I'm OK. I'm OK. 1 1 # Born free, # as free as the wind blows. (TARZAN-LIKE NOISES) # As free as the grass grows. # Born free to follow your heart. # Live free # and beauty surrounds you. # The world still astounds you # each time you look at a star. # Stay free, # where no walls divide you. # You're free as a roaring tide, # so there's no need to hide... Surprise! Aaarrrgh! Alex, do not interrupt me when I'm daydreaming. When a zebra's in the zone, leave him alone. C'mon, Marty, I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. Hey, man, thanks. Oh, ah, ooh! Hey, I got something stuck in my teeth. It's driving me crazy. Help me out? Please? Ah, you came to the right place. Dr Marty, DDS, is in the house! Please hop on top of my sterilised examination table, if you may. I don't see anything. (MUMBLES) OK, just don't talk with your mouth full. Ah, right here. What the heck is this doin' in there? Happy birthday! Oh, hey. Thanks, man. You put it behind a tooth. You alright. These aren't even on the shelf yet. Check it out. Look at that. Whoo! Look at that. It's snowing. 10 years old, huh? A decade. Double digits. The big one-0. You don't like it? No, it's great. You hate it. Ugh! I shoulda got you the Alex alarm clock. That's the big seller. No, no, the present's great. Really. It's just that another year's come and gone, and I'm still doing the same old thing. "Stand here. Stand there. Eat some grass. Walk back here." I see your problem. Maybe I should go to law school. You need to break out of that boring routine. How? Throw out the old act. Get out there. Make it up as you go along. Ad lib. Improvise. Boom, boom, boom! Huh? You know, make it fresh. Fresh, huh? I can do fresh. Works for me. # "Boogie Wonderland" - EARTH WIND AND FIRE (BOING! BOING!) Here come the people. Oh, I love the people! It's people fun time. Gloria, up and at 'em! (YAWNS) What day is it? It's Friday, field trip day. Da-da! Yes, it's field trip day. Let's get up and go. 10 more minutes. Come on! Melman, Melman, Melman! Wake up! Rise and shine! It's another fabulous morning in the Big Apple. Let's go! Huh! Not for me. I'm callin' in sick. What? I've found another brown spot on my shoulder, right here. See? Right there. You see? You know it's all in your head. Hm? (WHOOPING) (YAWNS) Phil, wake up, you filthy monkey. (GARGLES) Oh, I'm gonna be fresh, straight out the ground. Taste fresh. Fresh-ilicious. Zip-lock fresh. (TANNOY) "Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages." "We proudly present... Oh, show 'em the cat! ..the king of New York City... (BOTH) ..Alex, the lion! It's show-time! (WILD APPLAUSE) Gather round, people! Big show about to start! Check out the zebra taking care of biz. That's right! (CHILDREN GASP) (SPLUTTERS) (ADULTS) Ohh! (KIDS) Yeah! (WILD CHEERING) Just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave. Kowalski, progress report. We're only 500ft from the main sewer line. And the bad news? We've broken our last shovel. Right. Rico, you're on litter patrol. We need shovels, and find more popsicle sticks. We don't wanna risk another cave-in. And me, Skipper? I want you to look cute and cuddly. Today we're gonna blow this dump. Huh? (FART-LIKE NOISES) Yeah, you don't see that on Animal Planet! (LAUGHTER) Well, show's over, folks. Thanks for comin'! I hope you thought it was fresh! I'll be here all week. In fact, I'll be here for my whole life! 365 days a year including Christmas, Chanukah, Halloween. Please don't forget to never spay or neuter your pets. (SLURPS) And tip your cabbie, cos he's broke. You, quadruped, spreken zie English? I spreken. What continent is this? Manhattan. Hoover Dam! We're still in New York! Abort! Dive, dive, dive! Hey! You in the tux! Wait a minute! What are you guys doing? We're digging to Antarctica. An-whodica? Can you keep a secret, my monochromatic friend? D'you ever see any penguins running free around New York City? Of course not. We don't belong here. It's just not natural. This is all some kind of whacked out conspiracy. We're going to the wide-open spaces of Antarctica. To the wild! The wild?! You can actually go there? It sounds great. Hold up! Where is this place?! (ECHOES) Tell me where it is! You didn't see anything. Right? Yes, sir! I-I'm sorry. No, sir. "For his final appearance of the day, the king of New York City, Alex the Lion! (WILD CHEERING) Thank you! Thank you very much! You're a great crowd. Give yourselves a hand, huh? Thank you. Thank you! Oh, well, thank you. Oh, that's too kind. Too kind. Argh! Underpants! Everybody get home safe. Hey, I got my website. 24-hour cam. This is the life. That's the spot. Ah, I'm in heaven. Ooh, it's Marty's birthday. Rip it open. What is it? What is it? C'mon, open it up. Yeah! A thermometer. Thanks. I love it, Melman. I love it! I wanted to give you something personal. You know, that was my first rectal thermometer. Mother...! Phah! Phah! Melman, come on, come on. Mmmmmm... # Happy birthday to you! # You live in a zoo! # You look like a monkey # And you smell like one too! # I say! You guys are just embarrassing me - and yourselves. What are you talking about? We worked on that all week. Let's go! Make a wish, baby cakes. What did you wish for? Nope. Can't tell you. C'mon, tell. No. It's bad luck. If you want some bad luck, I'll blab it out, but if you wanna be safe - For cryin' out loud. Just tell us! I mean, really, what could happen? OK. I wished I could go to the wild! The wild?! Whoa! (GULPS) I told you it was bad luck. (PARTY BLOWER) The wild? Are you nuts? That is the worst idea I've ever heard. (COUGHS) It's unsanitary. The penguins are going, so why