'JAMES BOND' THEME TENSE MUSIC MAN: Our man's in position on the centre camera. It's like a terrorist supermarket. Chinese Long March Scud, Panther AS 565 attack helicopter, a pair of Russian mortars and the crates look like American rifles. Chilean mines, German explosives. Fun for the whole family. MAN: Let's download the data. IDs? White rook to white knight, show us the pawns. You see, he did get through, Admiral. Start with that chap in the middle. Load the ID program. WOMAN: Database ID search. Checking the databases. We've got our first match. Satoshi Isogura. Chemical expert, wanted for the Tokyo subway attack. Currently working for the insurgent force in Zaire. Henry Gupta. American. Practically invented techno-terrorism. Started out as a student radical at Berkeley in the '60s. Now he sells his politics for cash. Zoom in on that. That looks like an American encoder. They use it to control navigation satellites, the GPS system. Will the CIA be more upset that they lost it or we found it? Excuse me. Admiral? Thank you, 'M'. We've seen enough. This is now a military operation. You saw the Gatling gun? Are your troops prepared for that kind of firepower? (Russian accent) We have election in Moscow next week. The President said any loss of life is unacceptable. We'll take the naval option. Yes. One strike, we take out half the world's terrorists. Admiral Roebuck, I must protest! Get me the 'Chester'. Let's not waste time. My man isn't finished. Black king to white bishop, authorisation to fire. Get your man out of there. His job is over. DRAMATIC MUSIC Weapons authorised. Prepare to fire. On my count - five, four, three, two, one. Missile away. Time to target, four minutes, eight seconds. White knight, four minutes to impact. Get out! Dammit, I know what it is. It's in front of me - a jeep in front of a plane. Now, get the hell out of there! What the hell's going on? You will not wait. That's an order. What's your man waiting for? White knight! Oh, my God! Those are Soviet SP5 nuclear torpedoes. If the cruise hits them... Order them to abort the missile. HMS 'Chester'. Urgent. White knight, come in! Abort missile. Abort missile. Abort missile. Abort missile. Captain, sir, missile out of range. Unable to destroy. DRAMATIC MUSIC White knight... Alert NATO, the Pentagon. Will it trigger the torpedoes? It might. But even if it does not, there's enough plutonium to make Chernobyl look like picnic. Bloody hell. Can't you people keep anything locked up? Evacuate your troops. Get him out of there now. White knight, come in. White knight, come in! Keep trying, dammit! White knight, come in. White knight! Come in, white knight. WIND HOWLS 'JAMES BOND' THEME Filthy habit. I got the encoder! BOMB BEEPS GUNFIRE What the hell is he doing? His job. He's going for the bombs. Get out of it, James. MAN: One minute to impact. 30 seconds to impact. 'JAMES BOND' THEME ASTONISHED MUTTERING 'JAMES BOND' THEME Back-seat driver. White knight to white rook, I've evacuated the area. Ask the Admiral where he'd like his bombs delivered. TRIUMPHANT LAUGHTER APPLAUSE SONG: # Darling, I'm killed # I'm in a puddle on the floor # Waiting for you to return # Oh, what a thrill # Fascinations galore # How you tease, how you leave me to burn # It's so deadly, my dear # The power of having you near # Until that day # Until the world falls away # Until you say there'll be no more goodbyes # I see it in your eyes # Tomorrow never dies # Darling, you've won # It's no fun # Martinis, girls and guns # It's murder on our love affair # But you bet your life # Every night # While you're chasing the morning light # You're not the only spy out there # It's so deadly, my dear # The power of wanting you near # Until that day # Until the world falls away # Until you say there'll be no more goodbyes # I see it in your eyes # Tomorrow never dies... # SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC Sound the general alarm! ALARM BEEPS The ship has been overflown by two Chinese MiGs. We believe they have hostile intent. Hands to action stations. Officer of the watch, maximum speed. Come left 40 degrees. Aye aye, sir. Revolutions 160, port 20. Are they insane? Sir, the Chinese pilot insists we are only 11 miles off their coast. He will fire if we don't go to a Chinese port. Send this - "We are in international waters "and will defend ourselves if attacked." Copy all this to the Admiralty, urgent. Are we absolutely sure of our position? Yes, sir. An exact satellite fix. Captain, we are ready to launch. Shut down the engines. Maintain full silence. The Stealth ship may be invisible to radar but the sea drill isn't. TENSE MUSIC We'll launch next time the MiGs fly by. The British will think it's a Chinese aerial torpedo. I should report in. Stamper to Hamburg. Phase one is in progress. I'll report back to you with an update. TENSE MUSIC SWELLS The MiGs are making another pass. Let's start the show. Sea drill in position. Start the drill. 