# "Grace Kelly" - Mika # Do I attract you? Do I repulse you with my queasy smile. # Am I too dirty? Am I too flirty? Do I like what you like? # Why don't you like me? Why don't you like me without making me try? # I tried to be like Grace Kelly # Mmmmm # But all her looks were too sad # Ahhh ahhh # So I tried a little Freddie # Mmm # I've gone identity mad! # I could be brown I could be blue # Gotta be everything more # Why don't you like me? Why don't you like me? # Why don't you walk out the door? # Here you go, sweetie. Oh, thanks. I tried banana nut sprout this morning. Thought somebody deserves something special for his birthday! Yeah. It's good. OK, so I made reservations tonight at Babbo at 8:30. I thought maybe we could talk about, you know, setting a date? Did you just make a plan to make a plan? Did I just do that again? Yeah, you did. Sorry. It's alright. Alright, I'll see you later, OK? Hey, hey, hey! Love you. Oh, love you, too. Bye. Bye. Happy birthday! You, too! Hello, sir. Would you like to buy some cookies? I would. I really would. I just... Erm... Unfortunately, I don't have any money. I don't have any cookies. Jack? I need a key. Wow. Wow! That... A key? What? No! I want a key. So I don't have to wait outside when I'm in these little slutty outfits. I don't wanna live with you. No offence. And you know I mean this in the nicest possible way, but you're not exactly serious boyfriend, marriage material. And I pride myself on that. I gotta go. See you next week. We're doing mother-of-baby-saved-from-the-fire and the sexy shirtless fireman? # I could be brown, I could be blue I could be violet sky # I could be hurtful I could be purple # I could be anything you like # Gotta be green, gotta be mean Gotta be everything more # Why don't you like me? Why don't you like me? # Why don't you walk out the door? # I could be brown, I could be blue I could be everything more # Why don't you like me? Why don't you like me? # Walk out the door McNally. Chong. (BELL RINGS / ALL SHOUT) (ALL CHEER) Whoo! (LAUGHS) Not now. Hey! Hey! Hey, hey! Here we go! Yeah! That's looking good! That's good form! (DRILL WHIRRS) Let's keep that up, huh? That's a beautiful veneer. Just throw that on the edge there. Alright! Hey, Jack? Do you know what time it is? I can't hear you over the saw! I don't wanna lose focus. That's how people lose fingers, huh? You're fired. Alright. We are fired up, boys! You are fired! I'll play you for it. You win, I'm out. I win. I get a second chance. It's not a second chance when you've had a hundred of 'em. Oh! Nine-seven! Keeping my job! Yeah! OK. Alright. I'll give you one. You know, you're supposed to be the future boss, but you're too busy being the life of the party. At some point, you're gonna have to step up and be a man. Eight-nine! Unemployment! OK, man. You wanna play? Nine-nine! Food stamps! Tastes so good. Oh! That's not even a shot. The boss got game! The boss got game! Ten-nine. This is it, Jack. You know what? This is ridiculous. That's your problem. You can't handle the pressure. As soon as you think you're gonna lose, you quit. Game over, Jack. Don't get me wrong, you're like a son to me. Dad, I am your son. Yeah, and it's time to cut the cord. Let's go clean out your desk. Mason has no idea, not an idea at all. That you're pathetic, or... What, do you think I went overboard? No. I think it's the exact right amount of board. Which is what I am right now. Can we start drinking? Of course. OK, lookit! These are for Mason. What's that? Vegas? I thought you hated Vegas. I do, but that's why they call it a gift tip, because it truly is selfless. Oh! Thanks. OK, everyone listen! I'm gonna bring him in, turn on the lights and that's when you yell, "Surprise!" That's how it works! I'm gonna write that down. OK. Everyone, hide! Hide, hide, hide! Ssh! (LIFT PINGS) Hi, sweetie! Hey! Welcome home. Happy birthday. OK, come inside - Er, listen, Joy. We need to talk. Well, let's do it inside. OK? No, I can't, or I'll never do this. There's no easy way to say this. OK, then don't. Just think it, and then later, I'll try to figure out what it was you were thinking. No, no, no! This can't wait, Joy. Er... You know I have a really important job. So when I come home, I want this place to be an escape. And as of late, it's not. Yes, the sex is great. OK? I mean, that's fantastic. And I appreciate all the things you've been trying with my butt. But the rest is so exhausting! You're so on all the time, with all the scheduling and planning! I don't want to marry you, Joy. I'm leaving you. Well, this is my place, so technically, you'd be leaving. Are you crying? Surprise. Oh... Shitballs! Hey! Hey. Here... Do you have any idea how much money I've made him? You're my lawyer. Can I sue him for something? Well, the problem with suing your father is that he's your dad. He'd love it. He'd think we were bonding. Maybe he would be! Take him to court. Might be nice. What am I gonna do about money? You just realised that? Fascinating. I could do a lot of things for money. I'm good at stuff. I'll bet you $5 I can finish this beer faster than you. Really? You're on. He doesn't even deserve me. Here's my thought on what we should do. OK. Once a week, we get some of my brother's loser-ass friends to go over to Mason's house, ring his bell, and when he answers, they're just gonna, bang, junk-punch him right up in his man business! While he's writhing on the ground screaming, "Why?" they'll go, "You know why!" Wow! D'you just think of that? I thought about it a lot on the way over. You're a child! What is that? What is that? Double or nothing. You're gonna need to take off this ring. No, I'm just... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna wear it on the other hand. You're on fire. Man, you are on fire. I mean, you're lucky. I don't feel good. We need to capitalize on this. You know what'll make you feel better? What? Where's the one place where you can step up and be a man? Community college? Where can you go where you can forget all your troubles and act like a total idiot? I'm talking about one place and one place only, my friend. Do not say Vegas. Please say Vegas. Vegas, baby. Vegas? Las Vegas? What? Swish it around in your mouth a little bit. Vegas! Vegas. Carefree. Say it like you mean it. Spontaneous. I can't hear you! Vegas! Vegas? Vegas! Vegas! Vegas! Vegas! (ALL) Vegas! Hello, Las Vegas! (BOTH) Whoo! Wow. Vegas. Everyone, I'm so sorry, but our computers are down right now, so just bear with us, please. I'm sorry. I know. OK, your fiance is one lucky guy. I love Vegas! Time to get a big-boy drink. I'll have a, er... vodka and a Scotch. Oh-ho! This is where I'm passing out! Pants, you're out of here. (BOTH SCREAM) (ALL SCREAM) Anybody ever tell you you scream like a girl? My eyes! It burns! It burns! (SCREAMING) Ow! My head! My head and my eyes! My back! (SCREAMING) My nose! My