1 (THE OUTFIELD'S 'YOUR LOVE' PLAYS) # JOSIE'S ON A VACATION FAR AWAY # COME AROUND AND TALK IT OVER (TAMMY SINGS ALONG) # SO MANY THINGS THAT I WANT TO SAY # YOU KNOW I LIKE MY GIRLS A LITTLE BIT OLDER # I JUST WANNA USE YOUR LOVE TONIGHT HOO! UH, UH. # I DON'T WANNA LOSE YOUR LOVE TONIGHT UH. # I AIN'T GOT MANY FRIENDS LEFT TO TALK TO - (VOLUME INCREASES) # NO ONE'S AROUND WHEN I'M IN TROUBLE # YOU KNOW I'D DO ANYTHING FOR YOU # STAY THE NIGHT BUT KEEP IT UNDERCOVER # I JUST WANNA USE YOUR LOVE TONIGHT # WHOA - OH, YEAH. # I DON'T WANNA LOSE YOUR LOVE TONIGHT (TYRES SCREECH ` CRASH!) - (MUSIC STOPS) (GROANS) SHIT. (SIGHS) WHAT THE HELL? OH. OH MAN. NOT ANOTHER ONE. (SIGHS) I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR MY CHAPSTICK, BUDDY. (SIGHS, SNIFFLES) YOU'RE JUST STUNNED, I THINK. YEAH. I MEAN, YOU GOT THE WIND KNOCKED OUT OF YOU. I DID THAT ON A JUNGLE GYM, HAD THE WIND KNOCKED OUT OF ME, TOO. YOU'LL... I'LL GIVE YOU A COUPLE SECONDS. YOU'LL BE FINE. YEAH. COME ON. MAYBE YOU JUST NEED A LITTLE ` A LITTLE MOUTH-TO-MOUTH, MAN? I'LL GIVE YOU ` MAYBE THAT'LL HELP. I JUST ` I DON'T WANT YOU TO BITE MY MOUTH. (BLOWING) THERE YOU GO. THAT'S HELPIN'. OK, COME ON. LET'S WALK IT OFF, MAN. GET UP ON ALL FOURS. YOU CAN ` (DEER GRUNTS) - OW! AAH! (CHUCKLES) ATTABOY! RUN! LOOK AT YOU GO! THERE YOU GO! GOT A GOOD GAIT. GOT A GOOD GAIT. YES! (MUSIC RESUMES) (CAR RATTLING) (ENGINE SHUTS OFF, MUSIC STOPS) WHERE ARE MY CHICKEN SANDWICHES, LARRY? COME ON. LET'S GO. - CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER? SOMEBODY GET THESE. SOMEBODY GET THESE. OH, MY GOD. TAMMY, GET OVER HERE. YOU'RE LATE AGAIN. DO YOU OWN A WATCH MUCH? I KNOW I'M LATE. A DEER JUMPED OUT OF NOWHERE ON 13. - YOU LOOK LIKE CRUD. OH, MY GOD. GET OFF THE FLOOR. TAMMY, MY OFFICE ` NOW! - I'M COMING, KEITH. GOD. TAMMY, DO YOU KNOW HOW I GOT TO WHERE I AM? SUCKING DICK AND KISSIN' ASS. (KNOCK ON WALL) - 'SCUSE ME, KEITH. WE NEED SOME MORE KETCHUP. OK. ENGLISH, THOUGH, JAVIER. THIS IS AMERICA. IT WAS ENGLISH. - THAT WASN'T ENGLISH. IS THAT BLOOD? - YEAH. A DEER HIT MY CAR ON THE WAY IN. YOU SHOULD MAYBE GO SEE A DOCTOR. - YEAH. NO KIDDING, RIGHT? OK, THANKS, JAVIER. THAT'S GREAT ADVICE. SEE YOU LATER. TAMMY, I AM TERMINATING YOUR EMPLOYMENT AT TOPPERJACK'S. YOU'VE GOTTA BE SHITTING ME. - NO. I'M TERMINATING YOUR EMPLOYMENT. I NEED YOUR BADGE. WHAT BA` YOU MEAN MY NAME TAG? YES. EXACTLY. I NEED YOUR BADGE. I NEED YOUR BADGE BACK. - IT'S NOT A BADGE. IT'S A SHITTY NAME TAG, AND YOU MADE ME BUY IT WITH MY OWN MONEY. THAT'S COMPANY POLICY. I NEED IT BACK. WELL, I NEED YOU TO STOP SWEATING THROUGH YOUR SHIRTS AND GROSSING EVERYBODY OUT. (EXHALES SHARPLY) IT IS HOT. AND WHEN IT'S HOT, PEOPLE SWEAT. THAT'S HOW IT IS. - NOT LIKE THAT. NOT LIKE THAT. - YEAH, WELL, DO YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT SHIT'S MEDICAL. - I'VE TRIED ` I'VE ` LISTEN. TAMMY, YOU HAVE ALREADY BEEN FIRED. I HAVE ALREADY TERMINATED YOUR EMPLOYMENT. YOU ARE AT LEAST 40 SECONDS FIRED, SO PLEASE EXIT THE TOPPERJACK'S. FINE. YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA GIVE YOU THIS. - TAMMY. - I GOT IT HERE. IT'S YOUR MIDDLE FINGER. - NO. POOM! READ BETWEEN THE LINES. I KNEW THAT YOU WERE GONNA DO IT, TAMMY, SO IT'S NOT AS GOOD. I GET IT, TAMMY. - PA-POO! YOU GET THAT? WHAT IS THAT? - LITTLE VERSION OF THIS. HEY, DON'T LET A DEER HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT. YOU DICK. YOU KNOW WHAT? DON'T LET THESE KETCHUP PACKETS GET STUCK IN YOUR GROSS ARMPITS! YOU'LL HAVE TO BUY NEW SHIRTS, YOU DICK! THOSE ARE TOPPERJACK'S SUPPLIES. YOU ARE NO LONGER AN EMPLOYEE OF TOPPERJACK'S. OH. YEAH, THAT SHIT'S CONTAMINATED NOW. FOR OVERTIME DUE, KEITH. OVERTIME DUE. TAMMY, JUST GET OUT. ENJOY THE SPECIAL SAUCE. - DO NOT TOUCH THE TOWER DELUXE BURGERS. THOSE BUNS ARE ALL STILL GOOD. JUST CHANGE THE HATS. - YEAH. YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. - I'M CALLING THE POLICE. UH, JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT THE MEAT HERE IS REAL SHITTY. OH, GOD. - REAL, REAL, REAL SHITTY. THAT'S THE TRUTH. THAT'S NOT TRUE. - THAT'S NOT CHICKEN. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT IT'S NOT BIRD. IT'S 110% CHICKEN. BIRD DOESN'T COME OUT OF SQUEEZY TUBES. MY GUT FEAR ` IT'S MOSTLY DICK AND BEAK. (WOMAN GASPS) - SHE'S DISGRUNTLED. - YOU KNOW WHAT? (GASPS) AAH, MY ELBOW! POOM! LATER, LOSER. (CHUCKLES) (WILLIE NELSON'S 'BRING ME SUNSHINE' PLAYS) # BRING ME SUNSHINE # IN YOUR SMILE (TYRES SCREECH) AW, ARE YOU ` # BRING ME LAUGHTER ALL THE WHILE SHIT! YOU KIDDING ME? # IN THIS WORLD WHERE WE LIVE # THERE SHOULD BE MORE HAPPINESS # SO MUCH JOY YOU CAN GIVE (CLANK!) # TO EACH BRAND NEW BRIGHT TOMORROW AW, MAN. # MAKE ME HAPPY THROUGH THE YEARS UGH. SHIT. # NEVER BRING ME # ANY TEARS LITTLE HELP?! LITTLE HELP?! LITTLE HELP?! COME ON! (SCOFFS) YEAH, KARMA! YEAH, WE'LL SEE. # BRING ME FUN, BRING ME SUNSHINE # BRING ME LOVE # BRING ME SUNSHINE # IN YOUR SMILE # BRING ME LAUGHTER # ALL THE WHILE IN THIS WORLD WHERE WE LIVE # THERE SHOULD BE MORE HAPPINESS # SO MUCH JOY YOU CAN GIVE # TO EACH BRAND NEW BRIGHT TOMORROW # MAKE ME HAPPY THROUGH THE YEARS # NEVER BRING ME ANY TEARS... # OH, GOD. HEY, GREG. I'M HOME. I THINK YOUR RINGER'S OFF. I'VE BEEN CALLING YOU. THAT ASSHOLE KEITH FIRED ME. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT? LIKE I EVEN WANT TO WORK THERE. (SIGHS) WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? HEY, T-TAMMY. WOW. YOU'RE HOME SO EARLY. I'M SORRY YOU GOT FIRED. - SHUT UP, MISSI. WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE MAKING MY HUSBAND DINNER? UH, ACTUALLY, I MADE HER DINNER. YOU'RE GONNA GET YOUR ASS KICKED. YEAH, YOU HUNGRY? YOU WANT TO EAT MY FIST FOR DI` OH! OW! SHIT! I AM SO SORRY, TAMMY. YOU STARTLED ME. KEEP YOUR DIRTY FINGERS OUT OF MY MOUTH. YOU SCRATCHED MY TONGUE. I'M LEAVING YOU, GREG. I'M TAKING THE HOUSEHOLD MONEY AND GETTIN' OUT OF HERE. GOD! NICE, GREG (!) YOU HAVE TO CHEAT WITH THE NEIGHBOUR? AND YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT ME FEEDING YOUR STUPID CATS, MISSI. I'M DIVORCING YOU, AND I'M SUING YOU, BITCH. FOR WHAT? - YOU ` FOR BEING AN ASSHOLE. THAT'S WHAT I'M SUING YOU FOR. WHY IS THERE ONLY $63 IN HERE, GREG? WHATEVER. I'M KEEPING ALL OF IT. OW, SHIT! - ARE YOU OK? I'M FINE. (PANTING) I FEEL GREAT, PERVS. ASSHOLES. YOU TWO DESERVE EACH OTHER. SHIT. GOD DAMN IT. JUST DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING. AND DON'T LET HER TOUCH MY UNDERWEAR. (VOICE BREAKING) YOU KNOW, YOU NEVER MADE ME DINNER. NOT EVEN ONCE. AND IT SMELLS REALLY GOOD, TOO. (DOOR SLAMS) YEAH, I'LL SEE YOU IN COURT. I HOPE YOU BOTH CHOKE ON YOUR SHITTY DINNER. ASSHOLES. MISSI JENKINS IS A WHORE! AND I KICKED HER ASS! KICKED HER STUPID ASS. DON'T CALL ME, GREG, WHEN SHE DUMPS YOU, 'CAUSE I WON'T CALL YOU BACK. NO FUCKING WAY. I'M GONNA BE TOO BUSY FUCKING MODELS AND SHIT. MOM. MOM! (KNOCKS ON DOOR) MOM, OPEN THE DOOR. GREG'S CHEATING ON ME, MOM. WHAT?! - I KNOW. WHAT A JERK, RIGHT? WHAT HAPPENED? I WENT HOME AFTER A SHITTY DAY, AND GREG AND MISSI JENKINS ARE HAVING, LIKE, A REALLY ROMANTIC DINNER AT OUR DINING ROOM TABLE, AND GREG MADE IT. OK, WELL, THEN I'M ` I'M SORRY. THAT'S TERRIBLE. I ` YEAH, I'M NOT EXACTLY THRILLED ABOUT IT MYSELF. I JUST NEED TO BORROW YOUR CAR. WHY? WHERE'S YOURS? MINE IS SMOKING ON HIGHWAY 13 'CAUSE A DEER JUMPED OUT IN FRONT OF ME. OK? CAN I JUST HAVE YOUR CAR SO I CAN GET OUT OF THIS SHITTY TOWN? I WILL DRIVE YOU TO WORK. I'M NOT GIVING YOU MY CAR. I DON'T NEED YOU TO DRIVE ME TO WORK, OK? KEITH FIRED ME. LITTLE PRICK. ARE WE REALLY GONNA DO THIS AGAIN, TAMMY? - WHAT? EVERY TIME SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS, YOU THROW A FIT, YOU SAY YOU'RE LEAVING, YOU NEVER GET MORE THAN 10 MILES OUTSIDE OF TOWN, YOU START FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF, AND YOU COME RIGHT BACK HERE AND THROW ANOTHER FIT. THAT'S NOT TRUE. - IT'S A PATTERN. IT'S NOT A PATTERN. - IT IS. - THAT'S NOT EVEN WHAT A PATTERN IS. A PATTERN IS A THING THAT COMES IN PAIRS OF TWO. YOU JUST DON'T KNOW SCIENCE. OH, MY GOD. A PATTERN IS A SERIES OF THINGS OR EVENTS THAT REPEAT THEMSELVES ON AND ON, SOMETIMES INTO INFINITY. THAT'S WHAT A GALAXY IS. IT'S NOT A PATTERN. FINE. - GOD. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HELP ME, THEN JUST GIVE ME THE KEYS TO DAD'S TRUCK. NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. - FINE. THEN I'M GONNA TAKE GRANDMA'S CAR. NO, YOU'RE NOT. SHE IS OLD AND NOT WELL. WELL, THEN I GUESS SHE DOESN'T NEED A CAR, RIGHT? YOU ANSWERED THAT. DON'T GO ` TAMMY. - GRANDMA, I NEED YOUR CAR KEYS. YEP. I HEARD EVERYTHING, AND I AM READY TO GO. I'M TAKING YOUR CAR. I'M NOT TAKING YOU. YOU'RE NOT GETTING MY CAR UNLESS YOU ARE TAKING ME. NO. - OH, YEAH. MOM. - WHAT? - WHAT? YOU ` YOU PACKED A BAG? YEAH. - WAIT A MINUTE. NO ONE IS GOING ANYWHERE. I AM. I'M JUST NOT TAKING THIS ASSHOLE WITH ME. HEY, YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY MY FIRST CHOICE FOR A TRAVELLING COMPANION, EITHER, BUT AT THIS EXACT MOMENT, YOU'RE THE BEST BET I HAVE TO GET OUT OF THIS STUPID HOUSE. MOM! - I'M SORRY, DEBORAH, BUT IT IS A STUPID HOUSE, AND I HATE IT. I LOVE YOU, BUT I AM NOT GONNA DIE IN THIS HOUSE ALONE. MOM, YOU'RE NOT GONNA DIE HERE ALONE. YOU'RE GONNA DIE HERE WITH ME AND DON. THAT'S A SHITTY THING TO SAY. - IT'S A VERY SHITTY THING TO SAY. I MEANT IT IN A GOOD WAY. - WHAT'S A GOOD WAY? OH, MY GOD. I JUST M` UGH, NEVER MI` SHITTY. - VERY SHITTY. MOM, YOUR DOCTOR SAYS YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT EASY. DR. LANSING IS AN IMBECILE. DO WE HAVE A DEAL? NO OFFENCE, BUT NO FUCKING WAY. I HAVE $6,700 IN CASH. BULLSHIT. PROVE IT. YEAH, THAT'S GONNA DO IT. MOM! TAMMY. YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE. - THIS IS RIDICULOUS. DON'T CALL ME AT 2:00 A.M. LOOKIN' FOR A RIDE. - YEAH, I WON'T. MOM, PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVE YOUR PILLS. - OH, DEBORAH, UNCLUTCH. GOD DAMN IT, MOM. I'M GONNA CALL BROOKVIEW. I SWEAR TO GOD. - WELL, YOU DO WHAT YOU NEED TO, BABY. - BYE, MOM. (TYRES SQUEAL) NOT A GOOD IDEA. IT'S JUST A LITTLE SWOLLEN. IT'S OK. - (HORN HONKING) WHAT'S BROOKVIEW? - IT'S AN OLD FOLKS' HOME, LIKE A PRISON FOR OLD PEOPLE. HORRIBLE PLACE. I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO NIAGARA FALLS. OK. (ENGINE REVS) THAT WAS A STOP SIGN. YEAH, I'M AWARE OF THAT. I KNOW THAT. ALL RIGHT, DO YOU THINK WE COULD JUST TRY TO BE PLEASANT? WHAT DO YOU SAY? HOW 'BOUT A BEER? NO. UM, WHISKEY? JESUS, NO. OH, MY GOD. YOU'RE PREGNANT. I'M DRIVING A CAR, GRANDMA. DO YOU SEE WHAT I'M DOING? JUST 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T SEE THROUGH YOUR MAGOO GOGGLES DOESN'T MEAN I'M NOT DOING WHAT I'M DOING. ALL RIGHT, I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. GOD. YOU KNOW WHAT? SCREW IT. GIVE ME A BEER. OH, YES. OK. HERE YOU GO. ONE LITTLE BEER CAN'T HURT, RIGHT? YA-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO! # I'M GOING UP THE COUNTRY, BABE, DON'T YOU WANNA GO? WHOO! WHOO-WHOO! # I'M GOING UP THE COUNTRY, BABE, DON'T YOU WANNA GO? SPIN IT. SPIN IT. SPIN IT! I GOT IT. (LAUGHING) HELLO, COWS. I'M SORRY YOU'RE SO TASTY, COWS! I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP BETWEEN TWO SEXY MEAT BUNS. (LAUGHS) WHOA! THAT'S A BUMP. WHOA! (LAUGHS) I STUCK THE LANDING. (SIGHS) - YOU WANT TO GO RIDE A COW? UGH. OH, SHIT. WHERE THE HELL ARE WE? - SHH, SHH, SHH. COME HERE. WHEN I WAS A YOUNG GIRL, I USED TO FEED DEER RIGHT OUT OF MY HAND AT MY GRANDPARENTS' CABIN, AND THERE WAS THIS ONE ` - E-YAH! HYAH! GET OUT OF HERE! GET OUT OF HERE! YOU NEVER DID APPRECIATE NATURE. UH, NOT WHEN IT TOTALS MY COROLLA. NO. THANK YOU. I ` (SIGHS) HOW THE HELL DID WE EVEN GET IN HERE? OH, MY GOD. YOU KNOW WHAT? - WHAT? I THINK THIS IS SOME 'X-FILES' SHIT. FOR SURE. I DON'T KNOW. YOU KNOW WHAT? IF WE DIE OUT HERE, WE'RE JUST RACCOON FOOD. (CHUCKLES) - IT'S NOT FUNNY. THAT'S ` I SAW THAT ON A SHOW. LET'S GO. GET IN THE CAR. WE'RE GOING HOME. - HOME? YEAH, HOME. - WHAT? YOU'RE ALWAYS TALKIN' ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF THAT STUPID TOWN AND WE FINALLY ARE OUT OF IT, AND THEN ONE LITTLE THING HAPPENS AND YOU JUST WANT TO RUN ON BACK? (ENGINE TURNS OVER) - COME ON. LET'S GO. FINE. I'M NOT SURPRISED. YOU ALWAYS WERE A QUITTER. I'M NOT A QUITTER. - YES, YOU ARE. YEAH? REALLY? DOES A QUITTER DO THIS? (ENGINE REVS, METAL CRUNCHING) - AH! OH, GOD. I GOT IT STUCK. - IT'S ALL RIGHT. GO AHEAD. PUSH. THAT'S IT. A LITTLE BIT MORE. - MY GOD. IT'S CRUSHING IT. - THAT'S OK. PUSH IT. GOT IT. I AM NOT A QUITTER! - YOU'RE A DOER! - I AM A DOER! THAT'S IT! - (ENGINE REVS) - (SCREAMS) YOU GOT IT! YOU GOT IT! DO IT! DO IT! WHOO! I AM NOT A QUITTER! OH, SHIT! AAH! WHO'S A QUITTER NO`?! (TYRES SCREECH) - AAH! - WHOA! OH! GIRL: OH, MY GOD! SORRY ABOUT THAT! YOU SHOULD WEAR A HELMET, FYI! WHOA. - (PANTING) OH, GOD. 'MARK TWON NATIONAL FOREST.' WHERE ARE WE? WE'RE IN MISSOURI. WE WENT IN THE WRONG DIRECTION. AND...YOU DO KNOW WHO MARK TWAIN IS, RIGHT? I KNOW WHO HE IS. GOOD GUY. HE'S A GOOD GUY. (SIGHS) OK, TAMMY. TAMMY, LISTEN UP. - WHAT? WELL, YOU'RE AT A CROSSROADS, RIGHT? YOU COULD CHANGE THE TRAJECTORY OF YOUR WHOLE LIFE. YOU'VE GOT TIME. I'VE GOT MONEY. YOU DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT TOWN. YOU DESERVE TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN, RIGHT? (BOTH CHUCKLE) (LYNYRD SKYNYRD'S 'CALL ME THE BREEZE') (CHILDREN LAUGHING) THERE'S NO ALCOHOL ON THE DOCK. (SIGHS) IT'S MY JUICE. WHOO! # CALL ME THE BREEZE # I KEEP BLOWIN' DOWN THE ROAD WHOO-HOO! OH, THAT ` THAT'S NOT SAFE. - (CHUCKLING) NO. I AM RIPPING SHIT UP! SLOW DOWN! WHOO! LOOK AT THAT. SHE IS SO BRAVE. COMING IN HOT! I AM COMIN' IN SMOKIN' HOT! SMOKIN' HOT! WHOO! MIGHT BE TOO HOT! THROTTLE'S JAMMED! TOO HOT! (CRASH!) - OH, MY GOD! TAMMY?! TAMMY?! TAMMY?! OH, MY GOD! YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! AW, SHIT. I LOST MY GLASSES. SHIT! ARE YOU KIDDING?! $4,800?! IS THAT YOUR SCAM? HUH? YOU LIKE TAKING MONEY FROM LITTLE OLD LADIES? YOU BREAK IT, YOU BUY IT. YOU'RE LUCKY I DON'T CALL THE POLICE. THAT MACHINE MALFUNCTIONED ON ME. YOU'RE GONNA BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER. NO. - PEARL: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. JUST STOP IT, TAMMY. HERE YOU GO. $4,800. DON'T GIVE HIM CASH. YOU SHOULD PUT IT ON YOUR CARD AND DISPUTE IT LATER. I DO IT ALL THE TIME. I DON'T BELIEVE IN CREDIT CARDS. CASH IS REAL. YOU SHOULD BE CHARGING SHIT LIKE CRAZY, 'CAUSE YOU'RE OLD, AND BY THE TIME THEY COME TO GET IT, YOU MAY NOT ` ALL RIGHT, GO TO THE CAR. - I'M JUST SAYING YOU MAY NOT STILL BE HERE. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. - YOU COULD BE DEAD. - GET IN THE CAR. I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR BUSINESS. - I DON'T ` I ` GET IN THE CAR. HEY. - DICK. SHE'S AN IDIOT. - MUSCLE SHIRTS ARE FOR MUSCLES. Burgers the way they're meant to be. (UPBEAT MUSIC) Uh... You can never have too much coinage with Burger King's new Change Range, starting from just $1 ` and the new Bacon Cheeseburger for just $3. Burgers the way they're meant to be. 1 I SAID I'M SORRY ABOUT THE FOUR GRAND. 4,800 BUCKS. 4,800 BUCKS. PAY YA BACK. SO, WHY DO YOU WANT TO GO TO NIAGARA FALLS, ANYWAY? WELL, I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO WITH MY DADDY. HE WAS GONNA TAKE ME WHEN I WAS ABOUT, UM, 8 OR 9, BUT HE GOT TOO BUSY WORKIN'. AND THEN HE GOT TOO BUSY GETTIN' SICK AND DYIN', SO I NEVER DID GET TO SEE IT. OH. AND NOW, UH, SOME 60... ODD-YEARS LATER, I'M GONNA GET TO SEE NIAGARA FALLS WITH YOU, WITH MY GRANDDAUGHTER. DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S PRETTY SPECIAL? I THINK SO. ARE YOU SITTIN' ON A COUCH OR A TOILET? 'CAUSE THIS IS LIKE A THERAPY SESSION. (CHUCKLES) HEY! COME HERE! YEAH? LOOK AT THIS THING! MY GOD. IT'S AMAZING. YEAH, IT'S, UM...YEAH. IT'S ` IT'S COOL. IT'S OK. I LIKE IT. 'OK'? IT'S MAJESTIC. (CHUCKLES) - IT'S NOT 'OK.' I MEAN, THAT IS SUPER-COOL. YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS. OH, PLEASE. WHAT HAVE YOU EVER DONE THAT'S THAT COOL? NOTHIN'. SHORT LIST. - I WATCHED NEIL ARMSTRONG WALK ON THE MOON. W` ON HIS BIKE? THAT'S LANCE. IT'S ` I DON'T CARE WHICH BROTHER IT IS. THAT'S STILL LAME COMPARED TO THIS. BOO. I HAD A SIX-MONTH RELATIONSHIP WITH ONE OF THE ALLMAN BROTHERS. (CHUCKLING) RIGHT. YEAH. ME, TOO. BULLSHIT. WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE. IT HAPPENED. OH, MY GOD. DID YOU REALLY HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH GREGG ALLMAN? - NO. WITH DUANE. WHO? - DUANE ALLMAN. THE BROTHER. DID YOU AT LEAST GET TO MEET GREGG? OF COURSE I GOT TO MEET HIM A LOT! I WAS ON THE BUS FOR MOST OF THEIR FIRST TOUR. WHAT?! - YES! I HAVE TO SAY, THAT'S, LIKE, ONE OF THE COOLEST THINGS ANYONE IN OUR FAMILY HAS EVER, EVER, EVER DONE, LIKE, GOING BACK TO, LIKE, WHEN WE WERE CAVE PEOPLE. PROBABLY IS, ACTUALLY. - (CHUCKLES) - I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT WAY, BUT... (HUMMING 'MIDNIGHT RIDER') # I GOT TO RUN # TO KEEP FROM HIDIN' REMEMBER THAT? - THAT'S GOOD. - # I'M BOUND TO KEEP ON RIDIN' (CHUCKLES) - # AND I'VE GOT ONE MORE SILVER DOLLAR... AND, LIKE, HE GOES LOW. # AIN'T GONNA LET 'EM CATCH ME, NO AIN'T G` - AIN'T GONNA LET 'EM ` GO LOW. - BOTH: # MIDNIGHT RIDER. GET YOUR CHIN OUT. YOU'RE DOI` - # RIDER - NOT LIKE IN A WEIRD WAY. # RIDER # AND I GOT ONE MORE # SILVER DOLLAR LITTLE LOWER. YOU'RE OFF. NOT ` LISTEN. NO, NO, # GET YOU, NO, NOT GONNA LET 'EM CATCH THE MIDNIGHT RIDER. THAT'S IT. BETTER. BETTER. (LAUGHS) - (BOTH HUMMING) YOU KNOW, ONE TIME I GOT FINGERED BY BOZ SCAGGS. TAMMY. - NO, IT'S OK. IT TURNS OUT IT WASN'T ACTUALLY BOZ SCAGGS. IT'S A GOOD BIRD. - YEAH, SWEETIE. IT'S A GREAT BIRD. # I'VE GOT TO RUN # TO KEEP FROM HIDIN' # AND I'M BOUND # TO KEEP ON RIDIN' # AND I'VE GOT ONE MORE # SILVER DOLLAR # BUT I'M NOT GONNA LET 'EM CATCH ME, NO # NOT GONNA LET 'EM CATCH THE MIDNIGHT RIDER PEARL: YES! WE'RE HERE. WE FOUND IT. YEP. WE'RE HERE. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I CAN SMELL IT FROM THE PARKING LOT. I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT. SHE SAYS THIS IS THE BEST BBQ IN THE CITY. THEN LET'S HAVE DINNER AND GET OFF THE PHONE. OH, NO, SWEETIE. WE CAN'T. WE ` WE ALREADY ` THANKS, BUT WE ALREADY CHECKED INTO A HOTEL. - JUST GIVE ME MY PHONE. - BYE. BUT WE'LL PROBABLY SEE YOU TOMORROW. - BYE. ALL RIGHT. LOVE YOU. - DON'T HIT ME. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - GIVE ME MY PHONE. WE'RE NOT GOING TO SEE LENORE. WHY? - 'CAUSE HANGING OUT WITH AN OLD LESBIAN IS NOT MY IDEA OF A GOOD TIME. - OH, DON'T BE SILLY. SHE'S AN AMAZING WOMAN. SHE'S REMARKABLE. SHE JUST LIVES LIFE. SHE JUST GRABS IT BY THE HORNS. I MEAN, YOU COULD LEARN A LOT FROM HER IF YOU PAID ATTENTION. ARE YOU ` - WHAT? - DON'T DO THAT. UGH. - WHAT? (LAUGHING) WHAT? - WHAT ARE YOU, GAY FOR LENORE? YOU LOVE HER SO MUCH? SHE IS MY COUSIN. OH, MY GOD. WOULD IT BE SO TERRIBLE, REALLY, IF I WERE GAY? NO. I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE GAY. CAN WE PLEASE JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR TWANG? I'M VERY PROUD OF MY TWANG. - UGH! (BIG AL HALL AND POSSUM CREEK'S 'JOHN HENRY' PLAYING) MMM-MMM. I AM LOVING THIS BRISKET. HOW'S YOURS? IT'S REALLY GOOD. I-I LOVE THE BARK. AND I WOULD KNOW 'CAUSE I'M A BARK SHARK. - MM. HMM. THERE ARE SOME JUICY-LOOKING GENTLEMEN IN HERE TONIGHT. - UH-HUH. I THINK WE MIGHT JUST GET LUCKY. I MIGHT. YOU MIGHT. - DON'T KNOW 'BOUT YOU. THAT'D SHOW GREG, WOULDN'T IT? YEAH. NAH. YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S TOO EASY FOR ME. I MEAN, I CAN GO OUT THERE AND JUST GET ` I CAN GET ANY GUY IN THIS ROOM. REALLY? - YEAH. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT GUYS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN DRAWN TO ME. KIND OF LIKE FLIES ON SHIT. YOU MIGHT, IN THE FUTURE, WANT TO SAY 'BEES TO HONEY.' - WHY? ALL RIGHT, WHAT IS THIS POWER? I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THIS POWER IN ACTION RIGHT NOW. (CHUCKLES) YEAH? YOU READY? - YES. ALL RIGHT. YOU BETTER GET A NOTEBOOK OUT AND A SHARP PEN. OK, I'M WATCHING. - IT'S GONNA BE A GODDAMN CLINIC. - I CAN'T WAIT. YEAH. - YOU SHOW ME, GIRL. - PAY ATTENTION. UH-HUH. GO AHEAD. WHISPERS: I GOT TWO. I GOT TWO. (CLEARS THROAT) WHICH ONE OF YOU LUCKY FELLAS WANTS TO BUY ME SOME DRINKS AND CUT A RUG? MM? - I'M SORRY. WHAT? - WRONG ANSWER. YOU. YOU JUST GOT LUCKY. YOU WANT TO BUY ME SOME DRINKS AND HIT THAT DANCE FLOOR? MAN: I'M GONNA PASS. - HOW 'BOUT FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOU, TOO? (SIGHS) I THINK THEY WERE TOGETHER. THAT MUST BE WHY. OH. NOW, THAT MAKES SENSE. CAN'T WORK YOUR MAGIC ON THAT, RIGHT? IT'S ` I'M MO` I MEAN, A MAGIC, BUT NOT ` IT'S COOL. I DIDN'T GET ` HEY, I'M COOL WITH YOUR LIFESTYLE CHOICE. YEAH. GAY IT UP. WHAT? I DIDN'T KNOW. HERE YOU GO. - THANKS. TO YOUR HONEY. (CHUCKLES) (BOTH LAUGH) NOW LET'S TURN YOUR HONEY BACK TO THE MUSIC. TURN MY HONEY. MMM. I JUST GOT THAT. I JUST GOT 'BEES TO HONEY.' DOES SOUND BETTER THAN 'FLIES ON SHIT.' - YEAH. YEAH, 'CAUSE THE 'FLIES ON SHIT'... - WOULD MEAN YOU'RE ` - YEAH. YEAH. ALL RIGHT. - I'M GONNA KEEP THAT CATALOGUED IN THERE 'CAUSE I USE THAT A LOT. (CHUCKLING) OK. - WHOO! MMM-MMM-MMM! WHOO-WHOO-WHOO! LIKE YOUR HAT! # JOHN HENRY WAS A LITTLE BABY BOY # SITTIN' ON HIS MAMA'S KNEE # SHE PICKED UP A HAMMER IN HER LITTLE BABY'S HANDS... 3:00. GOT SOMETHING ON THE RADAR AT 3:00. THAT'S 9:00. WHERE ARE YOU PUTTING YOUR 12:00? - STRAIGHT AHEAD. LOOK AT 3:00. 3:00, 3:00, 3:00. OH, BOY. OOH, HE'S COMING OVER. HE'S COMING OVER. HE'S COMING OVER. OH, RIGHT. - HI, THERE. LITTLE BIRDIE TOLD ME YOU MIGHT NEED SOME MORE BEER. WELL, THAT'S ONE SMART LITTLE BIRDIE. (CHUCKLES) YOU TWO SISTERS? NO. SHE'S LIKE 100. (THUD!) OW. DON'T. UH, I'M EARL, AND, UH, THIS IS MY BOY. HOWDY. I'M PEARL, AND THAT'S MY ` TAMMY. HEY. - HEY. HEY. OH. GOOD GRIP. - THANK YOU. MM-HMM. WHAT'S YOUR NAME, GOOD GRIP? - I'M BOBBY TILLMAN. YEAH, YOU ARE. HUH. YEAH. I'M ` I AM. YEAH, YOU ARE. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, BOBBY TILLMAN? I RUN MY DAD'S FARM. COOL. - RIGHT. HEY, CONNIE, CAN YOU BRING SOME SHOOTERS OVER HERE? THIS LADY WOULD LIKE TO GET INTOXICATED. THAT'LL WORK, WON'T IT? OH. SO, FARM, HUH? YEAH. DANCING JUICE. THAT'S WHAT WE NEED. # BABY, HERE I AM # I'M A MAN ON THE SCENE # I CAN GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT # BUT YOU GOT TO COME HOME WITH ME # I HAVE GOT SOME GOOD OLD LOVIN' # AND I GOT SOME MORE IN STORE # WHEN I GET TO THROWIN' IT ON YOU # YOU GOT TO COME BACK FOR MORE # BOYS ARE THINGS THAT COME BY THE DOZEN # THAT AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT DRUG-STORE LOVIN' # HEY, LITTLE THING, LET ME LIGHT YOUR CANDLE # 'CAUSE, MAMA, I'M SURE HARD TO HANDLE, NOW. YES I AM. WHOO. HOO. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) - WHOO! - ALL RIGHT. (LAUGHS) ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WE'RE GONNA TAKE A LITTLE BREAK. TAMMY: ONE MORE TIME! THAT WAS AMAZING! WHOO! THEY GOT TO TAKE A BREAK. WHOO! OH, MY GOD. (BLOWS) - OH! YOU NEED A COOL-OFF, ALL RIGHT? I'M SO SWEATY. I WAS GRIPPIN' IT UP OUT THERE. EVERYBODY WAS KIND OF REALLY JUST WORKIN' AS A UNIT. I KEPT CALLING YOU IN. DID YOU SEE ME? YOU LOOKED ` YOU LOOKED GREAT OUT THERE. - AH, WELL, I CAN MOVE. (CHUCKLES) YEAH. YOU'RE SO BAD! DAD. - MM. WHAT? WHAT? DON'T YOU THINK IT'S TIME TO GO? WELL, LOOK, BOBBY, LET'S NOT BE RUDE, OK? I HAVEN'T FINISHED MY DRINK YET. (LAUGHTER) AND NOW IT'S GONNA TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF TIME. I'M GOING TO THE BATHROOM. WHEN I COME BACK, WE'RE LEAVING. I DON'T CARE IF YOU FINISH YOUR DRINK. - OOH! - OOH! I'M GONNA GO PICK UP THAT HINT HE JUST DROPPED. HEY, IS THIS THE BATHROOM LINE? - (DOOR OPENS) (EXHALES SHARPLY) UM, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'? JUST WONDERIN' WHERE YOUR WIFE IS TONIGHT. I'M NOT MARRIED. LET'S LIGHT THIS CANDLE. WHOA! OK. ALL RIGHT. HOLD ON. I ` I DO NOT WANT YOUR TONGUE IN MY MOUTH. THEN WHERE DO YOU WANT IT, MAN? - (DOOR OPENS) NO. I'M GONNA GO ` I'M GONNA GO TO THE BATHROOM. YOU JUST ` - YOU'RE WELCOME. OK. - HM. YEAH, NOT A CHANCE. NOT A CHANCE. GOOD SET, MAN. OH, NO. THANKS A LOT... JUST DITCHIN' ME IN THERE. CAN'T FIND MY GRANDMA ANYWHERE. DO YOU KNOW WHERE SHE IS? I ` I DO, UNFORTUNATELY. OH! GOD! (LAUGHS) - HEY! (BOTH MOANING) PEARL: JUST GO AWAY. WE'RE FINE. - GET ` GOD, I THINK SHE TOOK MY KEYS. DID YOU TAKE MY KEYS, GRANDMA? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? COME ON! DAD, CUT IT ` AW, MAN. OH, MY GOD. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT WAS. UGH. THAT'S A SHITTY WAY TO END THE NIGHT. - YOU'RE TELLIN' ME. (SIGHS) - SORRY I, YOU KNOW, MADE THAT... LITTLE PASS AT YOU IN THERE. LITTLE PASS? THAT WAS KIND OF AGGRESSIVE. - DAMN IT, I'M SAYING I'M SORRY. NO, IT'S OK. I WAS FLATTERED. IT WAS JUST SURPRISING, YOU KNOW. HONESTLY, FOR THE NIGHT AS A WHOLE, IT WASN'T THE WORST THING THAT HAPPENED. DO I SAY 'THANK YOU' TO THAT? - YEAH, THERE'S A COMPLIMENT IN THERE. (CHUCKLING) IN THERE SOMEWHERE? - (MOANING) - OH, GOD. DON'T ` DON'T LOOK. DON'T LOOK. - OH! OH, GOD! - I JUST TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK! WHY DID YOU LOOK?! - (GROANS) - I TRIED TO SAVE YOU FROM THAT. BECAUSE BY SAYING IT, IT'S LIKE AN INVITATION TO LOOK. I MEAN, IT'S LIKE IF SOMEBODY SAYS, 'DOES THIS SMELL WEIRD TO YOU?' AND THEY PUT IT OUT, YOU LEAN IN AND YOU SMELL IT. - YOU DON'T SMELL IT. BUT YOU DO. YOU LEAN IN AND YOU SMELL IT. ALL RIGHT, THAT'S CRAZY. I-I WOULD NOT SMELL SOMETHING IF SOMEBODY TOLD ME NOT TO SMELL IT. YOU WOULD. - I CAN GUARANTEE YOU. I CAN GUARANTEE YOU THAT. PEARL: DON'T WORRY. DON'T WORRY. - OH. DAD, ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH! - WE'RE ONLY AT FIRST BASE. OOH-OOH-OOH, HERE COMES SECOND. COME ON! - DAD, THIS IS NOT FAIR TO MOM! COME ON, MAN! MOM? IT'S COMPLICATED. - YEAH, YOU THINK? I THINK SO. HEY, GRANDMA! - UH, UH ` - THAT ASSHOLE IS MARRIED. COME ON, DAD. - HE'S MARRIED. EARL: SORRY, DARLIN', THE INN IS CLOSED. I'M SORRY, BUT HE IS AN ASSHOLE. - I-I AGREE. HE'S A LITTLE BIT OF AN ASSHOLE. I DO` I CAN'T ` - OH, GOD. - (SIGHS) LOOK, WILL YOU DO ME A FAVOUR? MY MOM IS HOME ALONE AND SHE'S SICK AND I NEED TO GET BACK WITH HER. SO DO YOU HAVE, LIKE, A PEN OR SOMETHING THAT I COULD BORROW REAL QUICK? YEAH, I THINK SO. - YEAH. ALL RIGHT, LOOK, IF THEY COME OUT OF THERE AT A CERTAIN POINT, JUST GIVE ME A CALL AND I'LL COME PICK HIM UP, OK? HERE. THANK YOU. I KNEW YOU WERE INTO ME. I GOT YOUR DIGITS. (LAUGHS) SORRY. THAT WAS ` IT WAS STUPID. IT WAS DUMB. - ALL RIGHT, TAMMY. THANKS FOR HOLDIN' DOWN THE FORT. I APPRECIATE IT. - YEAH, I-I'LL WATCH HIM. APPRECIATE IT. - THANKS. GOOD LUCK. - THANKS. BYE, BOBBY. BYE. PEARL: OH! YES, EARL! YOU KNOW WHO SHE FUCKED? DUANE ALLMAN. - GO AWAY. GO AWAY. YEAH, SHE FUCKED THE WRONG ALLMAN BROTHER. ENJOY THAT. 1 (SCOFFS) IT'S 119, GRANDMA. - 119! 119! - 119! 119! IT'S A RODEO. - COULD YOU NOT DO ` CAN I JUST HAVE MY SHIT BACK? NO, NO. COME ON. A GENTLEMAN ALWAYS CARRIES A LADY'S THINGS. - OH, BINGO! - YEAH! - 119. YOU'RE RIGHT. 