www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Able 2017 (PANTING) WHIRRING < DOOR CLOSES Beg your pardon. Forgot to knock. < TALKING (SPEAKS RUSSIAN) I'm alone. Aren't we all. You're late, 007. I had to stop in the bathroom. Ready to save the world again? After you, 006. James,... for England. For England, Alec. GUNSHOT Ooh! RAPID ELECTRONIC BEEPING DOOR BOLT CLACKS, BEEPING CEASES It's too easy. Half of everything is luck, James. And the other half? ALARM BEEPS Fate. Set timers six minutes. Six minutes. Check. Fire! Closing time, James. Last call. Buy me a pint. This is Colonel Ourumov. Come out with your hands above your heads! How original. Shut the door, Alec! There's a draft! Alec? Move out, throw down your weapon, and walk towards me... slowly. Finish the job, James. Blow them all to hell! You have 10 seconds. 10... nine... eight... seven... six... five... four... three... two... For England, James! Hold your fire! You will blow the gas tanks. This is your last chance. Come out with your hands above your-- Wait! You can't win. OURUMOV: Get out there! Move! Move it! OURUMOV: Hold your fire! Aah! Wait! Unh! THEME SONG INTRO PLAYS # See reflections on the water. # More than darkness in the depths. # See him surface in every shadow . # On the wind, I feel his breath. # Goldeneye, I've found his weakness. # Goldeneye, he'll do what I please. # Goldeneye, no time for sweetness. # But a bitter kiss # will bring him to his knees. # See him move through smoke and mirrors. # Feel his presence in the crowd. # Other girls, they gather 'round him. # If I had him, I wouldn't let him out. # Goldeneye, not lace or leather. # Golden chain takes him to the spot. # Goldeneye, I'll show him for ever. # It'll take for ever to see what I've got. # You'll never know # how I watched you from the shadows # as a child. # You'll never know # how it feels to get so close # and be denied. # It's a gold and honey trap # I've got for you tonight. # Revenge, it's a kiss. # This time I won't miss # now I've got you in my sights # with a Goldeneye. # Golden Goldeneye. # With a Goldeneye. # Goldeneye # VEHICLE ENGINE ROARS James, is it really necessary to drive quite so fast? More often than you'd think. I enjoy a spirited ride as much as the next girl, but... Who's that? The next girl. (GASPS) HORN HONKS (CHUCKLES) HORN HONKS (GASPS) Aah! James, stop this! Stop it! I know what you're doing. Really? What's that, dear? You're trying to show off the size of your-- your-- Engine? Ego. We're having a pleasant drive in the country, and you bring psychology into it. I was just sent here to evaluate you. Let's try and put that behind us, shall we? Ladies first. (WHIMPERS) CYCLISTS SHOUT James, I want you to stop this car. Really? Stop this car at once! TYRES SCREECH As you can see, I have no problem with female authority. James, you're incorrigible. What am I going to do with you? Well, let's toast to your evaluation, shall we? A very... thorough... evaluation. Mmm. Ha ha ha. Bonsoir, Monsieur Bond. Tres heureux de vous revoir. Bonsoir, Pierre. Ca va bien? Bien. Tres bien. Et vous? Sept a la banque. Madame wins. Bet, mademoiselle? No. CROUPIER: Monsieur. Bets, ladies and gentlemen? No players? BOND: Banco. It appears we share the same passions. Three, anyway. I count two-- motoring and, uh... baccarat. Huit a la banque. Seven. Madame wins. I hope the third is where your real talent lies. One rises to meet a challenge. Double. (SPEAKS FRENCH) Carte. Madame stands with five. Six. Madame loses. Buliatch. Enjoy it... while it lasts. The very words I live by. And what words do you live by? The trick is to quit while you're still ahead. That's one trick I've never learned. Perhaps you'll show me how it's done. Vodka Martini. Shaken, not stirred. And for you? The same. How do you take it? Straight up... with a twist. Thank you, Mr... Name's Bond. James Bond. Xenia Zaragevna Onatopp. Onatopp? Onatopp. Your accent--Georgian? Very good, Mr Bond. You've been to Russia. Not recently. I used to drop in occasionally. Shoot in and out. It's very different now. A land of opportunity. With a new Ferrari in every garage? No, not quite. That belongs to a friend. A tip for your friend. The French registration plates for this year's model start with the letter L. Even the counterfeit ones. Oh, and what rank do you hold with the motor vehicles department... Mr Bond? Commander. Shall we go? This one is an admiral. I like a woman who enjoys pulling rank. Nice to meet you, Mr Bond. The pleasure, I'm sure, was all mine. APPLAUSE LAUGHING CAMERA CLICKS CLICK RECORDED MESSAGE: Transmission begins from Moneypenny. Identification confirmed. Onatopp, Xenia. Ex-Soviet fighter pilot. Current suspected links to the Janus crime syndicate, St Petersburg. Yacht Manticore is leased to a Janus corporate front. M authorises you to observe Miss Onatopp, but stipulates no... contact without prior approval. End of transmission. Moneypenny. Goodnight, James. I trust you'll stay... 