2,030. The drill's been activated. Release it. Sea drill away. RADAR BEEPS Green 30! Torpedo, torpedo, torpedo! Green 30. Officer of the watch, come hard right 141. There's been no sonar contact, sir. The MiGs must have dropped it. DRAMATIC MUSIC RISES Bearing steady. It's going to hit, sir. Brace, brace, brace! ALARM BLARES Brace, brace, brace! Target 1,200. Knock, knock. ALARM BLARES DRILL VIBRATES Let's go upstairs. Turn left. Turning 90 degrees. ALARM BUZZES Now they're wondering why the torpedo hasn't exploded. Radio captain full damage report. Back-up power immediately! Switch - switch to alternate supply. Three generators are down, sir. Flooding on foredeck aft. We're now down 14 degrees by the stern. Yeoman, send to Admiralty, "Have been torpedoed by Chinese MiGs. Sinking." Give them our position. Right. Abandon ship. Abandon ship! Abandon ship! HAUNTING MUSIC One missile at the MiGs. (Speaks Chinese) Their last broadcast, sir. Mr Gupta's little trick with the encoder worked. They gave their final position 70 miles from here. The British Navy will never find them. Survivors in the water. Mr Stamper. I'm having fun with my headlines. I need to know the exact number of survivors. Now, I'm late for a meeting. Make sure you use the right ammunition. Yes, sir. Delicious. Over here! Help! Here! Start the recovery operation. Send our divers down to the 'Devonshire'. Mr Gupta. Phase one is complete. Good morning, my golden retrievers. What kind of havoc shall the Carver Media Group create in the world today? News? Floods in Pakistan. Riots in Paris. And a plane crash in California. Excellent! Mr Jones, are we ready to release our new software? Yes, sir. As requested, it's full of bugs which means people will have to upgrade for years. Outstanding! Mr Wallace, call the President. Tell him if he doesn't sign the bill lowering cable rates, we'll release the video of him with the cheerleader in the Chicago motel room. Inspired, sir. After he signs, release the tape anyway. Consider him slimed. Excuse me. He's on transponder 7. Mr Stamper. Phase two is under way. I have the videotape. I haven't seen it myself but I'm told the footage is excellent. Plus there were 17 survivors for your headlines. Good work, Stamper. Thank you. Don't mention it. Make sure you keep it in a safe place. Gentlemen - and ladies - hold the presses. This, just in! By a curious quirk of fate, we have the perfect story with which to launch our satellite news network tonight. It seems a small crisis is brewing in the South China Seas. I want full newspaper coverage. I want magazine stories. I want books. I want films, I want TV, I want radio. I want us on the air 24 hours a day! This is our moment! And a billion people around this planet will watch it, hear it and read about it from the Carver Media Group. There's no news like bad news. SLOW MOVEMENT FROM 'EMPEROR CONCERTO' BY BEETHOVEN (Woman speaks Danish) PHONE RINGS How do you say "I'm not here" in Danish? Just ignore it. No. Bond here. ADMIRAL: Go to a secure line, 007. Go to scrambler, channel...4. That's ridiculous. MONEYPENNY: James? That ship was in international waters. We can't be certain. James? MAN: 'Invincible's under way. Where are you? Oh, Moneypenny. James. We've got a situation at the Ministry of Defence. We're sending the fleet to China. Uh-huh. I'll be there in, uh...in an hour. Make that 30 minutes. You always were a cunning linguist, James. Don't ask. Don't tell. 'JAMES BOND' THEME That's preposterous! We know where that ship was positioned. The GPS system - Global Positioning Satellites do not lie. Yes, but our Singapore station picked up a mysterious signal on the GPS frequency at the time of the attack. It could've sent that ship offcourse. I have a missing British frigate. I'm aware of that! You want to procrastinate! My goal is to prevent World War III. Sending an armada there isn't the best way to do it. Where exactly did this mysterious GPS signal come from? We're still investigating. Investigating! With all due respect, 'M', I don't think you have the balls for this job. Perhaps. But then I don't have to think with them all the time. That's enough. Now, where do we stand? It was an unprovoked attack on a ship in international waters. We send in the fleet for recovery and prepare for full retaliation. Moderation - we investigate and stop short of sending the entire British navy within reach of the world's largest air force. When will our ships be there? 48 hours. Oh, Christ! The press are already screaming for blood. The last thing we want to do is escalate the situation. I'm afraid it's too late to worry about that. "17 British sailors murdered"?! "According to Vietnamese officials who recovered the bodies, "the victims were riddled "with the same ammunition used by the Chinese Air Force." Did you leak this? No. It's the first I've heard of it. Well, this settles it. We send in the fleet. 'M', you have 48 hours to investigate. DRAMATIC MUSIC SIRENS WAIL BOND: There's one strange thing. When I called our Saigon contact, he said they found our sailors three hours ago. How did they get the paper out so fast? Somebody at 'Tomorrow' knew before the Vietnamese Government did. How much do you know about Elliot Carver, 007? Worldwide media baron able to topple governments with a single broadcast. Carver owns that newspaper - 'Tomorrow'. I didn't want to discuss it in front of the Minister, but that mysterious signal came from one of Carver's satellites. The PM would have my head if he knew you were investigating him. I'm sending you to Hamburg, 007. We're sending you to a party at Carver's media centre. They're celebrating the launch of a new satellite. Now he has the ability to reach every person on earth. Except the Chinese, who've refused broadcast rights. James, your ticket, cover story and rental car reservation. Sign here, please. I believe you once had a relationship with Carver's wife, Paris. That was a long time ago, 'M' - BEFORE she was married. I didn't realise it was public knowledge. Queen and country, James. Your job is to find out whether Carver or someone in his organisation sent that ship offcourse and why. Use your relationship with Mrs Carver, if necessary. I doubt if she'll remember me. REMIND her! Then pump