(CHEEKY, CHEERFUL TUNE) Captions by The SubStation. www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Able 2015 . . . . . . (SNORING) (CLOCK TICKS) BOY: This is one of my favourite stories of all time, even though it begins in a basement. I'm gonna tell it the way it was written by this guy, Bellini, who lives underneath the amazing, the remarkable Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium. (SQUEAK!) And, yes, he sleeps with a dolly. (MECHANICAL WHIRRING) (GROANS) Bellini's job is to build all the books for all the kids who come to the Emporium. But it is also to chronicle the life of Mr Magorium himself. Mr Magorium once made toys for Napoleon, beat Abraham Lincoln at hopscotch and holds the current record for time spent upside down. There were those who called Magorium a genius. My mom called him an eccentric. And this one guy from Detroit inexplicably called him Steve. But Magorium's story was reaching its final chapters. That's OK. All stories, even the ones we love, must eventually come to an end. And when they do, it's only an opportunity for another story to begin. So, the beginning of the end begins with a chapter called 'Molly Mahoney's First'. (GENTLE PIANO TUNE PLAYS) Molly Mahoney was the manager of the Emporium, Mr Magorium's apprentice and my only friend. In the mornings, Mahoney would play her piano, attempting to finish her very first concerto. But she never could find the right notes. When she was younger, everyone thought she was a musical genius, a brilliant pianist. And she believed them. But now, as she became a grown-up, she wasn't so sure. (PLAYS 'CHOPSTICKS') (BANGS KEYS) BOY: I don't know why grown-ups don't believe what they did when they were kids. I mean, aren't they supposed to be smarter? (PIANO TUNE ECHOES) What Mahoney needed was the opportunity to prove to herself that she was something more than she believed. And that opportunity was about to appear. And so that's how this chapter begins - with my hat getting stuck. Eric! Hi, Mahoney! You're back! Yeah. I thought camp was four weeks. No, no. Just the one. Uh-huh. My hat's stuck. Oh. Looks like you're gonna need a ladder. Nah. I just need to jump higher. Eric, that's seven feet at least. Seven feet? Really? At least. You think I should get a running start? Yeah. So, did you make any friends at camp? Yeah. Uh, Jeff. Is Jeff real? Yeah. Sure. Is he an animal? He was a squirrel. (CHUCKLES) (BELL RINGS) (BELL RINGS) (DING!) Good morning. ERIC: Gotcha! Uh-oh. (TRAINS TOOT) That's a good way to lose a train. (MAN SPEAKS IN THE DISTANCE) Mahoney. Morning, sir. Already? Drat. Come in, come in. How'd you sleep? Upside down. Made my feet tingly. Mortimer, get off the couch! (SNICKERS) You like turnips? Nobody like turnips. So you probably wouldn't like turnip pudding. Probably not. It's a shame, because I made some. Sir, I was hoping to talk again about what we spoke about last week. About how paper really shouldn't beat rock? No, sir. About me possibly finding a new job. That's what I was saying. What? I stayed up all night making turnip pudding and thinking, and it occurred to me that I've owned the Emporium for over 113 years. That's a very long time, Mahoney. Yes, it is. It's almost 114 years. And not once have I even looked at a receipt, so I've absolutely no idea what the store is worth. Well, that's probably not very good. Exactly. Mortimer? Fetch. (BALL SQUEAKS) (MORTIMER SNICKERS) Stupid zebra. I'm hiring an accountant. A what? An accountant. According to the word, it must be a cross between a counter and a 'mut-ant'. And that may be precisely what we need. That's great, but I'm pretty sure that word is pronounced... I placed a call to one of those agencies and they said they'd send over one of their best mutants sometime today, hmm? So, consider the matter settled. (DING!) How is the matter settled? Quite perfectly, in my opinion. Come with me. Sir? Mmm. I'm serious. I'm stuck. What? Ooh! To my floor? (LAUGHS) No, sir. Then what? Like, as a person. Remember when I was a little girl and I could play Rachmaninov's 'Second Piano Concerto' and everyone was talking about my potential? Mm-hm? Well, I am 23 now, and everyone's still talking about my potential. But if you ask me to play the song I know best... ..I'll still play Rachmaninov's 'Second'. May I suggest you stun the world with Molly Mahoney's 'First'? I want to. But I am stuck. Come with me. This, my lovely, is for you. Thank you. (CHUCKLES) What is it? It's the Congreve Cube. It looks like a big block of wood. It IS a big block of wood. But now it's your big block of wood. Thank you. I was just saying last night, I don't have enough big blocks of wood. (CHUCKLES) Unlikely adventures require unlikely tools. Are we going on an adventure? Oh, my dear, we're already on one. All I will say is this - with faith, love, this block and a counting mutant, you may find yourself somewhere you've never imagined. And with that, let's open the store. Wait, sir! Mortimer, I'm way ahead of you. Stay out of the refrigerator. Sir? Yes, my honeycomb? You're wearing your pyjamas. Flapdoodle. (KIDS SHOUT AND LAUGH) BOY: Fore! BOY 2: Gotcha! (ALL GASP) Whoa! (APPLAUSE) BOY: Whoosh! (ELECTRONIC PULSES) Eric! May I borrow your hat? Sure. (CHUCKLES) Oh, excuse me? Hello. How much are you asking for that fish mobile up there? Oh, that one? Yeah. Well, that's $50. 50? 