'on-a-topp' of things. (SHRIEKS) Arg! Arg! CRACK Aah! Xenia, I...can't...breathe. (GASPS FOR AIR) (SHRIEKS) Aah! Yes! Yes! MILITARY BAND PLAYS Merci. My respects, Admiral. Delighted to have you aboard, ma'amselle. FRENCH ACCENT: Ladies and gentlemen... please take your seats on the upper deck for the aircraft demonstration. STARTS ENGINE What you are about to see in operation is Europe's answer to the electronic battlefield. The first working prototype of the Tiger helicopter. Uniquely manoeuverable, the Tiger not only uses stealth technology, it is the only helicopter hardened against all forms of electronic interference-- radio jamming and electromagnetic radiation. (WHISTLES) Shh. I have a small surprise from your friends at the barracks. I think I've gone to heaven. Not yet. Now please welcome the pilots. APPLAUSE Lieutenant Commander Bernard Jaubert and Lieutenant Francois Brouse. SHOUTING (GRUNTS) APPLAUSE MEN SPEAK RUSSIAN NATALYA: Select Meer. Autographic projection. Compute possible intercept with second stage geo-sat two. Anna. He wouldn't know a woman if one sat on his head. Ha ha ha. Boris. Boris! What? I thought I'd post it on the Internet, no? What's the password? I made it easy this time. Even you should be able to break it, borscht for brains. All right. All right. I'll give you a hint. They're right in front of you and can open very large doors. You're such a geek. Ha ha ha. ELECTRONIC BEEPING Yes. I'm in. You've hacked into the US Department of Justice. You know what will happen if they trace it here? The chief of computers will call me a genius, move me to Moscow, and give me a million bucks hard currency. I think not. Besides, the Americans are slugheads. They'll never detect me. You were saying,... slughead? Nobody screws with Boris Grishenko. Spike them! Come on, Boris, just hang up. No way! I spiked them. All right, what's the password? I'm not going to tell you. OK, let me guess. It's not in front of me? You sit on it, but you can't take it with you. My program seizes the phone line of whoever's tracing me and jams their modem so they can't hang up. Now the hunted becomes the hunter. Ooh! Better luck next time,... slugheads. Bang! Gone! I am invincible! Was it good for you, too? I'm getting some coffee. I'm going for a cigarette. HELICOPTER WHIRRS OVERHEAD ELECTRONIC BEEPING General Arkady Grigorovich Ourumov, Head of Space Division. General, if I'd known-- You'd have been ready. This is an unscheduled test of the Severnaya facility, Major. War simulation. We will test-fire Goldeneye. Report your status. Two operational satellites, sir. Petya and Mischa, both in 90-minute Earth orbit at 100 kilometres. Good. Here is the authorisation code. Now, the Goldeneye and today's access numbers for satellite Petya, please. I am timing you. ELECTRONIC BEEPING ELECTRONIC BEEPING ELECTRONIC BEEPING Good. Thank you, Major. GUN ENGAGES Aah! (PANTS) Oh... Mmm... Mmm. BEEP! On my count. Three.. two... one. Set target. Severnaya. ELECTRONIC BEEPING BEEPING BECOMES FASTER Arm the weapon. BEEPS RAPIDLY BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEPS RAPIDLY BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! ELECTRONIC BEEPING GLASS SMASHES Check it. (ENGAGES GUN) (GROANS) Ughh! ALARM BEEPS (BREATHES HEAVILY) Their best response time is 19 minutes. They'll be late. ALARM BLARES (ENGAGES GUN) GUNFIRE Oh! It's clean. I had to ventilate someone. Meet the all-new King Meaty at BK. With Ploughman's Chutney, a third-pound Angus beef patty, Tendercrisp chicken, bacon and a hint of vegetable. It's all part of the irresistible new Meatatarian Range. ENGINES WHIRR Good evening, Moneypenny. Good evening, James. M will meet you in the situation room. I'm to take you straight in. I've never seen you after hours. Lovely. Thank you, James. Out on some kind of professional assignment? Dressing to kill? You'll find this crushing, 007, but I don't sit home every night praying for some international incident so I can impress James Bond. I was on a date, if you must know, with a gentleman. We went to the theatre together. Moneypenny, I'm devastated. HIGH-PITCHED BUZZING What would I ever do without you? As far as I can remember, James, you've never had me. Hope... springs