1 (SLOW VIOLIN MUSIC) www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Able 2017 'Welcome to Hazzard County, a little corner of the world where everyone knows everyone else and people are never too busy to stop and say, "Howdy".' 'Shoot! Some folks even say this is where the apple pie was invented.' 'Yep, basically, everything down here moves a little bit slower.' 'Unless, of course, your last name is... Duke.' Whoo! AghhHH! # Well, I quit my job down at the carwash # Left my mama a goodbye note # By sundown I'd left Kingston... Whoo! # Hitchhiked all the way down to Memphis # Got a room at the YMCA... Whoo! Man, the General's in good shape. Come on, Bo, it's happy hour and we've still got two deliveries. (JARS RATTLE) It's all one big happy hour, Luke! Besides, we're taking a short cut. # ..Well, I nearly about starved to death down in Memphis... Whoo! # ..So I bought me a ride down to Macon, Georgia... (LAUGHS) # ..I thumbed on down to Panama City # Started checking out some of them all-night bars # Hoping I could make myself a dollar... Hi, Luke. I've got this one. Are you sure that's a good idea, cuz? It's a great idea! Andale-andale! Hey, Laurie! Are you here to make your delivery? I was hoping to. Luke,... remember last time. Don't worry about it, cuz. It's OK, Bo, Pa ain't here. See, Bo? Paul ain't here Hi. Hi. Play hard to get, little buddy. (BOTH CHUCKLE) (RADIO - COUNTRY MUSIC) (RADIO OFF) Listen and learn, General. (RADIO) "And now side two of Al Unser Jr story, No Questions Only Unsers, as read by Laurence Fishburne." "'I'm too old for this shit.'" (LAUGHS) "That's what I was thinking as I turned into the final lap running fourth at Talladega "Then it hit me - life is like a racetrack." "You've got to keep going round and round." That is so true. "Sure, sometimes you crash and burn but if you don't make the turn, you ain't never gonna learn." "So I gripped the wheel tighter, checked my gauges and made my move." Make my move. Give you my move. Make it motherf... Jesus Christ! Howdy, Bo. Hey, Mr Pullman. I nearly shit myself. How are you doing, sir? Oh, I'm fine. Are you ready for that big Hazzard rally this weekend? I got him all tuned up. Right, General? (CHUCKLES) How many times have you won it? Four in a row, sir. Four in a row. Whoo! Man, that's good! Billy Prickett won it four in a row and look what he's doing today. Hey, have you been hunting? Yes, sir. Yeah, I've been using those new whammy shells. They scatter less when you blow a hole in something. Cool, guns! Yeah. Are you delivering all by yourself today? Oh, no, I never travel alone, sir. I travel with the man upstairs. You know, Jesus. Oh. You know, I like that attitude. I'm gonna look around and find a boy like you to date my daughter Laurie pretty soon. She's getting curious about boys, you know. Yeah... Oh, you're talking about sex, right? I just want to keep that sorry cousin of yours away from her. The way he looks at her galls me. Know what I mean? (GUNSHOT) (YELLING) (MAN) You get back here! Agh! Get back here! Luke! Luke! Why are you running, you chicken shit? Goddamn Duke! Get the hell off my sister! Jimmy! (GUNSHOT) Agh! Oh, shit! You get back in the house! Go, Bo, go! Luke, wait! Come on. (CAR REVS) Agh! Come on. I forgot about the brother. Go! So, erm, happy hour? You're gonna get us shot some day. Not today. Not with you driving the getaway car. So, how was it? It's never bad. < Yee-hoo! (GUNSHOT) Sonofabitch! Here, whammy shells. They'll blow a hole through an elephant's ass. Whoo! Oh! (GUNSHOT) Goddamnit! You're gonna replace that. (GUNSHOT) What the hell's he using? You don't wanna know. Dad-gum it, you just assassinated a tree. Got a big kick to it. Don't you worry, they can't touch the General. Come on, boy! (GUNSHOT) You missed, Jimmy! Damnit, can't you shoot straight? Don't point that at me, chucklehead! Don't call me a chucklehead. I ain't a chucklehead. Oh! Hey, get that gun out of the wheel. What are you doing? (GUNSHOT) What the hell... Goddamnit! Sorry, Daddy. After them. (GUNSHOT) Oh, Bo, did you see that sign? I can read. This is how you plan on losing them? You ain't scared, are ya? Scared? Hell, no! I just don't wanna hear Uncle Jesse when you break his bottles of shine. I bet you the phone book I don't break a bottle. Phone book, it is! Daddy, you get me close and I'll put a bullet in this sonofabitch. Oof. (GUNSHOT) Goddamnit, Jimmy! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Who says I can't shoot? Daddy? Daddy! Agh! Whoo! Yee-ha! # "Good Ol' Boys" - Waylon Jennings # Just a good ol' boy... 'Bo and Luke Duke,...' # ..Never meaning no harm... '..cousins closer than brothers.' 'Both big-hearted, strong-willed and restless as a couple of cats thrown into a swimming hole.' Whoo! (BOTH LAUGH) (HORN HONKS) (GASPS) (PANTS) Nice driving, cuz. What? I guess I won the bet, you sonofabitch. Oh, come on! I didn't break any bottles so I won the bet. (GROANS) I was just joking about the bet. Oh, you were joking? Yeah! Still getting the phonebook. Double or nothing. Nope, time to pay your debt, buddy. Which side do you want, right side or left? Right. Did I just hear one of your teeth break? I don't remember the Hazzard phonebook being that thick. This is Atlanta. (BOTH CHUCKLE) The bet was over. I can't believe that happened. The bet was over. What are you doing? Where do you want it? Oh, man! Where do you want it? Left. That was a good one. Oof! In the ball sack. God! Phew! In case of dehydration. Ah! Ha! Whoo! That'd put lead in your pencil. Man, I'm already tired of walking. You could use some exercise. Your jeans look tighter than Daisy's. Oh, yeah? I bet you a cold beer I can beat you to the Boars Nest. That's five miles. I'm coming! I'm coming! (LAUGHS) Base! Ha-ha! Whoo! He came back. What's Billy Prickett doing here? Looks like he's here for the race. Man, those tyres alone are worth more than the General Lee. Whee! My, oh, my, look at that! Billy Prickett's car, huh? What's new in law enforcement? They make you lieutenant yet? Hell, Luke, you know that'll never happen. Maybe one of these days you'll wise up and work for us. We could use a man like you. I don't think it's such a good time to be in the moonshine business. Moonshine business? We ain't in the moonshine business. OK. But if someone were in the moonshine business, why would it be a bad time? You know I can't say anything. Boss Hogg would tan my hide. He'd spank you? Hey, Dil, what do you want? We just ordered. By the looks of this place, two Peptos and a shot of penicillin. (ALL LAUGH) (METALLIC JINGLE) # Oh # Oh # You go out when you get ready... Jesus, mother of Mary! # Stay out as late as you please... Look away, man. Trust me, look away. Don't worry about it. I won't hurt her. Hey, nobody in this bar is concerned about you hurting her. All right. # I'm watchin' every move... Y'all ready to order? # Oh You'd better be reading my name tag, friend. I am. I am. I am. I noticed your initials were double D. (MEN LAUGH) Oh, sweet Jesus! I'll