can't I? The penguins are psychotic. C'mon. Just imagine going back to nature, back to your roots. Clean air, wide open spaces. I hear they have wide open spaces in Connecticut. Connecticut? You've gotta go to Grand Central, then take the Metro North train. North? So one could take the train? Just hypothetically. Marty, c'mon. What would Connecticut have to offer us? Lyme disease. Thank you, Melman. No, really... There's none of this in the wild. But... It's a highly-refined food... But... ..thing you do not find in the wild. Have you ever thought there might be more to life than steak? He didn't mean that, baby. No, no. Doesn't it bother you that you don't know anything about life outside this zoo? Uh-uh. Mm-mm. Nope. Well, I mean, come on, that's just one subject. You got a little schmutz right there. Thanks, guys. Thanks for the party. It was great. Really. What's eating him? Maybe you should talk to him, Alex. Give him a pep-talk. I already gave him a snow globe. I can't top that. Alex... I can see where this is going. (YAWNS) It is getting late. I guess I'm gonna... (SNORES) Come on. He's your best friend. Alright, alright. OK. Night, Marty. Night, Glo. (SPLASH!) (LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS) Ahh! What a day! I mean, it doesn't get any better than this, you know? Ooh, it just did! Even the star's out. You're not gonna find a star like that in the wild. Helicopter. (WHIRS) Marty, buddy, listen. Everybody has days when they think the grass might be greener somewhere else. Alex, look at me. I'm 10 years old. My life is half over, and I don't even know if I'm black with white stripes or white with black stripes. Marty, I'm thinking of a song. Alex, please. Not now. It's a wonderful song. I think you're familiar with it. # Da, da, da-da-da! # Da, da, da-da-da! Oh, no, you don't! Not listening. # Start spreadin' the news... I don't know you! # I'm leavin' today! # We are a great big part of it... He's funny. Come on, you know you know the words. Two little words. # New York (BOTH) # New York! Shut up, shut up! I'm sleepin'! We're not all nocturnal, you know! I'll knock your "turnal" right off, pal! You and what army, stripes? You mess with him, you mess with me, Howard! See, Mr Grumpy Stripes? We make a great team, the two of us. We sure do, no doubt about it! So what are you gonna do? Run off to the wild by yourself? Nope. Good. You and me. Let's go! What? The wild. C'mon! You and me, together! It's a straight shot down Fifth Avenue to Grand Central. We'll grab a train and head north. We'll be back by morning. No one'll ever know. You're joking, right? (LAUGHS) Yeah, I'm joking. Of course I'm joking. Give me a break. How can we get a train? (LAUGHS) Ohh! Don't do that. You really had me worried there. Oh, well. I'll hit the sack. Me, too. I'll need to rest my voice for tomorrow. It's seniors' day. I have to roar extra loud. Give them a little jolt. You know what I'm talking about? Good night. Ahh! (JUNGLE NOISES) Oh! They forgot to turn off the ambience again! Don't worry, that's cool. You know, I got it. (TAPE WINDS DOWN) (SIGHS) Much better. m Come on now, baby. My little fillet. My little fillet mignon with a little fat around the edges. I like that. I like a little fat on my steak. My sweet, juicy steak. You are a rare delicacy. Alex! Alex. Alex! What? What?! You suck your thumb? What is it? You know how I have that bladder infection and have to get up every two hours? I got up to pee, I looked over at Marty's pen, which I usually don't do, I don't know why but I did... What's goin' on? Marty's gone. Gone? Ow! Whaddya mean, gone? How long has he been working on this? (ECHOES) Marty?! Marty?! He wouldn't fit down there. Marty?! Marty?! Marty! This doesn't make any sense. Where would he go? Connecticut! He wouldn't! Oh, no! What are we gonna do? We gotta... We gotta... We gotta call somebody! (GASPS) Hello! Get me Missing Animals! We've got a lost zebra, probably on the way to Connecticut.... "(LOW GROWL)" Hello? Hello? Wait a second. We can't call the people. They'll be really mad. It'll get Marty transferred for good. You don't bite the hand that feeds you. That's right. We'll go after him. After him? He's not thinking straight. We got stop him from making a big mistake. He's probably out there lost and cold, confused. Poor little guy. # "Staying Alive" - BEE GEES # Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man # No time to talk # Music loud and women warm, I've been kicked around since I was born # Now it's alright, it's OK, and you may look the other way... Ohh! C'mon! One of us should wait here in case he comes back? Not now! This is an intervention. We all gotta go. What's the fastest way to Grand Central? You should take Lexington. Melman! OK. We. We should take Lexington. What about Park? Park goes two ways. You can't time the lights. I heard Tom Wolfe is speaking at Lincoln Centre. Well, of course we're going to throw pooh at him. I knew we should've taken Park! You're sure this is the fastest way to Grand Central? I dunno! That's what Melman said! Hey, guys. That room has some nifty sinks you can wash up in. Look! Free mints! This isn't a field trip. It's an urgent mission to save Marty from throwing his life away. Now where's the train? Ah! Here it comes. Aaarrrgh! What did Marty say? I asked you to talk to him! I did! I don't understand. He said, "Let's go," and I said, "What, are you crazy?" Then he says, "I'm 10 years old..." (SCREAMING) What you gotta do is go straight down West 42nd. It's on your left after Vanderbilt. OK. Hit the Crysler building, you've gone too far. Thanks, Officer. Hey! Wait for the