nose! (SCREAMING) Whoa! Whoa! Take it easy! (SHRIEKS) It's OK! It's OK! They're gay! What? They're gay! (MEN PANT) This... No, no, no, this is not what it looks like. We all got booked in the same room. Let's just go downstairs. I smell an upgrade! You guys aren't gay? No. (GIRLS SHRIEK) (SCREAMS) I got this. Nuh! Just let me handle it, OK? Curtis! You and I have a problem. We know how this works. I complain, you say there's nothing you can do, but we both know that's a big, fat lie. So save us both the trouble and type in those special codes that you know you're gonna type in and find me two rooms that are so nice... that it turns my night right back around? She's awfully hostile for a girl named Joy. I'm gonna do exactly what you're telling me to do because... I'm a little frightened of you! Penthouse suites. Can't get higher without going on the roof. And you're not allowed on the roof. Because people... jump. Penthouse suites. Nice! No! Yeah. That's not bad. Well, you're welcome. Now watch and learn. Hey, buddy. Oh, hi. How are you? I think you just met my friend Oh. Kind of a scary person. Oh, Egyptian cotton. That's nice. For three weeks out of the month, we get God's most precious creation, and on week four, the bill arrives. I know what you mean! Look, I don't want to push here, but a man in your position is capable of producing certain amenities. (PHONE RINGS) Planet Hollywood. Yeah. Oh! VIP! # Oh, baby girl, in those ravy pants # Come on over here And take a second chance # Take a second chance on me... Hey. So, you're from New York, we're from New York... We're going to Le Cirque, please! Come on. Look, I didn't bring my buddy all the way out to Vegas to get his ass kicked. The least you could do is show him a good time. Your buddy wouldn't know a good time if it sat on his face. OK, you know what, Stripper? You are kind of a disgusting skank. Driver, we'll get out here! Thank you! OK, bye! Thank you. Use a condom, boys. Just go! Come on! One drink. I'm a pretty fun guy. Ask around. Thanks, but we have dinner reservations. And we have to map out our assault on the strip. What, you have a plan to make plans? Excuse me? I bet you look really good with your hair down. My hair is down. One drink! I dare you! Did I invent hip-hop? No. But I was there. Thank you. You're welcome. So, Joy... Yeah? What brings you to Sin City? You know, just being spontaneous, cutting loose, like everyone else. How about yourself? Me? Oh, I'm here on business. Big business, actually. I'm, er... I'm a pretty important guy.... (STIFLES LAUGH) ..in my field. Really? No. Actually,... ..I just got fired. So... cheers to that. I just got dumped. So... salut. Did I mention that I got fired by my boss-slash-father? Did I mention that I threw a surprise party for my fiance and he dumped me in front of our closest friends while they hid in the closet? Wow. OK, you win. Excuse me. We're gonna need a whole bottle. I saved a baby today. I'm not a hero, though. He's married. This is my lesbian sister. Tell her about your softball game. Tell her about your softball team. What do you say we bet 10-to-1, with $125 on the hard eight? Alright. Roll them out. No, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't... I wouldn't bet on me winning. You roll, princess. Alright. Go, 44! (ALL CHEER) This is my party trick. What are you gonna do? Are you gonna cut...? (DANCE MUSIC) You know, you were right about me. You just cut it off! You're trying to come in first but it's somebody else's race. Whoo! It's like Egypt! It's amazing! You never felt good enough, so you took yourself out of the game. To everyone who's ever been dumped! (CHEERING) To everyone who has ever been fired! (ALL) Yeah! When I say, "Screw!" you say, "You!" Screw! (ALL) You! Screw! You! Yes! (DANCE MUSIC THROUGHOUT) I think I just got to the point where I wasn't even trying. Why should you try? I work 80 hours a week and I don't even know why. I've been so naughty! Out of my way! Out of my way! I'm not usually this honest. I'm usually not this fun. Whoooo! (ALL GASP / MUSIC STOPS) Whoooo! (MUSIC PLAYS) (LAUGHS) Agh! The best part is we can really talk. Really connect. Cos you're, like, the last person on the planet I'd ever sleep with! Ever! Ever! Ever! Ever! # "Freek U" - Bon Garcon This is gonna be fun! Ariba! (DOOR OPENS) (GASPS) Oh, God. Please be fake! Please be fake! (GASPS) (SCREAMS) No, no, please, please, please! Oh, please, please, no! You can't get divorced here. You have to do it where you live. Besides, you don't want a divorce. You want an annulment. See, what happens in Vegas, you pay for when you get back home. At any point, maybe say where I was about to marry the rebound guy, did you think, "This is a really good time for an intervention"? Seriously? Yeah. I, like, threw up in my own purse, so... Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hi! (GUYS) Good morning. Good morning. Morning, morning, morning. I could use... some coffee! Yeah. Oh, God, yeah! Well, what's mine is yours. (BOTH LAUGH NERVOUSLY) Here... Mi coffee es su coffee. (ALL LAUGH) This is good orange juice. Yeah. It's very good. It's ridiculously good. I don't usually like pulp. You a fan? Not really. Jack? Mm. Yes. Can I talk to you for a second? Yep. Yes. Yep. Talk. Sure. Ah, they're so cute together! If I could make someone dead with my mind, it would be you. (MACHINE PINGS) Yo. Hey. (SIGHS) So... Great night, huh? Yeah! I mean, you are... You're a lot of fun, Joy. I am? Yeah! A lot of fun. That... I mean, last night was so... great. Actually, you know, there was like... Maybe there was a tiny little thing. I think I know what you mean. (BOTH LAUGH) (STAMMERS) OK, there's no easy way to say this, so I'm just gonna - Whoa, whoa. Wait. Are... Are you dumping me? You didn't... I was coming down here to dump you! Oh! Jeez! OK, so we're good! Yeah! OK, disaster averted! You said it! Bullet dodged! You betcha! I mean, pooch unscrewed! Free at last! God Almighty, I'm free at last - OK. I got it, OK? Got it. OK. I'm sorry. You just seem like you're looking for a serious relationship, and I'm... I mean, like, no offence, but you seem like a lot of work. Like it would take, like, a team of guys, and I'm not... Marriages are an outdated concept. Are you dumping me again? I'm in a really weird place right now - Where's, the starting line? Because I have news for you, buddy. The gun went off a long time ago. OK! Look at that! Good luck with the job, huh? "Employee handles criticism poorly!" Well, then maybe you should teach a seminar, Jack, considering you can't keep a job with your own father! The one person who's biologically programmed to love you, and even he can't stand you! You had to come all the way to Vegas and marry a complete stranger just to prove that you're not a robot. Congratulations, Joy! That was a feeling! I have a feeling, alright! It's called nausea! (ROBOTICALLY) "I have a feeling. It's