1 CAPTIONS BY CATHERINE DE CHALAIN AND JAKE EBDALE. WWW.ABLE.CO.NZ CAPTIONS WERE MADE POSSIBLE WITH FUNDING FROM NZ ON AIR. COPYRIGHT ABLE 2017 (UPBEAT MUSIC) (MICHAEL BUBLE'S 'HAVEN'T MET YOU YET') # I'M NOT SURPRISED. (ALARM RINGS) # NOT EVERYTHING LASTS. # I'VE BROKEN MY HEART SO MANY TIMES, # I STOPPED KEEPING TRACK. (YAWNS) # I TALK MYSELF IN, I TALK MYSELF OUT. # I GET ALL WORKED UP THEN I LET MYSELF DOWN. # I TRIED SO VERY HARD NOT TO LOSE IT. # I CAME UP WITH A MILLION EXCUSES. # I THOUGHT I'D THOUGHT OF EVERY POSSIBILITY. # AND I KNOW SOMEDAY THAT IT'LL ALL TURN OUT. # YOU'LL MAKE ME WORK SO WE CAN WORK TO WORK IT OUT. # AND I PROMISE YOU, KID, THAT I'LL GIVE SO MUCH MORE THAN I GET. (TOOTHBRUSH BUZZES) # I JUST HAVEN'T MET YOU YET. (HUMS) # I MIGHT HAVE TO WAIT. I'LL NEVER GIVE UP. (TRUCK HORN HONKS) # I GUESS IT'S HALF TIMING AND THE OTHER HALF'S LUCK. # WHEREVER YOU ARE, WHENEVER IT'S RIGHT, # YOU'LL COME OUT OF NOWHERE AND INTO MY LIFE. # I KNOW THAT WE CAN BE SO AMAZING. # AND BABY, YOUR LOVE IS GONNA CHANGE ME. WAIT FOR ME! HEY! HEY, WAIT FOR ME! HEY! GET BACK... # AND SOMEHOW I KNOW THAT IT'LL ALL TURN OUT. # YOU'LL MAKE ME WORK SO WE CAN WORK TO WORK IT OUT. # AND I PROMISE YOU, KID, THAT I'LL GIVE SO MUCH MORE THAN I... # (LOW DRUMBEATS) (TWINKLING MUSIC) (FLUTE PLAYS) (MAGICAL MUSIC) (GRUNTS) (LAUGHS) (GROWLS) (MAGICAL MUSIC CONTINUES) HI, DAISY. HI, SAM. UH, YOU DOING... STUFF? I WAS THINKING OF FLYING OVER TO THE GLOW WORM TRAIL. YOU WANT TO GO? WHO, ME? YES, I WOULD... LIKE TO GO... TO THE TRAIL... WITH YOU, THERE, PLEASE? LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE HAS A GIRLFRIEND. -(CHUCKLES) I BET YOU THEY'LL LOVE AND CARE FOR EACH OTHER. -(LAUGHS) (SCOFFS) GROSS. OH, MAN, PUT SOME CORK IN IT, TWITCH. OOH. SMOOCHY, SMOOCHY. (SMACKS LIPS) MAX! UGH, BOTH OF YOU. DAISY, SORRY. JUST IGNORE THEM. LATER THEN, AT THE GLOW WORM TRAIL? SOUNDS GREAT, SAM. I'LL MEET YOU THERE. FANTASTIC! I- I'LL SEE YOU SOON. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TWO! THAT'S PRETTY MUCH THE MOST I'VE SAID TO DAISY EVER. NOW WE'RE ON A DATE. CAN'T YOU TWO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE FOR TWO MINUTES? YOU'RE ALWAYS JUST TAGGING ALONG BESIDE ME. HEY, SAMMY, WAIT UP. UGH, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, WILLIAM. - I WANNA TALK TO YOU. - FORGET IT. YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN A LITTLE HARSH WITH MAX AND TWITCH BACK THERE. (SIGHS) THEY STARTED IT. THEY JUST CAN'T LEAVE ME ALONE, EVEN FOR A MINUTE. THEY'RE YOUR BEST FRIENDS, BRO. IF THEY SAY STUFF THAT YOU DON'T LIKE, YOU CAN'T LET IT GET UNDER YOUR WINGS. SOMETIMES OTHERS DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT WHEN THEY JOKE AROUND, IT CAN ACTUALLY HURT FEELINGS. - LOOK, JUST KEEP YOUR CHIN UP, AND ALWAYS TAKE THE HIGH FLIGHT. - OK. THEY'RE YOUR FRIENDS. JUST TREAT THEM HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED. (EXCITING MUSIC) YOU! YOU VILE GIANT! YOU THINK YOU CAN COME INTO OUR WORLD, DESTROY THE NATURAL BEAUTY THAT SURROUNDS US? NO, SIR! NOT TODAY! NOT ON MY WATCH! (BLADE SWISHES) (DRAMATIC MUSIC) - DIE, HUMAN SCUM! - NO, PLEASE! TAKE THE KING, NOT` OH, SIR, IT'S YOU. HUH? WHAT IS IT? YOUR SONS, MY KING... - THEY ARE LATE FOR THEIR FITTING. - GO! GET 'EM! YES, SIR. (TENSE MUSIC) UGH! I DON'T REALLY WANNA DO THIS, BUT I CAN'T BE LATE AGAIN. DAD'LL KILL ME. SORRY, NATURE. (DRAMATIC MUSIC) WILLIAM! SAM! FLY! SAMMY! WILLIAM! (CRASH!) OH! WILLIAM! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) (TENSE MUSIC) WILLIAM? SAMMY? - SAM. OH, AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU. - (COUGHS) YOUR FATHER WOULD HAVE HAD MY HEAD IF... (GASPS) (CRASH!) WILL? - SAM, YOU DON'T WANT TO... - WILL? WILL, WAKE UP. (SOMBRE MUSIC) WELL, HE'S ALIVE, BUT BARELY. WILLIAM NEEDS MEDICAL ATTENTION NOW. TAKE HIM TO THE INFIRMARY. (SOMBRE MUSIC CONTINUES) SAMUEL, MY SON, NOW IS NOT A TIME FOR TEARS. FOR EONS, WE PIXIES HAVE BEEN A PROUD COMMUNITY, AND SO IT HAS BEEN FOR GENERATIONS. WHOMSOEVER PERFORMS A MISDEED AGAINST US SUFFERS THE FATE OF THE PIXIE CURSE. SAMUEL, MY SON, YOU SHALL BEAR THE BRUNT OF OUR CURSE AGAINST THIS ENEMY. FOLLOW THAT HUMAN BACK TO HIS HOME AND ENSURE THAT HE LIVES A LIFE OF MISFORTUNE FOR ALL OF ETERNITY. SO SAY I, KING OF THE PIXIES! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) DON'T WORRY. WE'LL GET HIM. FOR SURE. WE'LL GET HIM. WE'LL GET HIM GOOD. (UPBEAT MUSIC) (SIGHS) LONG DAY. (DEEP BREATH) (SIGHS) HONEY, I'M HOME. HM, LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST ME AND YOU AGAIN, BED. (SIGHS) (SNORES) (BIRDS TWEET) (SNORING CONTINUES) THAT GUY CAN REALLY SLEEP. TALK ABOUT HITTIN' THE SNOOZE BUTTON, HUH? WHERE'S SAM? - GETTING ICE CREAM? - YOU WISH. (EXCITING MUSIC) ABOUT TIME. HELLO TO YOU, TOO. MAX, TWITCH, TO ENSURE VICTORY IN COMBAT, YOU MUST STUDY YOUR OPPONENT ` ADMIRE, RESPECT THEIR ATTRIBUTES. NOW, LET'S DROP A BOOK ON HIS FACE. OW! STUPID SHELF. (THUMP!) (CRASH! CRASH!) (YAWNS) (SIGHS) OW! OW! WHOA! OH! WHOA! AH! (GROANS) (LAUGHTER) OH, MAN. GREAT WORK, GUYS. (CHUCKLES) SERIOUSLY. OH, WE'VE ONLY JUST BEGUN. (MILITARY DRUMS) (UPBEAT GROOVE) (HUMS) (CHUCKLES) (SNIFFS) AHH. YEAH. HMM. MM? DON'T REMEMBER OPENING THAT THING. HMM. OH. (WHEELS CREAK) AGH! OW! (MOTOR RUNS) (MOTOR CONTINUES) WHOA! WH`? OW! (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) WHOA! WHOA! WH` OOF! OH@ OOH! (GROANS) (GAS HISSES) (WHIMPERS) OH NO. FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! (LAUGHS) (BOOM!) (GROANS) (GRUNTS) (SIGN BUZZES) (UPBEAT MUSIC) (YELLS) (LAUGHS) - YOU OK? - YEAH, I'M GOOD. OOP, GET THAT. OOH! (WHISPERS INAUDIBLY) - HUH? - OH! - CAT HEAD. - DID YOU SAY