DOOR SLAMS GUARD: Lunch-time. The longer you animals bark, the colder your lunch gets. Move it out! You too, down there! Hey, turkey! READS: 'You schmuck. You really think I'd be stupid enough to kill myself?' Kill myself? SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC Come on! Here he comes! Jake! The lock! Let go of the handle! I don't have the handle! Jake! Up! Let's go! They're coming! (EVIL LAUGH) TYRES SCREECH SIREN GUNSHOT GUNSHOTS HUBBUB POP MUSIC POP MUSIC Let's try the victory pyramid. OK. Let's go. All right. Put your arms up. Smile. We've got it. (FLABBERGASTED) TYRES SCREECH GUNSHOTS Turn that TV off. I can't hear myself think. Turn that TV off. I can't hear myself think. Yeah, right, Dad. SIRENS Huh? Is the water going down, son? Is the water going down, son? No. Is it going down now? GUNSHOT (SCREAMS) (CURSES IN CHINESE) Wow! Look! Police chase! GUNSHOT Bullets! Shit! What the hell are we doing here? What the hell are we doing here? Trust in your old mother, boys. Throw her into four-wheel drive and hold onto your hats. CHEERING CAR HORNS TOOT RADIO PLAYS (YAWNS) Bummer! Nothing exciting happens around here anyway. We need to do something. I can't wait to get out of here. Really? Really? Nah. I was just trying dilate myself. You know, dictate myself. That's delude yourself, dummy. That's delude yourself, dummy. That's what I said. Thanks, Brand. I know how you feel, wimp. I'm going to miss this place too. (GASPS) KNOCK AT DOOR Adopted wuss. Adopted wuss. I'm not an adopted wuss! IMPATIENT KNOCKING ON DOOR It's Mouth. Hey, Micky! Yo, Mikey. Hey, guys. What's going down? Hey, guys. What's going down? Get your foot off the table. What's going down, guys? What's the matter with you guys? What is this? A nuclear Saturday or something? This is our last weekend together. The last Goonie weekend. We've got to go out in style - cruising the coast. Sniffing some lace, downing the brews. But no! The one older brother had to go and screw it up! By flunking your driver's test? I don't know what to do with you. By flunking your driver's test? I don't know what to do with you. Let me in! It's Chunk. I just saw the most amazing thing in my entire life. I just saw the most amazing thing in my entire life. First do the Truffle Shuffle. Come on (!) Come on (!) Do it. Come on. Come on. Do it! (GRUNTS) (BELLY CHURNS) Cut it out, Mouth. (LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY) HEN CLUCKS Guys, thanks! Thanks a lot! You're not gonna believe me! This time I'm telling the truth! There were two cop cars chasing this four-wheel-deal. There were bullets flying everywhere! It was amazing! More amazing than when Michael Jackson used your bathroom? More amazing than when you saved those old people from a fire? More amazing than when you ate your weight in pizza? OK, Michael Jackson didn't come over to my house. But his sister did. JAMES BOND THEME JAMES BOND THEME Prepare for the wings of flight. Uh-oh! The screen door! Uh-oh! The screen door! DING! JAMES BOND THEME STOPS I bet you guys thought I was going to drop it, huh? You idiot! Oh, my God! Look! It's not broken! It's perfect! Look! It's not broken! It's perfect! Oh, my God! That's my mom's favourite piece! Oh, my God! You wouldn't be here if it wasn't. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't. Shut up, Mouth! You wouldn't be here if it wasn't. Shut up, Mouth! Shut up, Mouth! Any of you guys ever hear of Detroit? Any of you guys ever hear of Detroit? No. It's where Motown started and it has the highest murder rate in the US. That's where we're moving when we lose our house tomorrow. That's where we're moving when we lose our house tomorrow. Shut up. That'll never happen. My dad will fix it. My dad will fix it. Yeah, sure he will. If he gets his next 400 pay cheques by tomorrow afternoon. If he gets his next 400 pay cheques by tomorrow afternoon. No, it won't happen. Hi, Mom. Hi, Mom. Hi. I see Data dropped by. I see Data dropped by. Hi. How are you? Boys, this is Rosalita. She'll help us with the packing. ALL: Hi. Hola. Rosalita doesn't speak English. I know some of you have taken Spanish in school. I know some of you have taken Spanish in school. Mrs Walsh, I speak perfect Spanish. If it's any help to you I'd be glad to communicate with Rosalita. If it's any help to you I'd be glad to communicate with Rosalita. You're a lifesaver. Come with us. Certainly, Mrs Walsh. Certainly, Mrs Walsh. Mikey, no more potato chips. Certainly, Mrs Walsh. Mikey, no more potato chips. It's Bran, Ma. (MUMBLING) What? I wonder if she'll notice. I wonder if she'll notice. That's what I said. I wonder if she'll notice. She notices everything. Throw everything into cardboard boxes. Forget the suitcases. Clarke, can you translate all that? Clarke, can you translate all that? Certainly, Mrs Walsh. That's wonderful. Look. How's that? Look. How's that? You idiot! You glued it on upside down. If God made you do it that way you'd all be pissing in your faces. If God made you do it that way you'd all be pissing in your faces. Looks fine to me. This is the attic. Mr Walsh doesn't like anybody up here. This is my supply closet. It has brooms, dustpans, insect spray... I would really like the house clean when they tear it down. OK, Rosie? You're going to be very happy here. Come on, we've got more to do. That was so nice of you. That was so nice of you. Ace is my middle name, Mrs Walsh. I'm taking Rosalita shopping and will be back in an hour. Mikey, stay inside. Brent, I don't want him out in the rain. He should be put in a plastic bubble He should be put in a plastic bubble I'm serious, Brandon. If he takes one step outside you're in absolutely the deepest... shit. I don't like that language, but that's what you're gonna be in. And Data, use the back door from now on. What is that? What is that? Oh, shit! What? What is that? < That is a mess. I want it cleaned up. < That is a mess. I want it cleaned up. Oh, yeah! Sure. One hour, kids, and I'll be back. 'Bye, Mrs Walsh. 