1 IMS Subtitles www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. TVNZ Captioning 2008 1 1 1 1 1 The dream is always the same. Instead of going home, I go to the neighbours. I ring but nobody answers. The door's open, so I go inside. I'm looking around for the people, but nobody seems to be there. And then I hear the shower running,... so I go upstairs to see what's what. (WATER HISSES) Then I see her. This... girl... This incredible girl. I mean, what she's doing there I don't know. She doesn't live there. It's a dream, so I go with it. "Who's there?", she says. "Joel", I say. "What are you doing here?"' "I don't know what I'm doing here. What are you doing here?" "I'm taking a shower", she says. Then I give her, "Do you want me to go?" "No", she says, "I want you to wash my back." So now I'm getting enthusiastic about this dream. So I go to her but she's hard to find through all the steam. I keep losing her. Finally, I get to the door. And I... find myself in a room with kids taking their college boards. I'm over three hours late. I've got two minutes to take the whole test. I've... just made a terrible mistake. I'll never get to college. My life is ruined. All right, here's the game. Five-card draw with a spit. Anaconda. High-low. Pass two to the right, one to the left. Deuces, aces, one-eyed faces wild. What happened? Last night? That's right, with Kessler. She was babysitting down the street. We know that. So I went over there. It turns out that, er, she was giving the kid a bath and accidentally hit the shower - Right(!) That could happen. All her clothes were drying upstairs. Tell me about it. So, she sits plops right on the kitchen floor. From under Mr Coffee, she looks up at me and she says, "I think I'm in the mood." She said that? I'm tellin' ya! What did you say? I didn't have to say anything. What did you do? What do you think I did? I think you got out of there, ran home and whacked off. Come on! (MAKES SQUELCHING NOISE) Right. I disagree. Did you have your bike there? Yeah. I think you jumped on your bike, pedalled home and whacked off! (ALL LAUGH) Gee, thanks. With Kessler sitting on the kitchen floor like that just wanting me? Yeah. (ALL LAUGH) No guts, Goodsen. When it came down to it I wasn't attracted to her. Should never stop you! She seemed too big. It could have worked. I figured I would have got into trouble somehow. Sometimes, you gotta say, "What the fuck!" Make your move. That's easy for you to say. I mean, you're all set. You're probably going to Harvard. Me, I don't wanna make a mistake, jeopardize my future. Joel, do you wanna know something? What? Every now and then say, "What the fuck." "What the fuck" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future. (CAR HORN BEEPS) Miles! Be right there! So, your folks are going out of town. Tomorrow. Got the place all to yourself? Yeah. What the fuck. If you can't say it, you can't do it. # (SMOOTH JAZZ) Joel, did you get your SAT scores yesterday? Yes. Well, how did you do? 597 - Math. 560 - Verbal. If you wanted, could you take them over again? I guess so. Great. Joel, I wanna show you something. Honey, did you pack my Mace? It's in your cosmetic case. # (MUSIC GROWS LOUDER) Joel, do you hear something odd, something unpleasant? No. A preponderance of bass perhaps? N-No. Is this the way I left the equaliser? No. No. This is not some toy for you and your friends. If you can't use it properly, you're not to use it at all. It's my house, my rules. Joel, I spoke to Bill Rutherford. He interviews for Princeton. I'll never get into Princeton. I arranged an interview. Friday night, the fourth. Aw, Jesus, dad! Tell them about your involvement with Future Enterprisers. They look for that sort of thing. There's 50 for food, which should be more than enough. Another 50 for emergencies and 25 just in case. Don't forget to water the plants. I wrote that down. It's on the refrigerator door. Dad, do you want me to try your car? It will be fine. For the battery. Joel, you're not to use my car. You're not insured. Use my car. OK. Joel, do we understand each other? OK. Oh, um, darling, as far as the house is concerned just use your best judgement. Have a great time. Be good. We will, honey. You, too. Mwah! Bye. (CRUNCHING) (HUMS) # "Old Time Rock And Roll" ` Bob Seger (MIMES) # Just take those old records off the shelf. I sit and listen to them by myself. # Today's music ain't got the same soul. # I like that old-time rock and rool. # Don't try to take me to a disco. # You'll never even get me out on the floor. # In 10 minutes I'll be late for the door. # I like that old-time rock and roll. # Still like that old-time rock and roll. That kind of music just soothes the soul. # I reminisce about the days of old # with that old-time rock and roll... # Hey. Guess what. Tommy got into Harvard. Shit! He must have aced his boards. 