SOMETHING? - OOH! - JOE, YOU OK? - I'M GOOD. HMM. OOH! (GROANS) (JAZZ MUSIC) (ENGINE STARTS) (ELECTRICITY BUZZES) (LAUGHS) OOF! OOH! WHOA! YEAH, YEAH! (GROANS) (SHRIEKS) MY FOOT! (RELAXED MUSIC) FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME, I'M NOT GOING OUT WITH YOU, JOE. AW, COME ON, BETTY. IT'LL BE GREAT. WE COULD PLAY DOCTOR. NO, MY WORK AND HOME LIVES ARE SEPARATE, THANK YOU. BUT WE ALREADY KNOW EACH OTHER SO WELL. AND THAT'S WHY I HAVE TO TURN A CHARMER LIKE YOU DOWN. LAST THING I NEED TO DATE IS A WALKING DISASTER. OUCH. YOU'RE A NICE GUY, JOE, BUT YOU'LL BE A LOT NICER WHEN I DON'T SEE YOU HERE THREE TIMES A WEEK. THAT WAS COLDER THAN YOUR STETHOSCOPE. WHOA! WHOA! - (GROANS) - GO ON, GET OUT OF HERE. SCOOT, SCOOT. - ALL RIGHT. - GET! (GASPS) - (HORN HONKS) - WHOA, YEAH, MY BAD. SORRY. (TYRES SCREECH) (SLOW GROOVE) SOMETHING'S WRONG. MY LUCK THESE DAYS IS JUST HORRIBLE. HUH? OOF! HUH? (WHOOSH!) (CRASH!) (GRUNTS) (PHONE RINGS) HELLO? JOE, WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU? I'M ON MY WAY. SORRY, I HAD AN ACCIDENT. AGAIN WITH THE ACCIDENTS. MA'AM, JUST BRING YOUR KEYS TO VINCENT OVER THERE AND HE'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU. VINCENT? YOU PUT VINCENT IN THE SHOP? - WHAT? HE'S GOOD. - HE DOESN'T KNOW HIS ALTERNATOR FROM HIS ELBOW. MAYBE, BUT HIS ELBOW IS ON TIME. YOU SAID YOU'D BE DONE IN AN HOUR. ONE HOUR, YOU SAID! WE'LL MISS THE SPECIAL! HOW IS SHE SUPPOSED TO GET HER BLINTZES? I LOVE THE BLINTZES. SHE LOVES THE BLINTZES ` CRAZY ABOUT 'EM! ALL SHE HAS LEFT ARE THESE BLINTZES. AND NOW NO BLINTZES. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITHOUT BLINTZES. SHE IS LOST WITHOUT THESE BLINTZES. YOU'RE TEARING HER APART HERE, I TELL YOU. APART IS WHAT WE'RE TORN! - SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN. - SHE NEEDS THE BLINTZES! JOE, JUST... JUST GET HERE QUICKLY. WE NEED YOU AT THE DESK. DAD, I CAN WORK ON THE` (DIAL TONE) ...THE CARS, DAD. I'M ACTUALLY VERY COMPETENT. IT'S NOT LIKE EVERY SECOND OF MY LIFE IS A COMPLETE DISAST` (CRASH!) ALL: WHOA. - YOU GUYS DO THAT ONE? - THAT ONE WAS ALL THE WINGLESS WONDER. (LAUGHTER) UGH! JUST ONE MOMENT OF PEACE! (GROANS) OH MY GOSH, ARE YOU OK? I'M FINE, JUST FINE. I... (ROMANTIC HARP MUSIC) ARE YOU SURE? COS I HIT YOU PRETTY HARD WITH THAT DOOR. - AW, THAT` THAT LOOKS PRETTY BAD. - UH... YOU KNOW, I WASN'T EVEN PAYING ATTENTION. I WAS FIDDLING AROUND WITH MY PHONE THING. TECHNOLOGICAL DISTRACTION ` JUST MORE INDUSTRIAL JUNK TO DISTRACT US, RIGHT? OOH, A KITTY VIDEO! (CAT MEOWS) (ROMANTIC MUSIC) (WHISTLES) GUY, HEY! SNAP OUT OF IT. COME ON, LET'S GO GET YOU SOME ICE. (ROMANTIC MUSIC) (DOOR CLOSES) (GRUNTS) TAKE A LOAD OFF. (GROANS) OH, RELAX. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THAT ICE. WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE, BABY. (SIGHS) OH, WOW. SHE'S SO CUTE. MAYBE MY LUCK HAS CHANGED. UM... (TAP RUNS) I SHOULD SAY SOMETHING. UH... YOU TAKE ALL THESE? YEP, EACH AND EVERY ONE. - THIS THE VALDEZ SPILL? - YEAH, I TOOK THAT ONE WHEN I WAS SEVEN, JUST BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY. - WHERE'S THIS? - WHICH ONE? THE KID ON A PILE OF TECH JUNK. OH, INDIA. YOU KNOW MOST OF OUR TECH WASTE ENDS UP IN A LANDFILL IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES? THAT'S WEIRD. DIDN'T KNOW. UH, I MIGHT BE OUT OF ICE. HEY, THIS TSUNAMI ONE IS PRETTY INTENSE. YEAH, SUMATRA. I WAS HAVING SOME FRESHLY ROASTED COFFEE WITH A FEW TRAVEL MATES WHEN, WHOOSH! IT JUST HIT! I MEAN, LUCKY TIMING, I GUESS. HEY, I CAN'T FIND ANY ICE, BUT I GOT THIS. - GOT WHAT? - HERE. - OOF! DO YOU ALWAYS ATTACK YOUR GUESTS WITH MEAT PRODUCTS? UM, IT'S TOFURKEY, SO TECHNICALLY IT'S NOT MEAT. AND I DON'T HAVE ICE, SO THIS IS GONNA HAVE TO DO. A VEGAN WITH A THROWING ARM. I DIDN'T THINK THAT WAS POSSIBLE. HEY, IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH VEGANS, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TWO BLACK EYES. NO, NO, THIS IS GOOD. I SURRENDER. ATTA BOY. WE VEGANS AREN'T ALL THAT BAD, ARE WE? I GUESS NOT. PICTURES ARE A LITTLE HEAVY, THOUGH. NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF ENVIRONMENTAL ABUSE WAS A GOOD ANGLE FOR MY LAST ART SHOW. I'M ACTUALLY GETTING READY FOR MY NEXT ART SHOW THIS WEEK. IT'S A DIORAMA SET OF A 1950'S AMUSEMENT PARK, AND I'VE SCULPTED EVERYTHING... HEAR ANYTHING? I THINK I DISCOVERED A SECRET HUMAN LANGUAGE. (SPEAKS GIBBERISH) (GRUNTS) HEY, GUYS, CHECK THIS OUT. LOOKS LIKE JOE MIGHT HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT. (GRUNTS) - I'D LIKE TO HEAR WHAT THEY'RE SAYING. - YOU CAN SEE IT ON HIS FACE. - HE'S` - ...IN LOVE. ISN'T THAT HOW YOU LOOK AT DAISY? NO. I DON'T. YOU DO! YOU SO DO. OK, DEAD WINGS FOR BOTH OF YOU. THIS SCULPTURE IS INCREDIBLE. YOU'RE VERY TALENTED. (IMITATES ELVIS) WELL, THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WORLD TRAVELLER, MASTERFUL ARTIST, ELVIS IMPERSONATOR... AND A LOOKER TO BOOT. (LAUGHS) YOU PROBABLY SAY THAT TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO PHYSICALLY ASSAULT YOU. NO, I'M SERIOUS. (PHONE RINGS) UH, HEY, DAD. NO, I... I HAD ANOTHER... YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW, BUT I... I'LL BE RIGHT THERE. - HEAR ANYTHING? - I CAN'T HEAR A THING BUT MY CONSCIENCE CRYING. - WHAT? - I MEAN, MAYBE WE SHOULD TAKE A BREAK. AND GET LECTURED BY YOUR DAD? NO, THANKS. I COULD GO FOR SOME EATS. THERE'S A MEXICAN SKIP AROUND HERE. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE MUY DELICIOSA. IS THAT ON YOUR WING WATCHERS-APPROVED DIET? NO, BUT IN THE CITY, NO ONE CAN HEAR ME EAT BURRITOS. IT'S ACTUALLY YOUR SILENT ONES THAT ARE THE PROBLEM. YOU ARE SO DEAD! I'D RATHER TAKE MY DAD'S LECTURE. - LISTEN, I'M RUNNING LATE FOR WORK. - OH MY GOSH, I'M SORRY TO HAVE KEPT YOU. NO, NO, THE PLEASURE IS ALL MINE. I, UH... - I WAS WONDERING... - IF I'D TREAT YOU TO AN APOLOGY DINNER FOR SMASHING YOUR FACE? UH, YEAH? YEAH. - SURE. - FOR REAL? - MY NAME IS MICHELLE. - JOE. NICE TO HAVE MY FACE SMASHED BY YOU. PLEASURE WAS ALL MINE. THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU ASK FOR MY NUMBER. I'M... I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, AM I? NO, JOE, YOU'RE NOT. (CHUCKLES) (OMINOUS MUSIC) MAX, DID YOU JUST POWER BOMB TWITCH? YO QUIERO NACHO LIBRE! EL SUPREMO MAXIMO! (SLAM!) (TRIUMPHANT MUSIC) OH YEAH! (HUMS) WHO DA MAN? YOU DA MAN. WHOA, THAT'S A LADY. YOU DA LADY, MAN. SAMMY, OUR MARK IS LEAVING. GUYS, COME ON. LET'S GIVE IT A REST FOR A BIT. (JOYOUS MUSIC) (HUMS) YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. YEAH. SHE LIKES ME. SHE REALLY LIKES ME! (CLANG!) JOE: HEY, DAD, I'M GONNA BE A LITTLE LATE. (LAUGHTER) YOU GUYS ARE IMPOSSIBLE. (SNEAKY MUSIC) (SNEAKY MUSIC CONTINUES) HEY! TODAY RULED. MICHELLE'S THE GREATEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN. # DOO, DOO, DOO, DAH, DOO... # OOH! (YAWNS) (SNIFFS) HM? HM. (STRAINS) HM. STUPID TOOTHPASTE LID. (STRAINS) (YELLS) GIVE ME THAT! (TOOTHBRUSH BUZZES LOUDLY) WHOA! (SPLASH!) (PEACEFUL MUSIC) ALL RIGHT, SO LIFE'S NOT PERFECT. I DID GET TO MEET THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS. TOMORROW, IT WILL BE BETTER. (WISTFUL MUSIC) WISH TOMORROW COULD BE BETTER FOR ME, TOO, BIG GUY. SAMMY, WHAT'S THE MATTER? I'M NOT FEELING IT. THIS ISN'T FUN. YOU'RE AVENGING YOUR BROTHER. THE FUN PART IS JUST... FUN. SAM! LET HIM GO. HE HAS TO FIGURE THIS OUT BY HIMSELF. (WISTFUL MUSIC) HOW'S HE DOING? HE'S DOING MUCH BETTER, SAMUEL. (GENTLE MUSIC) (ROMANTIC MUSIC) (CHUCKLES) SAM? SAM! I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN FOREVER. HOW ARE YOU? I'M GREAT. YOU LOOK... STUNNING. WHY THANK YOU, FAIR PRINCE. (CHUCKLES) I'VE MISSED... WELL, I'VE MISSED BEING HERE. I'VE MISSED YOU, TOO. - SAM, YOU'VE JUST MISSED THE CRAZIEST THING. - IT WAS INSANE! PIXIE TOM ` YOU KNOW, THE SLUG FARMER ` WAS FLIPPING HIS LID. I OPENED UP THE GATE, AND IT'S LIKE, SLUG-APALOOZA! YOU'VE GOTTA SEE THIS. NO, TWITCH, I DON'T GOTTA SEE THAT. I WANT TO MINGLE WITH MY PIXIES FOR ONCE. OH. OH. UM... HEY, DAISY. HI, TWITCH. NICE TO SEE YOU AND MAX HAVEN'T CHANGED. - I THINK THAT WAS AN INSULT. - NAH, IT'S GOTTA BE A COMPLIMENT. - THAT WAS A COMPLIMENT, RIGHT? - NOT IN YOUR WILDEST DREAMS. HEY, SAM, WE NEVER GOT THAT DATE. HOW ABOUT WE ZIP TO THE GLOW WORM TRAIL? WITHOUT YOUR BUDDIES. SURE, THAT'S GREAT. WAIT! WHAT ABOUT THE CURSE? (OMINOUS MUSIC) (OMINOUS MUSIC CONTINUES) HELLO? HELLO? SIR? ARE YOU HERE? DISTRACTION! WELL? WHOA! WHOO! IT'S SAMUEL. HE'S IN THE VILLAGE. HE'S` NOT WITH THE HUMAN? TAKE ME TO HIM AT ONCE! THAT BOY HAS A LESSON TO LEARN. YOU'VE REALLY SURPRISED ME. I THOUGHT I'D NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN. YOU CAN'T KEEP THE PRODIGAL SON AWAY FROM HOME FOREVER. SO WHAT'S IT LIKE BEING ON THE OUTSIDE ALL THE TIME? A LOT LESS FUN. HUMANS LIVE TO WORK AND THERE'S NO ONE TO REALLY TALK TO. NO? WHAT ABOUT BUMBLE DEE AND BUMBLE DUMB? WELL, THEY'RE DEPENDABLE, BUT I THINK YOU SUMMED THEM UP PRETTY WELL YOURSELF. WELL, I DON'T SEE THEM AROUND. DO YOU? I SUPPOSE NOT. (DRAMATIC NOTE) (DRAMATIC NOTE) - OW! - THAT'S TWO. WANNA GO FOR A THIRD? NO. YOU SLAP TOO HARD. THAT'S THE POINT. YEAH, WELL, HOW ABOUT IF I GAVE YOU A DEAD WING? WHOA! OW! OH! (SOBS) MY FUNNY BONE! I'M GENUINELY SURPRISED ALL THAT EXTRA YOU DOESN'T WORK LIKE AN AIR BAG. (GROANS) (TENSE MUSIC) I THINK SAMMY'S IN TROUBLE. (ROMANTIC MUSIC) (BRANCH CRACKS) WOW. SPOILING THE MOMENT AGAIN. - SAM, YOUR DAD ` HE'S` - ...SUPER MAD. LIKE, VEINS-BURSTING-FROM-HIS-HEAD MAD. - AND HE'S` - ...STANDING IN THE PRESENCE OF THE DISGRACE I CALL MY SON. - DAD, I-I` SAVE IT! WHEN I MAKE A DECLARATION, I STAND BY MY DECREE. HERE YOU ARE MAKING A FOOL OF YOURSELF AND MAKING A FOOL OF THIS FAMILY! IT'S NOT LIKE THAT, DAD. OH NO? THEN PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THIS IS, BECAUSE WHAT I SEE IS A SON DISOBEYING HIS FATHER SO HE CAN TROUNCE AROUND WITH SOME QUESTIONABLE GIRL. - SOME GIRL?! - DON'T YOU DARE RAISE YOUR VOICE TO ME, YOUNG MAN! ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS VENGEANCE! WHAT ABOUT LOVE, DAD? DID YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE IT WOULD BE NICE IF I FELL IN LOVE? DID YOU? LOVE? (LAUGHS) YOU DON'T KNOW A THING ABOUT LOVE. LOVE IS WHEN YOU BUILD A KINGDOM WITH YOUR BARE HANDS TO IMPRESS A WOMAN. YOU SPEND 110 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE RAISING TWO HEIRS TO THE THRONE, AND WHEN SOMEONE TAKES THAT ALL AWAY FROM YOU, YOU MAKE THEM PAY! AND TOO SCARED TO EXACT THAT REVENGE YOURSELF, YOU SEND ME. GET OUT OF MY KINGDOM. DAD... GET OUT! LEAVE! AND DON'T COME BACK. DAD? SAMMY? I HAVE TO GO. AWKWARD. (ROCK MUSIC) STUPID CURSE. YOU WANT ME TO RUIN A GUY'S LIFE? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? FINE. (STRAINS) (STRAINS) (ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES) (ALARM BEEPS) (YAWNS) (SQUIRREL SQUEAKS) WHAT THE`? HOW'D A SQUIRREL GET IN HERE? THOSE AREN'T NUTS! (CRUNCH!) WAIT, OW! (SLOW WALTZ MUSIC) (HUMS) AH, TOAST. (SQUAWKS) GOOD MORNING, MR. BLUEBIRD. YOUR FRIEND HERE HAD A LITTLE SUCCESS WITH THE LADIES. (SQUAWKS) SURPRISED? I KNOW, SO WAS I. I THINK TODAY IS GONNA BE A BRAND-NEW START FOR JOE. (FLAMES WHOOSH) HUH? (YELLS) HOT! IT'S HOT! (GRUNTS) (FLAMES CRACKLE) (YELLS) FIRE! FIRE! (PLATES SMASH) (THUMP!) (CRASH!) (GROANS) (TAP RUNS) (SIGHS) (SQUAWKS) STUPID NATURE. WHAT A MESS. WHY ME? (GROWLS) HUH. HELLO? FOOTPRINTS? - (GASPS) - (GRUNTS) (YELLS) (TENSE MUSIC) HEY! WH`?! D-DID YOU JUST TALK? (SLOW WALTZ MUSIC) YOU JUST TALKED. YOU SAID, 'HEY.' I HEARD YOU. WHAT ARE YOU? I'M NOT LETTING YOU OUT OF THERE UNTIL YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU ARE. FINE, I'M HERE TO GIVE YOU A MEMO FROM THE FLIES IN YOUR KITCHEN. THEY'RE FORMING A UNION. YOU CAN TALK! HOW? WHAT ARE YOU? I'M A FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION. NOW GO SEE YOUR PSYCHIATRIST. A TALKING BUMBLE BEE? WHAT A SMART ALECK. DO I LOOK LIKE A BUMBLE BEE? THEY'RE FUZZY. WISH I HAD A STINGER, THOUGH. I'D STING YOU WITH MY BUTT. A FEW MORE HOURS IN THERE AND YOU'LL TAKE ME MORE SERIOUSLY. - (GROWLS) - OK, OK. I'M A PIXIE, OK? SEE THE WINGS? HUH. WHY ARE YOU IN MY KITCHEN? I'M, UM` I'M FULFILLING AN OBLIGATION TO MY PEOPLE. OBLIGATION? YOU HAVE BEEN CURSED. YEAH, TELL ME ABOUT IT. WE CURSED YOU. HM? YOU DUMPED SOME GARBAGE INTO THE RAVINE AND MY BROTHER IS STILL BADLY HURT. YOU NEARLY KILLED ME AND DESTROYED HALF OUR VILLAGE. YOU'VE BEEN CURSED EVER SINCE. ALL THIS TIME, IT'S BEEN YOU? EVERY TIME I FELL OR RAN INTO STUFF? ALL THE TRIPS TO THE HOSPITAL? ALL THE EMBARRASSING, HUMILIATING MOMENTS WHEN` (GROANS) IT WAS YOU? WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME? - I TOLD YOU, WHEN YOU` - BECAUSE I DUMPED GARBAGE INTO A RIVER? I KNOW, I` LOOK, IT'S JUST THE WAY WE DO THINGS. WAIT, NO! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE! I'M NOT LETTING YOU SCREW UP MY LIFE ANY MORE. (UPBEAT MUSIC) (SIGHS) (SNIFFS) OOP. WHOA. OK, THIS IS GONNA BE OK. ANY MINUTE NOW, MAX AND TWITCH WILL ARRIVE TO SAVE ME. WOOHOO! (BOTH LAUGH, CHEER) (SIGHS) YEP, ANY MINUTE NOW. HEY, DAD. LOOKIN' SHARP. JOE, WE AGREED YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE IN HERE. NOW GET BACK TO THE DESK AND ANSWER THE PHONES. CHECK THE IGNITION CABLES? YEAH, I CHECKED ALL THE CABLES, REPLACED THE FUEL PUMP, THE STARTER. GIVE HER ANOTHER START. (ENGINE SPLUTTERS) TRY IT AGAIN. (ENGINE SPLUTTERS) JOE, I'M WARNING YOU. AND THAT SHOULD DO IT. (ENGINE STARTS) WHAT'S NEXT, POPS? HI-YA! YA! YA! HE SHOOTS! HE SCORES! HI-YA! YAAA! HUH. WHOA! WHOA. I GOT IT! I GOT IT! EH! TADA! YA... HELP. - HEY, JOE. - YEAH? - THAT WAS PRETTY INCREDIBLE BACK THERE. - YEAH? - YEAH. REMEMBER THAT PROMOTION WE WERE TALKING ABOUT? - YEAH. - WELL, LET'S DO IT. HOW ABOUT FLOOR MANAGER? - REALLY? YOU EVEN HAVE TOMORROW OFF TO CELEBRATE. WHY DON'T YOU GO MEET A NICE GIRL? ALREADY ONE STEP AHEAD OF YOU, DAD. OH, SO THAT'S WHAT'S GOT YOU GOIN'. I'M WORKING ON IT. (LAUGHTER, CHEERS) OH, LITTLE GOOBERS! I SWEAR BY ALL THAT IS HOLY, IF YOU DON'T GET OFF MY SLUG,... (YELLS) ...THIS PITCH FORK IS GOING WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE! THAT WAS AWESOME! SAMMY WOULD HAVE LOVED THAT. HEY, WHERE IS SAMMY? - SAM? - YEAH, UH, SAM, WHERE ARE YOU? (CRUNCH!) - I SEE HIM. - WHERE? OVER THERE. HE'S UNDERNEATH THAT GLASS. WHAT THE HECK IS HE DOING IN THERE? (CRUNCH!) SHH! I'M TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT. (CRUNCH!) REALLY? DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT NOW? WHAT? SLUG RIDING ALWAYS MAKES ME HUNGRY. IS THERE ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T? DIETS. NO, WAIT, THOSE MAKE ME SUPER HUNGRY. WAKE UP! SAM! HE'S NOT MOVING. (SLOW GROOVE) WHOA! LOOK WHO'S ALL SMILES AND HAPPY TIME. AND HE'S HERE TO SHARE A LITTLE OF THAT HAPPY TIME WITH THE LADY HE'S BEEN THINKING ABOUT ALL DAY. (CHUCKLES) REFERRING TO YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON? THIS HAS TO BE SOMETHING MAJOR. I'LL GIVE YOU ONE GUESS. WHO'S GOT TWO THUMBS, ONE EYE AND A PROMOTION AT WORK? OOH, WHO? THIS GUY RIGHT HERE. (LAUGHS) STOP, JOE! PUT ME DOWN, I'M GONNA HURL! I JUST GOT PROMOTED TO THE MANAGER OF THE CAR GARAGE. NOTHING I'D RATHER DO THAN TAKE YOU OUT FOR A NICE, CELEBRATION DINNER. WHAT DO YOU SAY? - OH, ABSOLUTELY. - YES! I'LL PICK YOU UP AT 7:00 SHARP. (DRAMATIC MUSIC) DO YOU THINK HE'S... MUERTO? DON'T SAY THAT. SAM? SAMMY? YOU ALIVE IN THERE? TWITCH. MAX. OH, MAN, I HAD THE WORST DREAM. NO DREAM. I WAS CAUGHT. TWITCH, MAX, THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE HERE! (DOOR OPENS) (ALL GASP) (HYPERVENTILATES) - YOU GUYS GOTTA HIDE. - GREAT. (STRAINS) HEY, GUESS WHAT? I HAD THE PERFECT DAY. NOT A SINGLE INCIDENT, ALL THANKS TO THIS LITTLE, GLASS JAIL. LITTLE GUY KNOCKED HIMSELF OUT TRYING TO ESCAPE. TENACIOUS. (TENSE MUSIC) OOF! OOH! THAT WAS MINE! COAST IS CLEAR. HOO-HOO-CAH-CHOO! HE CAN SEE US, DUMMY! LOOK, I ALMOST GOT OUT OF HERE ALL ON MY OWN. WITH THE THREE OF US WORKING TOGETHER, WE SHOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM KNOCKING THIS THING OVER. - OK, GOT IT. - YO COMPRENDE. UM, ON THE BORING DAYS, I'VE BEEN READING JOE'S SPANISH-ENGLISH DICTIONARY. ON THE COUNT OF THREE, WE PUSH. ONE, TWO, THREE! (ALL STRAIN) HARDER! EVERYTHING HURTS. - BUT WE'RE ALMOST THERE. - ONE MORE PUSH. (TENSE MUSIC) KA MATE! KA MATE! KA ORA! KA MATE! KA MATE! KA ORA! (CONTINUES PERFORMING HAKA WITH NONSENSE WORDS) (YELLS) (TRIUMPHANT MUSIC) (GROANS) - HE'S WAKING UP! - (GROANS) WHAT TIME IS IT? - HEY, THERE'S MORE! - RUN, YOU FOOLS! SAM, USE YOUR WINGS! RIGHT. BUT IT WAS JUST` IT WAS SO MUCH MORE DRAMATIC THIS WAY. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE! STOP! I MISSED MY DATE. I MISSED MY DATE WITH MICHELLE! ARGH! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! (GRUNTS) GET BACK HERE. (GRUMBLES) (GRUMBLES) (ALL PANT) THAT WAS REALLY CLOSE. LOOK, GUYS, I'M` I'M SORRY ABOUT WHAT I SAID BEFORE. YOU WERE THERE FOR ME. YOU'RE MY BEST FRIENDS. I'M SORRY. BRING IT IN. YEAH. OH` OH, THAT'S A LITTLE TIGHT, MAX. (GRUMBLES) - (GASPS) - YOU. FLY. EVERYBODY FLY! WHOA! OH! OH! OH! (SMASH!) - YO, 'ZILLA! (SCREAMING) (GROANS) WOW. YOU! (GASPS) I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE! I MISSED THE PERFECT DATE WITH THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS BECAUSE OF YOU ` AND YOUR TRAP! - THAT WAS MINE. - YEAH? THAT WAS YOUR TRICK. HERE'S MINE. ARGH! (GRUNTS) (CRASH!) STAY AWAY! - I DIDN'T MEAN FOR THIS TO HAPPEN. - OH, BUT IT DID. NOT ONLY DOES THIS OUTSIDER KNOW WE EXIST, BUT HE HAS DESTROYED EVERYTHING I'VE WORKED SO HARD TO BUILD. DAD, I'M SO SORRY. THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. # I'M NOT SURPRISED. (ALARM RINGS) (GROANS) HEY, JOE, IT'S MICHELLE. I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO TONIGHT, AND I WILL SEE YOU IN ABOUT 20 MINUTES. BYE. HEY, JOE, IT'S, UM, A LITTLE PAST 7.00 NOW, AND I WAS JUST WONDERING IF YOU WERE RUNNING LATE. CALL ME BACK. JOE, IT'S 7:20, AND I HOPE EVERYTHING'S OK... - CONSIDERING HOW WE MET. - OH. LOOK, BUDDY, IT'S 7:30 AND YOU ARE STILL NOT HERE. SERIOUSLY? CALL ME. LISTEN, I'M NOT TRYING TO SOUND PSYCHO HERE, BUT IT'S 7:45. WHERE ARE YOU? JOE BECK, YOU STOOD ME UP! YOU'RE A JERK! (BEEP!) (CELL PHONE RINGS) - WHAT? - HEY. MICHELLE? - YEAH, WHAT DO YOU WANT? - I JUST WANTED TO APOLOGIZE FOR` - OH, FOR BEING A JERK-FACE? NO! YES. WAIT, LISTEN... I JUST RAN INTO A LITTLE CAR TROUBLE. - AREN'T YOU A MECHANIC? - YEAH, BUT... LOOK... I THINK YOU'RE GREAT, AND I'M HOPING YOU'RE SWEET ENOUGH TO GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE. (SIGHS) OK, MEET ME AT THE HORN OF PLENTY TOMORROW AT NOON. THAT'S THE VEGAN RESTAURANT, RIGHT? THIS TIME I WON'T LET YOU DOWN, I PROMISE! YEAH, YOU'D REGRET IT. THIS MEANS WAR, YOU KNOW? HEY, DAD, MAYBE WE JUST DO WHAT HE SAYS AND LEAVE HIM ALONE? - EXCUSE ME? UH, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? - I AM YOUR SON, AND SO IS WILLIAM. AND HE WOULD NEVER APPROVE OF WHAT WE'VE DONE TO THIS HUMAN. WELL, SAMUEL, TELL ME, WHAT WOULD WILLIAM HAVE APPROVED? WOULD HE HAVE APPROVED OF YOU BRINGING DEATH AND DESTRUCTION UPON OUR KIND? - HE WOULD HAVE TALKED TO THE HUMAN, REASONED WITH HIM. - REASON? YOU ASK FOR A REASON? YOUR BROTHER MAY NOT SEE ANOTHER SUNRISE AND YOU NEED A REASON. WE PIXIES DO NOT REASON WITH OUR ENEMIES. WE ARE SURVIVORS, WE ARE FIGHTERS. AND WE WILL EXACT REVENGE AND UPHOLD OUR TRADITIONS. WE RUINED THAT HUMAN'S LIFE. IT'S OUR TRADITION THAT CAUSED THIS DESTRUCTION. NO, NO. IT WAS A BOY WHO REFUSED THE COMMANDS OF HIS KING, A SON WHO IGNORED HIS FATHER. I AM HERE TO KEEP ALL OF US SAFE. THAT IS WHY I WEAR THE CROWN. YOU NEED TO EXACT REVENGE! WE, THE PIXIES, DECLARE WAR ON JOE! I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT. I'LL DO IT. YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE, MY SON. PIXIES! BROTHERS! SISTERS! - PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR WAR! - (CHEERING) (TENSE MUSIC) MM-HM. HMM. HMM. (CLEARS THROAT) (HUMS HAPPILY) - (SHOUTS) - (CHEERING) (JAZZY MUZAK PLAYS) (CHEERING, SHOUTING) (HORN BEEPS) - HEY, THANK YOU. - SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING ` I HAD CAR TROUBLE. - I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T DRIVE? - GOTCHA. COME ON, LET'S GO INSIDE. - WHAT'S ON YOUR TIE? - IT'S A CTHULHU. - GESUNDHEIT. - NO, NO, IT'S A CTHULHU. IT'S A COSMIC ENTITY THAT'S A MIX OF HUMAN, DRAGON AND OCTOPUS. - OH, THAT CTHULHU . - YEAH, HE'S AWESOME, RIGHT? - YEAH (!) WELCOME TO THE HORN OF PLENTY, WHERE FOOD IS THY MEDICINE AND MEDICINE IS THY FOOD. MY NAME IS ALEX AND I WILL BE YOUR SERVER. PLEASE LOOK OVER OUR MENU. WELL, THERE'S A CHIPPER, YOUNG LAD (!) OH, YEAH. HE LOOKS THRILLED TO BE HERE (!) ARGH! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! - WHAT? - OH, UH, THE MENU! - THEY HAVE, UH... DURIAN. - OH, YOU LIKE DURIAN? - SURE, YEAH, LOVE IT. UH, JUST LIKE MOM USED TO MAKE. (HUMS) I'VE, UH... IT'S A RITUAL I HAVE. I USE THE MENU AND I SLAM IT SHUT. THEN I` I, UH` I WORK IT LIKE A BUTTERFLY AND I GET THE AROMA OF THE KITCHEN IN. - (SNIFFS) MM. - UM, I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THAT. MM. OH, WOW, YOU ARE SO RIGHT. I CAN TOTALLY SMELL THE MISO. LOOK OUT! (GRUNTS) A FIG? ARE YOU HUNGRY, SIR? HOW ABOUT I BRING YOU SOME BREAD? - (GROANS) - ARE YOU... OK? YEAH. I HAD A HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE AT CHRISTMAS ONCE. FIGS WERE INVOLVED. IT DIDN'T END WELL. UGH, TELL ME ABOUT IT. THE HOLIDAYS CAN BE PRETTY TRAUMATIC. THIS ONE TIME, MY MOM AND I WERE DECORATING OUR TREE WHEN MY DAD CAME IN AND, UM... (GRUNTS) - (SCREAMS) - YOUR BREAD. AND WHAT WILL YOU BE HAVING TODAY? OOH, I'LL HAVE THE ORGANIC PORTOBELLO SANDWICH WITH A SIDE OF VEGAN SOY AND TOFU FRIES, PLEASE. - JOE? - UH, I'LL HAVE THE SAME. DOES IT COME WITH BACON? - MEAT IS DEATH. - HOLD THE BACON. - EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT, JOE? - YUP, YUP, DOING GOOD. JUST KEEPING AN EYE OUT FOR MORE FIGS. WELL, ANYWAY, SO WE WERE DECORATING OUR TREE, WHEN... - OH, IT'S ON! LET'S DO THIS! - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? OH, IT'S ON... THE ANIMAL SHELTER. IT'S ON. IT'S` IT'S OPEN. LET'S GO TO THE ANIMAL SHELTER. OH, THAT IS SO INCREDIBLE. YES, LET'S GO THERE RIGHT NOW. LOOK, I'LL CANCEL OUR ORDER AND WE CAN GO TO MY PARENTS' FOR DINNER LATER. WHISPERS: THIS IS GETTING OUT OF CONTROL. I SAID STAY AWAY! - DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THE SMELL OF THE ANIMAL SHELTER? - OH, YEAH. LOVE THAT SMELL OF... WET DOG. (SPLUTTERS) IF I HAD IT MY WAY, HUMANS WOULD BE LOCKED UP AND THE ANIMALS WOULD BE FREE. - SO YOU'RE A TROUBLE MAKER. - WHAT? NO! I'M NOT A TROUBLE MAKER. (GIGGLES) OOH! (GROANS) (BANGING) - (COUGHS) - (DOG GROWLS) - OOH! HOLD THAT