SHOUT) Is Miss Reynolds enjoying London? Very much. How's the campaign going? Tell us about the chandelier! (ALL JOSTLE / SHOUT AT ONCE) Thank you, gentleman. No more now. Do you think he's terribly rich? I imagine so. I hope so. Peach! Pear! You look... ..different. It's Daphne. She gave us some styling tips. Why on earth would you want styling tips from her? (BOTH) Phwoar! (GIRLS) Hmn, lovely! Charming here. (GIRLS) Isn't it just? Toodles! Mmn. The race is that way. Aren't you supposed to be escorting Clarissa? What, and leave you to fend for yourself? Or are you suffering from the romantic delusion that a non-talent commoner will do it for you. I really wish you'd pull your lip over your head and swallow it. (LAUGHS) Ah! Despite myself, I find your Yankee vulgarity intensely attractive. Forget about the car-parking mixed-race mongrel and give me that kiss you've been longing to give me since we met. You're right,... I have been longing to do this. Wh-oo-oa! Henry, do something. (ALL HOWL WITH LAUGHTER) Don't you ever pucker your lips at me again, you arrogant jerk! And how dare you insult Ian. He's twice the man you'll ever be! (PHOTOGRAPHERS SHOUT / JOSTLE) Henry. Henry! Miss Reynolds, what was the argument about? (ALL SHOUT FEVERISHLY) Give me the keys to your bike. What? Keys! Here you go! What's going on? You don't know how to ri... Wh-oo-oa! Look out! Sorry! (ALL PHOTOGRAPHERS) Turn this way! # "Who Invited You?" - The Donnas # Face it, dude, you can't beat me # In your Charlie Brown shirt and Cavariccis # Baby, you come up to my waist # You need a bar stool to get up in my face # We don't care if you think our party's cool # Cos we do # And we don't care if you had more fun in Sunday School... # That is the most indecorous thing I have done in many years. I have no idea what you said, but I'm glad. You should do it more often. Don't remember the last time I went barefoot. Don't you just love squidging your toes in the sand? Did you know it's a natural exfoliant? Mom says if you're on the beach and you've got a steady hand, there's no reason to ever pay for a pedicure. You talk just like her, you know. As in too much? Is she happy? Yeah. I think so. I mean, I can tell she gets lonely sometimes, but I think she's pretty content with who she is. I like that about her. I wish I were more like that. So, what next? No! Yes. No! Absolutely not. It's this or that... Agh! I think we'll do this one. How you doing? Ow! Ow! Ah! Ow! Henry?! (GROANS) That doesn't sound pleasant. What do you think? It's just henna! (SIGHS) (LAUGHS) # I feel good and I feel free # On the microphone # Somebody stop me # Keep my body rockin' till late night # I'm warning you # Don't try to block me # You can't stop me on my time... # Ooh! Groovy! What's this? I told you how groovy I was. Yeah! I used to like people like this. Look! This stuff is good! I've been looking for Cuckoo Owls! Strange Funky Sounds... I remember them. # "Rock And Roll, Hoochie Koo" - Rick Derringer Whoo! (GIGGLES) Come on! I'm not going to headbang. You just bang your head. Don't do that. No! Nod! Whoo! I'm not going to do that. Let's go! Oi! Come on! (GASPS) I was just... I wanted to see if they still fit. T-They seem fine. Who are you? What have you done with my fiance? I want my Henry back! (SOBS DRAMATICALLY) (ALL) Lord Dashwood! You dropped 15 points in the polls. Are you worried? I can't comment. If you can't handle your own child, how can you handle the government? Er... Good to see you. (ALL CONTINUE TO SHOUT) How much time do we have? Plenty. Your first clients were no-shows, and you got out of your speech at the Children's Educational Centre. Why would we have cancelled that speech? We didn't. They did. (BACKGROUND CHATTER) (CHATTER CEASES ABRUPTLY) # Don't play the games that you play # Cos you know that I won't run away # Why ain't you asking me to stay # Cos tonight I'm gonna give you my... Daphne, can I have a word? Brigadier Roderick Dashwood - lost an eye at the Battle Of The Boyne. And over here, we have Field Marshal Bingley Dashwood. He lost his arm at the Battle of the Nile. Uncle Alfred never spoke about what he lost, but he rarely sat down. I lost my tonsils! Does that mean I