'Bye. Adios, senorita! You want a breathing problem? You've got one. What's your dad going to do with that stuff in the attic? What's your dad going to do with that stuff in the attic? He's giving it back to the museum. Or whoever they pick to be the new assistant curly... Curator. Maybe there's some stuff that we can keep. Maybe there's some rich stuff! EXCITED COMMOTION Listen to me! That's his stuff! THUNDER RUMBLES Look at this. I didn't know Dad had all this stuff up here. Great! Look at that! Neat-o! Come on, guys! There isn't much up here. Mom said not to let anyone up here. Mom said not to let anyone up here. Mikey, I can't believe you have something this cool in your house. You guys, stop! Put down the outfit. Mikey, this is great (!) THUNDER CLAPS OK, guys. She's hot. Now get out of here. OK, guys. She's hot. Now get out of here. I've got you right where I want you. My hayfever's acting up. And you always break something... My hayfever's acting up. And you always break something... < Micky. Micky, give me a nice wet kiss. Now get out from behind that! You're ruining the painting! Now get out from behind that! You're ruining the painting! You're ruining my joke! BOYS ARGUE > Mikey, what is all this neat stuff?> Mikey, what is all this neat stuff?> Where did you get this? > It was in a show. It was a retrotackle. Retrospective. That's what I said. You always contradict me. It was about the history of Astoria. And these are the rejects. Kind of like us, Mike - the Goonies. Kind of like us, Mike - the Goonies. I'm not a reject. Take that stuff off. You're gonna get me in trouble. Mouth, when you drop something. Put it back up. What's this? What's this? SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC THUNDER RUMBLES Chunk. I didn't touch it. I know. Get over here. I know. Get over here. Stop touching it, Chunk. Hold this. Hold this. Why me, Mike? Mike, there's a real big... (COUNTING) What are you doing? What are you doing? Mike found a map. That says 1632. Is that a year or something? No. It's your top square and poll position. It's a map of a coastline. It's a map of a coastline. What's all that Spanish junk? Mouth, you translate. Mouth, you translate. Yeah, translate it. Ye intruders beware. Crushing, death and grief. Soaked with blood of the trespassing beast. This is old news. Everyone and his grandfather went looking for that. Haven't you heard of that pirate guy? One-eyed Willy. One-eyed Willy. He was the most famous pirate in his time. My dad told me all about him once. My dad told me all about him once. Dad will do anything to get you to go to sleep. One-eyed Willy stole treasure that was full of rubies and emeralds. And diamonds? And diamonds? Diamonds. He loaded it onto a ship. And they sailed into the sunset. The British king found out about it and set up this armada. It took the armada a couple of weeks but then they caught up with Willy. Then there was a war between the armada and Willy's ship. There were guns and cannons bursting here and there. Willy fled, he knew he'd get killed if he stayed around. Then he got into this cave, and the British blew up the walls around him. He got caved in and has been there ever since. He got caved in and has been there ever since. < Forever? Forever. And ever? And ever? Trapped. And ever? Trapped. Wow! You sound just as corny as Dad does. You sound just as corny as Dad does. Dad tells me the truth. He said Willy and his bunch were down there for six years digging tunnels. They set booty traps. They set booty traps. Booby traps. That's what I said. Anybody that tried to get in there would die. And then he killed all of his men. And then he killed all of his men. Why? He didn't want them to get to his treasure. He didn't want them to get to his treasure. How did the map and story get out? Dad said one of the guys must've gotten out with the map. Dad said one of the guys must've gotten out with the map. Mike, I believe you. I don't believe you at all. > What did you break this time, Chunk? Hey, look at this. Have you heard of Chester Copperpot? 'Chester Copperpot. Missing while in pursuit of local legend. Reclusive scavenger claims 'I have the key to One-eyed Willy'. Whoa! Do you guys realise what we could do? Whoa! Do you guys realise what we could do? Nobody ever found nothing, you guys. Why would this map be here when it could be in a safety deposit box? That's right. And if Chester couldn't find it, why would we? But what if this map could lead to One-eyed Willy's rich stuff? Then we wouldn't have to leave the Goon-docks. Then we wouldn't have to leave the Goon-docks. I don't want any more crazy Goonie adventures. DOORBELL BUZZES Where are you going? You don't want to do this? 1632. 'Meet your jerk' alert! Can I help you? > Can I help you? > Hello, little guys. I'm Mr Perkins. Troy's father. We know who Troy is... We know who Troy is... Shut up. My dad's not home, Mr Perkins. Is your mommy here? No, she's at the market buying nappies for us. Papers, Joe. You can give these to your father to read and sign. We'll be by to pick them up in the morning. We'll be by to pick them up in the morning. Thank you. Bran, what is all that stuff? Bran, what is all that stuff? It's Dad's business. But what is it? But what is it? I told you, it was Dad's business. Look at them smiling. They can't wait until tomorrow when they foreclose. Trash the Goon-docks. When they wreck our house, I hope they make it a sand trap. When they wreck our house, I hope they make it a sand trap. And never get their balls out. CHUNK: I think they made me lose my appetite. Mikey. Come on, before you catch a cold. You seem to be sure of yourself. You seem to be sure of yourself. The foreclosure is a definite. . Oh, God, am I depressed. If I found One-eyed Willy's rich stuff I'd pay all my dad's bills. Then he could sleep at night instead of thinking of how we can stay here. If I let you out, Mom will ground my ass. And I've got a date on Friday. You're dreaming. There's no way 'cos that means your mom's got to drive. Then you've got to make it with her and your mom. Then you've got to make Shut up. Yeah, Mouth. Shut up, Data. (SCREAMS) What shall we do about that country club? It's killing our parents. If we don't do something there'll be a golf-course where we're standing. THUNDER CLAPS # Good enough for you! # It's good enough for me. # It's good enough! # It's good enough for me! # Now you say you're starting to feel it... Bran, how far can you stretch that? Bran, how far can you stretch that? It's not that hard. Get off me, Chunk! # Good enough for you! # It's good enough for me! What are you doing? It took 376 lawnmower jobs to pay for that. It's his most favourite thing in the world. It's his most favourite thing in the world. Now it's his most flattest thing. I'll hit you so hard, when you wake up your clothes will be out of style. # It's good enough! # It's good enough for me! # Goonies!