780 ` Verbal. 765 ` Math. Shit! Do you know what a Harvard MBA makes first year? 40 grand. I've got a cousin who went into dermatology. First year, over 60,000. For squeezing zits? Why don't you try it, Barry? You've got the experience. Ooh! (LAUGHS) Thank you. You're very kind. Listen, you guys. Doesn't anyone wanna accomplish anything or do we just wanna make money? Make money. Just make money. Yeah. Make a lot of money. What about you, Joel? Serve my fellow mankind. (ALL SIGH) Please! Get out of here! Profit motive, competition,... ..free enterprise. Is there any company that doesn't have a product in production? (We're falling behind.) (You haven't been helping.) (You wanted that.) (Bullshit!) (Every sales manager I know helps with production.) (Like who?) (Like everyone.) (I'm busy enough with marketing and sales.) (I haven't even given you the product yet!) (Barry, just bring the godamn thing over tonight.) (I didn't wanna do this. I thought it would look good on my record.) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Hi. Hey, Goodsen. Er, I heard your parents were away. Yeah. I thought maybe I could borrow a room. Well, Barry's here. We're working. Oh, we won't bother you. We don't have anywhere to go. You know how it is. Sure. Go ahead. Take my room. Great! Thanks, Joel. Ready? The memo minder. OK. Here's how it works. Let's say a call comes in. It's for your mom, fairly important. What do you do? Write the message here, hit the switch... You got the light, OK? Now, another call comes in. This one's for your dad and it's important and you'll get your ass kicked if he misses it. (SEXY MOANING) Position two. "Memo, memo, memo." 1.86 in parts, sell it for 9.95 and make a fortune. (SEXY MOANING CONTINUES) I can't concentrate with this. This is really annoying. (BANGING) It's ridiculous! I'm outta here. Lock the door when you leave, OK, Glenn? If you read me, grunt twice! (MOANING INTENSIFIES) Thank you. (ENGINE STALLS) (ENGINE RESTARTS) I can't believe Glenn bringing Steadweller over like that. Why? Because he boffed Hendrix last week! He did? Yes, and then after the game Saturday he fucked her. Barry. What? Boffing and fucking are the same. They are? (LAUGHS) Yeah! What did you think it was? I thought it was something else. Are you sure on this? I'm positive. Shit! (ENGINE REVS LOUDLY) Sublime breasts. (MUTTERS) Sublime breasts. Sublime breasts. Whoo! Couple of boys in Daddy's car! Alright! Face to face, we're gonna race, huh? Hey, come on, pussies! Hit it. (WHEELS SCREECH) OK. Good. You've done the old-man's car bit. That's a good start. Now, try this on for size. "The Leather Castle. Chicago's finest dominants and submissives." "Fully-equipped dungeons. Beginners welcome." That sounds great, Miles. Oh! Oh! Here's one! "My daddy used to spank my bare bottom." "Now he's gone. Will you take his place?" "Call Misty." Come on, Joel. You gotta take advantage of this. They come right to your house. "Angelique seeks young submissive!" Joel, how can you miss? This is the one. "For a good time in the privacy of your own home, call Jackie. 555-48-75." Succinct, to the point, down to business. What do you say? If you wanna call, call for yourself, OK? A good time, Joel, in the privacy of your own home. What else can you ask for? I'll make my own calls, thank you. Then... call. Forget it. Forget it. Alright, alright. I'm calling. You're calling? Some day you'll thank me. You better not mention me, Miles. Hi, Jackie? Oh, answering machine. Hi, Jackie, this is Joel Goodsen. 