her for information. You'll just have to decide how much pumping is needed, James. If only that were true of you and I, Moneypenny. DRAMATIC VERSION OF 'JAMES BOND' THEME P.A.: Sicherheitshinweis. Passagiere werden gebeten, Ihr Gepack nicht unbeaufsichtigt zu lassen. Security announcement. Passengers are asked not to leave their baggage unattended. Kann ich Ihnen helfen? Ja. Mein Buro hat ein Auto reserviert. Einen Moment, bitte. Danke schon. SUSPENSEFUL VERSION OF 'JAMES BOND' THEME MAN: If you just sign here, Mr Bond. (Clears throat) It's the insurance-damage waiver for your beautiful new car. Will you need collision coverage? Yes. Fire? Probably. Property destruction? Definitely. Personal injury? I hope not. But accidents do happen. They frequently do, with you. Well, that takes care of the normal wear and tear. Do I need any other protection? Only from me, 007 - unless you bring that car back in pristine order. Shall we? Shall we? 'Q': Your new BMW 750. All the usual refinements - machine guns, rockets, the GPS tracking system. WOMAN'S VOICE: Welcome. Please fasten seatbelt and obey instructions for a safe trip. I thought you'd pay more attention to a female voice. I think we've met. I am not interested in your sordid escapades. Let's get on with it, shall we? Your new telephone. Talk here. Listen here. So, that's what I've been doing wrong all these years. Look, it also includes a fingerprint scanner and a 20,000 volt security system. And this, I'm particularly proud of - the remote control for your car. Tap twice. One, two. CAR ENGINE FIRES Now, draw your finger very slowly across the pad... ..to drive the car. CAR HITS WALL It's surprising difficult to drive, but...uh...with practice... Let's see how she responds to my touch, eh, 'Q'? TYRES SCREECH UPBEAT 'JAMES BOND' THEME TYRES SQUEAL BRAKES SCREECH BRAKES SCREECH (Sighs) I think we understand each other. Grow up, 007. CAR: Attention, engine running. Please shut door now. (Speaks German) MAN: Anyway, there's absolutely no truth in this malicious rumour that I started running mad cow disease stories simply because Sir Angus Black, the great British beef baron, lost �10,000 to me in a poker game and refused to pay up. (All chuckle) There's even less truth in the rumour that I took 100 million francs from the French to keep the stories running for another year. WOMAN: Excuse me, Mr Carver. Yes? This is the new banker, Mr... Bond. James Bond. Another new banker. I seem to collect them. Tell me, Mr Bond, how's the market reacting to the crisis? The currencies are off. Your stock is soaring. I don't believe we've met. Elliot Carver. Wai Lin. I'm from the New China News Agency. I don't recall seeing your name on the guest list. I have a confession - it's not. I snuck in. Why would you do that, my dear? I wanted to meet you. Outstanding. I admire a woman who takes the initiative. You should work in my Beijing bureau. Mr Carver, you don't have a bureau in Beijing. Call me Elliot. RELAXED INSTRUMENTAL VERSION OF 'IT HAD TO BE YOU' I always wondered how I'd feel if I ever saw you again. (Gasps softly) WOMAN GASPS Now I know. Was it something I said? How about the words, "I'll be right back"? Something came up. Something always came up. How are you, Paris? Much better now. We're even. Something to drink, Mrs Carver? Mr Bond will have a vodka martini. Shaken, not stirred. Mrs Carver will have a tequila. Straight shot. No. Mrs Carver will have a glass of Mr Carver's champagne. I see you've moved up in the world, Paris. And tonight you're a banker. I saw the guest list. Tell me, James, do you still sleep with a gun under your pillow? To you. No. To the gun. So I take it this isn't a social visit? Your husband may be in trouble. The emperor of the air. (Sighs) If you're going after him, you're the one in trouble. Perhaps. But it's either him or someone in his organisation. I see...and you figured you'd charm the dirt out of me? No. That wasn't my plan. Good. Because if it's a choice between you and Elliot, I've made my bed - you don't sleep in it anymore. There you are! Darling! I've been looking everywhere for you. I want you to meet Wai Lin, New China News Agency. Hello, Mrs Carver. It's a pleasure. And this is James Bond. I didn't realise you knew each other. Oh, we're old friends. Casual acquaintances. He dated my room-mate in Zurich. I'm thinking of getting Wai Lin behind a news desk. That's wonderful. I'm sure she won't resist... too much. (Clears throat) Tell me, Elliot, I was just wondering about your satellites - the way you've positioned yourself globally. They're merely tools for information, Mr Bond. Or disinformation - say if you wanted to manipulate the course of governments... ..or people or even a ship. (Chuckles) That's very interesting, Mr Bond. You have a vivid imagination... for a banker. Perhaps I should commission you to write a novel. Heavens no, I'd be lost at sea... ..adrift. Mr Carver. Mmm? Ah! It's time to begin the festivities. Excuse me. Darling. LAID-BACK MUSIC How do you really know him? I told you - he's a banker. I met him in Zurich. You're a terrible liar. I...have a problem with a banker. Could I see you a moment? WOMAN ON P.A.: Ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen. Meine Damen und Herren. Mr Carver's broadcast will be starting in 10 minutes in the main studio. Exactly what kind of banking do you specialise in, Mr Bond? Hostile takeovers. Shall we? GENTLE, SUBDUED MUSIC Carver must feel at home in a room like this. It's nice to talk to the world. It looks like there's someone who wants to talk to you. Mr Bond, you have an urgent