# Mom, let me out of here. Can't you learn to exercise like a normal kid? Can't you learn to exercise like a normal kid? But, Ma... You're hyperventilating. Where's your brother? Mom! What's wrong with you people? Rosalita, come here. You've got to let me out of here. (SPEAKS IN SPANISH) Rosalita, come here. You've got to let me out of here. # Old fashioned. Superstitious. MOUTH: Hi, Mr Walsh. MOUTH: Hi, Mr Walsh. Hi, Mikey. Hi, Dad. CHUNK: Guys, wait for me! Don't you come home without your brother or I'll commit Hari Krishna. Don't you come home without your brother or I'll commit Hari Krishna. That's hari kari, Ma. That's exactly what I said. > What?! They let down my new tyres! I'm gonna...! (SCREAMS) My bike! My bike! I owe you one. BOYS CHATTER MIKEY: I've got a feeling about this one. MIKEY: I've got a feeling about this one. DATA: You always have a feeling. Every time you have a feeling you get us in trouble. Every time you have a feeling you get us in trouble. You get us in trouble, 00-negative. I'm James Bond 007, not 00-negative. CHUNK: I'm hungry. I know when my stomach growls, there's trouble. CHUNK: I'm hungry. I know when my stomach growls, there's trouble. ALL: Shut up, Chunk. You made me go up this big hill, and you said you'd give me a Twinky. Now I'm gonna be late for dinner and my mom's gonna yell at me. Anybody got a candy bar? That's it, guys! The three rocks out there! You're right! (PUFFING) Mikey! RADIO PLAYS ROCK MUSIC Troy! Touch that mirror again and I swear to God I'll smack your face. Hey, there's Bran. Hey, there's Bran. Oh, like the bike. What is he doing? What is he doing? No wonder he can't get a licence. CAR HORN BEEPS Can we give you a ride somewhere? Can we give you a ride somewhere? No. Thanks anyway, though. Walsh, let's give you a little ride. Hold on! Here we go! Troy! Oh, no! Oh, no! Let go of my hand! Oh, my God! So long, sucker! So long, sucker! (SCREAMS) Forget it. Come on. This better be it, Mikey. This better be it, Mikey. Shut up, Chunk. Guys. I think I have a match. I'm sure of it. The lighthouse, the rock and the restaurant fit the coin. That must mean that the rich stuff is near the restaurant. Mouth, we need you to translate the map, 'cos I don't understand Spanish. Diez veces diez. What does that mean? What does that mean? 10 times 10. 'Stretching feet to nearest northern point.' Which way is north? 'And that's where you'll find the treat.' The rich stuff! That's it! 'And that's where you'll find the treat.' The rich stuff! That's it! North is the restaurant. COUNTING 60. Another 40 is an even 100 right to the old restaurant. I don't know, Mikey. It's getting late, and that's a summer place. What's it doing open in the fall? There's nothing to be scared of. Two customers went inside. What if they're not customers? What if they're drug dealers? What if they're not customers? What if they're drug dealers? Drug dealers? Drug dealers wouldn't be caught dead in those clothes. COUNTING TWO GUNSHOTS That sounded like gunshots! Not the big ones you hear in war movies! But real gunshots. They're gonna kill us! But real gunshots. They're gonna kill us! Turn off your brain! Someone probably dropped a pot. Someone probably dropped a pot. Yeah, yeah. Are you sure, Mikey? They might try to kill us. Mikey, they're gonna kill us! Chunk, shut up! DRAMATIC MUSIC Soda pop! Oh, boy, am I thirsty! Damn it! Hurry up! Looks like the cooks are carrying something to the kitchen. Looks like the cooks are carrying something to the kitchen. Yeah, food. DOOR SQUEAKS ORV? Bullet holes. Bullet holes! Chunk! (GASPING) (GASPING) This place is a summer restaurant? How long've you been at the window? How long've you been at the window? Long enough to see that you need about 400 roach motels here. How the hell am I supposed to create with that piece of shit?! (SPEAKS SPANISH) Jake, these boys are customers. (SPEAKS SPANISH) (SPEAKS SPANISH) (SPEAKS SPANISH) Boys, you make yourselves comfortable. (SPEAKS SPANISH) She's gonna cook you something. What do you want? Lots of water. Four waters. Is that all? No. I want the veal scaloppine. Shut up, Mouth! And a fettuccine. The only thing we serve is tongue. You boys like tongue? (LAUGHS EVILLY) That's all? That's all? Yeah. Sit down! Are you all right, Chunk? What happened to the two guys in the polyester suits that came before us? What? Spit it out! If we don't get out of here soon there's gonna be a hostage crisis. Out in the garage - ORV four-wheel drive. Bullet holes the size of... I'm starting to OD on all your bullshit. I'm starting to OD on all your bullshit. Yeah, shut up. There's your water! Thank you, sir. I mean, ma'am. Is this supposed to be water? Is this supposed to be water? It's wet, ain't it? Drink it! Miss, where's the men's room, please? Miss, where's the men's room, please? Can't you hold it? No. Mikey, this ain't the kind of place you want to go to the bathroom. Mikey, this ain't the kind of place you want to go to the bathroom. Why not? They might have daddy-long-legs or a dead thing. Mikey, wanna go to the bathroom? Mikey, wanna go to the bathroom? Big dead things. Downstairs. First door on the right. Downstairs. First door on the right. Thank you. Stay to the right. Stay to the right! . I know you're down here, One-eyed Willy. I can feel One-eyed Willy. I know you're down here. Oh, man that's stinks. Oh, man that's stinks. GROWLING What the hell was that? GROWLING SINGING IN ITALIAN (SCREAMING) You're ruining it! (SCREAMING) You don't leave me any choice! You're like Francis, you never let me finish anything. (SINGS OPERA) (GROANING) > (GROANING) (GASPS) (LAUGHS TRIUMPHANTLY) We're getting out of here right now! WOMAN: Get out of here! And stay out! Kids suck. I swear on my life, they've got an...IT. It's chained to the wall. When it came to the light it was gross. Like your brain. Say goodbye to your little pals. Like your brain. Say