qualify? Listen, Daphne,... ...part of the burden of being a member of this family is that there are certain codes of behaviour that one is expected to observe. If one is not seen to conform, then,... ...well, then it becomes... Listen, I... I very much enjoyed our time together,... really and truly. I... It's just that... ...these are very difficult circumstances, and... you, as my daughter, have to... I have to change. It's OK. I get it. I'm... a Dashwood, too, right? Yes... Yes, you are. What are you looking at? I can do it. # I ain't no queen of hearts, I go through stages # I fall in love then complicate it # Yeah, you know the feeling # Without much hope, just blind ambition # Pretending that there's nothing missing # I always kept believing # that more # I thought if I had more # I wouldn't get so bored # Oh # But everything just left me empty # Love walkin' in and out of my door # Wasn't good enough no more # Well, I don't trust myself # Life really sucks and... # First time # I thought it but I didn't do it # The last time, # That's when I really blew it # This time I'm gonna do it different # Cos I know, # I know, I know # If I put # Everything I have into it # E-ven-tu-ally # I'm gonna get what's good for me # Cos I don't # Want to # Live my # Life wondering # If only # I woulda, I shoulda, I coulda # But I didn't cos I only blame myself... # ..again # Nah, nah # First time # I thought it but I didn't do it... # Hey! Hey! Are you wearing that to the concert?! Oh, my God! I totally forgot. (SIGHS) Things have been so hectic. I'll wait for you to get changed. I can't go. We're going to the Queen's Garden Party. Yeah, but... I'm sorry. Cool. Just call me when Daphne re-inhabits your body. (DOOR SLAMS) (POLITE CHATTER) ...And this is Miss Daphne Reynolds. Oh, Daphne! Hello! Nice girl. (WHISPERS) I gather Her Majesty has accepted an invitation to Daphne's ball. She's come a long way, I must say. You must be very proud of her. (DOG BARKS FURIOUSLY) Oh, dear! (FRETS / GASPS) Ah! (No.) (DOG WHIMPERS) This is the tiara that I wore at my own coming out party. Clarissa's had her beady eye on it for months. I want you to have it. It's so royal! I hope it makes you feel like a princess. But you know, my dear, it's not the crown that makes the queen, it's what's in here. (GIRLS) Cooee! (BOYS) Ladies! (GIRLS) Mwah! (BOYS) Ah! (GAY CHATTER) Here she comes. (ALL CHATTER EXPECTANTLY) Daphne, you look... Different? # Ooh # Just the way you look # Tonight # Hey! Hey. Can we talk for a sec? It's your party. You can do whatever you want. Ian, I really didn't think - I don't want to hear about it, Daph. What happened to the old you? The real you. OK, lads. Let's pick up the tempo. (GASPS) Mom! Oh, Daphne, I missed you so much! What are you doing here? Jocelyn said you needed a pal while you're being fed to the sharks! Oh, honey, you look so beautiful! Look at you, Mom! Are you actually wearing a bra? Sure. Come on. Hello, Henry. Libby. Lucy, I'm Glynnis, Henry's fiancee. It's Libby, actually. And congratulations. Well, what a lovely surprise. I see you've come with no escort. Henry, find somebody divine for Lubby to dance with. Libby. Remember? And why doesn't he just ask her himself? (HALF LAUGHS) # Oh, baby # Thank you for # this moment # I've gotta say how beautiful you are # Of all the hopes and dreams I could've prayed for # There you are # If I could have one dance # forever... # It's fantastic. Everyone important has accepted their invitation. We've got the election in the bag! How can you be so calm? Her Majesty is due and your candidate is dancing with that woman! Henry knows what's at stake. And look what he did with Daphne! I thought I'd have to get rid of her, like I had to get rid of her mother. What did you just say? Nothing. Did you say you got rid of my mother? Figure of speech. Are you the one that made my mother leave? Now's not the time! Hey! Come on! But... Hey, Glynnis! Ow! How dare he? Come on! Glynnis! Come on! Come on! Glynnis, let go! Get in here! Glynnis, let go! Hey! Get in here! Glynnis! Glynnis! # Oh, baby # You're all I need # You were so bad at the ritual dance, they blamed you for the locusts! Your frock nearly got us arrested. You had to translate