give you one more chance. Do you wanna order or make jokes? You ain't gotta get fussy, ma'am. I'll order. We don't want no problems. Let's see... Do those legs come over easy? (SLAP!) Oh, my God! (CHUCKLES) How about the specials, sir? Dil Driscoll! You stop bothering that nice girl somebody and pick on your own size. (ALL CHATTER) Hey, Billy Prickett! Welcome back! You old mule! Hey! Why don't you cool off, Dil? Let's get out of here. My, my, my! Holy hell, Luke! There he is right there. That's Billy Prickett. Should I buy him a drink? Maybe you should buy him flowers and a box of chocolates. Give me a Miller. Make it a Lowenbrau. How you doin'? Hey, Billy Prickett! Welcome back to Hazzard. Oh! (CHUCKLES) See? I told you all the waitresses here was dog ugly. (ALL LAUGH) (CHUCKLES) Man! I'm only foolin' with ya. This is Bo Duke. Bo is looking to break my Hazzard Rally record. What is it now, four in a row, Bo? Yeah, well... All streaks must come to an end, Bo. I'm calling this one The Drive For Five! Well, I'm looking forward to the race. Dil! This here is the boy who's trying to break my record. Oh, really? I'm Dil Driscoll, crew chief. Have a seat. Really? So, Billy, what's it like being in a circuit? Ah... Hey, Billy, join me for a drink? Oh, you sweet little thing! Fellas, I'm awfully thirsty all of a sudden. Bo-Bo, may the best man win. (CHUCKLES) So, er, Bo, what's the story on that little pistol over there? She gave me a ride earlier! (MEN CHUCKLE) Well, actually, she's my cousin. Oh, really? Hopefully you're kissing cousins! (ALL LAUGH) Come again. Son, all I'm trying to ask you is if you shook her corn. (ALL LAUGH) (LAUGHS) 'Now, there's things you just don't say to a Duke about another Duke.' Whoo! Ooh! I'll show you corn. Excuse me a sec. Pick him up. Can I get in on this? Yeah! (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS) # I keep rollin' down... Oh, buddy! Whoo! Here we go. Oh! Wah! Oof! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Hey, it's Billy Prickett! Oof! Careful, Bo-Bo. Oh! Don't hit him, man. That's AJ Foyt. Really? Agh! Agh! AghHHH! Ooh! (LAUGHS) ArghHH! Agh! Hey, can I hit this guy? Kill 'em all! The ribs are greasy. The wings are cold. (GUNSHOT) Whoo! 'Sheriff Roscoe P Coltrane, the closest thing to law enforcement in Hazzard County.' 'Roscoe's been after the Duke boys since they started walking.' 'Of course, some people say the boys first steps landed right on the sheriff's last nerve.' (SPURS CLINK) Dukes. Just once you two ought to try leaving a place in better shape than it was when you walked in. Your boss can afford to replace a few broken beer mugs. (CHUCKLES) I heard there was a little incident earlier concerning a certain, crappy, orange hotrod out at the Miller farm. Y'all really upset some of them construction boys. They were not being very gentle with your beloved piece of crap. What did you do, Roscoe? (CHUCKLES) I can't say she's gonna be in real good racing shape for the rally. You watch yourself, hillbilly boy. Come on, boys. My shift's over. I'll take you over to Cooter's. Come on! (LAUGHS) 'Jefferson Davis Hogg, the meanest man in Hazzard County.' 'He's canny as a fox, tough as a badger...' ..and crooked as a hillbilly's smile.' Well, Roscoe... I see you have redecorated. Interesting style. What do you call it? Well, sir, the Dukes - The Dukes! (CHUCKLES) I had a feeling. I've got some important things happening this weekend. Yes, sir. Are you gonna take care of the Dukes or am I gonna have to make other plans? I'm on top of it, boss. That's what I'm afraid of. Are you ready? Is it bad? Not good. Hell, this is worse than the time you sunk it in the Tipton Swamp. Oh! Mostly cosmetic damage, right, Cooter? Mostly. Yeah. It can be ready for the race on Saturday? Race?! Come on, Bo... I mean, the General doesn't race. The General erases the competition! (WHISTLES) (WHIMPERS) Who does this? It'd make a nice hat or a... slipper. Just leave the General here with me and I'll see if I can fix it up. I'll have it running in no time. Meanwhile, you boys take my truck. What if you need to tow somebody? I've had nine tows in three years and y'all been eight of them. (CLAPS LOUDLY) Hey, uh-huh. Close one. (CHUCKLES) Even shell-shocked he's a better driver than you are. Thanks, Cooter. (YELLS) Chin up. (FLIES BUZZ) Oh! Urgh... I'll probably drop Libby home after dance. I'll be home a little bit after 10, not too late. Yeah, all good, love. # Na, na, na, na. PHONE CHIMES Hey, the others wanna hang out. Um... GIRLS LAUGH ALL SING: # It's time to cut and run. This time I'm really done. # GIRL SQUEALS Oh my God! SHOUTS: Yeah! TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS, GIRLS CHATTER HORN BLARES, GIRLS SHRIEK, LAUGH (SIGHS) 1 'Daisy!' 'Jesse L Duke.' 'Uncle Jesse to you.' Daisy! 'Now, Jesse's been two places in his life - Hazzard County and Korea.' Daisy? I'm in here. > 'As far as he's concerned,... Daisy, where are you? In the shower. ..that's one place too many.' Ready or not, here I come. How's it looking, good-looking? I fixed the vapour coils but the boiler's still slow. You been running this around the clock? Boys break more bottles than they deliver. Eight cases this month. I wonder where in the hell they are. (CHUCKLES) 'It'll make you feel lots better.' Light the sonofabitch. Alright. Ha-ha! I feel good. (LAUGHS) All right, y'all, knock off the grab-assin'. Come on, Uncle Jesse. Guy comes out of an antiques shop carrying a big grandfather's clock, bumps into a drunk, broke the clock. He says, "Watch where you're going." The drunk says, "Carry a wrist watch like everybody else. (BOTH LAUGH) Know what happens when you give a politician Viagra? No. He gets taller. (BOTH LAUGH) Here's another one for you. How many Dukes does it take to screw up a moonshine delivery? Oh, yes, sorry about that, Uncle Jesse. We, er... (EXPLOSION) Whoa! Boom-shakka-lakka! (LAUGHS) (SIREN WAILS) Oh, Roscoe. I wonder what that fat sack of shit wants. Come on. We can just skip the "Hi, how are you?" I'm here on official police business.' Right here. (CHUCKLES) That's horse shit! You planted that. (CHUCKLES) By the power vested in me by the county of Hazzard, Georgia, I hereby seize this property for the crime of producing and distributing moonshine. Jesse, we can do this the easy way or, of course,... ..there's that other way. Let's try that other way. Hold on. The only way I'm leaving this farm's in a wooden box. Well... Hi, Dukes. Hi. Well, now... Whoo! Look at that. Moonshine. What a shame. What a shame. That ain't ours, Boss. Really? You're out of here. This land ain't yours any more. You're gonna go live somewhere else. Why, you - Whoa, whoa!! I've got my dog here and I ain't fed him and he's real hungry. Easy, Jesse. Not now. You boys just started a fight you can't win. (LAUGHS) Well, you have my sympathy. Y'all take care, now. (ALL CHUCKLE) Should've busted a cap in his ass. Hell, yeah! Easy now, boys. Thanks for taking us in, Pauline. We really appreciate