goodbye to your little pals. Look at that. Why did you have to shoot him? He's a Fed. We could've shot him on the side of the road. Just put him in the car. I'm wondering who's in the bag. Restaurant trash. That big? Yeah. There were bullet holes in the car. Come on, our parents are worried. It's dinner time. Why don't we go home? It's dinner time. Why don't we go home? Home? What home? In a couple more hours it ain't gonna be home, any more. This is our time. Our last chance to see if there really is any rich stuff We've got to. Get down, guys. THUMP! THUMP! You almost gave me a heart attack. Mouth, you look better from behind. Mouth, you look better from behind. Want to see something really scary? That's scary and ugly. How did you guys get here? We followed you guys. Sorry about your face. Sorry about your face. Don't worry about it. I was born with it. Troy was being a jerk, tilting the mirror so he could see down my shirt So I elbowed his lip. So I elbowed his lip. You elbowed his lip? It's locked. It's locked. Thank God! Chunk, I've got some naked pictures of your mom. Want to buy them? Chunk, I've got some naked pictures of your mom. Want to buy them? What?! Real cheap! Thanks, Chunk. You wait here. You wait here. You guys will get in trouble. You wait here. You guys will get in trouble. Just don't leave. ARGUING Shut up! We've got to get to the lowest point of the floor. Shut up! We've got to get to the lowest point of the floor. Lowest point, nothing. Let's go now! (SCREAMS HYSTERICALLY) No, Brandon. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It was disgusting. You should've seen it. Come on, Bran. Please? What if we find something? A couple more minutes isn't gonna hurt. A couple more minutes isn't gonna hurt. Mikey, we're going right now. Give them a few minutes. As long as you stay here with me. Listen to her. She knows what she's talking about. SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC GRUNTING Chunk, I hope that was your stomach. Chunk, I hope that was your stomach. No. That's the IT. That's the IT. Sounds like Kong. Part of it's human. Come on. Want to see it? Don't worry. It's chained to the wall GRUNTING Sshhh. GRUNTING I don't want to go, Mikey. I don't want to go, Mikey. Why not? It's chained to the wall. Come on. You wanted to go. I don't want to see it. DRAMATIC MUSIC DRAMATIC MUSIC (SCREAMS) SCREAMS Shame, shame. Shame, shame. I know your name. Come on, Bran, slip her the tongue. Come on, Bran, slip her the tongue. That's disgusting. I can't look. Get me up, guys. Thanks, guys. Can't you smell it, guys? One-eyed Willy really is down here. We're walking right above him. Water. Come on, we can do it. Come on, we can do it. No. The stairs go up. And right about here must've been where we said we've got to get to the lowest spot. Mikey, what the hell are you doing? What are you doing? Give me that. There's nothing buried under there. What are you doing? Give me that. There is something buried under there The map said so, and there's got to be. The map said so, and there's got to be. I've got an idea. We'll pour chocolate over the floor and let Chunk eat his way through. We'll pour chocolate over the floor and let Chunk eat his way through. That's all I can stand! I can't stand no more! I got it! I got it! I don't got it. I don't got it. ALL: You klutz. I hope it's not a deposit bottle. I hope it's not a deposit bottle. This is ridiculous. I feel like I'm babysitting without the pay. Listen to that. What? So what? So what? Sounds like my grandfather taking a leak. No, it's deep. There's a hole, or a passageway. Get out of there. Get out of there. Brandon's being so sweet. Come on! Where are you? You're on a cloud, and we are in a basement. I told you! You can feel the air; there's something down there. I told you. Maybe treasure or something. Hey, this is working, guys. Careful! Are you OK? I told you it was a passageway. I told you it was a passageway. It's the start of the tunnel. MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC $50 bill. $50 bill?! $50 bills? $50 bills? $50 bill! Guys! There's hundreds of $50 bills! We have some money to save the Goon! ALL SHOUT EXCITEDLY Quiet! What? They're fake! They're bogus! They're fake! They're bogus! No, it's not. I knew they were from the ozone. I knew they were from the ozone. We could get 25 years for counterfeiting. I recognise these people. I recognise these people. It's the Fratelli's. That's the guy from upstairs. That's the guy from upstairs. And the guy who tried to sing. I said there was gonna be trouble, but you didn't listen. You're crazy. You're self-destructive. There's a funny farm with your names on it. I'm getting out of here. I smell ice-cream. They've got Swensons! They've got Baileys and cream, Mississippi mud... And they've got chocolate eruption and apple. And they've got grape. And super-dooper chocolate eruption. And... What? 'PSYCHO' THEME MUSIC It's a stiff! FOOTSTEPS ON CREAKING FLOOR BOARDS ^ Somebody's been here. The door's open. ^ Somebody's been here. The door's open. ^ So? Shut it. ^ Who left the lights on? Pizza? Pizza? ALL: Ssshhh!!! Pepperoni? Pepperoni? ALL: Ssshhh!!! Let's see my pepperoni. Let's see my pepperoni. 'My pepperoni'? Come on! Let's kill each other over the pepperoni! Come on! Let's kill each other over the pepperoni! Put that gun away! You always take his side. You always liked him better. You always take his side. You always liked him better. That's right. . Put him back in. ALL: Ssshhh. Close the door. (WHISPERS DESPERATELY) I'm here! Mikey, come on. Fireplace, Brandon. It's the only way out. You'll never get out that way. What? It all starts here. Guys, I'm stuck with the stiff! Stay! Stay! Guys, come here! Oh, shit! Go. Jake, forget it. I'm sorry. HELP! HELP! Guys! Come on, you idiots! Come on, you idiots! OK, Mom. Watch the step. ALL: Ssshhh. Hurry up! (LAUGHS EVILLY) It's so real! Look in the window! I wish we had a piece of that... THUMP! CHATTER Chunk? Chunk's up there. Chunk's up there. < Let me show you this piece. I worked two hours on that. Shut up! Somebody's been here. Go check your brother. It could've been a tremor, Ma. It could've been a tremor, Ma. I'll show you a tremor. (SULKS) I'm gonna check my brother. (SULKS) I'm gonna