light. Freak! Yeah, yeah, that's right. A zebra. Right in front of me. Can I shoot it? "Negative." Then I'm gonna need some backup. (WHIMPERS) (ROARS) The Knicks lost again. What are you gonna do? Did that just say Grand Central Station or My Aunt's Constipation? This is it! Grand Central Station! It's grand and it's central. Ow, ow, ow, ow! We have an emergency here! This is an emergency situation! (SCREAMING) Hey, hey, chill out! It's not that big of an emergency! (SPRAYS) How d'you like that? Yaaaa! Ooh! Lady, what is wrong with you?! Ow! Get a grip on yourselves, people! You're a bad kitty! Dagnabit! I missed the express! Looks like I'm gonna have to take the Stamford local. I've got him! I've got him! He's got him! He's got him! He's goooo.... Oooh! Whoa! I'm OK. I'm OK. What are you guys doin' here? I'm so glad we found you. We were SO worried about you. Don't worry, I'm fine. Look at me. I'm fine. You're fine? He's fine. Great. You hear that? Marty's fine. That's good to know. I was just wondering, how could you do this?! Aren't we your friends?! What's the big deal? I was comin' back in the mornin'. Don't do this again! D'you hear him? We're running out of time. Oh, you broke their clock?! (POLICE SIREN) Don't do this again. Never do this again! Come here! We've been ratted out, boys. (ALL COCK GUNS) Cute and cuddly, boys. Cute and cuddly. If you have any pooh, fling it now. (It's the man.) Good evening, Officers! No, no, don't talk now. You're not so good with putting the words together and their coming out good thing. Keep it ssh! Hey, how are you doin'? You know what? Everything's cool. We just had a little internal situation here. My friend went a little crazy. Happens to everybody. This city gets to us all. Just went cuckoo in the head. Hey, don't be calling me cuckoo in the head. Just shush! I will handle this. Ooh, I got him! (HIGH-PITCHED) Ohh! Would you give a guy a break? Ohh! We're gonna take my little friend home and forget this ever happened. No harm, no foul, right? (ALL GASP) Oh, no, no. Hey, it's cool. It's me, Alex the Lion. From the zoo. Grrrrrrr...! (PEOPLE GASP) What's the matter with them? Ow! Ow. Wow! Whoo! I feel really, really weird. Hey, oh, I love you guys. (DISTORTED VOICE) I love you so much. # You can take a sunrise # You can take a sunrise # Sprinkle it with dew # Sprinkle it with dew # From the candyman # From the candyman # Oh, the candyman can # The candyman can # The candyman... (GLASS SHATTERS) (GROANS) ..an example of what animal rights' whackos have been shouting for years. The animals clearly don't belong in captivity. Now they're to be sent back to their natural habitat where they will live their lives in the freedom they so clearly desire. Hey, little help. He's awake, he's awake! (CROWD GASPS) Oh, man! (MUSIC ON FAST-FORWARD) (GROANS) Oh, my head. (THUD!) Ohh! Ahh! What...? Wait. Where...? What...? I'm in a box! Oh, no, not the box. Oh, no, they can't transfer me. Not me! Oh, I can't breathe. I can't breathe. Darkness creeping in. Can't breathe. Can't breathe. Walls closing in around me. So alone... So alone... Alex. Alex, are you there? Marty?! Yeah! Talk to me, buddy! Oh, Marty, you're here. What's goin' on? Are you OK? This doesn't look good. Alex, Marty, is that you? Gloria! You're here too. I'm lovin' the sound of your voice! What's goin' on? We're all in crates! Oh, no! Ohh! Sleeping just knocks me out. Melman! Melman! Is that Melman? Are you OK? Yeah. I'm fine. (YAWNS) I often doze off while I'm getting an MRI. You're not getting an MRI. CAT scan? No! It's a transfer! A zoo transfer! Zoo transfer?! Oh, no. I can't be transferred. I have an appointment with Dr Goldberg - Melman, calm down. There are prescriptions to be filled. No other zoo could afford my medical - Melman! Calm down. I am not going HMO! Take it easy. It's gonna be OK. We are gonna be O-Kizay. No, Marty, we're not gonna be O-Kizay. Now, because of you, we're ruined! Because of me? I fail to see how this is my fault. You're kiddin', right? You, you ticked off the people! You bit the hand! "I don't know who I am. I gotta find myself in the wild!" Hey! Please! I didn't ask you to come after me. He has a point. What? I did say we should stay at the zoo, but you... Melman, shut it! You suggested this idea in the first place. Alex, leave Melman out of this. Thank you, Gloria. Besides, Alex, it's not my fault we were transferred. Melman, shut it. Does anybody feel nauseous? I feel nauseous. Melman, you always feel nauseous. (FOGHORN) Progress report. It's in code. I can't make it out. You, higher mammal! Hm? Can your read? No. Phil can read, though. Phil! "Ship... to... Kenya." "Wildlife preserve." "Africa!" Africa? That ain't gonna fly. Rico! (GULPS / COUGHS) ("MISSION IMPOSSIBLE" THEME TUNE) (WHISTLES) (THUD!) Ohh! (RADIO) # If you feel like giving me..." (THUD!) I was the star in the greatest city on earth! Guys! A king, loved by my people. Let's be civil. And you've ruined everything! If the people loved you, it's only because they didn't know the real you! Don't make me come up there. I thought I knew the real you! By the way, your black and white stripes, they cancel each other out. Stop it, stop it, stop it! Status? It's no good, Skipper. I don't know the codes. Don't give me excuses, give me results. Navigation? Alright, let me think. (MUTTERS) And shut him up! I did it! Let's get this tin can turned around. (WARNING BUZZER) Ow! Ohh! (GASPS) Oh! Ohh! Whoa! (CRATE CREAKS) Guys? (FOGHORN) Gloria! Melman! Marty! Alex! Marty! (DISTANT) Alex! Marty! No, wait! Come back, Marty! Don't go. . (THUD!) Ow! (GROANS) Argh! Mmmm! Ahh! Yuck! (ANIMAL NOISES) Argh! Ohh. Ohh. Marty? Melman? Gloria? Marty! Melman! Gloria! Marty! Argh! Ooh! Melman! Gloria! Ahh! Ahh! Hey, anyone?! Hello! Marty, Melman, Gloria. Gloria, Melman, Marty. Marty, Gelman, Gloria. Marty, Melman, Marty. Marty, Gelman, Regis, Kelly. Hey! Mac, Katie, Al. Whoa. Hey! Help! Whoa! Get me outta this thing, somebody. Hello! Let me outta this thing right now! Hello! Somebody! Melman! Alex? Is that you? Melman, I got ya! Whoa, whoa! Hang on, hang on. I got you. Melman! Ow. I got ya, buddy. Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow, ow! Ow, ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Wait a second. Ow. Wait right there. Alex, what are you doing? Gettin' you outta the box. Relax. Alex? (GASPS) Giraffe, corner pocket! Wait! Here goes nothing! Come on! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait! No!! No, come on, come on. Here I come! Look, look, look! It's Gloria. It's Gloria! Oh, hey, it is Gloria. Gloria! Whoaaaaaa! Aaaaarrrgh! Gloria! Ohh! Alrighty, boys, fun's over. Gloria! Alex! Whoa! Marty! Marty! ("HAWAII FIVE-O" THEME TUNE) Oh, that's right! Whoo-ooh! Whoa! I don't really have anything on me right now. I'll have to get you later. (ALL CHATTER) (MIMICS DOLPHINS) To you, too! Marty! Marty! ("CHARIOTS OF FIRE" THEME TUNE) Alex! (DISTORTED) Marty! Alex! (SLOW MOTION) Marty! Alex! Marty! Alex. Marrrrty! Oh, sugar, honey. Marty! Hold up! Whoa! I'm gonna kill you! Come here! Whoa! Calm down, calm down. Oh, look at us. We're all here together, safe and sound. Ah, here we are. Where exactly is here? San Diego. San Diego? White sandy beaches, cleverly simulated natural environment, wide open enclosures. I'm telling you, this could be the San Diego Zoo, complete with fake rocks. Wow! That looks real. San Diego?! What could be worse than San Diego? I don't know. This place is cracker-lackin'! I could hang here. I could hang here. I'm gonna kill you! Take it easy. Calm down. I could bury you, dig you up, clone you and kill your clones! Time out! Then I'm never talkin' to you again! Stop it! Look, we're just gonna find the people and have this mess straightened out. Oh, great. This is just great. San Diego! Now I'll have to compete with Shamoo and his smug little grin. I can't top that. Can't top it! I'm ruined! I'm done! I'm out of the business. It's your fault, Marty! You've ruined me. C'mon, Alex. Do you honestly think I intended all of this to happen? You want me to say I'm sorry? Is that what you want? OK, I'm... Ssh! He just shushed me. You've gotta be just a bit more - Ssh! ..understanding. Don't you shush me! D'you hear that? Don't you hear that? (DISCO BEAT) I do now! Where there's music, there's people. We go right to the head honcho! A sidewalk would be nice! What a dump! They should call it the San Di-lame-o Zoo. First they tell you, "We got this great open-plan thing, let the animals run wild." Next thing, it's flowers in your hair and everybody's huggin' everybody. It kinda grows on ya. This way, guys. Come on. Ow! Ow! (THUD!) Ow! Argh! What the...? Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Oh, no! Argh! OK, let's make a good impression on the people. Smiles, everyone. Let's get it together. Is that the best you can do? I'm not smiling. It's gas. OK, well, great. Let's make gas look good. Wow! It's not people. It's animals! California animals! Dude! This is like a puppy party. # I like to move it, move it! I like to move it, move it! You like to... (ALL) Move it! # I like to move it, move it! I like to move it, move it! # You like to... # (ALL) Move it! # I like to move it, move it! You like to move it, move it! # She like to move it, move it! He like to... Move it! # All girls all over the world # Original King Julian pon ya case, man! # I love how all the girls love to their body # And when ya move ya body, move it nice and sweet and sexy, alright! What kind of zoo is this? I just saw 26 blatant health-code violations. I'm lovin' San Diego. This place is off the scale. 27. # Woman, physically fit, physically fit # Physically, physically, physically fit! # Woman! Physically fit... We shoulda brought chips and dip. Wait. Where's Alex? What happened to him? He was right behind us. He's missin' one heck of a party. The foosa! The foosa are attacking! The foosa! (ALL SCREAM) You're so hunky. Urgh! I hate spider webs. Thanks a lot, guys. Thanks for waitin' up. Really appreciate it. Hi. We just got in from New York. We're looking for a supervisor. We're been sitting on that beach back there for hours and nobody's bothered to show up. I don't know how things are normally run, but obviously there's been some major screw-up, which is cool. If you could point us towards the administrative offices, we'll just... Well, howdy do. Whaaaaaaar! (ALL GASP / DEEP ROAR) Spider! Spider on my back! Did you see that? He scared the foosa away. Yaaaaaaaa! Get him! Get it, get it, get it! Get it! Stop it! Where'd it go? Ouch! King Julian, what are they? What are they?! They are aliens. Savage aliens from the savage future! They've come to kill us... and take our women. And our precious metals! (ALL GASP / SOBS) Get up. Do not be near the king's feet, OK? Ssh! Ssh! We're hiding. Be quiet, everyone, including me. Ssh! Who's making that noise? Oh, it's me again. Come on, Gloria. Stop it! Enough! I think she got it. Is it still on me? I hate spiders. It's OK. It's gone. They're savages. Don't let me die. The feet! I told you! Didn't I tell him about the feet? He did tell you about the feet. Wait. I have a plan. Really? I've devised a cunning test to see whether these are savage gorillas. (THUD!) No! Ooh! Hi, there. You let me handle