it. Oh, honey, it is my pleasure. I left three toes in Korea for this country. This is the thanks I get. I don't understand how they could just take your farm. They planted a still in our barn. They planted a still? Now, why would they need to plant a still? Cos they're too damn dumb to find our real one. (SNIGGERS) I was waiting on old Bill Miller at the truck stop last night. Boss's men seized his land for some trumped-up charge, too. Maybe it's got something to do with all that construction equipment. Wanna go up there and take a second look? Oh, I don't know, boys. Oh, now, Pauline. Don't worry, Uncle Jesse. We're gonna take care of it. You know what's gonna happen, don't ya? Those two are gonna get themselves in trouble, end up in jail, and I'll have to shake my ass to get 'em out. That's why we love you. (METALLIC CLANG) Oh, God! Well, well, well... Dammit! Cooter, what in hell do you think you're doin'? What does it look like? I'm building a Doomsday machine, gonna aim it right up your heinie. Are you stupid enough to think you can fix this? I'm fixin' to fix it. Oh, you couldn't fix an election if your brother was a governor. What do you want, Roscoe? This here vehicle, it was used in the illegal transportation of moonshine. Boss wants it impounded. It ain't running right and my tow truck ain't here. Unless you're planning on sticking it up your ass - Hey! One way or another, tomorrow I'm auctioning off this hunk of junk. So y'all have a good night now, OK? Oh! I've got two words for you - soap and water. (LAUGHS) That's three words,... stupid. Hey, man, this is Cooter. Round up the fellas. I've got a job for 'em. A lot of equipment parked out there for an abandoned farm. Yeah. And that fence went up pretty quick, too, huh? Let's go ditch the truck. All right. (BOTH GROAN) Ooh! Ooh, ooh. Whoa! Whoa! (THUDDING) Oof! Ain't that cute, a man taking his pig for a walk? Come on. What now? Looky here, Bo. He's got our farm marked right next to the Miller's and the Robinson's. What the hell does he want with all this land? I don't know. I tell you what, if I had incriminating information, I'd be hiding it in that big, huge sonofabitch. How are we supposed to open that? 'I don't know about you but I'd sure hate to be that safe right now.' Yeah! # "Busted In Baylor County" - Shooter Jennings Whoo! # That's where we played our second show # I didn't notice I was speeding... Holy shit! # Now, we rolled down the windows # So we didn't think that he would notice # Something smellin' funny in that smoke cloud # He asked, "What you boys hidin'? Hope they got email! (LAUGHS) # We were busted # Busted in Baylor County # Busted... Oh, deer! (LAUGHS) # ..Busted in Baylor County # (LAUGHS) Ooh! Whoo! What the hell? (ENGINE REVS) Oh! We're stuck on a pole. I'll check it out. (RADIO ON) # "All Out Of Love" - Air Supply # I'm so lost without you # I know you were right # Believing for so long... Give it some gas. OK! (ENGINE REVS) # ..I'm simply too late # To say that I was so wrong... Hey, give it a little more gas! OK. (ENGINE REVS) Hey, Bo, hold up. OK. (ENGINE REVS) Hey! No, Bo! No! OK! (ENGINE REVS) Whoa! Yeah! # Busted in Baylor County... Sorry, cuz, you'd do the same thing to me. # ..Busted in Baylor County (SCREAMS) Bo, dammit! (SCREAMS) Hold on, little buddy. (SCREAMS) Whoo-hoo! Oh, shit! (HORN HONKS / TYRES SCREECH) Whoo! (SCREAMS) # ..Busted... Bo, you sonofa... # ..in Baylor County # Oh! I said, "No, Bo." (YELLS) No! Oh. I thought you said, "Go, Bo, go." See how that sounds kinda... Hey, you know what, Sheev lives near here. Maybe he can help us open this thing up. Yeah. OK, we'll go to Sheev's. Er, Roscoe, this here's Chip. Er, you might wanna call Hogg and tell him them two fellas, they made off with his safe and I might need a ride, too. Er, Boss, what kinda mood are you in? I am in crawfish-boiling mood. Well, er, it seems that the Duke boys... Uh-huh. ..have stolen your safe. I am officially upgrading the Dukes... ..from fly in my ointment to thorn in my side. If they happen to elevate themselves to pain in my ass, then, I'm gonna boil you. Got it? Yes, sir. Now, I want you to find the Dukes and lock 'em up! Oh, and bring me my damn safe back. Yes, sir. (DOG WHINES) Flash! any more and things would've been much worse. . All right, so, this is Tim. 34-year-old male. RTC. Multi-vehicle... VOICES OVERLAP I think about the car crash a lot. I know he caused it and I reacted the best way possible. But it's hard to let it go. SOMBRE MUSIC When I asked what had happened to him, the doctors said he really wore the impact ` any more and things would've been much worse. They said he was lucky ` lucky I wasn't going any faster. Thank you. SOMBRE MUSIC CONTINUES It's OK. MUSIC CONTINUES It's OK. 1 (SIREN WHOOPS) Evenin', Sheev. Sheev. (SPITS) Lookin' for them Duke boys. You seen 'em? They was last seen headin' up this road here. Have you still got those CIA mind-probes stuck in your head, boy? Far as I know. (SPITS) Good. Keep your little antennae up. If you see the Dukes, let me know. You hear? Yeah. (SPITS) It stinks out here, you know that? (ENGINE REVS) (WHISTLES) Has he gone, Sheev? He's gone. (SHIVERS) Prickett. "It means a lot to be invited here, back to my home town." "I hope to remind the good people of Hazzard how it feels to be proud." "(EXCITED CHATTER)" "I hope to remind the good people of Hazzard to come out to the rally and cheer their favourite son, Billy Prickett!" "(CHEERING)" "I'm declaring today Billy Prickett Day!" "I just hope, on Saturday, I'm not too Hazzard-ous on the roads!" Hazzard-ous on the roads! "(ALL YELL)" "This is Tammy Arender at the parade for WCNU News." Seeing Prickett race, that might be worth putting my pants on for. Hey, Bo, you racing on Saturday? I'm planning on it. What's the prize for second place? (LAUGHS) Gonna be a good race, a tough one. Good luck. I still think it's weird he's here to race. Life's weird, Luke. Some day you're gonna have to accept that. Well, OK, let's take a look at that lock box. Oh, yeah! Liberty 400. High-density 9200 PSI-composite material. Two-inch chrome locking bolts. And a spring-loaded independent re-locking device. She's a beauty! Can you crack it? (LAUGHS) I'm gonna do more than crack it. (SQUEAKING) Goddamnit! Armadillo! They've been infiltrating my perimeter all summer. What the hell do you do with them? I make helmets. Armadillo helmets can bloke even the best brainwave scanners. Make a pretty good soup bowl, too. So, OK, I'm gonna go to work on this thing. Be a dear and grab me that armadillo. Thanks. Man, he looks pissed off. Oof! Come on, y'all! (BOTH LAUGH) That's a good one. Maybe you could take it off now. Got a real nice deal on this stuff. Government issue. Only expired about six months ago so should have a real nice pop. Yeah! Cooter's got the General running! Thinks we'll be able to race on Saturday. Really? We've got to get down there. Roscoe wants to impound it. Watch your ass, fellas. This is the fastest-burning fuse you've got? It's a