119. YEAH. YEAH, GREAT. - SO, YOU WANT TO COME IN FOR, UM, SOME COLOUR TV OR SEX? YEAH. - NO. NO. WE HAD A DEAL. - (GRUNTING) - YEAH, BULLSHIT. DON'T YOU DARE! DON'T YOU DARE! YOU ARE TOO OLD TO BE THIS STRONG! OPEN THIS DOOR, GRANDMA! GOD DAMN IT! HEY, TAMMY! WE NEED SOME ICE, BABY! OK? - YEAH, FUCK YOU, EARL. FUCK YOU. OW! COME ON. DON'T ` GAH! (SIGHS) OH, SHIT. I GOT TO ` (SIGHS) I GOT TO PEE. ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO FOR B2. (VENDING MACHINE WHIRRS) YOU PIECE OF SHIT. - (VENDING MACHINE BEEPS) I PAID FOR YOU. COME ON, YOU TASTY MOTHERFUCKER. YEAH, NOW WHO WINS? ME. TAMMY? HEY, TAMMY. TAMMY. TAMMY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE? OH. THEY WOULDN'T LET ME IN THE ROOM. YOU SLEPT OUTSIDE? OH, MY GOD. HERE. LET ME HELP YOU UP. COME HERE. THANKS. - YEAH, OF COURSE. AW, YOU'RE ALL DIRTY. SHE TOOK MY KEYS, AND I JUST DIDN'T WANT THEM DRIVIN' OFF AND, YOU KNOW, DOIN' SOMETHING STUPID, SO... THAT'S WHY I GAVE YOU MY NUMBER. YOU SHOULD'VE CALLED ME. OH, I DIDN'T THINK YOU MEANT THAT. - I SAID IT. I MEANT IT. OK? (KNOCKS ON DOOR) ALL RIGHT, DAD. COME ON. WE GOT TO GO. I'M SORRY ABOUT ALL THIS. WELL, I MEAN, YOU DIDN'T DO IT. I KNOW, BUT I'M THE ONE THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE KEEPING HIM OUT OF TROUBLE, SO... (CHUCKLING) I DON'T THINK YOU'RE VERY GOOD AT IT. (BOTH LAUGH) I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. I'M TIRED. - NO, I THINK YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT. OH, GOD. TAMMY, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' OUT HERE? ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO, BOY. DAD, TRUCK'S THIS WAY. GOTCHA. WELL... - WELL... I GUESS THIS IS GOODBYE AGAIN. YEP. I'LL TAKE CARE OF THAT ONE. YOU TAKE CARE OF THAT ONE? OK. SEE YOU, BOBBY. - SEE YOU, TAMMY. THANKS AGAIN. YEP. (SIGHS) GET THAT OUT OF YOUR WAY. - I AM SO HUNGRY. THANK YOU. SURE. - MMM. IT'S BEEN SUCH A LONG TIME SINCE I'VE HAD A GOOD SERVICING. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? EW. - PASS ME THE KETCHUP, PLEASE. YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T BRING YOU ON THIS TRIP TO BABYSIT YOU. YOU ARE ON THIS TRIP BECAUSE OF ME, BECAUSE OF MY CAR AND MY MONEY ` WHAT'S LEFT OF IT. SO YOU JUST WATCH YOUR MOUTH. YEAH, I'M TOO BUSY WATCHING YOU SCREW CRUSTY, OLD MEN IN DIRTY HOTEL ROOMS. OH, GOD. HERE WE GO. YOU GONNA BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING, LIKE ALWAYS? I DO BLAME YOU. I BLAME YOU FOR SHOVING ME OUT OF A HOTEL ROOM LAST NIGHT AND LETTING ME SLEEP OUTSIDE LIKE A DOG. I BLAME YOU 'CAUSE YOU'RE ALREADY ON YOUR SECOND BLOODY MARY. IT'S NOT EVEN 10:00 A.M. THIS IS VEGETABLES. (VOICE BREAKING) I BLAME YOU FOR PACKIN' UP YOUR SHIT AND MAKIN' ME COME HOME FROM SCHOOL WHEN I WAS 10 YEARS OLD AND FINDING AN EMPTY FUCKING ROOM. THAT'S WHAT I BLAME YOU FOR. YOU KNOW HOW SHITTY THAT WAS FOR A LITTLE KID? YOU LEFT ME ALL ALONE. WELL, YOU WEREN'T ALONE. YOUR PARENTS WERE THERE. - IT'S NOT THE SAME THING. YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND, AND YOU JUST LEFT ME. I'M PROBABLY GONNA NEED A TETANUS SHOT 'CAUSE I GOT NIPPED BY A RACCOON LAST NIGHT. ALL RIGHT, TAMMY, I KNOW I'VE DONE SOME WRONG THINGS IN MY LIFE, BUT...I MEAN, YOU DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING. I KNOW I DON'T NEED YOU AND I DON'T NEED YOUR MONEY. BUT I'M GONNA TAKE YOUR CAR. WHAT? - YEAH, LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE GETTIN' LEFT. DON'T YOU LEAVE ME HERE. YOU CANNOT LEAVE ME HERE. YOU COME BACK HERE. ALL RIGHT, NOW SIT DOWN. HEY, ANYBODY WANT TO SCREW MY GRANDMA? YEAH, JUST GET HER A DRINK. (SLY AND THE FAMILY STONE'S 'IF YOU WANT ME TO STAY') # IF YOU WANT ME TO STAY # I'LL BE AROUND TODAY # TO BE AVAILABLE FOR YOU TO SEE # I'M ABOUT TO GO # AND THEN YOU'LL KNOW # FOR ME TO STAY HERE, I'VE GOT TO BE ME (CELL PHONE RINGS) # YOU'LL NEVER BE IN DOUBT HI, MOM. - DEB: TAMMY, PUT GRANDMA ON. UH, SHE'S IN THE BATHROOM RIGHT NOW. TAMMY, TAMMY. SHE LEFT ALL OF HER PILLS HERE. HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, HEART ` EVERYTHING. YOU GET THAT SHE'S DIABETIC, RIGHT? SHE CANNOT GO UNMEDICATED. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING? I GET THAT. - LISTEN TO ME. SHE THINKS SHE CAN HANDLE IT, BUT SHE CAN'T. TAMMY. - YEAH, I KNOW SHE CAN'T. BYE, MOM. I DON'T THINK YOU DO, BECAUSE YOU ` TAMMY. DON. # WHEN YOU SEE ME AGAIN # I HOPE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN # THE KIND OF PERSON THAT YOU REALLY ARE NOW # YOU GOT TO GET IT STRAIGHT # HOW COULD I EVER BE LATE # WHEN YOU'RE MY WOMAN TAKIN' UP MY TIME # OH, OH, HOW COULD YOU EVER ALLOW # I GUESS I WONDER HOW # HOW YOU COULD GET OUT OF POCKET FOR FUN (SIGHS) YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. ONE, TWO. ONE... ...TWO. I TOLD YOU, YOU CAN'T DRINK IN HERE. - ONE, TWO. - I'M CALLING THE COPS. YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL THE COPS. I GOT HER. - OH. WELL, LOOK WHO CAME BACK. YEAH, I CAME BACK. YOU DID IT, HUH? - WHAT? DRUNK BY 11:00. MM. AHH. WHAT DO I WIN? CAR RIDE WITH ME. COME ON. LET ME TAKE ` ALL RIGHT. THAT'S ` PRETTY SURE YOU HAD ENOUGH. YOU KNOW, THIS IS REAL CHERRY. AND GUESS WHAT MY SECRET INGREDIENT IS. TRY SOME. - IS IT ` IS IT WHISKEY? NO. IT'S WHISKEY. (LAUGHS) ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. LET ME TAKE ` - NO. THIS IS MINE. - LET'S GO. LET'S GO, GRANDMA. OH, I NEED MY BEER. - YOU GOT BEER? - YEAH, I GOT BEER. NO, THEY'RE STILL IN THE STORE RIGHT NOW. - BYE. OK, WE'RE LEAVING RIGHT NOW. - JUST GET THE DRUNK OUT OF HERE. YOU KNOW WHAT? ALL RIGHT, WATCH IT. - OH, HEY! - HI. THANKS FOR THE BEER. WHAT? ARE YOU ` YEAH, NICE TRY. I'M NOT BUYING YOU BEER. YOU 14? - NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO. I ALREADY BOUGHT IT FOR THEM, BECAUSE THESE ARE MY NEW FRIENDS. THIS IS JESSE AND THE GIRL, AND WE HAVE AN ARRANGEMENT WHERE I'M GETTING THEM THE BEER AND THEY'RE GONNA GIVE ME A RIDE OUT OF HERE. HOW WOULD ` UH, ON THEIR BIKES? YEAH, THE FUCKING OLD LADY PROMISED US SOME BEERS. HEY. - GIVE IT TO ME. - YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. HEY, DON'T SWEAR IN FRONT OF MY GRANDMA, YOU PIECE OF SHIT. HEY, YOU'RE BEING A REAL BITCH, LADY. DON'T SAY 'LADY.' I'M NOT THAT MUCH OLDER THAN YOU. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU CARE IF WE HAVE THE BEER? IF YOU DON'T GIVE US THE BEER, WE'RE GONNA TURN TO STREET DRUGS. YEAH, I HOPE YOU DO DRUGS. - YEAH. I WANT YOU TO DO BATH SALTS AND THEN EAT HER FACE OFF. COME ON. LET'S ` - JUST GIVE IT. - NO. I'LL TAKE IT. - COOL IT, JESSE. DON'T SHAKE THE BEER. IT'S GONNA EXPLODE. I THOUGHT YOU WERE COOL. STOP THAT, JESSE. - I'M NOT AFRAID TO HIT A GIRL. NEITHER AM I. - (GRUNTS) UGH! GET OFF ME! GET OFF ME, YOU FUCKING RAT! YEAH, NICE JEAN SHORTS. (SIREN WAILS) - OH, FUCK! THE COPS! HEY! DON'T! - I'M TAKING THIS. - THAT'S MY GRANDMA'S BEER! (SIREN BLIPS) OOH. I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY. THAT ` UNH-UNH. PUT YOUR HANDS UP. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. PUT YOUR HANDS UP. GET YOUR HANDS UP! TWO PENS, ONE HALF-EATEN ROLOS, ONE LIGHTER, HAIR BRUSH, ONE NECKLACE, TWO BAGS OF TRAIL MIX, $42 AND... 10, 20, 23 CENTS. SIGN HERE. YEAH. (SNORING) (SNORING STOPS) GASPS WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU WERE SNORING AND THEN YOU STOPPED AND I JUST WANTED TO CHECK AND SEE IF YOU WERE STILL BREATHING. I'M SORRY. WELL, KEEP YOUR FINGERS OUT OF MY NOSE. NO, I MEAN, I'M SORRY FOR LANDING US IN HERE. WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD. I MEAN, YOU'RE CLOSE, BUT... I CHEATED ON GREG. WITH THE ICE-CREAM MAN. YOU HAD INTERCOURSE WITH JERRY MILLER? NO! I DIDN'T DO IT WITH HIM. I JUST LET HIM PLAY WITH MY BOOBS. YOU DIDN'T DO IT FOR THE FREE ICE CREAM, DID YOU? NOT AT FIRST. (SIGHS) I DON'T KNOW WHY I DID IT. I THINK, AT FIRST, I JUST WANTED ATTENTION, AND THEN I KIND OF GOT HOOKED ON KLONDIKES. I DON'T KNOW. I JUST... MAYBE I'M THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD. OH, I DON'T THINK THAT. WHAT'S WORSE THAN JERRY MILLER? I TRIED TO SLEEP WITH YOUR FATHER. WHAT? I TRIED TO SLEEP WITH YOUR FATHER. EW! - NOTHING HAPPENED. - AW. DON WAS A PERFECT GENTLEMAN, AND THEN HE PUT ME BACK TO BED BEFORE YOUR MOTHER GOT HOME. IT'S ` NOTHING HAPPENED. NOTHING. LOOK, I JUST WAS NOT IN MY RIGHT MIND FOR MANY YEARS BECAUSE OF THE DRINKING, AND WHEN I REALISED THAT I'D STEPPED OVER THE LINE WHERE I WAS ACTUALLY THINKING OF SLEEPING WITH MY OWN DAUGHTER'S HUSBAND, WELL, THEN I JUST DIDN'T KNOW WHAT COULD HAPPEN. AND... THAT'S WHY I LEFT. OH, MY GOD. NO. DON'T! OW! - GRANDM` - JUST ` THEY'RE FINE. MY GOD, THEY LOOK REALLY BAD. - THEY'RE FINE. OFFICER: TAMMY BANKS. - YEAH? - LET'S GO. BAIL'S BEEN POSTED. LET'S GO. YEAH, I BAILED YOU OUT, BUT I'M GONNA STAY A LITTLE BIT LONGER. JUST, THERE'S A LITTLE... SMALL GLITCH. OFFICER: LET'S GO. WE'RE CHARGING HER WITH POSSESSION OF OXYCODONE. WELL, SHE'S GOT PRESCRIPTIONS FOR EVERYTHING. SHE'S OLD. SHE HAD 32 OXYCODONE PILLS, AND THEY WERE NOT PRESCRIBED TO HER. JUDGE SET HER BAIL AT $3,000. WE DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY. I MEAN, JESUS, SHE'S GOT TO GET OUT OF THERE NOW. YOU KNOW, SHE'S GOT DIABETES AND PROBABLY TONS OF OTHER SHIT. I'VE GOT DIABETES. GLEN'S GOT DIABETES. DIABETES IS A VERY MANAGEABLE CONDITION. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT GLEN. I'M SORRY. I DON'T. I DON'T KNOW YOU. MY GRANDMA NEEDS TO GET OUT OF THERE NOW. THEN YOU BETTER GET $3,000. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?! - IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM, LADY. YEAH, THANKS A LOT. - YOU'RE WELCOME. YEAH, I DIDN'T MEAN 'THANK YOU.' - AND I DIDN'T MEAN 'YOU'RE WELCOME.' YOU'RE DONE HERE. YOU BETTER LEAVE WHILE YOU CAN. (SIGHS) (LAUGHING) YEAH, SHE DID. - SHE DID? - (TELEPHONE RINGS) YES. (BOTH LAUGH) (TELEPHONE BEEPS) HELLO? - HEY, IT'S ME. DO WE HAVE, LIKE, A CHRISTMAS ACCOUNT OR A SAVINGS ACCOUNT WITH ` - (MISSI LAUGHS) IS SHE THERE? UH, YEAH. OK, BYE. - (CELL PHONE BEEPS) DEB: HOW MUCH? $1,600. WHAT? NO. I'M NOT GONNA FUND YOUR SPRING BREAK. AND WHY HASN'T YOUR GRANDMA CALLED ME BACK YET? COULD YOU JUST TRUST ME FOR ONCE, OK? CAN I JUST HAVE THE MONEY? WHAT'S WRONG? IS SOMETH` IS IT GRANDMA? - NO. NO, I TOLD YOU SHE WAS FINE. OH, GOD. I TOLD YOU THIS WAS A BAD IDEA, BUT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO LISTEN TO ME. I HATE TO SAY IT, BUT I TOLD YOU SO. I KNOW YOU'RE RIGHT, BUT I KNOW HOW TO FIX THIS NOW. HOW ARE YOU GONNA FIX IT? HELLO? TAMMY? TAMMY?! I GOT TO GO. I KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO. # WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT I CAN DO THIS. # WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT BE A BADASS. I AM A BADASS. I'M A BADASS. # ROLLIN' IN, HELLA DEEP, HEADIN' TO THE MEZZANINE # DRESSED IN ALL PINK, 'CEPT MY GATOR SHOES ` THOSE ARE GREEN # DRAPED IN A LEOPARD MINK, GIRLS STANDIN' NEXT TO ME # PROBABLY SHOULDA WASHED THIS ` SMELLS LIKE R. KELLY'S SHEETS # PISSSSSSSSS # BUT, SHIT, IT WAS 99 CENTS # COPPIN' IT, WASHIN' IT, 'BOUT TO GO AND GET SOME COMPLIMENTS # PASSIN' UP ON THOSE MOCCASINS SOMEONE ELSE HAS BEEN WALKIN' IN # HELLO, HELLO, MY ACE MAN, MY MELLO # JOHN WAYNE AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON MY FRINGE GAME, HELL NO # I COULD TAKE SOME PRO WINGS, MAKE THEM COOL, SELL THOSE # THE SNEAKER HEADS WOULD BE LIKE, 'AW, HE GOT THE VELCROS' # I'M GONNA POP SOME TAGS # ONLY GOT $20 IN MY POCKET # I-I-I'M HUNTING, LOOKING FOR A COME-UP # THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME # AH! MY FINGER! (CLEARS THROAT) (CLEARS THROAT) FREEZE. NOBODY MOVE. (GRUNTS) SHIT! DON'T MOVE! - OK. - DON'T MOVE. (GRUNTING) DANG IT. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO PUT ALL THE CASH IN A BAG FOR ME. OK. - (CASH REGISTER BEEPING) - AND, YOU, GET OUT HERE. KEEP YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM. HEY, JUST MAKE IT ` I ONLY NEED $1,600, REALLY. YOU DON'T WANT ALL OF IT? - NO. JUST $1,600. MY GRANDMA'S STILL GOT $1,400. JUST MAKE IT $1,650. ROUND UP. - OK. YOU, GIVE ME SOME PIES. GIVE ME SOME OF THE GOOD PIES. HEY! - WHAT? - JESUS. I SAID GIVE ME SOME OF THOSE PIES! TAKE THEM FROM THE BACK, SO THEY'RE FRESH. ALL RIGHT, YOU, GO TO THE OTHER REGISTER. GET THE HIGHER BILLS. GO, GO. - OK, OK. REACH TO THE BACK, MAN. - (CASH REGISTER BEEPING) DON'T GIVE ME SHITTY PIES. YOU'LL REGRET IT. NO SCREWING AROUND. I GOT YOU BOTH COVERED, ALL RIGHT? BUT, EXCUSE ME, THAT'S ` THAT'S ` THAT'S YOUR FINGER, THOUGH. IS IT? IS THAT JUST MY FINGER? UH, I'M NOT SURE. IS IT? SHUT UP! I WOULD ` FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, DON'T ` DON'T GET SASSY. OK. SORRY. - OK? - YEAH. JUST GET PIE. YOU WANT SOME PIES? - I LIKE PIE. WELL, GET A PILE FOR YOU. GET A PILE FOR ` IF YOU CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE, I'D LIKE TO GIVE YOU SOME PIES. ON ME. NO, THAT'S OK. THANKS. I DON'T CARE FOR THEM. GOD DAMN IT. WHAT DID WE JUST TALK ABOUT? I HAVE A GUN ON YOU. - YOU'RE RIGHT. YEP. I OFFERED YOU PIE. HE LIKES PIES. HE'S GOT A GUN TO HIS FACE. ANYTHING I SAY, HE'S GONNA LIKE. I ASK YOU, 'YOU WANT SOME PIES?' I LIKE PIES. COME ON. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. FEEL LIKE WE'RE KIND OF GETTIN' SOMEWHERE. AND, UNDER DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES, THIS WOULD PROBABLY WORK OUT. WE'D PROBABLY BE, YOU KNOW, GOOD PALS. LIKE, SEE MOVIES AND ` YOU KNOW? - YEAH. I'D LIKE TO FIND, LIKE, A HOT TUB OR ` I-I ACTUALLY HAVE ONE AT MY APARTMENT COMPLEX. AW, MAN. OK, THAT WOULD BE ` FINGERS CROSSED WE ` WE MEET UP AGAIN. YEAH. - ALL RIGHT, PUT A STACK OF PIES FOR HER, STACK OF PIES FOR ME. AND PUT ` - I THINK THIS IS ALL OF IT. - GIVE ME. JUST GET OVER THERE. GO. GOD, DON'T WALK RIGHT TOWARDS A GUN. - SORRY. PUT PIES IN THERE. PUT THEM IN. DON'T CR` DON'T CREEP UP ON ME LIKE THAT. LARRY, SERIOUSLY. YOU LIKE APPLE? I DO LIKE APPLE, BUT DON'T MAKE ME ` I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN YOU. - LET ` - CHOOSE LARRY. LARRY, SHE'S TELLING ME TO TAKE YOU OUT. IT'S JUST, YOU'RE SO MUCH OLDER, YOU KNOW? OH, MY GOSH. I'M A VETERAN. THAT'S AMAZING. - YEAH. NOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO PUT YOU IN THE COOLER. COME ON. LET'S GO. TODAY. GET YOUR PIES. LET'S GO. LARRY, IT'S A REAL HONOUR. I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE. HERE. I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S A BLANKET OR A TOWEL, BUT IT'LL KEEP YOU WARM. I'LL CALL THE COPS IN 10 MINUTES AND LET THEM KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE. OW! DAMN IT. SHIT. COME ON. AW! COME ON! OH, GOD! OH, MY GOD! OH...MY GOD! OW! (TYRES SQUEAL) 1 WHERE DO I GO TO BAIL SOMEBODY OUT? - UH, NAME? - PEARL: TAMMY? WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? UH...NEVER MIND. OK. - YEAH. LET'S GO. WELL, SLOW DOWN. SLOW DOWN. - OK. I'M SORRY. OK, HOW DID YOU EVEN GET OUT? - WELL, I CALLED EARL, AND HE VERY GENEROUSLY HAD BOBBY WIRE THE BAIL MONEY TO THE STATION. REALLY? - MM-HMM. WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH OXY? WHOSE PILLS ARE THOSE? THEY'RE MINE. MY FOOT WAS HURTIN', AND, UH, YOU KNOW, MY PILLS WEREN'T WORKING. SO I ASKED THE ROBINSON BOY IF HE HAD ANY. EUGENE? - YEAH. - EUGENE'S A DRUG DEALER. OH, NO. - YEAH. HE STANDS OUT ON THE STREET AND SELLS DRUGS IN LITTLE SANDWICH BAGS. DID YOU THINK HE WAS A PHARMACIST? HE'S ORGANISED. - YEAH, SO WAS HITLER. MAN ON TV: COURTHOUSE ROUNDS OVER THE NEXT TWO YEARS AND UPGRADE THOSE ROUNDS... AH. - IN OTHER NEWS, THERE WAS A ROBBERY AT THE OAKTREE TOPPERJACK'S. TWO EMPLOYEES WERE HELD AT GUNPOINT. MICHELLE LI JOINING US LIVE AT THE SCENE. OH, SHIT. LI: NOW, AUTHORITIES ARE DESCRIBING THIS PERSON AS A 5'2' WHITE FEMALE. THE ROBBER HAD A NAVY T-SHIRT FEATURING A BEAR WITH 'MAHALO' WRITTEN ON IT. THE ROBBER WAS LAST SEEN DRIVING AN OLDER-MODEL CADILLAC HAULING A JET SKI. THE SUSPECT MADE OFF WITH $1,600. THAT'S QUITE A COINCIDENCE. HUH? YEAH. SHE WAS SUPER BOSSY, BUT, UM, SHE DID GIVE US PIE, SO THAT WAS COOL. ALL RIGHT, WELL, WE'RE CERTAINLY GLAD THAT YOU'RE SAFE` - (TV TURNS OFF) WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? SIT DOWN. RIGHT NOW. SIT DOWN. WELL? WELL, YOUR FEET WERE REALLY PUFFY, AND THEY LOOKED ` YEAH. - THEY LOOKED REALLY MESSED UP. AND I J` I DIDN'T KNOW ` I DIDN'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO GET THAT KIND OF MONEY. (VOICE BREAKING) AND I WAS AFRAID IF I DIDN'T GET YOU OUT OF THERE, SOMETHING BAD WAS GONNA HAPPEN TO YOU. (SNIFFLES) AND I JUST ALWAYS SCREW STUFF UP, AND I DIDN'T WANT TO S` I DIDN'T WANT TO SCREW THAT UP. AH, SWEETIE. MY SWEET, SWEET, SWEET GIRL. OH, I'M SORRY. LOOK AT ME. YOU HAVE TO TAKE THAT MONEY BACK. IF YOU DON'T TAKE IT BACK, I'M GONNA TURN YOU IN MYSELF. GOT TO TAKE THE MONEY BACK, GOT TO TAKE THE PIES BACK, ALL RIGHT? I CAN'T REALLY TAKE ALL THE PIES BACK. - WHY NOT? OH. OK. - KIND OF GOT INTO THEM. OK. YOU'RE MORE BADASS THAN I EVER THOUGHT. (SNIFFLES) I THINK YOU TAKE AFTER YOUR GRANDMA AFTER ALL. HMM? ALL RIGHT. WE'LL FIX IT TOMORROW. - YEAH. - WE'LL FIX IT. I'M NOT. - YES, YOU ARE. - I'M NOT WEARING IT. I JUST MADE IT FOR YOU. PUT IT ON. - IT'S FULL OF GREASE. LOOK AT THIS. - CAN YOU PUT IT ON? - CAN YOU SEE HOW MUCH GREASE IS IN THIS? PUT IT ON. PUT IT ON. - YOU REALISE HOW MUCH IT CLOGS YOUR VEINS WHEN YOU'RE PUTTING IT ` ALL RIGHT. - PUT IT ON. YOU'RE KILLING ME. YOU ARGUE ABOUT EVERYTHING. OH, IT'S KIND OF CALMING, ACTUALLY. HERE. JUST THROW THE MONEY THROUGH THE WINDOW, AND WE'LL GET OUT OF HERE. ALL RIGHT. FINE. HERE WE GO. AAH! OH, GOD. - SHE'S RETURNING THE MONEY. NO! I'M RETURNING IT. - SHE'S RETURNING IT. CALM DOWN. - I'M RETURNING THE MONEY TO YOU. I'M CALLING THE POLICE. - OH, NO. WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE PIES! I'M NOT ROBBING YOU. I'M ` I'M GIVING IT BACK. GOD, STOP FREAKING OUT. STOP CRYING. I'M TRYING TO ` I'M RETURNING THIS TO YOU. LISTEN CAREFULLY. KEEP THE CAR