POSE! - (SPLUTTERS) - DONE! - (COUGHS) YOU HAD THAT PAIR OF SCISSORS THERE THE ENTIRE TIME? - A GOOD ARTIST IS ALWAYS PREPARED. - IT MADE FOR A GREAT SKETCH. - WHAT THE...? - HOW DO YOU...? IT'S AMAZING! - WHAT'S AMAZING IS THAT YOU DIDN'T GET BIT. (GROWLING) SPEAKING OF BITING, MY PARENTS ARE HAVING DINNER AT 5.00, IF YOU'RE STILL HUNGRY. - HA, MEETING THE PARENTS ALREADY. - I ACTUALLY THINK MY MOM WILL REALLY LIKE YOU. MY DAD, ON THE OTHER HAND, HE'S A BIT HARDER TO GET TO KNOW. - HOLD THAT THOUGHT. - (WHOOSH!) - DON'T YOU DARE! - JOE, WHAT? WHAT IS IT? - (GROWLS) - ARGH! - (GROWLS) - (WHIMPERS) NO, NO, NO, NO! NO! - (GROWLS) (SCREAMS) AW, JOE, THAT IS SO SWEET. I MEAN, YOU CAN'T STAND TO SEE THAT LITTLE PUPPY IN HERE. YOU'RE SAVING HIM FROM THESE OPPRESSORS! THAT WAS YOUR PLAN THE ENTIRE TIME. - (BARKS) - UH, ABSOLUTELY! YEP. HEY, JOE, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE COOL WITH THIS? I KNOW IT'S A BIT EARLY TO BE MEETING MY PARENTS AND ALL, AND... YEAH, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. - WHY? - WELL, YOU JUST SEEM A BIT... DISTANT. - UH, I'M JUST PICTURING HOW WONDERFUL YOUR PARENTS MUST BE IF THEY RAISED A GIRL LIKE YOU. LET'S JUST HEAD INSIDE, SHALL WE? NAMASTE. - THANK YOU, I THINK I SHALL STAY. - MY WORD, HE'S SO PRECIOUS. GAIL, DON'T SCARE THE BOY BEFORE I'VE HAD A CHANCE TO MEET HIM. HELP ME WITH THE TOFU. IT'S GETTING UNWIELDY! YOU DID FANTASTIC WITH THIS ONE, MICHELLE. NOT LIKE THAT LAST BOY YOU BROUGHT OVER, WITH THE PIERCINGS, AND THAT LOUD CARBON-EMITTING DEATH TRAP HE WAS DRIVING. - GAIL! - COMING! - I HAD TO COME FROM SOMEWHERE. - YOU DIDN'T WANT TO WARN ME FIRST? (DOG YAPS) ALL HAIL KING PIXIE! (CHEERING) FOR TOO LONG, WE HAVE BEEN PUSHED TO THE EDGES OF THIS WORLD. WE LIVE IN THE RUINS OF THE TEMPLE THAT WAS NATURE. THE HUMANS CONTINUE TO FORCE US BACK WITH THEIR GROWING GLUTTONY OF TECHNOLOGY AND GARBAGE. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) BUT NO MORE, MY PIXIE WARRIORS! NO MORE! TODAY, WE MAKE A STAND! TODAY WE STRIKE BACK AT THE VERY CORE OF INDECENCY AND WOE THAT HAS BESET OUR TRIBES FOR GENERATIONS. (CHEERING) TODAY WE WILL STRIKE DOWN THE AUTO MECHANIC KNOWN AS JOE. (CHEERING) FOR THE GLORY OF PIXIES! HE'S INCREDIBLE! - I WISH MY MOM WAS HERE TO SEE THIS. - MAX, SHE'S RIGHT OVER THERE. - HEY, MAX! - OH... HI, MOM! ARE YOU READY FOR WAR, SAM? UH... SAM? I HAVE A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS. AND THIS IS THE KITCHEN,. THE STONE IS FROM ARGENTINA, AND MOST OF THE DECOR HAILS FROM AFRICA. - HAVING TROUBLE KEEPING UP WITH MOM? - WHO ME? I'M GOOD. PRETTY SURE THE SPEED WALKING WORE HOLES IN MY SHOES, THOUGH. OH, A CANADIAN. HEY, JOE, WHAT DO YOU CALL A COW WITH NO LEGS? - OH, DAD, PLEASE DON'T. - WHAT? - GROUND BEEF! BECAUSE THE COW IS ON THE... - (CLEARS THROAT) I THINK THE BOY GETS IT, DEAR. - OK, OK. IT ALSO WOULDN'T HURT TO HAVE REAL BEEF EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE. THAT'S ENOUGH, CAPTAIN CANNIBAL. DO I LOOK LIKE SOMEONE WHO'D EAT PEOPLE? I'D NEVER EAT A PERSON. UNLESS YOU CONSIDER THE TALKING COW A PERSON. - IN WHICH CASE, I MIGHT JUST BE PERSUADED TO GIVE IT A TRY. - (GROWLING) - I THINK THEY LIKE YOU. - AS LONG AS YOUR DAD DOESN'T TOSS ME ON THE GRILL. (CHUCKLES) JUST GRAB A TRAY. CHEAP THING WON'T LIGHT. SO, WHAT'S YOUR DEAL, JOE? OH, I'M AN AUTO MECHANIC. I ACTUALLY JUST GOT A PROMOTION. THAT'S GREAT! YOU HEAR THAT, GAIL? THIS HARD-WORKING BOY JUST GOT A PROMOTION. - THIS IS MOVING FAST, ISN'T IT? - OH, SO WHAT? I MET YOUR FATHER ON A TUESDAY AND A WEEK LATER, WE WERE MARRIED IN VEGAS. WELL, I'M DEFINITELY NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE. HE'S CUTE, FUNNY, SEEMS LIKE HE'S GOT THINGS TOGETHER, AND IT WOULD BE NICE TO HAVE GRANDKIDS AROUND. OK, SLOW DOWN, MOM! I JUST CAN'T GET THIS LIGHTER GOING! HERE, LET ME TRY. HM. HMM. (WHOOSH!) - THAT'S SOME BAD LUCK, SON. - BAD LUCK? OH NO! OK, GIRLS! JOE'S GOT THE HOT STONES GOING. - WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYEBROWS? - UH, PYROTECHNIC MISHAP. HOW IN THE WORLD DID A GREASE MONKEY LIKE YOU BECOME SUCH A CHARMER? JUST LUCKY, I GUESS. HUH. JOE, NOT SURE IF YOU'VE EVER DONE HOT STONES BEFORE, BUT DINNER TAKES A WHILE. WHAT WE DO TO KEEP THINGS MOVING IS PLAY A GAME. - HOW ABOUT BOYS VERSUS GIRLS? - MOM! - YOUR CALL, JOE, OR ARE YOU AFRAID OF GETTING CRUSHED BY THE GIRLS? - UH, SURE, YEAH, I'M IN. FOR WILLIAM! (GROANS) GET OVER... - IS THE GAME CHARADES? - I DON'T THINK SO. THEN WHAT IS HE DOING? - H` HELP. - PURNA SHALABHASANA! - WHAT? - FULL LOCUST. MOM, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? IS HE HAVING A SEIZURE? - NO, I THINK HE'S STRETCHING. LOOKS LIKE ASHTANGA YOGA. - (WHOOSHING, GRUNTING) THERE'S THE SHASHANKASANA POSE. NICE FORM, JOE. GARUDASANA. ARDHA-KURMASANA. ARDHA MATSYENDRASANA. DANDAYAMANA BIEBHAKTA PASCHIMOTTANASANA! (GRUNTS) YEAH, I DON'T KNOW THAT ONE. - JOE. JOE. - OW. - OH NO! MY BODY SHOULDN'T DO THIS. - HE IS A VERY FIT, YOUNG MAN. - (GROANS) - AND SHIVASSANA TO END! WHAT A DISPLAY! IT'S ALSO KNOWN AS THE DEAD BODY POSE. A LITTLE PRE-MEAL STRETCH IS GOOD FOR EVERYONE. COME ON, HENRY. COME ON, MICHELLE. GATHER ROUND. OUR TROOPS ARE EXHAUSTED, SIR. THEY NEED REST AND CANNOT CONTINUE. THEY LIKED WHAT HE DID? THEY THINK HE'S FIT? WE NEED HIM RUINED! DO SOMETHING, SAM. YOU MUST BE THE HAND OF VENGEANCE. FINE. ALL RIGHT, TEAM, LET'S EAT! (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) (BOOM!) (COUGHS) (SIGHS) THIS IS NOT ONE OF MY BETTER DAYS. WELL DONE, MY SON. (SIGHS) - LET'S GO HOME. - WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THIS IS OVER? - IT'S OVER FOR ME. - WHAT I JUST DID... WASN'T RIGHT. I AM SO SORRY, MOM. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. EVERYONE'S OK, AND THAT'S WHAT MATTERS. BESIDES, I HAVEN'T SEEN AN EXPLOSION LIKE THAT SINCE I SMUGGLED ANTIQUITIES OUT OF EGYPT. - YEAH. LOVE YOU, MOM. WELL, SAVES ME SOME MONEY ON A HAIRCUT, AT LEAST. NO HARD FEELINGS, JOE. HOPE YOUR LUCK CHANGES. - LOOK, CAN I APOLOGISE FOR`? - NOT RIGHT NOW. JUST DRIVE. - HEY, HEY, MICHELLE, WAIT UP! - LOOK, I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU JUST LEFT. OH MAN, THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT. - MICHELLE. - JOE, I'M WORKING RIGHT NOW AND DO NOT HAVE THE TEMPERAMENT. - PLEASE, LET ME EXPLAIN. - EXPLAIN WHAT? THAT YOU RUINED MY PARENTS' HOUSE WITH SOME OUTLANDISH YOGA-INFUSED CRAZINESS? - NO, I` - LOOK, I HAVE SEEN KLUTZY BEFORE, AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS ADORABLE, BUT TODAY'S EVENTS ` THAT WAS TOO FAR. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? IF I TELL YOU, YOU PROMISE NOT TO THINK I'M CRAZY? - GO AHEAD. I'M LISTENING. - PIXIES. - PIXIES? - PIXIES. - IT'S THIS WHOLE CURSE THING. IT STARTED A WHILE AGO. - YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY? - WHAT? - HAH! YOU THINK YOU CAN WIN ME OVER BY BLAMING PIXIES FOR YOUR PROBLEMS? NO, IT'S THE TRUTH ` ABSOLUTE TRUTH! JOE, JUST GO HOME BEFORE YOU BREAK SOMETHING I WON'T FORGIVE YOU FOR. (GIGGLES) - THERE! BEHIND YOU! - STOP! I DON'T HAVE THE PATIENCE FOR THIS ANY MORE. - I GOT IT! (GRUNTS) - (ITEMS CLATTER) (SIGHS) PLEASE LEAVE, JOE. I... I'M... I'M SO SORRY. (ENGINE STARTS UP) - WHAT NEXT? - SAM? - WE GO HOME. THIS IS OVER. - HUH? - YOU'RE NOT THINKING BIG ENOUGH, SAMMY BOY. JOE? YOU OK? JOE! ABOUT TIME. GIMME A HAND. PERFECT! - OH NO. - (MECHANICAL WHIRRING, CLANKING) - (SIGHS, GROANS) - (SPLAT!) (CHUCKLES) OH, THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE! - DAD, THIS IS REALLY GOING TOO FAR. - ALL IS FAIR IN WAR AND LOVE. (GRUNTS) - DAD. - SON... WELL-PLACED TREE SAP CAN WORK WONDERS. - DAD, LOOK AT HIM. - ALL I SEE IS A BIG LOAD OF HUMAN SCUM. (SIGHS) HELLO? JOE, ARE YOU OK? HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY THINK THIS IS RIGHT, DAD? RIGHT OR WRONG, WE DID WHAT MUST BE DONE. PIXIES, OUR WAR IS OVER! AND HISTORY SHALL DECLARE US VICTORIOUS. (SIGHS) (WHIMPERS) (GULPS) (CRASH!) (ALL GASP) (GULPS) I NEED A STATUS UPDATE. SIR, IT LOOKS LIKE THIS IS GONNA TAKE A LOT LONGER THAN WE EXPECTED. - HOW LONG ARE WE TALKING? - WELL, IF YOU FACTOR IN... - I SAID HOW LONG! - A FEW DOZEN YEARS. WHAT ARE OUR OPTIONS? WE COULD SEND HALF OF OUR PIXIES TO JOIN ANOTHER COLONY. SEND SCOUTS TO CHECK FOR ROOM IN ALLIED VILLAGES. START DIVIDING US UP INTO REFUGEE CAMPS. YES, SIR, WILL DO. SO MUCH FOR OUR KINGDOM. WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? I HAVE AN IDEA. OH, WOW, YOU'VE REALLY LET THIS PLACE GO. - AND YOURSELF. - (DOG YAPS) - HAVE YOU NOT MOVED AT ALL? - (SNIFFS, GAGS) WE'RE GONNA NEED TO GET YOU IN THE SHOWER. - WHY, SO YOU CAN TRIP ME AGAIN? - SET MY ROOM ON FIRE? CONTINUE TO RUIN MY LIFE? - NO. NO, I NEVER... LOOK, I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT. THIS WAS ALL BECAUSE OF MY BROTHER, AND HE WOULD HAVE HATED THIS. HE ALWAYS USED TO TELL ME TO TREAT PEOPLE HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED. - DO UNTO OTHERS. - HUH? - WE HUMANS HAVE A SAYING, 'DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WANT DONE UNTO YOU.' - THAT SOUNDS LIKE MY BROTHER. - MY MOM USED TO SAY IT. IT'S WHY I GAVE UP. I DESERVED YOUR PUNISHMENT. I THINK WE DESERVED THE SAME, AFTER RUINING YOUR LIFE FOR SO LONG. - SO NOW WHAT? - NOW WE'RE GONNA STOP THIS HORRIBLE CYCLE, AND WE'RE GONNA DO SOMETHING GOOD... TOGETHER. I LIKE THE IDEA, BUT HOW? FIRST, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A SHOWER AND NEXT, I'M GONNA BURN THAT CHAIR. GOOD CALL. - IT DOES FEEL GOOD TO BUILD SOMETHING. - PIXIES ARE NOT GREAT BUILDERS. MAGNIFICENT TRICKSTERS, FANTASTIC RUINERS, GREAT SMASHERS, BUT AFTER WE BREAK SOMETHING, WE NEVER HAVE TO PUT IT BACK TOGETHER. WE REALLY SUCK AT BUILDING THINGS. REALLY? BIRDS BUILD NESTS OUT OF STICKS IN, LIKE, A DAY. - BIRDS EAT US. - TOUCHE. - LET'S KEEP THE CHATTER DOWN. NO ONE ELSE CAN SEE ME, AND PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO STARE. - ARE YOU INVISIBLE? NO, WE'RE WINGS AND BLOOD, JUST LIKE YOU, JOE. DON'T OVER THINK IT, BIG GUY. HEY, BELIEVE ME, MOST THINGS IN LIFE I DON'T OVERTHINK. THIS TIME, THOUGH, I HAVE PUT SOME THOUGHT INTO THIS. YOU'RE SAMUEL'S FRIEND TWITCH, AREN'T YOU? THIS IS WHERE I GET MY MEDAL FOR BRILLIANT COMBAT STRATEGY. HAVE YOU SEEN MY SON, SAMUEL? - WHAT? NO MEDAL? - I, UM... SAW HIM. - WELL, DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS NOW? - I THINK SO. WELL, I'D LIKE TO, UM` (CLEARS THROAT) UM, APOLOGIZE FOR MY BEHAVIOUR. HE MAY HAVE BEEN A LITTLE WISER THAN I GAVE HIM CREDIT FOR. WE'LL FIND HIM, SIR! - COME ON, TWITCH. - SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN THE LEADING TYPE? HURRY UP, CHUNKY. LISTEN, JUST BECAUSE I MIGHT NOT BE WHAT YOU CALL A SMALL PIXIE, DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN PICK ON ME. - I CAN'T LOOK LIKE THE PIXIES IN THOSE MAGAZINES. - I'M SORRY, MAX. - HE'S TORTURING SAMMY. - (LAUGHTER) IT SOUNDS LIKE LAUGHTER TO ME. OF COURSE IT SOUNDS LIKE LAUGHTER! IT'S DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER! LET HIM GO, YOU MAD MAN! LET HIM GO! LET'S GO TELL THE KING. (GASPS, SIGHS) (TENSE MUSIC) OH, GREAT MAJESTY, LORD OF ALL WE SURVEY, - HE WHO IS HIGHER THAN THE HOLIEST OF` - OK, OK, JUST GET TO IT. YOUR SON, OUR FRIEND, THE PRINCE SAMUEL IS BEING TORTURED BY THAT BIG-HEADED HUMAN. WHAT? IS THIS TRUE? IT IS TRUE ` HIS HEAD IS MASSIVE. HE'S PULLING SAM APART, WING BY