check my brother. He better not have broken those chains. I'm not getting another set. (SNEEZES) (SNEEZES) Bless you. ^ I'm cold. < (WHISPERS) Chunk, come here. (WHISPERS) What are you doing down there? (WHISPERS) Go and get the police. (WHISPERS) Go and get the police. We're in some serious shit. You've got to get the police. Get out of here. Go out the window. DATA: Do you see him, guys? DATA: Do you see him, guys? Where's Chunk? Getting the police. He's going to get the police. Move. I knew he couldn't break those chains. Come on, get the body. We've been walking forever. How much further do you plan on going? We've been walking forever. How much further do you plan on going? Mouth, you stepped on my foot. I can't see a thing. Oh, my God! You broke my glasses! You broke my glasses! Listen, guys. I'm the oldest. Now I'm in charge. Now I'm in charge. Data, do you have a light? Now I'm in charge. Data, do you have a light? I said I was in charge. Do you have a light? Do you have a light? Light? Sure, guys. Back up. Bully blinders! All right! OW! You know, I was walking home with this thing when two guys stopped me? Watch out, Data. Data, turn them off. Only problem is batteries don't last so long. Guys, there's a light up ahead. Maybe we can get out that way. I like the dark. I love the dark. I hate nature. Wait a sec! Stop! I'm just a kid! What seems to be the problem? What seems to be the problem? I need a ride. My friends and I just had a run-in with the Fratelli's. We found their hideout. Could you take me to the sheriff's station? I can describe all three of them. (STUTTERING) (SINGS OPERA) (SINGS OPERA) (GASPS) What the hell are you doing? He's only a kid. Did it work, guys? Did it work, guys? Yeah! I can't see anything. Mouth, your father's a plumber. What are these pipes all about? Mouth, your father's a plumber. What are these pipes all about? These look like water pipes. Gas pipes. Drainage. Wait a minute, guys. Shut up for a minute. These pipes must lead to an old building or something. Maybe if we make enough noise... YELLING MISCHIEVIOUS MUSIC (YELLING) PIPES GROAN The water's pressured! Daddy! Let's... get out of... here! Like now! Go! First we start with the fingers. Then the plump little hand. Then the fleshy arm. Now tell me where your other little friends are. Now tell me where your other little friends are. The fireplace. Don't lie to me. Honestly. Over at Mikey's we found a map that said under here is treasure Don't give us your bullshit stories. I want you to tell us everything. Everything? Everything? Everything. OK, I'll talk. At third grade I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade I stole Uncle Max's toupee and glued it on my face. In fifth grade I knocked my sister down the stairs and blamed the dog. I can't see a thing. What am I stepping on? Look! A lantern! Somebody must've been here before. Maybe they're still here. Maybe they're still here. God, I hope not. Look at these cigarettes. (HYSTERICALLY) Don't put anything down my shirt. Listen to her. What's the matter with her? Andy, it's OK. Andy. (HYSTERICAL RANTING) Don't I have a beautiful body? Don't I have a beautiful body? You've got a great body. How many more years is it before my hair falls out and I look like him? (HYSTERICAL SCREAM) When my mom sent me to a summer camp for fat kids... at lunch I got nuts and pigged out and they kicked me out. Look at him. Look at him. Don't touch it, guys. This is one of your tricks, isn't it, One-eyed Willy? You wouldn't go to all this trouble if you weren't hiding something. It's OK. Don't be afraid. It's OK. Don't be afraid. You don't understand. He's dead, for sure. I think he's Chester Copperpot. Chester who? Chester who? Don't you guys remember? From the attic. It said the last guy that went looking for the rich stuff went in. And he never came back out. That was back in 1935. If he didn't make it out, what about us? How are we going to get out? Don't worry about it. Just calm down. Positive. We can't be sure it's Chester Copperpot. We can't be sure it's Chester Copperpot. I know it's him. Mouth, get his wallet. DRAMATIC MUSIC DRAMATIC MUSIC Lou Gehrig? You get it, Mikey. You get it, Mikey. Mike, get his wallet. It is Chester Copperpot. See! I told you! We're gonna get killed too. Hey, look at this. Candles. We're dead. Data, where are you going? Data, where are you going? I'm setting booty traps. Booby traps. Booby traps. That's what I said. I'm setting booby traps so we can hear anyone coming. OK, hurry. Good idea. Data, where are you going? Data, where are you going? I'm setting booty traps. You mean booby traps. That's what I said! Be quiet. . Guys, look at this. It looks like a skeleton. Give me that. (SCREAMS) Oh, God! I don't know why the hell I'm here. Hey, guys. Now that we've got... See what I found? Guys. Don't move. Don't move back there! Don't move back there! What? Guys! Oh, my God! Run! DRAMATIC MUSIC The light! EVERYONE GASPS Wait. Listen. Sounds like somebody's down there. BREATHING SOUNDS Shut up and listen. Maybe it's a way out. Maybe it's a way out. Maybe it's the Fratelli's. Maybe Chunk found the police. Maybe Chunk found the police. Maybe it's a booby trap. God put that rock there purposely. I'm not sure you should move it. SQUEAKING Hello? FLUTTERING SCREAMING My hair! Rabies! Sit! Rabies! But the worst thing I'd ever done, I made foulest fake puke at home... and then I went to this movie theatre with it under my jacket... climbed up to the balcony and then I made a noise like this... (PUKING NOISE) And then I dumped it over the side on all the people in the audience. Then this was horrible. Other people started getting sick... and threw up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my life. and threw up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my life. I'm beginning to like this kid, Ma. Hit puree. Hit puree. No. I'm too young! I want to play the violin! Not my hand! Tell me the truth! What was that noise?! There's a tunnel down there! Watch the hair! Watch your face, Ma! Watch your face, Ma! Mikey, if you can hear me! Run! They're coming after you! DATA: If we keep going this far down, we'll reach China. This could be dangerous, Andy. You might want to hold my hand. This could be dangerous, Andy. You