345 Remson, Glencoe. Hey! I'd like a good time in my home tonight. Bye. (LAUGHS) Really cute, Miles. That was really cute. Now give me the number so I can call her back. What number? There's no number. Give me the number, godammit. I'm telling you... Miles. ..there's no number. You're an arsehole. Got to go. Check you later. (MUTTERS) Shit! Shithead! You might only drive short distances to work each day. You might park securely at work. You may not drive your car to work at all. At Youi, we tailor your insurance premium to how you use or don't use your car. It could save you lots. Call: 1 1 (TV PLAYS) (CAR PULLS UP) (CAR DOOR SHUTS / FOOTSTEPS) (DOORBELL RINGS) (KNOCK ON DOOR) Oh, God! Hello, Joel. I'm Jackie. How are you this evening? Nice to meet you, Jackie. I'm not Joel. Joel stepped out for a moment. Um, I'll go call him. Joel. Thank you. Holy shit! Darby, get your ass over here! "I'm playing cards, Joel" Just get over here! "Is she there?" Yes, she's here and she is waiting for you. She's waiting for you. Are you coming? "No. I'm playing cards." You're not coming? No. "Get over here, Darby!" No. (SIGHS) Hi. Um, look, I'm sorry about the misunderstanding. Joel, be a courageous person. Open the door. That way, you see, I can call a cab. Er, again, I'm really sorry. As long as we have an arrangement. I'm in no mood for complaining. When you put your good money down, you gotta get what you went after in the first place. When you buy a TV, you don't buy Sony if you want RCA. I mean, I know we can get along real nice, but it's your hard-earned dollar. Am I right? Hey. This way we make an arrangement, everybody comes out right. You had car fare. A long ride. I don't ever come out this far. And your time. My time, effort, my infinite patience and understanding. Thank you. 75 dollars. Fair enough. Joel, I'm going to give you a number. You ask for Lana. It's what you want. Thank you. It's what every white boy here wants. (POLICE RADIO CHATTER) (MEGAPHONE) Alright, Goodsen, we know you're in there. What's that? (SIREN WAILS) I think someone's out there. Joel, your house is surrounded. Do exactly as we say and no-one gets hurt. Shit! Get off the babysitter. Put on your pants. Come out with your hands up. Please, Joel, do what they say. Just... get off the babysitter. Don't throw your life away like this. Listen, you godamn punk, you'll never have a future, not if I can help it. You got that? No future! Who is that? My father. (SIGHS) Hello. Lana? (SEXY VOICE) "Yes?" Hi. "Hello." "Hello?" Er,... I'm a nice guy and I'd like to meet you tonight. "Fine. Where are you?" Excuse me? "Where do you live?" Glencoe. "What's your name?" Ralf. "Ralf, can I have the address? It will make things easier." 345... Remson. "Ralf." Yes? "See you tonight." (DOORBELL CHIMES) (DOORBELL CONTINUES CHIMING) (FOOTSTEPS) Are you ready for me, Ralf? Beautiful place you got her, Ralf. Is this all yours? My folks', actually. Do you know what it's worth? A lot, probably. Oh, yeah! Real estate? It's fabulous! Lana,... my name really isn't Ralf. Um,... (CLEARS THROAT) ..it's Joel. (LAUGHS) I need 300 dollars, Joel. You're kidding? I don't believe I am. Er, can I send it to you? Can you send it to me, Joel? Well, it's just because, you know, I don't have that much here. How much do you have? I have 50 dollars. 50 dollars? What are we gonna do about this? Well, I, er... I have a bond at the bank. Oh, I'm not very good at waiting for people. I'll be quick. Give it a try. I'm back. Hello? Hello? I'm here for you. Damn! How the hell can she`? Just tell your mother it broke! That egg was worth one hell of a lot more than $300! What are you gonna do? I'm gonna get it back is what I'm gonna do. Are you gonna help? Sure. When? Right now. I can't do it right now. I've gotta trig mid-term tomorrow. Hey, Mr What The Fuck. What about exploring the dark side and all that, or was that just bullshit? That was just bullshit, Joel. I'm surprised you listened to me. Are you coming or what? # (SMOOTH JAZZ) How can you even tell she's gonna be here? I don't know. I called Jackie and she said, "Try here." OK? This was a great idea, Joel. Where else can you get a hot chocolate for four dollars? She's here. Where? Blue dress. Nice legs. That's her. Jesus, she's fantastic! Yeah. God, she's looking right at us. She knows we're here. Uh-huh. That's it? That's it, Joel?! I can't believe we came all the way out here for that. At least she knows we're onto her. She must be terrified. Joel, Joel! Is this your car? Maybe. Can we talk a minute? OK. Let's talk. OK. In the car, alright? It's freezing. Look, will you do me a favour? You want me to do you a favour? I just need a lift. Look, I want my egg back. Get out of the car! Get moving. I want my egg back. You got it. Let's start driving. Now. Open the door. Lana. When do I get it back? Start driving. (BANGS ON ROOF) Hey, buster! Oh, fuck! My car! Just start driving! Start driving now! Why don't you start the car, Joel? Get out of here! Start the godamn car, Joel! (ENGINE SPLUTTERS) (ENGINE