eternal. You know, this sort of behaviour could qualify as sexual harassment. Really? What's the penalty for that? Someday you have to make good on your innuendos. After you, Moneypenny. No, I insist... you first. ELECTRONIC BEEPING Good evening, 007. Tanner. What's up? 16 minutes ago, we intercepted a distress call from a supposedly abandoned radar station at Severnaya. Look what the satellite picked up. We found a match-- your missing Tiger. In the middle of northern Russia. Your hunch was right. Too bad the evil queen of numbers wouldn't let you play it. Ahem. You were saying? No, no. I was just uh, just-- Good. Because if I want sarcasm, I'll talk to my children, thank you very much. Good evening, 007. Good evening, M. The Prime Minister is waiting for an update. Proceed with your briefing, Mr Tanner. Thank you. After the distress signal, your helicopter took off, and the Russians scrambled these three MIGs to intercept it. What do you think the Russians are using the base for? We once suspected Severnaya might be the ground station for a secret space-based weapons program called Goldeneye. Our statistical analysis saw they had neither the finance nor technology to implement it. Numbers were never my strong suit. Are these pictures live? Unlike the American government, we prefer not to get our bad news from CNN. JET ENGINES ROAR Negative so far. Everything seems normal. ELECTRONIC BEEPING HIGH-PITCHED ALARM SOUNDS Aaah! Uhhh! What the bloody hell was that? Aaah! Aah-aaah! Aaah! Aaah! Natalya Fyodorovna Simonova. Natalya Fyodorovna Simonova! LOUD CLANG (PANTS) THUD Aaah! No! Uhh! Uhh! Uh! Boris! Boris! Thanks. Our satellite is knocked out. So are two of the Americans'. We have another coming into range... now. Good God. Two of the MIGs are down. It looks like the third went into the dish. What do you think? No lights. Not one single electric light on in a 30-mile radius. EMP? That would account for the MIGs and the satellites. And the blackout. Electromagnetic pulse, a first-strike satellite weapon developed by the-- The Americans and Soviets during the Cold War. I've read the brief. Discovered after Hiroshima. Set off a nuclear device in the upper atmosphere. Creates a pulse, a radiation surge that destroys everything with an electronic circuit. The idea being to knock out the enemy's communications before he, she, or they, could retaliate. So, Goldeneye exists. Yes. Could this be an accident? No. The helicopter. If you wanted to steal the Goldeneye, it was perfect. Setting off the blast wipes out any trace of the crime. The Janus group? They may have been involved with the helicopter. I know the Russian fail-safe systems. You just don't walk in and ask for the keys to the bomb. You need the access codes. ELECTRONIC BEEPING It had to be an insider. ELECTRONIC BEEPING At least one person probably knows who it is. WHIMPERING BARKING Very well, sir. Thank you. Goodnight. The Prime Minister's talked to Moscow. They're saying it was an accident during a training exercise. Governments change. The lies stay the same. What else do we know about the Janus syndicate? Top-flight arms dealers, headquartered in St Petersburg. First outfit to restock the Iraqis during the Gulf War. The head man's unreliably described. No photographs. The woman, Onatopp, is our only confirmed contact. Would you care for a drink? Thank you. Your predecessor kept some cognac in the top-- I prefer bourbon. Ice? Yes. We've pulled the files on anyone who might have had access or authority at Severnaya. Top name on the list is an old friend of yours, I understand. Ourumov. They made him a general. He sees himself as Russia's next iron man. Our political analysts rule him out. He doesn't fit the profile of a traitor. The same analysts who said the Goldeneye couldn't exist, who said the helicopter posed no immediate threat and wasn't worth following? You don't like me, Bond. You think I'm an accountant, a bean counter, more interested in my numbers than your instincts. It occurred to me. Good. Because I think you're a sexist, misogynist dinosaur-- a relic of the Cold War, whose boyish charms, though wasted on me, obviously appeal to that young woman I sent to evaluate you. Point taken. Not quite, 007. If you think I don't have the balls to send a man to die, your instincts are dead wrong. I've no compunction about sending you to your death. But I won't do it on a whim, even with your cavalier attitude towards life. I want you to find Goldeneye. Find out who took it, what they plan to do with it, and stop it. If you come across Ourumov, guilty or not, don't run off on a