50? Don't you think that's a little high just for a mobile? Well, if you notice, they're fresh fish. (FISH GULP AND FLAP) (CHUCKLES) Oh... If you don't want to spend that much, we do have that fish mobile over there for only $17. But those are not fresh. And they're high in cholesterol. (DING!) Molly? Molly Mahoney? Yeah. It's Dave. Dave Wolf. I was in your physics class in college. Oh. Hey. Hey. Holy...cow. You still work here? Yeah. I mean, well, yeah. So, what about you? What are you up to? I'm an engineer. Congratulations. You know, it's funny, I would never have recognised you if it wasn't for that finger thing. Hah. Comes in handy on the cash register. Do you still play the piano? I do. Every day. Well, I'm here for a week. Where are you playing? My apartment. Oh, I thought... Yeah. Do you want me to wrap any of these for you? Oh, no. Thanks. Uh... You know, it was really nice to see you. I always wondered what happened to you. It's good to see you. Yeah, you too. Wait. I'm sorry. Bouncy balls - always trying to escape! OK. Out. Out. And you. You too. Sorry about that. Take care. OK. Ooh. (CHILDREN GIGGLE) Uh-huh. Hey, uh... Just, uh...shopping. Shopping. Just, uh, shopping. No matter what they tell you, you don't have to stay in the lines. Pardon me, miss. Could you help me, please? I can certainly try. My grandson wants a fire engine for his birthday with the ladder that goes up and the hose that squirts water. But I can't find one! This sounds like a job for the Big Book. This has all the toys we have in stock. Now, 'E' for 'engine' or 'F' for 'fire'? Let's try 'F'. (SIREN WAILS) Wow! How did you do that? I didn't do it. You must have done something. Surprisingly, no. It's the book. It's magic. Come on, guys. Bring it up higher. Higher, that's it. Hey, get that bird outta here, will ya? Hey, Lou, get a grip, OK? (QUACKING SOUNDS) (TOILET FLUSHES) Hello? Excuse me, miss? Hi. Oh. Hi. Um, hi. Um...hello. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Um, I believe Mr Magorium sent for me. Oh. Wow. You're really well dressed for a shadow puppeteer. (CHUCKLES) No, no. I'm Henry Weston, the accountant. Here for an interview. Oh. Hello. My name is Mahoney. I am the store manager. Pleasure to meet you. I have to admit, when the agency sent me, I had no idea that this was a toy store. Shh! If these kids found out this was a toy store, we'd have a madhouse on our hands. That was a joke. I know. OK. Um...you probably want to speak to Mr Magorium. Why don't you give me a second? CHILD: Hi. What is it? What? It's not real nice to stare at people, you know. Why don't you just go ahead and... Ai! Happens every time. Ah, greetings. Edward Magorium. Toy impresario, wonder aficionado, avid shoe-wearer. You're here for the accounting position. Yes. Henry Weston. Mm-hm. Name the Fibonacci series from its 11th to its 16th integer. Hello? Grandma? Uh, 89, 144, 233, 377, 610. Perfect. The number four - do we really need it? If you like squares, you do. Oh, I like squares. Good. Now, the hot-dog-to-hot-dog bun ratio - why, for the love of mustard, are there never enough buns? Extra hot dogs. Yes, but why? In case you drop a couple. What kind of insufferable fool drops a hot dog? Anything can happen, sir. Anything can happen, hmm? How absolutely true. You're exactly the mutant I'm looking for. You're hired. What? You're hired! That's it, huh? That's all I need. Uh, sir... Don't you agree, Mahoney? No, not exactly. Perfect. I've heard great things about you. Really? No, not yet, but I'm sure I will. Oh! I see you've brought your abacus along. Top-notch. Come along. I'll show you the store. (HUMS) (SINGS) # The store, and then I'll show you my office... # GIRL: Duck, duck, duck... (GOOSE HONKS) Goose! (GOOSE HONKS) We sell almost every kind of whatnot imaginable, Mutant, from ant farms to zeppelins. I've owned this store for 113 years, ever since I came to this country, although I've been inventing toys since the mid-1770s. Wha... Excuse me, sir? Yes? Did you say 17...70s? Yes, sir. So, as you can imagine, accounting is a brand-new concept to me. You know, that would make you at least 240 years old, sir. You're already hired, Mutant. There's no need to show off. Now, follow me. (ELECTRICITY CRACKLES) Here we are. I haven't thrown anything away. Yeah, yeah, I...I can see that. Are...are all these receipts? Mostly. Some are important documents. Others might be doodles I never framed. I can't tell the difference. So you've obviously never kept an account of your income? No. Or filed a tax return? No. Renewed your city business licence? Renewed my...? Your... Uh, forget it. You realise to determine the worth of this store out of this, um... fire hazard, really, is an insurmountable task, and if you have somehow managed to keep from going bankrupt or being evicted, sent to prison for tax evasion... Oh-ho. ..why do you want to do this now? Ah, yes. Can you keep a secret? The firm holds a very strict exclusivity policy. Don't worry. But can you keep a secret? Yes, sir. I'm leaving. The store? The world. You see these shoes? I found these in a tiny little shop in Tuscany and fell in love with them so entirely I bought enough to last my whole life. (CHUCKLES) These are my last pair. (CHUCKLES) So, if you'll excuse me, I have a pressing marbles match and I must warm up my thumbs. (LOW RUMBLING) (TEARING AND STRETCHING) (SHALLOW BREATHING) Eric! Are you ready for our marbles match? Mr Magorium? Yes? Does that seem right to you? Does