phone call. Mmm. WOMAN ON P.A.: Ladies and gentlemen, we are live in five...four... three...two. Good evening. Tonight's broadcast was supposed to be a celebration marking the completion of the Carver Global Satellite Network. But as you're well aware, terrible conflict looms tonight in the South China Sea, which, unchecked, has the potential to destroy every human being on earth. CARVER: I want to assure my viewers... This way, please. ..I've spoken with the Prime Minister in London and the Chairman in Beijing, and have offered my services as an impartial... Ugh! (Groans) It's a soundproof room, Mr Bond. Nobody hears you scream. Ugh! Herr Stamper, we have made contact. Make him uncomfortable. I'll be there in a few moments. ..with its printing presses that run 24 hours a day, and its satellite facilities linking every last... Ugh! DRAMATIC MUSIC You seem very concerned about Mr Carver's business. Ugh! He wants to know why. CARVER: "Why did I do it?" you ask. The answer is simple. Power - the power to illuminate the far corners of the globe, not for higher profits, but for higher understanding between the people of this great planet. Put him in the chair. We'll play a number on his head. Hold him! CARVER: And what do I expect in return? Worldwide domination. Complete, utter, total, worldwide domination. But not overcoming... Arggh! ..of ideology, of tyranny and isolation and... Arggh! Arggh! Herr Stamper. Herr Stamper. Herr Stamper! CARVER: I offer you my declaration of principles - a promise to the men and women of this planet, my brothers and sisters, whom I so humbly serve, I promise to report the news without fear or favour. I promise to be a force for good in this world, fighting injustice, crushing intolerance, battling inhumanity, striking a blow for freedom... It's time for a station break. That is the goal of the Carver Media Group Network. What's happening? We've lost power. What?! We're off the air. Meine Damen und Herren. Bitte bleiben Sie ruhig. Wir haben eine kleine Stromstorung. Wir werden gleich weitermachen. Ladies and gentlemen, please stay calm. Don't go to the exit. We'll go on in a few minutes time. What? You don't know? You're fired! Get out of my sight! (sighs) scrappy media mogul Elliot Carver was cut off the air tonight in mid-speech, during the inaugural broadcast of his worldwide satellite network. (Chuckles) Sorry, Elliot, but we didn't do it. (Turns volume off) Glorious evening, wasn't it? (Sighs) Come on, Elliot, ignore those people. Sometimes these things happen. Not to me. Not to me! SUBDUED MUSIC When I was 16, I went to work for a newspaper in Hong Kong. It was a rag, but the editor taught me one important lesson - the key to a great story is not who or what or when...but why. Your friend, Mr Bond, made a mess tonight. I want to know why. I told you, I barely know him. (Scoffs) Barely? UNEASY MUSIC FOOTSTEPS APPROACH I was curious who Carver would send. He's onto you. Well...we know where you stand. You made your bed. (Sighs) I'm standing in YOUR doorway. Mmm. Then turn around and go home. Tell him you didn't get anything out of me. That's it? Go home? I didn't ask you to get involved in this. It's too late for that. Why did you marry him? He told me he loved me. Always sounds good. Do you know, I used to look in the papers every day for your obituary? Well, I'm sorry I keep disappointing you. (Sighs) What was it, James? Did I get too close? Did I get too close for comfort? GENTLE MUSIC Yes. MUSIC RISES (Whispers) I missed you. What did you find? I hacked into the mainframe at the bank using an S-S-L-2 encryption, 128... Spare me the technobabble, please. Bond's got a perfect employment record. 10 years - he's crossed every 'T', he's dotted every 'I'. Which means? Government agent. I call it Gupta's Law of Creative Anomalies. If it sounds too good to be true, it always is. Do you think my wife knows it? There's a lot of garbage, but if you dial down the ambient noise. (Presses computer keyboard) PARIS ON TAPE: James, do you still sleep with a gun under your pillow? Play it again. James, do you still sleep with a gun under your pillow? (Stops tape) We should set an appointment for my wife with the doctor. James, do you still sleep with a gun under your pillow? BOAT HORN HONKS GENTLE MUSIC I have to go. BOND: No, you don't. I can get you out of the country. I have no choice. No one can protect me from him. Not even you. You do have a choice. Only if you let him go. I can't do that. He has a secret lab I'm not supposed to know about. There's an emergency hatch in the roof. You don't have to do this. It's the easiest way to get in. You know... ..this job of yours... ..uh...it's murder on relationships. SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC SUBDUED CONVERSATION UNEASY MUSIC SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC MAN: By the time I return next week, I want two guards out front, 24 hours a day. Nobody gets in. You got it? What do we do with the satellite? Send this thing off to the launch site. And be careful - it's worth $300 million. Break it, you bought it. Understand? BLIP BLIP BEEEP! ALARM BLARES Looking for a news story? (Men yell) DRAMATIC MUSIC BULLETS RICOCHET ALARM BLARES Christ! RAPID MACHINE-GUN FIRE CRUNCH! Aargh! Aaaaargh! ALARM RINGS They'll print anything these days. GUNSHOT, GLASS SHATTERS BANG! GUNFIRE CONTINUES ALARM BLARES ENGINE REVS TYRES SQUEAL MOBILE PHONE RINGS Yes? Good morning, Mr Bond. Elliot Carver. I believe you've got two items that belong to me. What are you talking about? The red box, Mr Bond. And my wife. In your hotel room. ENGINE