Chinese fuse. (QUIET POP) Hmn... Might be a wet fuse. Shall we check it? Depends if you like how your face is configured. You got the wires backwards. They're supposed to be. It's a Chinese fuse. No, backwards from how they're supposed to be. Ever been to China? Ever been to China? I ate Chinese food once. You don't blow up moo-shu pork. I dated a Korean girl in high school. That's a different nation. Get an education! You got the fuse wrong. You know nothing about China. You're missing the point. Might've used too much. Man, that rattled my sphincter. Whoo! What the hell is that, drugs? Don't look like no drugs I ever saw. What the hell are these numbers. It's a core sample. For mining. They drill a hole. Take a sample out. Send it to the lab. Samples of, what? How should I know? Am I wearing a white coat? I cut bait and blow shit up for a living. Take it to a lab. Maybe at the university... Hey, Katie Johnson is at the university. Oh, yeah, that's right. Man! I always had a thing for that girl. She used to come by the farm with those tight outfits. No, I can't say I remember that. I thought I had her, too. Then she pulled a goddamn Keyser Soze on me. Like that... (BLOWS) ..she was gone. You don't remember that? Well, OK, unless you boys need something else blown, I'm gonna go and wash my mongoose. OK. Come on, Luke, let's get the General. Why don't we have Cooter stash it? We'll take his truck and head to the highway - How'd you feel if the General and I went to LA and left you behind? Ain't she a Georgia peach? What did you do, make a deal with the devil? Luke, look! Is that a HEMI? My and my buddies lose the Gettysburg re-enactment every Sunday so we figured, "Why not General Lee win one?" Don't know how we're gonna pay you back. (GIBBERS EXCITEDLY) Well,... is Daisy single? Not gonna happen. How about a pair of them shorts? No. OK. Hey, Bo, just win that Hazzard Rally. That's thanks enough. And when you get that prize money, you pay me cos that's how it works. I love you, Cooter. Oh, I didn't have time to fix everything. Right. Let's get that car. (ENGINE REVS) Get in your cars and get 'em! Now! (DIXIE HORN) Whoo-hoo! (BOTH LAUGH) Oh, man! (DIXIE HORN) (LAUGHS) That's so good, man! (DIXIE HORN) (LAUGHS) Enough. I'm never gonna get out of this car again. I'm gonna live in it, eat in it and I'm gonna make sweet love to it! You mean, make sweet love in it. Oh, no, I'm gonna have sex with it. (RADIO) "All units." "We're in hot pursuit of them Dukes in their piece of shit orange car." (RATTLING) Piece of...? You sonofabitch! (BRAKES SCREECH) # "Mississippi Queen" - Mountain (GROANS) Yeee-ha! (YELLS) Hey, get back here! (LAUGHS) "Lost Sheep, you out there?" Hey, Cooter! "These fellas ain't gonna be doing much chasin'!" Ha-ha! Thanks, man. Man, I'm gonna run right over Billy Prickett! How about we go to Atlanta first? All right, cuz. (DIXIE HORN) Oh, look at that! There's your problem right there. Yeah, that's a shame. (YELLS) Let's go to Atlanta! Ha-ha! 1 (CAR HORNS HONK) (SNORES) Luke. Luke. Yep. I know why it didn't work out with me and Katie before. It was just timing. Life is all about timing, you know. It's my time now. I'm gonna win that race on Saturday. We're gonna get the farm back. I've got my BFF - you. And I'm gonna get Katie Johnson. You watch! It's my time. Oh, what's goin' on? (LOUD MUSIC, HORN TOOTS) Yeah, baby! Southern by the grace of God! Yee-ha! (HORN TOOTS) Yee-ha! Yee-ha! Well, at least we know they're nice up here. Hurry up, you're late for your clan meeting, asshole! Clan meeting? Ah, don't listen to her. The South will rise again! Yee-ha! Yee-ha, baby! What the hell's wrong with these people? Nice roof, redneck(!) Join us in the 21st Century. We're gonna make some friends up here, huh(?) (HUMS) Oh, excuse me. Can I help you, ma'am? Daisy! Oh, boy. Enos, what's Boss doing taking all that land? They won't tell me. I'm supposed to arrest you if I see you. Now, get. I'm serious. Hey,... are you Anus? Ah, no, that's Enos, Mr Prickett. Oh, whoopsy. Sorry about that. Is Hogg around? He asked me to come by. Oh, yeah, he's back in the garage. Well, howdy, ma'am. How are you today? It's just right on out back. I'll show you. That way. There you go. Oh, there he is! Hometown hero. Hogg! How are you doing, son? This is a great place to take a crap but I'm ready to head to Atlanta. Not before the race. Don't you worry about that. I want you down at that finish line, signing autographs. I know the drill. I know you do but I need you there for two hours, son. Two hours. Kissing hands and shaking babies. You got that backwards. It's shaking hands and kiss the babies. Oh, yeah? Maybe that's why I lost that governor's election in '86. (ALL LAUGH) Hogg, what in the hell am I doing here? Roscoe... Whoa! What is this? Are you off the reservation? See how it catches me around the eyes? Look, I've already got sponsors. What am I supposed to tell Castrol, Yahoo? Tell 'em it's for charity. Is it? Sure, could be. (SNIGGERS) Whatever you say. I'm gonna win that race by a mile. It don't matter whose face is on my car. I don't need you to win. I just need you to show up. (LAUGHS) (CHUCKLES) Hey, there, Mr Prickett. Well, hello, Daisy. Wow, I was just walking by and I saw your car in the garage . She's real sexy. Well, thank you. She's faster than a cheetah on cocaine. Yeah, I know. Why is there a picture of Boss Hogg on your car, though? Oh! Yeah. He... I read somewhere that Coca-Cola pays you over $100,000 to put their logo on your door. You read that, huh? And Budweiser pays over $100,000 to put their logo on a trunk. I'm not much of a reader myself. So Boss Hogg's face is sitting on over $200,000 worth of real estate. Is that what he's paying you? Oh, no, no, no. Daisy, this race is for charity. Really? Which one? Er, anal bifida... Spinal bifida. It's one of the bifidas. (LAUGHS) Have I told you that you're as pretty as a Hazzard County sunset? Have a good day, Mr Prickett. OK. # "Burn If Off" - Blues Explosion # Yeah # You might be in the dark You might stumble or fall # You might ask yourself which way to go... Lot of smart people out there. # Like a blind man # I've been lost for so long # Come on # Whoa # Burn it off # Whoa # Ow # Whoa # Burn it off # Whoa # To make you feel all right... Look out, Katie. # ..Whoa # Burn it off # Hello. Hi! Hi! Hello. Oh, boy! Hi. Think it's too late to take them SATs, do you? We've got to keep an open mind in college. This is it, Luke. I can feel it. Do you know where Katie Johnson is? I think she's in that room right there. Thanks. Thank you. Oh! I've got a great opening line for Katie. What is it? You'll see. Katie Johnson? Oh! She's down the hall. Cool. Down the hall. (GIRLS LAUGH) Katie Johnson? She's down the hall. Do you guys go to school here? No, but do you have an application? (GIRLS LAUGH) Come on, now, focus. Let's hope she's not in here either. Katie Johnson? Holy shit! Are you looking for Katie? What is this place? Why don't you come look in here? Yeah! (GIRLS GIGGLE) Bye, Bo. Bye, Bo. Bye, Luke. OK, she wasn't in there. (COUGHS) We didn't check under the couch. Luke! Bo! Katie! So, he's still doing that? Did I just faint? No. Oh, my God! I can't believe y'all came. (STUTTERS) We just want to pay visit to prettiest girl Atlanta. What? We just want to pay a visit to the prettiest girl in Atlanta. Oh, that's sweet. I can't believe what happened to y'all's farm. We'll get it back. I love that farm. I used to have so much fun there. See? This is my room-mate, Annette. Annette, this is Bo and Luke. Nice to meet you. Hi. Ma'am. Annette's from Australia. Oh. Let's put another shrimp on the barbie! That's what they say there. OK. So, what do y'all need in the geology lab? We think it has something to do with them taking our farm. I don't know y'all in but we'll take you over there. Wait downstairs. I think we're gonna wait in here. Downstairs is fine. It's happening, Luke. It's all happening. Whoo! 