what? No, this doesn't seem right at all. We must keep a watchful eye on this, Eric, hmm? Captions were made possible (PLAYS TRANQUIL TUNE) BOY: What took you so long? Come on! BOY 2: Hurry up! ERIC: Don't worry. I'm...fine up here, guys. BOY: The meeting's about to start. (MAHONEY PLAYS FURIOUS PIANO TUNE) (STOPS PLAYING) ERIC: This chapter is called: No, seriously, watch. No way! Come on. Whoa! This is so cool. Come on! Let's go! (HONK! BOING!) Wow! Uh-oh. Ahhhh! Somebody! Help! Ahh! (LAUGHS) Pretty impressive ball, isn't it? Impossible to dodge. (WHISPERS) This boy's really weird. HENRY: Mahoney, have you seen Mr...? Goodnight! Have you seen Mr Magorium? Yeah. He's, um...he's about this tall. He's got crazy eyebrows... He's upstairs. Thank you. You really gotta get better with the jokes, Mutant. I'm laughing on the inside. HENRY: Mr Magorium? Mutant. Mr Magorium... Come to accept my hula hoop challenge? Uh, we have a few serious problems. Ooh, serious problems. I don't have any serious problems. You do, actually. I don't think so. What about this, uh, invoice from this company in Brazil? They say that you owe them $300,000 for a magic doorknob. Oh, that's ridiculous. Thank you. (LAUGHS) $300,000 for a doorknob? I've never paid over 200. Here, catch. What about Bellini? Bellini's the book builder born in the basement. You have a tenant in the basement? He was born there. I certainly can't ask him to leave. OK. According to your employment records, you've had several fictional characters on the books. Like whom? The king of planet Yahweh. Oh, he's not fictional. Sir, there are people... He's not really the king, and the planet Yahweh doesn't exist, but he's not fictional. Well, that's the thing. If there's no planet... Mr Weston? Yes, sir? You can't blame people for having aspirations, hmm? Oh. Sorry. I just sorta took over. I thought it was funny, but I guess... Sorry. Hey, who did that? I did that. No, seriously, who helped? No-one. Mahoney? Hello. Got a quick question. Quick one. Quickie. Hey. OK, Mutant. I need your help explaining this history that Mr Magorium has fabricated. What history he's fabricated? This one I've got here, for instance. Got a signed IOU from Thomas Edison. Really?! "PS - Thanks for the idea." With a picture of the light bulb next to it. Is that for real? No. No, it's not for real. It's a signed IOU from Thomas Edison. Does that seem like something that would exist in the real world? Well, it does have his signature on it. Hello? Please? Give me one second, please? Mahoney, wait. I just need a simple explanation. Sure. It's a magical toy store. There's no such thing as a magical toy store. Of course there is. When you say 'magical', do you mean 'special'? No, I mean magical. 'Unique'? Magical. How about... (CREATURE GASPS) "Really, really cool"? OK. What's behind me, alright... (WOODEN PIECES CLATTER) ..is a toy store. It is a big one, it is a weird one, but it is just a toy store. I knew it as soon as I saw that suit. Knew what? You're a 'just' guy. What's a 'just' guy? A guy just like you. Same hair, same suit, same shoes. Walks around. No matter what, he thinks, "Oh, it's just a store. "This is just a bench. "It's just a tree. "It's just what it is, nothing more." OK, but...but this is just a store. I'm sure to you..it is. (PIANO TUNE PLAYS) . (MR MAGORIUM HUMS) (RUMBLING AND GROWLING) (PLAYS MELANCHOLIC PIANO TUNE) (PLAYS NOTES) I must say, I am very disappointed in you. I understand feeling sad or scared or even suspicious, but that is no reason to turn grey and start pouting. I would expect such behaviour, perhaps, from a brand-new store, or even a store a few years old, but a store your age...sulking? It is simply atrocious. The immitigable truth is I am leaving tomorrow, and Mahoney, bless her timid heart, will be given care of you. I'm sorry, my sweet, but it's a perfect fact, and no amount of misbehaviour will change it. She loves you, as do I, and we must face tomorrow, whatever it may hold, with determination, joy and bravery. So I suggest you stop this petulance. Hmm? I expect you to pull yourself together... ..and put your best face on by the time of my departure. ERIC: This chapter is called: And there's also this new guy, the mutant, who's a little uptight. Sweetheart, did you spend the whole day at the store? I did lots of stuff. Like what? I built a sculpture, I got 20,000 paddles on a paddleball and I figured out how to win at solitaire every time without cheating. Eric, those are all things you do by yourself. There were...people...around. We agreed you could come back from camp early if you made an effort to make some friends. It's not my fault people don't like me. People love you, once they get the chance to know you. No, they don't. They think I'm weird. Because you build sculptures by yourself. Because nobody wants to play with me. Have you asked anyone to play with you? Not really. (CHUCKLES) Well, Eric, you have to give people a chance. I know what'll happen. You don't, sweetheart. Trust me, people are always full of surprises. Just... ..just pick someone. Anyone. Pick someone you don't know and try to make friends with them. See what happens. I don't even know how to start. Easy. Start by saying hi. SONG: # Don't be shy # Just let your feelings roll on by # Don't wear fear # Or nobody will know you're there # Just lift your head # And let your feelings out instead # And don't be shy # Just let your feelings