it. Alex Anderson, Marty Does Nothing. (WHIMPERS) Hi, there! (SOBS) Oh, jeez. Oh, sorry. Ssh, ssh, ssh. No, no, stop. Ssh. It's OK. I'm just a silly... just a silly lion. (LOUD SOBS) Oh, jeez! Oh. Oh, you poor little baby. Did that big mean lion scare you? Mm-hm. He did? He's a big, bad old puddy cat, isn't he? C'mon, mama hold you. You are so cute - from a reasonable distance. The sweetest little thing. I just wanna dunk him in my coffee. They're just a bunch of pansies. Oh, no. There's still something about that one with the crazy hairdo that I find suspicious. Nonsense, Maurice. Go on, everybody, let's go and meet the pansies! (WILD CHEERING) (HORN BLOWS) Presenting Your Royal Highness, our illustrious King Julian XIII, self-proclaimed Lord of the Lemurs, etc, etc. Hurray, everybody. (WILD CHEERING) Mwah! He's got style. What is he, like, king of the guinea pigs? I think it's a squirrel. Welcome, giant pansies! Please feel free to bask in my glow! Definitely a squirrel. Yep, squirrel. We thank you, with enormous gratitude, for chasing away the foosa. The who-sa? They're annoying us by trespassing, interrupting our parties, and ripping our limbs off. Sounds good. Look, we're just trying to find out where the people are. My, what big teeth you have. Shame on you, Maurice. Can you not see you've insulted the freak? You must tell me. Who the heck are you? I'm Alex, THE Alex, and this is Gloria, Marty and Melman. Just where are you giants from? We're from New York, and we... All hail the New York giants! (ALL) New York giants! (WILD CHEERING) Is this some sort of inbreeding programme? I say we've just gotta ask these bozos where the people are. Excuse me. We bozos have the people, of course. (GASPS) Hey, the bozos have the people. Oh, well, great. Good. Phew! They're up there. Don't you love the people? Not a very lively bunch, though. Oh, wow. So, do you have any live people? Er, no. Er, only dead ones. If we had a lot of live people here, it wouldn't be called the wild, would it? The wild?! Whoa! Hold up there a second. You mean, like, the live in a mud hut, wipe yourself with a leaf-type wild? Who wipes?! (LAUGHS) Oy vey! Oy vey! Oy vey, everybody! (ALL) Oy vey! Would you excuse me for a moment? (SOBS) Get me outta here! We gotta get outta here! Alex! Help! What are you doing?! I'm swimming back to New York. I know my chances are slim, but I have to try. You can't swim! I said my chances are slim! Argh! Nature! It's all over me! Get it off! I can't see! I can't see! I can see! Argh! OK, look. There's been a little mistake. I'm sure the people didn't dump us here on purpose. As soon as they realise what happened, they'll come looking for us, right? Yeah, right. I... (CHOKES) (SINGS) You know something? I bet they're already on their way. (GASPS) . Well, boys, it's gonna be iced-cold sushi for breakfast. ("MISSION IMPOSSIBLE" THEME TUNE) Rico. "Well, since I'm doomed to die on this forsaken island, I, Melman Menkowiz, being of sound mind and unsound body, have divided my estate equally among the three of us." Ohh! Sorry, Alex. Hey! A latrine! Nice work, Melman. Outdoor plumbin'. No, it's not a latrine. It's a grave! You sent Melman to his grave! Are you happy? Aw, come on. This isn't the end. This is a whole new beginning. This could be the best thing that's ever happened to us. No, no, no. No, no. It's not the best thing that's ever happened to us. You abused the power of the birthday wish and brought bad luck. Why'd you tell us your wish? You're not supposed to do that. Wait. I didn't wanna tell you, remember? You made me tell you. OK(!) Besides, this isn't bad luck. This is good luck. Look around. There's no fences, no schedules. This place is beautiful. OK, OK, I've had enough! This is your side of the island, this is our side of the island. That is the bad side, where you can prance around like a magical pixie horse and do whatever you wanna do. This is the good side, for those who love New York and care about going home. C'mon. No, no. Back! You know what? This isn't good. OK, you have your side, I'll have mine. If you need me, I'll be over here, on the fun side, havin' a good old time. This is the fun side! The fun side, where we're gonna have a great time surviving until we go home! I love this side. It's the best. That side stinks! You're on the Jersey side of this cesspool. Now what do we do? I have a plan to get us rescued. I can't wait to see the look on Marty's face when he sees this. Ooh, just look at him. He's helpless without us. Shut up, Spalding. I've been standing here for hours, man. How long do I have to pose like this? She is... mwah! ..finito. I defy any rescue boat within a million miles to miss this baby! When the moment is right, we'll ignite the beacon of liberty and be rescued from this awful nightmare. Whaddya think? Pretty cool, huh? How's the liberty fire goin', Melman?! Great. (Idiot.) I heard that. Why can't we just borrow some of Marty's fire? That's wild fire. We're not using wild fire on Lady Liberty. Now rub, Melman. I've been doing... I can't! I can't do it. I just... I can't do it! (GASPS) Fire! Fire! Fire! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh, my... Fire! Aargh! No, no! No! Fire! No, no! Jump! Alex, jump! Don't worry. Cats always land on their... face! What kinda cat are you? You maniac! You burnt it up. Darn you! Darn you all to heck! Can we go to the fun side now? Everybody, calm down. Come on. Everybody, please, calm down. You over here and you over there. Everyone, ssh. Calm down, people. OK? Now, presenting Your Royal Highness, the illustrious blah, blah, blah, etc, etc, hooray, let's go. Now, everybody, we all have great curiosity about our guests, the New York giants. Yes, Willie? I like them. I liked them first. Before I even met them I liked them. Yes, yes. You hate them compared to how much I like them. Shut up! You're so annoying! Now, for as long as we can remember, we have been attacked and eaten by the dreaded foosa. The foosa! The foosa are attacking! Aaargh! Aaargh! It's a cook book. It's a cook book! Maurice? Maurice? Ssh! Quiet! C'mon, y'all. They're not attacking us this very instant. (ALL SIGH) So, my genius plan is this. We will make the New York giants our friends and keep them close. Then, with Mr Alex protecting us, we will be safe and never have to worry about the dreaded foosa ever again! (WILD CHEERING) I thought of that. I thought of that, yes! Hold on, everybody. Hold on. I'm just thinkin' now. I mean, does anyone wonder why the foosa was so scared of Mr Alex? I mean, maybe we should be scared too. What if Mr Alex is even worse than the foosa? (ALL GASP) I'm telling ya. That dude just gives me the heebie jeebies. Maurice, you did not raise your hand, therefore your heinous comment will be stricken from the record. Does anyone else have the heebie jeebies? No? Good! So shut up! When the New York giants wake up, we will make sure that they wake up in paradise. (LAUGHS) Now who'd like a cookie? (ALL CHEER) You know, Melman and Gloria over there are having a good time. There's room on the fun side for one more. No, thanks. Look, I've been thinking. Maybe if you gave this place a chance, I don't know, you might even enjoy yourself. Marty, I'm tired, I'm hungry. I just wanna go home. Could you just give it a chance? Think about it. It really isn't the fun side without you. (LAUGHTER) (Ssh, ssh, it's him.) Who is it? It's the pizza man. Who the heck d'you think it is? Yes? Can I help you? Can I come to the fun side? I beg your pardon? I've been kind of a jerk, Marty. But I've been thinking about what you said, and I'm sorry. (BOLTS CLUNK / CHAINS RATTLE) Welcome to Casa Del Wild! Take a load off! Hey, hey, wipe your feet. Alex. Mi casa es su casa. Very impressive. Hey, have a drink. It's on the house. This is sea water. Oh, you don't swallow it. It's just temporary until the plumbing's done. Hey, y'all look hungry! How would you like some of nature's goodness? You have food? The fun-side special comin' up. Seaweed on a stick! Seaweed? On a stick! Don't love it till you try it. (MUMBLES) It's unbelievable. It's so good. Well, thanks. It does kinda hit the spot, doesn't it? (COUGHS) Well, maybe it could use a little lemon. Euw! It's great. It's really great. Doesn't get any better than this. Oh, but it does! Check this out. Wow! Would you look at that! It's like... billions and billions of helicopters. A shooting star. Make a wish, quick. Ooh, how about a thick, juicy steak? You know what, Alex? I promise you I'm gonna find you a steak tomorrow if it kills me. Ooh, it is getting late. I guess I'm gonna... (SNORES) I think I'm gonna hit the sack too. Sweet dreams, everyone. (AMERICAN BEAUTY THEME PLAYS) (ECHOES) Alex! What are you doing? 27, 28, 29, 30. Mm, 30. 30 black and only 29 white. Looks like you're black with white stripes after all. Dilemma solved. Goodnight. (SNORES) You see, Maurice. Mr Alex was grooming his friend. He's clearly a tender, loving... thing. How can you have the heebie jeebies for Mr Alex? Look at him. He's so cute - and blushy. I don't think he was groomin' him, Julian. Looked more like he was tastin' him to me. Suit yourself. No matter. I don't care. Soon we will put my excellent plan into action. All we have to do is wait until they are deep in their sleep. How long is this going to take?! (WIND HOWLS) Well, this sucks! . Wake up, Mr Alex. Wake up, Mr Alex! Rise and shining. Waking, waking, Mr Alex! Wake up, Alex!! (GRUNTS) Do you suck your thumb? Argh! (ALL) Argh! Where are we? What the heck is going on? What is this? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't be alarmed, giant freaks. While you were asleep we simply took you to a little corner of heaven. Welcome to Madagascar. Madahoo-ha? What? No, not hoo-ha. Ascar. ("BORN FREE" THEME TUNE PLAYS) Marty, it's... It's just like my mural back at the zoo. Oh, no, fella, that's the real deal right there. Look at that. That's not a bad view. That's the thing you were always looking at, but it's there. That's like the real version... How about what's around the pond? Let's get our blood pumpin', our lungs breathin' fresh air. Who's with me? Nah, I really don't think... You're it! Hey! Wanna play around? Whoa! Hey! Got ya there! You're it! Hey, stop that! OK, Marty, I'm it. I'm it. You win. C'mon, get in the groove. I haven't eaten in two days. My blood sugar's real low. I just don't have the energy. I don't think that's your problem. First of all, that's not how you run in the wild. Let's go! Put the rubber to the road. Let out that inner lion. Now, who's the cat? I really don't - You are, that's who! C'mon! Here we go! Let's build up some steam. Who's the cat? You the cat! Who's the cat? You the cat. Whoo-oo! Who's the cat? Who's the cat? Who's the cat? Who's the cat? Who's the cat? Who's the cat? Who's the cat? I'm the cat! Surprise! (BRAKES SQUEAL) Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Ahh! Whoo! You're it! You're it. Can't shoot the cat. The cat's too quick! Hoo-ha! Hoo-ha! I feel like a mile-high pastrami on rye on the five from the deli in the sky! (SMALL ROAR) Let's go wild! Now you're talkin'! (TARZAN-LIKE NOISES) Whoo, man, I feel, ha-ha, different! Marty! Like he said, it's... Crack-a-lackin'! Ain't that right, Melman? Oh, yeah. Ah, yeah. I'm