'How do you tell a guy he smells? Do you have a smell intervention? 'Maybe just wait for his birthday and just go, 'Happy birthday, 1 (MAN) THINKS: 'Man, Steve is really smelly. 'Oh, sort that out. 'He smells like a teenager's watch band. 'I look like Tintin. He's cool ` Tintin. 'How do you tell a guy he smells? Do you have a smell intervention? 'Maybe just wait for his birthday and just go, 'Happy birthday, Steve!' CAR HONKS 'Ooh, sorry! 'And for a present you give him a deodorant and say, "Oh, here's a nice necklace. '"It's actually a car deodoriser. Pop that round your neck, mate."' TYRES SCREECH, CRASH! CAR RADIO CONTINUES PLAYING BREATHES LOUDLY You're retired, so these days, everybody travels to you. Maybe you only do school runs. You work from home, so drive mostly on the weekend. At Youi, we tailor your insurance premium to how you use or don't use your car. It could save you lots. Call: 1 Hey, Bo, I love your car. She really rumbles. It's actually a he. Right, Katie? (CHUCKLES) (SIREN WAILS) I ain't even speeding. Do you know how fast you were going? What? How fast you were going. I dunno, ten? Eight. Isn't the speed limit ten? Yeah. It is. Are you guys police? Campus police. (LAUGHS) Mother of God! I know it's a shame to hide your beauty but it's for your own good. What? I'm not even gonna respond to that. That's crazy! I know, I'll miss you, too. I'll be right back. All right, let's go. Let's go. (PEOPLE CHATTER) Katie just seems like a girl you could settle down with. Don't you think, Luke? Yeah. Fellas. I don't think they'll let us just walk in off the street. You'll think of something, Katie. You always do. Remember that... Oh, you're so pretty. I have an idea. Can I help you? You're just the guy we're looking for, er... Royce. Royce? Royce Williams. Royce Williams. Maybe you can help us. We're looking for the brightest young geologists for high-paying jobs. Maybe you've been by our booth. You're from Kamasaka Technologies? That's right, I'm Mr Ichinowa and this is my colleague, er... Yoko Takanushi. (SPEAKS JAPANESE) Right on! You said you were Japanese? We converted. Hey! So your professor tells us you're some kind of super genius. Really? On my last test, I got a C-minus. That's good! That's real good. Do you think...? You might just be Kamasaka Tech material. You've just got to pass this one little test. You just tell us what this is right here. Looks like a core sample. (WHISTLES) Man, that's good! He's good. (LAUGHS) Core sample of, what? Oh, of course. (COUGHS) What are you doing? Relax. Damn! Damn! These are my good Levis. Let's not lose focus, Royce. Yes, sir, Mr Takanushi. What did you call me? Mr Takanushi. Right! That's my name. That might be drugs or something. I think I know what it is. (LAUGHS) Are you really with Kamasaka Technologies? Damnit, we are high-powered Japanese executives. We work hard and we play even harder. Tell us what you see or we'll find another candidate at Georgia Poly. It's anthracite. Coal. Coal in Hazzard? What's the street value of this? This much - nothing. A good-sized mine - could be millions. Can you show us what a good-sized mine looks like? Yeah. Here's what it used to look like. And this is the after. Damn! Hogg's gonna do this to Hazzard? The hell he is! Mr Kamasaka, we have to go. The plane is leaving. Congratulations, you got the job. How does 27,000 yen a year sound? Sounds like 40 bucks! Way to go! All right, man. See you in Beijing. Hey, have you seen two guys come through here? You mean those two Japanese guys? Get me Atlanta PD. Damn! Strip mining? Why, that slimy bastard! "Here's another nugget for you." "Hogg's paying that kid Prickett a lot of money to race Saturday." He's paying him? Y'all better get your asses back here quick. Got it? 10-4, Shepherd. This is Lost Sheep out. (MUSIC PLAYS) What's this shit, man? Turns out your boy, Prickett, only came back cos Hogg paid him. Don't mean Billy has anything to do with the strip mine. You're kidding! Oh, shit! Roll 'em up. Man, what the hell is this, man? Looks like somebody's lost. Like a couple of White boys playing Black. Is that what's going on? Actually, we were at the geology lab for some environmental stuff. I get it. They're on one of these reality shows. Who Wants To Get Their Ass Kicked? Won't you two hillbillies join us up here for a minute? We prefer Appalachan-Americans. Get out of the car! Now, which one of you two brothers is Michelangelo? 'There's a certain creek that people sometimes canoe up without a paddle, you could say the Duke boys were on that particular creek right now.' Let's kick their ass! (SIREN WHOOPS) Never thought I'd say this but, hot damn, it's the cops! 'Whoops! There goes the canoe.' (WHISTLE BLOWS) Now, what's Henderson doing wrong? Everyone? Anyone? Argh! UP&GO is the most important drink of the day. It's got the protein, energy and fibre of 4 Weet-Bix and milk. Nice one, Henderson! 1 Give me your shoe laces. What? These guys give me theirs. I'm gonna fashion myself a lasso. When the jailer comes in, I'm gonna... rope his keys. Luke and Bo Duke are home free. Period. End of story. I've got on cowboy boots, cuz. I like your style! You gonna need those shoe laces? Oh, we're gonna have to get out of here. Hey, we've got to make a phone call. We've got to call our lawyer. What the hell are we in here for? Well,... where should I start? (CHUCKLES) We know you're gonna strip mine Hazzard. Do you, now? Well, that's good. Cos guess where I'm gonna sink that first drill. Right down in the middle of your bedroom. Y'all Dukes do share a bunk bed, right? That's a phat suit there! What, you some type of pimp? What I wanna know is what has strip mining got to do with you paying Billy Prickett to race? D'you like magic, Luke, sleight of hand? See, while you're looking over here, something's really happening over here. You see, despite the fact that I now own your beloved farm, I can't legally mine it because the county won't let me. I need to hold a public hearing to give the citizens of Hazzard a chance to object. < What's he talking about? And