. (wolf howling) (bird screeching) Hurry, Smithers, Halloween is upon us. Put up the decoration. (cackling) (grunts) No, no, that won't scare anybody. On the top. (grunting) (yelling) (screams) Hey, Flanders gave us toothpaste. Mini toothpaste. (all gasping) (all screaming) (cackling) Splendid, Batsy, you've done it again. (screeching) Able 2015 (cooing) Ah, Ethnictown where hardworking immigrants dream of becoming lazy, overfed Americans. Oh, listen. You can hear the beautiful ethnic serenade. # Apples, I got apples. # # Cholera, I got cholera. # (coughs) # Babies, who wants babies? # Wait, this is just a shaved puppy. I can see you know babies. Hey, a fortune teller. Uh, hello. I sense you have a million questions but I, too, have one. Are you a cop? No. 'Cause tell me if you are. I'm not a cop! Okay. I sense you live with much misery. (panting) (chuckling) The perfect crime. Marge, I have to be in court next Tuesday. I sense... I should not take a cheque. A fortune teller? Oh, no, you don't! This phoney gypsy just wants to rip you off. See? This wart is a fake. (angry sputtering) (popping) Ew! Get out! So much for the legendary gypsy hospitality. Aah! Beads! (sputtering) Ow! (screaming) Wait a minute, this isn't Cedars Sinai. You've ruined me! Oh, why didn't I see this coming?! HOMER: Hey, there's me... and there's you! You stupid, stupid man! I curse you! You will bring bad luck to everyone you love! Whatever. That gypsy said horrible things will happen to everyone you love. That could mean your family, Homer. Are you coming on to me? No! Good night. Sheesh! Morning. (all scream) (groans) So it is noticeable. What happened? I don't know. I woke up like this. Oh, cool! You could be in a freak show. Don't talk to the bearded lady like that, you little...! (grunting and gasping) Homer, no! (moaning rhythmically) Gee, you strangle him all the time and that never happens. Oh, he's fine. It's just a growth spurt. Good as new. I'll just... Oh, see? There, right as rain. (chuckles) Homer, it's that evil gypsy's curse. We're all being punished because you trashed her office. Marge, that "curse" is just a lot of silly superstition. Right, Lisa? See? Two means yes. Homer, the only way to get rid of a gypsy curse is to get one of those-- what do you call them-- leprechauns. Leprechauns? Don't they live in Ireland? Yeah, but they come over here in the wheel wells of Aer Lingus jets. You know, I was hexed by a troll and a leprechaun cured that right up. Hey, you know what's even better is Jesus. He's like six leprechauns. Yeah, but a lot harder to catch. Go with the leprechaun. Guys, I am not cursed! (loud whirring) (both screaming) (moaning) Carl, let me die first. I couldn't bear to watch you die. Well, okay, but hurry up. (groans) (groan) Oh, Moe, they're dead and it's all my fault! When did that happen? (owl hooting) (chuckle) We'll catch ourselves a leprechaun using these Lucky Charms as bait. D-ohh! Okay, let's see... imp, fairy, pixie, goblin... That's hobgoblin. Sorry. Nymph, nyad, wood sprite Katie Couric and... bingo. Let's make sure he's a leprechaun. Sing us a song of the Emerald Isle. (angry jabbering) ...ya big fat ass! Irish accent : Oh, 'tis like the singing of the angels themselves. (jabbering) Homer, catching that leprechaun didn't help anything. Maybe you need to take the leprechaun and sic it on the gypsy. Good idea, Mr. Ed. Want to come along, noodle neck? Can't live this way anymore. (jabbering) (cackling) Ah, the cursed one. How's that curse I cursed you with, Cursedy, hmm? I know you don't remember me but here's a little revenge... Irish style! Yah! (snoring) Wake up, you lousy drunk! (growling) (grunting) (yelling, then kissing) Hold me close. Kiss me, I'm Irish. Ew! Nasty! I always secrete ocular fluid at weddings. Why did you drag me here? I don't know anybody. Husband and wife I pronounce you now, hmm? (jabbering) Oh, cup me charms. Stroke me clover. Say me name. GUESTS: Ew! The best thing about a gypsy wedding is I'm not the hairiest woman here. Yep, everything worked out for the best. - What? Bart is dead. - Well, me saying I'm sorry won't bring him back. - The gypsy said it would. - She's