called nausea!" How old are you, five? Six, actually. I'm six. This is why we'd never work. I could never, ever be with someone that's so completely broken! Broken? Broken! You don't even know me, mister! No, I don't, and I got a feeling that neither do you. I'll call you about the annulment. How about this? Why don't you just e-mail me?! Hey. Hey, hey, hey! We'll always have Vegas! Hey! That's my quarter! (MACHINE BEEPS) (DINGS) (ALARM WAILS) # We are the champions What the...? # My friends (BOYS LAUGH JUBILANTLY) # And we'll keep on fighting # Till the end I'm really, really rich! # We are the champions That was my quarter! # We are the champions # No time for losers Richest man in the world! # Cos we are the champions A big giant cheque! I'm so happy! I'm really happy! That was my quarter! Congratulations! You just quadrupled your investment. What, you think this is all yours? Yes, it's mine. I put the quarter in the machine and I pulled the lever. My quarter, on the machine that I was using, the one I loosened up for you! That's right! Now if you'll excuse me, I have a giant colourful cheque to deposit! Whatever happened to "What's mine is yours, baby"? We're married now. Remember? More importantly, Your Honour, my client only knew Miss McNally for four hours before they "got married", three and a half of which were spent in a state of total inebriation. Mmm-hmm. You. Er... Other one. You have any evidence that you both knowingly entered into this marriage and it's not just a sham? Let me see. Erm... Would a note do? It's a start. And then there's... a photo. Nice! There's also... ..a video. "And I am gonna provide for her, I'm gonna love her..." "And I'm gonna provide for her, cos we're married!" "Married!" "(BOTH CHEER)" We're all gonna get laid! Was that you, Cue Ball? His lawyer? I didn't, er... I don't have my glasses on. I don't like you. I don't like any of you. Your generation, with your Vegas and your Internet and your "I want it right now." Gay people aren't destroying the sanctity of marriage, you are. Marriage is about love and commitment. I've been married for 25 years to the same wonderful, infuriating woman, and granted, there are days when I wanna light her on fire, but I don't, because I love her, and that would be illegal. And I might be old-fashioned, but when I said those vows out loud, I meant them. This guy is such a douche. Before, or should I say if, I ever allow either of you outta this marriage, I'm going to make sure that you try everything, and I mean everything, to make it work. You can't do that! Watch me. Now, do either one of you have a place to live? I don't at the moment, Your Honour, but I will. You see, I... My ex-fiance and I broke up, and... You know, Mrs Fuller, you're not helping make your case here, OK? What about you, pretty boy? You got a crash pad? Yes. OK, great! We have a hearth! I am freezing the $3 million for the next six months and sentencing you two to six months' hard marriage. And to keep an eye on you, I'm ordering you both into weekly marital counselling. I want you two to listen to me. You better play by my rules or I'm gonna tie this money up in litigation that is so long, so protracted, so expensive that neither one of you will ever see a dime of it. Alright. Anything... Oh, yeah! One more thing. I now pronounce you man and wife! Can he do that? He's the judge. He can do whatever he wants. He wants to make an example. If you do what the guy says, he'll be forced to grant you a divorce. In which case... You would... ..split... ..the money... ...equally as marital property. You didn't do anything in there! What? I called her a vixen! I called her a vixen! So? So. I can do anything for six months. I can not wear pants... So if you aren't up to it... Oh, I'm so up to it. If you're insinuating that I can't do this, then you are sorely mistaken, short bus. Whoa! OK! So it's settled, then. Think of it as business. Be married for six months, get $1.5 million. How hard can it be? I know how hard it isn't. Oh! Ha. Excuse me. Out of my way. Thank you. Oh Jeez, we're here. Great. Smile for the camera. Hi, hubby, it's me! Open up! Hiya! "It's all the way at the top." She's here. OK, don't overdo it, though. Hi! Look what I brought my new hubby! Cos I wanna please him, and men, they like the beer. Hey, look who's being a good wifey, trying to make her marriage work. Muffin pants, what a wonderful gift. I'm gonna buy you a big box of Tampax just so I can thank you, cos that's what good husbands do. Mmmm! Aaaaaah! (GIGGLES) I can't control myself when I'm around you, I just love you so much! Not as much as I love you! (YELPS) Oh! Shall we, Mrs Fuller? Oh, here. Let me, er, get this. Wait a sec. Er... Oh. (OBJECT CLATTERS) Slippery. Slippery. What? (YELPS) Oops. Sorry, baby, just you're a little on the heavy side. Welcome home, sweetheart. You literally have a bar in the middle of your living room. It's not so bad. I mean, I would never live here, ever, but... I ran the New York City Marathon, OK? I can do this. I can totally do this. (GASPS) My God! I can't do this! Don't throw any of that hair away. I'm saving it to make you something special. Like a hat. Or a sweater. I still haven't decided yet. Do you train monkeys in here? If you like a guy, you put up with disgusting stuff like this, but you I don't care for, so clean it up. I'm not here under court order, so I'm gonna take off. Later, buddy. Bye. $1.5 million. Here. These are antibacterial. Get to work. That looks like it'll be comfortable for you. Where's the bedroom? Uh... It's in there. Sweet dreams. Yeah. What is this? (CREAKING) Agh! Ooh. That was close. Ugh. That stinks. Just a little bit of me. Oh, God! And some other people. Whatever. Do you, er, need some help? Yeah, I do, as a matter of fact. You should probably call somebody. What? To help you. OK, can I sleep on the couch? No. (WHIRRING) Smoothies! (KNOCKS ON DOOR) Hon? Yeah. If I could just get in there for a sec. I'm almost done. I'll be right out. That's not really gonna work. Like, be right out right now. I'm almost done! (SIGHS) (CLATTERING) (TOILET FLUSHES) Mmm! Freak. Where'd you get your underwear? The hospital? What? Seriously, what's up with the PE bra? Well, it's comfy and supportive, like a man should be. Women. In the beginning it's all laces and rainbows and trapdoors. As soon as you get married, it's all flesh tones and PMS pants. You might as well wear a placard saying, "We're not having sex, ever." Ever! Ever. Ever. What happened to the purple bra from Vegas? That was nice. I'm going to save that for my non-retarded husband. Well, the grownups have to go to work today. What are you going to do all day? I don't know yet. I'd rather do nothing and be happy than do something I don't love. Words to live by, Yanni. Beat it, worker drone. Tell the man I say hi. Whatever, loser. Hey, don't get hit by a bus. Or do. Whatever. # I