you're going to hold the hearing during the rally tomorrow? If nobody knows about the hearing, nobody's gonna be there to object. There you go! Sleight of hand. Sleight of hand. Grow the fingernails out. Then pop some fingernail polish on them bitches. Is Billy Prickett in on it? Prickett? Prickett's just collecting a pay check. You know we ain't gonna let you get away with it, Hogg. Really? Tomorrow if you're strolling by the courthouse about noon, you might wanna rush right in there and voice your objections. < Voice this. (SNIGGERS) (CLICKS FINGERS) Dad-gum it. I just remembered. Tomorrow morning you're going to the Georgia work farm. And I hear they have a rather strict policy on weekend passes. Yo, B. You need to pop a feather in that hat, yo. Then your man ho's will be having more respect. I have $100 here for whoever knocks that loudmouth sonofabitch out. Thank you. Now, break some rocks for me, boys. Take care, now, you hear? Bye-bye. You're not supposed to wear white after Labour Day! If you and me was to have a chase, think you could catch me? Appears to me you caught already, son. No, I'm serious. If I had my car and you was in this one, d'you think you could catch me? Because, bubba, this car feels kinda slow to me. She's got plenty under the hood. Don't you worry. No balls. No balls. No balls. No balls. No balls. No balls. You wanna see balls? (ENGINE REVS) No balls. No balls. Slow down. Getting your panties in a bunch. (BOTH LAUGH) You're the officer. Shut the hell up! All right? (QUIETER) No balls. Oh, my God. Will you look at that? You need a napkin to eat them drumsticks, boy. Goddamn it. Nice driving(!) (LAUGHS) What seems to be the problem, sugar? I think something bounced up into my undercarriage. Will you take a look? Ma'am, I'd be pleased to check your undercarriage. Thank you. I stopped you because your taillight is out. Stopped me? Sir, you hit me. Because we couldn't see you brake. You're gonna write me a ticket? Yep. This is ridiculous! Is there anything I can help you out with, ma'am? Do cute cops grow on trees around here or what? Well, I, you know... Push-ups. Kind of you to notice. Let me see what's going on under your hood here. Agh! Oops. Damn, that's hot. Here. Maybe this'll help. Bless you. No, no, no. My undercarriage. Your undercarriage? Yeah. Er, let's see... (ENGINE STARTS) Looks like you boys have the magic touch. I was about to seal the deal when you came over. What? She was looking at me. (CHUCKLES) Let's get out of here. Where are the goddamn keys? (SIGHS) Y'all think you can catch me now? (TYRES SCREECH) Agh! (GIRLS SHRIEK) Whoo! Buckle up, this might get exciting. That's all right. We'll be long gone before another cop shows up. (SIREN WAILS) Get skinny! God! Whoo! OK, where's the highway? Don't you have a map? Oh, wait. I got it. Turn left up here! Turn left, turn left! Damn it! I said left! I thought you said your left! My left is your left. I need these directions faster. I know exactly where we're at. (GIGGLES) So, girls, how's the back seat? I haven't had this much fun since we used to sneak up to the hayloft. You remember those tight outfits you used to make me wear. (GIGGLES) (GIGGLES) I didn't know how to break it to you. You didn't know? Luke, you said he was OK with it. Look at the road, Bo. Bo, look at the road. Look at the road! Supposed to be my time. (SIRENS WAIL) Bo! (TYRES SCREECH) # "If You Want Blood You Got It" - AC/DC # There ought to be a law # Criminal # You get a nothin' for nothin'... I think I'm gonna chunder. Is that bad? That means vomit. Not in the car. Bo! You told me she wasn't emotionally available for me. That it was better to lose a lover than to love a loser! Because you would faint every time you saw her! I don't faint! You called me a loser? I was trying to make him feel better. Can you just let me out here? Bo, this is some of the best driving I ever seen you do. Ain't that right, girls? Great driving, Bo. Don't kiss my ass! Bo, you've got to get us out of here. I can't hear you. You're being ridiculous. Life is ridiculous. I need a plastic bag. What is the purpose of this circle? How do we get out of here? Take this right. I'm not listening to you. Take a right here. Oh, hell. (GIRLS SCREAM) Bo, you're scaring the girls. Get back on the road. Say sorry for stealing Katie. You were never together! I liked her. You betrayed that. I liked her, too! I liked her first. Calm down, Bo! I will when he says he's sorry! Say you're sorry. I ain't saying it. Have you made your peace with God? You're about to meet your maker! Just say you're sorry! No. We had a good time and I'm not gonna apologise for that. (GIRLS SCREAM) (BOTH) Whoa! (GIRLS LAUGH) OK, I'm sorry. Fine. I'll take Annette. That was fun. (RADIO) "Lost Sheep, are you out there?" Uncle Jesse, there's a hearing at the courthouse. We've got to get everybody over there. "Sounds like a mighty fine plan, Lucas." Only got one wrinkle to it. If you do that, it could be very bad for Jesse and Pauline's health. Touch them and I'll shove an apple in your mouth and my foot up your ass. Well, you bring the mint jelly. We'll make it a party. "You two boys stay out of Hazzard and I mean it this time." Where do you think they got them? I don't know. Hogg's never gone this far before. You ready to go that far? Cousin, I'm always ready to go that far. You might only drive short distances to work each day. You might not drive your car to work at all. You might park securely at work. Or these days, everybody travels to you. Maybe you only do school runs. Or you work from home, so drive mostly on the weekend. At Youi, we get that everyone's not the same, so we tailor your insurance premium to how you use or don't use your car. Call: Or go to youi.co.nz today. 1 What are we doing here? This is Derek Sheevington's place. Yeah. Good chance this will get ugly so we're gonna drop you here. He got caught drinking out of the toilet in the girls' bathroom. We need you girls to work with him. Good God! Why, Katie Johnson, is that you? Boy, you filled out real nice. Yeah. You filled out real nice too, Sheev. What's going on, Sheev? We're gonna need some of those toys. Leave them girls here, I'll give you anything you want. Come on in. I'll put a stew on. (PHONE RINGS) Hazzard County Police Department. Enos, this is Boss Hogg. "Me and Roscoe are at the Duke place." If anybody wants us, we'll be here. "Well, that's mighty consid..." Roscoe, I'm going to join the governor at the rally. Do not be late going to the courthouse. Boss, how come you told old Enos where we was at? Remember the time we tried to fix the rodeo? Yeah. It was Enos that told the Dukes about it. Then we tried to spread those rumours about the mad cow disease so my chicken factories would make a little more profit. It was Enos that told the Duke boys. So you want them Duke boys to come out here? (DRUMS ON TABLE) Enos, where's Boss Hogg and Roscoe? At your farm. Thank you, Enos. That might be a new record. What? OK, thanks, Daisy. He's at our