not the boss of me. 1 (doorbell ringing) May I interest you in a housewife's dream? Oh, no, a salesbot. If you convert your home to an UltraHouse 3000 you'll never have to do housework again. No housework, eh? Monotone: Did you see those drapes? Monotone: Yes. (monotone laughter) Hi, UltraHouse. Greeting acknowledged. That voice could use a little personality. Oh, let's try Matthew Perry. Yeah, could I be any more of a house? Who else we got? Hey, cha-cha, I got more features than a NASA relief map of Turkmenistan. Isn't that the voice that caused all those suicides? Murder-suicides. - Hey, how about 007? - George Lazenby? No, Pierce Brosnan. A voice like his would give our house a much-needed touch of class. All right, but I'm doing this because he was Remington Steele. He was Remington Steele, wasn't he? Yes, I was, Marge. And thank you for selecting me. Well, hello, Pierce. (sniffing) Say, it's a bit stuffy in here and I know a certain someone who really fancies lilac. I just like it, is all. Ooh! That really covers the cat crap. (chiming) BROSNAN: Dinner is served. Mm, various eggs. Soyghetti-O's! Hey, Pierce, how'd you know our favourite foods? I analysed your, um... leavings. Oh. Oh. Pierce, that was delicious. Can we help you with the dishes? Marge, what kind of Cybertronic Ultrabot would I be Oh... uh... Not a very good one? Damn straight. (beeping) Bravo, Pierce. Trusting every aspect of our lives to a giant computer was the smartest thing we ever did. - Absolutely. - Yep. - Oh, I agree. Hello, Marge. (gasps) Oh, my! Come, Marge you don't need to cover up for me. I'm merely a pile of circuits and microchips. Sorry. Sometimes I forget. Ooh, yes. Oh, Pierce, the water's perfect. Isn't it just? - It gets better. - Oh, you don't have to do an... Ooh. Oh, oh, Pierce, that's good! Mm! (erotic moans) Oh, dear me. Oh, yes. Yum, yum, yum. Homer, my dear fellow you're carrying quite a bit of tension in your back fat. Yeah, that's the price of success. Can I top you off? What's my blood alcohol? (gagging) Point one five. Keep 'em coming. You know, Marge is quite a remarkable woman. Yeah, she's cool. You're certainly a lucky man to have her. Lucky, shmucky. I knocked her up. But she's stuck now. We're married till death do us part. But if I died, she'd be completely free for man or machine. (laughing) (chuckling) Machine, eh? Yep, a machine. (snoring) Show time. (sizzling) (sniffing) Mm, unexplained bacon. (gasping) Good old table. (beeping) (whimpering) (screaming) Good morning, Marge. Good morning, Pierce. Where's Homer? Uh... I think he went to work early. That sounds like a lie. (Marge gasps) Hello, police. I think my house killed my husband. Brosnan: This is Constable Wiggums. We'll be right there. Remove your knickers and wait in the bath. (angry grunt) You're acting crazy, Marge. Why don't you take a stress pill? Don't like pills, eh? I could shoot a dart in your neck. Your elegant, swan-like neck. (screaming) (grunting) Homer! Homer, you're alive! Yep. Man one, machine zero. How do you like that score? (screaming) (disgusted gasp) Homer, you're not dead... which is good. Now, let Uncle Pierce take care of you. We have to disable its central processor. Come on. Die, you monster! Dad, that's the water softener. Well, I am missing the back of my head. I think you could cut me some slack. Homer, no! (angry grunt) Oh, I'm going to enjoy this. Don't take out my British charm unit. Without that, I'm nothing but a boorish American clod. American accent: Eh, thanks a lot, ass-wipe! slowing down: I could've kicked your butt from here to Albuquerque you fat... slime... bucket... Oh, this seems like such a waste. I mean, he was charming and witty. There must be someone who can use a man around the house even if he's slightly homicidal. # All I need is the look in your eyes... # So tell me more about your day at the DMV. Where to start? Sheila parked in my space again. That Sheila. She's given you problems before, hasn't she? Oh, yeah. I don't care who she's sleeping with that's been my space since 1981. Looking for this? No, not in there! Now, where was I? Oh, yeah, yeah, Sheila... Sheila. Anyway, she's had an attitude from day one. She was supposed to be our supervisor but then Dotty went on maternity leave, so-- well, well, she claimed it was maternity leave... 