believe in miracles # Where you from # You sexy thing? # Sexy thing you # I believe in miracles (ALL SHOUT) # Since you came along # You sexy thing (GRUNTS) (PHONE RINGS) McNally. "What're you wearing, baby?" Who is this? "Your boss." Get the Chonger and get up here right away. Coming right up! Banger needs to see us upstairs. After 15 years of loyal service, we're dumping Bob whatshisname, which means that this office is gonna be up for grabs. I'm gonna promote one of you skirts outta the pit. And that's not sexual harassment. Believe me, I've checked. You're my top guns, girls. Do me proud. Thank you, sir. So! I guess I'll be Maverick and you can be Goose. Be whoever you want, you'll still be my subordinate. Excuse me? It's from the Latin, meaning "my bitch." What is wrong with you? I eat girls like you. Oh, you eat girls! Not like that. Makes total sense. It shouldn't. No judgments. But I'm not... Just saying. Ready to do this? Pretend like you don't make me vomit in my nose every time I look at you? Yes. So, Jack, tell me about yourself. What are your hobbies? Hobbies... Y-You mean, besides my marriage? Erm... My hobbies. Mostly, I just like loving her. It's just so easy. Er... What else? Listening. I love listening to what she has to say. It's just... In fact, actually, I carry this notebook around with me just so I can write it down, because usually it's so important. What else? I think just being there for her, in general. Er... Loving her until it hurts. It hurts! Er... That's... I don't know, that's probably most of my interests. Joy? I'd have to agree! And I'd have to add, you know, staring at him. Mmm! Yeah. I mean, I just... love watching him be. I love everything about him. Most people would be repulsed, you know, to find his socks and his dirty underwear sort of down shoved in the bottom of the bed, touching them in the middle of the night. They might wanna try to, like, scrub and try to get the stains and the scent off of them, but... Not me! I mean, I just... I love it! I kinda wanna just roll around in it! Her candles smell awesome! You know, I do have a few degrees, and I went to a bunch of really expensive schools. Anyway, I'm not buying any of the bullshit you two are selling today. Now, if you want me to report back that you're working on the marriage, you're gonna actually have to do that. # And love # Such a silly game we play, oh! # Like a summer's day in May What is love, what is love? # I just want it to be love # Oh! Oh! Oh! # And I, I, I, I, I # I can feel it in your kiss # It just gives me tender bliss # What is love, what is love? # I just want it to be love # Yes, that is the topping I wanted on my popcorn. I know the box said "movie theatre butter", but what I really wanted was Jack's Sweaty Ball Sack flavour. Thanks. # Uh, uh, uh, love # Who can tell me I am lost? What is love, what is love? I'm just giving you what you wanted, baby. Pay attention. See how it goes up and down. OK? It goes up, and then it goes down. Like that. See that? Isn't that magical? Amazing. Watch one more time. It goes up, right? And then it goes down. Comprende? (SPLASH) (SQUEALS) (WAILS) No, no, no, no! I really, really need to get in there! Why don't you just use your special bathroom? There's no heavy side! You got the window! That's the light side. Where's the bathroom door? We got robbed. And all they took was the door. $1.5 million... Men and women are not meant to co-exist. And I haven't had sex in forever. I mean, forever! And I need to have sex, cos I'm good at it! That's a self-esteem booster for me. I don't know if I can do this, man. Oh, really? Cos I haven't been sensing that at all. That's why I did a little research, looked through some case law, some precedent to help us get around the ruling. I think I found one. Lafferty v. Holden. You know, Tip, I don't know if I can do this. Then, we go to plan B. Mother's third marriage was to a 20-year-old, club-footed, Cuban bartender who came into a ton of money. The court said that if they wanted the money, they had to stay married and prove they could make it work. Mother wasn't going to see a cent, but she proved he'd been unfaithful, and the judge ruled in her favour. And gave her all the money. The judge said you had to prove that you were trying to make it work. But if we can make it seem like she isn't... I don't know why I didn't think of it before! Cos you're a bad lawyer. There should be a law against how bad a lawyer I am. But then again, I wouldn't know about it! If I can get Jack to end the marriage by either leaving me or... cheating on me... Not only would you get out of the marriage... You will also get the full $3 million. Oh, my God! I love you! I wanna kiss you. You wanna kiss me? On your big, beautiful, prematurely balding man dome. Alright! OK. Game on, sister! Game on! Game on. Game on. Destroy it. Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus! # "I Want A New Drug" - Greenskeepers There are some refinery problems in the South, so let's keep our eye on crude oil. Oh, that's too bad! I heard a rumour that the platinum futures are very active today. Yes! Yeah! (LAUGHS) Whoo! I mean, really, let's do this mother! Right, guys? I mean, let's buy shit! Let's buy shit! Do you see that? Do you see that, people? That's exactly the kind of spirit I'm talking about! You go, girl! Yes! Whoo-hoo! Oh, my God, seriously, you guys! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! What are we doing? What's happening? What's happening? Oh, my God. Sonofabitch. Sonofabitch! (KNOCK AT DOOR) (BOTH) Hi. We got locked out of our apartment. Would you mind if we just waited until the locksmith comes? He said it would only be a few hours. A few... Sure! (BOTH) Thank you! Great! Also, we were supposed to have some friends over tonight. Do you mind if they waited in here, too? Er... I'll jump on that grenade, too, I suppose! Thank you. Yeah. Thank you so much. No, thank you. Thank you. Welcome to my humble abode. Er... (KNOCK AT DOOR) Those are probably my friends. Hi. Hi. We're the friends. Oh! You look like the friends. You do. Hi. (PHONE) Hey. There is a hot girl party going on in my living room. What are you talking about? I'm talking about the fact that there are a buttload of beautiful women... God, there's a pillow fight about to break out. "Oh, my God." Dude, it's a trap. No, it's not! No! This happens! No! It doesn't happen! Get out of the house right now! She must've figured out what we did. Just because Joy sets a trap doesn't mean we can't play at the same game. Call Bear! Call every guy we know. Get some boring stockbrokers, the kind you and me would beat up. She has no idea what she's gotten herself into! (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS) You OK? In here, guys. Yo, Jack, what up? (MAN) Hey there, ladies. This chick's the reason we're not spending our money right now! This chick is the reason I'm not