roll on by # On by, by # You know, love # Is better than a song # Love is where # All of us belong # So don't be shy # Just let your feelings roll on by # Don't wear fear # Or nobody will know you're there # That you're there, you're there # You're there, you're there, there # You're there, you're there # You're there, you're there # No, don't be shy # Just let your feelings roll on by # On by, on by # On by, on by, by # On by, on by # On by, on by... # (RUMBLING AND CRACKING) MR MAGORIUM: Mahoney? Mahoney-baloney? Sir... I have a riddle for you. Maybe not now, sir. Don't worry. It's easy. What's short, amazing and says "Ouch?" I have no idea. Ouch! (CHUCKLES) Very funny. Sir, what's wrong with this corner? Apparently, despite my efforts, the store is not taking my departure very well. What?! Wait, what departure? It was intended to be a spectacular surprise, but it appears the store has other intents. That's one of my favourites, Kristine! Wait, what was meant as a surprise? I'm giving you the store. You're giving me the store?! Surprise! Surprise, surprise. Excuse me? Yes, sir? Do you have 'Curious George Goes to the Hospital'? Hmm. Mahoney? I'll...I'll ask. An excellent piece of literature, and a fine choice indeed. Have you read it? Read it? I had brunch with the Man in the Yellow Hat himself! (CHUCKLES) OK, seriously, sir. What, Mahoney? I can't take the Emporium. But you told me you needed a new occupation. I meant writing music, not running the Emporium. Why not? You'd do a splendid job of it. Mr Magorium... Yes? (CLEARS THROAT) Oh. Oh, thank you, Bellini. It's for the gentleman with the blazing red hair. (GROANS) Mr Magorium! Yes? Why didn't you tell me any of this? Well, apparently, you misunderstand the rules of a surprise. But what if I don't want the Emporium? (ELECTRICITY CRACKLES) Why would you not want the Emporium? Because I can't run it. Why not? Because...you have to run it. That's not a good reason. It's called Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium. It rhymes! Oh! Not to mention the fact that... you're magic, and I'm not. Besides, what are you supposed to do if I'm running the Emporium? I'm leaving. You're leaving? (RUMBLING AND CREAKING) BOY: Excuse me? Yes, sir? There's something wrong with this book you gave me. Wrong? (CHUCKLES) (MULTIPLE VOICES SPEAK AT ONCE) Well, this is incomprehensible. Hmm. The b...the book's just kidding around. I'll notify Bellini immediately. Thank you. Mr Magorium! Mr Magorium! Y-yes, Mark? Follow me! It's strangely weird and weirdly strange. What is it? We were finger-painting, as usual. And Katie looked up, and see? All the colour's faded. We must check the Door of Rooms. (HUMS) (DISTANT SQUEAKING) Rats! (VOICES SHOUT IN UNISON) Cheerleaders?! Confound it, Mahoney! Check the Big Book. I would like a lollipop. Ohh... (SHRIEKS) Oh. Sir! Mahoney, the laws of gravity have begun to apply! Sir, I asked the Big Book for a lollipop. I got a lemur! A lemur?! We don't even carry lemurs! I'm not even sure I know what a lemur is. Wait, is it that primate thing looks kinda like a raccoon? Sir, we don't have time to discuss... Mahoney, we don't have time to discuss lemurs! You're right! Where's Eric? Uh... I should do something too. (CLUNK!) Eric, we need you. There's a problem. (DISTANT SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAM) Get off me! Ahh! (BOOM!) Somebody...gimme a hand! Ahh! Ahh! Ahhh! Ahhh! BOY: Watch out, Mom! (SCREAMS) Ah-choo! (GASPS) (BOTH SCREAM) (BOTH SCREAM) (OLD-FASHIONED MUSIC PLAYS PEACEFULLY) Ooh! (MAN GRUNTS) (MAN GRUNTS) (WIND BLOWS FIERCELY) (MAN GRUNTS) (WIND BLOWS FIERCELY) (CREAKING) Ooh! Ahh! (ALL SCREAM) (ALL SCREAM) Oh, cool! OK, time to go! The store is undergoing a little difficulty right now. Please leave through the front door calm and orderly. Ew! Ew! Ew! And maybe try to avoid the slimy girl. COMPUTERISED VOICE: Three. Two. One. Lift-off. Sir... Close the store. Let us all reconvene upstairs immediately. COMPUTERISED VOICE: Lift... Oh, crap. What's going on? I don't know. But could you do us a favour and try to catch the lemur? I don't know how to catch a lemur. I'm a dentist. Well, I don't know how to catch a lemur. I'm nine. WOMAN: Excuse me? I am very disappointed with this book I just opened. . MAHONEY: The store's shut down. You're here? Apparently. But not actually? Please sit down, Mahoney. We must commence our conference contiguously. I must apologise. Mortimer and I had an appetiser spread prepared, but he ate the pancakes. Who's Mortimer? ERIC: He's the zebra. What? The...zebra. MAHONEY: Forget it, Eric. Order, order. (GAVEL SQUEAKS) Now, first order of business - Eric? Yes, sir? Ingenious hat. Thank you, sir. Second order of business - the store is stunningly upset, as indicated by its temper tantrum. Temper tantrum? You didn't see it? How could you not see it? He misses a lot, sir. Didn't miss the relapse notification from the County Zoning Commission. Got that one, thankfully, or else you'd run the risk of having to submit an SP-435 and letter of notary. He was in the office. Aha, I see. (CHUCKLES) Well, it is my belief that the store has been growing increasingly sad and today threw a fit in fear of my egress. You see, I've tried to imbue this store with the same attitude, imagination and emotion as the children who come to play in it. And as such, it is prone to the same outbursts as its sometimes puerile clientele. Like a temper