vendetta. Avenging Alec Trevelyan will not bring him back. You didn't get him killed. Neither did you. Don't make it personal. Never. Bond,... come back alive. MILITARY BAND PLAYS KNOCK AT DOOR Good morning, General Ourumov. Defence Minister Mishkin. Gentlemen. Please. Deliver your report. As this council is aware, 72 hours ago, a secret weapons system, code-named Goldeneye, was detonated over Severnaya. As head of Space Division, I personally undertook the investigation. I have concluded this crime was committed by Siberian separatists seeking to create political unrest. Regrettably, the peaceful work and much needed hard currency earnings of Severnaya have been set back by several years. Therefore, I tender my resignation. GROUP PROTESTS IN RUSSIAN It seems the council does not want your head, Arkady Grigorovich, merely your loyal assurance that there are no other Goldeneye satellites. I can give you that assurance. And what of the two missing Severnaya technicians? I was aware only of the one-- Boris Grishenko. There was a girl whose body was not found. Natalya Fyodorovna Simonova, a level two programmer. I will investigate immediately, Defence Minister. It would seem presumptuous, General, to blame these incidents on Siberian separatists before the whereabouts of your own people are determined. Do you agree? Yes, Defence Minister. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. That will be all. Morning, Q. Sorry about the leg. Huh. Skiing? Hunting. Right. Now pay attention, 007. First your new car. BMW. Agile, five forward gears, all-points radar. Self-destruct system and naturally, all the usual refinements. Now, this I'm particularly proud of. Behind the headlights Stinger missiles. Just the thing for unwinding after a rough day at the office. Need I remind you, 007, that you have a license to kill, not to break the traffic laws. I wouldn't think of it. Good. Let's get on to more practical matters. A typical leather belt. Male, size 34, buckle, notch. ELECTRONIC BEEPING Have you finished? Yes. Good. A typical leather belt. Q, I'm familiar with that device. Not one with a 75ft rappelling cord built in. Fire, and out shoots a piton, followed by a high-tensile wire designed to support your weight. I see. And what if I need additional support? It's tested for one, 007. SQUEALING Flight 878 to St Petersburg. X-ray document scanner. A pen. This is a class-four grenade. Three clicks... arms the four-second fuse. Another three disarms it. How long did you say the fuse was? Oh, grow up, 007. They said the pen was mightier than the sword. And thanks to me, they were right! Look, let's ask Freddie here to demonstrate for us. Here we are. Sorry about this, Fred. One... two... three! Don't say it. The writing's on the wall? Along with the rest of him. Now, 007, do please try and return-- BOOM! CRASH Do please try and return some of this equipment in pristine order. Don't touch that! It's my lunch. In London, April's a spring month. Oh, yeah? What are you, the weatherman? For crying out loud, another stiff-assed Brit, with your secret codes and your passwords. One of these days, you guys will learn just to drop it. Come on. My car's over there. After you. Thank you. Uhh! Like you said, drop it. All right, in London April's a spring month. Whereas in St Petersburg, we're freezing our butts off. Is that close enough for government work? No. Show me the rose. Please, no. All right, all right, all right. Huh? Muffy? Third wife. Jack Wade, CIA. James Bond, stiff-assed Brit. Nice move. Nice car. This baby hasn't let me down yet. She's an ugly little bitch, but she gets there. Hey, Bond. Do you do any gardening? RUSSIAN SPEAKS OVER PA SYSTEM Will you hand me that wrench, Jimmy? So what do you know about Janus? Zilch. Zipsky. No one's ever seen him. But he's connected up the kazoo. KGB, military. Screwdriver. Rumour has it he lives on an old Soviet missile train, that armoured stuff they used to run around so we couldn't target 'em. Want to hand me that hammer, Jimbo? No, the bigger one, the sledge. Anyways, to tell the truth, you don't find this guy. He finds you. Hell, it's all Russian mafia. The best I can do is point you in the direction of his competition. ENGINE STARTS Who is the competition? An ex-KGB guy. Tough mother. Got a limp in his right leg. Name's Zukovsky. Valentin Dimitreveych Zukovsky? Yeah. You know him? I gave him the limp. (SIGHS) Yes? Are these all you have? How many do you want? 24 for the American school, 11 for the Swedish, IBM compatible with 500 meg hard drives, CD ROM, and, uh, 14/4 modems. You pay dollars? Of course. If madam