having a six-way right now! Hey. Hey. Look, this isn't working. I think we need to call in some sluts. Sluts? I know sluts. Make the call. Which one of these ugly losers is ruining your life? That one. The pink parade over there. That's your wife? Oh, my God, she is so effing hot! What is wrong with you? (PANTS) Pick a team. Pick a team. Pick a team! Right now! Pick a team. Hers. Hers! Hers! Listen up, girls. Do whatever you need to do to get into his pants. Ignore her. Look at every girl in here except for her. It'll drive her crazy. Get him drunk. It'll slip right out. (ALL) Go! (HIP-HOP MUSIC) Hi. (LAUGHS) Oh, I get it. I get what you guys are doing. OK. Whoa! Thank you. Sorry. Excuse me. Oh, God! If you need, er, anybody to, er, talk to, just let me know. Thanks. Get outta here. Get outta here. Get outta here, both of you! I'll give her the money! No, no, no, no, no. (BANGING AT DOOR) I'm here about a noise complaint. (MUSIC STOPS) Someone called to complain that you're not making enough noise! (CHEERING / MUSIC) This is the best party ever! Greatest party ever! I'm arrested! You guys, I'm arrested! Oh. Oh. Hey. Sorry. I was just trying to find some quiet from the craziness. Y-Yeah. I'm... Beer? Sure. Do you really think that I'm dumb enough to cheat on you? I think it's only a matter of time. Yeah, I think you're more than dumb enough. Thank you for the vote of confidence. I appreciate that. This must be so hard for you. What? Being in a relationship. OK. I've been in relationships before, alright? Oh, come on, Jack! I know you. Don't forget, I have been living with you. You're not exactly serious boyfriend/husband material, OK? Well, this must be hard for you, too. Really? Being married to me when you're so clearly in love with your ex. I'm not in love with him. Then, why are you still wearing the ring? Because my current husband bought me one out of a vending machine. All I know is, if I get dumped on my ass, I'm not wearing the ring unless I'm still in love with them. I'm not in love with him, OK? I'm happy I'm not with him any more. I spent the last four years being somebody else's idea of perfect, and you know what, I still don't feel good enough for him. OK, that's not what I meant, OK? I just... Hey! Don't worry! Your secret's safe with me. Oh, you're such an ass. It's irrelevant now, because I don't care if I ever see him again! Wow. Thank you, baby. That makes me feel so, so, special - It has nothing to do with you! By the way, don't worry about me, because I'm a married man. We don't need to have sex. And another thing... I am not screwing this thing up! Neither am I, cos I am in it for the long haul, Jack. Till death do us part. Not unless I kill you first. She's always there! He doesn't do anything all day! Left, right, up, down! It's like he's not even a grownup! I don't have an ounce of space! He does nothing all day long! She's trying to get me to cheat! He's trying to drive me crazy! We had a party, and everywhere I look... He peed in the sink! What kind of animal pees in a sink? ..it's hot tit and ass everywhere! (BOTH) It's like he/she doesn't even want this marriage to work! All right. You're arguing. Now that felt like a real married couple. You're making progress. (SIGHS) What am I doing here? We could kidnap her until after the hearing. She could stay at my place. Oh, my God, I got it! Make it look like she gave you some disease! I can have a vial of crabs here in 30 minutes. First, we give 'em to you, and then, get somebody to give them to her so it looks like she gave 'em to you. You really hadn't thought that one through, had you? I'll give her the crabs. Easily. No more ideas from you. Oh, I've got it! It's perfect! This is great! Like that! What are you doing? What? No, no, no, no, no. Relax, relax. Relax! Stay with me on this one. Huh? Goddamn it! No, you don't get it! Dude, you don't get it! (KNOCK AT DOOR) Jack, what happened to your face? I fell. You fell? Yeah. I-I hit my head on a doorknob. A few times. I fall a lot these days. I'm just... I'm so clumsy! Jack, are you sure that's what happened to you? Sure someone else didn't do this to you? I deserve it. I'm suppose... I'm supposed to line up the hand towels just so, and I didn't, I didn't do it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Then she said, "You put that toilet seat down, or I will put you down!" And I forgot! And sh-she said, "I-I'll show you how to put it down, "I'll stick your head in there and I will make it stay!" Oh, God! "..make it look real, but don't... Agh! God!" "Gotta make it look real so it seems like she was beating you!" "Not that real! Agh!" "That sucker's gonna show, dude!" "Hey! Come on!" Can we get back to therapy now? Yes. Yes, we can. (PHONE RINGS) "You've reached the happy couple." "We can't come to the phone because we're busy loving each other!" "And making our marriage work." (BOTH) "Leave a message!" "Hi. This is Annette calling from Dr Twitchell's office." Hello. "Yes, Mrs Fuller?" Yes. "The doctor needed to cancel today's session. Could you do Friday?" Do you have anything after 3pm? The doctor can do 4:00. Oh! Perfect. That works for me. Great. "See you then. Thanks so much." She totally bought it. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful. You owe me. Oh! # You come on with a come on You don't fight fair # That's OK, see if I care # Blah, blah, blah Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah # Hit me with your best shot Fire away (DOOR SLAMS) Hello? Jack? Taxi! > Come on, man! Hey! > Hey, hey, hey! Wait a minute. Oh, come on! Hmm! Twitchell... Twitchell... "Dr Twitchell speaking." Yes, hi. This is Joy Fuller. "Mrs Fuller." Yes. I got a phone call from Annette saying our session was cancelled. I just wanted to double-check. "Your session is still on. And any absence is considered contempt of court." It is? Asshole! Trying to get me to miss therapy! 75th and Riverside, and step on it! OK. (PHONE RINGS) What? "Hey!" Good luck paying for that cab without your wallet. Ohhhhh... Only five dollars? You stole my wallet? Whoa! Lost your wallet, huh? Get out. What do you want? We can work something out. Show me your breasts. What? You'd be surprised how often it happens. OK, one breast. That's all you get. Alright. (CAR PULLS AWAY) Nothing like a nice boob. What is your problem? What? I like breasts. Sue me. Is there a way around this? Does it look like there's a way around this? (LAUGHS) # "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" - Jet # So 1, 2, 3 Take my hand and come with me # Because you look so fine That I really wanna make you mine How many for 10 of these? 