my apology. Something of a risk! You could've been trading me in for a goat. Camel, actually. Which never came through, by the way. I had faith in you, Henry. Just not enough, though. You didn't say goodbye. You just... disappeared. It was what you wanted. What I wanted? What I wanted was a chance - You've had 17 years of chances. I've had 17 years of waiting for you to take them. And now, ladies and gentlemen, the traditional father-daughter dance. Lord Dashwood... Oh, please! (GROANS IN EXASPERATION) Where is Daphne? I'll find her. Oh, has Daphne gone missing again? Maybe Clarissa can step in, can't you, darling? I'm almost your daughter now, too! Oh! Well, I... # What a wonderful world 'Help!' Daphne? 'I can't miss my own father-daughter dance!' Honey? Help! # ..the dark, sacred night # And I think to myself # What a wonderful world... # How dare you, Glynnis - Daphne, we don't want a scene, now. Take your hand off my daughter or you won't get a scene, you'll get a Broadway musical. # And also on the faces # (MUSIC CEASES) Daphne... What are you doing? Finally giving you what you deserve. Go ahead. I don't want it. Any of it. Daphne! Daphne! Wait. No. I'm done waiting, Henry. You know, when I was little, every birthday I'd get all dressed up. And I'd wish, if I was good enough,... you'd come and find me. And here I am, in the most beautiful dress I could ever imagine and,... ..you're here. You know what I miss now? I miss being me. I've finally realised that that is enough. You know, Daphne,... ..maybe we're just... ..trying to make something work here which isn't... Pray, be upstanding for Her Majesty The Queen. (REGAL FANFARE PLAYS) Go ahead. Duty calls. Come on, honey. # I'm awake # Afternoon # I fell asleep in the living room # It's one of those moments # When everything is so clear # Before the truth goes back into hiding # I wanna decide, cos it's worth deciding # To work on finding # Something more than this fear # Maybe # I need to see the daylight # Leave behind the half-life # Don't you see, I'm breaking down # Oh, lately # Something here don't feel right # This is just a half-life # Is there really no escape? # No escape from time # Of any kind? # Lately # Lately # Something here don't feel right # This is just a half-life # Without you I am breaking down # Oh, wake me # I wanna see the daylight # Save me from this half-life # Let's you and I escape # Escape from time # (ALL TALK AT ONCE) Lord Dashwood! Thank you very much. Couldn't you sleep, either? No. I've made a bit of a mess of things, haven't I? A bit. Henry, for six centuries, this family has sacrificed bits of itself for England. Arms, legs, eyes. The battlefields of Europe are littered with them. Don't follow in that glorious tradition. You know what you're going to sacrifice? Your heart, Henry. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Over the last weeks I've received more support and encouragement from the voters of this constituency than I'd ever dared hope for. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you all for that. Now,... you may have noticed that recently... ..there have been one or two remarks in the press regarding my behaviour. It's been suggested that I've not conducted myself in a manner befitting an MP. Well, I've been giving my priorities a great deal of thought and, er,... ..I've decided that it's time to get them straight. Which is why I now respectfully withdraw my candidacy. (ALL GASP) Representing you would, undoubtedly, be the greatest honour of my political life. It'd simply be impossible to do so if I'm not serving my own conscience. See,... ..I've changed. As important as my political aspirations are to me,... ..there is one thing that matters more. Thank you. Are you mad? I have done everything in my power to get you to this position! You've lied to me. I know you lied to Libby. I don't give a flying fart in space what you think! I stopped you from ruining your life and saved your family's reputation! When I found out she was pregnant, I knew I was doing the right thing. You knew about Daphne? Course I knew! It's my job to know. (ALL GASP IN SHOCK) Grandpa! Are you OK? This is horrible! Shut up! Henry, darling! I know Daddy's been