ACCELERATES RAPIDLY TYRES SCREECH He's coming. CAR: Fingerprint ID accepted. Please select security system level. Tell me if you find the encoder. Call me immediately. MAN: Ja. NEWSREADER: ..resolve their differences through peaceful negotiation. The President said he can "feel their pain". And in breaking news, it is with great sadness that we announce the death of Paris Carver, who has become an international figure since she became the wife of Elliot Carver, chairman of this network. According to police officials in Hamburg, Germany, Mrs Carver was found dead this morning in a hotel suite in that city in unusual circumstances on which police have refused to elaborate. A coroner has been called for... (Moans) Oh...Paris. ..his full report within the next three days. Her body was discovered along with the body of an unidentified man who appeared to be the victim of a self-inflicted gun wound... GUN CLICKS I have a clear shot at your head, Mr Bond. Stand up slowly. Drop your gun und kick it toward me, ja? Police have refused to speculate on the motive for this murder-suicide... Good. Now, lie down on the bed next to Mrs Carver. We extend our deepest sympathies to Mr Carver. This story will be on the news in an hour. Tomorrow's news today. Just so. Aaaagh! Aaagh! My name is Dr Kaufman. I am an outstanding pistol marksman. Take my word for it, ja? Ahh! Get the sledgehammers. She struggled terribly, Mr Bond. It's a pity you got her involved in all this. It won't look like a suicide if you shoot me from over there. I am a professor of forensic medicine. Believe me, I could shoot you from Stuttgart and still create the proper effect. ZAP! Ow! Herr Stamper. My art is in great demand, Mr Bond. I go all over the world. I am especially good at the celebrity overdose. But now, I'm afraid, Mr Bond, that our little... LOUD STATIC Ow! Stamper! Stop yelling in my ear, ja? Sir, they can't get into the car. Oh, you can't be serious. Did you call the auto club? Do YOU want to call them? Make him tell you how to open it. OK. I ask. This is very embarrassing. It seems there is a red box in your car. They can't get to it. They want me to make you unlock the car. I feel like an idiot. I don't know what to say. I am to torture you if you don't do it. You have a doctorate in that too? (Snickers) No, no. This is more like a hobby. But I'm very gifted. Oh, I believe you. My cell phone opens the... No, no, Mr Bond. I do it, ja? Recall, three, send. Aaaaaargh! Wait! I'm just a professional doing a job. Me too. PISTOL SHOT SIREN BLARES DRAMATIC MUSIC Dr Kaufman. ENGINE PURRS TYRES SQUEAL MACHINE-GUN FIRE (Men yell) CAR: Welcome. Please fasten seatbelt. TYRES SCREECH CAR: Reduce speed. Pedestrians in roadway. CAR: Driver alert. Obstruction ahead. Reduce speed now. (Gives instructions in German) TYRES SCREECH Reminder - unsafe driving will void warranty. GUNFIRE GUNFIRE CONTINUES 'JAMES BOND' THEME HORN BEEPS TYRES SQUEAL CAR: Congratulations on a safe journey. (Clears throat) Yo, Jimbo! Wade, what the hell are you doing here? Jimbo, you know the world's my office. Let's go this way. Did 'Q' bring you up to speed on everything? Yeah, I brought along the GPS calibration unit. By the way, you know that officially, Uncle Sam is completely neutral in this turkey shoot. And unofficially? We've no interest in seeing World War III, unless we start it. Dr Greenwalt, the Air Force GPS expert. Sorry about all this security, but the GPS encoder's one of the most closely guarded secrets in the US military. Show him what you got. Jesus! It's the missing encoder. How the hell did you get that? Picked it up in Hamburg yesterday. Could somebody use this to send a ship offcourse? You mean, like the 'Devonshire'? I didn't hear anybody mention the word 'Devonshire'. Did you? No. Good. Answer the man's question. In theory, if you could alter the timing chip, you could slowly send a ship offcourse. Like putting a magnet beside a compass? Yeah, exactly. Then check this out. Oh, yeah. Those two circles should be lining up on top of each other. Somebody's tampered with your encoder. If we knew the last time and position the 'Devonshire' thought she was, could you figure out exactly where she sank? Sure. Wade. Yeah? I have a small favour to ask. FLUTE PLAYS 'JAMES BOND' THEME The high-altitude, low-opening jump, the HALO jump, is where we get the most fatalities, so listen up. You freefall for five miles and use your oxygen, or you'll die of asphyxiation. Sounds like my first marriage. Next, after the freefall, pop the chute at 200 feet below the Chinese radar. You'll be travelling over 200 miles an hour. This snaps your head back like a cantaloupe. Don't crack your skull open. I'll keep that in mind. When you hit the water, don't forget to cut away your chute. 