10 for $2. OK. Here, take five. OK. # Now you don't need that money when you look like that, do ya honey? (SHRIEKS) Ow! (CAR ALARM BEEPS) There's Brooklyn. Very exciting. Everyone, back on the bus! What a day, huh? Agh! Is this seat taken? Pardon. Excuse me. Whoops! Sorry. You are so immature! Please, woman! Go away! Oh, no! You're hurting me! And here we are, Central Park. Yes, isn't it beautiful? Half an hour, people. That's 30 minutes for those on the metric system. I'll take that! You mind? # Well, I could see # You home with me # But you were with another man Yeah! # I know we ain't got # Much to say Idiot! # Before I let you get away, yeah! # I said are you gonna be my girl? # All right, so, this is Tim. 34-year-old male. RTC. Multi-vehicle... VOICES OVERLAP I think about the car crash a lot. I know he caused it and I reacted the best way possible. But it's hard to let it go. SOMBRE MUSIC When I asked what had happened to him, the doctors said he really wore the impact ` any more and things would've been much worse. They said he was lucky ` lucky I wasn't going any faster. Thank you. SOMBRE MUSIC CONTINUES It's OK. MUSIC CONTINUES ..you're wrong! You're remembering your first date with somebody else! No! It was not our first date! You are demented! It was not! It was! Your memory - Mine? You can't remember the date! Yes, it's your memory... Hi, honey! Welcome home! Mom, Dad... What are you doing here? I got a message from your parents, and I thought I'd surprise you and invite them over for dinner. You know that I've never been invited over here? No! Really? Why didn't you tell us you got married? I know you're mad at me, but you get married and you don't tell us? That is very, very hurtful. Especially - Dad, I - Especially when it's a catch like Joy here. What? We're so proud of you, Jack! We didn't think you'd ever settle down. You couldn't have done better! Oh! We are very proud of you, son. Love biscuit? Yes, tinkle monkey? Can I speak to you for one second? Of course! He probably wants to give me big a smooch. We haven't seen each other all day! My God! How weird is it gonna be in court when your parents are character witnesses for me? Obviously, you haven't told them everything. I was waiting for you to. What if we didn't? What would it take for you to just keep this our little secret? I want the bathroom door back. And I want the toilet seat left the eff down. No. One time up... OK. ..and I make the call. Done. OK. Well, Jack, Sr, you know, it is just so nice to finally meet the man who taught Jack everything he knows. I tried. Well, something must've stuck. Do you know he made this bar we're sitting at? Isn't it beautiful? Dovetail's off on the corner. It's off! Well, I think it's great. I actually think that Jack could sell his furniture. That would require actually finishing it. Maybe you should try telling Jack you don't want him to finish it, then maybe he would actually do it! (LAUGHS EXAGGERATEDLY) You've got to come to Uncle Pat's birthday in the park on Saturday. I would love to. She went after my family! Dude, you're letting this chick get in your head. Yeah, I know. Now I'm gonna figure out how to get into hers. Never let a chick get in your head. That's why I prefer not to even talk to my dates. Yes! Why didn't I think of this before? If she's gonna play dirty, so am I. Hi. Hey. Jameson, on the rocks. You're Mason, right? Yeah. I'm Jack Fuller. I'm a friend of Joy's. Joy's? Yeah. I just wanted to give you this back. She threw it in the trash. But, y'know, guy code, I couldn't let it end up in the trash. You spent, what, five, six thousand on this thing? Actually, 30 grand. I got it. Alright. Well, thanks. OK... Hey, how's she doing? She's good. She's probably put on weight, right? From all the emotional eating? You really lived up to the billing. Joy told me what an impressive guy you are. Oh! Yeah. She said she was trying to be so perfect, because... deep down, she never really felt like she was good enough to be with you. But those insecurities are long gone now. She's really come into her own. She's on fire! She's not gonna be on the open market for very long. It's a feeding frenzy out there! A feeding frenzy. Yeah. Well, I gotta get going. My, er... My Uncle Pat is having a birthday party tomorrow in Grove Park. Joy and I are going. I gotta pick up the present she got for him. Bag of weed! Her idea! Really? She's on fire! Wow. On fire. Well, thanks again. (MOCK EXCITEDLY) Stripper! Hiya! I so wanna junk-punch that guy. What's with you and junk-punching? Joy? Hi! I'm so glad you could make it. Hey, sweetie. Hi! This is my girlfriend, Tipper. Hi, Tipper. Judy. Thanks for coming. Where's Jack? Over there, coaching the Little League. Come on. I want my new daughter-in- law to meet the whole family. Smile. One, two, three... (ALL) Rockets! Who wants sugar? Let's go! (CHATTERS) Hi! Hi. This is my niece, and BFF, the great Sammy Sosa. Sammy, this is... your Aunt Joy. (GIGGLES) Nice to meet you. Hi. I didn't know you coached Little League. There's a lot of things you don't know about me. Jack wore a little fedora and a leather jacket to school every day for six months. Who wouldn't want to be Indiana Jones? I agree completely. Raiders of the Lost Ark may be the greatest movie ever made. I don't like what's going on here. Are we bonding now? She doesn't seem so bad, Uncle Jack. I think you guys should split the money and stay married. Make a hundred pretty babies. You told her? Yeah, I don't have secrets from Sammy. I tell her everything. # Hey, man # Now you're really living # Well, I just saw the sun rise Over the hill # Never used to give me Much of a thrill # Hey, man # Now we're really living... Well, ladies, I believe this is where we go our separate ways. Thank you. # Do you know what it's like To fall on the floor? # And cry your guts out Till you got no more? # Hey, man # Now you're really living # Joy! Mason. What are you doing here? I was just visiting some friends. In Brooklyn? Well, yeah. Yeah. Brooklyn. The BK. Love it here. Wow. Yeah, they're artists. Yeah. You wanna go grab a glass of vino? Maybe chat up for a bit? Erm, I... I can't right now. Sorry. OK. Alright. Well, maybe next week? I have my retreat. Wow! You... seem fine. (LAUGHS) No, I mean, you look great. Doesn't she look great? You look great. Thanks. Yeah. I, er... Yeah. I gotta go. Yeah, me, too. Me, too. Well, maybe, er, some other time. Yeah. Good seeing you. Good bumping into you like that. It was weird! Oh, my God. You're falling for her. What? You're falling for your wife! You idiot! What? She's a wily temptress. A wily temptress. Yes! You just said "wily temptress". I did, because that is what she is. And what do wily temptresses do, Jack? They tempt in a wily fashion. And then they play you. Tempt, play, tempt, play. And she's playing you, my friend. Don't let her play you out of what is rightfully yours. Keep your eyes on the prize, Jack! Eyes on the prize. Hey, McNally. What'd you do, take the weekend off? Oh... Have fun? I remember when I didn't care about my career, either. I had this thing this weekend with my husband's family - Husband? You got married? Well, thanks for