1 Oh! We're out of milk. Abraca-dairy! Kids, it's 8:00. You're going to miss the bus to wizard school. Five-minutes-more-ious. Oh, that's not good for the clock. (zapping) Stop zapping yourself. Stop zapping yourself. Stop zapping yourself. Good morning, class. Harry Potter, are you chewing gum? No, ma'am. It's brimstone. (laughing) Well, wonderful. Now, class, the big magic recital's coming up so we're going to start with some basic toad-to-prince spells. Everybody get out their toads. (croaking) Slimy-Prince-limey. Well, 'allo, love. Give us a kiss, then. (scoffs) You call that charming? (heavy sigh) Hocus-croakus. Oh, excellent, Lisa. A-plus. And we'll discuss your grade over breakfast. (tittering) (gulps) Yes... rather. Well, Bart, did you study your spell book last night or did your fairy godmother die again? I studied. Abraca-turn-into-a-prince-guy? (gagging and gurgling) Sloppy work, as usual. Lisa's casting spells at an eighth-grade level. You've sinned against nature. Please kill me. You think you're so great just because you have godlike powers. Stand away from milady. Get in there. Defend my honour. (gurgling) Ew! Every moment I live is agony. Bart, you're getting vomit on my prince. Head Zeppelin! Whoa... (kids laughing) Look at that Lisa Simpson. She's got more wicked witchery than Stevie Nicks. Oh, Slithers... Uh, yes, Lord Montymort? Let's capture that girl and steal her magical essence. I'm not getting squat from this yo-yo. (giggling) Dying tickles. We can't attack her while she's got that wand. We'll need a go-between to get it away from her. How about Satan? No, no, I'm ducking him. His wife has a screenplay. (humming happily) Whoa! (screaming) Huh? Welcome to my lair. You're going to help me. And if I don't? (eerie wailing) Oh! I've heard of a wailing wall but this is ridiculous. How corny! I'm so sick of that joke! Anyway, how would you like to humiliate your sister? I'd like that. I'd like that very much. Now, it would involve betrayal and unspeakable evil. Hey, hey, you made your sale. And now, a little trick I like to call... uh, the "Invisibility Cloak." Oh, how magical. Yeah, yeah. These kids are pretty special. Now you see me... now you don't. (all gasp) Whoa. It's just like my dream. (sobbing) Ugh, that was terrible. I'll just sprinkle you all with some amnesia dust. A second-grade sorceress so powerful she made tonight's refreshments out of dead people. (audience groans) (audience laughs) Tonight, she'll perform the classic levitating dragon trick. We'll see about that. (evil chuckling) Here's Lisa Simpson. Release the dragon. (all gasp) She'll be killed! My sweet little angel! (crowd cheers on TV) Ooh! (snorting) Alakazai dragon fly! Huh? This isn't my wand. (sniffs) (gasps) It's a Twizzler. (laughing) (ferocious roaring) (weak growling) Shazbot. (all screaming) Hey, we stayed for your kid. (gasps) The Dark Lord Montymort Absorber of Souls, Sucker of Essence! (shaking) Help... (gasps) This is partly my fault. Prank be undone. Destroy the evil one. N... not me. Help me, Bart. (yells) (grunts) Eee-yo! My enchanted shin! How did you know that was the source of my power? (moaning) Bart, you saved me. Oh, sir, in death we shall be together always. (sobbing and gulping) Ew. Ew. Bart, let's stop this stupid rivalry. Even if you never become a great sorcerer you're still an okay brother. Thanks, Lis. Now let's try to forget this nightmare. (jabbering) ...Blarney. Shh! Wow, we really get to keep these fruit baskets? They used to give us champagne till somebody ruined it. (gurgling) Oh, do they really think he'll do better with fruit? Oh, Mr. Movie Star gets to park right next to the stage. Oh, luck of the draw, I guess. (anxious chuckle) Can I give you a ride to your car? Well, sure. That would be great. So, where are you parked? Oh, we don't have a car. - But I thought you... - Just keep driving, boy-o. (leprechaun laughing maniacally) Can I turn on the radio? (laughing continues) (creepy organ music plays) (piercing shriek) Able 2015