would require a demonstration, I-- Madam requires one demonstration and a quiet place to test it. KEYBOARD CLICKS ELECTRONIC BEEPING Natalya. Is everything satisfactory? Everything except the interruption. WADE: OK, Jimmy. You shot him in the leg, you stole his car, and took his girl. Now you want Zukovsy to set you up with Janus? Yes. Well, what are you going to do, appeal to his heart? No. His wallet. Now, that might work. OK, show time. TYRES SQUEAL Valentin operates out of building number 23. Are you sure you want to do this? Last guy who dropped in uninvited went home air freight... in very small boxes. Make sure they send me home first-class. CREAKING Aah! Natalya! Shh! It's me. It's Boris. It's Boris. It's Boris. Hello. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. Another morning shot to hell. Free-market economy, I swear it will be the end of me. Walther PPK... 7.65mm. Only three men I know use such a gun. I believe I've killed two of them. Lucky me. I think not. # Ooh-ahh. # And if you love him, # oh, be so proud of him. # 'Cause, after all # he's just a man. # Stand by your man... James Bond,... charming, sophisticated secret agent. Ha. 'Shaken, but not stirred.' Ha ha ha ha! I see you haven't lost your delicate sense of humour, Valentin, or your need for an audience. Who's strangling the cat? Strangling a cat? # Stand by your man # and tell the world... That is Irina,... my mistress. Very talented girl. Irina! Take a hike! # ...man. # Stand by... # So, Mr Bond, what is it that brings you to my neighbourhood? Still working for MI6, or have you decided to join the 21st century? I hear the new M is a lady. I want you to do me a favour. He wants me to do him a favour. Ha ha ha! My knee aches every single day. Twice as badly if it's cold. Have you any idea how long the winter lasts in this country? Hmm? Tell him, Dimitri. It depends-- Silence! For an ex-KGB agent, you surprise me. Surely someone of your stature must have realised the skill wasn't to hit your knee, but to... miss the rest of you. So why did you not kill me? Call it professional courtesy. Then I should extend you the same courtesy. Kirov's funeral parlour, 4 o'clock this afternoon. 200lb of C-4 explosives hidden in a casket. Your man drives the hearse in, the money's exchanged, their man drives the hearse out. Their man will be arrested with the explosives. Your man will make a miraculous escape with the money. Your money. And what do I owe for this accommodation? I want you to set me up... with Janus. And what has he done to deserve you? Stole a helicopter. I have six. Three. None that fly. Who's counting? These aren't just criminals, they're traitors. They used the chopper to steal a nuclear weapon, killed a lot of innocent Russians doing it. What do you expect from a Cossack? Who? This Janus, I never met, but I know he's a Lienz Cossack. The group that worked for the Nazis against the Russians, Second World War. You know your history. At the end of the war, the Lienz Cossacks surrendered to the British in Austria, believing they would join your government and wage war against the communists, but the British betrayed them, sent them back to Stalin, who promptly had them all shot-- women, children, families. Not exactly our finest hour. Still, ruthless people. They got what they deserved. I want you to set me up with Janus, tell him I'm asking about the chopper. You're meeting me tonight at the Grand Hotel Europe. And then you and I are even, and he owes me one. Precisely. You don't need the gun,... Commander. That depends on your definition of safe sex. That's close enough. Not for what I have in mind. (GASPS) Aah! Uhh! Oh, you think you can hurt me? Ha ha ha ha! BACK CRACKS (GASPS) Aah! (MOANS AND GRUNTS) Aah! You think you can break me? Uhh! Yes! Yes! Yes! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! No, no, no. No more foreplay. Take me to Janus. Buliatch! This is it? Yes. Well, I must say, I've had a lovely evening. You? Once again, the pleasure was all yours. You'll understand if I don't call. I won't lose sleep over it. Sweet dreams. CLINK Hello, James. Alec? Back from the dead. No longer just an anonymous star on the memorial wall at MI6. What's the matter, James? No glib remark? No pithy comeback? Why? Ha ha! Hilarious question... particularly from you. Did you ever ask why... why we toppled all those dictators, undermined all those regimes, only to come home-- 'Well done, good job, but sorry, old boy. 