STARTS) Hey, arsehole! Where are you going? Lana! I'll kill you! (WHEELS SCREECH) Who was that guy? My manager. He gets so crazy sometimes. This is my friend, Miles. You like excitement, Miles? Love it. OK, where do you wanna go? I don't know. I haven't given it a lot of thought. Tell me this. Am I going in the right direction? (CAR HORN BEEPS) Oh, shit! Here he comes! Here who comes? Who, that manager guy? (CAR HORN BEEPS) Hey, Guido! Big man, huh, Guido?! Big man with a gun! What are you gonna do, shoot us all?! This guy, er, Guido, he's your manager? That's right. Or a pimp. Well, now, that's quick, Joel. You always been this quick or is it something new? I don't believe this. I've got a trig mid-term tomorrow and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp. Miles. What? I think I can take him. What are you - I'm really not enjoying this. Oh! I think I'm gonna throw up. I think I'm gonna throw up on you, Joel. Porsche. There is no substitute. Fuck you. (BOTH LAUGH) Joel? Hi there, it's mother. Yeah. How are you? Just checking in to say hello, see how you're doing and give you our flight information. OK. Wait a minute. Er, let me write this down. OK. Er, Saturday. United Flight 162. 3.30. Right. Right. Have you got enough money? Well, it never seems to go as far as you think it will. Yes. I know. I'm learning, Mom. OK, good. And how's Aunt Tootie? OK, er... Good. I will. See... OK. See you then. Bye, Mom. Your folks, huh? Mmm-hmm. So, how are they? They're just great. How about Aunt Tootie? Hip's much better. She sends her love also. Oh, good. So, you were telling me about Guido. Yeah, well, I quit Guido. How come? He thought he owned me. Nobody owns me. Problem is, I owe him for some clothes and hospital bills. You were in the hospital? Yeah. I, er... I had this, er, pain in my chest. I thought it was a heart condition. (CAR HORN BEEPS) Um, what was it? The doctor said nerves. Nice service. Reed & Barton. Um... (SIGHS) Thank you for breakfast. It was really good. I'm gonna go to school now. So, er, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. I'm sorry. You won't let me stay? No. I've, you know, gotta go to school. I'm really sorry. No, I'm sorry. (CAR HORN BEEPS) I'll be right back. You guys go ahead without me. Is she still here?! She won't leave! She won't leave. Lana, look, I just want my egg back. I want my house back. I've got a lot of work to do. Did you have a good time last night? What, you mean, when we got back here? I think you know what I mean. Yeah. I, er... I had a great time. Don't tell me I owe you another 300 dollars. (SIGHS) Did I say you owe me anything? No, you didn't. I don't remember saying you owe me anything. What,... What about my mother's egg? You're the one going to college. You figure it out. OK. How much time do you need? Long enough to make a few phone calls. I've gotta figure out how to get my stuff back. I'm probably locked out. Alright,... but will you do me a favour? Anything, cookie. Don't steal anything. If I come back here and I find anything missing, I'm going straight to the police. I'm not joking. Joel, go to school. Go learn something. 1 1 May I see your pass, please? I'm sure you've all read chapter six through eight by now. So here's a little pop quiz to confirm it. Put your books on the floor, please. You didn't tell anyone, did ya? No. Glenn knows. What about Barry? He knows. OK. Don't tell anyone. I won't. I won't! I won't! That report should be on my desk by tomorrow afternoon. I won't accept any that aren't typed. (TRAIN HORN BLARES) Current papers are due on Friday. They account for 50 percent of this semester's grades so make sure they're in early - Godamnit! (BELL RINGS) Hi, Joel. Hey, Miles. What's going on? I'm waiting for Glenn. For Glenn? Where's he? Inside. In the house? He wanted to meet her. What is this? What are you doing? I was inside. Yeah, I can see that. So, er, you're home now. Yeah. I live here, remember? Yeah, take it easy. Glenn. Tell me you didn't do anything with her. Who? Lana? Yeah, Lana. No. Nothing. Met her. She's nice. Are you sure you didn't do anything with her? Yeah. I swear. You did it with her, didn't you? I did not do it with her, Joel. OK. Ask her about Vicki! Who's Vicki? Owe you one! (LAUGHS) You Joel? Nice place you got here. Where's Lana? I like your friends! Get out. I'm not kidding. What's your problem? Just leave, please! Look, we're not exactly ripping you off or anything. Look... Here. What is this for? 50 goes