might want to hold my hand. Thank you. Oh, wow! You guys, look! It's a beautiful waterfall. HARP MUSIC Wow! Wow! It's a giant piggy bank! EXCITED SHOUTING Gold and silver! It's shining all over the place. Gold and silver! It's shining all over the place. We did it! Mouth, what year was that map made? Mouth, what year was that map made? Probably a couple of hundred years before President Lincoln. George Washington. Martin Sheen. Martin Sheen. Martin Sheen? President Kennedy, you idiot! Same difference. He played Kennedy once. Same difference. He played Kennedy once. I'm glad you're using your brain. At least I have a brain! At least I have a brain! You're so stupid, Mouth! Oh, yeah? Yes. Shut up! Wait a minute. This isn't gold. It's a wishing-well. It must be the old Moss Garden wishing-well. I believed that when you threw your money it turned into a wish. Wait. You can't do this. Wait. You can't do this. Why? Why? Because these are somebody else's wishes. They're somebody else's dreams. Yeah. But you know what? This one right here was my dream. My wish. And it didn't come true. So I'm taking it back. I'm taking them all back. One-eyed Willy, what does this have to do with the map? Is this a trick? We should keep him alive. We should keep him alive. Good idea. Put him in with your brother. OK, Mom. Come on, kid. You dropped something. You dropped something. What's that? What's that? A crackerjack prize? What's that? A crackerjack prize? Holy shit! We found it on the map. It's got something to do with the treasure. We found it on the map. It's got something to do with the treasure. Look at the date on it. This is authentic. This is authentic. Give it to me. I told you so. You guys never believe me. I said that there was going to be buried... Troy, how far have you got with Andy? Troy, how far have you got with Andy? All the way, buddy? You guys are so immature. Why don't you grow up? You guys are so immature. Why don't you grow up? Come on, tell us. I didn't make it with her yet. And I stress 'yet'. Huh? What the hell? What did you wish for? What did you wish for? To make it with Andy. Hey! Who's down there? It's Troy! That sounds like Andy. That sounds like Andy. Andy? Is that you? Is that you? Yes, it's me. Please send down the bucket and the rope. What the hell are you doing at the bottom of a well? What the hell are you doing at the bottom of a well? Don't ask me stupid questions! Send down the bucket. Come on! Send down the bucket. Come on! See, guys. Wishes do come true. All right, follow me! What's the matter with you? If you let yourself out, I'll break your legs. If you sit too close to the TV you'll screw up your animal. If you sit too close to the TV you'll screw up your animal. Jake, leave him alone. Hare Krishna! Come on, let me out! (NERVOUSLY) Hi, sir. (STUTTERS) My name's Lawrence. Sometimes people call me Chunk. Sometimes people call me Chunk. (SNARLS) (SNARLS LOUDER) (LAUGHING) HELP! GET ME OUT OF HERE! Ma, you'll never know what we'll find. Ma, you'll never know what we'll find. Let's get down there. Look at how deep it is down there. Look at how deep it is down there. Jake, you first. Look at how deep it is down there. Jake, you first. I ain't going first. GO! GO! Can't argue with that, Ma. I can see it! I'm the smallest, I'm going first. I'm the oldest, so I'll call the shots. Andy, you go first. I'll go second. (WHISPERS) Mr Copperpot. Chester Copperpot. Chester Copperpot! Don't you guys see? He was a pro! He never made it this far. Look at how far we've come. We've got a chance. Look at how far we've come. We've got a chance. A chance at what? Getting killed? If we keep going, someone's really going to get hurt. Maybe dead. Besides, we've got to get to the police. Besides, we've got Maybe Chunk already got to the police Don't say that. Maybe Chunk is dead. Don't say that. Goonies never say die. I'm not a Goonie. I want to go home. But still, don't you realise? The next time you see sky it'll be over another town. The next time you take a test it'll be some other school. Our parents want the best for us. Right now they've got to do what's right for them. It's their time. Their time. Up there. Down here it's our time. That's all over the second we ride up Troy's bucket. WISTFUL MUSIC HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER RADIO MUSIC Andy! You Goonie! . TV NOISE Chocolate. (LAUGHS) Chocolate. Want a candy bar? I've got a Baby Ruth, sir. (EXCITEDLY) Ruth! Baby Ruth! I'm gonna throw it to you, OK? Sorry, sir! > I tried to get it to you. I'm sorry. What? (SCREAMING HYSTERICALLY) Huh? Jeez, mister. You're hungrier than I am. SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC They're only booby traps! Why are you being such a sissy?! Empty. The kids must've cleaned him out, Mom. Empty. The kids must've cleaned him out, Mom. Sure. Right before they ate him. Stupid. Follow them size five's. Sloth. Chunk. Sloth. Chunk. Sloth. Chunk. THUMP! (LAUGHS) (PANICKING) Mmmm. (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) (LAUGHS) (SLOPPY KISS) (LAUGHS HAPPILY) You smell like phys ed! Mouth, hold this. Translate these. Copper bones plus 40 foams. Triple stones. Triple stones. Triple stones. This must be Copper Bones. Huh? Sorry. Wow! Look at that. Triple stones. We've got you now, One-eyed Willy. We're coming up right behind you. Why couldn't I have a little sister instead of that (!) That's too big. Try the middle one. That's too big. Try the middle one. You guys are crazy. > It fits, Mikey! It fits! It fits, Mikey! It fits! We got it! Turn it west. Counter clockwise. Try it, Mikey. Aahh! What the hell is that?! It's gonna bowl us or something! It's one of Willy's tricks! Get out of the way! (SCREAMS) DATA!! SPRINGING SOUND DATA! Oh, no! Don't be dead! I've been saved by my Pinchers of Hell! He's alive! I'm in another room. Hello, Sheriff. I'm at the Lighthouse Lounge. And I want to report a murder. And I want to report a murder. Just hold on here. Is that you again, Lawrence? Is that you again, Lawrence? Sheriff, this time I'm telling you the truth. I'm inside this basement with this guy... Rocky Road. Like the time you said 50 Iranian terrorists took over all the Sizzler steak houses in the city. Sloth, get back here. Just like that last prank