RUNNING. NO. JUST RELAX. IT'S OK. EVERYTHING'S NORMAL. IT'S COOL. MY, UM, BANDIT PARTNER, SHE JUST ACCIDENTALLY ROBBED YOU LAST NIGHT. SHE DIDN'T REALLY MEAN IT. AND HERE'S THE MONEY BACK. NO HARD FEELINGS. ARE YOU THE GRANDMA? LOOK RIGHT HERE. - OK. NONE OF THIS HAPPENED. NONE OF THIS HAPPENED. JUST RELAX. NONE OF THIS HAPPENED. OH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU SAID, 'COME A-RUNNIN'.' - I SAID, 'KEEP THE CAR RUNNING.' WELL, YOU NEED TO BE MORE ARTICULATE. - (SIGHS) I HAVE A BAG ON MY HEAD. AND BY THE WAY, WHY DOES MINE HAVE NO EXPRESSION AND YOURS HAS A SMILEY FACE? IT'S NOT SMILING. I'M SHOWING TIGER TEETH. OH, I THOUGHT IT WAS A MOUSTACHE AND A SMILE. JUST GO. GO! GO! GO! - COME ON, TAMMY. LET'S GET OUT. - DON'T BE A HERO! HEY. HEY. WHERE'S LARRY? OH, HE HAS THE DAY OFF. HE'S PRETTY SHAKEN UP. - OH. TELL HIM HI. - OK. WATCH THE CURB. WATCH THE CURB. (KATHLEEN CRYING) OH, JESUS. SHE'S CRYING UP A STORM. SOMEBODY GO HUG HER. IT'S OK, KATHLEEN. (BOTH LAUGHING) OH, MY GOD! NIAGARA FALLS, HERE WE COME! NOT IN THIS CAR. WE'RE GONNA GO DOWN STRAIGHT AND THEN TAKE A RIGHT. WHAT? - YEAH. (ENGINE SHUTS OFF) - OH, LENORE. HEY! - HEY. IT'S BEEN TOO LONG. - TOO LONG, SWEETIE. YOU LOOK SO GREAT. - AH, IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU. COME HERE. ALL RIGHT. - AWW, IS THIS LITTLE TAMMY? LOOK AT YOU. OH, DARLIN', LAST TIME I SAW YOU, YOU WERE KNEE HIGH TO A GRASSHOPPER. YEAH, I'M TALLER. - YES, YOU ARE. AND YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME, DO YOU? - NO, I DO. YOU WANT TO SEE SOME I.D.? FAMILY ALBUM? SHE GOT A SENSE OF HUMOUR? - YEAH, SOMETIMES. OK. OH, DARLIN', HOW'S YOUR MOM? - GOOD, I THINK. YOU KNOW, NOT REAL THRILLED WITH US AT THE MOMENT. BUT... YEAH, PEARLY FILLED ME IN. YOU KNOCKED OVER A TOPPERJACK'S? GRANDMA. LENORE'S COOL. IS THAT THE VEHICLE YOU PERPETRATED YOUR CRIME WITH? YEAH. OK, THIS IS WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO. I WANT YOU TO GET IN THERE, AND I WANT YOU TO TAKE EVERYTHING OUT. CLEAN EVERYTHING OUT OF IT ` ALL THE EVIDENCE, OK? YOU'RE ON MY LAND, AND YOU'RE A FUGITIVE FROM JUSTICE. THINK ABOUT IT THAT WAY, ALL RIGHT? JESUS. - I'M GONNA PULL THAT TRAILER OFF, AND I'LL POP THOSE PLATES, OK? OK. - OK, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? OH, HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU HUNKER ON BACK DOWN THERE IN THAT RV, PUT YOUR FEET UP? I GOT THIS COVERED. OK. - ALL RIGHTY. ALL RIGHT. OW. $4 A GALLON. THANKS, OBAMACARE. UGH. I DON'T THINK THIS IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA. LENORE: I DO. YOU WANT TO GO TO PRISON FOR ROBBING A STORE? WELL, I RETURNED THE MONEY. WELL, I'M NO LAWYER, BUT I DON'T THINK YOU WANT THE POLICE GETTIN' AHOLD OF THIS CAR. AH! SHIT! I WOULDN'T STAND THERE IF I WAS YOU. OH. (CHUCKLES) OH, MY GOD. (ENGINE TURNS OVER) - BUCKLE UP. - OH, MY GOD. AH, HOLY SHIT! # OOH, OOH, OOH # OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH # OOH, OOH, OOH # OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH # OOH, OOH, OOH # OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH # OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH OH, I AM SO HAPPY EVERY TIME I COME HERE. SUSANNE. HI. HI, PEARLY. HI. - OH, IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU. OH, SO GOOD TO SEE YOU. YES, I DO. I DO REMEMBER YOU. - HEY, TAMMY. OH, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN AGES. WELCOME. WELCOME. - THANKS. HOLY SHIT. YOU GUYS ARE LOADED. - TAMMY, THAT IS SO RUDE. - UH, WHAT? THIS IS LIKE ` THIS IS LIKE 'FALCON CREST' SHIT AND STUFF. I THOUGHT YOU OWNED A PET-FOOD STORE. YEAH, WELL, I OWN 22 OF THEM. NO. OH, MY. - YEAH. WASN'T IT, LIKE, MARTHA'S OR MABEL'S? MERLIN'S. - WHY MERLIN'S? - 'CAUSE I DIG WIZARDS, MAN. OH, MY GOD. I DO, TOO. I LOVE WIZARDS. - GET OUT OF TOWN. - SHE DOES. I LIKE THEM 'CAUSE THEY CAN BLOW SHIT UP WITH THEIR FINGERS. SUSANNE: TAMMY, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A LESBIAN FOURTH OF JULY PARTY? NOT THAT I KNOW OF. - WELL, TH-THEY ARE FUN. COME ON, PENNY. SO, LET'S HEAR THIS AGAIN. I-I-I'M FASCINATED. - I JUST M` I MEANT IT. MM. I MEANT IT AS A COMPLIMENT. I SAID YOU WERE SUPER HOT. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. WHEN I THINK OF WHAT A LESBIAN LOOKS LIKE, I THINK OF SOMEBODY WHO LOOKS MORE LIKE ` LIKE ME? (CHUCKLES) - PERSONALLY, I PREFER THE TERM 'LABISIAN.' (LAUGHTER) WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT THAT SHIRT. - YEAH. OK. - I LOVE THIS SHIRT. I KNOW, BUT IT'S TIME TO GIVE IT A LITTLE BREAK. WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO FOR THE PARTY? PLEASE DON'T WEAR THAT SHIRT TO THE PARTY. TAMMY: UH-OH. YOU'RE GONNA DOLL ME UP, AND THEN I'M GONNA HAVE TO BE BEATIN' THE LADIES OFF WITH A ` WITH A LESBIAN STICK. - (LAUGHTER) (CAPITAL CITIES' 'CENTER STAGE') # THERE'S A GOOD TIME TO DO IT ON YOUR OWN # THERE'S A GOOD TIME, NOW IT'S TIME TO GO PEARL: MM! THERE YOU ARE. LOOK AT YOU. OH, MY GOSH. WOW. YOU LOOK SO... SOFTENED. I DON'T KNOW. SUSANNE MADE ME PUT ON LENORE'S SHIRT. IT ACTUALLY LOOKS BETTER ON YOU THAN HER. LOOK AT YOU. OH, MY GOSH. SO NICE. WELL, THANKS. HEY, I DON'T WANT TO BE A BUMMER, BUT I JUST WANT TO SAY SOMETHING IN A SUPER LOVING WAY, BUT COULD YOU NOT GET SHITHOUSED TONIGHT? OH. SURE. EASY-PEASY. I MEAN IT. - OK. SO, YOU WANT TO DANCE? - NO. THEY'LL PROBABLY THINK WE'RE A COUPLE. OH, IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT. - (BOTH CHUCKLE) - COME ON. LOOK AT YOU. I LOVE IT. - OH, REALLY? (ENERGETIC CLUB MUSIC) # CHECK IT ` I CAN'T DO NOTHIN', GIRL, WITHOUT SOMEBODY BUGGIN' # I USED TO THINK THAT IT WAS ME, BUT NOW I SEE IT WASN'T # THEY TOLD ME TO CHANGE, THEY CALLED ME NAMES AND SO I POPPED ONE. - PEARLY! PEARLY! PEARLY! OH, I NEED YOUR HELP WITH SOMETHING. - IS S-S-SOMETHING HURTIN'? NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. COME ON. OH, MY GOSH. YOU'RE A LITTLE SWEATY. I KNOW. YOU'RE DANCIN' HARD. - WELL, I-I'M ` I'M KILLING IT ON THE DANCE FLOOR. I'M SWEATIN'. - LET'S JUST TRY TO GLOW LESS. COOL OFF. - OH, MY GOODNESS. LOOK WHO IT IS. HEY, TAMMY. WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? - PEARL INVITED US. EARL: PEARLY, WHERE'S THE DANCE FLOOR AND THE BAR? NOT IN THAT ORDER. - THIS WAY, BABY. GRANDMA. - SWEETIE, HAVE FUN. BYE. - SEE YOU LATER, SON. WELL, THAT WAS FAST. GOT TO SAY, YOU` (SIGHS) YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE GOT TO HAVE A REAL WEIRD SETUP, 'CAUSE I DON'T GET IT. THEY'VE ACTUALLY BEEN SEPARATED FOR A LONG TIME AND SHE'S BEEN SICK FOR QUITE A WHILE AND HE STILL TAKES CARE OF HER. SO... IT'S KIND OF COMPLICATED. YEAH. COMPLICATED. ANYWAY. KIND OF ALL SPIFFED UP, AREN'T YOU? I JUST PUT ON, LIKE, A SHIRT AND PANTS. I'M NOT... MAYBE A LITTLE AFTERSHAVE. IS THAT WHAT I'M KIND OF SMELLIN'? I PUT ON SOME COLOGNE. DID YOU PUT ON MAN PERFUME TO COME AND SEE ME? N` I DIDN'T PUT ON M` HMM? (CHUCKLES) I THINK YOU DID. - COME O` COME ON. LET ME GET YOU A DRINK. COME ON. COME ON. - IT'S KIND OF A VANILLA. LIKE A LITTLE ` - IT'S NOT VANILLA. IT'S REGULAR. IT'S JUST NORMAL. - I DON'T KNOW. OOH, I KNOW. I KNOW WHAT IT IS. YOU SMELL LIKE A COOKIE. SHUT UP. I DON'T SMELL LIKE A COOKIE. (LAUGHS) I THINK YOU DO. - COME ON. COME ON. # YOUR BUSINESS! NOW YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN GET INTO... - YEAH. YEAH. # WHO I'M GIVIN' SKINS TO. - OH! OH! # IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS OH. OH. YEAH. # SO DON'T TRY TO CHANGE MY MIND, I'LL TELL YOU ONE MORE TIME. (BOBBY LAUGHS) DOES THAT SMELL WEIRD? - NO, IT'S FINE. - (CHUCKLES) OH, YOU ` - I T` I TOLD YOU. - YOU MADE ME SMELL IT. OH. WHY DID I DO THAT? - I TOLD YOU. BECAUSE I TOLD YOU, IF SOMEBODY SAYS, 'DOES THIS SMELL WEIRD...' - HMM? I DON'T WANT TO HIT ANYBODY. - WHAT WAS THAT? IT'S A ` IT'S A ` IT'S A DOG COOKIE. (CHUCKLING) YOU ATE A DOG BISCUIT. YOU TRICKED ME, TAMMY. 'CAUSE I'M TRICKY. I ACTUALLY DON'T THINK YOU'RE TRICKY. I THINK YOU'RE KIND OF A STRAIGHTFORWARD PERSON. THAT'S ONE OF THE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT YOU A LOT. OH. (SIGHS) THANKS FOR BAILING MY GRANDMA OUT. IT WAS REALLY NICE. - OF COURSE. BUT, I MEAN, ANYBODY WOULD'VE DONE IT. NO, NOT REALLY. THEY WOULDN'T HAVE. SO IT WAS...THANKS. SO... WELL, I'M GLAD I COULD HELP. I LIKE YOUR HAIR LIKE THIS, BY THE WAY. - OH. IT'S NICE. - I DON'T KNOW. SUSANNE DID THIS WEIRD CLAMPY THING. NO, IT'S PRETTY. YOU LOOK REALLY PRETTY. THANKS. I KNOW THIS IS STUPID, BUT I'M STILL MARRIED. AND IT'S A... IT'S A SHITTY MARRIAGE, AND IT'S... OVER, BUT IT WASN'T ALL GREG'S FAULT, AND I WAS KIND OF AN AWFUL WIFE. I JUST DIDN'T ` YOU KNOW, I JUST DON'T WANT TO... - IT'S OK. ...ADD TO THE ` - IT'S ` YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY. I ` NO. DO` NO. - YOU'RE RIGHT. I DIDN'T MEAN TO, YOU KNOW... ANYWAY. YOU KNOW, I GET IT. YOU KNOW, YOU GET A LITTLE ` A LITTLE TASTE OF TAMMY AND YOU KIND OF COME CLAMOURING BACK FOR MORE. YOU GET IT? R-REALLY? (CHUCKLES) I'M KIND OF ` I'M LIKE A CHEETO. YOU CAN'T EAT JUST ONE. (BOTH CHUCKLE) TAMMY, THAT'S LAY'S POTATO CHIPS. THAT'S NOT CHEETOS. NO, NOT FOR ME. I-I LOVE A CHEETO. TAMMY, BOBBY, COME ON, YOU TWO. YOU'RE G` YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO SEE THIS. COME ON. - OH, ALL RIGHT. - OK. COME ON! CHOP, CHOP! - OK, OK. - WE'RE COMING. GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE. HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE JET SKI? VIKING BURIAL. IT'S TRASHED. VIKING BURIAL! ALL: VIKING BURIAL! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) OK. WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO THE HONOURS? IT'S YOUR CRAFT. YEAH, BUT YOU LOVE BLOWING SHIT UP SO... YEAH, I DO. GOD, HELP ME. I DO SO LOVE IT. GO, BABY. - BOBBY: GET ON, LENORE. THE TRIBE HAS SPOKEN. ALTHOUGH WE DID NOT HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO FEEL YOUR MIGHTY ENGINES THRUM BETWEEN OUR THIGHS, WE SALUTE YOUR WATERY PROWESS AND WE COMMEND YOUR SPIRIT TO VALHALLA. VALHALLA! - ALL: VALHALLA! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) - GO, BABY! GO, BABY! - (ALL CHEERING) WHOO! - YEAH! OH! HOLY! VIKING BURIAL! VIKING BURIAL! VIKING BURIAL! (TAPPING ON MICROPHONE) PEARL: ALL LESBIANS, ATTENTION, EVERYBODY. SHIT, GRANDMA. EXCUSE ME. - HI. MY NAME IS PEARL BALZEN, AND I WANT TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO THANK MY COUSIN LENORE AND THE BEAUTIFUL SUSANNE FOR THIS KICK-ASS PARTY! YEAH! YEAH! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) MM-MM-MM-MM. AND I JUST WANT TO SAY, HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY! YEAH! AMEN, PEARLY! AMEN! ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH OF THAT. SERIOUSLY, FOLKS, I WANT TO GIVE A LITTLE BIRTHDAY GIFT TO AMERICA. I DON'T KNOW HOW OLD AMERICA IS RIGHT NOW, BUT I JUST WANTED TO SAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMERICA. BEEP! - SHIT. YES! THOSE ARE BEAUTIES. - ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. - REALLY BEAUTIES. YOU'RE DONE. YOU'RE DONE. - HEY! HEY! - YOU'RE DONE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO? ALL RIGHT, GO GET ME ANOTHER DRINK RIGHT NOW. DAMN IT, YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T GONNA DRINK. - OH, I SAID I WASN'T GONNA DRINK. NOW YOU GET ME A DRINK. COME ON. OH, UH, MAY I INTRODUCE MY GRANDDAUGHTER, A HAMBURGER ` WHAT ARE YOU DOING? CHEESEBURGER, SORRY. SHE'S ACTUALLY CHEESEBURGER. HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! WHAT? WHAT? DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. - JUST GET OFF IT. GET OFF THIS. I DON'T WANT SOME FAT LOSER TELLING ME WHAT TO DO. YOU'RE JUST BEING AN ASSHOLE BECAUSE YOU'RE DRUNK AND IT'S NOT OK. HEY, W-WE'RE ALL DRUNK, TAMMY. SHE DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING BY IT. LENORE: PEARL ` PEARL: NO, I ABSOLUTELY DO MEAN IT. I-I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. I DON'T BLAME GREG. I W` I WOULD LEAVE HER, TOO. I MEAN, I WOULDN'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER. LOOK AT HER. COME ON, EVERYBODY, PEOPLE. (CHUCKLES) LOOK AT THAT. OH. WHAT? WHAT? AT LEAST I DIDN'T TRY TO FUCK MY DAUGHTER'S HUSBAND. HOW'D YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT? - FUCK YOU. - WHAT? ALWAYS SOMETHING, RIGHT? WITH HER. - FUCKING DRUNK. WHAT'S GOING ON? - LENORE: OK, WE'RE HAVIN FUN. - LET'S GET THE PARTY GOING. EARL: ALL RIGHT, PEARLY. - WHY'S EVERYBODY BEING SO QUIET? - HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO. WHAT? WHAT? ALL RIGHT. WHAT DID I SAY? WHAT DID I SAY? - THANK YOU, 'SANNE, EVERYBODY. WHOA! WHOA. LENORE: THERE YOU ARE. I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER CREATION FOR YOU. QUITE A SHOW YOU TWO PUT ON. I DIDN'T START ANYTHING. (CHUCKLES) WELL, YOU SURE FINISHED IT, THOUGH, DIDN'T YOU? WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? JUST STAND THERE WHILE SHE SAID SHITTY THINGS TO ME? IT'S NOT FAIR. - WHAT THE HELL DOES FAIR HAVE TO DO WITH IT? I GOT A BIG NEWS FLASH FOR YOU, TAMMY. LIFE ISN'T FAIR. YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SCRAPE AND CLAW FOR EVERYTHING YOU WANT, JUST LIKE THE REST OF US. YOU KNOW, FOR YEARS, YOU'VE BEEN BELLYACHIN' AND COMPLAININ' ABOUT HOW YOUR LIFE SUCKS, BUT YOU HAVEN'T DONE ONE SINGLE THING TO MAKE IT BETTER. IT ISN'T MAGIC, YOU KNOW? YOU CAN'T JUST BITCH AND MOAN AND EXPECT SHIT TO CHANGE. YOU THINK THIS HOUSE JUST FELL ON MY HEAD ONE DAY? I HAD TO WORK HARD. YOU KNOW, GAY HASN'T ALWAYS BEEN IN FASHION, MY FRIEND. SUSANNE AND I... IF YOU HAD ANY IDEA HOW HARD WE HAD TO WORK... WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING HANDED TO US. YOU NEED TO GROW UP, HONEY. YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME. YOU'RE NOT THAT MYSTERIOUS. DOGS ARE MYSTERIOUS. CATS, BIRDS, FISH. FISH ARE THE MOST MYSTERIOUS. AND I'VE MADE A MINT. THANK YOU, JESUS. BUT WE'RE NOT MYSTERIOUS. (SIGHS) LOOK, YOU KNOW, SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID ALL THOSE UGLY THINGS. I AGREE WITH YOU, BUT (CHUCKLES) SHE'S DRUNK. SHE WON'T REMEMBER IT TOMORROW. YEAH, SHE'S ALWAYS DRUNK. - SHE'S AN ALCOHOLIC, TAMMY. SHE'S SICK. YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON GETTING YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. WHY DON'T YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS THAT YOU REALLY WANT AND JUST GO AFTER IT? MAYBE YOU CAN HELP HER OUT. I'M GONNA GO BLOW UP SOME FIREWORKS. # SUZANNE # TAKES YOU DOWN TO THAT PLACE BY THE RIVER BOBBY: HEY. - (GASPS) OH, GOD. - (CHUCKLES) OH, SORRY. TAMMY: WHY ARE YOU C-COMING AT ME, LIKE, OUT OF THE DARK? BOBBY: I WAS ` I'M SORRY. I WAS JUST CHECKING ON YOU. IT LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE HAVIN' A HARD TIME OUT THERE. MM. SHE KIND OF TOLD ME I WAS AN ASSHOLE AND TO GET MY SHIT TOGETHER. JESUS. THAT'S A LITTLE HARSH. I'M NOT SO SURE THAT SHE WASN'T RIGHT. I CAN'T EXACTLY KEEP COMPLAINING ABOUT MY LIFE AND NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT. YEAH, BUT YOU HAD A HARD NIGHT WITH YOUR GRANDMA AND EVERYTHING, SO ` - YEAH, THAT WAS GREAT. (CHUCKLING) YEAH. I DON'T KNOW. I'M THE ONE WHO LET HER WALK OFF TO THE BAR WITH EARL. I DON'T KNOW. - I SHOULDN'T HAVE BROUGHT EARL HERE. I KNEW IT, BUT I ` I WANTED TO SEE YOU. (SCOFFS) YEAH, 'CAUSE I'M SUCH A GREAT CATCH (!) NO, IT'S NOT THAT YOU'RE A CATCH. I MEAN, I'M NOT SAYING YOU'RE NOT A CATCH. I'M JUST ` YOU KNOW, MY LIFE'S BORING, AND YOU'RE A ` A VERY NOT-BORING PERSON, AND, YOU KNOW, I ` IT'S ` - WOW. YOU'RE ` YOU'RE KIND OF SUPER BAD AT COMPLIMENTS. (BOTH CHUCKLE) - LIKE, IT'S ` IT'S KIND OF AMAZING, REALLY. I'M DOING MY BEST, BUT I THINK... I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT. I KNEW WHAT YOU MEANT. I DON'T KNOW. I... I DON'T REALLY THINK THAT NOW IS KIND OF A GREAT MOMENT FOR EITHER ONE OF ` YOU KNOW? YOU'VE GOT A DAD YOU'RE CHASIN' AFTER, AND I DON'T ` I DON'T EVEN HAVE A CAR OR, YOU KNOW, A JOB OR... YOU KNOW, I JUST ` I DON'T THINK THAT PUTTING TWO MESSES TOGETHER IS GONNA SOMEHOW MAKE AN UNMESS, YOU KNOW? I GUESS I JUST THINK YOU'RE WRONG. (SIGHS) PROBABLY. I USUALLY AM. WELL... I SHOULD PROBABLY GET OUT OF HERE, BECAUSE MY DAD IS NOW STARTING TO FLASH HIS BREASTS TO THE LESBIANS. (CHUCKLES) OH, GOD. SO... - YEAH, THAT'S PROBABLY YOUR...YOUR CUE. YEAH. - I GUESS WE'RE GOODBYE-ING AGAIN. YEAH. (CHUCKLES) JUST WANTED TO MIX THINGS UP A LITTLE. - MM. (FIREWORKS EXPLODING) I STILL THINK YOU'RE WRONG, I GOT TO SAY. I CAN'T HEAR YOU. LENORE'S BLOWING SHIT UP. OH! OH! 'Meanwhile, down on Earth, all those shipwrecks could become playgrounds for kids; kids of all nations!' 1 THINKS: 'I blame the ocean. That's what divides us as people. 'I mean, if we drained all the sea from the planet, then we'd be connected. RADIO PLAYS IN CAR 'I have two PhDs. Should I go for a third? 'I don't wanna throw the sea away. 'I mean, you've gotta keep it; it's of some use.' CAR HONKS 'Maybe up in space, in a bowl. 'Of course, we'd have to house all the animals. 'Meanwhile, down on Earth, all those shipwrecks could become playgrounds for kids; kids of all nations!' TYRES SCREECH, CRASH! RADIO CONTINUES PLAYING BREATHES LOUDLY You might only drive short distances to work each day. You might park securely at work. You may not drive your car to work at all. At Youi, we tailor your insurance premium to how you use or don't use your car. It could save you lots. Call: 1 MORNING. - MORNING. - MORNING. QUITE A PARTY, HUH? 'TWAS, INDEED. OH. I'LL GET IN ON THAT. THANKS FOR THE ASS-KICKING LAST NIGHT. - NO PROBLEMO. WHERE'S GRANDMA? - OUTSIDE. MAYBE I'LL ` MAYBE I'LL BRING HER A CUP. CAN WE CALL A TRUCE, OR DO WE HAVE TO ACTUALLY FISTFIGHT? (CHUCKLES) GRANDMA, I BROUGHT YOU SOME COFFEE. HEY. HELLO. GRANDMA, I BROUGHT YOU SOME COFFEE. GRANDMA. GRANDMA? GRANDMA? GRANDMA?! GRANDMA?! GRANDMA?! COME ON. SHIT. COME ON! WAKE UP! (VOICE BREAKING) GRANDMA, WAKE UP. (SNIFFLES) WAKE UP! (CRYING) I'M SORRY. (SNIFFLES) I'M SO SORRY. SHIT. (CRYING) HEY! SHE'S NOT BREATHING. SHE'S DEAD. - SUSANNE: WHAT? OH, MY GOD! WHAT? - SHE'S DEAD. - OH, ROBIN, CALL 911. SHE'S DEAD. SHE'S NOT BREATHING AT ALL. - YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS. W-W-W-WHAT HAPPENED? - SHE'S NOT BREATHING, AND I JUST LET HER DRINK ALL NIGHT. OH, NO, NO. - IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. - OH, HONEY, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. - TAMMY, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. OH, MY GOD. AAH! AAH! PEARL! OH, MY GOD! (CRYING LOUDLY) - PEARL! OH, MY GOD! PEARL! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT IS THIS?! - GO GET HER! OH, MY GOD. - SUSANNE: SHE'S NOT DEAD! OH, MY GOD. - WHAT? WHAT? - OK, OK. WHISPERS: I THINK SHE PASSED OUT. - WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? - WHAT? YOU W-WEREN'T BREATHING. WE ALL THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD. Y-YOU ARE GONNA CLEAN YOUR SHIT UP. YOU'RE GONNA STOP ALL THIS DRINKING. DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU LOOK TERRIBLE. WELL, MY FEET ` I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD. GOD DAMN IT, PEARLY. NOBODY SHOULD DIE IN A LAWN CHAIR. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. DON'T SHAKE HER. DON'T SHAKE HER. DON'T BOUNCE HER SO MUCH. REMEMBER, SHE'S NOT TAKING ALL OF HER PILLS SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE TAKING. MAN: OK. THANK YOU, MA'AM. DID I... FLASH MY BOOBS LAST NIGHT? YEAH, YOU DID. YEAH. YOU WERE THROWIN' THEM AROUND LAST NIGHT. - BEEP-BOOP. ALL THE WAY, YEAH. EARL HAS THEM ALL OVER FACEBOOK. YEAH. THEY LOOK GOOD. I MEAN... OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. I WAS MEAN. OH, I WAS MEAN TO YOU. I CALLED YOU CHEESEBURGER. OH, MY GOD. IT'S OK. - PEARLY, WE'LL BE RIGHT BEHIND, OK? IT'S OK. IT'S OK. - OH, NO. OH, MY GOD. - WE'LL FOLLOW, OK? - YEAH. (SIGHS) OH, SHIT. HEY, OFFICERS. AMBULANCE GOT HERE FIRST, BUT SHE'S GONNA BE OK. SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. THANK YOU, THOUGH. MA'AM, WE GOT REPORTS THAT SOMEONE WAS BURNING A JET SKI ON THE LAKE LAST NIGHT. YOU SEE ANYTHING? OH, IT'S, UH, SUPER UNCOOL. I WOULD NEVER BURN A WATERCRAFT. - NO. - NO. NO? WE'VE ALSO BEEN TRACKING A 2004 CADILLAC DE VILLE TOWING A JET SKI THAT WAS INVOLVED IN A ROBBERY. ANYTHING ON THAT? MNH-MNH. - UH, YOU KNOW, UH... POOH. WOW. THAT'S A HAWAIIAN BEAR SHIRT. YOU DON'T SEE A LOT OF THOSE AROUND HERE. YOU PROBABLY SEE QUITE A FEW. YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO COME WITH US. LET'S GO. - OH, COME ON, MAN. LET'S GO, MA'AM. STAND BACK, LADIES. RIGHT THIS WAY. - YOU KNOW, I ` I'M GOING WITH YOU. I'M BE` I BET YOU SEE A LOT OF BEAR SHIRTS. NO. NO, MA'AM. - CONST` ARE YOU ` - YES, MA` MA'AM! GET ` ARE YOU ` ARE YOU SERIOUS? - OW. THERE WAS A BEE. - THERE'S NO BEES HERE, MA'AM. THERE WAS A BEE. YOU CAN'T RUN FROM THE LAW. (MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER P.A. SYSTEM) GUARD: TAMMY BANKS. (GATE BUZZES) GUARD #2: OPEN THE GATE. SEE YOU LATER. I HOPE NOT. HEY, DAD. TAMMY. YOU REHABILITATED? I GUESS. THEN LET'S GO HOME. WHEREVER THAT IS. YEAH. I'M NOT TOO HAPPY WITH GREG. YEAH. ME, EITHER. LOOK, UM,... YOU WANT ME TO TAKE CARE OF THAT WIGGLY LITTLE MOTHERFUCKER FOR YOU? WHAT? - I'LL GO OVER THERE AND KILL HIM FOR YOU RIGHT NOW. I'M OLD. I DON'T CARE IF I GO TO JAIL. THEY GOT MAGAZINES IN THERE, DON'T THEY? OH. I THOUGHT YOU WERE SERIOUS FOR A MINUTE. (CHUCKLES) YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT? JESUS, DAD. YOU KNOW WE'RE AT A PRISON. OK? I DO NOT ` I DO NOT WANT YOU TO HURT GREG IN ANY WAY. GOD. YOU KNOW, GRANDMA TOLD ME THAT SHE MADE A PASS AT YOU. (SCOFFS) OH, YEAH, WELL, SHE USED TO HIT ON EVERYBODY ALL THE TIME. YOU KNOW THE ICE-CREAM GUY, JERRY MILLER? HE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WENT FOR IT. (CHUCKLES) - OH, GOD. OH, GOD. LET'S ROLL. MOM'S WAITIN'. TAMMY: OH, GOD! YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO IN THERE RIGHT NOW. NOW'S A GOOD A TIME AS ANY. HEY, TAMMY. HI, GREG. UH, COME ON IN. - REALLY? - YEAH. SEE YOU KIND OF MADE YOURSELF AT HOME, HUH? BOLD. UH, JUST WANTED TO, YOU KNOW, LET YOU GUYS KNOW THAT I'M ` I'M OK. YOU KNOW? WITH ME. NOT SO MUCH WHAT YOU GUYS DID. THAT'S ` I MEAN, YOU KNOW, THAT'S REALLY BETWEEN YOU AND ` AND THAT GUY UPSTAIRS. BUT I THINK HE FROWNS ON ADULTERY. I'D SAY THAT. SO I THINK YOU BURN, ACTUALLY. SO I'M JUST GONNA GET MY STUFF. MISSI: I, UH ` I FOLDED YOUR CLOTHES. I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HOME. THANKS FOR LETTING ME STAY HERE. OH, YEAH. - MM. YOU LOOK GOOD. - YEAH? - YEAH. - PRISON AGREE WITH ME? - YEAH. - (BOTH CHUCKLE) THINK IT KIND OF DID. I GOT YOUR ROOM ALL SET UP, SO ` - YEAH? - YEAH. GOD. I'M NOT BUNKIN' WITH GRANDMA, AM I? NO. - (BOTH CHUCKLE) SHE'S AT BROOKVIEW. - WHAT? DID YOU LOCK HER UP?! THAT IS BULLSHIT! - TAMMY, I ` - GIVE ME YOUR CAR KEYS, DAD. - TAMMY, WAIT. I DID NOT ` I'M GONNA REMEMBER THAT WHEN YOU GET OLD. - TAMMY! (TYRES SCREECH) - HEY! HEY, SUPER OLD GUY! WHERE'S PEARL BALZEN? WHAT?! - OH, GOD! HUH? OH, COME ON, MAN. GRANDMA. (GASPS) TAMMY! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE COMIN'. COME HERE. GIVE ME A HUG. OH, GOD. LOOK AT YOU. IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT. - WHAT'S HAPPENING? OK, LET'S GO. MOVE, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE. - BYE, EVERYBODY. I'LL BE BACK. - I'M GETTIN' YOU OUT OF HERE. - OK. HEY! WAIT! WHAT ARE YOU ` STAY! - I GOT THE CAR. LET'S GO! GOD DAMN IT. I'LL GET THE DOOR. - YOU COULD'VE KILLED ME. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? JUST STOP. DO YOU HEAR ME? OH, MY GOD. YOU CAN STILL WALK. - OF COURSE I CAN WALK. I WAS TEACHING AN EXERCISE CLASS. - WELL, WHY WERE YOU SITTING IN A WHEELCHAIR? BECAUSE MOST OF THEM ARE IN WHEELCHAIRS. WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE IN HERE? I DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS. - I MEAN, YOU WERE IN JAIL, AND I'M AT THIS COOL PLACE. MY AA MEETINGS ARE HERE, I MADE FRIENDS, AND I'M SEEING THIS ` THIS 84-YEAR-OLD FROM PHILLY. I MEAN, HE WAS A HOCKEY PLAYER, SO HE SEEMS YOUNGER, BUT... WE'VE BEEN GOIN' KIND OF SLOW, AND THIS MIGHT BE THE WEEKEND. (SIGHS) YOU LOOK GOOD. THANKS. YOU LOOK GREAT. - YEAH? - YEAH. I WAS AFRAID TO EAT THE MEAT IN JAIL, SO... - THAT'S A GOOD CALL. - YEAH. GOD, I AM SO SORRY. - SO SORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING. - MM. I'M SORRY. I WAS A TOTAL JERK TO YOU, AND I SHOULD'VE TAKEN BETTER CARE OF YOU. - NO. IT WASN'T YOUR JOB TO TAKE CARE OF ME. - LITTLE BIT IT WAS. WELL, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I REALLY DO. WELL, I'M PRETTY GREAT. - YOU ARE REALLY GREAT. I LOVE YOU, TOO. WANT TO GO SEE SOME WATER? (TYRES SCREECH) - LET'S LIGHT THIS CANDLE. (LAUGHS) LET'S GO, WOMAN! - I GOT IT. - YOU'RE STRONG. OOH. 'DUKES OF HAZZARD'-STYLE. LENORE STOCKED UP THE RV, SO WE'RE ALL GOOD TO GO. ('DO YOUR EARS HANG LOW' PLAYS) OH, GOD. IT'S JERRY MILLER. LADIES. WHO WANTS A BONE CONE? GO. GO. JUST GO. OH. SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK, GRANDMA? IS IT A GOOD DAY TO GO TO NIAGARA FALLS? I'M READY. YOU KNOW, MY DADDY ALWAYS SAID THAT NIAGARA FALLS IS THE CLOSEST THING TO HEAVEN ON EARTH. (CHEERING) (INAUDIBLE) (INAUDIBLE) SO, HOW'D YOU KNOW TO COME HERE TO NIAGARA, ANYWAY? A LITTLE BIRDIE TOLD ME. - IS THE BIRD NAMED PEARL? - YES. (BOTH CHUCKLE) SO, WHAT'S ` WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU, TAMMY? WHAT'S ` WHAT'S NEXT? THINKIN' ABOUT GETTIN' MY OWN PLACE IN LOUISVILLE. - REALLY? - YEAH. INTERESTING. - YEAH, IT IS, ISN'T IT? GET MYSELF A SWEET LITTLE PLACE AND, YOU KNOW, MAYBE YOU CAN COME OVER AND WATCH A MOVIE. DO YOU GUYS FEEL HOW THE FALLS ARE CHARGING THE IONS? IT'S INCREDIBLE, RIGHT? - YES. - YES. - ROMANTIC. YEAH, IT IS. (CLEARS THROAT) - OH. WELL, MY DADDY WAS RIGHT. IT'S BEAUTIFUL HERE. YEAH, IT'S PRETTY COOL. YOU THINK I SHOULD TRY TO RENT A BARREL AND TRY TO SHOOT THE FALLS? I THINK WE SHOULD JUST LOOK AT THEM, MAYBE. - MM, REALLY? - YEAH. I DON'T KNOW. I GOT A GOOD FEELING. I FEEL LIKE ` I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT A COURSE, AND IF I JUST SHOOT OUT INTO THE MIDDLE SOFT SPOT THERE, IT'LL PROBABLY JUST PILLOW-CARRY ME RIGHT OVER THAT CANADIAN LAGOON OVER IN THERE. I THINK IF ANYONE COULD DO IT, IT WOULD BE YOU. OH! OH, I THOUGHT I SAW THE CHEETOS. IT'S NOT THEM. YOU GUYS WANT TO GET CHEETOS? I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE LEAVING ME FOR THAT DICK! WELL, THAT DICK IS GONNA HAVE HIS OWN FRANCHISE IN THREE GODDAMN YEARS. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? COME ON. SHAKE A TIT. HAPPY HOUR'S OVER IN 20 MINUTES. AH! - THAT'S HOW IT'S DONE. - GREG: THIS IS B.S. THIS IS A HUGE MISTAKE. YOU WERE RIGHT. THIS HOT TUB IS AWESOME. RIGHT? YEAH. SO, HOW YOU LIKIN' LOUISVILLE? - I LOVE IT. I LOVE WHERE I LIVE, WHERE I WORK, I LOVE THE MAN I LAY WITH. IT'S A-OK WITH ME. GREAT. HEY, LARRY! THIS SANGRIA IS AWESOME. THANK YOU. THE SECRET'S IN THE MARASCHINO CHERRIES. OH, I SEE YOU GOT A COUPLE OF MARASCHINO CHERRIES YOURSELF. WHOA! (LAUGHTER)