to the house. You're the house. I am not the house, OK? Just leave. I mean it! Come on, Vicki. Already? I just got here! I think he wants us to go. Do you want us to go? (SIGHS) Thank you. (CAR WHEELS SCREECH / VOICES) I don't want no problems. Why did you come here? You know what you did to me last night? Come on. (ALL TALK AT ONCE) Hey! Get in the car! No! Get... (STRAINS / SCREAMS) Lana! Excuse me. What can I do for you? Who are you? Joel. You the guy I chased last night? Something I can help you with? You know, you shouldn't drive like that. People get hurt all the time. It's stupid. You a smart kid, huh? I mean, you look like a smart kid. I'm OK. Where are the girls? Inside? I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. Joel, the door's locked. You're starting to give me a stomach ache. I hope it hurts. You gonna open the door or what? Go home. We don't need you any more. Shut your mouth. No. Listen, maybe we don't work for you any more. Oh, yeah? OK. Fine. Then who you work for, huh? Who, if you don't work for me? Maybe we work for Joel and Miles. She's only kidding. I hope so. Look, Joel, you look like a smart kid, so I'm gonna tell you something which I'm sure you'll understand. Now, you're having fun now, right? Right, Joel? Time of your life. In a sluggish economy, never, ever fuck with another man's livelihood. Now, if you're smart like I hope you are,... ..you're not gonna make me come back here. Thank you, Joel. Very decent of you. Just so long as we understand each other. One night, right, and then you find another place to stay. As soon as we get in touch with Tandy we'll have a place. Did you try her? She's still out. And my mother's egg? If I can get my stuff back I can get the egg. Then you'll leave. And then we'll leave. I don't know, Lana. He's got such nice friends. Clean, polite, quick. I think there's a real future here. (RADIO PLAYS / KNOCK ON DOOR) Hi. Hi. What do you study? It's a workshop on free enterprise. See, we make a product and we try to market it. Do you make a lot of money? No, not really. No? No, but we, er, get to compete with other student companies. Actually, it's fucked. I'm just kidding. It's really quite competitive. You ever get high, Joel? Yeah, all the time. You see, me and Vicki were thinking about getting high, maybe going out, getting some ice cream, something like that. You wanna come? Yeah. (CHUCKLES) I could go for some ice cream right now. Are you stoned? No, I do not believe so. I think you're really wasted. This is not wasted, Barry. This is definitely not wasted. Barry. Yeah? I'm a little wasted. I know! Don't let me do anything stupid. Don't worry. Wanna take a walk? How do you like living at home? OK. I'm moving out next year. Bet your folks are nice. And they're gone till Sunday? Yeah. Cos, you know, I was thinking... I mean, after your friend came over, I couldn't believe it. A kid our age walks in with 100 dollars. Glenn. Where did he get that kind of change? I don't know. Said he cashed a bond. You people have a lot of bonds. So, I was thinking, if we ever got our friends together, we'd make a fortune, you know that? Yeah. You're right. You wanna do that? What? Get our friends together next couple of days. No. I don't think so. (SNIGGERS) Make some money, be a little enterpriser. Future Enterpriser. Be whatever you wanna be. What if I said I'd be your girlfriend next couple of days? No charge. I'm not pushing you on the idea or anything. It's just that my mind keeps working all the time. Nothing I can do about it. It's just keeps working and working. You warm enough? I'm OK. How come you left home? Why? I was just wondering. I left home because my stepfather kept coming on to me. What else do you wanna know? Do you have any brothers or sisters? I've got a brother. What else? Um, if you don't wanna talk... No. Really. I don't think you wanna talk and it's OK. I wanna talk to you. What does he do? He's in school. Yeah? How come you're not in school? I'm not my brother. Look, I'm really... I'm really trying to be friends with you, but I would appreciate it if you'd stop judging me while you're leaning on your daddy's 40,000-dollar car. I'll see you around. Hello? Was it something I said? Look... God! YOU LOCKED THE DOOR! THE KEYS ARE INSIDE! Please stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! (STRAINS) No! Please stop! Please stop! (CREAKING) (LOUD CREAKING) (MUTTERS) Thank you. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Argh! Joel! Joel! Joel! Joel! Joel! 1 All right, everybody, watch your feet! You OK? You want an Aspirin? Your dad own a gun? Who's the U-Boat commander? You're right. You are absolutely right to respond this way... I didn't have a doctor's appointment. I'll tell you what happened. You see, Nurse Folik, if you write "Unexcused" I'll fail two mid-terms. It will wreck my whole grade-point average. If you just stop and listen to me, I'll explain everything. Thank you. You see, er, the truth of the matter is, my parents are away and I met this girl. A call girl, actually. She came to my house... Look, you're writing again. This is not "Unexcused." If you'll let me explain. If you'll listen to me then you'll understand. Why,... Why won't you listen to me? I had a doctor's appointment. Excuse me. It just wasn't the girl. It was my father's car. I put my father's car into Lake Michigan. I had to get it fixed. Look, just,... just give me a break. Let me put it this way, I have spent the last four years of my life busting my butt in this shithole. I'm sorry. I don't think I can leave until I get just a little compassion... from you. What did he get? Suspension. Five days. Kicked him out of Enterprisers, too. They trashed his record! What's he gonna do about the car? You OK, Joel? Yeah. I'm OK. (BREATHES HEAVILY) I need a bike. He needs a bike. Glenn, can I borrow your bike? Come on! Sure. Here. OK. What have we got? 200? 100? You got... Hold it. 'It was great the way her mind worked. No guilts, doubts or fear.' 'None of my specialities.' 'Just this shameless pursuit of immediate material gratification.' 'What a capitalist!' 'She told me, "I can make more money in one night than I'd make all year.' 'Enough to pay for my father's car.' 'She told me she'd be my girlfriend.' 'She told me a lot of things. I believed them all.' 'So, she introduced me to her friends.' # Yeah # Yeah # Now when I was a young boy... Um... (MUTTERS) # My mother said I'm gonna be # The greatest man alive # But now I'm a man # Yeah # Way past 21 # You better believe it, baby # I had lots of fun # I'm a man # Yeah... 'I introduced her to my friends.' # "A" child # "N"... 'We made Barry our treasurer.' Thank you. 'Lana did production.' 'I concentrated on sales.' Alright. So, you took her to dinner twice. What did that cost you? About 30. With tip? OK. Maybe 35. Movies. Any movies? Three movies. 20 dollars. Parking? I park in the street. Gas. Maybe six dollars. Alright, Stan. You're in for roughly 60-odd dollars. And, er, what happened? She slept with Jacobson. (SNIGGERS) That sucks. # I could make love to you, woman # In five minutes time # Ain't that a man? # Yeah # I spell "M" # "A", child... You know what he said afterwards? No. He said the lady had knowledge. And he was glad to get that knowledge. You know why? Why? Because college girls call smell ignorance. Like dogshit. Well, I'll think about it. Where are you going to school next year? Wisconsin. Wisconsin... Big school. # I spell "M" # "A", child. # Yeah. # "N". # That represents man. # No "B". # "O", child. # All I'm saying is, walk like a man. (MOTORCYCLE HORN BEEPS) (CAR HORN BEEPS) Hey! Whoo! # (POP MUSIC) Hey, Chuck. What's goin' on? Joel. Hey. How are you guys doin'? Have a good time. Whoa! Man. Alright! Oh! You having a good time? Yeah. Excellent idea, Joel, really excellent. Hi. Some girls are wearing my mother's clothing. What's wrong with that? I don't wanna spend the rest of my life in analysis. Talk to them. OK. (CAR HORNS BEEP / HUBBUB) (BARKING / SHOUTING) Hi. Is Howey Rifkind here? Here. You're on, honey. (ALL CHEER) Joel! Joel! Somebody at the front door for you. Alright. Thank you. I'll be right there. The thing is, I don't have to pay for it. I get it, anyway. You gotta get going, you know. It's a party. Miles, you know, whatever you wanna do. Good. Really. Excuse me. Er, can I help you? Are you Joel? Yes. Bill Rutherford. Princeton Admissions. I believe we had an interview scheduled. Of course. If this is in any way inconvenient - No, it's fine. Er, Barry, is it OK if I have the room? OK. Could you catch the phone if anyone calls? Yep. It's my understanding, Joel, that you would like to attend Princeton. Um, yes, sir. Very much so. Well, fine. Let's take a look at what we have, shall we? Ooh! I'm sorry. Does this couch open? Lana, I'm in a meeting. We need the room. I need a few minutes, OK? Alright. Fine. Now, you've taken your SATs already. Math - 597. Verbal - 560. Correct me if