tantrum. Precisely, Mahoney. Maybe it needs a time-out. Mmm. I'm sorry. How can a store throw a temper tantrum? Did no-one explain to the mutant that it's a magical toy store? I tried. It's a magical toy store, Mutant. It can do all sorts of things. But it didn't start turning grey until Henry showed up. Me? I realise that, Eric. W-what? Oh, Mutant! I'm sorry, if I'm making your magical playland go on the fritz, I can just submit a form and get another agent. Does your whole job consist of submitting forms? No. Sometimes I receive them. (GAVEL SQUEAKS) Half and half. Order! Order! Order! Order! Receive some, submit some. Order! Order! This underscores the fact that I'm in no way responsible for anything that happened in the Emporium today. I was just in the office. There's that 'just' word again! Give it a rest for JUST a second on the 'just' word! Just the adults talk. So just me... EEEEEEEENOUGH! Although Mr Weston's presence has coincided with the store's dismay, it is not the cause. The only reason Mr Weston is here is to determine my legacy to Mahoney. Your legacy? Mmm. You mean Mahoney gets to run the store? How cool! What do you mean, your legacy? You're his heir. You're in his will. Why is there a will? Why do YOU know there's a will? I told you, my sweet. I'm leaving. But I thought you meant, like, retirement or...vacation. What kind of leaving you talking about? Mahoney... I think he means he's going to heaven. Right? Heaven, Elysium, Shangri-la. (CHUCKLES) I may return as a bumblebee. Are you dying? Light bulbs die, my sweet. I will depart. Wait... HENRY: Mahoney... Wait. Are you sick? No. No? Well, then, when exactly were you planning to depart? Around 4:30. MAHONEY: This morning, he was talking gibberish... MR MAGORIUM: Gibberish?! And then he grew feverish and he collapsed. I did no such thing! For at least five minutes. And then when he came to, he was like this. Delusional? Delusional?! I'm not delusional! He hasn't been making any sense. Oh, bunkum! Hogwash! Pure horseradish! He claims he owns a magical toy store. I do. You work there. And that he's 242 years old and an inventor. I am not 242 years old! I'm 243! You were at my birthday party. You brought me balloons. Yeah, he's delusional. He may have had a stroke. A stroke?! You unbrookable ninny! The only stroke I have ever had is one of genius! OK. Nurse, can we get him a sedative? Why are you lying like this? Because I have to. But your pants will catch fire. I don't care, sir. You have to live. (SIGHS) Darling... ..I have. (PIANO TUNE ECHOES) Hi. Hi. Uh, this is really hard. Yeah. It is. Because I gotta tell you, I'm really worried. Me too. I can't track down any insurance documents for the life of me. What? Hospital bills are astronomical these days. Mutant? Yeah? He might be dying. That means that we should be even more prepared. Prepared?! I found out about this an hour ago. You know, I'm trying to be helpful. Well, you're being positively dreadful. Hey, it's just... Just what? Well... Nothing. Maybe you should JUST go home. I can stay... Mutant? Go home. Alright. (WOMAN GIVES ANNOUNCEMENT OVER P.A.) Will any algae specialists call extension 4324 stat? You know... Hi. You shouldn't be so hard on the mutant. He wants to talk about insurance. I know, but...it's the only thing he knows how to talk about. What are we gonna do? I don't know. But there's kind of another problem. What? Mr Magorium... Yeah? He...doesn't have any pyjamas. The doctors can't find anything wrong with you. Of course not. I'm perfectly healthy. Then why are you leaving? It's my time to go. That's it? What else could there be? What are we gonna do without you? Run the store. Sir, I don't know how. That's why I gave you the Congreve Cube. But it just sits there. What have you done with it? I don't know what to do with it. It's a block of wood. Can you think of nothing? Well, I'm sure I could think of a million things to do with it. There are a million things one might do with a block of wood, but, Mahoney, what do you think might happen if someone just once... ..believed in it? Sir, I don't understand. (DOOR OPENS) Eric! What task delivers such a wee and hale stripling to this chamber for the ill and barely insured? Hello, Doctor. I brought you some stuff I thought you might need from the gift shop. Super! Eric, would you mind keeping Mr Magorium company while I go speak to the doctor? Sure. Mahoney, why do you need the doctor? Are you sick? (BOTH LAUGH) What you got, Eric? OK. Here we go. OK. Here we go. PJs. Yes! A toothbrush. Ah, morning becomes electric! And... A microscope. Oh... A water hose. (CHUCKLES) And a nozzle. Ooh! A plank of wood. Well, plank you. (CHUCKLES) And...this. Whoa! Eric, what is that? It's a euphonium. (LAUGHS) Magnificent! Hand it here. (LAUGHS) . If there's nothing wrong with him, we have to discharge him. We can't be responsible for men of perfect health, no matter how old or magic they claim to be. So the fact is, you have to take him home. No. You have to understand. He's decided it's his time to go. Then the best thing you can do is make sure he has plenty to live for. (HONKING) What in God's name...? (PLAYS TUNELESSLY) What on earth are you doing? Practising the euphonium. The...the what? I thought I might give a concert in the psych ward tomorrow. There are people trying to sleep! (BOTH GRUNT) Doesn't this hospital need a signature to remove a patient's euphonium? Where the heck did you even find this? I found it. In a supply closet. We don't keep musical instruments in our supply closets. Well, where else could I have found it? (WHISTLES SOFTLY) What are you doing up there? Standing on a chair. (WHISTLES, CHUCKLES) OK, that's it. Both of you - out of here. Come on, let's go. You can come and see him tomorrow. 