naughty, but what about me? You'll survive. Hey, table six is screaming for coffee. What are you doing, anyway? It's my college application - due on Monday. OK! I'll cover for you. Thank you. Good luck. Ladies and gentlemen, the bride would like to share a dance with her father. I love you, Daddy. What are you doing here? I-I just came because... .I had something very important to say to you and I... If I can... I wrote it all down on the plane about,... (SIGHS) ..about 200 times, I suppose. Er... It was on a packet of... But what it comes down to is, er,... ..is that I love you, Daphne. I-I'm so sorry. I wouldn't change a thing about you, not one hair on your head. Not for anything - I love you, Dad. I love you! # There's a love that's divine # And it's yours and it's mine # Like the sun # And at the end of the day... # Might I, er,... might I have the honour of this dance? # Have I told you lately # that I love you? # Have I told you # there's no-one above you? # You fill my heart with gladness # Take away my sadness # Ease my troubles # That's what you do... # (LAUGHS HAPPILY) Listen, Daphne, I, er,... ..when grovelling, it's important to bring a very large present. I don't understand. May I cut in? Hey! I tried to call you! Did you?! # And it's a love that's divine # And it's yours and it's mine # Like the sun # Ooh... # You never did want me to go, did you? There never was anyone else, was there? I'd say I owe you a rather large apology. You think I've waited 17 years for an apology? # Have I told you lately # That I love you? # Have I told you... # 'So I finally got my father-daughter dance.' 'Of course, it got interrupted when my boyfriend showed up, and then my parents started making out.' # Ease my troubles # That's what you do # 'But sometimes things aren't exactly how you always imagined.' 'They're even better.' # That's what you do # 'Oh, in case you were wondering what happened to Clarissa and Glynnis, don't worry, they ended up exactly as they should,... (HONK!) (GASPS) ..the rustications get smoother and then... ..so did Alistair!' ..for those who speak English, it's not the name of a hamburger! 'This is the closest he ever got to Parliament.' 'My parents got married again.' 'This time it was legal,... ..I think.' (CAMEL GROWLS) 'As for me, I didn't end up at NYU.' 'But before you get too disappointed, I did get into Oxford!' 'What can I say? Like father, like daughter.' 'It was my own happily ever after.' # Wishing on a shooting star # But dreams alone won't get you far # Can't deny your feelings any more # The world is waiting # Right outside your door # What are you waiting for? # Come on, here's your chance # Don't let it slip right through your hands # Are you ready # For the ride of your life? # Your dreams arrive on the wind # Just reach out and pull them in # Get ready # For the ride of your life # The ride of your life # In your heart you know what you must do # You've only got yourself # to answer to # Don't let fear of falling # hold you down # Your spirit's flying # high above the clouds # You go right there # Come on, here's your chance # Don't let it slip right through your hands # Are you ready # For the ride of your life? # Your dreams arrive on the wind # Just reach out and pull them in # Get ready # For the ride of your life # You're on your way, no looking back # And there's no future # living in the past # You're free # at last # Yeah, yeah, yeah # You're free at last # Come on, here's your chance # Don't let it slip right through your hands # Are you ready # for the ride of your life? # Yeah # Your dreams arrive # on the wind # Just reach out # and pull them in # Get ready # For the ride of your life # The ride of your life # Come on # Come on, get ready # Yeah, yeah, yeah # Your dreams are riding # on the wind # Just reach out and pull them in # Get ready # For the ride of your life # Come on, here's your chance # Don't let it slip # right through your hands # Are you ready # for the ride of your life? # Yeah # Your dreams are riding on the wind # Just reach out and pull them in # Get ready # For the ride of your life # Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. 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