the invite. I didn't know you had a boyfriend. Yeah, I'm married. I didn't tell you that? No. I guess you're not a big sharer. I've been in this business for a long time, and the thing that I value most in my employees is honesty. So I'm gonna be honest with you. Right now, you and Chong are tied. Now, Chonger's bringing her husband to the retreat. I think you should bring yours, too. He will be there. You can count on it, sir. Good. So let me get this straight. She asked you to come to a retreat for her job. Yeah. Ah! The most important thing to her in the world. Can you believe that? Wow. I was like, "No!" (LAUGHS) Cos I'm like... I'm like, "Hey, what are you still DOING HERE?" Jack! You have got to get your ass down there, pretend to be the perfect husband, charm them all, and then, when they're eating outta the palm of your hand, make her sign this. What's this? This is a document, OK, relinquishing all the rights to the money. Right? Tell her if she doesn't sign it you're gonna out her in front of everybody. Yeah. That's not, you know... It's not pretty, but we can... ..we can laminate it. I don't know. OK, look, Jack, the hearing's in a week. OK? This is our last shot. (LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYS) Hey, McNally. Mr Banger. So, where's this husband of yours? I just met Chonger's husband. He's a very smart guy. He's a tool, but he's smart. Er... He's, erm... (LAUGHING) So the spaceman says, "I don't even have a vagina!" He's there! I'll just take this to him. I just wanted to take this moment to express to you my gratitude. I'll be seeing you at the... the dining table. Hey, hey! Hey. Erm... Rrrr! I'm so glad to see you. Muffin, I've been looking everywhere for you. This is why everyone should have their wife on LoJack. Let me introduce you to my friends. David Young, your CFO... Mr Young. An honour. Hi. And this is the rest of your board, actually. Great people. Wealthy people. Sit down, sit down, sit down. So, you're the lucky guy. Hi. Jack Fuller. I'm Richard Banger. You're in my seat. Wait, your name is Richard Banger? Your name is Dick Banger. Dick Banger! Dick Banger? You, sir, have just provided us with jokes for the whole weekend! Well, you must be Jack... off! Jack-Off! Give it to me, baby! Jack-Off, buddy! He's got a comeback! Where have you been hiding this guy? I've been keeping him to myself! Learn how to share. Alright, everybody, let's sit down. Brainiac, Chonger, move over. "Jack-Off." How about it? Oh, boy! I don't know what made you change your mind, and I don't need to. Thank you. "Jack-Off"! I love that. Yeah, I do, too. I love that, that you said that. Because it was... For a moment there, I... I'm so sorry. (ALL SHOUT) I'm on it! Whoo! Yeah! (ALL CHEER) # One looks for happiness # One longs to find a partner # One knows that nowadays... # (MOBILE PHONE RINGS) Hey. "So, what's up?" She sign it yet? No, not yet. "You better not pussy out!" Don't get your panties in a bunch. I'm just waiting for her to get here. "Gotta warm these people up." Call me when it's done, OK? I'm holding down the fort in the meantime. Bye. Lavender. You get on my head. Oh, my God, that is slick. That is somethin' else. Can you believe this? No. I guess I was wrong. You do clean up pretty well. (CHUCKLES) What? Er... No, you just... You... Er... I like your hair like that. Thanks. Can I get two shots? You know what? Make it three. Hello, McNally. Jack-Off, how you doin'? (LAUGHS) Hey, Mr Banger. How are you? Good. Cheers. "Hello, my name is Joy's Bitch." How's it going tonight? You guys having fun? (LAUGHS) That's a good one, McNally. I had no idea you were so much fun. She's very serious at work. This one's a wildcat. I wouldn't lie to you, Big Dick. Well, if you did, I'd have to kill you. Seriously. This woman loves a good dare. Really? Yeah. You ever see what she can do with a champagne bottle? Shocking! It's a party trick, it's not - I dare you. (SIGHS) I hate you. You love me. (POPPING) Oh! Very good! Very good! Terrific! You know, had I seen this side of you before, I probably would have promoted you a long time ago. That's a lot. Your turn. You know what? You shouldn't do that. You've got this, OK? Throw the dice. You've got this. We need what, a seven? A seven! OK. Throw a seven! Seven. (ALL CHEER) Oh, thank you! We're done. Can we quit? Absolutely. OK. Throw it in there. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, would you please gather round? (MOBILE PHONE BEEPS) Come on. This year's Golden Handshake Award for best team spirit goes to a new face and one of the funniest son of a bitches I know. And I think you know who I'm talkin' about. (ALL CHANT) Jack-Off! Jack-Off! Jack-Off! Jack-Off! "Get up here. Come on." Congratulations, Jack-Off. Well, er, thank you all for an amazing weekend. I, er... (CHUCKLES) I have to thank my wife, Joy. She probably never told you all the story about how we met. It might come as a surprise to many of you that... we didn't know each other for very long before we got hitched. What can I say? When you know, you know. On our wedding night, we were so busy running to the honeymoon suite that we never... really got a chance to have a first dance. So... Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time, Mr and Mrs Jack Fuller! (ALL CHEER) # First, when there's nothing # But a slow glowing dream # That your fear seems to hide... (CLINKING) You hear that? Mm-hm. They're clinking. Yeah, they are clinking. I think that means they want us to kiss. Well, if that's what the crowd wants... Yeah, but if you're not up for it, you don't have to. It's fine. # In a world made of steel # Made of stone # Well, I hear the music # Close my eyes, feel the rhythm # Wrap around # Take a hold of my heart # What a feeling! # Being's believing! # I can have it all # Now I'm dancing for my life # Take your passion # And make it happen... Alright, alright. When's the last time you were, like, really happy? Really happy? And don't say Vegas because if you do, I'll have to cry. OK. There was this one day,... before the Exchange, before Mason. I was feeling really adventurous, so I took the ferry about 30 miles east of the city. Mm-hm. And there was this great lighthouse. It was right on the beach, off the boardwalk. You went there by yourself? Yeah. I just, like, sat on the beach, listened to the waves, watched the sunset. God, I had no concerns, you know? I had, like, no responsibilities, no job stressing me out. I had no-one to please but myself. That's that photo you have. Yeah. That... was a great day. I did take myself out of the game. If you stop betting, you never have to lose. I'd bet on you, Jack. So, long day, huh? Yeah. So,... we should probably get to bed. Yep. Can you undo my zipper? It gets stuck. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. (BLOWS HANDS) Alright. Alright. OK. There it is. Thanks. Hey, I... These... Erm, I wasn't in your things. It's OK. Just leave them right there. I can put them back. No, just... (BOTH CHUCKLE) Good night, Mr Fuller. Good night, Mrs Fuller. (PASSIONATE AND TENSE TANGO MUSIC) (SIGHS) (SIGHS) # "It's Alright" - Asa Semple # It's alright # It's OK... (GASPS) # Everything's alright # It's alright # Everything's alright # It's OK # It's OK # Everything's alright... # Joy! Joy! What? I've gotta go. Mason? Yeah. Erm... I can't talk right now, I'm sorry. I have to get going. I - I want you back, Joy! What? I made a huge mistake letting you go. I see that now. Seeing you the other day, you had this glow about you. Not that you didn't before, it's just sometimes it takes losing something for you to realise what you had. I wanna make up for the wrong I did to you. This is yours. I gave it to you and I want you to have it. Where did you get this? And, Joy,... ..you are good enough for me. (SIGHS) I mean that! The court is called to order. (BANGS GAVEL) Well, lookee here, lookee here, the happy couple(!) Six months down the road. Did you learn anything? We'll see. Now, Dr Twitchell, in your opinion, did the couple, Jack Fuller and Joy McNally, live together as man and wife and do you believe they put sufficient effort into the marriage? (SIGHS) These two have... ..a lot of issues. A lot of deeply unsettling issues that, as individuals, they seriously need to work on. Seriously. But together, in my honest opinion,... ..they're perfect for each other. It's the real thing. Go figure. Well, thank you, Doctor. You may step down. (Pst! Tipper!) Hi, Your Honour. Have you lost weight? Gotcha. Let's begin. Although Ms McNally ran up $25,000 in credit-card debt in my client's name, my client recently spent the same amount for materials for his new furniture business. Therefore, we propose the following settlement. The original $3 million, deduct half for taxes and $50,000 that's already been spent, that leaves $1.45 million to be divided... ..equally. Now that's the spirit! You've learned to share! Do you accept? (WHISPERS) Erm, no, Your Honour, we do not. (COUGHS / UNDER BREATH) Gold-digging whore. My client has advised me that she doesn't want any of the money, she just wants a divorce. Miss McNally, are you sure? Yes, Your Honour, I am. Well, then, I hereby grant the divorce and award all the monies to Mr Fuller. Court adjourned. (BANGS GAVEL) You win, Jack. I officially want nothing from you. Oh, my God,... I won a case! Jesus Christ! Dude, we won! I won! Yeah! I'm the law, bitches! I'm a lawyer! To me! You guys need a lawyer? Time heals all wounds. Now that you guys are done, any chance I can get her number? Yeah, OK. You don't have to answer that right now. Hey, hey, hey, I have a question! Erm, how much does an island cost? (ALL LAUGH) Now we come to the final item on our agenda. Congratulations, McNally. Thank you, sir. I won't let you down. (SIGHS) OK, I think I'm gonna have to let you down. Why don't you just give it to Chong, you know? She's good, she deserves it and she enjoys being miserable. Yes! Are you sure you know what you're doing? No, I don't, but I think that's the point. I would rather do nothing and be happy than do something that I don't love. I lost her at happy. I don't know what the hell she was trying to say. Well done, Chonger. The job is yours. Er, thank you. So, Jack made a piece of furniture. He finished it. OK, go ahead, Dad. What's wrong with it? Nothing. It's good. It's really good. I'm proud of you. Thank you. But... Here we go. ..you screwed up when it comes to that girl. It was a mistake. The entire marriage was a lie! The marriage was not a lie and anybody who has spent time with you two could tell you that. So why don't you get your head out of your ass and go do something about it? Or should I tell you not to and then maybe you will? She's gone, man. Gone? What do you mean? She lost it. She quit her job, shut off her phone. She took off. Look, I don't really care much for you and I wanna cut your friend, Hater, but, for some reason, you're the only man that Joy can be herself with, so I wanna tell you where she is, I really do, I just don't know. What do you know? If you were miserable and you wanted to get happy again, where would you go? (CHUCKLES) What? Thank you. We both go, that way, when she sees us, she can make up her mind who she wants to be with. I've loaned you my band saw, my beer tap... Do you even know how to drive an automatic? The keys. Give me the keys. Here. Sorry. Go get your future ex-ex-wife. (TYRES SCREECH) # What a waste of time, the thought crossed my mind # But I never missed a beat # Can't explain the who or what I was # Trying to believe # What would you do? # What would you do? # Do you know? # I once had a grip on everything # It feels better to let go # I'm not over # I'm not over you just yet # Cannot hide it # You're not that easy to forget # I'm not over # I'm not over... # You found me. You left this behind... ..and, er,... I wanted to bring it back to you. Do you know, er, how many lighthouses there are 30 miles east of the city? How many? Five. Really? Yeah, just in case you were wondering. So,... did you come all the way out here just to... ..give this back to me? I did, so I'm gonna get outta here. Alright, here it is. When we were married, I was horrible. Sick. Just... wrong. And it's the best time I've ever had. You bet on me, Joy,... ..and you made me want to bet on myself. So don't think about anyone else and just... ..answer this for you. Do you wanna be married to me? Again? You know,... for so long, I have just,... I've tried to please everybody and by not trying to please you,... ..I think I became myself again. I do want to be married to you again. I quit my job. I heard. I have absolutely no idea what I'm gonna do. No clue. Well, it's a good thing that I have,... that WE have a ton of money. Oh, my God! (LAUGHS) That's right. We hit the jackpot. Yeah, I did. Now, Joy, do you take this young man to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health,... Uh-huh. ..for richer or for poorer...? (LAUGHS) I do. I take him. (WOMAN) Naughty! Naughty! Jack, would you put the ring upon her finger? Was that the one? That was it! Oh, my God! You may kiss the bride. (ALL CHEER) This is the greatest day of my life! (CRIES) This is the... What? (CLATTERING) Oh, my...! This is marvellous, simply marvellous. Bye! Bye-bye. Have fun, you guys. It's so much fun in there. You guys are gonna love it. Woman! Woman! I'm coming! Hey! Oh! # No-one here likes you, go away, get a clue # Go back to your... (BEEP!) ..zoo... # # "Save The Best For Last" - Vanessa Williams (DOORBELL CHIMES) (ROARS) Oof! Why?! You know why! (GROANS) You know why! What are you doing later? I hear there's a meteor shower tonight. You know what, Jack was our glue. I feel like the fact that he's gone makes us a little closer. No, it makes us, just a little bit, the opposite of that.