'Bye. Goodbye, Eric. Goodbye, Mahoney. Don't leave before tomorrow. Agreed. As for you, young man - you need your rest. I agree. This has been exhausting. What was that boy doing on the chair? Making sure I have enough space to sleep in. MAHONEY: Alright, if you're supposed to help me, if you're supposed to impart some great wisdom that's gonna help me fix everything... ..please... ..do it now. Alright, I'll do it myself. ERIC: This chapter is called: Morning. Hi. Morning. How's he doing? Look, Mutant, I'm just grabbing a few of Mr Magorium's things, and then I'm leaving for the day. Yeah, yeah. Just here to work in the office. Unless...you want me to work out here. You can work wherever you like, Mutant. No, I mean, in case there's, you know, a toy emergency - somebody really needs something - you know, tiddlywinks. I could help 'em. You could help. Yeah, you know, in case it's little Timmy's birthday and somebody's a handful of Legos short, or whatever. Do you want to run the store for the day? Well, I'm here already and... Mutant. OK, I...I'd like to run the store. I've been waiting for two hours on a very uncomfortable bench to offer to run the store for the day. Why? Because, uh...because I'm a jerk. I felt awful because I didn't want you to think that I didn't care, and...and I do care. It's just... some people bring flowers or send a card or hug people. You know, I make sure that people's paperwork is all filled out properly and... So... Today, I thought I'd try something different. 'Cause I like you. You know, I do want to help. Mutant... When you look at me, what do you see? Really pretty eyes. (CHUCKLES) (CHUCKLES) No. I mean... Like, do you see a sparkle? You mean...now? Like, glitter on your face? No, like, you know, a sparkle. I... What kind of sparkle? Like...something reflective of something bigger that's trying to get out. You know what? Never mind. It might not be so much a sparkle. Maybe, uh, more of a twinkle? Forget it. Or a glint? It's OK. You've got the thing that you do with your hands. That's a quirk. Quirk's not a sparkle? Uh-uh. Oh. Yeah. (PIANO TUNE ECHOES) Good morning, bluebell. Good morning, sir. Look. Pants! What about them? Nothing. Just...pants. Me too. Awesome! To the store? Actually, you are coming with me. I'm a little nervous about this. Why? Because it's mischievous and childish. Ooh! I can hardly wait. Alright. Ready? On "Go." Not on "Go." It's always on "Go." Alright. Hmm. On "Triskaidekaphobia." Ooh, that's a good one! Alright, ready? Mm-hm. Set? Mm-hm. Triskaidekaphobia! Triskaidekaphobia! MR MAGORIUM: May I speak with your manager, please? Tim? This guy wants to talk to you. May I help you? It's an absolute honour. Now, I do have a question about the hot dog buns. MR MAGORIUM: That's the last of 'em. (MULTIPLE CLOCKS TICK) 37 seconds. Great. Well done. Now we wait. No. We breathe. We pulse. We regenerate. Our hearts beat. Our minds create. Our souls ingest. 37 seconds well used is a lifetime. (CLOCKS TICK) (CLICK!) (ALL CLOCKS CHIME IN UNISON) What mystifies me is that no-one knows, Mahoney. You would think that someone in the hot dog industry would have some clue about this obvious anomaly. Here is good. Here is good? Mahoney... I'm very confused. Now what? Dance. (PLASTIC BUBBLES POP) (CHUCKLES) (LAUGHS) You're brilliant! What a great last day! Hmm? Don't stop! Dance longer! No, it's OK, sir. Mahoney, why have you done all this? I wanted you to see all the little things you're gonna miss if you leave. I see. I thought this was to be the best last day of anyone who ever lived. Sir, this can't be your last day. Ah. But it is. No. And now, thanks to you, it looks to be a remarkable one. All I have left to do is use a public phone and my life will be complete. What? Right here? Oh, you're right. You're a genius. Very good with numbers. You should teach. Morning. Hi. Yes. Morning. Wow. It's quiet today. Yeah. Yeah. No-one's been in. Mahoney left. Just been me thus far. You've been here all by yourself all morning? Yeah. And the store didn't collapse around you? Yes. What are you doing? I am taking down merchandise codes. No. With Einstein. With...? With Einstein. Eins...? Oh. (CHUCKLES) Just...I was fiddling. Occupying my time. You mean, pretending? Wha... No, that's not... Just keeping my mind active, you know, when there wasn't much else to think about. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Good. That's called pretending. It's OK. You can stay out here and play with the toys, Mutant. I won't tell anyone. Here you go. Great. (PHONE RINGS) Let's go. Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium. We sell toys. We do not fix car transmissions. (SHOUTS) Eric, I am calling from a public phone! Good for you, sir. Now, I have two things I must tell you. Firstly, capital hat! Thank you, sir. And secondly, I do wish you'd find some friends. OK? OK. I love you. Now, put the mutant on the phone. Henry, the phone's for you. Hello? Mutant, I have something very, very supremely important to tell you. RECORDED VOICE: Please deposit an additional 35 cents. Hello? Please deposit an additional... Hello? ..35 cents. Hello? Please deposit an additional... Hello? ..35 cents. (LINE HUMS) Oh, well, he'll figure it out. . OK, try again. Come on! Come on! You're being ridiculous. Gonna have to do it sometime. Try again. What are you doing? We got a nervous Slinky. (CHUCKLES) We handled ourselves pretty well. I think we make a good team. Yeah, I think so. Toys are still upset, though. Uh... Yeah. Should we call it a day? Yes, it looks like it. Good. Checkers. What? Checkers. Uh, no, I gotta get back to the agency. Come on, Henry. One game. Sorry. Some other time. ERIC: Just one? Henry? Yes, Eric? Hey, um... Do you mind... Yes? Well, Mahoney usually walks me home, and it's getting dark. Do you want me to walk you home? Thanks. I gotta ask you where you get those hats from. From my room. Yeah? Every day I see you in a different hat. Yeah. I collect them. You collect them, huh? Mr Magorium says I have the neatest hat collection he's ever seen. I know people who, you know, own several hats, but I don't think I've ever heard of a hat collector before. Do you want to see 'em? Just try not to get too overwhelmed. Got it. Oh, my. Pretty neat, huh? Eric, when you said a lot, I was expecting, like, 20. Oh, no. I have more than that. You wear all these? Sure. What good would they be if I didn't wear 'em? Wow. You want to try one on? No. Thank you. I'm fine. Henry. Yes? I think we both know you want to try a hat on. HENRY: (ENGLISH VOICE) I don't know where to begin! I don't know where to start! Ohhh! We have got to buy the dragon a toothbrush, Your Excellency! After devouring most of the township, his breath is just awful! (DEEP VOICE) He ate the town?! He ate the baker and his wife, he ate...the woodsmith and his three sons, and then for sweets - come closer - he ate the cobbler. Good idea, Fool! Go brush the dragon's teeth! Me? He doesn't like me. And...? What do you mean, 'and'? AND he's quite large! AND... ..I look surprisingly like a toothpick from afar. (LAUGHS) ERIC'S MOTHER: Eric? (KNOCKS) Do you have someone...? Who's this? The mutant. The what? Uh, Henry. Henry. Sorry. Henry. Henry. Henry who? Henry Weston. I...I work at the... What are you doing in my house? Uh... I...I was pretending. Don't be mean to him. Henry's my friend. I am? Yeah. Cool. A little old, don't you think, to be playing dress-up? Yes, yes. Absolutely. Sorry. And it is late. I have some work I needed to do, I should be doing, I will be doing now. See you later. Don't you have chores, Eric? You know, actually, he worked all day at the store... I thought you said you were leaving. Certainly. Excuse me. See ya. (BELL RINGS) Well, Mahoney... Don't go. My darling. I'm not ready. Not ready for it to end. I'm sorry. When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written, "He dies." That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is, "He dies." It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with, "He dies." And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies," but because of the life we saw prior to the words. I've lived all five of my acts, Mahoney, and I am not asking you to be happy that I must go. I'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading... ..and let the next story begin. And if anyone ever asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder and end it with a simple and modest, "He died." I love you. I love you too. Your life is an occasion. Rise to it. (BELL RINGS) Goodbye, my love. (BELL RINGS) (GROANING) It's...not that bad. (SCOFFS) We can bring it back. Right, Mahoney? Mahoney? Let's just run the store and... see if it picks up. I'm sorry, Eric. I'll help you. Just don't leave! Eric... Mahoney, don't leave. I'm sorry. It just needs a little magic. I know. I don't have any. (CREAKING) (BELL RINGS) ERIC: This chapter is called: (PLEASANT PIANO TUNE PLAYS) Eric? What are you doing? I'm playing 'Jennifer Juniper'. Why? Because someone requested it. No, why are you here? Because I have to make money, Eric. Then run the store. I can't. Look, I would love to run the store, but I can't. I'm not Mr Magorium. Is that why it's for sale? Yeah. Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to let you down. Is this what you want? No. No. But I don't know how to do anything else. Stop saying that! Eric, I understand this is hard for you. This is really hard for me too. But I cannot be a kid anymore. That's why Mr Magorium gave you the store. (BELL RINGS) My Lord! (CHUCKLES) No wonder you're going out of business. It's...depressing. BOY: Can I play over there? Sure. No. Jack, please, don't touch anything. Actually, ma'am, it's OK. He can play with anything he likes. Let me show you the spiral staircases here. Do you know how it works? (WHISPERS) OK, I'll show you. (TOY WHIRRS) Cool. That's neat. Yeah. It's a magnet. How does a magnet work? I don't know. It's, uh... Is it magic? Well... I believe it is. MAN: This door over here leads to the apartments upstairs. They're an excellent source of income. Those planets and the rocket... (CHUCKLES) I have to say, the use of this space is completely impractical. It...it wasn't built for practicality. Oh. (CHUCKLES) Well, it certainly is a large enough space for the price. Are the fixtures included? Yeah - the cash register... ..the slide, the tree, the planets, the rocket ship, the Door of Rooms... OK! Great. Well, I'll let you know. (CHUCKLES) OK, Jack, honey? Come on, we're leaving. Mom, you