'Everything you risked your life and limb for has changed.' It was the job we were chosen for. Of course you'd say that. James Bond... Her Majesty's loyal terrier, defender of the so-called faith. Oh, please, James, put it away. It's insulting to think I haven't anticipated your every move. Yes. I trusted you, Alec. Trust. What a quaint idea. How did the MI6 screening miss that your parents were Lienz Cossacks? Once again, your faith is misplaced. They knew. We're both orphans, James, but where your parents had the luxury of dying in a climbing accident, mine survived the British betrayal and Stalin's execution squads. My father couldn't let himself or my mother live with the shame of it. MI6 figured I was too young to remember, and in one of life's little ironies, the son went to work for the government whose betrayal caused the father to kill himself and his wife. Hence, Janus... the two-faced Roman god come to life. It wasn't God who gave me this face. It was you, setting the timers for three minutes instead of six. Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? No. You're supposed to die for me. Oh, by the way,... I did think of asking you to join my little scheme, but somehow I knew 007's loyalty was always to the mission, never to his friend. Closing time, James. Last call. For England, James. Wake up! Mister! Aah! Wake up, please! Wake up! I'm here. I'm here! Hurry! Hurry up! Come on! ELECTRONIC BEEPING Pull yourself together! We're going to die! You've got to get us out of here! I'm a little tied up. Never mind. Oh, the things we do for frequent-flier mileage. Here. Let me help you. That's it. Mind your head. Ooh! Let me go! Who are you? I'm on your side. I'm here to help you. I don't know anything. I don't believe you. I don't care what you believe. They might be back for us any minute. You either take your chances with me or your fellow countrymen who killed everyone at Severnaya. I've never been to Severnaya. Your watch has. Frozen by the Goldeneye blast. And I'm willing to bet you're the one who climbed up the dish to get out. Who are you? I work for the British government. The more you tell me, the more I can help you. I don't know anything! Then let's start with what you do know. My name is Natalya Simonova. I was a systems programmer at Severnaya facility until... Go on. Until they killed everyone. Who? Alec Trevelyan? No. I don't know who that is. Who's the insider? Who's the traitor? Boris. Boris Grishenko. KGB or military? Computer programmer. There was no one else? No. They're going to kill me, aren't they? Trust me. Trust you? I don't even know your name. Good morning, Mr Bond. Sit. I'm Defence Minister Dimitri Mishkin. So...by what means shall we execute you, Commander Bond? What, no small talk? No chit-chat? That's the trouble with the world today. No one takes the time to do a really sinister interrogation any more. It's a lost art. Your sense of humour doesn't slay me. Where is the Goldeneye? I assumed you had it. I have an English spy, a Severnaya programmer, and a helicopter they stole-- That's what some traitor wanted it to look like. Who's behind your attack on Severnaya? Who had the authorisation codes? The penalty for terrorism is death. What's the penalty for treason? Oh, stop it, both of you! You're like... boys with toys. It was Ourumov. General Ourumov set off the weapon. I saw him do it. Are you certain it was Ourumov? Yes. He killed everyone and stole the Goldeneye. And why would he do that? There is another satellite. Another Goldeneye. Thank you, Miss Simonova. You were saying something about the lost art of interrogation, Mr Bond. Defence Minister, I must protest. This is my investigation. You are out of order. From what I'm hearing, it is you who's out of order. I've seen this gun before, in the hand of our enemy. Put it down, General! Do you even know who the enemy is, Dimitri? Guard! Defence Minister... Dimitri Mishkin... murdered by British agent... James Bond... himself shot while trying to escape. Guards! Come on! Aah! They're in the archive! Down! OURUMOV: Spread out! Cover the other side! Trust me. Aah! Go now! SOLDIERS SPEAK RUSSIAN HORN HONKS Faster! Damn it. Down the alley! Aah! Aah! Aah! Use the bumper. That's what it's for. (SPEAKS RUSSIAN) SIREN BLARES HORN HONKS SOLDIERS YELL IN RUSSIAN Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! What was that? Aah! Go left! CLUNKING Ah! 'Back in a tick.' So, who wants Nova's great-value energy? Heaps of people. I knocked at Dr Knox and Jock the Lock's. Doc ` check. Jock ` check. Checked the Chuck's Charcoal Chicken? Uh, checked Chuck's Charcoal Chicken Tuesday. Chook ` check. BOTH: Choice. Hey, did you ring at Kings'? Uh, yep. Kings; Keatings; Kipling's Couplings; Werring's Herrings. Rang at Huang's? I rang Huang and the gang. Met Fang. (GROWLS, YAPS) Dang. Let's nip to Nick's Taranaki Knick-Knacks next. (KNOCKS) Knock-knock, Nick. No Nick? Ah! 