farm. Hey. Hey, look, there's Prickett. So? He can help us. He don't care. He's getting paid to be here. Oh, man, you're wrong. He's from here. (TYRES SCREECH) Are you out of your goddamn mind? Hey, Billy. Boss Hogg's gonna strip-mine Hazzard. Just hold your horses. Who's stripping? (BOTH LAUGH) He paid you to come and race... Save your breath. I already know. You already know? But this is your hometown. I hate to break this to you, Bo-Bo, but this place is a shithole. If it wasn't a strip mine, it'd be a strip mall. (BOTH LAUGH) Like one of them outlets where everything's reduced and... They don't even have an Outback Steakhouse down here. Am I right? Right as pie, Billy. Saddle up, Dil. Look at the bright side. At least you didn't have to race me today. Cos I would've left that Tonka toy you drive at the starting stripe. I'm gonna kill him. Hey, hey, hey! What about Uncle Jesse? You wanna rodeo with this clown? Uncle Jesse's old, Luke. He's had a good run. Besides, if he passes, God have mercy on his soul, we get the farm. I'm just playing with you, man. Let's go get him. They're here. (LAUGHS) Cooter, you ready out there? "Get Roscoe out of there." "Daisy and I'll take care of the rest." What do you say we smoke the varmint out of his hole? (DIXIE HORN) (BOTH) Yee-ha! Hey, Roscoe! Come on out, you fat sonofabitch! Whoo-hoo! Yee-ha-ha! Get your butt out there. Thank you, Roscoe. Let me know if you're gonna puke! Oh, you'll know first! Whoo-hoo! (BOTH LAUGH) All right, boys! Y'all come on out of there with your hands up. Hey, Roscoe! Hi, Boo-Boo. (CHUCKLES) 'If you have to go to the bathroom, now would be the wrong time.' I didn't know we had so many pigs on the farm. (LAUGHS) I call this painting the fence. I think you missed a spot. Look out! Are you gonna get us out of here? I'm working on it! (BOTH LAUGH) (SIRENS WAIL) All right, Jesse, I'm arresting those... Jesse? Jesse? Courthouse. (PEOPLE CHATTER) Attention! Attention, good people of Hazzard! Life as we know it is about to end. As we speak, dark forces are conspiring to strip-mine our land. Follow me to the courthouse and we'll save you! (ALL CHATTER) Yeah, right, Sheev. Last year the CIA was brainwashing our cows. Get a job, man. That's right. (ALL LAUGH, CHATTER) Agh! Go back to your spaceship. I'm serious. Come on! Bye, Sheev. (ALL GROAN) (SIREN WAILS) (GUNSHOTS) God! Oh! It might be good if you helped out here. Hell, move over, I'll drive. No way. I'm hoping to survive this. (GUNSHOT) Ooh! Goddamn it! Sonofabitch! (BOTH LAUGH) I like the way you think, cuz. Yeah, boy! (SIREN WAILS / GUNSHOT) # "Shoot To Thrill" - AC/DC # Don't you fool around # I'm gonna pull it, pull it, pull the trigger # Shoot to thrill # Play to kill # Too many women... Hold on. # ..Yeah # Lost Sheep, Lost Sheep, are you out there? Go for Lost Sheep. Free and clear. Good! Sheev's making sure everyone goes to the hearing. I'll see you in town. Over and out. Let's get the hell out of here. # "Shoot To Thrill" - AC/DC Barn door, coming up. Yeah, I see it. Hold on! Whoo! Whoa! Ha-ha! Yee-ha! Whoo-hoo! Whoo, the General! Let's head to the courthouse! End of the World to Lost Sheep. Come in, Lost Sheep. What do you got? Everybody headed into town? That's a negative. Repeat, that's a negative. No-one listened. They threw hot dogs at us. Did you tell them about the strip mine? Of course I did. Were you wearing a armadillo helmet when you told them? No. OK, Lost Sheep out. No-one's heading in to town? If we don't get to that courthouse by noon, there ain't gonna be no town. Well, we've still got time for Plan B. I like Plan B. Plan B. Plan B. 'When you're flying by the seat of your pants, nothing sounds more official than a Plan B.' Don't worry, cuz, I'll get them to the courthouse. (BANGS GAVEL) This emergency hearing is now in session. Roscoe, where is everybody? I'm here. Well, we have until noon. 1 # "Black Betty" - Ram Jam (ALL CHEER) Whoo! Now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it's my honour today to introduce my friend and the friend of everybody in the greatest state of the United States... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) ..the governor, James T Applewhite! Thank you. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen... ..welcome to the 70th Annual Hazzard Road Rally! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Drivers, start your engines! (ENGINES REV) Have a couple pina coladas waiting for me at the finish line, Dil. Here comes the heat. (GUNSHOT) There they go. Come on, come on, come on. (TYRES SQUEAL) (DIXIE HORN) (ALL YELL) (SIRENS WAIL) Yee-ha! # "Flirtin' With Disaster" - Molly Hatchet (ALL SHOUT) It has been confirmed that the orange car that entered the race is the same car that tore up Atlanta this morning. It seems that the "orange-car fugitives" are from Hazzard County. Authorities are trying to subdue the vehicle, known as the General Lee. Well, General-Lee speaking, I'd say those cops are in for a tough time. I'm Rick Shakely. Back to you, Marty. This is Boss Hogg. The Dukes are on the course. "I want all available vehicles to shut down the road to the courthouse!" We're gonna need to clear a path. You got it. Hey, Dil, what's the word on those Celine Dion tickets? Well, of course I wanna go backstage. Don't be dumb. Whoa! Damn. Whoo! (LAUGHS) Enos. I want you down to the courthouse. I... Someone moved my car. Enos, you dipstick! Did somebody move my car? Hell, let's just sack up and shoot the bastard. (GUNSHOT) Holy shit! (GUNSHOTS) Luke, where the hell are you? Yee-ha! (LAUGHS) (GUNSHOT) Whoa! Yee-ha! Whoa! Good God almighty. It's about time! How's the race going? How's it look like it's going? Whoo! Whoo! Agh! Why, you dirty sonofabitch. Hey, go easy on that. For what I'm getting ready to do, I don't wanna remember a lot of it. Whoa! (LAUGHS) What do you call a farmer with a sheep under each arm? What? A playboy! (LAUGHS) Ooh, hoo-hoo! Know what you get when you cross a donkey with an onion? No. You get a piece of ass that'll bring a tear to your eye. Whoo! Fire in the hole. Know why divorces are so expensive? No. Because they're worth it. Whoo! Hey, Bo, take it home. The coast is clear. Whoo! (HONKS HORN) Here we go again. OK, I'm gonna get those cops to follow me. When I do, tow those cruisers out of the way. Can do. # "These Boots Are Made For Walkin'" - Jessica Simpson My car broke down up the street. I was wondering if y'all could help. Why, yes, ma'am, we'd be happy to. Oh, you're sweet. Let's go. Halt! Tough shit, honey, fix your own car. Ain't no-one going anywhere. What the hell are you doing? Come on, General. Yee-ha! Whoa! Whoo! Whoa! Hey, Dil, we got a late arrival! Hey, Billy! (LAUGHS) Oops! (LAUGHS) You're gonna pay for that, Bo-Bo. (LAUGHS) I've had just about enough of you. (ALL YELL) Here they come. Of course I can feel him on my left! Where's he getting this from? Hey, Billy! He's playing with me! (LAUGHS) (CHEERING) Whoo! The General Lee has won the race. Dang! I want him tested for