my information is inaccurate. Er, well, yes, sir. I was planning on taking those again. Fine. Now, you're grade-point average is 3.14, your class rank 52, which places you in the 84th percentile. (RAPS ON WINDOW) Joel, listen. This is my cousin, Reuben. Jimmy! Can you get him in? Not now. He's gotta be back by 12. OK. Later, guys. Excuse me. And you wish to major in...? (SHOUTING / WHOOPING) Business. Business. Yes. Please. I'll be out in a sec. Fine. Well, let's see what else there is. Junior varsity tennis team. Recording Secretary, Spanish Club. Varsity track team. One year. Honourable mention - Cook County Science Fair. Future Enterprisers. Year book staff. Student council. Two years. Well, Joel, your stats are very respectable. You've done some solid work here. But it's not quite Ivy League now, is it? (SIGHS) You know, Bill, there's one thing I've learned in all my years... Sometimes you gotta say, "What the fuck." Make your move. I beg your pardon? So, how are we doing? Looks like University of Illinois! # Alright # Alright # Dance music, sex, romance # Everybody say... # Ooh # Ooh, alright # Alright # Dance music, sex, romance # Oh, ooh # Everybody clap your hands now # (TRAIN HORN TOOTS) Some of your friends are looking for you. What do you want me to tell them? Has that guy from Princeton left yet? No, he's still here. He's talking to some of the girls. Talking? They're very good talkers. You know what, I don't think I'm gonna say "What the fuck" any more. This has got way out of control. I'm gonna kill Miles. Oh, come on, Joel. Look at it this way... You're making some good money. You're providing your friends an invaluable service. God knows they needed the service. And right now, you're one hot Future Enterpriser. Don't worry so much. I'll be upstairs. And you got a girlfriend to boot. Do I? Phone call for Joel. Here. I'll get it. Well, do I? What do you think? I don't know. You tell me. Yes, no, maybe? Yes. No. Maybe. "Joel?" Dad? Who answered the phone? Just a friend, Dad. "Do I know her?" Have you made love on a train? I-I don't think so. He's got a girl there. Let's go make love on a real train. "Joel, are you there?" Yeah. I'm still here, Dad. How's Mom? Is everything going OK? (Come on. Let's go.) Did I hear others there? Er, just a couple of friends, Dad. (WHISPERS INAUDIBLY) "Sounded like a party." Huh! A party?! Come on. I don't remember giving permission for a party, Joel. Honey, can you hear me? There's nothing wrong with having friends over. Just use your best judgment. We trust you. Now, remember, we're coming in on Flight 162. 'Trust. Seems to me if there were any logic to our language, "trust" would be a four-letter word.' 'The evening worked out well. We had good cash flow.' 'Rutherford made a couple of new friends.' Goodnight, everybody. 'Said he'd do his best for me.' 'Finally, it was time to close shop. The girls were exhausted.' 'Lana was hungry. She wanted to go out for a bite.' 'She wanted to make love on a real train.' 'Who was I to say no?' # I can feel it coming in the air tonight # Oh, Lord # And I've been waiting for this moment all my life # Oh, Lord... I thought you said nobody was gonna be here? Be patient. # Oh, Lord. # Well, I remember. # I remember. Don't worry. # How could I ever forget? It's the first time, # the last time we ever met. # And I know why, the reason you keep this silence up. # No, you don't fool me. # The hurt doesn't show. # But the pain still grows. # It's no stranger to you or me. # I can feel it coming in the air tonight. # Oh, Lord. # And I've been waiting for this moment for all my life. # Oh, Lord. # I can feel it in the air tonight. # 1 (HORN BLARES) (WHISTLES) (SIGHS) "Hi." They stole the house, Lana! "I'm not here right now, but if you leave your name and number, "I'll get back you as soon as possible. Ciao." They took everything! My parents will be back in two hours. They took everything. Look, I don't know if you know anything about this but you gotta call me back right away. I'm at the house. "OK. OK. You really gotta help me." Time of your life, huh, kid? Where's Lana? Maybe on the choo-choo. I hear she's got this thing about choo-choos. Listen, I wanna know who took my stuff. "I took your stuff, Joel." Now, you listen to me, buster, you,... you A-hole! If I don't get this stuff - Oh, shit! (PHONE RINGS) A-hole? "I want my furniture back right now." Now, you listen to me - No, no, no! You listen to me! (PHONE GOES DEAD) Shit! (DIALLING