where those creatures multiply when you throw water on them. Sloth! DING! DIAL TONE Lawrence? Sloth, it's just your echo. Sloth, it's just your echo. Echo! I'll show you. Don't go down there. It's dark down there. It's your echo, Sloth. I've got to go to the bathroom. Pee break. Who's got to go? I've got to go to the bathroom. Pee break. Who's got to go? Me. Me. Me. This is the little boy's room. And that tunnel's the little girl's room. Bran, where are you going? Bran, where are you going? This is the men's room. Where are you guys going? Where are you guys going? Men's room, Mikey. Where are you guys going? Men's room, Mikey. Yeah, we're going to the men's room. CLANGING Yeah. Mikey's been through here. (GROWLING) CAR CRASHES WOMAN SCREAMS SIRENS Uh-oh! Andy, this is not the time nor the place for this. Andy, this is not the time nor the place for this. I know what I'm doing. Brand! Brand! Go see what she's ragging about. Brand, hurry I'm in here with my eyes closed. (LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY) Wrong way, lover boy. It's this way. Wrong way, lover boy. It's this way. Thanks. OK, you kissed. Now tell. There's something weird. There's something weird. What is it? Does Bran wear braces? Why are you laughing? Stop. It was beautiful. Next time you kiss with your eyes open. It's a different experience. Be careful around here. There's a hole. I think Bran stood in it. Ma, after we dump the kids, how do we get out of here? Ma, after we dump the kids, how do we get out of here? They're around here somewhere. I can smell their bubblegum. I can smell their bubblegum. Mom, look. I'll give you three guesses who left this here. Got a light? DAUNTING MUSIC Are you crazy? They're here. Are you crazy? They're here. (HYSTERICALLY) They're here! Quiet! Right down there. Data, this way out! Come on, right through here! Come on. Don't fall behind! Go! . Come on! Watch your step. Watch your own. DRAMATIC MUSIC (GRUNTING) What is this? CONFUSED COMMOTION Jerk alert! Hurry up! Whoa! Bran, hold on! (GRUNTING) Somebody's coming! They're over there, Ma! They're over there, Ma! Hurry up! Data, hurry up! > Data, hurry up! > Don't be a fool, Data. Come on. I've got a great idea. Slick shoes! I've got a great idea. Slick shoes! ALL: Slick shoes? Are you crazy? Data! > SQUIRTING SOUNDS SQUIRTING SOUNDS ALL: Come on! Data, come on! > Hi, fellas. Remember me? We just want to talk. We just want to get out of here. Stop! Or I'm gonna shoot! Stop! Or I'm gonna shoot! GUNSHOT < You stupid oaf! < You stupid oaf! GUNSHOT You're gonna start a cave-in here! You're gonna start a cave-in here! What the hell do you think that was? HUBBUB FAST BREATHING Do you have a match? Do you have a match? No. How about this light? Good idea. Just pull it through. Just pull it through. Don't push, Jake! Push! Push! Hurry up! Sweetheart, are you OK? Sweetheart, are you OK? (HIGH PITCHED) No! < Look at this! All solid! Wow! What is that? DRAMATIC MUSIC It's disgusting. > Wow! Gnarly. That's atrocious, you guys. Help him! Hurry up! Aahh! Aahh! OH! Aahh! OH! WHOOSHING SOUND What are you doing? You're letting them get away! What's the matter with you two?! To move on, play the tune as each note is said. If you make too many mistakes ye will surely be muerto. What is that? Come on. What is that? Come on. Dead. You mean we've got to play the bones to get out of here? You mean we've got to play the bones to get out of here? Exactly. Hurry up! Look! There are notes on there. I had piano lessons when I was four years old. This is nothing like a Steinway. This is nothing like a Steinway. Play something! Hurry! I think the first chord is... PIPE ORGAN NOTE Oh, my God! It's working! Way to go, Andy! It's all coming back to me now! A, C-sharp, D. Play it right, please! HORN SOUNDS SCREAMING DRAMATIC MUSIC They're down there, guys! They're coming up! < What should I do?! < What should I do?! All right! They're coming! You guys! They look pissed off. HORN BLOWS SCREAMING What were you thinking? What were you thinking? I hit the wrong note. You're doing fine. I believe in you. Goonies always make mistakes. Don't make any more. Where was I? MAJESTIC SOUND TRIUMPHANT MUSIC Hey, they're gone! They're not here! ALARM SOUNDS (GURGLING) HAUNTING SOUND SCREAMING Is that E-sharp or is it B-flat? If you get the wrong note we'll all be flat. DRAMATIC MUSIC TRIUMPHANT MUSIC Hurry up! Go! Go! Grab hold of my hand! Give me the gun! Let's go! Bran, wait! What are you doing?! What are you doing?! The map! GUN CLICKS GO! SCREAMS OF EXCITEMENT FAST PACED MUSIC Oh shit! Geronimo! Are you OK, Mouth? What? Oh, my God! TRIUMPHANT MUSIC WOW! EXCITED CRIES Oh, God! Oh, God! Follow me. Get that gold, Ma. Idiot! HUBBUB EXULTANT MUSIC Do you really think there's a treasure here? Do you really think there's a treasure here? Andy, this whole ship's a treasure. Mikey, look! There's nothing to worry about, it's just a skeleton. There's got to be gold. Data, it's OK. (HYSTERICALLY) Guys! Data, it's OK. Why didn't you use the stairs? Why didn't you use the stairs? Stairs? The stupid guys told me to use the stairs when I fell through. He's OK. Some guy up there tells me I have stupid inventions! And I spend months inventing them. Don't touch that. Don't touch that. He's dead; he doesn't care. Put it down. How many ships did you say there were? How many ships did you say there were? Billions. Billions? Watch where you step. Don't slip. BOARDS CREAK Where did you get this from? That's a sketch of the old cannon ball chamber. Where's the gold?! Let go of him! Shut up! Uh-oh! I think I set off another trap! I'm sorry. Are you OK? Ready? Break through. BOARDS CREAK SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC What's up there? It's all right, Brandon. Just give me a second. HAUNTING MUSIC I wonder how they died. It's Willy. One-eyed Willy. Hello. I'm Mike Walsh. You've been expecting me. Haven't you? I got here in one piece. So that's why they call you One-eyed Willy. One-eyed Willy. You had it coming, eh, Willy? Willy, you're the first Goonie. Hi, guys. How's it going? This is Willy. One-eyed Willy. Say hi, Willy. > < Those are my friends. The Goonies. How long have you guys been standing there? How long have you guys been standing there? Long