90% of people killed doing the HALO jump got tangled in their chutes and drowned. Got it? It's a lot just to save the world. I've got no choice. I must prove that ship was deliberately sent offcourse. GREENWALT: One minute! Pick-up set? After your mission, turn on your beacon. The team will pick you up after dark. Buddha bless! GREENWALT: I just noticed something! WADE: Yeah? This is where the ship thought it was. And this is where it really is. But see that island? Yeah. That means that where he's actually jumping, between the British and Chinese fleets - technically, they're not Chinese territorial waters. What? They belong to Vietnam. Vietnam?! Vietnam?! Does he have any US Government markings on him? The parachute, the wetsuit, the fins... If the Vietnamese catch him, they'll go crazy. BEEEEEP He didn't even say goodbye. WIND WHISTLES RASPING BREATHS EERIE MUSIC THUNDEROUS RUMBLE DRAMATIC MUSIC BUBBLES BLOW SUDDEN DRAMATIC MUSIC AIR WHOOSHES LOUD THUMP RUMBLE OF FALLING BOULDERS THUD! SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC FRANTIC SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC (Gasps) (Gasps) Still interested in hostile takeovers? It's the opportunities for travel that I like best about banking. GRIM MUSIC Get them out of the water. I'd say you were following me around, Mr Bond. You'll have to admit, though... ..we seem to have developed a certain ATTACHMENT to each other. Hopefully, not for long. Another Carver building. If I didn't know better, I'd say he'd developed an edifice complex. DRAMATIC MUSIC General Chang? Friend of yours? Mr Bond! Miss Lin. Welcome to Saigon. It's always nice to see you, Elliot. I hadn't intended opening this centre until tomorrow, but as you're here, you can help me write the inaugural story. Your obituaries. I hope you extended the same courtesy to Paris. Actually, Mr Bond, you're the one who wrote my late wife's obituary when you asked her to betray me. Still, let's see... "British secret service agent James Bond "and his collaborator Wai Lin "of the Chinese People's External Security Force "were found...dead this morning... in Vietnam." Lacks punch, don't you think? It's old news, Elliot. We've been working together for months. Both our governments know about you and General Chang. (Laughs) I don't think so. You may have seen the General just now, but perhaps, with all your jetting around, you've not had a chance to peruse today's headlines. I rather like the last one. It isn't even mine! I never believe what I read in the press. Ah! Therein lies your problem, Mr Bond. You see, we're both men of action, but your era, and Miss Lin's, is passing, Words are the new weapons, satellites the new artillery. And you become the new supreme allied...commander? Exactly! Caesar had his legions, Napoleon had his armies... ..I have my divisions. TV, news, magazines. And by midnight tonight, I'll have reached and influenced more people than anyone in the history of this planet, save God himself. And the best He ever managed was the Sermon on the Mount. Hm. You really are quite insane. The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success. Excuse me. General Chang is waiting. If you'll forgive me. Your appearance here has forced me to move up my timetable slightly. I'll leave you in the capable hands of Mr Stamper and his toys. Perhaps you'd like to see them. Sir - the helicopter. Thanks, Gupta. Mr Stamper's a protege of the late Dr Kaufman who was schooling him in the ancient art of chakra torture. He was like a father to me. Really? Interesting role model. According to Eastern philosophy, the body has seven chakra points - energy centres like the heart or genitals. The purpose of these implements is to probe those organs, inflicting the maximum amount of pain whilst keeping the victim alive for as long as possible. Dr Kaufman's record was 52 hours. I'm hoping to break it. Mm. I would've thought watching your TV shows was torture enough. (Sighs) Save this one till last. When you remove Mr Bond's heart, there should just be enough time for him to watch it stop beating. Excuse me. DRAMATIC MUSIC Hai-ya! Go, go, go, go! MACHINE-GUN FIRE We can use the banner. Hope it holds. Get after them! Ready? Go! (Both yell) TEARING SOUNDS Whoa! EXCITING MUSIC MUSIC STOPS SUDDENLY (Both pant) Next time, I'll take the elevator. JAMES: Push! Push! SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC BUILDS Go! EXCITED VOICES Get a car! No, no, no. Yes! Car! Car! No - bike. Bike is quicker. EXCITING MUSIC One of these. Get on... What are you doing? No! I... I'm sorry. Get off! I'm driving. Get on the back. Watch... (Revs engine) I'm slipping! HORNS BEEP Stop fidgeting back there. What are you...?! Give me that! Clutch! Clutch! CLUTCH! Turn right. No, left. Who's driving? Come on! 'JAMES BOND' THEME CRASH! MACHINE-GUN FIRE CRASH! (Beeps horn) (Beeps horn) Clutch! Left! Left! HORN BEEPS How many back there? I can't see. Hold on. What are you...? What's...? Oh. Don't get any ideas. I'd never dream of it. One. No, two! MACHINE-GUN FIRE SCREAMING Go for the barrels. What? (Hits bolts out) Very good. GUNFIRE FIREWORKS WHISTLE Oh! TYRES SQUEAL Hold on! (Beeps horn) Let's take the highway. GUNFIRE Agh! Whoa-oa! EXCITING THEME MUSIC Ugh! Agh! Helicopter! Alright, keep your shirt on. MACHINE-GUN FIRE HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRR Get on the back of the bike. Are you trying to protect me? No, I'm balancing the bike. Get on the back! DRAMATIC MUSIC You ready? Yeah. Go! SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC (Both cough) Pump the clutch. GUNFIRE SCREAMING HISSING SOUND It's behind us! (Yells) Move! Get out of the way! SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC Get down! Get down! Get down! Get down! HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRR MENACINGLY Get down! Get down! Get down! Can you see the chopper? I can't see. Hold on. Whoa! What are you...? TYRES SQUEAL HELICOPTER WHIRRS OVERHEAD DRAMATIC MUSIC Trapped. (Cocks gun) Never. EXCITING 'JAMES BOND' THEME GUNFIRE Ah! Would you pass the soap? Over there. You were pretty good with that hook. It comes from growing up in a rough neighbourhood. Uh-huh. You were pretty good on the bike. Well... That comes from not growing up at all. (Laughs) Here, allow me. Don't get any ideas, Mr Bond. Just off the cuff, I thought we might link up. Walk hand in hand? Stick closely to each other. Maybe we'll go after