TONE) "This is getting boring." Can I have my furniture back? Please. Now you listen to me, you little fuck. You don't only take my two best girls, right, you call me names. You insult me?! Well, I'm sorry. "If I had any self-respect, it wouldn't just be the furniture, it would be your legs, your arms, your head! "Do we understand each other?" Yes, we do. No. Do we understand each other? "Yes, we understand each other." Well, you're lucky in one respect. "What's that?" I like you, Joel. Don't you know that? What time have you got? 4.15. I'm gonna get a cab. Something must have happened. Excuse me. Taxi! (ELECTRIC WHIRRING) Joel, do you like music? This is beautiful equipment. What do you say, 300 bucks? Amps, speakers, the works. It's a bargain, Joel. You go down town, it'll cost you double that. Alright! This kid likes music! How about some, er, women's outfits? You know, something for your mom. Should fit her OK. Yes. What? Yes, I'll buy it. I didn't give you a price yet. Can we get through this, please? 125. That's it. You got everything. Wait a minute. What about this? What's that? Some glass arty-fartsy thing. What have you got left, Joel? 40 dollars. I don't know. I don't think I can go 40 on the artsy-fartsy thing. What do you think, Vick? He's only got 40. I know, I know. Er, I tell you what, we go 340. I'll spot you the three. You're good for it, right? Certainly. I think he is, too. Here. Catch! Oh, God! No! Good show! Just wishing you good luck on your future as a businessman. God knows, you're gonna need it! Come on. Don't! You're gonna break it! Let's go. Thank you. Thank you. I put the Chinese things together and the Greek on a separate shelf. I don't think you should mix centuries. Joel! Honey! Mom! Dad! You're home! Where were you? Well, I was here. We called from the airport. You're kidding! I must have been watering. I didn't think you were coming home till tomorrow. I said the fifth. No, you said the sixth. I wrote it down. I'm sure I said the fifth. Come on. Give me a hand with the luggage. She said the sixth. Joel? Yeah, Mom. Can I talk to you for a minute? What happened to my egg? What do you mean? There's a crack in it. You're kidding? No, Joel, I'm not kidding. There is a crack in the egg, a small crack inside it. What's wrong? My egg is ruined. What happened? I don't know. You don't know? Mom, maybe it was there before. I don't think so, Joel. How could you let this happen? I'm sorry. It's so irresponsible of you. We'll get another one. Joel will pay for it. I'll pay for it. Sure. Where will you get the money to pay for it? I'm sorry. I am very disappointed in you. She'll be alright. Why don't you put in a little yard work? Joel. Do you have something to tell me? No. I... don't think so. I just got off the telephone with Bill Rutherford. Apparently, er, you two had quite a meeting. "Princeton can use a guy like Joel." What? "Princeton can use a guy like Joel." His exact words. That's unbelievable. You're as good as in. I knew you could do it. Haven't I been telling you? Once in a while you gotta say, "What the heck", and take some chances. You are so right. You've made me very proud. I was just thinking where we might be ten years from now. You know. You know what I think? I think we're both gonna make it big. I am very optimistic. I mean it. Can I ask you something? Was our night together... ...just a set-up? Vicki and Guido. No. You don't believe me, do you? My name is Russell Bitteman. I'm from Wheaton High. Out product is a paper-towel holder that sells for $8.95. We made a profit of 850 dollars last semester. I just don't want you to get hurt. My name is Davina Williams. We sell planters for seven dollars. We made a profit of 500 dollars last year. Guess we won't be seeing each other for a while. I know. So, are you going straight home now? I don't know. Why? I just thought it might be nice if, er, we spent the evening together. I'd really like that. How much have you got on you? How much have I got on me? I got 20 dollars. 20 dollars, Lana? What are we gonna do about this? Can I send it to you? Can you send it to me? Cos I don't have that much here. How about I write you a cheque? Do you think I'd accept a cheque from you? Am I stupid? I've got a bond in the bank. 'My name is Joel Goodsen. 'I deal in human fulfilment. 'I grossed over $8000 in one night. 'Time of your life, huh, kid? IMS Subtitles www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. TVNZ Captioning 2008 (TRAIN RUMBLES)