enough, Mikey. TRIUMPHANT MUSIC What are you staring at? It's gold. Load up. Except that. Why? Why? That's Willy's. Save that for him. Anything else. Goodbye, marbles. Oh, my God! Hurry up! Those creeps are still after us. That's right. What are we going to do? That's right. What are we going to do? Who cares? I've got an idea. What is it? I saw this on the Hardy Boys once. We can leave a trail of jewels into one cave. And hide out in another. When the Fratelli's go into that cave, we can make a run for it. When the Fratelli's go into that cave, we can make a run for it. That sounds like a great idea! You! OUTSIDE! OK, this is war! I said outside! We will not be taken alive, Mikey! We will not be taken alive, Mikey! What do you mean we? It's not funny! She's got a gun! It's not funny! She's got a gun! DATA! I love yours! I know what I'm doing. I'm all right. > Let me help you here. My gun! No more Mr Nice Guy! Let's go! Hurry up! Empty your jewels! You're so quiet all of a sudden. You're the one they call Mouth. Aha! Oh, my God! Is that all? Mmm-hmm. Oh, my God! You gross old witch! So you want to play pirates? We'll play pirates! Keep going, smarty! I can't swim with my hands tied. I can't swim with my hands tied. Now walk the plank! My hands are tied. My hands are tied. Say goodbye to your little friends. (SCREAMS) Get out of the way! Andy! Two down! Who's next?! . Let me go. You're pulling my hair! Go join your friends, you weasels! (SLOTH CRIES) TRIUMPHANT MUSIC Chunk! How did he get out?! Sloth, save 'em! (SCREAMING) Yahoo! Ace, Sloth! Chunk! No. It's Captain Chunk! Ma, give me the sword. And Captain Chunk says, 'let's get the hell out of here!' PLAYFUL MUSIC Jump rope, Larsey. Jump rope, Larsey. What do you mean 'jump rope'? Jump rope. SINGING 'RING-A-ROSIE' SUPERMAN THEME Sloth! We're in deep shit now, Francis. We're in deep shit now, Francis. Oh, shit. Remember when we went to the Bronx Zoo? Don't start that. Don't start that. He and Mama wanted to leave you there. We've never been to the Bronx Zoo. We've never been to the Bronx Zoo. Remember when we were gonna get your teeth fixed? And we spent the money on Francis's toupee. And we spent the money on Francis's toupee. I don't wear a hair piece! DONK! TRIUMPHANT MUSIC Here. Grab onto the rock. What happened to your braces? I don't wear braces, Mikey does. That little...! Goodbye, boys. You put us back. Hey, you guys! Mama! Come to Mama, baby. SWEET MUSIC Ma, you've been bad. I may have been bad, but it was for your good. Oh. Don't you remember when I used to sing to you? When you were little... # Rock a bye baby on the tree top. # When the wind blows the cradle will rock. # When the bough breaks the cradle will fall. # Break! Fall! Break! Fall! I only dropped you once! Maybe twice! Put me down! Hold on. We're gonna be OK. Get the rope. Get the rope. I don't want to rot with you! Guys, this is Sloth. We can't leave all that gold! That's our future! We stay here and we've got no future. We'll come back for it. Mama, just let us down easy. Not the sword! Oh, no! Are you all right? Are you all right? Yeah. You? Yeah. Will you get up? Let's go find the gold. Let's head for the light. Thank you, Mr Willy. You've made my day. This is a real treat. Booby trap! Let's get out of here! Booby trap? Didn't you see the movies? Booby trap? Didn't you see the movies? Leave it. Let's get out of here. There's been a cave in here before. Maybe we can get through. I can't see through the side. Have you got a light? I can't see through the side. Have you got a light? I've got one last candle. Is there a way out or what? It's sparkling. It's not a candle, it's dynamite! PANICKED CRIES You guys, push. What about the loot? What about our lives? (STRAINING) Hurry! GO! Help us! Ma! Come on! Sloth, come on. Sloth loves Chunk! I love you too! You're gonna get crushed! Ma! Come on! Well, I'll be damned! It's them goobers. They weren't here a minute ago. They weren't here a minute ago. But they're here now. Call Harvey. SIRENS My boys! Mikey! Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. I guess we're gonna be in deep... Look at what we brought! Pizza! My favourite! We were in a tunnel! I lost my glasses. Can I take piano lessons? We're OK, Ma. That's great, Dad. Watch this. He's just like his father. I wanted to say thank you for offering to save my life. What? I wanted to say thank you. I wanted to say thank you. Wow. Thank you. Your voice is nice when your mouth isn't screwing it up. Your voice is nice when your mouth isn't screwing it up. Thanks. Your looks are kind of pretty when your face doesn't screw it up. Hey, Mikey. You're a great little kid...person. If you keep kissing girls the way you do,... the parts of you that don't work so good they're gonna catch up to the ones that do. Let her mother worry. Who needs it? It's the Fratellis! Officer, we need your help. Let's go. Don't shoot him! Get him out of here! Those are the bad guys! Sloth, you're gonna live with me. HUH? I'm gonna take care of you. 'Cos I love you. I love you, Chunk. All right, Walsh. Today's the day, so let's get it over with. Irving. I'm sorry. Come on, Walsh. There's 50 more houses to tear down after yours. It's OK. Sheriff, I want you to witness this. Sorry, Dad. We had our hands on the future. We blew it to save our own lives. Sorry. It's all right. You and Bran are home safe with your mom and me. That makes us the richest people in Astoria. Walsh. You're looking at the richest people in Astoria. Now sign it! DRAMATIC MUSIC I'll miss being a Goonie. (SPEAKS SPANISH) What's she saying? No pen. No write. No sign! ALL: Don't sign! TRIUMPHANT MUSIC GASPS OF AMAZEMENT Dad, it's my marble bag. The Fratelli's forgot to check it. We don't have to leave the Goon-docks There'll be no more signing today or ever again! How did you kids find them? How did you kids find them? What happened? Were your lives in danger? The octopus was really scary. The scariest thing walking the plank. And we found a pirate ship. We were being chased by the Fratellis. Telling more stories, Lawrence? Telling more stories, Lawrence? This is for real. Holy Mary, Mother of God! Look at that! TRIUMPHANT MUSIC We're at Golden Point. And what appears to be a pirate ship... 'Bye, Willy. Thanks. (SCREAMS) Able 2017