General Chang together. Your turn. Thanks for washing my hair. I work alone. BICYCLE BELLS RING GENTLE ORIENTAL MUSIC CAR HORN BEEPS (Shouts out in Chinese) OMINOUS MUSIC DRAMATIC MUSIC Lucky for you I stopped by. I could've taken care of him. Mm-hm. But you didn't. Give me the earring. Copy of a Makarov 59. Standard issue...Chinese Army. Looks like General Chang wants you dead. You still think you can do this alone? It depends whether your mission is peace or revenge. This is about stopping a war. Last year, we found Stealth material was missing from one of General Chang's bases. I followed a lead to Carver's headquarters in Hamburg. Stealth material? We thought he was building a Stealth plane. No. A Stealth boat. That's the only way they could get close to the 'Devonshire' so they could drill inside the missile room. Remember? They stole a cruise missile from that ship. He said he was moving the timetable forward to midnight. Yes, of course he did. Under the cover of darkness, reposition the Stealth boat near the British Fleet... ..and fire the missile into China. And we will retaliate. And Carver will provide the pictures. I have to warn Beijing. No. Let's warn both our governments - get them talking to give us time to find the boat. Stand up. Hmm. It's just like home. You get the equipment, I'll send the messages. Hmm. On second thoughts, YOU type. First we have to find the boat. Of all the harbours and inlets controlled by General Chang, 22 are in highly-populated areas. That leaves 14 where he could hide a Stealth boat. You can see it during the day. It's invisible to radar, not the human eye. (Yells) Very novel. So he'd have to hide it some place where he could sail to the 'Devonshire' and back in one night. This looks familiar. We've made some improvements. Have you indeed? OK - four hours out and four hours back. Mm-hm - assuming the boat is travelling at a speed of, uh...30 knots. THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! I've always been a fan of Chinese technology. According to this, there are four places where he could harbour the boat. Up on your left. Why not run a crosscheck on those areas for anything suspicious? Ah! A new Walther. I asked 'Q' to get me one of these. GENTLE MUSIC (Cocks gun) CLICK! COMPUTER BEEPS I've got it. Look. Four missing boats, three unexplained drownings. That has to be it. Halong Bay. SOARING MUSIC ROOSTERS CROW He knows the island. He says they all avoid it. It's dangerous for boats to be around there at sunset. But for $5000 American, he'll take us. Good. Maybe he'll take a cheque. GENTLE MUSIC It's mostly dull routine, of course, but every now and then, you get to sail on a beautiful evening like this, and sometimes work with a decadent agent of a corrupt western power. And they say communists don't know how to have fun. Oh, I hate to disappoint you, but I don't even have a Little Red Book. If anything happens to me, the mine fuses are in here. We're gonna finish this together. And if I may say so, you found the right decadent, corrupt western agent as a partner. ROMANTIC MUSIC SOARS OMINOUS MUSIC See the Stealth? No. It's getting late and this is the last cove in the bay. DRAMATIC MUSIC Yeah, that's it. Set the timers for 10 minutes. That should give us time to leave before the ship explodes. Even if it doesn't sink, it'll show up on radar. Our fleets will finish the job. If they got our message. OK, you - up and over. OK. DRAMATIC MUSIC BEEPING CAPTAIN: We're in position between the fleets. Fire one missile at the flagship of each fleet. The Chinese will think the British are rattling the sabre. The British will think the Chinese are being belligerent. And the media will provide cool, objective coverage. Let the mayhem begin. WHISTLE BLOWS Missile lock on! Send a signal to the Admiralty - "Task Group under missile attack." Sir, two waves of land-based MiG-21s inbound, the first group on our screens in two minutes. How long before the MiGs are within firing range of the British Fleet? 12 minutes. What the hell do I pay you for? If she's there, Bond is there. Stamper, find them. Wai Lin! Wai Lin! Camera! If she blinks, kill her. Now, you come with me. TENSE VERSION OF 'THE JAMES BOND THEME' STAMPER: Stamper to bridge. Bond is dead. Delicious. Make sure you clear all the mines and bring the girl to me. Are you sure you want her up here? (Laughs) It's my business, Mr Gupta. I like an audience. ANNOUNCEMENTS ON P.A. Ah, Ms Lin. Your countrymen are being so cooperative, so predictably eager to save face. My Government knows you're out here. They're looking for you. Ah, not according to our radar where it seems your MiGs are about to attack the British Fleet in... Gupta, how many minutes? Nine minutes to firing range. (Laughs) And even if they were looking for me, we're on a Stealth boat. They can't see me - or you. Or even your friend, the late Commander Bond, who is, I believe, at this moment on his way to the bottom of the South China Sea. He's my new anchorman! (Makes kung fu noises) (Laughs) Pathetic! SIRENS WAIL What on earth's going on? Message from 007, just confirmed by my opposite number in China. Tell the fleet to search for a ship that's invisible - well, almost invisible to radar. The Chinese aren't the enemy. Carver's been playing both sides for fools. Admiral, sir, urgent message from the Admiralty. Look at this. Have you got anything on the radar that looks very small? A lifeboat? Periscope? Anything? No, sir. A Stealth boat, sir? They have gone mad! P.A. ANNOUNCEMENTS IN GERMAN CARVER: What you're about to witness, Ms Lin, is not so much a missile attack, but