gotta see this! You know what? I don't have time for this. Mommy's got a lot of other properties to see. Rub that in. OK. We'll be in touch. Mommy, it's magic! (BELL RINGS) Eric? I'm here to make you a substantial offer for the store. What? Although I am unable to offer the full amount, and I'm nine, I think you may be interested in my proposal. The following simply states that I can offer Mahoney a down payment of $237 in pennies, nickels, dimes and a Christmas cheque from my grandma. And then I am willing to pay you my allowance and a hefty percentage of the store's profit on a weekly basis. Keep in mind that my age works as a benefit, as it means that I have more weeks left in my life than the typical buyer, which means more allowances. Why are you doing this? I...want to get into the real estate game. Flip a few properties, make my mark on the city. Eric... The only thing we can invest in is the future. Buddy... I want to... Eric, stop. (SIGHS) I don't want someone else to have the store, alright? I don't want it to change. OK. Alright. I'll throw in my hat collection. Don't throw in your hat collection. There has to be something. Please. She's about to make a terrible mistake, Mutant. We can't let her do that. As my friend... ..help me. Please. . (KNOCK AT DOOR) (SIGHS) Hi. Hello. Wow. What happened in here? I don't think you'd understand. Well, I've got news. Yeah? You've got an offer on the store. It's a good offer. Cash offer. From the lady earlier today. Wow. I know it's late, but the woman's very aggressive. I thought you should look it over tonight and come up with a decision by tomorrow morning. OK. Do you think I should take it? Well... Do you think I should take it? In my professional opinion, it is a very unique offer and it's a lot more than we expected. I-I think you'd be a fool not to take it. But I am not here as a professional. I'm here as your friend. And I think you should keep the store. You don't even believe in this store. No, but... I...I can't. I want to, but I just can't. You 'just' can't. Yeah. I guess not. What do you got there? Oh, it's the Congreve Cube. It's supposed to help me unlock some great mystery or something. Looks like a block of wood. It is. Are you supposed to unlock a mystery with a block of wood? It's a magical block of wood, Mutant. It's a block of wood that probably, in the right hands, would reveal some greatness that... we can't even imagine. That's impossible. This is what you don't understand! What you have somehow missed. Every minute of every day in every corner of this store, what happened was the impossible. You honestly believe all that stuff? Yes! That this store was magic? You never saw it. That that block of wood is more than just a block of wood? Absolutely. I believe it with my entire heart. But the disheartening truth is that only Mr Magorium could make it so. Um... It was his Emporium, not mine. J-just, uh... Look, I appreciate you coming here, but it's over. Say that thing about that block of wood that's not magic. It IS magic. What is wrong with you, Mutant? Say it one more time. That that's more than just a block of wood. It is absolutely more than just a block of... Well, it moves, for one thing. Move. (GASPS) Come on, you can do better than that. Move! Alright. Don't worry. If you fall, I'll just pick you right back up. Move. (CUBE WHOOSHES) (GASPS) No way. ERIC: This chapter is called: MAHONEY: Mutant. Mutant. You gotta wake up, Sleeping Beauty. There are people here. Mm... What? Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey. Hi. (CLEARS THROAT) Morning. (COUGHS) I'm sorry to wake you up, but you've slept long enough. (GROANS) What's wrong with your head? It hurts. I hit it pretty hard. You did? Yeah. It must've been when I passed out. What do you mean? When I keeled over. I didn't see that. Yes, you did. Last night. Last night? I went home. No, no, before... I passed out! I think you must be confused. No, no. I passed out. I remember. It was after the cube flew. What cube? (CHUCKLES) What cube?! Mahoney! The Congreve Cube! You made it fly all around the room. I think you must have dreamt all that. I left you here to finalise the real estate paperwork. Maybe you got sleepy. No, no, no. I-I didn't. Positively not. I passed out after you made that cube fly! It doesn't matter. I'm selling the store. What? Yeah, remember the offer? We're signing the deal this morning. No, no. Hey, hey. You can't! Why can't I? Because it's...it's...magic! You really think this store is magic? Yes. Yes, I do. Isn't that just a little difficult to believe? No, no, I don't think so. No, not at all. Now... I believe that you can make it be anything that you want. It's you. You are a block of wood. I'm a block of wood? Yeah, Mahoney. It's you. And what you need to believe in is not the cube and it's not the store, it's not me. What you need to believe in is you. (MAGICAL TINKLING) Holy cow. What is it? A sparkle. (PIANO TUNE TINKLES) (BIRDS TWEET) (PIANO TUNE BECOMES ORCHESTRAL MELODY) (GIGGLING) (TOYS CHITTER AND BUZZ) (FIREWORKS WHISTLE) KIDS: Whoa! (ALL EXCLAIM) (TOYS SQUEAK) BOY: So excited! (PENGUINS CHITTER) (TOY ENGINES ROAR) (FIRE TRUCK DINGS) (UPLIFTING ORCHESTRAL MELODY) (MUSIC CONCLUDES) (KIDS CHATTER EXCITEDLY) GIRL: I can't believe it. BOY: Incredible! BOY 2: (WHISPERS) She's magic. ERIC: And that's how Molly Mahoney's story began. (CHUCKLES) (HUMS) What do you think, Milo? Not bad. Thank you.