in heaven! Whoo! You see, Alex is our friend and the foosas are nowhere to be seen. It could be said my plan is working in a very good working kinda way. Alex, you gotta try some of... Pfaa! I feel good. I feel like a king again. King? Yeah. You should see his act. Come on, why don't you show him some of your act? No, I don't think I could... OK. Ladies and gentlemen, primates of all ages, the wild proudly presents the king, Alex the Lion! Play it, fellas. (BAND STARTS UP) The king is in the house! If he's the king, where's his crown? I've got a crown. I've got a very nice one, and it's here on my head. Have I got it on? (WILD CHEERING) Do the roar, man. Do the roar. (PROLONGED ROAR) (ALL GASP) Wow! I've never heard that one before. Yeah, go wild, man. Come on! Yeah. Break out the wave. Aaaarrrgh! (CONTINUES APPLAUDING) Excuse me! You're biting my butt! No, I'm not. Yes, you are. Ohh! What did you do? He bit me on the butt. I didn't! Did I? You did. You bit me on the butt. What's wrong with you? I, er... Why'd you bite me? Man, it's because you are his dinner. What? Excuse me? That's dumb. Come, come. What is a simple bite on the buttocks amongst friends? Here, give me a nibble. The party is over, Julian. Your brilliant plan has failed. What are you talkin' about? Your friend is what we call a deluxe model hunting and eating machine, and he eats steak, which is you. Get outta here. Okey-dokey, Maurice, I admit it. The plan failed. All is lost! We're all doomed. The foosas will come back and gobble us with their mouths because we are all steak. I'm steak. Me, me, me! Mr Alex cannot stay here. He belongs with his own kind on the foosa side of the island. By the power vested in me by the law of the jungle, blah, blah, blah, be gone! What, c'mon. Do I look like a steak to you? Yeah! See, I told you I don't look like... Wait. What you say? Ohh, yeah! (ROARS / ALL GASP) He going savage. Run for your lives! (ALL GASP) Marty, run! Yo! A bull's-eye. Excellent shot, Maurice. Thank you. Marty? I'm so sorry, Marty. What is wrong with me?! Ow! Oh, no. What have I done? It's true. I'm a monster. I gotta get outta here. # I see trees of green # Red roses too # I see them bloom for me and you # And I think to myself # What a wonderful world # I see skies of blue # And clouds of white # The bright blessed day # The dark sacred night # And I think to myself # What a wonderful world # The colours of the rainbow # So pretty in the sky # Are also on the faces of people going by # I see friends shakin' hands # Sayin' "How do you do?" # They're really saying "I love you" # I hear babies cryin' # I watch them grow # They'll learn much more than I'll ever know # And I think to myself # What a wonderful world # Yes, I think to myself # What a wonderful world # Oh, yeah! # What have I done? This is a nightmare, and it's all my fault. Now, because of me, we've lost Alex. W-what are we gonna do? We're gonna find a way to help him. Oh. C'mon, we are New Yorkers, right? Yeah. We're tough, we're gritty... Yeah. We're adaptable. Yeah! And we are not gonna lay down like a bunch of Melmans! No, we're not! (FOGHORN) Oh, Gloria! That wasn't me. OK? That was the boat. The boat! The boat's come back for us! We've gotta flag it down! (FOGHORN) There is it! Over here! Over here! Hey! Lift me up, lift me up! (BONES CRUNCH!) Oh, my neck! My neck! Guys, over here! Over here! You have no idea how much this hurts! Hey, boat! We're over here! Argh! Look! It's turning! It's coming back. It's coming back! Come on! Come on, baby! Whoo! You guys flag down that boat, I'll get Alex. Whoa! Hold on, man. You cannot go back there by yourself. C'mon. I know Alex. When he hears we're rescued, he'll snap out of it. The people are coming. They can help us. Melman's right. The people will know what to do. C'mon. We gotta flag down that boat. (FOGHORN) ("MISSION IMPOSSIBLE" THEME TUNE) Now this is more like it! You! Where are the people?! We killed them and ate their livers. Got ya, didn't I? Just kiddin', doll. The people are fine. They're on a slow lifeboat to China. Hey, I know you two. Where's that psychotic lion and our monochromatic friend? Marty? He's right... Huh? Where'd he go? He was right behind us. Ohh! He went back for Alex. He's gonna get himself killed! Well, boys, our monochromatic friend's in danger. We have a job to do. Captain's log. Embarking into hostile environment. Kowalski, we'll need to win the hearts and the minds of the natives. Rico, we'll need special tactical equipment. We're gonna face extreme peril. Private probably won't survive. m Ooh! Alex? Come out, Alex. The boat's here. We can go home! (THUNDERCLAP) (ALL CHANT) Alex! Alex! Alex! Alex. Marty? Snap out of it, Alex. The boat came back. We can get outta here. We can go back to civilisation, and everything will be just like it used to be. Stay back. Please. I'm a monster. Alex, you're no monster. You're my friend. We're a team, you and me, remember? (ROARS) I don't wanna hurt you. I... Alex, I ain't leavin' without you. Alex, I'm thinking of a song. It's a wonderful song. I'm sure you're familiar with it. # Start spreading the news # I'm leavin' today # We are a great big part of it... Come on, you know the words. Two little words! Please don't make me sing this by myself. You really don't wanna hear me sing this by myself. Er, Alex? Come on here for a minute. Hey, Alex, a l-l-little help. Help me!! (ECHOES) Alex!! Help me! Anybody, help me! Somebody! Get off me!! (ALL GROWL) (TARZAN-LIKE CRY / ALL GASP) Melman? That's right, baby. Ohh! Run! Huh? What's the plan? This IS the plan! This is the plan?! Foosa, halt! (ALL) Huh? (ALL) Ooh! (ALL) Foosa