the launch of a new world order. In precisely five minutes, after your countrymen have attacked the British Fleet, I shall retaliate for dear old England by sending this missile into Beijing where General Chang has just called an emergency meeting of the Chinese High Command. Unfortunately... ..General Chang will be delayed in traffic, arriving just after the missile has killed your leaders and too late to stop the air force from sinking the entire British Fleet. But he will be just in time to take over the government, negotiate a truce and emerge as a world leader with the Nobel Peace Prize. But what do you get? Me? Oh! Nothing. Just exclusive broadcasting rights in China for the next 100 years. Ready to rock and ruin. If you'll excuse me, my dear, I have something of a deadline to meet. Prepare for the missile launch. Mr Gupta. Hello, Elliot. Interesting plan. I think I have something here that belongs to you. So much for German efficiency. Mr Stamper! P.A. ANNOUNCEMENTS IN GERMAN Don't shoot him - yet. Hold your fire. Welcome to my world crisis, Mr Bond! Even trade, Elliot. Gupta for Wai Lin. You can't fire the missile without him. And it seems you can't resist any woman in my possession! What are you waiting for? Shoot him! I told you - we're going to finish this together. Oh, how romantic! Do you realise how absurd your position is? No more absurd than starting a war for ratings. Great men have always manipulated the media to save the world. Look at William Randolph Hearst, who told his photographers, "You provide the pictures "and I'll provide the war." I've just taken it one step further. Sorry about that. I tuned out there for a moment, Elliot. Touche. Mr Gupta, is the missile ready to fire? Press the magic button, Beijing disappears. Then it seems you've outlived your contract. You see, Mr Bond, I have a back-up plan. Uh-huh. So do I. He's breached the hull. They'll see us on radar! Sir, we have a small intermittent contact on the surface plot bearing 112 degrees. Very weak signal, can't get the range exactly, but I swear it wasn't there a second ago, sir. Yeoman, tell all ships, do not fire on the Chinese. Send a message to the Chinese Fleet Commander - "Have sighted unknown ship..." Get those fires out! Get down there and protect the missile! Oh, and, Mr Stamper, would you please kill those bastards? Nice work. They're speeding up. We have to stop the boat. Can you take care of the engine room? Of course. Good. Do it and get off the ship. I'm going to stop the missile. SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC Sir, a signal from the Chinese Fleet Commander. "To Royal Navy Task Group, "we also have the unknown ship on our screens. "We will not fire unless it turns towards China. "Until then, she's yours. Good hunting." Now, Captain, whatever the hell that thing is, sink it. PWO, is that echo too weak for missile lock? Yes, sir. Right. We'll do it the old-fashioned way. Flight deck... Bond turned us into the target. Along with himself. Take evasive action. Prepare the missile countdown immediately. Initialising launch sequence - 'T' minus five minutes and counting. WOMAN ON P.A.: 'T' minus five minutes and counting. Sir, they're making 48 knots. They'll be out of our vision range within two minutes. Keep firing to slow them down. Bridge to Midshipman alpha 0. Hey! Hey, kill her! Yah! ENGINES SLOWLY WIND DOWN The engines are out. We're sitting ducks. Engine room! ANNOUNCEMENTS IN GERMAN ON P.A. THE 'JAMES BOND' THEME Follow me! ALARM WHOOPS GRIM MUSIC 'T' minus four minutes and counting. Alright. MISSILES WHISTLE Well done, PWO. Thanks, sir. Officer watch, increase max. ADMIRAL: Keep firing! All hands, abandon ship. Abandon ship! MAN ON P.A.: Abandon ship! Abandon ship! Alle Mann von Bord! Alle Mann von Bord! Abandon ship! Abandon ship! (James coughs and groans) Mr Stamper! What are you doing about the girl? Perhaps you'd consider looking in the engine room. 'T' minus three minutes and counting. GRIM VERSION OF 'JAMES BOND' THEME UPBEAT VERSION OF 'JAMES BOND' THEME You're too late again, Mr Bond. It's a bad habit of yours. There's nothing you can do. 'T' minus two minutes and counting. The missile's fully programmed. BEEPING It can't be stopped. In a matter of minutes, my plan will succeed. And thanks largely to your efforts, the British Navy will destroy the evidence. And I'll be out of here in a Carver news helicopter covering the event. It's going to be a fantastic show. I may have some breaking news for you, Elliot. You forgot the first rule of mass media, Elliot! Give the people what they want! No! No! No! No! No! (Screams) RELENTLESS DRUMBEAT 'T' minus one minute and counting. ACTION MUSIC Drop it, Mr Bond. Or I drop your friend. It's over, Stamper. Let her go. Not between you and me. James! Try the detonators! The missile will set them off! Never argue with a woman. They're always right. 'T' minus 40 seconds. For Carver! Aaargh! And Kaufman! I owe you an unpleasant death, Mr Bond. (Laughs) Ach, nein! (Yells) 'T' minus 20 seconds. We die together, Mr Bond. 'T' minus 10 seconds. Three, two, one... TRIUMPHANT MUSIC ROMANTIC MUSIC 'M', 'Bedford' reports that Carver went down with his ship. It seems that Bond made it. Moneypenny, take this release. "Elliot Carver is missing, presumed drowned "while on a cruise on his luxury yacht in the South China Sea. "At present, the local authorities believe "the media mogul committed suicide." SULTRY MUSIC MAN ON LOUDSPEAKER: Commander Bond! Colonel Lin? This is the HMS 'Bedford'. Are you there? They're looking for us, James. Let's stay undercover. ROMANTIC MUSIC