'Back in a tick.' It's Greg Grover from Nova. CHUCKLES: Oh, don't start that all over. Meet the all-new King Meaty at BK. With Ploughman's Chutney, a third-pound Angus beef patty, Tendercrisp chicken, bacon and a hint of vegetable. It's all part of the irresistible new Meatatarian Range. Get out! (SIGHS) Either you've brought me the perfect gift, General Ourumov, or you've made me a very unhappy man. Mishkin got to them before I could. Bond is alive? He escaped. Good for Bond. bad for you. Take a seat, my dear. WHISTLE BLOWS James and I shared everything. Absolutely everything. To the victor go the spoils. You'll like it where we're going. You may even learn to like me. (YELLS IN RUSSIAN) BEEPING Stay with her. Bond. Only Bond. He's going to derail us. Full speed! (SPEAKS RUSSIAN) Full speed! Ram him! (SPEAKS RUSSIAN) WHISTLE BLOWS SCREAMING Uhh! Why can't you just be a good boy and die? You first. You... second. Up! Situation analysis... hopeless. You have no backup, no escape route, and I have the only bargaining chip. Where is she? Heh. Ah, yes,... your fatal weakness. Ourumov, bring her in. Lovely girl. Tastes like... like strawberries. I wouldn't know. I would. Mm... So, back where we started, James. Your friend... or the mission? Drop the gun. I'll let her live. Ourumov,... what has this Cossack promised you? You knew, didn't you? He's a Lienz Cossack. It's in the past. He'll betray you. Just like everyone else. Is this true? What's true is that in 48 hours, you and I will have more money than God, and Mr Bond will have a small memorial service with only Moneypenny and a few tearful restaurateurs in attendance. So,... what's the choice, James? Two targets... time enough for one shot. The girl... or the mission. Kill her. She means nothing to me. See you in hell, James. 1-inch armour plating. I'm fine, thank you very much. Boris. Yes! What are you doing? Boris is on-line backing up his files. If I can spike him, I might be able to find out where they're going. But don't stand there. Get us out of here. Yes, sir. Good luck with the floor, James. I set the timers for six minutes-- the same you gave me. It was the least I could do for a friend. Ha ha ha ha! What does that mean? We've got three minutes. What else do you call your bottom? What? It's Boris' password. 'What I sit on but don't take with me.' Chair. Like I said... 30 seconds... He's not in Russia, Germany, Paris, London, Madrid... 25 seconds. New York, Toronto, Chicago, San Francisco... 20 seconds... Mexico City, Rio, Miami... Come on! Wait! He's in Cuba. Havana. No... Now! Do you destroy every vehicle you get into? Standard operating procedure. Boys with toys. Hmm. Maybe I should take care of the transportation for our trip to Cuba. Our trip? Do you know how to disarm the weapon? I suppose that depends on what kind of weapon you're talking about disarming. So,... tell me... are there any other standard operating procedures I should be aware of, Commander? Thousands. But I only pay them... lip service. My whole life I dreamed about coming to the Caribbean. It's so beautiful. Not another human being in sight. ELECTRONIC BEEPING What is it with you and moving vehicles? Yo, Jimbo. Brought a little gift from old what's-his-name... T...Z... Q. Yeah. What are you doing here, Wade? Banyan trees. Uh, I'm not here. The CIA has no knowledge, no involvement, absolutely nothing to do with your insertion into Cuba, if you catch my drift. Yes, I do. Perfectly. Borrowed the plane from a friend at DEA. The Coast Guard and FAA are in the loop. You're cleared on our radar for 0600 hours. Here's the latest SAT-INT from Langley. Stay below 600 feet. 500 feet. Who's that? Natalya Siminova. Natalya Simonova. Russian Minister of Transportation. Ahem-hem. Did you check her out? Head to toe. Right. You're looking for a dish the size of a football field, huh? Doesn't exist. We see every cigar lit in Cuba. I know it's there. It's a duplicate of Severnaya, like your secret transmitters in New Zealand. I've never been to New Zealand. How does she know? What if I need backup? Get on the radio. I'll send in the marines. Turn left at the end of the runway. Cuba's 80 miles on your right. Yo, Wade. One thing-- don't push any buttons on that car. I'm just going to go bombing around in it. Exactly. Yo, James, I got faith, but be careful. He knows you're coming. ENGINE REVS He was your friend,... Trevelyan. And now he's your enemy and you will