WING! YOU TWO, ENOUGH ALREADY. ROUND UP THE TROOPS. WE HAVE ONE LAST BATTLE TO FIGHT. UH, WHAT'S WITH ALL THE FUSS? SAMUEL! MY BOY! YOU'RE ALIVE! DID THAT` THAT` THAT HUMAN HURT YOU? I'VE BEEN WORKING WITH JOE. - HE WANTS TO HELP US AND` - HELP US? BUT HE HATES US, - JUST AS WE HATE HIM. JOE DOESN'T HATE US. HE WAS ANGRY, BUT WE RUINED HIS LIFE. YOU WERE ANGRY BECAUSE WILLIAM IS HURT. BOTH OF US ARE ALLOWED TO BE ANGRY, BUT WHAT WE DID WHEN WE WERE ANGRY, IT WAS WRONG, DAD. WE WERE BOTH WRONG. YOU HAVE AN ENTIRE KINGDOM TO LEAD, AND YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE THEM. LET IT GO, DAD. LET'S STOP THE FIGHTING. FORGIVE ME, SIR. YOU'VE BEEN SO WORRIED OVER WILLIAM, YOU FORGOT ABOUT SAM. HE'S A GREAT SON, AND AN AMAZING LEADER. HUH. I CAN HELP LEAD OUR PEOPLE IN A NEW DIRECTION, BUT I NEED YOU TO TRUST ME. LOOK AT YOU. SAMUEL. HO, HO, HO. I AM SORRY, MY SON. I'M SORRY. FOLLOW ME, DAD. I HAVE A SURPRISE TO SHOW YOU. I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR EVERYONE! EVERYONE, THIS IS JOE. ALL: HI, JOE! HI. I... I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT WHAT I DID TO YOUR VILLAGE. I LOST MY TEMPER. WHAT I DID WAS WRONG... AND I'M` I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY SORRY. AND WILLIAM, I WISH I COULD TAKE IT ALL BACK. SAM TOLD ME SOMETHING THAT WILLIAM USED TO TELL HIM; SOMETHING MY OWN FAMILY ONCE SAID. DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU'D HAVE DONE UNTO YOU. I HOPE WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SHOW YOU REPAYS JUST SOME OF THE DAMAGE I'VE CAUSED. WELCOME TO YOUR NEW HOME. EACH HOUSE HAS PLUMBING AND ELECTRICITY. SAMMY MENTIONED THAT SOMETIMES THE ELEMENTS CAN BE HARSH OUT THERE, AND THIS THING IS STORM-PROOF. I CAN ATTACH IT EASILY TO THE REST, ASSUMING YOU WANT IT, AND WE CAN BOTH FORGIVE EACH OTHER. JOE, UM,... WE FORGIVE YOU, AND WE ARE ALSO SORRY. I KNOW THIS IS WHAT WILLIAM WOULD HAVE WANTED. - IT IS, DAD. - WILLIAM! MY SON! - YOU'RE OK! OOH, CAREFUL, GUYS! YEAH, STILL NOT QUITE HEALED YET. WILLIAM, I'M SO SORRY! IT WAS NEVER MY INTENTION... - I'M REALLY GLAD YOU'RE OK. - PIXIES MAY BE SMALL, BUT WE'RE FEISTY. - SO I'VE LEARNED. - WELL, JOE, I'VE BEEN WRONG ALL ALONG. IT SEEMS WE CAN CO-EXIST... AND PEACEFULLY. - WAY TO GO, DAD! - DAD, WILLIAM, WITH EVERYTHING JOE'S DONE FOR US, MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING WE CAN DO FOR HIM. MRS MAYOR, YOU LOOK ABSOLUTELY STUNNING. JUST STUNNING! DEANNA, YOU MUST GIVE ME A CALL SOMETIME NEXT WEEK. WE NEED TO TALK TV INTERVIEWS FOR MICHELLE. YOU HAVE MY CARD? GET IT OFF THE DESK INSIDE! CIAO! (OVERLAPPING CONVERSATIONS) HOW'S MY BRILLIANT ARTIST DOING ON HER BIG NIGHT? TERRIBLE. MICHELLE, HONEY, I KNOW YOU'VE HAD SETBACKS, BUT WE COULDN'T PUSH THIS OPENING OFF ANY LONGER. USE THE ONES YOU'VE REPAIRED AND LET'S HIT IT! BARBARA, THEY LOOK TERRIBLE. - I CAN'T REPRESENT MYSELF LIKE THIS. - MICHELLE, MY DEAR, YOU'RE ESTABLISHED, RESPECTED, PUBLISHED AND NEVER REJECTED. IN THE ART WORLD, THAT MEANS YOUR MISTAKES ARE ART. AND EVERYONE WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT. JUST SAY IT'S PART OF THE EXHIBIT. YOU CAN SAY IT REPRESENTS THE BROKEN WORLD WE LIVE IN. ARE YOU SURE? I` OH, I DON'T KNOW. I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR A LONG TIME, HONEY. NOW, YOU'VE GOT 300 PEOPLE WHO DON'T GIVE A RAT ABOUT THE TRUTH. THEY JUST WANT TO SEE SOME ART. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ATTENTION, PLEASE! - OH. - NOW, WITHOUT ANY FURTHER ADIEU, LET ME INTRODUCE THE LADY OF THE EVENING, MISS MICHELLE MYERS. (APPLAUSE) OH, THANK YOU. OH... OH, MY, THANK YOU. THAT IS JUST SO NICE. THANK YOU SO MUCH. WELL, FIRSTLY, I WANTED TO START BY THANKING ALL OF YOU, AS MY MANAGER BARBARA JUST DID, FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING IN REGARDS TO THIS EVER-CHANGING OPENING DAY. THIS PROJECT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME COMING, AND JUST AS I THOUGHT I'D REACHED THE END OF THIS LONG JOURNEY, FATE OR CIRCUMSTANCE CAUSED SOME HAVOC IN MY PERSONAL LIFE THAT EFFECTED MY WORK HERE. UM, I AM MISSING SOME OF THE LITTLE PEOPLE FOR... - JOE: (CLEARS THROAT) EXCUSE ME. UH, HI, HELLO, SORRY TO INTERRUPT. EXCUSE ME. JOE... SPECIAL DELIVERY FOR A MICHELLE. WHERE SHOULD I PUT IT? - JOE, IF YOU SO MUCH AS... - TRUST ME. UM, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT APPEARS THAT I DO HAVE ANOTHER GUEST FOR MY CARNIVAL. LOOKS LIKE HE ARRIVED ON TIME, AFTER ALL. TRUST ME, PLEASE. (MURMURING) OK. YOU'RE ALL SET. (CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYS) THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE! THIS IS GOING TO GO VIRAL! NO, BETTER, THIS IS GOING TO GO ANTIBIOTIC! - I FEEL HEALTHIER JUST WATCHING IT. - WOW. - AND THE DELIVERY GUY WAS A GREAT TOUCH. SO AVANT GARDE. WHAT SHOWMANSHIP! OH, THANK YOU. THEY LOOK SO REAL! YOU MUST HAVE SPENT A FORTUNE ON THESE LITTLE ROBOTS! (ROMANTIC MUSIC) THIS IS... UH,... I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I'M NOT LOOKING FOR AN APOLOGY. I WOULDN'T HAVE BELIEVED ME, EITHER. I JUST DIDN'T WANT YOU TO THINK I WAS MAKING FUN OF YOU. I'LL NEVER DO THAT. - AND I COULDN'T SHOW YOU THEY'RE REAL, BECAUSE... - BECAUSE WE DON'T EXIST. THIS IS A ONE-TIME FAVOUR WE OWED JOE, OK? WHA`? YEAH, I UNDERSTAND. CHUCKLES: IT'S A REALLY LONG STORY. ARE YOU STILL MAD AT ME? LOOK AT THAT. HE GOT THE GIRL, AFTER ALL. SHE IS PRETTY CUTE... FOR A CREATURE WITHOUT WINGS. - I DON'T SEE YOU WITH A GIRL. - I DON'T SEE YOU WITH ONE, EITHER. - YEAH, WELL, I'VE GOT YOU TO KEEP ME COMPANY, RIGHT? ALWAYS. (ROMANTIC MUSIC) WWW.ABLE.CO.NZ CAPTIONS WERE MADE POSSIBLE WITH FUNDING FROM NZ ON AIR. COPYRIGHT ABLE 2017