hot! Foosa ooh! Foosa hot! Come and get it! Foosa argh! There's too many of them, Skipper! It's been a real pleasure serving with you boys. (LOW GROWL) Alex? That's my kill! Mine. Alex hungry. Alex eat. Psst! (It's show-time.) Thanks for not giving up on me. Man, you almost gave me a heart attack. You can't just come here and sneak upon... (Ssh, Marty! Ssh!) (Ssh, ssh. We're getting outta here. Guys, just go with me on this.) Like I said, it's show-time. (GROWLS) My kill! (ROARS) They're all mine! Aarrgh! It's the king of the beast! Please leave us, Mr Lion. Fear me, savagery beyond comprehension! I'm far too young to die! A monster! And you! (ALL) Huh? Me? You want some of this? Yeah. You better run for your lives! Somebody call a cop! He's psychotic! This is my territory! Understand? I never, ever wanna see you on my turf again! (ROARS LOUDLY) Boo. (WHOOPS) Yeah! You the cat! I did it! Give me some love! The plan worked! The plan worked! I'm very clever! I'm the one, baby! Come on, time to robot! (ROBOTIC) I am a very clever king. I am super-genius. I am robot king of the monkey thing. Compute, compute. So, what's for lunch? Close those eyes! Why do I have to? Do it! They're closed. Tighter. Yes, sir. No peaking! Alright, they're closed. Rico. Hey! Open that hatch. Ahhh. Fire in the hole! Now chew! Chew like you mean it. Savour it. Mm. Mm. And? Well? Pretty good, right? There's always plan B. Mm. Mm. This is better than steak. I love it. I love it! The kitty loves the fishy. (WILD CHEERING) Well, I propose a toast. Now he may be a pain in the butt at times, trust me, I know, but this cat proved to me, without a doubt, that his heart's bigger than his stomach! To Alex! (ALL) To Alex. Enough! Stop it! What d'you think? Shall we head back to New York? I don't know. I mean, this is your dream. Sure you wanna leave? I don't care where we are. As long as we're together, it doesn't matter to me. Well, in that case. Yo, Rico! I'll take 300 orders! To go! Yes, yes. But before you leave, I have an announcement to make. So shut up everyone, please. Thank you. After much deep and profound brain things inside my head, I have decided to thank you for bringing peace to our home. And to make you feel good, I'm gonna give you this lovely parting gift. No, I couldn't. I can't take your crown. That's OK, I've got a bigger crown. It's got a gecko on it. Look at them shake! Go, people, go! Bye, little fuzz buckets! Thanks for everything! OK, bye-bye now. Bye-bye! See you later, crocodile. Maurice, my arm has died. Wave it for me. Faster, you naught little monkey. By the time we get to New York, it'll be winter. I was just thinking, why rush? Maybe we could make a few stops along the way? Maybe Paris? Whoo, you just read my mind! I was thinking Spain. What about Fiji? Ooh, Canada, can't we? Cheap meds. I wouldn't even mind coming back here for a visit sometime. I can do that. You can say that again. Skipper, don't you think we should tell them that the boat's out of gas? Nah, just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave. # I like to move it, move it! I like to move it, move it! # I like to move it, move it! Ya like to... Move it! # I like to move it, move it! I like to move it, move it! # I like to move it, move it! Ya like to... Move it! # I like to move it, move it! I like to move it, move it! # I like to move it, move it! Ya like to... Move it! # I like to move it, move it! I like to move it, move it! # I like to move it, move it! Ya like to... Move it! # All girls all over the world # Original King Julian pon ya case, man! # I love how all the girls. I love to move their body # When ya move ya body you move it nice and sweet and sassy, alright # Woman, ya cute and you don't need no make-up # Original cute body make-up mud up! Ya cute, you don't need no make-up! # Original cute body you a mek man mud up! Woman! # Physically fit, physically fit # Physically, physically, physically fit! Woman! # Physically fit, physically fit, physically, physically fit! # Ya nice sweet, fantastic # Big ship pon de ocean that a big Titanic woman! # Ya nice, sweet, energetic # Big ship pon de ocean that a big Titanic! # Ya nice, sweet, fantastic # Big ship pon de ocean that a big Titanic! # Ya nice, sweet, fantastic # Big ship pon de ocean that a big Titanic, woman! # I like to move it, move it! I like to move it, move it! # I like to move it, move it! You like to... Move it! # I like to move it, move it! I like to move it, move it! # I like to move it, move it! You like to... Move it! # IMS Subtitles www.able.co.nz Able 2016 # Woman, ya cute and you don't need no make-up! # Original cute body make-up mud up! Ya cute, you don't need no make-up! # Original cute body make-up mud up! # Eyeliner pon ya face and make-up mud up. Nose powder pon ya face and make-up mud up! # Pluck Ya Eyebrow pon ya pon ya. Face a make-up man mud up gal ya. Lipstick pon ya face make-up mud up! # Woman ya nice broad face and ya nice hip make man flip and bust them lip! # Woman ya nice and energetic big ship pon de ocean that a big Titanic woman! # Ya nice broad face and ya nice hip make man flip and bust them lip! # Woman ya nice and energetic big ship pon de ocean that a big Titanic! # WOAH! BOP! # WOAH! BOP! # WOAH! BOP! # WOAH! BOP! # Move it! # I like to move it move it He like to move it move it! # She like to move it move it you like to! # Move It! # I like to move it move it he like to move it move it! # She like to move it move it. We like to they like to move it move it! # You like to move it move it! # Three, two, one! # Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air.