kill him. It is that simple. In a word,... yes. Unless he kills you first. Natalya-- Unless he kills you first. Natalya-- You think I'm impressed? All of you with your guns, your death--for what? So you can be a hero? All the heroes I know are dead. Natalya, listen-- How can you act like this? How can you be so cold? It's what keeps me alive. No. It's what keeps you alone. James... Yes? On the train... when you told him to kill me and that I meant nothing to you-- did you mean it? Yes. Basic rule-- always call their bluff. Turn 10 degrees south, bearing 1-8-4. Yes, sir. Nothing. There is nothing here. Let's make another pass. Maybe Wade was right. There is no dish. Aah! Natalya. This time, Mr Bond, the pleasure will be all mine. Uhnn... Wait for your turn. Aah! She always did enjoy a good squeeze. Is the satellite in range? Six minutes. Prepare the dish. No. It's too early. I am not ready. Do it. No wonder we couldn't see it. Come on. The world's greatest cash card. It had better not be rejected. Mischa is on-line. Sir. Kill him. The man just won't take a hint. Ahem. Target coordinates? Target is London. He's getting ready to signal the satellite. How do you stop it? The transmitter above the antenna-- Antenna in position. On my count. Three... two... one. God save the Queen. The mainframe computer. Don't move. SOLDIER SHOUTS IN RUSSIAN ELECTRONIC BEEPING James, what an unpleasant surprise. We aim to please. Where's the girl? Find her. So how is old Q? Up to his usual tricks? The watch. Ahh... a new model. Still press here, do I? ELECTRONIC BEEPING SOLDIERS SHOUT IN RUSSIAN Interesting setup, Alec. You break into the bank of England via computer, then transfer the money electronically, just seconds before you set off the Goldeneye, which erases any record of the transactions. Ingenious. Thank you, James. But it still boils down to petty theft. In the end, you're just a bank robber, nothing more than a common thief. You always did have a small mind, James. It's not just erasing bank records. It's everything on every computer in greater London-- tax records, the stock market, credit ratings, land registries, criminal records. In 16 minutes and 43 s-- and 42 seconds-- the United Kingdom will re-enter the Stone Age. A worldwide financial meltdown, all so mad little Alec can settle a score with the world 50 years on. Oh, please, James, spare me the Freud. I might as well ask if all the vodka Martinis ever silence the screams of all the men you've killed. Or if you find forgiveness in the arms of all those willing women for all the dead ones you failed to protect. England is about to learn the cost of betrayal,... inflation-adjusted for 1945. Welcome to the party, my dear. Natalya! GUN COCKS Don't ever... do that again. This is not one of your games, Boris. Real people will die! You pathetic little worm. She was in the mainframe. Check the computer. She's a moron. A second-level programmer. She works on the guidance system. She doesn't even have access to the firing codes. the guidance system. She doesn't even have access to the firing codes. ELECTRONIC BEEPING Retro-rockets firing. What the hell's happening? We'll have re-entry in... 12 minutes. It will burn up somewhere over the Atlantic. Deal with it. She changed the access codes! Then she can fix it. Go ahead. Shoot him. He means nothing to me. I can do it! I can break her codes. Then get on with it! Tell him! Now! Give me the codes, Natalya! Give them to me! Can Boris break your codes? Possibly. Possibly? We have to destroy the transmitter. By the way, I'm fine, thank you very much. Do you know how to use one of these? Yes. Good. Stay out of sight. How long? Two minutes. One minute. Guard! I'm fixing it. If he moves, kill him. GUNFIRE Yes! I am invincible. Yaah! Huh! METALLIC SCREECHING THUD You know, James,... I was always better. Ohh! Alpha one to gunship. Alpha one to gunship. Uhh. Speak to me! Aah. Unh. For England, James? No. For me. Aah! Aah! (COUGHS) Aah! Ah! Yes! I am invincible! (GROANS) James. James. Are you all right? Yes, I'm fine. Thank you. Suppose someone is watching? Mmm. There's no one within 25 miles, believe me. Yo, Jimbo! Huh! Huh! Is this supposed to be your idea of, um, coming through in a clinch? Tobacco plants. I said I'd be here, huh? Yo! Marines! Maybe you'd like to finish debriefing each other at Guantanamo, hmm? You ready? I'm not going on a helicopter with you. No plane. No train. Nothing that moves. Darling, what could possibly go wrong? Captioning performed by The National Captioning Institute, Inc. www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Able 2017