steroids! Whoo! (DIXIE HORN) They haven't had quite enough driving. They're still going. Come on, y'all! We'll interview them if we have to chase them ourselves. Tito, start the van. Better luck next time, Hogg. (ALL CHATTER) This is Boss Hogg. That road better be shut down tighter than a tick's ass. 10-4. Barricade's in place. Roscoe, is anyone coming? What, I ain't good enough for you? (CHUCKLES) No comment. Don't write that down. Don't write that down. Are they coming? Oh, yeah, they're coming. The whole town's headed to the courthouse. Daisy, we all clear? "Not exactly." "Not exactly" could be a problem. "Bo, I think we're gonna have to shoot the moon." What the hell are you doing, Cooter? I heard a pretty lady needed a tow. Cooter? I can't hear you. Cooter, what the hell are you doing? Hey, Billy! Think I was born yesterday, Bo-Bo? Oh, shit! Holy shit. Yee-ha! Luke, I made it but I don't know how anybody else will. That's OK, I got an idea! (LAUGHS) Well, I'll see you on the other side. Whoo-hoo! Whoa! (LAUGHS) (HORNS HONK) (LAUGHS) Give me your goddamn driver's licence. What licence? (LAUGHS) What are we waiting on? Let's finish this. Well, I guess it's that time. I just can't believe that nobody wants to object. (CHUCKLES) All those in favour of the strip-mining ordinance? They're gonna strip-mine Hazzard? Damn straight. How can they? Don't worry, we're about to stop them. (DOORS RATTLE) Oh! All those opposed? (DOORS RATTLE) What the hell is that? Who locked that door? Oh, man, that's gonna hurt tomorrow. Your Honour! We've got some people who object to this strip-mining issue. OK, all those opposed to the strip-mining ordinance? (ALL CHEER) This court hereby declares that the strip-mining ordinance is dismissed. (BANGS GAVEL, PEOPLE CHEER) Thank you much. Thank you, Boss. Hi, how y'all? She might be a little low on gas. Take that. Were you really gonna strip-mine Hazzard, Mr Hogg? I was thinking about it. (POLICE CHATTER) (GUNS COCK) Get your hands up. Hands up, hands up. OK. Looks like the party's over. Damn right it is. As long as I'm a county commissioner for Georgia. you two are gonna rot in the penitentiary. Cuff them. (CROWD CHATTER) Let them go! Excuse me, Rick Shakely, the governor has a statement to make. Well, hot dog. I do? Yes, sir. You wanted to say how these boys are heroes for saving Hazzard County. (PEOPLE CHATTER) Certainly, certainly. As you know, I've always been a great friend to the environment. And these boys, they're environmental heroes! (ALL CHEER) Because they're heroes, you're gonna pardon them for all their crimes? (ALL CHEER) Moreover, as governor, I hereby pardon these boys of any and all offences against the great state of Georgia. Go Dogs! (ALL CHEER, WHOOP) Governor? I wanna thank you for pardoning me, too. Huh? Pardon you for what? For this. Ooh! Oh, what the hell! I pardon him, too. (ALL CHEER) Here's to Hazzard County's real favourite sons. (ALL CHEER) 'The day had been saved, as they say.' 'Hazzard was put back the way it was.' 'Boss Hogg had some explaining to do.' 'And the Dukes got their farm back and celebrated with a good old-fashioned pig-picking barbecue.' Daisy, I think you ought to get up there and sing. Oh, no. I only sing in the shower. I'll get the water running. Let's get Uncle Jesse to do it. Good idea. Pauline, where's Uncle Jesse? We want him to sing a song. Oh, I think I might know where he is. (COUGHING) > (KNOCKS AT DOOR) Jesse? Well, hello, there. What are you doing in there? Smokin' up a little meat for the barbecue. Hmm-hmm. Course you were. Now, come on. Everybody wants you to sing a song. I'd better get out there, then. Yep. It's bright out here. Sheev? Afternoon. ma'am. Governor Applewhite? Hi! You're a pretty little thing. Oh, my God! Let's go get us a chocolate hotdog. I like the way you think, Gov! Er, Governor, we're going this way. Oh! Picnic. You've got my vote, sir. Thank you. It feels like old times again. Except we don't gotta worry about Bo finding out. I swear you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. You're sweet. Yeah. I would really like to give you a bath later. Clean you up real nice. Would you like that? I'd like that. (WHISPERS) Don't worry about her. She's crazy. Hey, Laurie. You forgot to make your delivery this week, Luke Duke. Go, Bo, go. Luke, you man-whore. You get back here, you bastard! 'See y'all later.' # Just good ol' boys, # Never meanin' no harm # Beats all you've ever saw # Been in trouble with the law since the day they was born... Camera marker. Actually, she's my cousin. That don't make a difference to me. Hell, long as she's your sister. What did I just say? (ALL LAUGH) # ..The mountain might get 'em # But the law never will... You're not supposed to wear white after Labour Day? # ..Any way they know how... Seann! Do I need to mark this thing? I wonder if Richard Burton ever had to do that. # Makin' their way # Any way they know how # That's just a little bit more than the law will allow What the...? That's the kiss you guys are having? (PEOPLE LAUGH) What the...? I'm a total moron! < It gets longer and longer. Come on. How these boys are the heroes for... Oh, my Lord! Every time I look at her titties, she loses her line. (ALL LAUGH) "I love it except the hair in your eyes." I know. How's my hair? "OK." How'd you miss that? (LAUGHS) "You took your hands off the wheel?" He showed me his balls! Sorry. OK, OK. We'll do it again. OK, keep going. For your... Don't tell me. It rhymes with "anus." (Heinous.) For your heinous crimes... Have you been running this around the clock, Uncle Jesse? Unk-gunk-gunk-gunk gunk-gunk! # ..Fightin' the system like a true modern day Robin Hood Did I say "shit" or "hell" that time? With "ass" or "dick"? I said "hell"? Dang it! A little help... A little help... Cut it. Cut. > Come on, be a bro, be a bro. (LAUGHS) Get it away! Come on. Get it away! Move over. Hey. There weren't any bananas. Oh, that's OK. Where's Bo? To hell with Bo, it's Boo! (LAUGHS) Lunch! Thank you very much. Look at me, I'm flying. I'm flying! Oh, it's so much fun. I'm OK. 'Are you ready, boots?' # "These Boots Are Made For Walkin'"- Jessica Simpson Start walking. Yee-ha! Let's go. # You keep sayin' you got somethin' for me # Well, Officer, I don't mind if you say you do # Now you're lookin' right where I thought you'd be lookin' # Legs come handy when the law's in front of you # These boots are made for walkin' # That's just what they'll do # One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you # Hi # You believe you've stopped me for a reason # I'm pretending my bending's just for fun # You keep playin' where I got you playin' # Yeah # These double D initials work to run # These boots are made for walkin' # That's just what they'll do # One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you # These boots are made for walkin' # That's just what they'll do # One of these days these boots are gonna walk... # ..all over... # ..you Come on, boots! Yee-ha! Willie Nelson, everybody! IMS Subtitles